


Pokémon: SOSchip

by oghond



Category: Pokemon - Fandom
Genre: Bulbasaur - Freeform, Butterfree - Freeform, Dutch, Japanese, Languages, Mechas, Oshawott - Freeform, Pokemon, Rockruff - Freeform, Vulpix - Freeform, hoppip - Freeform, pachirisu - Freeform, ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 342,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oghond/pseuds/oghond
Summary: FIVE AND THIRTY YEARS AGO... a ship called the S.S. Tex-Kofschip was scheduled to have its maiden voyage from Texas to the Netherlands in as little as two days. Of course, the builders didn’t suspect that the ship would wind up at Farleigh-Dickinson University 35 years later. They also didn’t suspect that it would be found by five girls and a guy with a strong passion for the Dutch language.And for the record- all six of them got turned into Pokémon.Now the group of six- known as the Koffiehuis- have a mission: travel across the world and through dimensions on the S.S. Tex-Kofschip in order to teach languages- mainly Dutch, Japanese and a bit of French- to the world. Of course, it’s not without reason- a terrorist group known as Aleph-Null are after them, and they’re determined to wipe out all languages except for one- our own- whatever it takes...





	1. Chapter 1

NUL: PROLOGUE 

Five and Thirty Years Ago...

Once upon a time there was a ship that was deemed to lead the world in terms of international travel. It was said that it could transport people from the United States to somewhere in Europe in as little as two days. Among the things carried on the ship included books, pamphlets, games, and so on. Nothing else was known about this ship, other than the fact that it was scheduled to set sail in the 1980's. 

It never set sail.

On the day of its maiden voyage, the ship mysteriously went missing without a trace. People looked around everywhere for it, but not a single person could find the supposed "miracle" ship. Eventually, they gave up on the search, and the tale of the mystery ship was long forgotten. It seemed for years that it was doomed to fade into obscurity.

No one could have expected where it would turn up next...


	2. EEN: Set Sail, Kofschip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! Welcome to the first chapter of Pokemon: SOSchip, which is a project I've been working on for quite some time. My ultimate goal is to make it into a web series- and I'm already working on the script for the first episode. Anyways, as you can probably guess, this is a self-insert Pokemon fanfic, and it was made for two reasons: one, to teach you, the readers, languages, and two- and most importantly- to thank the online friends I've made in my real-life quest to learn Dutch and Japanese. Now to get to a few things. 
> 
> First and foremost- hypedgirl, HP, LF, and Yuunarii are ALL REAL PEOPLE who were all asked by me if they wanted to be characters in this project. All four said yes. Two, note that their characterizations in the fanfic may have some creative liberties to how they are in real life, but their accuracy is directly proportionate to how well I know them IRL. Three, a few things will be changed for the web series, as this chapter was written prior to the idea ever being a thing. As such, Yuunarii- who in the web series doesn't talk in public at all- won't get her characterization until chapter 5; "Hostile California," the musical episode. As such, she gets lines here, and Fudge and Bailey- her IRL and on YouTube bunnies- will not appear, as they are not characters yet in the fic until chapter 5. Four, note that in later chapters some IRL information about a few of the members will appear. All of this IRL info was only revealed with the permission of the person it happened to, or was written in by the person it happened to. And five, as such, DO NOT under ANY circumstances stalk, harass or threaten ANY MEMBER OF THE IRL KOFFIEHUIS OR THEIR FAMILIES. Any trolls or people who are mean to me or my friends will be blocked and/or reported. You have been warned. 
> 
> With that said, please enjoy the first chapter of Pokemon: SOSchip- Set Sail, Kofschip! 
> 
> And yes, I'm even sneaking a bit of Dutch into the titles- "een" in Dutch means "one." It's pronounced "ayn."
> 
> NOTE: I, obviously, do not own Pokemon. Satoshi Tajiri does. I DO, however, own my fanmade RUSH musical Freewill in 2112, though I obviously don't own any of the music in that project. Yuunarii's YouTube channel can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Yuunarii

It was about eight and thirty days ago that I got turned into a Pokemon.

I still don't really know how it happened, because the Shotgun isn't real, but all I remember was a bright green flash and about two seconds later I had been turned into a Bulbasaur.

It still freaks me out to this day.

Of course, I wouldn't be present and running this thing if that hadn't happened to me.

And I wouldn't maintain my communicative relationship with the closest friends that I have arguably ever had.

That's certainly saying something, because in real life, I am a terrible communicator.

I have always been a terrible communicator. I can't talk to my parents for the life of me, I freeze up whenever they ask me a question, I feel socially awkward and can't make many friends because I am constantly hit by this crippling fear that no matter what I do or say, they won't like me. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.

Online, however, it's a different story.

Somewhat.

My parents and I both agree that I communicate much better through the written word than I do with spoken dialogue. And if we're being honest with ourselves, online communication is the written word. Just typed out. Through the power of Facebook and Discord alone I have managed to meet 11 really, really good friends. Don't worry, I checked, and they are exactly who they say they are, which is a good thing. If I ever found out that one of them was secretly a pedophile or a 40-year-old dude or something like that, you can bet that I would be unfriending them immediately.

Some of my friends have drifted apart from me and gone on to live their lives, but the current 4 best friends I have have supported me over the course of two whole years. Of course, it's too bad that they live much too far away for us to even meet one another.

Literally, because my best friends in the world are two German girls and two Dutch girls.

And for two years my main thought was: I desperately want to meet them, but I won't.

I'm not going to the Netherlands in an airplane.

I'm not going to Germany in an airplane.

Airplanes terrify me.

So for years the only way we could hear one another was through voice chat.

It was good, but I felt like I was missing something more. All of a sudden, I didn't want to hear their voices; I wanted to see their faces. I wanted to actually interact with them.

I know.

It's crazy.

How could I, oghond, the worst communicator in the entire world, suddenly crave interaction?

Simple.

Because these girls got me. They understood me.

I felt more comfortable talking to them than to my actual parents.

They were real friends.

Something I never had experienced before.

And, lo and behold, I actually did get to see their faces.

Just not in the way you might think.

If you were expecting me to learn to conquer my fear of flying, go to the Netherlands, and meet my foreign friends in an epic display of the power of friendship... well, then, prepare to be disappointed.

I didn't come to them.

No.

It was actually the other way around.

They came to me.

All the way from Europe to New Jersey.

And it all started at Fairleigh-Dickinson.

In case you don't know, that's my college.

I had successfully graduated from high school and was now enrolled at Fairleigh-Dickinson University-- AKA my dream college. My creative writing skills were high. My debt was crippling. Holy crow, I hadn't realized how hard money would be to handle. I had always taken money for granted.

Luckily, though, I had a plan.

I figured that I would write an epic novel while still in college and get it sent out to a big-name publisher. Hopefully, it would make millions. I had initially planned to make my novel be a book version of my RUSH musical, Freewill in 2112, a concept which I someday hoped to bring to Broadway.

But then I realized that would be far too risky.

Copyright was a thing.

So naturally, I tried my hardest to try to come up with something else to write. I practically worked for hours trying to write something.

I couldn't.

Sooner or later, a little thing called writer's block eventually started to settle in.

Perhaps you've heard of it.

And pretty soon I found myself asleep on my desk, surrounded by papers.

I slept for hours.

I don't know how long it was until I heard the knock on the door, but the moment I heard it, I instantly awoke with a start.

"Wha- wha- what...?"

I jolted awake as soon as I heard it. The knock came again.

I groaned, stood up out of my seat.

"I'll get it..."

Now approaching the door I suddenly heard a few voices coming from the other side.

Young, female voices.

I didn't recognize them at first, until I heard the knock at the door for the third time. Then someone spoke on the other side. The voice was soft, quiet.

And decidedly German.

"Hello? oghond? Are you zere...?"

oghond.

That's my screen name on Discord, Wattpad, and a lot of other things.

And for a moment when I heard the voice, I thought that it sounded familiar. As though it was a voice I had heard before. It had to be, I figured; how else could they possibly know my screen name?

Yet I decided to shake it off for now and simply focus on opening the door.

So I did.

Groaning.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here; how you know my screen name I have no-"

The door opened, and the instant I saw who was on the other side, I practically was slapping myself in the face for not having recognized that voice before.

Of course, it wasn't just one person.

It was four. 

I was absolutely stunned.

"HP...?!"

The dirty-blonde haired, brown-eyed girl in the middle of the group smiled and nodded.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Okay.

Before I go on any further, let me explain something.

The four girls who were standing in front of me outside the door of my college dorm room were my four best friends from Discord.

And chief among them all was HP.

Okay, well... maybe "chief" is a strong word.

See, the thing with HP is that out of the five of us, she's arguably the most introverted. Even more so than me, in fact, and that's saying something because I'm a huge introvert. Of course, she's the most introverted in a different way than I am.

I practically sit inside my dorm all day.

She's simply shy.

Not _extremely _so, but definitely the most shy out of all of us.

She's quiet to such an extent that her voice barely goes above a whisper, unless she's angry. And even then, she simply raises her voice; she doesn't _scream _at people. From my understanding, she doesn't really assert herself much.

Which is something I think she needs to work on.

Still, that doesn't diminish my friendship with HP, as it's closer than any of the other girls simply because I've known HP the longest. Not to mention all of her positive traits. She's exceedingly kind, almost to a fault- _almost-_ and very creative.

Seriously, she could become an artist someday.

Oh, and I basically became her English tutor.

She's German.

Hence why I was so stunned to see her in New Jersey, outside of my college dorm room. I practically fell flat on my face with utter shock.

"What the— wha— but— how— why—" I stammered.

HP giggled.

"Ve flew here all the vay from Amsterdam," she said.

"I could have guessed that," I said, "but what in the world are you-"

And then it hit me.

"Wait," I said. "Amsterdam...?"

"SURPRISE!"

Okay, that voice I _did _recognize right away.

I practically jumped in place and instantly whirled around to see the only blonde in the group that was not me.

Not dirty-blonde, like HP.

Just blonde.

I didn't just recognize the voice, but the face as well.

I'd seen the videos.

"h...hypedgirl?" I gasped.

"Hi~!"

She waved at me. I smiled.

"_Jeetje_, you scared the heck out of me," I said.

She simply giggled.

And now let me explain who hypedgirl is, because chances are you've never heard of her, either.

She is the exact opposite of HP. While the latter is shy, quiet, introverted, and sweet, hypedgirl is arguably the most extroverted member of the group. She has self-described herself as a "bouncing ball," and that couldn't be more true- she is fun-loving, creative, and overall a very happy person.

Oh, and she has ADHD.

Makes sense.

In a good way, of course.

Not to mention one other tiny little thing.

_Ze is Nederlands_.

"Sorry about that," she said. "We wanted to surprise you."

"Surprise me?" I asked. "In my college dorm room? Why in the world..." 

"Um... it's not just us," said HP. "You know that, don't you...?"

"I know that," I said. "Who else is here...?"

I promptly glanced back at the other two girls who had entered my dorm room for, apparently, no reason whatsoever.

And I recognized them as well.

Well, at least I recognized one of them- a brown-haired girl with glasses.

Yuunari.

The newcomer.

I hadn't even realized she was Dutch when I first saw her channel. In fact, based on her name and the slightly anime-esque style she used for her channel I thought she was Japanese until I looked in the comments and saw the word "Wilhelmus" plaguing the comments section.

I freaked out with sheer delight when I realized she was Dutch and immediately set out to talk to her via Discord.

Which I did.

I got to know more about her through the channel, and I soon got a glimpse of her personality. Basically, take HP, make her less shy and more geeky, and add just the tiniest bit of snark.

Also, make her a Dutchie.

That's Yuunari.

I was pleasantly surprised to see her here.

"Yuu?" I asked. "I... wasn't expecting to see you here. Well, I mean, I wasn't expecting to see any of you here, of course, but I've known you the least out of all of you and-"

"Well, we still have known each other for a long time," she said.

I smiled. "That's true."

Her Dutch accent was still noticeable. Thank god. I would never want her, or hypedgirl, to lose it. It was too cute and adorable.

And then I noticed the last girl, who was the only one I didn't recognize on first glance. She had green eyes and short dirty blonde hair. Seems like any typical girl, except this one was someone who I had never seen in pictures before. I blinked in confusion.

"And... who are you?" I asked.

She instantly began to speak. It was a German-accented voice that I had never heard before in my life, but all of a sudden the identity of the person hit me.

"I would like to inquire what you mean by that," she said. "Surely you recognize me?"

I smiled.

"Okay," I said. "It's you, LonelyFox."

"Indeed," she said.

Now, how was I able to recognize LF without having ever heard her voice before or without having ever seen her face in pictures?

Because while her voice was unfamiliar, the words she used clued me in immediately on who she was.

Here's the thing with LF. In terms of English, she is without a doubt better at it than either hypedgirl or HP are. Ever since I started communicating with her, I noticed that she had a very... eloquent speech pattern.

In text.

HP doesn't know that much English, and has admitted it to me. But LF's grasp on the English language makes her sound like a German philosopher. Seriously, that's how good at it she is. She self-depricates herself for it repeatedly. In fact, the day we first started talking to each other on Discord, one of the first things she said to me was "Please forgive me for my horrible English." 

My thoughts?

_Horrible English?! Seriously? Your English is absolutely impeccable!_

Well, nigh-impeccable.

Besides her eloquence in English, she has admitted that she is socially awkward and is prone to foot-in-mouth syndrome. I don't really see this at all, but she has stated it, so...

Also, she's blunt.

That I have noticed.

Of course, however, she's blunt and sophisticated at the same time.

Which I find odd.

I smiled.

"It's... good to see you," I said. "Really. I'm happy to see all of you. I just have one question."

"Yes?" asked LF.

And all of a sudden I screamed at them:

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING IN MY COLLEGE DORM?!"

They all flinched for a few moments, before hypedgirl started giggling incessantly.

"Silly you," she said. "You really don't know?"

"No," I responded. "I have no idea why you're here."

What hypedgirl said next practically made me slap myself in the face.

"Oh, nothing, really," she said. "We just wanted to meet you in person. We've never seen your face before-- we've only heard your voice."

Occum's Razor.

I felt so stupid for not even considering that the reason for them coming here would be that simple.

"That's all?" I asked. "You just wanted to meet me?"

"Yes..." said HP.

I smiled.

"Well, then," I said. "In that case... thank you. This is a very pleasant surprise. It's certainly a lot better than me getting on an airplane and flying out to the Netherlands."

"You're still terrified of airplanes?" asked HP.

"I know, I know," I said. "It's embarrassing."

"No, it's not!" cried hypedgirl. "It's fine if you're afraid of airplanes still."

A smile. "Thanks."

And all of a sudden at that moment I noticed the clock.

10:00 PM.

I was utterly horrified. All of a sudden I felt like a total and absolute fool in front of my friends. It was the first time I had ever met them in public, and I had just utterly and completely humiliated myself by forgetting what time it was. Had I known it was ten o'clock, I wouldn't have opened the door for them-- I would have been asleep.

Though, to be fair, thinking about it made me feel better that I had opened the door for them.

"Um... oghond?" asked HP, concerned. "What... what's wrong?"

I couldn't say anything. I simply froze up for a few seconds.

"Hello?"

Eventually, I managed to speak. 

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's 10:00. I didn't realize it. I should be going to bed."

"Well, in that case we came at perhaps the most inconvient time," said LF.

"What?!" I gasped. "Oh, no, no, no, no! Believe me, I didn't even realize how late it was. Uh..." I paused. "You're probably still awake, considering you flew here all the way from Amsterdam, so... help yourself! You four are officially my guests!"

I hastily ran over to my refrigerator and opened it.

"Here! You can have all the food you like!"

The four girls instantly ran over to the fridge and gazed in awe at the food.

"Cool!" HP exclaimed.

"Is there pepernoten?!" gasped hypedgirl.

I giggled. "Sorry, there's no Dutch food in there."

"Aww." hypedgirl sunk a bit. 

"It's fine," I said. "There's plenty of other food for you to eat. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going to bed before I end up humiliating myself in front of you any more." I instantly turned away from them. "Welterusten!"

They looked at each other.

"Um... welterusten," said Yuunari.

\------------------------------------------

I got my pajamas on, brushed my teeth, and went to bed a few minutes later.

All the while I was practically kicking myself in the face. I felt extremely humiliated- how in the world could I have forgotten what time it was? I had been so excited to see my four best friends coming in all the way from Amsterdam that I had completely and utterly forgotten that I was still in college.

What had I been thinking, letting them in at such a late hour? I had an exam in Theatre the next day; I had to go to sleep as early as possible!

Although... I had been asleep for a few hours beforehand.

But still...

Okay, let me pause here for a moment, because you may be asking a few questions.

Namely:_ Why are you so obsessed with Dutch and German?_ And also: _Why are you so freaked out about letting your friends in at 10:00 PM at night?_

...

It's a long story.

I suppose I should start with this guy you may have heard of named Nimja Hypnosis.

You may have heard of Nimja before, especially if 1) you're a Gamer and 2) you've read my Nimja fanfic story called _Pokemon x Nimja: Play the Game_. He's a Dutch hypnotist, and arguably the greatest YouTuber in the world in my opinion. I had already liked him because he was a nerd, but then I found out he was from this little country called the Netherlands and my interest was peaked.

You see, I've always had an interest in languages. I tried to teach myself Klingon, and took a full four years of French. I even made my own language called Kyrellik, which was based partially on English and partially on French.

It's still in development.

So when I naturally realized that Nimja knew Dutch- which up until that point I hadn't really given much attention to- I saw a new language-learning opportunity and dove right in.

I also saw a new fanfic.

So from there, I wrote _Play the Game_, not thinking it was going to attract that much attention.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised when someone named HermionePotter2002 followed my story.

Then I realized who she was and went absolutely insane.

See, I had known who HP was because she had come up in the Q and A section of Nimja's livestreams. But up until she followed my story, I hadn't really paid that much attention to her. The minute I realized she had followed my story, though, I instantly sent her a message on Wattpad, and the two of us hit it off.

And then I found out HP was German.

Now while I hadn't really paid that much attention to Dutch, German was a language that I had a slight interest in learning. So I was excited to learn German from a person who was actually native.

From there, I hooked up with a lot of Dutch people via the Internet- no, not romantically, get your heads out of the gutter- and my love for Dutch eventually grew into a full-blown obsession.

That's how I came to be friends with hypedgirl and, eventually, Yuunari.

As for LF, HP introduced me to her.

Now, as for my utter embarrassment regarding letting them all in at 10:00... okay, I'll admit that I probably didn't need to be that embarrassed, but that's all just a part of my absolutely terrible social skills. Every time I make a mistake I end up feeling like the worst person in the world. I don't know why it happens, but I can be quite dramatic.

Or, who knows, maybe I have social anxiety disorder as a result of being born at 14.7 ounces and don't even know it.

Yeah, you read that right.

Anyways, back to the story before this thing gets any more personal.

Eventually, I decided to shrug it off and simply go to bed.

And believe it or not, it worked. I was actually sleeping pretty well for, I don't know, about 7 hours.

But then something happened.

I was sound asleep when all of a sudden, there was a blue flash that utterly blinded my vision. It seemingly came out of nowhere, and I didn't know what to think for a few moments. I felt like waking up, but eventually I decided the blue light was seemingly a figment of my imagination. Probably just a byproduct of my REM sleep, I guessed...

"Um... oghond?"

It was HP, and she sounded absolutely terrified.

I felt for a moment like waking up, but instead I simply muttered "What...?"

A pause.

"Vat in the vorld is zis strange blue light--?"

She saw it, too.

I shrugged.

"Don't know. I'm getting that, too. Probably just a figment of your imagination or something. Are you asleep?"

"Yes..."

"Well, then just forget about it for now. I already have."

"Oh... okay..."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

I went back to sleep.

And yet... something didn't feel right.

For some reason, my neck felt different.

I paused and looked around in my sleep.

Odd.

I had always had a short neck, but all of a sudden it felt like there was no neck at all.

Crazier yet, my face felt different, too.

And... was that a pillow on my back?

How did that get there?

"Eh," I said shrugging. "Probably just imagining things."

With that, I went back to bed and slept for a few more hours.

\----------------------------------------

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH--!"

It wasn't the alarm clock that woke me up the next morning.

It was the sound of panicked screams of terror.

In an instant, I reached out to my still-beeping alarm clock, but suddenly found I could barely reach it.

Well, that was odd.

I leaned in closer and tried it again, fumbling around with the clock.

But still, none of that stopped the clock from going off.

"What has happened to us?!"

"Is this even real?"

"Ooh! This is exciting! oghond! You need to see this! Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Slowly, I opened my eyes, trying to process everything that was going on in the room.

Eventually, I turned towards the source of the voices...

"OH MY GOD--!"

I instantly bounded out of my bed in an utter panic, running towards my friends.

Except... they weren't my friends.

Well, I mean, they had to be my friends; I had heard their voices, and they were the only other ones in the room besides me.

Except that where there once had been four human girls, there were now a Butterfree, a Hoppip, a Vulpix, and a Pachirisu.

Believe me, I thought I was dreaming, too.

And strangely enough, I could still tell who was who.

The Butterfree practically looked like it was going to burst into tears at any second, it was so terrified.

Definitely HP.

The Hoppip was naturally bouncing around happily in a mirror with a huge smile on its face.

hypedgirl.

And as for Vulpix and Pachirisu, they were respectively the favorite Pokemon of LF and Yuunari.

All four of them were staring at their bodies in pure and utter shock- except for hypedgirl, naturally.

Eventually, I approached the four of them, and my concern was only growing.

"You're... you're...!"

I couldn't even fathom to get the words out.

hypedgirl giggled.

"So? It's actually kind of cool. It's just like that fanfic you wrote."

"But you're all Pokemon! I have no idea how this happened!"

HP glanced at me in utter confusion.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh... so are you," she said.

Me?

I was a Pokemon?

I couldn't help it. I started bursting into laughter. The prospect was too ridiculous to believe, even though my four friends had somehow, for whatever reason or another, all been turned into Pokemon themselves.

"Oh, HP..." I giggled. "You are hilarious!"

"Oh, no, she is not kidding," said LF bluntly.

I scoffed. "Yeah, right. As if I could possibly have transformed into a-"

And all of a sudden hypedgirl was holding a mirror up in front of my face.

I took a look at the face that was in the mirror and screamed in terror.

For one, the face I was looking at wasn't my own.

Well, it was my own, but it wasn't human.

It was very clearly the face of a Bulbasaur.

And all of a sudden, I realized that the pillow that had been on my back wasn't a pillow at all.

It was a bulb.

In an instant, I backed away from the mirror.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--!"

I had to take a few breaths to comprehend what I was seeing as all four of my friends glanced at me with evident looks of confusion.

Eventually, I managed to gasp:

"Oh my god... I'm a Bulbasaur..."

"You are!" hypedgirl exclaimed happily, floating up to me. "Isn't this exciting?! It's just like what happened in the fanfic!"

I couldn't help but smile and calm down from my brief fit of panic.

That's something else you need to know about hypedgirl. No matter what the situation is, she can always make any day better.

She is a very happy person.

Er, Pokemon.

"Yeah," I said. "You're right." I paused. "Come to think of it, I've played Pokemon Mystery Dungeon plenty of times, and I've always wondered what it was like to be a Bulbasaur."

"Well, now you know!" hypedgirl cried. Then, for a moment, she stopped and glanced at herself. "Only one question: what am I?"

I grinned.

"You're a Hoppip."

"A... Hoppip?"

"Yep," I said. "It's a Pokemon based on a dandelion that gets carried away by the wind. Pretty fitting for you, if you ask me. Considering your ADHD, your thoughts float away like... well, like dandelions in the wind."

hypedgirl smiled.

"Oh!" she said. "Okay, yeah! You're right; that is pretty fitting!"

"That and you described yourself as a social bouncing ball," I said.

"Okay, zat explains hypedgirl's form," said HP, flying over to me, "but... vhy am I a Butterfree, exactly?"

I thought for a few moments.

"Because Nimja," I said eventually.

"Okay," she replied, with a smile.

Then again, she couldn't really smile anymore. She was a Butterfree now, after all.

"I would like to inquire something," asked LF, stepping forward.

She was still looking at her body in confusion and shock. I smiled at her.

"Go ahead," I said.

"Is this even real?" she asked.

I scoffed.

"Well, of course it is!" I said. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Not only are Pokemon fictional, but the cost would be enormous."

"Cost? What cost?"

"Surely it must have cost a huge sum of money to make a device that could change people into Pokémon?" asked LF. "The probability of the DNA of fictional creatures being discovered here, in the real world, is slim to none. If not impossible."

I blinked.

Okay, what she was saying made some sense.

How were we turned into Pokémon, anyways? They didn't exist...

Did they?

Instantly noticing my look of realization, LF paused.

"I apologize," she said. "I believe that I am 'being dense' again, as the Americans say."

I shook my head.

"Oh, no, no, no, you're right," I said.

"Yeah, now that I think about it, how did we become Pokémon anyways?" Yuu asked.

"I don't know," hypedgirl said. "I never saw the process!"

"So I am correct?" asked LF.

"Yeah, but we'll deal with the actual question of _how _later," I said.

"Very well, then," responded LF. "Incidentally, your alarm clock is still going off as we speak."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I suddenly had a moment of realization and instantly grew panicked again.

"OH MY GOD!"

I instantly rushed to my bed and grabbed all of my schoolbooks and my backpack, which by this point was far too big to fit on my back. Thankfully, being able to suddenly use vines helps when you're a Bulbasaur and you need to carry your school books around. Now in a flustered panic, I ran right past my friends and headed towards the door.

"How could I have forgotten?!" I cried out, panicked. "I have a class to get to! Thank you so much for bringing that up, LF. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get breakfast and then head off to my first class."

I reached the door.

"Bye!" I called.

"Bubye!" hypedgirl exclaimed.

"Wait," said LF suddenly, causing me to turn around before I reached the doorknob. "Are you saying that you intend to go to your first class looking like that?"

See? I told you LF was blunt.

I thought about it for a few moments before suddenly realizing she had a very good point.

"Oh. Yeah, true," I said. "What am I thinking?! There's no way I can go to my first class without being noticed! Everyone's going to freak out when they realize that I've become a Pokémon! I need to get out of here as soon as possible!"

I instantly started back towards the door.

"Um... shouldn't ve go vith you?" asked HP.

"Are you crazy?" I asked. "If anyone sees the four of you in the hallways, as Pokemon, they'll go absolutely nuts!"

"Unless we all get out together," remarked Yuunari.

I paused.

She had a point, too.

"I'll get my coat," I said.

\------------------------------------------------------

The four of us hid under my giant coat and eventually, after somehow managing to avoid several students and professors who were walking through the hallways, made it outside to the campus of FDU. Let me just say for the record that the campus of FDU isn't that big, but it is absolutely beautiful. Up until I joined FDU I had never truly been interested in the outside world-- heck, even now I usually prefer to stay inside. But FDU's campus is so beautiful that I cannot resist getting out there in the spring.

Eventually the four of us managed to get away from the few people who were outside and hid behind the college admissions building.

I took a few moments to look out at the campus.

No one was there.

Thank god.

"Is anyvon zere...?" HP asked.

I shook my head. "The coast is clear."

I took off the giant coat, and the rest of the girls breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank god," said LF, extremely relieved. "I honestly believed that someone was going to notice us. Though... if they had, they probably would have thought that we were new animal species or something." A pause. "Or am I being dense again?"

I shook my head. "I don't know if they would think that."

LF looked down. "I apologize."

A giggle.

"You have nothing to apologize for, LF," I said. "Now let's get ourselves straight to a doctor who actually knows who Pokemon are and-"

"oghond! HP! LF! Yuunari! You need to come and see this!"

The minute I heard hypedgirl's voice, I turned around frantically, as did the other three. I looked around for a few moments, and at first I didn't see her.

But soon I did.

And I couldn't say anything.

Neither could the other three.

We were all too paralyzed with shock.

In front of our eyes were what appeared to be the barren remains of a giant cruise ship.

Strangely, it seemed to be completely intact, but the outside was covered in moss and sand. It in fact seemed to be buried underground. And based on what it looked like right now, I got the impression that this thing used to be huge. I had no idea what this ship was doing at Farleigh-Dickinson, but all of a sudden I was immensely curious.

"What... is that?" asked LF, in awe.

"I honestly have no idea," I responded.

"Isn't this cool?!" hypedgirl cried happily. "Look at this thing! I don't know if this is the remains of the Titanic or something, but it's really awesome!"

"I don't know vat zat is," muttered HP, flying forward to investigate the strange ship.

"Me neither," I said. "Regardless, if we're going to find out what this thing is, we're going to need to dig it out."

"Dig it out?" gasped HP. "But... how are ve going to do zat?"

"We're Pokemon now," added Yuu. "We can't just dig that giant ship out with our strength alone."

"Well, then, we're going to need to find another way to do it," I said.

I thought about it for a few moments. There was no doubt about it-- that ship was huge. It couldn't be dug out by simply using a shovel- it would take hours. Maybe even months or years- that's how large this ship was.

But then it struck me.

If, instead, we could maybe blow all the sand off of the ship with a giant gust of wind, that would take mere seconds before the entire ship was uncovered.

And there were two Flying-types in my group.

HP and hypedgirl.

I nodded with determination.

This could definitely work.

"I have an idea," I said. "But I'm going to need HP and hypedgirl's help to pull it off."

Now fully prepared, I turned to hypedgirl.

"You're a Hoppip, right?"

"Jep!" she said cheerfully.

I smiled.

"I need you to spin around like a pinwheel," I said.

hypedgirl instantly turned on her side so that her new leaf-tops were facing me.

"Like this?"

She started spinning.

I nodded. "Perfect."

Then I turned to HP.

"HP, you go fly up into the air."

"Okay..."

She did.

"Good. Now flap your wings."

She paused for a few moments, then did so reluctantly. I could tell she was still trying to get used to her new body and how it functioned.

I nodded.

"Good. Now flap them harder."

She did.

"Harder!"

She did. At once, the sand began to clear.

"Perfect!" I cried. "Alright, hypedgirl, spin faster!"

"Okay!" she responded.

She spun faster and faster, and HP kept flapping her wings with as much strength as she could muster out of her new body. And eventually, what happened next was exactly what I wanted to happen.

hypedgirl spun so fast that her leaves began to blur together, like an airplane propeller. And slowly but surely, the sand began to clear off of the giant ship.

LF and Yuunari stared in awe, and I watched in sheer delight as more and more of the ship was revealed.

"YES!!!! YES~!!" I cried happily, jumping around like a madman.

It was like that scene from the end of _Flight of the Phoenix_, only it didn't involve getting excited over the fact that an airplane propeller was spinning as fast as hypedgirl was currently.

If you've seen that film, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

You'll also get a sense of just how happy I was.

Eventually, all the sand was cleared, solely by windpower alone, and we got to see the ship in all its glory.

Which was exactly what I wanted to happen.

In utter delight, I ran up to them.

"Brilliant!" I cried. "Absolutely brilliant! You can stop now! The sand's cleared!"

HP and hypedgirl instantly stopped and took a few breaths.

"Zat vas... exhausting..." muttered HP, flying back down to the ground.

"You don't know how dizzy that made me..." hypedgirl moaned, floating towards the rest of us and looking as though she was about to faint at any moment.

"Oh, believe me, I know," I said. "Still, thanks for your help."

"_Dankjewel_," said hypedgirl, smiling.

"KRAAK- HRA- you know what, forget it. I'll probably never be able to pronounce it anyways."

The exciteable Hoppip giggled.

"But enough of that," I said. "We gotta take a look at this..."

I stopped talking the minute I saw the ship.

In fact, by that point no one was talking anymore.

Now that we were able to see the ship in all its splendor, the five of us were very stunned and confused to see that the ship didn't even look like a typical cruise ship at all.

In fact, it looked way more like a pirate ship, like one of those things you'd see on _One Piece_, crossed with a Plesiosaur.

The ship itself was white with blue streaks on it. On the left side was some sort of strange gray rudder-like tail, that was extremely long. On the right side was an incredibly long neck, with an unusually shaped head. The head was rectangular, with large white eyes sticking out on either side of the horizontal rectangle. In the middle of the head was a hook that was curved upwards, somewhat resembling the trunk of an elephant. But none of those things were as strange as the fact that the ship appeared to be made of giant LEGO pieces.

We had never seen anything like it before.

"oghond?" asked Yuunari.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I definitely am."

"_What kind of ship is that?!_"

"I... I've never seen anything like zis before," HP gasped.

"It looks ADORABLE~!" squealed hypedgirl.

"That, I think, is something we can all agree on," I said, smiling.

And then all of a sudden, I noticed a name etched on the side of the ship.

I squinted.

"Might I inquire as to what is wrong?" asked LF.

"Just a moment," I said.

I eventually managed to get a closer look at the name, and when I saw it, I instantly gasped in recognition:

**S.S. TEX-KOFSCHIP**

"Holy crow..." I muttered.

"What is it?" asked Yuunari.

I paused for a few moments, then finally managed to mutter:

"This thing's called the S.S. TEX-KOFSCHIP."

"Tex... kofschip?!" gasped hypedgirl. "As in...?"

I nodded. "That's what I'm thinking, too."

"You do not suppose this ship- if it even is a ship- was supposed to transport people to the Netherlands?" LF asked.

"If I bet 1,000 dollars, I'd say that it was," I responded.

_And you would be absolutely correct._

We all looked up suddenly upon hearing the mysterious voice. It was high-pitched and feminine-sounding, yet also childlike, and we couldn't tell if it was a male or female. It seemed to be coming from the ship... but how? As far as we knew, ships couldn't talk.

"Was that you...?" I asked the ship in confusion.

Then the ship did something that utterly surprised us.

It turned its long neck forward and stared at us directly into the eyes.

_Yes, _it said. _It was._

So the ship _could _talk!

"Whoa," I muttered.

"How in the world are you able to talk?!" cried hypedgirl, who was just as confused as the rest of us.

_Oh, this isn't talking, _the ship said.

"But-" hypedgirl began.

_This is telepathy, _said the ship, laughing. _I received it a while back because of circumstances which... well, to be honest, I still can't quite remember them. But I feel as though it helps you to better connect with a ship if you're able to hear its voice._

"True," I said.

_You must be my passengers, _said the ship. _It's very nice to meet you. I haven't had anyone come and check me out in a long time. Would you please be so kind as to introduce yourselves?_

I paused for a few moments. I still didn't know what to think of this. A ship was talking to me, and now it wanted us to introduce ourselves.

This was arguably one of the strangest things that had happened today.

"Um... hello," I began, awkwardly trying to communicate with the ship. "I'm oghond, and... these are my friends. That's HP, hypedgirl, LF, and Yuunari."

I pointed with my vine, in turn, to the Butterfree, Hoppip, Vulpix, and Pachirisu, who all waved at the ship.

_I see, _said the ship. _Hello, passengers. I am the S.S. Tex-Kofschip. But of course- _it giggled- _you already knew that._

"I know," I said. "Hello, S. S. Tex-Kofskip."

I can't pronounce a Dutch SCH, either.

The ship laughed.

_No, _it said. _Kofschip._

"Kofskip." I tried to repeat it.

_Schip._

"Skip."

"Uh... it's not a k," hypedgirl broke in, trying to be of help. "It's an s followed by a g."

"I know," I said. "That's my problem, I can't pronounce a Dutch G without sounding like Cthulhu."

_She's right, oghond. Try it again._

I paused.

My worst nightmare had come.

I was about to sound outright demonic and ugly and not Dutch at all.

I took a deep breath.

"S-KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP...?"

It was horrendous.

I had never sounded more demonic in my life.

hypedgirl and Yuunari were cracking up behind me, and I was red-hot with embarrassment.

The ship laughed. _Now you're straining it._

"Sorry," I chuckled. "I can't pronounce a Dutch SCH. Or a Dutch G, for that matter."

_That's fine. Why not just call me Koffie, then?_

Well, calling the ship coffee was certainly a lot better than embarrassing myself with an absolutely demonic G.

"Perfect," I said. "Dankjewel."

_Graag gedaan, _said the ship. _Maybe I can help you with your Dutch G pronunciation a bit later._

"Will do," I said.

"So, now that that's over..." Yuu suddenly broke in, "would you mind telling us how you wound up at Farleigh-Dickinson in the first place?"

"Yeah, I've been wondering how the heck you got into my college ever since I saw you here," I said.

_It's a long story, _responded Koffie. _But basically, five-and-thirty years ago I was built by a group of Americans desperately looking to explore the Netherlands._

"Wait," I said. "Five-and-thirty? Surely you must mean thirty-five, right?"

_Yes. It's the Dutch number system._

I paused.

"Oh, right..." I said. "I forgot about that for a second. Please continue."

In case you're wondering, the Dutch format for numbers is the opposite of English. hypedgirl told me that a while ago. Instead of saying "twenty-five," for instance, the Dutch would say _vijfentwintig._

That's literally five-and-twenty.

And now you can figure out how many days it's been since I was turned into a Pokémon.

Yep.

38 days.

Which, incidentally, means it's been 38 days since I discovered the ship as well.

Koffie continued with the story:

_As I was saying, five-and-thirty years ago I was built by a group of Americans desperately looking to travel to the Netherlands. They had been obsessed with building stuff out of blocks since they were a kid, so they made me to look like I was made out of giant, life-size LEGO-like bricks._

"Well, that explains why you look like you're made of giant life-size bricks," I said.

_The builders also decided to name me the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, _continued Koffie, _since they knew what the 't kofschip mnemonic was, and also to make it abundantly clear where they were going. The maiden voyage was supposed to be from Texas to the Netherlands in 2 days._

"2 days?!" cried hypedgirl.

"There's no way a ship can go that fast!" I added.

_Well, not unless you were built to travel in two days, _said the ship. _So anyways, that night when my builders were asleep I was kind of lonely. I hadn't gotten any real passengers yet. My builders were supposed to be the passengers, but there was no way I could talk to them without freaking them out. So, I decided to go somewhere else to find new passengers._

"Where were you?" I asked.

_Jersey, _Koffie said. _I'd been planning to head out to New York, but on the way there a strong gust of wind knocked me back. I was able to hold myself together despite the extremely strong winds, but I eventually wound up behind a large giant building at this big school called Farleigh-Dickinson. I had no way to get back, so I simply decided to stay there._

"And no one paid attention to you?" asked LF, confused.

_Nope,_ Koffie said. _Four-and-thirty years passed and I got covered in sand. No one bothered to look behind the admission building and notice a giant ship was there._

"That's idiotic," I said.

_Yeah, it kind of is._

We all laughed.

"So... can we explore the inside of this ship now or what?" hypedgirl asked. "I've been waiting to find out what's in here!"

_Of course you can, _Koffie said. _Good luck. Just be careful that you don't break my doors._

And with that, before our eyes, the doors of the _S. S. Tex-Kofschip _opened.

The five of us stepped aboard the ship, and what was inside made us gasp in utter disbelief.

It looked just like the inside of a cruise ship. In addition to stairs leading up to the main deck of the ship, there was also a dining room, a recreational room with a television station, a control center, and a kitchen, all of which were working items and clearly didn't look as though they were made of LEGOs. While all that was certainly intriguing, though, the thing that really got me at first glance were the multiple Dutch flags decorating the interior. I could instantly tell right away that the people who made the ship cared a lot about the Netherlands.

As did I.

"Whoa..." I gasped, stunned.

"I've never seen a cruise ship zis big," HP muttered.

"Look at this!" cried hypedgirl, frantically floating around the ship's interior. "They actually have a TV in here! And a kitchen! Ooh, do we get to make our own food here? I wonder if you maybe have a guitar so I can write my own music? Though I don't know how I'll ever be able to play guitar with these tiny little things..."

While hypedgirl happily went on and on admiring the ship's interior, I gazed in awe at how incredible the ship looked. I was too shocked to say anything. HP, LF, and Yuunari went on their way to explore the ship, while I was happily admiring the Dutch flags adorned on the walls of the ship.

And then, all of a sudden, I heard something coming from the television. It didn't sound like English, which I found odd.

Thankfully, though, I was able to pick out one word.

_'T kofschip._

I looked over at the TV and smiled broadly to myself when I realized that the Clipphanger on the Dutch mnemonic that inspired the name of the ship was being played on the screen. I'd seen it a few times before- including, thankfully, one time with English subtitles- so I was able to get a gist of what was being said.

That and I knew what 't kofschip was.

And could use it.

I was still admiring the ship when all of a sudden, Koffie's voice broke through.

_So? What do you think?_

I had to pause to catch my breath for a bit.

"This is... amazing," I said. "I've never seen anything like this before."

"Ve need to get you out to open vater right avay!" cried HP.

_Well, you could always carry me out to open water, _said Koffie with a giggle.

"Ooh, look! A control panel!"

I instantly turned to see hypedgirl on the controls, frantically pressing buttons. Instantly, my mind grew concerned. An ADHD-ridden girl-turned-Hoppip plus the well-known temptation to press whatever button you happened to come across always spelled a bad combination. Now panicked, I ran up to her, followed by HP, LF, and Yuunari.

"hypedgirl?" I called. "hypedgirl, I don't know if you should be touching those things..."

"What?" hypedgirl responded, giggling. "Koffie doesn't have a driver, you know."

And then she suddenly caught sight of a big, giant red button with a spiral on it.

I had no clue what the heck it meant, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that what hypedgirl was about to do next was something that she was not supposed to do.

"Hey, oghond, what's this weird button with a spiral on it?" she asked.

My mind was racing.

"hypedgirl, no!" I cried.

But it was too late.

She touched the button.

And all of a sudden, she- and everyone else on the ship- were thrown back.

Far back.

I held on for dear life as I felt the ship suddenly begin to move.

It instantly started shaking.

_Or... maybe you could just do that, _said Koffie.

"V-vat's going on...?" HP cried, panicked.

"Okay, maybe pressing that button wasn't such a good idea after all," hypedgirl admitted nervously.

"You think?" LF snapped.

"We don't have time for this," I said. "We need to find out what's going on. Obviously, hypedgirl pressing that button must have done something..."

I looked up. The stairs were directly in front of us.

"We need to get to the deck," I told the others. "Now."

In an instant, the five of us climbed up the stairs.

——————————————————————

Eventually, once the five of us had reached the main deck- which, by the way, looked like a regular pirate ship deck; wooden floorboards, steering wheel, and all- we looked ahead at what the heck had happened due to hypedgirl pressing that button.

It was, without a doubt, the strangest thing that had happened that day.

And that was saying a lot, since multiple strange things had happened that day.

First off, there didn't even appear to be a sky anymore. Instead, the "sky" was so blurry that it almost appeared that we were in some sort of portal.

Which, in fact, we probably were.

Secondly, we were going extremely fast.

So fast, in fact, that I wanted to throw up.

If this was what being in an airplane during takeoff felt like, then I wanted no part of it.

"What's happening...?" asked Yuunari, looking around with a look of absolute terror on her face.

_I have no idea, but I think it might be interdimensional transport, _Koffie said.

"Interdimensional transport?!" I gasped.

_Believe me, I had no idea my makers put that button in there, _said the ship.

"Well, now what?!" I cried.

_You're going to have to hold on to my neck! _Koffie cried. _This speed's far too much for me to handle!_

Instantly, the five of us ran up towards Koffie's neck and hung on for dear life.

I seriously felt like I was about to throw up.

Everything around me was speeding up faster and faster, and I had to shut my eyes to refrain from getting dizzy.

"I think I'm going to be sick..." hypedgirl gagged.

"It's getting faster!" I cried.

The ship was shooting down towards the ground at this point.

"V-vat's happening...?!"

_Hang on!_

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—!"

CRASH.

The ship hit the ground.

I couldn't even bear to look.

** _EINDE (END)_ **

** _WORDT VERVOLGD (TO BE CONTINUED)_ **


	3. TWEE: I'm Not a Doctor; I'm a Tramp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, Chapter 2 of Pokemon: SOSchip, "I'm Not a Doctor; I'm a Tramp"! Tramp, for the record, is short for Vandertramp in this case- and you'll find out why in this chapter, which also gives you, the reader, your first glimpse into the Dutch language with a little thing called 't kofschip. Incidentally, it also introduces a ton of quirky characters- the Vandertramps, all of whom are named after a French mnemonic device, which you'll also learn about in this chapter. So, with that said, I hope you're taking notes. 
> 
> As per the usual, I do not own Pokemon, nor do I own the One Piece theme song, which is sung in this episode at the end (at least, it is in the chapter). Look out for the next one, because it'll have a LOT more notes- largely because you get your first introduction to the sixth member- and arguably, the second most-important one...
> 
> For the record, here's the video where Yuunarii mentions that someone has to save Dutch before it dies out completely: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1DkS7T2bWg

TWEE: I'm Not a Doctor, I'm a Tramp  
  
  
  
I eventually was able to open my eyes after suffering what must have been arguably the biggest crash I had ever been through, and the first thing I happened to notice was that the ship had landed safely on the ground.

That was a relief.

The second thing I noticed was that everyone else around me was safe.

Which was also a relief.

Extremely concerned, I ran over to them and helped them up.

"You're okay!" I cried. "Oh, thank god; that's a huge relief. I thought for sure when I woke up that I was going to see all of you dead."

"_Jeetje_..." muttered hypedgirl, managing to sit up. "That was absolutely terrifying."

I didn't blame her.

"Agreed," said LF. She, too, stirred and managed to pick herself back up again. "Of course, had you not made the mistake of pressing that button, there would be a much lower probability of the five of us ending up in this predicament in the first place."

"Sorry..." said hypedgirl, chuckling nervously.

LF smiled. "You are forgiven."

"Oh my god," Yuunari suddenly burst in. "Where the heck are we?"

I suddenly managed to catch a glimpse of the world in front of us, and needless to say, it was unlike anything I had seen in my life.

Forget the interdimensional transport and us turning into Pokémon- _this _had to be the weirdest thing we'd seen all day.

The world in front of us, initially, seemed like any other normal city. It had a giant football stadium- or at least some kind of sports stadium- along with a bunch of houses, shops, and a hospital. However, it also had a building that was... strange, to say the least. At first glance, the building looked like your standard college or academic building. However, upon closer inspection, on top of the building was a structure— a bridge resembling the Pokémon Mudbray.

A _donkey bridge._

I began to wonder if perhaps 't kofschip was studied there.

Additionally, there were sections of the town with strange labels such as _EHD _and _DIROB_. I had no idea what these meant, but given the fact that there was a literal donkey-bridge institution I had a strong suspicion that they had something to do with the Dutch language.

All things considered, I could tell that wherever we were, it wasn't what it seemed.

"I have no freaking clue," I said, stepping off of the ship along with everybody else. "This is definitely the strangest town I've ever been in."

"I feel inclined to agree with you," said LF.

"Do you... do you think ve should maybe go and say hi to ze locals?" asked HP.

"That sounds like a great idea!" hypedgirl exclaimed. "I'm sure there's a lot of great people here that we can talk to!"

"Actually," I said, laughing, "I'm pretty sure this place is mostly inhabited by Pokémon."

"By Pokémon? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," I said.

"Wait a second!" Yuunari exclaimed, suddenly pointing. "I think I see one!"

On cue, the four of us looked where she was pointing, and I had to squint a little in order to make out what she was seeing.

Ironic, since I wear glasses.

Sure enough, she was right.

It was a white, cute, dog-like creature with a fluffy pink hairstyle on its head and its tongue lolling out of its mouth.

I recognized it immediately.

"A Slurpuff...?" I muttered.

"Ooh! Let's go say hi!" hypedgirl exclaimed.

In an instant, she floated towards the unusual Pokémon, but then I noticed something.

The Slurpuff was running towards us.

I figured that it had seen us coming and probably wanted to welcome us to... well, wherever the heck we ended up.

Without missing a beat, I grabbed hypedgirl with my vines and held her back.

"Hold on there, hypedgirl," I said, giggling. "I'm pretty sure that the Slurpuff wants to say hi to us." I pointed at him in the distance. "See? He's right there."

"Oh!" hypedgirl giggled. "Okay, then!"

She floated back towards us.

As the Slurpuff got closer I noticed one unusual thing about it that I hadn't initially noticed: it was wearing glasses. This was definitely strange to me; then again, this entire world was strange. I had no idea where we are, but perhaps he knew.

Eventually, he started running towards us and waving his paws in the air.

"Welcome!" he cried out. "Welcome, delightful visitors!"

He eventually managed to make his way over to the five of us and dropped down to the floor to catch his breath.

"Phew!" he gasped. "My word, running up to greet new visitors is a lot harder than I thought it would be..."

He eventually noticed us and managed to pick himself back up.

"Oh! Hello there!" he exclaimed with delight. "I assume you've never been here before?"

I had no idea what to say at first.

This Slurpuff certainly seemed... eccentric.

"Uh... hello," I said, chuckling nervously. "I'm oghond, these are my friends, and... you're right. We've never been here before."

"If it pleases you, we would desperately like to inquire about where, exactly, we have ended up," said LF. "It would be much appreciated."

The Slurpuff looked up at LF quizzically.

"And you are...?" he asked.

"LonelyFox," said LF. "I have ventured here with my friend oghond, along with my other friends HP, hypedgirl, and Yuunari, via an ocean liner known as the _S. S. Tex-Kofschip. _We have all been mysteriously transformed into Pokémon. Even now I am still questioning how in the world we could have transformed so easily without causing a nuclear explosion large enough to destroy Farleigh-Dickinson University."

The Slurpuff blinked. "You're German, correct?"

"Indeed."

"Wow. You certainly use some very big words."

"I do admit that I am quite eloquent," said LF. "But regardless, please do inform us of our current location."

"Yeah," I said. "We have absolutely zero idea where we are."

The Slurpuff giggled.

"Well then!" he cried out. "Will do! New visitors, welcome... to the Wereldian dimension!"

I blinked.

"The Wereldian dimension?" I asked.

"Indeed!" cried the Slurpuff. "This is absolutely incredible! You're likely the first visitors we've had in forever!"

Happily, he ran up and shook my vine.

"Delighted to meet you, oghond! Dr. Jacques François Vandertramp, president of Donkeybridge, Inc., at your service."

Vandertramp...

The name suddenly seemed extremely familiar to me.

Before I could have a chance to ask him about it, hypedgirl spoke up.

"YOU'RE FRENCH?!" she gasped.

The doctor shifted his glance from side to side.

"Um... yes," he said.

"_Jeetje! _I would never have guessed it! You don't even have an accent!"

He chuckled.

"Well... being transported from France to a place where everybody speaks Dutch and English _might _have caused me to lose my French accent completely," he said.

"That's so cool!" hypedgirl exclaimed.

"Wait," I said, suddenly breaking in. "Did you say your name was... Vandertramp?"

The doctor nodded. "That's the name."

"Are you married?" I asked.

He brightened.

"As a matter of fact, I am!" he said. "I've been happily married to Madame Patricia Vandertramp for 17 years. Why do you ask?"

As I thought.

Either this couple had 17 children or 17 pets, and I knew exactly what their names had to be.

"Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp..." I gasped in shock.

"Um... who?" HP asked, evidently confused.

I blinked at her for a few moments before suddenly realizing she didn't know anything about French grammar, nor did she speak a word of French.

Thankfully, I had taken French for four years and knew what the mnemonic _DR. and MRS P. VANDERTRAMP _was.

"Oh— Dr. and Mrs. P Vandertramp," I explained, chuckling. "It's a French mnemonic device used for conjugating verbs in the past tense. You wouldn't know what the heck it was- after all, you don't speak a word of French."

"No..." HP muttered nervously.

"Don't worry, I'll explain it to you later," I said, laughing. Turning back to the doctor, I continued, "So, Dr. Vandertramp... how many kids do you have?"

"I have 16 wonderful children," said the doctor.

I blinked.

16?

But there were _17 _verbs in the original mnemonic...

"Wait. 16 children?" I asked. "I thought for sure you would have 17 children..."

"Oh, we used to," said Dr. Vandertramp. "But one of them died in a car crash."

Oh.

Right.

_Mourir_.

To die.

"Oh no, that's horrible..." HP gasped. "I am so sorry for your loss..."

"Ah, that's alright," Dr. Vandertramp said cheerfully. "It was years ago; we've already come to terms with his death."

"Can I guess the names of your 17 children?" I suddenly asked.

"Oh, sure, go right ahead," said the doctor.

"Thank you."

"Guess their names?" LF broke in, evidently confused. "Surely that would be an impossible task, considering you have yet to meet Doctor Vandertramp's children?"

"It's fine, LF," I reassured her. "Believe me, I'm pretty confident about this."

With that, I faced Dr. Vandertramp, looked him in the eyes, cleared my throat, and immediately began to ramble off:

"Arriver, aller, venir, passer, revenir, devenir, entrer, reenter, descendre, retourner, rester, monter..."

As I continued to list off all the Vandertramp verbs in the French language, I took a quick look over at the rest of my friends and at the doctor. Obviously, my other four friends were looking at me in pure shock and confusion. It was now even more obvious that they spoke no French and had absolutely zero idea of what I was talking about.

As for the doctor, he seemed just as surprised as my friends, but I had a very strong suspicion that it was the good kind of surprise.

With that, I finished.

"...sortir, partir, tomber, naître, and mourir. And if they're not named for the infinitives, they're named for the conjugated forms of all of the verbs I just mentioned. Am I correct?"

The rest of my friends simply stared at me in pure and utter shock, whereas the doctor covered his mouth and stepped back.

"How did you know the names of my children?!" he gasped.

I smiled with triumph.

"Infinitive or conjugated?" I asked.

"C-conjugated," stammered Dr. Vandertramp, "but still, how did you know?"

A smirk.

"Let's just say that I knew about the original mnemonic after taking 4 years of French in high school," I said.

My friends blinked.

Dr. Vandertramp stepped back in surprise, then sunk to the floor.

"Oh my word... oh my goodness... 4 years of French?! You must be an expert!"

I laughed.

"Well... I wouldn't exactly say that I'm an _expert_-"

But I was suddenly cut off by the doctor grabbing a hold of one of my vines.

"I would be _honored _to invite you and your friends to my mansion so you can meet my wife and my children!" he exclaimed.

The five of us looked at each other.

"You... want to invite us to your mansion?" asked Yuunari.

"Yes," said the doctor. "Will you come?"

hypedgirl suddenly squealed.

"Are you _kidding?!" _she exclaimed happily. "Of course we'll come! Won't we?"

I paused.

"Uh... sure," I said.

"Definitely," said LF.

"Mm-hm," said HP.

"Yeah..." said Yuunari.

Dr. Vandertramp instantly lit up.

"Oh, _merci!_" he cried. "Thank you! Thank you very much! I cannot wait to tell Patricia about your incredible skills in my native language!"

Happily, he started down the road.

"Follow me~!" he cried out happily. "I'll lead you there!"

The five of us looked at each other, and eventually, we decided to follow him.

——————————————————————

"So... what exactly is this _Dr. and Mrs. P Vandertramp _thing? Is it like '_t kofschip_?"

That was Yuunari, who, like the rest of the foreigners, had zero idea how French grammar works. Likely because unlike me, they hadn't taken French for four years. The five of us were following Dr. Vandertramp to his mansion, and Yuu had taken the time to ask me that question with the doctor directly in earshot.

I figured that now would be the perfect time to tell her everything.

"Well... kind of," I said, giggling.

"What do you mean by that?" asked hypedgirl.

"Here's the thing," I said. "Now, I've taken French for four years, so I know way more about this thing than you do, but you should still try to follow along with me here. _Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp_\- ignore the 'and' - is a mnemonic for the past tense in French. More specifically, it regards the verbs that take etre in the past tense- or as the French call it, the _passe compose."_

"Etre?" asked hypedgirl.

"_Zijn_, to you," I said, smiling.

"Oh! Okay, then."

I grinned.

In case you don't get it, _zijn_ in Dutch means "to be," as does _etre_ in French.

"Now most of the time if you form a verb in the _passe compose,_ you conjugate it with _avoir_\- to you, hypedgirl, that's _hebben_. So... give me a phrase in the past tense in English."

hypedgirl thought about it for a minute, then said:

"I talked."

"That would be _j'ai parlé. _Now here's the crazy thing- 'talk' takes the Dutch mnemonic, but not the French one, because parler isn't a Vandertramp. There are 17 verbs in French that don't follow the main rule and take etre instead of avoir, and they are: _arriver, aller, venir, passer, revenir, devenir, entrer, reentrer, descendre, retourner, rester, monter, sortir, partir, tomber, naitre, _and_ mourir._"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but are those not the seventeen verbs you mentioned earlier when you guessed the names of the Vandertramps' children?" LF asked.

I nodded. "Yes, they are. And abbreviate"d in a certain order, those seventeen verbs form the acronym DR. and MRS. P VANDERTRAMP. Minus the 'and.' If a verb is one of those seventeen- that is, if it is present in DR and MRS P VANDERTRAMP- it is conjugated with etre and not avoir. Therefore, if you conjugate aller, you get _je suis allé._ If you say _j'ai allé_, like you would with any other verb, it's wrong. Get it?"

"Oh--!" cried hypedgirl happily. "Yeah, I get it! No wonder you knew the names of the doctor's children!"

I smiled. "Good."

"Mon Dieu!" exclaimed the doctor, running over to me. "You were able to explain the mnemonic that easily?! You really are a French expert!"

I laughed.

"Well, I still wouldn't call myself an expert, per se," I protested. "I've only taken four years of-"

"Are you kidding?" exclaimed Dr. Vandertramp. "You shouldn't be doubting your skills like this! I've lived here for years and even I'm not that fluent in Dutch as much as you're fluent in my language! I'm still learning!"

"You are?" hypedgirl asked.

"Indeed!" cried the doctor. "I don't even have the slightest clue as to what 't kofschip is!"

That instantly got me.

"WHAT?!" gasped hypedgirl. 

"You don't know what 't kofschip is?" I asked, stunned.

"Well, I mean, I know it's a mnemonic in the Dutch language, but I have no clue how to use it," said the doctor nervously. "That's what led me to become the president of Donkeybridge, Inc.- I heard that they teach mnemonic devices and deal with mnemonic devices, and I figured they could teach me a thing or two about 't kofschip. Of course, in my studies I've also been presenting other forms of mnemonic devices to the foreigners there..."

And all of a sudden the idea hit me.

I not only knew what 't kofschip was, I could use it.

The doctor was about to get a special treat.

"Wait a second," I said. "You don't know what 't kofschip is?"

"No," said the doctor. "Why?"

"I do," I said. "And I can use it."

The doctor simply stared at me in silence for a few moments, then gasped in shock.

"Oh my word..." he muttered. "Will you teach me?! You must teach me! This will be the best thing in the world to tell my coworkers!"

"I was just about to get to that, Dr. Vandertramp," I said, laughing. "Of course I'll teach you."

The doctor instantly lit up and jumped into the air. I have no idea how the heck he managed to do it, of course, because up until that point I had figured that Slurpuff couldn't jump.

"YES!" he cried out. "Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Merci beaucoup en dankjewel! You are amazing!"

I smiled.

"You're welcome," I said.

"But enough of that," said the doctor. "My mansion is dead ahead! I can barely wait for you to meet my wife and children! See if you can guess who's who."

He winked at me.

I smiled, and the five of us followed him.

We talked a bit more about French grammar for a bit before the doctor came to a stop in front of a gigantic house.

"Alright!" he cried out happily. "Here we are! My mansion!"

The five of us stared up at the house in awe.

I had seen many mansions in pictures before, and I had a good sense of what they looked like, but still the sight of seeing an actual mansion in the flesh- er, in the brick- was absolutely awe-inspiring. Especially one that was as glamorous as the Vandertramp mansion. The mansion was filled to the brim with stained-glass windows, and was approximately the size of half of a football field, but stretched up to the clouds. The backyard had a visible swimming pool, along with many other things that you'd probably expect to be owned by the incredibly wealthy. None of us were able to comprehend the immense size of the mansion.

"Oh my god..." I muttered.

"This is incredible..." HP gasped.

"Like it?" asked Dr. Vandertramp happily. "It's a ten-story mansion with 15 different rooms, 2 bathrooms, a basement, and a swimming pool."

HP suddenly let out a gasp of horror.

"T-t-ten stories...?" she stammered. 

The doctor turned to her, confused.

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly. "Why?"

HP paused for a few moments, then gulped.

"I'm afraid of heights...!" she muttered, utterly terrified.

The doctor giggled.

"Oh, that's perfectly alright," he said, laughing. "You can stay on the first floor if that's alright with you. The tenth floor is the observatory, but I'm pretty certain that my wife and kids are in the living room, which you'll see the moment you open the door."

He turned to us.

"Alright then," he said. "Get ready to enter. I'm sure my family is going to adore you."

With that, he opened the door.

The minute he did, we stepped through.

You could even say we stepped... _door_ the door.

It's a pun. You'll only get it if you're Dutch.

Regardless, the five of us entered the mansion, led by the doctor, and when we saw what was inside, we were just as awed- if not moreso- than the first time we saw the inside of the S. S. Tex-Kofschip. Naturally, the inside of the mansion looked like... well, a mansion, complete with giant spiral staircase, a fancy-looking carpet, expensive furniture, and the like. However, what was the most interesting thing about the house wasn't anything in it- it was the residents. Among the Pokemon standing in the middle of the room were an Aromatisse, a Vivillion, a Floette, a Tyrunt, and about 10 or so other Kalosian Pokemon, along with a Pichu. I instantly knew right away that those had to be the doctor's wife and children.

"This mansion is absolutely incredible!" hypedgirl squealed with delight. "I wonder what's up on the other floors? I need to see!"

I giggled.

"hypedgirl, I... don't think you should do that right now," I said, laughing.

"Excuse me, Doctor Vandertramp, but might those Pokemon be your wife and sixteen children?" LF asked, pointing to the group of Kalosian Pokemon talking to each other.

The doctor looked towards the group and instantly lit up into a huge grin.

"You, LF, are an absolute natural at ID!" he exclaimed. "PATRICIA~!"

The Aromatisse turned.

"Arrivé! Allé! Venu! Passé! Revenu! Devenu! Entré! Reentré! Descendu! Retourné- oh, I don't have time to say all your names! Get over to the door! You've got guests~!"

"Did somebody say... guests?!"

And in an instant, a giant Furfrou jumped out towards the five of us and bounded over Mrs. P. Vandertramp and the rest of the children.

I couldn't help but flinch due to how unexpected it was.

"Welcome, friends!" cried the Furfrou. "I'm so happy to see you here! As you might have guessed, I'm in charge of introducing new visitors, and-"

"That's enough, my brother."

We all looked, and another Furfrou stepped out in front of us. Instantly, the much more bombastic Furfrou gulped.

"I am the one in charge of introducing new visitors, not you."

The entergetic Furfrou brother suddenly appeared extremely nervous.

"Sorry... I was just trying to be like you..."

"I know that, but immaturity is not at all how you are supposed to greet guests."

The entergetic Furfrou looked down sadly and tucked his tail between his legs.

I had a feeling that these two were the Entré-Reentré brothers.

"Hang on a second," I said, pointing to the mature Furfrou. "You're Entré, right?"

The Furfrou blinked.

"Yes," he said.

"Figured," I replied. "It means 'to enter,' and you're the one who greets guests at the door. And that obviously makes your identical twin brother who tries to greet guests at the door and fails to do so in a mature manner Reentré."

"Yep!" Reentré cried, happily. "Now let's see if you can guess my other 14 siblings!"

He bounded off, and I giggled before walking up to Mrs. P. Vandertramp.

"You're the doctor's wife?" I asked.

Mrs. Vandertramp saw me and instantly beamed.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed. "We haven't had guests in so long! What a pleasure it is to have you here!"

"Thanks," I said, chuckling. "Would you mind introducing me to your children- oh, never mind. Let's see if I can guess them."

Mrs. Vandertramp gasped.

"Guess my children?" she cried.

"Well, Entré, Reentré, and Mort are off the table, so I figured that I could maybe guess the other 14. I have taken four years of French after all, and if those three are any indication, what verb they're named for determines their personality and state of being."

The wife chuckled.

"Alright, then," she said.

She floated out of the way, and one of the children crawled forward.

It was the Pichu, and it made its way up to me cheerfully and began making cooing baby noises. Obviously, this was a newborn.

"Alright," I said, giggling. "You're Neé, that's obvious."

The baby nodded and stepped out of the way.

The next Pokemon to step forward was a Dedenne.

Or at least it tried to step forward.

It took a few steps and in an instant, tripped over on its tail.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Tombeé," I said.

Tombeé sat up.

"Yes..." she said, groaning.

I smiled, while Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp looked on in awe.

In the next 5 minutes, solely based on what I saw from their personalities alone, I ended up correctly guessing every single Vandertramp child.

The Tyrunt was simply lying lazily on the floor and letting life pass him by.

Obviously, I figured, he had to be Passé.

The Vivillion, as soon as she met me, began asking questions regarding my past, but the questions she asked were... slightly disturbing. Namely, she asked me if I was an ex-convict or someone who had committed any crimes. When I told her no, I wasn't, she asked if I knew any ex-convicts, and told me if I did, she'd put them in her rehabilitation center.

_Well, _I thought, _if this Pokemon owns a rehab center, then her job is obviously to reform ex-convicts._

The identity of the Pokemon suddenly hit me: Devenu.

A pair of Meowstic were next, and one of them instantly tried to flirt with me, before I told her that I was a girl. The other Meowstic- the male- was hiding under the table, then quickly fled to his room.

Sorti and Parti, respectively.

And so it went down the line.

Descendu was a pessimistic Phantump; Monté was an evidently determined Pumpkaboo who was doing his best to cheer up Descendu.

Allé was a lightening-fast Frogadier who was speeding around from room to room talking about how busy he was. He had been upstairs before I met him and hadn't realized I was trying to tell the children apart until Mrs. Vandertramp let him know.

Retourné was an affectionate Goodra who loved his family. Initially, I was confused about his identity until I realized that he was so loyal and affectionate that if he ever found himself seperated from his parents and siblings, he'd find a way to return to them.

That's how loyal he was.

Venu and Arrivé were, respectively, a Quilladin and a Braixen who upon meeting me instantly showed off their badges that they'd gotten from multiple countries. They promptly mentioned that they were going to the Netherlands, which instantly caused a Skiddo to butt in going on and on about how great the Netherlands was. At first I didn't know who the Skiddo was until Venu apologized and mentioned that the Skiddo kept coming back to the Netherlands in conversation.

I correctly identified the Skiddo as Revenu, and then using process of elimination identified the last child, the Floette, as Resté.

The deadpan Floette nodded and immediately floated upstairs, presumably to her room.

Mrs. P. Vandertramp was floored.

As were all four of my foreigner friends.

Dr. Vandertramp happily came up and nudged his wife in the shoulder.

"See?" he said. "She's an absolute French expert."

For a few moments all Mrs. Vandertramp did was stare at me. Eventually after a few moments she managed to mutter:

"How did you know...?"

"Oh, that's easy," said hypedgirl, floating up to her. "oghond's taken four years of French. Apparently she knows who you are because there's a mnemonic named after you. She told us about it on the way here."

"hypedgirl... I'm pretty sure that they were named after the mnemonic," said Yuunari, approaching her.

The Hoppip paused.

"Ohhh..." she said. 

Mrs. Vandertramp giggled.

"It's alright," she replied. "Now as for you, oghond..."

I turned to her.

"I had no idea that you were so fluent in our language!" she gushed. "You, mademoiselle, can officially be considered our guest of honor! You and all of your friends!"

I had never felt so flattered before.

"Oh... merci beaucoup," I said, chuckling. "But... I'm not exactly fluent."

"What?" Mrs. Vandertramp blinked.

"My knowledge of the French language is certainly higher than my friends', but I don't know enough French to have a full-on conversation," I said.

"Oh." Mrs. Vandertramp looked down sadly.

"But... I'll definitely come for dinner," I said, trying to reassure her.

"As will we," said LF.

The other three nodded.

Mrs. Vandertramp looked at the five of us in utter shock, and the doctor nudged his wife in the shoulder yet again.

"She did say she would teach me 't kofschip," he said, pointing at me.

I nodded, and then turned to my four friends.

"I think class is in session," I told them.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

As it turned out, Mrs. Vandertramp was so happy about the five of us sitting with her for dinner that she instantly swore to her husband that she would make us the best dinner possible. The five of us were just as excited to be eating dinner with rich French millionaires-- though of course I was much more ecstatic about the fact that they were the literal personifications of mnemonic devices than the fact that they were rich French millionaires.

The dinner was absolutely incredible, and by far one of the best dinners I have had in my entire life. It was filled to the brim with food and drinks, which were unlike any other food and drinks I had had in all my years of living. Of course, the salad was the exception. No salad can beat the ones made at Farleigh-Dickinson University-- not even salads made by rich French Pokemon.

Still, the feast was incredible.

During the dinner I got a chance to talk to each of the Vandertramp kids with the obvious exception of Mort, who I learned was the only legitimate child of Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp. He was a Swirlix, and shortly after his death he gained a Ghost-typing. All of the Vandertramps' other sixteen children were adopted.

"Well," I remarked. "That explains why your kids are so many different species."

Dr. Vandertramp giggled.

"Like I said, we've accepted it for the past 7 years now," he said.

"I know," I responded. "Just pointing it out."

We continued to talk, and explained our story to the doctor: how we were turned into Pokemon, how we discovered the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, and how we still have no idea how it happened. The doctor, his wife, and their children seemed interested, and also shocked at the same time.

And honestly, why wouldn't they be shocked? We were literally human girls only a few hours ago.

A few hours later, the five of us finished our food and the kids had all gone upstairs to their rooms.

LF was groaning from across the table.

"I am completely full," she moaned. "That was far too much."

I couldn't help but laugh. Actually seeing LF full was more hilarious than I thought.

Dr. Vandertramp smiled.

"I'm glad you liked it," he said.

"Are you kidding?!" I exclaimed. "That was the best feast I have ever had in my entire life!"

"Thank you," said the doctor. "Now, about that 't kofschip..."

I smirked at the rest of them.

"Ah, yes," I said. "'T kofschip- the mnemonic that named Donkeybridge, Inc. Donkeybridge, Inc."

The doctor's eyes widened. "You're kidding?! 'T kofschip means donkey bridge?"

I laughed. "No, that's ezel- ezelbrid-"

"Ezelsbruggetje," said hypedgirl.

"What she said."

hypedgirl giggled.

"Actually," I continued, "that long word that I can't pronounce because it has two Gs in it also means 'mnemonic,' which, as you know, is what 't kofschip is."

"What does it do, though?" asked the doctor.

"I'll show you," I said. "Does anyone have any pieces of paper that I can borrow?"

On cue, HP flew forward with two pieces of blank paper, which I gladly took from her.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome," HP replied.

She left, and I took out a pencil.

"Alright, Dr. Vandertramp," I said. "You ready to find out how 't kofschip works, or not?"

The doctor laughed uproariously.

"Oh, I was _born _ready," he said.

"Alright, then," I said. "Make sure you're taking mental notes on this thing, 'cause I'm sure you want to tell your fellow executives at Donkeybridge about this."

I paused for a few moments, and then wrote down:

_werken_

The doctor blinked.

"Oh, thank god," he said. "It doesn't have a _g_. I assume that means 'to work'?"

"Yep." I nodded.

"Cognates," the doctor sighed happily. "Regardless, please continue."

"Gladly," I said. "Now, as you said, this word means 'to work,' and it's the infinitive. So, the first thing you do is remove the -en."

I erased the -en, and what was left was this:

_werk_

"And if Dutch is anything like French- which it is- then the next step would be to add endings based on the subject," the doctor broke in.

"Nope!" I giggled. "This is the _past _tense, silly doctor, not the present tense!"

"Oh." Dr. Vandertramp suck. "Well, then what do you do next?"

"Well, here's where _'t kofschip _comes in," I explained. "What's the last letter in that stem?"

"K."

"Good. So now you check and see if _k _is in _'t kofschip_. Is it?"

The doctor paused.

"If my memory serves me... yes. Yes, it is," he said.

"Spoiler alert: it is."

"Oh, thank god!"

I was smiling.

"So... the verb ends in a _t_," I explained.

And with that, I took the pencil and wrote down a t at the end and a _ge _at the beginning. Just in case you don't know, 95% of all Dutch words in the past tense begin with the same two letters: _ge_, a fact which I have just so happened to pick up on via looking at patterns in certain Dutch words. This, of course, changes a once easy-to-pronounce verb into an absolute mess for any American to pronounce.

Unless, of course, the verb stam contained an _sch _or a _ui_, in which case you were already doomed from the beginning.

_gewerkt_

"GOOD GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" gasped the doctor.

"I put the verb into the past tense," I explained with a laugh.

"Not just that!" the doctor cried out. "You've made this thing into an absolute nightmare for me to pronounce!"

hypedgirl giggled.

"If it makes you feel any better, I can't pronounce the Dutch G, either," I told him. "Not to mention, of course, that that's just the past participle. The actual past tense- as in, with a subject- is this."

I wrote down:

_werkte_

"Thank god," said Dr. Vandertramp, breathing a huge sigh of relief. "Though... how do you know that that verb in particular ends in a T?"

"Because the last consonant in of the stam is in_ 't kofschip,_" I explained to him. "If that happens- that is, if the last consonant of the stam is a T, K, F, S, CH, or P- and yes, CH counts as a single consonant- then the verb gets a t. Oh, and if it's an X it also gets a t, hence the other mnemonic device used for this thing: _'t ex-kofschip._"

Dr. Vandertramp mulled it over for a bit before the realization suddenly hit him.

"_TEX-KOFSCHIP?!_" he gasped. "But that's... isn't that the name of the..."

"Yep," I said, smirking. "That's why I was able to recognize the ship's name straightaway without ever having heard of it before."

The doctor blinked, and then shook his head.

"Anyway," he said. "If it doesn't end in one of the consonants in the ship's name, then what happens?"

"Then it gets a D at the end," I said.

The doctor brightened.

"Ooh! Go on, give me another one. I can hardly wait to try one out!"

I smiled. "Alright, then."

With that, I wrote down another verb:

_spelen_

Dr. Vandertramp scoffed. "Easy. Can I see your _crayon_, please?"

"Excuse me, but... I am certain that that is a pencil and not a crayon, Doctor Vandertramp," said LF, tapping the doctor on the shoulder.

I giggled.

"I know what he means," I said, handing him the pencil. "_Crayon_ is French for pencil, which in Dutch is _potlood._"

The doctor tripped over. "W-what's pencil in Dutch?!"

"Potlood," I said.

The doctor blinked.

"Well, then," he said. "I had no idea that they made pencils with anti-herbs." He turned back towards the paper. "Now as for you, spelling..." 

"Spelen," hypedgirl corrected.

"Eh, close enough," the doctor said with a shrug.

Then all of a sudden he quickly wrote down in big bold letters:

GESPELD

He blinked, then crossed it out and wrote:

GESPELDE

Then crossed that out and wrote:

SPELDE

"Uh... speelde has two E's," I laughed.

"Oh," said the doctor. "Sorry about that."

He crossed it out and wrote:

SPEELDE

I nodded. "That's right."

"YES!" exclaimed the doctor. "Fourth time's the charm! Hit me with another one; I can barely wait to show this one off to the executives!"

I smirked.

The next word I was going to give him would intentionally mess with his mind.

"Okay, then..." I giggled.

I grabbed the pencil and promptly wrote the following:

_geroof..._

And as I suspected, Dr. Vandertramp scoffed.

"What--? This is easy; it's practically conjugated already!"

He grabbed the pencil and wrote a -t at the end, making it:

_gerooft_

"HA!" I cried out, pointing at him with my vine. "HA! You fell for it!"

The doctor blinked in confusion and stepped back, his eyes widened in shock.

"Wha...? What do you mean, I fell for it?" he asked, shifting his gaze from side to side. "That's it, isn't it? It ends in an f, and f is in tex-kofschip, so..."

"Yes, f is in tex-kofschip, but it ends in a d."

"A D?!"

The doctor blinked.

"This isn't possible! Surely there must be some kind of mistake! So you're telling me that everything about this thing is a lie?!"

"Hang on, I'll explain," I said. "Geroof is the crude stem of the actual word."

"What's the actual word...?" Dr. Vandertramp asked.

"This is."

I wrote down:

_geroven_

The doctor took one look at it and his face fell with shock.

"WHAT--?! So you're saying that if you take off the -en and the last letter is a v..."

I nodded.

"Then it changes to an f when you actually write it with _'t kofschip,_" I said.

"And if the last letter of the stem is a v... then v's not in _'t kofschip,_ so it ends in d!"

"Exactly."

"But didn't you just tell me that the stem of that word was_ geroof_?"

"No, I said the _crude_ stem of that word was _geroof,_" I explained to him with a giggle. "I found this out online when studying _'t kofschip,_ and apparently there are two stems in Dutch- one is the crude stem and one is the final stem. You always use the final stem- the word without the -en- when doing _'t kofschip._"

"Oh." The doctor blinked.

"By the way, the same rule applies when the last letter of the stam ends in z," I added. "It changes to an s when you write it in 't kofschip, because that's the letter the crude stem ends with."

Dr. Vandertramp was in pure and utter disbelief.

"...My god, you know a lot more about Dutch than I thought you did," he muttered.

"Well, she has been learning from actual Dutchies," hypedgirl broke in, giggling.

Dr. Vandertramp squealed with delight and ran over to Mrs. P. Vandertramp, who was just as shocked, but hadn't dared to say anything the whole conversation.

"Patricia, this is the greatest discovery of my life~!" he exclaimed. "I'm going straight to Donkeybridge right now and presenting my findings!"

He ran up to his front door and grabbed a brown hat that was hanging on a hatrack.

And suddenly I was struck by a question that had kept ringing in my mind the entire time:

What the heck was Donkeybridge, Inc., anyways?

Based on the name I thought it had something to do with mnemonic devices- specifically Dutch mnemonic devices- but I didn't have a clue what the inside looked like nor what Dr. Vandertramp's job was as the president of Donkeybridge.

That was something I suddenly felt that I had to find out.

"Wait!" I cried.

The doctor stopped himself from going door the door and turned back.

"Can we go with you?" I asked. "I'd like to see what you do at this place as its president."

The other four friends stepped forward and nodded. In an instant, the doctor broke out into a huge smile.

"Well, of course you can come!" cried Dr. Vandertramp. "I've never been this happy in all my life! You five are about to discover the extensive research I've done into the Dutch language!"

"Oh, thank you so much!" I exclaimed, extremely grateful.

"No problem!" the doctor cried. "Let's get a move on! Bye, Patricia!"

"Bye!" we called.

"Thanks for the dinner!" I added.

And with that, the door shut behind us, and we were off.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

In about 10 minutes we had arrived at Donkeybridge, Inc., and it was everything I could have ever dreamed. It looked, for the most part, like a standard auditorium, except it was as brown as a Mudbray itself. Orange bridge motifs were everywhere in the building, and near the stage was a giant projector. In the audience were swarms of Pokemon, excitedly talking to one another about something that I had absolutely no idea about until some time later.

You'll see what I mean.

Regardless, we were in awe.

"Whoa!" I gasped. "This place is so cool!"

"It's a giant auditorium~!" hypedgirl squealed.

The doctor giggled, and then all of a sudden we heard someone call out from ahead of us.

"Dr. Vandertramp!"

The six of us turned in the direction of the voice only to notice a Mudsdale galloping towards us. Upon seeing the Mudsdale, the eccentric doctor's demeanor suddenly became much more serious, and he walked up to the giant horse Pokemon and bowed his head.

"Dr. Borrarden," he said.

"I presume you have new information to present regarding the Dutch language?" Borrarden asked.

The doctor brightened again.

"Oh, believe me, I've just found out about a mnemonic device that will blow your mind!" he cried out, taking straight to the stage. "It's called 't kofschip, and it is absolutely incredible!"

Borrarden smiled.

"Very interesting," he said. "I'm sure the rest of the executives would like to find out more about this... 't kofschip."

"Oh, they will," cried Dr. Vandertramp. "They absolutely will!"

"Very well, then," said Borrarden. "You may begin."

The doctor nodded towards his Mudsdale superior as Borrarden turned to us and smiled.

"Please be seated," he said.

Smiling, the five of us took our seats, and I couldn't help but wonder how much Borrarden reminded me of Entré.

The lights dimmed, and we turned our attention to the doctor as he began his speech.

"Donkeybridge, Inc.!"

The executives went silent.

"As the president of this organization, I have dedicated my life's work to finding out as much as I can about Dutch mnemonic devices and how the French and English can benefit from them. Well, you can fear no longer, as I have discovered not one, but two effective mnemonic devices that will surely have foreigners speaking Dutch in a matter of days!"

The working body burst into applause as the projector turned on, presenting the rules of 't kofschip to the entire audience.

Naturally, we knew about these rules already.

"First and foremost," began Dr. Vandertramp, "there is the mnemonic known as_ 't kofschip_, used to help you conjugate a verb in the Dutch past tense. The rules are simple. You remove the -en- that's basically the equivalent of -er, -ir, or -re in my native French- to get the stem. If the last letter of the stem ends in any one of the letters on your screen- that is, any of the consonants in the phrase _tex-kofschip_\- then the past tense and past participle will get a T. If it ends in anything else, it will get a D. And heaven help you if the past participle stem ends in a G, because two Gs in a row are going to mangle your throat to such an extent that you will find yourself unable to speak for days."

As if on cue, the word _gezegd_ appeared on screen, and the council of audience members, us included, burst out into fits of laughter. Dr. Vandertramp tried to say it, to no avail.

"See?" he said among the laughs. "Even I can't say it."

The laughter of the audience died down, and the doctor continued his speech.

"Second," Dr. Vandertramp continued, the projector flipping to the next slide, "in correspondence with this research, I have familiarized myself with a second type of mnemonic, used for definitions of Dutch words. They are called linkwords, and they are divided into two types. The first type is the standard linkword, which involves the use of images to find the definition of a foreign word. A common example is the famous line of going 'door a door.' See, door in Dutch means 'through.' And what do you do with a door in English?"

He motioned to the slide, which showed a person going through a door.

"You go through it."

More laughter. It was very clear that the audience enjoyed the presentation.

I couldn't help but smile. I had heard of linkword mnemonics before, and I had used some for my fanmade language of Kyrellik. What I definitely wasn't expecting was for the doctor to continue with the second type of linkword mnemonic.

"The second type," Dr. Vandertramp continued, "is a special pronunciation-based linkword mnemonic called 27140."

27140 mnemonics?!

Oh my god, he must have heard of Kyrellik, because I invented that term!

I could barely believe what I was hearing, but I decided not to say anything to Dr. Vandertramp just in case he had a differing belief in regards to the origin of 27140 mnemonic devices.

"Whereas standard linkwords are images solely used for definitions of foreign words," explained the doctor, "27140 mnemonics are used to decipher the pronunciations of foreign words. A well-known example occurs in the mysterious language known as Kyrellik..."

I decided not to tell him that I was its inventor.

"...with the word for people: païkan. The 27140 mnemonic for this is pie can, which sound like païkan when said together. Dutch also benefits from the use of 27140. In a one-word example, for instance, the word for schedule in Dutch is rooster, which is pronounced like 'roaster.' Which leads me to my next point: sometimes, the two can overlap with each other. As you can clearly see, this word for schedule looks like the English word rooster, but is pronounced like 'roaster.' I have determined that the most appropriate mnemonic device to remember both meaning and pronunciation is to imagine a rooster looking at his daily schedule hanging over a grill."

Said image appeared on the projector, and the audience burst into giggles.

"Of course, you may get confused and think that the word rooster in Dutch means grill and is pronounced like roster."

More giggles.

"Regardless, both of these mnemonic devices have been shown to help foreigners learn Dutch."

The projector faded.

"Now you might be asking yourself," said the doctor, "what's the whole point? Why are you encouraging foreigners to learn to speak Dutch when it's spoken-" -a picture of multiple Haunter appeared on screen, causing even more laughter- "-by so few people in the world?"

The image faded again, and the doctor went on to his next point.

"Well, that's the problem: it's going extinct. Dutch is such an important language, and yet because so few people speak it, it's often overlooked. The French and Spanish have had a long and complicated relationship with the Dutch. In fact, back in the good old days, the Netherlands was a major trading partner with multiple nations. But now, no one seems to care about the Dutch. No one... except for me. And a few others."

I had a strong suspicion that the doctor was referring to us.

"So here is a call to action," the doctor declared. "I have no idea how or when it will happen, but someone has to step up and teach Dutch to the world before it goes extinct entirely. A language is a beautiful thing- it can spawn more languages and borrow from others. The French actually gave certain words to the Dutch, most notably _douche_. Which means shower, by the way, not what all you dirty-minded people in the audience think it means."

The audience giggled.

"So French and Dutch are actually a lot more similar than you think," Dr. Vandertramp added. "But arguably the most important thing about a language is that it gives you a viable way of communication. And when a language goes extinct, it is a true tragedy. No one will ever speak that language again-- unless, of course, they happen to learn the language fluently for themselves. That is what is currently happening to the Dutch language. And unless someone steps up and uses these mnemonic devices and others to teach foreigners how to speak this magnificent language, I fear that the Dutch language as we know it will go extinct. _En dat zou een echte tragedie zijn. _Thank you."

He left the stage, and every single person burst into applause- except for one.

Me.

Because what he had said in that speech suddenly ignited something in me that I had never truly experienced before.

Yuunari had said in one of her videos that she needed to get the Dutch language out there before it dissappeared completely- and now here was Dr. Vandertramp, echoing those exact same sentiments on stage. The Dutch language was my favorite foreign language in the world. I couldn't bear to see it go ectinct completely...

He was right.

They were both right.

Someone had to save the Dutch language...

But who?

I was eventually broken out of my thoughts when the Doctor suddenly approached the five of us, admist the dying applause. As soon as she saw the doctor, hypedgirl instantly came floating up to him in excitement.

"That was the best presentation I have ever seen in my life!" she exclaimed.

"Indeed," LF remarked. "It was quite good."

Dr. Vandertramp giggled.

"Thank you," he said. "Believe me, I had a lot of fun with that one."

And at that moment I decided to speak.

"As we could tell," I said.

The doctor giggled, and I suddenly decided to express my thoughts on the whole Dutch situation.

"You mentioned in your speech that someone needed to save the Dutch language before it went extinct completely," I said.

"Yes," said Dr. Vandertramp. "So?"

I smiled at him suddenly with a look of determination, and the idea had come to me then and there.

"I agree with you," I said.

Dr. Vandertramp blinked, and I smiled over at my four foreign buddies, who clearly all felt the same way I did.

"And so does everyone else," I said. "Dutch is an important language, and we cannot let it die."

I turned to look at Yuunari and smiled.

"Well, Yuu," I said, "you were right about one thing. Someone's got to save this Dutch language before it dies out completely."

And just like that, I made my final decision and stepped forward.

"And that someone... will be me!"

Suddenly realizing that I was excluding my friends from this, I turned to them and chuckled nervously.

"Oh, and all of you, of course," I said.

They smiled at each other, before LF suddenly paused and stepped forward.

"Excuse me," she said.

I looked at her.

"I do not mean to interrupt," she said, "but how in the world are we supposed to spread the Dutch language across continents?"

I smirked.

"With the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, of course," I said. "Dr. Vandertramp?"

The doctor was staring off for a moment, but upon hearing his name instantly turned to me.

"Oh!" he cried. "Sorry. Yes, what do you want?"

I smiled.

"Would you like to be our first guests on the S.S. Tex-Kofschip?"

My friends were stunned by this offer, and looked at each other in happy surprise, clearly delighted by the prospect of having the eccentric French doctor and his wife and family on board.

Dr. Vandertramp instantly brightened at the prospect, and his eyes went wide with shock.

"I..."

He broke into a huge grin.

"I'd love to!"

\--------------------------------------------------------

And thus it was settled.

Dr. Jacques Francois Vandertramp announced his vacation from Donkeybridge to Dr. Borrarden, who wished him luck and vowed to serve as the acting president in his absence. The six of us returned to his mansion and asked his wife and 16 children if they wanted to be on the S.S. Tex-Kofschip as well.

They instantly accepted.

At that moment, the family was boarding the ship for the first time.

They were just as awed at seeing the inside of the ship as we were.

I grinned.

"Like it?" I said.

The doctor turned to me.

"Like it?" he gasped. "I love it!"

_I'm glad you do._

Instantly, Dr. Vandertramp and his family glanced up in shock.

"Did that ship just talk?" he asked.

"Yes, it did," I said. "We called it Koffie, only because I can't pronounce the word 't kofskip."

_Kofschip._

"See?"

Dr. Vandertramp and hypedgirl giggled.

_I'm very happy to have you on board, Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp, as well as your 16 children. May Mort rest in peace. I wish he were here right now, I'm sure he'd find my beds comfortable._

"You have beds?" I gasped.

_I certainly do_, said Koffie.

"That's good," I said. "Because I'm really tired."

The rest of the foreigners giggled.

"Of course, we'll still need to find out why we were all turned into Pokemon in the first place," said Yuunari.

"Um... oghond?"

I turned to see HP nervously flying low in front of my face.

"You do realize zat you still need to tell everyone at your college that you've been turned into a Pokemon, right?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Believe me, if you think I've forgotten about Farleigh-Dickinson, you couldn't be more wrong."

_So... are we going or not?_ Koffie suddenly broke in. _I have some new guests on board, and we can't be here all day._

I smiled. "Set course for Farleigh-Dickinson University. Let's go, guys."

They smiled at each other, and began to set course for the ship, when all of a sudden, I began to sing loudly:

_Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams_

The rest of the foreigners looked at each other in confusion, until Koffie suddenly chimed in to finish the lyric:

_Together, we will find everything that we're looking for_

_ONE-_

"SOSchip!" I cried out happily.

"SOSchip?" the others asked.

"Yeah," I said. "It's the name I gave the operation. It stands for Save Our Schip."

"As in, save the Dutch language?" LF asked.

I nodded.

"Ooh! That sounds awesome!" cried hypedgirl. "Operation: SOSchip is on!"

I smiled and then boarded the ship with the rest of the foreigners, and continued to sing the rest of the number:

_Compass left behind, it'll only slow us down_

HP suddenly chimed in:

_Your heart will be your guide_

_Raise the sails-_

Then hypedgirl, holding a helmet:

_And take the helm!_

I giggled, before LF broke in:

_That legendary place that the end of the map reveals_

_Is only legendary 'til someone proves it real_

Then I continued:

_Through it all, through all the troubled times_

_Through the heartache and through the pain_

_Know that I will be there to stand by you_

And finally, Yuunari came in with a solo:

_Just like I know you'll stand by me!_

I grinned, and as the S.S Tex-Kofschip took off, the entire cast was in song:

_Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams!_

_Together, we will find everything that we're looking for!_

_There's always room for you_

_If you wanna be my friend_

_We zijn, we zijn op de cruise..._

_WE ZIJN!_

I turned to the rest of my friends.

"I didn't know that you knew the _One Piece_ opening," I said.

They grinned.

"Neither did we," said hypedgirl.

I smiled, and turned towards my new passengers, who were grinning like kids in a candy store.

And then I turned back towards the portal.

Operation SOSchip was indeed on.

And we were on the cruise.

** _EINDE (END)_ **

** _WORDT VERVOLGD (TO BE CONTINUED)_ **


	4. DRIE: A Coder on Board

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The door has creaked open to yet another chapter of Pokemon: SOSchip- and this one, "A Coder on Board," is a biggie. In it, you will be introduced at long last to the group's sixth member- and the one guy among the main Koffiehuis- The Absent Coder, who doubles as the main series co-writer. For the record, he, like the rest of the Koffiehuis, IS A REAL PERSON, and probably my best friend out of the whole Koffiehuis IRL. In case you would like to know, he wrote 95% of the opening section in italics- I added in a few parts- and also a few of the lines-- most notably, "That's so stupid I have no choice but to believe you" and the entire rant beforehand. 
> 
> Now, remember how I said in Chapter 1 that IRL info would be released in this story? Yeah... that IRL info is in this chapter. For one thing, the Coder's first name is revealed in this chapter- and yes, it's REAL. All the info about our meeting? Real. The fart noise advice? Real. Play the Game? Real- look it up. His love of Japanese? Real- and it'll play a BIG part in the story at some point. As per the usual, DO NOT stalk, harass, or threaten him or any of his family members online or IRL. The Absent Coder is my friend. We are all friends here. 
> 
> And yes, he knows what 't kofschip is. That part is real, too. 
> 
> For the record, in the opening section, this song is the song the Coder is listening to and references. Just so you know, the series has a soundtrack, and you can listen to these songs while reading the scene for the full effect. 
> 
> Here's "La Mer," by Nine Inch Nails, if you want to copypaste the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcIOInVS7jo
> 
> As usual, ENJOY! I do not own Pokemon, Nine Inch Nails, "La Mer" or any of the other songs referenced in this fanfic. I do, however, own the pi mnemonic featured in this chapter.

DRIE: A Coder on Board

**A CARRIBEAN SHIP ABOUT 2500 MILES FROM THE** ** _ S.S. TEX-KOFSCHIP_ **

_The door creaked open to an empty room, a couple of beds just off to the left of the entryway, sandwiched between the door leading to the washroom and a red couch that faced a TV barely as big as the entrant's chest. He- "he" being the entrant, in this case- sighed and entered the washroom, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with the tap water that tasted of Carribean humility. Raising the cup to his lips, his mouth was cursed with the taste of poorly-filtered water- and that wasn't even counting the ever-present scent of salty air he was certain was making him thirstier. He stuck his tongue out in disgust with a "bleh" sound as he gently dropped the cup into a blue recycling can, looking through the glass door that led to the deck._

_He felt his pocket, sighing contently as he opened the door and listened to the song of the storm the cruise ship was presently powering through._

_The rain pounded on the balcony and chairs, creating a stinging sensation that did a better job reminding him he was alive than the karaoke session he had returned from. A part of him wanted to nap, get under the warm blankets, and just sleep the day away, but a part of him wanted to just have some time to himself, in the rain, where he was certain no one would be._

_Naturally introverted yet active as he was, the choice stared him in the face._

_He pulled up the hood on his red hoodie and extended the awning to protect himself from the rain. As he was done getting blasted with cold, he wiped off the plastic porch seat as best he could before he sat down, the rushing wind almost drowning out his music he had queued up, headphones resting in his ears. Fortunately, his taste in music was hard enough that he could still hear it, underneath it all._

_The rain, the wind, the slight rocking... none of it could dampen his mood._

_What _did_ dampen his mood was a tugging sensation on his ears after about 20 minutes, when he was starting to doze. He opened his tired eyes and woke up to find that his phone was being blown away from him, tethered by his headphones. It flapped in the rushing wind, suspended in front of him as it cling to its headphones for dear life._

_Panicked, fatigued, and not in his right mind, his head jerked in surprise, which caused his headphones to fall out and his phone to go careening over the headrails._

_It was exactly as he had always feared._

_In a desperate bid, he reached out for it, and was forced to stand up and was soon chasing it down over the threshold._

_Though he did get his hands on it, his relief was short-lived, as he soon found that he was leaning well over the handrails. Wind coming from_  
_behind, he soon lost his balance and fell over the railing, down the side of the ship. The water came up to meet him, particularly the shoulder being used to break the surface. Bracing himself for impact, the splash of his body entering the deep blue murk of the water was dwarfed by the crashing waves._

_Eventually his head surfaced, but his left arm was dislocated, a pain he didn't even register compared to the cold water crushing him from all around. With his one good arm and two good legs he desperately swam back to the boat, only for the waves to keep pushing him back faster than he could swim. Foam in his eyes, salt in his mouth, and wind rushing in his ears, the realization hit him as hard as he had hit the ocean's surface from his porch._

I'm going to die, _he thought. _I'm actually going to die alone, thousands of miles from home. Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis... despite everything, I love you.

I'm sorry.

_In a bid to get some modicum of a peaceful death, he traced his headphones back to the buds and put them in his ears, allowing him to finish the song he had been listening to. The gentle piano melody started back up again, audible over the distorted guitar before the latter was interrupted by a female chuckle._

_"An rein puet arreter moi konin la," he said in a bad accent, allowing his mouth to be filled with water, not letting nature interrupt his last words as an act of defiance. He said it as loud as he could despite his lungs failing him, as he could not hear the song say it with the water filling his ears._

_With that finished, the waves struck him on the head enough to force him into unconciousness. The last thing he heard was the song's piano melody, beginning to fade like he was._

_His body fell below the water, never to be seen again._

_Or so he thought..._

\------------------------------------------------

It had been a few days since our first visit to the Wereldian dimension, and in that time a lot of stuff happened that I'm sure you want to hear about. You probably have a lot of questions regarding Farleigh-Dickinson's reaction to all of the following things:

**1: **The fact that I turned into a Pokémon.

**2: **The fact that there were four other Pokémon in my vicinity.

**3: **The fact that, somehow, they had never realized that a GIANT SHIP WITH A LONG AS HECK NECK had been at their school for the past 35 years.

Well, here's the thing: they never found out that I, nor any of my other friends, had turned into Pokémon.

Naturally, upon realizing that I had not been in school or on the campus for the 5 hours I had visited Dr. Vandertramp- should I say five _whole days_ (I'm not kidding; that's how much time had passed in the real world as opposed to the Wereldian dimension)- the school's staff and students freaked out. By the time the five of us returned to the campus of FDU, missing person posters had been put up everywhere, and the school's principal was giving a long speech to the students made in my memory.

Yep, they thought I had _died_.

And realizing that no one could possibly believe me if I came forward and told them that I had become a Pokémon, I simply decided to run with it. I promptly went straight to the school's computers and printed out a fake notice for the school and my family saying that I had died in a car accident at the age of 20 years old.

Three days later, I watched my family get out of their car and go into the university with tears in their eyes, and my foreign friends and I promptly attended my own funeral.

Everyone who I knew and loved came: my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, people who I knew from school, and even a few of my really good Facebook friends who I hadn't seen in a long time. I was most excited to hear what these people would say about my life on this planet, despite the fact that, of course, I was still alive. I had just been turned into a Pokemon.

What they had to say was definitely heartwarming.

My parents said that they had loved me with all their heart and considering the fact that I had been born as small as I had been, they considered it a miracle that I got to live to be 20 and go to college. This sentiment was echoed by my grandparents, relatives, and other family members.

My old Facebook friends said they were very lucky to have talked to me and made friends with me, and that it was very saddening that I had died so young. They mentioned that their only regret was that they didn't get to talk to me more.

That comment made me smile, as I had been longing to reconnect with my old Facebook friends, so hearing that they still cared about me was heartwarming to listen to.

And then the celebration began.

People ate delicious food and cake in honor of my life on this Earth- which of course, was still going on. That happened to make me particularly jealous, as I love food of any kind, especially cake. They also played Queen songs, and I was virtually torturing myself to not sing along to "Don't Stop Me Now" when it played so as not to reveal my identity and alert the people there that I was not only alive, but also a Pokemon.

They also played Rush songs, and I had to restrain myself from singing even more, since Rush is my favorite band in the world.

Especially once "Limelight" played.

When "Limelight" played I was practically shaking to restrain myself from singing. Which is odd. Normally, I adore singing "Limelight," and I wish I could have sung it at my funeral, but this was my funeral. If anyone found out I was alive- or turned into a Bulbasaur, for that matter- they'd freak out like crazy.

So I didn't sing.

Believe me, it's really hard to not sing when literally your favorite song in the world is playing at your funeral.

But somehow or other, I managed it.

After about two hours (which seemed like forever, by the way) everyone left the funeral, and thankfully the five of us managed to avoid getting caught.

Eventually, it was decided that since everyone thought I was dead regardless, we would board Koffie, leave Farleigh-Dickinson University, and head back on board to the Wereldian dimension. 

So, as you might have been able to predict, that was exactly what we did.

Currently, the five of us were traveling on Koffie, about to head back towards the Wereldian dimension. We weren't actually in the portal yet- rather, we were traveling on the ocean. I hadn't given the signal to hypedgirl yet to hit the button to send us to Wereldia, as we had come to call it (the term "Wereldian dimension" was a bit of a mouthful). Rather, I wanted to take the opportunity to simply look out at the ocean in front of me.

Now, before I go on any further to the more crazy part of this story, let me explain something.

When I decided to fake my own death and leave the FDU with my friends on board Koffie, I pulled a _One Piece_ and gave my friends jobs on the ship. I was the captain, obviously, though I didn't really like to refer to myself as such. HP, given her exceedingly sweet nature, was the ship's doctor, and this was despite the fact that she admittedly didn't have much knowledge in the field of medical science. It's a lot easier to be a doctor when you're a Pokemon with a bunch of healing moves.

I'm not kidding. I looked over HP's moveset, and she has the following moves:

Air Slash (which is deliciously ironic, considering her fear of heights), Roost, Rest, and Sleep Powder.

Take one guess as to why she has Sleep Powder.

No, it's not because of Nimja.

It's because of anathesia.

hypedgirl was made the group's navigator and main transporter, the one in charge of sending us to the Wereldian dimension and checking to see where we were. Frankly, though, she didn't need to do much, given that Koffie already had a built-in navigation system.

LF was made the chef, for reasons that should be obvious to you if your name is HP and you happen to be reading this. If your name is not HP, then the reason that LF was made the chef was because of her cooking skills (she once posted some bread she made on Discord).

Finally, Yuunarii was made the lookout.

That last one is the most important one, because had it not been for Yuunarii's lookout skills, I wouldn't have had a chance to gain a new member of the SOSchip crew.

Or, as the new member called us, the Koffiehuis.

And now I might as well get back to the story so that no one reading it gets bored by my continuous monologue.

Presently I was traveling on Koffie about to give the signal for hypedgirl to press the button to send us all to Wereldia. Said signal was me using Vine Whip in the air and directing said Vine Whip at hypedgirl.

Of course, I had to check first and see if she was at her post.

Which, thankfully, she was.

I smiled upon seeing her.

"Alright, hypedgirl, you ready?" I asked.

The cheerful Hoppip nodded. "Jep!"

"Alright, then. When I give the signal, you are clear for takeoff. You ready, Koffie?"

_Yep,_ it said.

I smirked. "Here goes nothing."

With that, I started to raise my vine to whip it at hypedgirl, but before I could give the signal-

"MAN OVERBOARD! MAN OVERBOARD!!"

I practically did a double take.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

Instantly, I was startled, as was hypedgirl, and the two of us frantically ran over to the source of the voice, which was coming from the main deck. By the time the two of us had made it up to the main deck, we saw a panicked Yuunarii running towards us.

I could clearly tell something was up.

Looking around me, I saw HP and LF burst out of the downstairs corridors and up towards the main deck, and they were just as confused and panicked as I was.

"Yuunarii?!" I cried in shock. "W-what's going on?"

"Ve heard you screaming..." HP began.

"There's no time to explain," said Yuunarii, frantically bringing the four of us over to the side of the ship. "Look!"

We did.

And saw someone in a red hoodie with their head bobbing above the water.

"Oh my god..." I muttered.

"Is he okay?!" gasped hypedgirl in shock.

"I have no idea, but we need to get him to the stretcher right away," I said. "HP, you go get him."

HP gulped, then nodded and flew over to the strange man as fast as she could. Flying lower, she eventually spotted the man and grabbed him by her claws, pulling him out of the water and towards the deck.

Once she had reached the deck, she let go of the strange man.

Hearing the giant crash, I ran over to him and felt his pulse.

He was still breathing.

Thank god.

"He's alive," I said.

The other four all breathed a sigh of relief.

"But still, this doesn't change the fact that he needs immediate medical attention," I said. "LF, you go downstairs and get the stretcher, and I'll make sure that he-"

"Um... oghond..." hypedgirl suddenly asked, pointing with one of her head leaves at the man. "What's happening to him?"

I quickly turned- and found that for whatever reason I couldn't say anything more.

For whatever reason, the man was suddenly glowing in a bright blue light.

I blinked in utter shock.

This couldn't be... this wasn't...

LF and HP noticed it, too, and crowded around the man in surprise to take a closer look at what was happening.

What was happening was crazy.

Before our eyes, the man- whoever it was- was suddenly covered by the strange blue glow, which hid his form entirely from view. The glow grew brighter, and all of a sudden floated up into the air, spinning around repeatedly. It had taken the shape of an orb, covered with white streaks, and for a moment we saw the sillouhette of the person who had been on the ground.

And then I saw something glowing in the middle of the orb.

It almost resembled a DNA streak, but I wasn't quite sure what it was.

Before I had the opportunity to make out anything that was going on behind the glowing orb, however--

BOOM.

It exploded in our faces, with a light so blinding that we had to turn away.

Eventually, when we did look, we were absolutely stunned by what we saw.

Myself especially.

Where not moments before there had been a glowing orb of blue light, there now lay on the floor something entirely different.

Something that was clearly not human.

It was an Oshawott.

I began to have a strong suspicion that this was what happened to us that night in Farleigh-Dickinson.

Though oddly, I didn't remember having any feeling of crashing to the ground.

The five of us gathered around the Oshawott, still in shock at what we had just seen.

I was barely even able to speak.

"Did he... did he just turn into a Pokémon?!" gasped hypedgirl. "Right in front of our eyes?!"

"I believe he did," said LF, just as stunned as the rest of us. "Though... I must say that it is rather odd how there appeared to be no defining cause of his transformation."

"Zere was the blue light..." HP muttered.

"There was, but that is not what I mean," said LF.

"Oh," said HP, looking down.

"I think she means that she finds it odd that there wasn't something like the Shotgun involved," said hypedgirl. "Right, oghond?"

"Yeah, that's what I think, too," I said. "Still... you think this could be what happened to us?"

"Jep," said hypedgirl.

"It likely is," said LF.

I was about to say something when I suddenly heard a groan coming from somewhere. Still shocked- but admittedly not as much as I had been before- I looked down at the Oshawott only to find that he was starting to stir.

I beamed.

"Guys!" I cried. "He's waking up!"

The other four glanced down at the Oshawott, and he slowly opened his eyes and sat up.

"Urgh..."

He blinked and looked around himself.

"Where... am I...?"

For some reason or other, his voice sounded somewhat familiar to me. I thought for a few moments about asking him who he was, but before I could say anything, hypedgirl suddenly burst in, floating out directly in front of him.

"Hallo!" she exclaimed.

Startled, the Oshawott suddenly jumped back.

"Who the heck are you?!" he cried out.

hypedgirl giggled.

"Sorry if I startled you," she said. "My name's Madelief, and you're on the S.S Tex-Kofschip!"

I already knew that hypedgirl's real name is Madelief, in case you didn't know.

The Oshawott blinked. "The S.S. ... what?"

"Tex-Kofschip," repeated hypedgirl.

"...I honestly can't tell if that's a Dutch G or you clearing your throat," said the Oshawott dryly.

She blinked. "How'd you know I was Dutch?"

"I read _Play the Game_," he said.

Now it was my turn to be shocked. Apparently, the Oshawott on board the ship was a Gamer; and not just that, he had read _Play the Game_. All of _Play the Game_.

I was just about to say something when I heard hypedgirl let out a gasp.

"You did WHAT?!" she exclaimed. "That's so cool! Did you see my comments?"

"All of them," said the Oshawott.

"It is quite interesting that you have read all of Play the Game," LF remarked. "From my understanding, based on what the author and HP have told me, the first chapter involves Nimja becoming a Pokemon, correct?"

"Yes," he said. "Why?"

LF paused.

"What a coincidence," she said. "That just happened to you." 

"What?!"

The Oshawott suddenly happened to notice his body and stared in shock at his new stubby white paws, repeatedly shaking his head multiple times, as if he was disbelieving it.

Which, admittedly, he probably was.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." he whispered.

_Arceus' unholy flank..._

The term rang in my mind, and yet for some reason I couldn't quite place who it was.

He looked down for a few moments and visually facepalmed.

"Dang it, I liked that jacket," he said.

And then all of a sudden, he seemed to realize it.

"Wait... where's my phone?!"

Frantically, he ran over to the side of Koffie and looked down.

"Great," he said. "By this point it's probably still in the water. Lose me." 

I suddenly caught sight of a red cell phone lying on the deck with headphones attached to it.

"Uh... no, it's not," I suddenly said. "It's right here."

The Oshawott immediately turned and saw his phone lying on the deck, before walking over to it and breathing a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank god..." he said.

Then he suddenly paused.

"But then again... I'd have to check and see if it still works," he said. "Given that it's fallen in the water it probably doesn't."

And then he realized.

"Wait a minute..." he said. "I'm alive."

He gaped in shock and turned to me.

"How the heck am I alive?!" I asked.

I smirked.

"Oh, nothing much, really," I said. "We saw you floating in the middle of the ocean and I decided to send HP to help you. She placed you on the deck, and we were about to give you medical attention before you transformed into a Pokemon for seemingly no unexplained reason."

For some reason or other, he seemed to recognize my voice, but like me, couldn't necessarily place it.

"Huh," he said.

Then he turned to HP and smiled.

"Pride yourself," he said.

And all at once the identity of the person clicked with those two words.

My eyes widened in recognition.

There was only one person I knew who said "pride yourself" in that way. Which is odd, considering that the phrase itself is pretty common, but here's the rub: no one else I knew who had said that phrase said _just_ that phrase.

No one else except...

"Absent?" I gasped.

The Oshawott turned to me- and all of a sudden_ his_ eyes widened in recognition, too.

"oghond...?!"

\----------------------------------------------------

Now by this point, I'm sure there's one question going through your head.

Namely:

Who's "Absent"?

Well, if you really want to know, Absent is The Absent Coder- real name Corbin- a Californian who I met on TV Tropes when he was 17 years old. He was 19 now, based on the fact that it had been two years since we met. In that time, he and I had talked to each other via VC repeatedly, and he turned out to be a very nice guy. The two of us hit it off immediately when he revealed to me that he was a Gamer and that he had read Play the Game all the way through.

From there, we talked about his favorite chapter, and it turns out it depends on what he's looking for.

If he wants comedy, he goes to "And Now For Something Completely Different"- which, incidentally, is also my favorite chapter in the whole fanfic.

If he wants drama, he goes to "Under Pressure."

If he wants feels, he goes to "Don't Stop Me Now." Spoiler alert: if you haven't read PTG, that chapter and "Under Pressure" are major tearjerkers.

What's ironic is that those are also my three favorite chapters.

From there, we had VC just about every single day.

I never told him about the SOSchip crew or SOSchip as a whole.

And now that I knew it was him, my heart rose with happiness at the realization that he was here.

On the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_.

Now was the perfect time to teach him some Dutch. I'd tried to do it before, but he had a fascination with the Japanese language.

I wondered if he still had a fascination with the Japanese language.

Regardless, I was still happy to see him.

Absent, having just recognized me, was currently staring at me as though I had two heads. He blinked for a few moments in shock, glanced around the rest of the ship for a moment, focused on me, and eventually managed to blurt out:

"What- how- why are you here?!"

I couldn't help but giggle.

"Oh my god... it's you...!" I gasped happily. "It's lucky we saved you, otherwise I never would have possibly gotten the chance to talk to you again because you'd be dead!"

Absent chuckled.

"It's good to see you too, oghond," he said. "Thanks for saving my life back there."

"KREE-"

I paused, then motioned to hypedgirl, who from this moment onward I will be referring to by her real name Madelief, because it's a lot more comfortable for me to call her that after talking to her for 2 months straight. She giggled.

"Graag gedaan," she said.

"KREEEEEEEEEEEAK KREEedaan." I tried to repeat it.

And likely failed miserably.

Madelief giggled again.

"Close enough," she said.

I smiled, then looked over at the rest of the group.

"Everyone, this is Corbin," I told them. "I know him better as Absent Coder, or simply Absent. It's likely that you'll be calling him that, too."

"Hi, Absent~!" Madelief said, waving at him.

"Hello," said HP, smiling at him.

"Greetings," said LF. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am LonelyFox, and I am German. If it pleases you, I would like to make you more aquainticed with everyone else on this ship."

Absent's eyes widened.

"You're German?!" he gasped.

"Indeed," said LF.

"My word; you're really good at English!"

"Oh, everyone says that. I personally disagree."

"But you-- how could you think that?! Your grammar is impeccable!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm from California. Of course I'm sure." He paused. "Who's the Butterfree?"

"HP," I told him, suddenly breaking in. "She and LF are friends, and HP, if you think your mother's bad, don't even get me started on _Absent's _family."

"Believe me, I'm both relieved and saddened that I'm away from them," said Absent, "and considering how crazy my family is, that's saying a lot."

"It sure is," I said. "And the Pachirisu is Yuunarii. She's Dutch, too."

"Hey," said Absent.

Yuunarii waved at him.

"So... that's everybody," I said.

"Yep," Absent said.

What followed was an extremely awkward silence for the next few minutes. This had happened a lot when Absent and I had VC, but considering the fact that I had never talked to him in person before- and was an awkward communicator nonetheless- the silence was about 100 times more awkward.

Finally, I spoke.

"So... you still learning the Japanese language?" I asked.

"Yep," Absent replied. "And I'm still far from fluent."

I smiled.

"That's alright," I said. "I'm still far from fluent in Dutch, too. In fact, that's the whole reason as to why I'm on this ship."

"To learn Dutch?" Absent asked. "How could you possibly be learning Dutch from a ship?"

I paused.

Then suddenly realized there was no way in the world that Absent would believe the truth about Koffie.

So I just said nothing for a few moments while Absent simply stared at me with a deadpan expression.

Eventually, however, I soon decided to simply come clean and tell him.

Even though he might not believe me when I told him that Koffie was a talking, sentient ship who we had found stranded at Farleigh-Dickinson University after having been there for 35 years.

I took a deep breath.

"Well, here's the-"

_Because I'm a talking, sentient ship, what else would you think?_

My words were suddenly interrupted by Koffie coming in and swinging its neck around to face us, which slightly startled me and the rest of the group. Absent, on the other hand, jumped back in pure, unbridled shock.

"T-that thing can talk?!" he gasped.

"Shocking, I know," I said.

"How in the world can that thing talk?!" Absent cried out.

"Believe me, I had the same question," Madelief said.

Koffie giggled. _Corbin, was it?_

"Yeah," said Absent. "But please, just call me Absent. Madelief said I was on the S.S. Tex... Kofskip?"

_Kofschip._

"Kofskhi- nope. Could you repeat that?"

Koffie giggled._ Just call me Koffie. Everyone else does. Have you met the rest of the passengers?_

Absent paused.

"Well... I mean, I met Madelief, HP, LF, and Yuunarii... and oghond, of course, I already know... so... I think that's all of them."

Oh, that's far from all of them, said Koffie.

I blinked. "What do you-"

And then I remembered that there were 18 other passengers I was forgetting about.

"OH MY GOD!" I gasped.

"You okay?" Absent asked.

"I completely forgot about the Vandertramps!" I cried.

Absent tilted his head.

"The... Vandertramps?"

I realized that Absent had no idea who the Vandertramps were.

"Oh... the Vandertramps," I told him. "Right. I forgot that you don't know who they are. They're a family of 18 Pokemon that come from another dimension."

"Another dimension?!" Now Absent was seriously freaked out; I could tell. "You can travel to other dimensions?!"

I paused.

"Well... I mean, the ship can travel to other dimensions, but usually-"

"Koffie can travel through dimensions?"

_I sure can._

Absent blinked in shock. Then staggered back. Then shook his head a few times.

"Okay," he said. "Take it from the top. How the heck did you even get on this ship?"

I sighed.

I had no choice now but to tell him everything.

"It's a long story," I said.

"I don't care," he replied.

I took a breath.

"Okay," I said. "But just so you know, you may not believe everything you hear..."

\-----------------------------------------------

And so I told Absent everything.

I started, of course, with the crew coming to surprise me in Jersey, then went on to describe all of the events that followed: the discovery of Koffie, the first visit to Wereldia, and, naturally, our enigmatic transformations into Pokémon.

You, of course, should already know about these things.

Absent, of course, didn't.

By the time I ended the conversation, Absent once again stared at me as though I had two heads. He staggered back a few times, clearly unable to process this information, then paced around the ship, then stopped.

"Okay," he said. "Let me reiterate. Your four foreign friends came all the way to your college to surprise you, all of you were inexplicably turned into Pokemon, you found a cruise ship with psychic abilities hidden behind your administration building, one of your friends pushed a button that brought you to a dimension filled with living representations of foreign languages, _and_ you saved my life."

"Yes," I said.

Absent blinked.

"That's so stupid I have no choice but to believe you," he said.

I couldn't help but giggle.

"Well, you should," I said. "The evidence is right in front of you."

"True."

"Oh, and that's not all."

"What?!"

"Yeah, an hour in Wereldia is a day in America, so by the time we came back, five days had passed and everyone assumed I was dead. I have no idea if you saw, but I just decided to run with it and put a fake obituary up saying I had died."

Absent just stared at me blankly.

"So... you're saying you staged your own funeral?" he said.

"And watched it," I added. "I was seriously resisting the urge to sing 'Don't Stop Me Now.'"

Absent once again blinked in surprise.

"Again," he said, "so stupid I have no choice but to believe you."

"You should," I said. "We were there. Now... where was I...?"

"The Vandertramps," said Absent.

"Oh, right," I said. "Doctor!"

"You called, oghond?"

Absent, myself, and the rest of the SOSchip crew immediately turned to the source of the voice. As soon as I saw that Dr. Vandertramp, his wife, and some of their children were there, I smiled.

"Yes, I did," I said. "We have a new crew member on board Koffie."

"A new crew member?!"

Reentré.

The excitable Furfrou immediately ran out towards Absent and began licking his face repeatedly, while a horrified Entré ran after his brother in shock.

"Reentré-- what are you doing?!" he gasped, running after him.

But Reentré didn't hear him, and instead tackled Absent to the floor, while Absent began laughing profusely.

"Okay-- okay," Absent giggled, "that's enough, really-"

"Hello there!" Reentré cried happily, continuing to lick Absent. "Sorry, I just love greeting new passengers- my brother's trying to teach me how to do it. Anyways; my name's Reentré; who are you? Do you have parents? Where are they? How old are you? What do you think of Koffie so far? Personally, I think it's amazing! I get to sleep in a giant comfortable bed, and my siblings all sleep next to me, and my father's still desperately trying to get his Dutch studies done, and-"

"That's quite enough, brother!"

As soon as he heard his brother's harsh, scolding tone, Reentré stopped licking Absent and sadly glanced down at the floor, with his tail tucked between his legs, whimpering. Entré walked up to his brother while Absent managed to pick himself off the floor, staring at the two brothers with a quizzical look on his face.

"You do realize that that is not the way to greet guests, don't you?" Entré asked.

"Sorry..." Reentré muttered. 

Entré nodded, then stepped forward and bowed his head.

"Forgive my brother," said Entré. "He can get a bit reckless sometimes."

"Oh, no, it's fine," said Absent, giggling. "He's very enthusiastic."

"Yes," said Entré, glaring at his brother, who backed away. "Very."

Absent looked at him with slight concern.

"You know, you don't have to berate your brother just for being himself," he said.

"Well, it's not my fault that he wants to emulate me so bad," retorted Entré.

"You don't have to be rude about it!" Absent cried. "I was just pointing something out."

"Rude?" asked Entré. "Oh, do forgive me if I came off that way. Believe me, I am a pure gentleman."

"You sure about that?" Absent asked. "Because you're acting a bit snobbish."

"I will admit that," said Entré.

"Who are you, anyways?" Absent asked.

I finally was able to speak, and stepped forward to introduce them.

"Absent, this is Entré," I said. "His brother- the one who just tackled you to the ground- is his identical twin, Reentré."

"Entré?" asked Absent. "Is he French?"

"They all are," I added. "Dr. Vandertramp and his 16 children are all named after a French mnemonic device."

"Well, technically, we're Wereldian," said the doctor as he approached us, "but still, it's wonderful that you were able to meet two of my wonderful children!"

Dr. Vandertramp excitedly reached forward to shake Absent's paw.

"Delighted to meet you, Absent!" exclaimed the doctor. "Doctor Jacques-François Vandertramp, at your service. How are you doing today?"

"Oh... I- I'm good," said Absent. Then he paused. "Wait a second. Doctor? What's your doctorate in?"

"Linguistics," said Dr. Vandertramp happily.

"Is that even a real thing you can get a doctorate for?" Absent asked. 

"In Wereldia it is," said the doctor. "Additionally, I'm also the president of Donkeybridge, Inc., a society that studies mnemonic devices that can be used to help people understand languages."

"Does it have any mnemonics for Japanese kanji?" asked Absent.

"Well... erm, no," Dr. Vandertramp admitted. "Not yet, at least. We're currently studying linkwords and a little thing that oghond introduced to me called 't kofschip."

"'T kofschip?" Absent asked. "Wait... isn't that the thing where you take off the -en and see if the last letter is any of the consonants in 't kofschip, and if it is it ends in a t?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?!" the doctor gasped.

"Yeah, oghond taught it to me already a long time ago," said Absent.

"I'm just impressed you were able to remember it," I remarked.

"I had no idea you even knew what 't kofschip was, Absent!" Madelief exclaimed, running up to him. "That's so cool!"

"Thanks," he replied.

"Graag gedaan!" exclaimed Madelief cheerfully.

"That is absolutely remarkable!" the doctor cried out. "Oh... I must introduce you to the rest of my children! They are all absolutely delightful!"

"I've already met two of them," said Absent.

And then all of a sudden, we heard a fast-talking voice coming from one of the rooms of the ship:

"Imsorryfatherdidyousaytherewasanewpassengerontheship?"

We looked up, and there was Allé, as fast and as busy as ever. In a flash, he sped down the stairs of the ship and ended up in front of his father, who was giggling like crazy.

"Oh, yes! There certainly is-"

Alle broke in instantly.

"ThatsabsolutelywonderfulcanIseehimpleasetellmeIcanseehimIneedtoseehimasfastasIcanthoughbecauseIhaveatonofworktodorightnowandifIdontmovefastenoughIwontbeabletofinishitallintime--"

He just went on and on. I took a few seconds to glance over at Absent, and he glanced at me. Neither of us had ever seen someone who talked so fast before, not even Nimja- which was saying something, because when Nimja wanted to talk fast, he talked fast. Eventually, I pushed him over to Allé, who was still rambling on and on:

"...soasyoucanseeIneedtomeetthisnewpassengerassoonasIpossiblycanotherwiseIwillendupfailingtheschoolyearandIcantletthathappen-"

"Uh... hey," said Absent, tapping Allé on the shoulder.

Allé instantly froze in place and whirled around right where he stood. The minute he saw Absent, his face instantly broke into a huge smile.

"OhmygodareyouthenewpassengeryourereallycuteImsohappytomeetyoumynameisAllébutyoualreadyknewthatdidntyouanywaysthankssomuchforyourtimenowIhavetogoanddomyhomeworkassoonasIcanseeyacanttalksuperbusygottagothanks!"

And within a split second he was gone.

"You're not even going to ask for my name?!" Absent called.

"AlreadyknowititsCorbinnowIgottagoseeya!"

He left.

Absent just glanced over at me with a deadpan expression.

"What the heck is his deal?" he asked. "Seriously, is he just busy or is he covering for the rest of his family? Because now I really want to know."

"Well, now we know he's as much of a fast-talker as he is a fast-mover," I said.

"A really fast talker," Madelief agreed.

"You said it," I replied, smiling at her.

"So... who's next?" Absent asked.

I smirked.

"Oh, believe me... there's a lot," I said.

\----------------------------------------------

And thus I decided to introduce Absent to the rest of the Vandertramps.

It was a ton of fun. The rest of the Vandertramp children- Retourné in particular- were extremely happy to meet Absent, and Absent was just as happy to meet them. The hilarious part was that for almost every Vandertramp child, Absent had a psychoanalysis planned in his head. To save time I will simply give you the transcripts for each one of his conversations with the Vandertramp children, all of which are hilarious to read.

Here follows his psychoanalysis of Arrivé:

**Absent: **"Do you join Venu because it makes him happy or because it makes him angry to see you late to everything?"  
**Arrivé: **"Angry? Yeah, sure, I'm late to just about everything, but Venu hasn't gotten angry over the fact that I'm always late. He's quite tolerant, in fact. I just go with him because we both like to travel together, that's all."

Allé:

**Absent: **"Are you just trying to cover for the rest of your family, or are you actually just that busy?"  
**Allé**: "Busybusysuperduperbusytoomuchtodocanttalkgottadohomeworkgottachecktheshipseeyathanksbyegottago!"

He promptly left and started speeding around the boat.

Venu:

**Absent: **"Do you travel because you tire of home, or is it a longing for something to break the chaos of sharing a house with 15 siblings?"  
**Venu: **"Well... neither. I just like to see the world! I take Arrivé with me so that I'm always reminded of home."

Passé:

**Absent: **"Do you just not care? Cynicism isn't healthy."  
**Passé: **"It's not cynicism. It's procrastination."  
**Absent: **"Still doesn't make it healthy."  
**Passé: **"The longer I sleep, the better I feel."  
**Absent: **"You know that's not how sleep works, right?"  
**Passé: **"Meh."  
**Absent: **"Some people just can't be reasoned with."

Revenu:

**Absent: **"Do you just need someone who shares your passion for the Netherlands? Is that why you're so socially awkward?"  
**Revenu: **"Did you just say the Netherlands?! Oh, I love the Netherlands! I've been there a thousand times. Have you ever been there? Amsterdam is amazing! They have these weird things called bicycles and people ride them around all the time..."

Devenu:

**Absent: **"Are you just naturally untrusting?"  
**Devenu: **"Untrusting? Me? Oh, far from it; I'm a firm believer in the beliefs of this guy named Rossu."  
**Absent: **"You mean Rosseau?"  
**Devenu: **"Oh, so that's how you say it... But yes."

Entré:

**Absent: **"Do you take responsibility for others being welcome here since your adoptedness means that you don't feel comfortable in your own house?"  
**Entré: **"Oh, on the contrary. I am a natural gentleman. My own father is far too busy with his work to greet people at the door. Regardless, I still love him."

Reentré:

**Absent: **"Do you aspire to emulate your brother since he is your only biological relative?"  
**Reentré: **"Yep!"  
**Absent: **"Well... that was the shortest answer I've heard all day."

Descendu:

**Absent: **"Is there a reason why you're so downtrodden?"  
**Descendu: **"...Oh... I don't know, really... I just feel like I am..."  
**Absent: **"Awwww."

Retourné:

**Absent: **"Okay... I get that Goodra are naturally friendly, but I get the distinct impression that Doc and Patty saved you from a particularly cruel upbringing, hence your devotion. Am I in the ballpark?"  
**Retourné: **"No, you're on a ship."  
**Absent: **"IT'S AN EXPRESSION."

Resté: 

**Absent: **"Introversion isn't unhealthy. Being a shut-in is. Tell me, do you not like the standard Vandertramp chaos like Venu does?"  
**Resté: **"Please stop asking me so many questions. I really just want to be left alone." 

To which she promptly floated upstairs and shut herself up in her room as always. Absent tilted his head.

Monté:

**Absent: **"Optimism is a good thing. So is a reality check."  
**Monté: **"Ooh! I love reality checks!"  
**Absent: ***facepalms*

Sorti:

**Absent: **"Are you just lonely here because none of your siblings are biological?"  
**Sorti: **"My name literally means 'to go out.' I'm living up to it. And I might as well go out with you right now..."  
**Absent: **"Ewww..."  
**Sorti: **"I mean, I don't date my family members... or the Avoirs... or their dogs... or their trash. But everyone else is fair game."

Parti:

**Absent: **"Does you being cowardly have anything to do with your-"  
**Parti: ***whimpers*  
**Absent: **"Awww... what else can I say? You're just a cute little shrinking violet who needs a hug!"  
**Parti: **"Uh... um... n-no thanks... that won't be necessary--!"   
**Absent: **"Wait! Don't run off! It's okay! Everything will be- oh, great, he's gone. Lose me."

And currently, he was staring down the two youngest children- Tombeé and Neé. He just looked at them for a few seconds while both of them gurgled at him happily. Tombeé, of course, was a toddler and could say a few words, but had no idea what the heck was going on between Absent and his other siblings. He looked at them for a few moments, then turned his glance to the Vandertramp parents.

"Tombeé and Neé are young," he said. "I can forgive them. Just make sure you don't mess them up, Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp."

"Mess them up?!" cried Dr. Vandertramp. "Why would we? We have raised them to be great children."

"Yeah, but it's just that your entire family is eccentric."

"Silly Absent! I'm eccentric!"

"Oh. True."

He suddenly paused for a moment.

"But Mort... your one biological child... you're both mono-fairy, and he's gained a Ghost-type, yet you haven't seen him despite his unlife."

"Oh, we know he's always with us," said Mrs. Vandertramp. "Even though we can't see him. How we wish we could, though..."

"Yes," said the doctor, sadly. "If we were able to talk to our one biological son again... it would be the greatest day of our lives."

Absent paused.

"Hey, Dr. Vandertramp?" he asked.

"Yes?" the doctor responded.

"Is there a dollar store where you live?"

"Wait... a dollar store?" I asked. "Why are you asking about a dollar store?"

"Oh, of course there's a dollar store in Wereldia!" cried Dr. Vandertramp happily. "They sell tons of plushies there. I've been there before- I've bought food and toys for only a dollar, and the amount of toys they have there is enormous! I even saw a Swirlix plushy at one point..."

"A Swirlix plushy...?"

And all of a sudden I saw Absent's eyes light up.

"Yo, Koffie!" he called out. "Would you mind sending us to Wereldia so we can get a plushy? I have an idea."

The four of us just glanced at each other in shock.

_You want to go to Wereldia_? Koffie asked.

"Yep," said Absent.

_But... why?_

"Because I just came up with an idea to semi-revive Mort that will blow your mind."

Semi-revive Mort?!

The entire idea sounded surprising to me, and I had very little faith it would work. I knew that there were such things as literal ghost Pokémon, but once a Pokémon was dead, it was dead. There was little to no way to revive it- unless said Pokémon happened to be a fossil Pokémon. Even the concept of a _semi_-revival seemed too impossible to me.

"You want to do WHAT?!" I gasped.

"Semi-revive Mort?" Mrs. Vandertramp asked. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but that's far too eccentric even for us."

"Yeah, how in the world are you going to do that?" Madelief asked.

"Hear me out," said Absent. "I know it sounds crazy, but if Mort had a Ghost-type added to him after his death, that would make him Ghost/Fairy. The only other Pokémon with that type combination is Mimikyu."

"But Mort wasn't a Mimikyu!" I cried. "He was a Swirlix."

"Exactly."

"So?"

"A Mimikyu wears a piece of cloth, right?"

"Yes."

"And it carries it around with it all the time, because if you saw what was underneath, you'd be so shocked that you would faint. Or worse."

"What exactly are you getting at, Absent?" Yuunarii asked. "Because I still don't get it..."

"Mimikyu looks like a badly-made plush Pikachu," said Absent, starting to get a bit frustrated. "So if we were to go to a dollar store, buy a Swirlix plushy, and have Mort's ghost possess the Swirlix plushy..."

I suddenly realized what he was getting at.

"Then Mort could be able to interact with his family again through the plushy!" I cried.

"Exactly," said Absent.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Madelief exclaimed.

"I would be inclined to agree with her," said LF.

"But... how will we know that he's inside the plushy?" Mrs. Vandertramp asked. "We can't see him, after all. He's a ghost."

"I don't know, honestly," said Absent. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh, believe me, I would totallywait if it meant I got to see my dead brother again!" Passé cried.

"Me too!" Retourné added.

"Of course, there is still a very high chance that it won't work..." Descendu muttered.

"Are you crazy, Descendu? Of _course _it's going to work!" Monté exclaimed.

"No, it won't..."

"Yes, it will!"

"No, it won't."

"Yes, it will!"

"Optimism isn't realistic; you heard him."

"I know! But pessimism is unhealthy!"

"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if it'll work, either," I said, in an attempt to break the fight. "But there's only one way to find out if it will." I turned to Madelief. "hypedgirl, you go and press the button for Wereldia."

She happily nodded and started to float off to the control panel, when all of a sudden we heard Koffie start chuckling.

_That won't be necessary, _it said.

I blinked.

"What do you mean, 'that won't be necessary'?" asked Madelief. "I was just about to get ready to hit the button!"

_Yeah, but I figured it would be better if I were to just take off myself. I wouldn't want Absent to be suddenly thrown back in his seat. Of course, with that said, Absent... hang on._

And with that Koffie immediately took off into the air, speeding faster and faster while Absent just stared in confusion.

"Hang on? What do you mean, hang on?" he asked.

"You'll see," I told him.

And at that moment, Koffie reached the speed necessary to go to Wereldia. Absent was immediately thrown back to the end of the ship, screaming like a lunatic. Eventually, he found me and held on for dear life.

"OH MY WORD I'M GOING TO DIE—!" he screamed.

I giggled. "See? You should have hung on."

"Isn't this exciting, children?" the doctor exclaimed. "Finally, we're going home! WE'RE GOING HOME!"

"Why the heck aren't you terrified of this?!" Absent cried.

"Simple," said the doctor. "We've been at this speed before, and we're used to it."

"Well, I'm not!"

_Next stop: Wereldia! We're approaching!_

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD—!"

CRASH.

The ship hit the ground.

_Crew members: here's your stop! The Wereldian dollar store, home to all the plushies you could possibly imagine!_

I was still trying to get used to the huge jolt that had just occurred as a result of Koffie crash-landing in Wereldia, but once the initial shock wore off, I found myself standing in front of the Wereldian dollar store. I wasn't so much shocked as I was excited. I had seen a dollar store before- heck, I'd been to plenty of dollar stores before.

But I had never been to this one.

"This is so cool..." I muttered.

"I can't believe it~!" Madelief squealed. "We're actually about to go into a dollar store! And not just any dollar store- a Wereldian dollar store! Can you believe it! I never knew they had one of these things in here!"

I eventually noticed Absent, who was staring out at the entire Wereldian dimension in shock and disbelief, clearly unable to comprehend what was in front of him. Which was understandable, given that he had never been here before.

Smiling, I walked up to him and put my vine around his shoulder.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." he muttered.

"Well, Absent," I said, "here it is. Welcome to the Wereldian dimension."

He shook his head.

"Okay... is it wrong that I'm getting awed over a dollar store, of all things?" he said.

I giggled.

"Come on, guys," I said. "Let's go see if Absent's idea won't work."

"Oh... I CAN BARELY WAIT~!" exclaimed Dr. Vandertramp in delight.

And with that, all of us exited the ship towards the Wereldian Dollar Store.

———————————————————————

Spoiler alert: the doctor was right.

Upon us entering the dollar store, more specifically the plushy area, we were stunned by what we found inside- except for the Vandertramps, who naturally had been here thousands of times before. Plushies upon plushies lined the walls, and Pokémon memorabilia were everywhere.

Simply put, this was the dollar store I _wish _I could visit every single day.

"Oh my god..." I gasped.

"THIS... IS... AWESOME~!" Madelief squealed. "I've never seen so many plushies in all my life!"

"Me neizer..." said HP.

"Of course, that just leaves us with a bigger problem," said Absent. "Namely- how the heck are we supposed to find a single Swirlix plushy among all of these?!"

"Oh, that'll be easy," the doctor giggled. "I know exactly where the Swirlix plushy I saw the last time I visited this store is! Follow me; I'll lead you to it."

With that, he started off, followed by the rest of the Vandertramps, HP, LF, Madelief, and Yuunarii. 

I, however, stayed behind.

There was something I wanted to do first.

Since this was Absent's first time visiting the Wereldian dimension (and considering the fact that I hadn't really had a chance to see it all myself the last time I had visited) I figured it would be best if I were to take a walk with him around the Wereldian dimension.

Now, in case you're reading this and thinking it has anything to do with his gender, it doesn't. I am not, nor have I ever been, in love with Absent, and because Absent is aromantic, he has never been in love with me. We are strictly just friends.

With that having been said, I would like to apologize to everyone who is undoubtedly going to ship me and Absent together and come up with a silly ship name for the two of us.

If you want to ship Nimja and Ultra, that's fine.

Just don't ship me and Absent.

Because... ew.

Eventually, Dr. Vandertramp must have realized that I wasn't following him, because he soon stopped and turned to me.

"oghond?" he asked. "Aren't you going to follow us?"

"Not yet," I said. "There's something I want to do with Absent first."

Absent blinked.

"What could you possibly want to do with me?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing much, really," I said. "Just... you know, walk around Wereldia for a bit; maybe teach you the Dr. and Mrs. P Vandertramp mnemonic while you teach me some Japanese..."

"Wait... you're serious?"

"Of course I'm serious! Why wouldn't I be?"

"But... what about the plushy?" asked Absent.

"Oh, it's fine!" cried the doctor. "We'll look for it ourselves while you two lovebirds walk around Wereldia~!"

I practically gagged.

"Lovebirds?!"

"Ew!"

"We are not dating!"

"Well, I mean, you _are _going out into Wereldia together..."

"Yeah, but that still doesn't mean we're dating!" I cried.

"Whatever. You two can just go out and do your thing. When we find the plushy, we'll meet you outside."

"Okay, thanks for letting us know," I said, giggling. "See you later, Dr. Vandertramp."

"Bye!" called the doctor.

And with that, the two of us left for the busy streets of Wereldia.

As soon as we were outside of the store and walking around the Wereldian dimension, Absent turned to me and facepalmed.

"Seriously? _Lovebirds?_" he asked. "He honestly thinks that we're going on a date?"

"Well, I mean, it is just the two of us... outside... walking around the streets of Wereldia," I said. "Who the heck hasn't done something like that on their first date?"

Absent paused.

"Yeah, that's fair," he said.

"Not like you and I are going on a date, of course," I said.

"So... why did you bring me out here?" asked Absent.

"Oh, you know... just to talk," I said.

"About what?"

"Nothing, really. Just a bunch of random stuff."

"Okay. So... anything new?"

"Nothing much. I mean, I'm still trying to master the Monty Python fart noise, but the best I can do is still blowing a raspberry."

"Did you try biting your lower lip?"

"I did, but nothing seems to be working."

"...Try doing it again."

I did.

Absent paused for a moment, then shook his head.

"Okay... when I said 'bite down on your lower lip,' I meant 'bite down on your lower lip,' not 'look like you just swallowed a lemon,'" he said.

"But... I am biting down on my lower lip," I said. "At least I think I am..."

"No, you're literally sucking your entire lower lip into your mouth and biting your skin."

I looked down.

"Good god..." I said.

"Okay... seriously. Stop looking like that."

I took my lip out of my mouth.

"Good. Now bite down on your lower lip."

I paused.

Then tried it again.

"Like this?"

"No, no, no- the back."

"What?"

He sighed. "Bite the back of your lower lip."

"Oh-! Why didn't you just say that before?"

I bit the back of my lower lip.

"Good. Now open your lip on one side."

I paused.

Then tried it.

Absent blinked.

"Nope," he said. "You're doing it on both sides. Just do it on one."

I did it again.

"Still not it," Absent said.

I sunk. Absent paused for a few moments, then blinked as I continued to try some more.

"Is it really that hard for you?" Absent asked.

"Yeah," I said.

He paused again.

"Okay, I think I got it," he said. "Close your mouth."

I did.

"Now stick out your tongue on one side of your mouth."

I did- and consequently looked like the biggest dork in the world. Absent just smiled.

"Good," he said. "Now retract it, but keep your lips in that shape."

I slowly retracted my tongue, while trying to keep my lip open on that side.

I failed.

The minute I pulled it back in, my lip came down.

"Great," I muttered. "If it continues at this rate, there's a good chance that I'll never be able to do it."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it," said Absent, smiling. "If you just keep practicing I'm pretty sure you'll be able to get it."

"Really?" I asked.

"Definitely."

I couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks, Absent," I said.

"It was the least that I could do," Absent replied.

"Okay, enough of the fart noises," I said. "Do you have any idea as to the real reason I'm on this ship?"

"To learn Dutch?" Absent asked. "I mean, that seems like the most obvious reason."

"Nope," I said. "To _teach _Dutch."

"To teach Dutch?"

"Yeah. The whole quest started when I heard a speech from Dr. Vandertramp at his workplace, Donkeybridge, Inc. He mentioned that the Dutch language was going extinct, and that someone needed to save the Dutch language before it went extinct completely. So I eventually decided- with the rest of the group, of course- to travel around the world and across dimensions in an attempt to teach the language to everybody. And now, of course, you're on the ship, so you're technically going to have to devote yourself to the cause. You okay with that?"

"No. I'm fine with it," said Absent. "Just as long as I get to learn the language, too."

"Wait... you _want _to learn Dutch?" I asked. "But... you've already committed yourself to learning Japanese!"

"I have, but... I mean, I feel like I kind of have to learn Dutch considering that I'm on the ship. And it's not just Dutch, really. It's all languages."

"Well, then you should be happy that you're a member."

"I am!"

"That's good. You seem excited about the prospect of learning languages."

Absent breathed.

"God, I hope I learn languages," he said. "Of course, Dutch was oddly exciting. Naturally. Spanish— audacious. And, to wit, Japanese? Pure heaven."

I blinked.

Okay... there was no way that wasn't intentional.

Or... was it unintentional?

I mean, it _could _have just been a lucky coincidence that the phrase "God, I hope I learn languages" was 3.14159 in Pilish, and everything else that followed was the next 14 digits... but there was only one way to find out for certain.

"Thanks for the pi mnemonic," I said, smirking.

"You're welcome- wait, the what?"

Okay, so it wasn't intentional.

I just continued to smirk at him repeatedly.

"'God, I hope I learn languages,'" I recited. "That's 3.14159. 'Of course, Dutch was oddly exciting'- 265358. 'Naturally. Spanish- audacious'- 979. 'And to wit, Japanese? Pure heaven'- 323846. Boom. First twenty digits of pi memorized."

Absent blinked.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." he muttered. "Well, that was totally unintentional. Can you name off the digits in one breath now?"

"3.14159265358979323846."

"Dude..."

"What's next?"

Absent simply stared at me in shock for a few moments, unable to comprehend what had just happened and the fact that he had inadvertantly given me the most useful pi mnemonic I had ever come across. Eventually, he stopped and shook his head in an attempt to break his shock.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

"What's next?"

"What do you mean, 'what's next'?"

"What's after six? What's the 21st digit of pi?"

"Oh! 2."

"And then?"

"6."

"And then?"

"43383279."

I smiled.

"Hang on," I said. "I might have an idea as to how to extend the pi mnemonic even further."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep."

\------------------------------------

Of course, life has its problems for my learned languages, Dutch especially.

I came up with that on the fly, and for the next few minutes, Absent and I passed the time by reciting pi digits. It was hilarious. Note here that "especially", which is 10 letters, represents zero, which is a technique I learned from reading online mnemonic devices for pi memorization.

Eventually, though, we decided that we had had enough fun talking about pi and fart noises, and we spent the next twenty or so minutes talking about the Vandertramp mnemonic device. More specifically, I taught him the mnemonic device, and promptly went on to explain how I was able to connect the Vandertramps' personalities to their respective verb when I first met them.

Arrivé always arrived late to everything.

Allé was a speed demon who felt a strong desire to go everywhere in about two seconds.

Venu liked to travel.

Passé simply sat there and let life pass him by.

Revenu always kept coming back to the Netherlands in conversation.

Devenu's main focus involved helping convicts to become better people.

Entré was the butler.

Reentré tried to be the butler.

Descendu was a pessimist.

Retourné was so loyal to his family that he would find a way to return to them even if they were separated.

Resté stayed in her room all day.

Monté was an optimist.

Sorti was always looking to go out with practically every guy she met.

Parti ran away from everything.

Tombeé tripped on her own tail.

Neé was a newborn.

Mort was dead.

The verbs, respectively, mean: to arrive, to go, to come, to pass by, to come back, to become, to enter, to reenter, to go down, to return, to stay, to climb, to go out, to leave, to fall, to be born, and to die.

You can probably see the connection now, and Absent certainly did.

"Whoa..." he gasped. "Dang, you're good."

"Thanks," I responded, smiling.

And then the thought occurred to me.

"Speaking of the Vandertramps..." I asked, "where are they?"

Absent paused and looked around.

"Come to think of it, they should be done by now," he said. "It's been about 20 minutes and we haven't heard anything from them."

"Should we go back into the dollar store?" I asked.

"I'm pretty sure that by this point, they've bought the plushy already."

And then we heard him.

"oghond? Absent? Is that you?"

"Speak of the devil, he's here," said Absent.

"Thank god," I said. "Dr. Vandertramp! Guys! We're over here!"

As soon as he saw us, the doctor- along with his wife, his sixteen children, HP, LF, and Madelief- brightened, and the doctor in particular breathed a sigh of relief as he ran up to us.

"Didn't you notice us?" the doctor asked. "We've been out here for the past 25 minutes! Look, we bought the toy!"

Cheerfully, he held out the Swirlix plushy. I giggled somewhat nervously upon seeing it.

"Sorry about that," I said. "I was busy telling Absent about your mnemonic device."

"YOU WERE?!"

"Yeah, she was," said Absent. "I also may have inadvertantly taught her the first 20 digits of pi."

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Absent nodded.

"Mon Dieu, that is amazing!" the doctor exclaimed. "Please be sure to let me know of this mnemonic device right away; I've got to tell Dr. Borrarden about this!"

"Who?" asked Absent.

"Dr. Vandertramp's boss," I said.

"Oh," said Absent.

"Don't worry, Dr. Vandertramp," I reassured him. "We'll tell you all about the pi mnemonic later. For now, though, we've got to see if this thing works or not."

"True," said the doctor. "Very true. Alright, Patricia, you heard her. Let's set this thing out and see if you and I can't be reunited with our beloved Mort again."

"Oh, I hope it works!" gushed Mrs. Vandertramp.

And with that, the doctor grabbed the Swirlix plushy and set it down in the middle of town square.

We waited with baited breath.

So far, nothing was happening.

"How do you know if this thing is going to work?" whispered Madelief.

"Well, more likely than not, Mort's ghost is invisible," said Absent. "So we won't be able to see him when he actually succeeds in locating the-"

He suddenly found himself unable to say anything more.

At that moment, the Swirlix plushy suddenly flared up with a ghostly green energy that shot out on all sides of the square. It was so blinding that all of us had to turn back for about a few seconds, but eventually, we were able to look again.

"-plushy..." Absent suddenly gasped, able to finish his sentence.

We stared in awe at the plushy as the green light slowly faded. Eventually, the green light went out completely, and Dr. and Mrs. P Vandertramp and their 16 children looked at each other in utter shock.

"Mort!" cried the doctor.

Now just as concerned- and excited- we followed suit, crowding around the Swirlix plushy in awe.

I blinked.

"Did it... did it work?" I asked, tentatively.

"Only one way to find out," said Absent.

We waited for a few more tense moments with baited breath. All of the Vandertramps were eyeing the plushy with a mix of hope and fear.

And then, all of a sudden, before our eyes, the green fire started up again below the plushy, and it slowly made its way towards Dr. and Mrs. P Vandertramp.

My jaw dropped in shock.

"No. Way." I gasped.

The doctor and his wife tentatively looked down at their son, with the former reaching out a shaky paw towards him.

"Mort?" he asked.

And then- the miracle happened.

As the Vandertramps looked down at their son for any possible hope of his semi-revival, we suddenly heard a strange, high-pitched voice that sounded somewhat like the doctor's own:

"Papa... can you hear me?"

It came from the plushy. 

Almost immediately, the doctor and his wife burst into tears of joy, as did the entire family, and ran towards their undead son.

"MORT--!" exclaimed the doctor, hugging his son tightly.

"Oh my dear, sweet child!" cried Mrs. Vandertramp.

From the other side, I was watching the happy reunion, and the realization suddenly hit me:

"He's alive," I muttered.

And then the joy overtook me, and I burst into tears of joy as I realized that Absent was now, and forevermore, a viable member of the SOSchip crew.

"HE'S ALIVE! ABSENT, YOU DID IT! YOU'RE A FLIPPING GENIUS!"

And before he could even get a chance to speak, Absent immediately found himself tackled to the floor by me, Madelief, and the rest of the SOSchip crew. Even LF was getting in on the fun, which said a lot about how happy she was. Absent was happily laughing his butt off, presumably delighted with himself for what he had accomplished and happy for the Vandertramps.

Eventually, though, we stopped tackling him, and he managed to get back to his feet.

And then I noticed: there were tears of joy in his eyes.

I just stared at him.

"What?" Absent asked.

I just stared.

"Are you crying?" I said.

Absent immediately blanched and wiped away the tears from his eyes.

"What?!" he gasped. "No, no, no- alright, I guess I am."

I smiled, and eventually, the Vandertramps ran towards Absent, but stopped right before they could hug him.

"Thank you, Absent," said the doctor, smiling warmly at him. "Without your brilliant idea, we would never have found ourselves reunited with our son Mort again."

"It was nothing," said Absent, chuckling.

The doctor suddenly broke into a smile and started jumping up and down.

"Oh, Patricia..." he cried. "I cannot wait to tell Dr. Borrarden about this!"

With that, he and his wife and children ran back off to the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, smiling at each other broadly, while we simply waved at them as they went off. As soon as they had boarded the ship, the six of us followed.

"Absent?" I asked.

He turned.

"Yeah?"

I smiled.

"Pride yourself," I said.

He couldn't help but smile, too.

"Alright, everyone!" I exclaimed. "I think we've had enough time here in Wereldia as it stands. TO THE S.S. TEX-KOFSCHIP!"

"YEAH!" everyone cried.

And thus, now with a new sixth member of the group, that is exactly where we went.

**EINDE**


	5. VIER: North Cats vs. South Cats (First Half)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as "the chapter where I tell you all how I learned how to pronounce a Dutch G- minus the football cat stuff." 
> 
> Here it is, Chapter 4 of Pokemon: SOSchip, in which two teams of cats and a whole lot of American football, oddly enough, are used to teach you, the reader, how the letter G is pronounced in the North and South of the Netherlands. So you know, the end of this chapter will have a clip of the most famous play in the history of football- and the Steelers are indeed mentioned a lot in this chapter, which is split into two parts- for both halfs of the game. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the first part of this chapter- and so you know, come the web series, there will be a lot more fourth-wall breaking courtesy of the bunnies. Oh, and you might want to pay attention to that Machamp, because he'll be back for a later chapter...

VIER: North Cats vs. South Cats (FIRST HALF)

Ever since I started my quest to learn the Dutch language, I had believed that the most important thing about the language was pronunciation and mastering the pronunciation of all the sounds in the language. After all, learning how to say the individual sounds led to me learning how to say the actual words, and to me that was immensely important. If you couldn't be understood by a native speaker of the language, what kind of speaker were you?

But of course, I didn't just want to stick to approximations of the sounds.

Oh, no.

That wouldn't do at all.

I wanted to get the actual sounds.

I wanted to master all the pronunciations to such an extent that I ended up sounding like an actual Dutch person.

So I did my best to study the sounds and learn as much as I could.

And in particular, there was one thing that I was adamant about learning more than anything else regarding Dutch, and that was the one thing that had plagued me ever since I started to learn the language.

The Dutch G.

That sound was like a giant football linebacker looming over my body, it was so scary for me to pronounce. I had heard multiple things about it: namely that it was a throaty noise that varied depending on where in the Netherlands you happened to live. If you lived in the north, the sound was like a reverse snore; if you lived in the south, it was like two cats meeting each other and hissing.

Actually, it sounded like that regardless of where you lived.

It just sounded more like that in the South.

And for literally years on end I had been plagued immensely by that sound.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I happened to practice, I couldn't make it.

And then, one day, something happened that would change my life forever.

I was asleep on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _and decided, out of nothing but pure desire to get that sound correct at last, to whisper the word "gehoorzaam" in my sleep. I figured that the more practice I got with that sound, the better it would end up sounding.

So I did.

What happened next could very easily be described as... odd.

"_Hegoorzaam..._"

What was that?!

I instantly shot up out of my bed and thought for a few moments about what had just occured as I covered my mouth with shock. For some odd reason, I hadn't even been thinking about it, and yet a Dutch G- an honest-to-god, throaty Dutch G- had just come out of my mouth.

On the second syllable.

The second syllable didn't even have a G!

I paused, then decided to try it again, awake.

"Hehoorzaam..." I muttered.

Well, this was unusual.

For some strange reason, I was able to say the Dutch G in my sleep, but not when I was awake.

Why in the world was this happening?

I had no idea, but I decided to lay back down again.

And I muttered it to myself once more:

"Hegoorzaam."

Why was this happening?

I sat up in my bed again, and was just about to call up hypedgirl, when all of a sudden, a voice came out, directed towards me.

_You're practicing the Dutch G, aren't you?_

I was still immensely stunned to hear the voice of the giant ship as its neck angled towards me and looked at me dead in the face through the window. Instantly, I jumped back.

"My God, Koffie!" I cried out. "You scared the heck out of me!"

Koffie nervously chuckled.

_Sorry, _it said. _I heard you whispering gehoorzaam to yourself in your sleep and figured I'd check in on you._

I looked down. "Actually, it was more like he-"

I paused, then realizing that I wouldn't be able to say it otherwise, whispered it.

"_Hegoorzaam._"

The ship giggled. _Well done! Seems like you're getting the hang of it._

"Yeah," I replied. "In my sleep. When I say it out loud and don't whisper it, I can't get the same sound, and I have no idea why this is happening."

The ship paused.

_Well, lucky for you that we're going to Wereldia._

I shot up instantly.

The minute Koffie mentioned the name of the dimension, my excitement and happiness grew, and I began to wonder if there was any place in the world where I could learn the Dutch G.

"Is there someplace in Wereldia where I can learn how to say a Dutch G?!" I gasped.

Koffie giggled.

_Well, they don't actually teach you a Dutch G, but I think you'll find the metaphor fun nonetheless._

I blinked.

"Metaphor?"

_Yes. You see, I'm on route right now to the Wereldian Stadium. There's a football game happening between two teams of cats._

"Cats?"

That word intrigued me. Ever since I had started learning the Dutch G, one of the many tricks that I had been given in regards to its pronunciation was to imagine 2 cats meeting each other and hissing. It definitely was a fun and memorable mnemonic, but for some reason it never seemed to help me, preferably because I couldn't really imitate the sound of a hissing cat all that well. Now, it seemed, in the Wereldian Stadium, I would get to see that mnemonic in action in a soccer game.

Koffie nodded.

_Yep, _it said. _The North Cats vs. the South Cats. Two completely different football teams with two different ways of playing. The North Cats are aggressive, harsh, and tackle the heck out of the South Cats. They show no mercy, and they cough up furballs as though it's the only thing they were made to do. The South Cats, on the other hand, are a lot softer. They're not really that intimidating, and they're certainly not aggressive. If they want to try to be intimidating, they hiss. Their only goal is making it to the end zone._

End zone.

This was _American _football.

Even better.

I got the connection to the Dutch G almost instantly.

Remember how I mentioned before that the Dutch G sounds different depending on where you're from?

Well, let me be a bit more specific.

The G in the north is harsh and throaty; the G in the south is a lot softer and sounds like hissing.

The comparisons to the personalities of the cats should be obvious.

Still... Koffie hadn't studied English rhetoric for its whole life like I had.

"Um... Koffie, that's not a metaphor," I said. "That's an analogy."

_Oh, _said Koffie. _Sorry about that. I'm a ship; I don't know English rhetoric like you do._

"That's fine," I said. "But still, the thought of seeing two cats compete in an American football match sounds awesome!"

_Who'll you be rooting for? _Koffie asked.

I thought for a moment.

It was the Northern Dutch G- the harsh and throaty one- that I wanted to master, but at the same time the South Cats seemed like a very unharsh group. Though I had seen multiple games of US football, and I had to admit that I kind of enjoyed watching the Steelers defense beat up the other team to the ground.

_Leedvermaak_, if you will.

If the North Cats were anything like Pittsburgh...

"I think I'll be rooting for the North," I said.

_No way!_ Koffie exclaimed._ Me too!_

"You'll be watching the game with us?" I asked. "How is that..."

_Oh, I can transform into anything, _said Koffie.

I blinked in surprise.

"YOU CAN DO WHAT?!" I cried.

Koffie giggled._ It's true!_

"OGHOND...!"

I was suddenly filled up with a sense of sheer happiness when I heard Madelief's voice coming from downstairs.

Seriously, Madelief will make you extremely happy, probably because that's just who she is.

I had a ton of stuff to talk to her about.

"Madelief!" I cried, running up to her as she floated upstairs, soon followed by HP, LF, Yuunarii, and Absent. "Oh my god- I have so much to talk to you about-- I was just talking to Koffie, and we're going to a football game between cats!"

The rest of the crew members all looked at each other, and all five of them had the exact same thought.

"Cats?"

I nodded.

"Yes, cats."

"Domestic cats or wild cats?" asked Absent.

"Domestic, I'm pretty sure," I responded.

"Okay... why in the world would two groups of domestic cats be playing a football game?" Absent asked.

I smirked.

"Oh, they're not just any cats," I said. "They're representations of the hardest sound in the entire Dutch language."

Upon hearing this, Madelief let out a gasp, and everyone else stared at me in shock.

"You mean..." gasped Madelief.

"Yep," I said. "They're representations of the Dutch G, which, as you know is the one sound I've been wanting to achieve more than any other."

"How did you find out about all this?" Absent asked.

"Oh, I just had a conversation with Koffie about it," I told them.

"What did it say?!" Madelief exclaimed. "Please tell us what it said—!"

"You _really _want to know?"

"Believe me, the five of us are rather interested in the circumstances of the conversation," LF said.

I smiled.

"Okay, then," I said. "But I'm just warning you, it might get a bit weird."

And so en route to the unusual football game, I told the rest of the crew everything that had happened in my conversation with Koffie. I told them what the North Cats and South Cats were like, and I made sure to tell them all that this was an _American_ football game and not a _European_ football game. In Germany and the Netherlands, "football" is soccer. Like me, the foreigners got the connection to the Dutch G almost instantly.

But for them, that wasn't enough.

They actually wanted to know how American football worked.

Now, here's the thing: I've seen plenty of American football, but the most I know is what a field goal is, what a touchdown is, and what the line of scrimmage is. Other than that, that's it.

I don't know what a sack is.

Or what holding is.

Or what any of those other technical football terms are.

If you'd like to know what those are, check the internet.

So I basically explained to them that American football is a sport where two teams of guys run down the field attempting to make it to the end of the other team's field while carrying a ball.

That's about as basic of an explanation as you can get.

If I'm being frank, it sounded extremely pathetic, but it was all that was really needed to educate the foreigners about US football.

Madelief practically lit up.

"Ooh! This sounds exciting!" she cried happily. Then she blinked. "Wait, why's Koffie coming with us?"

"Yeah, that is odd," said Absent. "As far as I know, Koffie hasn't come with us to Wereldia before, and yet it- she- they- whatever pronoun you want to use- is attending the game. Why exactly is that?"

"Because apparently it's a transforming ship that can turn into just about anything," I said.

"Oh," said Madelief.

And then she realized.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

Absent, meanwhile, blinked in surprise.

"Let me get this straight," he said. "So... not only can Koffie talk via telepathy, it has the power to transform into just about anything at will?"

"Yes," I said.

Absent blinked.

"That's insane!" he cried.

"Believe me, I had the exact same reaction," I said. "Now, what Koffie is actually going to transform into during the game beats me."

"That's so cool!" squealed Madelief.

"It definitely is," I said, giggling. "Now what's even cooler- and what I had been meaning to tell you guys- is that I just found out I'm able to do a Dutch G-"

I didn't even get to finish.

The second the rest of the crew heard the last five words, they instantly smiled and hugged me with sheer delight, Madelief especially.

"That's so awesome~!" cried Madelief.

"Congratulations," said LF matter-of-factly.

"Are you going to do one right now?" HP asked.

"Hang on, I didn't finish," I said, laughing. "I'm able to do a Dutch G in my sleep."

"Oh." Madelief's excitement died down, but in a matter of minutes she perked back up again. "But still, that's pretty good!"

"Yeah, except that I still can't say it out loud," I said. "I have no clue why this is happening. I mean, if I'm able to say it in my sleep, I should be able to say it out loud, but if I do try to say it out loud..."

"You still sound like Cthulu," said Yuunarii.

"Yep," I said. "KREEEE- see? I can't do it out loud."

"That's a shame," said Absent matter-of-factly.

"I could help~!" cried Madelief.

I laughed and shook my head. "No, no, that won't be necessary-"

"Come on, it'll be fun~!" She paused for a moment. "Here- repeat after me: _goed._"

I blinked.

"KREEEEEEEEEE—"

"No," said Madelief, with a giggle. "_Goed._"

"KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEOED."

"Gggggg."

"Hhhhhhhhrg?"

"Gggggg," she said again, slowly.

I blinked.

"Nope," I simply said. "I can't do it."

"Vell, who knows? Maybe ze game will help you," said HP.

"Maybe it will," I said. "But I doubt it. It's a football game between cats; how in the world could that possibly be of any help to me?"

"You do realize that you have no idea as to whether or not this American football game will be of any help to you, right?" LF asked.

"I know," I said. "But it's a game. If anything, it'll only help me a little bit-"

_And here's your stop! The Wereldian Football Stadium!_

I was so stunned to hear Koffie's voice ringing in my head that I instantly jumped in my seat. I'd been so busy telling my friends what had happened with me that I hadn't even bothered to pay attention to where we were. Glancing outside, I saw the stadium outside my window and turned to the rest of the crew.

"Alright, we're here," I told them.

"Ooh! This is going to be so exciting!" squealed Madelief. "I can barely wait!"

Absent laughed, then began to walk away.

"Oh, Madelief..." he said. "You are _so _Feferi."

All Madelief could do was blink.

"Who?" she asked.

"Feferi," said Absent. "As in, Homestuck."

"What's Homestuck?"

"Never mind."

He continued to walk away. Noticing him, I paused.

"Wait! Absent!" I cried out. "Aren't you gonna come with us?"

Absent turned.

"Don't worry; I'll come with you guys," he said. "I just have to get a notepad first."

"A notepad?" I asked. "Why would you need a notepad?"

"To take notes on pronunciation," said Absent. "Honestly, I'm not really in this to watch the game as I am to take notes on how to pronounce a Dutch G in either part of the Netherlands. I don't really watch football that much except on certain occasions."

"Oh, okay," I said. "Well, in that case, we'll be outside waiting for you." I turned back towards the exit. "Alright, Koffie, open the doors."

_Will do!_

Koffie's doors opened, and the five of us stepped outside.

In front of us was the Wereldian Football Stadium.

Now, I had been to Heinz Field plenty of times, so I had an idea of what to expect from a football stadium. Still, the thought of actually being in one was definitely intriguing to me. Of course, while the stadium still looked like- well, a football stadium, it wasn't like Heinz Field; the stadium was decorated in blue and white stripes with a sign above it stating:

**WELCOME TO THE WERELDIAN FOOTBALL STADIUM: HOME OF THE NORTH CATS**

So this stadium was the home of the North, it seemed.

Well, I knew exactly who I would be rooting for now.

Underneath that sign I noticed an electronic billboard, similar to the one they have at Wrigley Field in Chicago. It read as follows:

**WERELDIAN NORTH CATS TAKE ON THEIR BITTER RIVALS THE SOUTH WERELDIAN SOUTH CATS TODAY IN APPROXIMATELY THIRTY MINUTES! BE PREPARED FOR AN EPIC GAME YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS!**

"South Wereldia?" I asked. "There's a _South Wereldia?_"

"Apparently there is," LF remarked.

"Why did they have to give it such an obvious name, though?" Yuunarii asked. "I mean, they could have just picked a completely different name entirely..."

"Probably because it's meant to represent the Southern part of the Netherlands," I said.

"Oh," said Yuunarii. "Never mind, then."

"Alright, I'm back with the notebook," said Absent, who was coming out of Koffie as we turned to him. "Now all I have to do is-"

He noticed the giant football stadium in front of him and immediately dropped everything he was carrying.

"My. Word." he said.

"I know," I replied.

"That's huge."

"I know."

"Should we go in?"

_Not yet._

Koffie.

Right.

I turned back towards it, as did everyone else.

_I still need to transform, remember? _said Koffie, giggling slightly. _I can't watch the game looking like this. The football stadium's so big I'll miss all the plays._

"Oh, that's right," Absent said. "You can transform."

_Yep. And considering the fact that the game will start in 28 minutes, I might as well do it now._

The response caught me slightly off guard.

"Now?" I asked. "What do you-"

But I couldn't say anything else.

None of us could.

At that moment, right before our eyes, Koffie's body exploded into a bunch of different pieces. The pieces swirled around in mid-air for a few moments, then separated into two different clusters of bricks, one of which contained more bricks than the other. Koffie's head, however, remained intact, though its neck separated into three separate pieces. Then, the pieces in the bigger cluster (which included Koffie's head) all began to rearrange themselves, forming the shape of a human person. Bricks started to come together to make arms, a body, legs, etc. Eventually, a backpack was built on Koffie's "back," and it opened up. In an instant, all the unneeded bricks flew into the backpack, which eventually zipped up.

It was all over.

Koffie had transformed into a human person with a very strange head.

For a few moments we did nothing but stare at it in complete shock, as the newly-humanoid Koffie turned to us.

_Alright, _it said. _Should we go to the game now?_

We were struck dumb.  
—————————————————————  
Of course, we eventually decided to go to the game, and presently it was 10 minutes before the game was scheduled to start. We had already taken our seats in the stadium, and all I can say about it is that it is _huge._

Seriously, the stadium itself is a lot bigger than Heinz Field is, was, or likely ever will be, and that's saying a lot considering how huge Heinz Field is.

I should know; I've been to it about ten times.

Anyways.

By that point, we were all in our seats, Koffie included, happily talking about the game and how excited we were going to be for it, when all of a sudden, someone screamed from in front of us:

"YOU NERDISH SOFTIE ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!"

We instantly stopped talking and turned straight to the source of the voice. What we saw were two Pokémon, each one with a distinctly different look from the other. One of them- undoubtedly the Pokemon who had been speaking- was a Machamp dressed from head to toe in blue and white clothing, with blue-and-white streaked face paint. He was glaring over at a Porygon dressed in yellow-and-white face paint and looking at a bunch of stats and trajectories on a computer. He seemed slightly terrified of the Machamp in comparison.

Eventually, the Machamp in the blue and white spoke, screaming at the other man:

"Obviously the North Cats are far better than their stupid neighbors from the south have been, or will ever be! Believe me, I should know; I'm practically the biggest North Cat fan in the world! I've been a North Cat fan since the day I was born!"

"A-and I've been a South Cat fan since the day I was born," muttered the Porygon in the yellow-and-white outfit, trying desperately hard to steel his courage.

"So?! What's so good about the South Cats?!"

"Well... according to my calculations they have the best defense in the Wereldian Football League-"

"What kind of defense is hissing?! Your team's too much of a softy to even play football! I don't think they even realize how to play the game!"

I found myself chuckling.

You all know why.

"The statistics don't lie-"

"The statistics can suck it! The North Cats are the best team in Wereldia and your stupid team in the South SUCKS!" The North Cat fan sighed. "My word; you're just like your G; you're too soft."

"And you're just like _your _G; you're too harsh."

"WHO SAID I WAS ANYTHING LIKE MY G, YOU IDIOTIC PESKER?!"

I was taken aback by the entire confrontation that was going on in front of me- and also very, very disturbed.

You see, here's something else you should know about me- I am extremely sensitive and hate conflict of any kind. I hate the thought of anyone getting hurt. I am _so _sensitive that, if I were to punch or kick someone who was trying to assault me, the very next thing I would do (after running as far away from them as possible) would be call the nearest hospital and let them know that there is a guy on XX Street at XX address on the ground bleeding who needs emergency medical care.

Oh, but it gets worse.

I'm so scared of conflict that if someone even raises their voice at another person, even if it isn't me, I am hit with a feeling of pure dread and feel like I want to hide. I may or may not even start crying.

And at that moment, I certainly felt like crying.

Still... I tried not to.

There was no reason for me to cry at a football game and upset all my friends.

Despite that, though, I couldn't help it.

I felt a few tears spring to my eyes as I turned to Absent.

"Oh... good... god..."

I had been doing my best to hold them in, but Absent quickly caught on and stared at me with a quizzical look.

"...You okay?" he asked.

I tried my best to not start bursting into tears at any moment. Instead, I simply shook my head and then whispered:

"I... I..."

"You what?"

I paused.

"Come on, tell me," said Absent. "It's fine."

I paused again for a few moments, then whispered:

"I don't really like this... it sounds like they hate each other's guts."

_Because they _do _hate each other's guts._

We turned to Koffie.

"Well, that seemed obvious," said Absent.

_The fans of the North Cats and the fans of the South Cats hate each other almost as much as the cats themselves do, _Koffie explained. _They have by far the most heated rivalry in the entirety of the Wereldian Football League, and just like the cats, their personalities are, for the most part, analogous to their G's. The fans of the North Cats are rowdy, loud, and boisterous. They often swear in the faces of North Cat fans and call them idiots._

I blinked.

"So... they're like Karkat," I said.

Koffie paused.

_I... don't think I've ever heard of a cat that looks like a car before, _it said.

Absent facepalmed.

"You don't know what Homestuck is, do you?" he said.

_Sure I do, _said Koffie. _It's when you're stuck at home._

"No, that's called 'being grounded,'" I said.

_It is? I thought that was when you had to land a plane on the ground because of accidents or something else like that._

I just stared at it with a deadpan expression.

"Anyways..." I said, "what about the South Cat fans?"

_Oh, the South Cat fans hate the North Cat fans' guts, too, _Koffie said. _They just prefer not to show it. They're just as adamant as the North Cat fans are, but they're much less aggressive about their fandom than the Northerners are. If you're wondering why they have those computers..._

"Oh, believe me, everyone's wondering why they have those computers," muttered Absent.

_Well, it's because they mainly spend most of the game checking on stats and trajectories and a bunch of other scientific stuff like that, _said Koffie.

"Oh," I said. "Well, that sounds cool! They're into scientific stuff!"

_Yep. And I don't understand a single word of it._

I giggled- and then noticed that the big giant burly Machamp North Cat fan that had been berating the Southerner earlier was walking out of the stadium.

Naturally, I was extremely confused- why would he be walking out of the stadium if I had just seen him berate a South Cat fan a few moments ago?

"Hey, wait a second, where are you going?" I asked, running up to the Machamp. "Aren't you here to watch the game?"

The Machamp paused and turned to me, and the moment he saw me, his expression softened to that of embarrassment. By this point, fans had lined the stands on either side of the stadium.

"No," he said. "I just came here to berate the heck out of that South Cat fan over there. In case you don't know, we hate each other's guts."

"Oh, I know," I said, chuckling. "Still, it's surprising. I thought for sure you would have stayed for the game."

"Sorry," said the Machamp. "I would have come to the game, but these tickets cost far too much money, and it'll cost me an arm and a leg."

I paused.

"Your arm?!" I asked, in shock.

"_Ja, ik ben arm._"

_I am arm?_

Where was the _een?_

I shook my head, completely confused.

"No, no, no, no- your arm," I said, trying to clarify.

"That's what I said; _ik ben arm._"

"You're not an arm! You're a Machamp!"

"_Ik geen arm, maar ik ben arm._"

Now I was getting seriously confused.

"What- huh- what?"

"I'M POOR."

Oh...

That made sense.

"Well, then why didn't you just say that in the first place?!" I cried out.

"I did!" the Machamp insisted. "I said it would cost me an arm and a leg to buy these tickets!"

"Your arm?" asked the South Cat fan from earlier.

Upon seeing him, the Machamp simply groaned.

"Oh, boy..."

And with that, he was gone.

There was a bit of a silence for a few moments, before the whole thing was interrupted by Absent loudly facepalming and walking up to me.

"'An arm and a leg' is an expression denoting that something costs an absurdly large amount of money," he muttered.

"I _know _what it means," I responded dryly.

"This joke has officially run its course."

I was about to say something when all of a sudden-

"**_LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN WHO'S READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL—?!_**"

The game had begun, and the crowd instantly erupted in wild cheers and applause.

Except for us.

We, on the other hand, had our ears covered due to how loud and boisterous the announcers were.

"OW," said Absent.

_Ow, indeed, _I thought as the six of us returned to our seats.

The announcers continued:

"Welcome, one and all, to a game I'm sure you don't want to miss! It's the Wereldian North Cats taking on their bitter rivals, the South Wereldian South Cats, and it ALL! STARTS! NOW!"

The fans went wild.

I, on the other hand, was still trying to comprehend the fact that this game had the loudest announcers I had ever heard in my life.

"What is this, pro wrestling?" Absent asked.

"Honestly, I'm wondering that myself," I said.

"Hello, everyone, I'm Felix Atepen, your local announcer and resident North Cat fan, and if you ask me, I am absolutely hyped about this game tonight, folks. Everyone's been talking about it, and Vegas odds state that the South Cats are up for revenge after their devastating loss, 41-3, to the North Cats the last time these two got together. Of course, if you ask me, I'll be more than happy if the North Cats win again tonight, but I don't think the same can be said for my co-anchor, Leonidas Nojiel. Isn't that right, Leonidas?"

"Yeah, that's right, Felix," said another announcer, suddenly breaking in. "Especially considering the absolutely stellar defense that the South Cats have been putting up recently. They're number one in the league right now, so it was shocking to see the team suffering so much in the last game. The defense was as stellar as always, but if the team has any chance of winning tonight, the offense is going to need to step its game up and prove to the North Cats that they mean business."

"And speaking of the North Cats, we might as well get this game started, so here with us to perform the Wereldian National Anthem, please welcome to the stage the famed Wereldian choir!"

With that, a huge choir of people stepped out on stage, and everyone, us included, rose to their feet and put their hands over their hearts as the flag of the Netherlands rose in the air and the applause died down. A third announcer suddenly came over the loudspeaker:

_Please rise for the Wereldian national anthem._

And then the choir and audience began to sing:

_Wilhelmus van Nassouwe-_

Wait a second!

I knew this song!

This was the Dutch national anthem!

Happily, I joined in along with Madelief, and the two of us sang as loud as we could:

-_ben ik van Duitsen bloed!_  
_Den Vaterland getrouwe blijf ik tot in den dood!_  
_Een prinse van Oranje ben ik vrij onverveerd_  
_Den Koning van Hispanje heb ik altijd geeerd!_

The choir finished, and everyone sat down and burst into cheers and applause. Absent, on the other hand, simply stared at me in pure disbelief, then managed to cry out:

"YOU _KNOW _THAT SONG?!"

I simply smirked at him, then turned my attention back to the field as Atepen's voice came back on the loudspeaker.

"What an incredible performance by the Wereldian choir of our national anthem!" he exclaimed. 

"Simply amazing," Nojiel agreed.

"Alright, well, we haven't got a moment to lose," said Atepen. "At this moment, both the North and South Cats have taken the field, and right now, there is a coin toss to see who will go first in this incredible game."

I took a quick look on the Jumbotron behind me, and there they were.

The North Cats, who were glaring over at the South in their blue-and-white outfits. Many of them- scratch that, all of them- were Espurr, Meowstic, and/or Torracat, and they definitely looked as aggressive as Koffie had made them out to be.

The South, meanwhile, were mainly comprised of Skitty and Delcatty.

In the middle of it all was an Incineroar, who likely served as the referee. He was saying something to the cats that I couldn't quite make out, and then all of a sudden he flipped a coin.

I'd seen enough football to know where this was going.

The Jumbotron zoomed in on the coin...

Heads.

The North side went crazy.

"And it's heads!" exclaimed Atepen. "Which means the North Cats will go first!"

"That's gotta be absolutely devastating for the South Cats, considering how much they want to get revenge," said Nojiel. "But if past stats are any indication, the defense should be able to come out strong here."

"Alright, folks, it's time for the kickoff!"

The fans went nuts, and I was just as excited.

Why wouldn't I be, though? I was about to watch a Wereldian football game that could teach me everything I needed to know about the Dutch G!

Absent, naturally, was getting out his notebook, and the South Cats punted the ball to one of the Northerners.

Thus, the game was on...

...but what absolutely no one expected was for the ball to be caught by a Meowstic, who promptly started running down the field with it for about 30 yards.

The North Cat fans whooped, cheered, and went nuts, while Atepen was going crazy with the commentary:

"AND IT'S CAUGHT! The North has the ball and they're running with it! They're going down the field- the South's desperately trying to catch up- AND THEY'RE DOWN AT THE 30-YARD LINE!"

And I was clearly able to see why.

The South Cat defense had cornered the North Cat running the ball, and were angrily hissing at the North Cat, before they all walked towards him and gathered around him, preventing him from moving.

I had never seen anything like this in a football game, and yet I knew that the NC had run far enough to get another first down attempt.

Still, though, I was awed by the defense.

"A brilliant defensive play by the South!" exclaimed Atepen.

_I would certainly say so, _I thought._ I haven't seen anything like this in a football game before._

The teams got back into formation, and as they did so, Nojiel was doing his commentary:

"This is what makes the South Cat defense so formidable. They have had the same defense strategy for many years, and it's worked brilliantly thus far. Their plan was to huddle around the North Cats while hissing at them in order to distract them, and as you can see, it does its job very well."

Absent turned to me.

"I don't really get it," he said. "Why in the world would the South try to defend themselves by hissing? I mean, I don't really know that much about football, but I would figure that would give the North Cats _more _time to get away with the ball."

"You're crazy!" Madelief giggled. "I think it works really well!"

"I must inquire how you could possibly know that when you have absolutely zero knowledge of how American football works," said LF.

"Then again... neither do you," said Yuunarii.

LF paused. "Very true."

"Regardless, Absent, you do bring up a good point," I said. "If the South Cats were to pull an OOCISB on the North and aggressively attack them, that would really catch them off guard."

"OOCISB?" Madelief asked. "What's that?"

"Me swearing," I responded dryly.

"It stands for Out of Character is Serious Business," Absent clarified. "I'll explain what that is later; for now, I think we should get back to the game."

"Yeah, I agree," I said. "They're about to go for a touchdown again."

With that, we turned our attention back towards the game, as Atepen and Nojiel continued their commentary.

"Second down for the North Cats."

Second down?

Huh.

Maybe Wereldian football worked just a bit differently from American football after all...

The Meowstic, who was evidently the North Cat quarterback, threw the football in the air. It soared in the air for a bit- then, to the surprise of everyone, myself included, was caught by the North Cat receiver, who began running down the field with it. In an instant, I- as well as all the other NC fans- were on their feet, and Atepen hammed it up in the commentating booth:

"He looks, he throws... AND IT'S CAUGHT BY THE NORTH CAT RECEIVER! HE'S RUNNING DOWN THE FIELD AND THE SOUTH CATS CAN'T CATCH UP! HE'S AT THE 20! THE 15! THE 10! OH MY GOODNESS, HE'S GOING ALL THE WAY! TOUCHDOWN NORTH CATS!"

"YES!" I exclaimed, happily.

The North Cat fans instantly began whooping and taunting the South Cat fans:

"GO HOME SOUTH CATS! *clap clap clap clap clap* GO HOME SOUTH CATS! *clap clap clap clap clap*"

"And this crowd is on fire!" exclaimed Atepen.

The South Cat fans, meanwhile, simply shook their heads and glared at the northerners before returning to their computers. The score, meanwhile, now read:

**NORTH CATS: 7**   
**SOUTH CATS: 0**

"That quick?!" Absent muttered as the instant replay appeared on the screen. "That quickly and the North Cats already scored a touchdown? Seriously, this game better get interesting soon. I've been trying to take notes on pronunciation and all I'm getting is that the South Cats hiss a lot..."

"Because the South G is very airy and sounds a lot like hissing," I explained. "I saw Yuunarii's video; it more or less sounds almost like an H."

Absent paused.

"So... you're saying the sound the South Cats make is the sound of the South Dutch G?"

"Yes," I said.

"That... actually makes a lot of sense," said Absent.

_I'm still wondering when that cat with a car will show up, _said Koffie.

Absent facepalmed.

_Oh, I'm sorry; do you have a headache?_

"Yes," sighed Absent. "From you."

_I'm sorry! I had no idea my telepathic powers were that strong!_

"No, you don't- never mind."

I couldn't help but giggle throughout the entire conversation.

Eventually, I decided to turn my attention back to the game. This time, it was the South who had the ball, and the North Cat offense had switched out with their defense.

I instantly felt chills go down my spine.

This would be an epic match.

Once more, Atepen graced the field with his extremely hammy commentary:

"The South Cats are now getting in position, and this time it'll be the North Cat defense who are taking the field."

"Yeah, and Felix, this will be the opportunity that the SC offense needs in order to redeem themselves from the last game," remarked Nojiel. "In their 41-3 loss the NC defense was formidable against the SC offense. Let's see if they can't win this time."

The two teams got into position, and eventually, the SC quarterback grabbed the ball...

...then began running down the field with it, to the shock of everyone, including the North Cat defense.

I couldn't say a word due to how shocked I was, but all I knew was that undoubtedly the South Cats meant business.

Atepen went insane.

"He has the ball... AND HE'S RUNNING WITH IT! HE'S ABSOLUTELY EXPLODING DOWN THE FIELD, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH NOTHING WILL STOP HIM; HE'S HEADED FOR THE END ZONE..."

And then all of a sudden the quarterback found himself tackled by the entire North Cat defense, who were clawing and yowling at him repeatedly. The South Cat fans instantly stopped cheering; it was eventually drowned out by the North Cat fans.

"...AND OH!" cried Atepen. "HE'S DOWN AT THE 55 YARD LINE!"

"That's gotta hurt for the South," remarked Nejiol.

"Yeah, but the good news is; it's second and 5 for the SC," said Atepen. "Let's see if they can't score a touchdown on this one."

"I bet they will," I muttered to myself.

With that, the cats got in position, and the SC quarterback got ready to throw the ball.

Then something odd happened.

One moment, the quarterback had the ball; the next, it was out of his hands on the floor as a North Cat player ran up to him and bit his neck from behind. The crowd, Absent and myself included, let out a collective groan of disgust as the South Cat quarterback struggled to recover the football.

Meanwhile, Atepen:

"He throws... ooh! And it's a fumble! Apparently a North Cat fan bit the quarterback on the neck in a defensive move!"

The South Cat fan eventually succeeded in recovering the ball, to the relief and cheers of the crowd.

"Well, he recovers the football..." said Atepen. "That's good... but let's look again at that instant replay, Leonidas."

The instant replay appeared on screen.

"Yeah, he tries to throw the ball," remarked Nojiel, "and-"

Another collective groan as the North Cat player was clearly seen biting the South Cat in the back of the neck. I was so disgusted I had to turn away so that I did not have to look at the screen.

"Yep, that's a bite," said Nojiel.

"That'll be a roughing the passer call against the North," said Atepen.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, a referee came onto the field and held up a yellow flag. I'd seen enough football games to know what this meant.

Madelief, of course, didn't.

"Um... oghond... what's that yellow flag for?" she asked.

"It's a flag on the play," I told her. "See, the North Cats bit the South Cats from behind, and I guess in this world that counts as holding. So now the referee, recognizing a roughing the passer call- for _once_\- holds up a flag, and will give an X-yard penalty to the North Cats, and _holy 19-92-16-8 I can't believe I actually know this stuff._"

"19-92-16-8?" asked Madelief.

"It's censorship; don't ask her what it means," Absent said.

"Okay!" Madelief giggled.

With that, we turned our attention back to the game, and the referee put down the yellow flag and did a slashing motion with his hand. He then suddenly declared:

"Roughing the passer. Defense, Number 13. Five-yard penalty— automatic first down."

It was exactly the way I had heard penalty calls in real football.

The South Cat fans stood up and applauded loudly, while the North Cat fans screamed. I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying, but I was almost certain there was a curse word or two in there.

As you might be able to tell, I don't like cursing. I don't swear, period. If I _did_ ever swear, it would be major OOCISB and Koffie would sound the emergency alarm. I can only ever recall swearing once in my life, and that was in text with Absent.

When Absent saw it, he freaked out.

Don't worry- it was a fairly mild swear.

To be exact, it was 15-53-16-16 with an -ed at the end.

Look it up.

Regardless, I've never sworn aloud.

Anyways, the North Cats were- naturally- scowling and glaring over at the South as they went back five yards. Atepen and Nojiel were doing their commentary in the meantime:

"And as you can see, the North is none too happy about the flag that's just been thrown against them," said Atepen.

"They'll likely be itching to get revenge come the second quarter," said Nojiel.

"First down and 5 for the South," said Atepen. "Let's see if they can make this one."

The audience watched in awe as the South Cat quarterback did a backflip in the air, letting go of the football as it did so, before hitting the football with its tail. Another South Cat player made their way into the end zone, and caught the ball in mid-air. The South Cat fans went nuts- but not to the extent of the North Cats- and Atepen did his thing:

"AND IT'S CAUGHT! TOUCHDOWN SOUTH CATS! A brilliant play in the end zone!"

The score changed to 7-7.

It was a tie game.

As for me?

I was simply staring out in shock, still unable to believe the incredible play I had just witnessed.

My jaw dropped in disbelief.

"How in the world were they able to make that play?!" I gasped.

Absent shrugged. "Beats me. I'm just as impressed as you are."

"Bigger question- where's the extra point?"

"Extra point?" asked Madelief. "What extra point?"

"Usually in football a touchdown is worth six points and the kicker kicks the extra point over the goal line," I explained. "Apparently in cat football all touchdowns are worth seven points and there is no extra point. Which is odd."

"It is odd," said Absent. "Now I'm wondering if there's anything else strange about Wereldian football..."

"And that's the end of the first quarter!"

Absent had been drinking a soda before that announcement was made, but as soon as it was made, he spat out his drink halfway across the field.

Which is hyperbole, of course.

"WHAT?!" he sputtered out. "That quick and the first quarter is over?! That had to have been like, what, 7 minutes? How long is a regular quarter in American football?"

"15 minutes," I remarked.

"How long is a quarter in Wereldian football, Koffie?"

_Oh... only... 6 minutes, I think._

"6 MINUTES?!" Even I was stunned by how short a Wereldian football game was.

_Well, they used to be 15 minutes long, but they decided to shorten the time to just 6 minutes because in the course of 15 the North and South Cats were scratching and yowling at each other so much that one player was nearly killed._

"So football games in Wereldia are only 24 minutes long?" I asked.

_Yeah, unless you include the 2 minute halftime._

"2 MINUTE HALFTIME?!"

_Halftime in Wereldia is boring and nothing happens,_ said Koffie. _Everyone just comes here to watch the game._

Absent, meanwhile, was chuckling.

"What?" I asked. "What about this is funny?"

Absent was visually struggling to hold back his laughter, but eventually, he came in:

"26 is a multiple of 13," he said.

I facepalmed.

**END OF FIRST QUARTER**

\-------------------------------------------------------------

**START OF SECOND QUARTER**

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the second quarter of the football game between the Wereldian North Cats and the South Wereldian South Cats!" exclaimed Atepen from the announcer booth, as the second quarter of 6 minutes (good God, that's short) got underway. "Currently, the score is tied 7-7. It's the North Cats' ball again, and Leo, I gotta say, it's very interesting that we have a tied game right now."

"Yeah, Felix, it's a very well-known fact here in Wereldia that the North Cats and the South Cats have, by some inexplicable odds, never managed to walk away with a tie," said Nejion. "Situations like this have happened before, where the two teams have tied in the first quarter, but at least one team has always come away in the end with a win. If they manage to tie today, it could cause huge changes."

"Oh, it'll definitely cause huge changes, and make local headline news," remarked Atepen.

And as the second quarter of the game got underway, the fans going absolutely mad in the stands- or at least the North Cat fans- I was just sitting there in my seat, pondering what Atepen and Nejion had just said on the announcements.

The North Cats and South Cats had never tied a game.

If they were the only two teams in all Wereldia, it seemed impossible, but impressive at the same time. I could almost see the headlines if they were to tie in today's game- FLAGS FLY IN NORTH WERELDIA AS NORTH CATS BEAT SOUTH CATS, 20-20 or some other score like that.

Yeah, knowing how passionate the NC were, they'd likely deny the tie.

I smirked, before turning my attention to the game. The North and South Cats were getting in position for something apparently called a "snap." I don't know what that meant in terms of football, but if it involved a giant gold glove and six colored stones... then I was going to leave the game, the dimension, and abandon any chances of me learning how to say a Dutch G.

I couldn't abandon those chances.

I turned my attention back to the game as the second quarter began and the North and South Cats got back in position to play. Atepen was, per the usual, going nuts in the commentary.

"Here's the snap. The quarterback has it--"

Naturally, he ran down the field.

"--AND HE'S GOING DOWN THE FIELD! AND-"

"GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG..."

The quarterback was interrupted, once again, by a group of angry hissing South Cats, whose hissing I will from now on mark with GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. The reason for this is, of course, obvious.

Though there's another thing I'll mark with GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG later.

Let's see if you can figure it out.

Anyways.

As before, the South Cats crowded around the NC quarterback, then slowly drew closer to him like approaching zombies. The SC fans cheered, and the NC fans booed, screamed, and went rampant.

I, of course, was about to hyperventilate at any moment.

"And the South trap him!" exclaimed Atepen. "Incredible defensive play; it seems like at this point the South will do anything to win and beat back the North Cats."

Absent, naturally, was still extremely confused.

"Seriously," he said. "I don't get it. What the heck is the big deal with a defensive play that consists of nothing but moving in a circle around your opponent and then approaching them and trapping them-"

He suddenly realized.

"Oh," he said. "Now I get it."

"What?" I asked. 

"No, really," said Absent. "The South Cats are trying to retrieve the ball from the North by trapping them where they won't be able to move. If the North Cats get caught off-guard, then they could fumble the ball and the South could very easily retrieve it. That's... actually pretty impressive." He smirked. "Still would like to see some more variety, though."

I smiled, before turning my attention back to the game. The North hadn't really done anything that was indicative of their G sound yet, but the South had hissed twice. I was still waiting eagerly for the moment when the North G sound would end up getting a chance to shine.

Atepen came on:

"Second down for the North."

The North Cat quarterback was at it again, but this time he threw to a receiver for the North who instantly caught it and began running down the field. The South Cats, meanwhile, looked at each other, then did something odd.

In an instant, they began running after the North Cats, yowling, scratching at them and trying desperately hard to sound and look aggressive. I could tell this was an attempt- at least an attempt- to invoke OOCISB on the North.

Unfortunately, no one can take you seriously if you're trying to be aggressive and you're a Skitty/Delcatty.   
  


Atepen and Nojiel, of course, were slightly more impressed. 

"He looks- he throws- he's running down the field-- and OH! Look at the South Cats! It seems like they're trying for a more aggressive approach here, which is a rather interesting defense strategy if you ask me."

"Yeah, especially considering it's coming from the South Cats," said Nojiel.

SCRATCH.

It was a very light scratch, but it was enough to cause the NC quarterback to fumble the ball.

The South Cat fans were on their feet, and the announcers went nuts.

"And- HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! The South Cat strategy worked brilliantly!"

Immediately, the North Cat growled, grabbed the ball back, and stood up, glaring at the South Cat player who had hit him-- except this time with a level of anger more intense than anything else I had ever seen during the game.

And then, suddenly, something... odd happened.

A lot of odd things had happened during the game, but up until that point, this was the most odd thing to occur.

The South Cat immediately backed away from the North Cat in fear, staring up at him with big pleading puppy-dog eyes- or, at least as much as a Skitty could give big pleading puppy dog eyes. He- at least I think it was a he- was gazing over at the North Cat with an expression that clearly read:

_Why do we have to fight? Can't we just talk things out and get along?_

It was absolutely heartwrenching.

For a moment or two, the North Cat's expression softened- before he shook his head and growled yet again at him.

None of this registered with Atepen and Nojiel, and I could understand why- the moment had passed far too quickly for them, and they were far too busy commentating on the game. But I caught the moment, and it stuck with me for the rest of the game.

The poor South Cat really didn't like to fight with the North.

As the North and South Cats got back into position for the next play, I turned to Absent, wanting to discuss the moment with him.

Absent was far too busy writing his pronunciation notes.

So I simply decided to turn back to the game.

I'm very happy I did.

As usual, Atepen and Nojiel were discussing the game, and doing their usual commentary:

"Third down for the North Cats," said Atepen.

"I predict they score again," said Nojiel.

I smirked over at Absent.

As we both knew, tempting fate was a very bad idea.

And soon enough, we saw why.

The North Cat quarterback threw the ball in the air, about to hand it off to a reciever... and then all of a sudden a South Cat player jumped up into the air, intercepted the ball- which startled the North Cats and caught them very much off-guard- and then ran with it, all the way down the field to the end zone.

I was in utter disbelief, as was Absent.

As was everyone else.

Even Madelief had nothing to say about the play, she was so shocked.

Atepen, of course, went insane up in the commentary booth:

"He looks, he throws- OH! OH! IT'S INTERCEPTED! THE SOUTH HAS IT! THEY'RE RUNNING DOWN THE FIELD! THEY'RE AT THE 15! THE 10! THE 5! TOUCHDOWN SOUTH CATS!"

And that was to say nothing of the South Cat fans, who were cheering like North Cats all of a sudden, they were so happy. Of course, their enthusiastic cheering was nearly drowned out by the booing, jeering and relative insanity of the North. The South Cats, meanwhile, were throwing their own chant back at them:

"GO HOME NORTH CATS! *clap clap clap clap clap* GO HOME NORTH CATS! *clap clap clap clap clap*"

The score, of course, changed to:

**NC- 7**   
**SC- 14**

Absent was stunned.

"Arceus' unholy flank... That was the most incredible interception I have ever seen in my life," he muttered.

"Agreed," I responded, just as shocked as he was.

"This is why you never tempt fate, Nojiel!" Absent cried (pronouncing it "no-jee-uhl.").

I giggled.

"It's 'no-YEE-uhl,'" I said.

"Oh, right. Dutch," said Absent, Picarding. "_Boku wa baka._"

Speaking of the announcers, they were still going crazy with their commentary as the North Cats and South Cats prepared themselves for another round.

"This game has been incredible, Leo," said Atepen. "Earlier today it seemed hopeless for the South Cats and now look at them! They've come back with an epic interception, and if they continue on this trajectory, they could end up winning this game."

"Yeah; let's take a look back at the instant replay," said Nojiel.

The instant replay of the interception appeared on-screen while the six of us- and the rest of the audience- watched in pure awe. As Atepen and Nojiel were doing their commentary, we were simply shocked as all get out that we had just seen what we had seen.

"I'm just surprised that the South Cats are winning," Absent said.

"Yeah, that would mean that the South Dutch G is winning the metaphorical war between the two Dutch Gs," I pointed out. "Which I find surprising, because I thought for sure that the North Dutch G would be in the lead by this point."

_Gs can't fight in wars,_ Koffie said. _They're Gs._

"_It's a metaphor!_" Absent cried.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhh... _said Koffie.

I giggled- Koffie really didn't get figurative speech.

I went back to the game, and the North Cat offense was now stepping up onto the field. The South Cats, meanwhile, were bringing their defense back up on the field, and the fans, meanwhile, were going absolutely nuts. Atepen and Nojiel were back on the commentating stand:

"Alright, everyone, it's the North Cats' ball again; let's see if they can't score a touchdown and tie this game up."

"Yeah, but you have to remember, Felix, this is the South Cat defense, the biggest defense in the league. The North Cat offense have been playing a fantastic game tonight, but the South are out to get them at any cost."

"First down for the North."

The North Cat quarterback looked on for a few moments, then threw the ball to a reciever, who easily caught it. He began running down the field, but was stopped, eventually, by the South Cats doing their thing and hissing at the North Cat, walking steadily towards him and eventually trapping him.

Naturally, Atepen went nuts.

"He looks, he throws- AND IT'S CAUGHT! A brilliant play by the North, seems like they're going for a touchdown here- AND OH! THE SOUTH STOPS HIM!"

The South Cat fans cheered like crazy.

I, of course, was still awaiting the moment wherein the North would show off their G. So far, they hadn't done anything, whereas the South had gone "GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG..." three or four times during the game.

Maybe the North was still waiting for the perfect moment...

And speaking of the North, they were loudly booing and jeering the South as they usually would. Harsh comments were coming in left and right, and they were louder and clearer in my ear than ever before:

"GO HOME, YOU NERDISH SOFTIES!"

"YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP!"

"GO BURN IN TARTARUS!"

Burn in Tartarus?

Okay... that was a bit harsh.

The South Cat fans simply rolled their eyes at the North and paid little attention to them, returning to their computers, which detailed the score and a bunch of stats and trajectories that I didn't particularly care for.

Meanwhile, the North Cats were more fueled with anger than they had ever been in the entire game.

As the North and South Cats got back in position to play, I took a quick look over at the latter, and they were in a full-blown blind rage. They growled at the South Cats louder than they had ever had before, and suffice it to say, the South was extremely terrified.

All things considered, they had every right to be.

I was starting to feel bad for the South Cats. They, like me, didn't want to hurt anyone, but if they were going to win against the North, they had to act aggressive. Yet, if it were up to them, they would much rather desire peace with the North.

And yet, the North...

They were pretty much the Pittsburgh Steelers of their division. Their defense was incredible, their offense was one of the best I had ever seen (especially for a group of cats playing football) and I thoroughly enjoyed watching them beat the heck out of the South Cats. 

Which was ironic, given that everywhere else, I hated conflict. 

Of course, if there was a serious injury on the field, I would be freaked out like crazy and would probably start hyperventilating right there in the stands. 

Especially if there was blood.

I hate the sight of blood. 

Still, by this point I didn't know who to root for anymore. 

Atepen and Nojiel, meanwhile, were doing their thing in the commentating booth. 

"Second down for the North Cats," said Atepen. 

The North Cat quarterback immediately sprang into action, running far away from the rest of the team- then firing downfield to the shock of everyone else. In an instant, one North Cat and one South Cat ran towards the ball- and I smirked to myself in my seat. 

I had a feeling as to what was going to happen next. 

There was going to be an Immaculate Reception reenactment right there in front of millions of people. 

Or, so I thought. 

Instead what happened was a lot cooler. 

There was a collision, yes, but instead of the ball bouncing off one of the players' helmets, it flew into the air and did a curly-Q. One of the North Cats bounced straight into the air and caught the ball in their ears, and before the South had a chance to react, the North Cat turned and ran all the way down the field for a touchdown. 

Somehow, that was cooler than an actual reenactment of the Immaculate Reception. 

As usual, Atepen went wild in the commentating booth: 

"He looks, he throws... THERE'S A COLLISION! AND THE NORTH CAT HAS IT! UNBELIEVABLE CATCH! HE'S RUNNING DOWN THE FIELD WITH IT! HE'S IN THE END ZONE! TOUCHDOWN NORTH CATS!"

The North Cats went absolutely nuts in the stands, whooping, cheering, high-fiving each other, and giving taunts to the South. This time, however, I couldn't resist joining in with them: 

"GO HOME SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap) GO HOME SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap)"

Absent shot me a look that said, _Really_?

"What?" I responded. "It's catchy. Still, though, that play..."

"What about the play?" Absent asked. 

"OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME!" I cried. 

"I KNOW~!" Madelief squealed with delight in her seat next to me. 

"Though, I wish it could have been a reenactment of the Immaculate Reception instead," I said. 

"The... what?" Absent asked. 

I don't know why I was so shocked that he didn't know about it, but somehow or other I was, and immediately gasped and turned to face him with a stunned look.

"You don't know what the Immaculate Reception is?!" I cried. 

Absent looked from side to side nervously. 

"Uh... no," said Absent. "I don't watch much football, remember? Why are you so shocked about this?"

"Because the Immaculate Reception is the most famous football play of all time!" I cried. 

"Is it a Steelers thing?" asked Absent. 

"Yes."

"What's it about?"

Well, thankfully, that question I could answer without any problem, because I had seen the Immaculate Reception in videos multiple times and knew everything about it. 

I smirked. 

"It's December 23, 1975," I said. "The Steelers are down against the Oakland Raiders, and there are 22 seconds to go. 4th quarter. 4th down and 10 yards to go. The Steelers game depends on this play. Terry Bradshaw, the quarterback, looks, throws and fires the ball downfield. In the middle of the field Steelers player Frenchy Fuqua and Raiders player Jack Tatum collide into each other, bouncing back the football. Now, had that ball hit the ground, that would have been it and the game would have been over and the Raiders would have won. And that would have happened... if not for Franco Harris, who ran in and caught the ball inches before it hit the ground, running into the end zone and securing the win for the Steelers. From then on, the Steelers went from the worst team in the league to a really, really good team, and a dynasty was born."

Absent and everyone else stared at me in shock. 

"Whoa," gasped Absent. 

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "I know."

"So that play changed an entire team?" Absent asked. 

"Yep."

"That's so cool~!" exclaimed Madelief. "I wish I had been there to see it!"

I smiled. 

"Well, lucky for you that YouTube exists," I said. "There are multiple clips of the Reception online."

"Really?!" gasped Madelief. 

"Yep."

"Can I see it?!"

"Sure," I said. "There's enough time to watch the clip during the two-minute halftime." I paused. "By the way, when is halftime?"

_Right now_, said Koffie. 

I looked instantly towards the clock, and found that it had indeed run out. At any moment I was sure that Atepen would come in and give a giant hammy announcement as always. 

"Oh, look at that," I said. "It's over."

The score was: 

**NC- 14  
SC- 14**

"And that's the end of the first half!" Atepen exclaimed. "It's all tied up, 14-14 at the half! We'll be back with you in two minutes for the second half of play between the North Cats and the South Cats! I cannot wait to see who wins, Leo! **_HALFTIME... IS... ON_**_**!**_" 

The fans of the North Cats and the fans of the South Cats cheered- then immediately went back to jeering at each other. I cringed a bit, then laughed nervously.

"Well... that's the end of the half," I said. "You want to see the Immaculate Reception?"

"YES~!" Madelief exclaimed. 

That was all I needed to hear. 

"Alright, then," I said. "Let me just set up my phone for you."

And with that, I turned on my phone, went to YouTube, and for the next two minutes my friends and I sat down and watched the greatest, most controversial and most mysterious play in all of football history. 

_ **EINDE** _

_ **WORDT VERVOLGD** _


	6. VIER: North Cats vs. South Cats (SECOND HALF)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of North Cats vs. South Cats, AKA the part where I actually show you how I learned to say a Dutch G in the first place (wait until the end). It's also known as "the part where I not-so-subtly call out actual legitimate NFL referees for being absolutely terrible." You'll see what I mean. 
> 
> For the record, yes, it DID take me seven months to learn how to say a Northern Dutch G. And yes, I did sound like Cthulu before I actually learned how to say it. I can say it now, 100% perfectly, in fact. 
> 
> Coming up next, however, is one of the biggest episodes in the history of the fanfic. I'm serious- it's got a lot of words- the longest chapter in SOSchip so far, in fact- and a lot of songs... 
> 
> For now, though- I hope you enjoy NCvsSC Part 2!

VIER: North Cats vs. South Cats (SECOND HALF)_  
  
**CONTINUED**_**_ FROM THE LAST PART_**

By the time the video of the Immaculate Reception had ended, every one of my foreign friends were staring in awe at my phone. I was able to tell that they were just as shocked as I was about the play- or, at least, as shocked as I had been the first time that I had seen the play. Absent, in particular, was just standing there with his mouth agape in shock, not able to say a single word.

As for Madelief?

She was doing exactly what you think she'd do- which was jumping up and down repeatedly in her seat with pure delight.

"That was so amazing~!" she cried out happily. "I've never seen a clip from an American football game before!"

"At least, not until now," I responded.

"Nope!" said Madelief, cheerfully giggling.

"Like I said, I don't watch that much football- if any- but I gotta admit, _that _was awesome," said Absent. "Whoever that Franco Harris guy is, he deserves an award."

"Oh, he did," I said. "He's in the Football Hall of Fame."

"He deserves to be," said Absent. "Oh- by the way, there's still about a minute left until halftime's over- wanna look at my pronunciation notes?"

"YES!!"

I immediately jumped at the chance. If he had caught something relating to the North Dutch G that I hadn't picked up on, then I was all for finding out more.

Absent smiled. "Alright, then. Here ya go."

With that, he gave me the notes, which I proceeded to examine intensely.

The notes read as follows in chicken-scratch handwriting- presumably due to the fact that Absent no longer had hands:

** _PRONUNCIATION NOTES ON THE DUTCH G TAKEN DURING THE GAME: _ **  
** _\- North Cats and South Cats' personalities are apparently analogous to their Gs-- don't know what that means, exactly, but I'm all for finding out_ **  
** _\- Two different kinds of Gs depending on where you live_ **  
** _\- South Cats hiss-- A LOT_ **  
** _\- South Cat's hissing is the sound of the South Dutch G- light and airy; sounds almost like an H, except it's not an H, it's a very light hissing_ **  
** _\- Likely this means that ACTUAL full-on hissing is meant to represent a NORTHERN Dutch G, but I have no idea since the North Cats still haven't done anything that is even remotely reminiscent of their sound yet_ **

That last point I whole-heartedly agreed with-- I was still eagerly waiting for the North Cats to do something- anything- that evoked the sound of a North Dutch G. Perhaps they would do it in the third quarter, but I was still slightly disappointed that the sound of the South was coming through in the end.

"Yeah, I agree," I said, finishing up reading the notes. "I've been waiting this whole game for the North to do something relating to their sound, and so far it hasn't happened yet."

_Just wait, _said Koffie. _They'll do it eventually. Sometimes the North Cats go an entire game without furball-hacking._

I felt sick.

Absent gagged.

"They do WHAT?!" cried Absent.

_They cough up furballs in self-defense, _said Koffie.

"That's gross...!" I cried.

_On the field,_ said Koffie.

"Somebody get me a barf bag," said Absent.

Koffie promptly pulled out a bag dripping with vomit, huge chunks of food everywhere. Absent was too disgusted to look.

I giggled.

"Not a bag made _from_ barf," I said. "A plastic bag for him to barf _in_."

"_Thank you_," said Absent.

_Ohhhhhh! So just a regular plastic bag then._

Koffie pulled out a regular plastic bag and handed it to Absent. Absent promptly took the bag and vomited in it.

Everyone was too scared to look, Koffie included.

Eventually, once Absent was done barfing, he handed the bag back to Koffie.

"Thanks," he said.

You're welcome, said Koffie happily.

"**ALRIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN--! THIS GAME IS BACK ON!"**

"Oh, look, the game's back," said Absent matter-of-factly.

"Who's going to win?!" cried Madelief excitedly.

"I still don't know, but I can barely wait to see the North Cats in action," I said.

"You sound like Nojiel," said Absent.

I smirked— then the six of us turned to the game as the second half got underway and the hammy voice of Felix Atepen came over the loudspeaker:

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to the game of the ages! The North Cats and the South Cats are returning to the field- AND IT ALL STARTS NOW!"

The crowd, as they had done in the first half of the game, went wild.

"Due to their recent touchdown in the second quarter, the North Cats will not be going first in this quarter, which leaves the initial snap to the South Cats," said Atepen.

"Which means this is the South Cats' chance to win it all," added Nojiel. "If everything goes according to plan, and if everything goes according to their recent stats, they could have a pretty good chance of taking the lead by the end of the third quarter."

On the field, both North and South were getting in position to take the football. The South, of course, were going first. For the most part, I expected something relatively normal to happen: the South would try to run down the field with the football, the North would yowl, hiss, and scratch the South Cats, and the South would go down to the floor before getting a touchdown on the second or third down.

What I wasn't expecting was what I saw next.

"First down for the South," said Atepen. "Here's the snap."

The South Cat quarterback looked, threw, and handed the ball off to the South Cat running back. He, as I expected, began running down the field with it, clearly looking for the end zone.

What he- and I- wasn't expecting, though, was for a North Cat defensive player to start blocking him-- and then all of a sudden, to the shock of everyone, he started gagging on the field.

A rough, throaty gagging.

"G-G-G-G-G--"

It was as if he had a hairball stuck in his throat. Atepen wasn't necessarily concerned, though:

"He looks, he throws, and- OH! He gets blocked by a North Cat-- AND HE'S ABOUT TO DO IT, FOLKS! This is the North Cats' famous defensive strategy!"

Upon hearing it, I leaned forward in my seat, concerned. Absent was furiously writing notes.

"What's happening?!" I asked, terrified.

_It's time_, said Koffie.

At first, I didn't know what it was talking about-- and then all of a sudden, the gagging got more forced, more throaty, almost like a purr that was trying to come out except the cat had been strangled or was dying.

And that was when I knew what I was hearing.

My eyes widened in shock.

"It's the North Dutch G," I muttered.

The North Cat fans went nuts.

The North Cat stepped back a few paces.

And then:

"G-G-G-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--!"

A huge, giant furball shot out of the North Cat's mouth and fell onto the field in front of the running South Cat, who was still trying desperately to make it to the end zone. As soon as the furball came up, though, the South Cat fell and tripped on it. Even though the South Cat still had the ball- it was impressive that he hadn't dropped it despite having just fallen on a giant loogie- the North Cats went insane with happiness, repeatedly taunting the South.

I quickly took a glance over at Absent's notes to see if he had written anything that could possibly help me learn the Dutch G, since that was the exact sound I had been hoping to learn.

He had written the following:

** _-Okay, so I was wrong. The Dutch G doesn't sound like hissing; the Dutch G sounds like you're clearing your throat in order to get a giant hairball out of your mouth_ **  
** _\- I don't think I can do that without accidentally barfing_ **

I was starting to get a bit worried now. If Absent didn't think he could do it, surely then there was no hope for me.

Or maybe there was, I didn't know yet.

If I was to try a South Dutch G, I had to pretend I was a cat and someone just pulled my tail. No big deal; I could do that.

If I was to try a North Dutch G, on the other hand, I would have to pretend I was a cat and I just hawked up a loogie.

That would be quite difficult.

Atepen, per the usual, was going absolutely nuts in the commentators' booth:

"WHAT A LOOGIE! Right in the South Cats' face, but somehow he manages to hold on to the ball! An incredible play! That's the North Dutch G for ya, folks-- throaty as all heck like a cat hawking up a furball!"

The South Cat fans, naturally, went nuts.

"Excuse me-- referee--!"

"Where's the legality in that?"

"Someone challenge! That has to be illegal, I've been saying that at every SC game!"

"And as you can clearly hear, the South Cats are going crazy about that play," said Nojiel. "Some players even threatening to challenge its legality."

"Well, we'll have to wait and see if someone will challenge or not," said Atepen. "For now, it's a second down for the South Cats; let's see if the offense can't come back and score on this one."

While the game continued, I turned to Madelief, who was equal parts disgusted and amazed with what she had seen.

"Was that a North Dutch G?" I asked.

Madelief cheerfully turned to me.

"Jep!" she exclaimed. "Sure was! Go on, try it~!"

I blinked.

"What?!" I said. "No, no, no, I couldn't possibly--"

"Come on~! It's fun~! Just pretend you're one of them."

"_Pretend I'm a North Cat? _Are you nuts?"

"Come on..."

I shrugged and eventually decided to just try it; after all, this _was_ the sound I'd been trying to pronounce for seven whole months.

I took a look back onto the football field, just to see what was going on, and as before the same thing was happening: the South Cat running back was attempting to run down the field with it, only to be repeatedly blocked by giant furballs coming at them from the North side. I could barely even hear Atepen's commentary; the cheers and screams were so dang loud.

But enough about the game; I had a sound to pronounce and by Arceus, _I was going to learn how to say it if it was the last thing I did!_

I paused.

Then took a quick breath.

Then the sound reluctantly came out of me:

"Kreeg-"

I stopped.

No, that wouldn't do. More throat.

I tried it again.

"Hrrrrrrrreek--"

Okay, now I sounded a bit more throaty and- thank god- less like a demon, but now I sounded more like a screeching hawk or something of that nature. I still couldn't get that cat sound no matter how hard I tried.

I decided to whisper it just for the heck of it.

"Graag gedaan..."

There it was!

There was the Dutch G again!

I didn't have a clue as to why this was happening. How was it that I was able to say a perfect Dutch G when I whispered or was talking in my sleep, but not aloud?

I sighed.

"Why is this happening?!" I cried.

"Why is what happening?" Absent asked.

"I still can't say a Dutch G out loud," I said. "Only when whispering or talking to myself in my sleep. Just this morning I was saying hehoorzaam to myself and it came out perfectly, but if I say it out loud I get hehoorzaam!"

I looked down, saddened as all heck.

"Well, you sound better already," said Madelief.

"Yeah," I muttered. "In my sleep."

"DID YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELF?!" gasped Madelief. "You sound better when you're awake, too! The game IS helping!"

I blinked.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"Of course I am! I'm Dutch, remember?" she said, giggling. "Try and say it again."

I took a breath.

"Hrrrrrrrrrrh."

"See?" said Madelief. "You sound MUCH better!"

"Hm." I didn't believe it. "I still think I sound at least a little bit like Cthulu."

"Actually, you kinda sound like a Southerner," remarked Absent.

I paused.

A Southerner?

"Wait, WHAT?!" I cried. "But it's the North Dutch G I've been spending seven months on! Not the Southern one! What, you think I actually want to say hrrrrrrrrhaahrrrrrrrh hrrrrrrrrrrhedaan?"

"Well, no," Absent admitted.

"But if you DID, then you just did it perfectly~!" cried Madelief.

_Well, that's good, _I thought to myself. _At least I can say a SOUTH Dutch G. But that's far too easy. When it comes to languages... I want to be _challenged.

I was about to say something- anything, really, but probably I would have asked Madelief to help me say a North Dutch G a bit more and access a part of my throat I'd never used in my life- when all of a sudden, I heard a ton of booing from the South Cat fans that snapped me out of my Dutch G reverie and brought me back to the game.

It was utter pandemonium.

For one thing, there were furballs everywhere on the field, and a South Cat was down. The football had been recovered, but I had a feeling that when I had been talking to Madelief about the pronunciation of the Dutch G, the North Cats had used their epic defensive move again for the third time to block the South.

Secondly, the fans of the South Cats were bouncing out of their seats and running over to the referee of the game, and while I couldn't catch every word of what they were saying, one word stuck out in all the chaos:

Challenge.

I had a feeling that the South Cats were becoming so infuriated by this strategy after having seen it in play for 20 years that they were more desperate than ever for a way to make it illegal.

The South Cat coach was even going up to the referee to challenge the legality of the play, and eventually, the referee shrugged and walked up to the middle of the field with a red flag.

Nojiel, in the commentary booth:

"Well, it seems that the South Cats have become so infuriated by the defense that they're going to challenge the play," he remarked.

The referee promptly raised a red flag:

"The play on the field has been challenged. Stop the clock."

The clock was stopped, and looking up at it, I happened to notice that there were 2 minutes left of play in the third quarter. The score was still tied at 14-14.

Atepen this time:

"And that's a challenge! The clock has been stopped, and let's have a look back at that instant replay, Leo."

The instant replay appeared on-screen; it was the same stuff that the North had been doing for the past few minutes. Eventually, it faded, and it cut back to the referee, who was talking with the coach and looking at the instant replay.

"Well, it seems the referee is talking to the South Cat coach; and you know the drill with these challenges," said Atepen. "The winner of the challenge will be selected by the type of Dutch G the referee uses. If it's the North G, the North Cats win and the South will try for a field goal; if it's the South G, the South Cats win and they get another chance to run the ball."

Well, that seemed straightforward enough.

After a bit of talking, the referee nodded, having come to a decision, and came onto the field with the red flag. Everyone was dead-silent as they waited for the results, but I knew that no matter who won, utter chaos would result.

Atepen:

"Well, it seems that the referee has come to a decision," he said. "Let's see who the winner is."

And then the referee declared, in Dutch:

"_Na beoordeling is de uitspraak op het veld als volgt_."

That last word told all: the G used echoed throughout the whole stadium, throat mucus likely being spit into the microphone. Immediately, the North Cat fans cheered wildly, knowing that the South Cats' challenge had been overturned.

I had been expecting this, given that the North Cats had likely done this for 20 years.

The South Cats just sadly purred, then let out a pathetic hiss as they got into field goal position.

Atepen, per the usual, was going nuts.

"IT'S THE NORTH G! AND THE NORTH CATS WIN IT! Which means the South Cats are going to try for a field goal!"

The chant came again:

"GO HOME SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap) GO HOME SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap) GO HOME SOUTH CATS..."

And so on.

Meanwhile, what I assumed was the South Cat kicker was getting into position for a field goal. Nojiel was doing his commentary, per the usual:

"The South Cats kicker has been absolutely incredible this year, Felix. He's been number 1 in the league when it comes to kicking field goals, only having missed 2 the whole year, so this should be an easy 3 points for the South."

"He's set up now," said Atepen.

With that, the South Cat kicker kicked the ball into the air...

...only to have it just miss the goal.

The South Cat fans groaned in disappointment.

The North Cat fans cheered loudly.

Atepen gasped.

"OH! And he misses it! The score is still 14-14!"

"That's quite surprising for the South Cat kicker," added Nojiel. "I have a strong feeling that the stress of losing the challenge may have gotten to him."

"And that means the South will be forced to punt," said Atepen.

As the South Cats got into punting position, I was thinking the whole time as to who was going to win. Surely the South Cats had to be feeling the heat by now, but the North were especially feisty. I had been paying close attention to the cats' facial expressions for the entire game, and the whole time I had noticed that the South were much more reluctant in their attempts to be aggressive.

I didn't know who was going to win, but what happened next was something I was not expecting to happen at all.

I know, I know, I've said that a thousand times over the course of the game, but let me just say that this was far from the most unexpected thing to come out of it.

You'll see what I mean later, don't you worry.

Anyways.

I turned my attention back to the game and watched as the South Cats punted the ball over to the North. As expected, the North Cat receiver caught it.

And then he ran down the field.

The South Cats attempted to play defense, hissing and growling at the North, but it was in vain. The North Cat could not be stopped, and he ran all the way down the field into the end zone for a touchdown.

The North Cat fans absolutely exploded with joy.

Atepen?

Well, you can probably guess what he was doing.

"They're going to punt it off— AND THE NORTH CAT HAS IT! HE'S RUNNING DOWN THE FIELD! UNBELIEVABLE! HE'S GOING ALL THE WAY! HE'S AT THE 20! THE 15! THE 10! THE 5! INTO THE END ZONE FOR A TOUCHDOWN! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE PLAY BY THE NORTH CATS!"

I, of course, was sitting there with an absolutely shocked look on my face contemplating how the heck this could possibly even be legal while the NC fans continued their now-famous chant.

"GO HOME SOUTH CATS! (_clap clap clap clap clap_) GO HOME SOUTH CATS!..."

"HOW IS THAT LEGAL?!" I gasped, watching in shock as the score changed to:

**NC: 21**  
**SC: 14**

"I honestly have no idea, considering I don't really know the rules of football," said Absent. "I mean, no one's challenging the call and Wereldian football has slightly different rules from regular football- at least, as far as I've seen."

Okay, he was at least right there.

"True," I remarked, conceding the point. "But still, that was an absolutely epic play."

"Agreed," said Absent.

I took a look over at the clock and noticed that it was just about to wind down. The third quarter would end with the North in the lead, and I was almost certain that the South were dying for revenge by this point.

I took a look down at the South Cats and sure enough, they were busy hissing at the North.

Eventually, the clock ran out, and Atepen's voice came over the loudspeaker:

"And ladies and gentlemen, that's it! It's the end of the third quarter, and I don't know about you, Leo, but I cannot wait to see how this game will end!"

"Agreed," said Nojiel. "You know, by this point I'm pretty sure that the South Cats have to be itching for revenge, especially considering the way the North offense has been dominating them throughout the game."

"Well, we'll have to wait and see if the South Cats can come out with a win on this one, but I know that I'm just as excited as you are!" Atepen exclaimed. "And with that— THE THIRD QUARTER IS OVER! We'll see you at the fourth!"

**END OF THIRD QUARTER**  
——————————————————————————

**START OF FOURTH QUARTER**

Alright.

Now, here's the thing.

Unlike the last three quarters of the game, I won't be going over everything that happened in the entire quarter. Instead, this quarter will largely be skipped over entirely before I get to the really exciting part.

Why, you ask?

Simple.

For the most part, the fourth quarter of the NCvsSC game was absolutely boring. Nothing particularly special happened in it until about the last minute of the game, largely because no one scored any points until about the last minute of the game. Most of the time spent during the fourth quarter was mainly watching the North Cats and South Cats get fourth downs and be forced to punt the ball back and forth to each other.

Atepen and Nojiel did their commentary, per the usual; the North Cat and South Cat fans went nuts, per the usual; and no one scored any points. For a long time the score remained at 21-14, North Cats, and I was utterly convinced by this point that the North Cats would once again walk away with a win.

Until one play happened in the last minute of the game that changed everything.

Here's how it went down.

Less than a minute was left on the clock. The South Cats had the ball. It was their second down.

It wasn't looking like they were going to win.

And it wasn't just me who thought that; Atepen and Nojiel thought it, too.

As the North Cats and South Cats got back in position for what I thought was the last play of the game, Atepen and Nojiel were doing their commentary:

"This is it, Leo. It's pretty much the last shot for the South Cats. If they're going to have any chance of getting the win, they'll need to score a touchdown and then go for a two-point conversion."

"Yeah, and considering the fact that there are only 43 seconds left on the clock, I honestly don't know if they can pull this off," Nojiel said. "By this point it'll probably take a miracle for them to win."

With that, the South Cat quarterback prepared himself.

"Second down for the South," said Atepen.

And then it happened.

The South Cat quarterback looked— and threw the ball to the receiver, who was frantically jumping in the end zone. He did a backflip in the air, before latching on to the ball, and securing it in his mouth before collapsing down onto the field.

The South Cat fans went wild.

I wasn't necessarily shocked by this moment, all things considered, though of course Atepen was going nuts in the commentary booth (by this point you should have a pretty good idea of what his commentary was like) and the score of the game changed to:

**SC- 21**  
**NC- 21**

No.

That wasn't the shocking part.

The shocking part was what happened next.

As the South Cat fans went nuts in the stands, chanting the "GO HOME NORTH CATS" chant to themselves, a sudden paranoia erupted on the field, which silenced the crowd. Looking towards the field I noticed the referee running up to the center of the field and making a "no good" gesture with his hands to another referee. The South Cats themselves just looked on in confusion, and in the commentating booth, Atepen and Nojiel were just as confused:

"This crowd is going- oh? Oh, what's this? It appears the referee is saying it's not a touchdown..."

My eyes widened in shock at those three words.

_Not a touchdown?!_

There was no way that was possible! That had absolutely been a touchdown! I had seen it with my own eyes!

"Well, let's just wait and see what the verdict is," said Nojiel.

Once again, there was dead silence in the crowd, as everyone turned to the referee to hear what he had to say.

What he said promptly changed the entire game.

"After review, the touchdown has been denied..."

Those were the only words he got out. Immediately, the South Cats went into an absolute frenzy, yelling, screaming and booing the referee.

I was too shocked to speak.

Naturally, the first of us to react was Absent, who had been chomping on some popcorn prior to all of this. When he heard the verdict on the play, he was so shocked he spat out all of his popcorn.

"**WHAT?!**" he shrieked. "Are you serious?! Are you absolutely serious right now?! I've seen, like, ZERO football and even I know for a fact that was a touchdown!" He turned to us. "Show of hands if you have them: how many of you saw that with your own eyes?"

The entire group raised their hands.

"Exactly!" cried Absent.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I cried out. "That was a touchdown! That was a flipping touchdown! Are you people insane?! Do you not have even the slightest idea of how football works?! I swear!" I sighed. "Dear god, my dad was right; these refs _do _suck..."

The South Cats themselves, meanwhile, were confused, sad and angry, and ran up to the referee mewing and jumping in his face.

And honestly, who could blame them? They just had seven hard-earned points taken away from them!

I took a look over at the rest of the group, and they were pretty much reacting in exactly the way I would expect: pure, unbridled shock towards the stupidity of the referees.

Madelief had her jaw dropped in shock, with her eyes practically bulging out of her head.

HP had stumbled back in disbelief, her antennae covering her mouth.

LF just blankly stared ahead, as did Yuunarii.

Amidst all the chaos, only LF managed to get words out:

"My word," she said. "That referee is an absolute idiot. I feel very much compelled to dropkick him."

I wholeheartedly felt the same way, except for the fact that unlike LF, I couldn't do martial arts and therefore couldn't dropkick people and Pokémon.

During the entire period of unrest I had happened to notice that the North Cat fans- and the North Cats themselves- were not saying or doing anything. They, too, were staring at the referee in shock. Apparently, even they knew a touchdown when they saw one and thought, just as we did, that the referee was a moron, but didn't want to say anything.

And then all of a sudden, the chaos was broken by a very loud, very unexpected voice.

"**ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!**"

The entire stadium fell deadly silent, and all eyes turned to the source of the voice.

When I saw who it was, I became even more shocked.

It was a Shiny Incineroar.

A North Cat fan.

He was on his feet, and judging by the look on his face, he was also _extremely _angry at the referee.

Apparently, my assumption had been correct.

"**ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JOKING?!**" cried the North Cat fan, glaring over at the referee. "Do you not have a single idea of how this game works?! Yes, I may be a North Cat fan, but after 20 years or so of going to these games do you really think I wouldn't know a touchdown when I saw it?!"

I was absolutely stunned by what I was hearing. Here was a Northerner- the biggest enemy of the South Cats- defending the South against a corrupt referee. Based on the other NC fans' reactions, I could tell they were just as much caught off-guard as I was— and then all of a sudden a Golem in NC uniform rose in solidarity.

"I'd listen to him!" he cried out, pointing at the Shiny Incineroar. "He obviously knows football a lot better than you do, you idiotic ref!"

And then another North Cat fan rose.

"That was clearly a touchdown and you know it!"

Then another.

"Go back and look at that again!"

Then another.

"You just took seven points from them!"

And pretty soon, every single NC fan in the crowd was screaming at the referee for his absolutely terrible decision. The South Cat fans, for a few moments, stared in awe at this display of solidarity from their bitter enemies— and the South Cats themselves were absolutely awed with delight.

The North Cats, on the other hand?

They paused for a few moments, before their nostrils immediately started to flare in anger. Now just as enraged as their fans, every single North Cat turned to the referee and began yowling, hissing, scratching, and tackling the referee.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and clearly, neither could anyone else.

Absent especially.

"Whoa," he muttered. "Apparently even the North Cat fans know when a touchdown is a touchdown."

"Yeah," I said, now smiling.

Tears of joy were about to spring to my eyes at any moment, and I didn't care. The fact that these bitter enemies were now standing up for their rivals was an absolutely heartwarming sight to see, especially considering the fact that for the entirety of the game the North Cat fans and South Cat fans had been pretty much constantly at each other's throats.

And yet... even the North Cat fans knew the value of fair play.

And what the referee had done was absolutely not fair.

Speaking of the referee, he was clearly taken aback by the sight of all these fans rallying against him, and immediately ran off, presumably to have a look at the instant replay, chased by the North Cats. Atepen, meanwhile, finally spoke after a long period of silence, presumably due to being taken aback by the North Cat fan uprising.

"And look at this, folks!" he exclaimed. "Everyone's going against the referee-- North Cat fans, South Cat fans, North Cats, South Cats- it's absolute pandemonium!"

I smiled.

What was happening right now in front of me was pretty heartwarming.

Still, it wasn't as heartwarming as what happened next.

All at once the North Cat fans got on their feet, and, in unison, all began chanting:

"LET'S GO SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap) LET'S GO SOUTH CATS! (clap clap clap clap clap)"

That practically got me.

I don't really cry over heartwarming stuff, but this almost got me to cry, I will admit. The fact that the North Cats, just this once, changed their taunting chant into one of inspiration and solidarity for the South was touching as all heck. Taking a look over at the rest of the group, I saw that practically all of them were in tears over what they were looking at, and as I looked down the field at the South Cats, I saw that they were in tears as well. Eventually, I saw the referee come back onto the field, still being chased by the North Cats, and he soon stopped in the middle of the field. Instantly, my eyes widened in shock and I tapped Absent (who was still stunned by the horrible call) on the shoulder.

"Absent," I said.

He didn't respond.

"Absent!" I repeated, a bit more forcefully.

This time, he stirred.

"Wha- huh- what?" he said, snapping out of his reverie and looking around in confusion.

I pointed ahead to the field. "Look."

He did- and saw the same thing that I was seeing.

As the referee once again came out onto the field, both North Cat fans and South Cat fans alike were going absolutely crazy. They were booing him, telling him he couldn't play football, and so on and so on and so on. Eventually, the referee began to speak, and everyone once again went dead-silent. This time, the referee spoke in English.

"After reviewing the play..."

I could practically feel the entire stadium hold their breath in anticipation.

I was too nervous.

It was way too intense, but all I was thinking to myself was: _Please overturn the call, please overturn the call, please overturn the call..._

Everyone in the stadium waited for a few moments. I looked on the field, and the North Cats were glaring over at the referee with a look that clearly said _If you don't dare give those South Cats back their seven points, I swear to Arceus that I am going to kill you and your family right here right now._

This was it.

There was another tense pause.

And then:

"...the ruling on the field has been overturned." He raised his hands in the air. "Touchdown."

And the place went wild. North Cat fans and South Cat fans alike were jumping up and down in the air, celebrating the fact that they had won and beaten the corrupt referee. The North and South Cats themselves were just as delighted, with the latter purring and meowing in delight, running up to nuzzle the North Cats (who seemed slightly disturbed by the whole thing). Meanwhile, the score changed once again to:

**SC: 21**  
**NC: 21**

And as for us?

We were going absolutely crazy.

The minute we heard the news, we were all jumping out of our seats and screaming with happiness. I, of course, was more excited than any of them, and was an absolute wreck of pure delight as I jumped around from member to member, hugging them and high-fiving them.

Er, high-vining them?

Well, it didn't really matter; I was overjoyed nonetheless.

"YES! YES-----!" I exclaimed happily. "THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT!! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY WITH A REF CALL IN ALL MY LIFE!"

Everyone else giggled, laughed, and screamed with delight.

Atepen and Nojiel, of course, were going absolutely insane in the commentary booth.

"TOUCHDOWN!" cried Atepen. "That's another seven points for the South Cats! Now all they have to do to win is get a two-point conversion and-"

"Um, Felix?" asked Nojiel.

"Yes, Leo?" asked Atepen.

Nojiel pointed ahead. "Look at the clock."

He did, and soon, so did I.

There were 10 seconds left.

"No..." muttered Atepen.

I smirked. 

The clock was going to run out at any moment.

And pigs would fly.

9 seconds.

8.

7.

6.

"It can't be," said Atepen, in shock.

"I think it is, Felix," said Nojiel.

The South and North Cats, as well as their fans, slowly fell silent as the truth of the situation began to fall upon their faces.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1...

BEEP!

The clock ran out.

The game was over.

Atepen and Nojiel were staring in disbelief.

Absent, on the other hand, jumped right back into his seat.

"Oh goodie, we're about to go into overtime," he said. "Can anyone get me a bag of popcorn or something? I have a feeling we'll be here for quite a while."

And that was when Koffie came in with the bombshell.

_There is no overtime in Wereldian football._

"Oh," said Absent.

And then it hit him.

"Wait, WHAT?!" he gasped.

"You mean," muttered a South Cat fan ahead of us, "we... _tied?_"

The stadium sat in silence, looking up in shock at the tied score; 21-21. Atepen was still stunned for a few moments, then finally managed to gasp out:

"I... can't believe it. They tied."

And then, after a pause: 

"IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! PIGS HAVE FLOWN IN WERELDIA! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LEAGUE HISTORY, THE NORTH CATS AND SOUTH CATS HAVE TIED!"

Not a single fan said a word. They were too stunned to speak.

I couldn't say anything, but I definitely hadn't been expecting this.

A tie game.

For the first time in Wereldian history.

Cue the flying pigs, indeed.

For a couple of moments, everyone sat there in pure disbelief.

Then, finally, I heard a South Cat fan in front of me- a Magneton- speak.

"Wow," he said. "I wasn't expecting this."

"What, a tie game?" asked a Lucario North Cat fan sitting just above him. "Yeah, me neither."

The Magneton shook his head.

"No," he said. "I wasn't expecting you to come through for us just then. I mean, we hate each other almost as much as the cats themselves do, and yet you put your differences aside to help us get another seven points."

The Lucario laughed.

"Hey, what can I say?" he said. "I mean, I know we're supposed to hate each other, but I've watched football for years, and I know a touchdown when I see one. That was absolutely a touchdown, and the referee was so dang stupid to not declare it as such before we had to intervene."

"Agreed," said the Magneton.

Then the Lucario suddenly paused and looked up.

"You know, helping your team there... I just realized that all of this fighting is absolutely pointless," he said. "I mean, what exactly were we fighting about again?"

"Our G's," said the South Cat fan. "The North Cats and South Cats hate each other because their dang G's are so different. Yours are harsh and throaty; ours light and airy."

"But, I mean, it's just a sound," said the North. "It's just a letter of the alphabet. So what if it sounds different? It's like- if I liked cheese pizza and you liked pepperoni. Is it really worth it to get into a freaking war over what kind of pizza we like? We both like pizza, and that's enough."

The South Cat fan instantly beamed and hugged the North Cat fan.

I was beaming myself. Two fans who were mortal enemies had just realized how important it was to cease the fighting for once and simply just agree to disagree. It was absolutely heartwarming.

But to me, it wasn't as heartwarming as what happened next.

Looking around, I suddenly noticed that all the other North and South Cat fans had heard the speech, and they, too, were starting to come to the same conclusion.

And then I looked out onto the field.

A South Cat was walking up to a North Cat with a football in its mouth, but the North Cat had its back turned. Gently, the South Cat nudged the North Cat with the football, causing it to turn around in shock.

And upon seeing him, the North Cat began growling- but then stopped.

Its expression seemed to soften as it saw the pleading look of the South Cat, presumably reflecting on what it had just done and realizing the same thing the fans had: that all their fighting was for nothing in the end. Eventually, and with all the other North Cats, South Cats and the referee watching, it walked up to the South Cat and opened its mouth, before gently taking the football and setting it on the field.

Everyone was once again silent.

Everyone, that was, except for Atepen and Nojiel, who stared in awe.

Atepen, naturally, was the first one to speak, and when he did, there was audible shock in his voice.

"Leo..." he muttered, "is this real? Are we seeing this with our own eyes...?"

Nojiel smiled.

"Seems like it, Felix," he said.

Atepen blinked for a few moments, then shook his head in shock.

"No," he muttered. "I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe it! There's no way this is real! There is no way that that North Cat is trying to make an agreement with the South! The North Cats are aggressive! They hate the South! There's no way this can be a truce!"

_I have a feeling it is~! _I thought to myself, smirking.

Looking back on the field, I noticed the North Cat smiling over at the South- and then, as if to apologize for all the aggression and fighting it had put the South through for the past 20 years, gently nudged the ball back towards the South Cat. Happily purring, the South Cat picked the ball up and ran towards the North Cat with a smile on its face, before affectionately rubbing the North Cat's neck.

There was a pause.

The North Cat, for a moment, had practically no idea what to think.

Then, its expression softened, and before the eyes of everyone, the most miraculous and heartwarming thing happened.

The North Cat nuzzled the South Cat back.

The crowd of fans, who by this point had tears streaming down their faces, loudly cheered, and one by one, all of the North Cats and all of the South Cats came together in a giant group hug, with blue, yellow, and white splattered everywhere. Finally, they had found peace.

There was no more aggression.

After 20 years... peace had been acheived between the two teams.

And, metaphorically, the two G's.

I couldn't help but tear up as I saw this, and Atepen, for a few moments, had tears streaming down his face. Then, all of a sudden, he burst out in tears of joy and grabbed Nojiel, shaking him with delight and screaming into the microphone:

"**IT'S A TRUCE! IT'S A TRUCE! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! PIGS HAVE FLOWN, HELL HAS FROZEN OVER, AND THE NORTH CATS AND SOUTH CATS ARE GETTING ALONG!**"

He started crying tears of joy into the mic, and while everyone else around him was either cheering or sobbing, Absent just stared.

"SERIOUSLY?!" he cried out. "Seriously? You guys tie for the first time in 20 years and _that's _what sparks your truce?"

"Oh come on, Absent, admit it," said Madelief. "That was sweet."

Absent paused, and then eventually smiled.

"Alright," he said. "I will admit that it was a bit sweet."

"More like very sweet," I said.

Atepen eventually stopped crying and got back on the commentating booth, taking a few breaths to compose himself.

"Well, Leo," he said, "I gotta say, what an inspirational and satisfying ending to a history-making game! The North Cats and the South Cats tie for the first time in Wereldian history, 21-21! It's been an incredible game tonight, folks, and I hope to see you all for the next game as the North Cats go on to take on the Heuvalian Mustangs in the fight of their lives! For the Wereldian League and Leonidas Nojiel, I'm Felix Atepen, and until next time, I advise you all- **KRIJG EEN DOEL! **Goodnight, Wereldia!"

And with that, the game was over.

**END OF FOURTH QUARTER**  
**END OF GAME**  
**FINAL SCORE: NORTH CATS- 21, SOUTH CATS- 21 (FIRST TIE IN TEAM HISTORY)**

\--------------------------------------------------------

After the absolutely incredible- and of course heartwarming- football game had ended, I had been trying for a few minutes to see if I could finally pronounce a Dutch G at long last. Considering everything I had heard in the game, I figured that I could at least make a sound that sounded like a cat hawking up a furball-- and yet for some odd reason I found that I still wasn't able to do it out loud.

It made no sense to me at all.

As the six of us left the field for the S.S. Tex-Kofschip (who incidentally, had turned back into its giant ship form again and had now docked back at its landing place), I was still distraught about the entire thing. No matter how much I tried, I still couldn't do it.

It was almost as if the game was all for naught in the end.

Madelief, who up until that point had been happily talking with the other members of SOSchip about the game, was the first to notice that I was acting slightly off, and her concern for me was evident on her face.

Which I still find surprising, considering that as a Hoppip she only has two yellow beady eyes.

She floated up to me in slight consternation.

"oghond?" she asked. "Are you okay? I thought you'd be more excited. I mean, seriously! Did you see what happened? The North Cats and South Cats tied! For the first time ever!"

I sighed.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "And don't get me wrong, it was an exciting and heartwarming game. It's just..."

"What?" asked Madelief.

"I don't get it," I said. "I mean, I thought for sure that that game was going to help me learn how to say a Dutch G out loud, and yet I just tried it and for some odd reason I can still only do it when whispering. It's really strange. I still have no idea why this is happening."

"I think I do," said Madelief.

I paused.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Sure!" she responded happily. "When can you say a Dutch G again?"

"In my sleep," I said, "when I'm talking to myself. Why?"

"You know, the Dutch G is a lot like a reverse snore..."

"A reverse snore?" I paused. "I mean, I've heard it before, but how in the world can a snore be reversed?"

"Do you even know if you snore in your sleep?" Absent asked.

"No, but I know what it sounds like," I said.

"Which is?" Madelief asked.

I snored.

Madelief giggled. "See?"

"What?" I said. "It sounds like a pig snort."

"Yeah, but a snore is"- she snored- "-and a North Dutch G is-" -she said a North Dutch G.

My eyes widened.

I had never really thought of it that way before, but now that I had heard both sounds aloud, I realized that they did indeed kind of sound the same.

Mainly due to the fact that a snore and the North Dutch G both came from the same place- your throat.

"Wait a second," I said, suddenly gaining a look of recognition and looking down. "So, you're saying that I'm able to make a better G sound in my bed because my throat is cleared because I've inadvertantly been snoring?"

"Jep!" cried Madelief. 

"So... you want me to try snoring tonight in bed?" 

"Jep!"

I was suddenly fueled. If I was going to master this sound, I would be snoring in bed all night long. I hadn't really snored in bed before, as far as I knew, but if what Madelief was saying was true...

I gained a look of determination.

"You guys better get some earplugs," I said. "I'm going to be snoring all night."

——————————————————————

And I did.

By the time nightfall came around, I was not only fast asleep, but also started snoring in order to help clear my throat out. Of course, I didn't snore the entire night; most of my dreams kept coming back to the game- to the furballs that had been thrown out by the North Cats. I also kept whispering G-words in my sleep, trying to get the hang of pronouncing a Dutch G in the hopes that by the next day something was going to happen.

Eventually, I just stopped snoring altogether.

I have no idea how long I slept for, but it seemed like forever. Yes, I know that sounds absolutely cliche, but by this point I don't really care.

Regardless, I was eventually woken up by a cheerful voice ringing in my ears.

"Hallo~!"

I immediately woke with a start to find Madelief, as you would expect, up in my face. Now startled as all get out, I jumped back in my bed. I hadn't been expecting to see her at all.

"GAH!" I gasped. "Madelief? Good god, how long was I out for?"

"I honestly have no idea," said Madelief. "But it's tomorrow, so I'm pretty sure you were asleep for a long time."

"Wait... IT'S TOMORROW?!"

Frantically, I looked outside my window. We were no longer in the Wereldian dimension- we were back out on the open ocean. Assuming this was tomorrow, the time went by fast.

"Huh," I said. "I don't remember listening to Nimja before falling asleep."

Madelief just giggled.

"So," she asked, "how did you sleep, anyway?"

"Pretty good," I said, struggling to get out of bed. "I kept having dreams about the game all night long."

"The game was really good, wasn't it?" cried Madelief. "I still can't believe that the North Cats and South Cats tied for the first time ever! I mean, it is strange that they never tied before, considering they had been playing for 20 years. But the game was really awesome!"

_"Ja_," I responded casually, without even thinking about the words coming out of my mouth. "_Het was goed._"

I knew that I was speaking Dutch, but what I had just done didn't register with me just yet until I looked up and saw Madelief staring at me in complete disbelief. She blinked.

"What?" I asked.

"Say that again," Madelief gasped.

"_Het was... goed?_"

And just like that, Madelief let out a delighted gasp and tackled me to the ground. I was so stunned and confused by the event that not a single word of what she was saying to me registered, although I was able to catch every word:

"OGHOND! You did it! That was an actual Dutch G! I'm so proud of you! That sounded so good!"

Uh... what?!

No.

That wasn't possible.

I had to have sounded like Cthulu saying that... right?

Or at least like a Southerner.

The cats match surely hadn't helped me all that much. I remembered very clearly that after the match I hadn't been able to say a Dutch G no matter how hard I had tried, and went to bed still in a somewhat depressed state about it.

Yet she continued.

The rest of what she said I didn't quite catch, because I was still too busy thinking about what had happened at the football game and how saddened I had been. But I eventually noticed that Madlief was staring at me with a huge smile on her face and soon came to.

I looked at her in confusion.

"What?" I asked.

Madelief happily began to bounce around in delight.

"Don't you get it?!" she cried excitedly. "You finally said a Dutch G! That was amazing! I told you you could do it!"

I blinked- and then all of a sudden the realization started to sink in.

"Wait... really?" I asked.

"Yes!" cried Madelief.

"I didn't sound like Cthulu?" I continued, a laugh starting to grow in my throat.

"Are you kidding?!" exclaimed Madelief with pure delight. "You didn't sound like a demon at all! You sounded like an actual Dutch person for the first time ever, and it sounded so good and--" She let out a delighted squeal. "Go on, say 'goed' again, I can't get enough of it~!"

I looked down.

"_Goed...?"_

And now it was my turn to let out a gasp of delight.

I had done it.

I had actually done it!

After seven long, agonizing months... _I was finally able to pronounce a Dutch G!_

And not only was I able to pronounce a Dutch G, but I was able to pronounce a Northern Dutch G- the sound I had been dying to say for months!

The kicker?

I was able to say it _aloud_, without any trouble whatsoever.

Seriously, my throat didn't even hurt a bit!

For a few moments I was still disbelieving it at first, but eventually the shock and joy began to sink in as I realized what I had just done.

A huge smile came on my face.

I didn't want to stop.

"Oh my god..." I muttered happily. "I did it! I actually did it!"

Smiling, I ran over to Madelief and hugged her tighter than I had ever hugged her in my life.

She giggled.

"Yay!" she cried, returning the hug.

"Seven months I have waited and it has finally happened at last!" I exclaimed, breaking off the hug and raising a vine in the air.

"It sure has!" Madelief said with a giggle.

"Praise be to the North Cats!" I cried.

We giggled happily for a few moments, but our little celebration was interrupted by Koffie's doors suddenly opening before us. The two of us stopped celebrating the fact that I had finally learned how to pronounce the Dutch G and turned to the door, only to see a visibly fatigued Absent carrying a cup of coffee. Apparently, he had just woken up.

Which made sense. It was morning, after all.

Immediately, Madelief and I ran up to him in utter excitement.

"Absent!" I cried. "Absent! You won't believe it!"

"She can finally say a Dutch G~!" Madelief exclaimed.

"Out loud, too!" I cried. "Here, listen to this: _graag gedaan_."

I couldn't help but start smiling. Absent, on the other hand, weakly raised his paw in the air in "celebration".

"Eyyyyyy... pride yourself..." he said weakly.

And with that, he walked off sipping his tea. The minute the doors closed, I looked over at Madelief in slight confusion.

"I thought he'd be more excited," I told her.

Madelief just shrugged.

_You'll have to forgive him, _said Koffie, suddenly breaking in. _He's tired, since he just woke up._

"Well," I said. "That explains it."

_But more to the point: YOU CAN FINALLY SAY A DUTCH G!!!! I've never been more happy and proud of you in my entire life! I knew that game would work!_

I smiled.

"Thanks, Koffie," I said.

_Graag gedaan! _it replied. _And yes, I heard you say that, and IT WAS PERFECTLY PRONOUNCED! I can barely wait for the rest of the SOSchip group to hear about-_

"oghond!"

It was HP's voice.

Immediately, HP came bursting through the doors leading into my room, followed by LF and Yuunarii. The minute we saw them, we ran up to them in excitement, and Madelief was certainly eager to tell them the big news. She floated up to the rest of the group, barely able to contain her pride.

"HP! LF! Yuunarii!" I cried.

"Guess what?" Madelief said. "oghond can finally pronounce a-"

LF instantly raised a paw to stop her.

"You need not say anything," she said. "We already know."

She walked up to me, and then smiled.

"Congratulations, oghond," she said.

I looked at the other two, and their faces said everything. I knew they were proud of me. My eyes once again filled up with tears of joy.

"Thanks, everyone," I said.

Then, turning to HP, I smirked.

"Well, HP," I said, "seems you were right. The game did help me after all."

HP smiled.

"Yes, it did," she said.

And with that, the entire SOSchip group (with the obvious exception of Absent) hugged me.

As for me?

I was feeling more proud of myself than I had ever felt before when it came to languages. For seven months, that sound- the North Dutch G- had been the bane of my existence when it came to learning Dutch. But thanks to two odd groups of cats- and a little bit of football- all of a sudden pronouncing a Dutch G seemed almost easy.

Second nature, even.

But of course, I couldn't have done it alone. Without Madelief's help- scratch that, without the help of the entire dang SOSchip group- I wouldn't have been able to pronounce that sound in the first place.

Regardless, one thing was for certain— I had finally gotten rid of that giant linebacker that had been looming over my back for the past seven months.

I had escaped.

I had made it to the end zone.

And dang, _was het goed._

** _EINDE_ **


	7. VIJF: Hostile California

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, we've hit the big guns. This is Chapter 5, "Hostile California," AKA the musical episode, and if this isn't an important chapter, I don't know what is. For starters- ALEPH-NULL FINALLY MAKES THEIR DEBUT! The villians of the series make their debut here, and they'll come back for more. Second, this is the first appearance of Sierra, the Spirit of Folsom Lake College.
> 
> And third, I cannot tell you how happy I was to work on this chapter before its initial Wattpad release, and I think you'll understand why: this is, TRULY, the first chapter that Absent and I collaborated on together. Most of the stuff that says ABSENT'S POV was written by him, as were three of the songs- "The Purist Anthem," "The Desire to Be Nowhere," and "13 Km." Also in this chapter? More IRL info- specifically- ABSENT'S FULL REAL NAME, and even more so, HIS FAMILY. Both of these things were put in there with the full permission of The Absent Coder himself, so you know. I would also like to inform you that the events of "Little Bird" ARE REAL and were also put in with the Coder's permission. Once again, I warn you: DO NOT STALK OR THREATEN ABSENT OR HIS FAMILY ONLINE. 
> 
> Finally, there is a slew of Japanese in this chapter- I told you Absent speaks Japanese!- and all of it will be translated at the end of this chapter. This is also the first chapter to feature Fudge and Bailey- Yuunarii's bunnies- and to have Yuunarii in her current characterization. 
> 
> With that said-- ENJOY! And yes, the other eight (seven?) songs will be released on YouTube, demoed by yours truly!

VIJF: HOSTILE CALIFORNIA  
**_  
CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_**

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

I've always been a huge fan of musicals. I've written plenty of my own- some original, some jukebox. I've been in plenty of musicals myself- usually as an ensemble member.

Okay, scratch that, always as an ensemble member, but don't think I'm not happy about getting small parts all the time. On the contrary- I love being in musicals, no matter what part I play. I've even been to a few musicals in multiple theatres- one of which I even saw on Broadway as a birthday present.

And for many years, I've always wondered what it would be like if life was a musical.

Well, now I know.

And let me tell you- it is AWESOME.

A few days had passed since the day that I had finally- finally!- learned how to pronounce that tricky North Dutch G, and in that time, I had reached a consensus. Namely, said consensus was that we needed to get the Dutch teaching going. Naturally, I figured the first thing that would be taught was Dutch grammar, most notably the Dutch concept of 't kofschip. That was always a fun thing to teach.

So I talked it over with the rest of the SOSchip group, and everyone agreed with me that we had to start.

The question was... where?

For days it had plagued me, but when I woke up that morning, the morning that my life became a musical for one day, I had decided it in my mind. If we wanted to start somewhere, we had to start small, and there was a small town that I had been thinking of in my dreams where I could start the epic journey of language-teaching.

Okay, actually there were two, but one was more personable than the other.

The state was California.

The cities that we'd be going to would be Folsom (home of the famous prison) and a small town you may not have heard of called...

I can't say.

The name of the town is a secret that is shared between myself and Absent.

Why, you ask?

Because you see, that little small town _is where the Absent Coder lives_. If I were to put the full name of the town in this story, Absent would be _severely _uncomfortable.

So instead I will refer to the town by a pseudonym- Camp Arrowkin. I'll be calling it CA throughout, which will likely be very confusing considering the fact that CA is also the abbreviation for California.

Regardless, those were the two places in California we'd be visiting. Mainly, the lingual teachings would happen in Folsom, but there would be some teachings in Camp Arrowkin, too.

And that day, I was sound asleep in my room on the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, dreaming about how great the day would be, when all of a sudden:

_oghond?_

I initially didn't hear Koffie, and was still fast asleep— until a sudden beeping interrupted my thoughts. In an instant, I groaned and shut off my alarm clock, before allowing myself to be at least somewhat awake.

Eventually, Koffie spoke again:

_oghond! You're awake! Thank goodness!_

"Yeah, yeah, I'm up," I groaned.

_That's a relief! Now if I were you- even though I'm not- I'd probably get ready as soon as I could. Have you even decided where you're going yet?_

"Going...?" I was still a big groggy. "Going where...?"

_Remember? Today's the day that we finally start the quest to travel across the US to teach languages!_

"Languages..."

And then I remembered and instantly jumped out of bed in excitement.

"Languages!" I cried out. "How could I have forgotten?! I was thinking about it all night long and I finally have the perfect place to start off the journey!"

_Where?_

I stood up out of my bed, grinning.

"Ladies and gentlemen... WE'RE GOING TO FOLSOM!"

With that said, I was running down the halls of the_ S.S. Tex-Kofschip_ in about 22.5 seconds, eagerly thinking about all the Dutch that we were going to teach. I was so excited, as a matter of fact, that I felt like singing.

So I did.

**[SONG #1- "95630 (Distinctive by Nature)"]**

_Did you hear the news this morning?_   
_Did you hear what they had to say?_   
_'Cause today's the day that everyone's been waiting for_   
_Now it's here without a warning_   
_Folks, we're going to CA_   
_It'll be such a fantastic day, this I know for sure_

_We're going down to the station tonight_

_For we're on the road to California_   
_And my head just won't stop spinning_   
_Yes, we're on the journey of a lifetime_   
_And the fun is just beginning_   
_I've waited now for many days, and I just can't wait to go_   
_Distinctive by nature is 95630!_

By this point, I was in the main reclination area of Koffie's interior, and happened to see Madelief and HP talking to each other in the middle of the room. Delighted as all get out, I ran over to them, ecstatic to tell them about the fact that we were going to California.

"Madelief--!" I cried happily.

"oghond!" she exclaimed, floating up to me to give me a hug.

"Great news! I finally have an idea as to where we should all go for our first lingual mission!"

"V-vhich is...?" HP suddenly asked.

I smirked at her.

"Hang on, HP, because I'm pretty sure this is gonna blow your mind," I said.

With that, I walked over to a giant map of the United States that was in the middle of the room and pulled it down, using my vine as one of those pointy-stick things that your teacher uses in classrooms all the time.

You know, the long stick that they use to point at places on maps and things like that?

I don't remember what it's called, but...

Anyways, as I was doing this, I continued to sing:

_We'll travel across the country _   
_From New Jersey down to LA_   
_Then from there, we'll let the language-teaching fun begin _   
_For, my friends, I have decided_   
_That we'll start down in CA_

"CA?!" gasped Madelief and HP, excitedly.

_Yes indeed, can't you tell that this is an absolute win?_

For a moment or two, Madelief and HP looked at each other, pleasantly surprised by this news. Then, as soon as I went off, Madelief continued the singing:

_Well, then, let's get ready_

HP then joined:

_I've got to get ready_

Then, all three of us singing in unison:

_Let's go and get ourselves ready tonight—!_

_For we're on the road to California_

**Madelief:**   
_This day can't get any better_

**All:**   
_Yes, we're on the road to California_

**Me:**   
_Just make sure you bring a sweater_

**HP:**   
_For now at last today's the day_

**Me:**   
_And we will finally let them know_

**All:**   
_Distinctive by nature is 95630!_

_Yes, we'll be welcome in California _   
_It's the greatest state that we know_   
_We can't wait to go to California_

**Me:**   
_And to show them all what we know!_

**All:**   
_The three of us are set and ready; let's go on and start the show_   
_Get ready, get set, on to 95630!_

We had ran down multiple flights of stairs by this point— it's a bit difficult to explain what you're doing as you're singing when your main focus is what you're singing. Don't worry; once a visual gets made for the song I'm pretty sure you'll have a better idea of what we were doing.

Visuals will get made for all of these songs, for the record.

Anyways, I was next to sing as we approached the bridge.

**Me:**   
_And honestly, I can barely wait much longer_

**Madelief, HP:**   
_Much longer_

**Me:**   
_'Cause now the day has come for us to shine_

**Madelief, HP:**   
_We will shine_

And that was when LF, whose room we had just entered, saw us and joined in. She didn't so much sing as speak on pitch (or, what I affectionately refer to as "Rex Harrisinging"), but considering who she was, I felt like it fit more than if she were to actually sing the words:

**LF: **   
_Excuse me, but might I inquire as to where you will wander?_

"Gladly!" I said, then:

**Me:**   
_To California!_

**Madelief:**   
_To California!_

**HP:**   
_To California!_

**All:**   
_To California—!_

LF paused, then turned away and said simply:

**LF:**   
_Really? Well, that is fine._

"That's it?!" I cried, slightly underwhelmed by her response.

"If I am being honest, I never truly had a lean towards any particular place regarding where the language teaching could begin," she said. "I simply knew that wherever we were going, the lessons would still have to happen nonetheless."

I shrugged. "That's fair."

"OGTJAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

At that moment, I was instantly broken out of my brief reverie by a high-pitched voice coming from another room. Startled, I snapped my head around, only to find Yuunarii being dragged in from another room by two bunny Pokémon. One of them was a Bunnelby, the other a Scorbunny, except the Scorbunny happened to look a bit different.

Mainly, the Scorbunny was surrounded by an unusual ghostly aura, similar to that of Mort's, despite the fact that from outward appearances he seemed to be alive.

It may seem odd, but there was actually a very good reason for the ghostly aura— this Scorbunny was a special Fire-Ghost type, revived from Shotgun shot.

These two bunnies were Yuunarii's, and without a doubt the two most notable bunnies to appear in her videos. The Scorbunny was Bailey; the Bunnelby, Fudge.

And they seemed frantic.

With excitement.

Eventually, they let go of Yuunarii, who looked on as they instantly started bouncing around in front of me. Bailey was the first to speak.

"The news has been all over the ship!" he cried frantically. "You're going to California, aren't you, ogtje?"

So you know, the bunnies will call anyone they don't know (i.e. anyone who isn't Yuunarii) a combination of a shortening of the person's name or screen name and "-tje," which is an ending used in Dutch to denote small cute things.

"Bunny," for example, is "konijntje."

So they call me "ogtje," Absent "Abtje," Madelief "Lieftje," HP "Pottje," and LF "Vosje." The last of those is not like the others, as Vostje would not be correct Dutch grammar.

Now back to the whole musical aspect.

I smiled, then giggled.

"Yep," I said.

"Ooh! Can we come with you?!"

Fudge, as per the usual, simply gave Bailey a deadpan stare.

"I think we'll need to ask Yuu first," he said.

Yeah. Fudge is a dude.

Believe me, I was shocked when I found out, too.

Yuunarii, meanwhile, simply giggled and nodded. The bunnies instantly brightened and started hopping up and down with joy.

"YES—!" Bailey cried excitedly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Fudge, we're going to CALIFORNIA—! How exciting is this?!"

"Really exciting," he responded simply.

"Scratch that, Fudge," said Bailey. "Try... THE MOST EXCITING THING EVER!"

And with that, he stepped forward into the light and began to sing.

**Bailey:**   
_Well, ever since my revival _   
_I've wanted to see the world_   
_And now, Fudge, it seems Folsom town's calling our name_

**Fudge:**   
_And I'm sure upon arrival _   
_The lingual flags will be unfurled_   
_With a little Dutch, their town is never gonna be the same_

**Bailey:**  
That's true!  
_So I say let's get to Folsom tonight—!_

**Fudge: **   
_Tonight—!_

**All:**   
_Tonight—!_

_Now we're moving on to California _   
_And our heads just won't stop spinning_   
_Yes, we're on the journey of a lifetime_   
_And the fun is just beginning!_

**Me:**   
_It's here!_

**Madelief:**   
_It's arrived!_

**LF:**   
_I cannot wait!_

**HP:**   
_What'll we see when we get there?_

**The Bunnies:**   
_LET'S GO!_

**Me:**   
_We're distinctive by nature_

**Madelief, HP:**   
_Distinctive by nature..._

**LF, The Bunnies, Yuunarii:**   
_Distinctive by nature..._

**All:**   
_Distinctive by nature_   
_And we're on the road to_   
_9-5-6—_

"Koffie, set us on course for Folsom!" I exclaimed.

Koffie "nodded," and in a matter of seconds, we were officially onto Folsom, hitting the last note as the ship gradually picked up speed.

**All:**   
_—3-0—!_

SLAM.

Right at the last note, all of us were interrupted by the sound of a door being opened quickly. Instantly, we all turned to see Absent, who had clearly just woken up, standing there in the doorway with a cup of coffee. He blinked his eyes in shock, then facepalmed.

"Oh, no, am I in a _musical_?!" he groaned.

I giggled.

"Seems like it," I said. "Hey, Absent."

"Mornin'," Absent groaned, coming onto the ship.

Madelief, who by this point was obviously excited about going to California, floated up to Absent with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. This, of course, was saying something, since Madelief is pretty much happy all the dang time.

Still, though— who the heck could blame her? We were going to Folsom!

"ABSENT!" she cried. "Did you hear the news? Today's the day we're finally going to be teaching languages to the world!"

"What...? Oh, yeah, right, I forgot," said Absent, who I was almost certain was still half-asleep. "Where are we going again?"

"California," I said. "Specifically, Folsom. We just did a whole song about it."

"Sounds... fun," said Absent, now starting to get a bit nervous. "Can you promise me we won't have to face my parents in any capacity?"

I smirked.

Boy, was he in for a surprise.

"Oh, no, we're going to your house, too," I said.

If Absent was half-asleep before, he definitely wasn't now. The instant I mentioned the fact that we were headed off not to just Folsom, but to his hometown, Absent's eyes went wide as heck and he trembled all over.

I had never seen him look so terrified in my entire life.

"WHAT?!" Absent shrieked in horror.

—————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Everyone stared at me in surprise after I let loose the loudest "what" I probably ever would let out in my entire life. And while I couldn't blame them, that did nothing to make me feel any less paranoid about the fact that I would be returning to California after some amount of time, AND my apparent death.

That second one was a particularly big deal. Sure, people are mistakenly declared "dead" sometimes, but they never found my body and probably saw it sink into the ocean. They had every reason to declare me dead, and now that they would possibly know I wasn't— and crazier yet, a Pokémon...

I... I didn't know what to think.

My paws began to tremble, sweaty. My eyes darted around the deck, avoiding the many pairs of eyes looking at me. My stomach began to churn, and I started to feel a little dizzy.

I attempted to form a sentence but my mind was running in too many directions for coherence.

"I... They... But... My... I-I gotta go!" I eventually stammered out before legging it to my room.

After I tore the door open and threw my body onto the mattress, I grabbed my phone with a shaky paw and put my playlist on shuffle, not even listening to it. Just needing noise beyond my breathing to drown out my flurry of thoughts was reason enough to put it on.

Eventually, after a song or two that I don't remember, I managed to get up off my bed, but still wasn't ready to confront everyone else. I entered the bathroom and filled the kettle, searched for a bag of tea as the water boiled, and made myself a cup of chamomile to forget about my dropped cup of coffee.

Some time later, the warm - but not scalding - mug of tea was held between my paws, and I managed to take a sip. After I sighed in satisfaction, I heard some thumping at the door.

"It's unlocked!" I hollered, voice still trembling.

"Oh, okay," came the voice on the other side.

oghond.

Naturally.

At my announcement she entered the room. I didn't look at her, still staring down into my cup as I contemplated another sip.

"Hey, Absent? You okay?" oghond asked, as I was in the middle of a sip. I finished, set the cup down and stared at her blankly.

"Would I run from the concept of returning home if everything were okay?" I asked, voice not raising in the slightest.

She paused for a few moments in contemplation. "Good point," she allowed me. "But, why'd you even run off in the first place? I mean... no one else in the group knows how crazy your family is except me."

"It has less to do with who they are and more the paranoia of returning home and the idea that we'd be exposed to the public eye. Sightings on the streets of supposedly fictional characters would put us on the front page everywhere, and I'd rather not have to go through that?" I asked, finding myself talking and talking and _not stopping_. After my mouth finished running without me, oghond stared at me like I was forgetting something.

"Did you not read Play the Game?" she asked.

"Hey, just because I read it doesn't mean I want that to happen to me - in your world, they were surprisingly understanding, but here? I want to say I know how people will react, but I don't. I fear the unknown; anything could happen when they see us," I explained, mouth running again. I took another sip of tea. I needed it, I could tell.

oghond hummed, shrugging, as if to concede I had a point.

No sooner had she done so, however, than the rest of the SOSchip group- or, as I call them, the Koffiehuis- burst into my room. Every single member had a look of panic on their face- heck, even LF, which was slightly surprising.

Madelief, of course, was the first to speak.

"Absent!" she gasped. "Are you alright? We saw the whole thing!"

I didn't respond - at least not verbally. I merely grunted noncomittedly, coming down from my anxiety leaving me less than sociable.

"Come on, Absent!" Madelief giggled. "What's so bad about going to California? I mean, it is where you live, isn't it?"

This time, I did speak.

"W-well, yeah," I began, "but-"

"Then you should be happy about this!" Madelief cried. "We're going to Folsom!"

"Yeah, it's incredible..." said HP. "I'fe always vanted to go to Folsom..."

"Besides, what exactly is wrong with you returning to your hometown?" LF asked. "Madelief is correct- California is your central commodity of living, so I would assume that you would at least have some level of excitement about returning there."

"Yeah!" Madelief cried. "You should want to see Folsom! It honestly makes no sense to me— why don't you want to return home?"

And all of a sudden, the entire Koffiehuis, except for Yuunarii, began bombarding me with tons of questions about California and why I didn't want to return there.

Everyone kept speaking over each other, barely even giving me the chance to get a single word in. I continually tried to speak up, but question after question came pounding into my skull, demanding my focus more than the last while continually straining my focus and patience.

Before I was even aware I was doing it, I snapped.

"BECAUSE I HAVE COUNTLESS MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT SEEING MY HEADACHE OF A FAMILY AGAIN, OKAY?! I'D RATHER HAVE THEM STILL THINK I'M DEAD THAN GIVE MYSELF PROPER CLOSURE IF IT MEANS I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THEM!"

Everyone took a big step back, staring at me with eyes full of dread, as if they thought that I would sock them in the face if they took another step or said another word. Not that I would blame them. I took a few heavy breaths and pounded the rest of my tea, sighing as I finished it to burn off the excess energy they awakened in me. oghond in particular looked more startled than the rest of them, and for a moment or two I thought I saw her beginning to tear up.

There was only one thought in my mind when I saw this:

_YOU DID THIS. APOLOGIZE, HALFWIT._

Thankfully, she didn't burst into tears. Instead, she just laughed nervously, and then turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Aaaaaaaaaand... now you know how crazy Absent's family is," she muttered nervously.

HP blinked in shock.

She was actually the one who was starting to tear up, which just made me feel _EVEN WORSE._

But I felt like I didn't even deserve to say anything - I screwed up royally and the silent disapproval was more discipline than I needed.

"I... I sink ve should leave him alone," HP finally muttered.

"Agreed," said LF, now even more startled than she had been prior.

With that, the rest of the Koffiehuis left in silence, terrified.

oghond was the only one who stayed behind.

Honestly, I half-expected her to burst into tears then and there.

Thankfully, she didn't.

She just stared blankly at the door, looking at where the rest of the Koffiehuis had exited.

Then, she turned to me, sweating nervously.

"I'll just be outside, then..." she muttered. "Heh-heh..."

With that, she shut the door behind her, leaving me alone once again.

If I were to tell you what I was thinking in that moment, oghond would get mad at me. So I'll just leave it at this:

_Gadolinium-Manganese it Absent you had one bloody job and you bloody choked when it was bloody described to your bloody face. What kind of bloody tutor are you; can't even bloody keep their composure when prescribed your first bloody client. You're pathetic, Absent. Mr. Self-Destruct, drags you down and uses you up. How fitting, that's you. That's all you ever were and ever bloody will be._

_Bloody heck, this is a new low for you. Running away into your room to have a bloody sob. What are you, 4? Yeah, you don't need your bloody parents to discipline you like that. All you need is yourself to tell you how bloody worthless you bloody are._

I threw my body back on to the bed, slamming my paw down on it in quiet desperation as I let my thoughts enter this downward spiral.

—————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Hoo-boy.

I definitely hadn't been expecting to hear _that_.

I mean, I knew how crazy Absent's family was, but I hadn't even suspected that he'd take our attempts to try and get him to come back to California that badly.

By the time I exited from the other side of the door, I was heavily breathing, unable to believe a single thing that I had seen or heard. I looked over at the rest of the group, and they, too, were heavily breathing as well. After a few moments of tense silence, I eventually managed to speak.

"Holy... crow..." I muttered.

"Zat vas absolutely intense," said HP, still taken aback by what she had just heard.

"I am very much inclined to agree with you," muttered LF in shock. "That very well may have been the most explosive outburst I have ever heard from him in my life."

"Oh, believe me, if you had known him for as long as I have, you'd know that he's had a LOT more explosive outbursts inside his head," I said. "That being said though, it is the first time I've heard him snap aloud."

"And it is TERRIFYING," said Madelief.

"Yep," I said.

Bailey was shivering.

"I've known Abtje for the past... I don't know how many days it's been, but good god... what the heck does he even have against his family, anyway?"

"ARE THEY ABUSIVE?!"gasped Madelief.

I, of course, was the only person who knew what Absent's family was like, and just as a little spoiler alert-- they're crazy.

Not full-on abusive, but definitely nuts.

ESPECIALLY his mother.

Believe me, when I tell you about the two crazy as heck things that his mother did to him... you'll wish that you could punch her in the face.

I sighed.

"Well, they're not necessarily abusive," I said, "but they are crazy as heck."

I paused.

"Pray do tell... have you heard of a little thing called the Birthday Bash?"

Everyone just stared at me in shock.

"The... what?" HP asked.

"The Birthday Bash," I repeated. "Believe me, that's a crazy story. What if I were to tell you that on the day of Absent's birthday, his mother berated him for-"

_And here's your stop! Folsom, California!_

I was suddenly interrupted by Koffie coming in and informing us all that we had arrived in Folsom, CA. In a matter of seconds, I found myself facepalm- sorry, face_vining_.

"Really, Koffie?" I said. "I was just about to tell them about the Birthday Bash and you just have to inform us that we've arrived in Folsom?"

Koffie blanched.

_Oh! Oh my word, I'm sorry! I didn't realize it! I just saw that we were in Folsom and... wait, what's the Birthday Bash?_

I paused- then smiled.

"Oh, never mind," I said. "Absent will tell you about it later, I'm sure. For now, I'm going to inform him that we're in Folsom."

"But... he just went off on a rant about how much he DOESN'T want to go to Folsom!" cried Madelief.

"Please," I said, laughing. "It's FOLSOM, not his hometown."

With that, I walked back over to the door, then paused for a moment. Madelief was right. Absent was so paranoid about showing up in front of his family as a Pokemon that there was no way he could even possibly think about returning to Folsom. And honestly, who could blame him? A few weeks ago his parents probably saw him DIE. They would probably- no, DEFINITELY- be freaked out upon seeing their son alive and as a Pokemon.

Yet, if I was able to come clean to my parents about Absent's existence without any problems whatsoever, so too could Absent come clean to HIS parents about the fact that he was alive and a Pokemon.

I hesitantly knocked on the door and opened it. Absent was sitting there, not moving, not even saying a word, probably thinking about what he had just done and likely- because he has anxiety and is pretty much the real life Evan Hansen- feeling guilty as heck about it.

I had a feeling that his thoughts at that moment were very... British.

"Absent?" I asked.

Absent said nothing.

"We're in Folsom," I said to him.

Absent instantly froze where he was and started hyperventilating like crazy. For a few moments, my mind was a mix of concern and terror- concern for Absent's state of mind and well-being, and terror that he would turn around and snap at me again, telling me to leave.

I didn't want to say anything.

I could clearly tell he wasn't alright.

Eventually, however, he stopped hyperventilating and managed to slow his breathing down.

He sighed, then groaned and got up out of his bed.

"Can't help it, I guess..." he muttered.

I smirked.

"Absent," I said, "your two semesters of Japanese are showing."

He smirked back.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Distinctive by nature was 95630, and we were there at last.

Folsom, California.

Home of the famous prison made famous by Johnny Cash, as well as a little college called the FLC.

FLC, for the record, stands for Folsom Lake College.

Never heard of it?

It's Absent's college. Yeah... no wonder I keep calling Folsom his second home.

As the six of us left Koffie to look around Folsom for a few minutes before we tried to find at least someone who was interested in the Dutch language, I was clearly able to see why the city's motto was "distinctive by nature." Looking around me, I noticed a lot of crazy stuff that I had never seen before- it was obvious that this place was distinctive.

And then I saw it.

Multiple giant buildings with stained-glass windows, all of which were connected together by some sort of complex, each one with different names that I couldn't see. At first I had no idea what it was- figured it was an office complex-- until I saw something coming through the stained glass that clued me in immediately as to what it was.

**REST IN PEACE CORBIN WEST**   
**HE LIVED TOO FAST FOR HIS OWN GOOD**   
**ASSEMBLY TO BE HELD IN HIS HONOR TODAY**

Corbin West.

That's the Absent Coder's real name, excluding his middle name, which you'll find out later.

And in an instant I knew.

My eyes widened in shock.

"Holy..." I muttered. "That's the FLC..."

"The what?" asked Madelief.

"The FLC!" I cried, pointing over at the college. "That's Folsom Lake College! That's Absent's college! They think he's dead! Look!"

Instantly, everyone looked over at the college, and they, too, saw the same thing I was seeing. Absent, of course, had likely known from the start, and turned away the moment he saw the FLC.

"Of course they think I'm dead," he muttered.

"Corbin West?" Madelief asked, staring up in disbelief at the giant stained glass announcement. "That's his real name?"

"Yep," said Absent noncommitedly.

"I mean, you already knew his first name was Corbin, so..." I said.

"Yeah, but I didn't know his last name was West."

"Please don't tell me he's related to Kanyetje..." said Fudge.

"I doubt it," responded Bailey. "He's FAR too good of a person to be raised by that stupid man."

"True."

I giggled.

"Don't worry, they're not related," I said.

"PHEW!" said Bailey, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Regardless," I said, deciding to turn away from the school, "that's enough about Absent's name. We gotta find at least one person here who's interested in the Dutch language."

"Ooh! I know!" cried Madelief. "Let's just go into the college and teach people there 't kofschip!"

"NO," me and Absent immediately retorted at the same time.

Madelief instantly sunk.

"Believe me, if Absent's this terrified of returning home, I don't even want to think about how he'll react at the prospect of returning to HIS COLLEGE," I said.

Madelief paused.

"Yeah, good point," she said.

"Regardless, we still need to find somebody here who is interested in learning something about the Dutch language," said LF. "That is for certain."

"Agreed," I said.

And at that moment, I noticed a group of people talking to each other in front of me, all of them wearing shirts with the Dutch flag on them. I suddenly smirked, and everyone else turned to me.

"What?" said Absent.

"I think we just found them," I said, pointing ahead at the people in the distance.

Everyone else looked ahead- and eventually, they saw it, too.

"YAY!" cried Madelief. "DUTCH FANATICS~!"

I laughed.

"Well, I don't really know about fanatics..."

"TALK TO THEM! TALK TO THEM! I CAN BARELY WAIT~!"

"That's... that's kind of what I was about to do, Madelief," I responded, laughing nervously.

Madelief squealed with delight as I walked over to the group of people, who were still chatting amongst each other, and tapped one of them on the shoulder with my vine.

"Excuse me," I said.

The group of people- all of whom were girls- instantly stopped talking and turned to me. When they saw a Bulbasaur in front of them I half expected that they would start screaming in terror and running away.

Since- you know- I was a real life Pokemon.

Instead, they gasped in shock and cooed.

"AWWWWWW~!" they cried.

Instantly, the girls made headway and started petting me all over.

"It's a real life Bulbasaur!" one of them squealed.

"This is so awesome!" cried another one.

"DETECTIVE PIKACHU IS REAL!!" shouted another.

I just giggled nervously and backed away from them, slightly uncomfortable with them petting me all over. I had some Dutch to teach, dang it!

"Ooooookay..." I said, "that's enough... stop petting me, please..."

The girls gasped in shock.

"IT TALKS!" they exclaimed.

"Yep," I said, laughing nervously. "But I didn't come here to make a scene. I came here for much more... serious matters."

"What do you mean?" asked one of the girls.

"Simple," I said. "I couldn't help but notice that you girls are all wearing a shirt with a Dutch flag on it. Do you have a fascination with the Dutch language?"

"Fascination?!" cried one of the girls. "Are you kidding? We're half Dutch!"

"Really?" I asked, a bit surprised. "Well, then... would you like to learn some Dutch grammar?"

"YES~!" exclaimed the group of girls in unison.

I smirked.

This was going exactly according to plan.

"You know what 't kofschip is?" I asked.

The moment I said the words 't kofschip, the girls' faces instantly changed from excitement to confusion. They didn't say anything, but I could clearly see in their faces that they were only thinking one thing...

Um... WHAT?!

"I'm going to assume that's a no," I said. "Well, then, in that case, you've been gifted by the right group of Pokemon."

"THERE'S MORE?!" the girls exclaimed.

I nodded, and the girls' faces lit up in excitement as the members of the SOSchip group came up to me, joining me in solidarity.

"We are the SOSchip group," I said, "and we are part of Operation: SOSchip. Our goal is simple-- to travel around the world to teach Dutch to the masses before it goes extinct as a language. And don't worry, we're going to teach you all about 't kofschip."

And then all of a sudden, the idea came to me.

This day had started with a song, and it could continue with one.

And I just so happened to have written an entire song about 't kofschip about a year ago for a Dutch musical that, sadly, fell through.

Yet, that didn't mean it still couldn't have a purpose.

I smirked.

"In song," I said.

Absent facepalmed, and I immediately began to try to snap my fingers-- only to realize I didn't have fingers, I had a vine. Thankfully, though, I had written PTG, so I knew what to do in a situation like this.

I cracked my vine to the beat of the music, and a giant brass band and a huge stage appeared behind me. What followed was arguably the largest Broadway-based number of the entire day- a little bit of Chicago, a little bit of Sweet Charity, and a whole lot of 't kofschip.

And it was absolute genius.

**[SONG #2: "Kofschip!"]**

**Me: **   
_The past_   
_Is such a fine endeavor_   
_But it's sometimes hard to see_   
_If the past participle's last letter_   
_Is a D or T_   
_So for that_   
_You'll need to cross the bridge _   
_And see what's on the other side_   
_Just follow me now and I'll show you_   
_How a ship can be your guide_

At the line "How a ship can be your guide," I grabbed one of the girls and pulled her up on stage as clips from the 't kofschip Clipphanger began to play in the background and a giant bust of Koffie appeared on stage.

I then continued:

**Me: **   
_So board the kofschip, it don't matter_   
_Whatever your age or breed_   
_There's a simple rule you'll need to follow_   
_And here's what I've decreed..._

_If you got a_

And cue the chorus.

**Me: **   
_T, K, F, S, CH or P_   
_Well then, my friend, you're good to go_   
_'Cause those seven letters all take a T at the end_   
_Everything else takes a D_   
_It just comes naturally_   
_When you're riding 't kofschip, 't kofschip's your best friend_

The music continued to play, and by this point I noticed that a crowd of people had come over to the epic performance. From my perspective, this was a win. Excitedly, I turned to the girl on stage, who was getting into the song.

"So!" I cried. "Think you're ready to try it out?"

The girl thought about it for a few moments.

"Not exactly," she said. "I don't know, really, I think I might need an example..."

I smirked.

"Gladly."

With that, I cracked my vine, and in an instant, the following appeared on the screen in front of us:

**ik fietsen**

Bringing the girl up to the front of the stage where the screen was, I continued to sing:

**Me: **   
_Let's say_   
_You've got yourself "ik fietsen"--_   
_What ya gonna do?_   
_Well, you start_   
_By taking off the -en_

The -en was crossed off, leaving just:

**ik fiets**

**Me:**   
_And then you go through_   
_All of those_   
_Things you call consonants--_   
_T, K, F, S, CH, P_   
_You look at the last one_   
_And if you can match one_   
_Then the word ends in a T_   
_Or -TE!_

At these lines, the consonants appeared on screen, and the words "ik fiets" moved to the side to make room for them as the basic rules of 't kofschip were being shown on screen. At the start of the next line, the words "ik fiets" appeared back front and center.

**Me: **   
_So in the case of our friend "fietsen"_   
_Fiets is the stam, as you can see_   
_The last letter has boarded 't kofschip  
_ _So it's "ik gefietst," with a T!_

_'Cause if you got a_

_T, K, F, S, CH or P_   
_Well then, my friend, you're good to go_   
_'Cause those seven letters all take a T at the end_   
_Everything else takes a D_   
_It just comes naturally_   
_When you're riding 't kofschip, 't kofschip's your best friend!_

_When you're on the boat, you feel your spirits lifted_   
_When you're on the boat, you can do anything_   
_When you're on the boat, you'll no longer feel drifted_   
_Because putting words in the past is so simple_   
_You'll feel like you wanna sing!_

_Ah, but wait_   
_Sometimes it gets tricky_   
_Let me show you this:_   
_You might think_   
_That vrees ends in a T_   
_'Cause the stam ends in S_   
_But alas_   
_The full word is vriezen _   
_So when you take off the -en you'll see_   
_A Z's the last letter_   
_That's not all that better_   
_So what do you go for?_

**Rest of Group: **   
_What do you go for?_

**Me:**   
_What do you give it?_

**Rest of Group: **   
_What do you give it?_

**Me:**   
_WHAT'S THAT LAST LETTAH...?!_

The girl that had been on stage the whole number paused for a few moments, and then said:

"A D?"

"YA GOT IT!"

And with that, the entire SOSchip group, the young girl on stage, and practically half the people in the audience burst out into an epic Broadway dance routine. It was one of the greatest things I had ever seen in my entire life, and I was pretty much convinced by this point that it was working. Jazz music played loudly in the background, and eventually, by the time the chorus began to slow down, a group of chorus girls appeared on-stage.

Naturally, having seen dozens of Broadway shows before, I knew exactly what was coming, and me, the girl, and the entire SOSchip group came together and formed a giant kickline.

Heck, even Absent was getting into it, though it's probably because he felt obligated to.

**Me: **   
_So board the kofschip, it don't matter_   
_Whatever your age or breed_   
_There's a simple rule you'll need to follow_   
_And here's what I've decreed..._

_If you got a_

_T, K, F, S, CH or P_   
_Well then, my friend, you're good to go_   
_'Cause those seven letters all take a T at the end_   
_Everything else takes a D_   
_It just comes naturally_   
_When you're riding 't kofschip, 't kofschip's your best friend_

_When you're riding 't kofschip, the good times never end_

_Yes, when you're riding 't kofschip..._

_'T kofschip is jouw beste--_

"Um... oghond?"

It was Absent, who had tapped me on the shoulder just as soon as I was about to hit the last note. In an instant, the music stopped playing, and I turned to him.

"What?" I asked, clearly confused.

He pointed out into the crowd. "Everyone's gone."

I looked ahead of me-- and sure enough, he was right. While the band and chorus girls were still on-stage (as was the girl who I had pulled up on stage in the first place) everyone else in the crowd had left and gone on with their lives-- though presumably not without learning a bit of Dutch grammar first. Sighing, I simply sat there and groaned to myself.

"Great," I muttered. "They all left. Well, at least they likely left having learned a bit of Dutch grammar."

"You'd think growing up half-Dutch means they know at least a little," Absent remarked.

Instantly, I got up off the stage.

"Come on, guys," I said. "Let's go see if we can teach other people about the Dutch language."

I hopped off the stage and left to find some other people, and eventually the rest of the group decided to follow me. I assumed that this was what we would be doing for the rest of the day until we decided to go to Camp Arrowkin.

I had no idea as to what I was in for.

\----------------------------------------------------

** _PURISTS' POV- 3P_ **

Unknown to the Pokémon or the students of Dutch descent, a security camera secretly installed merely the week prior turned to face the crowd that had gathered. No one noticed the camera, as no one was alerted to its existence, not even the staff. The light flickered on as the feed was transmitted to somewhere unknown.

Said somewhere was dark, musty, claustrophobic and riddled with countless different feeds from all over. A nighthawk's paradise, but the overall goal was hell.

A figure's eyes darted around the feeds, searching for anything of remote interest. One of the cameras was buried in static, which caught their attention until it came back on, revealing it as the campus to Folsom Lake College - wait...

They zoomed in on the feed, catching sight of a Bulbasaur performing a routine that would not seem out of place in Broadway. Deciding it wasn't of much concern he looked away at the other feed, only to realize nothing would change soon, so he continued to watch the Bulbasaur's performance. No sound came through, but it was a much warranted break. At least until the door behind him opened.

"Mancia!" their superior barked. "Any updates?"

"None, sir-" he said before he paused, discerning two words on the stage that definitely were not English. "Scratch that," he corrected. "There's a problem at Folsom Lake College - a team of Pokemon attempting to teach some European language. Fortunately, their audience is gone-"

"That's no excuse to not take action!" Mancia's superior barked before picking up his radio. "This is Commanding Officer Case, send a division of Task Force Aleph-Null to Folsom - we have a team of alien-looking creatures attempting to educate the students with another language.

"No, they don't seem to be doing a very good job.

"Yes, this is still reason enough to send someone to do something!" He barked, before sighing. "Over and out," he said before he pocketed his radio and looked at Mancia.

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention," he said as he closed the door.

"Of course!" Mancia reflexively chirped, interrupted by the door closing.

"Alright, team!" one of the faceless Aleph-Null goons barked, walking in front of the half-dozen members of the task force as he began to drill them.

"We're being sent into Folsom to crush a group of difficult to describe creatures' attempts at educating the masses in a foreign language! You'll know which ones we're talking about when you see them, or so I'm told. Now, I know what you're thinking, and yes, our initial mission across California was a success - but that doesn't change the fact that these newcomers exist, and any sort of rebellion, mutiny or treason is not to be tolerated! You got that?!"

"Sir!" They all barked in unison, standing at attention. They marched into the solid black helicopter, two taking the controls and the rest sitting in the back. One closed the door behind himself, exposing the white Aleph on the door for all the world to see.

The motor roared to life and the craft lifted off the ground, destination set for the college, the last reported sighting.

And meanwhile, Jonathon Case, Commander of the Task Force of the Lingual Purists of Alpha-Null, sat back down in his chair next to Mancia and smirked.

"You don't realize how long I've been wanting this, Mancia," he said. "Yes, we're in California. Now... we must take it over. Obliterate its culture entirely. Suck out every bit of language that is not English and _BURN IT TO THE GROUND_. Then, once we've taken control of Folsom, the next stop is the rest of the United States and then— _THE WORLD_!"

He eyed the camera feed once again.

"Oh, Mancia, isn't this glorious?!" Case exclaimed. "Sooner or later everyone will be understood. Everyone will be speaking the glorious _lingua franca_ known as the English language and the best part is? They won't have a single culture to overtake them!" 

"I thought that English was a lingual derivative itself, sir," said Mancia.

"Yes— of languages that are practically _DEAD_!"

Case turned back to the camera feed and scowled as he saw the group of Pokémon continue their trek across Folsom.

"Of course, we do owe a great debt to languages like Latin and Greek and Old Norse," Case muttered. "But those languages and their cultures went extinct ages ago. And now... we shall do the same with all the rest of them. Dutch, French, Japanese, German, Klingon- I don't care what it is. They need to go."

He glared at the feed.

"Oh, you curious little Pokémon," he snarled. "Don't you realize it? Language is a burden of misunderstanding. In order for there to be peace in the world, there must be only one."

Case's eyes narrowed.

"_Ours_."

And then, inexplicably, soft Celtic rock music began to play.

**[Song #3: "The Purist Anthem"]**

**Case: **   
_To err is unforgivable_   
_In the eyes of our council_   
_To unite the world in one language_   
_Our ultimate ideal_   
_To think that you can stop us know_   
_Does demonstrate your zeal_   
_But to say that we could lose_   
_Would deny what we know is real_

_For we know the simplicity of a single tongue_   
_And the methods that we follow on our wall are clearly hung_   
_For we know how to spread gospel, English, our words_   
_Yet we all doubt that our dreams are understood_

_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_

And in an instant the Celtic rock music suddenly switched to... well, hard Celtic rock, as Case rose from his seat.

**Case:**   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone_   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

And with that, all the goons and minions aboard the helicopter cried out "HEY!" in unison, and for just a moment, the rest of Aleph-Null became a wild drunken stupor. Case, meanwhile, pulled up a giant chalkboard, and grabbed a chair, which he put behind Mancia before forcefully pushing the latter into it.

**Case:**   
_Class is in session! Please, have a seat_   
_There's no chance to fight back, no chance to retreat_   
_Your culture is a mess, a societal contradiction_   
_Now remain silent and let us share ideal revisions_

_For we know the simplicity of a single tongue_   
_And the methods that we follow on our wall are clearly hung_   
_For we know how to spread gospel, English, our words_   
_Yet we all doubt that our dreams are understood_

_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone_   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

_HEY!_

Again, a wild drunken party erupted on the helicopter, and Case walked over to the chalkboard, pulling down a presentation displaying pictures of California.

**Case: **   
_These restaurants, their haute cuisine, how pungent and exquisite_   
_Is an assault on everything that we hold truthful and explicit_   
_The neighborhoods, the backgrounds, and the stories that you share_   
_Are not ideal for our world, we think that's only fair_

_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone_   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

**Aleph-Null Members: **   
_HEY!_

This time there was no drunken party; instead all Case did was walk back over to the video feed, glaring at the group of Pokémon.

**Case: **   
_We are all human, of one race, of one class_   
_And to see you resist makes me smirk at your duress_   
_These golden hills, your mountain range, you southern hospitality_   
_Are not to host these ugly names in our new reality_

**Case and Aleph-Null Members: **   
_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone_   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

Once again, the Aleph-Null members cried out "HEY!", and as they did so, the Celtic music slowed down.

**Case:**   
_Why do you continue to resist education_   
_That serves to elucidate our exasperation?_   
_We all recognize the headache of mixing societies_   
_But the fact that you don't offends our sobriety_

_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone_   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

**Case, Mancia and Aleph-Null Members:**   
_For we are lingual purists on a major expedition_

**Case:**   
_To save the world from the language-barricade-caused subdivisions_

As he sang the word "subdivisions," the Celtic music began to slow down again, and the next words that Case sang were just as slow as they had been at the start of the number:

**Case:**   
_To unite all countries in one tongue, to spread the word to everyone..._

Until the music picked back up again for the final line:

**Case:**   
_About how great English is if you demonstrate submission_

**Case, Mancia, and the Aleph-Null Members:**   
_HEY!_

And with that, the helicopter flew off en route to Folsom.

Or so that's where the Aleph-Null group thought they were...

—————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

For a few more hours we wandered around Folsom, trying to see if we could find anyone else who wanted to learn the Dutch language or learn about 't kofschip. Unfortunately, though, most everyone else was too busy.

Which I understood. To be fair, most of the other people we met probably went to Folsom Lake. None of them recognized their supposedly dead classmate- though really, why would they?

He _had _been turned into an Oshawott, after all.

Anyways.

After searching for a few hours, the six of us eventually decided to quit searching for anyone else and decided it best to take a break. We stopped at a fast food restaurant— an In-N-Out Burger, to be precise, which I chose solely because I had never been there before- and then we were off, back onto the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, towards a much smaller town.

Yet also a much more personal one.

That's right- it was Camp Arrowkin.

And as we reboarded the ship, I realized that I never got the chance to tell any of the other members of the group what the Birthday Bash was. I also happened to notice that Absent was a bit quiet, which normally wouldn't be that unusual, considering that even normally he was more subdued than Madelief and generally a reserved person.

Er, Pokemon.

But here, he hadn't said anything for the past few hours. At first I presumed that he was simply busy, but then I realized where we were going and it suddenly hit me as to why he was so quiet.

He _really _didn't want to go home.

I decided not to say anything, though, until we got there, just so I could try and calm him down a bit before he actually returned back home.

Eventually, after a bit of silence, HP was the first one to speak up.

"Um... Absent?" she asked.

Absent turned.

"'Sup?" he said.

HP hesitated for a few moments before finally saying:

"V-vat's ze Birthday Bash?"

Absent paused for a few moments, and then sighed.

"Oh, nothing really," he said. "Only the worst birthday of my entire life."

Dang, did he nail the description on-point.

The Birthday Bash, in case you're unaware, refers to the events of August 2nd, 2018. This is two years before Koffie happened and a year before I met Absent online. I'll explain the events later, but for now, just know that August 2nd is the Absent Coder's birthday and that he had just turned 17 years old at the time.

HP, for the record, recoiled in pure, unbridled, horror, letting out a gasp.

"Oh, no..." she muttered. "That day must have been awful..."

"It was, believe me," said Absent.

"Oh no, what happened?!" Madelief cried out. "Did the cake get eaten?"

"Did all your gifts get stolen?" asked Bailey.

"Did somebody particularly close to you happen to die on the same date as your birth?" LF asked.

Absent shook his head.

"All good guesses, but I offered up the cake when I was done with it, there were no gifts that could be stolen, and no," he said.

"Vell, zen what happened?" asked HP, growing concerned.

Absent was about to say something- presumably, he was going to tell them about the events of that day- but by that point, I felt obligated to tell them the rest of the story.

After all, I had started it.

So I stepped in front of Absent.

"Hang on," I said, giggling. "I'll tell them what happened. You don't have to worry about anything, Absent— it's all covered."

"Oh. Okay," he said.

"Now... you might want to hang on for this," I said. "It's going to be one heck of a bumpy ride."

And with that, I told them everything.

Now, for the record, I was obviously not in Camp Arrowkin on the day of the Birthday Bash, so I didn't get a chance to experience it for myself. However, based on what I had heard about the day, it was absolutely awful- especially for Absent. It was so awful, in fact, he made an entire Reddit post about it two years ago, which I feel explain the events of the day better than I ever could.

So here goes.

Prepare yourself.

_On my seventeenth birthday I wake up to find the house completely deserted, save for me. Most of the day is a bit of a haze, except for a neighbor of mine asking for his Rubik's Cube back and a cousin of mine bringing me a pizza, cereal, milk and soda at around noon._

_Everything went belly-up when my mother came home six hours later. I don't know who or what spat in her cornflakes, but within five minutes of coming home, she tore into me for not letting the dog out, and I didn't even know the dog wasn't out, which I tried to tell her._

_I don't know what came next, but I remember vividly my mom forcing me to sit down on the couch while she berated me._

Yes, this is a real Reddit post.

And if you think that was bad enough, wait until you hear the things she said to Absent:

1: "I don't like caring for you. Your dad doesn't pitch in at all."  
2: "Depression is a luxury because you can have it."  
3: (by this point Absent starts crying and talks about how his depression makes it hard for him to feel) "Yeah, yeah, are you feeling now?! You feeling now?!"

And now I would like to remind you that Absent was actually DIAGNOSED with depression and that all of these horrible things were said to him BY HIS OWN MOTHER.

ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

All this over, apparently, not having taken the dog out of her kennel.

Yeah, I think you can understand why I have such a strained desire to punch her in the face for what she did and said to her son. No one should ever say anything like that to anyone who has been diagnosed with depression.

ESPECIALLY not the person's own mother.

By the time I was finished explaining everybody reacted pretty much exactly how you would expect them to. Madelief and HP were staring in shock at me, LF was stunned, and Yuunarii gaped in pure disbelief. The bunnies, meanwhile, were so stunned that they fell to the floor and fainted.

LF was the first one to speak.

"My. Word." she said.

"Yeah," I replied. "I know."

"That is absolutely sickening," she added.

Madelief continued to gape in shock for a few moments, then eventually shook her head and floated off.

"Hang on a moment," she said. "I need to go get something."

With that, she was gone.

HP was naturally, horrified. Tears were about to come to her eyes, she was so dang sad.

"Oh my vord..." she said. "That's horrible!"

"Oh, yeah," I said. "And if you think that's bad, wait until you hear about the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco."

Everyone just stared at me and Absent blankly.

"Pardon me?" LF asked.

"The Interstate Echoplex Fiasco," said Absent, not even moving.

"Vat's zat?" HP asked.

For a few moments, Absent said nothing, and I was just about to come in and tell everyone about the events of the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco.

Then he sighed.

"You really want to know?" he asked.

"Yes..." muttered HP.

"Of course," said LF.

Yuunarii nodded.

Absent looked down for a few moments before he spoke again.

"I don't remember the exact circumstances," he began, "but, it was September 23rd, 2018, and..."

He went on and on about the event.

And as he did so, and as I imagined every single event as it had happened that day, I took out my phone and had my headphones plugged in. I had heard this story before, but no one else had, so I just decided to sit back and listen to a fitting song. I opened up YouTube and went straight to Madelief's channel, then hit the link to one of her videos.

And then- the song began.

**[Song #4- "Little Bird"— originally written and performed by Madelief Cornelisse]**

**Madelief **(**in background of flashback**):  
_Little bird, I can see you in the distance_  
_Little bird, you're flying so high_  
_Little bird, so far away from me_  
_I'm sitting down here and you're in the sky_

_You're flying through the clouds_   
_With nothing to worry about_

_So little bird fly, fly-y-y-y_   
_And let me try, try-y-y-y_   
_To fix all my problems, to find out who I am_   
_And someday I will fly with you_   
_When I'm better again_

_Little bird, your life looks so easy_   
_Little bird, you're having so much fun_   
_Little bird, I'm in the darkness_   
_But I want to be happy and I want the sun_

_You're flying through the clouds_   
_With nothing to worry about_

_So little bird fly, fly-y-y-y_   
_And let me try, try-y-y-y_   
_To fix all my problems, to find out who I am_   
_And someday I will fly with you_   
_When I'm better again_

_So fly away from me_   
_Just leave me here alone_   
_And fly to the sun_   
_I'll wait 'til darkness's gone_

_So little bird fly, fly-y-y-y_   
_And let me try, try-y-y-y_   
_To fix all my problems, to find out who I am_   
_And someday I will fly with you_   
_When I'm better again_

_And someday I will fly with you_   
_When I'm better again..._

_—————————————————————————_

** _*FLASHBACK (DURING "LITTLE BIRD")*_ **

_"Mom, we have food at home!" he complained from his shotgun perch as his mother's car veered off the highway into the parking lot, surrounded by foliage on all sides._

_"Just give me five minutes," his mother retorted, turning off the car's engine as he stared at his brother, who he was hoping was sharing his confusion. In response, a maniacal grin spread across his brother's face._

_"Can I have the front seat?" he asked._

_"No - not only did you have it on the way here, mom promised I could have it on the way back."_

_"I wasn't exactly asking," he said, voice dropping to a contralto that the elder brother recognized as a sign of danger, as well as his mother telling him to stop complaining and just give up the seat._

_Five minutes later, with the A/C off, the radio blaring some country tune neither of them liked, and said brother having since left the car to go into the store, he walked in, leaving the sweaty car empty. The bell beside the door jingled as he entered, not even saying a word as he silently stared at the back of his mother's head from the other side of the room, only for her to turn around._

_"Stop causing a scene and get back in the car!" she demanded, unaware of her hypocrisy as said son of hers relented and left the store, waiting outside of the car as he had inadvertently locked himself outside and his mother was the only one with the key._

_Five minutes later the three of them were once again in the car, save for the swapped location of the brothers. The five minutes passed in a daze for the eldest brother, as he had been browbeaten over said five minutes and did not even seem to be aware of what he was being torn into over, having been forced to tune the world out to escape the country music._

_"Want some jerky?" his younger brother asked with palpable sarcasm in his voice, snapping him out of his reverie enough for him to reflexively say "no" sternly._

_With all the warning of a shotgun blast, the tires made the sound of nails on a chalkboard as the car veered onto a shoulder on the road._

_With a violent squeal of "get out" from the mother and tear soaked apologies from the apparent instigator, the eldest brother, in a panic, allowed himself to be ejected from the backseat and watched as his mother drove away into the shade. "Don't come back in until you can apologize!" she demanded as she began to roll up the window, staining her son's clothes with clay as he began to sit down on a pile of rocks and cry._

** _END FLASHBACK_ **

_—————————————————————————_

By the time the song had ended, I unplugged my headphones and turned off YouTube, then looked up just in time to hear Absent finishing the story I had heard a thousand times before.

"Twenty minutes later we stopped at a fast food joint and she continued to tear into me as we walked along a pier. She didn't even seem to care that I was crying the entire time; didn't feel worthy to even eat a single fry.

"And that, named after both a song detailing a lover's inability to keep their promise as well as another song detailing madness in isolation despite how many people you truly associate with, is the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco."

Everybody was in shock— as was expected from having just heard a story like that. Madelief, for the record, had come back from her little trip, and was just in time to hear the rest of the story.

She, of course, was the first to speak.

"That's horrible!" she gasped. "I wouldn't have wanted to have been in the car on that day..."

"I have never felt a stronger desire to dropkick a woman in the face as I have in this moment," muttered LF, in pure shock. "Your mother is a sick woman. My sincerest apologies, Corbin."

Absent's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Corbin?" he asked. "Please, just Absent; leave the 'Corbin' to my family."

LF bowed her head. "I apologize for my behavior."

"Hey, mom never did," said Absent. "Why should you?"

Everyone- excluding me- looked on in shock.

"She nefer apologized?!" HP cried.

"Nope," said Absent. "In fact, she and my next two therapists somehow managed to treat the entire situation like it was _my_ fault. I was even almost convinced it was!"

"She seriously nefer apologized for ze... um... the... vhat was it called again? Ze Internet Explorer Fiasco, right?"

"The Interstate Echoplex Fiasco," Absent and I said at the same time.

"But that was two years ago," Absent continued. "That's really just another stick in the bonfire compared to the more pressing issue of they think I'm dead."

HP was momentarily taken aback, but soon managed to control herself.

"Oh... yeah... right... vell... your family... zey're... zey're..."

"_Absolutely nuts?_" I cut in. "Yeah, believe me; he knows."

"Wait..." said Madelief, suddenly breaking in. "How do you know that they think you're dead? You haven't seen them in... what, weeks?"

"They were with me on the cruise ship when I fell off," Absent responded. "Think about it- after a particularly vicious hurricane they never see me again? It's safe for them to assume that I was cast off into the ocean and drowned."

Madelief paused for a few moments, and then:

"Oh... that makes sense," she said.

And then— it happened.

No sooner than five seconds later I heard the words that, without even realizing it, would change the course of my life forever:

_Ladies and gentlemen, we're approaching the Absent Coder's hometown! We'll be there in a minute!_

My eyes widened in shock.

Camp Arrowkin.

We were there.

—————————————————————————

** _ABSENT'S POV_ **

Koffie's announcement of our arrival was distinctly less than welcome given that I had reopened a couple of old wounds. With the events of the Birthday Bash and Interstate Echoplex Fiasco having been just about brought to the forefront of my mind, the last thing I really wanted to do was face the one responsible for both of those events.

Having burnt through my energy for the rest of the day courtesy of the panic attack that woke me up, I silently skulked back into my room, not even bothering to tell everyone where I was headed off to.

Naturally, though, oghond noticed.

"Absent?" she asked. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere," I mused. "Just not here," I added before continuing to walk away.

As I continued to walk to my room, I continued to mull over my words, thinking that merely sitting around and stewing in my own paranoia would be a terrible idea on all fronts. I decided instead I would walk around Koffie's deck until I couldn't anymore, or once my mind was done silently panicking. Whichever came first, doubtlessly the former.

And then the announcement came again.

_And here's your stop! Absent, we're at your home!_

I decided to say nothing and just walk around Koffie's interior for a bit.

Until, of course, I heard everyone else getting off the ship as well.

Then— oghond came in.

"Absent!" she called. "We're here!"

I had no desire to get off the boat at this point.

"That's nice," I said simply.

"Come on, Absent!" oghond cried. "You're gonna have to face them at some point, you know."

She left, leaving me alone to contemplate my thoughts.

In my desire to continually walk I realized I had left my phone in my room and would not be going back for it. I soon found myself humming some rhythm and subsequently singing.

**[Song #5- "The Desire to Be Nowhere"]**

**Me:**   
_It feels like forever_   
_And a day since I've been home_   
_And all I have's a body_   
_That's not even mine to show_   
_They never found my body _   
_Since I fell overboard_   
_And the thought of their reaction_   
_Shakes me to my core_

_But I tire of the sea_   
_And of Wereldia_   
_And I fear for myself_   
_Y mi familia_   
_Old habits die hardly_   
_And my fear's the same_   
_But I know that really_   
_No one is to blame_

_What do I want?_   
_What do I hope?_   
_Do I grasp this dilemma's scope?_   
_Do I stay?_   
_Do I go?_   
_What do I need to know?_   
_I guess_   
_This is just what I have to show_

_California's nice_   
_But I'm not ready _   
_To face my hometown_   
_I'm unsteady_   
_I've had this on_   
_The backburner_   
_And now I'm in_   
_A blind fervor_   
_I do not know_   
_What succeeds this_   
_Or anything_   
_That I have missed_   
_This homesickness devours me_   
_Yet despite that_   
_I'm still lonely_

_What do I want?_   
_What do I hope?_   
_Do I grasp this dilemma's scope?_   
_Do I stay?_   
_Do I go?_   
_What do I need to know?_   
_I guess_   
_This is just what I have to show_

_And yet despite this anxiety_   
_This detrimental piety_   
_Some part of me knows that I will_   
_Be able to surmount this hill_   
_I've got my gang behind my back_   
_Something that I used to lack_   
_Okay, I think I'm good_   
_Koffie!_   
_To my neighborhood!_

_Yes, this I want_   
_Yes, this I hope_   
_Yes, I no longer need to cope_   
_But I won't stay-_   
_I shall go!_   
_Watch out mom, I'm coming home!_

_I'm still human_   
_I'm still your son... _   
_Welcome to Folsom~!_

And with that realization, I ran off the ship, ready to face my family once more.

Provided I had backup; I wasn't suicidal!

——————————————————————-

Staring at the intersection that led up to my house was so much more daunting than I remembered it being - and it didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was about five feet shorter than I used to be. It stemmed from the fact that while I knew who was waiting for me, I didn't know what was waiting for me.

The hill leading up to my house seemed a lot steeper than I remember it being - like climbing up a mountain, almost. I tried to remain inconspicuous so as to not have to interact with more people than I needed to. Fortunately, everyone's driveways were empty, save for my house's. Must still be in mourning, I considered, giving me all the more reason to stay awa-

_Come on, Absent, you made a promise to yourself, now bloody keep it!_

I pressed forward, ascending the almost infinitely-steeper driveway and walked along the path to the front door, hoping no one saw me through the window.

Unable to reach the doorbell, I instead grabbed my scalchop and used it to knock on the door, attempting to reach as high as I could.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

And then I heard them.

My brother, and my mother, for the first time in weeks, arguing and yelling at each other on the other side about... _something_.

Presumably, who would be getting the door first.

Eventually, the door opened, and my mother was on the other side. If this had been a month ago, I would have had to look down at her.

Now?

She was _towering_ over _me_.

It was all the more intimidating, and I looked down, desperate not to make eye contact with anybody. Eventually, my brother- whose name is Nathan, by the way- entered the room, and as soon as he saw me, he instantly turned away and began paying attention to the dog.

Because _OF COURSE HE WOULD_ \- any excuse to shirk responsibility is a valid one in his book.

"H-hey guys," I muttered, trying my best to not look at anybody. "I'm home; did you miss me?"

My mother just stared at me in confusion.

"...why is an otter talking at our door and should we know him?" she asked.

_YES!_

_Of COURSE you should know me! I'm your son, dang it! It's me, Corbin! I'm alive!_

"Well, he sounds familiar-" Nathan began, only to be interrupted a few seconds later by the dog glomping him to the floor.

Seeing the dog gave me an idea.

Now, I feel it relevant to bring up the fact that, generally, my brother takes our sibling rivalry out on everything else. Call him a problem child if you will - heck, I would even go so far as to do so - but that is kind of how he generally operates. He has an almost childish sense of humor, doing things for the heck of it more often than not, or because he knows it will annoy me.

I figured that was as good a time as any to use one of his own practices in my favor.

"Come here, stupid!" I announced, watching the dog stop licking my brother's face and come barreling towards me. No one said anything as I continued to get my face licked by a dog the was almost three times as big as me, but I was able to notice my mom and brother staring at each other like they were reaching the same conclusion.

So you know- only a member of my family knows that our dog answers to both her real name and "stupid," because my brother trained her.

"...**_CORBIN_**?!" they chorused, looking at me stand up after getting tackled.

I chuckled nervously.

"Hi, mom," I said sheepishly, entering the household and looking at how much bigger it had become. My eyes settled on a picture of me behind the sofa, wearing a white t-shirt with the Majesty symbol on it and the words **_RIP CORBIN WAYNE WEST- 2001-2020_** on the bottom of the frame.

Look it up.

"I, uh," I stammered before finding my voice, doing everything I could to ignore the two pairs of eyes staring down at the back of my skull. "See you have a memorial to me on the wall. I'm flattered, but I'm not dead," I chuckled.

"What happened to you?" my mom asked, reaching to pick me up before I leaped onto the back of the sofa, anything to avoid getting touched.

"I was rescued by my online friends - I told you about... oghond, right?

"Yeah, after I fell off the ship, I fell unconscious and was resuscitated by another crew after inexplicably becoming this," I said as I gestured to myself before throwing my body onto the sofa cushions and grabbing the clicker. Looked like mom and my brother were arguing about what to watch again.

No one was saying anything as I steered the cursor over to a show I couldn't remember the name of, no one objecting or agreeing. Trying to get some conversation in, I spoke up.

"Couldn't have a funeral without my body, huh?" I asked, looking around for any evidence a funeral was held in any capacity and finding none.

My family was always a little on the poor side, but provided what they could. A funeral, for the record, was not one of those things.

Eventually, I noticed the rest of the Koffiehuis still at the door and silently gestured for them to leave.

They didn't.

Specifically, oghond didn't.

For a moment or two she just stared over at my mother with a look that was half shock and half determination. Then, eventually, she just shook her head and walked right up to her.

I had a feeling as to what she would do next.

And it wasn't a good one.

It was a pit in my stomach.

—————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

So... this was her.

The woman, the myth, the legend.

The instigator of both the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco and the Birthday Bash.

The mother of the Absent Coder.

For about one or two moments I had no idea what to say or do. I just stood there, staring at her, thinking about what to do- and then, eventually, shook my head and walked up to her.

I had to say something about her behavior.

I couldn't just sit idly by.

If I had been there, on those two days, as witness to her berating her son for no apparent reason, I _definitely _wouldn't have just sat idly by. On the contrary- I would have said something. I would have _DONE _something, even!

But I wasn't there, and I didn't say something.

This wasn't my fault- I hadn't known or become friends with the Absent Coder then, so I couldn't have known about those events. Still, I felt obligated to say something.

So I did.

As I approached her I noticed that she looked exactly the way that Absent had described her to me when I had first asked him what she looked like all those months ago. She was a shorter woman- and that I could get despite the fact that she now towered over myself and Absent- with jet-black hair that reached down to her shoulders.

As for Absent's brother... well, he nailed that description, too. He was literally just Absent as a human, but with a beard. It was uncanny how much he looked like him, and for a minute or two I almost felt like laughing— until I remembered.

I had an instigator to deal with.

Eventually, I made it to her and looked at her dead in the face. Not raising my voice in the slightest and doing the best impression of LF I could manage without adding in a German accent, I told her:

"Hello, Absent's mother whose name I don't know."

Seriously, I have no clue what her name is.

"I am oghond, I have heard about you, and I believe you owe your son an apology for the events of September 8th, 2018 and August 2nd, 2018."

Absent's mother simply looked at me in confusion. Her son, on the other hand, buried his face in his paws.

Between me and him, that's what we call a "double Picard."

It's hilarious when he does it as an Oshawott.

_"Right now?!_" he moaned.

"Also known as the IEF and the Birthday Bash, respectively," I continued, before turning to Absent and whispering, "Yes, right now."

Absent continued to Picard.

His brother, on the other hand, was staring at me with the most mischievous look on his face you could possibly imagine.

I knew what this meant.

I'd heard about this before.

Thankfully, I had been waiting a year for this moment and had an idea of what he was going to say.

Absent's brother- whose name I don't know, either- walked up to me, grinning maniacally.

"Who invited the salad in and where's the ranch dressing?" he said.

Without missing a beat, I started to speak up before Absent interrupted me.

"We bought it for you - you need more greens in your diet, fatso."

The rest of the SOSchip group went _wild_.

"**OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!**"

Absent's brother just grinned, unfazed- which was what I had been expecting. Even though I had been waiting to strike back at him with the perfect comeback for a year, I hadn't been expecting him to actually respond to it.

Had he responded, it would have been OOCISB.

Absent, meanwhile, just got up off of the couch and walked up to the rest of the group.

"C'mon, guys, those were two years ago!" he cried. "I'm just glad to be home!"

"Actually," said his mother, turning to me, "those were my two biggest regrets when he died."

My instant first thought was:

_Seriously?! You regretted those events? You?!_

But my initial surprise was quickly replaced by frustration and anger when I realized what the last three words she had said had been.

_When he died._

HE WASN'T DEAD!

"HE'S NOT DEAD, YOU PESKER!" I screamed at her in frustration. "HE'S ALIVE! WE RESUSCITATED HIM! God, do you even listen...?!"

Now it was my turn to Picard. Absent's mother, meanwhile, just glared down at me.

"You know what I mean," she said.

"Oh, really?" I retorted, walking up closer to her defensively.

I was about to say something more to her- specifically, "What _do _you mean, exactly?"- but all of a sudden my speech was interrupted by a giant crash that came from outside the door. Instantly, everyone inside the house turned, startled by the crash. Bailey, in particular, ran off and hid under the table, practically shaking with fear.

Yuunarii had said he was skittish; and _dang_, was he skittish.

There was silence for a few moments as Yuunarii ran over to comfort Bailey. Everyone glanced at each other, but surprisingly, it was Absent's brother who was the first to speak.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" he screamed.

"I have no idea," Absent responded.

"Perhaps something fell over?" LF suggested.

"I have no clue what that was," I said, still trying to recover from what I had just heard, "but I'm going to-"

And then I looked around and realized Absent was no longer inside the house.

"Absent?" I asked.

I looked around again, and eventually realized that no one else in the SOSchip group was in the house, either. Assuming they had all gone outside to look for Absent, I decided to follow them out into the streets of Camp Arrowkin and see what the heck was going on.

So I did.

And as I suspected, Absent and the rest of the SOSchip group were there. Initially, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary— until I noticed HP staring at me with a look of pure terror on her face. Suddenly concerned, I glanced at her.

"HP?" I asked. "What's wrong? Is Absent okay?"

She paused for a few moments, then muttered:

"You _need _to see zis..."

I looked around; trying to see what the heck she was possibly talking about.

"Huh? What do you-"

And then I saw it— and my jaw dropped.

Standing in front of us, about to land in front of Absent's house, were two of the biggest helicopters I had ever seen.

If they were just two regular helicopters I would have just assumed it was the army or something- but no. These were far from ordinary helicopters. For one thing, they were dark black in color, and the only symbol on them was a blinding white symbol that looked... unusual.

And yet at the same time very familiar.

It looked a bit like a weird H, mixed with an X. For a minute or two I thought it was a Greek letter- until I saw a little 0 in the bottom corner of it.

A subscript.

Instantly, my mind flashed back to a Vsauce video I had seen before- "How to Count Past Infinity".

And I knew what it was.

Aleph-null.

The number past infinity.

But what could it mean? Why was it present on these helicopters?

Regardless, if that was shocking, it definitely was not as shocking as what I saw next.

In front of the helicopters was a HUGE black spaceship.

For a moment or two I thought it was a Millennium Falcon replica- the shape looked very similar. But then I looked closer and saw it again- that large white aleph-null symbol that I had no clue what it meant or what it was there for.

I did have a theory as to what it was however, and thinking about it made my blood run cold.

A terrorist group.

But... why would they come here? Why would they come to practically the smallest town in California?

Why would they be after... _us?_

I eventually became so stunned by the sight of the ship and helicopters that I eventually forgot about all of my questions and just stood there in shock. The rest of the group was stunned, too, and all I was wondering was what in the world they could possibly be thinking.

Especially Absent.

—————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

My mind raced with all sorts of thoughts, wondering what in Arceus' name had just landed down at the park by our house - at least they had the decency to pick a relatively open spot.

With everything that was going through my mind you would have thought a more in-depth reaction came out of my mouth but everything was simply summarized to...

"The crap?"

That wasn't me.

I turned to find that Nathan and my mom had exited the house and were now outside, with the latter staring up at the giant ship and helicopters in confusion and disbelief.

"_NATHAN_!" Mom bellowed before turning to look at the Aleph-Null branded ship herself. "The crap?" She parroted.

The phones in mom's and my brother's pockets started ringing. Mom was the first to pick up, and my sister's voice came over the speakerphone.

"Hey," she started. "I've been getting texts from everyone saying two airships or whatever are in your neighborhood. The crap?"

Nathan's phone buzzed soon after, and he picked up.

**_"... THE CRAP?!_**" My father's voice boomed through the speaker. I approached and gestured to be given the phones. Silently, I was handed both of them and held both to my ears.

"...You _might_ need to come over for this," I said simply.

Beat.

**_"...CORBIN?!"_** they asked in shock before I hung up on both phones in unison and handed them back to their owners.

With that done, I turned to look at the ship and helicopters again, and actually start what I was going to say.

"The crap?"

oghond- who, for the past minute or so had been dead silent with shock- finally broke in as well:

"THE CRAP?!" she sputtered out. "_JEETJE_, THAT THING'S _HUGE_!"

Obviously.

"To you, maybe," my brother started to which I began to roll my eyes. "But it's only about as big as a cruise ship to us," he added, and I could feel him smirk as I shuddered and felt the memories come running back.

"Whatever they want with us," I started, drawing my scalchop and extending the Razor Shell, rushing water slicing up the grass under my feet as I was holding it backhand. "_Ima, mu wa bokutachi o yamenai_ \- Nothing can stop us now."

Nothing— except for the sound of the door of the airship suddenly opening.

What? It was really loud!

I found myself instinctively running behind mom's leg, looking at the ship and wondering what its crew was doing, planning, with whom.

I almost wished I had a Pokeball to retreat into.

About a few seconds later, a silhouette started coming out of the ship. I had no idea who it was, or what it was doing, but I instinctively wanted to get as far away from it as humanly possible.

So, I ran over to Nathan- before suddenly realizing that if I _were_ to run over to him, he'd likely insult me like crazy.

Yet, I waited for a few moments and heard nothing.

With nothing appearing to happen, I began to back away slowly and start on the sidewalk back to my house, and my room. I never dared to look inside, after all.

And yet...

I took one look back at my brother and initially was very confused that he hadn't said anything to me yet- or anything at all, really- about that crazy silhouette that had just come through the doors of the ship.

I had a feeling something was up, but what it was eluded me to no end.

Steeling my courage- and yet at the same time not even bothering to look back at the ship- I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Nathan?" I asked.

He said nothing. Didn't move, even.

I shrugged. "Probably just waiting for the guy to come out so he can hit me with an insult."

A few seconds passed, and by this point I managed to get a good look at his face.

His jaw was practically dropped to the floor in shock.

This was getting weird.

_Very_ weird.

As long as I had known my brother, he'd never been this silent for this long.

"Okay... now you're starting to creep me out," I said.

Then I paused.

Then smirked.

He had to be joking, right? This was a joke. Nathan was obviously doing this just to annoy the heck out of me, right?

He had to have at least one insult in there somewhere.

I nudged him with my scalchop.

"C'mon," I said, almost teasingly. "Insult me. **Insult me**."

Nothing.

No response.

Just dead silence.

This wasn't a joke.

Now I was seriously getting creeped out beyond all stretch of the imagination. This was my brother, after all.

** _MY. BROTHER._ **

_The family's most prominent insulter-slash-rebellious kid._

_Stunned. Silent._

That never happened.

_NEVER._

I blinked in utter disbelief.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." I muttered to myself.

oghond turned to me.

"What?" she asked.

I was so shocked that it took me a moment or two to say something.

"Typically he's got some insults- or other abuse- to throw at me," I began, "but I've never seen silence from him."

Yep, this was getting creepy.

"What do we do?" I asked.

And then— a voice.

"There's nothing you CAN do, you foolish pesker! From now on, Aleph-Null will reign above all!"

OH CRAP.

OH GOOD GOD.

NO.

NO NO NO NO NO.

My mind was instantly racing as I turned back towards the airship.

25 seconds later, the guy who had stunned my brother into total silence was standing in front of me.

And everybody else.

I had no idea who the heck this guy was, but _DANG, WAS HE CREEPY_!

Maybe it was his ego, maybe it was his silhouette, maybe it was that I couldn't see him, but I found myself clutching mom's leg tighter and tighter still.

And then- he entered.

—————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

The man who had just entered from the giant aleph-null airship was... well, in a word-

CREEPY AS ALL GET OUT.

Okay, so technically that's five words, but I think you get the picture.

Specifically, the man was eyeing everyone with the most deliciously evil grin that I had ever seen in my life. He was rather tall- he towered over every other member of Absent's family- with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, and he was dressed entirely in black, with the white aleph-null symbol emblazoned on his shirt.

The minute I saw him, I could see the Nazi parallels coming from a mile away.

I noticed that in particular, he was staring over at Absent, almost as if he wanted to personally hurt him above all.

Naturally, I wasn't about to let that happen in a million years.

Now fueled with determination, I stepped forward, glaring over at this mysterious man.

"Who the heck are you?" I growled.

The man laughed.

"You have no idea who I am?" he asked. "A shame. You don't know how long we spent searching for you. We looked for you in Folsom, only to find that you had left. Naturally, our only obvious solution was to _set its monuments on fire_."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my skull when I heard the news. I knew just how important the city of Folsom was to Absent, and was now panicked as all get out.

If these guys had burned Folsom Lake...

"WHAT?!?!" I gasped.

Absent, who had been hiding behind his mother's leg the entire time, suddenly burst out in front of everyone, burning with sheer rage and holding an extended Razor Shell. He glared up at the entire infiltry, and when he spoke next his voice was trembling in a combination of rage and disbelief-- a tone which I had never heard him use before in his entire life.

"_You... burned... _**_MY COLLEGE?!?!?!?!_**"

The man smirked.

"Oh, you foolish, foolish otter," he muttered. "We tried to look for you. We tried to look for your entire group at Folsom Lake. Teaching languages to other people."

I blinked.

"Teaching languages...?" I asked. "Well, I mean, we're the SOSchip group; our entire mission is teaching foreign languages. What's wrong with that?"

The minute I asked that question, all of the man's snide haughtiness completely vanished and was instantly replaced with pure rage. In a matter of seconds, he snarled, glaring down at the entire SOSchip group.

"What's wrong with that?!" he shrieked. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?!?! Languages are the bane of human existence, you fool! No one can understand each other with everyone speaking different languages!"

"That's exactly the reason why we teach them!" I protested.

"YOU FOOL!" screamed the man. "Teaching languages will lead to more people speaking those languages! No one can understand anyone that way! In order for there to be pure peace in the world, there must be one language-- OURS!"

And at that exact moment everything clicked, and my eyes widened in horror.

I suddenly knew exactly what this man was about to do, and I did not like it.

At all.

From the way it sounded, these people wanted to eliminate all foreign languages except for one. 

The English language.

Our language.

The great_ lingua franca _of the world.

Not only did that go against the entire goal of the SOSchip group, it was also RIDICULOUSLY racist. Eliminating foreign languages meant eliminating culture. That would mean no more Chinatown, no more anime, no more ethnic food, no need for foreign language classes...

It would have huge repurcussions on the entire world.

You couldn't just eliminate culture!

"Oh, no," I muttered.

"So, let me get this straight," said Absent, his anger from before suddenly fading and making way for slight fear. "You seriously want to get rid of all foreign languages except for the English lnaguage, just so people can understand one another better?"

The man smirked. "Exactly. Otherwise, we wouldn't be... THE LINGUAL PURISTS OF ALEPH-NULL!"

"Well, that's the most ironically obvious name I've ever heard," said Absent simply.

"Regardless," I said, suddenly breaking in, "none of that gives you an excuse to burn down the FLC, if not all of Folsom! You don't realize how important that city is to Absent!"

"The FLC students all got out in time," said the man. "No one died."

"Yeah, but you still BURNED DOWN MY SCHOOL!" Absent shouted. "What's next? You gonna burn down my home, too?"

For a few moments, the man blinked- and then all of a sudden, he started laughing evilly. Instantly, my stomach filled up with dread. I looked over at Absent, and he was frightened as all heck. The man smirked.

"Precisely," he said.

And the minute he said that, Absent gazed up, terrified out of his wits, and started hyperventilating like crazy.

As for me?

You had better believe that I wasn't going down without a fight. This man was threatening my greatest friend in the entire world- and his whole family. As annoying as they were, they definitely didn't deserve to have their home burned to pieces!

Especially considering their financial standing and the fact that Camp Arrowkin wasn't that big of a town in the first place...

Now, I've mentioned before that I don't like conflict. I don't like seeing it; I don't like being a victim of it; I don't like engaging in it. That being said, though... just because I didn't like engaging in conflict didn't mean I couldn't engage in it. I had taken a self-defense course, after all.

And now that I was a Pokémon, I felt more comfortable battling than ever.

Still glaring at the man, I stepped in front of the still-panicky Absent.

"_Who do you think you are, threatening to burn down my best friend's home_?" I angrily muttered, barely restraining myself from choking the man with my vines at any moment.

He chuckled.

"Ah, yes..." he said. "I don't believe I've properly introduced myself. You don't know who we are, after all." The man walked up to me, extending out his hand. "Commander Jonathan Case, at your service." He gestured to a second man who had been cheerfully sitting by for the entirety of our first meeting. "This is my second-in-command, Roger Mancia."

"Hello~!" The other man waved at us cheerfully.

I had a strong suspicion that Mancia was just in it for the job, so I decided not to hurt him and talk to him later.

Case, on the other hand...

I smirked.

"Jonathan Case, huh?" I said. "I'll have to remember that. You know... before you faint."

And with that, the battle was on.

I immediately struck a battle pose, then extended my vines from my bulb and cried out:

"Roede!"

Then immediately paused, realizing what I had just said.

_Roede_?

Was that... _was that Vine Whip in Dutch?!_

How the heck did I happen to know that...?

Well, it didn't matter. I had a racist to defeat.

Instantly, I started hitting Case with my vines, causing him to get thrown back to the ground. The rest of the SOSchip group just stared at me in utter disbelief, apparently unaware that I could actually fight. As Case cried out in pain and struggled to get back up, I blinked at the rest of the group in slight confusion.

"What?" I asked.

Madelief's jaw, once again, was practically on the floor, but eventually, she managed to speak.

"That... was... AMAZING!" she cried. "I didn't know you knew how to battle!"

"Y-yeah," HP agreed. "It's... a bit surprising."

I smiled.

"Hey, just because I dislike conflict doesn't mean I can't do it," I said.

"Of course, there's no way she's going to act alone," said Absent. "If we're going to defeat these guys, then you're gonna need to join in on the battle, too."

The rest of the group just looked at each other in confusion.

"Us?" Madelief asked. "But... we've never battled before."

"How are ve even supposed to fight zem if we don't know what mofes to use?" HP asked.

"Or, for that matter, how to use them?" LF added.

Absent blinked.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE YOUR OWN MOVES?!" he shrieked.

"Well... they don't exactly have a ton of experience playing Pokémon," I said.

Absent paused.

"That's fair," he responded. "Alright, then. I'll be your move tutor."

"You?" I asked, surprised. "What about— oh, yeah, right, I'm not that good at tutoring."

"Exactly."

With that said, he walked up to Madelief and asked:

"Now... do you have any idea how to use Air Slash, Tailwind, Energy Ball, Leech Seed, Absorb, Mega Drain or Giga Drain?"

Madelief blinked.

"Uh... _nee_," she said- then, under her breath: "_Jeetje_, that's a lot of moves... um..." She paused for a few moments, then: "What's that Energy Ball move? Could you teach me that?"

"Would if I knew how to use it. Best idea I could provide is that you'd likely have a natural affinity for manipulation of nature as a grass-type - coalesce the energy of the grass at your feet into a ball and chuck it at them. In hindsight, I'm not actually certain you can learn it, but when we make it out of this we'll have plenty of time to conduct some research."

She just blinked, before saying the most Madelief-esque thing possible:

"Coa-whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

Absent, naturally, facepalmed, and was about to say something before I decided to break in.

"_Fusion_, my friend," I clarified. "To you, it'd be _samensmelten_."

She paused, then...

"Ohhhhhh—!" she said. "Well, I've never tried manipulating nature before... um... hang on..."

With that, she promptly grabbed a bunch of grass, stuck it in her mouth, and ate it.

It was both disgusting and hilarious at the same time.

Eventually, she spit it out, and the ball of grass made its way towards Case, knocking him back onto the floor.

Absent gagged, and I just laughed nervously.

"Well... that's one way to do it," I said.

"No it isn't - it's less spitting up grass and more like a Spirit Bomb - I don't know, I'm new to this too, but I have some experience," Absent said.

I just smirked.

"Well, luckily for you, Madelief, I'm a Grass-type, so I can show you how it's done."

With that said, I paused.

I had never done this before, either. Vine Whip was easy, but flat-out manipulating the elements? I was sure I couldn't do that...

And then it hit me in the face.

The Runewaldian Twilight!

Of course!

How could I have forgotten? Nimja's online fantasy was all about elemental manipulation- all I had to do was think back to what it had said in the story and I'd have this in no time at all.

Or would I?

I had no gems. I had no light magic. I had no dark magic. I was a Pokémon.

And yet...

I suddenly found myself staring down at the grass below me with intense concentration. Within minutes, it began to glow intensely, and a glowing green ball of energy began to form in front of my face. For a moment or two, I blinked, wondering how in the world this was possible— and then I realized it.

I smirked.

Then cried out:

"_Energiebal_!"

Dutch again?

Well, at least this time I could understand what I was saying...

I shot the Energy Ball attack straight out towards Case- but this time, it seemed, he was wary. Instantly, he jumped out of the way of the attack, causing the ball to explode in mid-air.

I gaped in shock.

"WHAT?!" I cried out.

Case instantly took out a walkie-talkie and barked the four words that I hadn't been expecting to hear:

"Mancia- _BURN THEIR HOUSE_."

"Will do, boss~!" Mancia responded cheerfully.

Absent instantly started hyperventilating.

"NO—!" I cried out, desperately reaching out a vine in order to stop him.

And then, all of a sudden:

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!_

Mancia- and all of the lingual purists, as well as us- were instantly ground to a halt by the sound of screeching tires as a car pulled up in front of everyone. It was a car that I had never seen before, but based on Absent's reaction upon seeing the car, I had a feeling as to who it was.

The moment he saw the car, Absent stopped hyperventilating and suddenly jumped up in the air in excitement.

"YES—!" he exclaimed.

In a few moments, two people got out of the car. I had never seen them before in my life- one of them was a grey-haired man who appeared to be about a foot taller than Absent had been as a human while the other was a 20-something year-old girl who was only slightly taller than he had been as a human- and yet they were able to reveal their identities via four words alone.

Or, rather, the man was able to:

"Where is my son?"

—————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

After Case told Mancia to set fire to my house everything around me kinda started to fade from my perception. I found myself raising a paw to my chest to feel and try to still my racing heart, my paws getting sweaty, my eyes darting around without taking real stock of anything, and I desperately clutched at my scalchop in a vain effort to have something tangible to fiddle with.

In the realm of a panic attack, everything around you ceases to be and it would take something miraculous to snap you out of it, and even then you'd have to spend a good while coming down from your high.

My reaction to my father's car pulling up to the park was evidence enough of the trend. I didn't say anything for fear of my he and my sister would react to what happened to me, instead electing to turn my attention to Aleph-Null.

Scalchop already in my hand, I twisted it into a backhand grip as water materialized around it. I turned to look at my father, who was ascending the hill to the grass field I stood on.

"Yeah, sorry you never got to bequeath unto me that boot to the head," I apologized before I swiped my blade, detaching the water to send the Aqua Jet screaming at Case.

My father and sister gaped in pure disbelief.

I didn't blame them.

Eventually, as Case was knocked back by the startling blow I had just given him, I turned to see my father, staring at me in pure shock- almost as if he didn't recognize me.

Though, to be fair, he probably didn't.

There was a tense silence, and then:

"...C-Corbin?!"

I gazed up at my father sheepishly.

"Uh... hey, dad," I said.

My father blinked in pure shock, then shook his head a few times.

"This is so absurd I have no choice but to believe you," he said.

Before I could respond my sister rushed over and kneeled down to look at me and started asking a lot of questions so quickly I couldn't answer any of them. I began to feel another panic attack coming, and in an attempt to ward it off I gestured to Case.

They looked up, saw him and said nothing, recognizing him as a threat.

"I read the news- is this the one that burned down FLC?" Dad asked.

I nodded.

"And they're making moves to try to burn down our house as well," I explained.

"Should we get out of here?" My sister asked. "Should we fight back?"

"I don't think we'll be able to do anything about the house," my mom sighed before rushing to her house, probably to get her car so we could make an escape.

Dad and my sister gestured for me and Nathan to follow into the former's car, but I paused, an idea forming.

"Corbin! C'mon!" Nathan exclaimed before he saw that I was holding my paws together as if I was praying for a miracle. Channeling as much strength as I could, with my brother chasing me down acting as a sort of countdown, I spoke up, smirking as I did since I didn't really need to, but anything to make A.N. mad.

"_Amegoi_!"

Dark clouds began to cover the sky as I was scooped up and carried into the car. The wheels violently squealed as we zoomed out of the neighborhood.

20 minutes later as we entered Folsom I noticed my mother's car approaching us to drive beside my dad. His phone started to buzz, the display lighting up. My sister pressed the button, answering our mother's call.

"Hello?" she asked.

My mother responded over speakerphone.

"Well, the good news is, they left our house," she said.

"YES!" I cried happily. "Thank you, Rain Dance!"

"The bad news is..."

My excitement was immediately replaced with terror.

"What?" asked my dad.

"They're headed back to Folsom. They say now they're going to burn down the entire city."

Everyone, even my brother, reacted with shock.

"And then they're gonna kill us because we speak other languages besides English."

"WHAT?!" my dad shrieked.

I suddenly felt another panic attack coming on, which was only made worse by the fact that I suddenly remembered that the rest of the Koffiehuis wasn't in the car with us.

"Where's oghond?!" I asked, panicked as heck.

And then- I heard her voice coming from the other end of the line.

"_Don't worry! I'm here! And so is the rest of the SOSchip group! We're just as freaked out as you are about this, but I guarantee we'll find a way to defeat them_!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, the attack dying down as swift as it came.

"Oh, thank god..." I said.

"_One question, though... what does_ amegoi _mean_?"

"Ame- what?" asked my father.

"It's Rain Dance's Japanese name - does exactly what it sounds like it would do," I explained.

"_Well, that explains why it's raining so heavily right— oh...!"_

"Yep," I replied, smirking.

"Rain Dance?" my dad asked. "What is that and why the heck did you need it?"

"_It's a Pokemon move_!" oghond called from the other end of the line. "_It summons rain from the sky! Oshawott can use it, and because Absent _is_ an Oshawott, he was able to do so."_

And then my dad realized it.

"Water puts out fire," he muttered.

And then all of a sudden he beamed and grabbed me.

"Corbin! You're a genius! Let's see if that thing can't work on Fol-"

At that moment, he suddenly looked ahead- and his eyes went wide with shock as he eventually stopped talking. After a few moments or so of wondering what the heck was going on I stopped and looked, too.

My jaw dropped in shock.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." I muttered.

Now, I guarantee you're wondering why the heck we were so shocked— and I'll tell you.

In front of us was none other than Cypress Hall.

_And it was burning._

———————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

There was no way in heck this could be good.

From the inside of my seat I was too scared to say anything. Cypress Hall, with its stained-glass windows and panels and its thousands of books and computers, was on fire. The good news was, though, it was a lot like the burning of Notre Dame. From what I could tell, the main building was still completely intact. That having been said, though, there had to be plenty of damaged property, and the famous glass-panel roof was melting.

Regardless of the amount of damage taken, it was still horrifying to watch.

The rest of the SOSchip group was watching the whole thing unfold in pure disbelief. HP was turning away, too scared to look.

"Oh my god..." I muttered.

"IT'S BURNING!" Madelief cried, horrified. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"I highly doubt that we will," said LF bluntly, momentarily glaring over at Madelief, "but regardless, I must agree that this is _absolutely disturbing to watch._"

"V-vhere are we, efen...?" HP muttered, still turning away from the burning building.

"Cypress Hall," I explained. "It's by far the most famous building in the entirety of Folsom Lake's campus. Seriously, if you go and look up a picture of Folsom Lake, it's the first image that pops up. It's particularly well-known for its iconic glass-paneled roof... which just so happens to be _on fire at this very moment._"

"I can clearly see that," said LF.

As we got closer to the college, I was able to catch sight of an entire crowd of people running for their lives from the fire, along with both of the Aleph-Null helicopters and airships. Case and Mancia, naturally, were there, both carrying torches. Immediately I recognized the people running towards us as students and professors at the FLC- none of whom recognized their supposedly dead classmate.

Though, admittedly, they were likely too panicked to give a second thought.

Instantly, my mind knew one thing: we had to help those people.

Within a matter of seconds, and without missing a beat, I grabbed the steering wheel from Absent's mother and swerved out of the way, before using one of my vines to hit the brakes. The rest of the SOSchip group immediately cried out in shock as I managed to stop the car. From the other side I saw Absent's dad's car stop as well. In an instant, startled by me suddenly stopping the car, Absent's mother quickly swerved around in her seat.

"What the heck did you do that for?!" she screamed. "You could have killed us all!"

"Are you BLIND, woman?" I shouted back. "Do you not see that there are thousands of people who are running straight towards us for help? Forget us- THEY'RE the ones who could be killed! For the love of god, their college is on FIRE!"

Without saying anything else, I opened the door and jumped out of the car.

"Come on!" I called to the rest of the group.

The rest of the SOSchip group followed me out of the car, as did Absent's mother, and within a few moments the rest of his family met me and everyone else outside. Within minutes, the crowd of people who had been running away from the fire approached us in panic. I was the first one to speak to them.

"Excuse me!" I cried among all the panic. "Do you go to FLC?"

One of the people- evidently a student- nodded, terrified out of his wits. "T-that's where my classes are..."

"Do all of you go to FLC?" I asked.

All of the terrified students and professors nodded, showing off their FLC gear and identification cards.

One of the professors stepped forward and began speaking in a panicked voice, not stopping until I interrupted him.

"I was in there teaching one of my classes, when all of a sudden the fire alarm went off in the middle of the class. I had thought at first it was a drill, but by the time we exited the building..."

"You saw that the roof of Cypress was on fire," I finished.

"Yes," said the terrified professor.

"And then we saw airships and helicopters and people dressed all in black..." continued one of the students.

"What the heck are they even doing here?" cried another. "Why do they want to take down our college, of all the colleges in the world? We're so insignificant..."

I thought about it for a few moments.

They were right.

No one except an FLC student had likely ever heard of FLC before.

Before I could say something, though, Absent suddenly spoke up.

"It's because you teach foreign languages," he said.

Everyone reacted with shock.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed a student.

"Yeah, those people who burned your school are lingual purists from a division called Alpha-Null," I explained.

"_Aleph_-Null," Absent corrected.

"_Aleph_-Null, thank you," I said. "Their ultimate goal is to eliminate all foreign languages with the exception of English."

"Why the heck would they do that?!" one of the professors exclaimed. "Without languages, there is no culture!"

"That's the point," I said. "We're fighting against them because we KNOW this will have major repercussions on the entire world. They say they want to do it so that everyone can understand each other and speak the same language. In essence, they want to reverse the curse of Babel- for the worse."

"Well, then, what the heck are we waiting for?" cried one of the professors. "If we're going to save our school from these purists, we gotta do something! Foreign languages need to be preserved- for the sake of the world!"

"Yeah!" cried another student.

"Let's take those purists down!" exclaimed Absent's father.

I nodded in grim determination, knowing that by this point, the battle was on.

"Yeah," I said, filled with resolve. "Let's do it."

And with that, I took one look over at the purists, and at the burning roof of Cypress at the end of the hill that led to the FLC, and instantly felt my heart beating to the sound of a little something you may have heard of called rock and roll.

Time for a rousing anthem.

**[Song #6: "Hostile California" (NOTE: the title of this song is NOT called "Living in a Hostile Situation," despite what the refrain would have you believe.)]**

**Me: **   
_My heart is beating_   
_My footsteps fleeting_   
_The fight's beginning_   
_But what the heck are we fighting for?_   
_I've waited _   
_With my breath baited_   
_But I guess fate is_   
_Much more a curse than a cure_

_Still now's the time- we can't go back_   
_For everything about the state has gone all out of whack_   
_They're drawing near_   
_And soon I fear_   
_That it is clear..._

At that line I turned towards all the rest of the SOSchip group, the FLC students and professors, and Absent's family, and screamed out:

**Me:**   
_We're in the endgame now_

_We're living in a hostile situation_   
_And the time has come to bring 'em down_   
_It's a hostile situation_   
_What do we gotta do to save this town?_   
_Folsom is burning_   
_And Babel's going to fall_   
_So for the sake of linguistics_   
_We've gotta save them all_

By this point the students and professors at the FLC were more resolute than they had been before, and began taking out whatever they could find that they could use against the purists: pencils, binders, folders, and so on. Absent, meanwhile, was the next to step forward and sing his lines.

It was rock, so he could handle it.

**Absent:**   
_English forever_   
_And culture never_   
_That's their endeavor_   
_But tell me, what is it good for?_

**Me:**   
_It's so racist_   
_There is no basis_   
_So we must face this_

**Both: **   
_Together, we'll find the cure!_

**Me:**   
_Now is the day_   
_They have attacked_   
_And everything about the state's been thrown all out of whack_   
_We've got to fight_   
_To make this right_   
_Because tonight..._

And at that moment, all of the students and teachers at FLC joined in, filled with resolve.

**Students and Professors at FLC:**   
_We're in the endgame now_

_We're living in a hostile situation_   
_And the time has come to bring 'em down_   
_In this hostile situation_

**Absent: **   
_We'll do anything to save this town_

**FLC Students, FLC Staff, Me: **   
_Folsom is burning_   
_And Babel's going to fall_   
_So for the sake of linguistics_   
_We've gotta save them all_

What followed from this was Absent whipping out a guitar and SHREDDING the most epic solo that I had ever heard in my life. Seriously, you need to hear it in order to believe it. After this, he picked right back up with it, and by this point his parents, siblings, and the rest of the group were involved as well.

**Absent:**   
_That's right, we're living in a hostile_

**All:**   
_Situation_   
_And the time has come to bring 'em down_   
_It's a hostile situation_   
_And we'll do anything to save this town_   
_Folsom is burning_   
_And Babel's going to fall_

**Me:**   
_So for the sake of linguistics_   
_We've gotta save them all_   
_Because we're living in a_

**All: **   
_Hostile situation_   
_And the time has come to bring 'em down_   
_It's a hostile situation_   
_And we'll do anything to save this town_   
_Folsom is burning_   
_And Babel's going to fall_   
_But for the sake of linguistics_   
_We're gonna save them all_

**Me:**   
_Yes, we're gonna save them all_

At the last line, I turned towards the purists and, after a moment's pause, screamed out the only thing I knew how to say in Japanese from watching dozens of anime:

"_IKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--!_"

And on cue, everyone let out a scream and charged down the field towards the lingual purists, holding pencils, binders, and (in the case of Absent's family) brute strength. Case, who by this point was about to hold up a torch and burn Aspen Hall, immediately was stopped from doing so after hearing the screams, and turned to face the entire angry mob, pure rage spreading across his face as people began slapping him with binders. In the middle of it all, glaring down at Case, was myself, Absent, the rest of the SOSchip group, and Absent's family. Case instantly threw down the torch and turned straight to the latter group, pointing a menacing finger at them.

"You seriously thought you could stop me?" he growled. "Can't you tell that I've already burned Cypress Hall?"

"If your goal was to burn it down to the ground, you're not doing a very good job at it," I said.

Case snarled.

"Why are you doing this?!" exclaimed a professor. "Why would you take revenge against our school?"

"I've read your district's class list," he growled. "Japanese classes? Are you kidding me?! This has all got to be a big joke! You can't possibly be teaching foreign languages!"

"Yeah, you're saying that to Californians," Nathan suddenly broke in.

Instantly, Case was alerted to his presence, and turned around, glaring at him.

"So?!" he asked. "What's the point of that?"

"California is an absolute mishmash of cultures," Absent started. "I can say just off the top of my head I've had neighbors and relatives from Germany, India, the U.K. and _the Philippines_."

Case growled— and then all of a sudden, his anger faded, instantly replaced by smirking. In a matter of seconds, my heart dropped in my stomach. I knew why Case was smirking- he had a plan, and it was probably much worse than burning down Aspen Hall.

"You know what, Mancia?" he said, still smirking. "Forget the school."

Instantly, Mancia dropped the torch, brightened, and ran up to Case with delight.

"YES! THANK YOU!" he cried happily. "Honestly, I was beginning to wonder what merit there was in burning down a perfectly good col-"

"**_Kill them_**."

He pointed dead ahead at Absent's family.

The instant I heard that one line, I felt more rage than I had ever felt in my entire life. Yes, Absent's family was crazy as heck. Yes, his mother was semi-abusive. Yes, his brother was annoying as all get out and had called me a salad upon our first meeting.

_THAT DIDN'T MEAN THEY DESERVED TO DIE!_

Heck, looking at Mancia's face, even he was disturbed by what he had just heard.

In an instant, I felt boiling rage and shock course through every inch of my body. Yet, I was also disturbed as heck. So disturbed, in fact, that all my feelings towards this order could be summed up in a single word:

"WHAT?!"

"_Mamoru_!" Absent screamed, jumping in front of everyone.

_Mamoru_.

It was a word I had heard before many times in Japanese anime and music, but up until now I had no idea what it meant.

I quickly found out, however, as the next thing I saw in front of me was a blue wall surrounding Absent and his entire family.

Protect.

_Mamoru_ meant protect.

And that was exactly what I had to do to Absent and to his family.

The Protect attack didn't work, though, as the minute it formed, it was instantly torn apart by Case burning a torch through it. He loomed over Absent and his family- all of whom looked terrified out of their minds, Nathan included.

Glaring down at them, he spoke to his goons.

"Kill these lingual peskers," he said. "They don't deserve any possibility of life anymore, since they speak a language different from the one true tongue."

The goons saluted.

My blood was boiling over with rage.

Case then turned to Absent, pointing at him menacingly.

"As for _him_," he said, "put him in our essential torture program. Lock him up in a cage. He'll stay there for the next 24 hours before all his knowledge of Japanese gets sucked out of him."

"NO!" I cried, desperately extending a vine out towards him.

But it was in vain. The goons grabbed Absent, picked him up, and bound him in an unusual cage designed to resemble some sort of torture device. All the while, the poor Oshawott was panicking.

"Wait! No! Stop! _OGHOND_—!" he screamed.

"**_ABSENT_**—!" I cried.

They were gone.

_He_ was gone.

I felt like such a failure. I had tried so hard to defend Absent from the purists, and now Corbin West- my best friend in the whole world- had been taken.

He'd probably be tortured, while his family would all be killed.

And worse yet- I had to watch.

In an instant, I broke down in tears. I could barely handle it any longer. The rest of the SOSchip group, recognizing my despair, all crowded around me to comfort me, with LF shooting a glare at the lingual purists.

I managed to look over at Absent's family, and they were rightfully horrified. After a few moments, his father stepped forward, livid.

"Give us our son back!" he cried.

Case didn't seem to listen. Instead, he loomed down over the rest of Absent's family, glaring.

"So..." he growled. "Any last words?"

I was too scared to look. I knew it then. They were going to be dead.

Absent was going to be dead.

And in the moment, it seemed like there was nothing I could do.

——————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Restrained in purist custody, I was too afraid to say anything when Case prompted me for last words. I actually found myself singing without thinking.

_"Et la mer va embrasse moi_  
_Et delivre moi lakay," _I whispered, only to be rewarded with a slap on the back of my head.

I heard my parents gasp after I felt myself get slapped. Any concerns about me fell to the wayside as I recalled they had plans to kill my family.

Ignoring how_ my father _didn't know any other languages, I desperately fought against their hold as I subsequently felt a syringe impale my arm. The world started to fade away, leaving me in pitch black darkness.

_——————-_

"...Anyone get the number of that freight train that hit me?" I muttered as I woke up, somewhat woken up by the jittering under my feet, and the discomfort I rested on. I took a few minutes to process my surroundings to realize I was in the back of a van, in a cage.

The radio played some country tune, heavily muffled courtesy of me being distant enough to tune it out. Fortunately, I did not anticipate a relapse of the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco, but what I knew was in store for me was infinitely worse than another instance of abuse.

As the car continued on the highway, the driver and I stayed in relative silence, the only sound being the radio.

_"Begin the day with a friendly voice,_  
_A companion unobtrusive," _I gently sang, as the lyrics bore the same rhythm as the song on the radio.

If only oghond was there to join in, I might have been able to fight back against the driver hollering into the backseat.

"CRAM A SOCK IN IT YOU STUPID OTTER!"

I rolled my eyes.

And then was suddenly struck with the realization that my parents were still out there.

If I didn't act soon, they were going to die.

Somehow or other, I had to find a way out of here, but I knew that the Aleph-Null goons were watching.

So I just decided to stay nothing.

Eventually, after a while, the car stopped in a remote location that I initially didn't recognize- until I looked around and noticed_ dozens upon dozens of Aleph-Null signs. _Ahead of me was an unusual cage/torture device.

I knew what was going to happen, and I had the deepest pit in my stomach just thinking about it.

Eventually, I looked up to see Case looming over me, with the creepiest possible Slasher Smile on his face.

_"Welcome home, pesker," _he growled.

My eyes went wide with shock.

"NO!" I cried out. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO—!"

But my pleas were all in vain. Case, still smirking at me, opened the door of the first cage and grabbed me so tightly that I could barely breathe. Eventually, he set me down in the other cage and strapped me up to a bunch of hooks and wires that looked a bit difficult for me to escape from.

Then, he glared down at me.

"This is what you deserve, you know," he said. "Your parents dead, and you having all the language sucked out of you. It's such a shame that you fail to understand how languages can be such a burden. And this is the price you have to pay for it."

He smirked.

"Two semesters worth of Japanese," he said. "You dare to learn another language besides the one true tongue? Just know this: if your parents die, it'll be all your fault."

I looked straight up at him and glared right back.

I didn't say anything for a few moments as my mind reached for the words I was looking for. I spoke up, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

_"Kimi no dan wa hikigane o hipparu, baka."_

The instant Case heard the word "baka"- scratch that, all the Japanese words I had just said- his eyes went wide, shock and anger evident on his face. Eventually, though, it faded, and he turned away, shrugging.

"Well. What a shame," he said. "I was going to be gracious and wait for a few days before giving you the anti-lingual syringe, but it looks like I'll have to reduce that time."

He turned to one of his goons.

"Leave him in there for the next 24 hours while we prepare the syringe," he said. "In the meantime, follow me. We've got a family to kill."

The goons nodded and followed him out as Case took one final look back at me.

And then I was alone, in the dark.

Paranoid as all get out.

My mind was in a panic yet again. Not only were my parents going to die, but I apparently had no way to free myself from this torture device. From what I could tell, I was going to be stuck in here for 24 hours while my parents and siblings- and presumably, the rest of the Koffiehuis- were killed.

I groaned.

"_GADOLIUM-MANGANESE IT, CORBIN!_" I screamed out. "What the heck were you thinking?! Your fears got the better of you- you should never have gone back to your family. But no. You just _had _to reunite with them, and now you're too much of a coward to fight back against Aleph-Null, and now _YOUR PARENTS ARE GOING TO BE DEAD!_"

I looked down, annoyed at myself.

"Lose-"

No.

Not just that.

I had to get out of here, dang it!

"Oh, forget the hierarchy," I muttered, before screaming out:

"HELP ME—-! HELP ME—-! HELP—"

I started coughing furiously- my throat by this point was burned out by me screaming. But alas, I had to.

It was hopeless. There wasn't anyone around on my side - I was neck-deep in enemy territory and a day away from torture - effectively dead, again.

My mind raced through a setlist of different songs that I could try to comfort myself with, but what came out was something that I didn't think I had.

Something original.

**[Song #7- "Pride Yourself"]**

**Me:**   
_Here I am_   
_I sit alone and waiting _   
_How's it come to this?_   
_I've feared this day for many years_   
_But I fear now I've been remiss_   
_Something inside me is stirring up_   
_And I can't let it go_   
_I've told the world, but now I finally think I know_

I stood up in my cage, finally bothering to look around.

_Pride yourself_   
_Don't look back; your time has come _   
_Now I finally think it's clear, I'm standing here_   
_No more doubting, this is where I'm from_   
_And I'll stand tall _   
_I'll make everybody see _   
_This is my chance to pride myself on being me_

Having allowed myself a musical reprieve, I soon found my mouth going off on another one, and I was in no mood to stop it.

_I won't sit around for any longer_   
_I can't play this game_   
_It's my home turf and in defending it_   
_I can't feel any shame_   
_All of this time I was so fearful _   
_That I didn't see the light_   
_But now at last it's time for me to stand and fight_

_So pride yourself_   
_Now's your moment, let it ring_   
_Now's the time for all my fear to disappear_   
_And tell myself I can do anything_   
_For now at last_   
_I think I can finally see_   
_All I need to do is pride myself on being me_

_I've been hiding for a week from transformation_   
_I've denied my faith, denied my honesty _   
_But now I cannot hide_   
_From who I am inside_   
_I don't care anymore about consequences_   
_This is who I am_   
_And this is what I'll be!_

With a lighting-fast series of flashes, I found my scalchop held in reverse and the bars holding me in in pieces.

_Kanzen, _Ithough, leaping out and ascending towards a vent.

_And I'll pride myself_   
_Now I know my time has come_   
_Now's the time for all my fear to disappear_   
_No more doubting; this is where I'm from_   
_And starting now_   
_I promise this forevermore_   
_This absent coder..._   
_Won't be absent anymore--!_

And with that last note, I managed to escape from the truck and soon found myself running back to Folsom.

I had purists to defeat.

And, more importantly, a family to save.

—————————————————————

After a while of running and hitchhiking - read, hanging out in truck beds that were approaching my destination, I managed to recognize Cypress Hall, which was still on fire. The streets had become empty by that point, no doubt due to people having gone home to wait out the ashes.

But that wasn't deterrent enough for me. I continued on the sidewalk to the college, rushing as fast as my feet could carry me - which wasn't as fast as it should have been, due to me being one feet tall.

Since I knew the route like the back of my hand I made it to the college in relative record time, pausing to try to be sneaky as I surveyed the area. No one was on the campus outside, meaning Aleph-Null doubtlessly took them inside as hostages or something. That was my logic, anyway. I didn't remember seeing any Aleph-Null helicopters and whatnot while I was at the campus the first time, so I knew they didn't have any sort of means of leaving.

The sun was beginning to set, so I figured I was out for a while. Poor family must have been an absolute wreck compared to how I took it.

I found myself thinking that if Cypress Hall was burned to the ground - or, at least, so smoky it was hard to breathe - they wouldn't be hiding in there since it would potentially kill my family, and they'd lose their bargaining chip. The library would be the first place any authority would look to apprehend them, and the smaller buildings didn't really have anywhere well suited for hostage situations.

I narrowed down my options until only one location for them to have taken everyone remained:

Falcon's Roost - the student nerve center.

I approached the building while continuing to treat the situation like it was a stealth mission - Arceus knew if any grunts were patrolling the area, so I had to assume the worst.

Fortunately, the place was practically a ghost town, save for the sounds coming from one of the buildings.

My suspicions were confirmed when I looked through a window on the lower floor and saw four silhouettes in the room surrounded by a number of silhouettes looking everywhere but them, save for one.

My family surrounded by Aleph-Null goons, I realized. The upper floor entryway wasn't guarded, probably because it was locked, but that wasn't going to stop me from saving my family.

The only question was how - the doors were locked, breaking a window would be a dead giveaway, and I had no idea where the Koffiehuis was.

I was no one-man army, and Arceus knows what weaponry they had. The more I thought about it, the more outclassed I realized I was, but I couldn't give up.

At that moment, I wished I had a jacket with me.

Not just because it was cold as heck, but also so that I could disguise myself so that Aleph-Null wouldn't be able to notice me when I came in.

But no, I just _had _to lose my jacket when I got turned into a Pokémon...

Wait a second.

I was a Pokémon!

_Boku wa baka- _I could just dig my way in to the building and shock the goons with my moveset!

Aleph-Null would barely suspect a thing!

I was smirking the entire time as I dug my way under the ground- which, for the record, was surprisingly more fertile than I thought it would be, considering how cold it was- and eventually found myself under the floorboards of the lower floor of the Falcon's Roost- just underneath the room where my family was surrounded by Aleph-Null goons. Case was gloating, and I could hear every word.

I smirked and loaded up my scalchop.

Case had no idea what was coming.

——————————————————————————————

** _PURISTS' POV- 3P_ **

Case had taken the Oshawott's family and had held them hostage in Falcon's Roost- the one place in Folsom Lake College that was not on fire or surrounded by guards. If anything, the place was so deserted as to be nearly empty.

The Oshawott's family and the goons were the only people there.

And currently, the former was surrounded by an entire army of men, guns blazing, with one goal in mind:

** _Kill them._ **

Case, who by this point was smirking like a lunatic, stepped out in front of the Oshawott's family, the only one besides Mancia not holding a gun.

"You pathetic peskers," he muttered, glaring down at them. "You thought you were such good parents, raising a child who _dared _to learn Japanese."

The Oshawott's father said nothing, but glared up at Case.

"Do you not even realize the goal of Aleph-Null?" Case asked, not even raising his voice in the slightest. "It's to wipe out language-learning, language-teaching peskers like yourself."

"Corbin learned Japanese on his own accord, you racist freak!" the Oshawott's brother cried.

Case smirked.

"Oh, did he now?" he asked. "Funny you should mention that. I've already taken care of him."

"NO!" cried the Oshawott's mother.

"And now," Case continued, a snark creeping up on his face, "I'm going to take care of _you._"

With that, he summoned his goons, all eleven of whom inched ever closer to the Oshawott's family, their guns about to fire at any second.

And they were just about to do so, if not for a sudden trembling coming from the floorboard.

Before any of the goons had time to react, a blue streak burst up out of the floorboards and made short work of all eleven of the Aleph-Null goons.

One goon fell to the floor when a razor-sharp blade of water collided with the back of his neck and rendered him unconscious.

"Aqua Jet,"

When one turned to look, they found that they had been knocked to the floor and struck in the back of the head with their own weapon's handle.

"Covet,"

A third found himself collapsing from exhaustion as steam began to surround his body.

"Scald,"

A fourth collapsed from cold as their suit iced over.

"Ice Beam,"

A fifth found wounds appearing on his body from nowhere and soon fainted in a pool of his own blood.

"Slash,"

A sixth found his body wracked with an itchy, concussive forced and he was soon sprawled against the wall.

"X-Scissor,"

A seventh felt the ground give out from underneath him and he was soon consumed by a geyser of water and soon broke his head on the floor.

"Dive,"

An eighth was swallowed up by the earth.

"Dig,"

A ninth, having observed everything that happened, barely reacted to the Oshawott appearing out of nowhere, realized he was responsible for the events, and felt its paw shove him face first into the wall, where he slumped.

"Assurance,"

A tenth found himself blasted in the face with water, nearly drowning in it and being rendered unconscious.

"Hydro Pump,"

The last remaining guard began to leg it as the ground he was assigned to keep hostage stared at him and stood up, only for a blue blur to come rushing out of nowhere and chase him down.

The form of an Oshawott stood with his Razor Shell as though he had just finished attacking someone, and a few seconds later the purist's body started to convulse as he felt all thirteen lashes the Oshawott had delivered unto him, collapsing a fatigued pile and was swiftly off to never-never land.

"Night Slash. 'Sup, losers?"

———————————————————————————-

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

All eleven guards were down.

For a moment or two I was slightly disappointed that there weren't thirteen, until I realized that there _were_ thirteen.

The other two were Case and Mancia, and upon seeing me standing there, the former's eyes went wide in shock and anger. I just stood there, smirking.

My family, on the other hand, were relieved as heck.

"Corbin!" cried my mother, tears streaming down her face.

"Absent!"

I instantly turned to see oghond and the rest of the Koffiehuis enter the room from another floor, relief evident on their faces.

"**YOU**!" Case growled.

I was still smirking at him.

"Missed me?" I asked, gesturing to my family to give me some amount of time with this lingual pesker.

Yes, I stole his words.

"What in the world are you doing here?!" he asked, composure faltering. "I thought I had locked you up in that cage, you imbecile!"

"Water resists Steel," I explained, holding my Razor Shell and admiring the form it took. "A little hydraulic pressure and those bars snapped like twigs."

"WHAT?!" Case shrieked in a manner that might have almost been as loud as me. His mouth curled into a sinister smirk. "Well, what does it matter; you'll suffer anyway. I've a plan to kill your _beloved_ family right in front of you!" he exclaimed, not noticing my disinterest.

"Does it involve those eleven dunces that are currently sprawled about the room?" I asked, only to pause when I saw Case pull out a weapon I didn't recognize from behind himself.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked - shame I don't know Hyper Voice, heh.

"What's wrong, _otter_?" Case asked, venom dripping from his voice as he loaded the gun. "I thought you didn't appreciate your family?"

With barely even a word, I held my scalchop and slashed at nothing twice in front of myself.

Air Slash.

The weapon went flying out of Case's hands, and I subsequently summoned another Razor Shell so that the advantage was once again with me.

"They're annoying. They're dense. They give me anxiety and mom and Nathan keep jabbing metaphoric pins in me when I'm pain free.

"But I love them. Without them, I wouldn't be a college senior at 19, have developed my taste in music, or have as many video games under my belt as I do now."

Case was as defiant as I was, though, evidenced by how his voice continued to drip enough sarcasm I could weaponize it against him. "Well, of _course_ you have to love your family! Your _precious_, _precious_ family, they mean the world to you- NATHAN WEST DESERVES IT, YOU PESKER!"

Without skipping a beat, I fired back with words and an Aqua Jet. "I wouldn't wish death on him if it meant saving my _own_ life."

Case tried to stand up, and found himself staggering and in pain. "Urgh... _listen to me, otter. Your penchant for the Japanese language will be flushed out of you in a matter of seconds if you don't DARE give me your family_!"

As though I had known both languages for my entire life, I didn't even need to think about my response. "_Iie, domo. Ni gakki benkyou shimashita kara, wasuremesen._"

"What-what-what-what-what?" my father asked.

I didn't even bother translating; figured I could do it later. For now, all I knew was that my family had to escape before any of them got killed.

"Get outta here, get outta here!" I whispered, gesturing to them to leg it- which, naturally, they did.

oghond, meanwhile, just scratched her head with a vine in confusion.

"I didn't get any of that..." she said.

"SEE?!" cried Case. "She doesn't get it! How do you fail to understand that the English language rules above all?!"

Again, I didn't even need to think about my response.

"_Shinai kara, baka,_" I retorted. "_Nihongo ya orandogo mo yoku da._"

Case was growing more and more angry by this point, and it was simply _glorious._

"_BAKA?!_" he shrieked, ironically speaking Japanese. "I've heard that word... AND I HATE IT!"

Well, then.

Apparently he would know that I was calling him an idiot.

I stood there and smirked.

"Would you rather I called you so unbearably stupid you wouldn't even know if a word like guitar or meringue came from another language?" I asked.

The Koffiehuis went nuts.

As did Case.

"YOU'RE INSANE!" shrieked Case, pointing his gun directly at me. "YOU'RE INSANE—! WE WILL WIPE THAT LINGUAL TALK OUT OF YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING WE DO—!"

He started to fire his gun at me- only to be interrupted, courtesy of yours truly throwing him a Water Gun to the face.

"_Shimasen; shi_me_sen,_" I responded, still smirking.

Case, by this point, was starting to panic like crazy.

"What- how- WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, YOU PESKER?!"

"You won't; you can't."

"WE CAN AND WE WILL, YOU IDIOT!"

"You can stomp out my dignity," I said. "You can stomp out my protests. You can even stomp out my education. But you can NEVER crush my passion."

And then, just to add a bit more fuel to the fire, I added in:

"_Mochiron sono no ga kirai ne, baka._"

Case scoffed.

"Blah, blah, blah, _Highlander_\- YOU DON'T REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!" he suddenly shrieked out. "Japanese means nothing! Dutch means nothing! German means nothing!"

I blinked.

"I've never seen that movie," I said. "And, you also realize that English is classified as a Germanic language, right?

"Is it?" I whispered to LF, who nodded.

"That doesn't matter!" Case barked. "No language matters except the one universal tongue!

"Go on, say something in _Japanese_," he said, cockiness dripping from his voice. "I dare you."

Given the chance, I found myself wearing my heart on my sleeves. I had my Razor Shell drawn to protect me of course.

"_Boku wa mijumaru ni narimashita,_" I started. "_Demo zorua ni naritai._" After I was finished, I quickly pulled up my Protect barrier.

"He's an Oshawott, not a Zorua," said oghond, smirking at Case from far away.

The translation was slightly off, but regardless, she had pretty much gotten the general gist of it. I just stood there, smirking.

"Whatcha gon' do now, big boi?" I asked in an obnoxious fake accent. "You ain't~ gon'~ do-"

And then I was interrupted by Case drawing a pistol from his pocket and attempting to quick draw and fire it at some other member of the Koffiehuis. Without even thinking my Protect dropped and I slung an Aqua Jet at the gun, bisecting it down the muzzle.

Case growled, looking at his bifurcated barrel. "Never mind," he started, throwing the gun onto the carpet, "all other languages are going down. English will stay forever as the GREATEST LANGUAGE OF ALL TIME~!"

"_Shinai yo, baka,_" I fired back.

"I understand English is close to your hearts," I started, having substituted my hammerspace guitar for a microphone with the Majesty symbol on it.

If you looked it up like I told you to, pride yourself.

(Don't look back, your time has- _DANG IT ABSENT YOU'VE MADE A SONG SO CATCHY IT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD!_

No it's not - that spot's occupied by all sorts of songs with lyrics that'll make your extended family blush.)

"_Demo sorekara, benkyou shimasu,_" I finished as the speakers across the school began to play a drum beat.

**[Song #8- "** **13 Km** **"]**

**Me:**   
_I can sit here and go on about the countless advocations_   
_Of teaching dying languages to local populations_   
_But I think the fact that you protest just gives me confirmation_   
_That you think that other cultures congregate aberrations_   
_What are us Americans and who do we provide?_   
_Republicans, the anti-vax and littered oceansides?_   
_Few are welcoming to those from the border's other side_   
_And looking at us all gives me a distinct lack of pride_

_You claim my maiden tongue's superiority,_   
_But it's evident the precedent for prevalence is irrelevant_   
_To the elephant in the room, that the only inferiority_   
_Comes from those who try to compensate from their complete lack of authority_

_We all have the ability to be better than we think we are_   
_But the attitude you have to Dutch and other cultures is a scar_   
_On America's image as the land of the second chances_   
_But let me give you one- show me your metaphoric dances_

**Case:**   
_So, otter, you want us to dance?_   
_Know that you have surrendered your chance._   
_For we are legion, you are one_   
_And this war is already won_

_The English language is all that we need_   
_Its numerous rules are simple to heed_   
_There are few characters to make your hand hurt,_   
_Thus all other cultures belong in the dirt._

_We have provided our argument,_   
_And plenty of evidence is already sent._   
_The English language towers above all,_   
_And the one of the world, for that is our call._

_We are everywhere in all other languages,_   
_And we have masterfully crafted the stages_   
_To slowly kill cultures that do not comply_   
_With the rules we have set to make our banner fly_

**Me:**   
_Do you legitimately think that you have the high ground_   
_In a showcase spoiling your plan to everyone around?_   
_My memory's a razor cutting into your plans,_   
_And your whole operation will be rendered a sham_

_The language barrier is constantly rising_   
_While you guys are a slope that's eight times been deriving_   
_You'll never hit the top, you'll never break through_   
_I would give up now, if I were you_

_We can be tactful, we can show peace_   
_Between our two factions, let all of this cease._   
_Just acknowledge that not everyone is you,_   
_And we can forget this, through and through_

**Case:**   
_See?! This is what we've been talking about!_   
_Your time with other cultures weakened you, lout!_   
_This resolve to keep fighting is what we all need_   
_To make English dominant, now, to our words, heed!_

_You have put a deep schism between us two parties,_   
_And while your confidence wavers, we have been hardy_   
_In our resolve to push forth with our goals_   
_While the graves you've been digging are your own burial holes!_

**Me:**   
_Hontou ni, kimitachi wa totemo baka_   
_Sorekara, boku wa tatta aka_   
_wo miru, soshite kimi no keikaku wa_   
_hyaku-hachi-ju kan kurikaeseba!_

_Did I get that wrong? Sure, it happens sometimes_   
_Like someone seeing through your desperate lies!_   
_Languages are a fact of life, like political factions_   
_And now it's time for me to take action!_

With that declaration I held up a paw to gesture to Case as I took a breath, and then a stream of consciousness came rocketing out at breakneck pace.

**Me:**   
_Your entire party is an exercise in racism_   
_That advocates the genocides that everybody's hated and_   
_Given you're all such templars there's exemplary evidence_   
_That none of you have ever had a friend with any differences_   
_Since none of you can love someone outside your echo chambers and_   
_Your "logical arguments" are more twisted than an ampersand_   
_The entire Koffiehuis has the upper hand in our PA_   
_So racists, go away, don't come on any other day!_

The Koffiehuis went _absolutely nuts_.

"**OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!**"

As for me, with my rap battle having been finished, I walked straight up to Case and Mancia and quite literally dropped my mic after jabbing it into him.

"_Mic drop, bakatachi._"

——————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

There was only one thought in my mind at the end of that rap battle:

_HOLY. CRAP._

Case, Mancia, and all the other lingual purists of Aleph-Null— okay, maybe not Mancia, but definitely everybody else— had just been _roasted_.

And based on Case's reaction, it had certainly paid off.

At the very end of it all, just after the mic drop, Case growled over at Absent- before immediately going on the most explosive rant I had seen from him all day. Poor Mancia looked absolutely terrified, even though the rant wasn't even directed at him.

"**YOU... YOU ****_IDIOT--!_**" Case shrieked. "**YOU ****_BLIND IDIOT_****! TWISTED AS AN AMPERSAND?! YOU ****_WISH!_**"

Without saying another word, Absent formed and detached another Razor Shell/Aqua Jet combo at Case, knocking him down. He turned right to him and smirked.

"You threatened to kill my family because a number of us speak a language you don't understand," Absent retorted. "Innocent victims of merciless crimes fall prey to some madman's impulsive designs."

"Is that a song reference?" I asked.

"One I'd rather not explain for fear of opening a can of worms," he explained while Case stood back up.

"What can of worms?" asked Madelief.

Absent didn't say anything, instead gesturing to the staggering Case with a look aimed towards Madelief that said "shut up." He immediately interrupted with a lightening-fast Slash, once again throwing Case down to the floor. Unlike the rest of the goons, though, he was still alive. The minute Case hit the ground, there was a giant crash from behind- and instantly, Absent's whole family entered the room, cheering their son. His father in particular was especially enthusiastic.

"YEAH!" he cheered. "YOU GOT 'EM, CORBIN--!"

As soon as Absent saw his family, however, his eyes went wide with shock, and he ran over to his family, frantically shaking his head. I knew why.

They weren't supposed to be here.

If Case saw them, they would all be dead.

"What are you doing?" hissed Absent. "Get back out there! Case won't be down for long, and if he sees you--"

He was instantly interrupted by the sound of a gun cocking.

Now fearful, Absent turned- and all of us saw Case, up on his feet, growling down at the rest of Absent's family, and holding the unusual gun he had had before. This wasn't the gun Absent had bifurcated- it was green in color, with some orange streaks, and a glowing blue bullet sticking out from it-

Wait a second...

_A glowing blue bullet?!_

Well, the good news was, none of Absent's family would be killed.

Case smirked.

"I finally have you," he growled, loading the gun.

Absent instantly took up a battle stance.

"Mamo-"

I instantly interrupted him, putting a vine to his mouth.

"Oh, believe me, you won't have to Protect them this time," I said.

Absent pushed my vine away.

"What? What do you mean I don't have to protect them?! If I don't, they'll be killed!"

"Don't worry," I said, smirking. "They won't be."

Case, now deliciously smirking over at Absent's family, paused for a few moments... then shot the bullet right out of the gun, hitting all four of Absent's family members at once. Absent, seeing this, instantly began to load up a Razor Shell, only to be interrupted from doing so by the gun doing exactly what I thought it was going to do.

In an instant, Absent's family cried out in confusion as all four of them were suddenly surrounded by a blue burst of light and floated up into the air. Absent and the rest of the SOSchip group saw this, and instantly their looks of anger changed to that of confusion and disbelief.

"No way..." gasped HP.

"Is that what I think it is?!" Madelief exclaimed.

Yuunarii simply nodded, shock evident on her face.

Absent, of course, was stunned by what he was watching in front of him.

The blue light orbs pulsated for just a few moments, the sillhouettes of the people who had been surrounded by those orbs flashing for just a second, before what appeared to be a DNA strand flashed in front of them. We couldn't see what was happening in those orbs, but I had a strong feeling that what was happening there was what had happened in _Play the Game_\- namely, their bodies were exploding into bits and then coming back together in the shape of the Pokemon they were about to be transformed into.

Really, by this point, my one question was:_ how the heck did Aleph-Null manage to get the Shotgun?_

Looking over at Aleph-Null, I could see Case clearly dumbfounded, while Mancia looked both happy and nervous at the same time.

Eventually, however, a blinding flash of light ensued, and two of the blue orbs exploded into pieces, forcing everyone to look away. Absent was sneezing due to the flash, but when he- and everyone else- were finally allowed to look back...

We were in shock.

Absent's parents had been turned into a Zoroark and an Incineroar.

I was able to tell who was who just by looking at them- I didn't even need to hear their voices to be able to tell that Absent's mother was a Zoroark and Absent's father was an Incineroar.

And I wasn't the only one.

Apparently, Absent was able to figure it out, too.

The minute he saw his parents look at each other, he facepalmed.

When Absent's mother saw her husband- and vice versa- they screamed.

"Rick?!" gasped Absent's mother.

"JENEAN?!" cried Absent's father.

"Rick? Jenean?!" I cried in shock.

"Why are you a giant bipedal tiger with a wrestling belt on?" exclaimed Absent's mother.

"You're one to talk!" cried Absent's father. "I have absolutely no idea what YOU are! Some kind of weird black... fox... thingy..."

I sighed, approaching them. "She's a Zoroark."

"Like Howard?" asked Absent's father.

I had read _The Fountainhead,_ so I got the pun straight away. I also had to admit that pun was terrible as all get-out.

"NO," I said.

And then I was suddenly struck with a realization.

"Wait a second," I said. "I thought you never read _The Fountainhead_?"

"I just got around to reading it about a year ago," he said. "It was a very interesting read. Anyways... what did you say she was again?"

"A Zoroark."

"A what?"

I sighed. "She's a Dark-type fox thingy. And you're an Incineroar."

"A what?"

"Never mind."

Absent, naturally, walked up to both of his parents, Picarding.

"Why does _mom_ get to be the cool Pokémon?" he moaned.

His father growled at him, then blinked, momentarily recoiling in surprise. Likely, it was because he didn't think he could do that.

"Stuff it, foxes are awesome!" Absent cried.

I just smirked at him, playfully nudging him in the shoulder.

"Oh, come on, Absent," I said teasingly. "Admit it; Incineroar's cool, too."

"#TeamPopplio," Absent said, without a hint of irony whatsoever.

The minute I heard him say that, I could barely contain my excitement. I had rooted for Popplio since the moment I first saw it, and upon the confirmation that it evolved into Primarina- AKA, the Geddy Lee of Pokemon- I loved it even more.

Without even thinking, I jumped up into the air in excitement, waving a Popplio flag.

"#TEAMPOPPLIO~!" I cried. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

And then, mere seconds later, I was broken out of my reverie by another blinding burst of light. Instantly, both myself and Absent looked up to find a Gardevoir floating down to the floor- which I figured was Absent's sister. The minute she looked at herself and realized what she had become, she started squealing in pure happiness.

I blinked and turned to Absent.

"Is that your sister?" I asked.

"Yep," replied Absent.

"She's a Gardevoir?"

"Yep. Not surprising."

I shrugged- and then moments later another blue burst of light came down from the sky. It went so fast that I had no time to see what it was, but I knew that Absent's brother Nathan had just been turned.

And, naturally, he announced said transformation in practically the snarkiest way possible:

"Aren't _you _the serpent, Corbin?"

Within minutes, we both turned, and upon seeing his form I realized just what Absent's brother meant by that.

He was a Snivy.

Of course.

The minute Absent saw his brother, one look at his face conveyed everything he was thinking in that moment.

Namely:

_Dang it; Nathan had to win the elemental rock-paper-scissors AGAIN?!_

Of course, he didn't actually _say _that, but what he did say was just as brilliant.

"Yeah, I'm also the one with Ice Beam, so..."

"**_OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!_**" I cried out with triumph.

Eventually, after taking some time to soak in the fact that all of Absent's family had been turned into Pokémon, I turned back towards Case. For a few moments he just stood there in dumbfounded shock and disbelief, staring down at the green gun in his hands and turning it this way and that to see what the heck was going on. The smug leader of Aleph-Null was reduced to a blubbering mess trying to make sense of the Shotgun.

"What— how— they're— THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! What kind of crazy gun is thi-"

And then- he noticed.

I took a closer look, and I happened to notice that on the side of the gun were big bold letters that read:

**THE SHOTGUN**   
**ABLE TO TRANSFORM WHOEVER IS SHOT WITH IT INTO A POKÉMON**

Case's eyes widened with shock.

"The _Shotgun?!_" he shrieked.

In an instant, he whipped around and shot a glare at Mancia, who flinched back in fear and stared up at his superior nervously.

"I... _may _have given you the wrong gun on purpose," he said.

"You **WHAT?!**" Case screamed.

"Well... sir..." muttered Mancia, "I didn't want you to actually _kill _them, so I gave you a gun that would turn them into Pokémon instead."

Case, who was still glaring down at Mancia, grabbed his lackey by the neck, practically choking him.

"_The entire point— of you getting the gun— WAS TO KILL THEM, YOU IDIOT_!" Case hissed. "You and your silly intervening conscience made this whole mission WORTHLESS!"

He shoved Mancia down and turned straight to the other faceless goons of Aleph-Null.

"Get out of Folsom," he told them.

"What?!" exclaimed one of the goons. "B-but, sir—"

"Forget about it," said Case, turning away from them. "We have much more important things to work on, anyways, now that Mancia has turned our entire original mission into one big sacrilege. At the very least, we can say that we burned down Cypress Hall. That's really all that matters."

The goons looked at each other, then all of them nodded and walked off, following Case, presumably back to the Aleph-Null airship. Mancia, after a while, stood back up and did the same, and I happened to notice that there were tears in his eyes as he followed his boss back to the airship.

At that moment, I felt nothing but sympathy for him.

Roger Mancia was a cinnamon roll.

Eventually, we all left the Roost and returned back outside to the outside of Cypress Hall, where we saw Aleph-Null about to get back inside their airship. The airship door opened, and the goons all stepped inside, along with Mancia. Case was just about to do so, but before he did, he stopped.

Then turned and pointed directly at Absent's parents and siblings.

"Mark my words, I will find you again, West," he said. "And I will _kill_ you."

Absent's mother smirked.

"_I'd like to see you try and kill my son,_" she said.

Case raised an eyebrow. "Both of them?"

Absent's mother blinked in surprise.

With that, Case turned away, and the door to the Aleph-Null airship shut. Eventually, with the entire SOSchip group and all of Absent's family watching, the airship took off into the sky.

Aleph-Null was gone.

For now.

I smirked, then turned to Absent as they flew off.

"You think they'll be back?" I asked.

"Oh, they will," said Absent, smirking. "Believe me, they will."

Then, suddenly, he paused.

He turned around to face Cypress Hall, whose roof was still on fire and melting. The rest of us could do nothing but blink in surprise- what exactly was Absent up to?

The good news was, we found out in about 22.5 seconds.

With the roof still melting, Absent shot a Water Gun at Cypress Hall in an attempt to put out the fire. It did, but something strange happened when the water hit the melted roof.

It froze over it.

Apparently, the air was so cold that the water froze on contact. This happened over and over again, and eventually all of the melted roof was covered with a frozen glaze.

We waited for a few moments— and then suddenly...

CR-R-RACK!

The ice broke- and what we saw shocked practically everyone who saw it.

Standing there proudly, infused with the roof of Cypress Hall, was a giant glass falcon.

Absolutely none of us could believe what we were seeing- least of all myself. I just stood there, mouth agape, staring in disbelief at Absent's inadvertent creation. For a few moments, it seemed as though Absent himself had no idea as to what he had just made- then, he smirked, and turned to his family, all of whom were staring at it with a mix of confusion and admiration.

"A little parting gift from me," he said.

"That's actually kind of impressive," his sister remarked.

"How does that even work?!" gasped Absent's father.

"That's not gonna protect from the rain," said Absent's mother, shaking her head.

"Showoff," said Nathan.

Eventually, I walked up to Absent, my mouth still agape, and finally managed to say something.

"HOW IN THE NAME OF ARCEUS IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!"

"Stupid luck instance #713," said Absent, smirking.

I smirked right back. "Make that _4_13."

As crazy as the giant glass falcon had been, however, it did not even compare to what happened next. As we stared up at the creation in awe, we were suddenly broken out of our reveries by a teal-and-black bolt zooming across the sky. I had barely any time to process what it was before the thing landed in front of me, the group, and Absent's family. For a few moments I was forced to look away, but when I actually got to see what was in front of me...

_Hoo boy._

Standing in front of everyone else was a giant teal-and-black Talonflame.

If you want a basic idea of what it looked like, you can just check out the image above, but basically its head, the spots on its body, and the lines on its tail and wings were teal, and everything else was a dark black. Knowing what I knew about Folsom Lake College- namely, that its mascot was a falcon and that its colors were teal and black- I naturally had to assume that this was the Pokémon version of Folsom Lake's mascot.

Eventually, it stepped forward, and looked down at all of us- particularly Absent.

Five seconds later I heard a powerful female voice emanate from the Talonflame.

**_Greetings. I am Sierra, the Spirit of Folsom Lake College and the Guardian of Cypress Hall. _**  
****  
Even now I still found it hard to shake off the fact that there was a giant Talonflame in front of me. I tried to say something, but all that came out of my mouth was:

"Holy..."

Meanwhile, Absent's family, as well as the rest of the SOSchip group, were stunned into silence. Eventually, Absent spoke, after a few minutes of just staring at Sierra in utter disbelief:

"Okay... but why though."

Sierra paused, before staring down at Absent.

** _Corbin West..._ **

I'll be completely honest, I half-expected Sierra would call my name next. Or, more accurately, that she would go through all of Absent's family in one fell swoop.

Absent said nothing in reaction to his name being called. He just silently stepped forward, never once breaking eye contact with Sierra. Eventually, she spoke:

** _Thank you._ **

Absent's eyes instantly widened, as though he didn't expect to be thanked by the Guardian of Cypress Hall.

Though, admittedly, he probably didn't, considering the fact that this was the flipping GUARDIAN OF CYPRESS HALL.

**_Because of your actions, Cypress Hall is safe from Aleph-Null, _**said Sierra, looking over with pride at the giant glass falcon Absent had made. **_I thought for sure Cypress was done for, but the good news is... it's mostly still intact._**

**THANK. GOD.**

You seriously have no idea how happy I was to hear those words- and I don't even _go _to Folsom Lake College!

"YES!" I cried happily, jumping up into the air and pumping one of my vines.

Sierra smiled.

"Well, that's good to hear," said Absent, smiling, "but I don't think I'll be able to stick around."

The minute he said that, Sierra- and the rest of Absent's family- reacted with shock.

"**_WHAT?!_**" cried Sierra and Absent's family.

"I made a promise to the Koffiehuis that I would join them in their quest to educate the world," Absent explained. "If there's three things I take seriously, they're video games, music, and _promises._"

That, I could _easily_ vouch for. The one time Absent accidentally forgot about a promise he made in Discord text, he beat himself up about it.

HARD.

Sierra blinked.

**_But what about your fellow classmates and professors? _**she asked, concerned. **_Don't you want to see how they react when they realize you're alive?_**

Absent shook his head. "It'd be a monumental headache to be declared not dead when there was planned to be a memorial to me. Coupled with the fact that there was video footage of me falling to my apparent death, money says that I am _legally dead._"

Video footage?!

All of a sudden, my interest was peaked. I had no idea there was video footage of Absent falling to his apparent death from the side of the cruise ship he was on before being saved by HP.

I ran up to him, in shock.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- _video footage_?" I cried.

Absent shot me a quizzical look.

"What?" he said, pulling out his phone. "You think my worries were unfounded? Have a look."

Immediately, the rest of the group, myself included, crowded around Absent as he frantically began typing up something on his phone. Eventually a website popped up, which looked to be for a Caribbean cruise ship.

Undoubtedly, this was the ship Absent was on before he was rescued.

"You think I wouldn't bother to perform due diligence; jump to any conclusion?" Absent asked, pulling up something on the site. "There's security cameras on those ships; of course ONE of them would capture my plunge!"

With that said, he pulled up the video footage, and all of a sudden it hit me as to why he was on the Caribbean cruise ship website.

They had all their security camera footage on there.

And before my eyes, I was able to see what I didn't get to see before HP saved Absent's life.

There was Absent, as a human, sitting on the deck and listening to his music, before eventually a strong gust of wind knocked him off and sent him flying into the water. He was wearing his red hoodie the entire time- exactly as we had found him when we first noticed him out on the water.

At that moment, I was unable to believe that I hadn't been able to recognize him before.

I was also unable to believe that this had happened to him.

Eventually, the video footage ended, and I found myself at a loss for words. All I could do was stare up at Sierra, who for a few moments appeared to be just as shocked as I was.

And why wouldn't she be? She had just seen video proof that had it not been for our intervention, _my best online friend in the world would have DIED!_

**_Huh, _**she said, with a bit of shock in her voice. **_I had no idea._**

Then- she smiled.

**_Very well, then, _**she said, spreading her wings. **_The school shall at least get word tomorrow that it's been saved._**

She flew off- but not before making one last comment.

** _Oh- and I'll tell all your professors you said hi._ **

For a moment or two I thought she was being serious, but then all of a sudden I noticed her shoot Absent and the rest of us a wink- and then I knew she was joking.

Absent's liveliness would remain hidden from the rest of the school.

At least, for now.

Eventually, once Sierra had flown off, Absent paused and turned to me.

"She's kidding, isn't she?" he asked.

I scoffed.

"Of _course _she is!" I said. "Don't worry, Absent. The Guardian of Cypress Hall would know better than to reveal your secret to everyone like that."

And then all of a sudden, something he had said earlier resonated in my mind.

"Hey... Absent?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he replied.

I paused a few moments before I spoke next, but eventually:

"What did you call us earlier to Sierra?"

Absent looked at me quizzically.

"The... Koffiehuis?" he said.

The Koffiehuis.

Yeah... I liked the sound of that.

I smiled, turning to look at him.

"Huh," I said. "Has a nice ring to it."

He simply smiled.

————————————————————————

The next day, myself, Absent, and the rest of the SOSchip group- nay, the Koffiehuis- were back on the _S. S. Tex-Kofschip_. It was early in the morning, and we had all returned back from Folsom and were now on the open ocean again. Absent had offered his parents and siblings a spot on the _S. S. Tex-Kofschip_, but they declined, preferring instead to stay in California- though they promised they would visit from time to time, and wished Absent luck.

Though, knowing Jenean Westilson, "time to time" likely meant "every other day."

Yes, I will be calling Absent's mother by her full name from here on out.

Regardless, by now we were back on board Koffie, and everybody was sitting around the giant TV watching the news. Fudge and Bailey were sitting with Yuunarii, having been retrieved from the West household, where both of them had stayed to avoid all the chaos. A news report on the burning of Cypress Hall was currently being broadcast:

"_In recent news, students at Folsom Lake College will forever be grateful to an anonymous, unidentified creature who just yesterday put out a fire at Cypress Hall and in the process created a beautiful new piece of glass art on its iconic glass-paneled roof. Authorities are still searching for the man who started the fire in the first place. Regarding the damage to Cypress Hall, we have another reporter live on the scene...."_

At those words, pictures of the interior of Cypress Hall were shown, and much to my relief, as Sierra had said, everything was largely intact, save for a few shots of a clearly burnt ceiling.

"_As you can see,_" the TV reporter continued, "_much of the building is still intact. Amazingly, the chairs, tables, computers, and other items inside of Cypress Hall appear to have also survived. Students are simply going about their day and the fire does not seem to have affected any of their daily routine. Of course, this doesn't mean the place was without damage; besides the iconic roof, as you can see, the entire ceiling has been torn through and you can clearly see burn damage on the walls. Authorities attribute this to the powerful glass roof itself, which may have prevented the fire from spreading any further._"

I was watching the entire report with a visibly relieved grin on my face, happy to see that Sierra's claims were true.

"Yes!" I exclaimed happily. "Thank god! Cypress Hall is safe!"

"And it's all thanks to you, Abtje~!" Bailey cried happily, running up towards him. "Though, admittedly, the whole Koffiehuis had a hand in it, too."

"Abtje _was _the one who put out the fire, though," Fudge pointed out.

"Seriously?!" Bailey cried. "You're going to argue with me now, Fudge? After we spent nearly the whole chapter trapped inside Jennitje's home?!"

"It's _Abtje's _home!"

"Jennitje's his _mother, _you...!"

I giggled to myself as the two bunny Pokémon walked off, playfully butting heads and giggling happily. The fact that they had misheard the name "Jenean" nonwithstanding, there was something oddly hilarious about seeing the two bunnies arguing with each other.

Yuunarii knew it, too. I took one look over at her, and she was giggling.

I smiled, staring back up at the news report.

"Well, Absent... you did it," I said. "You finally got the courage to talk to your family again after all those weeks."

"Not to mention _SAVED YOUR OWN COLLEGE~!_" gushed Madelief happily. "Seriously, that artwork you made was amazing! You should go out and become a glass artist!"

"I doubt I'd be any good at it," said Absent. "The only reason that falcon exists on the roof of Cypress Hall is because of sheer dumb luck."

"Don't doubt yourself, Absent," Madelief said, giggling. "That artwork was still really cool!"

Absent smiled. "Thanks."

"Do you have any idea if Aleph-Null vill be back...?" HP asked.

I smirked.

"Oh, believe me," I said. "I have a feeling this isn't the last we've heard of Case, Mancia, and everyone else at Aleph-Null. And when they _do _come back, wherever they may be..."

"Then I can assure you- they _will _be going down," said LF, suddenly standing up.

"Agreed," said Absent.

"Still, don't you feel better now zat you've talked to your parents?" asked HP.

"Monumentally," said Absent. "Though... now that my mother's an illusory fox, I doubt she'll stay at home for very long."

"You need not worry," said LF. "If your mother does come back, we will be there for you."

"All of us," I said, smiling at him.

Absent couldn't help but smile back, and in that moment, I knew for a fact that I had made the right decision in saving Absent's life on that fateful day. If I hadn't... well, who knows if I'd be seeing my best friend again?

And who knows if Aleph-Null would have been defeated?

I smiled at him for a few more moments, before eventually turning off the TV and standing up.

"But enough of that," I said. "We're back on the ship, and we've got some languages to learn! Who's up for a trip to Wereldia?!"

Everyone except for Absent stood up and cheered, even Yuunarii. Bailey and Fudge joined in as well, and Koffie, meanwhile, started up the music that had began this epic experience.

It was a new day, and a new journey.

And we couldn't wait to go on it.

Absent, meanwhile, stood up.

"Wait a second," he said. "I thought the musical episode ended with the day."

I smirked.

"Not in this musical episode, it doesn't," I said. "Koffie, set us on course for Wereldia!"

_Will do! _Koffie cried.

And with that, the ship took off as everybody, except for Absent, burst out into a final reprise of the opening number:

**[Song #9: "95630 (Distinctive By Nature)- Final Reprise"]**

**All (except for Absent):**   
_Well, we're taking off from California_

**Me:**   
_Thanks for everything you've shown us_

**All (except for Absent):**   
_We've had such a blast in California _   
_But this language trek is on us_

**Me:**   
_So it's onward to Wereldia_   
_And I cannot wait to go_   
_We're distinctive by nature..._

**Rest of Koffiehuis (except for Absent):**   
_Distinctive by nature..._

**All (except for Absent):**   
_Distinctive by nature_   
_So so long, farewell to 9-5-6..._   
_3-0–!_

**EINDE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Half of this incredible chapter, three of the songs, and the title would not have come into fruition if not for the real Absent Coder, who collaborated with me on this chapter in ways I never imagined would be possible until now. Thank you, Absent.
> 
> And now, a guide to all of the Gratuitous Japanese you may have come across in this chapter. Just warning you, there's quite a bit. THANK YOU to the Absent Coder for providing me with all of these translations. Had it not been for him, I would have been confused as all heck.
> 
> Ima, mu wa bokutachi o yamenai: Translated in the chapter; "nothing can stop us now."
> 
> Kimi no dan wa hikigane o hipparu, baka: Your gang's pulling the trigger, stupid.
> 
> Kanzen: perfect
> 
> Boku wa baka: I'm an idiot.
> 
> Iie, domo. Ni gakki benkyou shimashita kara, wasuremesen: No, thanks. Because I studied for two semesters, I can't forget.
> 
> Shinai kara, baka. Nihongo ya orandogo mo yoku da: It doesn't, you idiot. Japanese and Dutch, for example, are fine.
> 
> Shimasen, shimesen: Translated in the chapter; "you won't; you can't." [NOTE: This has since been revealed to be inaccurate. The actual translation is "shimasen, DEKINAI," but DANG IT IF I DON'T LOVE THE ORIGINAL LINE SO MUCH.]
> 
> Mochiron sono no ga kirai ne, baka: Of course you hate that word, you idiot.
> 
> Boku wa mijumaru ni narimashita, demo zorua ni naritai: I've become an Oshawott, but I want to become a Zorua.
> 
> Demo, sorekara benkyou shimasu: But, that's why I study. 
> 
> Hontou ni, kimitachi wa totemo baka  
Sorekara, boku wa tatta aka  
wo miru, soshite kimi no keikaku wa  
hyaku-hachi-ju kan kurikaeseba: Honestly, you're all so stupid. Because of that, I can only see red; also you'll have to repeat your plan 180 times!
> 
> (In other words, that last one constitutes a SICK AS HECK BURN against Aleph-Null. Then again, though, that's basically the whole dang rap battle.)
> 
> Once again, THANK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES OVER to the Absent Coder himself for helping me write this and for making this not just the longest chapter I have ever written for SOSchip, but the longest chapter I have ever written for a fanfic, period. I gotta say, I couldn't be more proud of this chapter, and I'll see you next time with Chapter 6, "Family Matters," at long freaking last!
> 
> And so you know, Absent's going to help out on that one, too...


	8. ZES: Family Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Six of SOSchip is next in this epic seven-chapter debut, and this time for HP, it's personal. This is "Family Matters," AKA "the chapter where I call out all crazy helicopter parents in existence." For the record, HP's mother is portrayed in this chapter based on what I have heard of her from the real HP. As such, this might be a slightly overexaggerated portrayal of her. If either the real HP or the real LF take offense to this portrayal, I apologize. Incidentally, this chapter also features two appearances by John Moschitta, Jr. and two soundtrack songs. The links will be below. 
> 
> Additionally, this chapter also has a TON of inaccurate Google-Translated German that will not be needed at all come the web series, where Translation Convention via Koffie will be in full effect. Most of it, thankfully, is translated in the fic, though. 
> 
> With that, enjoy! The final chapter in this set- "Lingual Mechination"- will be released soon!
> 
> The two soundtrack songs- copy-paste for playing:   
"Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac (played when- SPOILER ALERT- Sierra appears in front of HP's mother): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ul-cZyuYq4  
"Take On Me (Symphonic Version)" by A-ha (played at the very end of the chapter): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trqszNocEhI

ZES: Family Matters **_  
  
CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_**

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

In my life I've learned that the closest people you can trust are your family. Well, unless your name is the Absent Coder; then the closest people you can trust are your friends. For the most part, though, your family will always be there for you in times of need. Even when they get angry at you, they still love you unconditionally.

At least, that's the way it was with my parents.

The sad truth is, though, not all parents are loving and caring. There are some- scratch that, there are many- who can be just a bit... crazy. I can name two examples of the craziest parents I have ever written or experienced off the top of my head, and even _Jenean flipping Westilson_ still cares for her son.

Agatha Visser, on the other hand...

Regardless, among the crazy parents out there, there's one kind of cuckoo parenting that gets me irked more than any other.

The so-called "education mama."

You know the type. The kind of parent who preaches a child's schoolwork above all else, and won't settle for anything less than an A+. The kind of parent who will freely scramble together thousands of dollars in order to get her child to Harvard or some other cuckoo Ivy League school. Some are less crazy than others, but many of them exist, and all of them are, in some way, shape, or form, cuckoo in the head.

Growing up, my parents weren't like that. Yes, they pushed me to always do my best in school, but you would be BADLY mistaken if you think they were anything like the education-obsessed parents I described above. They were more or less okay with B's, and when I got my first F, I came home in a crying fit about it. My parents comforted me, and explained that failure was a part of life.

Regardless, that was the first time I felt like an absolute failure. I wouldn't feel that again until many years later, with a little event I won't share the details of, but is basically my version of the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco.

I deeply regret it over a year later.

But back to education mamas, because I digress. I've come across many of them on TV and in movies, but I never truly got to see one for myself until just recently, and let me tell you- IT WAS CRAZY.

Ironically enough, the day of education mamas started off with an education mama. More specifically, it started with us watching a clip from the TV series _What Would You Do? _about education mamas.

I love _What Would You Do?_. It's one of those shows that makes me have faith in humanity, and faith in humanity is one of the things I need in order to make friends. This episode in particular almost made me tear up.

I don't need to explain what happens in it; you can just view the clip for yourself:

Yeah... it is _intense._

As we sat there, watching all the acted-out drama unfold on the screen, I took note of everyone's reactions. Madelief, naturally, was standing there with her mouth agape, barely able to move. Absent was just sitting there with a look on his face that said, _really? _which I happened to find particularly hilarious. LF was glaring at the screen, and Yuunarii was in pure disbelief. The bunnies, meanwhile, were both hiding under the table- though only Bailey was shaking.

And then there was HP.

Poor HP took the video much more personally than pretty much the entire rest of the group. She was floating there, in tears, not saying a single word. I felt so bad for her, and desperately wanted to say something.

And it's very likely I would have, had Madelief not spoken up.

"Seriously?" she gasped. "I mean, I know it's acting, but if anyone thinks that an A- is the same thing as an F..."

"Then they're absolutely crazy," said Absent, as deadpan as ever. "Believe me, I should know."

"Why?" asked Madelief. "Is your mother like that to you?"

"Well, not necessarily," said Absent. "Crazy though she is, she's not so nuts as to say that an A- is basically the same thing as an F."

"Believe me, if something like that were to happen in real life and I had to bear witness to it, I would be... less than pleased," said LF, narrowing her eyes and glaring over at the screen.

"Would you dropkick the parent to the ground?" I asked.

"Perhaps," LF responded.

"Figures," I said. "At the very least, it's a good thing none of us have a parent like that."

I suddenly paused and turned to HP, and she was still in tears, almost as if she was personally affected by what she was seeing. Now feeling worse, I decided to speak up.

"HP?" I asked.

HP turned.

"You alright?" I asked.

"What's going on?" Absent cut in, having been alerted to my concern for HP.

"Is HP okay?" Madelief asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think so; she's watching the video footage with tears in her eyes."

"That... is quite concerning," said LF.

"Definitely," I said, before turning back to HP. "Hey... HP... you alright?"

HP sniffled, then nodded and wiped away her tears. "Uh-huh..."

"Well, that's a relief," I said. "Still, why were you crying?"

"O-oh... i-it's nosing..." HP muttered. "I just-" She paused. "I-"

"You what?" asked Absent, his concern growing.

HP was starting to cry again.

"V-vell... y-you see... I-"

RING-RING-RING-RING!

She was about to say more when all of a sudden, a piercing tone began to ring out through the air. Evidently, it was someone's cell phone. In an instant, I turned to Absent.

"Was that you?" I asked.

Absent shook his head. "Nope- my phone buzzes."

"Z-zat's _my_ phone," said HP, suddenly standing up. "I... I'll go get it."

With that, she floated off, presumably to get her cell phone. I couldn't help but notice that she sounded slightly more nervous and afraid than any other time I had spoken to her- which was saying a lot, as HP's general tone when speaking was one of shyness. Eventually, she returned, holding her cell phone, and talking to someone on the end of the line. I didn't know who exactly she was talking to, but I was able to pick up on something... unusual.

Whoever it was, she wasn't speaking to them in English.

On the contrary.

She was speaking to them in her _native _language.

_German_.

"_Ich habe gelernt, glaub mir...._"

Then, more desperate.

"_Du verstehst das nicht! Ich bin ein Smettbo; so kann ich nicht zur Schule gehen!_"

A pause; and then:

"_Was meinst du damit, dass ich mein Abitur nicht schaffen werde?!_"

Abitur.

_That _word I knew.

I began to have a very strong suspicion as to who she was talking to, and I did not like it at all.

"Oh, no..." I muttered in disbelief, turning to LF with a look of horror on my face. "It can't be..."

LF nodded solemnly. "I think it is."

"Who is it?" Absent asked. "Who's she on the phone with?"

I turned back to HP for a few moments. She was still on the line, and by this point her tone was even more desperate than before:

"_Ich kann dir nicht sagen, wo ich bin!_"

And then, coming from the other line, I heard it.

It was muffled, and I couldn't make out every word, but it was clearly a German voice screaming so loudly that HP was immediately jolted back. The pit in my stomach only grew larger and deeper as I realized exactly who she was talking to.

And I did not like it at all.

I turned back, my eyes filled with despair and fear at the same time.

"Yep," I said. "It's her."

"Who is it?!" Absent asked, a bit more forcefully this time.

I paused, then muttered:

"It's her mother, Absent."

——————————————————————

For a few moments all Absent did was just stare in utter disbelief. He'd heard stuff about HP's mother before- I'd told him many things about her- but it seemed to me as though he was still disbelieving it.

Which was understandable- he'd never met HP's mother, after all.

Neither had I, to be frank, but I still knew plenty more about her than he did.

Eventually, he managed to sputter out:

"W-WHAT?!"

He took a furtive glance over at HP.

"You're kidding, right?" he asked.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "I'd bet a million dollars that that's HP's mother on the other end of the line."

Absent just stood there in stunned silence.

I looked back at HP to find that she had just gotten off the phone- and currently, she was staring at us with a look that I had never seen from her before. HP had looked terrified plenty of times before, but never had I seen _this _much terror on her face. The poor Butterfree nearly looked like she had just seen the apocalypse, and was clearly about to burst into tears at any moment.

Instantly, I could tell something was very wrong.

"HP?!" I asked, running up to her in concern. "HP, what happened? Was that your mother?"

The rest of the Koffiehuis, who were just as concerned as me, waited for her to respond with baited breath. Bailey and Fudge had come back out from under the table, and they, too, looked concerned for HP's safety.

"I swear, if that was Pottje's mother on the other end of the line, I am going to find her and I will _take her down,_" growled Bailey.

Fudge rolled his eyes. "Please. You know you'd be _way _too skittish too face her head-on."

"I would _not_!" Bailey protested.

Eventually, after a long tense silence, HP responded. When she spoke next, her voice was trembling, and there were tears streaming down her face.

"Y-yes..." she said. "Yes it was..."

My heart dropped in the pit of my stomach.

"And vorse yet, she'll be coming on to ze _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_ any minute now..." muttered HP.

_That _got me.

"WHAT?!" Absent and I shrieked at the same time.

"You can_not _be serious," muttered LF.

"Come on, guys!" Madelief giggled, trying to remain optimistic as always. "I doubt that her mother will even be able to _find _Koffie. We are in the middle of the ocean, after all. HP will be fine!" She turned to HP, smiling. "Right?"

"A-actually, no..." HP muttered.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my fear by this point only growing stronger.

"My mother screamed at me und forced me to reveal where I vas..." HP muttered. "I pretty much felt like I had no choice but to tell her... s-so I said zat ve were on zis ship called ze _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _zat looks like a giant... sea dinosaur thingy with a long neck... I don't know the vord for it in English..."

"You mean a plesiosaur," I said matter-of-factly, albiet still horrified by what I had just heard.

"Yes..." she muttered. "Thank you..."

"You're welcome," I responded. "Still... I can't believe that actually happened to you. I assume you and her were talking about school?"

"Y-yes..." HP muttered.

"Figured," I said. "You mentioned the Abitur to your mother- that's how come I knew you were talking to her."

"The... Abitur?" asked Absent. "What's that?"

I suddenly realized that because Absent was Californian, he had no experience with German schooling and no clue about anything relating to German culture. Ergo, he didn't know what the heck the Abitur was.

And, likely, none of you know what it is, either.

Unless you're German and you happen to be reading this.

"Think of the Abitur as _the _biggest exam in German schooling," I explained, turning to Absent. "It's basically a combination of the American SAT or ACT and a college diploma. The actual Abitur itself is a qualification basically saying 'congratulations, German student, you passed high school and got into college.' Before a German student can get their Abitur, though, they have to take the Abitur _exam_, and that's basically more or less the German equivalent of our SAT. It's a big test the Germans have to take in their last year of high school which basically makes sure that they're ready for college. If they get a high enough score, they pass and get the Abitur certificate, which is basically confirmation that they're going to college." I turned to LF. "Is that basically it?"

LF nodded.

"Good," I said, before turning back to Absent. "HP's mother's gone on and on about the Abitur before, and considering the fact that _THIS YEAR _is her Abitur, I can imagine she'd be more on her case about it than ever before."

"I... don't exactly know vhat that case thing means," muttered HP, "but my mother told me I wouldn't pass the Abitur this year vis ze grades I have right now."

"What are your grades?" I asked.

HP blinked and looked down at the floor.

"5 4's, 2 3's, and a 1," she said.

_YOU HAVE A 1?!_

Koffie suddenly cutting in startled everyone on the ship, most of all HP, who instantly jumped back in surprise.

"Yes..." she muttered.

_That's awful! _gasped Koffie, about to break into tears at any moment. _I feel so bad for you right now! Good for you on the 5 4's, though._

For a few moments, I just stood there in confusion, until it suddenly hit me.

Koffie's maiden voyage was from Texas to the Netherlands, not Germany. That meant, based on what it had learned about Dutch culture, it thought that HP had gotten what basically amounted to an F in what I assumed was art.

Anyone who knows HP knows she would _never _fail art- if you've seen her drawings for PTG, you know she's an excellent drawer.

I giggled.

"No, Koffie," I said. "This is the _German _grading system, not the _Dutch _grading system. The numbers are backwards."

_Oh._

Koffie fell silent. Absent, meanwhile, just stared at me in confusion, likely wondering what the heck had just happened and what the heck all this stress about 1s and 4s was.

"So she has a tracking device on your phone and..." He paused a few moments before continuing. "Could you translate 5 4's into American grading?"

"Gladly," I said, with a smirk. "The German grading system works like this: students are graded on a scale of 1 to 6; 1 being the highest and 6 being the lowest. Koffie was confusing it with the Dutch grading system, in which 6 is the highest and 1 is the lowest. HP got 5 4's. Now, in the letter grading system, a 4 is considered a D."

"And what does that prove?" Absent responded, giving me a brief aside glance. "I had all D-'s on my 8th grade report card and tested into college two years later! A single number means **_nothing_**."

I hadn't known that, and Absent was absolutely right, but the thing was, a 4 in Germany wasn't like a D in America.

"You're absolutely right, Absent," I continued, "but here's the thing. Even though in the letter grading system a 4 is written as a D, it doesn't have the same value as a D in America. See, a 4 in Germany is labeled as 'passable'- that's the equivalent of a _C _in America."

"Oh," said Absent.

"So, essentially, she has 5 Cs," I said. "Now, a 4_-_, on the other hand... that's a failing grade in Germany, or at the very least, it's 'poor.'"

"So you're saying that the Germans skip an entire letter grade?" Absent asked.

"Yes," I said.

"How strict, but I suppose I get it," said Absent.

"It's the German education system," I said. "Nothing about it makes sense, especially when compared to the United States and the Netherlands."

"Figured," said Absent. "Regardless, my point still stands; a letter grade doesn't define who someone is as a person."

"Very true," I said.

"Not to my mother..." HP said. "She told me over the phone that I'd _nefer _pass vis 5 4's... und she thinks I'll get a 4- now in all of zose classes..."

"_Ouch,_" said Absent.

"Yeah..." muttered HP. "I just hope she doesn't come soon- I can't imagine vhat her punishment is going to be for me..."

SLAM.

Instantly, all of us were alerted by the sound of one of Koffie's doors being slammed open with rage. Instantly, the six of us turned, along with the bunnies. We couldn't see anyone, but I had a very bad feeling as to who just entered the ship.

"What was that; was that her?" I asked, suddenly panicked.

HP nodded, terrified.

"Oh, good _GOD_," I muttered, now just as scared to face her.

"Y-you all need to hide..." HP muttered. "I can't possibly imagine what she'll say if she sees you...!"

I nodded, terrified, and gestured to the rest of the Koffiehuis to- as Absent would say- "leg it."

Which they did. In an instant, the five of us ran off the main deck of the ship and hid behind a chair, peeking out from behind.

There, standing in front of us, was HP, who was terrified out of her wits, and another woman- a dark-haired woman, who I had every right to assume was HP's mother. She stood there, glaring down at her daughter, seemingly oblivious to the fact that HP had been turned into a Butterfree a few weeks ago.

To her, it seemed, all that mattered was her grades.

From the outside, a German conversation was going on.

"What are they saying?" I whispered, trying my best not to be heard.

"I have no idea!" Madelief cried, also in a whisper.

"Koffie, start recording this," said Absent, "I wanna know what they're going on about."

_Setting up recording device, _whispered Koffie.

In an instant, we heard a sharp _BEEP_, signifying that the following argument between HP and her mother was being recorded.

I turned to LF.

"You think you could translate everything after it's happened?" I asked.

"I will try," said LF.

With that, I nodded, and turned back to HP and her mother.

Unlike the first bout of German, I wasn't able to get every word clearly, but I did manage to pick up a few words here and there: "Abitur," "machen," "Strafe," and a few more I don't remember. Throughout it all, HP was desperately trying to plead her case- I heard the word "Smettbo" a few times- and her mother was, apparently, vehemently denying it. The whole time I was just staring in shock at what was going on, my mind racing and trying to comprehend the German.

Eventually, though, I was broken out of my reverie when I heard a sniffle.

At first, I thought it was HP, but then I looked back at her and saw she wasn't crying- though she looked about ready to. The identity of the sniffle suddenly became clear when a sobbing voice broke through my head:

_I c-can't watch..._

I blinked.

"Koffie?" I whispered. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Yeah," said Absent, "we didn't say anything to you."

_I know you didn't, _sniffled Koffie. _It's just that... I don't like seeing people yell at people... it'll just make them think they're bad people..._

I knew the feeling. I'd been scolded by my parents plenty of times, and every time it happened, I just felt _horrible_. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Maybe it's just because I don't like conflict, or maybe I have some undiagnosed social anxiety and don't know it.

I highly doubt that- I _KNOW _someone with social anxiety, after all- but who knows?

Regardless, I felt very bad for Koffie- and even worse for HP.

Eventually, I heard the poor Butterfree mutter a sad, slightly annoyed "_Ja..._", signifying that whatever punishment HP's mother had given her, she had accepted it.

I turned to LF, who was staring over at HP's mother with a look of shock and anger.

This couldn't be good.

"What did she say?" I asked, my voice trembling- largely because whatever it was, I already dreaded the answer.

LF turned to look at me, and when she spoke next, her voice was trembling with slight rage.

"Her mother punished her for her grades by taking away her computer privileges _and _drawing privileges," she said. "She is not allowed to go back on the computer or draw again until those 4's become 1's."

The minute I heard that, I started _fuming with rage._

Taking away her computer privileges was one thing.

Taking away her _drawing _privileges was another thing entirely.

All of us knew how much HP loved to draw. I haven't mentioned it that often, but in her spare time, HP drew Pokémon on Koffie every day. One time she drew the entire Koffiehuis, and it was an amazing drawing indeed. Combining that with the fact that HP's mother was berating her daughter for her grades- instead of, you know, doing what any normal, sane parent would do and _OFFER TO HELP HER_\- and you had the workings of a full-blown education mama.

I was so angry that for a moment or two I couldn't speak, but eventually my thoughts- and Absent's thoughts- came out. And when they did, they came out in a single, explosive word that echoed throughout the ship:

"**WHAT?!**"

That was a mistake.

The minute that word came out of our mouths, HP's mother instantly lifted her head up towards the chair.

Immediately, I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach- now we had no choice _but _to come out from behind the chair, and potentially face retribution from a German-speaking tiger mom.

Of course, we wouldn't be able to understand her anyway, but the fact still stood.

Trembling, I led the group out from behind the chair, in front of HP and her mother, nervously waving. For a few moments, her mother looked at us in confusion, as if she didn't know what to think- then all of a sudden, her confusion turned to suspicion, which turned to rage.

She pointed to us accusingly, turning to glare at HP, who instantly flinched back in terror.

"_Wer sind Sie?_" she asked suspiciously.

HP stammered, stumbling over her words for a few moments.

"_G-gut... Sie..._"

"_Wer sind Sie?!_" her mother shouted, causing her daughter to flinch back.

"_Sie- Sie sind meine Freunde, okay?_" HP stammered in desperation. "_Ich habe sie online getroffen! Sie sind zwei Amerikaner und zwei Holländer und sie sind wirklich gute Freunde_!"

A beat.

"_WAS?!_" screamed HP's mother.

HP instantly jumped back.

"_Mama- du nicht-" _she began, but her mother clearly wasn't having any of it.

"_Du willst mir damit sagen, dass du deine ganze Zukunft damit verschwendest, mit diesen Fremden zu reden, von denen ich nicht einmal wusste_?!"

"_Ich gebe mein Bestes, glaub mir_!" HP protested. "_Und sie sind keine Fremden -_"

But as before, her mother interrupted.

"_Weißt du nicht, dass du mit solchen Noten niemals dein Abitur machen wirst_?!" she shouted.

There it was again: _Abitur_.

Her mother pointed at us, clear suspicion and disdain evident on her face.

"_SIE sind gefährliche Menschen_!" she cried.

I had no idea what that meant, but I had a feeling she had said something about us- and it was not good.

"_N-nein_!" HP protested. "_Sie sind nicht gefährlich_!"

"_Sie sind wegen ihnen nachlassen_!"

"_Ich gebe mein Bestes! Außerdem habe ich es dir schon gesagt! Ich bin jetzt ein Smettbo_!"

"_Das ist keine Entschuldigung für Sie, Ihre Schulaufgaben zu erledigen!_" HP's mother snapped. "_Als wäre ich nicht schon enttäuscht von Ihnen, stelle ich jetzt fest, dass Sie mit Leuten im Internet sprechen, die möglicherweise einer von IHNEN sein könnten!_"

"_oghond ist nicht wie Sie_!" HP cried. "_Weder ist Absent, weder ist Madelief_-"

"_Ja wirklich_?" said HP's mother suspiciously. "_Beweise es_."

HP, apparently, had no answer to that; she just stood there, stammering in German, as her mother was getting more and more impatient. Eventually, she reached out to stop her daughter.

"_Wie ich dachte_," she said.

And then, without any warning, she grabbed her daughter by the wing.

"_Du kommst mit mir_," she said. "_Wir werden das privat besprechen_."

HP nodded sadly, and followed her mother off into another room of the ship.

The six of us just stood there with blank stares on our faces. LF, surprisingly, looked the most disturbed.

Then again, why wouldn't she be? Unlike the rest of us, she actually spoke fluent German; of course she'd be able to understand what was going on.

Eventually, after an awkwardly tense pause, Absent was the first to speak.

"**KKKHT**!" he broke in, holding up his scalchop like a walkie-talkie. "_This is Helicopter Mama, we are cleared for airlift_. **Copy that**."

He threw down the scalchop and sighed.

"Seriously, I didn't even need to understand that to know that I shouldn't like her," he said.

I couldn't help but agree.

"I assure you, you do _NOT_ want to know what she said," said LF. "However, if you are curious, I will tell you."

"Fire away," said Absent. "Koffie, you got the recording?"

_Yep! _said Koffie.

And with that, a giant TV screen came down from the ceiling, and the video recording began to play. To save time, I'll simply give you a script of the translation of the recording, largely because LF had to play both HP and her mother in the translation re-enactment.

Here goes.

**LF as HP's mother**: "Who are they?"  
**LF as HP: **"W-well... they-"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "Who are they?!"  
**LF as HP**: "They- they are my friends, alright? I met them online! They are two Americans and two Dutchies, and they are really good friends!"  
_beat_  
**LF as HP's mother**: "WHAT?!"  
**LF as HP**: "Mom, you do not-"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "You mean to tell me you have been wasting your entire future on talking to these STRANGERS that I did not even know about?!"  
**LF as HP**: "I am doing my best, believe me! And they are not strangers—"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "Do you not realize you will never make your A-levels with grades like those?!" _points to us_ "THEY are dangerous people!"  
**LF as HP**: "N-no! They are not dangerous!"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "You are slacking off because of them!"  
**LF as HP**: "I am doing my best! Besides, I already told you! I am a Butterfree now!"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "That is no excuse for you to slack off on your schoolwork! As if I was not disappointed with you already, now I find out you are talking to people on the Internet who could possibly be one of THEM!"  
**LF as HP**: "oghond is not like them! Neither is Absent, neither is Madelief-"  
**LF as HP's mother**: "Really? Prove it."  
**LF as HP**: "W-well... um..."  
**LF as HP's mother**: "As I thought." _she grabs her daughter_ "You are coming with me. We will talk about this in private."

And that was the end.

Yeah... as you might be able to tell, the whole conversation was _heated._

Especially once we found out what the translation was.

By the end of the video, as the TV screen retreated back into the ship, the five of us just stood there, at a loss for words. The bunnies in particular were so shocked they didn't say anything.

And for a few moments, neither did I.

I was still doing my best to comprehend what I had just heard, and what her mother was going to do to her daughter in the other room.

Eventually, I managed to gather my thoughts and finally spoke.

"Okay," I said, still disbelieving it. "Now I _REALLY_ think she's a bit cuckoo."

LF shot me a look that clearly said _you think?_

Absent, meanwhile, was still trying to comprehend what _he _had just heard.

"Prove what?" he asked, in a bit of a panic. "Who's them? Aleph-Null? _Watashitachi wa sono baka janai yo_."

I didn't know what he had said in Japanese, but he continued on.

"Seriously, being a Butterfree is a valid excuse! Did she never see _The Emperor's New Groove_?"

Apparently not.

I narrowed my eyes.

Largely because unlike Absent, I knew who "them" was.

And it wasn't Aleph-Null.

It was the people on the Internet who _claimed _to be good people, but were actually sexual predators or other creepy, squicky people like that.

"Believe me, I know exactly who she's talking about when she says 'them,'" I said, my anger towards HP's mother only growing. "She's accusing us of being like those _other_ people on the Internet- you know the ones I'm talking about."

And believe me when I say this- we are NOTHING like those people.

"And... watawataWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Madelief cried, clearly trying to understand what the heck Absent had just said in Japanese.

I giggled, then sighed.

"It's Japanese," I explained. "He's saying we..."

I paused.

Okay, I had clearly caught "baka," and I knew what _that _meant.

"We... something... idiot..." I muttered, still trying to figure out what the heck the sentence meant.

I went back over the Japanese sentence a few times- and then all of a sudden it hit me.

My eyes widened.

"OOH WAIT A MINUTE NOW I KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING," I cried.

Absent nodded. "We aren't those idiots. But given that I didn't reach the obvious conclusion about who 'they' were at first while she was talking about the internet, I suppose I'm my _own_ brand of stupid."

He put his headphones in and turned away, presumably to listen to some music. Giggling, I nudged him in the shoulder.

"Awww, come on, Absent!" I said, with sympathy. "You're not stupid!"

But Absent didn't say anything- he was too busy listening to his music. I _did_, however, catch him muttering something under his breath, which I presumed was a song lyric:

"See the animal in his cage that you built..."

Had he not been listening to his music, I would have asked what he was listening to and where the lyric had come from.

But I didn't want to interrupt him. It was the polite thing to do, after all.

So I simply blinked before turning to Madelief.

"Regardless, I have seen that movie, and Absent is 100% right," I said. "She can likely barely even TYPE with those tiny claws, much less hold a pencil- how's she even supposed to study? With her legs?"

I'd seen her draw with her legs before, so...

Madelief simply giggled, holding up her tiny stub arms.

"Oh, believe me," she said. "I know the feeling."

I smiled, and was about to say more if not for the sudden opening of a door from in front of me. Instantly, I turned and looked up to find that HP's mother had opened the door and had shoved her poor daughter out in front of us. HP herself was trembling and in tears- which, naturally, alerted us all that something had happened.

Something _very _wrong.

Absent, having heard the door opening, unplugged his headphones and gazed over at HP.

I, of course, was concerned as all get out.

"HP...?" I muttered.

She said nothing. I looked over at Absent, and he was practically panicking.

"What do I do, what do I do?" he whispered.

"Find out what's wrong, of course," I said, smiling at him. "Don't worry, I'm sure none of this is your fault."

"HP?!" cried Madelief in concern, hopping up off of the chair and running up to her. "Are you okay?"

The rest of us, equally as concerned, followed. HP stared at us, tears in her eyes.

"I..." she began.

She sniffled, choking back tears and trying to speak, but she couldn't get the words out.

"I...!"

LF's eyes widened in shock.

"This can_not _be good," she muttered.

I knew it, too, and my concern for her was only growing.

"You what?" I asked gently.

For a few moments, HP dared not speak. She just stood there, choking back her tears and trying not to cry. Eventually, though, she managed to get the words out, and they were words none of us expected to hear.

"...M-my mother..." HP muttered. "She was furious... s-she says I can't be with you guys anymore...!"

"**_WHAT?!_**" cried the entire rest of the Koffiehuis in unison, Yuunarii and the bunnies included.

"She wants me to get off the boat and go back to Germany, and she said that I can never talk to any of you again...!" HP sobbed, tears continuing to stream down her face.

I was barely able to believe a word of what I was hearing.

HermionePotter2810 was being asked to _leave the Koffiehuis_.

She _couldn't_ leave the Koffiehuis!

She was _instrumental_ in getting us all together in the first place!

Not only had she been the one to save Absent's life, but she had also been the one to uncover Koffie in the first place.

Had that not happened, SOSchip would not exist!

I just stared out at HP's mother, shock and anger coursing through me.

Absent, however, was the first to speak up.

"Wait... did her mother tell her to prove we _weren't_ weirdos?" he asked.

I nodded.

**"YOU CAN'T PROVE A NEGATIVE, MOMMA POTTER**!" Absent shouted, obviously falling on deaf ears.

"She can't understand you... but yes..." HP muttered, tears coming to her eyes. "She was very mad at me... she was sure that you were one of them..."

I looked over at HP's mother, who clearly didn't understand what her daughter was saying. She was only growing more impatient as she spoke, and eventually, she broke in.

In German, of course.

"_Hör auf dich zu beschweren und steig aus dem Schiff_!" she shouted, causing her poor daughter to jump back.

"_A-aber_..." HP began.

Her mother said nothing. She simply glared at her, which was apparently enough to cow her. Now saddened, HP looked directly at us, in tears.

It was absolutely heartwrenching to see.

"Sorry, guys..." she sobbed, clearly feeling as though she had no other choice but to let this happen. "I have to go..."

And with that, HP's mother began to drag her daughter off the ship and away from her friends.

Part of me desperately wanted to reach out to her, pull her back on the ship, and give her mother a giant smack in the face.

But I was far too panicked to do such a thing.

A friend of mine had just been pulled off of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_; how the heck could I _not_ be panicking?!

Of course, not even I was the most panicked of the bunch. While I at least was trying to stay calm, Absent was a nervous wreck.

"WHAT?!" he shrieked, getting extremely desperate by this point. "HP's a vital part of the Koffiehuis! We need her!"

"Agreed," I said, nodding, yet internally still terrified. "She was the one who saved your life; who knows how many more she'll save?"

Eventually, Absent was able to calm himself down from his little mini-panic attack, which didn't surprise me.

What _did_ surprise me, however, was what happened next.

He rose, steeling his courage.

"I'm gonna go talk to her," he said firmly.

"She won't be able to understand you," I said, obligated to address the obvious elephant in the room as Absent began to walk off.

Absent stopped and turned directly to me.

"No," he said. "But HP will."

Good point.

"As will I."

Even better point.

Upon hearing LF's voice I turned to face her. The German Vulpix had stepped forward, silently volunteering to go with Absent to serve as both his and HP's mother's interpreter.

Absent said nothing, instead giving her a silent nod.

LF nodded right back, and then, they were off.

I was silently praying that everything would go well- which is saying a lot, considering that normally I don't even believe that prayer works.

Not to make this story _too_ religious, of course.

What happened next, though, was truly odd.

I suddenly heard one of the doors behind me open with a bang, and all of a sudden all 19 Vandertramps, having heard the German conversation, entered the room.

Thank GOD.

I breathed a sigh of relief- now I could at least have someone to talk to while Absent and LF were dealing with HP's mother.

Eventually, Dr. Vandertramp stopped in front of me and breathed a quick sigh of relief.

"I heard screaming," he said, taking a breath, "what's going on?"

I looked directly at them.

"You do _NOT _want to know," I said, shaking my head.

The VDT's all looked at each other, clearly expecting the worst.

So, naturally, I proceeded to tell them everything.

And all the while, I was wondering how the heck Absent was holding up.

—————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

As oghond began to tell the Vandertramps what was going on- I could hear them from outside the door- I gestured for LF to follow me as I chased down wherever HP - and by extension, her mother - would be.

Fortunately, she was still leading HP away just down the hall, so it was easy enough for me to find her.

"Momma Potter, hold up!" I hollered after her, nodding to LF so she could interpret.

"_Frau Potter, halten Sie_!"

She did. I smiled lightly through heavy breaths, maybe she could still listen to reason. "I just wanted to say," I started, quickly recovering my breath. "Do you legitimately think separating your daughter from her friends, her source of sanity, is a good idea? It's not, it never has been and never will be."

LF, naturally, translated:

"_Ich wollte nur sagen: Halten Sie es zu Recht für eine gute Idee, Ihre Tochter von ihren Freunden, ihrer Quelle der geistigen Gesundheit, zu trennen? Es ist nicht so, es war noch nie so und es wird auch nie so sein_."

Heh-heh, gesundheit.

Unfortunately, my belief that she could listen to reason was quickly disproved, as the entire time LF was speaking, HP's mother's face changed to that of rage and suspicion. Not that I could blame her, given, but I was surprised that she didn't just walk away from this meaningless, mouthy water rat that she could easily dropkick over the banister into the ocean below.

"_Freunde?!_" she finally growled when LF was done. "_Oh, ich weiß es besser. Das Internet ist voller zwielichtiger Menschen. Sie und oghond versuchen, meine Tochter zu entführen und sie in gefährliche Aktivitäten zu verwickeln, kann ich sagen_!"

Something about the Internet... something about oghond... and that was all I could catch.

Thank goodness LF was there.

"Friends?!" LF translated. "Oh, I know better. The Internet is full of shady people. You and oghond are trying to kidnap my daughter and engage her in dangerous activities, I can tell!"

I shrugged. "There's no remedy for paranoia of that caliber - just know that if what you say were true, we'd have done it loooooong ago."

Unfortunately, LF didn't even get time to translate, as HP's mother instantly broke in, continuing her long German rant which I had apparently interrupted.

"_Ganz zu schweigen davon, dass diese ganze ... Pokemon-Sache keine Entschuldigung dafür ist, dass ihre Noten da sind, wo sie gerade sind_!" she snapped. "_Ich sage dir, wo sie sind, wird sie dieses Jahr noch nicht einmal verpassen_!"

I blinked.

"Not to mention that this whole... Pokémon thing is no excuse for her grades being where they are right now!" LF translated for me. "I tell you, where they are at, she will never even pass this year!"

LF wasn't able to recall what I said, evidenced by her staring at me, so I simply elected to respond to her. "She'll never pass the class or she'll never pass your standards?"

"_Sie wird nie die Klasse bestehen oder sie wird nie Ihre Standards erfüllen_?"

"_Die Klasse, du Idiot_!" snapped her mother.

I gestured to LF that there was no need to translate that - a good thing English and German are so similar, eh?

"Calling the 19-year old college senior an idiot. Winning move, mother who's so strict her daughter can only find friends behind her back."

LF translated.

"..._Gewinnzug, Mutter, die so streng mit ihrer Tochter umgeht, findet Freunde nur hinter ihrem Rücken_."

...Okay, from here on out I'll only be including the translations, because I'm pretty sure all of you know the drill by this point and I would much rather NOT have this drag on forever.

"_It's not like I haven't allowed her to make friends_," her mother scoffed. "_And you do realize that she's practically FAILING_?!"

"Practically? Get back to us when she's _literally_ failing. And we've established she's still passing her classes."

"_A 4 is the same as a 4- in my book," _she scoffed. "_A 4- IS FAILING_."

"SEE?! It IS your standards you want her to pass!"

Geez, even _my_ mother didn't have standards that were this exacting when it came to my schoolwork...

HP's mother simply glared at me.

"_What_?" she scoffed. "_You don't think I care_?"

"Your concern over her academic performance should take a backseat to your concern over her overall well-being! And if she's being pressured this much by her own mother is it any WONDER she doesn't like being this much under your thumb?!"

For a few moments I was surprised that Koffie didn't intervene and mention how HP wasn't actually under her mother's thumb.

Then again, though- why would she _WANT_ to intervene?

"I mean, she's been turned into a _Pokémon_ and all you seem to care about is her grades!" I continued.

She glared at me, clearly not agreeing with what I was saying.

"_You don't realize just how important grades are in Germany, do you_?" she snapped.

"Maybe not," I said. "But I do know one thing: You shouldn't be constantly berating her daughter over her grades. If anything, you should be helping her."

She just scoffed.

With the lack of a verbal response, I continued my assault.

"And I can understand the concern for her grades - heck, I fall victim to that trap as well. But I want you to keep some things in mind:

"Your daughter has no backbone.

"She's too afraid to ask for help with her studying.

"She's been polymorphed, and possibly can't go out in public again.

"You're not happy with her despite both the apparent difference in strictness between American and German schools and the fact that she's passing.

"NONE OF THAT IS HER FAULT. Half of that stuff is stuff YOU should be taking responsibility for. You're not supportive - you're psychologically abusive at worst and neglectful at best."

At those final words, I stood there in triumph, waiting to see if she had any possible rebuttal. For a few moments, it almost seemed like she didn't- the notion that she was psychologically abusive at worst seemed to break her, as she just stood there, blabbering nonsense and trying to come up with the right words- but eventually, she stopped and glared down at me.

"_Not supportive?_" she muttered in anger. "_You don't know me at all._"

With that said, she turned to her daughter and did exactly what I feared she'd do- she grabbed her by the wing.

"_Follow me_," she snapped. "_We're getting out of here._"

With that, she led her daughter out of the room- and, presumably, off the ship.

I just stood there for a few seconds- and then followed it up with a jumpscare-armed assault combo with my scalchop.

"Some people just can't be reasoned with..." I groaned.

LF rolled her eyes in annoyance.

————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

By the time I had finished talking to the Vandertramps and telling them everything that had happened regarding HP's situation, their jaws were dropped open in disbelief. None of them could believe a single word of what they had just heard- and to be frank, why would they? They'd just heard the news that one of the Koffiehuis' most important members was being asked to leave!

Eventually, after a long silence, Allé was the first to speak up- and naturally, he went on an extremely fast-paced rant. None of the rest of the Koffiehuis was able to understand anything that was being said. The good news, though, was that I was able to understand him, given that I'd had some experience with fast-talking before.

If I could pick any man to play Allé, it would without a shadow of a doubt be John Moschitta, Jr.

If you look him up, you'll know why.

"Soletmegetthisstraight," said Allé. "WhatyouresayingisthatHPsmotherisontheshiprightnowbecausesheprettymuchforcedherdaughterintorevealingherlocationandthenshegotmadatherforgettinggradesthatarelabeledasDsbutaretheequivalentofCsandthenshefoundoutaboutthefactthatshewasfriendswithtwoDutchiesandtwoAmericansandbecauseshethinkstheyredangerouspeopleshesgoingtokickherdaughterofftheshipandthrowherintotheoceanisthatwhatyouresaying?"

The rest of the Koffiehuis just blinked. I, on the other hand, giggled.

"Well... I don't know about her throwing HP into the ocean," I said with a laugh, "but the rest... yeah, that's pretty much it."

Allé's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"MON. DIEU." Dr. Vandertramp gasped.

"Yeah. It's horrible, I know," I responded.

"Whattheheckarewegoingtodo?!" Allé shrieked, frantically pacing around the ship. "WecantjustletHPsmotherkickherdaughterofftheSSTexKofschipsheswaytooimportantweneedtogetherbacksomehow!"

"Definitely," I said. "Absent and LF are in there right now talking to her. I have no idea what they're saying, but I have a feeling they're almost done."

And almost as if on cue, I heard the door in front of me open.

"Aaaaaaaand that must be them," I said.

Sure enough, Absent and LF entered the deck, and I could instantly tell from the looks on their faces- specifically, exasperation beyond belief- that something had gone wrong. Either HP's mother had refused to listen to reason or...

Actually, scratch that, that was the only reason I could think of.

Absent, for the record, was muttering something under his breath that I didn't quite catch, but as soon as I caught the look on his face, I ran up to him, desperately wanting to know what the heck had just occurred.

"What?" I asked. "What happened?"

Absent looked up at me and sighed.

"HP's mom is a black hole from which no logic can escape," he said with audible frustration. "Read, she's too dense to see that her daughter having been polymorphed is reason enough a valid excuse to leave her studies behind."

Great! So she was just going to kick her daughter off the ship, then?!

I groaned in frustration and facevined.

"Well, that's just GREAT!" I groaned, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "By this point she'll be leading her own daughter off the ship at any moment!"

"Absent!"

Dr. Vandertramp- and the rest of the VDT's, for that matter- suddenly caught sight of Absent having just come in and ran up to him. Instantly, Absent turned to face them while Dr. Vandertramp stopped to breathe for air.

"oghond told us the whole thing," the doctor said. "HP's situation is terrible!"

"Don't think I didn't notice," said Absent, giving the Vandertramps a deadpan expression before sitting himself back on the couch and playing with his scalchop. "And with an authority figure that can't be reasoned with, we're practically SOL."

The Vandertramps, surprisingly, didn't even bother to ask what that meant.

To be fair, though, I knew what it meant, and trust me- they did _not _want to know.

At all.

Eventually, Mrs. P. Vandertramp spoke up, her concern and shock growing.

"How in the name of Arceus did you manage to find the courage to stand up to her like that?" she gasped. "HP barely has any- no offense to her, of course."

"I don't know her; she can't hurt me," Absent responded, not even looking at them and continuing to fiddle with his scalchop on the couch.

"That _and_ he's had experience with standing up to his own crazy mother as time's passed," I added. "Ever heard of the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco?"

Obviously, the Vandertramps hadn't.

Dr. Vandertramp blinked.

"The what?" he asked.

I nudged Absent in the shoulder, causing him to turn and put down his scalchop.

"Absent?" I asked. "You wanna tell them?"

He shook his head.

"No, because that's not an example of me standing up to her - that's an example of psychological abuse."

Oh.

Yeah.

Right.

Instantly, I sunk- how the heck could I have forgotten?

"Oh," I muttered.

"Well, now we _REALLY _want to know what it is," said Dr. Vandertramp, giggling.

"Yeah, tell uth, Abthent!" Reentré cried, now extremely desperate.

And with that, the Vandertramps instantly started talking over each other, now by this point desperate to know about the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco. Surprisingly, Absent didn't freak out like he did the last time this had happened- though that may have been because he knew that Né and Tombeé would start crying if he ended up screaming in their faces.

Given that, you know, they were young.

Instead, he just laughed nervously.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you," he said.

The Vandertramps cheered.

"But... just warning you, you'll probably be shocked by the end of this," he said.

And for the next three minutes, the Absent Coder proceeded to tell the story of the events of September 8th, 2018. As he explained everything that had happened- the grocery store, the jerky tease, him getting kicked out of his car- the Vandertramps' expressions changed from curiosity to _sheer, utter disgust and horror_.

By the end of the story, the VDT's were at a loss for words.

The first one to speak up, naturally, was the doctor, and he said only two words:

"MON. DIEU."

"Your mother actually kicked you out of the car?!" squeaked Mrs. Vandertramp.

"Didn't intend to leave me for dead, but yes," Absent responded.

"...That's _horrible!_" cried Retourné, tears coming to his eyes.

Absent nodded. "Also, some salt on the wound, my therapists _also_ treated the entire situation like I was entirely to blame."

Allé stood there, his jaw dropped in disbelief.

Then, after a few moments, he managed to get a mini-rant out.

"...ThatisabsolutelywithoutadoubtthemostawfulthingIveeverheardwhatdidtheysaytoyou?!" gasped Allé, not even stopping for breath.

"Don't remember the exact words, but they never said anything that put responsibility on my mom," Absent responded. "Mom also never apologized. Not that I'd forgive her, but..."

The Vandertramps just sat there, their eyes wide, apparently more shocked about the fact that Jenean Westilson never apologized than anything else. The only one to speak was Entré, and when he did speak, he said but one word, carrying every emotion I'm sure the Vandertramps had towards the whole experience.

"...Wow."

Yeah. Wow indeed. But I knew we couldn't just stand there talking about the Interstate Echoplex Fiasco for forever. HP had to be saved, dang it!

"Okay, that's enough of that," I said, breaking in with a nervous giggle. "We gotta go find HP and get her back on the ship as soon as we can."

"Indeed," LF agreed, with a nod, "and if possible, we should also work on giving her more of a backbone."

_Doesn't she already have one...? _Koffie asked, in confusion.

I just laughed under my breath- Koffie was so dang literal I found it hilarious.

Thank goodness Absent was there.

"I'm no insect scientist, but in this instance, backbone equals dignity, and the ability to defend it," he clarified.

Koffie paused.

_Doesn't she have dignity?_

I giggled.

"What Absent is saying is," I said, "from what we've seen, HP's a bit too shy to defend herself on her own from her mother's unfair treatment. If she can learn to state what's on her mind and assert herself it would help _immensely_."

The rest of the Koffiehuis and the Vandertramps all nodded in agreement.

"How the heck do we get her back, though?" Madelief asked.

I shrugged. "No clue. Any ideas, Absent?"

By this point, Absent had gotten off the couch, and was now staring at us with a look of sheer determination.

"Infiltrate the stronghold, release the captive, defend her last stand," he said.

"Huh?" Madelief asked.

I had a feeling that, due to her Dutch heritage and her limited knowledge of the English language, she didn't know what words like _infiltrate, stronghold, _or _captive _meant; much less the expression _last stand _in this context.

The good news, though?

I _did _know what all those words meant- and I was more than happy to translate.

Now fueled with determination myself, I stood up, looking over at Madelief with full knowledge of what to do next.

"We get in there, we get her back, and we _keep her on board_."

————————————————————————

Step one: infiltrate the stronghold.

Or, in layman's terms: get into where HP's mother was keeping her daughter.

After spending a few minutes treating the whole thing like it was a stealth mission (which, admittedly, it was), we eventually managed to make our way up to the front port of the ship. For a few moments, nothing seemed particularly out of the ordinary- until we suddenly heard someone screaming in German.

I took a closer look and peeked around a corner— and there she was.

Instantly, I turned to the rest of the group.

"Okay, guys, I see her mother," I informed them. "HP shouldn't be far behind."

"Thank goodness," said LF, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Regardless, how do we get her back?" Dr. Vandertramp asked.

And the minute he said that, everyone, myself included, turned to Absent expectantly. I honestly had nothing, and given that besides myself, Absent was the second-best person obligated to come up with a plan...

What did we have to lose?

For a few seconds Absent just looked on in confusion, clearly not knowing what to think. I was somewhat terrified that with all these people looking directly at him he'd break into an anxiety attack sooner or later.

Instead he just asked, "Why are you looking at me?"

"WellobviouslyyoumusthavesomeideaofhowtogetHPbackright?" Allé broke in. "Imeanyou_were_theonetobringbackmydeadbrotherafterallwellokayatleastpartiallybringhimbackregardlessyouknowwhatImeanifyouwereabletocomeupwiththatplanthensurelyyoumustbeabletocomeupwithsomethingright?"

Absent blinked.

"Play that back, half speed," he said. "What?"

The good news was, I was able to understand Allé very well.

You, of course, should already know why- it's because of Moschitta- and if you looked him up like I told you to, then congratulations, you win fake money.

Now, on the other hand, if you don't have Internet and have no idea who John Moschitta, Jr. is, then perhaps you've seen this commercial before:

Or, even better yet— one of _these _commercials:

The fast-talking guy in the mustache?

_That_ is John Moschitta, Jr., who held the Guinness World Record for the world's fastest talker and was _in the flipping book_. He is the only actor who I would even consider to play Allé— and looking at footage like this, it's VERY easy to see why.

Now, on the off-chance that you _ARE _John Moschitta, Jr., and you happen to be reading this, I HOPE TO GOD you at least consider this offer.

Though the chances of the real deal actually reading this are slim to none.

Regardless, allow me to get back to the intervention, because I'm going on a tangent again.

"Don't worry," I said to Absent, laughing. "I've had enough experience with John Moschitta, Jr. to understand him. If you were able to come up with the plan to bring Mort back from the dead, at least partially, then you should have at least some kind of plan in getting HP back without her mother noticing."

Absent responded without hesitation.

"Infiltrate the stronghold, negotiate the hostage situation, capture the detainee. If step two fails, guerrilla warfare."

I sighed.

"We're already doing the infiltration," I said, as deadpan as ever, "and Madelief has no clue what any of that means..."

And then the realization hit me.

See, here's something you need to know about Absent- or maybe you already know it. He's a fast talker, too. He's no Moschitta, but when his mouth goes off, _it goes off. _He will not stop talking until he gets his point across.

You'll see what I mean later.

So I was confused. Given that Absent was a fast-talker, he should be able to understand Allé...

Right?

"Wait a second," I said, shaking my head in disbelief. "_You_ couldn't understand Allé? You can talk at 180 BPM from Japanese lessons. You should be able to understand him just fine."

BPM, by the way, stands for beats per minute, in case you didn't know.

Absent shrugged. "Hey, I'm a fast talker. Not a fast listener. That doesn't make sense, but... it takes me as much time to process one word from him as he takes to say three."

Oh, no. That made plenty of sense to me. I was the exact opposite: a fast listener, but not a fast talker.

"That and despite your fast talking, you're not _Moschitta_-fast like he is." I paused. "No offense, of course."

"The only reason I was able to tear into Case like I did was because there was a rhythm to my words," Absent explained. "Allé just talks as fast as his mouth can form the syllables."

"True," I said, nodding.

And then all of a sudden, the idea hit me.

"Holy crap, that's it!" I exclaimed.

The rest of the group turned to me.

"What's it?" asked the doctor, likely confused as all get out.

I already knew what was it.

I suddenly knew exactly how to get HP back, and it involved a bit of distraction in the form of fast-talking.

See, there's something you might have picked up on about HP's mother. She doesn't really speak English, nor does she understand it. That's why LF and HP have to translate everything- mainly LF, because HP doesn't know much English by her own admission.

So, if HP's mother was suddenly faced with Absent or Allé, but especially the latter...

I could practically _smell _the freakout on her face, and it was satisfying as heck.

"HP's mother barely speaks any English, and can't understand it," I explained. "Fast-talking English would be an absolute nightmare for her to comprehend."

The rest of the group stared at me.

"...Any of you see where I'm getting at?" I asked.

Absent scoffed.

"So what, we're going to torture her by talking to her bonkers-fast until she surrenders HP?" he asked.

I just stood there, smirking my butt off.

"We?" I muttered, my smirk only growing. "Oh, no. Who said anything about _we_?"

And right on cue, I turned directly towards Allé, who instantly gazed at me with a shocked expression.

"We have everything we need right here," I said somewhat menacingly, basically doing my best Nimja snake voice impression that I could.

Allé just stared up at me for a few moments- then steeled his courage and quickly nodded.

The rest of us, meanwhile, peeked our at HP's mother behind the wall, desperately doing our best not to be seen.

Eventually, I caught sight of HP, who was naturally being berated by her mother in German about... something. What it was didn't really matter now. Eventually, I happened to notice Allé, who quickly ran up to HP's mother and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Excuseme?" he asked.

Everybody got that, largely because it was only two words. Instantly, HP's mother let go of her daughter and turned to Allé, evident confusion spreading across her face.

Now, as I was typing up this account of the events of this day I realized that you're probably all sick and tired of seeing German followed by the translation. So, from here on out, I'll just be including the translations of the German, since it's generally understood that LF translated anyway.

Except in one very special instance, but you'll see later why it's important that I leave _that _untranslated.

Anyways.

HP's mother simply blinked in confusion upon seeing Allé.

"_What is this frog doing here_?" she asked.

Allé, who naturally spoke zero German, didn't even bother to ask what she was saying, so he simply decided to use the opportunity to talk as fast as he possibly could.

"Idontmeantointerrupt," he began, "butIwasjustwonderingifyoucouldmaybeperhapsohIdontknowreleaseyourdaughterandallowherbackontheSSTexKofschip?"

"Oh, boy," I whispered to the rest of the Koffiehuis behind the wall. "Here he goes."

"I hope this works...!" Madelief whispered, squealing.

And it certainly seemed to be. HP's mother was just staring at Allé in confusion as he kept going on and on.

"_What the heck are you saying_?" she asked, slightly condescending confusion dripping from every syllable.

Allé just went on and on.

Allé: "YouseeIwasjusttalkingitoverwiththerestoftheKoffiehuisandeverysingleoneofusagreesthatHPshouldbeallowedtobeontheshiplargelybecausenotonlyhasshebeenlearningandstudyingonboardtheshipbutalsoisoneofthemostinvaluablemembersoftheKoffiehuisthatthereis. YouseeshesavedthelifeofsomeonenamedCorbinWestscreennametheAbsentCoderanditsverylikelythatyoudontknowwhotheheckImtalkingabout-"

At that moment, I suddenly caught a glimpse of HP, and silently gestured to the rest of the Koffiehuis to go and get her back, then take her to the main deck as soon as possible.

Step 2 was officially in action: release the captive.

As we snuck around behind the wall, following HP and desperately trying not to be noticed by HP's mother, I managed to sneak a peek over at Allé. The good news was, his fast-talking seemed to be working- HP's mother hadn't even noticed her daughter was gone. I could hear every word of what he was saying to her:

"-soIlljustsaythis:myonesolebiologicalbrotherwastragicallykilledinacarwreckandwhenAbsentwasbroughtonboardandturnedintoaPokemonhecameupwithaningeniousplantobringhimbackfromthedead. SeetheresthisPokemoncalledMimikyuthatshalfFairytypeandhalfGhost..."

As soon as he said that, I suddenly noticed HP in front of me. Gingerly, I reached my vine out to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

Er, wing.

She instantly turned, and the moment she saw us, her eyes widened in shock.

"V-vat are you doing here?" she asked, terrified and looking back out towards where her mother was. "I don't want my mother to see you..."

"I know," I said, whispering. "That's why we brought in Allé as a distraction, and so far, it seems to be working."

I looked back at Allé, and sure enough, he was still going on and on about the day HP saved Absent's life:

"...andAbsentfigured:whynotuseaSwirlixplushytobringhimbackfromthedead? SoloandbeholdwewenttothedollarstoreandboughtaSwirlixplushy..."

"He's still going," I whispered, turning to the rest of them.

Absent, meanwhile, looked back and gestured silently to HP to follow us.

"C'mon," he whispered, "your mom's not watching. Leg it."

HP just blinked.

"Leg it...?" she muttered.

"It means get outta here and get back onto the deck!" I whispered, a bit more harshly than I intended.

"Oh... okay..." said HP, looking back in slight fear towards her mother.

And with that, leg it we did.

The Koffiehuis ran straight back to the main deck as fast as our legs could take us, with the Vandertramps deciding to stay behind so they could see how Allé was doing. From what it seemed, Allé was going to be perfectly fine, and I had a feeling that HP's mother would break at any second.

Eventually, the six of us made it to the main deck, and breathed a sigh of relief when we got there.

Myself in particular.

"Thank god, we got her," I said, breathing heavily.

HP stopped for a few moments to catch her breath, too.

"S-sank you for getting me back," she gasped, "but... vhy did you bring me here? My mother will likely notice I'm gone und start searching for me..."

Absent looked around for a few moments, then turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Hide," he told us. "Get some chairs. Arrange them in a semicircle. Make sure mine faces away."

The rest of the Koffiehuis, myself included, nodded, and got to work on grabbing chairs so we could officially begin the third, and final step, of the intervention:

Defend HP's last stand.

As we began to arrange the chairs into a semicircle, I suddenly heard Madelief from behind me.

"Ooh~! Should we put a line of chairs above the semicircle?" she asked excitedly.

I promptly gave her the most deadpan look I have ever given her in my entire life.

"Everyone knows what you're trying to do, Madelief," I said, sighing, "and no, I don't think making the _FLC logo_ is going to work."

Madelief sunk instantly. "Oh."

For those of you who don't get it, the FLC logo is literally just a line above a semicircle.

I have no clue what it means or what it is supposed to be, but it is without a doubt the easiest college logo to draw in history.

As we finished arranging the chairs into a semicircle, I happened to catch sight of Absent talking to HP about something. The good news was, I was able to catch every word.

"Okay," he said. "HP, hide somewhere in here - we're going to need you to be here when we've made your mom vulnerable. She'll come in, ask what's going on and we can tear into her."

"Oh... okay..." said HP, nodding.

"Wait..." said Madelief, suddenly breaking in as HP went to hide. She was holding the final chair- which was evidently Absent's, as that's who she was talking to. "Make sure yours faces _away?_"

Absent nodded. "Yeah - as the one leading the intervention, it's my job to sit in the most condescending way."

Madelief just blinked as she set up the last chair.

"...what?"

And this is why you never stuff Sesquipidilian Loquaciousness down Madelief's throat. Not only does she have ADHD, but she has a limited grasp on English- again, by her own admission. Heck, she didn't know how to pronounce the word "coughing" until I told her it was pronounced like the name of the Poison-type gas ball Pokémon with the skull and crossbones.

If you don't get it: "koffing."

Though, really, who can blame her? If you've seen that one episode of _I Love Lucy _you'll know that that "-ough" combo trips up thousands of non-native speakers, Madelief included.

Regardless, when I heard Absent use both _intervention _and _condescending _in the same sentence, I facevined.

"Absent, this is _Madelief_ you're talking to," I said with slight annoyance. "She's Dutch."

"I know," said Absent. "So?"

"So her knowledge of English is limited, by her own admission, and she's not LF, so she likely has no idea what _intervention_ or _condescending_ even mean!"

Absent blinked, then turned to Madelief with the most "derp on my part" look I had ever seen from him.

Madelief shrugged as best she could.

"As a team we're going to tell off HP's mom for being so uptight," Absent clarified (likely now feeling obligated to do so), "and to condescend means to look down on someone as inferior, lesser or worse."

Madelief's eyes instantly lit up.

"Ohhhhhhhhh...!" she said. "Okay, thanks! Yeah, I was... a bit confused as to what the heck those words meant."

I was about to say something more- and I likely would have had the door not suddenly opened. In an instant, HP's mother, looking frazzled, suddenly burst into the room. I had no idea if Allé had broken her or not, but clearly something had, based on the expression on her face.

Instantly, the five of us- along with the bunnies- stood there, ready to begin the intervention, while HP hid away behind the chairs. Bailey and Fudge, of course, were somewhat terrified, but I managed to hear Bailey whisper to Fudge in horror:

"It's Fraupottje!"

Who, meanwhile, was looking around the ship deck.

"_Where is my daughter_?!" she asked, in a combination of anger and slight worry.

I just hid behind a chair, still slightly intimidated.

"Oh, good _god..._" I whispered in horror.

If HP's mother was looking for her daughter, things could not be good.

Thankfully, Absent responded without missing a beat.

"Hiding from you. She fears you."

In an instant, HP's mother's face twisted in rage.

"_She fears me_?" she snapped. "_She fears me_?!"

She stormed over to the chairs, going on a rant in German.

"_She shouldn't fear me! She should love me! I am only doing what is best for her as her mother, don't you understand?!_"

Eventually, she noticed HP, who was so terrified to get out that she was looking up at her own mother in tears.

"_Get out here this instant!_" she shouted.

Poor HP grew so scared, she started shaking like a leaf behind the chair.

The minute I saw this, I instantly began trembling myself- in rage.

"If you demand she loves you the only thing you'll get out of that is the illusion of love born from fear of retribution," Absent said.

He knew what I was talking about; he'd read _PTG_.

"_Illusion?!_" cried HP's mother, bursting into angry tears and pointing an accusing finger at all of us. "_None of you realize how much I love my daughter! That is no illusion! It's for her own safety that she get away from all of you, go back to Germany, and return to her studies like she should_!"

Fuming and in tears, she stormed up to HP, knocking down the semicircle of chairs that had been set up.

"_Get out here!_" she snapped. "_I'm warning you!_"

Poor HP said nothing. She just continued to shake in terror and fear, too afraid to say anything.

At that moment, I had had enough, and burst forward in anger, gesturing over at HP.

"DO YOU NOT SEE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IS SHAKING LIKE A FREAKING LEAF?!" I exclaimed.

HP's mother scoffed.

"_Of course I see it! I'm not blind!_" she cried out, marching forward. "_You must have all done something to hurt my daughter! I knew you were dangerous_!"

With that, she grabbed HP from behind the chairs and began running off with her in tow.

"_Come on_," she said, with sympathy and fear in her voice. "_Let's get out of here before they try and hurt you again_."

If I'm being honest, I could kind of understand her fear in that moment. Who wouldn't be scared if they had thought their own daughter had been taken and was being hurt by a bunch of people on the Internet who were, supposedly, crazy?

And yet at the same time I could also see that she had become _too _overprotective, to such a fault where her own daughter nearly had a panic attack upon seeing her and was forced to make friends who could help teach her English behind her back.

Absent, meanwhile, ran up to HP's mother in desperation.

"You're giving your own daughter anxiety!" he protested. "You're dictating her opinions! Her schedule! Her social life! _LET HER BREATHE_!"

"_She's already breathing_!" snapped HP's mother, whirling around to face her. "_Do you think she does all that drawing in secret?_"

And that was when Absent had had just about enough.

"We're not the ones hurting your daughter," he began, instantly flying into a passionate fervor, "we're the ones she flees to when _you_ hurt her and then you shift all the blame onto us because you can't handle the idea that you're not even close to being a perfect mother for your less-than perfect daughter due to your fragile ego having been desecrated by a less-than amicable divorce leaving you with no alimony or child support to be a single mother caring for a daughter who is incredibly ungrateful for everything you claim to do despite the fact that you're so unsupportive of her happiness that she fled all the way to NEW JERSEY to escape from you breathing down her neck every waking second because she fears the idea that you'll always be there to shoot down her goals and eventually leave her as as much of a train wreck of a mother AND person that YOU have become!"

See? I told you Absent could be a motormouth when necessary.

For the record- yes. HP's parents, like Absent's, are divorced. And unlike Absent's parents, who at least try to maintain a facade of amicability, HP's parents out-and-out _HATE EACH OTHER_.

HP herself told me that.

All I was thinking in that moment was:

_DANG, ABSENT! Truer words have never been spoken!_

For a few moments HP's mother just stood there in shock, almost as if for once, she was listening to reason. Then- she suddenly blinked, before turning to HP in shock.

"_You... fled... to... JERSEY?!_" she cried, her tone getting more and more angry with every word.

Well... bye-bye, reason!

HP instantly flinched back at the last word.

"_Y-yes..._" she muttered.

"_How in the world did you even get there?!_" her mother cried out, anger and concern in her voice. "_You don't even have enough money to buy tickets! Did you even have a passport?!_"

"_I... I didn't!_" HP stammered. "_Madelief did!_"

Figured; they had flown to Jersey from Amsterdam, after all.

"_What were you thinking, flying to Jersey with no passport?!_" exclaimed HP's mother. "_We've never even been to the United States!_"

"See this?!" Absent burst in. "If you've taken as much interest in the stuff she wants to pursue as the stuff you _force_ her to pursue, you two might have a less hazardous relationship!"

HP's mother instantly turned back.

"_I have no interest in what she's pursuing_," HP's mother snapped, walking up to Absent, "_all I care about right now is the fact that she left me, left her education, and fled to Jersey with no passport! And as for you_..." She pointed her finger at him accusingly. "_I've never spanked my daughter in my life, and you accuse me of hurting her?_"

Absent scoffed.

"Proud parent, believes all pain is physical," he said. "It's not. Trauma exists. Anxiety exists. Depression exists."

"He HAS anxiety!" I protested, pointing a vine directly at Absent. "He should know! She was too scared to talk to you! You don't understand why HP was so afraid to speak up about our existence. **THIS IS WHY! **It's because of _you!_"

And at that moment, I heard a whimper.

At first I thought it was Koffie, until I looked forward and realized that HP was standing there in her mother's arms, whimpering, shaking like a leaf, and about to burst out crying at any moment.

My heart instantly dropped in the pit of my stomach; I hadn't realized HP was almost as sensitive as Koffie.

In an instant, HP's mother noticed her daughter shaking and recoiled in horror, putting a hand up to her mouth. Instantly, she set her daughter down, and said something in German that I didn't catch.

Then, she glared over at us.

Specifically, me.

"_You... hurt my daughter..._" she growled, having become the epitome of Tranquil Fury at that exact moment.

I said nothing. I was too terrified to speak. I looked over at the bunnies, and poor Bailey had run over to the closet, himself shaking like a leaf. Yuunarii, seeing this, instantly ran over to Bailey, silently comforted him- and then glared up at HP's mother with a look of pure rage I had never seen from her before.

For at least a few moments, I thought for sure she was going to walk up to HP's mother and slap her with her giant tail.

If not for...

"_TAKE SOME 9-92-6-19-ING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR WOOBIE OF A DAUGHTER, YOU FOOLISH PIECE OF SCHEIßE!_"

It was Absent.

Except he didn't say 9-92-6-19.

Oh, no.

He said _it_.

To quote _A Christmas Story, _he said _THE WORD._

The big one.

The queen mother of all dirty words.

The... _you know what I'm talking about._

The German swear, however, was exactly that, which momentarily surprised me because he didn't know any German.

I assumed simply that LF had taught him the word for... you get it.

Regardless, it stopped me, the Koffiehuis, and _ESPECIALLY _HP's mother dead in their tracks. I instantly turned, and saw Absent standing there, scalchop extended, looking more furious than I had ever seen him before in his whole dang life. Instantly, he went on and on, going on a rant that was so rage-filled and so passionate that I'm _shocked _HP's mother didn't surrender then and there.

"TO SAY THAT _WE_ ARE THE ONES WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR _YOUR_ DAUGHTER HURTING IS THE _EXACT_ SAME THING AS SAYING THAT THE HOSPITAL IS THE REASON YOUR DAUGHTER IS SICK! THE ONES WHO TELL YOU ABOUT A DEVELOPMENT ARE NOT ALWAYS THE ONES TO BLAME FOR THE DEVELOPMENT IN QUESTION! YOU HAVE THE SINGLE LARGEST HAND IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S DEBILITATING SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES AS _YOU_ ARE HER MOTHER, AND ARE SUBSEQUENTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHARACTER SHE HAS BECOME! AND WHAT YOU HAVE WORKED ON FOR OVER EIGHTEEN YEARS OF YOUR ETERNALLY MEANINGLESS - nay, DETRIMENTAL LIFE IS A TRAIN WRECK OF A BUTTERFREE WHOSE ONLY SOLACE IS EVERYTHING THAT SHE HAS WORKED TOWARDS BEHIND HER MOTHER'S BACK. YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER CONSIDERED THEMSELVES A PARENT, OR _WANTS_ TO BE A PARENT. BLOODY HELL, I BET YOU ONLY HAD HER OUT OF **WEDLOCK**."

**OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!!**

**OH SNAP!**

_HP's mother just got roasted to a crisp!_

Of course, HP probably had no clue what the word "wedlock" meant, and while I'm almost certain HP was NOT a child born out of it, her mother got _burned _all the same!

To tell you the truth, I was half-expecting another rap battle.

Unfortunately, I didn't get one, but the speech was epic all the same.

The minute those words were said, I felt like cheering- until I saw HP's face.

The poor Butterfree had become a sobbing wreck.

Likely, Absent had scared her without meaning to.

I looked over at HP's mother, who was once again horrified— and now, even more enraged. Livid as all get out, she walked right up to Absent, and this time screamed in his face:

"_YOU SCARED MY DAUGHTER!_"

Absent paused- and suddenly happened to notice HP's face, too.

Having known him for about a year now I could instantly tell what he was thinking, and I had a suspicion that he was at least feeling somewhat guilty.

"Oh, no..." he muttered. "Oh, no, no, no, no..."

He ran over to HP in an attempt to comfort her.

"HP?" he asked softly. "HP, I'm sorry-"

But then, at that moment, he was suddenly lifted up off the ground by HP's mother, who was holding a frying pan in her other hand.

I knew exactly what she was about to do, and I did not like it.

"Oh, god," said Absent.

"_No one scares my daughter and gets away with it!_" HP's mother exclaimed.

I could barely watch.

I took one look over at HP, and she looked absolutely horrified.

"_N-nein..._" she muttered.

With that, HP's mother swung back the pan...

"_NEIN—!_"

...and instantly found herself dropping both it and Absent to the floor.

In an instant, everyone in the room turned towards the source of the sound- and let me tell you, when I saw what I saw, I could not have been more shocked.

Standing there, having come out from behind the chair, was none other than HP— and she had a look of anger on her face I had _never _seen from her before.

My jaw instantly dropped in disbelief, and as I turned to face the rest of the Koffiehuis, they were all stunned silent.

In regards to HP, this was by far and away the most OOCISB thing that could possibly happen. HP was painfully shy, and barely ever spoke up against her mother. If she tried, she usually would just end up giving up in the end.

Now?

She had found the courage to stand up to her.

And she was going to _make herself heard_.

HP's mother stood there, in pure shock, as her daughter flew up in front of her- which was also OOC, as HP was normally scared of heights- and began to give her a piece of her mind for what I presumed was the first time in her life.

And pretty soon, you'll find out why I'm leaving this speech in German without translation.

"_Es tut mir leid, Mama_," she began, "_aber diesmal bist du viel zu weit gegangen! Verstehst du nicht? Ja, ich habe 5 4en auf meiner Zeugnis, aber ich habe mein Bestes gegeben! Ich habe seit Jahren mein Bestes gegeben, aber Sie beschimpfen mich einfach für jede schlechte Note, die ich bekomme!_"

_Sie beschimpfen._

In most languages, there are two words that are used for "you"- one singular/informal and one plural/formal. This has prevailed as a common rule of many European languages, including German.

In French, the two words are _tu _(singular/informal) and _vous _(plural/formal).

In Dutch, the two words- nay, three- are _je _(singular/informal), _jij _(plural) and _u _(formal).

And in German?

Those two words are _du _(singular/informal) and _Sie _(plural/formal).

In a familial relationship- that is, one of parents and children- children will use _du _with their parents as an indicator of familiarity. _Sie _is used, generally, with people you don't know or as an indicator of formality when you're speaking to someone like, oh I don't know, Angela Merkel.

Not to be confused with _Amanda _Merkel, because that's HyDrO.

For most of her life, and most of the conversations, HP had used _du _when talking to her mother, as it was standard German convention. The fact that she broke the standard German convention and referred to her mother as _Sie_, rather than _du_, for just a split second was _HUGE._

_Sie _generally indicated detachment, so HP, in that moment, was basically saying to her mother "_I don't know who you are anymore_."

And THAT was awesome, especially considering the fact that it was HP.

"_Es ist nicht fair_!" HP shouted, by this point practically about to burst into tears of desperation and anger herself. "_Keiner von uns hält das für fair! Du bist meine Mutter! Solltest du mir nicht helfen, wenn ich das Material nicht verstehe?!_"

Okay, so she switched back to using du immediately afterwards, but I had to admit, I was more shocked than I had ever been in my life seeing this.

HP- shy, quiet, sensitive, creative HP- was _screaming at her mother_.

It's the _screaming_ I need to emphasize here above all else. Normally, HP is perfectly capable of raising her voice, but if she does, it's in slight annoyance if anything. If she _does _get angry, she usually does what LF calls "whisper-screaming." This, I assume, is one of two things:

1) Tranquil Fury, or  
2) squeaking out a rant in such a way that not a single person can take her seriously.

Given that LF has called it "terrifying," I'm willing to bet it's the former.

Here, though?

This wasn't whisper-screaming.

She was flat-out _screaming_.

It was something that none of us, but especially me, had never seen her do before.

_Ever._

Stunned, I took one quick look over at LF, and she was just standing there with her mouth agape. I didn't blame her.

Absent, for his part, had only one thing to say:

"Woah..."

I couldn't help but agree. I didn't know what she was saying- LF wasn't even translating for her, she was so shocked- but I could tell that this was something she had clearly never done before.

I shivered.

"Holy crow..." I muttered in a whisper. "I had no idea HP could even _sound _like that."

I eventually managed to take a peek at her mother, and _HOO BOY WAS SHE TERRIFIED_.

This was certainly a _Gypsy _role-reversal if I had ever seen one: normally, HP was scared of her _mother_, but now it was the other way around. I had a feeling she'd been saving up those words for a while, and her mother coming after Absent was the last straw.

She continued, now with a bit more desperation in her voice.

"_Und was die Tatsache angeht, dass Sie mich vom Schiff werfen möchten, haben du nicht gemerkt, dass wir auf See sind und es keinen Weg zurück nach Deutschland gibt?_" HP snapped, visible rage and desperation on her face. "_So kann ich nicht zur Schule gehen, Mama! So kann ich nicht in die Welt hinausgehen! Ich weiß, dass du denkst, dass sie gefährliche Menschen sind, aber oghond und der Rest des Koffiehuis sind meine Freunde! Ich habe sie in den letzten Monaten kennengelernt und sie sind NICHTS wie die anderen Leute im Internet! Du kennst sie überhaupt nicht! Du kennst MICH überhaupt nicht! Ich war auf diesem Schiff und habe versucht, der Welt Sprachen beizubringen_. _Wenn du also glauben, dass ich nicht gelernt habe, können du sich nicht irren!_"

HP's mother was getting incredibly desperate now, and by this point was holding her head in her hands, as if she was suffering from some kind of a headache. Before our eyes, she stood up and began pacing around the deck, likely unable to believe a word of what she was hearing or seeing.

And frankly, I wouldn't blame her.

"_N-nein..._" she muttered, pacing around. "_Ich kenne du. Ich kenne alle deine Interessen; Ich weiß alles, was du tun musst; und wenn ich eine Sache über Ihr Leben weiß, ist es so, dass Sie dazu bestimmt sind, Ihr Abitur zu bestehen und ein großartiger Künstler zu werden!_"

"_Papa kennt mich besser als Sie jemals werden!_" HP cut in.

There it was.

She had used _Sie _again.

And based on what I had heard, she was comparing her mother, likely negatively, to her divorced husband.

LF's reaction seemed to confirm this, as the minute HP said that line, she gasped slightly.

And as for HP's mother?

She just blinked in shock.

"_T-traüme ich...?!_" she managed to mutter.

She began pacing more frantically around the ship, muttering to herself.

(Here's where the translations come back in.)

"_I'm dreaming... I'm dreaming..._" she muttered. "_I have to be hallucinating this somehow. She's never sounded like that before, and now this..._"

Instantly, she ran out of the room in a panic.

"_Is there a phone in this ship?!_" she screamed out. "_I'm calling him!_"

With that, she was gone, leaving HP- and an incredibly shocked Koffiehuis- standing there in stunned silence. None of us could believe what we had just seen or heard out of HP's mouth- and apparently, neither could HP herself. The moment her mother left the room, all that passionate anger she had been building up inside of her left her face immediately, and I saw it instantly be replaced by a look of shock and horror.

Not even _she _could believe what she had just said.

She just stood there, for a few moments, breathing heavily.

Then, in an instant, she floated over to me and looked back at where her mother had left, in utter shock.

"Oh my god..." she muttered, in horror. "I called her _Sie_... tvice..."

I regarded her with shock for a few moments, then spoke.

"Yes," I said, in slight disbelief. "Yes, you did."

I took a breath and shook my head.

"I've never heard you talk that way to your mother before, HP," I said. "And it wasn't just in terms of the pronoun choice."

She blinked.

"I need a glass of water..." she croaked, her voice hoarse as heck from all the screaming she had done.

With that, she left the ship, and none of us even bothered to say a word.

Except Absent.

Instantly, he walked up to HP and gently tapped her on the shoulder.

"HP?" he said.

HP turned, and Absent smiled at her.

"Pride yourself," he said.

If only there was a piano on board Koffie; then I could have gone up to it and softly played the riff I had come up with for the song Absent had sang while he was escaping from Aleph-Null at their California headquarters.

It probably would have ruined the moment anyways.

HP smiled back, and flew off to get a glass of water.

As for Absent?

He immediately returned to sitting on the couch and began singing:

"_Did you ever get that feeling?_  
"_Man, I can't seem to shake it_  
"_Not quite as clever as she thinks she is..._"

I smirked, recognizing the song.

"Knuckle-dragging animal," I said, knowing exactly who he was referring to in singing that song.

Eventually, HP opened the door, having gotten a glass of water, when all of a sudden a loud German screech came in from the other room:

"_YOU WHAT?!_"

Instantly, HP's mother burst out, holding a phone in her hands, likely talking to her divorced husband. She was practically having a panic attack by this point, and was pacing around the room and hyperventilating.

Repeatedly.

Eventually, she managed to slow down her breathing and stop the hyperventilating, and screamed into the phone again:

"_You actually agree with her?! You think I'm going too far?_"

A pause.

She scoffed.

"_This is ridiculous!_"

Instantly, she hung up on the phone. "_Now I _know _I'm dreaming._"

And then, all of a sudden, something absolutely none of us expected to happen happened.

Before our eyes, HP's mother suddenly found herself surrounded by a very familiar blue burst of light. Instantly noticing it, she began frantically looking at her body as the light suddenly grew brighter.

"_What the heck?_" she cried out. "_What's going on?!_"

And from there, she said nothing more as she was swallowed up by the light.

The blue ball of light floated up into the air, and as we watched in absolute shock, I turned to look over at HP. Despite her having just called out her mother for the way she treated her, she seemed to be horrified by the fact that her mother was being turned into a Pokémon.

All the while, I just sat there and wondered what kind of Pokémon she would be turned into.

The ball pulsated and glowed in the air for a few moments, and seconds later, a powerful- and very familiar- voice came bursting through the ship.

The odd thing?

It wasn't Koffie.

The voice was clearly feminine, yet of a lower register than Koffie's androgynous, childlike voice. What was even crazier was that it was speaking directly to HP's mother.

** _Frau Potter!_ **

And then the voice hit me.

"S-Sierra?!" I gasped.

"What the heck is _she _doing here?" Absent cried. "She should be at Folsom Lake College guarding Cypress Hall- what's she doing on Koffie?!"

"Und... v-vhy is she speaking to my mother...?" HP asked.

Sierra's powerful voice broke through.

** _Your actions of judgement before actually getting to know the rest of the Koffiehuis are misguided... yet reprehensible. I can at least admire the fact that you care about HP well enough to try to steer her away from dangerous people, but if you believe that the rest of the Selected are dangerous people... you are badly mistaken._ **

The... _Selected?_

Was that what she called us?

It certainly seemed like it- though of course, Absent and I would never call ourselves that in a million years.

**_After all, _**Sierra continued, **_they wouldn't have been the Selected if they didn't have positive traits. Had I known they were dangerous..._**

I blinked as the realization set in.

Sierra either had chosen us or had been involved in our choosing.

I suddenly realized that- much like Nimja in _Play the Game_\- we must have been turned into Pokémon for a reason.

Presumably, to defeat Aleph-Null.

The question was: why?

And why, and more importantly how, did Sierra choose us?

Was she the one who allowed Absent to be rescued from an untimely death?

There were so many questions running through my head right now, and yet I had no time to ask any of them.

**_You, on the other hand, go against everything that Folsom Lake College stands for, _**said Sierra. **_This is your ultimate karma. If you're at least decent, you'll choose to accept it._**

** _Good luck._ **

And with that, Sierra's voice faded out, and HP's mother let out an ear-shattering scream as lightning began to crackle all over the glowing blue ball of energy. Apparently, Sierra had made it so that _her _transformation into a Pokémon would hurt, as opposed to the transformations of everyone else.

In an instant, we looked away as the ball suddenly exploded in a burst of giant flames.

I didn't have any time to look back until the light faded, but eventually, I did, and what I saw was stunning to witness.

When I looked back, the flames- and the ball of blue light- had vanished, and standing there, flying above us all, was a giant Volcarona.

It suddenly hit me that this was HP's mother.

She instantly took a look at her new body and screamed so loudly it echoed throughout the whole ship.

"_What the heck am I?!_" she screamed. "_WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! I'm a giant moth made of fire- there's no way I can possibly go back to Germany looking like this!_"

She looked around in a panic.

"_Now I have no doubt in my mind! I MUST be dreaming!_" she cried.

Sierra giggled.

**_Oh, yes. You're dreaming, _**she said. **_But don't worry. We'll send you back to Germany to wake you up._**

And with that, the ceiling of Koffie opened above us, and a jolt of teal and black swooped down onto the deck below. In a matter of seconds, the spirit of Folsom Lake was inside the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip._

She glared down at HP's mother, then grabbed her by the wings before preparing to fly off. But before she did, she turned to look at HP. For a few moments, the poor Butterfree said nothing- she just stared at Sierra with a look of pure awe.

I stood there, blinking in disbelief at Sierra- and then she smirked.

** _HP..._ **

HP blinked in shock as Sierra turned away from her.

** _I knew we made a good decision choosing you._ **

Okay, so it wasn't just her.

Now the question was: who else was involved in our choosing?

And for that matter, our transformation?

Were there other FLC spirits we didn't know about? My assumption was there was at least a guardian of _Aspen_ Hall...

Regardless, none of those were the big question- because the one big question I still had in my mind was:

_What was Sierra even doing here?_

I was certain that the rest of the Koffiehuis- especially Absent- were probably thinking this as well, but the question was ringing in my head in particular.

Now extremely desperate to know what the heck Sierra was talking about and why she was here, I decided to talk directly to her.

"Sierra?" I asked.

The Guardian of Cypress Hall responded.

** _oghond?_ **

I stood there in silence for a few moments, still unable to fully comprehend the fact that Sierra even existed in the first place. Eventually, though, I did manage to speak.

"What the heck are you even doing here?" I asked.

For a few moments Sierra did not respond, but eventually a giggle emanated from her throat. I paused.

"What?" I asked.

Sierra giggled.

**_Oh, oghond... _**she said. **_Don't you realize it? I'm not just the Guardian of Cypress Hall; I'm the Guardian of the Selected. And considering the fact that all of you are the Selected, I can't help but keep a daily watch on your routine. All I can say is..._**

She looked down at HP's mother, and suddenly gained a sinister grin on her face.

** _This Volcarona needs to _ ** **go.**

"_WHAT?!_" shrieked HP's mother.

**_That's right, Frau, _**said Sierra. **_You're summarily banned from the S.S. Tex-Kofschip. I'll be sending you back to Germany, and you'll be forced to live the same public embarrassment that HP worries about constantly. You know, just so you know how it feels._**

"_WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!_" shrieked HP's mother.

Sierra paused.

**_Wait a second, _**she said. **_You don't speak English, do you?_**

"N-no..." HP suddenly broke in. "She doesn't understand much of it, either."

"Indeed," said LF. "However, I can translate Sierra's words for her."

With that, she walked up to HP's mother and said, in German:

"_Frau Potter, Sie sind vom Schiff verbannt._"

HP's mother's eyes went wide, and in an instant, she began writhing around in Sierra's talons, now desperate to escape.

"_WHAT?!_" she shrieked. "_No! You can't ban me! You don't understand! I love my daughter more than anything! I just want what's best for her, that's all!_"

**_I know you love your daughter, _**said Sierra. **_That's why you tried to shield her from potentially dangerous people. Regardless- you don't know the Koffiehuis. You have no idea what they're like. Claiming they're dangerous before you even meet them is simply absurd. Not to mention, of course, the fact that you're so adamant to get your daughter an education and want her to get as good of a grade as possible when she's been polymorphed._**

"Ada- what?" Madelief asked.

"Adamant," Absent responded, breaking in. "It means to be stubborn in one's ideals, which HP's mother is- and which my mother _definitely _is."

"Oh!" Madelief said. "Okay, then. Yeah, she's definitely stubborn. They both are."

"Indeed," said LF.

"_Well, if you do have to ban me,_" cried HP's mother, now in tears, "_just... please... allow me to see my daughter's face again! Even if she is this... Butterfree thing, I just want to see her one more time before I leave!_"

And in that moment, I felt just a tinge of sympathy for HP's mother. Overprotective and adamant she was, she did have a daughter, and her banning from the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_ meant she'd probably never be able to see her daughter again, if not for a long, long time. She wasn't Jenean Westilson, and she wasn't Agatha Visser.

She _definitely _wasn't Agatha Visser.

And as I looked over at Sierra, I could tell she felt it, too. Her face instantly softened as she stared into the pleading, desperate eyes of HP's mother, and eventually she smiled and released her talons.

**_Well... if I were to ban you, you'd likely never be able to see your daughter again... _**she said, smiling. **_Very well, then. You're... _****mainly****_ banned from the ship. I'll still be sending you off to Germany, but if you really want to see your daughter again, I see no reason to stop you from doing so._**

LF translated.

The minute she did, HP's mother's face turned to that of instant relief.

"_Thank you!_" she sobbed. "_Thank you so much!_"

Sierra smiled.

**Bitte****_, _**she said. **_Now go on. I'll give you a minute._**

HP's mother promptly smiled with gratitude up at Sierra, before approaching her daughter, who was still stunned- likely due to both the fact that she had just seen her mother get turned into a Pokémon and that she had screamed at her and called her _Sie_ to her face not once, but twice. I didn't blame her, she had every reason to be so shocked and terrified.

Eventually, though, she managed to say something.

"_Mama..._" she muttered. "_E-es tut mir lied..._"

Her mother said nothing- she simply just smiled at her, tears coming to her eyes as she looked at her daughter for what would probably be the last time. I could instantly tell- just based on the look on her face alone- that she was finally, _finally _starting to regret everything she had told her daughter earlier. She took a look at us, then at Sierra, who nodded.

And then she looked ahead and saw it- the drawing her daughter had made of the rest of the Koffiehuis, carrying flags of the Netherlands, Germany, Japan, and France. All the while, Koffie was in the background, along with Folsom Lake College. Gingerly, she walked up to it and took it down, staring at it for a long time, before, it seemed, the realization finally started to set in. She walked up to her daughter in shock, holding the drawing.

"_You drew this?_" she asked.

HP nodded.

Her mother glanced down at the paper.

"_You're... you're learning languages?!_" she gasped, having made the connection.

HP nodded.

"_On this ship?_" she asked.

"_J-ja,_" said HP.

She blinked. Tears were streaming down her face.

"_W-what about your education?!_" she sputtered out. "_What about your Abitur?! You can't possibly go to college unless you pass your_-"

"She'll be fine, don't worry," I said, smiling. "After all, she _is _a Butterfree."

HP's mother paused, then glanced down at her daughter in shock. Eventually, however, Sierra eventually approached from behind and tapped HP's mother with her talon.

**_You had your minute, _**she said. **_Now let's go._**

Even though she couldn't understand English, HP's mother still seemed to recognize the cue. She gave her back the drawing of the Koffiehuis, then stood there, allowing Sierra to grab her by the talons so she could be sent back to Germany.

For a few moments I wondered why Sierra wouldn't just let her fly back- until I realized that HP's mother likely didn't know how to fly.

Regardless, I still had one final question for Sierra before she could send her mother off to Germany.

Absent, however, likely read my mind, as he was the one to actually ask the question.

"By the way, Sierra?" he asked.

Sierra turned.

**_Yes, Corbin? _**she asked.

To my slight surprise, he didn't even protest the use of his real name.

"What the heck is the deal with all this 'Selected' stuff?" he asked.

For a few moments she stood there- and then, she smirked.

**_Oh, I can't tell you that yet, _**she said. **_But you need not worry. You'll find out soon enough._**

And with that, she instantly soared up through the open roof and took HP's mother with her- en route, presumably, to Germany, before resuming her usual position at Cypress Hall.

The six of us, including the bunnies, just stood there, looking up in shock as Koffie's ceiling closed. Eventually, when Sierra and HP's mother were long gone, I glanced down, shaking my head in disbelief.

What I had just witnessed was undeniably crazy.

"Okay..." I muttered. "I have _so _many questions right now."

"Same," said Absent. "Namely... why in the world does Sierra keep calling us 'the Selected'? I swear, if this whole SOSchip thing turns out to be another one of those 'chosen one' cliches I'm going to lose it."

"I don't even know if _she _chose us," I said. "She had said 'we' to HP earlier."

"So... there's more than one spirit at Folsom Lake?!" Madelief cried.

"There might be," I said. "Who knows? There very well could be a guardian of Aspen Hall, just like how Sierra is the guardian of Cypress Hall."

"Aspen Hall?" Madelief asked, blinking.

"The _other _classroom building at Folsom Lake," said Absent.

"Oh," said Madelief.

"Yeah, if Cypress Hall is famous for its glass-paneled falcon roof, Aspen Hall is famous for its glass-paneled _windows_, the giant brick wall, and whatever that thing consisting of the three steel panels is," I said. "It's arguably MUCH less well-known than Cypress, though."

"Oh, okay," Madelief said.

"But enough about that," I said. "Let's get to the much bigger issue at hand, which is _HOLY CRAP, HP! _That was amazing! Seriously, I had no idea you could even sound like that!"

"Y-yeah..." muttered HP. "Me neizer. I mean, I would never vant to see any of you get hurt, so... vhen my mother was about to hit Absent with a frying pan... I guess zat vas the... the... um..."

"The catalyst?" Absent burst in.

"Is zat the English word...?" HP asked with uncertainty.

"If you were about to say that me getting hit with the frying pan was the moment that triggered you to finally stand up to your mother... then yes," said Absent matter-of-factly. "Yes it is."

"That was AMAZING, Pottje!" Bailey suddenly burst in, running up to her. "You totally stood up to Fraupottje right then and there!"

"Yeah," said Fudge. "And the best part? She's gone now, and she'll likely never come back to the ship again!"

"Well, unless Kofftje decides to go to Germany so that Pottje can reunite with her mother..." said Bailey.

"True," Fudge responded.

"But regardless. I can officially say that the intervention was a SUCCESS!" cried Bailey, jumping up into the air. "Wouldn't you say that, Yuu?"

Yuunarii nodded.

"Yep, I'd say it was," I said. "We got HP's mother off the ship, and managed to get her daughter back with us where she belongs."

"Not to mention, of course, the fact that she finally has a backbone," remarked LF.

"Except we didn't give it to her," said Absent.

"This calls for a CELEBRATION~!" Madelief suddenly burst out, jumping up into the air with sheer delight. "And believe me, I know just the music to put on!"

"Let me guess," I said. "Something by Panic! At the Disco?"

"Nope!" said Madelief, chuckling. "Even better!"

With that, she instantly took out a radio, and the music began to play the intro notes to "Take On Me" by a-ha. The minute I heard the song, I went nuts and started jumping up and down on board Koffie.

"YES! YES—!" I cried out, screaming. "I LOVE THIS SONG!"

"Don't tell me there's going to be a dance party..." Absent groaned.

"Ha!" I said, laughing. "There doesn't have to be! In fact, this'll be perfect radio music for our next destination!"

"Where's our next destination?" Absent asked.

"Where do you think it is, you silly Oshawott?" I cried, giggling. "Koffie- set us on course for Wereldia!"

_Will do! _Koffie exclaimed.

And with the most quintessential '80's song in the world playing in a symphonic beat over us, we were off.

** _EINDE_ **


	9. ZEFEN: Lingual Mechination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as the chapter that was THIS CLOSE to being called "Mech Fear"- a pun on the Dutch word for "four," which is "vier," pronounced "fear"- and you'll likely see why. 
> 
> The seventh and final chapter brought over from Wattpad to here, this is Lingual Mechination, Chapter 7 of Pokemon: SOSchip, and it is EPIC! Readers, I present to you-- THE MECHINATORS! You'll see Koffie transform into six different mechas- and yet something appears to be wrong with HP... 
> 
> A few things regarding this chapter- if the section containing Absent and HP seems like it takes FOREVER, that will be fixed in the web series. See, this chapter is more about HP than anyone else, and so come the web series, that section- the one with HP- will be the main segment, with each subsequent Mechination from Madelief, LF, and Yuunarii only accentuating HP's fear. Also, said fear will be expanded upon from the VERY FIRST DANG MECHINATION in the series. Regardless, the chapter is admittedly one of the weaker chapters- both me and Absent have admitted that- so hopefully this change for the web series will help with the pacing. 
> 
> For the record: HP's fear is NOT the actual action of pin-slamming so much that it is the fear that if she DOES do so, Koffie will get hurt, the Mechinator will get damaged, and- because she's a Butterfree, remember- she will get hurt. She's so dang sweet that she doesn't want ANYONE to get hurt, even if it looks like they are, when in fact, they're not. 
> 
> And now for the soundtrack songs. There are two main Mechination themes. The one for me, and the rest of the Koffiehuis, is Rush's "YYZ" instrumental. The other- the one for Absent- is Nine Inch Nails' "Ahead of Ourselves." Here they are, for your listening pleasure, when each Mechination occurs: 
> 
> YYZ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdpMpfp-J_I  
Ahead of Ourselves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ab1O-i4ep4
> 
> And with that, we are done with my seven-chapter debut! You'll have to wait a bit, but rest assured, the eighth chapter, "A Few Crude Stams" is coming out soon- both on Wattpad and on here!
> 
> With that said- ENJOY!

ZEFEN: Lingual Mechination**_  
_**   
CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Ever seen _Neon Genesis Evangelion?_

Ever seen _any _anime mecha show, for that matter?

If you have, then you'll agree with me when I say this: mechas are _awesome. _Transforming mechas most of all. This especially goes for all of the mechas that can turn into vehicles- you know the ones I'm talking about. Of course, _Neon Genesis Evangelion _doesn't have transforming and talking mechas, but MY GOD I WISH IT DID.

Because this is an unpopular opinion, but to me the only good thing about _Neon Genesis Evangelion _is the opening theme song.

Let's be honest, though- "A Cruel Angel's Thesis" is FREAKING AWESOME. It's so good that many people have called it the best anime opening in history. Which I can agree with.

Just... not so much the idea that _Neon Genesis Evangelion itself_ is one of the best animes in history.

That said, though, _Neon Genesis Evangelion _has quite a few things in common with the day I'm about to describe to you. Most notably- giant mechas, tons of fear and insecurity, and- oh yeah- _honest-to-god panic attacks_.

Surprisingly, though, they weren't from Absent.

In fact, in a delightfully sweet twist of irony, the person- er, Pokemon- most prone to panic attacks was actually the one helping someone else through one.

And it was, without a doubt, one of the sweetest things I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

Of course, though, before the panic attacks, there was a whole lot of epicness. I'm serious; when you read these transformation sequences that I'm about to describe you'll likely be hit with the greatest feeling of euphoria you've likely ever been hit with in your life. Because if I'm being completely honest, they were AWESOME. Even now, months after having seen them for the first time, they're awesome.

I still get breathless every time I watch Koffie Mechinate.

..._Get your head out of the gutter, you dirty-minded freaks!_

Mechination is basically just Koffie transforming into one of its mecha forms, that's all! If you honestly think it's anything else, you couldn't be more wrong!

...Anyways.

Let me just get on with the story by this point, since I'm sure that all of you are craving to read about epic transformations and don't want to waste your time on hearing me ramble.

I sound so much like Absent right now, and it's hilarious.

Anyways.

The day pretty much started out like any other normal day would. The six of us were sitting on a giant couch watching TV- specifically, we were watching the near-end of the Rush documentary _Time Stand Still._

In case you can't already tell by the fact that there's such a thing as _Freewill in 2112_, I love Rush. They're my favorite band in the entire world, and I just wish I could have seen them in concert while they were still going on tour. Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the money to go see Rush in concert while they were touring on R40.

Which is a real shame, because little did we know that R40 would be Rush's last concert.

Ever.

When the realization hit, my parents were hit with the sudden regret and wished they could have taken me. Then again, like I said before, how could they have known? None of us could have known. In fact, none of us knew.

But Rush themselves certainly did.

The _Time Stand Still _documentary is all about Rush's last tour, and the last night of their last tour had a moment that truly cemented the fact that the band was done for good. From that moment, audiences had suspicions that Rush was done, but they weren't confirmed until 3 years later in 2018.

Here's something you need to know.

Rush's drummer is a guy named Neil Peart, and if you're reading that as "pert," you're pronouncing it wrong. Neil is not a brand of shampoo, as someone else on the Internet put it nicely. It's pronounced "peert," for starters.

Or, as I put it in a clever little mnemonic device partially inspired by one that Geddy Lee himself came up with:

"P+ 👂+T."

Anyways, Peart was known among Rush fans for being _notoriously _shy. He was very uncomfortable with being put on a pedestal and being swarmed by fans. He was so uncomfortable with being put on a pedestal, in fact, that he wrote a whole song about it.

You may have heard it before.

It's called "Limelight."

So shy, in fact, was Neil Peart that, at the end of every concert, while bassist/lead singer Geddy Lee and the most underrated guitarist of all time, Alex Lifeson, were taking bows for the audience, he would simply leave the stage, get on his motorcycle, and _leg it._

Er, wheel it?

Regardless, I think you can see how shy he was- and I'm pretty sure that by this point you're well aware of my adoration of a little trope called OOC Is Serious Business.

You can probably guess what's coming next.

It's the last night of R40. Rush has just played "Working Man," the last song they will ever do in concert. The audience applauds like crazy, and Geddy and Alex are thanking the audience for 40 years, as always.

But instead of running backstage to get on his motorcycle, Neil did something surprising.

He went up to the _front _of the stage, in front of the audience, and took a bow, even going so far as to share a group hug with the other two members. This move absolutely _shocked _the fans, since, up until that point, this was something that Neil Peart, he of "Living on a lighted stage approaches the unreal" fame, had never done up until this point. Surely, the fans figured, _surely _if Neil freaking Peart was taking a bow for the audience, this concert must have _some_ amount of meaning!

They had no idea just _how _much meaning.

And currently, that exact moment was the moment playing in the _Time Stand Still _documentary. The members of Rush were talking about just how surprising the moment was in interviews, while Peart himself was explaining his motives behind the whole thing. The rest of the Koffiehuis, meanwhile, was reacting very much how you'd expect they would.

Most of them were either shocked or cooing with happiness upon seeing the heartwarming and tearjerking moment. The only ones who were barely reacting, of course, were myself and Absent.

Which, of course, made sense, given that we had heard about and seen the scene plenty of times before.

I just smirked upon seeing their faces and turned to Absent.

"You think they recognize just how huge of a moment this was?" I asked, palpable sarcasm in my voice.

"Nope," responded Absent, with a knowing smirk.

I just giggled and turned to them, specifically Madelief, who was bouncing around and watching the moment with a huge smile on her face.

"That was AWESOME!" she cried happily. "Though... I still don't get why it was so surprising that he got out in front of the audience. I mean, musicians get out in front of the audience all the time!"

"I can name five bands where at least one member has performed in shadows or a mask," Absent said simply. "Fame and publicity are two separate things."

"Five bands?" Madelief gasped. "Is Rush one of them?"

"No," Absent conceded. "I mean, unless you count Peart, but that makes six."

"What are they?" Madelief asked.

"Daft Punk's one of them, I know that," I responded.

"Metallica's eclectic lighting means that each member has performed in shadows at least once," Absent recalled. "Tool has light shows, but they don't illuminate the band; Slipknot's members all wear masks, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's also got eclectic lighting, and backing instrumentalists don't get much publicity," Absent finished.

Madelief just blinked.

"Do you mean _electric_ lights?" she asked.

I giggled. Once again, this is why you don't shove Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness down Madelief's throat.

"Fair enough," Absent shrugged. "But no. Eclectic basically means indecisive."

"...Lights can be indecisive...?" asked Madelief.

"No, but they can be set to strobe, and when that happens, they flash randomly and rapidly and it's kind of hard to see, and this isn't even talking about when the lights get incredibly dim during their softer songs."

"_Ohhhhhhhhhhh_!" Madelief cried. "Okay, that makes sense."

She suddenly let out a gasp.

"Wait a minute," she cried. "YOU'VE BEEN TO CONCERTS?!"

"No, clips just exist online."

"Oh," said Madelief, sinking.

"I'm disappointed, too," Absent said with a hint of a chuckle.

I just grinned- only for me and the entire Koffiehuis to be interrupted from our _Time Stand Still _reverie by a shriek coming from the upper floor. Instantly, I looked around, startled, and poor HP practically jumped out of her seat.

"What the heck was that?" I cried, freaked out out of my wits.

The answer came nearly a second later, when a freaked-out Allé came rushing down the stairs- clearly terrified out of his wits. He instantly ran up to the TV and began to turn it off in a frantic mess.

"Turnitoffturnitoffturnitoff—!" he gasped. "Itshappeningitstheendoftheworldtheyfoundustheyrecomingtheyrecoming—"

"Allé?" I asked, confused. "What's going on?"

Allé instantly turned to us, took a few breaths, and then instantly went off on a rant.

"YouwontbelievewhatIjustsawIwasdoingmyusualcleaningoftheshipwhenallofasuddenIlookedoutsideandjusthappenedtonoticethisgiantblackshipsoaringintheskyalongwithtwoblackhelicopters— andIhaveaverybadfeelingthatwhoeveritisiscomingtokillus—"

He ran off.

I instantly froze in my tracks.

A giant black airship and two black helicopters?

"...oh, good _GOD,_" I muttered, realizing.

"What?" asked Absent.

"Vat is it...?" HP asked.

I turned straight to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Didn't you hear him?" I said. "He said he saw two black helicopters and a huge black airship in the sky. If anything, that can only mean one thing."

And at that moment, their eyes widened as they began to realize it, too.

"Aleph-Null..." muttered Absent.

I nodded. "They're back. And what's worse, they seem to have found us."

"How in the world were they able to find us?!" Madelief cried. "If we don't defeat them soon, the four of us are going to _die!_"

I suddenly found myself playing _Yonen wa Shinu _in my head and I was not able to stop.

"Four...?" HP asked.

"Yeah," said Madelief. "Me, you, LF and Yuunarii."

"Oh," said HP.

"Forget the four of you," I said, suddenly standing up from the couch after _finally_ managing to get Absent's written lyrics to Nine Inch Nails' "The Four of Us Are Dying" out of my head. "If we don't defeat these guys soon, we're _all_ going to die."

"Or worse," Absent added.

_About that..._

It was Koffie, and something about its voice- _her_ voice?- betrayed more fear than I had ever heard. Instantly, I knew something had to be terribly wrong- it seemed, based on Koffie's tone of voice, that Aleph-Null hadn't just come here with a vengeance.

"Koffie?" I asked, my voice trembling. "What's going on...?"

When Koffie's voice came through next, it was fearful as all get out.

_I've been using my cameras to get extremely up-close views of the inside of Aleph-Null's helicopter_, it said. _Case has something that looks like a small black and white compass in his hand._

"A... compass?" I asked.

"Probably just checking for direction," said Absent, shrugging.

_No. No, he isn't._

Okay, _now_ things were starting to get interesting.

_He's using it to transform his airship into a giant mecha that'll kill us all_, said Koffie.

And just like that, everyone on board the ship _freaked out_.

"WHAT?!" I gasped.

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE—!" Madelief screamed, running around the ship in desperation. "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE—!"

HP instantly began shaking and hid in a corner of the room.

Yuunarii did the same thing, and the bunnies immediately hid under a table, shaking like crazy.

LF just stared at the screen, her mouth agape in shock.

And Absent?

He was practically having a full-blown_ panic attack_.

"We're dead," he muttered under his breath. "_I'm_ dead. **_AGAIN_**."

"Absent?" I cried, starting to freak out. "Absent, don't say that. You survived the fall from the cruise ship and the first attack on Aleph-Null; you'll probably be fine. I doubt the mecha will actually kill us all."

In the midst of all the panic, Koffie suddenly giggled- and it wasn't like any other giggle it had done previously.

It was a giggle filled with pure and utter _menace._

_Oh, don't worry, _it said. _You're not going to die, because I know exactly what that thing is._

"You what?" I asked, the chaos instantly dying down.

_It's called a Mechinator, _said Koffie.

And then it dropped the ultimate bombshell that would change our lives forever.

_And I have six especially for you._

Well, you can guess exactly how we reacted to that:

** _"WHAT?!"_ **

——————————————————————————

** _PURISTS' POV- 3P_ **

"Sir, I'm sorry! I promise I won't throw any more wrenches into your plans!"

Johnathon Case simply stared down at his incompetent lackey, frowning. The last time he and Mancia had been on a mission of theirs, it was in Folsom, and there Mancia had been hesitant to burn down both Cypress and Aspen Hall.

But that wasn't the thing that had brought Mancia to his superior's office today.

Oh, no.

It was something entirely different.

Given the order to kill Corbin West's family, Mancia had instead chosen- purposefully, for that matter- to switch out Case's gun with that of the so-called "Shotgun," which, rather than killing West's family, instead turned them all into _Pokémon_.

It was an absolutely annoying act of insubordination, and naturally Case had to deal with it as quickly as he possibly could.

"You're too much of a liability sometimes, Mancia," muttered Case, shaking his head. "What happened in Folsom proved it."

"B-but... sir-" Mancia began, about to burst out into tears at the slightest moment- only to be suddenly stopped by his superior raising a hand to silence him.

"I've decided to demote you," he said, coldly. "One more slip like that, and it'll be your job."

"Thank you, sir!" Mancia said fervently before he walked out of the room as fast as he could while still looking sophisticated.

Or, at the very least, _trying_ to. Ever since Mancia had joined the ranks of Aleph-Null Case had noticed that his lackey... wasn't the most sophisticated of men, to say the least.

Case leaned back in his chair and sighed in minor frustration. "Gonna need another lackey," he mused as he opened up a drawer behind his desk. "Preferably a vice officer- that had been Mancia's job, anyways..."

He opened up a manilla folder full of applications. Some were visibly more dated than others, Case throwing the months-old applications away as he looked for the freshest meat to add to the workforce.

One applicant stuck out to him. He looked over the resume, pleased with what he had seen. A background in technology- no doubt perfect for the Aleph-Null Task Force's newest Mechinator project- a can-do attitude, and an evident history for blindly following orders.

Case smirked, gazing down at the Mechinator in his hand.

Perfect.

He grabbed the phone on his desk and dialed the number at the top, hearing the phone ring as it attempted to connect to the applicant's phone. Instantly, he heard a woman's voice coming from the other end of the line.

"_Hello, you've reached Terry Williamson. I'm sorry, but I'm unable to reach the phone right now. Leave a message, thank you_."

_Beeeep._

"Hello, Ms. Williamson, this is Johnathan Case from the Aleph-Null Task Force Publications. We've received your resume and are pleased with what we have seen. Please get back to me at your earliest convenience so that we may arrange an interview."

_Click._

"Mancia!"

Instantly, Case's lackey reentered the room.

"Yes, sir?"

Case looked at him and smirked.

"We got her."

Mancia blinked at his superior in confusion.

"Her?" he asked. "Who's... _her?_"

Another smirk, moments before Case said the news in the most chilling voice he could possibly muster:

"Your new vice officer, of course."

———————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Okay.

_WHAT?!_

For a few moments as Koffie docked in Wereldia- we'd been traveling there for a bit- my mind was still unable to comprehend what I had just heard. Apparently, not only did Case have a mysterious compass- this Mechinator- that was able to transform his airship into a giant mecha, but Koffie had _six _Mechinators, specifically for us.

I looked over at Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis, and it was very clear that they all had the same exact questions.

Namely:

1) How did Koffie manage to get six Mechinators?  
2) How did Koffie know how the Mechinators work?  
And 3) What the heck would happen when we used them?

If Case's Mechinator was anything to go by, then likely using one would turn Koffie into a mecha- which, if I'm being completely honest, sounded AWESOME. I'd been longing for years to use something besides Pokémon moves to fight Aleph-Null, and this was the absolute perfect chance to try out a different strategy.

Regardless, though, the fact that Koffie actually had Mechinators on board its deck was stunning to hear.

After a moment or two, I was finally able to regain my ability to speak.

"Koffie," I gasped, "how long did you know about these Mechinators?!"

_Since this morning, _Koffie said. _While you were sleeping, I got a visit from the giant teal-and-black Talonflame._

"Sierra?" Absent asked.

"She was here while we were sleeping?" I cried. "That's strange, I don't remember hearing her crash through the doors while I was sleeping. Nor do I remember hearing her voice."

_Simple, _said Koffie. _That's because you can't hear a fully telepathical conversation. Anyways, Sierra came to me while you were all asleep. She said that she'd been watching Aleph-Null ever since the attack on Folsom Lake College, and she noticed that their technology division had created a Mechinator to turn their ship into a giant mecha. Upon seeing that, she gave me six Mechinators, each one with different colors and symbols so as to identify who's who._

I blinked.

Now all of a sudden, I wanted to actually _see _these things.

"Where are they?" I asked.

Koffie giggled.

_Right here, of course!_

I blinked, and looked around for any signs of anything that even remotely resembled a mechanical compass.

"Right here...?" I muttered. "What do you-"

And in an instant, I found out exactly what Koffie was talking about.

One of Koffie's drawers suddenly opened all by itself, causing everyone to jump back in surprise before eventually regaining control. After the initial shock wore off I peeked inside Koffie's drawer. Sure enough, inside were six unusual compass-like objects that appeared to be capable of opening.

One of them was black, with a yellow Brontosaurus emblazoned on the front of it.

Another was teal, with a black falcon emblazoned on the front of it.

The other four I couldn't really see clearly, at least not at first glance, but just by looking at the first two I could tell instantly who they belonged to: myself and Absent.

Absent's Mechinator was obvious. Teal and black were the colors of Folsom Lake College and the falcon was its mascot. You should probably already know this, but if you want to know how I knew that the black and yellow compass with the dinosaur on it was my Mechinator... well, then allow me to go on another tangent.

I don't live in Pittsburgh, but if you were to ask me who my favorite football team in the NFL is, I would without a shadow of a doubt tell you it is the Pittsburgh Steelers. I've watched all of their games, and have even been to a few- in fact you can say that I have been to Heinz Field so many times it's become my second home. I've met many former players, as well as a few current ones, and for pretty much my entire life, the black and gold have always been a great team.

Remember the Immaculate Reception?

That epic play that changed the Pittsburgh Steelers from the worst team in the NFL to one of the best?

Yeah, the only reason I know about it is because I've been such a huge Steelers fan for so long.

So that explains the black and gold... but the dinosaur?

Well, that's another story entirely.

Growing up as a kid, I loved dinosaurs. I still love dinosaurs. They're my favorite extinct animals, and every time a new show about dinosaurs pops up, it always catches my interest.

_Especially _talking dinosaurs.

Good god, I LOVE talking dinosaur shows.

Not all of them, but definitely the vast majority of them.

I wasn't exactly sure why the dinosaur on the Mechinator was a Brontosaurus- my two favorite dinosaurs are the Triceratops (which is adorable) and the Velociraptor (which is THE CUTEST DINOSAUR IN THE FLIPPING UNIVERSE AND NO I AM NOT EVEN JOKING I LOVE THAT THING AND WANT TO HUG IT)- but I figured it had something to do with the mecha that Koffie was going to turn into.

Eventually, I watched as six robotic arms came from Koffie's side deck and took out the Mechinators before handing them to their rightful owners. As I predicted, I got the black and gold one with the dinosaur on it and Absent got the teal and black one with the falcon on it.

That was obvious.

Eventually I managed to get a look at everyone else's Mechinators, and after a bit of thought, their colors and symbols seemed obvious to me, too.

Madelief's Mechinator was mostly pink, with a black daisy on the front of it. The pink was obvious- Madelief was a very happy person- as was the daisy- "madelief" in Dutch _means _"daisy," and I'm not even joking.

Seriously, look it up.

The black initially confused me for a few moments until I remembered that Madelief was into emo and rock music and bands such as Panic! at the Disco and My Chemical Romance. The color most typically associated with those kinds of bands?

You guessed it- black.

HP's Mechinator was mostly blue with an orange butterfly on the front of it. The blue and orange, respectively, represented the colors of the portals in the _Portal_ series, which HP freaking _LOVES AND ADORES WITH A PASSION._

The butterfly, of course, represented two things that were just as obvious. First and foremost, it represented her species, a Butterfree, and second, it represented her love for Nimja Hypnosis- if not hypnosis in general.

See, Nimja has two logos. The one he mainly uses for his hypnosis channel and his hypnosis site is a simplistic metronome that you've probably seen A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE if you have read _Play the Game_. The other logo- the one he uses for creative and non-hypnosis purposes- is the butterfly logo, which you'll probably recognize from it being in the background of the first drawing of the first chapter of _Play the Game._

Seriously, the drawings for _Play the Game _were awesome.

LF's Mechinator was orange and white with a picture of a fox in the center- that much was obvious.

Finally, there was Yuunarii's Mechinator. Her symbol was a bunny- that much was also obvious- but her colors were brown and gray. Now, you're probably thinking that this is a subtle jab at Yuunarii herself and that Koffie is saying that compared to the rest of the Koffiehuis, Yuunarii happens to be the most "dull" because she doesn't talk much.

First of all, Koffie wouldn't think that, and second of all, if you've seen her YouTube channel, I will say this: Yuunarii is not dull at all. Far from it. If she was, then I would not be subscribed to her YouTube channel.

More importantly, if she was dull, she wouldn't even be a member of the Koffiehuis.

I knew why her colors were brown and grey the moment I saw them, and that's because they were the colors that Bailey and Fudge, respectively, had been before they were turned into Pokémon (and before Bailey had been revived from the dead). So please feel free to think more about your opinion of Yuunarii if you honestly think that she is still a dull person.

Anyways.

For a few moments after I got my Mechinator, all I did was stare at it in pure, unbridled shock and disbelief. I could still hardly believe that I was actually looking at a device that was going to help me defeat Aleph-Null's giant mecha ship and hopefully help push them back. Using my vine, I gingerly opened up the Mechinator and instantly noticed three things.

The first was the clock face. The face of the Mechinator looked more or less like any other standard compass face except for the fact that one of the directions was bolded.

For me, that direction was East.

To me, that made sense- I was always looking forward to whatever was to come for me in the future.

I took a peek at everyone else's Mechinators and noticed that they all had a certain compass direction bolded, too: Madelief had North, LF East, Yuunarii and HP both had South, and Absent? 

Come on.

You _ALL _know what compass direction he had bolded.

Obvious puns are obvious.

The second thing I noticed was the dial surrounding the clock face. Mine was golden, naturally, and everyone else had dials in their respective secondary color.

The third thing I noticed, though, was the pin.

I had pulled it up from the center, and before you ask, it didn't look like your standard, everyday pin. The pin of the Mechinator was round, and the center of it had a small magnifying glass that I could see through in order to see all the finer details of the device. Looking through mine I happened to notice that in the center of the face was a tiny drawing of a ship.

But not just any ship.

It was the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _itself.

I immediately felt all my breath leave me looking at this device- I could barely wait to see how the heck it would be used.

And more importantly, I could barely wait to see the mecha itself.

Or, rather, _mechas_.

Eventually, though, Koffie's voice broke through, breaking me out of my reverie.

_Well? _it asked. _What do you think?_

I grinned.

"This thing is _amazing..._!" I muttered. "I can barely wait to find out how this is used!"

"Neither can I~!" Madelief squealed. "I want to see your mecha form right away!"

Absent just blinked, staring at and fiddling around with the Mechinator, trying to figure out how the heck it worked.

"Yeah, does this thing have a system or something?" he asked.

Then- after a pause:

"Also, the fact that West is my bolded compass direction is such an obvious pun that it's not even funny."

Koffie giggled.

_Well, I think it's funny! _it said. _And don't worry, Absent. There is, in fact, a method you need to follow in order to have me activate one of my six Mecha forms... which truth be told, I've obviously never accessed before, so this'll be a whole new experience for me!_

A method?

Well, I definitely liked the sound of that.

"Cool," said Absent. "What is it?"

_I'll tell you once you exit the ship~! _Koffie sang cheerfully, the doors to the ship opening in front of us.

I blinked.

"Why do we have to exit the ship?" I asked.

_It's the only way you can see my mecha form._

"Oh," I muttered, looking down and practically slapping myself in the face for not having thought of that before.

With that, the six of us exited the ship, carrying our Mechinators with us still open. By the time we were on Wereldian land, I turned to Koffie, followed closely by the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Okay," I said. "So... what do we need to do?"

_Well, the first thing you do is open the Mechinator, _said Koffie, _but you guys already have your Mechinators open, so we don't have to worry about that. The second step you guys haven't done. You see the dial?_

"Yeah," I said, looking down at it.

"How could we miss it?" Absent added.

_Take that dial and twist it counterclockwise three times._

"Wait... do we all have to do this now?" said Absent.

_No! _said Koffie, giggling. _I'll give you time to practice on your own later. For now I'll just let oghond activate her mech form on her own._

"Oh, okay," I said.

Everyone instantly stepped back to give me some space- which, as you'll soon find out, was much needed.

_Alright, oghond, _said Koffie. _Now take the dial and twist it counterclockwise three times._

Oh, god.

Oh, good god.

My mind was suddenly in a panic. I took the dial in my vine and began to move it to the right, then the left, then the right, then the left...

"Uh..."

I reached over with a vine and tapped Absent on the shoulder, who turned instantly.

"Absent?" I asked.

"'Sup?" he responded.

I pulled him close to my ear and asked the one question that I had been embarrassed to ask anybody for the past 20 years of my life:

"Which way is clockwise and which way is counterclockwise?"

Yeah.

That's right.

It's been 20 years and I _still _cannot tell the difference between clockwise and counterclockwise.

Or, at the very least, I couldn't until Absent showed me the difference.

He blinked and gave me a deadpan look.

"You really can't tell the difference?" he said.

"I know, I'm dumb," I moaned, Picarding with my vines.

"No, you're not," said Absent, smiling. "Here, give me your Mechinator."

I did.

"Now watch me."

He turned the dial to the right and spun it all the way around to the top.

"That's clockwise."

He turned the dial to the left and spun it all the way around to the top.

"That's counterclockwise. Get it?"

I took the Mechinator back.

"So," I said, turning the dial to the left, "that's clockwise and-"

"No, no, no, no, no..." Absent muttered, Picarding. "That's _counter_clockwise."

"But I thought the other way was..."

"No, that's clockwise."

"I'm confused."

"Evidently," muttered Absent. "Here. Turn it so that it faces you, first of all."

I did.

"Good," said Absent. "Now put your vine at the top of the dial."

I did.

"Now turn it to the left. _Your _left, not _my_ left."

I did.

"That's counterclockwise. Now turn it all the way back to the top."

I did, slowly.

"Good," said Absent.

I blinked.

"Wait, so counterclockwise is...?"

"From the top to _your _left," said Absent, finishing. "And clockwise is from the top to _your _right. I'm pretty sure the whole reason you got confused for a second was because you saw _my _left and _my _right."

That was the first day in my life that I understood the meaning of the words clockwise and counterclockwise.

I haven't looked back since.

"_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_..." I said.

"Yeah," said Absent. "Now do it two more times."

He stepped away.

"Thanks, Absent~!" I called.

"No problem!"

I looked back towards my Mechinator, before taking the dial in my vine and turning it two more times to the left counterclockwise.

Instantly, I noticed the center of the face of the compass suddenly glow in a brilliant bright blue light.

Koffie instantly lit up.

_Good! _Koffie cheered. _Now for the third step. See that pin?_

"Yeah," I said.

_Slam it down, _said Koffie.

I blinked.

"Slam it?" I asked. "Why exactly do we need to _slam_ it?"

_For dramatic effect, of course! _Koffie giggled. _And also so that the light coalesces quickly enough._

"Oh," I said. "Okay."

For the record, if you happen to be a foreigner reading this who doesn't know what the word _coalesce _means, allow me to redirect you to the most famous band in all of musical history in order to give you its definition. See, I described it to Madelief as "fusion," but I believe the better definition would have been:

🎵_...RIGHT NOW!_🎵  
🎵_OVER ME!_🎵

Excluding that part, of course. Dang it, Beatles, there are just some songs of yours that I absolutely LOVE, and "Come Together" is one of them.

Even if John Lennon predicted his own death in it.

Nope, I'm not joking. That sound you hear at the beginning? That's John Lennon saying "_Shoot me._"

Now you can't _unhear_ it.

Anyways, I promptly pulled my vine back and slammed the pin of my Mechinator down into the center as hard as I could.

_CLICK._

HP instantly jumped- as did I when I saw what happened next.

In an instant, I found myself being forced to drop my Mechinator as a giant burst of blue light erupted from its center. For a few moments or so, I was barely able to breathe as I stared up at the beaming blue light, which did not seem to be stopping.

Eventually, though, I managed to find my voice.

"Good... _god..._" I muttered.

_It's fine! _Koffie cried. _Just go up to the Mechinator, pick it up with your right vine, and aim it at me!_

Gingerly- and still a bit nervous- I did exactly that, going up to the Mechinator and picking it up in my right wing. I took a few steps back, then aimed it at Koffie, who in an instant was covered by a bright bluish-green light that surrounded it.

Instantly, it let out a scream.

"K-Koffie!" I cried. "Are you okay?!"

_Yes, I'm fine! _Koffie responded. _That was just my classic anime power-up scream! Now... SHOOT ME!_

*_cue the Come Together riff_*

"WHAT?!" I gasped.

_Straighten out your vine while you're still holding the Mechinator! _Koffie clarified.

"Oh!" I cried. "Okay!"

Instantly, I did so, and all of a sudden the light surrounding Koffie grew brighter. In fact it grew so bright that, for a moment or two, I was unable to look. By the time I finally was able to look straight ahead at Koffie?

Well, let's just say it's a good thing I did; otherwise I would have missed out on one of the most awesome sights I have ever had the pleasure of seeing in my life.

_Alright, oghond! _Koffie cried. _Now repeat after me: HET KOFSCHIP- MECH VERANDERD!_

I blinked.

"Shouldn't it be Mech Verandering?" I asked.

_Sierra gave me these instructions; she thinks "Mech Veranderd" sounds better, _Koffie explained. _I know it's technically not proper Dutch grammar, but you're going to have to stick with it. Now, you ready?_

Oh, boy, was I ever!

"Yep!" I cried.

_Alright, GO!_

"**_HET KOFSCHIP- MECH VERANDERD!_**"

And at that moment, I heard a very familiar pattern of beeps playing out from my Mechinator:

_._ _  
_._ _  
_ _ ..

I felt like screaming the minute I heard it.

It was _YYZ!_

In Morse Code!

Rush's most famous instrumental was going to play from my Mechinator! I could not have been happier!

Unfortunately, though, I didn't have time to scream- largely because it was _Koffie _who was the one screaming.

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH—!_ **

The beam of blue light fizzled out from my Mechinator, and I immediately stepped back in shock as the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _began to transform.

For starters, Koffie's body did exactly what it had done when Koffie had simply transformed without the Mechinator- it broke into dozens of little pieces. Koffie's main body- the white deck of the ship, broke apart, revealing the bright blue lower deck underneath as before our eyes, all of Koffie's white deck parts- and presumably, the entire main deck of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_\- disappeared into the floor, the pieces melting and then dissolving entirely. For at least half a second I was scared out of my mind, wondering how the heck the Vandertramps were faring during all of this. Especially considering the fact that Allé had been in the blue lower deck!

Regardless, what didn't dissolve into the ground was Koffie's golden seat and its engine. They stayed intact, and in an instant the engine migrated to the front of the blue deck, instantly closing up the belly. The four white circular prongs on Koffie's neck flew off and, one by one, attached themselves to the middle of the engine on Koffie's belly as the silver opening piece of the engine flew off, migrating up towards Koffie's head. Koffie's mouthpiece, meanwhile, flew off of Koffie's head, quickly being replaced by the silver part of the engine.

Koffie's "trunk" flew off its mouthpiece, while its neck split, certain pieces that had connected the neck to the head flying off and reattaching themselves to Koffie's torso to become arms. For the most part, the tail stayed the same, except it twisted itself so that it was facing out at a right angle.

Like the tail of a _T. Rex._

Meanwhile, the silver part of Koffie's engine became Koffie's new mouthpiece- or should I say, its new _head armor_. Almost instantaneously, the silver cube opened up, spinning around in midair for a few moments before coming back down on top of Koffie's head and wrapping itself nicely around it, while still leaving some room for something to attach to the end of the head to form a snout.

That something was the golden seat, which instantly moved its way up to Koffie's new head, forming the first half of the snout of the giant T. Rex that was slowly taking shape. The seat piece then duplicated, the second piece flipping upside down to form the _other _half of the T. Rex's set of teeth. By this point, Koffie looked less like a ship and more like a giant silver, gold and blue T. Rex with a laser beam coming from its belly.

And it was absolutely freaking _awesome._

But Koffie _still _wasn't done. As we continued to watch, Koffie let out yet another scream, throwing its arms in the air and letting its trunk just hang in midair. The minute Koffie brought its arms down, two giant claws materialized out of absolutely nowhere- and when I say giant, I mean _giant_. They pretty much looked like dinosaur cat paws, with three claws each- one of which was made from Koffie's former trunk.

Eventually, once the claws had materialized, Koffie's legs did, too. Koffie's body rose up into the air, and large T-Rex like legs instantly began to build themselves into being- literally. The feet were also tipped with three sharp claws that looked exactly like Koffie's former "trunk."

And from there, the final transformation occurred. Koffie's derpy eyes instantly flipped over to the back of its head, being replaced with cold, green eyes that looked sharp and fierce, and could instantly cut you with a knife. Giant sheets of golden metal instantly materialized out of thin air, clipping themselves into Koffie's tail, arms, legs, body and head in order to fully complete the "mecha" look.

By the time it was all said and done, Koffie let out one final scream as the blueish-green light around it exploded off of it in a burst.

The entire Koffiehuis was shocked by the sight that was in front of them, but it should go without saying that absolutely none of them were as shocked as me.

It had seemed like forever- and I'm almost certain that _reading _the transformation sequence seen above seemed like forever to you- but in actuality the sequence had only taken a matter of seconds, and the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _was no longer a thing.

Koffie had transformed into an epic golden dinosaur mecha resembling a huge _T. Rex_. Its head armor was plated with gold; it had huge, almost paw-like hands with three giant claws each and massive armor covering either side of its hands. None of that, of course, was as stunning as the fact that Koffie's former engine was now a _laser beam _shooter- and also, apparently, a lightning rod. As the blue-green light faded away from Koffie's body, the new dino mecha opened its mouth, which was filled with golden teeth, and let out an epic roar towards the heavens, shooting a laser beam towards the sky from the shooter on its belly. Lightning bolts appeared in the sky, and poor HP was so startled she instantly flew away to hide.

Though I still don't know if she was necessarily scared of the thunder and lightning so much as she was scared of the fact that standing in front of us, looking down at the Koffiehuis with glowing green eyes, was none other than...

** _HET-KOFSCHIP! MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _ MECH EEN! _ **

At this point, part of me was still wondering why exactly the symbol on my Mechinator was that of a Brontosaurus when clearly looking at this thing it should have been a _T. Rex_.

But at that moment, I didn't care in the least about any form of inconsistencies.

_I WAS LOOKING AT A FLIPPING DINOSAUR MECHA!_

This was, without a doubt, the most awesome thing I had ever seen in my life!

It was so awesome, in fact, that simply looking at the thing left me at a near loss for words. I mean, I understood this was all basically just practice and that we weren't actually up against Aleph-Null yet, but _holy crap was this awesome!_

By the time I _finally _managed to find my voice again, I had only one thing to say in response to Koffie Mech Een:

"_Holy... crap..._"

Koffie let out a roar, and I couldn't help but instantly burst into delighted laughter. Happily, I turned straight to the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of whom were looking up at Koffie with a mixture of shock and delight.

"Oh my—!" Madelief gushed. "That is amazing!"

"I have never seen anything like this before," muttered LF, at a loss for words.

"Koftje... looks... AMAZING!" Bailey exclaimed, shaking a shocked Fudge in excitement. "Fudge... are you not seeing this?! It's a giant dinosaur mecha! _It's a giant dinosaur mecha—!_"

Poor HP, meanwhile, was hiding behind LF, too terrified to even look at the giant dinosaur mecha that was in front of her.

"It's going to eat me..." she squeaked out. "I-it's going to eat me...!"

Koffie giggled— and the minute it did, I could instantly tell that despite her fearsome appearance, this was the same cute, adorkable Koffie that we had all come to know and love.

_Oh, come on, HP... _it said with a laugh. _It's just me! It's Koffie! I'm not going to eat you!_

"Are you sure...?" HP muttered, trembling.

"Believe me, if Koffie was going to eat you, she'd know she was going to eat you," said Absent, smirking playfully. "Now c'mon."

"O...okay..." HP muttered.

She flew out from behind LF, her wings shaking. For a few moments, I almost wanted to say something, until HP suddenly stopped in her tracks.

"Wait," she suddenly asked. "_She...?_"

"It's maritime tradition," I explained. "You're supposed to use female pronouns with ships for some reason- I still don't know exactly why people do this, considering a ship is an inanimate object."

Says the Bulbasaur who talks to and interacts with inanimate objects _ALL THE DANG TIME._

"Regardless," I said, "Absent calls Koffie 'she', and I don't. And I'm pretty sure Koffie is perfectly fine with that."

_I sure am! _Koffie exclaimed.

I giggled, still trying to process the fact that even though it was a large, golden dinosaur mecha now, Koffie's voice hadn't changed a bit.

_But regardless- I'VE BEEN MECHINATED—! This is the most incredible thing I've ever seen in my entire life! I'm a giant dinosaur mecha, and it's all thanks to you—!_

I couldn't help but start smiling like a lunatic, realizing that I had done this.

"Thanks, Koffie," I said, smiling.

_No- thank _you!

I grinned.

"So... what about us?" Madelief suddenly broke in. "This whole _Het Kofschip- Mech Veranderd _thing is really cool, but..."

_Oh, you guys can just practice on me with your Mechinators, _said Koffie. _Sierra told me I can change from mech form to mech form. If you want to put me back to my original form, though..._

"That makes more sense," said Absent.

_Well, then, there's a return keyword for that, _said Koffie. _I'll tell you what it is later- or you can find it out for yourself. For now, though..._

It promptly muttered something in Dutch under its breath, and in an instant, the pieces of golden metal flew off of Koffie to reveal the dino skeleton underneath. Then, in an instant, all the pieces rearranged themselves back into Koffie's original ship form, with some pieces flying up from the ground and others melting into the ground and dissolving.

Before our eyes, and in a matter of seconds, Koffie was back in its ship form.

Everyone, myself included, breathed an instant sigh of relief. As epic as Mech Een was, it was nice to have the regular _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _back.

_Okay, you can go and practice, _said Koffie.

With that, the rest of the Koffiehuis excitedly went off to do exactly that, holding their Mechinators.

I, meanwhile, decided to stay with Koffie- after all, I'd already activated Mech Een, and I wanted to see the transformations of all the other Mech forms for myself.

Well, Koffie and I were most certainly in luck- because in the timespan of a few minutes, I didn't just get to see one Mech form.

I got to see _four._

_—————————————————————————_

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Balancing my Mechinator on my paw, my gaze shifted between it and Koffie Een, as I'm gonna start calling that form. I was a little nervous about activating it, because Arceus knows what I was gonna get. I elected to distract myself from thinking about that by looking at my Mechinator in more detail.

Regardless of who had worked on it, the craftsmanship was impressive. Stainless steel, embossed design of a falcon, interesting color palette. If I hadn't known Sierra designed it like that in a semi-self-congratulatory manner, I would almost say it was made for me.

The pit in my stomach wasn't dying down any quicker, though - it seemed to be getting deeper. Powering through my protesting stomach, I quickly ran my paw along the edge counterclockwise three times and watched the light build up from it as I held it over my head as best I could before pointing it at Koffie like I was one of those kids who could summon Captain Planet.

With my other paw I slammed down the pin, and then I hollered as loud as I could to power through the butterflies.

"**_HET KOFSCHIP- MECH VERANDERD_**!"

**_HET KOFSCHIP- MECH VERANDERD_**! Koffie responded as she became enveloped in a bright flash, but rather than oghond's YYZ, I heard a different rhythm come from her rapidly shifting parts. A steady, albeit fast pounding of parts on parts along with the occasional sound of something whirring as her parts shifted to form my mech.

I recognized the rhythm - Ahead of Ourselves.

But, before I could start singing to the instrumental, Koffie exploded into pieces with a shrill shriek that also brought the song to a halt, leaving me to watch as her many pieces reassembled themselves into a series of different parts, with some of them even forming out of mid-air in a similar way to oghond's.

As the parts assembled themselves before they formed a coherent whole, I noticed that what was being formed more resembled a rather generic mecha, albeit with a Lapras aesthetic. The breastplate, however, did have a sort of avian design to it, including a pair of folded-up teal wings with black "feathers" on the back that I could tell were concealed rocket thrusters. And then, of course, there were the giant steel plates that came down from the sky and wrapped themselves around Koffie's head and body.

To say nothing of all the artillery that I could discern dotting the limbs. Macross Missile Massacre, alright!

The pieces finally finished assembling themselves, the cockpit screwing into the body of the mech as opposed to simply attaching, which confused me a little and also seemed to make Koffie a little dizzy, evidenced by her announcing **_MECH DRIE_**! with a bit of a lurch to her voice, as though the room was giving out from under her, but she quickly reconstituted.

"Hm. Neat," I observed simply. "Can't wait to see all the odds n' ends. Alright, who's next?"

Before I was able to find out the answer, though, I suddenly heard a squeal of delight coming from Koffie Drie. The instant I looked up, I saw Koffie happily staring at her new hands with delight, and playing with them as though they were some sort of toy.

_I HAVE HANDS_! she gushed. _I HAVE HANDS——!! You have no idea how long I've wanted to have these things! This is the greatest day of my entire life—!_

I facepalmed.

_Aaaaaaaaaand... my new mech form is giving you a headache, isn't it_? Koffie muttered. _Sorry! I'll just change back into the ship form for you..._

She did, which if I'm being honest was a bit of a relief. Not that I _didn't_ like Koffie Drie, I just didn't want to see her for _too_ long. The rest of the Koffiehuis still had to prepare their Mechas, after all.

And, within seconds, one of them did.

Well... maybe not without a bit of help.

————————————————————————

** _MADELIEF's POV_ **

HOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~~!

...Wait, is this my first time narrating?

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME NARRATING!

I'M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

*squeeeeeeeeeeee*

...Oh, sorry about that, guys. I get really excited a lot. Probably because of my ADHD- oh wait, no, DEFINITELY because of my ADHD.

Anyways, I'm Madelief, but you already knew that- you've read the past- wait, how many chapters has it been?

...Six?

This is the seventh chapter?

Wow! It feels like the twentieth chapter! These chapters go on forever!

Anyways, you've read the past six chapters, so you should already know who I am. And if you do know who I am...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~!

That's awesome!

Maybe we can be friends one day?

I love making friends! I have tons of friends! You already know about the Koffiehuis, of course, but I have plenty of other friends in the Netherlands. There was this one time where I surprised one of my online friends- it wasn't oghond, this one was Dutch- and she had no idea I was coming!

It was a HUGE surprise!

She saw me and FREAKED OUT! I-

...Wait, what?

...Absent, what's a "tanjent"?

...

...

...Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—!

Sorry, guys! Absent says that I'm going on something called a tanjent... apparently it's when you keep talking on and on about something that has nothing to do with what you were supposed to be talking about.

Yeah, I do that a lot... 😂

He says he wants me to stop going on a tanjent and get back on track.

That's weird. I've never had track...

...what?

...Ohhh, okay! You want me to go back to what I was supposed to be talking about is what you're saying.

Wait, what was I supposed to be talking about?

...Oh, right! Koffie!

Yeah, you should have seen the look on my face when I first used the Mechanator on Koffie!

So... anyways... how the heck do I begin?

Oh! Right!

So, anyways, I had just seen Absent use his Mechanator to turn Koffie into this huge giant robot thingy that was like 25 feet tall. It was seriously AWESOME—! It had something weird on its belly, though... and I think it might have had wings...

But still, Mech Drie looked AWESOME!

Koffie was back to being a ship now, so I thought about it and decided to use my Mechanator. It was already open, so that was good.

Now I just had to turn it three times... counterclockwise...?

Wait, which way was that?

"Absent~!" I called.

He turned to look at me.

"Which way is counterclockwise again?" I asked. "I forget..."

Absent looked at me with this really weird look that I don't really know how to describe in English...

...Wait, _this _is that long "condisending" word?

...OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!

Okay, never mind.

So... anyways.

"Did you seriously not hear me talking to oghond?" he asked.

"I'm sorryyyyyyyy—!" I replied, giggling. "You know I have ADHD~! I may have been too focused on my Mechanator to pay attention..."

Absent shrugged. "Yeah, that's fair."

"Soooooooo... what's the difference?" I asked.

He sighed. "Clockwise is from the top to the right; counterclockwise is from the top to the left. _Your _left."

Well, that made sense!

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh-!" I said. "Okay, thanks!"

"You're welcome," said Absent, walking away.

When he was gone I looked back at my Mechanator. The good news was- now I knew what counterclockwise meant.

But...

I had no fingers to turn the dial with.

They were too short to reach the dial...

Oh!

Wait a minute!

I could just use the leaf on top of my head to spin the dial around!

Yeah! That was long enough!

So I did.

I took one of the leaves on my head and used it to spin the dial three times counterclockwise.

And when I did... what happened next was AWESOME—!

Seriously, it was probably one of the most awesome things that had happened to me on that day!

Before my eyes- a blue ball of light appeared on the Mechanator!

And the best part?

I had seen both Mech Een and Mech Drie, so I knew exactly what would happen next, and I knew that it was going to be INCREDIBLE—!

I took my leaf and slammed down the pin of the Mechanator, then aimed it at Koffie... and Koffie started screaming.

That was weird- why was Koffie screaming?

It had screamed the last two times that Absent and oghond had used their Mechanators.

So... did it not like being turned into a mecha?

No... it liked it.

Or... did it?

I was confused...

But I could barely wait to see what my Mecha looked like, so I just decided to not think about the fact that Koffie was screaming.

What I did do, though, was hold up my Mechanator and scream out...

You already know, don't you? 😊

"_Het-kofschip... Mech Veranderd~!_"

Mech Veranderd...?

Wait a minute. If it's supposed to be "mech change," then it shouldn't be "mech veranderd"!

It _should _be "mech verandering"!

Silly Sierra!

Ooh! I know! Maybe I could teach her some Dutch the next time we meet so that she doesn't mess up!

That would be a great idea!

...

...Oh. Sorry.

Absent just told me I'm going on a tanjent again.

Hihi!

I might as well get on with the really cool part...

** _THE TRANSFORMATION!_ **

** _DUN-DUN- DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!_ **

Prepare yourself for awesomeness!

Okay, so after I said those words, Koffie let out another scream again and then- this is the cool part- it broke into a thousand tiny little pieces. At first I didn't know why Koffie would break itself up, but then I looked up at it and saw what was happening.

And let me tell you- it was amazing!

So... you know Koffie's giant white and blue dock thingy?

It was basically the only thing that stayed. All the rest of Koffie's body just floated in the air- and then everything sunk underground.

I had no idea why this was happening...

Koffie's eyes stayed though, which was a good thing, because I thought that Koffie's eyes looked really cute.

Because they _are _really cute!

So... yeah, they clicked on to the center of Koffie's body, and then...

And then...

What happened after that?

...

Oh, right!

Then Koffie's huge giant tail went up to the top of its head and then another one suddenly appeared.

Another tail, I mean.

Not another head.

That would be silly!

Anyways... after that some other stuff happened that I can't really remember, but I'm pretty sure that Koffie grew arms and legs and a cute curly tail out of nowhere.

Oh!

And then after that giant sheets of pink metal came down from the sky and covered Koffie!

That was absolutely flipping awesome!

...Okay, I think I might have been thinking about a bunch of other stuff during the transformation...

Sorry...

Still, though, at least I got to see the end of it all, which was the part with the giant metal sheets. Seriously, I loved that part more than any other part in the transformation sequence.

And then there was the mecha itself...

AND IT WAS THE CUTEST THING I HAD EVER SEEN!

It basically looked like this giant pink rabbit-cat thingy with a pig tail and these adorable huge eyes and it was CUTE AS HECK!

I can show you a picture of what it looked like if you want me to...

Oh!

Here it is!

  
  
It's so adorable!

I WANT TO KEEP ONE OF THESE THINGS FOREVERRRRRRRRRR~~

I WANT ONE-

...Huh?

...

...Wait, WHAT?!

That's a real Pokémon?!

Oh my—! That's so cool! What is it? Hang on a second, let me look it up...

...

...A... Wigglytuff?

Wait a second, I forgot that the pig tail was on its face!

Good thing I got a picture then!

...Wait, this is the Balloon Pokemon? It doesn't look like a balloon...

...Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Okay! It's called the Balloon Pokemon because it blows up like a balloon! That's weird, because I don't remember my mecha ever blowing up like a balloon...

Probably because it's made of metal.

Anyways... at the end of it all the blue light that had come out of the Mechanator exploded off of Koffie's body, and standing there in front of me was a giant Wigglytuff made out of metal!

IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE—!

It was definitely a lot cuter than Mech Een or Mech Drie...

Wait...

Mech Drie?

_Where's Mech Twee? _I thought. _Because I thought that Absent was going to be Mech Twee, because he was the second one to use his Mechanator, so if he's not Mech Twee then it's probably HP or LF or-_

** _HET-KOFSCHIP! MECH VERANDERD!_ **

_Mech Twee~~!_

Oh.

OH.

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD—!

I WAS MECH TWEE!

THIS WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAD NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY IN ALL MY LIFE—!!!!!

As soon as I saw Mech Twee, I began bouncing around in happiness, running over to Absent and oghond. Both of them had seen everything, and...

...Well, let's just say that they were as happy as I was!

AND WHY WOULDN'T THEY BE?! 🤩

"I DID IT~!" I screamed out, jumping around and hugging oghond and Absent. "I GOT MECH TWEE! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE—!"

I don't know if Absent and oghond were scared because I hugged them so tight, but... I didn't think they were scared.

They didn't _look _scared, so... that was good.

Absent just laughed nervously and pushed me away.

"Heh-heh... pride yourself..." he said.

Jep!

I sure did! 😄

"I knew you were going to say that," I said, grinning. "And jep! I do~!"

"That's good, Madelief," said oghond. "So... that's three of us who've activated our Mechanators so far?"

"Yeah, the only ones left are Yuunarii, LF, and HP," said Absent.

"Ooh~!" I suddenly gasped. "How's Yuunarii doing?"

"No idea," said oghond, shrugging.

"Think we should go check on her?" Absent asked.

"Maybe...?" oghond replied.

_Look at me~! _Koffie suddenly cried out. _I'm a big giant mecha Wigglytuff! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~!_

And at that moment, Koffie suddenly began rolling towards us...!

IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!

🤣🤣🤣

And also, really cute.

I giggled, but Absent just gave Koffie that weird look that he had given to me before and stopped it with his paw.

"Koffie," he said. "Yuunarii's next."

_Oh! _Koffie said. _Okay._

So... then after that Koffie went back to its ship form... and then...

What did I do after that?

Oh, yeah! Silly me! I stayed behind to watch Yuunarii do it, and then LF, and then HP... and believe me, HP's mecha story is crazy!

But... you'll find out more about that later.

For now... ON TO THE BUNNIES—!

Buhbyeeeeeeeeeeeeee—!

——————————————————————————

**_BAILEY AND FUDGE's POV (Key: Bailey- _**normal**_, Fudge- _****bold****_)_**

Hey, Fudge?

**Yeah, Bailey?**

You think that part may have been a bit unneeded?

**Which part?**

The part about "on to the bunnies."

**Yeah, I'm pretty sure the people reading this probably already could have guessed that we'd be next. Considering the fact that, you know, Abtje mentioned it.**

Seems very unnecessary, doesn't it?

**Very.**

You think we should just tell them our part?

**Probably. They're all waiting for a mecha transformation, I'm sure.**

Okay... hey, by the way, did you happen to catch on to the fact that the words "tangent" and "Mechinator" were purposely misspelled by ogtje because as a Dutch speaker Lieftje often makes certain spelling mistakes regarding English words she doesn't-

**Would you just get on with our part already?**

Fine, fine! Hey, guys! I'm Bailey, and I'm one of Yuunarii's bunnies-

**They already know; they can read the caption that says whose POV this is.**

Oh. Yeah. True.

**Plus we mentioned each other's names at the start of this whole thing, so...**

Also true.

...Okay, then, on to our part!

**Thank you.**

You're welcome!

So anyways, by this point we had seen three mechas. ogtje had Mech Een, Abtje had Mech Drie, and Lieftje had Mech Twee, and if you ask me those are the most unimaginative mech names in history. Especially if you know Dutch. I mean, seriously, how uncreative was Siertje when she came up with those names? Are the first six numbers in Dutch the only thing she knows of the whole language?

**She knows the words "het-kofschip mech veranderd"-**

That's not even the proper translation!

**That's already been discussed, Bailey.**

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Anyways, we'd seen three mechas and now it was time for Yuunarii to activate hers.

Here's the thing, though... Yuunarii's shyer than Pottje and barely speaks.

**She spoke in the earlier episodes, didn't she?**

Yeah, but she won't be speaking in those earlier chapters come the web series, Fudge, which means we get more time to shine!

**Great!**

More than that- it's simply magnificent.

...Or was that sarcasm?

**It wasn't.**

Good!

Anyways, Yuunarii's so shy when she's not in front of a microphone or in the privacy of her YouTube channel that she barely talks at all, and we have to do most of the talking for her.

Considering the fact that the transformation involves the one holding it to literally say the words "_het-kofschip— Mech Veranderd,_" though... we figured that this was going to be a hard task for her.

The good news was, though, it actually went a lot better than I thought it was going to.

Once Koffie was back to being a ship and the rest of the Koffiehuis were standing there continuing to practice- or were already practicing themselves- I figured that now was as good of a time as any to get Yuunarii involved.

Unfortunately, though, the same couldn't be said for Fudge.

**Hey!**

What? Don't deny it Fudge; you know it's true!

**Okay, I will admit that Bailey and I might have gotten into a bit of an argument as to what the heck Yuunarii should do. But it's not as if we haven't had comedic arguments like this before multiple times in the series!**

True.

Regardless, Yuunarii had already turned the dial counterclockwise three times, and at this point had her tail over the pin, looking ready to slam it down.

But based on what it seemed, she was slightly hesitant to do so. Her tail wasn't shaking or anything like that, but I could tell just by her facial expression alone that _something _needed to be done.

Luckily, I had the perfect solution.

**No, you didn't.**

No, I didn't.

"What the heck are you waiting for, Yuu?!" I cried, jumping up and down. "Just slam the pin down already! It's not like it's gonna hurt you or anything!"

Yuunarii nodded, then took a deep breath before raising her tail, preparing to slam the pin down... only to retract it a few moments later with an evident look of nervousness on her face.

"OH, COME ON!" I screamed in frustration.

Fudge just gave me a deadpan look.

"I don't think it's the pin Yuu's worried about, Bailey," he said.

**I don't sound like that!**

You do too.

**Do not!**

Go back and listen to yourself when the recording of this chapter goes up online, Fudge! I totally sound exactly like you!

**I recommend you do the same thing to see just how wrong you are.**

You sound like Vosje.

**Guilty as charged.**

"Do you not see the look on her face, Fudge?!" I cried, wildly gesturing to her. "Of course she's nervous about the pin!"

"No, she's not," said Fudge.

"Oh, really?" I retorted. "And how do you know that?"

"Because I watched her practicing when Abtje was doing his Mechination," said Fudge. "She could slam the pin down just fine."

"Okay, then, well if she's not worried about the pin, then what _is _she worried about?" I asked.

"Simple," said Fudge. "She doesn't want to have to say the words _het-kofschip mech veranderd._"

Dang, I gotta admit, Fudge, you're really good at pointing out stuff that never had popped into my head before until you mentioned it.

**Thanks, Bailey.**

"WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!" I shouted after realizing just how stupid I had been in that moment. "Of _course_ she wouldn't want to speak the key phrase! In this series she's so dang shy that she won't say a single word unless she's behind the microphone!"

"Exactly my point," said Fudge.

"Well, then what the heck do we do?" I asked. "Just leave her as the only one unable to Mechinate?"

"Of course not," said Fudge. "We'll do the Mechination ourselves."

"I don't know if the Mechinator will be able to recognize us as the holder..." I muttered nervously.

"Forget about any possible minor plot inconveniences!" Fudge snapped. "Look, the point is, we're Yuunarii's pets, so we're connected to her. Ergo, the Mechinator should be able to recognize that we're doing this for Yuunarii."

I instantly sunk.

"Awwww~!" I moaned. "But I like talking about any possible minor plot inconveniences!"

"Bailey, if we don't do this, then Casetje will attack us and the entire Koffiehuis will _die_."

"You don't know that!"

"Who knows what'll happen as this series goes on?" Fudge asked, shrugging.

"True." I paused. "You think we should ask Yuu first?"

"Yeah, that'd probably be the best idea."

I instantly brightened.

"You think we'll get a back rub out of all of this?" I asked.

"I'd totally be willing to do this if it meant we got a back rub out of all of this," said Fudge.

I smirked. "I know you so well..."

With that said, I turned to Yuunarii.

"Hey, Yuu?" I asked.

Yuu looked at us.

"You think it'd be alright with you if he and I did the Mechination?" I asked.

Yuu nodded.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Yuunarii~!" I cried happily.

"Well, then that settles it," said Fudge, looking down at the pin. "Shall we?"

"We shall," I said, smiling at him.

And with that, we both slammed the pin down at the same time, causing a giant burst of blue light to- you already know.

For a few seconds, I gazed up at the light beam, momentarily entranced.

"Ooh!" I gasped. "Pretty!"

"Bailey, are we picking up this thing or not?" Fudge asked.

I was instantly broken out of my reverie.

"Oh yeah, right," I said sheepishly. "Sorry."

And with that, we both picked the Mechinator up with one of each of our ears, shooting the light beam towards Koftje, who promptly let out a scream.

"Wait, how many times has Koftje screamed during this episode?" I asked.

"Too many to count," said Fudge.

"You're a genius," I said, smiling. "Now let's do this thing! Are you ready for this, Fudge?!"

"I certainly am, Bailey!" Fudge cried.

"**_HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_**" we both screamed.

And ladies and gentlemen, here it is! The moment you've all been waiting for! The one, the only... TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE!

**Yeah, the only question is, how will we describe it?**

Describe it? What do you mean, how will we describe it?

**Well, I mean, ogtje went into it with as much detail as humanly possible, and Abtje barely gave any details about the transformation other than "parts moved around".**

Isn't that basically what all of Koftje's transformations are like, though?

**Well, yeah, but I feel like you and I could go into a bit more detail than Abtje did.**

Hey~! Don't criticize Abtje's writing like that! There's a reason he was made the unofficial official co-writer of this thing!

**I know! I was just pointing it out! Abtje's a great writer; I wasn't trying to criticize anything!**

Oh. Sorry.

**It's fine, Bailey.**

So... how _are _we going to describe this thing? I'm pretty sure the audience already has an idea of what the transformation sequence is like, considering they've read about it three times before.

**Oh, they definitely know ** ** _what _ ** **happens during the sequence. They at least know that Koftje's parts move around and some of them sink into the floor. They just don't know exactly ** ** _what _ ** **parts move around.**

That sounds so wrong.

**I know.**

You think we should go for somewhere in the middle?

**Yeah. Not too detailed, but not too concise, either.**

Then that's what we'll do.

**I'm all for it. Kick us off, Bailey.**

Okay, so I'm pretty sure you guys at home already know what happened before the transformation began- Koftje was surrounded by a blinding blue light, let out a scream, and all of its parts split from each other into thousands of tiny little bits. That much is obvious. What you _definitely_ weren't expecting was what happened _next_.

**Neither of us were expecting what happened next, Bailey.**

Because it was so different from practically every other transformation!

**I know, right?!**

Anyways, you'd probably expect that all of Koftje's parts would start rearranging themselves, but- surprise!- that's not what happened. Instead, all of Koftje's parts that were not its eyes and body flew inside of its body, which immediately began to shake rapidly.

Fudge and I just looked at it in confusion.

**Actually, I'm pretty sure your face was a mix of confusion and fear.**

Was it?

...Oh yeah, it was!

"Was this _supposed_ to happen?" Fudge asked.

"I told you doing this was a bad idea!" I cried. "If this keeps up, Koftje's probably going to explode to-"

*giant explosion noise*

**Was it really a giant explosion noise?**

I don't know, but it sounded like one to me!

Anyway, the giant explosion noise instantly startled us, and when we looked up, we saw a mass ball of all of Koftje's parts. The eyes stuck onto the front of the ball, and Koffie's rectangular body sunk into the ground like this was one of those weird Pamtritje videos.

Seriously, Pamtritje is _CREEPY._

But I like him!

We waited.

And then... YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT!

**Bailey...**

THE BALL GREW LONG SCORBUNNY EARS OUT OF NOWHERE!

**Bailey, stop it.**

And then it grew a huge body and giant Scorbunny paws and Scorbunny legs...

**Bailey, you're not Felix Atepen.**

Oh, yeah? How do you know who _he _is? You weren't even there at the game!

**I'll be at the game in the series.**

Oh, right.

**Besides, we can break the fourth wall.**

True.

Aaaaaaaaanyways... by this point we were looking at a giant mecha version of yours truly- or, at the very least, the _skeleton _of one.

Because just seconds after the skeleton came up, these giant sheets of metal started coming down from the sky and wrapped themselves around the head, body, etc. of the Scorbunny. Within a few seconds of the transformation beginning, we were looking at a giant steel Scorbunny.

That was already really cool, but what was even cooler was what happened when the light faded.

You ready for this?

**Of course they are.**

Before our eyes, the mecha Scorbunny's ears opened up to reveal- wait for it...

GIANT ROCKET LAUNCHERS!!!!!

It was the coolest thing either of us had ever seen until about two seconds later when the rockets _exploded_ to pieces right in front of us!

SHOW OF HANDS, AUDIENCE- who thinks that's the most awesome thing in the universe?!

**Me~!**

Of course it is!

...Huh? Abtje? What are you...

...WHAT?!

What do you mean, Reztje is more awesome than a mecha Scorbunny who can shoot rocket launchers?!

...WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DON'T CALL HIM REZTJE?!

Why is this section even in the story?!

**To keep the audience entertained.**

Of course.

**And also because you told the audience to give you a show of hands.**

Also true.

**Even though Abtje doesn't have hands, because he's a Pokémon.**

...Wait?

What's that, Abtje?

You were kidding?

OH THANK GOD!

See, Fudge? I told you he'd take a Scorbunny mecha with rocket launchers over one of Reztje's albums any day!

**He just said don't call him Reztje...**

We're bunnies, Fudge. It's been an established characteristic since two chapters ago here and since the beginning in the upcoming web series.

**You know, Bailey, the more plugs you make, the more the audience will start to get annoyed with you.**

Yeah, yeah, let's just finish this thing so we can get to the good part.

**What's the good part?**

If I were to tell you that, it'd be a spoiler.

Anyways, after the rocket launchers went off, the blue light exploded off of Koftje, who promptly said the words that you've likely been waiting to hear for the whole chapter:

** _HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _Mech Zes!_ **

We just stared at it in shock.

"Fudge, what is it with these unimaginative mech names?" I asked.

"I have no idea," said Fudge, "but one thing's for sure- THIS IS THE GREATEST MECHA IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD—!!"

"You can say that again!" I cried, happily. "It's a giant Scorbunny mecha with ROCKET LAUNCHERS FOR EARS! I mean, this thing is right up my freaking alley!"

"Course it is," said Fudge. "It's literally you."

I laughed with triumph, before jumping up into the air and running over to Yuunarii.

"Yuu!" I cried out. "Look! It's a giant mecha Scorbunny! IT'S A GIANT MECHA SCORBUNNY~!"

Naturally, Yuu simply smiled.

Now, if she was behind a microphone, I guarantee you that she would have gone on and on about how dang awesome of a mech this was.

Unfortunately, though, she wasn't behind a microphone.

But that was alright. We could still manage to tell exactly what we were thinking based on Yuunarii's facial expressions.

**...Uh, Bailey?**

Yeah, Fudge?

**I think you had better hurry up and finish this thing as quickly as you can.**

Why?

**Because Yuunarii's coming and she's gonna be making a video soon. Also the producers want us to finish this part quickly so that they can get to the good stuff.**

Oh! Okay! Yeah, I can barely wait until we get to the fun part! You'll love it~!

**Bailey?**

Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry. Anyways...

You can probably guess what happened after that- Koftje went on and on about how great it was that it had become a mecha Scorbunny with rocket launcher ears; it shot them off a few times; then it turned back into its ship form and just stood there and waited for the next member of the Koffiehuis to use their Mechinator on it.

And Fudge, are you ready to find out who that member is?!

**Bailey, I've never been more ready in all my life.**

Drumroll, please...

It's Vosje!

**Of course it's Vosje.**

How did you know it would be Vosje?

**Because I can see ahead to other parts of this story just like you can.**

Oh, right.

**Also I kind of had a feeling from the beginning. I mean, think about it: an American followed an American, a Dutchie followed a Dutchie... you see a pattern here, Bailey?**

Oh, I certainly do, Fudge! I think that means it's time for the Germans to get their moment in the spotlight!

**I think so, too.**

...

Oh! And just in time, Fudge! Yuunarii's here!

**Let's go make a video~!**

See ya! Goodnight, America!

———————————————————————

** _LF's POV_ **

Greetings. I am LonelyFox, as you should likely all know. By this point you should be very much aware of what has previously occurred in this retelling. Namely, oghond, Absent, Madelief, and Yuunarii all activated their Mechinators, and I must congratulate all four of them on their efforts.

My personal thoughts on the previous Mechas are nothing short of positive, and are very much the same as the opinions of everyone else. Mech Een is perhaps the most incredible mecha I have ever come across.

Mech Drie... I must agree with Absent about his concerns regarding Sierra. The mech itself is very well-designed and well-executed. Do not think I am lying when I say that.

It is just...

The fact that Sierra put a giant falcon on the Mechinator seems... selfish.

Not that Sierra is selfish; I have had the pleasure of seeing her tear into Frau Potter, after all. Regardless, the Mechinator simply screams "Sierra has emblazoned herself on this material," and I am... less than pleased.

Mech Twee is adorable, but I will admit that it does not look like it has much going for it. It is nothing more than a giant mecha Wigglytuff, if I am being blunt.

Which I will admit I can be.

Mech Zes at least has rocket launcher ears, so I will give it credit there. However, for the most part, it is much the same as Mech Twee- it is literally a giant mecha Scorbunny.

With that being said, I would like to apologize to Madelief and Yuunarii for my harsh words towards your Mechas. I would especially like to apologize to Koffie, as you happen to be the one who is able to transform into all those Mechas in the first place.

Speaking of transformation, I believe that this is now the part where I describe the Mechination itself.

Therefore, I will attempt to do so in as much detail as I can possibly muster.

Please forgive me for my horrid English; I do apologize.

Anyways.

A short time after Yuunarii had activated her Mechinator, Koffie had once again returned to its ship form.

Or would that be _her _ship form?

I cannot decide.

Still, however, my point stands. Koffie was a ship again, and by now it was time for me to perform my Mechination. For a few moments, however, my mind was not focused on Mechination; rather, it was focused on HP.

From looking over at her she seemed... fearful, almost.

She was in a corner with her Mechinator, practically agonizing over whether or not she should use it. I must admit that I was slightly surprised. I had not recalled ever seeing HP that terrified before.

She is shy, yes. That I will admit. However, I have not recalled her shyness escalating into paranoia in quite a while.

If even that.

Eventually, however, I figured that sooner or later someone was going to notice her plight. Probably oghond, considering she had already Mechinated Koffie and was likely watching everyone else do it.

For now, I had to turn my attention away from HP and focus on Mechinating.

I had been practicing getting a good pinslap going, which I will admit was slightly harder for me than I could have imagined. I was not sure if my tails would work for the job.

There _were_ six of them, after all...

However, after a few tries, I found that I was, indeed, able to get a good slap out of all six of them.

This surprised me slightly.

Regardless, what was _really_ difficult about the Mechination process was getting my tails to turn the dial counterclockwise. Do not assume that I do not know the difference between clockwise and counterclockwise. Not only had Absent explained it twice before, but I had known for quite a while now that clockwise was from the top to your right and counterclockwise was from the top to your left.

It is such a shame that this is the way we must explain the difference nowadays.

If only the human race still used analog clocks.

Unfortunately, they have all stuck to digital. While I understand that this is a much easier way to check the time, it does nothing but beg the question: how is the human race supposed to know why clockwise is called clockwise if they keep looking at digital clocks?

...I apologize. I believe I am going on a tangent.

Allow me to continue with the reason as to why turning the dial was so hard for me:

My tails had no thumbs. My paws were too big to work. My nose was too big to work. I was... slightly jealous of Absent, oghond and Madelief, who were all able to do it just fine despite having no thumbs.

As a matter of fact, they did not have any _fingers_.

Since, after all, they were Pokémon.

However, I suddenly realized it. If I were human, I would most definitely turn the dial with one finger. Turning the dial with a vine, a paw, or a leaf was the exact same thing. Of course, turning the dial with a tail was somewhat different, as my tail was far thicker than a finger.

Or a vine, or a paw, or a leaf.

Regardless, I was thoroughly determined to find a way to make it work- and in the end, I ended up doing exactly that. My methodology was quite simple. I had six tails, so I figured I could grab the dial using the tips of two of my tails and spin it counterclockwise using both of those tips. When I actually tried it out, I was very much pleasantly surprised to discover that it worked far better than I had anticipated.

I smirked before rotating the dial two more times counterclockwise, which allowed the blue ball of light that I had seen twice before to- as Koffie put it- coalesce.

I will admit that it was rather exciting and satisfying to watch.

The moment I saw the blue ball of light I pulled both tails away from the white dial on my Mechinator, then took a breath.

Now, I presume that you already know by this point that I take martial arts. As such, I am able to dropkick people. As such, I am in theory also able to dropkick pins.

You may be wondering why I chose to dropkick the pin rather than simply slam it down with my tails, as I had been doing before. The answer is really quite simple. Everyone else had simply slammed the pin down. This was, admittedly, rather boring. If someone were to see me dropkick the pin, rather than slam it down, they would know exactly who was Mechinating Koffie.

Besides, dropkicking a pin was a lot more dramatic than slamming it in.

Unfortunately, dropkicking a pin as a Vulpix is nothing like dropkicking a pin as a human. That did not really matter, however, as I managed to do it nonetheless.

Without thinking I jumped into the air before hurtling towards the pin with one of my legs out so I could kick it. The instant my foot met the mirror of the pin it slammed down into the center with a resounding click. This, of course, caused me to jump back as the beam of cerulean light shot out from the center.

I was used to it, however; I had seen the beam four times already, after all. Therefore, it should come as no surprise to you that I was completely unfazed by the light beam.

What I did next was obvious.

I walked right up to the Mechinator, still unfazed by the light, picked it up with my tail, and pointed it directly at Koffie.

In an instant, its entire body became enveloped in cerulean light, and it let out a scream. Much like the light, this failed to faze me.

Though I will admit that the scream sounded... very much like Koffie was in pain. This was despite the fact that I knew it was not in pain.

Regardless, I spoke clearly and firmly into the Mechinator, my voice not even wavering for a second.

"_Het-kofschip— Mech Veranderd_."

And thus I believe it is time for me to describe the transformation, as well as my personal thoughts and feelings on it. For the sake of the audience, however, I will not describe the actual transformation to you. You have already seen four other transformation sequences written out, and by this point it would be rather redundant for me to describe all of the details once again.

Having to redescribe things that have already been described is _very_ annoying.

It is, in fact, _utterly_ annoying.

What I shall do instead is tell you my thoughts on the transformation as well as the mecha itself, before going into the statistics of the transformation. In this case, when I say "statistics" I am referring to the number of parts that the mecha has, the number of parts that were doubled, the number that were removed, and so on.

Here goes.

Watching the transformation happen was... interesting, to say the least. The entire time that the parts were rearranging themselves, I wondered how in the world that was even possible, considering the fact that Koffie was made out of what essentially were bootleg LEGO pieces. Surely there was some unusual power inside of the pieces that allowed them to shift at will?

Even more interesting were the parts that simply built themselves out of nowhere. Had the parts been waiting for just the right moment so they could come out, or were they simply appearing out of thin air? LEGO parts could not simply appear out of nowhere, that much was certain. It simply was not possible. There had to be a source for their entrance.

Somehow or other, I was going to find out exactly what that source was.

I squinted, trying to adjust my eyes to the blinding blue light amidst the rapidly shifting parts, and upon closer examination eventually realized that the parts were coming from a hole on the blue part of the lower deck. This did nothing to alleviate my questions, however. As a matter of fact, it only raised more questions in my mind.

If the parts were in the lower deck... had they come out of nowhere in the lower deck, or had they been stored in boxes? The most logical answer was the latter, but given the fact that the Mechinators had spiritual properties courtesy of Sierra, I would not be surprised if in fact they had materialized out of thin air right there in the lower deck.

Eventually, I decided not to think about it any longer and wait for Koffie to finish transforming. As I did so- and even before then- I stood there, mentally calculating all of the pieces that Koffie had lost along with all of the new pieces that were needed to form the Mecha.

I assure you, I did not lose track of a single one.

Which I find slightly surprising.

Eventually, though, the skeleton was complete, and I looked up at the sky expectantly. As I figured, giant pieces of metal began falling from the sky and clipping themselves around the skeleton, so you could not tell at first glance that the thing was made of LEGOs. Naturally, my inner scientist was wondering where in the world the parts had come from. There was no way that the parts could simply materialize out of thin air. It was impossible.

However, like the first point, I quickly decided to stop thinking about it, and waited until Koffie was finished transforming.

In exactly 10 seconds, it was.

Before my eyes, Koffie let out a scream as the light that had been enveloping it snapped off of its body to reveal the new Mech form that had just been created.

Naturally, it was a giant nine-tailed fox-like creature made of steel.

The good news was, it was not a giant steel Ninetales. It had Ninetales elements, and definitely resembled a fox, but retained the ship colors of white, blue, and yellow. The mecha also had Lapras elements to it, very much as Mech Drie had had, but it resembled a fox a lot more than it did a ship or a Lapras. It let out a howl, before opening its mouth and releasing fire from it, which promptly exploded in the air in a burst of flame.

I was extremely impressed with its design and aesthetic as a whole.

Shortly after releasing the fire from its mouth, the mecha struck a pose filled with determination, glaring out with its cold, hard, glowing blue eyes mere moments before crying out:

** _HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH VIJF!_ **

Mech Vijf...

Considering the similarities between Dutch and German, that would mean that I owned the fifth Mecha out of the six. Therefore, via process of elimination- oghond had the first, Madelief the second, Absent the third, and Yuunarii the sixth- that would leave HP with the fourth Mecha.

And I knew that four in Dutch was the same as four in German:

Vier.

For now, though, I could not concentrate on HP. Largely because Mech Vijf was very impressive in terms of its design. In regards to its parts- discounting the sixteen sheets of metal I saw falling from the sky, the skeleton consisted of 85 parts altogether. Adding on the sixteen metal parts, the entire mecha consisted of 101 parts.

Amongst the parts of the skeleton, 15 of them were retained from the old ship body. 8 were clones, and the remaining 62 parts were new, having come from the lower deck. I was quite surprised by how many new parts there were. However, considering how intricate the mecha was, I suppose I should not have been.

For a few moments I could do nothing but look up at the Mecha in pure shock. However, the shock eventually subsided when I saw Koffie break out into a smile upon seeing its new body. It waved its new nine tails around with delight, examining its new foxlike body closely. Eventually, it turned to me.

_Well_? it asked, utterly delighted. _What do you think? Pretty cool, right?_

I could not help myself from smiling.

"Indeed," I said. "It is quite, as you say, 'cool'."

Koffie grinned, repeatedly testing out its new body.

As for me, I once again turned back to HP. She was not even looking at the Mecha; instead, she was in the exact same position as she had been before. She was floating over the Mechinator and not even bothering to use it. From my analysis something about the Mechinator was appearing to frighten her.

The question was... what, exactly?

I thought for a few moments about going over to her and inquiring if she was, in fact, alright. HP is one of my good friends, after all. However, those thoughts quickly went out of my head when I noticed oghond walking up to me, with a clearly concerned look on her face. She had a vine pointing out to HP, and based on her facial expressions and body language it was evident that she was just as concerned as I was.

"Is she okay...?" she asked.

"I am uncertain," I responded. "Something about the Mechinator appears to have frightened her. What it is exactly I am unaware of."

"Do you think we should go up to her and ask if she is alright?" oghond asked.

"I was thinking of doing the exact same thing, and if I am being honest it does feel a bit odd to not help her," I said. "I am her friend, after all. However, considering that she has been in that position for the past five Mechinations, I do not believe that what she is experiencing is mere fear."

"What is it, then?" oghond asked, tilting her head in consternation.

I narrowed my eyes.

"I believe she is experiencing a severe anxiety attack," I said.

"WHAT?!" oghond gasped.

"Indeed," I said gravely. "If you look closely you will see that her wing is slightly shaking. I have also happened to notice that she is not so much slamming down the pin of the Mechinator as she is lightly tapping it."

"You dropkicked your Mechinator," oghond pointed out.

"Indeed. However, I have yet to see any beams of light emanating from hers."

oghond paused.

"You need not worry, however," I reassured her. "I happen to know someone who has had enough experience with panic attacks to potentially try and calm her down."

"Who is it?" oghond asked. "Nimja?"

I glared at her.

"You know _exactly_ who I am talking about," I told her, bluntly.

I turned directly to Absent, who did not seem to be responding. Rather, he was sitting on the grass and listening to his playlist, which I found a bit... unusual, to put it bluntly. Then again, however, I assumed he would eventually notice that HP was panicking and would try and help, which is precisely the reason I did not interrupt him then and there.

Upon seeing Absent, oghond did what I believe she refers to as "facevining."

"Ohhhh! Absent! Right!" she muttered.

She paused.

"You think he might help her?" she asked.

"Indeed," I responded. "For now, however, I believe we should keep a close eye on both him and HP, just in case."

oghond nodded. "Alright, LF. If I feel like I need to talk to her, then I will."

I nodded. "Very well then."

And with that oghond and I simply waited for any assistance. Unless, of course, we both decided to help her in the end.

You will see what happened in the following section, and I will happily admit it is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen.

If you are wondering about Koffie...

Just know that it had already changed back into its ship form by the time the two of us had finished talking.

As for me, I will be taking my leave now. I believe I have explained enough already and must return to my adventures before eventually retiring to bed.

Farewell.

———————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

After Koffie stopped being Koffie Drie I stopped paying attention to what everyone else was doing - save for when they got clockwise and counterclockwise confused. After Madelief called for my assistance I stepped off and lied down on the grass listening to my music.

The sounds of transformation, shrill shrieks and excitement- not to mention repeated playings of "YYZ"- was exacerbating a migraine I had no need to be powering through, and I attempted to dull the sensation with my playlist. I crossed one leg over the other, eyes closed, letting the sun beat down on me.

Even ignoring my weakness to grass it was one of the most unpleasant naps I had ever taken, not just because it kept getting interrupted, but because it was getting interrupted for the same reason _repeatedly_. I had to crank up my music to naturally painful levels to avoid getting interrupted.

I tossed and turned, readjusting my headphones as they consistently fell out. I didn't want to holler at anyone and ruin the fun, lest they hate me.

Hating me is my job.

Anyway, eventually I had to open my eyes to find my headphones and soon caught sight of HP looking at her Mechinator with hesitation.

Scratch hesitation.

_Fear_.

It was either get up and wonder what was going through her mind or stay lying down on the uncomfortable grass and try to nap, but with the Koffiehuis being the Koffiehuis, being able to get some time to myself was as likely as a blue moon on Friday the 13th. Reluctantly, I clawed my way to a standing position and approached HP, trying to keep myself from falling over from fatigue.

"Somethin' wrong with yours?" I yawned.

"N-no..." stammered HP. "Nothing's wrong vis mine..."

"Well, either way," I said as I began to feel just that little bit more awake. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna activate yours next, so get on up there, HP. Show the Koffiehuis what your Mechinator can do."

She paused.

"Um... I... v-vell... okay..." she eventually stammered.

Eventually, she flew up to her open Mechinator, used her wing to turn the dial counterclockwise three times- scratch that, she turned it _clockwise_ three times before I had to stop her and show her otherwise- and then...

She stopped.

"Is it going to hurt Koffie...?" she asked.

I blinked.

"Is what going to hurt Koffie?"

She took her wing and put it on the pin- then very gently set it down.

There was no click.

"Z-zat," she said.

"HP?"

She instantly turned, as did I, and we both saw oghond coming towards us.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "I've been watching you and you haven't even used your Mechinator yet." She turned to me. "Any idea as to what's going on, Absent?"

"Something she's nervous about," I remarked. "Not sure what, though."

"Um... i-it's the pin..." said HP.

"The pin?" I asked.

"Yes..." HP muttered.

"Did you slam it down yet?" I asked.

"V-vell... I..."

"Put the pin back up," I told her.

She did.

"Now close it."

She did so, very slowly and with a ton of hesitation. When the pin finally met the clock face, nothing happened.

"It didn't vork..." she muttered.

"Slam it in," I told her. "You don't remove a bandage slow enough the patient can feel every single hair getting yanked out at once. Plus it's more dramatic."

She just stood there, trembling.

"I... I can't..." she stammered. "V-vat if it hurts the Mechinator? And then it hurts Koffie—!"

"It's either Koffie sustains a slight injury or the Koffiehuis _dies_." I said bluntly before I realized what I said. "... In theory, anyway. We'll be fine for now, but you need to stop being afraid of how it might hurt."

"Besides," oghond pointed out, "the Mechinator is an inanimate object- there's no way it could possibly get hurt in any way."

"And if it does get hurt- read, damaged- repairing it is trivial," I added.

HP began trembling harder.

"I... I'm sorry—!" she sobbed, her wings repeatedly shaking and tears building up in her eyes. "I..."

She sniffled.

"I just..."

And just like that, she went from slightly hesitant to sobbing, shaking all over, and being pretty much terrified out of her wits.

Forget fear- this was a full-blown _PANIC ATTACK_.

"Okay, here," I said, my voice becoming marginally gentler. "Give me your wing, and I'll see if I can't help you calm your nerves."

She did— it was still shaking like crazy.

"Oh, the deliciously sweet irony~!" oghond cried out.

I will admit that it was slightly ironic, but I needed something fast, and especially not oghond's eyes digging into me. I needed to get her out, and I knew how to.

"oghond, there's some tea in my room - want some, HP?"

She whimpered.

"S-sure..."

"I'll go get it," said oghond. "You deal with her and see if you can't calm her nerves about slapping that thing down."

With that, she left, leaving just myself and HP alone. The latter was repeatedly hyperventilating.

"C'mon... get down on the ground... against the tree... I'm here..." I said, holding her with both paws as I led her towards a tree to sit against.

She was still shaking. _Repeatedly_ shaking.

"Just... sit down... try to relax," I said as I stood in front of her, my paws on her shoulders.

If you could call them shoulders.

The bad news was that HP was so panicked that she was still hyperventilating even though she was now leaned against a tree.

The good news?

I knew exactly what I had to do next.

Guided relaxation.

Pulling my phone out I quickly accessed my music, putting on some ambience.

If you care what it's called: "A Warm Place".

"Breathe with me," I said softly. "In... 2... 3... 4..."

She inhaled and held it for four seconds.

"Out... 2... 3... 4..."

She exhaled deeply for four seconds- just as Koffie's door opened.

oghond was back with HP's tea.

"Heh-heh," she chuckled, "look at you, trying to be Nimja."

She paused.

"Or... is that Ultra?"

She shook her head.

"Nah," she said, "it's Nimja."

She walked right up to HP and gently tapped her wing.

"Here you go, HP," she said gently. "I got you some tea."

"Sank you..." HP muttered, obviously relieved.

She took a sip, then looked directly at me in confusion.

"...Are you going to drop me?" she asked.

"No," said oghond, "but Nimja will."

"What? No," I said defensively. "Guided relaxation is nice and all, but the _last_ thing you want when you've shut down from an anxiety attack is someone talking directly to you in the semi-condescending tone they do. Or, when you're mad. Never listen to any files angry - you will not have the patience for five minutes.

"Anyway, I'm trying to help her relax at her own pace," I explained.

"Good for you," responded oghond, smiling. "I'll leave you to it."

She went back inside Koffie's interior.

HP, meanwhile, breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, Absent..." she muttered, "b-but... I still feel scared about slamming that pin down vis my ving..."

I looked over at her wing. It was visibly shaking like a leaf. I could have just done nothing. I could have told her to stop being afraid, and left it there.

But I did _not_ want to lay back down on that uncomfortable as heck grass again.

Besides, HP would probably start panicking.

_AGAIN_.

So instead, I just massaged her wing softly.

"Hey. It's alright," I started, giving her as much as time as she needed until she could look at me. "If you're really that scared, then I'll help you."

HP instantly brightened.

"...really?" she asked.

"You need to be the one to slam down the pin," I responded.

"O-oh..." HP muttered, instantly sinking.

She was still a bit hesitant, I could tell.

"Alright. You ready?"

HP gulped. "Y-yeah..."

She nodded reluctantly and eventually decided to stand up, flying out until she was in front of the open Mechinator.

"Good," I said. "Now just pull your wing back and slap the pin down with it."

HP paused for a few moments before pulling back her wing- and then she stopped.

She took one look at the pin of the Mechinator and shivered, clearly still terrified.

"It's okay, it's okay!" I told her. "Look, I got you. Koffie's not going to get hurt, okay?"

HP whimpered, gazing over at Koffie before turning to look at the pin of the Mechinator. Clearly she still thought that somehow or other, if she slammed the pin down, Koffie was going to get hurt.

Even though she wasn't.

And I had an idea to prove it. I pulled out my scalchop and held it out in front of me.

"Here, do it on this," I offered.

Seeing my scalchop the poor Butterfree immediately reeled back.

"B-but..." she stammered. "I don't want to hurt you!"

"It's fine. I'm not going to get hurt," I reassured her. "Just pull your wing back and aim it at the scalchop."

HP stared at me like she was a beaten puppy.

"Trust me," I said. "I'm not going to get hurt. I promise."

If she had been scared to do it on me before, she wasn't now.

...Okay, scratch that. She was clearly still terrified to slam down the pin of the Mechinator. But like I said before, I take promises incredibly seriously.

"O-oh... okay..." she muttered, nodding reluctantly.

"Good. Now pull back your wing."

Her wing just shook.

"Pull back your wing," I said, softer.

She did, albeit with a still-shaky wing. I nodded.

"Good. Now quickly push it forward and slap the scalchop out of my paw."

She paused for a few moments, then winced before quickly slapping it away. The scalchop landed on the floor, about a foot away from me, and when HP realized what she had done, she looked at her wing, then at my paw, then at the scalchop.

Then _sobbed_.

Evidently, the Butterfree thought that somehow, she had hurt me.

"Shhh... shhhhh... it's okay... look, you didn't hurt me. I'm fine. See?" I said, holding up my paw and showing that I didn't even need to rub it.

She took one look at my paw and breathed a sigh of relief.

"B-but... what about ze scalchop?" she asked.

"It's fine, too. Look," I said, walking over and picking it up, showing it was as pristine as the day I was transformed.

HP looked up at it, and again sighed with relief.

"Oh... okay," she said, clearly relieved.

"You ready to try it on the pin now?" I asked.

She paused for a few moments before her response came out, albeit hesitantly.

"Y-yeah..." she stammered.

"Okay," I said.

With that having been said, I grabbed her Mechinator and lifted the pin back up, so it was waiting for her to slap it down again.

"Now slowly pull your wing back, just like you did before," I said softly, holding up the Mechinator to her.

She did, gently, albeit still shaking and still hesitant.

"That's it... nice and easy... good. Now slap the pin down."

She whimpered.

"Just pretend that's my scalchop and quickly push your wing forward."

She winced, almost as if she thought that somehow the Mechinator was going to hurt _her_ if she slapped it.

Jeez, it wasn't like the giant beam of blue light was going to attack her just for slapping the pin!

"Go on, push..." I told her, still being gentle.

Her wing was shaking rapidly. HP was so terrified of doing such a simple action as _slapping down a pin_ that it was almost impressive. I couldn't give up trying, though; money said that if I did HP would just start panicking even more.

By this point it was either do it with her just to make her more comfortable with it or make her even more panicked.

I didn't even want to _think_ about doing the latter.

"It's okay! Look. We'll do it together. I'll start," I began, pulling out my own Mechinator but making certain not to rotate the dial before slamming it down.

_Click_.

HP jumped back.

"See?" I said gently. "Didn't get broken; Koffie isn't hurt. Now you do it with me."

"Oh... okay," said HP, still nervous.

"Alright. Now pull your wing back, but keep it straight," I said, moving my paw back to mirror the motions.

HP was still hesitant, but pulled back her wing just as she had done before- this time mirroring _me_.

"That's it," I said. "Now push your wing forward and slam down the pin of your Mechinator until you hear it click."

She stared out at the pin and shook all over.

"Like this."

I slapped the pin of mine down again.

_Click_.

"Did you hear that?" I asked.

HP nodded.

"That's how you know you've done it right. With that said, push your wing forward."

Her wing just shook- it had gotten so tense from her paralyzing fear that she could barely move it.

By this point I was wondering if she was actually that scared or...

...her legs were shaking.

Yyyyyyyyep.

She was that scared.

I gently massaged her wing, trying to loosen it up.

"Push," I said, softer.

Again, her wing shook.

"It doesn't have to be hard," I told her, my voice getting even softer. "Just push it forward. Quickly, but softly."

She whimpered, her wing still shaking. I just stood there, by this point massaging her wing as gently and gingerly as possible.

Seriously, you can't get any gentler than using the very tip of your paw to rub.

"Pretend that's the scalchop," I said, continuing to massage her wing with one paw and pointing at the Mechinator pin with the other.

Fur on wings feels nicer than I thought, apparently, because the gentler the massage, the less HP's wing shook. Eventually, it stopped altogether by the time my paw's massaging level was at an _extremely_ gentle brushing.

I had no idea I could even _get_ that soft until that moment.

Then again, she was a Butterfree.

Her wings were probably touch-sensitive.

What else could I do?

I pulled my paw away from her wing and held the Mechinator up in front of HP.

"Now push," I said.

Her wing had stopped shaking, but it was still tense- heck, forget tense, it was practically _paralyzed_. She instantly started hyperventilating, and I couldn't help but feel obligated to do _something_.

I gingerly moved it up to the Mechinator pin, and HP started whimpering, glancing over at Koffie repeatedly.

"I can't..." she muttered. "I don't want to hurt Koffie..."

She pulled her wing away from the pin and looked down, a sobbing wreck.

_"I don't vant to hurt Koffie_...!" she sobbed.

For a few seconds all I did was look at her, trying to imagine what thoughts could possibly be going through her head. Every possible explanation was instantly blocked out by the sight of HP, who was shaking and hyperventilating profusely. Gently, I walked up to her and tapped her on her shoulder.

"HP," I said softly.

She didn't respond.

"HP," I repeated. "Look at me."

She did, hyperventilating.

"It's okay," I told her gently. "You're not going to hurt Koffie. You did it on the scalchop, and everything was fine. So you can do this. I _know_ you can do this. I saw you do it."

HP took a few breaths to try and compose herself, but the good news was that my words seemed to be doing the trick on their own. Reassurance was helping, apparently.

"You'll be fine," I said softly. "Okay?"

She nodded.

"Good. You ready?"

"Y-yeah..." she stammered, still slightly nervous.

"Okay. Now pretend the pin is my scalchop and slap it down. Not too hard; just make it quick and light like you did before."

"A-alright," said HP, nervously.

"Good," I said. "Keep your wing nice and straight. Ready?"

She nodded, albeit still shaking a bit.

"Push."

She couldn't. Her wing just started shaking again, and it was tense as all get out.

"C'mon. You can do it with me if you wanna. Push."

She didn't. Not only was her wing shaking again, but she was looking between the Mechinator and myself as if she was practically _begging_ me to help her. I eventually realized that the only way she would feel comfortable doing it on her own was if someone was there to show her that it wouldn't hurt her or Koffie. LF was a bit too serious- or at least, she seemed that way- and oghond would probably start pulling out Nimja files, largely because she had no idea how to deal with someone who was going through a panic attack.

It had to be me.

"Here, you wanna do it with me?" I offered. "Is that more comfortable for you?"

As I had expected, she nodded profusely.

"Alright," I said. "I'll do it with you. After that, I'll do it, and then, you do it. Okay?"

"O-okay..." HP stammered.

"Alright. Give me your wing."

I gestured for her to do so, and she did. It was shaking like a leaf, and like before I had to rub it very gingerly in order to get the shaking to stop.

"Now place your wing right where the pin of the Mechinator is sticking up," I told her.

Trembling, she did, placing her wing right on top of the mirror. I nodded.

"Good," I said. "Almost there. Now..."

I paused, an idea forming. Said idea was probably going to hurt her wing, but if this was the only way for her to slam the pin down... so be it.

"I'm going to go around to the back of your wing," I told her, "and on the count of three, I'll just push your wing forward and slam it on top of the pin. It'll probably hurt your wing a little, just warning ya-"

HP's eyes instantly filled up with tears.

"I-it'll hurt...?" she asked

"Yeah, but only a little," I said, trying to reassure her as I walked around to the back of her wing. "Ready?"

HP said nothing. She simply gulped, before nodding.

I figured that was my cue, and readied myself.

On three.

"1... 2... 3!"

I didn't really _push_ her wing so much as I _slapped_ it. Which, naturally, turned out to be a mistake. It worked- HP's wing came forward, slapping the pin down and causing it to hit the face of the compass with a resounding _click_\- but the instant it did, HP flinched, pulling her wing back and crying out in pain.

"Ow—!" she sobbed, whimpering.

_Dang it, Absent; you forgot that her wings are touch-sensitive!_

"Aw, c'mon," I said, trying to tell myself that hopefully it didn't hurt as much as it did. "It wasn't _that_ bad, was it?"

I certainly didn't think it was that bad. I had figured that the pain would be like a shot— it hurts for about a second, and then it goes away just as quickly.

Then again, I wasn't HP.

Speaking of her, she was holding her wing and whimpering repeatedly, clearly in pain.

"Zat hurt..." she muttered.

I didn't know if she was just being dramatic or if it actually hurt that much, so I took a look at her wing.

It was black-and-blue all over.

I winced.

"Okay. That _may_ have been a bit too hard," I admitted, feeling a bit ashamed of myself for having bruised her wing on accident.

Seriously, sometimes I forget how delicate wings can be.

"I'll do it softer," I told her. "Try not to flinch. 1... 2... 3."

This time the slap was a _lot_ softer.

_Click_.

Okay, that time the pain _had_ to be like that of a shot.

HP squeaked, so clearly it had hurt a bit.

"That better?" I asked.

HP shook her head.

"Softer?" I asked. "Okay. It can't be too soft, though, otherwise it won't be hard enough to hear that-" I clicked my tongue, so as to imitate the pin hitting the clock face.

This time I didn't even bother with the countdown. I just walked around to the back of her wing and pushed it, lighter than I had the first time, but still hard enough so it would come forward.

"How's this?" I asked.

HP breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Zat's good," she said.

"Good. Now... ready?"

HP nodded.

"I'll do this slowly," I told her, readying myself. "1..."

I softly poked her wing. She didn't giggle, surprisingly.

Probably because I didn't say "poke."

"2..."

I poked her wing again, before slowly pulling back my paw for the final impact.

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaand... 3."

I softly pushed it, exactly the way I had done it before.

_Click_.

HP flinched back a bit as her wing came forward, clearly still a bit scared. The good news, though, was that it didn't seem to have hurt her.

"It's fine... it's fine..." I said, gently rubbing her wing a bit while taking a few seconds to look at the giant bruise on her wing.

I had to get this done quickly. That bruise needed ice on it as soon as humanly possible, and even more importantly- who knew when Aleph-Null would get there?

Admittedly, though, we _were_ on Wereldian soil, so it was likely that Aleph-Null wouldn't be able to find us that easily. I could still spare some time.

"Alright," I said, stepping back and opening up my Mechinator. "Now I'll do it this time. After that, it's all on you."

With that said, I opened up the Mechinator, twisted the dial three times counterclockwise, and...

_SLAP_.

The now-familiar blue beam of light shot out of the center of my Mechinator.

HP, seeing it, squeaked and flew back.

"It's okay!" I said, reassuring her. "It's just a part of the transformation, that's all. Now open yours..."

Hesitantly, she took hers out and lifted the lid and the pin.

"...good... now twist the dial counterclockwise three times."

She turned the dial to the right.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "The other right. It's from top-to-left. North-West-South-East-North."

Laugh it up, laugh it up...

She blinked at me, then looked down at the Mechinator. As it _was_ a compass, it was naturally pointing north- in this case, North was _down_.

"Uh... North is at ze bottom..." she said.

"I know," I said, staring at the Mechinator. "Just... here."

I took her wing and put it at the top.

"Now go left," I said.

She went right.

"Your left," I said.

She turned left.

"Now go all the way back up to the top."

She did. I nodded.

"That's one. Now do it twice more."

She did reluctantly.

"Good. Now slam the pin."

She shivered, clearly still a bit afraid to do so.

"It's alright," I told her, once again rubbing her wing. "You don't have to be scared. I'm right here."

Those words seemed to do it.

Hesitantly, HP began to shake, but after a quick glance over at me managed to jolt her wing forward, quickly slamming the pin, before almost immediately pulling back her wing as the pin hit the center of the clock face.

_Click_.

Instantly, the blue beam of light _finally_ shot out of HP's Mechinator. The only thing she needed to do now was pick it up, aim it at Koffie, and say _it_, but given how scared HP was to hurt Koffie, I figured it would still take a bit of time for her to actually do it.

The minute she saw the blue beam of light, HP immediately trembled and stepped back.

"Oh no..." she muttered. "I- I knew zat slamming that pin down was a bad idea....!"

"It's fine; it's okay!" I cried, trying to reassure her.

Close to tears, she grabbed on to me for dear life and held me as though Aleph-Null actually _was_ there- forget them being there; about to _kill her_. I just stood there, continuing to massage her wing.

"You don't have to flinch... you're not in danger..." I whispered. "I got you... I got you. You did it, HP. You did it. Look."

She did, letting go in an instant when she realized what she had just done.

"See?" I told her. "You didn't hurt the Mechinator. It's fine."

HP took a few breaths to try and compose herself.

"...okay..." she said.

"Okay. Good." I nodded. "Now just go up to your Mechinator and pick it up with your right wing."

Hesitantly, she did. The beam of light remained aimed at the sky.

"That's it... now aim it..."

She held it up so that the beam of light was aimed at the sky still. I shook my head.

"No, no, no, at Koffie..."

She aimed it at Koffie, who instantly was covered in the familiar blinding blue light of Mechination. The instant she saw the light begin to burn up, HP flinched back.

I gently pet her wing again.

"Shh-shh- it's okay," I said quietly. "Now shoot it."

HP blinked in confusion.

"Shoot...?"

"Put your wing straight out," I clarified.

"Oh... okay," HP muttered nervously.

Hesitantly, she held it out in front of her, and the blue light burst out, coming towards her face for a few moments. Koffie, meanwhile, let out her classic scream, and HP instantly flinched back, starting to hyperventilate. I instantly knew what was on her mind- having just heard Koffie scream, she thought that she must have hurt her.

In her defense, it _did_ sound like Koffie was in pain, even though I knew she wasn't.

Growing slightly more panicked, I tried to comfort her.

"HP!" I cried. "HP, it's okay! It's fine! You didn't-"

All she did was continue to hyperventilate, thinking she had somehow hurt Koffie. The hyperventilating slowly grew more and more panicked, but thankfully I knew exactly what to do. 

"C'mon," I said softly, grabbing her by the shoulders again. "Breathe. I'm right here with ya. In... 2... 3... 4... out... 2... 3... 4."

She breathed, but it was panicky as all get out. I tried again, softening my voice a bit.

"Don't freak out. Breathe gently. You're breathing very heavily right now and you really don't need to be. In... 2... 3... 4... out... 2... 3... 4."

She did it again. Still a bit panicked.

I tried it again.

Softer.

"Quieter. I get that you're scared. I get it. But there's really nothing to be afraid of. You have me here, okay...? Just breathe slowly." I took a quiet breath. "Like that. In... 2... 3... 4... out... 2... 3... 4..."

She did it again.

The panic was fading. Almost there.

Almost.

My voice was so soft I couldn't hear myself.

"...you're almost there...you're almost there...one more should do it, just keep it nice and quiet...in... 2... 3... 4... out... 2... 3... 4."

There it was.

A nice, gentle breath, without any panic whatsoever.

Okay, scratch that; she was still scared, but her breath had slowed down and lightened _considerably_ over the course of four gentle guided relaxations.

She took a few more deep breaths to compose herself while I just stood there, my paws still on her shoulders- or lack thereof.

"There," I said gently. "That's it. Slow and soft. One more breath, and this time do it with me."

She nodded, still holding the Mechinator, and we both inhaled and exhaled together at the exact same time. It helped a bit, and she managed to slow down her breath enough to look back at Koffie for a few seconds.

I nodded.

"Good," I told her. "Now, look straight ahead and say _het-kofschip— Mech Veranderd_."

Nervously, she looked directly at Koffie, trying not to flinch or look away, before it came out, in a nervously trembling voice:

"_H-het kofschip— Mech Veranderd_...?"

The sight of Koffie being enveloped as YYZ's opening cymbal riff began again told me that she had done it sufficiently enough, especially as Koffie's parts disassembled and she screamed in agony. I must have looked evil, nodding in satisfaction. Either way, as Koffie began being reassembled into Mech... whatever number it was... I took notice of the fact that she seemed to be floating without any form of propulsion, since her new form seemed to be forming wings first and foremost.

I wasn't able to pay attention to the rest of the transformation as I saw HP turning away and panicking _again_.

"GAH—!" she sobbed. "A-Absent! I hurt her!"

"Yes, but she'll be okay," I said matter-of-factly.

"SHE'S BROKEN INTO A THOUSAND PIECES AND IS SCREAMING—!"

"And she's been fine afterwards before, and she'll be fine afterwards this time." I said, interrupting.

"Her neck broke..."

"And she can put it back together," I returned, being met with heavy, inelegant sobs as a response. I turned around, catching sight of Koffie's pieces beginning to form a coherent whole.

"...Look," I said, gesturing to her. "See? It's all good; she's not screaming anymore."

"I CAN'T LOOK—!" she cried, turning away.

"No one's forcing you to," I said, kneeling over her cowering form.

"V-VHAT'S HAPPENING TO HER—?!"

"She's transforming. She'll be okay," I explained. "You were after _you_ transformed."

"I didn't break into a thousand pieces!" she objected. "I didn't even know! Why'd zey even break apart? What's happening to her pieces...?"

"They're rearranging into Mech... something," I said, chuckling slightly, having not kept track of the numbers used.

"So... zey're coming back together...?"

"Yeah, sure," I allowed, hearing the pieces that composed her interlocking.

"So... Koffie's okay...?"

"Yes. Like I said, she's been fine before and will be fine in the future."

"Oh... okay..."

With no other sounds but Koffie's Mechination I elected to look behind myself and caught sight of Koffie's head reconstituting.

"Look, she's almost done. You don't have to look. Just... promise that you'll see your finished product?" I asked.

"O-okay...!" she whimpered as I began massaging her bruised wing as best I could.

Within just a few more moments, the deafening sounds of Mechinations ceased, only to be punctuated with an announcement of:

** _HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH VIER!_ **

** _——————————————————————_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Mech Vier.

I had to jump out of Koffie in order to see it, which thankfully didn't take that long due to my vines, but when I eventually got a look at it...

Let me just say this- all that reassurance that Absent had done had paid off.

Immensely.

The previous four mechas were certainly nothing to sniff at. Mech Drie was absolutely incredible- probably even more so than Mech Een; Mech Twee was cute and adorable, yet powerful; Mech Zes had _rocket launchers _for ears, which spoke for itself; Mech Vijf was equal parts beautiful and formidable.

But Mech Vier?

I didn't know what it was- maybe it was the fact that it was the result of HP powering through her fears- but there was just something about seeing Mech Vier that made me overflow with joy.

For starters, I quickly noticed that looking at Mech Vier, the number of new parts that had been added were absolutely _none_. Mech Vier was interesting in that it was a mecha made entirely out of Koffie's original parts. As a whole, it resembled a giant mecha moth creature, and it was quite interesting to look at.

For starters, the lower deck of Koffie's body had snapped off and rotated 90 degrees, so that it formed white wings with blue outlines. In order to further resemble Volcarona wings, however, the lower deck had been tripled on both sides. In the middle of the wings was Koffie's long grey rudder tail, which here functioned as an abdomen. Koffie's head was attached to the front of the body, and its mouthpiece had rotated downwards to form a tongue. The eyes, meanwhile, had rotated to the back of the head and had become moth-like compound eyes. Underneath the head was a part of Koffie's engine- the green part, to be precise, which functioned as a Volcarona collar. Finally, Koffie's neck had split into two, and using the parts that had connected Koffie's head to its neck, the pieces of Koffie's neck had moved to either side of the head and tilted a bit to form the antenna.

The kicker was that there was no armor on it, unlike every other Mecha.

Okay, scratch that.

There was armor on its wings to make them resemble Volcarona wings more. Other than that, though... that was it.

Mech Vier looked simply amazing- and Absent was better at comforting people than he thought.

Just to see how HP was doing, I took a look over at her and Absent. While she looked a lot less terrified than she had been regarding the pin, she was still very much confused and scared of Mech Vier. I wanted to say something- until I heard HP and Absent talking to each other in front of me.

The former was slightly terrified.

"Oh no... oh no..." she muttered. "What happened to Koffie? That... zat's not Koffie! That's a big giant moth!"

"It's what she transformed into," Absent responded matter-of-factly.

HP just stood there in silence.

"Look," said Absent.

He pointed to its antenna.

"That's her neck..."

He pointed to its thorax.

"...that's her tail..."

He pointed to its wings.

"...that's her body. See?"

For the record, in case this gets taken out of context, know this: as I mentioned before Mech Vier's antennae were made from Koffie's neck, Mech Vier's thorax was made from Koffie's tail, and Mech Vier's wings were made from the lower deck on Koffie's body. That's what Absent is saying here; don't think he doesn't know how to identify body parts.

HP blinked.

"Oh..." she said. "I just see antenna and a butterfly body... and vings..."

Absent shrugged, while I decided to come closer to see what the heck was going on.

"That's your mech, I suppose," he said. "Must be designed for aerial reconnaissance."

"...for vhat?" HP responded.

Forget Madelief- this is why you never stuff Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness down _HP_'s throat.

Luckily, I knew exactly how to put it into layman's terms, and so could Absent.

"For flight travel," we both said together at the exact same time.

"Scouting from the sky, rather," Absent added.

"Oh..." said HP.

And that was when I looked closer and happened to see it for the first time.

There was a giant bruise on HP's wing.

And believe me, when I say giant, it was _giant_\- about the same size as the bruises that I get. Her wing was black and blue all over, and considering the fact that I had been inside of Koffie's interior for much of the time that HP was being comforted, I likely hadn't seen it at first glance.

Now that I was up close, however, I could see exactly how bad it was.

Shocked and disturbed as all get out- because why wouldn't I be?- I ran up to HP.

"Oh my god..." I muttered, examining the wing. "How the heck did you get this giant bruise?!"

HP whimpered.

I looked up at Absent, who chuckled nervously.

"Well... let's just say that I momentarily forgot how delicate wings can be for a second," he said. "I did an experiment with her where I went to the back of her wing and pushed it forward onto the pin so she would know what it felt like, but the first time I did it, I slapped her wing on accident, and... well..."

I didn't need to hear the rest. I had a good idea of what had happened already.

"It's fine," I said. "It was an accident. One thing's for sure, though— we're going to need to bring her in as soon as possible."

"No question about that," Absent responded. He turned to HP. "You want me to put some ice on that wing?"

"Um... Absent, she's half-Flying type," I said. "She's weak to it."

"Oh, right..." said Absent.

"How about we just put a water bag on her wing instead?" I asked.

HP nodded.

"Alright then," I said. "A water bag it is."

I turned to look at Koffie, who was still Mech Vier.

"Hey, Koffie?" I asked.

_Yeah?_ Koffie asked, looking down at me.

"Would you mind transforming back into your ship form so we can get out of here?" I asked. "Everyone's used their Mechinators, HP needs a bag of cold water on her wing pronto and we need to be on the lookout to see if Aleph-Null gets here. Or worse, if they already _are _here."

_On it! _Koffie responded.

In an instant, it muttered that thing in Dutch from before under its breath, and within a matter of seconds, it was back in its ship form. I nodded, before grabbing HP, running into Koffie, and gesturing for the rest of the Koffiehuis to follow me inside.

Which they did, all carrying their Mechinators with them still.

Within a few minutes, we had made it out of Wereldia and were now on Californian soil once again- this time in Roseville. Koffie landed, and Absent quickly went into the medic room to grab a bag of cold water, which he promptly put on HP's wing.

The rest of the Koffiehuis, meanwhile, either were talking to HP or were congratulating Absent on his comforting of HP.

As for me?

I turned to look out the window- and the instant I did, my heart dropped in the pit of my stomach.

Right outside the window was the unmistakable Aleph-Null airship. Case and Mancia were getting out of the ship, and the former had his Mechinator with him. In an instant, I knew we were in danger.

My eyes widening, I quickly turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Guys?" I asked gravely.

Everyone instantly turned to look at me as I took a breath.

"They're here," I said.

Instantly, the rest of the Koffiehuis, save for HP, ran up to the window and saw the exact same thing I was seeing. The minute he saw Case's Mechinator, Absent blinked in shock.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." he muttered.

"Koffie was right!" Madelief exclaimed. "Case _does _have a Mechinator!"

LF simply glared over at them.

Absent, meanwhile, took a step back, trying to compose himself.

"Okay," he said. "_Someone's_ gotta use theirs for this."

That was obvious.

"But how do we know which one's the strongest?" Absent continued.

I looked outside the window again, in a bit of a frantic panic.

"No idea, but I don't think we have any time to use the Mechinators to find out," I said urgently. "Aleph-Null is here. They're right outside the door, and we gotta get out of this ship as soon as possible."

I ran over to the door, motioning for the rest of the Koffiehuis to follow.

"Come on," I said.

Everyone else followed, and we were just about to exit until we heard a quiet cry coming from behind us.

"Vait-!"

We instantly turned and saw HP still sitting there.

"What about me...?" she asked.

Absent looked at her a bit incredulously.

"What?" he asked. "You think we'd leave you for dead?! C'mon!"

HP stared over at the bag on her wing.

"B-but... my ving still has water on it-" she protested.

Absent paused.

"Right," he said.

With that, he quickly ran over to HP and lifted her up on to his back, while the rest of us legged it out of the ship. By the time Absent had come outside and set down HP, we looked around for any sight of Aleph-Null— until we were suddenly interrupted by a very familiar, piercing voice coming from above us.

"Well, well, well," snarled Johnathon Case.

We looked up, to find the ruthless leader of Aleph-Null smirking down at us with smug satisfaction. In particular, Case seemed to be directing the majority of his venom towards- who else?- Absent, as evidenced by his next line.

"Good to see you again... _West_," he growled, saying Absent's last name like it was the worst thing in the world. "It's been a while since the day we tried to infiltrate your school, hasn't it?"

Absent said nothing. He just glared over at Case with a look of determination and drew his scalchop as a dark aura began to emanate from it.

Night Slash.

I, on the other hand, couldn't have been more unfazed. We weren't even _in _Folsom- we were in Roseville.

"HAH!" I laughed triumphantly, pointing a vine at Case. "You'll never take Folsom Lake College alive!"

Case smirked.

"No," he said.

And then he dropped the bombshell.

"But _she _might."

I found myself dropping my vine in confusion and hesitation.

"She?" I asked, confused. "Who's...?"

But all of a sudden I found myself unable to speak.

As a matter of fact, none of us could.

The door to the Aleph-Null airship suddenly opened, and I suddenly heard the familiar opening drumbeat of Nine Inch Nails' "The Four of Us Are Dying" playing in the background. The entire time I was mentally struggling _not _to start singing Absent's lyrics and make it into _Yonen wa Shinu_, but all my mind was thinking was:

_You know that we haven't gotten a prayer _  
_From saving ourselves from-_

The thoughts of the lyrics instantly faded when I saw _who _had exited the airship.

It wasn't Mancia.

It was someone new, someone who I had never seen before.

A woman.

She was rather tall, with dark black hair, sunglasses, and a military uniform filled to the brim with multiple kinds of guns and artillery. More or less, she reminded me of one of those powerful as heck, malarsenic-sulfur women who walked around like she owned the place and wanted to let everyone know that _she _was in charge.

You can figure out for yourself what malarsenic-sulfur means.

If you don't want to say all that, just say "malarsenic."

The moment we saw her, I blinked in disbelief.

I turned over to look at Mancia, who was standing far away from us, and humorously, he was looking at this woman with hearts in his eyes.

He was obviously in love.

The woman, of course, didn't seem to care.

She managed to make her way in front of us moments before taking out one of her guns and cocking it towards the sky.

"Evening, Koffiehuis," she said matter-of-factly before turning to her superior. "Case told me everything."

Well, at least _this _woman had the basic decency to call us the Koffiehuis and not call us peskers!

Case, grinning over at the woman with sheer triumph, gestured to her as she turned off the radio playing T4OAD.

"Peskers," he said, "this is my newly-promoted vice officer, Terry Williamson." He smirked. "I can already tell she'll be a _big _help."

Williamson...

The last name struck me as familiar, but I couldn't figure out why.

"Williamson...?" I whispered.

She glared at me.

"Yeah," she said curtly. "What's the big issue?"

Slightly intimidated, I stumbled back a bit.

"O-oh... nothing," I said hastily. "I've just never seen you before."

She turned away and grunted noncommitedly, seeming to accept my answer as satisfactory. Absent scoffed.

"What, did you axe your former lackey on grounds of treason?" he said, as deadpan as ever.

"No," Case said. "I just demoted him."

At that moment, Mancia barged in, cheerfully waving at us.

"Hello~!" he said happily.

I couldn't help but wave back; he was nothing more than a cute little cinnamon roll.

Unfortunately, Case didn't agree with me, and grabbed him by the neck.

"_PESKERS!_" he hissed. "_YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL THEM PESKERS!_"

"Oh, sorry," said Mancia apologetically.

He cleared his throat.

"Hello, peskers~!" he said again, grinning per the usual and clearly thinking that that word was nothing more than a cute little nickname and not a straight-up insult.

Case sideeyed him, managing to pull off Absent's trademark deadpan look of annoyance.

"That'll do," he groaned, causing Mancia to instantly light up.

I still felt sympathy for Mancia, but Absent, naturally, hadn't paid attention to any of that.

"What's this week's hare-brained scheme, Johnny?" he asked with palpable sarcasm, still holding his scalchop.

The bunnies giggled.

Case, meanwhile, just smirked. I had a feeling as to what he was about to do, which was take out his Mechinator and use it to turn the ship into a giant mecha.

Fortunately, I found myself ready to fight him back, holding up my own Mechinator.

"Glad you asked," said Case smugly.

And then he did something surprising.

"Terry... get it."

I lowered my Mechinator in confusion, while Williamson nodded- before taking out a black-and-white Mechinator of her very own.

I got chills down my spine- I had been ready for Case, but not for this.

"No way..." I muttered.

"She's got one, too?!" Madelief exclaimed, fearfully.

Absent just shrugged.

"A technology division," he mused. "Neat. Technology that's older than me, but neat."

_Neat_?!

How was that neat?! Williamson had a Mechinator, and Aleph-Null was going to use it to kill us all!

I would have been terrified out of my wits if I was him!

Before my eyes, Williamson turned to the ship and uttered a single, chilling command into the Mechinator:

"Aleph-Null— Activate Mech Change."

In a matter of seconds, the airship transformed into a giant mecha so quickly that I couldn't make out the steps to describe the transformation. All I will say is that the transformation didn't involve the rearranging of pieces like Koffie's did— instead it looked much more like something you'd find on _Transformers_.

The final mecha form was about as tall as a skyscraper, and had huge teeth. More or less, it was like a giant mecha Godzilla— except that, like M3, it could fly. The Millennium Falcon hide served as the wings.

Staring up at it, I momentarily forgot my determination.

"HOLY CRAP—!" I cried out in terror. "HOLY CRAP——!"

HP was nearly hyperventilating and holding her bruised wing close to her.

"What _is _that thing?!" Madelief gasped.

LF blinked up at it in shock for a few moments.

"My word," she said finally. "There is no way that my mech could take it down."

Absent simply smirked.

"Aw, look," he said. "I can do that, too."

And with that he took his Mechinator, twisted the dial three times counterclockwise, and slammed down the pin before pointing it directly at Koffie and screaming out the words that we'd all been practicing:

"**_HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_**"

Hoo-boy.

_Now_ it was going to be interesting.

The minute it was surrounded by the blue-green light that I had seen six times before, Koffie let out a scream of agony. I could not help but look over at Aleph-Null with a smirk of satisfaction on my face.

Williamson just stared at Absent's Mechinator in pure disbelief.

"You're _kidding_," she muttered under her breath.

"HE HAS ONE, TOO?!" Case exploded in rage.

"Ooh—!" Mancia exclaimed happily. "He has one, too!"

I simply turned to stare up at Koffie, who was just about to begin its transformation into Mech Drie.

And I will just say this- it may have been even more awesome than the transformation into Mech Een.

For starters- and strangely- the music that came out from the Mechinator was not "Ahead of Ourselves," but the familiar cymbals of "YYZ." Koffie's body broke apart into thousands of pieces, the only parts that did not sink into the floor being the main deck, the cockpit and the head, surprisingly enough, along with one part that had connected the head to the neck.

That piece stuck itself onto Koffie's body, and Koffie's head quickly turned itself 90 degrees and stuck on to its body.

And that was where it all went haywire.

From either side of Koffie's lower deck emerged two arm pieces, which came out of the holes on Koffie's lower deck. In an instant, said armpieces suddenly became covered by two giant silver steel cylindrical pieces that fell from the sky. Said steel pieces opened up, to reveal two giant blue hands with red armor on the fingers.

Meanwhile, from the cockpit, two legpieces emerged, and _they _found themselves covered by giant blue bricks ending in red toepieces. Two sections of Koffie's deck, meanwhile, suddenly pushed themselves inward, before flipping around on pivots and pushing back out to reveal two windows: one teal and one black.

And that was when _dozens _of pieces of armor fell from the sky and clipped themselves into place. Blue-and-cream armor, intending to resemble a Lapras' body and neck, clipped onto the deck and around the new windows. The new mecha's arms pulled back a bit, allowing for teal and black "feathered" shoulder armor to clip themselves into position just above Koffie's arms. Red shoulder armor clipped right before Koffie's headpiece, which was lifted up a bit to form a neck. Head armor- resembling a Lapras' head but with a golden crest, a golden horn, and a golden-plated snout- came down and clipped onto Koffie's headpiece, with two yellow Lapras ears unfolding on either side. In the center of the deck was a hidden FLC logo, and the section of blue armor just underneath the semicircle pushed inwards, flipping around on a pivot before pushing back out to reveal a Lapras shell to complete the aesthetic. The shoulder pieces, meanwhile, released two rocket thrusters, which unfolded two concealed teal wings, each one tipped with black "feathers."

Finally, the last part of the transformation occurred as Koffie opened up its hand, and a Samurott seamitar suddenly flew into view, which it promptly grabbed as though it was suddenly Thor, and it had just summoned Mjolnir. The cockpit and legs screwed themselves into a hole on Koffie's lower deck, and Mech Drie glared out at Aleph-Null- particularly Case- as the blinding blue light fizzled out.

It was, on the whole, amazing.

** _HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH DRIE!_ **

Case and Williamson were so enraged they were at a loss for words, while Koffie triumphantly let out a Saiyan scream that echoed throughout the streets of Roseville:

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!!_ **

"You're _JOKING!_" Case growled.

As for me?

The moment I saw M3 again, I couldn't help but pump my vine into the air in triumph.

"_YES—!!!_" I cried out, laughing triumphantly.

The rest of the Koffiehuis just stared in shock at the epicness that was M3, until I heard a voice singing from inside of Koffie's shell.

"_Look what's staring back at you_  
"_Caught reflecting in your eye~_"

I didn't know what the song was, but I knew who was singing, and suddenly realized that the shell contained a control panel on the other side that Absent was using. Case, naturally, growled upon hearing Absent's voice coming from Koffie.

"YOU FOOL!" he shrieked. "There's no time for this!"

He pointed forward, directly at Koffie.

"Ship mecha— ATTACK THEM!"

The mecha roared, before fast approaching Koffie, who instantly retaliated.

_Oh no, you don't!_

And with that, Koffie swung its right fist forward, delivering a hook to the ship mecha's head, before all of a sudden the shell's prongs opened up to reveal a dozen or so arrows. The arrows suddenly fired themselves at Aleph-Null's mecha, who cried out in pain and was instantly thrown back on the floor.

Koffie, meanwhile, held a hand up in front of its face and wiggled its fingers in awe.

_Ooh! _it giggled. _I never knew I could do that!_

It started playing with its fingers like they were toys again, much to my amusement.

Absent, on the other hand, facepalmed from behind the shell.

"Not the time!" he said urgently.

Koffie sunk.

Case, naturally, took one look over at his damaged mecha and growled in frustration.

"You PESKER!" he cried. "Williamson! Get the mecha back up on its feet!"

Williamson nodded. "Will do."

Without even a moment's hesitation, she pressed a button on her Mechinator, and the mecha got back up on its feet, albeit visibly shaken, before letting out a roar to the heavens.

Koffie gulped.

_Oh, no, _it said.

I didn't blame it- I was just as terrified and was thinking the exact same thing. Absent, however, refused to give up that easily, and Koffie instantly composed itself before flying towards the mecha at full speed in an attempt to take it down.

"Fighting game reflexes, don't fail me now-!" Absent cried from inside the shell.

If only he had said "don't _stop _me now"; then I could have sung my favorite Queen song.

Alas, as fast as his fighting game reflexes were, Aleph-Null's were even faster. Within mere moments, the other mecha delivered an uppercut straight into Koffie's shell, throwing it up into the air, before biting Koffie in the arm.

In an instant, Koffie was thrown back- and presumably, so was Absent.

I could barely stand to look at the damage that Aleph-Null's mecha had caused. All I knew was that Koffie had gotten hurt in some form. Concerned, I ran up to it.

"Koffie!" I cried out.

"No!" Madelief exclaimed.

Much to my relief, Koffie was able to stand back up without much visible damage- it helped immensely that it was made out of bootleg LEGOs- but it had clearly still been shaken by the attack. It glared over at Case, who simply smirked.

"You fool," he said smugly. "You seriously thought you'd be able to take our mecha down just like that?"

Naturally, Absent was unfazed by Case's taunts.

"Of course not," he retorted from inside the shell. "I'm prepared for this to take _hours_."

With that, he drove Koffie towards the lower half of the mecha's body, attempting to sweep its feet out from under it. I just stood there, growling over at Case in anger and knowing exactly how this was going to go.

And then it suddenly hit me.

"Wait a second," I muttered to myself. "The other mecha has-!"

Teeth.

The mecha had tried to bite Koffie with its teeth, but Koffie was made out of bootleg LEGOs. Aleph-Null's mecha ship, however, wasn't made out of bootleg LEGOs, and could break very easily with one bite.

And while M3 couldn't bite, M_1 _definitely could.

"Absent!" I cried out, turning to him.

"Come in, oghond!" Absent cried from behind the ship, attempting to cancel out the sweep into an uppercut- specifically a Shoryuken.

I smirked.

"Forget hours," I said. "I think I know how to defeat him in a matter of _seconds_."

And with that, I took out _my _Mechinator and went through the motions, before aiming it at Koffie and crying out:

"**_HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_**"

Absent was so shocked by that he instantly landed Koffie.

"The hell ya doin'?!" he cried out, evidently confused.

"Just watch," I said, continuing to smirk.

I already knew that Koffie could change from mecha to mecha, and waited as Koffie split apart, before all of its pieces rearranged in the same manner I described to you above into my dinosaur mecha.

** _HET-KOFSCHIP— MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH EEN!_ **

"Alright, Absent!" I called when it was done. "Get down from there!"

Absent did, jumping out of what was now M1's laser shooter towards me.

Confident that this was going to work, I stepped forward.

"I'll take care of this," I said, a triumphant smirk on my face.

Absent just stared at me incredulously.

"You're not going to tell me what the plan is?!" he cried.

Nope.

I figured that he could figure it out on his own.

With that, I pointed ahead at the belly of Aleph-Null's mecha.

"Koffie!" I cried. "Attack its center!"

Koffie did so, letting out a scream before ramming into and biting Aleph-Null's mecha in the chest. As I predicted, several chunks of the mecha's body flew off. I smirked over at Case, who growled.

"That _idiot..._" he muttered under his breath.

And then he turned to Williamson and dropped a big bombshell on my whole plan.

"Williamson!" he barked. "Activate Killing Mode!"

Well, I hadn't been expecting to hear _that_.

"**WHAT?!**" I cried.

Williamson nodded, then pressed a button on her Mechinator. Instantly, the Aleph-Null mecha's eyes glowed a bright red, and it let out a roar and thousands of guns and artillery suddenly appeared on its body. In that moment, I was honestly a bit jealous of Williamson— I wished that M_1 _had a Killing Mode, too!

"Why not just spend the entire fight like that?" Absent asked as the giant Killing Mode mecha began to charge its weapons.

I took one look up at the mecha and growled in frustration- before taking a look at the sky and realizing that clouds were suddenly gathering.

It was the perfect weather for a thunderstorm.

I suddenly felt all my determination return to me as I glared up at Aleph-Null.

"No..." I said, with resolve. "We can't give up now! We still have languages to teach! Koffie! Attack its head!"

My comment seemed to fill up Koffie with resolve too, and it glared over at the Killing Mode mecha with determination in its eyes.

_You seriously think you can kill us?! _it taunted.

The Killing Mode mecha roared before instantly releasing a barrage of arrows towards Koffie, as if to say "yes, I can."

Koffie, however, was unfazed.

_Take this! _it cried.

And with that, it aimed its lightning rod towards the sky. Instantly, its engine was hit by a bolt of lightning, and the energy from that bolt of lightning coalesced (_*cue the Come Together riff*_) into a huge ball of electricity. Koffie aimed the ball of electricity straight at the AN mecha's head, unleashing the final command as it did so:

** _DOOMSDAY... SPARK—!_ **

The ball of lightning shot out at the mecha's face and exploded, causing it to be caught off guard and drop all its arrows and weaponry before they could reach Koffie. In an instant, the mecha was struck by a huge bolt of lightning, which caused it to cry out in pain as its body likely burned to bits.

"WHAT?!?!" Case shrieked.

"YES!" I exclaimed, pumping my vine into the air and having a _very _good feeling that the AN mecha was done for.

"Hm," Absent mused, staring out at the screaming mecha. "How'd she know she had that?"

I had no idea either, but regardless, _THIS WAS FREAKING AWESOME!_

I didn't just have a dinosaur mecha, I had a dinosaur mecha that knew an Electric-type attack with its power ramped up a billion times!

Case, of course, growled in anger and pointed a finger at me.

"You pesker..." he snarled. "As soon as that bolt of lightning fades out... _I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!_"

And at that moment, the bolt of lightning faded out, causing the AN mecha to slump forward in pain.

Case didn't seem to let that faze him.

"YES!" he cried out. "Perfect! Williamson, get them!"

He turned to Williamson- only to find her frantically pressing buttons in an attempt, supposedly, to get the mecha to work.

"I can't!" she yelled, frantically continuing to push buttons. "Something's wrong with the program!"

I smirked with triumph, knowing that my plan had worked.

I had gotten them.

And the best part was, _YYZ _was just about to end.

Case, who was once again horrified, ran up to the Mechinator.

"WHAT?!" he cried out, almost as loudly as Absent. "B-but... how?!"

"I don't know!" Williamson urgently responded, trying her best to fix the system. "The lightning must have damaged the system!"

"That's not possible!" Case cried out.

At that exact moment, I looked over at Absent, and it was clear we were both thinking the same thing:

_Oh yes, it is._

Horrified, Case looked up at his mecha, and for a few moments it remained standing, until it ultimately collapsed to the ground in defeat.

Right as the last notes of _YYZ_ played.

It was the most satisfying synchronization I had ever heard in my life- and Case's breakdown immediately afterwards was just as satisfying.

"**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!**" Case screamed.

I smirked.

"Must have short-circuited... Omega-1, I'mma call it," Absent said matter-of-factly, smirking with triumph at Aleph-Null as he did so.

Omega-1...

I liked the sound of that.

Dang, Absent, first the Koffiehuis and now this? You're good with names, buddy.

"There's no way...!" Case stammered, breaking down even more.

"Well, how else can you explain that?"

Absent's response seemed to anger and frustrate Case even more, and I knew exactly why— it was because he knew he had lost.

Again.

He did _not _like to lose.

That I knew for an absolute fact.

Case growled in frustration before turning to Williamson.

"Return it back to ship mode," he growled, frustrated that we had beaten him for the second time.

Williamson nodded, before speaking into the Mechinator.

"Aleph-Null Mecha— return to form," she said.

In an instant, it did.

I just stood there, smirking like a lunatic, while Absent gestured to Case for him to pay up.

"Concede and we won't wreck your recruitment budget," he said.

Case stared at him incredulously, not even paying attention to the fact that both Mancia and Williamson were getting back on board the airship.

"Recruitment budget—?!" he growled incredulously. "What recruiment-"

But he was suddenly cut off by the stoic voice of his new vice officer.

"Just let it go, Officer," she said, raising her hand to silence him. "They've already won."

With that, she boarded the airship.

Case, meanwhile, growled in frustration, before glaring over at us, his finger extended.

"Well done, peskers," he snarled. "You win this time."

He turned on his heel and started for the door of the ship.

"Mark my words, however- I _will _return. With a vengeance. And a bigger mecha ship than ever before."

Well, that sounded... at least slightly ominous.

Still, though, I had confidence that we would be able to beat him again, especially now that we had the Mechinators on our side.

With that, Case entered the ship and the door closed behind him. As we watched, Koffie included, the Aleph-Null airship took off into the sky, albeit a lot more battered than before.

Of course, though, Case still managed to give the Koffiehuis a few last words before the ship left for good:

"WE... ARE... INEVITABLE—!"

With that, the ship flew off, and the Koffiehuis, myself included, watched as it disappeared into the night.

As for Case's last rebuttal?

Well, I had seen _Endgame _three times, so I knew _exactly _where to go with this.

"And we... are the Koffiehuis," I said, cracking my vine in the air and smirking at the Aleph-Null airship as it left.

Absent simply stared at me for about 25 seconds giving me _that _look before he eventually spoke.

"...there are thirteen different ways I could react to that," he said. "I shall leave you with the most succinct: **_No._**"

I sunk instantly, both my face and my vine falling to the ground.

Absent was such a buzzkill sometimes.

"You don't know _how _much you sound like LonelyFox right now..." I moaned.

"We _are _pretty no-nonsense," said Absent, shrugging.

He did have a pretty good point.

"True..." I admitted, sighing in annoyance.

A pause.

"Well, except mainly for Madelief, HP, and Yuunarii," I added, "and even _they_ can be no-nonsense when they need to be."

See: the Aleph-Null battles, HP's confrontation with her mother, and _every single Mechination_.

"But..." said Absent, "I suppose with any sense of danger gone, we can afford to let up a little bit."

I brightened instantly.

"Yay—!" I cried happily, running up to hug Absent with my vines.

He backed away in response.

"Still gotta cool down," he said.

And as quickly as my spirits had been lifted, they sunk again.

"Oh... okay..." I muttered, a bit heartbroken.

Not so heartbroken that I was going to burst into tears at the slightest moment, but still.

I walked away from Absent, my head down, only to be greeted by almost the entire rest of the Koffiehuis tackling me in hugs- except for LF, of course, who simply hugged me normally. The only one who didn't hug me, of course, was HP, for reasons that should be obvious to you.

Namely, her wing was still bruised and she was still carrying a bag of water on it.

Regardless, that didn't really matter. The rest of the Koffiehuis hugging me in congratulations was enough to brighten my spirits a bit.

I turned to look over at Absent, who leaned against the wall, his paws behind his back. I presumed that at any moment he was going to do what he did most of the time to cool down- pull out his playlist and listen to music.

That is, until I noticed that Koffie was still M1.

Given that Koffie had mentioned it earlier, I knew there was a callsign to change it back, but I wanted to find it out on my own. We had defeated Aleph-Null, after all, and HP still needed tending to her wing.

"Absent?" I called, gesturing to Koffie.

Absent took one look over at it and nodded.

"Right," he said.

He took his Mechinator out and started fiddling with it, evidently trying to find some way to change Koffie back.

I giggled.

"Uh... Absent," I said, "that's _your _Mechinator. I don't know if it's going to work on my mech form."

"Hey, I can't tell the difference between yours and mine yet," he said.

"Our Mechinators or our Mechas?" I asked. "Because honestly you should be able to tell the difference between both."

Before Absent could respond, though, it hit me.

Williamson had said "return to form" when putting the AN mecha back in its ship form. When changing it, she had said "Mech Change," which Sierra mistranslated as _mech veranderd_\- which is the past tense.

_'T kofschip _for the win!

Regardless, if the same rules applied for both our Mechinators and AN's Mechinator...

"Wait," I said. "Madelief?"

The happy-go-lucky Hoppip turned to me. "Yeah?"

"What's 'return to form' in Dutch?" I asked.

Hey, figured it could give me a chance to learn more Dutch words...

"Oh!" Madelief giggled. "That's easy; it's 'ga terug naar vorm'-"

That was all I needed to hear.

"Dankjewel," I said, instantly cutting her off.

With that said, I pulled out my Mechinator and spoke into it:

"_Het-kofschip— ga terug naar vorm!_"

In an instant, Koffie's parts reassembled into its ship form, just as I had predicted.

Absent, meanwhile, again raised his paw weakly in the air in "celebration."

"Whee, Dutch G..." he said.

I was grinning broadly from ear to ear, delighted that the information from the game had, in fact, stuck.

"Yes- wheee!" I cried happily. "THANK YOU, NORTH CATS!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"So... now what?" Absent asked, looking back towards the ship. "I mean, we've all activated our Mechinators and Aleph-Null got pushed back, so that takes care of that..."

HP whimpered behind him, causing Absent to turn.

"Oh, right," he said. "Your wing's still bruised."

"Y-yes..." HP muttered.

"Sorry about that, by the way," Absent said, chuckling nervously.

HP looked down.

"Oh no, i-it's fine," she said. "My ving still hurts, though..."

"Yeah, I doubt a bruise that big is going to go anyway anytime soon," I said matter-of-factly.

"It'll stop hurting, though!" Madelief cried happily.

HP chuckled.

"Yes..." she said. "Yes, it will."

I couldn't help but smile- but my heart was truly warmed by what happened next.

"And... Absent?" HP asked.

"Yeah?" Absent replied.

HP smiled as best she could.

"Sank you..." she said.

Absent blinked, as though he hadn't expected to be thanked by her.

"Sank you for helping me... vis the Mechinator, I mean," she said. "You're better at comforting zan you think."

"Yeah!" Madelief cried. "You should become a hypnotist!"

Absent laughed.

"What?" he asked. "No, no, no. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment, but if you think I have any desire to follow in either Nimja's _or _Ultra's footsteps, you are _badly _mistaken," he said.

"Still... that doesn't matter," said HP. "You're a really great friend, Absent. I don't sink I could have possibly found ze courage to do zat without you."

Absent blinked.

"You... really mean that?" he asked.

"Of course she does!" I cried out. "Your loyalty and moral support are among the top reasons as to _why _you deserve to be a member of the Koffiehuis in the first place! HP was the one who saved your life, and in helping her, you returned the favor."

Absent looked over at HP— and the instant he did, he couldn't help but smile.

I can say this first hand: Absent doesn't genuinely smile often, unless it's to do with memes. He's a sucker for memes. Other than that, though, his default expression is usually his classic look of deadpan.

So if he ever genuinely _does _smile- which he has done- it's absolutely adorable.

..._No, I don't mean that romantically!_

Get your heads out of the gutters!

"Thanks," said Absent.

"You're velcome," HP said.

"You cracked, buddy," I said, smirking.

Absent's smile only grew when he heard that.

"Holy crap, I did," he said. "Again."

Now _I _couldn't stop smiling.

"I... don't think my fear is ever going to truly go away, zough..." HP suddenly muttered, looking down at the floor. "In fact..." She shivered. "I'm pretty sure zat the next time I do it I'll be even _more _terrified...!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because she saw _eight _Mechinations today and was traumatized by all eight of them because she thought she had hurt Koffie," Absent said matter-of-factly, his smile fading.

"Oh," I said.

"But you know what?" Absent broke in. "That's okay."

HP looked up.

"Because you're right, HP," said Absent. "Your fear of A) slamming down the pin of the Mechinator on your own and B) actually watching a Mechination probably _won't _go away. Phobias are innate like that."

"Y-yes..." HP muttered.

Then she paused.

And then she said the thing that nearly got me crying tears of joy.

"But... at least I have you."

I could have sworn I saw Absent get choked up there, but maybe it was just my imagination.

"Thanks, HP," said Absent. "I appreciate that."

Madelief was so touched she burst into tears of joy.

Though I'll admit; I came pretty close.

"So... about my ving...?" HP asked.

"Don't worry about it," said Absent, scoffing. "Compared to teaching the world Dutch and fending off Aleph-Null, it's really not that important."

"So... I can take the water bag off now?" HP asked.

"Yeah, you can," said Absent. "C'mon."

HP smiled, throwing the bag of water off of her and revealing her badly-bruised wing for all to see as she and the rest of the Koffiehuis reentered Koffie.

And as I did so, I couldn't help but realize something.

At the end of the day... HP was right.

Her fear would never truly go away, but she had Absent to help her through it.

More importantly, she had all of us.

And that was enough in the end.

Because here's the thing. When it comes to fear, it never truly goes away, but your friends will be there for you to make whatever it is that you're afraid of just a little less scary.

Especially when it's M4 (mech fear).

** _EINDE_ **


	10. ACHT: A Few Crude Stams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, it's finally here! I've been writing this chapter for two months, and I am more than happy to say- Chapter 8 of Pokemon: SOSchip, "A Few Crude Stams," is out, and at over 30,000 words, it is by far the longest chapter yet. Makes sense, considering that the entire chapter revolves around a court case in which a crude stam is convicted. This is honestly a very interesting chapter, considering that not only do you, the audience, get to learn about how crude stams and conjugation work in the Dutch language, you also get to learn how a court trial works- which was something that I myself had to learn as time went on. 
> 
> Thankfully, I did learn it- from the Absent Coder, and although he doesn't have a direct collaboration in this chapter, he did write many of the lines and also helped me GREATLY in learning how the heck trials work. Without him, there is a very good chance that the trial would not be that accurate. So thank you, Absent, for indirectly helping me to write this chapter. 
> 
> With that said-- here's Chapter 8, "A Few Crude Stams"! ENJOY! (And don't worry. The next chapter, "Jeetje!", will be a lot shorter... hopefully.)

ACHT: A Few Crude Stams

Conjugation.

Without a doubt, it's the most important grammatical concept in the history of grammatical concepts.

Plenty of languages have their own sets of rules as to how verbs are conjugated- all with their own varying degrees of difficulty. English's conjugation is fairly simple; French has three different types of verb endings depending on what type of verb it is— along with irregular verb endings; Kyrellik's conjugation is practically _nonexistent_; and Japanese is a whole other can of worms that I don't want to open.

Not like I _would _open it up, though, largely because Absent has a much better understanding of how Japanese conjugation works.

Which makes perfect sense, considering the fact that Absent speaks semi-fluent Japanese.

However, out of all of them- with the possible exception of Japanese- no conjugation rules have fascinated me more than Dutch conjugation rules.

At first glance, Dutch conjugation seems simple enough, but then you start getting into things like 't kofschip and you realize that it's actually a lot more interesting than it seems. Arguably the most interesting part, however, is the present tense conjugation rules. On the surface, they seem simple enough, but there's one part that makes it all a lot harder than per the usual.

Stam rules.

See, as I've mentioned before, there are two different kinds of stams in the Dutch language. A "stam," for those of you who've been under a rock since I told you about the day I met the Vandertramps, is basically any Dutch verb minus the -en. In fact, that exact definition- the word minus the -en- is what we call a "crude stam".

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's more the fact that I talk to inanimate objects as though they're real, but I've always felt bad for a crude stam for being called that. A "crude" stam. It's as though it's a bad thing that the stam hasn't been finalized.

Yes, there are such things as "final" stams, and I'll get to those later.

Anyways.

The "crude" stam thing has always been sort of an enigma to me. Given that Wereldia is filled with personifications of Dutch concepts- or rather, Pokemon-ifications of Dutch concepts- I've wondered exactly how it feels for those stams to be called "crude."

I never found out the answer until the day I ended up caught in a freaking court case, wondering how the heck the criminal justice system worked.

No, I'm not kidding.

I haven't been put on jury duty or anything like that, but I was involved in a court case. And for the record, it turns out when I wrote a court case all those years ago for Pokemon Opal and Garnet, I was missing a few things.

Most of what I know about court cases stemmed from TV and movies, so my knowledge was limited to "do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God", a bunch of people standing up, and gavel-slamming. It wasn't until I found myself witness to the most grotesque crime of racism in Wereldian history that I found out how exactly it all played out.

And let me tell you- it was better than I expected.

Way better than I expected.

Naturally, the day started in- where else?- Wereldia, and this time it wasn't on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_.

Nope, this time we were out and about in Wereldia, trying to find something to do in the city. Heck, I had been hoping that we would find at least someplace where some aspect Dutch grammar could be taught, largely because... well, 't kofschip was really the only thing I knew about Dutch grammar.

That and the pronunciation of the Dutch G, but that took me seven months to learn.

Regardless, I knew that I couldn't teach Dutch grammar to the world unless me and Absent learned some stuff about it.

So I proposed to the foreigners and to Absent that we go to Donkeybridge, Inc. and see if they had any new mnemonic devices up and ready.

Upon hearing my request, Madelief became ecstatic as all get out.

"ARE YOU KIDDING?!" she gushed upon hearing the news. "I would absolutely love to go back to Donkeybridge, Inc.!"

"Agreed," said LF with (naturally) much less excitement. "Especially considering the fact that, as far as I am aware, Absent has never been to Donkeybridge, Inc. before."

"Nope," Absent responded, shaking his head. "I mean, I've heard about it, and I know it's Dr. Vandertramp's workplace, but that's about it."

I smirked at him.

"Not to mention the establishment where we decided to come up with the idea to form the SOSchip group in the first place," I said.

Absent blinked.

"Wha...?" he asked.

And then he remembered.

"Oh, right, Dr. Vandertramp gave a speech about how Dutch was a dying language and how it needed to be saved," he said. "I forgot about that."

"You should have heard that speech though!" Madelief exclaimed, floating over to Absent. "It was absolutely incredible! Dr. Vandertramp was hilarious throughout the whole thing! He made a bunch of puns on Dutch words and talked about 't kofschip, and it was SO AWESOME-! It's too bad no one could record it, though..."

"Yeah," said Absent, "that's a shame."

By this point I was getting slightly impatient. I had an extremely strong desire to go back to Donkeybridge, and Absent still hadn't answered the question as to whether he wanted to go or not yet.

I will admit that my incessant eagerness for conversation is one of my biggest flaws- in fact it was the whole reason as to why I wrote "Don't Stop Me Now," Chapter 4 of Play the Game and one that I hold _extremely _close to my heart. Largely because it's so personal. I don't really have time to explain the story behind the chapter, but if you read it I think you'll be able to make the connection pretty much instantaneously.

Regardless, I was starting to wonder if Absent actually wanted to go or not. Everyone else seemed eager, so I presumed Absent was too, but I wouldn't know for certain until I got a definitive answer.

Which Absent wasn't giving right now.

So at that moment, I was just about to turn around and say something to him.

And I would have said something to him, if not for what followed less than half a second after I opened my mouth:

**BOOM.**

Immediately startled, we turned straight towards the source of the sound and found something that absolutely none of us expected to see at all.

Half of the Wereldian Stadium, crumbling to the ground and having been blown to smithereens.

Instantly, my blood ran cold.

"HOLY CRAP!" I cried.

"Is that a demolition?!" Madelief exclaimed.

"Yeah, unless there's evidence of a fire," said Absent. "Then it's arson. Or if there's graffiti. Then it's vandalism."

And then I heard them.

The screams of suffering Pokémon.

Now alarmed I turned my attention towards the front of the stadium, only to find hundreds of thousands of Torracat, Espurr, and Meowstic- North Cat players- along with fans- running out of the stadium screaming things that I wasn't able to hear. I had a feeling as to what this was the moment I saw it, and I instantly felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

"Uh... guys...?" I said, horrified. "I don't think that's a demolition..."

The entire group looked towards where I was looking, and saw it, too. The instant their eyes made contact with the horrifying sight in front of them, most all of them reacted the same way I had:

Pure unbridled shock.

The exceptions, naturally, were LF- who glared over at the sight in rage- and Absent, who naturally reacted exactly the way you'd expect from someone who comes from a place where this kind of thing happens _every single day_.

"Ah. It was a premeditated attack on a crowd," he mused. "That's terrorism. Or, as we call it in America, Tuesday."

Like I didn't know that already. I _am_ an American citizen, after all; you won't believe the number of terrorist attacks that have occurred in the United States. Many of them were done by white men with assault rifles, in plenty of American cities. This has led to many people clamoring for stricter gun control laws- myself included.

And they call this place the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Madelief, who was horrified as heck- because WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE?!- turned straight to Absent with a terrified look on her face.

"So you're saying that every Tuesday in America there's a terrorist attack?!" she gasped.

Absent shook his head.

"No, I was saying premeditated domestic - meaning done by someone from the same country they're attacking - terrorism happens so often it may as well happen every Tuesday."

I could not agree more.

"That's awful...!" HP sobbed, shivering.

Absent nodded. "America traded in the God it was founded under for one who signs his name with a capital "G"; we've been slowly destroying ourselves since we were _founded_."

THIS.

This is exactly why I wrote _Freewill in 2112_.

If Americans keep up their stupidity, we could very well end up with something like Hilltop, CT faster than we expect.

Madelief, meanwhile, blinked.

"But I thought God was spelled with a capital G already..." she muttered.

I felt like giggling.

Madelief _really _doesn't get Nine Inch Nails references, does she?

"Song lyrics are weird like that - did he mean the _government_ or _greed_? It's been 13 years and that's still contestable."

"Oh, that was a song lyric!" Madelief giggled. "Never mind."

Then she paused.

"Wait, who's 'he'? God?"

"Reznor," Absent corrected, shaking his head. "But enough about the beginning of a three-century-long end, we should alert someone or something."

"Agreed," I said, by this point eager to get in there and find out what the heck was going on.

HP, meanwhile, floated up to me, terrified.

"D-do you..." she stammered, "do you think zat's them?"

"Aleph-Null?" I asked. "No, that can't be possible. There's no way they can find this place. If you ask me, I think we should go in there and investigate this place for ourselves."

"Why would they attack a _stadium_, anyway?" Absent added, "There's a building dedicated to making languages easier to learn."

He was right about that, too. Donkeybridge, Inc. was literally a few blocks from the stadium. If Aleph-Null wanted to destroy anything, it would be Donkeybridge first and foremost.

"Plus, we _really_ should leave this to the authorities," he added. "There are other people there who are also better-suited to testifying than us."

And speak of the devil, at that exact moment, I noticed a Torracat running away from the crumbling stadium screaming "CALL THE POLICE! CALL THE POLICE!" in pure, unbridled terror. Spotting him- and seeing a clear witness- I turned directly to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Look, there's someone there right now," I said, pointing my vine at the Torracat.

Now desperate to get his attention, I jumped up in the air- as best as a Bulbasaur could jump, anyways- and began frantically waving my vines.

"Excuse me!" I cried. "Excuse me!"

He noticed.

Without a moment's hesitation, the frantic Torracat ran over to me and the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"What the heck is going on?" I asked.

The Torracat turned back towards the stadium and growled in sheer disdain.

"It's them again!" he muttered angrily. "The crude stams are at it again, demolishing buildings and property!"

My heart suddenly skipped a beat.

"Crude stams...?!" I muttered in shock.

I had no idea there were Pokémon personifications of _crude stams _in Wereldia!

Admittedly, though, I probably should have guessed that there would be. It was Wereldia, after all; if the pronunciation of the Dutch G could be personified, so too could crude stams- and likely, by extension, final stams.

The Torracat growled at me.

"Yes, the crude stams!" he said insistently. "I knew those rulebreakers were criminals! All of them are! Now they're saying they're going to destroy Donkeybridge!"

And with that, he ran off, leaving me there to fully comprehend what I had just heard.

I didn't know whether to believe him or not.

On the one hand, he mentioned "they," as if the crude stams were some sort of terrorist group like Aleph-Null.

On the other hand, his words sounded _disturbingly _like anti-African-American rhetoric. Heck, forget that— they sounded like Anti-_Semetic _rhetoric.

Now, I'm someone who personally believes in the phrase "innocent until proven guilty," so I decided to trust my latter instinct- that that Torracat was simply prejudiced or racist.

He might as well go around wearing a MWGA hat.

As soon as he was gone, Absent turned to me, confused as all get out.

"Dare I ask what those are?" he finally asked after a moment's silence. "Are they like Bloods or Sinaloa?"

Bloods, I had heard of before.

Sinaloa, I hadn't.

"Bloods?" I asked. "As in, Homestuck?"

"Sina- what?" Madelief asked.

For once, I was thinking the same thing. Luckily, Absent was there to provide me and Madelief with the answer.

"Gang who roams the slums and defends their territory, and a drug-smuggling cartel," he explained.

"Oh," said Madelief.

A pause.

"Wait... cartel...?"

Dang it, Absent, you were doing so well at avoiding SL until that last word!

"A fancy term for a ring, which describes a number of people in organized crime," Absent explained. Then, after a pause, he added:

"Like terrorism."

"Oh—!" said Madelief. "Okay!"

"But anyways," Absent finished, turning to me, "crude stams?"

Oh.

Right.

Absent didn't have a clue as to what a crude stam was.

He probably didn't even have an idea as to how Dutch conjugation worked.

"Oh... yeah, they're an essential part of Dutch grammar," I said casually. "I have no idea why they're being labeled as criminals, though."

Not just criminals- _rule-breakers._

Absent scoffed.

"Because schools shy from the concept of students _daring_ to learn to speak..."

He gasped overdramatically.

"...**_casual foreign_**!"

Funny he should say that, because crude stams actually _aren't _casual foreign. If you're Dutch or learning it, you'd know that.

Absent wasn't, though.

"No, no, no," I muttered, shaking my head, "they were called 'rulebreakers.'"

And then it hit me.

My face suddenly lit up in determination.

"And I think I might have an idea as to why," I said.

Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis turned to look at me.

"It has to do with how Dutch conjugation and spelling rules work, but I don't really think I can explain that now in the midst of a _terrorist attack_," I said, looking back towards the crumbling stadium. "For now... we gotta get in there and find out what is going on."

I instantly started running to the stadium, motioning for the rest of the Koffiehuis to do the same thing.

"Come on," I told them.

And with that, the rest of the Koffiehuis looked at each other before following me into the stadium.

What we saw there would lead to one of the craziest days of my entire life.

——————————————————————————

When the six of us- eight, if you count the bunnies- entered the stadium, we were shocked by what we saw inside. For starters, the stadium was in pieces. Seats had been destroyed, there was a giant gaping hole in the ceiling, and burn marks were everywhere. In the midst of it all were thousands and thousands of cops, all of whom were either Arcanine, Manectric, or Stoutland. Absent was nervously waving at every single cop he came across, likely because he felt obligated to.

Since, you know, they were cops.

As we got closer, two Arcanine in particular were holding on to a pleading, sobbing Shiny Dragonite, glaring down at him with a look of disdain. The Shiny Dragonite was wearing a blue and white shirt with the symbol of an Incineroar on it, as well as a blue-and-white wristband. I found this odd at first, because normally Pokemon don't wear clothes.

Then again, I wear glasses.

My thoughts were that either this was the killer or an innocent man.

Er, Pokemon.

I guessed the latter, but everywhere around us people were furiously chanting:

"LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!"

I didn't know if that meant he was the killer or if these people were just prejudiced as heck, but I quickly got the answer as we got closer. The Shiny Dragonite was not only sobbing for his life, but was desperately trying to get out of the cops' grasp, and as I continued to approach the aftermath of the crime, I could hear the Shiny Dragonite sobbing his eyes out.

"No... no... please..." he wailed. "You need to let me go--! I'm innocent!"

The Arcanine cops only bit him more.

"I'M INNOCENT-!" sobbed the Shiny Dragonite.

One of the cops- a Manectric- glared down at the Shiny Dragonite, scoffing.

"Yeah, yeah, a likely story," said the cop. "Just take off your dang -_en_ like the rest of us do, _Pols_."

He sighed, saying the name like there was nothing he detested more.

"It's basic conjugation rules, I swear..." the cop muttered.

I looked ahead and suddenly noticed four small Unown letters floating around the Dragonite's head.

P-O-L-S

Funny, because "pols" is Dutch for "wrist," which explained the wristband he was wearing. But that was a noun, and the cop had implied that he was a _verb_, since he mentioned the letters -en.

And then I noticed the Unown letters switching around location.

I suddenly had a feeling as to what verb he represented, but I needed some form of confirmation first.

"What the heck is going on?" I asked, by this point able to talk to the sobbing Shiny Dragonite- whose name, apparently, was "Pols."

Pols was so terrified of the cops holding him that he could barely make out a coherent sentence, but what he did say was just about everything I needed to hear.

"Gesloopt..." he muttered. "H-he came in-- destroyed this place to the ground--"

_Gesloopt_.

I knew that verb- and my theory regarding Pols' name was suddenly confirmed.

It was one of the first verbs used as an example of 't kofschip in the Clipphanger video that taught me everything I needed to know. The sentence was _ik heb het huis gesloopt-_ I have demolished the house- and if you know the rules of 't kofschip, which you should, you'll understand why this is 't kofschip in action.

Of course, a verb meaning "destroyed" would destroy a stadium!

"Gesloopt..." I muttered.

"Translation being?" Absent asked, turning to me.

I instantly felt my heart rise- this was right up my alley.

"Gesloopt," I explained. "It's the past tense of slopen, meaning 'to destroy.' If you take off the '-en' from that, you get the crude stam, _slop_. Backwards, it's 'pols.'"

Hence, the name of the Dragonite.

Absent paused for a few moments to think about it, but eventually nodded.

"Okay, I think I get it," he said. "Does this Pols character have a criminal history or ties to people _with_ criminal histories?"

Pols shook his head frantically, the cops continuing to glare at him as he tried to pull away.

"...N-no!" he sobbed. "No! Not at all! I was just here for the game! I swear!"

And all of a sudden I realized why he was wearing a blue and white shirt and wristband.

He was a _North Cat fan_.

Based on his testimony, he must have been at the stadium to watch the North Cats.

And what he said next seemed to provide credibility to that.

"I was watching the game," Pols explained, sobbing, "when all of a sudden this giant Hyper Beam came in, and Gesloopt entered the stadium, said he was going to destroy all crude stams and blew a huge hole in the stadium...!"

Well, that explained the giant hole in the ceiling.

Tears in his eyes, Pols turned to an Arcanine cop.

"I swear it wasn't me..." he muttered.

The cop simply smirked at him.

"Ah, but Gesloopt wasn't there, was he...?!" the cop said sarcastically, his smirk slowly growing into a Slasher Smile.

Pols shook his head in terror.

"No..." he muttered.

"Exactly."

The cop instantly shot out a Fire Blast attack at the poor Dragonite, who cried out in fear. He then slammed his paw, claws out, onto Pols, before getting up in his face and glaring at him.

"So it must have been _you_," he said through clenched teeth.

That got me.

Not only was this police brutality, this was just straight-up racism.

"What the—?!" I cried, shocked and livid.

"So, what, just because no one else can presently testify to the presence of this Gesloopt character you assume that Pols is completely to blame?" Absent added, stepping forward.

The cop nodded.

"Dude, that's like asking if someone drank the last soda when you never even bought any!" Absent cried.

The Manectric cop shook his head and shot a glare over at Pols.

"I _know_ it was him," the cop growled. "It must have been him. A final stam would never do such a thing. Much less a conjugated stam. These crude stam rebels are the _real_ criminals."

Continuing to glare at Pols, he stood up and began pacing around the floor.

"They have broken all the laws of Dutch conjugation, plain and simple, and they very well ought to go back and relearn those laws so they can learn how to be a _TRUE_ stam."

He glared over at Pols on those last two words, causing the poor Dragonite to shiver.

I had never been so livid in my whole dang life.

First the cop was saying that all crude stams were criminals, so therefore Pols _must _have destroyed the stadium, and second, he was saying that crude stams broke the laws of Dutch grammar.

_DID HE EVEN KNOW HOW DUTCH GRAMMAR WORKED?!_

This was basically the same thing as saying "all immigrants are terrorists" because of what happened on 9/11! If the cop did his dang research, he'd realize that the crude stams were following Dutch grammar rules, too!

Looking over at the rest of the Koffiehuis, they were either horrified or angry.

Absent, meanwhile, glared over at the cop, his voice practically dripping with Tranquil Fury.

"That's thought reform," he said. "What you're talking about is _thought reform._"

"Scratch thought reform," I cried, _way _more actively incensed than Absent, "that is RACISM, plain and simple!"

Angrily, I pointed an accusing vine at the cop.

"That is sheer, honest-to-god RACISM and you know it!" I yelled.

"Yeah, that's extremely racist," Madelief agreed, approaching me from behind. "What even is thought reform?"

"Brainwashing," I responded dryly. "Go read _1984_ if you want to learn more about it."

For the record, _1984_ is my favorite classic book of all time. I love it so much that I made a musical out of it, consisting of nothing but Disturbed songs.

"Less brainwashing and more conditioning via negative reinforcement," Absent corrected, shooting a quick furtive glance at Madelief before turning to the cop.

"Oh," said Madelief. "Well, how is it thought reform, then?"

"Taking them into custody in an attempt to re-educate them into what being 'proper' grammar is," Absent explained. "Re-education is a fancy way to say thought reform."

"Oh," said Madelief.

Apparently, the cop must have heard Absent's accusations, because mere moments after Madelief said that, he turned and got straight in Absent's face, giving him a death glare.

Absent, intimidated, stepped back.

"And you," the cop growled, "you who think this is 'thought reform'- you can get yourself right outta here and go back to where you came from."

"WHOA—!" I cried, now extremely insenced and defensive.

Okay.

There was no doubt about it now. This cop sucked.

Racism was one thing, but trying to hurt my best friend?

That was something else entirely.

It's very likely I would have slapped him across the face- heck, I might have even cursed him out- if not for the fact that immediately afterwards, he turned his attention back to Pols and started dragging the sobbing Shiny Dragonite into his police car.

"Now, you, come with me, _criminal_," he said, snarling.

"I'M NOT A CRIMINAL!" Pols sobbed. "YOU NEED TO BELIEVE ME!"

"TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!" screamed the cop.

And just like that, he threw the sobbing Pols into a police car that was being driven by a Machoke in uniform. Again, I found this odd, considering the fact that Pokemon weren't supposed to wear clothes.

Regardless, the police car drove off, followed by just about all of the cops.

I was standing there, absolutely shocked and livid by what I had just seen. Apparently, an innocent North Cat fan was being targeted by cops for a crime he didn't commit all because he was a crude stam. If what Pols had said was true, then this was absolutely something that needed further investigation and possibly even a court trial.

The instant the police car was gone, LF- who had been glaring at the cops the entire time and hadn't said anything up until this point- nodded to herself, as if she had reached some kind of conclusion.

"Hm," she said.

She turned towards us, evidently just as angry at them as I was.

"They are racists," she said bluntly. "Plain and simple, they are racists. If what Pols is saying is in fact true, then it appears that these cops are prejudiced towards _all _crude stams, regardless of whatever word they happen to represent."

_Thank you, LonelyFox!_ I thought. _Truer words have never been spoken!_

Absent, meanwhile, simply shook his head.

"Not racist, just prejudiced," he said. "Money says there's no neutral third party, no crude stam sympathizers, nothing. We're the closest thing to a neutral third party. We've gotta take this into our own hands."

"Or paws, or vines, or what-have-you," said Bailey.

And I, for one, wholeheartedly agreed with them. The cops were clearly prejudiced, and if what Pols was saying was true, then something had to be going on with this Gesloopt guy. Not only did we need to find out more, but we had to do something in order to try and prove if Pols was in fact innocent.

I nodded.

"Yeah," I said, determination echoing from my voice. "We gotta go find out about this Gesloopt guy. _Pronto_."

\----------------------------------------------------

And thus, we were off.

The Koffiehuis, led by me, exited the stadium, not saying anything for a few moments. Likely, they were still trying to comprehend what they had just seen.

And for the record, I wouldn't blame them. I was trying to fully parse it, too.

Eventually, after a few moments of silence, Madelief came in, and just hearing her speak relieved all the tension in the air.

"You know, it's really weird," said Madelief as we continued to look for any place in Wereldia where we could find out more about Gesloopt. "The cop keeps saying that Pols is a rulebreaker when actually, he's still following Dutch grammar rules. He's just doing it differently."

Which was exactly the point I had been trying to make earlier.

"Exactly," I said. "I should know; I looked up 't kofschip, after all."

"As long as you can understand him, and he doesn't sound _too_ awkward, there's nothing to complain about," said Absent, shrugging. "There's textbook foreign, then there's _conversational_. Money says he follows the latter, but his refusal to conform to the former is the reason he's been made an example of."

He suddenly paused, a realization hitting him.

"Arceus' unholy flank, this _is 1984,_" he muttered.

"...Isn't it 2020?" Madelief asked.

"I believe Absent is referring not to the year, but to the book by famed author George Orwell," LF explained, as bluntly and as sophisticated as ever.

"...oh," said Madelief, sinking a bit.

I was starting to wonder if LF had read that book or not.

"And also," I added, "crude stams aren't conversational grammar at all. They're actually an essential part of Dutch grammar that I think you'll need to know about in order to get more context."

Absent paused.

"Oh," he said.

I could tell he was thinking, _derp on my part_.

"It's just..." Absent chuckled a bit, nervously. "Y'hear "crude" and... assume. Y'know what they say about assuming."

I did know what they said about assuming, and I don't want to say it because 1) I don't like cursing and 2) I'm pretty sure all of you know what they say about assuming, too.

Regardless, Absent had just left the floor open for me to give him a Dutch grammar lesson- and this was one that I had been waiting to give for a long time now.

"Yeah, I know," I said, smirking a bit. "Alright, Absent, prepare yourself for a lesson in Dutch grammar- courtesy of me."

Absent blinked, then instantly took out a notepad- presumably the same one he had used at the game between the North Cats and the South Cats. As for me, I took out a pen and a piece of paper, so that I could write down all the stuff relating to conjugation of Dutch verbs.

"So... you know what conjugation is, right?" I asked, turning to Absent.

"Not the dictionary definition, but it's how a verb or adjective is altered grammatically and what it does to the meaning?" Absent asked, looking up at me quizzically.

If I'd had fingers, I would have made finger guns at him. Instead, I just pointed my vines at him and clicked my tongue.

"Exactly," I said. "And when it comes to Dutch conjugation, it's most of the time very simple to figure out. Conjugation in Dutch usually involves something called a 'stam.' In English, that means 'stem.'"

I paused.

"Which is funny," I mused, "because 'stem' in Dutch means 'voice.'"

I shook my head quickly, trying to get back to the lesson.

"Anyways," I continued, "most of the time, the stam is rather simple. Take a Dutch word- just about any Dutch word- and remove the -en from it. So, for example..."

I grabbed my pen and wrote down:

For those of you playing along at home, that word means "to bike" in Dutch, and since you've likely read my 't kofschip song, you should know what the stam is rather quickly.

Absent, taking a look over at it, blinked.

"Yeah, I remember this," he said. "_Gefietst_, right?"

Dang, the game had helped him, too! He had just dropped a Dutch G like it was nothing!

Regardless, we weren't there yet.

"This is just about the stam," I said, giggling. "We're not back at 't kofschip yet."

"Oh," said Absent.

"And of course, if you've heard my 't kofschip song- which you have- then you would know that the stam is, of course, _fiets._"

I crossed off the -en and wrote down:

"Right, sorry," said Absent, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, no, no, no!" I said cheerfully. "It's fine! That was too easy, now we can get to the good stuff." I erased the _fietsen_. "Anyways, that's how Dutch conjugation works for _most _verbs in the Dutch language. However, there's an exception when it comes to words like this."

I wrote down:

That word, for those of you playing along at home, means _to live _in Dutch. It's one of those many words that look the same between Dutch and English, which is called a cognate.

I smirked.

"Betcha can't guess what the final stam of _that _one is," I said.

Yes, I said _final _stam.

I'll get to that soon enough.

Absent blinked.

"'Gelevd'?" he tried. "I feel like I'm being set up."

I smirked.

"Knew it," I said. "In the past tense, it's actually _geleeft_. You want me to explain why?"

"Sure," said Absent, shrugging.

And that was my cue for me to go full-out teacher mode.

"Okay," I said. "So, if you just follow the rules of any other Dutch word and take off the -en at the end, it leaves you with this:"

I crossed off the -en, which left me with:

"And that _would_ be a stam," I continued, "if not for a few rules that have to be followed regarding spelling. For starters, _leven_ is pronounced with a long vowel; it's approximately 'lay-vuh.' So we have to keep the vowel long for the stam. In order to do that, you add in another 'e', so it becomes:"

I crossed out the "lev" part and wrote just underneath it:

"With me so far?" I asked.

Absent immediately began taking notes.

"Stams... have long vowels," he muttered under his breath before turning to look at me. "Yep."

"Okay, good," I said. "Because we're still not done. The way we have it so far, the stam ends in a voiced consonant- v- and I have no clue what that means because technically you use your voice for all of them."

"None," said Absent.

"You use your voice for none of them?" I asked.

"I have no idea what it means either, I mean," Absent clarified.

"Oh, okay," I said. "Thanks for that, you can be a bit confusing sometimes. Anyways, a stam can't end in a voiced consonant- that is it can't end in a v- so instead it has to be changed to an f. Which leaves the end result as:"

I crossed the _leev_ out and wrote underneath it:

"Got it?" I asked.

I turned back to Absent, who was still writing notes. He looked up at me and nodded.

"Good," I said. "Now, in this instance, we have _two_ stams. The first one, the 'lev'- just the verb without the -en- is the _crude_ stam. The reason it's called a crude stam is because it hasn't been finished yet. 'Leef,' on the other hand, is the _final_ stam- that's the crude stam made with all the adjustments. Which brings me back to Pols and Gesloopt."

I put the pen back in my vine and prepared to write.

"This is the crude stam of slopen," I said, writing down:

"And this is the final stam."

I wrote:

"Which clearly proves those cops are stupid and don't know how Dutch grammar works. You see why they call him a 'rule breaker' now?"

Absent looked up from his notepad.

"So it's unfinished, grammatically," he said, "like how you need to put an equation into point-slope form before you can put it into slope-intercept form."

Ah, yes.

I've forgotten many things about math.

Slope-intercept form is _not _one of them.

y= mx+b, I LOVE YOU!

"Yes," I said. "But the cops are too dumb and too stupid to care. They _know_ that _slop_ is an unfinished stam. Pols is in the minority. They want _slop_ to be a finished stam, like just about everything else in the Dutch language."

"'Just about' implies there's exception to that that demands that using the crude form is a necessity," said Absent matter-of-factly.

"Exactly my point," I said, putting away my pen and paper.

Absent, meanwhile, shut his notebook and glanced up.

"So they exist to be more than a halfway point between verb bases and conjugation," he mused.

"Exactly," I said, my determination growing. "Especially in 't kofschip. "Which is why we need to find out about this Gesloopt guy as much as possible and _get Pols free_."

"Only one question: how the heck are we going to do that?" Absent asked.

"I must admit that Absent does make a very good point," said LF. "We have so far run into nobody who knows who Gesloopt is. Not to mention the fact that Pols likely has very little idea as to who we are, considering the fact that he did not talk to us and most certainly saw us for only a second."

I instantly sunk, knowing that all those points were probably true.

"Oh, yeah," I said. "True."

"Then again," said Madelief, trying- as usual- to be optimistic, "he still saw us stand up for him against those police officers."

"Also true," I said, brightening a bit.

"Yeah, but regardless, we still have no idea as to whether or not he knows who we are," said Absent. "I mean, seriously. He never even got our _names_."

"Dang it, we should have introduced ourselves," I muttered.

"But enough about Pols," said Absent, "we gotta find someone who knows about _Gesloopt _first." 

"Yeah," I said.

And then I looked ahead and saw that we were right back at the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_.

Instantly, my mind was hit with an idea.

"Or..." I muttered, looking towards the inside of the ship.

"Or... what?" HP asked.

I smirked, the idea slowly continuing to form in my mind.

"Wait here," I told the rest of the Koffiehuis. "I'll be right back."

With that, I entered Koffie and searched around the deck for my room. Upon seeing it, I opened the door and found the white Chromebook that I had gotten as a present for my graduation party. Quickly, I grabbed it with my vines, then headed out of there as fast as I could until I was back outside on Wereldian soil.

Upon seeing it, the rest of the Koffiehuis looked at it, slightly confused.

"Is that a Chromebook?" Madelief asked.

"Yes, it is," I said, smirking with triumph as I opened it. "And I'm going to use it to find as much info on Gesloopt as I possibly can."

"O-kay..." said Absent with uncertainty. "First of all, how in the world can a real-life Chromebook have _any _info on the Wereldian dimension? Much less any of its criminals..."

Oh, boy, was he about to get hit with a bombshell.

"Yeah, see, here's the thing," I said. "Koffie apparently made an update to my Chromebook just last night, and now it has all info on the Wereldian dimension stored online."

"WHAT?!" Madelief gasped.

"Yep!" I said.

"That's so cool!" Madelief explained. "Can I see?"

"Sure," I said.

And with that, I opened up Google and typed into the search box:

_wereldia_

Within a matter of seconds, over 10,000 search results came up.

The rest of the Koffiehuis eagerly crowded around the computer, and when they saw the search results, they were both shocked and excited.

"Arceus' unholy flank..." Absent muttered.

"That's amazing~!" Madelief squealed. "They have information on just about everything!"

"Yep," I said, quickly turning to my Chromebook. "Now, allow me to try and see if we can't find any info on this Gesloopt guy."

_Yeah, actually..._

Hearing Koffie's voice suddenly startled all of us, and we instantly turned to it wondering what the heck was going on.

"What?" I asked.

Koffie chuckled nervously.

_You won't be able to find much about Gesloopt online, _it said.

"Dang it!" I growled, slamming my computer in frustration.

_Y-yeah, _said Koffie, slightly startled, _Gesloopt's barely even talked about amongst the police here. They still see him as a good Pokémon because he's a representation of a conjugated stam._

"Funny," I said. "His name literally means 'destroyed.'"

_Yeah, _said Koffie.

And then came the bombshell.

_That and he's a Gyarados._

That got me stunned beyond belief. Gyarados was well-known as a very dangerous Pokémon, able to destroy buildings in its blinding rage from having evolved from a Magikarp. How the police could possibly view him as a "good" Pokémon when his species was so known for spreading destruction and fear was beyond me.

"W-WHAT?!" I gasped. "He's a Gyarados?!"

_Yep_, said Koffie.

"Well, that explains the Hyper Beam that Pols mentioned earlier," said Absent.

And all of a sudden I was struck with another idea.

If Koffie knew that Gesloopt was a Gyarados... who's to say it didn't have more info on Gesloopt?

Information that the Internet couldn't provide?

"Koffie?" I asked.

_Yeah? _Koffie responded.

"Do you have any other information about Gesloopt?" I asked.

Koffie giggled.

_Oh, believe me_, said Koffie, _I have plenty of information about Gesloopt_.

Well, to quote GLaDOS, I was making a note there.

_Huge success_.

I smirked.

"Would you mind loading it up on my Chromebook?"

————————————————————————

A few minutes later, we were back inside of Koffie's interior, with multiple files in front of us on my Chromebook. The six of us were gathered around, trying to read the information on Gesloopt, and I personally could not believe what I was seeing.

In front of us was a picture of, as Koffie had mentioned, a raging Gyarados, with a bunch of information underneath it. Fortunately, I had glasses, and because my Chromebook had a touchscreen, I could easily zoom in on the info so I could read it better.

With that said, I zoomed in on the information right underneath Gesloopt's picture, and read aloud:

** _Name: Gesloopt_ **  
** _Species: Gyarados_ **  
** _Status: Free_ **  
** _Stam: Conjugated (past tense)_ **  
** _Currently known information:_ **  
** _• Not much is known about Gesloopt in Wereldia, but based on his record, several police officers can determine that he is a very dangerous terrorist indeed. He has been going around multiple dimensions in Universum-_ **

I paused.

_Universum_?

"Wait a second," I said, taking a moment to comprehend this information. "Wereldia's part of a multiverse?! I thought for sure it was just one dimension!"

_Nope, _said Koffie. _From my research there's a whole slew of other dimensions besides Wereldia. Remember the South Cats and the Heuvalian Mustangs?_

"How could I forget?" I asked.

_Yeah, they're from South Wereldia and Heuvalia, which are other dimensions within Universum, _said Koffie. _They're both fairly close to Wereldia, though._

"So they're like states, only expanded to a much more interdimensional scale," said Absent.

_Yep, _said Koffie.

"Whoa," I muttered, still unable to believe it.

_Anyways, you can keep reading now, _said Koffie.

"O-oh, right," I muttered nervously.

With that, I cleared my throat and continued to read.

** _He has been going around multiple dimensions in Universum destroying important buildings and property and killing Pokémon left and right. Recently, he murdered 27 Pokémon in a terrorist attack in the dimension of Heuvalia, in which he also destroyed one of the dimension's most famous landmarks- the statue of Heuvalia's founder._ **

"Oh my god..." HP muttered. "Zat's horrible..."

"Agreed," said LF. "No person has the right to kill someone. Much less 27 Pokemon."

"I know you think that, you've said it," I told her. "And believe me, I agree."

I turned back to the file and read:

** _• Recently, Heuvalian police have heard that Gesloopt is planning to go on a terrorist attack in Wereldia, but have no records of what he is planning to do there_ **  
** _• Either way, Heuvalian police say that if Gesloopt attacks their fellow dimension- which is also his dimension of origin- then they will be sure to intervene as soon as possible _ **  
** _Moveset: Hyper Beam, Hydro Pump, Thunderbolt, Fire Blast_ **

I paused for a moment after reading that last sentence.

"So... Pols was right," I muttered. "He must have been. Those terrorist attacks in Wereldia were _today_. This couldn't possibly have been a coincidence."

"Yeah, but none of us saw a huge Gyarados coming out of the stadium," said Absent.

"No," I said, "but Pols says he saw one."

_Pols? _asked Koffie. _Who's Pols?_

"A Shiny Dragonite crude stam who was accused by the Wereldian police of starting the terrorist attack," I explained. "Their belief was that all crude stams are criminals, because they can't be finalized just by taking off the -en and/or adding a -t to the end like most verbs in the Dutch language."

_Oh, _said Koffie. _Well, that's silly!_

"It's not just silly," I said. "It's prejudiced and it's stupid. The cops have no idea how the heck Dutch grammar and spelling rules work, clearly. Just because you require a bit more finalization before you can either stick a -t at the end or not, it doesn't mean you're a criminal."

"I thought that that was for 't kofschip?" Absent asked.

"Oh, it's not just for 't kofschip," I said. "There's one other important thing I forgot to mention regarding stams- in the present tense, they're the first-person pronouns. So 'I bike' in Dutch is 'ik fiets,' 'I live' in Dutch is 'ik leef,' and 'I demolish' in Dutch is 'ik sloop.' The stam with a -t is for second-person and third-person, and all the plurals? They're literally _just the word_. No stam, nothing."

As I was saying this, Absent had taken out his notepad and was writing this all down in his signature chicken-scratch handwriting which somehow I could still read. By the time he was finished, he looked up at me and blinked.

"Well, knowing that just makes the cops even _more _stupid," he said.

"Agreed," I said.

I was about to say something more- only to be interrupted by something rather unusual.

A phone was ringing.

_My _phone.

I suddenly heard it and instantly started for my room.

"That your phone?" Absent asked.

"Yep," I responded. "I'll go get it..."

With that, I ran straight to my room, grabbed my phone, and looked at it. It was some weird number I didn't know. At first, I assumed it was a scam caller and was about to not answer- until I heard a voice coming from the other end of the line.

"_Hello? Are these the Pokémon who called out the cops at the stadium?_"

My eyes widened.

"Pols?!" I gasped. "Is that you?"

"_Yes, it's me!_" Pols cried. "_I'm in the back of the police car; the Wereldian police managed to get your phone number!_"

I was so shocked I couldn't speak.

"How the heck did they get my number?!" I cried. "You don't know my number, do you?"

"_No,_" said Pols, "_but you were running into the stadium so fast you dropped your ID. The police picked it up and found your name. Your _real _name. They looked you up online and found your YouTube channel, and I recognized your voice the minute I heard it._"

DANG IT!

My ID!

I had been so focused on trying to find out what the heck was going on inside there that I hadn't even realized I had dropped it!

I Picarded myself with my vines and groaned in embarrassment, while Absent just stared at me with _that _look.

"This is why you need to get a purse with pockets," he said.

"_Don't worry, though!_" said Pols cheerfully. "_I have your ID, and I'll give it to you as soon as I can when you meet me in court!_"

The minute I heard that Pols had my ID and was planning to bring it to me, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank _GOD_-"

And then I realized what his last words had been.

"Wait, WHAT?!" I cried, my relief quickly changing to that of utter shock.

"_I'd been meaning to thank you for standing up for me,_" said Pols, "_but until the cops managed to get your number I hadn't gotten the chance to do it. You seem to know racism when you see it, so given that I've decided to appeal my case in court, I'd like to ask you and your friends a _huge _favor._"

"Go and attend the court case so you can give oghond her ID back?" Absent asked. "Yeah, we already know; you just mentioned it."

"_No, no, no, no, no,_" said Pols. "_I want the five of you to testify and the Bulbasaur- oghond- to be my defense attorney in court._"

Well, that was a bombshell.

"WHAT?!" I gasped. "B-but- but- but I'm not even _qualified _to be a defense attorney! I have no degrees in law!"

"You _are_ the only one who would take his case," said Absent.

"Am I really?" I retorted. "There's such a thing as the Unauthorized Practice of Law, you know!"

Heck, I knew barely anything about how a court worked and even I knew that.

"The what...?" Madelief asked.

"You need to be qualified as a lawyer in order to take a case," I said. "I mean, sure, I can put up a good argument, but-"

"_Don't worry,_" said Pols. "_You're in Wereldia. As long as you can make a good argument in trying to defend someone, you're good._"

"So... you don't need a law degree to technically become a defense attorney?" I asked.

"_Not in Wereldia,_" said Pols. "_That law thingy you mentioned doesn't even exist here._"

"Can't you just give Absent the job instead?" I asked.

"What?!" cried Absent. "Nah, you're better at this than me. I mean, I was in Mock Trial and I can't prosecute _at all_. Much less serve as a defense attorney."

I paused for a few moments.

Knowing everything I knew about Dutch conjugation and stams, I probably could set up a good argument in defense of Pols. Not only had I taken public speaking, but I had _also _been a mock defense attorney back in one of my middle school English classes for an assignment revolving around S.E. Hinton's _The Outsiders_, and we won.

So if I could do that...

I nodded, albeit with slight hesitation.

"Alright," I said. "I- I'll do it."

Pols instantly brightened upon hearing this.

"_Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!_" he exclaimed. "_I'll see you in court tomorrow! Good day!_"

I blinked- and then suddenly realized what he had just said.

"Wait, TOMORROW?!" I cried frantically. "No, wait, Pols! Come back!"

But it was too late.

Pols had already hung up.

Now embarrassed as heck, I once again Picarded- except it was a double Picard as I threw my head into my vines.

Absent shrugged.

"Hey, you said you were gonna do it," he said. "There's no going back now."

Frantically, I turned straight to him.

"You _have _to help me, Absent!" I cried.

"Oh, come on, oghond!" Madelief cried. "You'll make a great defense attorney!"

"No, no, it's not that," I said. "I'm sure I could do that; that's why I agreed to do it. It's just that I have to find out literally _everything _about the criminal justice system by tomorrow, because I have absolutely _no idea how the heck anything there works!_"

The room went silent for a moment, before Absent eventually responded.

"You don't know how the criminal justice system works?" he asked.

"W-well, I mean..." I stammered frantically, "I know _some_ stuff about what happens during a trial, and I know about the UPL, but I don't know what a prosecutor is, or what cross-examination is, or what all that other court terminology is, and I'm so worried that I'm going to freak out because this is my first trial, and I have no idea how the heck a Wereldian court works, and I'm going to need to find out how the heck an American court works in case Wereldian court is anything like American court, and how the heck am I going to get evidence and what the heck should I say in my opening statement and it all has to be done by tomorrow and..."

Yep, I was freaking out.

I knew nothing- absolutely NOTHING- about the American criminal justice system or how it worked. If Wereldian courts were anything like American ones...

Thank _god _Absent was there to calm me down from my frantic panicked fit.

"This is why co-counsels exist," he said, tapping me on the shoulder. "I can stand behind the bench with you and provide pointers, but I'm going to give you some tips and whatnot so I'm not carrying the case for you."

I could not have been more relieved upon hearing that.

"OH THANK GOD!" I cried happily, hugging him. "THANK YOU, ABSENT! THANK YOU! THANK- oooooh, right, you have anxiety and Asperger's so you probably need space..."

I backed away, laughing nervously.

"Doesn't mean I can't help," Absent said.

"Thank god..." I breathed, lighting up. "Soooooooooooo... can I hug you?"

"No," said Absent.

I sunk.

"Awwww... okay..." I muttered sadly.

Absent didn't necessarily seem to care, and immediately got right into it.

"So, what is it you need help with?" he asked.

"Allow me," I said, before taking a breath and immediately going on a long tangent:

"What's a plaintiff, what's cross-examination, what the heck should be in an opening statement, how the heck am I supposed to get evidence, what's a prosecutor, how does a trial work, basically EVERYTHING."

Yeah, I was so freaked out I pretty much ended up sounding like Allé, albeit slightly slower than he was.

Fortunately, however, Absent was quick to respond.

"A plaintiff isn't exactly pertinent to this case," he explained, "it's the one who's suffered a slight at the defendant's hand, or so they claim. Cross examination is asking the witness yes-or-no questions to cast doubt onto their testimony; evidence is provided by way of presenting it to the court and inquiring about its admissibility. If it can be passed, great. If not, tough luck. The prosecutor is the one going for a guilty verdict. They represent the people."

I was furiously writing all of this down.

"So that means we can just present the court Gesloopt's files and we'll be good to go?" I asked.

"What?!" Absent said instantaneously. "No, that's not how it works. This isn't a case against Gesloopt; we're not trying to prove him guilty. We're trying to prove Pols _innocent_."

"Oh," I said, sinking.

"So any evidence we have will need to be evidence relating to _Pols_," said Absent.

I paused.

"Wait a second," I said. "Can I see the notes you took on stams and conjugation?"

"Sure," said Absent, promptly taking out his notebook from before and handing it over to me.

I looked over the notes, which read the following, in Absent's chicken-scratch handwriting:

**_NOTES ON STAMS AND DUTCH CONJUGATION _**  
**_• Two different kinds of stams- crude and final_**  
**_• Crude stam- the verb in Dutch minus the -en, with no adjustments_**  
**_• Final stam- the crude stam with adjustments _**  
**_• Stams have long vowels- so if you have a word like "leven" or "slopen," where the vowel becomes short when you remove the -en, you have to add a second vowel_**  
**_• Hence "slop" becomes "sloop" and "lev" becomes "leef"_**  
**_• You cannot end a stam with a voiceless consonant- i.e. "leef" cannot end in an "f", it has to end with a "v" instead_**  
**_• Slop (crude stam of slopen) is Pols spelled backwards _**  
**_• The stam is also the first person pronoun of the Dutch language_**  
**_• Second/third person: stam + t_**  
**_• The plurals: literally just the word itself_**  
****  
Underneath those notes, Absent had written in smaller letters:

** _• Conclusion: POLS IS INNOCENT_ **

HAH!

He had a conclusion ready before the trial even began!

It was slightly hilarious at first- and then I realized it.

Absent thought Pols was innocent based on this information about Dutch stams. While obviously, this wouldn't be enough evidence to fully come up with an argument in court, it could be used as evidence in Pols' favor nonetheless.

Smiling, I looked up at Absent, handing the notes back to him.

"This is it," I said. "We have the evidence we need right here."

Absent looked at the notes, then nodded after a few moments.

"Yep," he said. "Provided it gets admissed by the court."

"So... are we supposed to take this to the Wereldian court during the trial tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Absent.

"Okay."

"Naturally," said LF, scoffing a bit. "Though, of course, we will need to uncover a much greater deal of evidence in order to further prove that there is no way Pols performed this act of terrorism."

That was obvious, I knew for a fact. Dutch stam rules alone wouldn't be enough evidence necessary to prove Pols innocent. We already had a suspicion that Gesloopt had done it, but who knew? Maybe it was a completely different Pokemon altogether, even if the files we had found seemed very incriminating. From what I had seen, Heuvalian police hadn't invaded yet, so maybe...

One thing was for sure, though. Pols couldn't _possibly_ have done it.

"Definitely," I said, nodding.

"Yeah, but... we don't have that much evidence," Madelief pointed out. "I mean, we can't use Gesloopt's files..."

My eyes suddenly glistened with determination.

"No, we can't," I said. "But it's a stadium. Think about it; there had to be hundreds of witnesses to the crime." 

"But everyone thinks Pols did it," said Madelief.

"True, but there could very well be other people who saw the actual crime as it played out," I responded. "Of course, there's also physical evidence..."

"There is indeed," said LF.

"How are we going to get it, zough...?" HP asked.

I paused for a few seconds, before an idea eventually sprung into my head. I still needed some time to come up with a proper opening statement, and considering the fact that I couldn't look for stuff for the life of me (seriously, both of my parents have called me 'the worst looker in the entire world')...

"LF?" I asked. 

"Pardon me?" LF responded.

"Could you go outside with the rest of the Koffiehuis and look for any evidence or any testimonies that could help us prove Pols' innocence?" I asked. "I'll stay in here with Absent in the meantime."

"Certainly," said LF. 

She motioned as best as she could for the rest of the Koffiehuis to follow, which HP, Madelief, Yuunarii, and the bunnies did. Absent blinked and turned to me.

"And you couldn't send me outside with them why?" he asked.

"Simple," I said. "I still need to ask you something."

"Bye, oghond~!" Madelief suddenly cried out, waving her leaf at me. "We'll be back with the evidence soon!"

Smiling, I turned to her and began waving at her with my vine.

"See ya!" I called out.

Within seconds, the Koffiehuis' door slammed shut, and I took out a piece of paper and a pen- but not for the reason you might think. I turned to Absent, who followed me as I sat behind my desk.

"Okay... so while they're gone, what the heck should be in an opening statement?" I asked, getting my pen ready. "Because I have no idea..."

Once again- thank GOD for Absent being there, because without him I never would have possibly gotten an opening statement written down.

"Describe the situation at hand, keep neutral wording, describe your plan of action in the court - your witness and what they'll testify about, primarily," Absent explained.

"Neutral..." I mused.

I didn't know exactly how to WRITE neutral wording, but I certainly knew what it was. I had taken journalism, after all; neutral writing was extremely important to any newspaper article or journalistic report.

"So, unbiased?" I asked.

"Yes," said Absent.

"Okay," I said.

A pause.

"Wait, by witness do you mean Pols?"

He was the only witness I could think of- I hadn't seen anyone else who could have possibly seen the crime.

"He will testify, yes, but he's not a witness; he's the defendant," Absent explained. "He's subject to all the 'perks' of being a witness, but aside from that, he just sits behind the bench and tries not to rouse suspicion."

Okay, I didn't realize it at the time, but Pols wouldn't actually sit behind the bench. You'll see what I mean later. Regardless, I felt slightly stupid in that moment. Besides Pols... who else was there?

"Oh, okay," I said. "I never really got to see any witnesses except for that one NC fan who CLEARLY thought Pols was guilty."

Beat. A question had hit me.

"Wait a second," I said, holding up my vine. "If he thinks Pols is guilty... does he count? I'm trying to prove Pols _innocent_—"

And then all of a sudden I remembered what Absent had said about cross-examination. It was done in order to call the witness' testimony into question. In other words, he thought Pols was guilty, I thought Pols was innocent, and I would be trying to ask him a series of questions in order to get him to see that maybe, just maybe, his testimony had been wrong.

Or mistaken, at the very least.

"OH WAIT THAT'S WHAT CROSS EXAMINATION IS FOR," I cried, quickly realizing. "Okay, yes, he counts."

"He's not _your_ witness, though," said Absent.

"I was talking about the NC fan and-" Another pause. "_My_ witness?"

I hadn't seen any witnesses! Heck, I hadn't even TALKED to any witnesses!

"Yeah, the prosecution will talk about him in _their_ opening statement," said Absent.

"Oh," I said. "So _my_ witness would be_ you_."

"Whut?!" cried Absent defensively. "No - I wasn't there. All I know is hearsay; I can't testify in good conscience."

"Well, then who would be _my _witness?" I asked. "The NC fan? I'm confused..."

I half-expected for Absent to say "evidently" again, but he didn't. Instead, he simply sighed, likely either getting a headache or just about to get one, and walked over to me.

"Until someone comes up who can testify for Pols' innocence, **you have no witnesses**," he said, getting more frustrated. "Your case is dead in the water."

I blinked.

"Oh." That didn't sound good. With no case... how the heck was I supposed to prove Pols innocent, especially considering the fact that I was not a lawyer and had no law degrees whatsoever?

Apparently, Absent must have noticed my slight hesitation, because when he spoke next, his voice became slightly gentler. Slightly. Had I started to get choked up, on the other hand- or vine, rather- I guarantee his voice would have gotten even _gentler_. Allow me to go off on a bit of a tangent here: yes, I have gotten choked up on VC due to Absent's mild frustrations towards a few flaws of mine. Every time I've done it, Absent naturally feels guilty as heck about it. Nowadays, if he even SUSPECTS that I'm going to cry- even when I'm not- his voice will instantly soften a bit.

It's very sweet.

That being said, though, if you're reading this, don't assume that I'm THAT much of a wuss. Yes, I'm a wuss, but I'm not a crybaby, dang it!

"Your best bet is Pols' gang acting as character witnesses," explained Absent, "who are incredibly flimsy and boil down to 'this defendant would never do what he's being accused of and I have an anecdote that can prove it'."

I blinked.

"Wait... are Pols' gang flimsy or are character witnesses themselves flimsy?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Character witnesses are flimsy," Absent explained.

"Oh," I said. "Why?"

"Because they can only provide anecdotal evidence," Absent said. "Which can't be proven or disproven."

"Oh, okay," I said.

And then I paused.

"Wait a second," I told Absent. "The rest of the Koffiehuis are looking for witnesses and evidence- maybe one of those could work. If they can find someone who can prove Pols' innocence, or at least testify for it, then mark my words, I will be golden."

_Ooh! Sounds exciting!_ Koffie suddenly broke in. _I'll have my recording camera on so I can capture the moment~!_

I giggled, wondering if it was talking about the moment when the witness would come in or the moment when I would apparently turn golden. Given that it was Koffie- the definition of literal-minded- I assumed it was the latter. The only logical thing to do would be to wait and see.

Absent, meanwhile, shrugged.

"Alright," he said. "So... what are you gonna do? Work on the opening statement?"

"Yep!" I cried. "Well, that and try to talk to Pols. The trial is tomorrow, after all."

"Okay then," said Absent, walking away from me so I could work in peace. "If you need any help with your opening statement, just let me know."

"Will do!" I cried, waving my vine at him as he left.

And with that, I was left alone. Just me, my pen, my paper, and all my thoughts inside my head. Not to mention, of course, all the stuff that Absent had told me about writing an opening statement.

With that, I put pen to paper and began to write.

\-----------------------------------------------

Surprisingly, writing an opening statement was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. I at least tried to keep my wording neutral; but by the end of it was unsure if I had actually succeeded at the task. The first sentence was arguably the hardest part of the whole ordeal. Originally, I had written as follows:

_Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-_

and scratched that out, as I figured it was too cliched. I then changed that to:

_Your Honor, Counsel, members of the jury, I would like to present to you-_

and then scratched_ that_ out, as that line was straight from _My Cousin Vinny._

By this point I was wondering if I should just give up on the whole dang thing and ask Absent for help, but I was an aspiring writer, dang it! If I could write entire musicals, I should be able to at least write an opening statement for a court case!

Figuring I didn't need Absent's help, I decided to shake off that voice in my head that was repeatedly telling me otherwise and see if I couldn't come up with an original opening statement that was going to blow the jury's socks off.

Not like Pokémon _wore _socks- or any clothes, of course- but you know what I mean.

Anyways, I was just about ready to continue writing again when all of a sudden I heard my phone go off. At first I groaned, not thinking much of it and believing it to be some kind of crazy scam caller or something like that- until I saw the number.

Instantly, my eyes went wide.

It was _Pols' _number.

I could finally speak to my client again- and this time I could ask him a bunch of questions regarding the case.

Questions that, potentially, I could use in court.

Now feeling a _lot _more awake, I hit the "talk" icon, and instantly Pols' voice came through on the speakerphone.

"_Hello?_" he asked.

"Pols?" I cried, relieved.

The instant he heard my voice, Pols lit up in excitement.

"_oghond!_" he cried happily. "_Thank goodness! I'd been meaning to call you back because it sounded like you were about to say something when I had called you the last time, but I got so caught up with the trial that I forgot to say anything until now._"

"Well, thank goodness you did," I said, "because I actually would like to talk to you."

"_About what?_" Pols asked.

"Well, you know... about why you chose me and all that jazz," I said, a bit nervously. "I'm not a lawyer, after all... never wanted to be. Heck, I've never even taken the bar exam."

Pols chuckled.

"_First of all, like I said before, Wereldia doesn't have that crazy law you mentioned to me_," said Pols. "_Now, as for why I chose you specifically... that was for two reasons. One, you clearly can recognize racism when you see it, and two, when the police looked up your name and checked your files and college resume, they saw that you had taken public speaking._"

"That's not mock trial, though," I said.

"_I know, but you're still giving an argument,_" said Pols. "_So basically, you're kind of already a lawyer in the making. I figured I could trust you well enough to have you represent me in court._"

"Okay... so... next question," I said. "Is there anybody who can testify for you in court?"

A pause.

"_Testify...?_" he asked. "_Why do you want to know?_"

"Because I'm trying to write the opening statement, and I have no witnesses," I said. "There's no way I can write a good opening statement without naming at least one witness. Absent said so himself."

"..._who? I mean, I know you mentioned him before, but..._"

I suddenly realized that Pols never got Absent's species.

"Absent?" I asked. "Oh, he was the Oshawott."

"_So _that's_ the one who mentioned thought reform!_" Pols cried. "_I gotta thank him for that the next time I see him!_"

Beat.

"_Wait, his real name isn't Absent, is it?_"

"No," I said chuckling. "Absent is short for his screen name, The Absent Coder."

"_What's his real name?_"

"Corbin West, why?"

"_Just wondering. Anyways, you were saying...?_"

I facevined.

"Dang it; lost my train of thought," I said.

_Don't worry, you can find it later, _Koffie broke in.

I decided to wait until I was done talking to Pols before explaining to Koffie what "train of thought" meant.

"I don't have witnesses," I said to Pols.

"_Oh,_" Pols responded. "_Well, don't worry about it too much. I'm sure you'll find at least one._"

"Yeah," I said. "I actually sent LF- the Vulpix- and the rest of the Koffiehuis outside a few hours ago to try and find any witnesses. Don't know if they've found any though."

"WE FOUND A WITNESS~!"

I instantly turned around to see that Madelief and the rest of the Koffiehuis had entered the ship, waving what looked like a ticket stub in the air. Instantly, I knew what this had to be: physical evidence.

My heart was beating rapidly. 

"Hang on, Pols," I said. "You'll be on hold, that's them."

With that, I put Pols on hold and left for the door, where the rest of the Koffiehuis were waiting there for me. Madelief in particular was jumping up and down repeatedly, still carrying the ticket stub. Eventually, LF took the ticket out of her leaf, causing Madelief to sink in an instant.

I giggled to myself a bit.

"So... I heard you found a witness?" I asked.

"Indeed," said LF. "As you might have been able to tell, we have also found a piece of physical evidence that could potentially help in the case."

She handed me the ticket stub. I looked at it and noticed a North Cat logo on the side, along with the Wereldian Stadium. Next to the symbol of the North Cats was another symbol- that of a stylized red Bouffalant, with its horns in a V-shape. The front of it said the following:

**WERELDIAN NORTH CATS vs. VLAKTIAN BISON**  
**12:00 PM at the WERELDIAN STADIUM**  
**TICKET FOR: ONE SHINY DRAGONITE**

I suddenly realized that this was Pols' ticket to the game.

Now getting more excited, I looked on the back of the ticket and noticed a folded-up piece of paper behind it. Now curious, I unfolded it and saw that it was a receipt for a ticket for (P)25.00. On the top of said receipt were the following words:

**BUYER: POLS**  
**SPECIES: DRAGONITE (SHINY)**

I smirked.

We had evidence, and it more or less proved everything we needed to know.

"Absent!" I cried. "We have more physical evidence!"

The minute he heard it, the door opened, and Absent entered.

"Nice," he said, approaching me. "That being?"

"This." I showed him the ticket and the receipt. Absent looked at it for a few moments, then smirked.

"So he has an alibi, eh?" he said.

I simply glanced over at him with_ that _look. You know the one I'm talking about.

"...Well, he already did," Absent admitted nervously, noticing the look I was giving him, "but now there's evidence for it. We gotta find whoever was seated next to him so they can testify he wasn't responsible."

"You don't have to! We already did~!" Madelief suddenly cried out, giggling a bit. "Presenting: POLS' WITNESS~!"

The door opened, and a Machamp entered the room wearing a North Cat shirt and facepaint. For a few moments, I didn't think much of it, but the more I looked at him, the more familiar he seemed. Which was odd, considering that there were likely plenty of Machamp in Wereldia. I was about to ask him something, until Madelief broke in.

"Also, what's an alibi?"

Okay, that one didn't really count as shoving Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness down Madelief's throat, as I'm pretty sure that many _Americans_ don't know what an alibi is. I certainly didn't know what an alibi was for 17 years until I took Journalism.

Thankfully, Absent was there. Which was good; as he could likely explain it better than I could.

And did.

"An excuse, effectively," he said. "A specific example would be if someone asked you if you left the A/C on somewhere but you can prove you were never there."

Then, he suddenly noticed the Machamp and squinted. Likely, he thought the same thing as I did, which was that the Machamp looked familiar. After a moment, he managed to say something.

"Hol' up, are you that same Machamp we saw at the gates to the stadium the same day the Cats tied for the first time in 20 years?" he asked.

I was practically slapping myself in the face- _that_ was where I had seen him before! He was the poor Machamp who confused me with that Dutch pun!

"What, the one who said that the tickets will cost him an arm and a leg?" he asked, his voice confirming his identity. "Yep, that's me! Finally got enough money to go to a game, and I ended up sitting next to a crude stam." He chuckled. "Imagine that!"

Absent squinted.

"... Is that a bad thing?" he asked. "I mean, I imagine it'd be a bad thing if you were both in the nosebleed seats, but..."

The Machamp blinked, evidently confused.

"Is what a bad thing?" he asked.

"Sitting next to a crude stam," said Absent, looking down a bit nervously and visibly biting his tongue. I didn't know why he was doing it, and likely, neither did any of the Koffiehuis. Regardless, that Machamp, though abrasive, had been a pretty nice guy, and I imagined that he'd been just as moved as we were by the North and South Cats forming a truce.

The Machamp, meanwhile, laughed upon hearing Absent's response.

"You're kidding, right?" he said. "Nah! Pols and I have become great friends!"

He walked up to Absent and extended his hand for him to shake it.

"Name's Tillen, by the way," he said. "And you?"

Tillen.

Based on the way he pronounced it, I assumed it was a Dutch verb. For the record, if you're so curious, you don't pronounce the name like you would in English. It's approximately "TIHL-uh." Saying "TIHL-en" is also technically correct, but you'd never hear a Dutch person say this in casual conversation.

Regardless, I'd forgotten for a bit that up until now, we'd never gotten his name, and he'd never gotten ours.

Absent, meanwhile, took Tillen's hand and quickly shook it. Or rather, had his paw shook by Tillen's hand.

Since, you know, it's a bit hard to shake with a paw.

"Great to hear," he said. "My name's Corbin, but call me Absent."

"Corbin West, to be precise," I said, stepping forward so that I was beside Absent. "And I'm oghond. That's not my real name, either, but..."

"Hey~! Good to meet you, buddy!" Tillen cried, still talking to Absent and quickly slapping his paw- I assumed he was trying to high-five him.

Absent- thankfully- simply gestured to me. Tillen noticed, and upon seeing me his eyes lit up in recognition.

"Oh yeah, I remember you!" he said, grinning. "You're the Bulbasaur who got all confused about the 'arm' thing!"

I smiled. Truth be told, I had kind of been starting to miss the Machamp- who I now knew was named Tillen.

"Yeah, and then Absent facepalmed and explained to me what that expression meant, only for me to tell him I already knew what it meant, only for him to say..."

I turned to Absent expectantly, waiting for him to finish with "This joke has officially run its course," but he just shook his head and quickly took out a notepad.

Naturally.

"Yeah, I missed you too but we've got business to attend to," he said, looking up at Tillen. "We need your statement before the trial so we can build our case around it."

Tillen paused a bit.

"You mean my statement on where I was?" he asked.

Absent nodded.

I, on the other hand, was just standing there with a huge grin on my face- finally we were going to get legitimate witness testimony that could be used in court, and even better? I could finally get to actually writing my opening statement!

"Oh, that's easy," said Tillen, laughing a bit. "I was sitting next to Pols; the two of us were enjoying the game and eating popcorn, when all of a sudden, a giant Hyper Beam came straight towards us and blew a hole in the stadium. I couldn't see who it was, but they screamed that they were going to destroy all crude stams. I managed to get out of there, but when the police arrived they pulled Pols away."

Absent was furiously writing this all down, as was I- in my brain. Not to brag, but when it comes to stuff that I take seriously, I can have a pretty good memory. Then again, Pols had been sitting next to Tillen, so he likely saw the whole thing, too.

Eventually, Tillen paused and stared at Absent with a slight look of confusion.

"Also," he asked, "why'd you bite your tongue?"

I wanted to thank him, as I'd been wondering that exact same thing. However, I eventually decided against it, figuring that if I did it would be a bit too random.

Absent, meanwhile, simply looked down sheepishly.

"I felt myself about to get on a metaphoric soapbox and discuss the stigma Wereldia seems to have against crude stams," he admitted.

"Oh," said Tillen.

HP blinked.

"Soapbox...?" she asked. "V-vat soapbox?"

"It's a metaphor, HP," I said, once again giving her Absent's classic look of deadpan.

"A soapbox is something you're said to be on when talking about an issue," Absent explained.

"Oh," said HP.

I, meanwhile, was giddy as heck.

"Anyways," I said, running up to Tillen in gratitude with a huge smile on my face, "this is HUGE. Thank you, Tillen. Seriously. I was just on the phone with Pols, and I think he'll want to hear about this."

With that, I excitedly ran up to the phone and put Pols off of hold, delighted to tell him the news. In an instant, Pols' voice came through.

"_Hello?_" he asked.

I grinned.

"Pols?" I asked happily. "Tillen just agreed to be a witness."

"_Really...?_" Pols cried with excitement.

"Yeah, that's right," said Tillen, approaching the mic. "I'm gonna be driving to the court tomorrow and testifying for you."

The minute he heard Tillen's voice, Pols breathed a sigh of relief.

"_Oh, thank you!_" Pols cried excitedly. "_See, oghond, I told you you'd find a witness! Though... to be fair, I was sitting next to him..._"

Which was true. But I just could not contain my excitement and happiness.

"Alright, this is great news," I said happily, before quickly getting back to business. "I still have a few more questions and then I'll be done. First of all, what time does the trial start tomorrow?"

This was an extremely important question, obviously, as I needed to know when it was so I could get to the courthouse on time. Luckily, Pols was there to provide the answer.

"_1:00 PM,_" said Pols.

I found myself smirking and giggling to myself.

"Too bad you don't use military time," I said, giggling, before turning to Absent and shooting him a wink.

He didn't wink back.

There was a brief pause as Pols tried to comprehend what the heck was going on, before he eventually responded.

"_...why's that an issue?_" he asked, confused.

"Because thirteen's my lucky number," explained Absent.

"_Oh_," said Pols. 

In case you've been living under a rock and don't know what military time is, it's the time used by the military and, incidentally, by many European countries. This includes Germany and the Netherlands. In those countries, an AM/PM system isn't used like here in the US. So while the US (and Wereldia) would say that the trial took place at 1:00 PM, the military, Germany, and the Netherlands would say that the trial took place at 13:00.

And, as you might be able to tell, Absent has a bit of a fascination with the number 13- that's why he started chuckling to himself repeatedly when the full halftime of a Wereldian football game- 26 minutes, including the halftime- was revealed. 26 is 13*2.

But back to the story.

"Also, do I have to wear a suit tomorrow?" I asked.

This was likely an even _more_ important question than the previous one. I didn't need to know that much about law to know that you had to come to court well-dressed-- read, you had to come to court in a suit and tie. I didn't even know how to tie a tie, and none of the Koffiehuis did, either. Not even _Absent _knew how to tie a tie.

Pols, meanwhile, laughed me off.

"_You're kidding, right?_" he giggled. "_You're a Pokémon. Pokémon are naturally naked. No one is going to show up wearing a suit._"

I breathed a sigh of relief. There was officially nothing for me to worry about.

"Oh, thank _god_..." I said, relieved.

"I miss pants," Absent muttered under his breath.

"...why?" I asked, turning to Absent.

"Because they're comfy and easy to wear," Absent said.

Pols and I giggled, and meanwhile in my head I was thinking one thing:

_You did NOT just make a Pokemon Yellow reference-- _ ** _NO WAIT YOU DID._ ** ****

** _YOU TOTALLY DID._ **

"Alright, that's good," I said, as my fit of giggling finally stopped. "I won't have to worry about learning how to tie a tie, then."

"_So, is that it?_" asked Pols.

I nodded. "Yeah, that's all. I'll see you tomorrow, Pols."

"_Bye!_" Pols cried.

I waved at him- even though technically he couldn't see me- and then turned off the phone before leaning back in my chair and letting out a yawn. I had no idea what time it was, but I had to assume it was pretty late by now.

"Alright," I yawned. "I don't know about you, but... what time is it?"

Absent took out his phone to try and look at the time, but Tillen had him beat.

"Wereldian time? 11:46 PM," he said. 

_11:46_?!

I didn't know it was _that_ late!

"Oh," said Absent.

And just like that, within seconds he collapsed on the floor and fell into a deep sleep, practically unconscious. I just laughed nervously- knowing now how late it was, I definitely needed to go to bed, too.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we all need to go to bed," I said. "We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow. Might as well."

With that, I left upstairs and departed for my room on the ship.

"Welterusten!" I called.

"Welterusten!" cried the rest of the Koffiehuis- except, of course, for Absent and Yuunarii.

"Wait a second," Tillen suddenly burst in. "Where the heck am I supposed to sleep?"

The question stopped me in my tracks, and I turned around to think about it for a few moments. Where the heck _was_ Tillen supposed to sleep? The only rooms on the ship- or at least, the only ones that I knew of- were the rooms that the Koffiehuis slept in.

I was just about to say something when Koffie suddenly broke in.

_I have guest beds downstairs_, it said.

Well.

Problem solved.

Tillen grinned.

"Ah, thanks for that," he said.

With that, he started to go downstairs- and then all of a sudden did a double take, likely shocked as heck at the fact that Koffie was a talking ship.

I suddenly realized that Tillen had no idea of Koffie's existence up until this point- of course he'd be shocked.

"Wait, wha—?!" he cried out. 

"It's a telepathical ship; don't think about it too much," I said, laughing it off. Having been on a telepathical ship for a few months now, I had learned not to think about it too much, and simply accept its existence.

Tillen shrugged.

"Oh, alright," he said, likely thinking the same thing. "Welterusten." 

And with that, myself, the rest of the Koffiehuis, and Tillen all reported for bed.

\-------------------------------------------

Okay, at the very least, I tried to report to bed right away, but I just couldn't resist. I had to find out more about the criminal justice system- even if Absent was going to be there as my co-counsel. So I stayed up for more than an hour, watching _My Cousin Vinny_ and paying attention- or at least trying to pay attention- to the cross-examination. Unfortunately, however- or perhaps, fortunately- I fell asleep when the trial scene started and stayed asleep for many hours.

When I woke up, it was 11:00 AM.

Naturally, I woke up on my own- just like I usually do- before getting up and brushing my teeth... and considering the fact that that was all I had to do because I was now a Pokemon, I decided to spend the next hour or so working some more on my opening statement- but that first sentence practically eluded me. I couldn't think of a good one to write, and spent the next hour or so agonizing over how to start the dang thing. I had the rest of it figured out, but the first statement...

Let me just tell you this- as a writer in the making, I can say from experience that figuring out how to start a chapter is always the hardest part.

Eventually, by 12:00 I was still thinking about what to write when the door suddenly opened, and Tillen entered the room.

"Alright," he said. "You ready?"

I was so freaked out by his entrance that I jumped back in my seat a bit.

"GAH!" I cried out.

"Oh, sorry if I scared you," said Tillen. "Regardless, you ready to get going? I got everyone else ready- they're all waiting for you in the car."

I sighed.

"No, I'm not ready!" I said. "I'm stuck on the first dang sentence of my opening statement, and I can't go into Wereldian court without at least something!"

Tillen chuckled.

"Actually, you can," he said.

I blinked.

"Wait, what?" I asked, standing up out of my seat.

"Yeah, a courthouse doesn't require you to write an opening statement," he said. "You can just enter in there and give your own dang speech- no problem."

"Oh," I said. "B-but what about bias? I can't give a biased opening statement, and I certainly can't give argument- what'll happen if an argument makes its way into my opening statement? And what if I sound nervous... and what if-"

"It's fine," said Tillen, laughing. "You have Corbin there, what the heck do you have to worry about?"

"Call him Absent, please," I said.

"I'm not in front of him," said Tillen. "If I was referring to him to his face, I'd call him Absent."

"Oh," I said.

"Besides, you did give me his real name. And so did he."

"True," I said, smiling. Up until that point, I hadn't heard Absent ever introduce himself to someone else- much less with his real name. Plus, Tillen was right. Absent was my co-counsel, after all- if I ever got nervous, I could just turn to him.

"Alright," I said, pushing away my paper. "Let's do this thing."

Tillen grinned.

"YEAH--!" he cried out. "Alright, you follow me outside; the court's 30 minutes away!"

I started to follow him-and then paused.

"Wait... 30 minutes?" I asked. "But it's 12:02! What am I supposed to do for the next 28 minutes?" 

"Oh, you know," said Tillen, "ask Absent any questions you still have, talk to Pols, that kind of thing."

I shrugged.

"Makes sense," I said.

With that, I followed Tillen out of the room and onto Wereldian soil, where a giant truck with a design similar to that of a Machamp- naturally- was sitting outside parked. Tillen opened the back doors, and I climbed into the back seat- where the rest of the Koffiehuis- sans the bunnies- were waiting for me. Absent, of course, was giving me _that_ look.

You should know what I mean when I say "_that_ look".

I chuckled nervously.

"Thanks for being so patient," I said. "Sorry if I'm a bit late."

"A _bit_ late?" Absent asked incredulously. "Dude, we've been sitting out here for 5 minutes; _where the heck were you_?"

"I can be a bit slow to get ready, I'll admit," I said, chuckling, "but I was trying to work some more on my opening statement, and-"

"What? Scripting it?" Absent asked, his mild frustration suddenly giving way to confusion. "You can just do it on the fly."

"Yeah, I know that now," I said. "Tillen told me that; I was just about to tell you."

Absent shrugged. "I guess it's not the first time he's been in court. Maybe he was just spectating, I dunno."

"Yeah, maybe," I said.

Beat.

"You got the evidence, right?" I asked.

"Yep," said Absent, holding up his black notebook with the stam notes in it.

Madelief instantly bounced up into the air and held up the ticket stub and receipt.

"Good," I said, nodding.

"Alright, who's ready to go to the Wereldian Court? Let's get ourselves a move-on! We got a case to decide!"

Tillen.

I turned towards the front of the car, and saw that Tillen was in the driver's seat, about to start the car. The good news is, having four arms- and therefore, four hands- is quite useful when you're a car driver.

"Yeah!" I cried out. "TO THE COURTHOUSE!"

Tillen chuckled. "Now you're talking!"

With that, he started the car, and we were off.

I don't know how many minutes we spent driving- probably ten or so- but at some point while we were on our way, I started to get a bit bored.

So, I turned to Tillen and asked what any other normally bored person would:

"Hey, Tillen, could you put on some music?"

Tillen instantly responded to my request.

"You're serious, right?" he said. "Of course I can!"

"Thank you," I said, breathing a slight sigh of relief. "If I'm being honest, I was starting to get a bit bored."

"Understandable," said Tillen.

He suddenly paused.

"Hey, have you ever heard of a song called Satisfaction?" he asked.

I certainly had- it was the famous classic by the Rolling Stones, AKA the song with the most famous guitar riff in history.

"YES!" I cried, instantly lighting up.

Absent shrugged.

"Yeah, it's a classic," he said, "but I prefer Sympathy for the Devil."

"Oh, Sympathy for Giratina's a good one," said Tillen, giggling, "but Satisfaction? That's my favorite song of all time!"

"Really?" Madelief asked.

"Yeah, it's by a band called the Roggenrolling Stones..." he said, "ever heard of 'em?"

I found myself giggling a bit at the pun.

Tillen, on the other hand, just went on and on.

"...They're Galarian; their lead singer is an Obstagoon... no, wait, I'm thinking of LICK, sorry. They _are _Galarian, but their lead singer is a Bruxish."

Two things.

1) _LICK. _Just... LICK.  
2) Of course the lead singer of a band based on The Rolling Stones would have its lead singer be the fish Pokémon with giant lips.

Though that did make me wonder how the heck the Pokémon equivalent of Mick Jagger happened to move around on stage. Considering that it was, you know, _a fish Pokémon_.

Regardless, I was desperately trying by this point to _not _start bursting out into a fit of laughter.

Absent, meanwhile, simply paused.

"Makes me wonder if there's a Salazzle who's this place's equivalent of Yoko Ono," he said.

That got me.

Wouldn't have thought of _Salazzle _as being Yoko Ono's Pokémon equivalent, yet I could somehow still see it making sense.

"Why Salazzle?" I asked.

Absent shrugged. "I dunno, first Pokemon I could think of that could do what she did."

"What'd she do?" Tillen asked, clearly not having heard of Yoko Ono before.

That pretty much answered the question: no.

"Her relationship with one of the band members put strain on the rest of their ability to make music and is theorized to be a reason the band broke up one year after she was married to him," Absent explained, giving information that practically _everyone reading this _should already know unless you've been living under a rock since the 1960's.

Regardless, what was still somewhat humorous was the fact that Absent hadn't even bothered to refer to the band by name.

"What's the band?" Tillen asked.

"The Beatles," I responded.

"Oh!" Tillen said. "They're still together."

Well, that explained why there was no Yoko Ono Pokémon. Of course there wouldn't be; in Wereldia there was still such a thing as _the freaking Beatles_!

"Not in my homeworld they aren't," Absent said. "They broke up fifty years ago, and two of the four founding members are dead, last I checked."

Yep.

John Lennon of assassination, and George Harrison of cancer.

Tillen just shrugged. "Hm. Anyways..."

He promptly took out his phone and hit a button, and in an instant, the famous intro guitar riff of The Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction" began to play.

"...let's get a move-on to the court!" Tillen exclaimed, the song playing throughout the car.

'He let out a shriek of delight, and eventually, the lyrics kicked in. All of you reading this should know the song by this point, since it's so dang famous and just about everyone knows it.

Just know this- by the time of the first "🎵_I CAN'T GET NO_—!🎵" Tillen, Absent, and I were screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs and headbanging to the music _repeatedly._

It was loads of fun.

Eventually, after about 20 minutes of listening to the same song over and over and over again, not only had the Rolling Stones' biggest hit gotten well and truly _stuck in my head_, but Tillen had parked his car in front of- strangely- a giant open tennis court. He looked up at it, then grinned broadly.

"We're here!" he cried out. "Pols is probably inside!"

With that, he exited the car and opened the doors for us, and we got out of the car, thanking him as we did so. The group was, thankfully, still carrying the evidence, and along the way we had stopped at a coffee shop and Absent had gotten a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup.

I do not like coffee.

By the time we had all gotten out of the car I took one moment to look up at the Wereldian court— and thought for about 25 seconds that Tillen had gotten the wrong address.

This was despite the fact that hanging just above the giant tennis court was a sign saying **_WERELDIAN COURTHOUSE_**.

Though, looking at the thing, I'm pretty sure I missed it the first time.

Largely because the Wereldian Courthouse was _literally _just a giant tennis court, stacked to the brim with chairs, park benches, and a few Pokémon. The judge hadn't come in yet, which made sense because the trial wouldn't start until 1:00.

Absent blinked.

"So do we just... sit anywhere?" he asked.

Good question- I had no idea of _where _to sit.

I paused, still a bit uncertain, and turned to Tillen.

"Are you _sure_ this is the right courthouse?" I asked.

Tillen nodded. "Only one in Wereldia."

I don't know how I did it, but I'm pretty sure that at that moment I was able to pull off giving _that _look towards Tillen. 

"...**it's literally a tennis court**," I said, deadpan as heck.

"I know, right?" said Tillen, grinning.

Eventually, he looked off into the distance for a bit and instantly pointed ahead.

"Look, there's Pols!" he cried.

He exited, and as I followed his gaze I indeed happened to notice the Shiny Dragonite, who affectionately hugged Tillen- maybe a little too hard. I just stood there, trying to take in the court's absolute stupidity- or at least, their supposed stupidity- before turning to Absent.

"...okay, Absent, are you just as freaked out as I am that this place is a LITERAL TENNIS COURT?" I asked, in a somewhat harsh whisper.

Absent just glared at me angrily, holding his coffee cup.

Intimidated, I stepped back, thinking instantly that I had done or said something wrong. Absent wasn't giving me _that _look, after all- he was flat-out _glaring_ at me.

"G-GAH!" I cried, intimidated. "I'm sorry, Absent! I didn't mean to do... well... whatever it was I just did..."

Now feeling slightly guilty and embarrassed, I looked down, wondering what the heck I had said or done to provoke Absent's reaction. Absent must have seen my reaction and noticed how intimidated I was, largely because he responded within 4 seconds.

"You're not to blame," he reassured me. "We turned in _so_ late."

THANK. GOD.

That, at least, I could say was true.

He took a sip of his coffee.

"And I've learned to accept that Wereldia is _mad_," he said. "Wonderland mad."

Also true.

In case you couldn't tell by 1) the existence of the Vandertramps and 2) the fact that Wereldia's courthouse was literally just a tennis court.

I, meanwhile, sighed with relief.

"Oh thank god..." I said, relieved. "I would have likely starting crying if I had done something wrong- oh, god, I'm such a giant wuss. Uh..."

Now attempting to change the conversation, I looked ahead and noticed Pols once again. I hadn't talked to him yet, and I needed to get my ID as soon as I could.

"Look, there's Pols!" I said.

Instantly, I ran up to him and Tillen, followed behind by the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Pols-!" I cried, waving my vines in the air.

Pols heard my voice and turned around, and the instant he saw me, his face lit up.

"oghond—!" he exclaimed happily, running up to me and giving me one of the biggest hugs I had ever received in my life.

Seriously, it was practically squeezing me. I could handle it, though.

Eventually, Pols let go.

"Thank you so much for coming!" he cried happily.

He eventually noticed Absent and lit up even more.

"And you must be Corbin!" he exclaimed happily. "Delighted to finally meet you!"

He squeezed _Absent _in a giant hug, and it was very clear that unlike me, Absent couldn't handle it. I found myself giggling at how affectionate he was.

"Call him Absent, please," I said with a laugh. "Tillen does, and so do the rest of us."

"Oh, okay," Pols responded, never once letting go of his grip. "Hello, Absent!"

The Coder himself, meanwhile, was having none of it. In an instant, Absent grabbed Pols' arm by the wrist- rather hilarious, given what the word "pols" means- and after a bit of struggling managed to force it behind his back. I couldn't tell what happened next, but Pols instantly cried out in pain.

"Ow..." he cried out, whimpering a bit. "Okay, okay, sorry, I'll let go..."

He did so, finally loosening his grip on Absent before looking down sadly and rubbing his shoulder socket.

"I was just trying to show you affection..." he muttered sadly.

If I had to be honest, I felt a bit bad for Pols in that moment, but I could also understand why Absent had done what he did. Tillen, noticing his friend's sadness, walked up to him to comfort him, and Absent did the same.

"Save it for when we win," he said. "I'll be more accepting of it. And not just because I'll be more awake by then."

He took a big sip of his coffee.

"Oh... okay..." Pols muttered.

Now I just felt even _worse _for Pols.

Tillen, meanwhile, turned to us and chuckled.

"You'll have to forgive him," he told Absent, "he's really affectionate towards Pokémon, and doesn't know when to stop."

Tillen blinked, realizing what he had just said.

"Well, okay, he does," he admitted, "but he can't control it is what I'm saying."

Absent shrugged. "Yeah, that's Dragonite."

"He's also really sensitive," said Tillen, looking over at Pols, who at that moment I noticed had tears coming to his eyes.

Absent was again blasé- whatever that word means. I wasn't taught it in my four years of French; but Absent introduced me to it.

"Hm," he said, shrugging.

For a few moments Pols was still staring down at the floor- until his eyes suddenly lit up, and he brightened, as if he had just remembered something.

"Oh, right!" he said cheerfully.

He ran over to another table and picked up a small silver card-like thing with the state of New Jersey on it. Looking closer I could see a picture of myself when I was a human. Pols ran over to me, and almost instantaneously I lit up.

"Here's your ID!" he cried.

Delighted as heck to see my ID card again, I lit up.

"THANK GOD!" I exclaimed, both in happiness and relief.

I promptly kissed my own dang ID card. I didn't care that it was weird, I just was too overjoyed about the fact that it was back.

"Good god, Absent," I said, "you were right; I really _do_ need a purse with pockets..."

Absent just casually rolled his eyes.

"So... anyways..." I said, looking up at the clock, "there's still about 30 minutes until the case starts... what the heck are we supposed to do until then?"

"Oh, you can just sit anywhere and wait for the judge to arrive," said Tillen, nonchalantly. "You and Absent can talk for a bit about... I don't know what."

I blinked and turned to Absent.

"Okay," I said.

With that, the two of us sat down- or at least, as best we could. Absent was still carrying his black notebook containing the evidence. After a few moments, I thought of something I wanted to ask him, and turned to him.

"So..." I said, "as I said before, I will be giving my opening statement on the fly..."

I paused.

"...and I heard about this thing called direct examination...?"

In my nightly study I had managed to catch a glimpse of the term in _My Cousin Vinny... _or so I thought.

"Yeah," said Absent, nodding. "That's you asking your witness questions."

I blinked.

"...I thought that was cross examination?" I asked.

"No, that's direct examination," said Absent.

"Yeah, you just told me that was direct examination," I said. "I thought it was cross-examination, because don't you ask your witness questions during cross-examination, too, or am I mistaken?"

I could have _sworn_ Absent had told me that...

He shook his head.

"No, cross-examination is entirely carried out by opposing counsel," he said.

Beat.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..." I said, finally getting it. "So that means the NORTH CATS will be asking Tillen questions."

Absent nodded, but then paused.

"Hol' up," he said. "North Cats, plural?"

Dang it.

"Well... okay," I said sheepishly. "_One_ of the NC will be asking Tillen questions."

Absent just blinked.

"... The Cats have law degrees?" he asked. "Or at least one of them?"

"You don't need a law degree in Wereldia, remember?" I said, giggling a bit. "That's why I'm on here."

Absent, being Absent, gave me a look that clearly said _derp on my part._

"Sorry," he said, with a hint of a nervous chuckle. "This is still just... really bizarre."

I shrugged. "True."

Beat.

"Okay, so there's direct examination, cross-examination, and...?"

"Redirect examination," Absent finished. "The judge will prompt you to start and you can ask questions to reaffirm your witness' credibility."

"Ah. Okay," I said.

And for the next 20 or so minutes, basic court procedure was all we talked about.

Okay, well, that and going over what we already knew about the case. Madelief, HP, LF and Yuunarii also all introduced themselves to Pols- well, scratch that. The first three did. Yuunarii, naturally, just sent Pols a link to her channel moments before leaving the room- presumably because she didn't want all those eyes digging into her. The most notable development, however, was the revelation that Absent, while I was sleeping, had recruited both Dr. Vandertramp and Dr. Borrarden as a neutral third party, so that they could look over Absent's notes on crude stams and conjugation and confirm their eligibility.

I was both ecstatic and nervous at the same time.

We continued talking about trial proceedings and stuff like that, and as we did so, the room began to get FILLED. Dozens of Pokemon, all wearing North Cat gear, crowded into the room, as did some Pokemon wearing red Bison gear. Eventually, a Shiny Incineroar entered and sat down behind a park bench.

I had a feeling that that Shiny Incineroar was either the coach of the North Cats or one of the other coaches.

Eventually, about 20 minutes later, the courtroom was completely filled. Absent and I had stopped talking, and both Tillen and Pols had sat down in their respective seats. I looked up at the clock, and my heart started beating even faster.

It was 1:00 PM.

The trial was on.

Knowing what I had seen in the movie, and knowing what Absent had told me about how a court trial works, I felt ready to face this trial head-on.

And then I saw the bailiff.

The moment that the bailiff entered the room, I was trying extremely hard not to burst out into laughter right then and there.

In keeping with the pun-based craziness of the Wereldian court, the bailiff... was a Bayleef.

I could just imagine that because Bayleef were such lovable Pokemon, not a single Pokemon in the room was going to take the bailiff seriously.

What I definitely wasn't expecting was how awkward the bailiff would be.

Although, looking back, it made sense that he'd be awkward. He looked nervous as heck the instant he entered the room, almost as if he didn't want to be there-- or, worse, that he had never done this before. Eventually, though, he managed to take a breath, moments before starting with the words that begin off every trial in the history of the world:

"All ri-"

And then he paused.

I knew exactly why.

See, saying "all rise" works really well in a human courtroom, but in a _Pokemon_ courtroom, things would be different. _Very_ different. Especially in a courtroom like this one, where about 3/4s of the Pokemon in the room- including myself, Madelief, and HP- literally _couldn't rise_. This was either because they had no legs, no distinction between sitting and standing, or could not sit/stand without feeling uncomfortableness or even physical pain. Basically, this was the equivalent of a human courtroom where 3/4ths of the people there were disabled or wheelchair-bound.

And apparently, the bailiff knew that, too. 

He quickly looked around, and noticed that Pokemon such as Pyukumyuku, Magneton, Staraptor, and Porygon2 were looking at him with looks that said _we can't rise, you idiot_. Immediately, he paused, cleared his throat, and looked down nervously.

"Erm... I apologize..." he muttered. "Let me rephrase that. If you can rise, rise. If you cannot rise because of the physical limitations of your species, then ple- please remain where you are."

1/4 of the court, including Pols, Tillen, the Shiny Incineroar, and Absent, stood up out of their seats. The other 3/4ths, myself included, stayed where they were. By this point, I looked up and saw that the judge- an Omastar- had entered the room.

I had a very strong suspicion that the whole reason that the judge was an Omastar was because of Lord Helix.

For a few seconds, there was silence, as everyone stood there expectantly, waiting for the Bayleef bailiff to give the legal preamble. After a few moments, he did so- or at least he began to.

"The court is... uh... the court is now in session... um... I forget what case number this is-"

I almost felt like laughing; they'd hired the most horribly awkward bailiff in history. Absent, naturally, Picarded, not saying a single word.

"_The Honorable judge Helix presiding...!_" the judge whispered furiously.

_Yep_, I thought. _Knew it._

"Oh!" said the bailiff, now sweating even more. "Oh, yes, of course, the Honorable judge Helix presiding; please be seated."

Beat.

"I-if you can, of course..."

1/4 of the courtroom sat back down.

As I stared over at the panicky and nervous bailiff that the court had hired, I noticed that he and the judge both had bar code stickers stuck to their bodies. I didn't know why, exactly, so I simply decided to not think about it for now and focus on the trial. I also noticed that the jury had arrived- and, in true court fashion, they were made up entirely of Dragon-type Pokémon. One of the jurors was a Dragonite, in fact.

This, naturally, was taking the phrase "a jury of one's peers" to ultra-literal levels.

The judge, meanwhile- who I will _not_ be calling "the Honorable Judge Helix" because that just sounds far too convoluted- simply rolled his eyes at the bailiff before turning to the courtroom.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen and everyone of undetermined gender," said the judge. "The case of _Pols v. The North Cats_, number 20-132639, is now in session."

I was trying desperately hard to hold in my laughter upon hearing the case number. Absent was practically _made _for this case.

Yet they hired _me _as the defense attorney.

Irony.

In case you don't get it, 26 and 39 are both multiples of thirteen.

The judge, meanwhile, turned to the court.

"And... I assume both sides are ready to present their opening statement, so..." He turned to the prosecution, which was the Incineroar. "The prosecution may proceed."

The Incineroar rose.

Again.

He nodded towards the judge, before clearing his throat and beginning his opening statement.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury..." he started.

Okay.

I could already tell something was up.

For one thing, that line was the most clichéd opening statement in the entire world. For another, there were also non-binary Pokémon in the court. Looking around I saw a few Magnemite and Magneton wearing Bison gear, along with some Metang and Golurk.

So opening the statement with "ladies and gentlemen of the jury" wasn't just clichéd, it was inaccurate.

Plain and simple.

The prosecution went on.

"I am the coach of the Wereldian North Cats..."

Yep, my instinct was right.

"...and I am going to prove to you, the jury, that the defendant Pols is guilty of the crime of terrorism and destruction of the Wereldian stadium..."

_Boring._

As a matter of fact, the prosecution's statement was so bland that I almost fell asleep during the dang thing. He just went on and on, talking about how "the evidence is going to show X, Y, and Z" even though most, if not all of his evidence was hearsay and eyewitness testimony. I didn't know if I was supposed to object during the opening statement, so I just sat there, my eyes glazing over a bit, waiting for him to finish... until a few words I overheard him say perked me right back up:

"...we have live video evidence from the scene of the crime..."

Hoo boy.

Live video evidence.

All of a sudden this just got interesting.

I wasn't able to hear anything else. And if I was being blunt, I didn't want to hear anything else. Instead I simply looked up at the "live video evidence" that the prosecution had brought in— and was shocked by what I saw.

First and foremost, the Pokemon that was launching that Hyper Beam?

It didn't look like a Gyarados. On the contrary- there was a green flash coming from behind the Hyper Beam. Other than the fact that the Pokemon was green, though, I couldn't make out any other features.

What I could make out, though, was a clear picture of Tillen and Pols sitting in the audience.

I smirked.

The prosecution didn't know it yet, but this case had pretty much already been won. With Pols and Tillen clearly in the scene, the prosecution's own evidence could be used against them. Even better, the prosecution likely had no idea that Pols and Tillen were in the dang thing.

There was no doubt in my mind at this point that we were going to win- but then again, given the stigma towards crude stams, I wouldn't be surprised if we lost, too. I _had _read _To Kill a Mockingbird_, after all, so I knew that just because you had compelling evidence, it didn't necessarily mean you were going to win.

Atticus Finch lost, after all.

People were crazy like that.

The prosecution went on and on, and by this point I couldn't hear a single thing that was being said. I had an opening statement being written out in my head at that exact moment. Based on the advice Absent had given me and from what I had managed to catch in _My Cousin Vinny_, it was going to be awesome.

Eventually, the prosecution finally finished their opening statement. I had no idea as to whether or not I should applaud, so I just stood there in silence waiting for someone to start a standing ovation.

Nothing happened.

My question had been answered.

No, you do not applaud an opening statement in court.

The North Cat coach sat back down, and the judge, meanwhile, turned to me and the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Thank you, prosecution," said the judge. "The defense may now present their opening statement."

Here it was. 

All those hours of preparation and watching _My Cousin Vinny_ had led to this moment.

I nodded, my face conveying nothing but pure determination.

"Thank you, Your Honor," I said.

With that, I walked up to the middle of the room, a full-on opening statement in my head. I'd seen what _not _to do and used that to determine what _to _do.

For starters, I immediately addressed the elephant in the room.

"Ladies, gents, and those of unspecified gender preference of the court," I began, shooting a quick glance at the group of Magnemite and Magneton dressed in Bison gear.

The Magnet Pokemon happily twirled around, clearly delighted to be acknowledged. I smiled at them, then continued the opening statement.

"I have been tasked with defending this crude stam from prosecution."

I suddenly paused- what was I to do next? I had stated my purpose... so now what?

Well, I figured that I could simply pull a MCV and talk about what the evidence was going to show... but in order to do that, I had to talk about the evidence itself.

But getting into the evidence straight away would just sound awkward- and probably would be.

And then it hit me that there was something else that MCV's opening statement had done, even though it was from the prosecution.

They had stated the facts of the case.

So, I figured that would be my natural next step.

"Just yesterday- I don't know what time it was, Wereldian times are crazy..."

The judge giggled.

"OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!" the prosecution roared. "THAT'S ARGUMENT!"

The judge and bailiff just continued giggling, clearly finding my comment hilarious, which slightly surprised me.

"And also true," said the judge, his giggles subsiding. "Overruled."

He slammed his gavel. The Incineroar coach growled and sat back down, eyeing the judge with a death glare. The judge didn't notice, and turned to me to let me know I could continue.

I smiled at him, and did.

"Just yesterday a horrible terrorist attack occurred at the Wereldian Stadium during a game between the Wereldian North Cats and the Vlaktian Bison," I went on. "And we..."

Beat.

"We have evidence that will prove that the defendant, the Shiny Dragonite Pols, is innocent of the crime for which he has been accused."

And from there, all the information just started spilling out of my mouth.

"We have notes from Corbin West- AKA the Absent Coder- detailing how crude stams work in the Dutch language, as well as two Pokemon who work at Donkeybridge Inc. to attest to their accuracy."

I gestured to Dr. Vandertramp and Dr. Borarrden. The former waved happily with his tongue lolling out of his mouth; the latter simply nodded with respect at the judge. Shortly afterwards, I noticed Tillen, and naturally figured I should talk about him, too.

"We also have Tillen with us," I continued, "who sat beside the defendant at the game where the attack took place, and he can attest to his simply being there to watch the game and spectating the attack. We have a ticket stub and receipt under Pols' name to prove he was seated beside Tillen."

Almost on cue, Madelief happily held up both the ticket and receipt, bounce-flying into the air.

To my slight surprise, no one objected.

Then again, this was Wereldia.

I was just about to go on when I realized something.

Specifically, that I had to ask the judge if all the evidence was admissible or not. I'd missed the prosecution doing it, so I had no idea if this was the right time to do it or not, especially since I had literally just talked about the evidence.

Thank god for Absent.

"Um... Absent?" I asked, in a whisper.

I had been expecting for him to simply ask "what?" but instead, without missing a beat, he came in:

"We request that these slips of paper be recognized by the court as evidence."

I blinked.

Well, then.

That had been easier than I thought.

Instantly, I backed away from Absent.

"Oh," I said, a bit sheepishly. "Never mind, because I was just about to ask if this was the part where I ask the judge if the evidence is admissible."

Absent simply glanced at me again with that look for a few moments before turning to the judge. 

The judge nodded.

"Your request is granted and-"

He suddenly paused and squinted at Absent, as if he knew who he was.

"-are you Corbin West the Absent Coder?" he asked.

It was the fourth time that day that someone had called Absent "Corbin."

Absent nodded. "Yes, I answer to Absent."

Which I would have told the judge.

He suddenly paused.

"If I may," said Absent, "may I ask why you ask?"

The judge blinked in slight surprise. 

"...are you a lawyer?" he asked.

"No," said Absent, "but I have a year of Mock Trial experience. Not as a lawyer, given, but even as a witness there are some things I picked up on."

The judge nodded. "Ah," he said. "That explains your highly extensive court knowledge."

He paused.

"You're good," he said, clearly intending it as a compliment.

"Thank you, Your Honor," said Absent.

The judge nodded.

"Anyways..." he said, "yes, the papers are admissible evidence. The prosecution may now proceed with direct examination."

Direct examination.

This would be fun, I knew that for certain.

I promptly returned to my seat, and the prosecution said something that I couldn't catch. The judge nodded, and the North Cat coach brought up another Pokémon- specifically, a Shiny male Meowstic- who I knew was the prosecution witness. Absent, as it turned out, hadn't just gotten the neutral third party, he'd also gotten the list of witnesses and files from the prosecution- because disclosure was a thing. This shiny male Meowstic- whose name I didn't know- was the main witness. The shiny Meowstic stepped forward, and what I heard next had been, up until yesterday, the only thing I knew about court.

"Raise your right paw."

He did- and I knew exactly what the judge was going to say next.

Sure enough:

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Arceus?"

"Yes," said the male Meowstic.

The male Meowstic went to sit down on one of the benches.

For a few moments I was slightly surprised that the Meowstic hadn't asked to approach the bench, but my shock eventually faded and was replaced by slight interest when I realized that the Meowstic was carrying something in his paw.

Photos.

Supposedly, of the crime itself.

I smirked.

This was going to get real interesting. I'd seen cross clips from _MCV_, so I had an idea of what to do, especially since I now knew that they _were_ cross clips. Then again, I didn't know what the photos contained, but then again, my cross would depend on what the heck was in them.

For now, I turned my attention back to the direct examination, and currently the North Cat coach was interrogating the Shiny Meowstic witness.

Now, it's very likely- if not almost certain- that none of you want to read through the entire direct examination, so in this regard I will write down for you everything I heard. I wasn't recording the trial case or anything like that, but I did remember the questions that were asked very well.

Here goes.

**North Cat coach: **Where were you at the time of the incident?  
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **I was sitting in the audience.   
**North Cat coach: **Where in the audience?   
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **In the nosebleed seats.  
**North Cat coach: **Did you get a nosebleed?

Okay, I'm gonna pause here. Three things happened after that question was asked, and it still sticks out to me as one of the trial's more hilarious moments.

One, the judge and bailiff started giggling like lunatics- the bailiff much moreso.

Two, Absent Picarded.

And three, and most importantly, I objected to the question, realizing that it was not only a leading question, but it was a stupid as heck leading question.

For the record, Absent had told me what a leading question was, and it basically boils down to "if the question can be answered yes or no, it is a leading question."

So, "did you get a nosebleed?", while hilarious, had two possible answers:   
1: Yes, I got a nosebleed.   
2: No, I did not get a nosebleed.

Ergo, leading question.

Naturally, the judge sustained the objection, and Absent had to tell the North Cat coach exactly what a nosebleed seat was, since I couldn't really describe it to him:

**Absent: **Nosebleed seats are a derogatory term used to describe seats high above the field. They are called that because high altitudes can cause nosebleeds due to the blood vessels' internal pressure being greater than the surrounding air's.  
**North Cat coach: **...  
**North Cat coach: **Never mind that, then. What team?   
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **Bison.   
**North Cat coach: **Bison?   
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **Bison.   
**North Cat coach: **What were you doing?  
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **It was just after the Bison scored a touchdown, I was going crazy in my seat; so was Atepen; so was the guy sitting next to me-  
**North Cat coach: **Who was the guy sitting next to you?  
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **My best friend.   
**North Cat coach: **What was his species?   
**Shiny Meowstic witness: **A Magneton.   
**North Cat coach: **What happened next?

And so on, and so on, and so on. Basically, I happened to notice that all of the questions asked by the prosecution were not yes-or-no questions.

With the obvious exception of the one leading question about the nosebleed seats, of course.

Though I was pretty confident that the only reason the North Cat coach asked that question was because he didn't know what a nosebleed seat was. Or at least, he had never heard the term before.

Anyways, this was pretty much how the direct examination went, and just by watching it, I learned everything I needed to know.

And it wasn't just "what to ask in my direct", either; I actually learned stuff about the witness that I could potentially use against him in my cross.

Namely, the witness mentioned that he was able to see a green Dragon-type Pokémon behind the Hyper Beam attack. While that seems like evidence that points directly to Pols, keep in mind that there are other green Dragon-type Pokemon, such as Flygon and Rayquaza. The question was, though- if the witness mentioned that the Dragon-type Pokemon was green, then why was Pols so adamant that he saw Gesloopt- a clearly blue Gyarados?

Shiny wouldn't work there, either, as Gyarados has the most famous Shiny form in the history of Pokemon (probably second only to Black Charizard). Besides, we'd seen the pictures of Gesloopt- he was clearly blue.

But I didn't want to believe, not even for a second, that Pols was guilty.

He certainly seemed innocent, and Dragonite by nature weren't really hostile Pokemon.

Eventually, the direct ended, and shortly after the North Cat coach returned to his seat, the judge finally said the words I'd been waiting to hear the entire trial.

"Will the defense please begin the cross-examination."

I felt like squealing.

Of course, I didn't actually squeal with happiness, since I was in a courtroom after all, but the moment had finally arrived for me to call the witness' testimony into question.

Which, given how lousy the video evidence was, seemed very easy for me to do.

The judge, meanwhile, was staring over at the bailiff and giving him _that_ look for some odd reason. I didn't really know why until I looked over at the bailiff- and suddenly realized why he was wearing a cross necklace.

He was examining it.

I couldn't help myself and started giggling like a lunatic in court. Absent, ever-serious as always, slapped the back of my head-- and this time it was _him_ who was giving me _that_ look.

I calmed down in a matter of minutes, but the judge didn't seem to object; all his attention was focused on the bailiff.

"That is not cross-examination," he said.

The bailiff looked up at the judge.

"What do you mean it's not cross-examination, Your Honor?" said the bailiff. "This is cross-examination, isn't it?" 

"No, that's cross examination," said the judge.

"Exactly," said the bailiff. 

The judge- and Absent- both facepalmed at the exact same time.

In court.

For a moment, both of them just looked at each other in surprise, likely wondering what the heck had just happened, before the judge started chuckling to himself- again, in court.

Dang, this judge was seriously lighthearted-- for a judge. I'd never seen anything like it before, but then again, this was Wereldia- AKA the place where every single day was treated as though it was January 6th.

It's a _Hunchback of Notre Dame_ reference; look it up. Unless you're reading this and you happen to be a die-hard member of the Blue Steak club.

I'll explain what that is some other time.

Anyways.

Absent, moments after shaking his head in disbelief, walked up to the Bayleef bailiff.

"What you're doing is cross examination," he said.

The bailiff brightened.

"See, Your Honor?" he said happily. "I told you-"

"No, no, no... cross-_space_-examination," Absent muttered, Picarding himself. "As in, you're literally just examining a cross. Cross-_hyphen_-examination is when opposing counsel interrogates the witness."

The bailiff's smile faded.

"Oh," said the bailiff.

Absent walked away, repeatedly sideeyeing the bailiff.

"I swear, the Pokemon here are too dang literal sometimes," he said.

"Welcome to Wereldia," said the judge. 

Absent smirked.

For about 25 seconds before the judge began speaking again.

"Anyways," said the judge, "now that that's over with, the defense can now begin the cross-_hyphen_-examination."

Here it was.

The moment for me to finally prove myself in a court of law.

I got up- and instantly froze.

Normally in a court, you would ask the judge to approach the bench, but in Wereldia? Who knew. The court was outside; and given that it was LITERALLY a tennis court set up to look like a courtroom with a bunch of benches set up, I had no idea if I had to ask the judge's permission or not.

Still, just to make sure...

"Your Honor..." I began, "may I approach the-"

"Yes," said the judge almost instantaneously.

I blinked.

"Okay, then," I said, somewhat surprised by the fact that the judge was letting me approach the bench so quickly.

With that, I approached the Shiny Meowstic, and was just about to open my mouth when I realized-- there was a stenographer who would be recording every word of the trial. From experience I can tell you that picking up practically every word someone says is impossible. I was wondering how in the world a stenographer was able to do all that.

So, with that having been set into motion, I decided to help out the stenographer a little bit in order for him to catch every word.

My plan, you ask?

Simple.

Talk as slowly as humanly possible.

With that, I began with my first question of the cross:

"When... the... terrorist... attack... occurred... where... were... you... in... regards... to... the-"

Yeah.

I was literally pausing after every word, all so that the stenographer could write it down.

Admittedly, I probably should have recognized that I was boring the court the second I opened my mouth, but the thought hadn't crossed my mind at the time. I honestly thought I was doing the stenographer a favor.

And I would have continued the question, if not for:

"Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor."

Absent.

Of course.

The judge nodded, granting him permission to approach the bench.

Which he did.

I instantly stopped talking and turned straight to him, while Absent, of course, walked up to me.

"You _do _realize you don't have to pause after every word, right?" he said. "You'll just bore the courtroom to death."

Like I didn't already know that now.

"Yeah, but if I talk normally, the stenographer won't be able to catch it all," I told him. 

Absent sighed.

"If they wanted us to slow down," he muttered in frustration, "_they would've asked_."

For a few moments, I was slightly intimidated, but then realized that in his frustration, Absent was right. The famous "two yutes" scene in _MCV_ hadn't happened out of the blue, after all. 

"True," I said finally, conceding the point. 

Apparently, that response was satisfactory enough, because Absent instantly went back to his seat and moved away from the bench. I, meanwhile, took a breath and asked the first question again- this time at a normal rate, and not slow as all get out.

"When the terrorist attack occured, where were you in regards to the Pokemon performing it?"

This was the first question during the cross in MCV, more or less, and it was extremely important. If the witness' answer didn't match up with the pictures and video footage, then there was a very strong opportunity of this case being in the bag in about 22 seconds.

The Shiny Meowstic paused for a few moments, before answering.

"I was looking down on the terrorist attack," he said.

"You were looking down on the terrorist attack?" I repeated.

"Yes," said the Shiny Meowstic.

"Did you see the Pokemon?"

The Shiny Meowstic paused.

"Yes," he eventually said.

"And you said it was a green Dragon-type Pokemon, correct?"

"Yes."

I paused- and then smirked.

"Funny," I said. "Very funny."

At that moment, I happened to notice the photos that were in the Meowstic's paw- and was suddenly hit with an idea. Forget the video evidence- photos were enough.

"You have photos?" I asked.

"Yes," said the Shiny Meowstic.

"May I please see them?" I asked.

The Meowstic paused.

"Uh... sure," he said.

With that said, he gave me the photos, and sure enough, they had been taken from the nosebleed seats. A Hyper Beam attack was directly in the face of dozens and dozens of Pokemon who were all standing in front of the Meowstic. I nodded to myself, looking through them- and suddenly realized that the green flash was in every single one of them. However, it didn't look like it had any possible definitive form- and what was even crazier was that I also saw flashes of red behind the Hyper Beam attack.

A green and red Pokemon that knew Hyper Beam...

That didn't sound like a Gyarados, but it definitely wasn't Pols, either.

All of a sudden, I knew exactly what question to ask next.

"This is the Hyper Beam attack, correct?" I asked, pointing to the giant white beam.

"Yes," said the Meowstic.

"Okay," I said. "I figured. And what is this green flash behind the Hyper Beam attack?"

"That is the green Dragon-type Pokemon I saw," said the Meowstic.

"You said it was a Shiny Dragonite?"

"Yes."

"Like Pols?"

"Yes."

"Okay. What color green is Pols?"

The Meowstic squinted.

"He is... he's dark green."

"_Dark green_!"

The jury muttered amongst themselves, presumably starting to consider the evidence. I, on the other hand, was smirking like a lunatic.

"Do you have a projector?" I asked, gleefully rejoicing in the fact that my plan to take this guy out was coming together quickly as heck.

The Meowstic smirked.

"Silly you!" he laughed. "I am the projector!"

With that, he projected the image that I was talking about in front of the entire jury.

Still smirking, I pointed to the green flash that was behind the Hyper Beam.

"Okay, so you agree that Pols is dark green," I said. "Then would you say that this shade of green- the one behind the Hyper Beam which is presumably the Pokemon in question- is a lot lighter than Pols' shade of green?"

The Meowstic squinted.

"You could say that," said the Meowstic.

Once again, MCV to the rescue for the rebuttal.

"Ah, but would _you_ say that?" I responded. 

"Would I say that?" asked the Meowstic.

He once again squinted.

"Uh... yes," he said. "Yes, I would."

"You would?" I asked.

"Yes," said the Shiny Meowstic.

"Alright, then," I said.

First point down. Now to really get the jury to question his testimony- with cold, hard evidence.

"How much do you know about the Dutch language?" I asked him.

The Meowstic paused.

"Oh... I'd say I know a fairly decent amount," he said.

"A fairly decent amount," I repeated. "Okay. Do you know what the word 'pols' means in Dutch?"

He blinked.

"Well, it's obvious," he said. "Pols in Dutch means 'wrist'."

"And 'pols' backwards is 'slop,' yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes, it is."

I walked up to Absent, a grin of triumph on my face.

"Absent," I asked, "your notes, if you please."

He gave me his black notebook with the notes on Dutch stam rules and pronunciation. I took them, knowing in my head, full well, that this was going to absolutely destroy the prosecution's testimony. Once the witness had been given cold, hard facts about how the Dutch language worked, specifically spelling rules, the prosecution, come their cross-examination, would have basically nothing really to work with.

Once I had a hold of them, I turned to the doctors.

"I would like to call Dr. Jacques-Francois Vandertramp and Dr. I-don't-know-your-first-name Borrarden of Donkeybridge, Inc. to the stand to evaluate the notes that have been brought in as evidence."

Dr. Borrarden smiled.

"My first name is Ezel," he said.

I smirked.

"Of course it is," I said.

With that, Dr. Vandertramp and Dr. Borrarden approached the stand, and I gave them Absent's notes on Dutch stams and conjugation. They surveyed them for a few moments, muttering amongst themselves, before the latter turned to me and nodded.

They were, indeed, accurate.

"Thank you, doctors," I said. "You may now return to your seats. I have confirmation that these notes on stams and conjugation in the Dutch language are, in fact, accurate." 

"You're welcome!" cried Dr. Vandertramp happily.

Borrarden simply nodded at me before returning to his seat. I, on the other hand, turned back to the Shiny Meowstic.

"Alright," I said, opening the notebook and glancing down at the notes. "First off, you're aware of what Dutch conjugation is, are you not?"

"Yes," said the Meowstic.

"Okay, and what exactly happens in present tense Dutch conjugation?"

"You remove the -en to find the stam, and for the second and third person pronouns, you add a -t to the end," said the Meowstic.

"Correct," I said. "Now, do you know what 'slopen' means?"

"To demolish," said the Meowstic. "That's too easy."

"Okay," I said. "And would you say that 'slop'- S-L-O-P, 'slop'- is the stam of 'slopen'?"

"Without any adjustments, yes," said the Meowstic.

"Without any adjustments?" I repeated. "Okay, and what kind of stam is that?"

"A crude stam," said the Meowstic.

"And Pols is a crude stam, is he not?"

"Yes he is!" screamed the Meowstic, rising up from his seat. "He is a criminal and should be locked up in the Wereldian Prison at all costs!"

The prosecution started shouting in agreement, moments before the judge slammed his gavel.

"Order in the court!" he cried. "Order!"

Naturally, the screams from the prosecution died down, and the judge turned to me.

"I apologize for that," he said. "Please continue."

"Thank you, Your Honor," I said, nodding. "Now, as I was saying... do you honestly believe that Pols is a terrorist and a criminal simply because he is a crude stam?"

"Yes," said the Meowstic.

I smirked.

"Well, that's quite hypocritical," I muttered under my breath.

To my slight surprise, no one objected. Likely because no one heard me.

I turned the notebook page again, to the part where Absent had written down the Dutch stam spelling rules. Surely, I figured, once the prosecution was faced with this, the witness' testimony would be dead in the water and the prosecution, come their cross, would be resorting to hearsay and character evidence.

"You would say he is a rule-breaker, would you not?" I asked.

"Yes," said the Meowstic.

"Odd," I said. "Do you know what the present tense form of slopen is, second person?"

"Sloopt," said the Meowstic.

I smirked.

"Spelled...?"

"S-L-O-O-P-T."

"Say that again?"

"S-L-O-O-P-T." 

The jury muttered to themselves, presumably in shock. I, on the other hand, was smirking. The Meowstic's stigma towards crude stams was slowly coming apart at the seams.

"And why, might I ask, is it spelled that way?" I asked.

The Meowstic just scoffed.

"Simple," he said. "'Slopen' contains a long vowel, and if you remove the 'en' the vowel becomes short, so you have to add on another 'o' in order to keep it long before adding a t. Basic Dutch spelling rules, really."

Boom.

Just like that, the prosecution's witness had outed his own stigma on the bench and revealed that he knew the whole time that Pols had been following Dutch spelling rules.

The Meowstic's eyes grew wide with shock as he realized what he had just said in front of the entire jury. He instantly started going into a frightened panic, and I just stood there, smirking at him in triumph.

"Basic Dutch spelling rules..." I said.

The Meowstic tried to calm himself down and blinked.

"So, how in the world could you have seen Pols performing this act of terrorism if Pols is not only the wrong color as the presumed offender, but also follows Dutch spelling rules to the letter, which therefore contradicts the entire stigma surrounding most crude stams?" I asked.

Beat.

"Am I badgering you?" I asked, my entire demeanor suddenly changing to that of worry. "I hope I'm not accidentally badgering you. If I am, I am so sorry. I've never been in court before and I'm not a lawyer-"

"No," said the bailiff, suddenly coming in. "If you were badgering the witness, you'd be putting a giant Linoone in front of his face."   
  
The entire courtroom went completely silent, and the judge simply turned to the bailiff with that look yet again. He was about to say something, if not for:   
  
"_**P****ick up a dictionary and don't just assume you know what a word means, you exceedingly literal weed!**_"   
  
It was Absent, and he'd clearly had just about enough of the bailiff's extreme literalism.

"**_How'd you land a job as a bailiff, let alone a job at all?!_**" he shouted.   
  
The room went dead silent- heck, not even the judge moved. I, meanwhile, just gave him_ that_ look. Absent- who probably thought that the judge was going to put him in contempt of court or something, instantly looked around the room sheepishly.   
  
"Sorry, sorry!" he said, nervously. "Carry on... heh..."   
  
The judge said nothing, and did nothing, except hand the bailiff a giant book reading **DICTIONARY OF LAW** on it in big bold letters. Instantly, the bailiff grabbed it in his vines and started reading it as though he had just received it for Christmas.   
  
The judge Picarded.   
  
I, meanwhile, simply just decided to continue with the trial, and turned to the Meowstic witness nervously.

"Am I badgering you...?" I asked nervously.

"Nope," said the Meowstic. "I'm fine, thanks for asking. And..." 

He looked to the side nervously.

"Okay, with all the evidence, I might have been mistaken in my testimony," he admitted sheepishly.

Exactly what I needed to hear.

"No further questions, Your Honor," I said, smiling at him.

The judge smiled right back at me, mere moments before slamming his gavel.

"Thank you," he said. "The prosecution may now call up his-"

He paused and looked down at me.

"Have you been in mock trial?" he asked.

"No," I said.

The judge's eyes widened in surprise.

"You haven't...?"

I don't know exactly why, but I found myself slinking back a bit.

"Uh... no," I said. 

The judge paused again, then smiled just a few moments later.

"I must say, for someone with absolutely no professional experience and no mock trial experience whatsoever... you're good," he said.

I lit up instantly.

"Wait, you mean that?" I asked.

"Sure," said the judge. He looked over at Absent. "I presume you learned it all from him?"

"Yes," I said, fervently nodding. "In fact, prior to just yesterday I had no idea how the heck the court system worked."

The judge's eyes widened.

"Well, you certainly have learned a lot," he said.

I chuckled to myself.

"Oh, thank you, your Honor," I said.

The judge simply smiled and nodded, before turning back to the rest of the court and slamming down his gavel.

"As I was saying," he said, "the prosecution may now bring up their second witness to the stand...."

\-----------------------------------------------------

And so it continued.

Two more witnesses went up, each with photo and video evidence, and for both of them, I used the exact same tactics I had used with the Shiny Meowstic to cross-examine the heck out of them. The first witness, a Torracat, was the one who had taken the video evidence, and although he brought up a few good points, I was able to make him question his testimony much as I had with the Meowstic.

Naturally, he showed off the terrible video evidence- you know, the one where Pols and Tillen were right there in the video. When I pointed them out, he mentioned that there were likely many other Shiny Dragonite and Machamp fans watching the game in the audience. I promptly countered with evidence that Shiny Dragonite were very rare, and then asked him what Pols meant in Dutch. He naturally responded "wrist," to which I pointed out the wristband on Pols' arm. I also pointed out that the offender's voice sounded much different from that of Pols' own, and with the witness having been ousted as a probable liar right there on the court bench, he was forced to concede.

The second witness was a Machoke- not a Machamp like Tillen- who had also captured photo evidence of the attack. Unlike the first photos, this one was taken from a much lower seating, and the Hyper Beam was right in front of his face- along with dozens of Pokemon running for the fields. I asked him what the things in front of him were, and he said they were tons of Pokemon. When I pointed out how in the world he could have gotten a clear view of the attack when so many Pokemon were in the way of the attacker, he, too, was forced to admit that his testimony might have been mistaken.

By the time the Machoke witness had left the stand and I had finished cross-examining every one of the prosecution's witnesses, I naturally returned to my seat, ready for the really fun part.

That, in case you didn't know, was the direct examination of Tillen, followed almost immediately afterwards by the thoroughly destroyed prosecution trying- and likely failing- to come up with an effective cross.

The instant I returned to my seat, Absent was staring at me with a look that clearly said:

"Well, I'll be had. She absolutely _destroyed_ them."

I, meanwhile, turned to look at the jury, who were furiously muttering to themselves under their breaths, likely discussing the evidence that I had just presented them with. The judge, naturally being the most lighthearted judge I'd ever seen, was beaming with pride over at me, which just made me more confident that I had absolutely demolished the prosecution to SMITHEREENS.

Not too confident, though. For obvious reasons.

Eventually, the judge slammed his gavel and turned to the courtroom, before speaking the words that I'd been waiting to hear since the beginning of the cross:

"The defense may now call their witness to the stand for direct examination."

This was it.

This was my moment to truly prove myself in court.

I smiled, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. Namely, Tillen was going to be called up, and thanks to the prosecution's direct, I knew what types of questions to ask.

Of course, though, I had to get the evidence first- namely because I was going to ask Tillen questions about the ticket that Madelief had found.

With that, I rose from my seat and turned to her.

"Madelief," I asked, "do you still have the ticket and receipt?"

"Jep!" cried Madelief happily, holding them up into the air.

I smiled, then extended my vines and took the ticket and reciept from the leaf pinwheel on the top of her head.

"Dankjewel," I said.

"Graag gedaan~!" Madelief cried happily.

With the evidence now ready for direct examination, I turned to the judge and jury.

"I would now like to call my only witness, Tillen, to the stand," I told them.

The judge nodded- naturally. I gestured to Tillen, who looked around nervously for a few moments, before going up to the stand. I, meanwhile, stood there in anticipation, eagerly awaiting the direct examination.

The judge stared down at him.

"Raise your right hand," said the judge.

Tillen did.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Arceus?"

Tillen nodded. I didn't know if he had been in the Wereldian court before, but something told me that he had.

The judge nodded, then gestured to the now-empty park bench next to him.

"Please be seated," said the judge.

With that, Tillen walked up, saluted the judge, and promptly sat down on the bench.

He couldn't sit behind it, for obvious reasons.

I approached him, but not too much, and with that, it was on.

My direct examination had officially begun.

I didn't want to go straight into the evidence right away, though. All three direct examinations that were done by the prosecution had started with the same question: "Where were you at the time of the incident?" Admittedly, that was rather boring. Both the jury and I already knew where Tillen was at the time of the incident-- sitting right next to Pols.

What I really wanted to know was exactly where he and Pols had been seated in the first place.

So, naturally, that was the first question I went for.

"Where were you seated at the time of the incident?" I asked.

Tillen blinked.

"You mean where was I?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"No, not 'where were you'- okay, technically 'where were you', but more specifically I mean what seat were you in at the time the incident happened?"

"Oh!" Tillen facepalmed. "Okay, then in that case, I was in the fourth row from the bottom, seat 16." 

"So, row D, seat 16?"

"Yep."

"Okay. What were you doing at the time?"

Tillen laughed.

"Oh, that's easy," he said. "I was sitting next to Pols; the two of us were chatting with each other, eating popcorn, cheering on the North Cats-- you know, all the normal, regular stuff you'd see Pokemon do at a Wereldian football game. And if you want to get into specifics onto that... well, you see, just before the giant crash came in I was telling Pols one of my classic Dutch-English puns. You know, like the 'arm' thing?"

"Yeah."

"Well, this one was probably even more hilarious than that- it was the classic 'door a door' pun. You know that one, right?"

I nodded- that pun had been at the centerfold of Dr. Vandertramp's speech about how Dutch was a dying language; AKA the speech that led to the formation of the Koffiehuis in the first place.

"Go on," I said.

"Anyways," said Tillen, "I was telling Pols that pun, and the two of us were sitting there, laughing about it and eating popcorn, when all of a sudden both of us looked up and saw a Hyper Beam blow right through the stadium."

I paused.

"Okay... and what did you do next?"

"Simple. I grabbed Pols by the wrist and bolted my way out of there along with thousands of other Pokémon."

Alright, the basics were covered. Now to get more info on Pols.

"What did Pols do when the attack hit?" I asked.

"Oh, he was a screaming wreck," said Tillen, giggling slightly. "When he saw the attack and heard the voice saying that all crude stams would be destroyed, he grabbed on to me and started screaming for dear life, praying that he wouldn't be next. For about 25 seconds or so, I had him in my grip, and then he was gone. The cops had him. They thought he had done it."

"What was your reaction when you saw this?"

"Well, naturally, I'm a Fighting-type, so I tried to wrestle Pols out of the grip of the cops, telling them that he didn't do it. They didn't listen."

"Okay... can you describe the attacker?"

"Didn't really see much, except for a giant light green colored Pokémon, and a few red flashes. They looked like wings to me."

"And his voice?"

"Rough, gravelly... Yeah, it didn't sound like Pols at all, so..." He chuckled.

Alright.

Next question- and it was a biggie.

"Did you have a ticket with you that day?" I asked.

Tillen nodded. "Sure did! What do you think? This game was cheap as heck, so unlike the North vs. South game I could actually afford this one!"

He promptly took out his ticket, which looked exactly the same as the one Pols had gotten. Upon closer inspection, I suddenly noticed something that I hadn't picked up the first time I saw Pols' ticket.

Namely, just underneath **TICKET FOR: ONE MACHAMP **was something else, written in smaller letters:

**SEATED IN D16**

It matched the testimony.

Slightly shocked, I looked down at Pols' ticket- and this time I happened to notice the following underneath the words **TICKET FOR: ONE SHINY DRAGONITE:**

**SEATED IN D17**

Row D, Seat 17.

Again, it matched the testimony- Pols was seated right next to Tillen.

I didn't need to ask as many questions about the ticket and the receipt as I thought.

In fact, given the evidence from the prosecution's cross, I only needed to ask a few more questions and then the direct would be over.

I smirked.

Of course, I knew I couldn't ask a leading question, because that would lead to an objection from the prosecution, so instead I simply asked:

"Did Pols have a ticket?"

Tillen grinned.

"Course he did!" he said. "You're holding it in your vines right now!"

I looked down at the ticket that was in my vines and smirked.

That, I presumed, was enough.

"Very well, then," I said.

I turned to look directly at the judge.

"No further questions, Your Honor," I said. "The defense rests."

The judge smiled and nodded.

"Thank you," he said. "You may now be seated."

I breathed a sigh of relief and joy as I did exactly that- it was all over. I had done my part; finally, at long last, I could just sit back and watch the prosecution have pretty much nothing to say in their defense without resorting to character evidence or hearsay. I handed both the ticket and the receipt back to Madelief, who was floating around in the air in happiness. Absent, meanwhile, was staring at me with a look of what appeared to be both shock and pleasant surprise. He wasn't smiling, but his face clearly said "Holy crap, she obliterated them."

Eventually, after a few moments, Absent looked around for a bit. Then, with the exact same look on his face, he turned straight to me.

"Pride yourself," he said, clearly impressed. "You sound experienced."

I felt like squealing with happiness and pride right there in the middle of the court.

\-----------------------------------------------------

As I predicted, the prosecution's cross-examination of Tillen went exactly how you'd think it went. The prosecution had been so thoroughly destroyed by my cross-examination of them that when the time came for them to start asking Tillen questions...

Well, let's just say this: a lot of objections were made.

All of the questions asked by the prosecution during their cross were flimsy as heck and mainly relied on three things:

1) Non-leading questions  
2) Character evidence  
3) So much hostility towards Tillen that had I not intervened with my objections it's very likely they would have called a mistrial

Seriously, the prosecution was so intimidating towards Tillen that it was scary to watch. They asked him constantly if he was in cahoots with Pols, repeatedly insisted that he was just as bad as Pols, and received thousands of objections from yours truly- all of which were sustained by the judge.

Arceus bless Tillen, though- he answered every question honestly, and wasn't actually intimidated by the prosecution, despite their attempts to scare him. I'm going to be honest for a few minutes- it was at that moment where I realized that I had made the right choice in picking Tillen as my witness. The guy was just so likeable I'm pretty sure he shocked the prosecution.

Eventually, the prosecution finished their line of questioning, and the judge allowed Tillen- the one sole witness on my side- to sit back down. I was smirking the entire time-- the prosecution had, thanks to a combination of Tillen being Tillen and my cross, been utterly and completely destroyed.

The case, it seemed was practically dead in the water.

Once both the prosecution and Tillen had sat back down, the judge faced the court and slammed down his gavel.

"The court will now take a recess," he said. "We will reconviene as soon as we have the verdict. In the meantime, the gallery is invited to play a game of tennis on our court. Or... you know, do whatever you used to do during recess at the Wereldian Academy."

The gallery cheered, and within minutes, every single Pokemon in the courtroom, including the bailiff, went out onto the tennis court, picking up rackets and tennis balls. The only exceptions, of course, were myself, Absent, Madelief, HP, LF, Pols and Tillen, all of whom simply stood up from their seats- if they could- and looked up on to the field. Yuunarii, who had left for the tennis court at the start of the trial, also came up to me, smiling- and still without the bunnies, because bunnies aren't allowed in court. 

I promptly decided to use this time to start squealing like a lunatic.

"How'd I do; how'd I do?!" I gushed, running up to Absent and practically shaking him with my vines. "Did I destroy the prosecution or what?"

"Are you crazy?!" Madelief burst in in excitement. "You did AMAZING! That was the greatest cross-examination I have ever seen in my life!"

Yuunarii simply glared at her.

"What?" asked Madelief.

Yuunarii said nothing; just continued to glare, until eventually LonelyFox came in.

"That is the_ only_ cross-examination you have ever seen in your life," she said bluntly.

"Right, right..." said Madelief, giggling a bit. "Sorry..."

"But more to the point," said LF, walking towards me with a smile, "Madelief is absolutely right. You were simply unbelievable in that cross. I highly doubt that the jury has any ideas of Pols being guilty now, and if they do indeed have those ideas..." Her eyes narrowed. "They are nothing short of racist idiots, much like those cops were."

I had tears of joy in my eyes by this point.

"You really mean that?" I asked.

"Like I said, pride yourself," said Absent. "You sounded experienced."

I smirked, albiet with tears still rolling down my cheek.

"Thanks," I said. "But if I'm being completely honest... right back at ya. The only reason I ended up sounding as experienced as I did was because of you."

Beat.

"Yeah, that's fair," said Absent.

"YOU CRUSHED IT!"

Tillen.

The minute I heard his voice, I turned to see him running towards me. We high-fived each other, and pretty soon the guy was lifting me up and hugging me.

In that moment, he reminded me a lot of my father.

I missed him.

No, my father is not dead, in case any of you are wondering. I just couldn't see him because... well... simple. He thought_ I _was dead.

But you, of course, knew that already.

Anyways.

"That was the greatest cross I've ever seen!" Tillen exclaimed, setting me back down on the floor. "Seriously, you absolutely obliterated them! I guarantee you Pols will be delighted as heck when that jury finally delivers the verdict!"

He laughed- then all of a sudden blinked and looked around.

"Speaking of him..." he said, "where is he?"

I looked back towards the chair that Pols had been sitting in for the entire trial, only to find that he was not there. Presumably he had left to go to the bathroom or something like that.

Or at least that was where I thought he was- until mere moments later when I looked ahead and saw Pols sitting on the court.

"Uh... Tillen?" I asked.

"Yeah?" Tillen responded.

I pointed ahead at him with my vine. "He's over there."

Tillen breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank Arceus for that..."

Beat.

He caught sight of Pols, and his expression quickly changed from joy to concern.

"Is... something wrong?" he asked.

"With him?" Absent broke in. "I don't know; can't tell from here."

I, on the other hand, certainly could. While nothing appeared to be wrong with him- he looked like he was smiling, after all- I still found it strange that Pols would be just sitting down on the court grass, not really celebrating the cross-examination.

"I don't _think_ anything's wrong?" I asked, still a bit uncertain.

"Should we go talk to him?" HP asked.

"Yeah, we probably should," said Absent.

"Not probably- definitely," I added.

Then paused.

"Besides," I said, a smirk slowly coming to my face, "I have a question that I'd like to ask him that's been on my mind since the prosecution's opening statement."

Absent and Tillen simply looked at each other, evidently confused.

I, meanwhile, walked up to Pols, who- thankfully- was smiling. That was a good thing- Tillen's initial thought that something was wrong was thankfully false. I still wanted to talk to him, though-- just in case something was going on within the forays of Pols' mind.   
  
"Pols?" I asked. "You alright?"   
  
The Shiny Dragonite turned towards me, beaming.   
  
"Are you crazy?" he said. "I'm more than alright- I'm absolutely fantastic! You absolutely demolished the prosecution!"   
  
Well, that was a relief!  
  
"Thanks," I said, smiling back at him.   
  
Beat.   
  
"Though... I do want to ask something that's been on my mind since the prosecution began."   
  
Pols blinked.   
  
"What's that?" he asked.   
  
I sat down beside him, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the rest of the Koffiehuis approaching me from behind.   
  
"You told me at the start that you saw Gesloopt- who is a Gyarados, might I remind you- from behind the Hyper Beam attack," I said. "A Gyarados is very obviously blue, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes," said Pols.  
  
"And yet... when the prosecution showed their video evidence, the flash behind the Hyper Beam move was very clearly green with a bit of red," I told him.  
  
"Green?" said Pols. "Oh, is that what that blue color was supposed to be? I did see the glowing red eyes, but..."   
  
Well, this was interesting. No wonder Pols saw Gesloopt back there- he couldn't see the color green, yet he could see red just fine.   
  
All of a sudden, I had a theory, and now that we were Pokemon, I could test that theory much easily without having to pull up one of those "colorblind" tests.   
  
"Pols, can I ask you something?" I said.   
  
"Sure!" said Pols.   
  
"What color am I?" I asked.

Pols gave me a quick glance, then giggled to himself. 

"Oh, that's easy," he said. "You're obviously blue." 

I smirked. "Yep. Knew it."   
  
"...knew what?" Pols asked.   
  
"You have tritanopia," I said.   
  
The entire Koffiehuis looked on in confusion, and it was clear to me that not a single one of them- not even Absent or LF- knew what that word meant.   
  
"Well, that's a $25-word," said Tillen.  
  
Pols blinked. "I have what?"   
  
"Tritanopia," I clarified. "You're blue-green colorblind; you can't see green. Everything that would be green to us appears blue to you, so therefore if you were to see a Shiny Nidoqueen, you'd see a regular Nidoqueen. This also, incidentally, means you can't see your own color. Forget the prosecution saying you're dark green- you're dark green to us- what color are you to _you_?"  
  
Pols blinked, and examined himself for a few moments before responding.   
  
"A really dark blue," he said. "Almost gray."   
  
I nodded. "Tritanopia."   
  
"So you're colorblind?" Absent said, approaching.  
  
"Apparently yes," said Pols, who I could tell was still slightly confused by this relevation.   
  
Absent shrugged. "Hm. Think you're the first person I've met who's colorblind."  
  
"Scratch that," I said. "You're the first person or Pokemon ANY of us have met who's colorblind."   
  
The rest of the Koffiehuis nodded.   
  
"Hm," said Pols, looking up. "What other Shiny Pokemon could I not see?"   
  
"Every green Shiny Pokemon in existence," I said. "Shiny Nidoqueen, Shiny Beedrill, Shiny Machamp, Shiny Hoppip- you're probably seeing blue leaves on Madelief's head right now- Shiny Espeon, Shiny Hydreigon, Shiny Salamence-"   
  
I paused.   
  
"Shiny Salamence..." I muttered to myself. 

"What about it?" Madelief asked. 

Finally, the prosecution's statements were starting to make sense. I smirked. 

"I think I may have found the TRUE criminal," I whispered. 

The rest of the Koffiehuis exchanged glances. 

"A Shiny Salamence?" Absent asked. 

LF paused. "That does make sense- at least in some amount. Unfortunately, I am not as acquainted with Pokemon as you are... does a Shiny Salamence know Hyper Beam?" 

I laughed. "Oh, all Salamence know Hyper Beam. Plus, didn't you hear the prosecution? They admitted to seeing a green Dragon-type Pokemon behind the Hyper Beam attack." 

"Couldn't it just as easily be a Flygon, though?" Absent asked. 

"It could..." I said, "except that I don't really imagine Flygon as the kind of Pokemon that would destroy half of a stadium. Then again, it is Hyper Beam..." 

"Then again," said Absent, "if Pols were to have done it, no one would have expected that, either."   
  
"Except they did," said Madelief. 

"Indeed," LF said. "And that is only due to the officers' racist stigmatization towards crude stams in general."

"Yeah," said Pols, sighing. 

His demeanor suddenly turned to that of sadness, and instantly, both myself and the rest of the Koffiehuis were struck with concern. 

"Please do not feel disheartened!" LF cried. "I sincerely apologize if my words affected you in any way." 

"Oh, no, no, no!" said Pols, quickly smiling again. "It wasn't you; that I can assure you. It's just that..." 

He looked down longingly at his wristband, then held it up. 

"Do you know why I'm wearing this?" he asked. 

"Because your name means 'wrist'?" Madelief asked. "It makes a lot of sense..." 

Pols paused. 

"Well, that, yes," he said, "but-"  
  
"Is it from a house arrest or something?" Absent asked.  
  
"No," said Pols. "It's the only piece of merchandise I can afford. That and the shirt." 

I blinked in shock.

"What...?" I asked. 

"It's all you can afford?" HP asked. "Why? You had enough money to go to the game..." 

"Yes, but..." Pols sighed. "The problem is, I'm a crude stam, and we get a lot of stigmitization thrown our way." 

"We know," said HP. "Ve saw it already." 

"I know you did," said Pols. "Anyways... that makes it really, really hard for us to be able to find jobs in Wereldia, since no one's willing to give us one." 

"That's horrible!" Madelief cried. "If you want a job, they should be able to give you one!" 

"Not if you're a crude stam, they can't," said Pols sadly. "And they won't. And they didn't. I tried so dang hard to get a job, because I wanted to end the stigmas surrounding crude stams. At first they thought my name was 'wrist,' so I almost got it, but then they saw on my ID card that I was labeled as VERB-CRUDE instead of NOUN. And from there..." 

"They realized your name was 'slop' spelled backwards and denied you a job," said Absent. 

"Yeah," said Pols. 

"And no job means no money. No money means I could barely afford any merchandise. I just wanted one day of my life to just enjoy myself without having to face any racism, so I spent practically all the money I had on going to the game." 

"How much money did you have before the game?" I asked. 

Pols sighed. 

"...only $26," he said. 

The Koffiehuis members fell silent. If Pols had no money right now, that meant he spent his last dollar on his wristband and shirt. Worse yet, if this was what life was like for all crude stams... 

I was so shocked that I had nothing else to say except: 

"Arceus' unholy flank..." 

"That's _my_ schtick," said Absent, quickly flashing me his default look of deadpan. 

"Sorry," I said, chuckling nervously. 

Absent said nothing, simply turning away and grunting noncommitedly. I, meanwhile, immediately turned to Pols, now flooded with concern. 

"So... you have no money right now?" I asked. 

"None," said Pols, shaking his head sadly. 

"You didn't tell me any of this," said Tillen. 

"Well, we had only met each other for one day," said Pols, giggling a bit. 

"True," said Tillen, "but no wonder you had me pay for all your popcorn. That's a horrible situation to be in, buddy." 

The rest of the Koffiehuis nodded. 

"How did you get the shirt?" I asked. 

"I got it for 50 cents at a thrift shop," said Pols. 

Dang, this poor guy was so broke he had to go to thrift shops to get his stuff... 

"And the wristband?" I asked. 

"It was the only thing I could afford at the stadium," said Pols. "Everything else was too expensive. I only had 50 cents left, and the wristband was worth..." 

"50 cents," I finished sadly. 

"Yep," said Pols. "By the time I entered the stadium and the game started, I had no money. But hey! I figured, as long as I get to enjoy the game and nobody stigmitizes me, this'll be the best day of my life! I even met a new friend in Tillen- and then the attack hit and..." He looked down sadly. "Well, you know the rest." 

I blinked in shock and sadness, trying to process what I had just heard. No wonder Pols had decided to take his case to the Wereldian court- he not only wanted to prove his innocence and help other crude stams, he probably also wanted to get some money out of it so he could go and get a job. I was absolutely devastated. Looking over at the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of them looked devastated, too- and then I noticed Yuunarii. 

She was the most devastated out of all of us. 

She didn't say anything, naturally, but her face conveyed every single emotion that we all were feeling: sadness, pity, anger at the racist employers and people who had stigmatized crude stams for so long- and most of all, concern. It was very clear that she wanted to know what the heck she could do next- just like everyone else. 

I didn't want to really pay attention to Yuunarii for too long- because this was Yuunarii- but at the same time wanted to know what the heck she would do next. 

And then, suddenly fueled with determination, she took out her phone and began to look something up. 

"Yuu?" I asked. "What are you doing?" 

She glared at me and raised her tail. _Give me a minute._

Eventually, she managed to find whatever it was she had been looking for, and then began to play the video. Instantly, Yuunarii's voice- which we so rarely heard but which we knew all too well- began to play from her phone. 

"_Before I start this video, I just want to make it clear-_"   
  
She suddenly seemed to realize the video was playing, and paused it, nervously looking up at us with the most _oh, crap, sorry, didn't mean for that to happen_ look possible. I just chuckled, recognizing the video as this one, which was the video that had initially made Yuunarii a bit of a name on YouTube: 

It was also, for the record, the first video to use her well-known YouTube avatar. 

And within seconds, I realized what Yuunarii was trying to do. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said. "Are you saying that you want to give Pols a paid internship?" 

She nodded. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--!" Pols squealed, immediately regaining his happiness and running up to Yuunarii to tightly hug her. "I would LOVE that! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you-"   
  
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZRT!

He was suddenly shocked by Yuunarii, who apparently didn't want him to hug her so tightly. Instantly, he let go, and looked down in remorse. 

"S-sorry..." he muttered, as Yuunarii jumped back down onto the floor and gave him that look yet again. "But still, thanks for the idea! I'd love a paid internship!"

"Is there even one on this ship?" Absent asked.

"No," I said, "but I could add one on. I gave the rest of you all jobs, after all." 

"Or..." said Tillen, "I could give you my job." 

"Wait... you have a job?" I asked. 

"Course I do!" said Tillen. "What, you think I was THAT poor? Yeah, I'm poor, sure, but I'm not THAT poor." 

Pols brightened instantly. 

"Wait... you'll give me a paid internship?" he asked. 

"Are you kidding?!" Tillen cried. "Of course I will! I'm your friend, aren't I?" 

Pols squealed yet again, and ran up towards Tillen to give him a huge hug.

Or at the very least, he would have, if not for the judge slamming down on his gavel interrupting him from doing so. 

"Ladies and gentlemen and those of undetermined gender," he announced, "recess is now over. The jury has reached a verdict." 

Instantly, the gallery reacted, putting away their tennis rackets and tennis balls. I, meanwhile, looked over at Pols, and the rest of the Koffiehuis. 

"Well, Pols," I said, "the time has come."

"Yeah," said Pols.

"Are you nervous?" I asked. 

"Nervous?" Pols replied, giggling. "Are you kidding? I just got the best news of my life, and I'm pretty sure I'm innocent because of how great your cross-examination was! I'm not nervous at all!" 

"That's good," I said, smiling. 

"I just hope we win!" Madelief cried. 

I smirked. I had a pretty good feeling about this one. 

"Oh, I'm pretty sure we will," I said. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, the tennis court was cleared of rackets and balls, and everyone was seated back in their respective chairs. Yuunarii, of course, had left the trial section of the courtroom, not wanting all those sets of eyes digging into her, and the judge was looking out at everyone. As for me, I could not have been more confident in how my first trial had turned out- which was a far cry from how I started the trial.

Absent had helped me after all- a lot. 

As I looked over at the judge and jury, I thought for sure I saw the judge give either me or Absent a wink, but I couldn't be sure. I didn't have much time to process it, however, as a few moments later, the judge slammed down his gavel. The courtroom went completely silent, and the judge spoke, turning to the entirely Dragon-type jury. 

"Will the jury foreperson please stand?" he asked. "Even though, technically, he's a Pokemon." 

The gallery- myself included- giggled, and Absent simply rolled his eyes. Meanwhile, the main Pokemon in the jury- a Garchomp- stood up, holding a piece of paper that was presumably the verdict. 

"Have you reached a unanimous verdict?" asked the judge. 

The Garchomp nodded. "We have, Your Honor." 

Hoo-boy. 

Here it was. 

I took a few moments to look over at Tillen and Pols, and both of them were so nervous they were sweating bullets. Madelief twisted her leaves, practically praying for Pols to not be found guilty.   
  
And me?

Well, I'll be honest with you- I felt really confident, but even I was hoping that this jury wasn't made up of a bunch of racist freaks like the one in _To Kill a Mockingbird_ was. 

The Garchomp, meanwhile, cleared his throat and read from the verdict form:

"We, the jury of the Wereldian Court, find the defendant Pols..." 

Please say not guilty, please say not guilty, please say not guilty...!

"...not guilty of the crime of terrorism and destruction of the Wereldian Stadium."

And the room _ERUPTED. _

The minute- no, the _second_ that the verdict was announced, the whole Koffiehuis, myself included, screamed, cheered, and jumped up and down hugging each other. Yuunarii was so excited she let out a squeal, and ran up to us before letting us all in on a huge group hug with her tail. Pols and Tillen were beside themselves with joy, and I could not have been prouder and happier for both Pols and myself. 

_I won my very first court case!_

And not only that, _Pols_ won his court case! This was a huge victory for the both of us!

"**YES!**" I cried in triumph, pumping my vine in the air. 

I happily looked over at the judge, who didn't even object to the celebration occurring in his courtroom. He instead looked over at me and gave me a smile and a nod, and I couldn't help but smile back. There were tears of joy in my eyes. 

I had won this for Pols. 

Scratch that- this was a victory for _all_ crude stams in Wereldia. 

The only one not celebrating, of course, was Absent, who instead had his paws over his ears to block out the sounds of everybody shouting in happiness about the fact that we had won the case. 

"OW," he said, before quickly pausing and adding in above all the noise a sincere "PRIDE YOURSELF." 

I giggled, and amidst all the celebrating, the judge declared: 

"Thank you, jury, you are hereby dismissed. This court is officially adjourned." 

And the screaming and cheers only got louder. 

"Naturally," said Absent upon hearing it. 

As for me, I couldn't contain myself. I ran up to Absent in pure excitement and practically crushed him with my vines in a hug. He had said to save them for when we won, after all. 

"WE WON, ABSENT!" I cried happily. "WE WON!"

I practically crushed him- and not a second later, Absent grabbed my vine and forced it behind my back, glaring at me- exactly as he had done with Pols at the beginning of the trial. In an instant, I sunk. 

"B-b-but... but you said save the crushing hugs for when we win..." I muttered sadly. 

“I said the _hugs,_" said Absent, still glaring. "Not the _crushing_ hugs.”

"...oh," I said. 

Instantly, I backed off and hugged him again- this time much more gently. 

"Much better," said Absent. 

I smiled. 

He didn't. 

"Anyway," he said, looking around the room, "where's Pols?" 

I let go of him and looked around- only to get the answer in about 22.5 seconds, when a delighted as heck Pols came running towards me. 

"WE DID IT!" he shrieked happily. "WE WON! _I_ WON!!"

And before I could even blink, I found myself crushed under the weight of Pols' extremely tight hug. It was so tight I could barely even breathe, but I did manage to get two words out:

"_G-graag gedaan..._" 

He let go of me and began running towards Absent, only for the latter to instantly counter. 

"_Mamoru!_" cried Absent.

The Protect barrier was pulled up, instantly stopping Pols in his tracks- but of course he didn't notice. Rather, the thing that actually stopped him in his tracks was the Japanese. 

"Mamo- what?" he asked.

And then he noticed the Protect barrier. 

"Oh!" said Pols, laughing. "You mean _Bescherm_."

Let's be honest- as much as I love Dutch, we can all admit that _Mamoru_ sounds _way_ cooler. Because Japan. 

Beat. 

"Hey! Why are you using that move...?"

"I saw how much oghond was struggling to breathe," Absent responded. "_Nooo thank you!_"

Pols instantly sunk. 

  
"Oh..." he muttered sadly. 

"oghond!" 

I turned instantly, and Absent dropped his Protect barrier. Much to my surprise, the judge was walking towards me and Absent- and it seemed that he wanted to talk to both of us. 

"Your Honor?" I asked. "What are you doing here?" 

"Simple, really," said the judge. "I wanted to congratulate you on a successful trial." 

Dang, getting congratulated by the judge? Not to brag or anything, but I hadn't expected that at all. I must have done really good. 

"Oh!" I said, chuckling to myself. "Well, thank you, Your Honor-" 

"I meant both of you," said the judge. 

I blinked. 

"Wait, Absent, too?" I said. 

"Yes," said the judge. 

"Thank you, your honor," said Absent. "But, with all due respect, doesn't this fall beyond your job description?"

I blinked, then turned and whispered to Absent: 

"...does it?" 

"I mean, he might just be being nice," said Absent, also whispering, "but typically they just decide cases - they don't make it a point to congratulate the winning counsel, if Ace Attorney taught me anything."

The judge just laughed. 

"Oh, no, no, no!" he said. "I was just being nice. Ace Attorney is somewhat inaccurate..."

He looked down nervously, and then instantly regained his composure.

"But seriously, that cross was one of the greatest moments I have ever seen in my entire history as a judge," he said. "I was not expecting it at all."

"Oh that exists here too," said Absent. "But, yes, thanks. I kinda want to apologize for snapping like I did at the bailiff."

Then, he muttered under his breath: 

"But everyone here needs to not be afraid to use a dictionary."

The judge simply shot the bailiff that look again, before turning back to Absent and simply saying: 

"I wholeheartedly agree with you, hence why I gave him one. I should probably have disbarred him, but... you know. This is Wereldia." 

He then smiled. 

"Anyways," said the judge, "you won, congratulations on your amazing cross-examination, now I gotta go." 

With that said, he left the court. 

"Bye!" I called, happily waving. 

"Yeah, see ya," said Absent simply. 

Once the judge had gone, I decided to simply sit back and take in the celebrations that were ensuing- and all of a sudden the rest of the Koffiehuis ran up to me and hugged me, all of them delighted as anything. Even more delighted, though, was Tillen- he promptly came to us and used his four arms to engulf the entire Koffiehuis, including Absent, in a giant group hug. 

Absent was not amused in the slightest. 

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Some time later, the six of us had all recollected our evidence and left the Wereldian Court, and Tillen was driving us back to the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, with the radio blasting Supertramp's "Goodbye Stranger." Apparently, the band had the same name in the Pokemon universe as it did in our world. Absent, naturally, was tuning the song out and was listening to something else on his phone. Knowing him, however, it was probably Nine Inch Nails or Tool. 

Because unlike "Satisfaction," Absent doesn't care in the least bit about _this_ song. 

As for me, however? 

I was singing that song at the top of my lungs, and so was Tillen. 

Or, at the very least, I was singing that song until a notification came up on my phone. 

Confused as heck- because why wouldn't I be?- I took it out, and what I saw had me smirking in triumph:   
  
**WERELDIAN NEWS: The terrorist who demolished half of the Wereldian Stadium, a Shiny Salamence named Verneitigd, has been arrested and charged by police. Police credit the video evidence shown in the Wereldian Court with the finding of the true criminal, as well as the transcript of the trial itself. **

"YES!" I cried out. "I KNEW IT!" 

Instantly, the rest of the Koffiehuis was alerted and turned straight to me. 

"What's so 'I knew it' worthy...?" muttered Absent, very obviously tired from having to listen to me singing "Goodbye Stranger" on repeat up until that point. 

"They caught the real terrorist!" I cried. 

"Really?!" Madelief exclaimed. 

"Yeah, and guess who it is?" I asked. 

"Who is it?" HP asked. 

"It's a Shiny Salamence named Verneitigd!" I cried excitedly. 

"So you were right!" cried Madelief. 

"Yep!" I cried happily. 

"Huh. Neat," said Absent simply. 

"Well, that's the greatest coincidence I've ever heard!" Pols exclaimed. 

"It's not really a coincidence, Pols," said Tillen. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," said Pols, sheepishly laughing to himself. "But still- I'M GETTING AN INTERNSHIP WITH TILLEN! This is the greatest news of my life!" 

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," I said. 

Beat. 

"But you know..." I added, smirking, "I think I know how to get both of you even more job experience."

Absent blinked. 

"Wait... are you going to do what I think you're going to do?" he asked. 

I nodded, before turning to both Pols and Tillen.

"Tillen... Pols..." I said, "how would both of you like to join us as passengers on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_?" 

The request seemed to intrigue them both, as the minute I mentioned it, both of their eyes widened in shock. 

"Wait," said Tillen. "Are you serious?" 

"Of course I am!" I cried. "Both of you have contributed so much already! You'd be perfect for the ship!" 

Tillen and Pols both looked at each other, considering it- and then Tillen shook his head. 

"Sorry, oghond," he said. "It's a really good offer, but no. I already got a job in Wereldia, remember?" 

"Yeah, and I'm interning with him," Pols added. 

I blinked.

"Are you sure?" I asked. 

"Yep, I definitely am," said Tillen. 

Pols nodded. "Still, you're really sweet for even considering offering that up to us." 

"Yeah!" cried Tillen. "If we had more time on our hands, we'd totally accept." 

I smiled- a bit sadly. 

"Okay, then," I said. "But you will visit, though, right?" 

"Course we will!" cried Tillen. 

"That's all I needed to hear, then," I replied, brightening a bit. 

"Besides," said Tillen, whispering, "after this is all said and done, I'm going to the bank." 

Well, naturally. Tillen did have a new intern, after all; he was probably going there to pay Pols money... 

Or maybe... 

"Why?" I asked. "To get money?" 

"Nah!" cried Tillen, laughing. "I'm going to watch TV!" 

He just sat back in his seat, laughing maniacally. At first I didn't get the joke- until I remembered that "bank" in Dutch didn't just mean a place where you put your money. 

It also meant a sofa. 

As in, the thing watch TV on. 

All of a sudden, I couldn't help but start laughing, too. 

And pretty soon, neither could the rest of the Koffiehuis- sans LF and Absent, of course. 

Suffice it to say, the day had ended off in exactly the way I wanted it to. Not only had we won the court case, but Pols now had a paid internship job, and he and Tillen would clearly be best friends. 

And if that's not the most perfect ending to a day full of terrorism, court trials, a literal-as-heck Bayleef bailiff, and plenty of questions... 

I don't know what else is. 

Probably listening to "Goodbye Stranger" on repeat. 

  
_ **EINDE** _

* * *


	11. NEGEN: Jeetje!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, it is finally here! The ninth chapter of Pokemon: SOSchip, entitled "Jeetje!", is finally out, and it actually took longer than I had expected it to complete. Regardless, most of the dialogue had actually already been written by myself and Absent prior to the writing of the chapter. Now, you may notice later on in this chapter that there's a few POV switches. One of which, as per the usual, was written mainly by the Absent Coder himself, and his concise, snarky, Lemony Narrator style of writing strikes again (though I did make a few edits so that the dialogue could flow a bit better). The second one, though, was written by me from the perspective of the S.S. Tex-Kofschip itself, which will actually be a setup for the next two chapters. You'll see why when they come out... 
> 
> No new soundtrack songs for this episode, so with that said... ENJOY! As per the usual, I do not own Pokemon or the songs "Happiness in Slavery" and "Ahead of Ourselves", both of which are owned by Nine Inch Nails and are referenced/featured in this episode.

NEGEN: Jeetje!

**CO-WRITTEN_ BY: THE ABSENT CODER_**

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

If I had to pick one trope on TV Tropes that I would consider to be my favorite, it's no contest as to which one I would pick.

O.O.C. Is Serious Business.

Often abbreviated to OOCISB, it's been mentioned a few times before in my recounts of our adventures on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_. The OOC stands for Out of Character, and you'll likely recall having heard it a few times before. Most notably, it was mentioned in the game between the North Cats and the South Cats, when the two feuding teams formed their truce after tying for the first time in their 20-year-history. However, these moments aren't just limited to our adventures— they occur all the time in real life, too.

In my life I've experienced plenty of OOCISB moments, either as the one being OOC or the one experiencing it. Arguably the biggest example I can think of, however, is an anecdote from when I was in my senior year of high school.

That year, I was in a musical called _The Drowsy Chaperone_ (see? I told you I do musicals!), and my vocal music teacher was the music director.

Okay, more accurately, she'd been the music director of my high school musicals for the past four years. This was just the first year she was also my vocal music teacher.

Anyways, here's something you should know about my vocal music teacher. In terms of her general personality, she was more or less the female version of Nimja- unfathomably calm, and rarely losing her temper or getting angry at anyone. In this regard, she was the exact _opposite _of the actual director, who doubled as my theatre teacher, and was rather strict, snarky, and OCD.

Nothing against my theatre teacher, of course; she was one of my favorites, in fact. Still, knowing that, I think you might be able to see where this is going.

So, anyways, that day we were in rehearsals for _The Drowsy Chaperone_\- specifically, musical rehearsals. Now, these are high-school students, so naturally whenever there was a break in the rehearsal, no matter how short it was, they would be chatting with their friends a mile a minute. I wouldn't be doing it, of course; in giant crowded spaces like that I'm generally quiet. Regardless, I knew enough about musical rehearsals to know that wasn't necessarily proper rehearsal etiquette.

Especially if you want to get the rehearsal done quicker.

So anyways, my music teacher tried to get the cast back on track as calmly as ever, but-- yeah, you can see where this is going, can't you?-- being high school students, they wouldn't listen to her right away.

We sang the section of the number again once everyone had calmed down, but I assume you know what happened next.

And eventually, after two instances of this, my music teacher snapped.

AND WHY WOULDN'T SHE?!

This was a musical, and the cast needed to take the rehearsals seriously, dang it!

I will admit that I was at least partially to blame- the dang song was stuck in my head so much that I was singing it, out loud, after that last rehearsal break. Regardless, even I, the student who just wanted peace and quiet from the beginning, was startled when my normally calm music teacher became so frustrated that she threw a little mini-tantrum and slammed her fists on the piano keyboard.

Not even kidding.

Naturally, the rest of the cast knew that she meant business now, and all of them respectfully and wisely decided to shut up. Even the most snarky and mouthy kids in the cast were stunned into pure silence.

As for me?

My mind was thinking three things- one, _DANG, that's OOCISB if I've ever seen it_; two, _good on you, cast of _Drowsy, _for finally listening to her;_ and three, _I hope you're happy with yourself, cast; you brought the wrath of my music teacher onto yourselves when I was the only person in the cast who was actually STAYING QUIET._

Yeah, I was just as frustrated as she was. Looking back, I'm pretty sure my thoughts became what Absent would think for a few moments.

Mostly, though, my thoughts were _HOLY CRAP THAT'S OOCISB_.

It was certainly one of the more memorable moments of the rehearsal process, and thankfully from that experience the cast learned their lesson and didn't do that again. I, meanwhile, put that down in my ever-expanding list of instances of my favorite trope of all time.

Beware the nice ones, INDEED.

Now, you might be wondering why exactly this is my favorite trope, and to be quite honest... I don't know. Maybe it's the hilarious reactions and all the Lampshade Hanging that undoubtedly occurs afterwards, but suffice it to say, I have edited the OOCISB page more times than I can count. I love that trope so much, but most of the time when one happens, it's completely voluntary.

However, there's one instance I can remember happening on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _where the OOCISB moments were _in_voluntary.

What do I mean when I say involuntary?

Well... you'll find that out later.

The day started out pretty normally, for the record. Namely, the Koffiehuis- myself included- were drafting something HUGE- our first full-blown lesson plan. The performance of my _'t kofschip_ song in Folsom, while successful, had ended abruptly when everyone left, and we hadn't been able to find anyone else in the city who wanted to try and learn Dutch. Now that we had info on stams, however, we could make a lesson plan for teaching them- crude stams, simple verb conjugation, and spelling rules in Dutch.

Basically, everything that had proved Pols' innocence.

From there, the six of us would travel to our next destination to try and teach that unit- stams and Dutch conjugation. Although, if you ask me, I was starting to feel like going around the world to teach one language was a very lofty goal indeed. Most people in the United States likely didn't know the Netherlands existed- much less cared enough about it to teach the dang language to the world.

The main exceptions, of course, were myself and Absent.

The latter cared enough about the language to actually be the one to draft the dang lesson plan. Nope, not even kidding. You thought the lesson drafter would be me, didn't you?

You're wrong.

Remember how I gave everyone on board the ship temporary jobs a la _One Piece_ before Absent came on board? Yeah, I realized that the only person who HADN'T gotten a job yet was Absent himself, which made sense considering the fact that he was the newest member of the Koffiehuis. I had thought about it, and decided that since he was a college student, and thus likely knew how to draft a lesson plan, I made him the one to draft all the lessons.

He actually enjoyed it a lot.

Besides, it gave him an excuse to use his notes more often- which I found to be hilarious.

Currently, he and I were working on the lesson plan, using his notes for inspiration. His ideology on the whole thing was rather simple:

"Explain stams, provide examples, demonstrate what you can do with them as well as the kinks."

So, naturally, we wrote the lesson plan with that exact ideology in mind.

At that moment, while he and I were working on the lesson plan, the rest of the Koffiehuis were sound asleep in the drafting room. It was a bit late, after all, and considering the fact that the two of us were merely just talking about stuff that the rest of the Koffiehuis knew already, I could imagine that they would likely get bored.

The draft of the lesson, for the record, currently looked like this. Absent had written it all in his handwriting, and I had provided him with all the good stuff— that is, the stam definition, and a few examples, along with some stuff related to crude stams and what-not:

** _LESSON DRAFT #1: DUTCH STAMS AND CONJUGATION _ **   
** _\- every single verb in the Dutch language ends in -en_ **   
** _\- this is the infinitive (i.e. "to __")_ **   
** _\- stam: a verb minus the -en_ **   
** _ (e.g. "werk," which is the stam of "werken," which means exactly what you think it means)_ **   
** _\- STAM SPELLING RULE #1: long vowel infinitive=long vowel stam _ **   
** _ (e.g. "slopen," which contains a long vowel; slopen - -en= "slop," which has a short vowel -> another "o" needs to be added to keep the vowel long, so the final stam is "sloop") _ **   
** _\- STAM SPELLING RULE #2: a stam cannot end in two identical consonants_ **

That second one I had told him about after the court case, since it hadn't applied to Pols' case.

**(****_e.g. "vallen" -> - -en= "vall" -> remove repeating consonant; final stam: "val")_**  
**_\- STAM SPELLING RULE #3: a stam cannot end in a z or v_**

So far, this was as far as he had gotten. Absent was writing an example- specifically, "leven", the one I had told him about before- when all of a sudden a question suddenly came to me.

Namely... where the heck were we going to teach this?

This was a majorly important factor, of course. My mind initially said Folsom, but considering the fact that the '_t kofschip _song was a semi-failure, I doubted that anyone at Folsom Lake would want to see us again.

Eventually, I couldn't hold the question in any longer.

"Absent?" I asked.

"...yeah?" Absent responded, not even looking up at me. He was still writing the draft; by this point he had added in:

**_(e.g. "leven" -> minus -en= "lev" -> short vowel; change to "leev" -> remove "v" and replace it with "f" -> final stam: "leef")_**

I paused.

"Where the heck are we supposed to teach this?" I asked.

"Youtube. Twitch. Donkeybridge. PBS. Take your pick," said Absent, not missing a beat.

Okay, I will admit; the thought of us making a PBS show teaching the Dutch language was a rather hilarious idea, but I didn't think there was any way it could ever work out. Twitch and YouTube could likely get Dutch teaching out to the masses- which we wanted- but there were already plenty of Dutch tutorials on YouTube, among them Yuunarii's.

I shook my head.

"No, no, no," I said, giggling a bit. "I mean where are we going to go to teach this? Folsom?"

Absent shrugged. "Maybe? None of us are licensed teachers, so..."

I paused. Absent had written in a few more lines to the draft; namely:

** _\- STAM SPELLING RULE #4: The stam of an -iën verb ends in _ ** **ie **   
** _(e.g. ruziën -> remove only the -n, rather than the -en as in most verbs -> ruzië -> remove the dieresis- the two little dots- above the e -> final stam: ruzie)_ **

Again, like the second rule, this was one I told Absent about after the trial.

Regardless, I managed to catch the new lines for just a second before pausing and looking up.

"Though, come to think of it," I muttered, "I don't know if anyone's ever done a tutorial on the Dutch language via Twitch stream before..."

"True, because the livestreaming makes it really hard to keep an audience," said Absent.

That was true, and also somewhat surprising. I would have figured that Twitch streams would bring in a huge audience, but 1) they were recorded live and 2) whenever Absent did a stream, pretty much the only audience he had was me.

"I don't know how to keep broadcasts documented to play them back," he continued, "so..."

He shrugged.

Well, then.

If that was the case, there was only one thing to do to get the Dutch teachings out there to the masses.

"YouTube from Folsom?" I asked.

"Yeah, hit both beats," said Absent.

I started squealing like a lunatic. Not only were we going to teach Dutch from Folsom Lake, but we were going to teach Dutch on _YouTube _from Folsom Lake- something that I had been wanting to do for a _long _time now.

Absent just looked at me quizzically.

"What, what did I say?" he asked.

I couldn't contain my excitement any longer.

"WE'RE GOING TO BE ON YOUTUBE~!" I squealed happily, while still being careful so as to not wake any of the other members of the Koffiehuis.

"Aw, c'mon," said Absent, "none of us have even 250 subs, if even a channel... right?"

I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "We both have channels..."

"Yeah, but we don't have a sizable audience," said Absent. "And when I say sizable, I mean, like, 5K subs, 25K views per video."

Oh.

Yeah.

That was true.

Though I will admit one of my videos came pretty close- it currently has 15K views on YouTube. When my parents saw this, they freaked out with happiness.

Absent doesn't know about the video yet.

I blinked.

"Oh. Yeah, true," I said, realizing it. "Regardless— Koffie, set us on course for Folsom!"

And then Koffie proceeded to drop a bombshell on us.

_I... don't think I can._

For some reason, it sounded slightly confused and terrified. I, on the other hand, just grew frantic as all heck, and started freaking out a bit.

"What?!" I cried, starting to panic. "What do you mean you don't think you can?"

You're likely thinking that my freakout was a bit odd- and I'll admit, Koffie not thinking it can travel somewhere isn't that much to get freaked out about. The thing was, though, that Koffie had always been able to travel to California, specifically Folsom, so...

Besides, my fears were about to get a lot more justified.

You'll see what I mean later.

Absent, naturally, tried to remain as straight as possible.

"What, can you only go somewhere once?" he asked.

_No, it's not that, _Koffie said, suddenly coming in. _It's just... there's a rainbow beam of light coming from the sky, and it looks like it's headed straight for the Koffiehuis._

Well, _that_ was certainly something that I hadn't been expecting.

"**WHAT?!**" I gasped, unable to believe what I was hearing. A rainbow beam of light coming from the sky seemed improbable, if not impossible. Frantically, I ran up to the window, as did Absent, and sure enough, Koffie's claims were true.

A rainbow beam of light was coursing through the Wereldian sky and coming for our window.

I was freaked out.

"Money says at least 5 Vandertramps are about to start looking for a pot of gold," Absent said, smirking slightly.

No sooner had he said that, however, than the strangest thing happened.

The beam of rainbow light shot through our window and in turn, hit each member of the Koffiehuis on the back, diving deep into their fur- or lack thereof. Once it had gone through the rest of the Koffiehuis, I half-expected that it would hit me and Absent.

To my surprise, however, it instead turned the corner and went into another room.

I had to rub my eyes a bit, just to make sure that what I had seen was in fact real. Nothing seemed to have happened, judging by what I saw looking around the room.

"What the heck was that for...?" I asked, slightly tired.

"Should we investigate?" Absent asked.

I shrugged. "Maybe...?"

**BOOM.**

All of a sudden, both of us heard a giant explosion coming from another room, ringing through my ears. Surprisingly, however, it seemed that the rest of the Koffiehuis were unaffected. They didn't even budge a bit upon hearing the giant explosion.

My body shivered all over-- this could not be good.

"Aaaand that upgrades 'maybe' to 'definitely,'" said Absent, stating the obvious- as per the usual.

Well, that much was obvious as heck.

That explosion could be anything- one of Koffie's motors could have failed, something could have happened from outside, there could be an attack by Aleph-Null...

_An attack by Aleph-Null._

Case could very well have located the ship- and worse yet, he and the rest of AN might have explosion technology now.

I had to warn the Koffiehuis.

Pronto.

"Holy crap..." I muttered. "Was that Aleph-Null?!"

Absent shrugged, but I wasn't as willing to take that chance. If AN were here, it was very bad news- and our lookout was asleep.

Frantically, I ran up to Yuunarii- who had the bunnies right by her- and began shaking her awake with my vines.

"Yuunarii!" I cried, in a harsh whisper. "Wake up! I heard an explosion and think that Aleph-Null might be here!"

Slowly, and groaning a bit, Yuunarii and the bunnies woke up, followed in a few moments by the rest of the Koffiehuis. I could instantly tell that they hadn't woken up because of me. There was a bit of rainbow energy coming off of them, and the six of them (the foreigners plus the bunnies) were all looking around, unaware of what had just happened to them.

Concerned, Absent and I both ran up to them as the foreigners tried to regain their constitution.

Not the US one, of course.

"What... vas that?" HP muttered, her voice sounding fatigued for some reason.

Which was odd, considering that she had just been taking a nap.

"That felt really weird..." Madelief agreed, naturally sounding less tired than HP had been.

"What was what?" Absent asked. "That explosion?"

HP shook her head- clearly, she hadn't heard it like we had.

"No..." she muttered. "All of a sudden I feel really weird..."

Huh. Odd.

"Weird how?" Absent asked, looking at her quizzically. "Anything you can put words to?"

"No..." she said, looking down a bit.

LF, meanwhile, stretched her body out before looking over at her body and flexing it a bit.

"Strange," she said, as matter-of-factly as always. "I don't know exactly what has occurred, but all of a sudden I feel... odd."

Wait a minute...

Did I hear that correctly?!

I blinked in shock for a few moments, wondering how to comprehend what I had just heard. Was it just a slip of the tongue or...?

No.

It couldn't have been.

My ears had to be working.

LF had used a contraction.

I couldn't believe that nobody was objecting to this.

I continued to stare over at the Vulpix in shock, as she stood up and began to walk out of the room.

"I will be taking my leave now," she said.

Without another word, she turned and left the room. No one said anything.

No one noticed.

Except for me.

My mind was in a pure and absolute panic.

LF had just used a contraction.

_LF had just used a freaking contraction._

You're probably wondering why in the world this was such a big deal to me, and I'll tell you right now.

Remember that OOCISB thing I mentioned to you at the beginning of this recap?

Yeah, it was on full force now. I could sense something was going on from a mile away.

You might recall that LF is very sophisticated in terms of her English. She often uses words that people like HP and Madelief won't, and sounds in all regards like an English-speaking German philosopher. Among her many slight eccentricities- which I adore- is one thing that you've probably noticed by this point.

Namely- she doesn't use contractions.

At all.

The sole time she used a contraction towards me, which was on Discord, I recognized it as OOCISB in about 5 seconds. She was telling me not to forget her, and in the midst of it all, she said the following words:

"Don't leave?"

Alarm bells instantly went off in my head, and I went straight to Absent to let him know. Naturally, I haven't left or forgotten her, because I realized that our friendship had to be important to her if she was using a contraction.

Now here she was, using one again- the same one, no less.

My eyes widened in shock as I realized what was going on, and the minute that LF left the room, I ran up to Absent in a frantic panic.

"Okay," I said, hyperventilating a bit. "_Something's_ up with LF."

Absent just stared at me quizzically.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at me as though I was crazy or something. "I didn't notice anything..."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I cried, practically screaming in his face. "You didn't catch the fact that she used a contraction?"

"So?" Absent said.

I took a short breath, trying to control myself and stop my hyperventilation.

"Absent..." I said, still panicking. "LF _never_ uses contractions. _NE-VER."_

I got up in his face a bit.

Absent just shrugged.

"I'm sure she's fine," he said, starting to walk away.

Instantly, I stopped him. Call me crazy, but I just knew something was wrong.

"If she was fine, she would have said 'I _do not_ know exactly what has occurred,' not '_don't_'!" I cried, incredulously. "Think about it, Absent; do you ever remember LF using a contraction before?"

Absent paused.

"Once," he said, "but that was pretty dire."

_"Exactly,_" I said insistently. "This has got to be just as dire. I just know it. She wouldn't use a contraction otherwise."

"Should we investigate?" Absent asked, a bit more hesitantly this time.

"Probably," I said.

And that was when I noticed HP, floating around a bit and still very much unaware of what had just happened. Out of all of the members of the Koffiehuis, I figured, she would likely have the most knowledge of whether or not something was off with LF. The two of them were good friends, after all.

"Hey, HP?" I asked.

The shy human-turned-Butterfree turned to look at me.

"Yeah?" she asked, confused.

Nervously, I pointed my vine back towards where LF had exited.

"Did you... did you notice anything strange about LF just then?" I asked.

HP shook her head.

"No," she said. "Not zat I know of."

Well, that was a bit surprising- I had figured that given HP and LF's friendship, she would be able to recognize something being off with her friend in the span of seconds.

Maybe it had just been a slip of the tongue after all...

NO.

Something had to be up-- LF wouldn't use a contraction otherwise.

By this point my mind was going in a thousand different directions. Absent, who had been listening the whole time, suddenly broke in.

"Well, if you can't discern if anything's wrong, we'll just let you go on your way," he said. "But if something's up that we can identify, we'll tell you. Or, at least, I will."

HP nodded.

"Okay, sank you," she said.

And with that, she was off. I was getting slightly confused by this point. HP didn't think anything was wrong with her friend, but I had heard LF use a contraction with my own ears.

Perhaps Madelief noticed?

I slightly doubted it, given her ADHD, but just in case, I decided to ask her anyways.

"Madelief?" I asked.

The exciteable Hoppip turned to me.

"Yeah?" she replied, as entergetic as always.

"Did you notice anything wrong with LF?" I asked.

Madelief paused for a bit, thinking, before shaking her head.

"No, not really," she said.

Two for two?

Was I hearing things?

No! I couldn't be hearing things!

Something had to be going on, I knew it!

Absent shrugged.

"Well, if you say so, we'll take your word for it," he said. "Just keep a close eye on her, okay?"

"Okay!" said Madelief cheerfully, before bouncing off.

I shook my head in disbelief for a few moments. How could the two of them have missed something so obvious?

"Yuunarii?" I asked, turning to the quiet yet snarky Pachirisu.

Yuunarii didn't say anything, instead shaking her head and giving me a brief look that said "What the heck are you talking about?" before picking up Bailey and Fudge and leaving.

Nervously- and by this point extremely confused- I just waved at her with my vine, wondering how the heck they could have missed it.

"O-kay... bye..." I said, chuckling nervously.

The minute the three of them were gone, I turned to Absent, who had barely reacted.

"I don't get it," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief. "For some reason they think nothing's wrong with LF, and yet she used a _contraction_."

It was clear as day; they had to have heard it!

Absent smirked.

"C'mon," he said. "You _really _think they'd notice? I mean, Yuunarii just woke up from a _nap_."

Well, that was true... All of the foreigners had, in fact.

"You think she'd care about LF using some slightly unsophisticated word choice?" Absent continued. "I sure as heck didn't."

I blinked.

"I... _guess_ that's true?" I said, shrugging a bit. "Regardless, I still have a bad feeling."

And dang it, that bad feeling was not going away.

Absent grunted noncommitedly and turned away.

"Your opinion," he said matter-of-factly. "I have faith enough in the Koffiehuis and Vandertramps to recognize if something's up. Two heads, or, twenty... five?"

He paused, as if counting the number of members and Vandertramps in his head.

"Wait, no," he said, shaking his head. "24. I forgot to count Koffie and _dis_count Tombee and Nee."

I went through the numbers in my head, too- and yep.

24.

Absent, plus the four foreigners, plus Koffie, plus the Vandertramp parents, plus their eighteen children, minus Tombee and Nee.

That would be 1 + 4= 5+ 1= 6+2= 8+16.

And 8 + 16?

24, of course.

That was definitely a lot of heads.

For a few moments, we just stood there in silence. I was still trying to comprehend how none of the other members could possibly have missed the contraction come out of LF's mouth.

Then, finally, Absent spoke up.

"Sooooo... what time is it?" he asked.

I took out my phone and did a quick check.

"10:00 PM," I said.

Good god, I hadn't realized it was that late.

"PAYCE!" Absent cried.

And with that, he went off to bed.

I chuckled to myself a bit, before waving at him with my vine.

"Welterusten!" I called.

As soon as he was gone, I looked up at the ceiling of Koffie's interior and shook my head, still unable to believe what I had just heard. Not only had LF used a contraction, but everyone else aside from me was pretending they hadn't heard it.

This was really weird...

Ah, well.

Probably just my lack of sleep. It was 10:00, and everyone else had gone to bed.

I presumed that I should, too.

With that, I decided to simply head off to bed. If anything happened in the morning when I got up, I would alert Absent as soon as possible.

I certainly wasn't expecting what I found in the morning.

\---------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't really able to sleep all that well that night; the events from the night before were still very much in my mind. LF using a contraction couldn't possibly be just a slip of the tongue. It just couldn't. Absent was absolutely right- the last time that LF had used a contraction, it had been in dire circumstances, so these circumstances had to be just as dire.

Even if Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis didn't seem to treat them as such.

Regardless, the lack of sleep hours didn't really bother me; I could handle waking up at around 11 o'clock per the usual, even if I hadn't gone to sleep until 5:00 AM.

When I finally did wake up, I immediately decided to go and get something to eat for breakfast from the kitchen. Since pretty much the only things on board Koffie- that I knew of- were cereals, pancakes, and well... coffee, I figured I could make myself some cereal and see if anything had happened to the rest of the group.

With that, I walked down to the kitchen, tentatively looking around for any sight of the rest of the Koffiehuis and holding on to at least a little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, I had been wrong. The good news was, though, for at least a few seconds, I didn't see any members of the Koffiehuis.

And then I heard two of them.

"OGTJE--!"

"Something's wrong with Yuunarii!"

The minute I heard Fudge and Bailey's voices, I stopped my walk down to the kitchen and turned to see where they were coming from. Both of them were hopping towards me, and both of them had looks of panic and concern on their faces.

Instantly, the feeling of dread from the night before returned.

This could not be good.

"What?!" I asked, running up to the panicked bunnies. "What's wrong with Yuunarii?"

Bailey and Fudge both stopped to take a few heavy and panicked breaths, before the former spoke up, in a tone filled with concern and dread.

"She's acting crazy, that's what's happening!" cried Bailey.

Fudge just glared at him and nudged him in the shoulder.

"Okay, okay," said Bailey, "not really _crazy_, but she woke up this morning distinctly more cheerful than I'd ever seen her. While you were asleep she happily greeted all of the other members of the Koffiehuis."

My eyes grew wide in shock.

"SHE'S PUBLICLY TALKING?!" I cried out.

"Yeah, we heard it with our own ears," said Fudge.

I just blinked in shock and gaped.

First LF and now Yuunarii? This was worse than I thought- and I didn't know how much worse it could possibly get.

"Um... I'm gonna go check on the rest of them," I said, laughing nervously.

"Yeah, you better," said Fudge.

With that, I walked out of there as fast as I could go, my legs moving until I finally reached HP's room. Tentatively, I knocked on her door with my vine.

"HP?" I asked.

The door opened, and there was HP- flying high above the ground.

My blood ran cold. Normally, HP stayed very low to the ground- she wasn't one for flying, really.

"Oh, god..." I muttered. "You okay? You're flying more, I can see that..."

I was suddenly interrupted by HP doing something I didn't think I'd ever heard her do before.

She scoffed.

"Of course I'm flying," she said bluntly. "I'm a Butterfree, what else would you expect?"

Oh, god.

Oh, good god.

This was seriously bad. HP was never this blunt- yesterday she had certainly seemed like her normal self. What the heck could have possibly caused this change overnight?

I looked down, desperately attempting to find any possible rational explanation.

It was 11:00 AM; maybe HP had simply just woken up and was likely tired.

But then I realized there was no way that could be possible; I'd seen her at earlier hours before, and even at 11:00 AM she still stayed relatively close to the ground.

"Ooooookay, then," I said, nervously sweating. "I'm gonna go check on Madelief, see ya!"

"Yeah, see ya," said HP-- before slamming the door.

I was sweating bullets by this point. LF, Yuunarii, and HP had all been affected; and whatever this infection was, it was clearly getting worse.

I didn't even want to possibly think about what had happened to Madelief.

Tentatively, I went up to the door of her room and knocked on it, half-expecting her to be a bit more pessimistic if the infection had worked on her like it had for the rest of the Koffiehuis.

The first thing I noticed when I opened the door was that she was floating above the ground, per the usual.

That was good.

But what I saw next wasn't as good.

Madelief looked... lethargic, to say the least.

I blinked.

"Madelief?" I asked. "Did you just wake up? You don't seem as entergetic as usual..."

She shook her head.

"No," she said. "I'm fine. I've been up for three hours now."

"What have you been doing for those three hours?" I asked.

Madelief paused and looked up.

"Just... sitting around and doing nothing," she said.

I sunk. "Oh."

Dang, even Madelief wasn't acting like herself. She was usually much more entergetic than this; and she DEFINITELY wasn't like Absent- no offense to him, of course.

"Anyways," said Madelief, sounding bored as all heck, "I'm going to go back to my bed now. See you later."

She left, leaving me on the other side of the door very stunned, and very confused.

"_Jeetje_..." I muttered to myself, walking off.

Roll credits!

(_ding_!)

But seriously, in all honesty, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. First LF, then Yuunarii, then HP, then Madelief. If this continued, I would have a freaking heart attack and go and find Absent as soon as possible, because he HAD to be informed of this.

Eventually, I got to LF's door, and this time, I knocked on it with a bit more panic than was per the usual.

"LF?" I asked. "LF, are you there? Everyone's acting weird..."

The door opened, and LF stood there, smiling upon seeing me.

"Ah, oghond," she said. "Good morning. You realize that it's 11:00 right now, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I said, "but I-"

I stopped- and then instantly shut the door in terror upon realizing what I had just heard.

Good god, she wasn't just using contractions; she was going full-blown _casual_.

My eyes widened in shock, and almost instantaneously, I legged it out of the room, knowing that I had to find and talk to Absent immediately.

"ABSENT--!" I screamed, running through the ship. "ABSENT--!!"

I was _so_ desperate to find Absent, in fact, that I bolted halfway across the deck, running faster than I'd likely ever run in my entire life. Fortunately, though, it didn't take me that long to find him. In the midst of my absolute panic I turned a corner- only to find him sitting there, doing, admittedly, what I should have thought he'd be doing.

In this case, it was listening to his playlist.

Nine Inch Nails, I presumed.

But I didn't have any time to ask what he was listening to- something weird was going on, dang it, and I had to let Absent know quickly so I could find out what it was.

"ABSENT--!!" I shrieked, waving my vines frantically in the air in order to get his attention.

Apparently, the combination of my screaming and him seeing my panicked look on my face worked, as it was enough to get Absent to look up from his phone.

"Hm?" he asked noncommittedly.

Without wasting any time, I grabbed him by the shoulders and refused to let go.

"...You **need** to see this," I told him, my voice grave.

I was breathing extremely heavily thanks to my frantic run around the ship, and apparently Absent must have noticed how panicked I was, because it was enough to make him take his headphones out of his ears. He glanced at me for a few moments, likely extremely confused as to what the heck was going on.

To be fair, I didn't blame him- after all, if the roles had been reversed and it was Absent who was running over to me in a panic, I would be just as confused.

Still, I knew that I couldn't waste any time in showing him what was going on.

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, I grabbed Absent by the paw and rushed over to the door to HP's room as fast as I could. As soon as both of us were there, I let go, and frantically knocked on the door.

I say "frantically" because, now that I'd seen everybody, I knew that something had to be wrong, and I was a lot more adamant to find out what it was this time.

Hence, my panic in knocking on the door.

"HP!" I cried. "HP~!"

The door opened almost instantly, and sure enough, there was HP, still flying, and still in the state that she was in before.

Which was to say, blunt brusqueness.

"What do you want?" HP replied, practically snapping.

Absent's eyes went wide with shock- he'd clearly never seen HP acting like this before. Of course, he didn't go into a full-blown panic mode like I did-- which was both surprising and not at all surprising at the exact same time.

I turned to him, my panic starting to slow down.

"See what I mean?!" I whispered. "It's getting worse. Whatever hit them yesterday is affecting them more and more."

I looked back up at HP, who was- surprisingly- giving both of us that look-- and for a Butterfree, she managed to pull it off pretty well. Of course, this very well may have been due to the effects of... whatever the heck this was.

Absent, meanwhile?

He just stared over at me in shock, likely trying to comprehend the sight of a blunt HP.

"Woah, who spat in her cornflakes?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"No idea," I said, "but-"

_As far as I can tell, HP did not have cornflakes for breakfast this morning._

Koffie.

Naturally, given the ship's literal-minded tendencies, it had heard the word "cornflakes" and had assumed the obvious. I, of course, knew what that phrase meant- I'd heard it before- but Koffie clearly didn't.

Absent facepalmed.

Loudly.

"It means 'why's she so mad', Koffie!" he groaned in frustration. "I _know _you don't have cornflakes stocked up! Not that I mind!"

Beat.

_Ohhhhh... _said Koffie. _Well, in that case, I have no idea._

"Yeah, I have no idea what's going on, either," I told him, slightly frantic, "but you gotta see Madelief."

Absent's eyes widened.

"Maddy, too?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah," I said, nodding.

Absent just looked at me in concern and slight shock while I led him over to Madelief's room as HP loudly slammed the door behind her. By the time we got there the door to her room was open, and Madelief was, as she had said, lying on her bed doing nothing. She wasn't even saying a word, which was really surprising considering her Motor Mouth tendencies.

At least, she wasn't saying anything until I spoke up.

"Madelief?" I asked, my tone filled with concern.

The instant she heard my voice, Madelief floated up to me and Absent- still looking bored and lethargic, still looking as though all the life was sucked out of her, still looking like... well, not like Madelief. Absent saw her and blinked in concern, likely trying to find a reasonable explanation for all of this.

"Yeah...?" asked Madelief.

Absent, hearing her tone of voice, looked towards Madelief's bed.

"Huh, you just wake up?" he asked. "Want me to put on some coffee for you?"

Hee-hee, coffee on Koffie. If not for the extenuating circumstances, I would have laughed myself silly at a possible pun.

Madelief shook her head.

"Oh, no," she said wearily. "I woke up about 3 hours ago."

Absent sighed.

"Yeah..." he muttered. "I know the pain. Being up for a few hours yet your body still yearns for your sheets."

I was slightly surprised that Absent wasn't reacting with more shock, but at the same time, I wasn't surprised in the least. Knowing him, he likely assumed that Madelief simply being tired was the most reasonable explanation for her sudden personality 180. Then again, at the same time... _this was Madelief freaking Cornelisse_, AKA happiness and optimism INCARNATE. At this hour, she was usually jumping around like she had just had 21 cups of you-know-what.

Speaking of her, she just stared at the two of us, bored out of her mind.

"I'm going back to my room now," she said after a few moments. "Bye."

With that, she shut the door and left, presumably to go back to lying down on her bed.

Absent simply shrugged.

"I guess she can't keep up the peppiness forever," he said.

Perhaps, but I still had my suspicions. For now, I figured, I had to show him LF so that Absent could see how she was doing.

"There's more," I said, grabbing him by the shoulder again. "LF's affected, too."

Absent said nothing, but the minute I said that, his look changed to one that clearly said, _Arceus' unholy flank,_ she's _gotten worse, too?!_

I, meanwhile, simply grabbed him by the paw with my vine and pulled him all the way to LF's room, before knocking on the door- not as frantically as I had with HP, though.

"LF?" I asked.

Absent just stared at me, only to be interrupted a few moments later by LF having opened the door. I managed to take a look into her room, and noticed that she had her computer up, with a Minecraft game on it.

Yep, in case you didn't know, LF likes to play Minecraft.

Believe me, I was as shocked as all of you likely are now. I certainly hadn't expected that someone like LF enjoyed Minecraft. Though, considering the fact that you need great skill in order to build something like, say, Hogwarts in Minecraft, I probably should have expected it.

Anyways.

LF saw me and promptly smiled. It was... odd, to say the least, considering that LF is arguably the most serious and straight-laced out of all of the Koffiehuis sans Absent.

"Oh. Hello, oghond," she said. "I was just sitting in my room and playing Minecraft."

She turned to her computer, gesturing for a moment to the giant Minecraft building she was setting up. Absent's eyes went wide- apparently, he hadn't expected LF to like Minecraft, either. Eventually, LF turned back to us and blinked.

"How's everyone else, might I add?" she asked. "I haven't seen them all day, largely because I've been in my room."

It was still very unsettling to hear LF speaking in contractions.

Absent, meanwhile, blinked in slight surprise.

"Minecraft?" he asked.

LF nodded.

"You have good taste," Absent replied simply.

"Yes. I do," said LF simply. "How's everyone else?"

It was even more unsettling to hear LF using casual language.

"Maddy's crashed and HP's cranky," Absent responded. "You're the third Pokemon we've checked on so far."

I half-expected for LF to ask what in the world "crashed" meant. Instead, she simply raised her eyebrow- or lack thereof, because she was a Vulpix, after all- and stared at Absent and I with an extremely quizzical look.

"Really?" she asked, with slight surprise in her voice. "How am I?"

"I'm asking you," Absent responded.

LF looked down.

"Oh," she said. "Well, I feel fine, thank you for asking."

She felt fine?

She certainly didn't _seem_ fine to me, especially considering the fact that she was speaking in contractions and with less sophisticated language than per the usual...

"Really?" I asked bluntly, staring at her quizzically. "Because I'm concerned..."

LF shook her head.

"You have no need to be concerned," she said, albeit with slight nervousness. "I'm perfectly fine."

With that, she left the room, but not before turning back to both of us and saying the following:

"_Auf Wiedersehen._"

My eyes went wide.

"...oh good GOD," I muttered.

Something was very wrong now. LF never spoke German in front of me unless it was provoked.

Absent, naturally, didn't even notice in the least, and simply raised his paw, waving at her as she shut the door.

"_Ja, mata_," he responded.

Well, I'd seen enough anime to know what THAT meant.

Two words: "see ya."

For the record, if you're wondering why Absent is speaking Japanese to LF, who happens to be German... well, that's because LF actually has an interest in the language as well, and has been learning some of it through anime and JP subtitles.

Of course, she hasn't SPOKEN any Japanese to us, but still.

Regardless, I was too dang freaked out by this point to even fully care that Absent spoke Japanese- because LF had just spoken German.

To my face.

Unprovoked.

Usually, she spoke English, unless someone (mainly me) asked her to speak German. It even worked that way in typing.

By this point I was just standing there, my eyes wide with shock, and when I turned back to Absent I managed to mutter out:

"...oh god, she spoke German."

Absent merely shrugged.

"So?" he asked. "Foreign languages are why we're here, right? They have a right to drop some foreign in conversation. I'm guilty of it myself."

True. Very true. See- him using "ja, mata" just then.

Regardless, I was still far too freaked out to be convinced.

"Except LF's never spoken German before with me unless prompted to," I stated, still panicking a bit.

"Aaaaand...?" Absent said. "She was really speaking more to _me_, heh."

"True..." I mused, pausing for a bit.

And then, as instantly as it had left, my panicked suspicion returned.

"But still, something is definitely up now," I said.

"If you say so," Absent responded simply. "Let's ask the Vandertramps."

The Vandertramps.

Phew.

Hopefully, they hadn't been affected.

We left LF's room to search for any of the Vandertramps, who, come to think of it, I hadn't seen all day. Unfortunately, my suspicion would not leave my mind, and the fact that Absent wasn't picking up on any of the Koffiehuis suddenly having strange behavior after one day was... slightly disconcerting to me, to say the least.

Okay, well, he DID notice it, but didn't think anything was seriously wrong.

I, on the other hand, wasn't as convinced.

"I mean, HP is blunt, Madelief's lethargic, and LF's lost her sophistication," I said, getting more and more frantic for Absent to at least notice something. "And in case you didn't notice, HP's flying, too."

"So?" said Absent simply. "That's how Butterfree move around."

True, but HP was afraid of heights! She wouldn't be flying!

"Besides, no one's _that_ acrophobic they don't even _jump,_" Absent continued.

I just shrugged- and then noticed Alle moving around the ship.

"Oh, look, there's Alle," I said, simply.

Finally, a Vander-

Wait.

I had noticed him!

"ALLE?!" I shrieked.

I was so stunned I had to look again. Sure enough, my eyes hadn't been playing tricks on me. Alle _was _moving around the ship, but he wasn't going extremely fast like he usually did. His Mach 20 speed had been reduced to...

I'm not good with Mach speeds, but I'll say about half of that.

"Yeah, surprised he's not just an afterimage," Absent said.

Though, naturally, he didn't _sound_ that surprised.

Alle eventually noticed us- and naturally, he spoke.

"Oh-hello!" he said cheerfully, running over to us at a much slower speed than normal. "How-are-you-today? I-was-just-cleaning-the-windows-and-doing-the-usual."

My jaw was dropped in pure shock. Alle- fast-talking, Moschitta-esque Alle- was talking like...

Well, I'll just say a robot that was _trying_ to talk like Moschitta, but could only manage to go 3 words a second rather than 8.

More to the point, he was talking a lot slower than usual.

Alle must have noticed my disbelief, because he promptly tilted his head.

"What's-the-matter?" he asked. "You-look-really-really-shocked, for-some-reason..."

Naturally, with my jaw dropped, I wasn't able to speak.

So Absent, of course, did.

"You, uh... doing okay?" Absent asked, slightly nervous. "You seem... well, I wouldn't say lethargic but... _more_ lethargic, I guess?"

Alle blinked.

Good god, even his _movements_ were slightly more robotic than usual.

"Lethargic?" he asked. "Oh-no-you-must-be-mistaken! I'm-not-tired-at-all! What-could-possibly-make-you-think-that?"

Seriously? Alle couldn't even hear himself.

"I can actually make out each individual word now," said Absent. "I can understand you. Like, remember when I said 'play that back, half speed'? Yeah. You're doing that."

"Oh," said Alle.

He blinked.

"Well-that-doesn't-mean-I'm-lethargic—"

He suddenly noticed the time on his watch and gasped.

"Oh-goodness-look-at-the-time!" he cried. "I-have-to-go-and-do-the-windows-now. See-ya!"

With that, he left. I had recovered from my total disbelief by this point- my jaw wasn't dropped to the floor anymore- but it was still surprising to me.

My suspicion by now was only growing- and crazier yet, none of the Pokemon we had talked to seemed to notice that anything was wrong with them.

As soon as Alle was gone, Absent turned to me.

"Still has the urgency," he said.

Well, that at least was true- for now- but who knew when that would be gone?!

"But," said Absent, "if he's not really consciously aware of it..."

I paused and looked up for a few moments.

"Actually," I said, "is it just me, or is Allé slightly more carefree and less rambly than he normally is? I don't mean his speed; that's obvious."

It was true. Alle hadn't gone off on any rambling tangents the entire time that Absent and I had talked to him.

"Yeah, he's more tactful," Absent agreed. "Which is weird, because typically it takes thirteen seconds before I'm ready to Night Slash him."

"Tactful...?" I asked.

I'd seen the word before, but for some reason its meaning was eluding me.

And then the last sentence Absent had said sunk in.

"Wait... you would actually Night Slash _Allé?_" I cried, glancing over at Absent in horror.

"Well I can't tell him to shut up since he would talk over me," Absent replied, a bit bluntly.

"Ah, true," I said, conceding the point. "But... tactful?"

I looked back up for a few moments- and then the meaning came back to me.

"Oh," I said. "He's not talking over you, is what you're saying. That wasn't what I meant by rambly."

"More like he wasn't drowning me in dialogue," said Absent. "He was succinct. I like this Alle."

I just continued.

"I meant he wasn't going off on tangents and-" I began, before abruptly stopping myself as I realized what Absent had just said.

"Oh," I said, laughing nervously. "You just said that..."

Absent quickly flashed me _that _look and nodded.

"Well, I like the fast-talking Alle better," I said, my suspicion and panic starting to come back in.

That and I really _did _like the fast-talking Alle better- to me it was more fun to try and decipher what the heck he was saying when he talked extremely fast.

"Huh," said Absent. "Wouldn't expect you to like having headaches, heh."

I instantly blanched back in shock. Moschitta didn't give me headaches, and neither did Alle.

"Headaches?" I asked in surprise, quickly shaking my head. "No, I don't get a headache from Allé's fast-talking."

"Well _I_ do," said Absent simply.

I shrugged. "Figures."

With that said, for the next few moments Absent and I just stared at each other in silence. The two of us had absolutely no idea what we should say or do next- or even if we _could_ say or do anything. Needless to say, it was extremely awkward. Eventually, Absent- as he often did in situations like this- began humming _something_ to himself. I didn't recognize it at first, until he got to the singing part, which I DID recognize, even if it was in JP:

_Kyou jibun itameta _   
_Tabun kanjinai kara_   
_Kurushimi ga aru_   
_Yuitsu no-_

"Absent?" I suddenly asked, breaking him out of his JP Hurt reverie.

"O-oh, sorry," said Absent. "What is it?"

"Is that Hurt (JP)?" I said, smirking.

"Yep," said Absent.

"Knew it," I replied.

I was about to say something more- and presumably, Absent would have continued with Hurt (JP)- if not for Koffie suddenly coming in on the intercom.

_Alright, oghond and Absent! Here's your stop! Folsom Lake College in Folsom, California!_

It giggled.

_Because where else could it be?_

HOLY CRAP!

I had completely forgot!

"Folsom!" I cried, quickly rushing over to the middle of the ship's main deck and grabbing the plans that Absent had written out. "Dang it, I completely forgot we were going to record a YouTube video today!"

"I didn't," Absent said. 

I was practically beating myself up over it in my head.

"Absent," I muttered, fatigued as all heck, "here's your notebook. I'll handle the plans." I sighed. "Dang it, I was so worried about everyone else acting super weird that I totally forgot that Koffie was on its way to Folsom..."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," Absent responded. "That's my job."

I giggled.

"So... where should we record this?" Absent asked.

"Cypress, preferably," I responded.

"Nah, they're probably having classes there," said Absent. "If anything, the Roost is better."

I lit up almost instantly- I'd heard plenty about the Falcon's Roost. Besides being the place where Aleph-Null locked me and the rest of the Koffiehuis up during their seige of Folsom- and nearly killed Absent's family- it was also Absent's favorite place in the entirety of Folsom Lake College.

"WE'RE GOING TO THE FALCON'S ROOST--!" I gushed.

Absent facepalmed.

"Oh, sorry," I said, chuckling nervously.

"You are far too excited about this," Absent muttered, sighing and shaking his head. "It's just a building." 

"I know!" I squealed. "A building I've never really seen before!"

"Aleph-Null locked you up there," said Absent, beginning to exit Koffie's doors, which opened to let both of us out.

"That doesn't count!" I cried. "Now let's go record a YouTube video on the Dutch language-!"

And with that, Absent and I exited Koffie en route to the Falcon's Roost of Folsom Lake College.

I certainly was not expecting what happened next.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

** _KOFFIE'S POV_ **

** _LOG:_ **

_They're gone._

_Absent and oghond just left my deck for Folsom Lake College to record their video on the Dutch language. Well, it certainly sounds like fun! It'll probably help thousands of people all over the world learn how Dutch conjugation and stams work. I wish I could be there, but unfortunately, I'm a ship, and if anyone were to see me at the Falcon's Roost, they'd be really scared and confused._

_Wait... why is the Falcon's Roost called the Falcon's Roost again? I mean, it doesn't look like a falcon's roost. It looks like a giant building. If it were a falcon's roost it would be up in a giant tree..._

_Ah, never mind. I think I'll stay here for about 10 minutes or so, just watching everything and everyone in front of me. Given how weird everyone's been acting lately, I should probably be checking to see if anything gets even stranger..._

** _[10 MINUTES LATER]_ **

_Oh! Look! It's HP! I hope she's feeling better, I've seen her all day, and she's been acting very weird. It's been very odd to watch. She's been slamming the door in oghond's face all day, and she's been very blunt. I hope she's okay._

_Maybe it has something to do with that giant rainbow we saw yesterday?_

_Wait..._

_Why is HP suddenly being surrounded by a rainbow-colored light?_

_It's going dark now..._

_Oh, look. It's gone. That was weird._

_Huh?_

_W-why is HP suddenly acting so..._

_Hostile?!_

_For whatever reason, she just came outside and kicked over the trash can in rage!_

_Now she's going into LF's room..._

_What the heck is going on here?! She just attacked LF! She would never do that; LF is her best friend in the entire world!_

_And LF is just standing by and letting it happen?!_

_That's really strange... normally she'd dropkick anyone who attacks her..._

_Wait... why is dropkicking called dropkicking? Do you drop the person and then kick them? I think that's how it works; if it's not, then that should be how it works. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Though I have seen her dropkick her Mechinator before so she could Mechinate me into Mech Vijf, and apparently she jumped into the air and then kicked the pin down._

_Then shouldn't it be called a jumpkick?_

_...IS SHE SPEAKING GERMAN?!_

_She's speaking German!_

_LF is speaking unprompted German!_

_Well, I mean, HP is German and she's the one who LF is talking to, so..._

_Oh, look! They're going into Madelief's room... wonder what's going on there..._

_D-did HP just kick Madelief?!_

_And why the heck does Madelief suddenly look more depressed than tired?_

_WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!_

_O-okay. Something really weird is going on. HP was blunt before, but now she's just a giant bully. Madelief was tired before, and now she's depressed as heck. And LF was just using shorter sentences and more casual English before._

_Now she's speaking nothing but German, and presumably, it's nothing but casual!_

_I don't even want to think about Yuunarii..._

_Is that- is that her?!_

_She... she's acting like Madelief normally does!_

_WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?!_

_WHERE ARE ABSENT AND OGHOND RIGHT NOW?!_

_Oh right. They're still at the Falcon's Roost making a YouTube video..._

_THEY'RE AT THE FALCON'S ROOST MAKING A YOUTUBE VIDEO!_

_I have to find some way to alert them to the absolute craziness that is going on here!_

_Actually, I could probably just tell oghond. She'll likely tell Absent what's happening on the ship anyways._

_But I'm not sure if they've finished making their YouTube video..._

_Hold on, let me turn on my cameras..._

** _CAMERAS ON_ **   
** _DESTINATION: FOLSOM LAKE COLLEGE _ **   
** _FALCON'S ROOST INTERIOR_ **

_Oh, good. It seems they're putting away the cameras and packing up their things. Seems like their YouTube video live from Folsom Lake is done._

_Now to let oghond know what's going on..._

_But how should I do that...?_

_Oh!_

_I know!_

_I'll just alert her on the Mechinator! She carries that thing around with her all the time, so I can probably find a way to let her know what's happening..._

_Ah, here it is. Voicemail to Mechinator. _

_Here goes._

_oghond, wherever you are..._

_PLEASE HELP!_

** _END LOG_ **

\----------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND'S POV_ **

For about 10 minutes, Absent and I did nothing but record our video live from Folsom Lake College's Falcon's Roost. It was pretty dang fun, to say the least. The video contained tons of improvised interactions between myself and Absent, as well as, naturally, info on Dutch stams and conjugation. It was a lot of fun, but about ten minutes in, Absent decided to stop the video, largely because he figured that making an animated video would be better than making a live one.

"An animated video?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Absent. "If we publish a live video to YouTube, that thing will be made PUBLIC."

"And?" I asked. "What's wrong with a live video being made public?"

Absent just glared at me.

"...what?" I asked.

"We'd be shown as Pokemon to **_thousands of people_**," he said. "And none of them are from Folsom Lake." 

Beat.

"Okay, that's true," I said, grabbing onto the camera with my vines. "Besides, my parents might watch that video, and if they find out that I'm alive after I sent out a fake obituary of myself... they will go NUTS."

"Yep," said Absent.

"Soooo... animated?" I asked.

"Yep," said Absent.

"YAY!" I cried.

Absent facepalmed- naturally.

That was very much expected.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was what happened next.

All of a sudden, my Mechinator began beeping. I looked down at it in confusion- that had never happened before. Now extremely confused, I took it out and opened it up- and noticed that a message had appeared on the Mechinator's clock face, replacing the compass directions:

**VOICEMAIL: Koffie**   
**PRESS TO HEAR MESSAGE**

On top of this message was a picture of Koffie. I blinked.

"Did you have any idea that voicemail could be sent through this thing?" I asked, holding up my Mechinator in front of Absent.

Absent shook his head, clearly just as confused as I was.

I pressed the PRESS TO HEAR MESSAGE button on the Mechinator, and almost instantaneously, Koffie's voice came out of the Mechinator.

And it sounded _panicked as heck._

_oghond! If you're hearing this, you need to come inside the ship as soon as you can! I don't know what's happened, but the rest of the Koffiehuis just glowed in rainbow colors that got really dark, and well..._

It paused.

_Just... come inside the ship, will you?_

***_beep beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP_***

The recording ended.

I was staring out in shock at my Mechinator. Based on the way Koffie sounded, the rest of the Koffiehuis' strange behaviors had presumably gotten worse.

_Much_ worse.

"...oh god," I muttered.

"Well, _something_'s wrong," said Absent matter-of-factly.

"Not just wrong," I said. "Very wrong. I don't know what's up, but based on what it sounds like, the Koffiehuis are acting even stranger than they were before we left for Folsom."

"Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me, too," said Absent.

I instantly set down the camera and began to run out of the Roost and straight towards the ship.

"I'm going to check on them," I told Absent, turning to him. "You stay here until further notice."

Absent nodded.

In a matter of seconds, I bolted out of the Roost, running as fast as my stubby Bulbasaur legs could take me. The good news was, I was still monumentally faster as a Bulbasaur than I had ever been as a human, so I was able to make it back onto the ship within about 50 seconds.

When I actually entered the ship, I had to take a few moments to compose myself and regain my breath before speaking.

"...you called?" I muttered weakly, a bit fatigued from my run.

_oghond!_ Koffie cried, panicked as heck. _Thank goodness you're here. You got my message?_

"Yeah," I said. "What's going on?"

_Look_, said Koffie.

I did.

And what I saw shocked me to my core.

HP was going around the ship's deck, and she was acting WAY more violent than usual. Not only was she flying up in the air higher than I had ever seen her before, she was also kicking cans over, attacking parts of the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, and- when a much more cheerful and Madelief-esque Yuunarii walked into the room- HP came over to her and knocked her down to the floor with a powerful Air Slash move from her wings.

The worst part?

The whole time, she had a scowl on her face.

I didn't even think that was possible for a Butterfree to do.

By this point, my heart was beating furiously in my chest. HP had just been blunt before, but now she was actively hostile- both towards the ship and towards other members of the Koffiehuis!

"Oh god," I muttered, starting to get panicked again. "How's Madelief?"

_She's depressed_, said Koffie. _She's done nothing and said nothing for the past few hours._

Oh god.

That sounded _really_ bad.

"I... I'll take your word for it," I said gravely.

_You... can't really take my words, but okay_, said Koffie, slightly confused.

I giggled lightly.

"I meant that I'm going to trust what you're saying," I said.

_Oh,_ said Koffie.

"How's LF?" I asked. 

_You wouldn't understand_, said Koffie. _Literally. She's only speaking German._

I paused.

"Only German?" I asked.

_Yep_, said Koffie.

Oh god.

"So, to recap," I said, "HP is her mother, Madelief is perpetually depressed and isn't even saying a word, LF has lost her propensity for English entirely, and Yuunarii is talkative and cheerful."

_Pretty much,_ said Koffie. _Well, except for the part about HP being her mother. She's a Butterfree, not a Volcarona._

"Yeah, but her behavior is very reminiscent of her mother's now," I clarified. "Except about ten thousand times more violent." 

_Ohhh_, said Koffie. _Then yes._

Hoo-boy.

Based on what Koffie was saying and what I had seen, things were getting really bad now. If this kept up, this would get worse and worse- likely to the point where the Koffiehuis would split up.

Presumably for good.

One thing was for sure- I had to talk to Absent as soon as possible.

Thank goodness I had my cell phone with me, so I could open up Discord and text him.

Now getting extremely frantic, I took my phone out and opened up Discord, before pulling up my DM's with Absent and typing in four words that conveyed every emotion I was feeling in that moment:

_GET ON VC. NOW._

Mere moments later, I heard a buzzing on my phone.

Absent was calling.

I hit the phone button, sending me straight to voice chat. Moments later, Absent's icon glowed a bright green, and his voice came through.

"_Hey_," he said.

Thank god.

"Absent?" I asked, between heavy breaths. "It's gotten worse."

Absent paused for a few moments, presumably to comprehend what he had just heard.

"_Dare I ask how?_" he asked after a bit. 

I took a breath, then looked up at the absolutely insane sight before me.

"See for yourself," I said gravely.

\--------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, Absent had entered the ship, and after putting the camera away, he and I were back at HP's room yet again. By this point, Koffie had left Folsom Lake and was now in Wereldia. Since her attack on Yuunarii, HP had flew off and gone back into her room, where she was presumably attacking everything around her. I, of course, was knocking frantically on the door, desperately trying to get her attention so she could open it.

Eventually, it worked- but the door wasn't so much opened as it was thrown in my face.

Flying in mid-air in the doorway was HP, who was glaring fiercely at both of us. Believe me, when a glare is coming from someone like HP, it is a LOT scarier than it sounds.

See also- the very beginning of this retelling, where I mention the story with my music teacher.

I could do nothing except chuckle nervously.

Absent, meanwhile, was suddenly sweating from head to toe, just as nervous as I was- if not even more so.

"...sorry to bother you?" he eventually managed to ask, very nervously.

HP wasn't buying any of it.

"_Why the heck are either of YOU two here?!" _she snapped, in the most actively hostile tone I had ever heard her voice take. "_Leave me alone!_" 

And with that, she slammed the door shut in both of our faces.

I got chills all over my body. I hadn't expected that HP- shy, quiet HP- could be this scary. Apparently, Absent didn't expect it, either, because the minute the door slammed, he looked at me with wide eyes and a look that clearly said "oh crap."

"...yipes," he muttered.

I couldn't help but agree.

"Yeah," I said gravely. "I mean, a few hours ago she was just blunt, but now?"

I turned back towards the door, shivering.

"Now she's..."

"Actively hostile," Absent finished, still terrified.

"Yeah," I said. "She's become her mother. Except worse."

Because while HP's mother may have been a bit cuckoo in the head, and a bit too overprotective, she certainly hadn't exhibited this much violence.

Well, except to Absent, but she had been stopped by her daughter- and even then, she did believe firmly that Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis were dangerous people who needed to be stopped at all costs.

"And Madelief?" I added, this time turning towards her door. "Good god."

This time it was Absent who was likely getting chills down his spine.

Now, I hadn't seen Madelief in the state she was in yet, but based on what Koffie had said to me, she was likely extremely saddened and the direct opposite of what she was normally like. Of course, I didn't have any actual confirmation yet- and I wouldn't until I opened the door. Regardless, both Absent and I knew something was wrong, and we both rushed over to Madelief's room.

Like before, it was opened, allowing us to see inside.

And when I saw what Madelief was like now... I nearly burst into tears.

Madelief was sitting on her bed, staring out into space at the wall, doing and saying absolutely nothing- exactly as Koffie had said. She wasn't even floating in the air. Absent and I looked at each other in concern, wondering what the heck was going on.

"...Maddy?" asked Absent, slightly hesitant. "You okay?"

Madelief didn't say anything. She didn't even move from her bed. All she did was turn to look at us- and she didn't need to say a word to convey her emotions. That look contained nothing but pure sadness- nay, depression- perhaps maybe even a little bit of anger.

"Let's... let's just go," said Absent, clearly having given up by that point. 

"Yeah, I agree," I said in a whisper, not wanting to attract Madelief.

With that said, we left the room and both got as far away from Madelief as possible. By the time we were far enough away, I turned straight to Absent.

"Okay," I said. "Something really crazy is going on and I don't know what it is."

I paused, looking around for LF's room- and eventually, I noticed it.

"LF's gotten worse, too," I said gravely. "So much worse, you won't be able to understand anything she's saying."

Absent blinked.

Within mere minutes, the two of us were at the door to LF's room, which unlike Madelief's, was closed. Behind the door, I- and likely Absent- could hear LF from inside, and she was screaming about... something. It sounded like German, and yet at the same time, it sounded like pure gibberish. I couldn't catch a word.

Eventually, Absent pulled away from the door.

"... I hear passion," he said. "Leave her be."

"Yeah, me too," I said, nodding in agreement.

The two of us promptly left the main rooms, walking out onto the recreational deck. I could not believe what I had just witnessed, and neither could Absent.

"Okay," I said, taking a breath. "This is crazy."

Absent nodded in agreement. It was pretty clear that he had no idea as to what was going on, either.

"I don't even want to think about how Allé's faring..." I said, shivering. 

And then, as if right on cue, I saw him.

He was just lying on the couch, not even moving- except that unlike Madelief, he had a smile on his face, as if he enjoyed just doing nothing but lying on the couch. My eyes promptly bugged out of my skull in shock- Alle's name literally meant "to go," and the thought of him going against his own name was simply unthinkable. Yet, here he was, doing exactly that.

"You doin' okay there, speed demon?" Absent asked, still concerned yet trying to sound as casual as possible.

Alle just yawned.

"Oh... me?" he said. "Yeah, I'm fine. How about you?"

Good god, he wasn't even_ trying _to be Moschitta now. He was talking _normally_.

Absent wasn't particularly shocked- probably because he liked this version of Alle- but the same couldn't be said for me-- I was so stunned I could barely speak. Eventually, I managed to do it, but the only words I could get out of my mouth were:

"...my god... He's.... he's..."

Absent turned to glance at me.

"Well, oghond's got mounting dread about how no one's acting like themselves," he said, "but... I suppose I'm doing fine. For now, anyway."

Alle shrugged.

"Huh," he said. "That's funny. I feel fine. Don't think there's anything wrong with me..."

He let out a yawn.

Alle felt fine? He clearly didn't seem fine- not only was he not moving, but his fast talking was completely gone!

"Feeling fine and _being_ fine are two separate ordeals," said Absent, stating exactly what I was thinking at the moment.

"I'm fine, why are you so concerned?" Alle asked, his voice not even raising in the slightest.

It would be slightly hilarious- Alle sounded basically like a stereotypical hippie- if not for the circumstances surrounding it. Absent tilted his head and gave an extremely quizzical look.

"You _feel_ fine," he said. "Are you _really_ fine, though?"

Well, clearly the answer was no.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Alle. "Why do you think I'm not?"

Did he not hear himself? Did he not _see_ himself?!

"We can't confirm you _are_ fine," said Absent. "We can only confirm you _feel_ fine."

"Oh," said Alle simply.

With that, he turned away from Absent and went back to lying on the couch. By this point, most of the initial shock at seeing Alle suddenly having turned into a couch potato had worn off for me, and I turned to Absent, finally able to form a coherent sentence again.

"He's not even moving..." I muttered.

Absent just nodded silently.

"And he's extremely slow now... are you noticing that?"

"That went without saying," Absent responded.

"Yeah..." I muttered, now really wanting to know what was going on. "Something is clearly up."

"I... don't know exactly what we can do," Absent responded, with slight disappointment.

Hoo-boy.

That didn't sound good.

Thankfully, though, after some quick thinking, I had an idea as to what I wanted Absent to do. Surely, I figured, if Alle was acting contrary to his normal self, then it was very likely that the rest of the Vandertramps had to be, too. I, on the other hand, had to find out what was going on. This could potentially be an attack by Aleph-Null- or worse.

Although, it was a bit strange that AN would use rainbows as a weapon, considering their black and white color scheme.

Still, I had to investigate this.

Pronto.

"I'll go investigate," I told him, running off to check the main deck. "You go check on the rest of the Vandertramps."

Absent nodded, then ran off to check and see how the rest of the Vandertramps were doing.

I, meanwhile, began heading off to the main deck. Something was going on; I knew it.

And even though I was the most horrible looker in the entire world according to my parents, I was going to find out what had caused this.

Whatever it took.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

At oghond's behest I walked off to search for the rest of the Vandertramps, not exactly knowing what to anticipate. I could see anyone first, since no one was acting like themselves.

Although that thought did eliminate the idea that I would first encounter Allé or Reentré- even though technically I _had _encountered Allé first. Still, seventeen different possibilities as to who I would deal with. It was... kind of something that I mulled over.

Consequently, I didn't see where I was going and almost ran into an orange-flower Floette.

"Whoa!" I hollered, not remembering that there even _was_ one on board. But I quickly reconstituted.

"Oh, heya," I said, nervously. "Who are you again? I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm not good with names."

The Floette introduced herself. "Resté, thanks for asking!" she said, peppiness in her voice. "Hello, Absent!"

I looked to my left, slightly embarrassed I had forgotten her name.

"Ah, yes, Resté," I said, pretending to have known all along. "Of course, good to see you up and about," I continued, recalling her usual reclusiveness. "Have you noticed anyone acting like their antithesis?"

She shook her head. "No, but thanks for asking! I'll just go off and explore the rest of the ship! Bye~!"

With that, she floated off, waving farewell over her shoulder.

I waved back, though she didn't see it.

_If she wants to find someone, she can just look in a mirror_, I thought to myself, recalling how she acted when I first met her. I turned the corner she had appeared from to find a couple of Furfrou minding their own business.

The butler brothers. Obviously.

Neither seemed to be busy, so I tried to get their attention, particularly the elder brother.

"Entré," I started. "You're pretty straight-laced. You think something's up with the rest of the Koffiehuis-slash-Vandertramps?" I asked, only to be met with an uncharacteristic smile which barely warned me of the ensuing tackle-hug.

"Absent! Hello, my friend! No, I haven't noticed anything wrong, why do you ask? How silly of you to think that-"

"Enough, brother," Reentré said sharply, causing his elder brother to back off, whimpering in fear.

Sheesh, it was like my own dynamic with my own brother!

"Okay," I said simply, rerouting my train of thought. "Let me try that again. Have either of you noticed anything off about _yourselves_?"

They looked at each other, as if they were mirror images.

"Nope!" they said in practiced unison.

"Not that I know of," Reentré added.

I shrugged.

"Well, thanks for your input," I said.

I promptly left and waved goodbye as I continued to walk, hearing some sound up the spiral staircase.

"Arceus' unholy flank, what happened offscreen?" I asked myself, once again entrancing myself with a train of thought about what was going on that once again almost left me bumping into - tripping over, rather - someone over a stair. A certain Frogadier, the look on his face resembling mine after a long day.

"Oh, hey, Absent," Allé said, yawning. "Whatcha doin'?"

With a distinct lack of energy in the conversation, I felt myself picking up the slack with my response.

"Wondering why everyone's acting like their 100's are zeros and zeros are 100's. Most of all you, what happened to the fast talking, hasty idiot we love?"

"Idiot?" he asked, indignant, picking himself up off the stair. "Hey, I'm no idiot. I'm just gonna sit here and-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOLASSES MOVER?!" a voice blared, getting both of our attentions after we jumped out of our skin. "You know there's a lot of work to be done today, and I've already done it all!"

"Well," I said, deciding I was done here. "Looks like at least two of us are busy. I'll just leave you two to whatever you have scheduled."

I excused myself as I walked past Passé, avoiding eye contact with the inexplicably irritable - although surprisingly normally not irritable - Tyrunt.

"There's gotta be at least one Vandertramp who hasn't changed..." I muttered to myself before I caught sight of a Goodra, looking at me with disdain. Hoping his loyalty would be a constant, I approached, although I could feel the hostility emanating from him.

"You notice anything?" I said, deciding to be succinct.

"About those idiots over there? No," he spat.

...Idiots? This was his _family_ he was talking about!

... Even if I did share the same sentiment sometimes.

"Okay, someone's testy. I'll leave you," I said simply.

With that, I walked past Retourne and went off to see how everyone else was doing.

How _was_ everyone else doing?

...you get three guesses and the first four don't count.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

"Nope! Everything's peachy!"

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Why do you think I care?"

\------------------------------------------------------------------

"..."

"Guys! C'mon! I just want to talk!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

"No."

"... Not gonna ramble on?"

"Why would I?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

I had leaned against the wall, looking down the hall in some stupid hope a new door would spontaneously appear like that infinite hotel, and in it would be a Vandertramp who hadn't changed in any capacity.

I picked myself up and continued down the hall, being certain to not bump into any Floette.

Not so much in regards to Mimikyu, though. Or, a Swirlix, I suppose.

"Oh! Mort! Oh, thank goodness. You notice anything off about your family?" I asked, some part of me hoping that his Ghost-type meant he was effectively an observer who could be observed but not interacted with.

"_A LOT of things_," he said simply, turning to look down the hall as if someone was there. "_Seems like Tombeé, Né and I are the only ones who haven't had a sudden switch in personality_..."

He trailed off before turning to look at me.

"_It gets worse, though- you wanna see my parents_?"

He didn't wait for an answer, instead floating down the hall, leaving me to chase him down and walk beside him.

"Let me guess. Doc's become a regular dumb dad with all the hostility of a sitcom dad who's only a dad from wedlock and Patty's become a total Karen," I figured, recalling what I could about the eldest Vandertramps the Koffiehuis knew.

_"...Karen_?" Mort asked, unfamiliar with our world's memes.

"A soccer mom whose entire demeanor demonstrates so much frustration with everyone around them they're a five-second wait from saying 'let me talk to your manager'," I swiftly explained, hoping Mort knew what a soccer mom was.

Mort blinked- then quickly shook his head.

"_Oh, no_," he muttered. "_Oh, no, no, no, no_."

He walked up to the door.

"_It's worse_," he said, opening the door with a shadowy tendril into their room, as if to show me.

The two sat on opposite sides of the bed, facing away from each other, hostility in their eyes.

"Uh... hey?" I asked, not sure what to do.

Doc simply glared at me.

"Greetings... _Corbin,_" Doc seethed, saying my name in a pronounced French accent, as if he knew my name's language of origin the first time he heard it.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Patty asked, sharing her disdain for my presence.

Powering through the pit in my chest, I bit the bullet and told them the truth.

"... Mort and oghond told me something was wrong.

"Please don't shoot the messenger," I hastily added, stepping back.

"You must be badly mistaken, Corbin," Doc started, his voice not reassuring me in the slightest. "If you think there is something wrong with our family, you are out of your mind."

"And Mort..." Patty continued, stepping in front of her husband. "_What were you thinking?!_"

She promptly grabbed Mort, not even noticing the black shape fleeing from it to underneath the bed.

"We are taking you back to Wereldia **this instant**! How dare you tell such horrid lies! I am disgusted!"

"I didn't say you were a terrible family!" I interjected, grabbing the lifeless Swirlix doll for all the good it would do. "Far from it, under normal circumstances your family dynamic is something you should pride yourself on! Keeping 17 adopted children under relative control is a feat the best parents can only dream of!"

Not like there were many families out there who actually had seventeen adopted children- but still.

"But these are _not_ normal circumstances! Everyone's acting like their personalities got Trick Room'd! Including you!" I said, holding the plush behind my back as I felt Mort take control of it once again, and wrestle out of my grip.

"_Exactly_!" he agreed. "_Something has gone terribly wrong! You're not acting like yourselves! None of you are_!"

He paused.

"_Well, except for Tombée and Né, but_..."

"They don't have much personality to distort," I said, rewarding myself with a high-five from Mort, which he gladly reciprocated.

"YOU'RE CLEARLY INSANE!" Patty bellowed, grabbing me by the fur around my collar.

Well, that was unexpected. Especially considering that this was Patricia Vandertramp we were talking about here.

"What happened to the loving adoptive mother of seventeen that we were more than happy to allow on board to join us on our journey?!" I asked as I raised a Protect to force her to lose her grip. She promptly fell to the floor, before looking back up at me with a glare that was almost as chilling as the ones _I've_ given out.

"I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Explain to us how you could _possibly_ come to the conclusion that we aren't acting like ourselves," Doc said accusingly.

I placed my head in my paw, wondering how everyone could be so dense. I sighed in exasperation before recalling what I could.

"Retourne doesn't care about the family. Reste is out and about the boat. Alle's taking things slow while Passe eggs him on. Entre's become as unsophisticated as Reentre and Reentre's as snooty as Entre. Descendu's walking on sunshine and Monte's one minor key note away from hurting himself to see if he still feels. Venu and Arrive have holed themselves up in their rooms and Revenu's gone from directing every conversation towards Holland to talking about anything _but_.

"And then there's you two. Jacques-Francois Vandertramp. When the Koffiehuis first met you you were a Bunny-Ears Lawyer with eccentricities that could be inferred by spending three minutes in conversation with you, but your passion for your job made you optimal for joining our quest. Now you're almost as no-nonsense as your eldest butler son is normally and actively spoke out against this operation. Patricia, you were once a loving mother of seventeen who also had some amount of eccentricity but could be no-nonsense enough to keep your children in line. Now, there's such hostility that emanates from you it's hard to breathe."

The two looked at each other in contemplation while Mort nodded emphatically in my direction, as he was agreeing with everything that I was saying.

Doc, meanwhile, just looked up.

"Hm," he said. "Perhaps this is proof that somewhere a parallel universe exists..."

Slowly and silently, they got up from the bed, and approached the doorway. Slightly terrified, Mort and I stepped aside to let them through. Patty shot a glance at Mort, and though I couldn't see the look on either her or Mort's face, I had a feeling that there was still some unresolved tension.

Regardless of whether or not there _was _still some unresolved tension, though, seeing Doc and Patty like that was... really unnerving.

The two of them left the room, leaving the door wide open.

oghond entered the room mere moments later.

——————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Nope.

No luck.

For the past 20 minutes I had looked all over the ship for any possible sign of what could have caused this sudden switch in personality. During that time, I had noticed plenty of very strange things. Namely- and most notably- Reste was happily exploring around the boat, when previously she had holed herself up in her room 24/7 and only came out when necessary.

This, naturally, confirmed my earlier theory.

Alle wasn't the only Vandertramp to be affected- _all_ of the Vandertramps likely had, minus Ne and Tombe.

Besides this discovery, however, I found no clues as to what could have caused this sudden change in personality. Eventually, it got to the point where I decided to just give up and find Absent.

Which, for the record, didn't take long.

I was walking through a hallway, wondering how the heck everyone's personalities could have possibly switched overnight- when I suddenly noticed an open door. Three things stuck out to me right off the bat when I saw that open door.

**1) **Absent was inside. That was a huge relief, obviously.   
**2) **Dr. and Mrs. P. Vandertramp were exiting the room, and they seemed to have been affected, too- the former was looking up, deep in thought about something, while the latter was glaring over at somebody before turning away with a scowl on her face.   
**3) **Mort was that somebody. Much to my relief, it appeared that he had been unaffected.

This was a good thing, of course.

Once the doctor and Mrs. Vandertramp had left the hallway, I breathed a sigh of relief before entering. Absent turned, and the instant he saw me, he raised his paw weakly in greeting.

"Oh hey," he said, clearly trying to sound as casual as possible. "Turns out that not only has everyone's personality done a 180, they're also convinced they haven't changed."

Well, that second part was a bombshell- no wonder LF and Alle had been insisting they were fine, even though they clearly weren't!

"WHAT?!" I shrieked in disbelief.

Absent nodded.

"B-but... I don't understand!" I muttered. "How could this have happened?"

My sudden panic was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

Loudly.

Instantly, both Absent and I turned to find Mort giving both of us- but especially Absent- _that _look. It was slightly humorous, at least to me, but Absent immediately turned away sheepishly the minute he saw it.

"Oh, right," he said, slightly embarrassed. "Everyone but Mort, Tombee and Ne."

Yep.

I figured.

After all, Allé and Resté wouldn't have been acting contrary to how they normally were if whatever this weird thing was hadn't infected almost _all _the Vandertramps.

"And, well, I'm not certain," Absent continued. I'm pretty sure I would have picked up on any covert hypnotic suggestions on any radio or intercom or something."

He tapped his phone, presumably to check for any of the aforementioned covert hypnotic suggestions. By this point, the three of us had left the Vandertramps' room and were now back onto the main deck, likely wondering what the heck was going on.

At least I was.

Heck, I had been the most concerned out of all of them from the start.

For the record, it wasn't just concern. On the contrary- there was a mix of emotions going through my head in that exact moment- confusion, anger, shock- but I couldn't think of any words to express it.

So instead, I naturally did exactly what you would expect me to do in a situation like this.

I facevined.

"This is absurd!" I muttered to myself, desperately trying to find out what was going on. "First the rest of the Koffiehuis, and now-"

I was about to continue with _the Vandertramps- _and then I stopped.

All of a sudden, the answer had hit me from clear out of the blue.

There was one thing that everyone who was affected had in common, and I'm pretty sure you know what that thing is.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" I cried, stopping myself. "Absent! That's it!"

"Dare I ask?" Absent responded, not even bothering to look at me.

Naturally, having just realized why everyone who was affected _got _affected in the first place, I was eager to tell him.

"We were the only ones not affected in the Koffiehuis," I explained, "and everyone who _did_ get affected was a foreigner!"

In case you couldn't figure it out.

Yep- I now had a stronger suspicion that Aleph-Null was behind this thing than ever before. Everyone who was acting strangely was a foreigner, after all. And Mort seemed to agree with me, too, as the minute I mentioned the word "foreigner," his eyes went wide with shock and horror.

Absent, meanwhile, just shrugged as we continued to walk onto the main deck.

"What, you think A.N.'s behind this?" he asked, somewhat deadpan. "It would have been easier for them to cue in on us being _Pokemon_, not American!"

True.

Except for the fact that foreign abolishment was Aleph-Null's entire _thing_.

"And even then, Tombee, Ne and Mort are from Wereldia," Absent continued. "Arceus knows how _that_ would influence whatever system they use."

I paused.

That was also a good point. Those three- and all the affected Vandertramps- were Wereldian. Considering the fact that we'd never seen Aleph-Null in Wereldia before, we didn't even know if the group had information on the Vandertramps in the first place.

I almost shrugged and was about to concede Absent's point— if not for a sudden- and _very _familiar- voice breaking in from overhead.

"Oh, it's simple, _West._"

...oh _god._

He was here.

_They _were here.

In Wereldia.

I likely would have let out the Swear of AUF right then and there if not for that line being _Absent's _schtick.

Instantly, my blood ran cold. It _had _to be them; Case was the only person I knew who called Absent "West" on a semi-regular basis. Still, how in the world had they managed to find us?

In _the Wereldian dimension, _no less!

I was too shocked and terrified to fully process what was going on. That said, though, I did happen to hear Koffie suddenly come through with an urgent message:

_RED ALERT! RED ALERT! We are being attacked by an unknown outside source!_

And within _seconds _of that message, several dozen Aleph-Null goons crashed through Koffie's bootleg LEGO exterior, while the first few opening notes of "The Four of Us Are Dying" blared in the background.

Up until that point, I hadn't realized just how ominous Trent Reznor's music could be.

The three of us were too terrified to breathe- Mort was practically _shaking _upon seeing Johnathon Case for the first time, and as for Absent?

You can guess how he reacted.

Yep.

He was in the corner, rapidly hyperventilating, and clearly about to have a full-on panic attack. Likely, he didn't think that Aleph-Null could have found us here, either.

I, meanwhile, tried desperately hard to steel my courage— and turned directly to face none other than Johnathon Case himself.

He smirked, glaring down at me. Next to him were Mancia and Williamson, naturally. The former was still swooning over the latter, but quickly noticed me standing there and cheerfully waved hello.

As this _was _Roger Mancia, I waved back with my vine- as did Mort with his acquired Mimikyu shadow tendril.

Of course, Case wasn't having any of that and furiously punched his superior square in the nose, causing poor Mancia to flinch back.

I wanted to say something- heck, I likely would have right then and there- if not for Case resuming what he had been doing before Mancia intervened.

That is to say, glaring down at Mort and I.

"_Those three_ have no definite personality to speak of," he snarled.

Clearly, he was referring to Tombee, Né, and Mort.

And he was right. The former two were young; the latter had only just been revived from the dead and was now getting his first look at Aleph-Null.

Regardless, I wasn't about to just stand there and watch Case turn all my friends into dense, brain-dead antithesis of themselves.

"What are _you_ doing here; you IDIOT?!" I cried, glaring over at Case. "Sierra's going to hear about this!"

Case, naturally, just smirked.

"Sierra can wait," he said.

Okay, first of all, how did he know about Sierra? He wasn't there when she first appeared, after all.

Naturally, Case didn't seem to notice my confusion, and continued gloating as he paced around the ship.

"This was all part of my master plan, since the infiltration of Folsom didn't work," he said. "I figured that if I could switch the personalities of all the foreigners on the ship gradually, it would eventually go so far as to remove their ability to _speak_ their native languages in question."

...good god.

No wonder there appeared to be different stages. Had Aleph-Null not entered when they did, I was pretty sure the fourth stage would be "rebuttal of culture", and then the fifth stage would be "losing their accents and becoming like those crazy white domestic American terrorists who shoot up schools, clubs, and Walmarts"!

Still didn't really explain why Aleph-Null somehow made LF switch to only speaking German, but given that to me the German was sounding more and more like gibberish, I was pretty sure that Case had realized his mistake.

I growled in frustration- and then suddenly noticed Absent.

His panic attack, naturally, had gotten worse. By now he was leaning against a wall and was hyperventilating profusely. The good news was, though, that he still seemed to be processing everything that was going on.

Regardless, at that moment there was nothing but fear and concern at the forefront of my mind. Panicked, I ran straight to him, followed close behind by Mort, who looked just as concerned for him.

"Absent!" I cried.

"_A-are you okay_?!" Mort said fearfully, pretty much echoing my thoughts.

For a few moments Absent said nothing. He just stood there, still leaning against the wall, still hyperventilating. Eventually, however, he managed to slow his breathing down to the point where he could get a few words out in between, and looked directly at us.

"They can track us..." he muttered, between breaths, "...nowhere is safe..."

He was right.

Mort and I looked at each other, both of us terrified out of our wits. Absent was absolutely right. Now that we knew that Case and the others could track us, absolutely nowhere was safe when it came to hiding from Aleph-Null.

Not even Wereldia.

This likely, if not almost certainly, meant that Case had Omega-1 or another mecha waiting just outside for us- and that said mecha was equipped with the technology to travel to other dimensions.

Just like Koffie was.

It was a horrifying thought- but instantly, our horror turned to panic when we both heard Case chuckling evilly.

_Very _evilly.

"Perfect," Case muttered, approaching Absent from behind. "He's in the midst of panicking."

Oh god.

This could not be good.

"Now... _to deal with the otter_."

This _wasn't _good.

At all.

Before my eyes, Case reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of technology that I hadn't seen before. I couldn't really see what it was in full, but I _did _manage to catch the fact that it resembled some sort of plug, and it was attached to a box with a bunch of hooks and wires all over it. The kicker, however- as well as the thing that _really _helped to exacerbate my feeling of dread- was the plug's _color_.

It was _rainbow_.

Just like the rainbow we saw shoot through the window of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_ beforehand.

Instantly, I knew what this had to be, and my blood ran cold.

It ran even colder when I saw Case go up to Absent- who was still panicking, mind you- and proceed to grab him from behind- before attempting to attach the plug to his neck.

Oh god.

If this was what I thought it was- and I had a very strong suspicion that it was- then I was going to have absolutely none of it.

"NO!" I cried out, reaching a vine out towards Case in an attempt to stop him.

Alas, it didn't work. My vine didn't even touch Case.

Absent, on the other hand, must have heard me, because as soon as Case put the plug onto his neck, he instantly whirled around and grabbed his arm with both paws, crying out one thing:

"_DON'T TOUCH ME!_"

And with that said, he tugged Case forward- the latter still struggling to hold on- and Slashed him across the face with his scalchop.

Case was thrown back instantly.

Mancia, of course, reluctantly loyal as he ever was, ran up to his superior in concern, but Case managed to push himself up off of the ground. He growled under his breath, glaring over at Absent the entire time.

Likely because he hated his guts more than any other member of the Koffiehuis.

Which was ironic-- I would assume he hated the foreigners more than Absent.

Still, Case was clearly just as defiant as Absent was- if not even more so.

"...YOU ARE A DISGRACE, YOU FOOLISH PESKER!" he barked, approaching Absent from behind once again- except this time Absent wasn't panicking.

At least, not yet.

"TAKE THIS!"

And with that said, Case promptly ran straight at Absent and wrestled the scalchop out of his paw, before throwing it across the room.

Mort and I looked at each other, horrified, and the former ran over to try and retrieve it.

As horrified as Mort was, though, it didn't even compare to the horror that I felt when I saw what happened next. Case promptly took out the rainbow plug again- and this time he shoved it straight into his chest. Instantly, Absent began crying out in pain and agony, and I couldn't help but look on in horror as rainbow-colored bolts of lightning began to surge across his body.

This was it.

This was likely, if not almost certainly, what had happened to the foreigners and the Vandertramps.

And so help me, I was _not _in a million years about to let it happen to my best friend!

"NO!" I cried, anger surging through me.

And with that, I promptly extended a vine and did to Johnathon Case what I hadn't been able to do to him the first time.

I hit him with a Vine Whip.

Case was thrown back almost instantly.

Naturally, this was exactly what I wanted.

With Case now on the floor I turned back to look at Absent- and instantly felt shock and rage course through every fiber of my being.

Absent was desperately trying to push himself off of the floor, clearly having been hurt by Case attacking him.

Already, I was fuming at Case, but my anger increased tenfold when I heard him mutter under his breath:

"S... slave... screams..."

Oh, _god_.

He'd been brainwashed, most likely.

This was not good at all- if it kept up like this, the snarky yet lovable Californian who I had become fast friends with would be _gone_.

Possibly forever.

Naturally, I wasn't about to let that happen in a million years.

Now fuming with rage, I grabbed on to Case's neck with my vines and shook him.

I didn't want to strangle him though, horrible as he was.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" I shrieked, not letting go of my grip. "**WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!**"

Case glared at me, scowling.

"I switched his personality, you fool!" he growled. "What do you think I did?! Pretty soon his love of Japanese will be scratched out of him!"

Scratched...?

Had he... _had he read Homestuck?!_

It was the only logical explanation- heck, I hadn't read Homestuckand even _I _knew what that term meant.

Then again, though, the only reason I knew what the term "scratch" meant in regards to Homestuckwas because Absent had introduced me to it.

Since, you know.

He's a Homestuck fan.

Speaking of Absent, hearing Case use the term "scratch" was enough to snap me out of my rage for a few moments. Eventually, I heard Absent let out a groan from behind me, and I quickly turned to look at him. He was kneeling, his paw on the ground, still muttering under his breath.

"H-he h-hears... but he d-doesn't.... want to listen..."

Well, at least he was trying to resist it, but regardless, I still had a bad feeling that Absent was going to succumb to the brainwashing one way or another.

After all, he still had the rainbow plug device on his chest.

Case, meanwhile, smirked ahead of me, spying his chance before promptly turning to Mancia, who was still flirting and making goo goo eyes over Williamson- who was not amused in the slightest.

"Mancia!" he barked.

Instantly, Mancia snapped out of it.

"Y-yes, sir?" he stammered.

**"Get the mecha and KILL HIM!**"

He pointed directly at Absent as he said this. Instantly, my blood ran cold- Case still had his mecha, and it appeared he would stop at nothing to take Absent down with it.

At that moment, I noticed he had his black-and-white Mechinator in his hand.

Mancia, naturally, was horrified and instantly flinched back upon being given the order to kill Absent.

"Kill him?!" he cried. "B-but... sir..."

"**DO IT!**" Case snapped.

Mancia flinched back in fear.

"Y-yes, sir..." he said, nodding fervently before running off to get the mecha.

I still felt as bad for Mancia as I ever did, but right now there was no time for that. There was a mecha to fight now, and Absent being brainwashed wasn't helping matters in the least.

Terrified, I looked out the window- and saw it.

Mancia was pulling up a _different _airship, one that looked more like a helicopter than the Millennium Falcon. I instantly knew right away that this had to be Case's mecha.

If Absent didn't snap out of this soon...

Now utterly panicked, I ran up to Absent, who was still kneeling on the floor with his paw on the ground.

"S... slave screams..." he muttered to himself again.

He was still being brainwashed.

I had to do something to get his attention.

"ABSENT!" I screamed, frantically waving my vines in the air and gesturing to the giant mecha that was outside. "Absent, snap out of it! Get the Mechinator!"

For a few moments nothing happened- and then Absent's eyes suddenly snapped open, fueled with sheer resolve. Clearly, he must have heard me, because now he was back.

And he was ready.

In one swift motion, he tore the rainbow plug off of his chest and quickly grabbed his scalchop, holding it high above him and running up to Case with every intent of taking him down. Then before my eyes, he jumped up into the air and sent a Razor Shell attack screaming at him, all the while shouting out seven words that echoed across the ship:

"**_HE'S GOING TO CAUSE THE SYSTEM TO FALL!!!_**"

I could not have been more pumped.

"YES--!!" I cried, happily pumping a vine in the air.

Case was instantly thrown back from the Razor Shell attack and tossed outside of the ship and onto Wereldian soil. Absent, meanwhile, jumped out of there with me quickly following suit- then wasted no time in grabbing his Mechinator and going through the motions as Koffie docked.

Once he had finished turning the dial counterclockwise three times, he slapped the pin down with zero hesitation, and the blue bolt of light shot out of the center of his Mechinator.

He promptly picked it up and aimed it directly at Koffie- who let out a scream that echoed all throughout Wereldia:

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!_ **

I grinned, knowing exactly what Absent was about to do next- and sure enough:

"**_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD!_**"

And with those four words, the match just got real interesting.

Case was growling under his breath as Koffie once again let out the scream associated with Mechination, and for a moment I couldn't help but wonder how the heck the rest of the Koffiehuis and the Vandertramps were doing inside of the ship. Considering the fact that their personalities had all been switched, I figured none of them cared in the least that they were on a ship whose parts were at this moment swiftly rearranging themselves.

But right now that wasn't the most important thing- I had an epic Mechination to watch, and I was not missing it.

And let me tell you this- it was epic.

This time, it was "Ahead of Ourselves" that played out of Absent's Mechinator, and just as before, Koffie's body split into a thousand pieces, with most of them sinking into the ground. The ones that remained- the main deck, head, cockpit, and the connector piece that connected the head to the neck- clicked together into position, with the head turning 90 degrees and the connector piece sticking itself onto the body.

You should already know what happened after that.

Namely- the pieces started falling.

Arm and leg pieces shot out of Koffie's lower deck, and their respective armor wrapped around them to complete the mecha look. The windows formed; the blue-and-cream body armor clipped on, followed by the shoulder armor; the head armor clipped on; and the Lapras shell pushed itself into place. Finally, the rocket thrusters- complete with wings- came out, and Koffie held out its hand as its seamitar weapon flew into view. It grabbed the seamitar mere moments before its cockpit clicked on-- and the blue light flew off its body.

And let me tell you- now that the whole thing was synced up to Ahead of Ourselves and not YYZ, it was _a thousand_ times more epic.

** _HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH DRIE!_ **

Case growled in frustration, and Absent wasted no time jumping into the control panel in Koffie's shell.

As for me?

Come on.

You already know how I reacted.

"YES-!" I cried, happily jumping up and down and pumping my vines. "**YES-!!!!!!!**"

If I'm being completely honest, seeing Mech Drie in that moment was the most hype I had ever felt in my life.

And why wouldn't it be?!

Not only had Absent resisted his brainwashing, he now had Mech Drie about to tear Case to shreds- and on Wereldian soil, no less!

Speaking of Absent, he was once again taunting Case in exactly the way he had beforehand- with some good old NIN:

"_Don't open your eyes_  
"_You won't like what you see_  
"_The devils of truth steal_  
"_The souls of the free_  
"_Don't open your eyes_  
"_Take it from me_  
"_I can't find_  
"_There is no_  
"_Happiness in slavery_"

I didn't know the song, but I knew _exactly _what he was implying:

_Case was going down._

Koffie, meanwhile, stomped up to Case and let out another powerful Saiyan scream that echoed through Wereldia.

"YOU!" Case growled.

I could have sworn I saw Koffie smirk.

_Don't think you're going to come near this ship again, Case, _it said, glaring down at him.

"The pain and brainwashing you delivered unto me is _nothing _compared to the headache I get from my music!" Absent called from inside of the control panel.

Case was getting more and more frustrated by this point, and it was nothing short of _glorious_.

"Alright, Absent!" I cried, pointing ahead. "Get 'em!"

Absent smirked. "Gladly."

And with that, Koffie soared up into the air.

By now Case was seething with rage, and Williamson was in the exact same boat as him.

"He's already got his mecha out," she growled with determination.

"I can see that, Williamson," snapped Case. "I'm not blind."

"I wasn't saying you were blind, Officer," Williamson responded, deadpan as ever.

Mancia, of course, was in a frightened panic.

"WE'RE DOOMED!" he cried out. "That's it! We're done for! Aleph-Null is over!"

Case smirked under his breath- and then pulled out his Mechinator.

"Not yet, we're not," he said.

And with that, he went through the usual Mechination motions before pointing his black-and-white Mechinator directly at the helicopter airship. Instantly, it began to glow in a dark black light. I was watching the entire thing and was practically shivering.

"...oh good GOD no," I muttered under my breath.

Case sneered with satisfaction. 

"Aleph-Null-- ACTIVATE MECH CHANGE!"

Once again, the transformation occurred so fast that I can't describe all the steps to you, but just know that at the end of it all, the helicopter had been replaced by a giant steel Naganadel. Given that Absent had referred to the last mecha Aleph-Null had used as Omega-1, I will be referring to this Naganadel mecha as Omega-2 for the rest of the fight.

I blinked.

Just for the record, I LOVE Naganadel, so the thought of M3 fighting a giant mecha one was slightly disconcerting.

Even though technically, I knew it had to be done.

"...Okay, I know we have to fight this thing," I said, "but it's JUST SO CUTE--!"

Yep.

I was gushing over an Aleph-Null mecha.

Happily, I ran up to it.

"It's a giant steel Naganadel!" I gushed. "IT'S SO ADORABLE--!" 

And the Naganadel responded to my insistent gushing by opening its mouth and letting forth a blast of blue fire.

I was knocked to the floor, and likely burned to a crisp, but I was still alive.

The smoke eventually subsided, and I was still there-- coughing, and with a bit of soot on my body, but very much alive.

"Ow... ow... okay, it's not as adorable as I thought," I admitted, weakly.

With that said, Omega-2 started spinning and flying into the air, approaching Koffie and attempting to sweep its feet out from under it. 

Koffie just giggled.

_Oh, you silly little Naganadel,_ it said. _Did you think you could get me that easily?_

Omega-2 growled and aimed its stinger at Koffie's lower body- but Mech Drie was faster, and flew up into the air. It looked down and went straight for the Naganadel's lower body, now attempting to sweep its feet out from under it.

_Take this, you wasp dragon!_ Koffie cried. **_UNDERTOW!_**

And with that proclamation, it rammed right into Omega-2's lower body, sweeping its feet out from under it and causing it to fall to the ground.

Or so it seemed.

It was still clearly damaged, which was a good thing, but mere moments later, Omega-2 flew back up into the air and went for Koffie's lower body.

And it worked. 

Koffie was hit, and it, too, fell to the ground.

"Koffie!" I cried, running up to it.

_Urgh..._

Koffie groaned, but eventually managed to stand back up, glaring over at Omega-2 and Case the entire time. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god," I said. "Koffie's alive."

_You bet I am!_ Koffie replied cheerfully, turning towards me and giving me a thumbs-up.

I was slightly saddened that I couldn't shoot one back.

Case, meanwhile, was still seething in rage.

"Unbelievable," he growled. "That mecha thinks he can get away with this?!" He pointed ahead. "ATTACK ITS WINGS!"

Omega-2 let out a roar, then went straight for Koffie's wings- but was stopped by Koffie suddenly raising its seamitar above it and crying out:

** _ADD VIOLENCE!_ **

before repeatedly hitting Omega-2 in the head with its seamitar. Omega-2's head was bashed up beyond all recognition, and pretty soon Koffie was going for its arms- both of which fell off after about 4 hits.

"WHAT?!" Case shouted.

"YES--!" I cried happily.

Case growled under his breath.

"Well, being armless isn't really that big of an issue if we can still fight," he said. "Mecha- attack its windows!"

He smirked.

"That'll surely bring down that foolish pesker."

Omega-2 once again let out a Godzilla-esque roar before readying its stinger and heading right for Koffie's right window. Much to my surprise, Koffie didn't try to get away; instead it just stood there, waiting to take the attack. I had no idea what it was doing, or what it was planning to do, but regardless, I was starting to freak out.

"Koffie!" I cried urgently. "What are you doing? Run!"

Koffie just giggled.

_Silly you!_ it said to the Naganadel. _Don't you realize that I'm pretty much indestructible?_

Omega-2 didn't hear it, and rammed its stinger straight into Koffie's right window, causing it to break off.

"KOFFIE!" I cried.

But Koffie just stood there, and didn't even flinch. Omega-2 flew back, clearly surprised, while Koffie's right window suddenly flew right back onto its body and clicked into place. I breathed a sigh of relief, and Aleph-Null naturally reacted accordingly.

"WHAT?!" Case screamed.

"Ooh! That mecha can rebuild itself!" Mancia cried happily.

Williamson just glared at him, causing Mancia to flinch back a bit.

"You might need to use that idea, Officer," she said, adjusting her glasses. "I got a feeling that that's gonna come in handy for us."

Koffie flew up into the air, holding its seamitar directly above its head. 

_Oh, I don't know if you'll be able to do that_, it said, giggling.

And with that, it flew forward and started repeatedly hitting Omega-2's stinger with its seamitar yet again. For a few moments, I was surprised that it didn't cry out **_ADD VIOLENCE!_** again like it had the first time- and then I saw what Koffie did next. After hitting the stinger multiple times to get it loose, Koffie rammed the point of its seamitar directly into Omega-2's stinger, causing it to fly off of its body.

And then it started spinning its seamitar in mid-air.

** _VULGAR... _ **

It smacked the side of Omega-2's stinger, leaving a dent.

** _DISPLAY..._ **

Koffie spun it again, and this time it got Omega-2 square in the body. Afterwards, it stopped spinning the seamitar and promptly stabbed the tip of it directly into Omega-2's stinger, all the while finishing declaring the name of the move:

** _...OF POWER!_ **

The seamitar punctured the stinger, causing Omega-2 to let out a painful roar and be thrown back. It eventually managed to free itself from the point of the seamitar, but Omega-2 wasn't without damage- it now had a giant gaping hole coming from its giant stinger section, with the actual stinger itself having been thrown off. Smoke was coming from the hole, implying that the move had pierced the mecha's wiring.

Basically, it was a ton of damage.

"Alright!" I cried happily. "You got 'em, Absent! One more move should do it!"

Absent didn't say anything, but he seemed to agree with me, as Koffie once again began flying up into the air. Case growled in frustration.

"West, you fool..." he muttered. "We've got no time for this! ATTACK THAT PESKER!"

Omega-2 roared, then flew up into the air, releasing giant blue fireballs in an attempt to counter the Vulgar Display of Power move that Koffie had just released. Each time, however, Koffie dodged the attacks, likely due to Absent's fighting-game reflexes. Eventually, Koffie was so high in the air that Omega-2 was struggling to catch up to it.

Case growled.

"Get to the ground," he ordered. "Hopefully, we can sneak up on that Mech Drie thing and attack it from behind."

Omega-2 instantly flew down to the ground- only to be suddenly interrupted by Absent.

In Japanese, natch.

"_Demo, kimi wa sora ni tsuyoi. Yuka ni..._"

Case growled.

"What is he saying?!" he muttered. "WHAT IS HE SAYING?"

Koffie smirked.

_Though, you're strong in the air. On the ground..._

It giggled, and I presumed the reason it knew what Absent was saying was because of its automatic translator.

"WHAT?!" Case exclaimed.

_You'll see,_ said Koffie.

And with that said, it flew down towards Omega-2 and promptly hit it with a Shoryuken that flew it skyward, before instantly flying up into the air and pummeling Omega-2 down to the ground with multiple front flips.

** _CARESS OF STEEL--!!_ **

Wait.

Caress of Steel?!

T-that was the title of Rush's third album!

Naturally, being the huge Rushaholic that I am, I could not contain my excitement, and promptly started squealing to myself happily. Koffie, meanwhile, had finished dealing with Omega-2, and the Naganadel mecha was now on the ground, having taken substantial damage from Koffie's attack. Its body was in pieces; its head was bashed up, and it could barely move. As a matter of fact, it was so thoroughly damaged that the hole coming from its stinger began letting loose sparks.

I, naturally, was excited about all of this, and ran up to Absent with happiness.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" I cried, jumping up and down. "But more to the point- KOFFIE CAN USE A MOVE CALLED CARESS OF STEEL!"

I started squealing.

Loudly.

Absent facepalmed from inside of the mecha.

"We don't have _time_ to satisfy your internal wolves that are both crippling Rushaholics, I'm fighting for my life!" he cried out from inside of Koffie's shell.

Instantly, I stopped squealing and chuckled nervously.

"Sorry, sorry..." I muttered, knowing he was right.

Case smirked.

"You absolutely are, you pesker," he growled. "And now you're going to have to pay for it. We may be damaged, but we can still fight! GET THEM, MECHA!"

Omega-2 pushed its horribly damaged body off the ground, glaring over at Absent the whole time, before letting loose a huge ball of blue fire.

Koffie dodged it in about 2 seconds, then flew a bit higher in the air, before crying out:

_I don't think you'll be able to fight THIS!_

And with that, its wings opened up, and dozens of powerful missiles shot out towards Omega-2's body. Omega-2 was able to dodge them all- and then one of the missiles went straight into the hole in the center of its stinger.

At that exact moment, I knew that Omega-2 was done for.

And sure enough, the sparks went flying, and a giant explosion went up on the battlefield.

Case glared over at Absent in frustration, while Williamson promptly ran to a computer to check on the data.

By the time the smoke cleared, Omega-2 was in a million pieces, and its blue eyepiece flashed for a few moments.

And then it went out.

Just as "Ahead of Ourselves" came to a close.

Case's eyes twitched in rage, and by this point he was practically shaking.

"**_WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST--!_**" he shrieked, in a tone that clearly said "mark my words, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ONE DAY!"

I was grinning in triumph.

Aleph-Null had been defeated.

AGAIN.

The best part was, I got to see Absent tackle Omega-2 all on his own, without any intervention on my part.

Now all we had to do was find out where the source of everyone's persona switching was, and then Aleph-Null could really be over with.

Absent, meanwhile, promptly came back with one of his famously snarky replies:

"Why are you exclaiming 'West' when all your plans go South?"

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--!

Absent had struck again- CASE HAD BEEN BURNT TO A CRISP!

Speaking of him, he naturally snapped right back.

"**YOU KNOW WHICH WEST I MEAN, AND IT'S NOT THE CARDINAL DIRECTION!**" he shouted, his face turning purple with rage.

I smirked, giggling a bit. Seeing Case in a fit of rage was always a glorious sight to witness.

Williamson just rolled her eyes.

"Officer, it's a pun," she said, matter of factly.

"Puns?!" Mancia promptly broke in. "I love puns! Just in case you didn't know that. Heh, get it? Case? Because your last name is-" 

WHAM.

Case wasted absolutely no time in punching his minion in the face, causing Mancia to fall to the floor.

I likely would have said something if not for Absent cutting in.

"Anyway, go ahead, retreat," he said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "Plan some more. Watch them fall apart in front of you. Rant and point your finger, just remember where to point it."

Mancia promptly got up and sobbed, running to another one of Aleph-Null's airships and carrying all of the damaged Omega-2 mecha. The door closed behind him, and Case promptly pointed his finger at Absent again.

"Oh, believe me," he said, enraged. "Next time we meet, our plans won't fall apart in front of our face!" 

Absent and I just exchanged knowing smirks.

Yeah.

We highly doubted that.

The door to the ship opened again, and this time Williamson entered it, followed closely behind by Case, who was glaring over at Absent and I the entire time.

Especially the former.

By this point I was starting to wonder why he didn't hate me more.

"Believe me, West," Case growled, retreating back inside the ship. "You may have won- again- but someday... SOMEDAY YOU WILL DIE! YOU... AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!" 

Absent just rolled his eyes.

"Catching innocents in the crossfire?" he asked. "Outstanding move."

Case, naturally, didn't hear him, and cried out:

"ALEPH-NULL IS INEVITABLE--!!"

And with that, the ship flew off.

Aleph-Null was gone.

Though, Absent, being Absent, managed to sneak in one final remark to Case as the ship left.

"Yeah, so are punchlines. Like you."

I couldn't argue with that in the slightest.

The moment the ship was out of sight, Absent promptly shouted out the words that I had been waiting to hear:

"_Het-kofschip— ga terug naar vorm!_"

The G's were a bit off, as I had expected, but it still worked nonetheless. Koffie's parts instantly shifted, and within a matter of seconds, it was back to its ship form again. Absent promptly jumped out of the ship and parkoured down it.

If there was one good thing about being an Oshawott, it was the dexterity.

I, meanwhile, ran up to Absent, gushing uncontrollably.

"THAT WAS **AWESOME!**" I squealed.

Absent landed next to me and smirked.

"He never brainwashed me," he said matter-of-factly. "What I said was me trying to keep myself composed."

THANK. GOD.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief upon hearing that- while at the same time thinking about just how epic that was.

Absent had fooled Aleph-Null into thinking he was brainwashed and used that to find _exactly _the right opportunity to strike back.

"Oh, thank GOD," I said, relieved.

I promptly looked back towards the ship. More likely than not, Mort and the brainwashed foreigners were still inside- and now that Aleph-Null was gone, the next step was to get everyone back to normal.

"Should we go check on the foreigners?" I asked.

"Probably a good idea," Absent responded, shrugging.

With that, the two of us walked over to the ship and went inside, only to be interrupted by a panicked as heck Mort running towards us. Absent, of course, was the first to speak.

"So," he asked, "how are they?"

Mort took a few breaths before responding.

"_Well, good of you to defeat those... Alpha-Null people..._" he began.

"_Aleph-_Null," Absent and I said at the exact same time.

"_Sorry, _Aleph-_Null people_," Mort apologized. "Regardless, there’s a much bigger problem! The effects still haven’t worn off!”

"WHAT?!" I shrieked. 

Absent just shrugged. 

"Figures," he said simply. "We just removed the source of the infection. We still need to treat the scars they left behind." 

Okay, when he put it like that it was true. 

Mort nodded frantically. 

"_Yeah!_" he said, panicked as heck. "_Come on, look!_" 

He entered the ship's deck, and the two of us followed him inside. 

When the two of us entered the ship, everyone was still acting the exact same as they had been before Aleph-Null left- albiet a bit dazed, likely due to Koffie's transformation. Yuunarii was jumping around happily, Madelief was nowhere to be found- and was likely still depressed as heck- HP was kicking Yuunarii and the bunnies repeatedly, and LonelyFox was now speaking entirely in gibberish. I was looking around the ship, trying to find the source of it all- which I now knew was a big gray box with a bunch of wires and rainbow-colored plugs. The only problem was, I didn't see it anywhere. 

"Where is it, where is it, where is it...?" I muttered to myself, glancing around. 

Absent blinked and then turned to me. 

"Where is what?" he asked. 

"The source of all this," I said gravely. "I know what it is now." 

Mort blinked in shock. 

"Wait... you do? You know what's causing all this?!" 

"Yep," I said, nodding in Mort's direction. "I saw it when Case was trying to brainwash Absent- he had a giant gray box with a bunch of hooks and wires." 

"That shouldn't be hard to find," said Absent. 

"Oh, and also there were rainbow plugs sticking out of it," I added. 

Mort's face instantly turned to that of shock.

"_Rainbow plugs?!_" he gasped. 

"Well, that explains why a giant rainbow crashed through the window just before the rest of the Koffiehuis started acting like... this," Absent said, gesturing to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Yep," I said, nodding. "If Aleph-Null didn't take the box with them, then it's probably in here." 

Absent shot me a quizzical look. 

"Seriously?" he asked. 

I blinked. 

"What?" 

"Dude, Case just left without even bothering to going back inside of the ship," Absent said. "That gray box with wires that you mentioned is definitely still in here." 

"_Wait... you mean like that one?_" 

Mort. 

He was pointing ahead at... something with his Mimikyu tendril. I glanced in the direction of the tendril- and there it was. 

A gray box with wiring and rainbow plugs. 

My eyes went wide. 

"That's it!" I cried happily. "That's the one! We gotta destroy that thing if we want to get everyone back to normal!" 

"_But how?_" Mort asked. 

I thought about it for a few moments- and then Absent suddenly intervened. 

"You know Shadow Sneak, right?" he asked, pointing at Mort. 

"_Yeah_," Mort asked. 

Beat. 

"_Wait_," he said. "_Are you asking me to use that move to attack and destroy the giant box of wires and plugs?_" 

Absent glared at him. 

"What else do ya _think_ I'm asking?" he said, deadpan as heck. 

Mort jumped straight into the air- which was odd, considering that he was essentially a living plushy. 

"_Absent, you've done it again!_" he cried happily. "_oghond was right- you are a genius!_" 

Absent looked away sheepishly. 

"I... wouldn't exactly say that, heh..." he said, chuckling a bit. "Still, we don’t have much time before Retourne and your parents tear the family apart at the seams. If that doesn’t do it then we can work from there.”

"_Right_," said Mort, nodding with resolve. 

He turned to face the giant box in front of him, moments before crying out: 

"_OMBRE PORTEE!_" 

In case none of you realized it, that's French for Shadow Sneak. 

If I had been the one to use that move, I would have said _Sluipschaduw_. 

If Absent had been the one to use it, he would have said _Kageuchi_. 

Not like either of us can actually use Shadow Sneak, but I think you see the pattern. 

Anyways, as soon as he said it, a shadow of a Mimikyu interspersed with a Swirlix suddenly appeared on the floor in front of him. It extended out past the gray box with wires, before attacking it from behind. 

The wires and plugs were promptly disconnected, and in a matter of seconds, the entire box had been destroyed. 

Moments after this happened, everyone froze in mid-air, their expressions suddenly changing to that of blank emotionlessness. There was a sudden popping noise that sounded almost like someone pulling their finger out of their mouth to create a similar noise- which I can't do, by the way- and instantly the plugs pulled themselves out of the necks, fur, etc. of the Koffiehuis before suddenly disintegrating. 

Everyone who had been affected promptly fell to the floor. 

Mort's shadow returned to his body, and he looked around himself in clear consternation. 

"_D-did it work?_" he asked.

"I... _think_ it did?" Absent responded, a bit unsure.

The Koffiehuis was slowly starting to come to, and all of them got up off the floor, groaning. I ran up to them, hoping to God that it had worked. 

"Are you okay?" I gasped. 

Absent and Mort both followed me as I ran up to HP, who had gotten up by this point and was looking around the room with a very confused look on her face, staring around at all the damage she had caused. It seemed that it had worked, but I still wasn't exactly sure. 

That is, until I heard a loud scream coming from another room. 

Startled, the entire Koffiehuis turned towards the sound of the scream, and saw Madelief flying out of her bedroom and towards the main deck. She promptly grabbed on to me and held me as though she had just suffered from a horrible nightmare. 

"OGHOND!" she screamed. "ABSENT! _Jeetje_, I just had the weirdest dream I'd ever had in my life! I don't know what happened, but I saw this weird rainbow light, and then all of a sudden I was in my room- and I wasn't moving- or talking even- it was soooooooo weird! Have you ever had any weird dreams like that? And the really crazy part was that it felt so real, but I just _know_ it had to be a dream because I would _never_ act like-"

"IT WORKED!" I cried happily, running up to hug the now back-to-exciteable Hoppip with my vines. "Madelief, you're back!" 

Seriously, you don't know how happy I was to see the old Madelief back. 

Madelief, meanwhile, blinked and pulled away from me. 

"I am?" she asked. 

Absent and I nodded. 

Madelief just giggled. 

"Noooooo--!" she said, scoffing a bit. "Come on, I _had_ to have been dreaming! Right?" 

"Did you never hurt?" Absent asked. "Were you unable to read anything?"

Madelief paused. 

"Well... nothing really _hurt_, but I _did_ feel a bit dizzy because Koffie started Mechinating for some reason. Though for some reason, I did feel a bit of pain after about 3 hours and I didn't know why. And reading? Yeah, I was able to read just fine!" 

"I distinctly recall having played Minecraft," said LF, now back to her old self as well. 

"Then you weren't dreaming," said Absent. "None of you were." 

The Koffiehuis blinked. 

"WHAT?!" Madelief shrieked, obviously not believing it. 

"S-so... so zat means... zat means that I actually _did_ kick those cans down?" HP muttered. She, too, was back to her old self, and sounded absolutely horrified of what she had done while in her plugged state. 

"Yep," said Absent. 

"And my own teammates?!" she sobbed. 

"Yep," Absent responded. 

Then, noticing her tearing up, he quickly added, "But that technically wasn't you- you were trapped in your own body." 

Yuunarii, meanwhile, gaped in shock, then instantly took out a piece of paper and wrote something down. When she showed it to us, it turned out to be the Aleph-Null symbol with a question mark next to it. _Did Aleph-Null do this? _

"Who else?" Absent responded. 

The rest of the group looked at each other in shock, with LF narrowing her eyes in rage. 

"Of course, it had to be Johnathon Case," she said. "That racist idiot has not a single amount of common sense in his brain." 

"Well, regardless," I said, smiling at the group and walking up to them, "you don't know how happy we are to have you back." 

"And you don't know how happy we are to _be_ back!" Madelief cried happily, running up to hug me and Absent. She was followed by the rest of the Koffiehuis.

I gladly hugged them back, but Absent was not amused in the least. 

"Okay, okay... you're squishing me... let go..." he said, sounding like he was practically struggling to breathe. 

Naturally, I found this reaction slightly humorous, and couldn't stop myself from laughing. The rest of the Koffiehuis let go, and soon, almost all of them joined in as well- minus Absent, of course, who simply smirked in satisfaction. 

Heck, even Mort was happy to see the rest of the Koffiehuis- and presumably, the rest of the Vandertramps- back to their old selves, and joined in on the group hug and laugh-fest. 

As for yours truly?

Well, I'd been right in my assertion that OOC was, in fact, serious business. And yet, at the same time, I'd been wrong. Aleph-Null had enforced it, after all. It was a very unusual case where the "out of character" part of my favorite trope in the entire world was strangely invoked, in a way where everyone seemed like they were acting out of character. 

Even though, technically, they weren't. 

Regardless, things were a lot less stressful now that everyone was back to their old selves again, and when it came to the Koffiehuis... 

I wouldn't have it any other way. 

** _EINDE_ **


	12. TIEN: The Sincerest Form of Flattery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, after a LOT of rehashing and the deletion of the original tenth chapter... IT! IS! HERE! Chapter 10 of SOSchip, "The Sincerest Form of Flattery," is now out and ready for your reading pleasure, and I can say honestly that I loved working on this chapter. For starters, Madelief gets more lines, which is always a plus, but most importantly, this chapter is a true heartwarming testament to our friendship. This is also a replacement chapter, as I mentioned before. The ORIGINAL Chapter 10 was a riff chapter entitled "You Should Have Gone For the Head", which, while funny, was extremely inconsequential, and both Absent and I agreed that it needed to go. Replacing that with this is probably one of the best decisions we have ever made as co-writers-- even though, oddly enough, I feel like the chapter is a bit rushed... but that's just me. 
> 
> POV switches abound in this chapter, along with my first full-blown swear... kind of. Technically, Absent wrote that line, but I read it and thought it was too good and too funny not to pass up. So just warning you beforehand: as sweet as this chapter is, that one line means that some reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> And with that, here is Chapter 10 of Pokemon: SOSchip- "The Sincerest Form of Flattery"! ENJOY!

** _CO-WRITTEN BY THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

I've never really enjoyed interacting with people. Surprising, I know, given the fact that I was able to make friends with oghond but that doesn't really change anything. Most of the time, I find interacting with people annoying, unless it's through video games.

But, since I can't operate a controller anymore, I don't have that option.

If I have the chance I hole myself up in my room, the only place on the ship I can get some amount of privacy. Lock the door, pound some tea and nap until I'm needed for something - assuming insomnia doesn't strike.

As opposed to oghond, who only ever interacts with five other people but enjoys every single moment of it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Like Absent said.

You know, I've mentioned before that I'm not necessarily one to interact with other people. Unlike Absent, though, I don't find it annoying in the least. It's just that I'm... not necessarily the best when it comes to social skills, to put it bluntly. However, when the opportunity arises for me to meet new people and talk to new people, then dang it, I absolutely love it.

Once I get started talking about something, I cannot- and will not- stop talking about it unless someone tells me to. Particularly, RUSH.

I absolutely love RUSH- but you already knew that. What you likely don't know, however, is the extent to which I love them- which is to the point where it has become an obsession.

Of course, when I say "obsession" I don't mean "crazy obsession." I'm not the kind of person who will go online and stalk Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart before breaking into every one of their homes with a loaded shotgun. That's just wrong and I would never do that in a million years. But they are my favorite band in the entire world to the point where I wrote a musical about them and am dying to get permission from all three band members before it gets put on at some small local theatre.

After I become human again, of course.

Now, this behavior might annoy some people, but if I do annoy someone it's always unintentional. This is of course unless the person who I am annoying is someone who deserves to be annoyed at every waking second.

(Looking at you, Nathan West. You spend so much time annoying other people you fail to see that the main annoyance is yourself and good god, Absent, you are really starting to rub off on me.)

Anyways.

Fortunately, though, this hasn't happened with the rest of the Koffiehuis, but it DID happen with a few other people I met on Discord. I was so eager to find out more about the Dutch language that I practically shoved my desire to learn it down their throats.

And unlike the Koffiehuis, those people were not patient. At all.

Yeah, needless to say, this and not thinking before I speak are two of the biggest flaws of my personality and my parents can fully attest to this.

I didn't really think the Koffiehuis were annoyed by me, either- until one fateful day when I learned exactly the opposite.

Not only that, but I wasn't the only annoyance on board the ship.

I was on board Koffie- because where else would I be?- simply lying down in my bed and listening to Wereldian radio.

Before you ask, yes, Wereldia has a local radio station and yes, it plays nothing but 70's and 80's classic rock. And it is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most incredible radio station I have ever heard in my life that is not named WMGK.

Currently, the song that was playing was Supertramp's "Goodbye Stranger," which you might recognize as the song that Tillen and I listened to during our drive back home from the trial. Listening to it, I already started to miss Tillen- though not as much as I would have had the song been "Satisfaction"- and wanted to know how he and Pols were doing.

And it's likely I would have called him had the song not ended and made way for one of the most recognizable and epic riffs to ever reach my ears: 

I felt like screaming.

RUSH's "Freewill".

Was playing.

On local Wereldian radio.

I didn't even know that Wereldians had _heard _of RUSH, much less liked and listened to them.

"Oh my god...!" I squealed in excitement.

And without even missing a beat, still holding my phone- which was playing the radio- I bolted right out of there and straight towards Absent's room.

Why Absent's room, you ask?

Simple.

"Freewill" is Absent's favorite RUSH song of all time, and my _second_-favorite RUSH song of all time. Naturally, I figured that I had to tell him how excited I was that Wereldian radio was playing it, but I also thought that he would be excited about it- or at least be happy that it was playing at all.

Absent doesn't get excited that often.

Still, though, this was huge.

Or at least I thought it was.

And mark my words, I had to tell someone about this.

Pronto.

"ABSENT--!"

\---------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

At that exact moment- speaking of locking the door, pounding some tea and napping- I had just about done so and felt myself starting to doze off when a knock at the door came. Reluctantly, I clawed my way out of bed and stepped on a pile of books to reach the door.

Practically the moment I twisted the knob, a green-blue blur I barely had time to recognize as oghond burst it open, causing me to lose my balance for a moment, subsequently falling off the pile but landing on my feet.

Now awake enough to be able to hold a conversation, I turned to look through her soul.

"Explain yourself," I demanded.

"Sorry, sorry..." oghond muttered sheepishly, "but I literally JUST heard 'Freewill' playing on local Wereldian radio!"

She promptly squealed in delight and showed me her cell phone, which had Wereldian radio turned on and which, as she had stated, was playing Rush's "Freewill".

I rolled my eyes and walked over to my bed, grabbing my phone from under the pillow and putting on Freewill.

"That doesn't mean anything when I can listen to it whenever I want - tell me when they play Disposition, Reflection, and Triad in sequence," I remarked, gesturing with my paw to count the opening rhythm before pausing the song.

"Oh." oghond sank a bit. "Right. I just figured that you'd be at least a bit excited, since, you know, this _is _your favorite Rush song of all time. Besides, they _never _play Rush songs on classic rock radio, and if they do, it's usually 'Tom Sawyer', so hearing 'Freewill' playing is actually a nice surprise. Or at least I think it is."

"Yeah, it's a song you wouldn't expect to hear on the radio, but that's why they have Bluetooth, CD players and auxiliary cords," I refuted. "I could put the most obscure song you've never heard on that radio... provided it has that capability," I said.

She tilted her head.

"The most obscure song by Rush or...?"

"That I know. Of course, obscurity is debatable."

"Ah." She paused, before looking down at her phone. "Wait. Forget those three- if it plays all of _2112 _in sequence I'm going to lose my mind."

"Of course you would - you lost it when they played _one_ Rush song - seven in sequence would let you practically _die happy_," I remarked.

"You bet it would," oghond responded.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that was an insult.

"... anything else you need from me?" I eventually asked.

"Oh. No, nothing else," she said. "I just wanted to tell you that."

She promptly turned towards the door.

"I'll be taking my leave now... _mata~!_"

And then she was gone.

Still singing Freewill to herself- because_ of course _she would.

I grabbed my pillow and put it over my face, screaming an impending grudge away and trying to get back to sleep as fast as I could.

I couldn't.

Not with what I had just been forced to listen to still fresh in my head.

It was made even worse when yet _another _knock came.

I groaned.

"What do you want now, oghond...?" I muttered, wishing- at least at that moment- that she would _go away_.

Much to my relief, however...

"oghond? If you are looking for her, she just left."

LF.

Thank god.

I got off my bed again, in slightly higher spirits - LF's straight-laced nature made her a much better conversation partner for me.

The door opened, and LF entered the room before shutting it behind her.

"What _were _you saying about oghond, by the way?" she asked. "You were screaming in agony for whatever reason and I was rather concerned as to what was going on..."

I sighed.

"She just frustrates me sometimes - okay, like 90% of the time. I need some privacy sometimes and she's so ready to invade it."

LF nodded. "Indeed. People like that can be... rather frustrating to deal with. She _did _save your life, however."

"And don't think I'm not grateful - I owe her my life, and I'm more than ready to assist with the mission," I said. "But whenever she gets my attention she's wont to cause a crushing headache or beat around the bush. I want to help teach languages, and her excitability is more a hindrance than a benefit."

"Believe me, Absent, Madelief is precisely the same way when it comes to me," said LF.

"Girls who cry 'wolf'," I considered. "Eventually they'll try to get our attention on something pertinent, and conditioning will tell us to ignore it."

"Such as Aleph-Null?" LF asked.

"To be fair, last time Maddy couldn't get your attention since neither of you were aware of what was going on."

"Ah. True. But oghond most certainly could. She was not affected, after all."

"And I imagine that was her personal heaven. 'I love it when OOCISB is invoked! It's the only way I know how to develop personalities, by going against what little of a character's is established!'" I said mockingly.

LF smirked.

"You sound like oghond, and I do not mean that literally," she said.

"That was my intent," I said.

"I am aware," said LF. "I feel as though I could impersonate Madelief- if I tried to."

"Try me," I allowed.

"Try you?" LF said. "Oh. That will be simple."

And with that said, she climbed into my bed and napped off what I assumed was her impending headache.

"I meant, see if you can't convince me you do a good impression of Maddy," I clarified. I mean, I could understand her misinterpretation.

LF got up.

"Oh. My sincerest apologies. Allow me."

She cleared her throat, exited the room, and then instantaneously burst in:

"ABSENT~! LF~! I JUST WROTE A BRAND NEW SONG AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE--! Here is the YouTube link if you would like to hear it--"

She paused.

"IS THAT A PANIC! AT THE DISCO POSTER?!"

"No, it's Fear Inoculum!" I said, playing along. "You've convinced me!"

LF instantly snapped out of it.

"Oh, thank goodness for that," she said. "I was wondering if it was any good. I am not necessarily the most exciteable person in the world."

"And that's okay," I said. "As long as you can fake excitability convincingly enough, no one can tell the difference."

"Hence why you are able to impersonate oghond so well," said LF.

She paused.

"Are you able to do HP?" she asked.

I looked around the room for a bit before my eyes found my shadow. I eeped and ran from it, progressively getting faster as it chased me before I dove under the bed and yelped louder.

I scrambled from the shadow and got on top of the bed before staring at the drop from the bed with crippling anxiety.

"How'd I do?" I asked, dropping the act at the snap of a finger.

"Brilliant," said LF. "Now, as for me..."

"Replicating the vernacular you utilize is a comparably simplistic endeavor," I started. "As is maintaining the appearance of sophistication, contrasting the personability concealed by the uptight demeanor you present."

LF just stared at me.

"I was about to perform my impersonation of HP," she said. "However, your impersonation of me is accurate."

She paused.

"If slightly overexaggerated," she admitted. "I do not mean anything by it, of course."

"No, I get it - wordy as you are, you're not _that_ wordy," I figured.

"True," she said. "Now, considering the fact that I have already done you... how was I in that regard? Was I accurate enough?"

"I mean," I started. "Just napping off a headache is only part of the equation. How do I deter people from me so that I can nap off the headache in peace?" I prompted.

"Well, the answer to that is simple," said LF.

She paused.

"This is, of course, assuming that there is an answer and this is not a rhetorical question. Was that a rhetorical question?"

"Er, no," I clarified.

"Well, then. As I said, the answer to that is simple-"

"**_People are trying to sleep!_**"

That wasn't LF.

I turned around, as did LF- only to find oghond standing there wearing my signature look of deadpan.

It suddenly dawned on me that she had been listening in _the entire time_.

\---------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Two minutes later, "Freewill" had ended, and after geeking out to myself for about a minute I decided to turn off my radio and go back to see Absent again- largely because I had heard him screaming in utter agony the moment I left and wanted to see what the heck that was about. That and I had heard more screaming from upstairs in Absent's room and wanted to know what the heck _that_ was about.

Of course, what I _did_ end up finding- namely, Absent and LF impersonating every single member of the Koffiehuis- was too hilarious that I couldn't help but join in.

Which I did, by doing my best impression of Absent that I possibly could.

Within seconds, both Absent and LF were staring at me, clearly not having expected my sudden entrance. I, meanwhile, switched from giving both of them _that_ look to a slightly embarrassed grin within a split second.

"Well?" I asked. "How did I do?"

Absent and LF just continued to stare out at me. The former glanced over at the latter, looking terrified out of his wits. It was as if Jenean Westilson- or worse yet, Nathan West- had just entered the room, rather than me.

"I can explain," Absent offered.

Beat.

I tilted my head in confusion.

"Explain what?" I asked.

"Why we were mimicking everyone."

I smirked.

"Let me guess," I said. "You were having some sort of impersonation contest."

"I'm not _that_ competitive," Absent defended. "Am I?"

I paused. Now that he had mentioned it, he was right. I couldn't recall Absent being competitive when it came to _anything. _Possibly barring video games, of course. Still, though, there had to be some sort of explanation for all of this.

"Well... not really," I said. "But it's the only reason I could think of for why you two would go about impersonating members of the Koffiehuis."

I paused.

"Unless, of course, you have a different reason," I said, looking down sheepishly. "Do you?"

They looked at each other, somewhat nervously- for some reason- before Absent turned to me.

"For the fun of it," Absent said.

I grinned.

"Yeah, I figured," I responded.

Beat.

"Also, was that the answer you were looking for from LF?" I asked. "Because I heard you teaching her how to impersonate you from outside the door, and considering what I've heard from you before..."

"Just some general abrasiveness would have been in line. Nothing actively hostile, just a deterrent," Absent explained.

"Ah." I paused. "But... you _have_ said that before. Heard you say it on the ship once."

"If you're just taking words out of my mouth, that's mimicry - I kind of want my reaction to be 'yeah, I can see myself saying something like that,' y'know?"

I paused.

Knowing Absent, his reaction probably _would_ be like that.

And all of a sudden, an idea came to my mind.

Namely- I knew Absent better than just about everyone else on this ship, and vice-versa. If the two of us were to impersonate each other- no, scratch that, if everyone was to impersonate everyone _else_\- not only would it help us to get to know each other a bit more, but it would be an absolute blast to watch.

And while I heard a lot of things from behind the door, there was one thing I didn't hear that I wanted to.

"Okay, then," I said, smirking. "Let's see if it works on me."

Absent blinked.

"What do you mean, 'let's see if it works on me'?" he asked.

"I assume she is saying that because she was downstairs, she was unable to hear you impersonating her the first time," said LF. "Therefore, she would like to hear your impression of her and see if it does not provoke the same reaction. Am I correct?"

I nodded.

"You certainly are," I said. "So, Absent... are you going to do me, or...?"

"Oh, my goodness. It was so hard for me to realize that Absent had no idea how to do an impression of me. I considered giving him a few queues but I didn't have it in me," he said.

I froze for a few moments- then suddenly realized what he was doing and burst out into laughter.

In case you don't get it, Absent wasn't able to do an impression of my _mannerisms_\- but he _could _do an impression of the style of narration I used when writing books.

Or doing retellings.

Such as this one.

And it wasn't just good- it was _epic._

"Oh- my GOD—"

I could barely _breathe_, I was laughing so hard. LF stared over at Absent with a look of total deadpan.

"I had at least figured you would be able to do better than that, considering how well you and oghond know each other," she said bluntly.

Still giggling like a lunatic, I turned to her.

"No- no," I said, laughing. "You don't get it. Absent isn't impersonating my mannerisms- he's impersonating my _narration style_ when writing."

"Oh." LF blinked, then bowed her head. "I apologize. How accurate was he?"

"Very accurate," I said. "A shame you can't do an impression of my _mannerisms,_ though. Wonder why that is."

"Perhaps it is due to the fact that he's not as exciteable as you are?" LF said, looking over at him.

I shrugged. "Maybe. I have no idea."

Beat.

"Hang on, Absent," I said. "Can you do Madelief? Because I'm pretty sure that if you can do Madelief, then you can do me..."

I chuckled nervously.

Madelief and I weren't exactly alike- she was able to be more sullen at times than I was, and I was pretty sure I could impersonate her even though I couldn't do a Dutch accent- but our personalities were definitely similar enough.

So... I think you'd be able to see my reasoning.

"Oh my gosh!" Absent said suddenly. "Why didn't you just ask if I could? I'd be more than excited to show you how to impersonate her!"

I blinked.

"I wasn't asking you to teach me; I can already do he-"

And then it hit me.

"Wait a minute," I said, grinning. "Was that your Madelief impression?"

"Yes," Absent said, switching back in an instant to his trademark deadpan.

I couldn't help but start cracking up.

"Dang, that was good," I said. "Of course, I figure I can go one better..."

"_YOU CAN IMPERSONATE ME_?!"

The incoming voice practically startled me out of my wits, but from just that fact alone I was able to tell who it was. I turned, as did Absent and LF- both of them clearly just as startled as I was- and had barely enough time to register Madelief herself bursting through the doors of Absent's room. For some reason, both HP and Yuunarii- as well as the bunnies- were with her.

I found this slightly odd, considering- you know- Absent hadn't been impersonating them.

Or even trying to.

Regardless, I was still happy- if a bit shocked- to see them there— I had a _lot_ to tell them about what I had just seen.

Upon seeing Madelief enter the room, Absent and LF stared at her for a few moments. By now the entergetic Hoppip was simply just floating there, her mouth agape in disbelief. HP and Yuunarii, meanwhile, just stood there, exchanging _very_ confused looks with each other as to what the heck was going on.

"If it gets your approval, apparently yes," Absent eventually decided.

Madelief's shock faded and was replaced almost instantaneously by joy. She quickly ran up to Absent and began hugging him- much to his slight dismay.

"I heard the whole thing from behind the door!" she squealed. "That was so good!"

"I don't think I'd be able to do that..." said HP, somewhat impressed.

"Do what?" Madelief asked. "Impersonate me?"

"Impersonate _any_ of you..." HP muttered, looking down sadly.

Yuunarii promptly tapped her on the shoulder- or lack thereof- and HP looked up to see Yuunarii giving her _that_ look- which in this case said _You do realize I exist, right?_

"O-oh... right..." HP said, backing away a bit. "Except you, Yuunarii. I- I can do you. You're easy..."

Yuunarii nodded and smiled with satisfaction.

Madelief, meanwhile, let go of Absent and began bouncing up and down in the air with excitement- as she usually did. The latter, naturally, was still trying to get used to the fact that he'd been nearly crushed by a _Hoppip_.

Which I found slightly humorous.

"Why in the world did you decide to start impersonating us, anyways?" Madelief eventually asked, after a few moments of bouncing. "It sounds kind of fun! I'm pretty sure I could impersonate every one of you!"

Absent stepped forward, and presumably was just about to say something when I stepped in. Given what I had just seen, I felt pretty much obligated by this point to tell them what had happened.

"Oh, nothing much, really," I said, a bit sheepishly. "It's just that I happened to hear some screaming from downstairs, so after Freewill ended I went upstairs to Absent's room to find out what the heck was going on... and it turned out that Absent and LF were impersonating the rest of the Koffiehuis from behind the door."

"Why...?" HP asked.

"For the fun of it," Absent, LF and I all responded in unison.

"Oh... okay," said HP.

"It definitely _sounds _fun!" Madelief cried happily.

"Yeah," I said, nodding to myself. "It does."

And with that, I was just about ready to go back downstairs and listen to the Wereldian radio station again in peace- and then all of a sudden I stopped.

Then looked around at all of the other members of the Koffiehuis.

And all of a sudden, the idea came to me, and I started giggling profusely under my breath.

The rest of the Koffiehuis turned to me, all five of them fixing me with _that _look while I just kept on giggling like a lunatic. I was so fixated with my idea, in fact, that I either didn't notice or didn't even _care _that they were giving me the look of deadpan disdain.

I don't remember which.

Eventually, however, my giggling ceased, and I finally spoke:

"But... you know what would be even _more _fun?"

Absent and LF looked at each other before turning to me.

"What?" Absent asked.

I smirked, still giggling like a lunatic.

"If the members of the Koffiehuis who shared each other's ethnicities spent the entire day acting like each other," I said.

Well, apparently that was a bombshell for the entire dang Koffiehuis, because the minute I said that, everyone exchanged looks of confusion, shock, or both. My smirk faded- and now it was my turn to look confused.

"Think about it," I told them. "There's two of each of us. Two Americans- that's myself and Absent- two Germans- LF and HP- and two Dutchies- Madelief and Yuunarii. If one member of a certain ethnicity were to spend the whole day acting like the other member of the other ethnicity, I'm pretty sure we would get to know each other a bit better."

Beat.

"Well, that and it would be hilarious to watch," I said.

LF blinked.

"So what you are saying," she began, "is that you would like me to spend the entire rest of the day replicating HP's demure personality?"

"Yes," I said. "And HP would spend the rest of the day acting like LF."

Madelief, naturally, was ecstatic, and reacted accordingly.

"Ooh~!" she cried happily. "I get to act like Yuunarii?! This is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to see how Yuu will be able to act like me without saying a single word..."

She paused.

"Wait," she said. "Does this mean... I'll have to be silent, too?!"

"I would assume so," said Absent.

"But... Yuunarii still talks when she's in private... right?"

Yuunarii nodded.

"Then again, this is Madelief we're talking about," I pointed out, turning to Absent. "She's not silent at all."

Madelief giggled.

"It doesn't matter!" she said cheerfully. "I'm pretty sure I can do Yuunarii without having to say a single word at all!"

"Okay, then," I said, laughing.

"I don't know if I can do zat..." HP muttered.

I blinked, then turned to HP.

"Do what?" I asked.

"...act like LF," said HP, sounding very unsure of herself.

"Absent?" I asked, turning to him. "You gonna teach her, or...?"

"Sophistication and verbosity are the two most important elements," he summarized.

"Verbosity...?" HP asked.

"Wordiness," Absent and I both said at the same time.

"But not _too _wordy," I added.

"Oh," said HP. "Okay, then. I just hope zat I do a good job at it..."

"Believe me, I am very certain that you will do well in regards to impersonating me," said LF, smiling as she walked up to HP. "You _do _know me better than any other member of the Koffiehuis, after all."

Beat.

"Sans oghond, of course," she added quickly.

The instant she heard that, HP's slight nervousness faded, and she looked up at the Koffiehuis hopefully.

"A-are you sure...?" she said.

"Of course we're sure," I responded, putting a vine on HP's shoulder- or (as you probably already guessed) lack thereof. "I wouldn't have you spend the rest of the day acting like LF if I didn't think you could do it."

"That and I'm pretty sure you know her well enough to the point where you should be able to act like her convincingly," said Absent.

"Yeah!" Madelief cried, breaking in. "I mean, you two _are _best friends!"

Beat.

"I _think_? Or are you just friends?"

HP giggled.

"No, we're best friends," she said. "And sank you."

"_Dou itashimashite,_" Absent responded.

For anyone reading this who doesn't speak Japanese, that's "you're welcome." Admittedly, though, you probably could have gleaned that from the context, and of course if you actually SPEAK and understand Japanese you'll be fine.

HP, of course, didn't speak Japanese at all, and blinked.

"What...?"

"_Do-u i-ta-shi-ma-shi-te_," Absent repeated, this time separating the syllables so that it was more clipped.

Since, you know, HP doesn't just not _speak_ Japanese, she doesn't _understand_ it.

HP just tilted her head.

"_Bitte_," I said, coming in and translating his Japanese. "_Bitte _is what he's saying."

That, of course, was something that HP understood perfectly, because it was in German.

"Oh--!" said HP. "Oh... okay, then...

"If I may be blunt, you could have guessed the meaning of _dou itashimashite _by context alone," said LF, fixing HP with a Death Glare.

HP whimpered slightly.

"Y-yes..." she muttered. "I likely could have..."

I didn't know why, but I found myself giggling slightly, before instantly stopping myself from doing so. Had I continued, I'm pretty sure that either Absent or LF would have fixed _me _a Death Glare at any moment-- and let me just say from experience that Absent's Death Glares are _terrifying_. Seriously, I've been on the receiving end of thousands of them, and let me tell you this: you do NOT want to wind up having to face Talbain.

That's the name Absent gave his anger issues about five years ago, by the way.

But I digress.

"Soooooooo anyways..." Madelief burst in, as excitable as ever, "when does this whole 'you impersonate Absent, Absent impersonates you, I impersonate Yuunarii, Yuunarii impersonates me, HP impersonates LF, and LF impersonates HP' thing start? I can barely wait to see how good everyone is~!"

I just looked directly at her and smirked.

"Simple," I said. "It starts now."

Madelief squealed with delight.

"Wait... right now?!" Absent cried.

"Okay, well not exactly_ right _now," I said, somewhat sheepishly. "You can practice- you know, try and ask yourself what the heck the person you're impersonating would normally do and then see if you can't do their mannerisms before actually trying it out."

The rest of the Koffiehuis breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness for that," said LF. "I am certain that Absent and HP will need all the practice they can get."

"But once you do," I warned them, "there's no going back. You can't break character for the rest of the day."

"That sounds hard..." HP muttered.

"Don't worry, it's easier than you think," I said.

Beat.

"Well, at least for me it is," I added quickly.

Absent Picarded. Naturally, I didn't notice.

"Anyways, you can go and practice now," I said, walking over to Absent's bed and promptly laying in it. "I, meanwhile, am going to stay in this room and nap off my impending headache, even though I know that there is more to Absent than just that."

"Ooh~!" Madelief cried, floating out of the room happily. "This is so exciting~!"

And with that, the rest of the Koffiehuis left for their rooms- or, presumably, each other's rooms- talking excitedly about what was going to happen. The one exception, naturally, was Absent, who simply stared up at me for a few seconds with a quizzical look that said _are you _sure _you have to be in my room in order to impersonate me? _before eventually just shrugging and leaving the room.

Apparently, he had decided it wasn't worth it.

And that just left yours truly alone in Absent's room- which looked exactly like my room barring the stuff that clearly said "this is Absent's room."

Namely, his phone.

And that was it.

...Okay, Absent's room basically looked like every other room on the ship except for a few minor details.

Regardless, though, simply being in the room allowed me to better think about what the heck Absent would do in any given situation.

And given how well I know him, it was pretty easy to figure out.

At first.

Until it started getting _HARD_.

Here's the thing with Absent: he is, bar none, the most sarcastic, straight-laced, and practical member of the Koffiehuis with the possible exception of LF. You, of course, should already know this, but you're probably thinking to yourself: _Come on, oghond, Absent's too easy; you just sit in your room, nap off your impending headache, and if anyone tries to come near you, just start snarking at them without being actively hostile unless their name is Nathan West and you're good._

_Right?_

Heh-heh-heh... WRONG.

Yes, Absent does all of the above, and it would probably be enough to convince him, but it's not just snark. As the Coder himself once told me, there's a creativity to what he does. You may have picked up on it throughout all of these retellings- the "bloody hell, I bet you only had her out of wedlock" rant and the thousands upon thousands of lyrical waxings he does are examples of this- but it's evident as heck in real life, too.

That creativity when it comes to snark is hard as heck for me to do, largely because of two things:

**1: **I am _not_ named Corbin West the Absent Coder  
and  
**2: **I have a _completely different kind _of creativity.

Ergo, the only way for me to come up with a response that sounded like something Absent would say on the fly wasn't just to _act _like him.

I had to _think _like him.

That was going to be a bit hard, but I figured I could do it- and if anything, laying down in Absent's bedroom and napping off an impending "headache" was definitely a start.

So I lay down, staring at the door all the while and thinking of _every single thing _Absent would do if someone was to invade his privacy.

No one came.

And eventually, I simply decided to turn off the lights and go to sleep until somebody came upstairs and invaded my privacy.

So I did.

Whoever it was, they _had _to be lurking in the shadows by now...

——————————————————————-

** _MEANWHILE..._ **

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

What had I signed myself up for, I asked myself as I finally sat down on oghond's bed and let the can of worms I had opened up come crashing down on me. I didn't know her as much as I like to believe I do; my Asperger's made certain of that. My knowledge of how to act like her was to flip my lid at any mention of Rush, but I knew that was an insult to her and the band alike.

I didn't know any Dutch, German, or even French, so it would be much harder for me to pass off in that regard. We had wildly different interests and demeanors, and I couldn't be an id like her even if I wanted to - I'm a natural-born superego, like LF.

The closest thing I knew I could do was recreate her style of narration, but saying anything that she might say, writing anything she might write, felt a little dirty on my hands and fingers- or lack thereof, like I would sign off on a document with her name.

_Okay, Absent,_ I eventually decided, getting my thoughts back on the rails. _What do you know about your interactions with her...?_

My mind played back through the interactions we had, and the interactions she had.

The concern she expressed for me while I was playing Aleph-Null for fools.

The willingness to speak up to Frau Potter when my serenity wouldn't break through.

Her inability to leave me to my naps.

Her apologeticness.

Playing some of those moments back in my head, as well as some of the conversations we had on Discord thrown in for good measure, I figured I had a sort of facsimile mentally prepared. I lifted myself off the bed and walked off to practice in a mirror, hoping I could keep eye contact going even while going against the personality I had cultivated for just over 19 years.

"Hey, oghond!" I said, chipper voice sounding unnatural coming from my standard baritone. "I've just been thinking about the lesson plan for the next video, and I've had a few ideas."

I let the words rest on my tongue for a bit before I looked at myself and nodded, slightly satisfied but equally unsettled. Given what had just happened with the rainbow plugs, I felt the need to explain things to the Vandertramps.

So naturally, I did.

\--------------------------------------------------------

** _MADELIEF's POV_ **

HOIIIIIIIIIIIIII~!

...Wait, is this the part where I get to talk about how I imitated Yuunarii and Yuunarii imitated me?

It is, isn't it?

*squeals*

YAY~! This is going to be SO MUCH FUN! I think that my impression of her was pretty good... even though I couldn't say a single word as I was doing it!

Yeah, that was the hard part... 😅

It was a bit weird. I mean, normally I'm pretty much a fun little bouncy ball who wants to be friends with everybody, but now I was being forced to be...

Well... pretty much the exact opposite of that... 😅

But still! That didn't mean that it wasn't fun!

Because it was!

Soooooooo anyways... where should I begin...?

oghond? Where should I begin...?

...what did you say?

...oh.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!

Oh, okay! Thank you! 😄

Okay, so I just talked to oghond and she told me to start with the practice session- you know, the part where I practiced trying to be Yuunarii before the game actually began. Which is a good thing, because that part was so much fun!

...although, it was a bit confusing...

So... I went into Yuunarii's room after oghond told me we could practice, and the first thing I noticed was literally EVERYTHING inside of it. I'm not kidding, there was SOOOOOO MUCH STUFF in that room!

There were plush bunnies, bunny wallpapers, dozens of Eurobeat albums, notes written in Dutch, notes written in English...

AND THEN THE BEST PART!

THERE WAS A RECORDING STUDIO IN THE CLOSET!

AND A LAPTOP COMPUTER!

😱😱😱😱😱

I was so excited when seeing these things...!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" I squealed. "I had no idea that Yuunarii had so many things in here...!"

I HAD TO SEE EVERYTHING--!

I COULDN'T TAKE IT!

YAAAAAAA-

...wait a second!

I wasn't in here to look at stuff! Silly me! I was in here to see if I could impersonate Yuunarii!

Well, that was pretty easy considering the fact that Yuunarii didn't say a single word when she was out in public... and in private I could just be me!

Of course, though, Yuunarii was a bit like Absent when she was out in public- in fact she was like Absent in her YouTube channel, too...

So that meant that all I had to do to act like Yuunarii was to not say anything and just give very weird condisending looks to people and I was good to go!

That was too easy!

But then again... I had ADHD...

Wait a minute!

Yuunarii had the bunnies, too! How in the world was I going to get Fudge and Bailey to come in...?

"Fudge?" I called. "Bailey? Hello~! It's me, Madelief~! Where are you...?"

They didn't answer...

Were they not there?

Oh, wait!

Something was moving in the closet... and it looked like a Scorbunny!

Er... Konijn...oet?

Konijnoet?

...I like making up Dutch names for Pokemon... even if it's only just because oghond does it!

But still! BAILEY WAS IN THERE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!

"Bailey~!" I cried.

Instantly, the thing that was in the closet stopped moving and turned around... and jep!

It was Bailey! 😄

And he looked scared for some reason...

The instant he saw me, he screamed and backed away, and I had no idea why.

"GAH--!" he shreiked. "L-Lieftje...?! W-what are you doing here?! Why are you in Yuunarii's room! You should be in y-your room...!"

"Sorry~!" I said, slightly embarrassed. "It's just that oghond asked me to spend the whole day impersonating Yuunarii, and I know that she carries you around A LOT- no wait, not a lot- pretty much ALL THE TIME- so I just wanted to ask if you could join me, just so that, you know, people believe me acting like Yuunarii..."

Bailey gave me one of those weird looks that Absent sometimes gives me- not the condisending one, but the other one.

You know, the one that says _what are you talking about_? Not exactly confusion, but...

He still looked scared, though...

"You're impersonating Yuunarii for the whole day?" he asked.

"Jep!" I replied happily.

"W-why?" Bailey asked, still looking confused.

"For the fun of it!" I said, smiling down at him.

Then for some reason Bailey turned to the closet. I didn't know why he was doing it at first, until I saw something there that looked like a Bunnelby.

Or would that be Schopijn?

You know... schop + konijn...

Ooh! Better yet! Koschop!

No... that sounds too much like kofschip... okay, then Schopijn it is!

Anyways... by this point I was getting REALLY excited because not only was Bailey there...

FUDGE WAS, TOO!!

THIS WAS GOING TO BE AMAZING--!

"Hey, Fudge?" said Bailey. "Did you get that?"

Fudge stepped outside and turned to Bailey.

"No," he said. "What?"

Bailey pointed to me- and then Fudge gave me that really weird look of confusion.

"Okay... what's Lieftje doing in Yuunarii's room?" he asked.

"ogtje apparently made up this game where she has to impersonate Yuunarii for a day and she wants us to help with that," Bailey explained.

"Oh," said Fudge.

"She says she's doing it for fun," said Bailey.

"Oh," said Fudge.

"Will you help?" I asked, pretty much begging them. "_Alsjeblieft...?_"

Fudge and Bailey turned to look at each other.

"Well, considering we know Yuunarii better than anyone else... sure," said Fudge. "We'll help you, Lieftje."

I WAS SO EXCITED--!

"You will?!" I gasped.

"We will?" asked Bailey.

Fudge hit him across the head with his ear.

I don't know why I found that funny, considering that I don't want to see anybody get hurt. I don't even like hurting people in real life, not even on purpose!

"Ow... I mean, yes... of course we will..." muttered Bailey.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--!!

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS--!!

😄😄😄😄😄

"THANK YOU!" I cried, happily, picking up both of the bunnies in my leaves and giving them a HUGE tackle hug. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

Bailey groaned.

"Okay, first of all," he said, "you can't act like that..."

"Oh! Right!" I said, laughing. "Sorry!"

I stopped hugging them and put both of them down.

"And you can't say anything, either," Fudge added.

"At least not in public," said Bailey.

"I know~!" I said, a bit embarrassed. "Okay, I'll stop talking. Starting... now."

I stopped talking.

"Okay," said Fudge. "From there, it's simple. All you have to do is react to... whatever is being said, or whatever is happening, without talking at all. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Good!" cried Bailey happily. "So... say if ogtje were to tell you that Casetje is coming. What would you do?"

Well, that was easy!

If Aleph-Null came I would grab the Mechinator.

So I did.

Fudge nodded. "Yep. Now... say if you just saw the Aleph-Null spaceship. What would you do to inform everyone that Casetje and the rest of them are here?"

Hm...

I couldn't say anything, but I still had to tell them...

Ooh!

I could just use signs!

I was allowed to draw, right?

It seemed fine.

So with that I grabbed a giant piece of paper and wrote on it:

**ALEPH-NULL IS COMING!!!!!!**

...in big bold letters.

Fudge and Bailey looked at each other, and they seemed very confused.

"Does Yuunarii use signs...?" Fudge asked.

Bailey shrugged.

"She did one chapter ago." said Bailey.

"Yeah, she did," said Fudge, "but she doesn't use them that often..."

"Oh, come on, Fudge!" said Bailey happily. "Lieftje isn't Yuunarii, she's acting like Yuunarii, remember? Yuunarii doesn't hold up signs often, but Lieftje?! She's the main comic relief in this whole dang thing besides us! Of course she'd hold up signs!"

"True," said Fudge. "Alright, then, Lieftje, I think you're in the clear."

In the where?

Was that a part of Wereldia?

Still trying not to say anything, I looked at both of them in confusion.

"It means you've got it," said Bailey.

YES!

I WAS SO HAPPY~~!

In fact, I was so happy that I picked up Fudge and Bailey again and hugged both of them.

Both of them groaned, but I still didn't know why they were doing it, exactly.

"Okay... you can put us down now..." said Bailey.

I did.

But that didn't mean I wasn't still happy!

Why would I not be happy? I'm pretty much always happy! Besides, I was able to impersonate Yuunarii now!

THIS WAS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN--!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--!!

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

—————————————————————————

** _HP's POV_ **

Uh... hello...

My name is... well I don't really feel comfortable with giving my real name out online... except to people like oghond... oghond already knows my real name...

So does Absent... and so does LF of course... we know each other...

Anyways... you can just call me HerminePotter2810 or HermionePotter2810 or HermionePotter2002 or if you don't want to say all that you can just call me HP... which I'm pretty sure you've already been doing...

That's my YouTube name after all :3

So anyways... this is what happened during my practice run... oghond told me to tell all of you what happened during it.

It was fun!

But slightly odd...

And also somewhat difficult...

I was trying to do LF, after all...

LF and I are good friends... but you likely knew that already...

A-anyways...

I entered LF's room on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _and sat down on her bed a few moments later.

LF was going to be a bit hard for me to do... yet at the same time she was going to be easy for me to do.

I did know her very well...

So I had a pretty good idea as to wheter or not I would be able to impersonate her.

And yet... I didn't know how well I was going to do...

Absent had said that sophistication and verbosity were the two most important elements. Both of those things are very true in regards to LF...

She is really good at English... better than me... my English is terrible...

Everyone says it's good, though... so I'm pretty sure that's a good thing...

Anyways...

I still didn't know how well I was going to do at it... so for a few moments I just sat there, thinking about what to say before I actually said anything.

What_ would_ LF say?

Well... she didn't use contractions... that I knew for certain.

Her English was very good... I didn't really know how to describe it other than what Absent had said.

He had said it was sophisticated...

Which it was...

Oh!

Wait a minute!

It was like Nimja... but without the contractions.

That was going to be very easy for me to do because I am such a huge fan of Nimja... but you should already know it, of course...

I must obey Sir completely! :)

But then I decided to write down what LF would say instead. I thought it would be good practice for me to learn English...

And also so that I would be able to impersonate LF easier.

So I went to my phone, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down something...

_I shall be an annoyance to you from henceforth._

This was one of the first things that LF had sent oghond before she got a Discord account... I thought that by looking at it I would get a better idea of how to sound like her...

But I didn't want to sound like I was mocking her...

That would be mean.

I looked at my phone and wrote again:

_I the great fox sage have returned. Behold my might!_

I had no might... and I wasn't a great fox sage...

But somehow looking at those two messages written out on the piece of paper helped me.

I wrote down:

_Hello. I am HermionePotter2810. You should already know this of course. Please forgive me for my extreme nervousness._

Extreme nervousness... would LF say that?

I read it aloud:

"Please forgive me for my extreme nervousness."

No... no... LF wouldn't use words like that...

I crossed out "extreme nervousness".

Then put "behavior".

Then changed that to "behaviour" because that was how I had seen LF spell it.

Then read it aloud again:

"Please forgive me for my behavior."

No... that wasn't right, either...

Something had to be added.

So I added this to the end:

_...regarding the Mechinator._

No... that still didn't look right...

Hang on...

"Please forgive me for my behavior regarding the Mechinator."

Hm...

No...

Wait...

"Slight apprehension" would work better...

So I changed it again.

_Please forgive me for my slight aprehension regarding the Mechinator._

Was that... was that good?

I read it aloud to myself again...

Yeah. That sounded good.

But wait... what was Absent going to say?

What was LF going to say? Would she think I sounded good enough?

Was I going to sound nervous?

Well... I didn't really think it mattered by this point...

I thought it sounded pretty good...

And that was really the only thing that mattered.

I just hoped that LF would agree with me...

A-and Absent, of course... and oghond...

No, wait- everyone.

I hoped everyone would agree with me...

That would be the best thing...

Right?

I certainly thought so...

———————————————————————

** _LF's POV_ **

Hello again. I presume that everyone who is reading this has already read the retellings of both Madelief and my good friend HP in regards to their practice sessions, and now I will be the next member of the Koffiehuis to share my retelling with all of you. My greatest hope is that you get at least some level of enjoyment out of this, as I did.

Now... in regards to the retelling itself, I do not want it to get too long for obvious reasons. Therefore, I will attempt to be at least somewhat concise- though not as concise as Absent is. This is not to fault his writing, however. I believe the saying is "brevity is the source of wit", is it not?

Indeed, Absent certainly has wit.

And I will admit that so do I.

Now... on to the retelling. I do apologize for going on a short tangent.

I entered the room of HP on board the ship, which was a room that I had had the pleasure of seeing many times before. It was replete with posters, a computer, a large bed, and multiple drawings decorating the walls. Many of these drawings were related in some way to that "Nimja" hypnotist that HP has mentioned to me repeatedly.

I find him... odd, as you should all know.

This is not to say that he is a bad hypnotist, however. Do not assume I mean that.

It is just... I do not necessarily understand hypnosis. I much prefer using martial arts to dropkick my opponents.

That is _much _more satisfying.

While all of this information was intriguing, however, it did not relate in any way to what I was trying to accomplish. You should already be aware as to what that is.

Namely, it was impersonating the mannerisms of my good friend HP.

This was a relatively easy task for me to complete, considering how well I know her mannerisms and personality. However, I will admit that the impression that Absent did of her was... slightly overexaggerated, if I may be blunt.

She is rather shy, yes. That I will admit.

However, she is not so cowardly as to be afraid of her own shadow. If HP _was _indeed afraid of her own shadow, there is a very high probability that she would not be flying about the ship. Rather, she would be hiding under her bed in paralyzing fear of her own shadow.

The only thing that HP is paralyzingly afraid of as far as I am aware is Mechination, and even then Absent was there to help reassure her otherwise.

She was afraid of her mother, too, however she was able to conquer that fear rather quickly.

I wonder how her mother is currently faring as a Volcarona in Germany...

My point still stands, however. HP is rather timid, and somewhat cowardly, but she is far from being as cowardly as Absent's impression made her out to be.

Now, I am not timid or cowardly in the least: on the contrary, in fact. There is a reason as to why I am able to use martial arts, after all. If someone was threatening either me or one of my friends, I would not use words to get my point across-- rather, I would not hesitate to _dropkick the offender to the ground_ and leave them in that state.

HP would not do that at all. She did not do it with her mother, and I do not believe she would do it in battle, either.

Regardless, I had to act as though I was HP while still being the same person as always. Meaning that I would need to sound sophisticated, and yet at the same time act apprehensive and soft-spoken.

As I previously mentioned, that was a feat that I would be able to accomplish with relative ease.

And yet... I wondered how the rest of the Koffiehuis would react to my impression and whether or not they would find it accurate enough. I had almost performed my impression of HP in front of Absent, after all, only to be interrupted.

Regardless, I still figured that I had to try it for myself before the game began.

Naturally, this was exactly what I did.

While the room itself did not have a mirror, it _did _have multiple plush Pokemon within its walls- one of which was a Butterfree. I walked up to it- then looked down and bit my lip, feigning apprehension.

"Excuse me...?" I asked it, pausing after the end of the sentence. "I... I do not mean to interrupt, but... I was just wondering if you could... um... er... if you could see if you are able to find the book I am currently reading...?"

The Butterfree said nothing, which was to be expected. It was a plush Butterfree, after all.

"W-what do you mean, y-you cannot find it...?" I asked, my voice trembling. "H-has it... has it completely disappeared into the aether...?"

I paused.

"I-it has?!" I gasped. "O-oh no... that is simply terrible... I cannot stand to live until I find my book... w-what if Aleph-Null were the ones who took it?!"

I put my paws over my head and cowered slightly. It was rather pathetic, if I am being blunt.

Now, of course the book I had been reading was not actually missing. It was in my room, which, again, was to be expected. I was very simply acting out a scenario where my book _had _gone missing to see how well I could impersonate HP.

And, based on how I was currently feeling at the moment, I figured I had done it quite well.

With that notion, I stopped cowering and stood back up, returning in an instant to my much more well-known and composed personality that everyone reading this should be familiar with.

"Well," I said simply. "That went better than I had initially expected."

I paused, before narrowing my eyes slightly and looking around.

"Of course, the question now is how in the world Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis will react," I muttered. "Specifically, HP herself... I feel as though I have done quite well, however, so I figure that they will agree."

With that realization, I promptly sat down on HP's bed and looked around at her room. It was... a bit of a mess, I will admit, but that did not distract me in the least.

The only thing that I had to do now was wait for confirmation that the game had begun, which I figured would take some time.

Hm...

How was Yuunarii doing, I wondered...?

———————————————————————

** _YUUNARII's POV_ **

————————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

"Doc? Patty?" I asked, knocking on their door. "There's something I need to let you know."

Within the span of a few seconds the door opened, and the Vandertramp parents promptly stepped into the hallway. The former grinned.

"Absent~!" cried Doc happily. "Delighted to see you! I don't think I've seen you visit our room before- well, okay, there was that one time you told me about with the rainbow plugs, but Patricia and I don't remember any of it!"

"He already knows that, Jacques," said Patty, sideeyeing her husband.

"I know, I know..." Doc muttered sheepishly. "Anyways... what brings you here?"

"... Funny you mention the rainbow plugs," I started. "N-not that that's happening again! The Koffiehuis just decided to have a little fun imitating everyone else! So if you see LF, for example, acting like HP? Don't worry about it; it's just a little game I inadvertently started!"

Doc and Patty promptly stared at me as though I had two heads.

"...Okay...?" they said in practiced unison.

"You acting cheerful is..." Doc paused. "How do I say this... erm..."

"It's unsettling," Patty finished.

"That's it, that's the word I was looking for," said Doc. "_Merci_, Patricia."

"_De rien_," Patty responded.

"Anyways, yes," said Doc, turning back towards me. "It's unsettling. I hope that doesn't offend you."

"No, I get it," I allowed. "But, I mean, I'm glad I was able to clear it all up when I did, before it escalated."

Both of them breathed a sigh of relief, apparently happy that the deadpan snarker that they had known for about two months now wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"As are we," said Patty, smiling with relief over at her husband.

"Believe me," Doc added somewhat sheepishly, "if you hadn't come in and told us what was going on we would have flipped our lids!"

"I can imagine. Anyway, I'm gonna bounce and tell oghond I'm ready to metaphorically crash and burn... In that I know this will end disastrously, but not... never mind."

"Okay, then!" Doc cried happily. "Thanks for the info, Absent! See you later~!"

"Yeah, later," I returned as I closed the door, giving a halfhearted sort of salute before the latch clicked.

I sighed and took a few deep breaths, trying to claw my way back into that headspace I had met up with the elder Vandertramps in. As I began to find my energy, I felt it coming back to me.

With my resolve steeled, I ran for my room, ready as I would ever be to get the show on the road.

——————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

By this point 15 minutes or so had gone by and nobody had dared show up at Absent's door- not yet, at least. I, meanwhile, was still waiting for someone to show up so that I could see whether or not my impression of the Coder was as good as I thought it was.

It probably wouldn't be- as I mentioned before I am not Absent and am not nearly as snarky as he is- but I _was_ the one who set up the game.

Now, I just had to play it.

Hee-hee, _Play the Game._

Obvious puns are obvious and yet I love them to death.

Anyways.

I had gone to sleep in Absent's room- and when I say "gone to sleep" I meant I was _out like a light_. Napping off an impending "headache" apparently felt better than I thought. Then again, that probably had something to do with the fact that I didn't have a headache, so I couldn't really pretend to be annoyed at the fact that I had one since, well, I didn't.

And likely wouldn't.

What _did_ momentarily startle me for a bit, though, was what happened mere seconds later.

As I said before, I had gone to sleep in Absent's room, and by now was just about having a dream related to Sword and Shield, when without any warning whatsoever the door was thrown open and a distinctly familiar- yet at the same time very much _un_familiar- voice echoed through the walls of the room:

"OGHO~ND!"

I instantly was snapped out of my reverie by Absent suddenly bursting into the room, and promptly looked up at him. He was standing on the other side of the door with the silliest and stupidest-looking grin on his face in the entire world, and his dynamic entrance had only made it funnier.

But I couldn't crack.

Absent doesn't do that unless memes are involved.

So instead, I simply did what I figured Absent would do in a situation like this- namely, I groaned, before barely muttering "...what do you want?" under my breath in the best impression of the Coder that I could possibly muster.

"Just wanted to say I'm just about ready! So when can this start?"

Dang, was he good.

_DANG, was he good._

It was as though I was looking in one of those crazy fun-house mirrors- or, better yet, it was as though this was a Freaky Friday flip and he and I switched bodies. That's how flipping good he was in regards to impersonating me. And yet, at the same time, it was very much unsettling- Absent wasn't one to act this cheerful.

I was actually slightly impressed, but given that I was doing Absent, I couldn't show it.

So what did I do?

Simple- I didn't move from the bed at all. I just gave him _that_ look- you know the one- before asking simply:

"Now. Why?"

"Just curious! I'll leave you to your nap!" he said before leaving the room.

With that having been said- and with Absent gone- I got comfortable again before the door opened once more.

"Should I tell everyone else?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure..." I muttered drowsily, pretending to go back to sleep.

"Okay~! Back in five!" he chirped again before loudly slamming the door.

The minute he was gone, I returned to sleeping like a baby in Absent's bed- or at least that was how it looked from the outside. On the _inside_, my mind was going in a thousand different directions.

First of all- "back in five." That was totally me.

Second of all, I figured that I had done a pretty good job impersonating him there- but being awoken from a nap was the easy part. Once I was inevitably forced to interact with the rest of the Koffiehuis, that was when it would be HARD AS HECK.

Third, and most importantly—

_DANG, WAS HE FLIPPING GOOD!_

I hadn't expected for him to be that good at doing me, largely because he and I were completely different in terms of personalities. To wit, I was excitable, fun-loving, and sweet as all heck- if very socially awkward- and Absent was... well, _Absent_.

Deadpan snarker pragmatism incarnate.

So the fact that he was able to nail me from the moment he burst in the room was very impressive.

Now, of course, I just had to wait five minutes for him to go from room to room and tell everybody the time had finally arrived.

So I did.

And in those five minutes I went back to sleeping like a baby, dreaming about my latest Pokémon game and also about any new book ideas.

Because I can _think_ like Absent, but there's no way in heck I can _dream_ like him.

I don't really remember what my dream was about, but what I do remember was what happened five minutes later- namely, Absent burst into the room _again_, just as he said he would. 

Naturally, I woke up- only this time I didn't say anything.

"I'm not forgoing promises for the sake of a game!" he cried cheerfully. "Everyone's been alerted, so the game is on! Best of luck~!"

Of course. Absent was still Absent when it came to promises.

That, of course, was to be expected.

He shut the door again, and meanwhile I just sat there, smirking to myself like a lunatic.

Though that smirk faded when it suddenly hit me- now that the game was on, what the heck was I to do now?

Sit in my room and listen to NIN, DT, and all those other bands that Absent liked?

I thought about it for a few moments- then realized that yep, that's probably what Absent would do. Thank _god_ his phone was sitting on the bed so I could listen to it.

So, for the next 15 minutes or so, that was precisely what I did.

And all the while, my mind was wondering two things:

Namely, what were the rest of the Koffiehuis doing now that the game was on?

And more importantly- when was _I_ going to get dragged into all of this? Everybody was acting like everybody else by this point, after all- sooner or later Absent was going to do what I did this morning and butt in with something related to RUSH.

The hardest part would be to not start going crazy myself.

Since, you know, I love RUSH.

In the meanwhile, however, Octavarium was the next best thing.

Because even though I'm not Absent, that album is epic.

As.

_Heck_.

———————————————————————

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

With no one around to enforce the rules I had set in, I was free to let my hair down a little in privacy as I walked to Koffie's bow to meet up with everyone to formally announce the start of our little Imitation Game.

Only with personalities and not computers - I haven't even seen that movie.

Anyway, my eyes continued to dart around while I tried to keep an expected pace while still having my hair down.

My mind raced ahead without me at a million miles a minute, epiphany after epiphany putting the weight of worlds on my shoulder.

_I gotta do this for the rest of the day_, I realized. _As an extrovert, I have to actively search for people to wear this mask in front of. As an id, I have to go against my natural sarcasm. As a Red Oni, I have to power through my lack of energy to appear energized._

_Will I even be able to make it through the announcement?_

I didn't have much more time to dwell on the thought, as I turned the corner to notice the Koffiehuis all gathered. Before they could notice me, I swiftly turned to hide behind the corner.

"Game face, game face," I told myself, lightly slapping myself a few times, feeling for a smile on my lips before deciding I looked at least halfway presentable.

"Hey everyone!" I announced, waving to the Koffiehuis enthusiastically.

As I tried to wait for everyone's attention to turn to me, I couldn't ignore the Pachirisu coming up and hugging me, nuzzling me as well.

Apparently Nuzzle always paralyzes its target.

Everything went numb as she kept it up. I couldn't even shove her away or lower my gaze; it hurt to move. I didn't even say anything; couldn't even say anything.

Not without a little effort.

"The... game's on," I was able to force out as I forced myself over to a wall to lean against, walking awkwardly with both feet hurting to stand on.

"A-Absent?!"

LF- and she sounded _horrified_, too. Within minutes, she came running over to me, looking extremely concerned- and slightly terrified. Apparently, the minute she heard the words "the game's on", she figured that was her cue to start acting like HP for the rest of the day.

"Are you alright...?" she asked.

"Yeah... need a few," I said, getting comfortable as best I could and trying to nap. I waved them off and turned my back to them.

LF and HP, meanwhile, turned to look at each other in concern, before the latter flew up to Yuunarii and fixed her with the glare of a thousand suns- or at least, she tried to. It ended up looking more like confusion.

Since, you know, she's a Butterfree. They can't really look that intimidating on first glance.

"That vas... rather unnecessary... was it not?" she said, her tone conveying nearly everything that LF was known for- sophistication and verbosity included- save for a slight pause in the middle.

Clearly, she was still a bit nervous.

Yuunarii sweatdropped and chuckled to herself in slight embarrassment, before rubbing my body with her tail while trying not to paralyze me again, as if to apologize for having done so beforehand.

HP smiled in satisfaction and nodded. "Zat's better."

Yuunarii smiled, then let go of me and ran up to try and hug LF- who backed away in an instant, before kicking away Yuunarii almost instinctively and letting out a whimper as she did so.

"P-please... p-please do not hurt me..." she muttered. "I... I do not wish to be p-paralyzed..."

Yuunarii simply nodded, albiet still with a huge grin on her face.

LF, meanwhile paused and turned to look at me.

"Absent... how am I doing...?" she muttered. "A-am I accurate enough...?"

"Yeah, you're doing great," I said.

"Thank you..." she said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"May I inquire as to how accurate _I _am?" HP asked.

"Accurate enough to fool me," I remarked.

"Thank you," said HP, smiling. "I practiced repeatedly in her room, and I was... quite nervous as to how you would react."

She paused.

"Oh... and Absent? You are rather accurate as well. Likely the most accurate out of all of us, in fact."

"You're just saying that."

"No, no, no!" HP cried, shaking her head frantically. "N-not at all! I genuinely do mean that."

"W-why do you not think that you are the most accurate...?" LF asked, tilting her head in slight confusion.

At that moment, Madelief came in, sideeyeing both LF and HP and holding up a sign saying **_BECAUSE HP IS_** in big bold letters. Fudge and Bailey were both near her, and the former shot a quick glance over at me.

"Before you say anything, Abtje," said Fudge, "it makes more sense for Lieftje to communicate with signs than Yuunarii does."

"That and Pottje is DEFINITELY the most accurate," said Bailey.

"Are you sure about that?" Fudge asked.

"Did you SERIOUSLY not just hear Abtje say he was fooled by her?!" Bailey shrieked.

"Well, I wasn't, really," I clarified. "Just that I probably would be fooled by her."

"Oh," said Bailey.

"Do you think that she's the most accurate, Abtje?" Fudge asked. 

"I'm more concerned about who _is_ accurate, not who's the _most_ accurate."

"Oh," said Fudge. "Well, then, in that regard, the answer is all of them, you included."

"Wait a second," said Bailey, looking around the room. "Where's ogtje?"

"I presume you are referring to oghond?" asked HP.

"Yeah, where is she?" Fudge asked.

I suddenly noticed that oghond was the only member of the Koffiehuis _not_ on the dock.

"I do not know..." LF muttered.

"I told her on the way here," I said, noticing how it no longer hurt to have my right foot exist. "So if you're worried she didn't get the memo, it's fine."

Madelief glanced at us in confusion.

** _THEN... WHY ISN'T SHE DOWN HERE ON THE DECK?_ **

"Because she's supposed to be acting like I normally would," I started. "And given that she already knows the announcement is occuring, as well as what the announcement is, she'd follow my footsteps and not turn up," I said, standing up as the paralysis wore off.

"Zat is understandable," said HP.

"S-so... um... are we supposed to wait here until oghond decides to come downstairs onto the deck?" LF asked.

"I believe so," HP responded.

"Of course we are!" said Bailey indignantly.

_Majority rules_, I figured.

Yuunarii nodded- then suddenly looked up and caught sight of... something. Almost instantaneously she began happily running in circles and squealing with delight as she did so. The entire Koffiehuis, myself included, turned to see... whatever the heck Yuunarii was squealing about, and when we did...

"Well," said HP simply. "I do not sink ve need to wait anymore."

oghond was standing at the top of the stairs with headphones in her ears.

————————————————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Yeah... as you might have been able to tell, sitting in Absent's room and listening to nothing but NIN and Dream Theatre got a bit boring after a while.

Okay- scratch "a bit"- it got _really_ boring after a while.

So, naturally, I decided to come downstairs onto the deck- which, admittedly, wasn't something that Absent would do. Then again, though, as I have said before, I am not Absent- I'm just _acting_ like him. Of course, this was going to be the _real_ test— now that I actually was interacting with people I had to go against literally my entire personality.

Fortunately, however, that was pretty easy for me to do.

I still had to stay in character, though- so I brought headphones with me.

They were Absent's, natch- they were the only ones in his room, after all- but the phone was mine.

By this point I was looking down over the deck staircase at the rest of the Koffiehuis- all of whom were in character. Yuunarii was the most overtly obvious, of course- the instant she saw me she started squealing in delight and running around in circles. Madelief was holding a sign in her leaves which I couldn't see from far away- odd, since I wear glasses, LF looked somewhat nervous but still regarded me with a smile, and HP looked more composed and pensive than I had ever seen her before.

Of course, there was also the line she had said right before Absent intervened, and suffice it to say, _DANG_ was she good!

Seriously, she sounded so much like LF that I'm pretty sure that I would have been fooled.

And as for Absent?

The minute he saw me, he _broke_.

Well, okay. He cracked. It was still Absent, after all. Regardless, the hilariously forced grin he had shown before returned, and he waved to me. Meanwhile, I said nothing and simply walked down the stairs.

"Speak of the devil!" he said. "We were just wondering when you were coming!"

I raised my vine in the air noncommitedly.

"Hey," I said simply, before sitting down on the couch in the middle of the main deck.

"Hello..." LF muttered.

"Greetings," said HP.

Yuunarii, of course, ran up to me and started rubbing her tail against my body in enthusiasm.

I decided to say nothing- as Absent would normally do, given that he doesn't really like talking to people- and just sit there, listening to music. Specifically, Dream Theatre's "Never Enough", which- largely due to my friendship with Absent- had become my favorite DT song of all time.

Seriously, that song is_ awesome_.

Of course, Yuunarii- since she was acting like Madelief, who was excitable as all heck- still was hugging me. If Absent was there, chances were that she would be invading his privacy and annoying him to no end, so given that I was acting like him, I figured I had to find some kind of deterrent.

There was only one problem with this-- and you should already know what that was.

So for a few seconds I was searching my brain for anything I could do- or say, really, given that Absent was the biggest dang snarker I knew- in order to get her away from me.

And then it hit me.

I _wasn't _Absent- I was just actinglike him.

_Of course _my natural deterrents would be different from his!

"Yuunarii?" I asked, sideeyeing her.

Yuunarii stopped rubbing her tail on my body and stared at me attentively- yet still excitedly, given that she _was _acting like Madelief, after all.

"Get off of me," I said, completely deadpan.

Beat.

"Please," I added, just as deadpan.

Yuunarii backed away, apologetically.

I was smirking to myself internally- that had been good enough. At the very least, I had gotten Yuunarii off of me, which was the mission I had wanted to accomplish in the first place. Both HP and Madelief were giving glares to Yuunarii- okay, at least HP was _trying _to. She was a Butterfree, so her attempt at a death glare looked less like she was annoyed beyond all human comprehension- as Absent had described it- and more like she had just swallowed a lemon.

And I don't mean that she looked like me trying to do a Monty Python fart noise.

Regardless, there was someone who did NOT get off me, and that someone was Absent, who approached me with enthusiasm. When he next spoke, he only said one thing, but it was loud enough for me to hear through my headphones.

"So... " he said, jumping onto the couch, "whatcha listening to?"

"Dream Theatre," I responded, without even missing a beat.

And the minute- scratch that, the _second_\- I said those two words, Absent_ lit up_.

"Oh my god, I didn't think you would ever consciously listen to them! What song in particular are you listening to?! Wait, don't tell me, is it part of Twelve-Step Suite? Is it longer than 9 minutes? What time signature is it - okay that's enough of that."

"No, no, and it's 'Never Enough'," I responded.

"Common time, weak," he said mockingly.

"...what's wrong with 4/4?" I responded. "I can't count beats, anyways, so time signatures are unimportant to me."

Absent stood, mouth agape, for a brief moment.

"...what?" I asked, glancing over at him in confusion.

"You don't understand time signatures?!" he gasped.

Okay... that was not what I had said at all.

"What?!" I responded. "No, no, no, no, I understand time signatures; I just said they were-"

But Absent didn't even let me finish, as I was talking far too fast out of my slight panicked facade, courtesy of having to act as him. He grabbed my vine in the midst of my frantic gesturing and pulled me across the dock before I could even stop him.

"Come with me; we're going to spend five stinking hours on a long-winded lecture explaining something any sane person could understand in 30 seconds!"

Five hours?!

Did I really explain things for that long?

"And don't bother protesting, the audience loves having information shoved down their gullet!"

Okay, WHAT.

First of all, I didn't go on explaining information for five hours. If I did, the audience would be bored to death. Was I long-winded in regards to my explanations? Certainly so, but _five hours_?

That was a bit of an exaggeration, to put it mildly.

Case in point, when I had explained both 't kofschip _and _Dutch stam rules, the explanations for both of those only lasted about five minutes at most.

And second... an audience could only take so much info, hence why I kept the explanations at five minutes long. I was long-winded, but not _THAT _long-winded.

All of a sudden, it sounded less like Absent was impersonating me and much more like he was mocking my excitability and long-winded tangents.

Now, I've been mocked by my family plenty of times- it's not mean-spirited, of course- but being mocked by my _friends_ was a completely different caliber entirely. Worse yet, I didn't know if he was being mean-spirited or not...

NAH.

What the heck was I thinking? This was Absent, my best friend in the world; he wouldn't go for mean-spirited mocking! That was _Nathan_'s schtick!

Mocking, yes. He'd done that with Aleph-Null plenty of times, but they deserved to be mocked.

But with the rest of the Koffiehuis?

Then again, it sure sounded like it...

"A-are you _sure_ about this, Absent?" I asked, still very much startled from being dragged across the floor.

When we turned the corner, Absent released my vine and sighed, excitedness dropping faster than I could process.

"Oh my goodness," he said under his breath. "That hurt me more than it hurt you," he continued. "How you manage to keep that amount of energy going for so long is beyond me. Your narration, your exposition dumps, your excitability, your _passion_ \- it's so taxing to imitate."'

He had broke, but I certainly didn't- I had figured that this would be hard for him to do.

"I honestly have no idea either," I responded, still trying to sound as much like Absent as I possibly could.

Okay, by this point now I was_ really _starting to wonder if he had done all this to mock me. I mean, it sure sounded like it given what he had said before about the five-hour-long rant about how time signatures worked.

That wasn't a lie, by the way. I genuinely had no clue how to count beats when listening to music.

"Oh, look, she doesn't seem to understand something integral. That's a really important beat I somehow neglected," Absent added.

...okay, by this point my concern was growing so much that I couldn't keep it in me anymore.

"...Wait a minute..." I muttered. "W-were you doing all of this... to _mock _me?"

By this point, I had completely broken it off. The deadpan realism that I had been portraying for about 30 minutes instantly vanished, replaced entirely by genuine shock. Absent, meanwhile, seemed stunned himself by the question I had just asked. For a few moments, he looked around, as though he had no idea how to answer. In fact, he looked so terrified I honestly thought for a few moments that he was going to have a full-blown panic attack.

Thankfully, though... he didn't.

He simply sighed and looked down, all panic that he could have felt in that moment leaving him as quickly as the excitement had done earlier.

"I was worried I was going to have to tell you why this all started," he muttered.

Oh god.

Oh good god.

"It kind of started after you left. Thirty-odd seconds later, LF knocked, curious as to why I was screaming..."

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"... and when you interrupted her imitation of me, we had to come up with something. So I did, and here we are," he finished.

By the time he had finished his explanation, the only thing I could do was stand in total disbelief at what I had just heard.

"So... you _were_ doing this to mock me..." I muttered, shocked and hurt beyond all sense of the imagination.

"Guilty as charged."

I, meanwhile, just stood there in total silence, trying to parse what I had just heard.

My best friends in the world had started this entire imitation game because they were mocking me. Because they were frustrated and annoyed by my flaws to the point where they felt like they had to.

Now, I will admit that I have my flaws, but before I had met the Koffiehuis, I didn't really have anyone else besides my friends in Jersey. So... I was admittedly a bit lonely, hence my incessance and eagerness to make friends with other people and talk to them. And up until now, this hadn't really been that big of a problem. The rest of the Koffiehuis hadn't said much about my eager incessance.

Until now- and they didn't like it.

This would be all fine and good, except... I was by nature a very exciteable, fun-loving, happy-go-lucky person.

So did that mean... if they were mocking me...

Was I... was I being a bad friend?

Was I being a bad _person_?

It was like Don't Stop Me Now all over again, except instead of my incessance being with my idols, it was with my _best friends_.

And somehow, it felt a thousand times worse.

I looked down, trying desperately hard not to cry- and I succeeded.

Yet, on the inside, my heart was breaking into a million pieces.

I felt terrible.

"Oh... okay..." I muttered sadly, looking down and still trying not to break apart at the seams.

I couldn't even bear to look at Absent. Or any member of the Koffiehuis, really.

"I'll just... go back onto the main deck, then..." I said.

And with that, I did exactly that, trying hard not to burst into tears, only to be greeted by Yuunarii happily jumping up and down. She ran over to me, clearly about to rub her tail on me again- but stopped short of doing so the instant she saw my face, at which point _hers _changed to that of grave concern.

I noticed- she was clearly asking _Are you okay?_\- but I was too distraught to say anything.

"Don't ask," I said, looking away and continuing to walk on.

The rest of the Koffiehuis quickly noticed it, too, and HP- naturally- was the first one to notice.

"oghond?" she asked. "Are you alright? You seem... very distraught..."

"Y-you are aware that you can talk to us about anything... right?" LF added, slightly nervous. "W-we are your friends, after all..."

**_YEAH_**, wrote Madelief. **_WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU OKAY?_**

And with that, the tears began to stream down my face.

I didn't deserve to talk to them.

Saddened, I turned to the entire rest of the Koffiehuis, and all of them glanced at each other in concern and shock when they saw it.

They were, of course, only more shocked when I muttered through my tears:

"You can stop now. The game is over."

And with that, I turned away, not even bothering to look back as I ran out towards the dock.

\---------------------------------------------------

** _MADELIEF's POV_ **

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

T-the game was over?!

But... we had only just started the game a few minutes ago! I was going to have so much fun imitating Yuunarii, and everyone had been doing a really great job up until that point!

I mean, I had been only talking with signs up until then, Yuunarii had gotten my energy and my ADHD-ridden personality perfectly, LF had gotten HP's nervousness perfectly, HP had gotten LF's sophisticated-ness perfectly (seriously, though, she was PERFECT! She was probably the best out of all of us!), Absent had gotten oghond's exciteability almost perfectly, and oghond?

She had done so good at imitating Absent's condisending-ness it was almost unreal!

And now it was all just... over?

That was really odd...

I hadn't expected that oghond would have ended the game so quickly...

That and she was crying!

AWWWWWWWWWWWW...!

I didn't want to see oghond cry...! That just made _me_ sad!

What in the world was going on with her...?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _HP's POV_ **

Okay...

This was very concerning...

I didn't know what was going on with oghond, but I knew it was something.

Why had she said that the game was over? It only was started a few minutes ago... so that was weird... I feel like I had been doing a good job on LF, too, so I didn't want the game to end.

And... why was she crying?

Well... something had upset her... but the question was what was it, exactly?

I had to find out... the rest of the Koffiehuis were very concerned... but I didn't say anything...

I wasn't sure if I had to break character or not...

oghond had said that the game was over, but it seemed so fun... I didn't want it to end...

And... why was Absent not there? This was all confusing...

I looked over at LF, wondering what she was thinking about all this. Surely she was just as concerned as I was... and as much as Madelief...

\----------------------------------------------------------------

** _LF's POV_ **

Well.

This was... _very _disconcerting, if I am being blunt.

oghond was acting very strangely, which I found rather odd, considering that just a few moments ago she had more or less been acting very much like Absent. When I say "strangely" I am of course referring to the fact that both Madelief and HP have already pointed out to you.

Which is to say, she was crying.

I do not remember ever having seen oghond burst into tears and run off like this ever before. She _had _cried when Absent was taken away by Aleph-Null during their initial landing and the burning of Folsom Lake College, but this was... different.

She seemed... hurt, almost.

Personally hurt.

For a few moments I stood there, asking myself what could have possibly caused this.

What had she done just beforehand...?

The answer to that was quite simple. Absent had taken her away, and had been going on excitedly about how he was going to teach oghond about time signatures for five hours, as she would normally do.

Except... her explanations did not usually go on for this long.

On the contrary.

At most she would talk for approximately five minutes...

And all of a sudden, the realization came to me. When Absent had spoken that line, it was not just in excitement.

He had been saying that... in a slightly mocking manner.

As he had done when he had first spoken to me regarding how oghond frustrated him sometimes... which was the entire discussion that led to this game happening in the first place.

I suddenly had a theory as to what had happened, and my eyes narrowed as I realized that it was not a good one.

At all.

Likely, oghond had questioned Absent as to whether or not he was mocking her, and given his slightly severe guilt complex, he had naturally confessed to her the details of what had occurred beforehand. Upon having received confirmation that this had, in fact, been the case, oghond had felt hurt that her friends had been mocking her and left to go...

Somewhere.

I did not know where she had gone, but the idea was rather concerning all the same.

This was especially considering the fact that we were currently out on the open ocean, and I did _not _want to think about the possibility of her jumping off of a cruise ship and falling in.

This was quite odd, as she was a Grass-type, but the thought still terrified me all the same.

I wanted to say something. I even wanted to do something-- perhaps follow her. However, I found that I could not, for no one else was saying anything.

Additionally, Absent was not on the deck, which was even more confusing.

What exactly was he thinking in that moment, I wondered...?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

_You!_

*thud*

_Freaking!_

*thud*

_Misanthropic!_

*thud*

_Asshat!_

*thud*

I sighed, resting my head against the wall I had been banging it into repeatedly for Arceus-knows-how-long. I instigated this entire ordeal and at the same time barely felt like I was even worthy to clean it up. If I so much as breathed out of turn, it would escalate into something worse. If I made eye contact with someone they would have every reason to deck me in the face hard enough to perform a perfect spiral flying all the way to my front door in the Camp.

Yes, none of that was true, but it was what I felt. Anxiety is stronger than reason.

Apparently, I had been banging my head against the wall a little _too _loudly, because just after I rested my head against the wall, the rest of the Koffiehuis suddenly burst into the hallway, all of them clearly concerned for oghond- and all four of them back to their original personalities, as evidenced by the fact that Madelief had put down her signs.

"Absent...?" HP muttered, flying up to me.

"Are you okay?!" Madelief exclaimed. "_Jeetje, _that was some really loud banging... we didn't know what was going on, so we had to check on you and see if you were okay!"

"I caused oghond's breakdown," I started. "Would any of you be okay if you caused her to break down, either?"

"WHAT?!" gasped Madelief. "No! Of course not!"

"V-ve would feel _terrible_..." HP agreed.

Yuunarii nodded solemnly.

"I presume that oghond running off in tears was the result of what happened earlier in the day- which is to say, the conversation that started this entire game?" LF asked.

"Why?" asked Madelief. "What happened earlier in the day?"

"oghond interrupted my nap," I started. "For the sole reason that Freewill was on the radio."

"Aaaaaaaaaaand...?"

"In frustration I screamed from the depths of hell and my lungs, and LF came in and we talked smack about oghond behind her back. Eventually I mocked her, she praised it and it escalated."

Madelief looked down. "Oh. Well... that explains what's going on right now and why oghond decided to stop the game."

"Z-zat wasn't very nice...!" cried HP, horrified.

"To say that would be a grotesque understatement," LF said, looking down solemnly and clearly regretting it just as much as I did. "I do not know where oghond is now, but if there is one thing I do not want to have happen, it would be for her to fall into the ocean and potentially drown."

"We need to go and find her!" Madelief exclaimed. "Who knows where she could be? She ran onto the main deck, told us the game was over... and then she ran off!"

"D-do you have any idea where she is, Absent...?" asked HP.

"Either my room or hers."

"How do you know?" Madelief asked.

"It'd be natural for her to want to hide in her room - and as for my room, she decided to imitate me."

"Ohhhhhhhh...!" said Madelief. "Okay."

"Well, then, if that is the case, we should probably all go upstairs to see if oghond is, in fact, in her room," said LF.

The rest of the Koffiehuis nodded in agreement- and we all left the hallway to do exactly that.

Me? I couldn't bring myself to go face oghond after what I told her.

\--------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

So... yeah. About me running to the bow... there was one big problem with that. Namely, we were still on the water, and if anyone saw me on the edge of the bow of the ship, every single one of them would assume the obvious and be horrified out of their wits. In case you've never been on a ship before, the bow is the front of a ship, and a place where someone who is suicidal could very easily decide to climb onto and then jump off of- hence why the Koffiehuis would be horrified.

But I wasn't suicidal in the least, and besides, I was a Grass-type. I didn't want to scare my friends, either.

So instead I decided to go into my room in order to vent out my sorrows. It was a place I was more familiar with, anyways, and I figured that if the Koffiehuis decided to find me it would likely be the first place they would look.

But even though I knew that the Koffiehuis would probably come looking for me, I was still too distraught to look back at them if they came in.

I felt like such a terrible friend to the rest of them.

Apparently, my incessant behavior was so annoying that they were mocking me behind my back- okay, at the very least LF and Absent were, but if _they_ found it annoying, then who was to say that Yuunarii, HP, and even _Madelief_ didn't?

Maybe they were mocking me behind my back, too, and I didn't even want to think about that...

I had stopped crying by this point, but I still felt absolutely terrible about how my behavior had come across to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

_This _was what they thought of me.

_This _was how they saw me.

I had just wanted to be their friend and try and connect with them... and now...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

"oghond? Are you okay?"

HP.

"Open up! It's the rest of the Koffiehuis, except for Absent, who's not here, but just so you know, he feels really, REEEEEEEEEEALLY bad about mocking you~!"

Madelief.

The rest of them_ had _come after all.

I sighed.

"Go away," I muttered, tears about to stream down my face again.

"WHAT?!" cried Madelief. "Why in the world would we do that?"

She promptly opened the door, and I heard the rest of the Koffiehuis coming from behind me.

"Don't. Please," I told them, holding a vine up in front of their faces and not even bothering to look at them. "Admit it. The rest of you all mock me behind my back, too."   
  
The Koffiehuis all went silent, and I was so distraught I didn't see them looking at each other in concern.

"Go on," I said. "Just say it. It's okay. I deserve to be mocked, just like Aleph-Null do."

The Koffiehuis reacted in shock from behind me.

"WHAT?!?!" gasped Madelief.

"Hey! Don't you dare say things like that!" Bailey cried. "Casetje deserves to be mocked far more than you do!"

"Indeed," said LF. "Aleph-Null are nothing more than a racist, bigoted cartel of people who would like nothing more than to destroy all languages except for our own and burn down the entirety of Folsom Lake College in the process. You, on the other hand are... " She paused. "How do I explain this...?"

"You're a fun bouncy ball who likes everyone and wants to be their friend!" Madelief cried. "Just like I am! What's so wrong with that?"

"You're not annoying," I retorted. "I am. I have been nothing but a burden to every single one of you, and you know it."

"You have not been a burden to us in the slightest!" LF exclaimed.

"_Yes I have,_" I said firmly, my voice breaking.

LF was so stunned- as were the rest of the Koffiehuis- that all of them jumped back slightly before looking at each other, clearly wondering what they should say and what they should do. I just sighed, and then looked away from all of them.

"I do nothing but talk about RUSH on repeat," I said. "I monopolize conversations. I go off on tangents. I'm incessantly exciteable. I invade the privacy of other people. I'm curious. Maybe even too curious, to the point where I want to know everything about anything and I will not stop until I get an answer out of somebody. _Sound familiar?!_"

The rest of the Koffiehuis looked at me in concern, before they all shook their heads.

"Well, it should!" I said. "This is _exactly _what happened with Nimja, and now I'm doing the same thing with all of you! I'm not fit to be on this ship! I'm not fit to lead the Koffiehuis! I'm not fit to be friends with any of you...!"

That last comment caught the Koffiehuis completely off-guard, and every single one of them looked at me with consternation evident across their faces- especially those of LF and Madelief, both of whom were giving me looks that said _no, don't say that, of _course _you're fit to be friends with us._

But I didn't believe that. Not after what I had just heard.

I sighed.

"I should probably just get off this ship and go back to New Jersey," I muttered.

None of the Koffiehuis knew what to say about that, but every single one of them seemed to recognize I was hurting, both internally and externally. I certainly didn't want to speak to them- in fact I was about to get up, leave my room, go back to the bow of the ship, jump off, and swim back to Jersey as best I could.

The only thing stopping me was the door opening yet again and another voice speaking to me from the outside: 

"Don't. You're a headache I wouldn't trade for the world." 

Absent.

The minute I heard his voice, I turned to look at him.

"Absent?" I asked. "You... you heard?" 

He nodded. “I… wanted to apologize for what I did earlier.”

I shook my head.

“No, no,” I said, raising a vine in dismissive sadness. “You don’t have to apologize. I deserve it.”

Still hurt, I turned away, not even bothering to look at Absent.

“Nobody deserves a burden for a friend,” I muttered to myself, before looking up at the rest of the Koffiehuis. “Not even the rest of you.”

Absent’s eyes went wide the minute I said that.

“I didn’t say you were a burden,” he said hastily. “Nobody said you were a burden. Just a headache. Big difference.”

I turned to him, giving him _that _look as I did so.

“...and how is a headache _not _a burden?” I asked, with a tone that was somewhat deadpan and somewhat saddened.

Absent sighed.

“Is being a parent a burden?” he said. “No. Is being a parent a _headache_? Hell yes.”

Well, that was true…

“You’re integral to the operation,” Absent continued, slightly gentler than before. “Sure, on off-hours it’s a bit of a headache being the superego to your id but _when teaching the lessons… _you pull through!”

He was trying to be reassuring. He really was. And I appreciated that, but I still thought I was a burden.

The rest of the Koffiehuis nodded and voiced their agreement, but I was still distraught.

“A _bit_?” I asked, somewhat sarcastically. “Come on, Absent, that’s an understatement. I mean, I have invaded the privacy of you and the entire rest of the Koffiehuis for _MONTHS. _I did it with Nimja, and you know how that went.”

“And you can learn, right?” Absent said, still sounding as reassuring as possible. “You used to be _so much worse._”

LF shot him a glare.

I, meanwhile, looked down sadly. The tears were starting to come to my eyes again, and I couldn’t let them see what was going on.

“...I just…” I muttered, trying not to cry.

“You just… what?” HP asked in concern.

I sighed.

“Invading Nimja’s privacy was one thing,” I said sullenly. “I _wanted _to be friends with him, and couldn’t do so. And sure, I was a bit sad at first, but I got past it. But invading the privacy of my _best friends in the entire world?_”

I sniffled, starting to tear up.

“I hadn’t even _considered _how badly that would affect all of you…”

Beat.

I looked up at the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of whom were giving me concerned looks, and suddenly realized that I was crying.

“Oh, god…” I muttered, turning away. “I- I’m sorry that all of you have to see this…”

“WHAT?!” gasped Madelief, floating up to me. “No, no, no—! It’s okay!”

She hugged me with her stub arms as best she could.

“No, Madelief,” I said, still crying and shaking my head. “It isn’t. How have I gotten better?!”

Madelief, confused and saddened, floated away from me. When I next spoke, the lines were directed at the rest of the Koffiehuis.

“You’re so annoyed by me you _mock me behind my back…_ if I’m that much of a headache to you…”

I looked up at the rest of the Koffiehuis, my face tear-soaked and my voice breaking.

“_Am _I?” I asked, utterly heartbroken.

The rest of the Koffiehuis looked at each other, none of them knowing what to say to this. Eventually, however, Absent sighed, then spoke.

“If I wanted to badmouth you to your face, I would have,” he said. “If I wanted to call you out for not respecting our privacy, I would have. If I wanted to call you out for _being a terrible person, _I would have. But you haven’t done anything warranting it.”

I hadn’t?

“There was no malice to what to what you did, so I can't be mad,” Absent explained. “It's just excitability. If I were to get mad at you for being yourself, I would have to do so for me. And sure, I do, but that's beside the point." 

I looked over at the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of whom nodded in agreement. 

"The point is," said Absent gently- which, again, was as gentle as possible; this was Absent, after all- "I’m not friends with the you that doesn’t have those warts. I’m friends with you _despite _those warts. They’re something I want to see you overcome, but until then, there’s only one way I can really deal with them, and it’s how I deal with everything: snark it into oblivion.”

I blinked; tilted my head.

“So… I haven’t been a bad friend?” I asked.

“If you were a bad friend,” he sighed, “we wouldn’t _be_ friends.”

Now that he mentioned it…

“Yeah, silly!” Madelief cried, jumping out in front of me and Absent. “You really think we would hang around with someone who _was _being a bad friend?”   
  
“Absent is correct,” LF said, walking over to me and smiling slightly. “None of us would think that you are a bad friend due to your excessive excitability. On the contrary-- your flaws, and the flaws of _every member of the Koffiehuis_, are the reason as to why our friendship is the way it is, and the fact that we want to see you overcome them should be enough evidence to prove to you that we would never want to abandon you.”

“_None _of us would,” Absent added.

“Indeed,” said LF. “Absent and I mocked you behind your back, and both of us were extremely blunt about it. Yet, you would not abandon _us _because of our flaws… would you?”

“No…” I muttered, looking down.

“_Exactly_,” said Absent. “To believe that a flaw defines you is to believe that you have no positive character traits. Ask yourself: would we put up with you if there was nothing redeeming about you?”

I considered this for a moment, then realized that, no. No, they wouldn’t. Just the fact that the Koffiehuis were here in the first place proved otherwise.

“No,” I said. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“That’s because you _do _have positive traits,” said Absent. “And the number of those far outweigh the negatives.”

I looked up at him- then at the rest of the Koffiehuis- as the tears began to stream down my face again.

He was right.

They were all right.

I _did _have positive traits. Forget my excessive excitement- that wasn’t just a flaw, that _was _a positive character trait. I was able to spread joy to people- heck, even Absent- just by entering a room. I was probably one of the sweetest members of the Koffiehuis sans HP, if not _the _sweetest. I saw the good in everybody-- even Jenean Westilson, Nathan West, and _Johnathon Case_, if you can believe it; I knew about the Dutch language and had such a passion for it that I was willing to save it from extinction. But most importantly…

I had _friends._

And I was willing to protect each and every one of them until the day I died.

And the rest of the Koffiehuis had their own flaws and positive character traits as well.

Yes, Madelief was a bit too exciteable- and had ADHD- but she was also a bundle of joy who genuinely wanted other people to be happy.

Yes, Absent was far and away the bluntest and snarkiest member of the Koffiehuis, but he would also give his life to save his family, friends, and anyone else from the clutches of Aleph-Null.

Not to mention his pragmatism was sometimes necessary.

Yes, HP was shy and cowardly to a fault, but she was so kindhearted she didn’t want to hurt _anybody_, not even indirectly.

Yes, LF was the second-bluntest member of the Koffiehuis, but she had a very strong moral code and was willing to fight for what she believed in- and of course, when any other member of the Koffiehuis had problems, she told them exactly what they needed to hear.

And then there was Yuunarii, who, despite not saying much in public could get her point across without saying a single word, was always there to help her friends- or anyone in need, as with Pols- and clearly loved her bunnies, even though they could be a bit annoying sometimes.

Who was I to believe that my friends hated me because of my flaws when every single one of them had flaws of their own, and yet our friendship was still as strong as ever? 

The tears that were streaming down my face this time weren’t of sadness- they were of joy.

My friends were always going to be there for me, and they were going to put up with each other- and their flaws- no matter what.

I smiled, then extended my vines and grouped the entire Koffiehuis together into one giant hug, still with tears in my eyes.

“Thank you…!” I sobbed. “Thank you all so much…!”

The Koffiehuis all hugged me back- Madelief practically squeezed me- but I didn’t mind.

I was happy now. And that was really all that mattered in the end.

Eventually, the hug disbanded, and I wiped away my tears, smiling over at the rest of the Koffiehuis.

“Seriously, thank you,” I said. “I needed to hear that.”

“_Graag gedaan~!_” Madelief responded cheerfully.

“You are very much welcome,” said LF.

“Um… what was that giant long Japanese vord you said earlier?” HP asked, turning to Absent.

“_Dou itashimashite_?” Absent asked.

“Yeah, zat’s the one!” HP replied.

“...That’s _two _words,” Absent said simply.

“Oh…” HP muttered. “W-well, still… v-vhat he said…”

Absent sighed, then Picarded. “Okay, repeat after me: _dou._”

“Do…?”

“Close enough. _I-ta._”

“_I-ta_.”

“_Shi-ma_.”

“_Shi-ma_.”

“_Shi-te._”

“_Shi-te_.”

“Good. Now string that all together.”

“Do i-ta-shi-ma-shi-te…?”

“There you go,” said Absent, as snarky as ever. “Pride yourself; you just spoke Japanese.”

“Of course, though, if you don’t want to say all that, you can just say _Bitte_,” I said. 

HP giggled.

“But enough of that,” I said, standing up from my bed. “What the heck should we do now?”

“Well, now that you’re feeling better,” Madelief cried, “can we continue the imitation game? I have a bunch of new sign ideas ready to go…!”

I paused.

“We could,” I said, smirking. “And we will, don’t worry.”

“Yay!” cried Madelief.

“But before that… I have something I want to do first.”

The rest of the Koffiehuis blinked and stared at each other, wondering what idea I had possibly come up with.

\----------------------------------------------------

Well, as it turned out, the idea was relatively simple.

Specifically, I drew the Koffiehuis together, as Pokemon, with two words at the top of the paper:

** _ENTRE NOUS_ **

This was the title of a RUSH song, and one that truly was a RUSH song about the Koffiehuis. It was about friendship, specifically that, if we can recognize each other’s flaws and differences, our friendships would only grow stronger. After what had happened today, I figured that it would be appropriate enough.

That and it was “between us” in French, so it had a double meaning.

And once the Koffiehuis saw it, they couldn’t contain their excitement.

Or, in Absent’s case, lack thereof.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww~!” Madelief cooed. “That’s so sweet!”

“That is probably the truest symbol of our friendship that I have ever seen- even if I am unaware as to what the words _entre nous _actually mean,” LF admitted.

Absent gazed at it in awe.

“Arceus’ unholy flank,” he said, impressed. “That’s… probably the best drawing you’ve done, if I’m being honest.”

“Really?!” I gasped. “Thanks, Absent! Thank you, everybody!”

“Where should we put this?!” Madelief cried.

“On Koffie’s refrigerator?” HP asked.

“I honestly have no idea,” said Absent.

I just giggled- then turned back to my phone and opened up the Wereldian radio station as the rest of the Koffiehuis fawned over the drawing that I had done. By some sheer coincidence of fate, “Entre Nous” by RUSH was currently playing.

I looked over at the Koffiehuis and smiled.

As it turned out, that little imitation game had taught me something incredible.

No matter what, your friends will always be there for you, warts and all, and sometimes knowing your flaws and how to improve upon them will only make your friendship stronger in the end.

Or as RUSH had put it in their little number:

_I think it’s time for us to recognize the spaces in between  
_ _Leave room  
_ _For you and I to grow_

I took one last glance over at the Koffiehuis as the song ended its playing on local Wereldian radio, and to my delight, Absent had placed the drawing in the perfect spot-- just above the TV, at the heart of the S.S. Tex-Kofschip.   
  
The recreational room.

This, of course, was also the entrance spot, meaning that from now on, whenever we entered the ship, the first thing waiting for us would be a symbol of our friendship and our flaws- and that was truly the greatest treasure in the world.

After all, if we weren’t flawed, we wouldn’t be friends- and that was a fact that every single one of us knew in our-

“ABSENT!” I squealed excitedly, seeing what was currently playing on Wereldian radio. “THEY’RE PLAYING DISPOSITION, REFLECTION, AND TRIAD IN SEQUENCE!”

Heh.

Some things never change- and I can’t imagine a better comfort than that.

** _EINDE_ **


	13. ELF: Name-Words and Work-Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, folks, it's been exactly a week, and already a new chapter of Pokemon: SOSchip is OFFICIALLY OUT! This is Chapter Eleven- the long-worked-on chapter known as "Name-Words and Work-Words," a surprising tale of identity-- along with a look into the Dutch language's more... literal eccentricities. In this chapter, myself, Madelief, and Absent visit the town of Taalstad, Wereldia, and are introduced to its quirky residents. But as Absent gets more and more irritated by the craziness of Taalstad, something... dark starts building up inside of him-- and it's an instinct he can't control...
> 
> First and foremost, THIS IS IT- and by that I mean this is the chapter where my real name gets revealed and used for the first time in the series. This is also, as of yet, the chapter that uses Absent's real name more times than any other chapter with the possible exception of "Hostile California". As such, PLEASE do not find and stalk Absent online-- you WILL be blocked. Yep, as you can tell, "name-words" doesn't just refer to Dutch nouns here...
> 
> Second, my goal regarding the next chapter, Plan #1123, is to have it out by Christmas Day of 2019- and possibly even earlier. This chapter and the next one are likely the most personal chapters I've written for SOSchip so far, and I had a blast working on them. 
> 
> And third, and finally: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A PRECISION S-STRIKE, which- naturally- will be censored given that the part it's in is in my POV. That being said, though- READER DISCRETION ADVISED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 
> 
> With that said-- ENJOY!

ELF: Name-Words and Work-Words  
  
**_CO-WRITTEN_****_ BY: THE ABSENT CODER_**

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

I never quite noticed it until just recently, but the Dutch can be so dang literal sometimes.

Most of the time languages aren't that literal in regards to words- the only other example I can think of being Japanese, where their word for foreigner literally translates to "other country person."

I think.

But how many languages have you heard of that are so literal that they can't even be bothered to give their _parts of speech _original names? Or at the very least, names that are derived from the English word?

I mean, at least German, Spanish, and Italian all had the creative genius to call a noun some form of "substantive", though I will admit that the French just call a noun "nom."

Which literally means "name."

Makes sense, as all names are nouns.

But even French aren't as hilariously literal as the Dutch are, because _every single part of speech in the Dutch language has a name that describes their function._

I'm not making this up.

Even words such as _bijvoeglijk naamwoord, _which is Dutch for adjective, have a name describing their function when translated, however clunky it may be.

Of course, though, it's not just the parts of speech that are literal in the Dutch language-- even the names of simple, everyday things can be hilariously literal. I had known about some of these things before, but not all of them, and much like crude stams, I had a feeling that these literally-named concepts were abundant in the somewhat crazy world of Wereldia.

I just didn't realize that they were in a part of Wereldia that we had never been to before.

No, seriously.

Turns out there's a part of Wereldia that is so literal-minded it's crazy-- and it's called Taalstad, which is just as literal- it means "language town."

And again, I am not making this up, because I was there-- and for that matter, so was Madelief, and so was Absent.

How did it all start, you ask?

Simple. It started in Wereldia- specifically, in the place that the Koffiehuis had been dying to visit since the day that SOSchip first had their operations set up.

Donkeybridge, Inc.- which itself is a literal as heck name.

Specifically, it's a literal translation of the word _ezelsbruggetje_, which- if you read the retelling from when I discussed my first meeting with the Vandertramps- literally translates to "donkey bridge", but actually means "mnemonic," which just so happens to be the main thing that Donkeybridge, Inc. studies. You, of course, should already know this. Naturally- due to how silly and literal Wereldia is- Mudbray is the main mascot of the place, and orange bridges are everywhere within the building as a motif.

Oh, and the logo is a Mudbray crossing a bridge, because of course it would be.

Now, as for why we were there... the answer was simple.

Earlier that day, Dr. Vandertramp had invited myself, Madelief, and Absent to a speech that he would be giving. He didn't tell us what the speech would be about, but all three of us presumed that it would be about some great new mnemonic discovery.

That would certainly be beneficial in my quest to learn and teach Dutch, and Absent figured he could learn more about Dutch mnemonics himself, so both of us accepted the invitation. Madelief, naturally, did so for obvious reasons-- she was Dutch, so this presentation would be right up her alley. When Dr. Vandertramp heard all of us would be coming to the presentation, he was absolutely delighted, and said he couldn't wait to see us there.

And today was that presentation.

This was Absent's first time visiting Donkeybridge. Madelief and I had seen it before, but Absent hadn't even seen the outside of the building.

So, naturally, when he saw the _interior _of the building- with its giant auditorium, multiple exhibits, and the thousands of orange bridge motifs everywhere- his reaction was simply:

"Yeah, looks about right."

Madelief and I just looked at him.

"That's it?" I asked.

"You're not super shocked by the GIANT AUDITORIUM they have here?!" Madelief exclaimed in shock.

"Conferences are hosted there sometimes - it makes sense for a place like this to just have one of its own," Absent explained.

"Well, I mean, that does make sense," I said, conceding his point, "but regardless, you've never been here before. I just thought you'd be more awed by the interior."

"I've been turned into an Oshawott after being resuscitated by a crew of a talking cruise ship composed of Duplo," Absent said. "Nothing surprises me anymore."

I shrugged. "True."

I was about to continue when, all of a sudden, the intercom started blaring:

_Attention, everybody! Dr. Jacques-Francois Vandertramp, President of Donkeybridge, Inc., is about to begin his presentation! Please be seated as soon as you can!_

I instantly recognized the voice as that of Dr. Borrarden's, and Madelief and I looked at each other as dozens of Pokemon began getting in their seats.

"This is it!" I cried.

"DR. VANDERTRAMP'S ABOUT TO GIVE A SPEECH~~!" Madelief gushed happily.

Absent just glared at her as the three of us began walking- or in Madelief's case, floating- to our seats.

"What...?" asked Madelief, giggling slightly.

"We heard the intercom the first time, Maddy," he sighed. "You don't need to tell us what we already know."

"Sorry~!" Madelief replied sheepishly. "I'm just REAAAAAAAALLY excited, especially since this is your first time here, so that means it's your first time hearing a speech, and that just makes me even more excited because I've never been to a speech with you before and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW YOU REACT TO IT~!"

She practically shook Absent with her leaves in excitement- and this time both me and Absent were giving her _that _look.

And Madelief seemed to recognize it, too, because the instant she saw our faces, she pulled her vines away and giggled sheepishly.

"Sorry..." she muttered.

The three of us had finished walking to our seats and sat down in them, before we turned to the stage. The lights dimmed, and seconds later Dr. Vandertramp walked out on stage.

And the room _ERUPTED_ with cheers and applause.

Everybody was screaming and clapping, so loudly that Absent had to cover his ears and was likely the only one not screaming or clapping upon the entrance of the doctor. Eventually, however, the cheers and screaming stopped as Dr. Vandertramp stepped up to the microphone and began to speak, in the same tone of voice I had heard him use when he delivered the speech that started the entire SOSchip operation in the first place:

"Thank you, everybody!"

A few more people loudly cheered.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming to this presentation," Dr. Vandertramp began, as the last of the cheers died down and Absent uncovered his ears. "Now, you're probably wondering why exactly all of you were invited here, and the answer is... a bit complicated. Yes, there was a major mnemonic discovery made, in the form of an entire paragraph that those at Donkeybridge created from a single sentence that will- hopefully- allow people to memorize the first 314 digits of pi."

I had a feeling that that sentence was _god, I hope I learn languages_.

"But that's not the main reason I brought all of you here," said Dr. Vandertramp.

We looked at each other, wondering what the reason could possibly be if it wasn't "I found a new mnemonic device to help people learn Dutch".

Thankfully, we found the answer mere seconds later.

"As I'm sure all of you know, I am currently on board a ship known as the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, intending to spread the Dutch language far and wide to save it from extinction," Dr. Vandertramp said. "Of course, though, just knowing the Dutch language and its grammatical concepts isn't enough to save it from dying out. If you truly want to learn a language and speak it fluently, you'll need to pick up on its linguistic nuances- puns, idioms, and especially its literally-translated words. For instance- and I hope I'm pronouncing this correctly- the Dutch word for an apple core, which is klokhouse."

"_Klokhuis_!" screamed someone in the audience.

"_Klokhuis_, thank you, random audience member," Dr. Vandertramp said, acknowledging them. "Yes, it means 'clock house.' Don't ask me why; it's absolutely ridiculous, which is hypocritical of me considering that I'm absolutely ridiculous."

The audience laughed, barring Absent, who just rolled his eyes.

"Anyways," Dr. Vandertramp went on, "for anyone who is trying to learn to speak Dutch, you're likely wondering where in Wereldia you can find these unusual words. Well, I'll tell you where: Taalstad."

Everyone in the audience looked at each other and muttered in confusion upon hearing the name, but nobody was more confused than us. The second we heard the name, all three of us looked at each other, and we were all thinking the same thing.

Namely:

"Where the heck is Taalstad?!"

"Yes, yes," said Dr. Vandertramp, "I'm sure all of you have been asking that question. You've likely never even been to Taalstad before. Well, the answer is quite simple- it's just outside of this building, and believe me, if you thought I was weird, you haven't seen anything yet! Taalstad is simply befuddling! There are Politoed that walk around with shields, and cheese filled with peanuts, and cannibalistic Greedunt!"

Cannibalistic Greedunt?!

The thought of them was simply so disgusting to the audience that they all jumped back in disgust and fear- and let's be honest, why wouldn't they?

There were cannibals in Wereldia!

"Ew..." Absent muttered.

"Yeah, I agree," I responded, in a slight whisper.

"It is absolutely crazy!" Dr. Vandertramp cried. "And it is possibly the most helpful place in the world in case you want to know about all these Dutch linguistic oddities! So, ladies and gentlemen, I implore you all to please visit this place if you're interested in going there, especially if you happen to actually _be_ on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_."

That meant us- and I was certainly interested in going, crazy as the cannibal Greedunt idea was. In my quest to learn the Dutch language, finding out some of the more hilariously literal aspects of the language was just as important to me as the essentials. On top of that, it was a brand new area of Wereldia that neither I- nor any other member of the Koffiehuis- had ever visited before.

I just wondered what Madelief and Absent would think of it, but I figured I would ask that after the speech had ended.

Speaking of which, Dr. Vandertramp was just about ready to end it off.

"...I'm sure it will be an incredible experience for all of you! Once again, you can find it just outside the doors of Donkeybridge, but you'll need to enter some... personal info to get inside. Just warning you beforehand. Anyways... that does it for my presentation today!"

The audience cheered loudly, myself and Madelief included- and Absent not included.

"Thank you!" cried Dr. Vandertramp, leaving the stage.

The cheers only grew louder as he left, and by the time the presentation had ended, everyone in the audience was screaming their butts off and applauding like crazy- except, again, for Absent, who just tapped his scalchop on the mini-desk in front of him a few times before immediately getting up to leave. Madelief, meanwhile, was gushing about what she had just seen, and floated up to Absent excitedly.

"Well?!" she cried happily. "What did you think, Absent?! Was that presentation cool or what?!"

"All I _will_ say," he started, "is that if you two are planning on going to that Talisman or whatever place, _you two have fun_."

Madelief giggled.

"You mean Taalstad-"

And then she realized it.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

"You're not coming?" I asked, slightly distraught.

"...Fine," he allowed.

Well, that was quick.

"YAY~!" Madelief exclaimed. "I'M SO HAPPY~!"

"That was fast," I said simply.

"I still feel bad about what happened a few days ago," Absent said. "But just because I'm coming with does not mean I'm going to enjoy it, _comprende, ese?"_

"O-okay..." I said, slightly intimidated for some reason.

"Jep~!" Madelief replied cheerfully.

Beat.

"...Wait, what was that last thing you said?" she asked.

Apparently, being Dutch, she didn't know what the heck _comprende, ese_ meant.

"More-or-less Spanish for 'understand, friend'?" he said, a bit of venom dripping from the word "friend".

Madelief looked at him in confusion.

"...why did you say 'friend' like that?" she asked, in genuine confusion and concern.

"Because if I told you what it really meant oghond would deck me."

"She'd put you on the deck of the ship?"

"No, she'd slug me."

"She'd throw a slug at you? That's gross..."

Absent sighed. "She'd punch me in the face."

"Oh." Madelief looked down, before instantly perking back up. "I don't think she'd do that! She hates conflict, remember? Also, you could have just said _begrijpen_. It'd be so much easier~!"

"I could have if I knew the word, let alone how to pronounce it."

"Yeah, Madelief," I agreed, giggling a bit, "you think he knows how to pronounce a Dutch G the way I do?"

"He was at the game!" Madelief protested.

"That doesn't mean he can pronounce the Dutch G," I pointed out.

"The important thing is I didn't know the Dutch word for punching someone," said Absent. "Still don't. Still don't really care."

"Uh... _begrijpen _means 'to understand,'" I said. "She was saying you could have said that instead of _comprende, ese _since... you know... she's Dutch."

"Same difference - you asked me why I didn't use a word I didn't know."

"True," I responded, shrugging as best I could.

"Soooooo... are we going to go to Taalstad now?" Madelief asked suddenly, getting up in Absent's face- which startled him a bit. I, on the other hand, wasn't startled in the least, and giggled a bit upon seeing how excited she was.

Then smirked.

"Oh... you _bet _we are," I said.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

And with that said, the three of us were off to Taalstad.

Now, Dr. Vandertramp had stated in his speech that the location of Taalstad was right outside the doors of Donkeybridge, so naturally, that was exactly where we decided to go next. Unfortunately, however, when we actually _did _step outside the back doors of Donkeybridge, Inc., hoping to find at least something resembling a giant city teeming with Politoed, Flapple, and Greedunt, we were...

Mildly disappointed, to say the least.

Rather than a large city, the very first thing we saw when we stepped outside the back door of Donkeybridge, Inc. was... a pine tree wood.

The second I realized what was in front of me, I held my vine up and motioned a "3, 2, 1" countdown as best I could, before—

_SLAP._

It was probably the most literal definition of a wind-up facepalm you could get.

"It's just... woods?" Madelief said, confused and disappointed at the same time. "Taalstad is just a bunch of woods?"

"Apparently," I said sullenly, lowering my vine from my face.

"...How did this grove even _get _here?" Absent asked, a paw raised to his face.

"I have no idea," said Madelief, "but I'm pretty sure it's always been there."

"Well, then how the _heck_ are we supposed to get into Taalstad?" I muttered in annoyance.

Madelief and Absent glanced at each other for a moment, wondering what they could do now- or, more likely, if they could do anything at all.

And then we heard it.

"You said you wanted to get into Taalstad?"

It was a gruff Brooklyn accent, which I found slightly odd considering the fact that Wereldia was based on the Netherlands- then again, the Vandertramp children, Pols and Tillen existed. Confused, I turned to see if I could find the source of the voice- along with Madelief and Absent- and soon located the speaker: a Watchog, dressed entirely in police uniform and standing behind a desk reading **_IDENTIFICATIE NODIG _**on it in bold lettering. I had no idea what it meant- though it looked like Dutch- but I was immensely relieved to see the Watchog there, and just by looking at their faces I could tell that Madelief and Absent were, too.

Of course, though, Absent barely showed it before returning straight back to his usual deadpan.

Since, you know, this was Absent.

I, on the other hand, could not have been more excited and relieved as I ran up to the Watchog happily.

"Thank god," I said, breathing a sigh of relief. "There's someone here. Yes, the three of us are looking for Taalstad."

The Watchog smirked. "I take it that you saw Dr. Vandertramp's speech at Donkeybridge?"

"Jep~!" Madelief exclaimed happily. "We're friends of his!"

"That's nice," said the Watchog, smiling a bit. "Well, the good news is, if you wanted to find Taalstad, you've come to the right place."

Well, that was even better news than the fact that someone was there!

"Really?!" I cried happily.

The Watchog nodded. "Taalstad's just behind these woods."

"So you're saying that the giant woods in front of us aren't giant woods at all and that they're actually the entrance to the city of Taalstad?!" Madelief squealed.

"...that's exactly what I'm saying," said the Watchog, shooting Madelief _that _look- which, coming from a Watchog, was a lot creepier than any other time it had happened. Of course, Madelief, being Madelief, didn't care in the least, and ran up and hugged the Watchog.

"YAY~!" she exclaimed. "Thank you!"

"But... you can't just decide to go into Taalstad all willy-nilly," said the Watchog, pushing her away. "Read the sign."

He pointed up at the sign, and all three of us consequently looked up at it.

"Identifikaty... what?" Absent asked.

"_Identificatie nodig," _Madelief said.

"Nodig...?"

Thankfully, I knew what the word _nodig _meant in Dutch- it meant "required," and _identificatie _was a cognate- which, as you should know by now, is a word that is spelled almost the same and means the same thing in both English and another language.

You can probably guess what word identificatie was a cognate of.

"Required," I translated. "It's saying you need identification to enter."

"Probably could have guessed that based on what_ identificatie _looked like," Absent mused.

"True," I said. "You could've."

I turned back to the Watchog.

"So," I said, "what identification are you looking for, exactly?"

"Oh, nothing fancy or what-not," the Watchog responded simply. "I'll just need your real names before you all enter."

That was it?

Just our real names?

Well, then, that was going to be the easiest identification process ever.

"Oh, okay then," I said.

"Starting with you," the Watchog said, pointing to Madelief.

Madelief glanced at him in surprise.

"Me?" she asked.

The Watchog nodded, and Madelief instantly squealed.

"Ooh~! This'll be fun!" she gushed.

Absent and I looked at each other and exchanged knowing smirks and eye-rolls.

With that said, Madelief floated forward up to the desk, and the Watchog looked at her square in the face.

"Name?" he asked.

"Madelief Cornelisse," Madelief responded cheerfully.

The Watchog nodded, then started typing on a computer.

"Madelief... Cornelisse..." he repeated. "Okay. You're free to enter. Also, your name means 'daisy.' Interesting."

"Jep~!" replied Madelief cheerfully. "_Dankjewel!_"

"_Graag gedaan_," said the Watchog. "Next!"

This time it was Absent who stepped forward in front of the desk, albeit with slight nervousness and trepidation. I wouldn't blame him, though; he was essentially being stared down by a Watchog who was asking for his name, and considering the fact that the species was rather infamous for its somewhat... "crazy-eyed" stare, as the fans put it, it made sense for him to be nervous.

Heck, even _I _was a bit nervous, and I hadn't even gone up yet!

The Watchog took one sideways look at Absent, before turning to his computer to get ready to type.

"Name?" he asked.

"... Corbin West," Absent said simply.

The Watchog nodded, then typed that in- before, anxiously, Absent pulled out his identification card.

"Oh, I don't need that-" the Watchog began, before taking a closer look and noticing something. "Wait. August 2nd, 2001?"

"Yeah?"

"You were born one month and nine days before the most infamous day in the history of the altrealm?" he asked, slightly surprised and horrified.

"9/11 was a drop in the bucket compared to October 29, 1929," Absent retorted.

"The day the stock market crashed is apparently worse to you than a literal terrorist attack?"

"World War 2 wouldn't have happened without it."

"...True," said the Watchog, conceding his point. "You're cleared for entrance. Next! Or last, in this case."

With that having been said, Absent stepped to the side to join a much more excited Madelief, and the Watchog guard turned to look directly at me.

I was getting even more nervous now- not as nervous as Absent had been, of course, but still nervous. After all, there was a fierce, strict-looking Watchog glaring directly at me and demanding to know my real name. Regardless, I shook it off and walked forward, approaching the desk. If I didn't do this, there was no way I could enter Taalstad- and no way I would be able to see the most incredibly crazy town in the history of Wereldia.

The Watchog gave me a sideways glance, looking at his computer and getting ready to type my name in.

"Name?" he asked.

I took a breath before biting my lip nervously.

It was the first time I would be saying my real name aloud to a Wereldian citizen. I just hoped he wouldn't use it for any... nefarious purposes.

Finding out the street I lived on, for example. Or worse yet- finding out my address.

Then again, though, I highly doubted he could get to Earth from here.

"Emily Roach," I said, avoiding his gaze and praying to myself that the Watchog wouldn't look up that name and use it to find my town, street, house, family or anything that was personal information.

Yep.

That's my real name.

Come and find me, pest control.

If you're not pest control on the other hand, then please, please don't. My real name is as far into personal info as I am willing to go. If you _do_ decide to start stalking me, just note that we have a big, scary dog in our house who will hurt you if you try to kill me.

Anyways.

The Watchog nodded, then put it in the computer and turned to me.

"Okay, you're cleared," he said.

I breathed a slight sigh of relief and nodded before joining Madelief and Absent on the side. I was still extremely nervous, though- evidenced by the fact that from literally the moment I had said my real name I was breathing extremely heavily.

Not to the point of hyperventilation, though, but still.

"G-glad that's over with..." I muttered.

"Yeah, thirty more seconds close to him and that gaze would have seared itself into my memory thoroughly enough I'd be talking about it with a therapist five years from now," Absent agreed.

"I just hope he doesn't use my name to find out where I live..." I said nervously. "Or worse..."

"Come on, silly!" Madelief said, giggling. "Do you really think that that Watchog would be able to transport out of Wereldia and go to New Jersey?"

"N-no," I said, "but what if he could...?"

"What reason would he have to?" Absent pointed out.

...Okay, he had a point. This was the same thing I was worried about when I met Absent, and he still hasn't used my name to find out any of my personal info- nor do I want him to. Then again, though, considering who I'm talking about here, it's highly unlikely that he would.

So I was just about to concede it- and would have, had I not heard the Watchog get up from his seat and approach the entrance to the woods. Absent and I were doing his best to avoid his gaze, but Madelief wasn't scared of him in the least, which I found to be somewhat impressive. He promptly pushed the center trees apart from each other, using what I assumed to be Strength, which revealed an entrance.

The entrance to Taalstad.

Madelief instantly started squealing in delight, and even I couldn't help but be awed by what I had just witnessed- and what I was currently witnessing.

"There it is~!" Madelief exclaimed, in a whisper.

I nodded, feeling both excited and scared at the same time. Mostly excited though, for reasons that should be obvious to you. When he was done, the Watchog turned to us and smiled, which washed away most of the nervousness I had felt before.

Still, that gaze, though...

"Alright," said the Watchog, "you three go enjoy yourselves in Taalstad."

"Thank you!" I cried happily.

"We will!" Madelief said.

"Well- at least Madelief and I will," I clarified. "Absent probably won't."

The Watchog paused. "I thought he said his name was Corbin West?"

"Nicknames," Absent said.

"Screen names, to be more specific," I told him. "It's short for the Absent Coder."

"Ah." The Watchog nodded. "That explains that, then. Anyways... have fun in Taalstad."

And with that, he stepped aside, revealing the newly-created wooded clearing that led to the town. I wasn't able to see what it looked like yet, but already my heart was beating rapidly with excitement- not only was I about to learn some new things about the Dutch language, but I was also about to experience probably the craziest part of Wereldia, and even if Absent wouldn't like it, I was almost certain I would.

And that Madelief especially would.

Happily, I waved over at the Watchog, still trying to avoid his gaze, while Madelief and Absent began to enter the clearing.

"Bye!" I called.

"See ya after you come out," said the Watchog.

I nodded, then began to enter the clearing myself- before all of a sudden I stopped as I realized that while the Watchog had gotten all three of our names, I hadn't gotten his. I figured that if I did know what it was, it would make me less scared of him-- and since this Watchog would be seeing us again after we had come out of Taalstad, I decided to ask.

I paused.

"Oh, by the way?" I asked.

The Watchog tilted his head. "Yeah?"

"What's _your _name?"

For a few moments, the Watchog just stood there, slightly puzzled, as if this was the first time he had been asked this question before. Then, solemnly, he answered:

"Bewijzen."

Well, that certainly sounded like a Dutch word.

"Beh-VY-zuh?" I repeated. "Hm. What's that Dutch for?"

"To prove," said the Watchog- whose name I now knew was Bewijzen.

Yep.

Figured it was a Dutch word- and the fact that his name meant "to prove" in Dutch was rather fitting, considering that proving our identities was his whole schtick.

I saluted him with a vine- already, now that I knew his name, I was less scared of him than I had been before.

"Thanks, Bewijzen," I said.

He nodded back at me- and as he did, a thought popped in my head.

I suddenly realized that, with the exception of the Vandertramps, who were immigrants, and Atepen and Nojiel, who I presumed were also immigrants, all of the Pokemon I had met or heard about so far were Dutch verbs- Bewijzen, Tillen, Gesloopt, Vernietigd, Pols (from slopen)...

All of a sudden, I was wondering what Dutch _nouns _were represented as here.

I didn't have any time to think about it further, however, as I was quickly interrupted by Madelief's voice bursting in from behind the wooded clearing-- and she sounded excited as all heck.

"OGHOND! YOU NEED TO COME OUTSIDE AND SEE THIS PLACE! IT'S AMAZING~!"

Startled, I ran through the wooded clearing, having forgotten that both Madelief and Absent had already gone in. I waved another goodbye to Bewijzen as I did so, and he promptly waved back at me before quickly returning to his desk and shutting the wooded clearing back up.

By the time I made it outside, I was panting and sweating, and could barely even speak.

"Yeah, yeah..." I muttered. "I'm here... sorry I took so long, I was just saying goodbye to Bewijzen before entering-"

And then I looked up- and all of a sudden I couldn't say anything more.

Taalstad was, in a word, absolutely beautiful. It had houses, bakeries, a huge bank, and a brick-paved road that stretched across every single corner of the place. It also had a giant sign in front of it saying **_WELCOME TO TAALSTAD, WERELDIA: PROBABLY THE CRAZIEST PLACE YOU WILL EVER VISIT._**

Absent probably thought exactly that.

And the sign was right, because Taalstad was likely also absolutely crazy. I didn't see anything crazy about it, though- other than some of the inhabitants. One of them was- as Dr. Vandertramp had stated- a Politoed that was happily walking around carrying a shield, but there were also Poliwhirl, Greninja, and Toxicroak, regular and Shiny, who were all carrying the same thing. Additionally, there was also a Bewear that was washing itself, as well as probably the strangest-looking Boltund I had ever seen- namely, it was a Boltund that was blue instead of yellow, and it had wings for ears. It was almost as if Wereldia was a completely different region altogether, and this was a Wereldian Boltund.

I had no idea what the heck any of this meant, but one thing was for sure-- I was absolutely going to love this place.

"Holy crap..." I muttered to myself, before turning to Madelief. "Why in the world would they cut this place off from the rest of Wereldia?! This is amazing!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" squealed Madelief in excitement. "That blue dog with the wing-ears is SOOOOOOOOOO cute~! What Pokemon is it?!"

"A Boltund," I said, "except... normally Boltund don't look like that."

"Oh?" Madelief tilted her head- though, considering that she was a Hoppip, it would be more accurate to say that she tilted her entire body. "What _do _they look like?"

"This," I responded, loading up my phone and showing her a picture of a regular Boltund.

Madelief promptly ran up to it and gushed.

"OH MY GOSH!" she exclaimed. "HE'S SOOOOOO CUTE~!"

Almost instantaneously, she ran up to my phone and began nuzzling the picture of the Boltund as though it were real.

"Can we have one?!" she pleaded.

I laughed somewhat nervously, before pulling the phone away.

"Uh... Madelief, Boltund are Electric-type Pokemon," I explained.

"So?" asked Madelief.

"So Absent would be weak to them," I said.

"Ohhhhh...!" Madelief said. "Okay, then, we probably shouldn't get one... BUT HE'S ADORABLE~!!"

"That is something I think we can both agree on," I replied, smirking.

And mere seconds after saying that, all three of us heard a voice coming from directly ahead.

"There they are~!"

Startled, we turned towards its source- only to find that it was the Politoed carrying the shield- and he looked happy to meet us, too. The rest of the Taalstadians cheered upon seeing us, and I half-expected that the Politoed would charge on top of us in delight, much as Pols had done when we first met him.

Thankfully, though, he didn't.

Instead, he skipped right up to us, before hugging me, Madelief, and Absent in unison- the latter of those three looked a bit uncomfortable.

Then again, though, I would expect nothing less from Absent.

"Oh... we don't know how happy we are to see you!" cried the Politoed. "We've been waiting for visitors since quite literally the day we were founded, but no one's come to see us- well, besides Dr. Vandertramp, of course, so we hired Bewijzen to see if any tourists would step foot in our town, and we just so happened to get the news that we'd be getting _THREE _of them?! Well, that was quite possibly the best news that any of us have heard all day!"

He promptly held out his three-fingered hand for me to shake, and I gladly extended my vine and took it.

"My name's Bewaken, by the way," he said. "I got that name because of my shield. Oh, and also because I guard the citizens of this town from the giant cannibalistic Greedunt that's said to go around this place. There are a lot of Skwovet here, by the way, in case you didn't know that, so I'm trying to keep them all safe. Anyways, what are your names, because Bewijzen didn't tell us those, he just said that three tourists were visiting and that one of them was born a month and nine days before the saddest day in the history of the altream."

Good god, this Politoed was pretty much as talkative as me and Madelief, if not even more so. Of course, though, I liked talkative Pokemon and people- if the fact that I was friends with Madelief was any indication.

I smiled, then let go of my vine.

"Do you want my real name or my screen name?" I asked.

"Either is fine," said Bewaken.

I decided to give him my screen name just in case.

"I'm oghond," I said.

"oghond?" Bewaken repeated. "Wonderful name." He walked over to Absent. "And _you_ are?"

"Call me Corbin," he said, slightly dismissive.

Beat.

"_CORBIN?!_" Madelief and I both cried.

Well, _this_ was certainly a shock— I had at least expected that Absent would have said the same thing he said to Tillen, but the fact that he was willing to have Bewaken refer to him by his _real name_ certainly said a lot.

"W-why not Absent?" I asked, still flabbergasted beyond belief.

"There's no reason to be afraid of someone knowing your name," Absent said.

"Y-yeah, true," I said, "but what about Tillen?"

"He knows what Absent's name is," said Madelief.

"Yeah, except he told Tillen to call him Absent, which is what I expected would happen with Bewaken," I explained.

"Oh," said Madelief.

"I mean, it's fine," I said, turning to Absent. "Bewaken can call you by your real name if he wants to, and you can prefer that he call you by your real name; I was just expecting that given your previous interactions with Tillen, Pols, the judge, and Koffie, your response would be 'my name's Corbin, but please call me Absent.'"

Absent grunted noncommitedly.

"I'll stick with Corbin, thank you," said Bewaken cheerfully.

I smiled. "Then Corbin it is. Oh, and that's Madelief. She's the only one of the three of us here who's Dutch."

"Hallo~!" Madelief cried cheerfully.

Instantly, Bewaken broke out into a huge smile and ran up to Madelief before hugging her.

"_Je bent Nederlands?!_" he asked, excitedly.

"_Ja~!_" Madelief said. "_Ik ben zo blij dat _je _zo blij bent dat ik Nederlands ben! Dit is waarschijnlijk de beste dag van mijn hele leven!_"

Oh, boy.

She was speaking Dutch-- this was really exciting. For months Madelief and I had exchanged messages in Dutch through the power of me using Google Translate, which was surprisingly accurate in regards to Dutch translation. This, however, was the first time that I had ever heard Madelief actually speak the Dutch language out loud that was not any word containing a Dutch G or sounds like it (CH, SCH), and even though I couldn't understand any of it, it was fun picking out the words that I did know.

That being said, I had no clue what the heck _waarschijnlijk _meant.

Absent, of course, looked extremely confused- since he didn't speak a single word of Dutch. He didn't try to stop her, however, which ultimately proved to be a good thing.

You'll see what I mean in just a bit.

As for Madelief?

She was going on and on in Dutch:

"_Ik bedoel, ik wist niet dat er nog een heel deel van Wereldia was! Dat is zo cool! Denk je dat je de rest van mijn vrienden mee kunt nemen op een rondleiding door de stad?_"

Okay, I caught "Wereldia"; the second sentence was obviously "that's so cool"- thank you, cognates- and I also caught a few words I did know- at the very end she said something about going through the town.

Because "stad" means "town," "de" is "the", and what do you do with a door in English?

You go_ through_ it.

So "door de stad" meant "through the town," and I caught "mijn vrienden," too- "my friends".

Ergo, my logical assumption based on everything I knew was that she had just said something to Bewaken about going through the town with her friends- namely, myself and Absent. Bewaken, of course, was listening in the whole time, and when Madelief had finished, he happily jumped up and down and nodded his head in excitement.

"_Ja, ja!"_ he said happily. "_Natuurlijk neem ik je vrienden mee door de stad!_"

Okay, _that _I got perfectly fine- "_natuurlijk_" meant "of course," and while I didn't know what _neem_ meant, I was able to guess it based on everything else I had heard:

**1)** "natuurlijk"="of course"   
**2)** "ik"="I"  
**3)** "je vrienden"="your friends"  
**4)** "door de stad"="through the town"

The logical blank was promptly filled in- he was saying "of course I'll _take _your friends through the town", and instantly, I lit up in excitement.

"You're taking us on a tour of the town?!" I gushed.

Bewaken turned to look at me in shock, as did Madelief, though her shock quickly made way for pride and happiness. Even _Absent _seemed surprised that I was able to translate the sentence that fast, as he promptly looked at me with the same "pride yourself, you sound experienced" expression that he had given me when the Pols trial had ended.

"How in the world were you able to guess that?!" Bewaken gasped. "Do you speak Dutch, too? Yes, I'm taking you three on a tour of the town!"

"YAY~!" I cried happily.

"But more to the point-- do you speak Dutch?!"

"Not fluently," I admitted, then suddenly burst into it myself: "_Maar ik ben het aan het leren!_"

"You're learning it?" Bewaken asked. "Well, no wonder you were able to translate that sentence so easily!"

"Yep..." I responded, chuckling to myself.

"That's incredible!" cried Bewaken. "Oh... the locals will be so happy to meet you! Would you like me to introduce them to you now?"

"WOULD I?!" I cried happily.

"Of course!" said Madelief.

Absent simply shrugged.

"Alright, then!" cried Bewaken. "If you would just follow me this way, please."

We did so, and eventually, Bewaken had led us to the shield-holding frog-Pokemon threesome that I had seen upon first entering the town: the Poliwhirl, the Greninja, and the Toxicroak, all three of whom were of normal coloration. Upon seeing the Politoed, the three of them ran up to him, and promptly exchanged high-fives and said some stuff in Dutch that neither me nor Absent were able to catch a single word of. Eventually, the Politoed turned to us and gestured to the three of them.

"Visitors," he said, "these are Beschermen, Opslaan, and Vergiftigen."

He gestured, in turn, to the Poliwhirl, the Greninja, and the Toxicroak- I once again happened to notice that all three of them were once again Dutch verbs.

"Hello~!" Madelief cried, waving at the three of them.

Absent and I did the same, except we didn't say anything.

"Greetings," said Beschermen.

"We are... delighted to meet you," said Opslaan.

I couldn't help but giggle upon hearing Opslaan's voice- as I had expected from a Greninja, it sounded very much like Gollum, but the contrast was still hilariously jarring all the same. Opslaan tilted his head in response to this.

"What...?" he asked.

Eventually, my giggling subsided and I looked up at him.

"Sorry," I said, trying my best to keep it together. "It's just that... you sound like Gollum and it's hilarious!"

Opslaan, thankfully, wasn't offended by my comment, and chuckled.

"Yes..." he said. "I get that a lot. Especially from Vergiftigen."

The Toxicroak stumbled back in disgust.

"WHAT?!" he bellowed. "I don't think I say it to you that much!"

"Oh... but you do," said Opslaan teasingly. "All the time, in fact."

He chuckled.

"NO I DO NOT!" shrieked Vergiftigen.

"Some friends you have," Absent muttered.

Bewaken giggled. "Who, me? Oh, sure, they fight a lot, especially when you have someone as abrasive as Vergiftigen on the team, but believe me, the Shieldtoads are the greatest guard team in the history of Taalstad!"

Beat.

"The... what?!" I asked.

"The Shieldtoads," said Bewaken.

The... _Shieldtoads?_

The name was so hilariously literal that Absent and I turned to look at each other, while Madelief burst out laughing- presumably due to how silly the name _Shieldtoads _was.

"Well, that's the most literal name I've ever heard," I said simply.

"I'm guessing you don't have _Battle_toads..." Absent remarked.

"Nope!" said Bewaken. "We just have Shieldtoads."

"That's funny," said Madelief, giggling. "You don't look like turtles."

Turtles?

Where the heck did turtles fit into all of this?

"Well, of course we're not turtles," said Bewaken. "We're literal shield toads-- toads carrying shields. And there's a lot more, of course."

He led the three of us over to the Bewear, who was still sitting in the bathtub and washing itself off.

"Hey, Wassen!" Bewaken called.

The Bewear stopped washing his body and turned to face Bewaken.

"We have visitors," said Bewaken, gesturing to us.

"Hi!" I said, waving at him.

Almost instantaneously, the Bewear got out of the shower and began looking the three of us over extensively. It was as if he was doing some sort of inspection of our bodies- and Absent, of course, was very uncomfortable about this.

Then, after a moment:

"False alarm," said Wassen, standing up. "You all look clean. I don't need to wash you."

I blinked.

"You... wash Pokemon?" I asked.

"Of course I do!" Wassen said sternly. "And I am very meticulous about it, thank you very much."

"Um... okay...?" I said, a bit unsure.

Madelief, meanwhile, giggled. "You're a wash-bear!"

"I am," said Wassen matter-of-factly.

"But... you're not a raccoon," she added, in confusion.

Absent and I looked at each other again.

First turtles and now raccoons? What in the world was Madelief going on about?

"We call them trash pandas," Absent remarked. "Sometimes."

"Well, I am certainly _not _a trash panda," said Wassen. "Trash goes against every fiber of my being."

"We can tell," I said, giggling slightly.

"Of course you can," Wassen said, a bit sarcastically. "Now, if you will..."

He shooed us away, and the three of us promptly returned to Bewaken.

"Bye!" called Madelief.

She turned to us, while Wassen went back to washing his body in the shower and the four of us continued to walk around Taalstad.

"Wow, first a group of shield-toads and now a wash-bear?" she asked. "This place _is _pretty crazy."

"We already noticed," I said.

"You're considerately killing me here, Maddy," said Absent.

Madelief gasped.

"Why would I do that?! I would never kill anybody!"

"Figuratively - this place is driving me mad. Madder than Wereldia, madder than Koffie, madder than my family, even."

"Oh...!" said Madelief.

"Wait," I said, turning to Absent. "This place drives you crazier than Wereldia? How is that even possible?!"

"Remember how I compared Wereldia to Wonderland? Both of those places have at least some sense of reason. This place? I dunno what in _Arceus'_ name is going on with the naming conventions here, but everyone's too proud of themselves. It's like getting swarmed by natives the moment you drop a single word in their language, except I only came out of guilt. And imagine if all of those natives were more literal than Koffie, with their origins being more nonsensical than that I Am The Walrus song."

"Wait, what's Koffie?" Bewaken asked.

"The _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_," I explained. "It's a giant ship that the three of us are traveling on. We're trying to go around the world teaching languages, and Dutch is one of them. Of course, in order for me to accurately _teach _Dutch, I have to _learn _Dutch, and that's why I came here. Dr. Vandertramp mentioned in his speech that this place valued some of the more... literal eccentricities of the Dutch language."

Bewaken chuckled. "That it certainly does."

"We can tell," I said. "Madelief, of course, came here because she _is _Dutch, and Absent, as he said, only came out of guilt."

"Corbin only came out of guilt?" Bewaken asked. "W-what was he guilty about?"

"Mocking me behind my back," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh," said Bewaken. "Anyways... you mentioned that we were literal, Corbin? That's... yeah, that's fairly accurate. Dutch is certainly one of the more literal languages out there. I don't know if we're more literal than the ship, though; since I don't know how literal the ship _is..._"

"Literal enough that despite both parties speaking English there's _still_ a language barrier."

"Hm," said Bewaken.

He paused- then suddenly facepalmed.

"Silly me!" he said cheerfully. "I still need to introduce you three to Rennen!"

We looked at each other, and all three of us were thinking the exact same thing:

"Rennen?"

\-----------------------------------------------------

Rennen, as it turned out, was the blue Boltund with wing-ears, and he was just as fast as Alle was, but definitely not as busy. In fact, Rennen could best be described as Alle as a dog, minus the fast-talking- his voice proper sounded like exactly like you would expect a so-called "wind-hound" to sound like. His behavior was actually a lot like that of Reentre's, except for the fact that he didn't have a snobbish twin brother for him to be afraid of.

Rennen could just be a friendly dog, and I liked that.

Of course, meeting Rennen wasn't the end of it, because Bewaken promptly introduced us to Groeien, a Flapple that lived underground and would shoot up from underground in order to meet other Pokemon. He was rather intelligent, but had a habit of continually referring to Absent as "Corbin West the Absent Coder"- and when I say "habit" I mean he did it _all the dang time_, as if he actually believed that Absent's full real name was "Corbinwesttheabsentcoder" all strung together into one word.

Oh, and he also called himself an "earth apple," which Madelief, as per the usual, found hilarious.

And then there was a giant Garbodor named Zuigen who talked entirely in hulk speak- he called himself a "dust-sucker" and would, as the name implied, suck up dust as though he had a vacuum in his mouth. If there was a speck of dust anywhere, he would eat it up in about 22 seconds, and due to this, he was very good friends with Wassen, if not Wassen's best friend.

I liked all three of them- Rennen was a cute, friendly, dog; Groeien was about as intelligent as Absent was save for his whole "Corbinwesttheabsentcoder" bit; and Zuigen was just funny to be around with- and I found his hulk-speak endearing. Madelief liked them, too, though she seemed more interested with the fact that they referred to themselves as a "wind-hound," "earth-apple" and "dust-sucker" than anything else.

Absent found them crazy.

The only one he could even remotely tolerate was Groeien, and even then his habit of calling him "Corbinwesttheabsentcoder" was getting on his nerves a _lot_. By the time Bewaken wanted to show us the buildings in the town, Absent promptly declined. Even I was starting to feel a little uneasy, and told Bewaken that we wanted to take a break for a little bit.

Fortunately, Bewaken was more than happy to allow us to do exactly that, and presently myself, Absent, and Madelief were still talking to Rennen, Groeien, and Zuigen.

Okay, more accurately, Madelief was talking to them. Absent and I were talking to each other.

"So, Madelief..." Rennen panted happily, "what do ya think of this place? It's fun, isn't it?"

Madelief giggled. "I sure think so! I... don't think Absent does, though. He told me earlier that this place drives him crazy..."

"WAAR ABSENT HET OVER?!" Zuigen boomed. "DEZE PLEK NEE GEK! DEZE PLEK GEWELDIG!"

Madelief giggled.

"You mean '_Waar heeft Absent het over? Deze plek is niet gek! Deze plek is geweldig!_'?" she asked.

"YES," said Zuigen simply.

"Translation?" Absent asked. "My ears are burning!"

"Zuigen says you have no idea what you're talking about when you say that this place is crazy," Madelief responded. "He says it's awesome, and I think so, too!"

"Who is he to dictate my opinions?!" Absent asked indignantly. "If I think this place is crazy, then I should be able to say I think it's crazy! Who are you to wave your finger, sunk eye-deep in the muddy waters of your own biases?"

"Corbinwesttheabsentcoder-"

"And stop calling me that!"

"My humblest apologies- but he has a point, Zuigen," said Groeien. "One is allowed to think whatever they want about this town, and if someone says it's crazy, then they are firmly allowed to think that it is crazy."

Zuigen looked down, sadly. "ZUIGEN SORRY. ZUIGEN JUST LOVE THIS PLACE."

"And the fact that you think that is perfectly fine," I said.

"Indeed," said Groeien. "Have you not been to the game between the North Cats and the South Cats in mainland Wereldia?"

"NO," said Zuigen matter-of-factly.

"That game was awesome~!" Madelief cried happily. "We got to see the North Cats and the South Cats have a truce, and also oghond learned how to pronounce the Dutch G!"

"You were there?" Groeien asked. "Interesting."

"Jep!" Madelief said. "Absent and oghond were there, too~!"

"So that means that you, oghond, and Corbinwesttheabsentcoder-"

"Strike too many."

"Strike?!" Rennen instantly perked up. "Is this baseball? Are we playing baseball?"

"No, Rennen, we are not playing baseball," said Groeien.

Rennen sank. "Oh."

"Absent was saying that you've called him 'Corbinwesttheabsentcoder' so many times that I don't know what the heck he's going to do now, but it will _not_ be good," I explained, slightly terrified.

"Was that what you were saying, Absent?" Rennen asked.

"Is the Pope Catholic?" Absent asked.

"Yes," said Groeien. "He is indeed Catholic."

"Everyone knows that!" said Rennen.

Beat- the realization suddenly came to him, and his eyes widened in shock.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~!"

"Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Or, as we say in Comp. Sci., garbage in, garbage out."

I knew what Comp. Sci. stood for- it was an acronym for Computer Science. Rennen and Zuigen, however, tilted their heads-- apparently either Taalstad didn't teach computer science, or neither of them had heard the abbreviation before.

Based on their response, I assumed it was the latter.

"COMPSCI...?" asked Zuigen. "WHAT THAT?"

"Is that the name of a new Pokemon?" Rennen asked. "They sound cool! Where are they?! Can I play with them? Is there a Compsci anywhere around here?"

He began happily running around the town square, seeing if he could find a "Compsci" anywhere. Of course, he couldn't, because Compsci wasn't a Pokemon. Quickly, I held his nose, stopping him from moving any further, before giggling slightly.

"Rennen, there's no Pokemon called a Compsci," I said, laughing a bit. "Comp. Sci. is an acronym for Computer Science."

Beat. Rennen stared over at Zuigen, and both of them realized it.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!" they both said at the same time.

"ZUIGEN NOT KNOW THAT," said Zuigen.

"Yeah," Rennen agreed. "Why didn't you just say 'computer science', Absent?"

No response. Rennen looked around.

"Absent?" he asked.

Madelief and I looked around, and both of us saw that Absent had left. Presumably, he had headed for the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_\-- but I didn't know exactly why.

"ABSENT GONE," said Zuigen.

"Yeah, he must have gone back on board Koffie," I said.

"I hope he comes back soon!" said Madelief hopefully. "I don't know why he went to Koffie, but I still really, _REALLY _want to talk to him!"

"Me too!" said Rennen.

Zuigen and Groeien nodded in agreement. I, meanwhile, just stared out towards the horizon, with my first thought being of Absent and what the heck he was doing right now.

"Yeah," I said solemnly. "I hope he's okay."

\------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Headache exacerbated, patience tried, frustration boiling over, I quickly ran off in some attempt to reconstitute my sanity.

Having managed to run off far enough into another clearing, this one with a bit of a pond in it, I sighed and sat down beside it, looking out over it before my gaze fell upon my reflection, praying for the day that I got my humanity back.

What met my eyes was a sort of compromise, given the Pokemon I identified with most. Staring back at me from the water in my position, I saw a Dusk Lycanroc, its eyes gazing back at me unflinchingly, blinking and breathing in unison with me.

Talbain, I realized. The embodiment of my anger issues, my instinctual irritability given flesh.

He stared at me through the water, his growling voice permeating my brain so thoroughly I wouldn't even say that he talked to me.

** _Tell them what you really think of this place. Tell them how stupid everyone is here, them included for having fun._ **

_Who would I be to insult their opinions of this place?_

** _Someone who fired back at someone for doing the exact same thing._ **

_I don't want to be a hypocrite, though!_

** _Is that really your primary concern? What about your sanity? This place is chipping away at it. Let's take any excuse we can to get the hell out of here._ **

_No, I made a promise to Emily._

** _Don't martyr yourself for her. Let's go._ **

_No, _I decided.

At the word no, I held my eyes closed for a moment and looked at the water again, noticing that my reflection was what it should have been.

_I was so close to the end, though,_ I realized. _Almost went into that self-indulgent hole, ready to find peace in the emptiness._

_How pitiful_.

And with the sanity break complete, I took a few deep breaths and shook my head. It wasn't perfect, but I knew that he wouldn't break out again for a few more minutes at least.

\------------------------------------------

** _MEANWHILE..._ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

After a few moments of staring out into the distance, waiting for Absent to come back from- wherever he was- whether it was Koffie or some other place in Taalstad that I hadn't seen yet- the question suddenly occurred to me-- and I was pretty sure that Absent had been asking the exact same question to himself, too.

Namely:

What the heck was going on with this place's naming conventions?

More importantly, why was Madelief so amused by them?

Given what Dr. Vandertramp had said in his speech at Donkeybridge, I presumed all the naming conventions and literal-as-heck things that went on here had something to do with the Dutch language. The question was... what, exactly?

"Hey, Madelief?" I asked, finally turning away from looking at the distance.

Madelief, who had been chatting with Zuigen in Dutch while I was wondering about Absent's whereabouts, turned to me.

"Yeah?" she asked. "What is it?"

I paused, looking down for a few moments before speaking:

"What the heck is going on with this place, anyways?"

Madelief tilted her head- or body, really. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what the heck is the deal with all the shield-toads and dust-suckers and wind-hounds and wash-bears and more importantly why do you think that Bewaken and the rest of the Shieldtoads are _turtles_?"

For a few moments, Madelief just stared at me-- and then suddenly burst into laughter. I didn't think she was laughing at me, though, so I just decided to let her keep giggling until she had something to say.

Even though I was slightly confused.

And eventually, Madelief did speak, and her giggling subsided.

"Oh, oghond..." she said, still giggling a bit. "Do you know what 'turtle' is in Dutch?"

Did I know what turtle was in Dutch?

Well, that was a silly question- I was still learning Dutch!

"No," I responded, shaking my head. "Why?"

"Because turtle in Dutch is _schildpad_," said Madelief.

Beat. I looked up.

"_Schildpad...?_" I repeated.

"Jep!" said Madelief. "And you wanna know what's funny? _Schild _means shield, and _pad _means toad!"

Wait.

So that means that turtle in Dutch was...

"So... turtles in Dutch are... shield-toads?" I asked.

"Jep!"

I just sat there for a few moments, processing this new information that I had just learned.

Turtles in Dutch were _shield-toads_.

Which essentially meant that the Dutch language was saying that a turtle was basically a toad with a giant shield- its shell- attached to its back.

Almost instantaneously, I started laughing my butt off at how hilariously literal it was.

"T-that..." I was still laughing as I said it. "That's probably the most hilariously literal name for a turtle I've ever heard!"

"I know, right?!" Madelief cried, joining in.

"It's saying that a turtle is a toad with a giant shield on its back!" I said, still laughing.

"I know...!" giggled Madelief.

"What... what does this meant about Wassen, then?" I asked, my giggling starting to subside a bit. "You said he was a raccoon..."

"Because raccoon in Dutch is _wasbeer_!" said Madelief.

Or- washbear. Basically, Dutch was saying that raccoons were little mini panda bears that washed themselves.

I was laughing even harder now.

"And what about— and what about Rennen, Groeien, and Zuigen?" I asked, still laughing.

"Well, Rennen is a wind-hound," said Madelief. "That's greyhoundin Dutch: _windhond_. Groeien is an earth-apple, which is potato in Dutch: _aardappel_."

Dang it— I should have gotten that one! Potato was "earth apple" in French, too— _pomme de terre_, which I should have known given that I'd taken it for four years!

Though, incidentally, this meant that aardvarks were _also _named literally as heck— they were earth pigs.

"A-and Zuigen?" I laughed.

"He's a dust-sucker," said Madelief.

"Which is...?"

"A... vacuum cleaner!" Madelief giggled.

"OH MY GOD—!"

By this point I was laughing myself silly at how literal these names were, and- most importantly- that this crazy town celebrated all of these literal eccentricities. The Dutch language knew how fast greyhounds were— they were as fast as the wind, hence _wind-hound _was a very accurate description of how dang fast these things were. While potatoes weren't necessarily apples- at least not in terms of their general appearance, I _had _watched a VSauce video on misnomers, which taught me that back in the days when Old English was still a thing the term "apple" was used to refer to all fruits, not just apples, and given that potatoes grew underground, "earth-apple" was a pretty accurate descriptor.

And as for "dust-sucker"?

Well, that was the most obvious- sucking up dust was literally the function of a vaccuum cleaner!

And the fact that this town had a literal dust-sucking monster, a wind-hound, and an earth-apple was so dang funny that Madelief and I were still laughing about it even after the explanations set in. Rennen, Zuigen, and Groeien had joined in, too, and it was pretty nice to see them laughing about how dang funny their language was.

Still, though, there was one person who likely wouldn't think it was funny at all.

"A-Absent's going to go _nuts _when he hears about this," I said, my giggling fit finally subsiding for good.

"Yeah," Madelief agreed. "I'm pretty sure he is."

"When I hear about what?"

Absent.

He had returned.

Upon hearing his voice, Madelief and I turned to face him, before huge smiles of relief appeared on our faces. Madelief happily ran up to Absent, then hugged him with her leaves.

"Absent!" cried Madelief. "Thank goodness you're back! We were so worried about you!"

"oghond and Madelief were just talking about how hilariously literal our town was while you were gone," said Rennen. "When oghond realized what was going on with all the wind-hounds and the shield-toads and the wash-bears... she started laughing uproariously!"

"Yeah," I said to Absent, "you gotta hear about this town and this language! They are _so _hilariously literal that it's crazy!"

"Crazy-hilarious or crazy-annoying?" Absent asked.

I smirked.

"Probably both," I said.

\--------------------------------------------------------

And with that, Madelief and I told him everything.

We told him about the shield-toads; the wash-bears; the wind-hounds, dust-suckers, and earth-apples, and what they all meant when translated into Dutch. We told him about how the two of us were laughing our butts off due to how funny the translations were. We told him about how we were laughing our butts off due to how the town of Taalstad made fun of and literalized their own Dutch expressions even further.

And at the end of it all, Absent had only one thing to say:

"Of course you two would find it funny. When it comes to language-based humor, you guys laugh like hyenas with as much prompting as azidoazide azide."

Madelief and I blinked, as did the other three.

"Azidoazi- what?" all five of us asked in unison.

"If there's a puddle of it in a dark room and you so much as turn the light on, it'll explode."

"Ohhhhhhhh..." all five of us responded.

"Yeah, we figured you'd find the literalism of this language to be... a bit crazy, to say the least," I said, a bit sheepishly.

"A bit?" said Madelief. "He finds it _really _crazy!"

"Indeed he does," said Groeien.

"Oh, we certainly are literal," said Rennen. "But it's not just our regular words, you know- ever heard of name-words and work-words?

That instantly got my attention- what the heck were those?

"Uh... no?" I asked.

"Well, you should!" Rennen said happily. "They're only some of the most important features in any language ever!"

"They are?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Here's a hint— they describe themselves."

I thought about it for a few moments— then instantly facevined as I realized what they were. If name-words and work-words were terms that described themselves, then that meant that a "name-word" was a word that was also the name of something, and a "work-word" was a word that... well, _worked_.

Or, in other words...

"They're nouns and verbs," I said, laughing a bit at how stupidly literal their names were while simultaneously being disgusted with myself for not having realized that in the first place.

"Jep!" Madelief said. "_Naamwoorden_ and _werkwoorden_."

Absent, meanwhile, held his paws together in a gesture akin to prayer before tilting his head back, inhaling long and loud.

"**_BOI_**."

I was just sitting there, partly giggling over how dang literal the words were and partly proud of myself for being the only one other than Absent who understood that meme. The rest of the group, meanwhile, just blinked.

"...what?" asked Rennen.

"It's a meme from what you call 'the altrealm'," I explained. "He's basically saying that calling nouns and verbs 'name-words' and 'work-words' is the most stupidly literal thing in the world."

I giggled a bit.

"And I kind of agree," I said.

"Yeah, so do we!" Rennen added. "They're stupidly literal and we love them!"

"What the heck are pronouns, then?" I asked.

"Brace yourself, Absent," said Rennen, before turning to me. "_Voornaamworden_."

I instantly lost it and burst into a fit of laughter.

"FOR-NAME-WORDS?!"

"Yep!" Rennen said, tongue lolling out of his mouth.

"That's just as stupidly literal as the other two and I love it~!" I said, giggling like a lunatic.

Now, in case you've lived under a rock all your life and have no clue what a pronoun does- in which case, what the heck are you doing under there, almost everyone knows what a pronoun does- the name "for-name-words" pretty much describes its whole function for you.

It stands in for a noun and the Dutch took full advantage of that by _literally calling it by its function._

And it was _glorious_.

Well, at least I thought it was; Absent, meanwhile was Picarding and let out a groan of frustration, presumably due to how insanely literal this world- and by extension, Dutch- was.

"Guess— guess what conjunctions are," said Rennen, starting to laugh himself.

"I have no idea," I said.

"_V-Voegwoorden_," Rennen replied.

I instantly stopped laughing— I had no idea what the heck _voeg_ meant.

"What-woorden?" I asked.

"_Voegwoorden_," said Groeien.

"_Voegwoorden_?" I repeated.

"Yep," said Rennen.

"...what does _voeg_ mean?" Absent asked, his frustration palpable.

"It means 'joint,'" said Rennen.

And just like that, my mind put the pieces together and I started cracking up again- though not as much as I had the last time.

They were _joint-words_.

They were used to join clauses together.

Once again Dutch had struck again with hilariously literal words for their parts of speech.

Absent sighed in frustration.

"...what?" Rennen asked, tilting his head. "What's wrong?"   
  
“You get five guesses and the first six don’t count.”

“Ooh!” cried Rennen, getting up and spinning around in a circle. “ A guessing game! I love guessing games! Wait… I get five guesses and the first six don’t count? Don’t you mean the first _four _don’t count? Since, you know, four is less than five? Anyways, I’m just going to guess that you’re hungry- you want something to eat?”

Absent said nothing.

“Absent?” Rennen asked.

“He’s frustrated,” I said.

“Ohhh…” said Rennen. “Don’t know why he’s so frustrated, though.”

“Because your world is insane,” I said.

“Why would that frustrate him?” Rennen asked. “I love Taalstad~!”

Beat.

“By the way, does he have any idea what prepositions and adjectives are in Dutch?”

“No,” said Absent.

“They’re _voorzetsels_ and _bijvoeglijk naamwoords_,” said Rennen. “Or… for-types and at-jointly-name-words!”

I burst into laughter yet again. Clunky as both those names were, they still described the function of each word: “for” was a preposition, and every other preposition could therefore be considered a “for-type”; and adjectives were basically the “joints” of nouns.

“How hilarious is _that_?” Rennen asked.

“It’s _not_,” said Absent. 

Madelief and I giggled to ourselves- both of us thought that Absent's snarky-as-heck sense of humor was absolutely hilarious.

You, of course, should already know this.

Unfortunately, though, what happened next wasn't funny at all- in fact, it was downright _terrifying_.

We were all sitting there, giggling like pure and utter lunatics, when Bewaken approached us, as cheerful as ever. Upon seeing him, I waved my vine, and Madelief naturally did the same thing with her leaf. Absent, of course, just halfheartedly saluted him— which was to be expected.

"Hello~!" Bewaken said. "How is everyone doing? Are you ready to continue with the tour?"

"Not yet," I said. "We're talking to Rennen, Groeien, and Zuigen right now."

"Oh!" Bewaken said cheerfully. "And how are they?"

I shrugged. "They're fun."

"They're AWESOME~!" Madelief cried.

"ZUIGEN LIKE NEW FRIENDS!" boomed Zuigen happily.

"Yeah, yeah!" said Rennen, jumping around in excitement. "oghond and Madelief are amazing, and Absent is _really_ funny!"

Beat.

"In his own way, of course," he added.

"Well, that's goo-" began Bewaken— but then all of a sudden he paused and tilted his head. Confused, Madelief and I looked at him, as did Rennen, Groeien and Zuigen- and then we turned around and saw it.

I had known Absent longer than any other Pokémon (or person-turned-Pokemon, for that matter) in the group, so I was the first one to notice it- namely, Absent didn't just look uncomfortable. He didn't just look annoyed. He looked like he was just about ready to snap and let Talbain loose at any moment— and let me just say from experience that whenever Talbain gets out, it is a _terrifying sight to behold._ The second I saw his face, my heart began beating rapidly in my chest again- except this time it wasn't from excitement.

It was from _fear_.

Eventually, Madelief, Rennen, Groeien, and Zuigen noticed it too, and their faces quickly turned to that of concern, since they hadn't really experienced Talbain in the same way I had. I was the first one to speak— and when I did, my voice was trembling.

"A-Absent?" I asked, terrified out of his wits.

Absent said nothing, but I could tell that he was desperately trying to hold it back- and I didn't know whether or not it was for me, Madelief, or Rennen. The last two, along with Groeien and Zuigen looked at each other, their concern growing.

And then Groeien picked quite possibly the worst time to say it.

"Corbinwesttheabsentcoder?" he asked in concern. "Are you alright?"

That did it.

Almost instantly, Talbain didn't just burst out of his cage— he scratched, and he _drew blood_.

"THAT'S IT!" Absent bellowed as he gestured with a paw before flicking his paw up, engulfing Groeien in water before it froze solid via an accompanying Ice Beam. Bubbles of water appeared all around him as Absent exuded anger, paws crossed in front of his face in concentration.

"Entombed in the Blue Coffin," he started, more and more ice piling up before it visibly condensed.

"Skewered by the Blue Needles," he added as the bubbles of water dug into the Blue Coffin, leaving Groeien looking like some macabre pincushion.

"You shall die and return to the Blue Origin!" he finished as the pins began to spasm and deliver more lashes.

"You s---! THIS IS THE _END_!" he announced as the coffin collapsed on Groeien, leaving him on the ground, unconscious.

Rennen, Zuigen, Bewaken, Madelief, and _especially_ me were standing there in pure, unbridled disbelief as Absent heavily panted, regret slowly dawning on him. I had at least expected that Absent would have called everyone out verbally, as Talbain usually did, but what I absolutely did _not _expect was for him to physically _attack _Groeien and conjure up a blue coffin, blue needles, and a whole lot of bubbles before practically crushing him to death.

Not like Groeien was actually dead, of course, but the point still stands.

Everyone reacted differently, of course-- Rennen just stood there, shaking like a poor, beaten puppy complete with his tail tucked between his legs and ears pinned back. Zuigen instantly started bawling, thinking that Groeien had actually been killed. Bewaken stood there in shock for a few moments, before turning to glare at Absent and raising his shield while standing in front of Groeien's unconcious body. Madelief just stood there, mouth agape and jaw dropped in disbelief, likely thinking that there was no way Absent could sound- let alone attack like that.

And me?

I was so shocked, so terrified, so petrified by what had just occurred that the only thing I could let out was a small, horrified squeak of fear. I didn't want to speak- I didn't want to even look. The only thing I wanted to do right now was get the heck out of there before Talbain burst forth again and go absolutely crazy about how Taalstad was the most insane place in any dimension and how he never wanted to go there again as long as he lived.

So I did exactly that, and sadly motioned to everyone else to follow me out of the town square to continue the tour on our own. They did- Madelief took one single, hurt glance over at Absent before following me out of there- with the sole exception being Rennen. He didn't move. Or blink. He just stood there, terrified out of his wits, shaking, tail still tucked between his legs, before muttering sadly.

"Y-you're..." He sniffed. "You're not funny at all..."

And he left, crying his eyes out and not even bothering to look back.

\------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT'S POV_ **

As the red faded from my vision everything that happened finally caught up to me, playing back in slow motion like a highlight reel that would meet me in hell.

I gazed at my paws, metaphoric blood on them, having manipulated the water I had used to wound Groeien so... graphically.

_I thought I had got over my anger_, I realized as Talbain slept soundly in his kennel, his snoring acting as background noise to my flurry of thoughts that decked me across the face, each hit dealing as much damage to my psyche as I had delivered with the Blue Needles.

I heard the staggered breathing, but didn't feel like I deserved to.

I was in the clearing, but didn't feel like I deserved to be.

I could still manipulate water, but didn't feel like I deserved to.

I was still in the Koffiehuis, but didn't feel like I deserved to be.

I was still _alive_, but didn't feel like I deserved to be.

A slight splash caught my attention, Groeien having coughed up a little bit of residual water.

I quickly rushed over, hearing his breathing. He had fallen forward, but with a little effort I was able to push him onto his back. Placing my scalchop under his head, I got to work doing chest compressions.

"Een, twee, drie, vier, vijf," I whispered to myself as I pressed down with each count, using Dutch as some sort of halfway apology for endangering someone's life.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to put as much effort as I desired behind each compression, due to the fact that I didn't even break ten kilograms. It kind of hurt me, futilely pressing away at his chest in some vain effort to receive amnesty for such a violent display of anger.

After a few sets of five, though, I looked to his face and noticed his eyes flutter weakly. I looked away, wincing, fear of eye contact and judgment speaking to me louder than any pleading whisper ever could.

"C-Corbin..." he muttered.

My breathing caught in my throat. I turned my back to him. "It's too late for either of us to apologize," I considered. "You don't need to apologize to me, and apologies don't dress wounds."

"Y-you... you saved my life..." Groeien said, smiling. "T-thank you..."

"But I endangered it in the first place," I refuted. "I deserve the scorn of _everyone_."

"Everyone...?" Groeien muttered. "No... I won't scorn you."

"You have every right to. I nearly hospitalized you just because you used both of my preferred names," I started. "I got mad over a double standard - no one else did the same with Maddy "hypedgirl" Cornelisse or Emily "oghond" Roach. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes, and I don't deserve a chance to find out if exploring my downfalls leads to what happened with the Blue Needles."

"I don't think it will," said Groeien. "You saw that you had hurt me, you regretted it, and you promptly saved my life. The fact that you did that speaks volumes, to put it mildly."

"True," I allowed. "But any person with half a conscience would have felt regret for doing that, any person with three quarters of a conscience wouldn't have even attacked you, and any person with a _full_ conscience _wouldn't have gotten mad in the first place_."

"...You're saying you _don't _have a full conscience?" Groeien asked.

"I'm nowhere near as innocent as some people I know like to think. There's a number of skeletons in my closet, blood on my hands, lies on my lips," I started. "Sure, a lot of people have done things they're not proud of, but there are things I've done that I should have regretted before even thinking about doing them."

"...I would ask for an example, but I don't want to get too personal," said Groeien. "All I will ask is this- who thinks you're 'innocent'? oghond?"

"oghond, Maddy, Mom, Dad, some people who I was friends with before my college career's abrupt and tragic end," I summarized. "There's a facade I put on to muffle the thoughts I have about everything being incredibly frustrating. If you knew the me that I want to be, I would be a pariah faster than you can say "derivative"."

"Hm... you think _everything _is incredibly frustrating?" he asked.

"Everything involving interacting with others," I clarified. "It comes with the territory of being an Aspy, interacting with people is more physically draining on me than a half-marathon. Trust me. I know what both do to me."

"If that's true... then how did you get to become such good friends with oghond and Madelief?" asked Groeien. "You seem to interact with them fairly well."

"Don't tell them I said this, but being the superego to their ids is incredibly taxing on me," I started. "The both of them pull my focus in opposite directions, hollering for my undivided attention, oblivious to the other one demanding the same, and when I am inevitably unable to give them everything my focus provides me, they demand louder and louder.

"That or they just react much more passionately about the little things than they need to. I get it, count your blessings and all, but a song on the radio, someone knowing a term or even just starting a conversation with a friend is not worth the hullabaloo they give it."

"Are you saying that you don't like being their-" He paused. "No... no, that can't be right... if you didn't like being their friend you wouldn't even _be _friends..."

"It's better than the alternative of spending every day in silence with my only company being $200 in music, a gaming setup and a barren pantry," I retorted.

"So you _do _like being friends with them?"

"I _have_ to like being friends with them. No one said that means I have to like them. Before you ask how that makes sense, it's kind of the same as enjoying eating, but refusing to eat a certain food.

"It's weird, they're not ashamed to wear what others see as flaws on their sleeves. But when my skeletons poke their heads out from my closet, everyone else turns tail, screaming at others to stay away from me. Metaphorically, of course."

"Do you like _them_?" Groeien asked. "Not being friends with them, but as people?"

"... I can safely say I don't hate them, but there's less safety in saying I like them. The best way I can put it is that I can tolerate being around them for moments at a time, but when my patience is tested, and stretched... you've seen it - and me - _snap_."

"You don't attack them when this happens, do you?"

"That's because for the past two years we've been behind screens. There are times when I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and tell her to stop pinging me, I've got homework to do! ... But when I've snapped before it's usually been rather controlled. You were just unfortunate to be anonymous enough to me that I couldn't feel any regret behind the red haze clouding my vision."

"Until it was too late," said Groeien.

"After the fact, and when I felt the red fade, save for what was on my paws, yes," I allowed.

Groeien paused.

"You scared Rennen..." he muttered. "I think you should go back for him... and the rest of them, if you know where to look."

"I... can't," I said. "I'm sorry. It's just... too soon. Although I do have a bit of an idea..."

\--------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND'S POV_ **

Hoo-BOY.

To put it lightly, we were all still shaken even about 20 minutes after the event occurred. I was still in shock, and was completely stunned that Absent would even_ think _about hurting anyone else. Though, naturally, with this being Absent, he probably regretted it the second it happened- or, at the very least- the second it was _done._

Madelief had recovered from her state of catatonic shock and was now in a state of sadness, as were Zuigen and Bewaken. Poor Rennen, on the other hand, was still hiding in the trees, whimpering and shaking. He was clearly the most taken aback by the incident, and I was desperately trying to comfort him by petting his back and scratching him behind the ears- as Absent himself would have done. None of us said a word for about 20 minutes until Madelief broke in.

"I hope Groeien's okay..." she muttered.

"All of us do," said Bewaken.

"Yeah, me too," I said, sighing. "But more importantly, I hope that _Absent's _okay. I mean, you saw him just before he snapped and hurt Groeien-- he looked like he was clearly hurting."

"I'm sure he didn't actually _mean _it!" Madelief said, sadly smiling and still trying to be positive despite the whole situation.

Arceus bless Madelief Cornelisse; she is genuinely the happiest person I know.

"I'm sure he didn't," I agreed. "Talbain got out and clouded his judgement before he could even see what was going on, but the fact that Talbain was probably inside him from the second we stepped foot in Taalstad probably should have raised some alarm bells."

"Where is he, by the way?" Bewaken asked.

"Absent?" I asked. "I have no idea whatsoever."

"Do you think he might be coming back this way?" asked Madelief hopefully.

"I highly doubt it," I said. "Remember, this is Absent we're talking about here- when he regrets something, he regrets it to the point where he doesn't even feel like he deserves to _breathe_."

"Yeah, that's true," said Madelief. "Still, who knows? Maybe he has an idea planned..."

And then, mere moments later, I heard a voice.

"You were looking for Corbin West, the Absent Coder?"

I blinked- then looked up in shock. There was only one Pokemon I knew who addressed Absent by that title- and even then, Groeien wasn't saying it as one word anymore. The five of us all looked up- and sure enough, there was Groeien, looking no worse than he had prior to Absent attacking him. Delighted to see him again, we ran up to him in excitement.

"Groeien!" I cried happily. "You're okay!"

"We're so happy to see you all better!" Madelief said cheerfully.

Then- she stopped and looked around.

"Wait a second," she asked. "Where's Absent?'

I suddenly realized that Absent wasn't there, and for a few moments I was confused as to his whereabouts- until I heard a chuckle emerge from Groeien's throat.

"Corbin?" he asked. "He... well..."

I suddenly noticed that he was holding a piece of paper in his stubby claws, which he promptly gave to me.

"He wrote you this," he said.

Confused, I opened up the paper- and found a letter written on the inside, in what was unmistakably Absent's handwriting.

It read as follows:

_TO: oghond, Maddy, Rennen, Bewaken, and Zuigen:_

_So, I figure you guys want some degree of explanation to why I encased him in the "Blue Coffin". Truth be told, I really can't give one. This is just the burden I have to carry, the primal emotions I have to live with for my entire life. I can understand if you guys are mad at me, and don't want to forgive me, but that doesn't change the fact that the side of me you saw is the most accurate version of what the reptilian part of my brain wants me to be._

_Abrasive. Violent. Profane. Bloodthirsty. Irritable._

_None of those terms are associated with me, not because they never have anything to do with me, but because after 19 years I've managed to distance myself from them. But they're over the horizon, all the time._

_At heart, I'm incredibly irritable, but I don't want these feelings to flow within me. I'm just some teenager in a body that my old form could easily dropkick over a back fence, with no real way to vent these primal needs._

_I'm not saying that you guys are entirely angelic, or that I'm more sinful because I give in to instincts. I'm just saying that I want you all to at least think about my circumstances._

_A teenager who keeps his sanity via pop culture and sarcasm being thrown into some Dora the Explorer episode with two others who share the attention span of the show's audience, with my tour guide being as annoying as someone my age would find the show in question._

_If you don't want to forgive me, I get it. _**I** _can't forgive me. But I just needed to write down my feelings somehow, let someone know what I can discern from this mess in my brain._

_From the desk of_

_Corbin "The Absent Coder" West_

The four of us just stood there in total silence after we finished reading the letter, unable to believe what we had just read. This was, undoubtedly, the most personal Absent had ever gotten with any of us. None of us- especially not me and Madelief- knew just how much he was hurting on the inside-- we knew he had depression and anxiety, sure, but we didn’t know just how abrasive and bloodthirsty he, apparently, wanted to be. Madelief had tears in her eyes, Rennen was back to looking terrified, and as for me?

I was so stunned that it took me a while to speak.

“Oh my god…” I muttered. “I… I had no idea…”

“...he quoted my song…!” sobbed Madelief.

“That’s your biggest concern?” I said, sideeyeing her.

“N-no…” Madelief said, in tears, “but the fact that he quoted my song and says he has a mess in his brain means that he _believes_ that he has a mess in his brain!”

“Not just that,” I said. “He said that what we saw was the most accurate version of what his brain wants him to be.”

“B-but that’s not who he is!” cried Madelief.

“I know,” I said. “We gotta go and find him as soon as possible and tell him otherwise.”

“But… where in the world could he possibly be?” asked Bewaken.

“Probably in the same place we saw him last,” I said. “Let’s go, guys.”

The rest of the group nodded, before running off to go and find him, tell him that we forgave him, and- hopefully- bring him back into the Koffiehuis before getting out of Taalstad and back to mainland Wereldia.

I just hoped that _Absent _would be willing to return.

\------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT’s POV_ **

As per my idea I had stayed behind in the clearing, sitting in silence, staring at Talbain staring back at me.

** _Congratulations, idiot. You drove everyone away with that vulgar display of power._ **

_Cram a sock in it, you sedimentary simpleton - that was your idea._

** _And you put it into motion. This is all your fault. You are me and what you see is yourself._ **

_What, I should get mad at myself for something that’s not necessarily my fault?_

** _It’s not the first time and it definitely won’t be the last. You can’t blame some construct you made, there’s a reason “his face hit my fist” is a joke._ **

_But I don’t even know why I have you up there!_

** _Then why do you identify with Dusk Lycanroc?_ **

_…_

** _That’s what I thought. Shift blame onto your dark half, but whose back is casting the shadow he let stretch up and over him?_ **

_I am _not _going to be convinced to inherit your empire of dirt._

** _But these are _ ** **your ** ** _broken thoughts. As a voice inside your head, I am the hate you try to hide, the lie that you believe. An exit, the high you can’t sustain, the need for more, the truth from which you run._ **

_… Why can’t I let you stop controlling me?_

** _Because you let me do this to you._ **

“...Absent?”

My head snapped to look in the direction of oghond’s voice, but I didn’t want to approach. I simply elected to look as casual as possible, eyes out to the lake, an Oshawott’s gaze meeting mine.

“We got the letter,” said oghond.

I hummed a simple “hm”.

“We didn’t know that you felt like that,” oghond continued, walking up to me and putting a vine on my shoulder.

“None of us did,” said Madelief.

Bewaken, Zuigen, and Groeien all shook their heads in agreement.

I still didn’t respond- not verbally, anyway. My eyes turned to look at them, but the rest of me stayed still. 

Until...

*_whimper_*

The puppo.

I stood up and turned to look at them, said Boltund whose name I forgot’s legs quivering.

Hesitantly, I approached, stopping to toss my scalchop aside. The Boltund was still shaking; still staring up at me like I was some abusive owner.

“A-are you…” he stammered. “Are you going to hurt me with the Blue Needles…?”

“Why would I?” I asked.

“B-because you did it to Groeien…”

“Because he refused to learn. You’ve shown yourself to be much smarter already.”

“P-please don’t hurt me…”

“I’m not going to," I said gently. "I promise.”

He whimpered a bit, then stepped back slightly.

“Are you _sure…_?” he asked.

“My anger issues won’t flare up for at least a week after an episode like that.”

“O-okay…”

He paused.

“Are you really, _reeeeeeeeally _sure that you won’t hurt me or Groeien or Zuigen or Bewaken or oghond or Madelief? B-because after seeing something like that…”

“I said I promised, didn’t I?”

“Y-yeah… b-but that _really _scared me…”

“As it should have. Not that I want to scare anyone away now, but that’s kind of _why_ I have these issues.”

“T-to scare people and Pokémon…?”

“Because I like being alone. Until I don’t. And sometimes I _really_ want to be alone. Until I don’t. So when that _really _turns into _desperately, _judgment and reason are cast aside and all that’s left is indignation and profanity.”

“O-oh… okay…”

He looked down, still somewhat panicked and traumatized. Not that I could blame him, he must have been looking at me the same way a cop looks at a serial killer at an interview.

“...”

He whimpered. Nonstop.

I looked to everyone else, silently gesturing for them to continue if any of them had anything they wanted to say.

They didn’t.

I sighed, approaching the Boltund - Running? - enough that I could reach a paw for his chin.

He blinked.

“W-why is your paw under my- a-are you going to-"

“Look at me, Running.”

“Rennen,” said the Boltund sadly.

“Sorry. I’m… not that good with names. Just… just look at me.”

He did- still shaking and still slightly confused.

"I am _not_ going to hurt you," I said gently. "I _promise. _I absolutely _will not hurt you._"

And with that, I started scratching.

The Boltund blinked.

“Why are you scratching my- OHHHHHHHHHHHH SWEET ARCEUS THIS IS LIKE HEAVEN…!”

"See?" I asked. "Told ya."

He instantly perked back up and stuck his tongue out of his mouth.

“Bewaken, why didn’t you tell me that Oshawott paws feel like A SOFT AND FLUFFY WINTER SWEATSHIRT OH MY ARCEUS THESE ARE THE GREATEST CHIN SCRATCHES I’VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE~!”

He rolled over.

“Can you rub my belly…?!” he asked. “Pleeeeeease…?”

I couldn’t help but oblige, running my paws through the fur on his chest with visible energy.

“THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER…!”

He promptly got up and started licking my face repeatedly.

“Ohhhhh… thankyouthankyouthankyou--! I feel so much better now-- that was seriously the greatest belly rub I’ve ever had in my life-- the whole ‘Talbain’ thingy is still really scary though but I don’t care anymore because THAT FELT SO GOOD!”

“Do you get it now?” I asked. “You’re a victim to instincts you barely know you have. Rennun and affection, Emily and Rushaholicism.

“Me and anger.”

Rennen paused.

“Wait, who’s Emily?” he asked.

oghond raised her vine.

“Ohh~!” said Rennen. “Yeah, then I get it!” 

“Good,” I said.  
  
“But wait,” Rennen suddenly asked. “If this is on instinct, then how do I know that you won’t get so angry that you’ll hurt the rest of the Koffiehuis one day…?” 

“I can’t promise it. It’s just a trend I’ve observed. It’s held true for nineteen years, though.”

“So you _could _unleash Blue Needles on your friends one day?” 

“... I haven’t yet,” I weakly offered.

“That’s good… but I really don’t want it to happen.”

\-----------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND’s POV_ **

I had been watching Absent’s entire conversation with Rennen up until that point, and what I had seen was nothing short of incredible- and for the record, it was _not _because Absent had just comforted a dog. If I had been in the same place as him and saw a poor, shaking wind-based Boltund who was so dang terrified of me that he could barely move and thought I was going to hurt him with an attack straight out of anime, I would have done the exact same thing.

Okay, I likely would have gone for the ears first and not the chin, but still.

Regardless, that wasn’t why I was nearly brought to tears by what Absent had just done. No, the reason that I- and by extension, Madelief- were nearly brought to tears by what had just occurred was simple. In the letter, Absent had mentioned that the more reptilian part of his brain wanted him to be abrasive, profane, bloodthirsty, and so on, and he literally just told Rennen that he had instincts he couldn’t control.

Talbain was indeed a major part of Absent’s personality, and that was something that none of us could ignore.

And yet in that moment, he had proved to myself, to Madelief, and to the people in Taalstad the same thing he had proven when it came to HP’s fear of Mechination-- namely, he had Talbain, yes, but on those very rare occasions that only happened once in a blue moon he had something else entirely.

He had the complete, utter, and total opposite of Talbain- and _that _wasn’t something to be ignored, either.

And before you ask, no. It’s not OOCISB in this case, because of _course _the person most prone to panic attacks would know how to deal with them in regards to someone else-- that much was obvious. Rather, if Talbain represented Absent’s negative instincts, whatever this was represented a _positive _instinct that he likely didn’t know he had in the first place.

It wasn’t Talbain.

It was the exact opposite: Absent’s natural instinct to seeing anybody suffering from any kind of fear, anxiety, or the like.

It was something that was much more prevalent in me than in Absent, but when it was there, it was _effective_.

Very effective.

It was…

“Albitan,” I muttered.

Absent- and by extension everyone else- instantly turned to me when I said that word.

“Albi- what now?” asked Rennen.

I stepped forward, tears of joy still in my eyes at what I had just witnessed.

“You mentioned in the letter that your brain wanted you to be abrasive and irritable as all get out, right?” I asked.

Absent blinked.

“Yeah,” he said. “So?”

“That instinct is something that you cannot ignore,” I explained. “So you have Talbain.”

I paused.

“And you also have the exact opposite,” I said.

“Aaaaaaaand what does this all mean, exactly?” Absent asked.

“Simple, really,” I said. “If Talbain is what happens when your patience reaches its absolute limit, Albitan is what happens when you’re at the most patient you can possibly be- and the _only _times I have seen that happen are when someone else is suffering from a _very _severe panic attack and there are no other ongoing circumstances whatsoever. Think about it- you claim that your patience is as absent as your namesake, and yet you were able to comfort HP through _two _Mechination-induced panic attacks- very effectively, might I add.”

“The facade that I wear around the people I want to like me?” Absent asked. “Yeah. I want that to be the real me, so I call it Corbin.”

“Facade?” Madelief asked. “Absent, don’t be silly! We saw you comforting HP with our own eyes- that wasn’t a facade at all!”

“And we saw you comforting _Rennen _with your own eyes, and _that _wasn’t a facade at all,” I said. “Or at the very least, it certainly didn’t seem like it was a facade- it seemed like you did both of those things because you saw that someone was scared and panicking and you _genuinely wanted to be as patient with them as you possibly could_.”

Absent looked down, considering this for a few moments- and based solely on his face alone I could tell exactly what he was thinking.

Namely:

_Huh. Maybe she’s right._

Eventually, though, he spoke.

“I don’t know which one’s the real me,” Absent confessed. “The part of me who’s kind of personable, the part of me who’s kind of studious, or the part of me that’s indescribably aggressive.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” I said. “They _all _are. If they’re parts of you, then they _are you._ And…”

I paused.

“And we can forgive you for all of those parts.”

Yep.

Scary though he was, I forgave and accepted Talbain as a part of Absent- and a necessary part of him at that. It was essentially the same thing as me saying that I forgave him for what he had done to Groeien, and Madelief and the rest of the citizens of Taalstad clearly agreed with me, as all of them nodded in agreement when I said those words. Absent, meanwhile, looked at all of us in shock, almost as if he hadn’t intended for me to essentially say “I forgive you for Talbain’s entire existence.”

“Even if Talbain is… a bit scary sometimes,” Madelief admitted.

“A bit scary is a huge understatement,” Rennen said. “Talbain’s really scary.”

“But we forgive you,” said Groeien.

“AND HIM,” said Zuigen.

Absent blinked, then looked down for a bit, stunned into silence by what he had just heard. It was clear as to why- he didn’t think he deserved to be forgiven for what he did, much less for Talbain’s entire existence.

But there was a certain thing Absent had told me a few days prior that I think truly applied here.

“Yep,” I said, nodding in Zuigen’s direction. “Because I’m not friends with the you that doesn’t have those flaws. I’m friends with you despite them.”

“And so are we!” Madelief said, happily.

With that, Madelief, Rennen, Zuigen, Groeien and Bewaken all ran up to hug Absent. I didn’t, of course, but I was watching the whole thing with tears of joy in my eyes. Absent, of course, just reacted by pushing away the rest of them, before looking directly up at me and muttering in complete disbelief:

“Thank you.”

I smiled at him.

“_Dou itashimashite._”

“Now… can we get out of this place and go back to Wereldia?” he asked.

Beat.

“Arceus’ unholy flank, I can _not _believe I just said that,” Absent muttered, completely deadpan.

I giggled.

  
“Sure we can,” I said. “I think we’ve had enough craziness for the day given what happened with Groeien.”

“Yeah,” Absent agreed.

Another pause.

“Also I will pay you money if you never mention the name Albatross again.”

I smirked.

“It’s Albitan,” I said. “But okay.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

“Corbin West.”

_CLICK._

“Madelief Cornelisse.”

_CLICK._

“Emily Roach.”

_CLICK._

Bewijzen finished typing up our names into the computer as the three of us finally exited Taalstad and reentered mainland Wereldia. By this point we had said goodbye to all the Taalstadians, and while we were sad to leave them, we figured that we had all experienced enough craziness for the day. Poor Rennen was absolutely _devastated _to see us go, especially Absent- in fact when he found out Absent had to go he was practically jumping on him and begging him not to leave- but he was quickly comforted with a hug from Madelief and- naturally- a line from the Coder himself:

“Just because I’m not going to snap again doesn’t mean I’ll put up with this.”

Rennen, the poor wind-Boltund, promptly responded:

“B-but then I’ll never get to see you again…”

Yep, Rennen liked Absent _that much._

Absent’s response?

“That’s the reality we live in.”

Rennen promptly responded with a sad whimper that, I’ll admit, almost made me want to ask him if he wanted to join Koffie-- but in the end he just muttered “o-okay…” in a heartbroken voice and left. When we finally said our goodbyes to him he was crying and gave Absent about a bazillion licks to the face.

I’ll admit that I felt bad for him, but this place had driven Absent absolutely crazy.

But, ultimately when all three of us had left Taalstad, the first thing I did was turn to Absent and say:

“Okay, Absent, admit it-- you had to have felt bad for Rennen at least a little bit.”

Absent just shrugged.

“Come on~!” said Madelief teasingly. “He’s a cute puppy…!” 

“And he’s as mature and smart as the rest of us, right?” Absent retorted.

“Wait, are you saying he’s _not _mature and smart or that he is?” I asked.

“That he is - he can handle some blunt honesty, right?”

“Yeah, but he was still heartbroken,” said Madelief.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “He was able to handle it. Besides, Taalstad is literally one trip through the woods away from mainland Wereldia, so…” 

“Besides,” said Absent, “I’m just relieved that we can _finally_ get back to a more sensible environment.”

I smirked.

“I kind of have to agree with you there, Absent,” I said. “Even if I learned a few more things about the Dutch language from there, I don’t know if you’d want to go back to that place again.”

“_I don’t even want to entertain that idea._”

Madelief and I looked at each other and giggled.

“Yeah,” we said in unison. “We figured.”

“Still, though,” said Madelief, “you’re not afraid to be yourself anymore, sooooooo… that’s a good thing!”

“Yep,” I agreed. “It certainly is.”

And then, I looked up- and saw that we had reached the doors of Donkeybridge, Inc. Instantly, Madelief and I lit up and looked at each other in happiness.

“We’re back!” I cried.

“I can’t wait to tell Dr. Vandertramp about what happened on the trip!” Madelief gushed happily. 

Absent rolled his eyes.

The three of us entered the room- and when we did, Dr. Borrarden and Dr. Vandertramp were standing there waiting for us. Upon seeing us enter, the two of them ran up to us- Dr. Vandertramp was obviously much more excitable.

“oghond~!” he exclaimed.

I waved my vine in the air happily.

“Hey, Dr. Vandertramp!” I said.

“We went to Taalstad~!” Madelief cried.

The minute- no, the second that he heard the news, Dr. Vandertramp’s eyes practically bugged out of his skull. Dr. Borrarden, on the other hand, remained as calm as ever.

“You… you went to Taalstad?!” Dr. Vandertramp cried.

“Jep~!” said Madelief.

“How was it?!” asked the doctor, excitedly.

I laughed nervously.

“Oh… it was crazy,” I said.

“It was AWESOME~!” Madelief gushed. “Seriously, the natives were so much fun to be around!”

“Did you like Renner?” asked Dr. Vandertramp.

“Oh, we LOVED him!” cried Madelief.

“Well, I’m glad you two enjoyed it,” said Dr. Vandertramp, smiling a bit.

He promptly turned to Absent.

“And you…?”

Absent simply stared at him with _that _look before replying:

“I wouldn’t be caught dead there_._”

Dr. Vandertramp giggled to himself a bit.

“Yeah, somehow I figured that Taalstad would be… a bit too crazy for your tastes,” he said.

At that moment, Dr. Borrarden looked at the three of us-- and suddenly noticed Absent standing there, who he had never seen before in his life.

“You didn’t like Taalstad?” he asked, somewhat shocked. “W-who in the world do you think you are?”

Well, naturally, the three of us knew the answer to that, and I was just about ready to respond when Absent suddenly turned to me and raised his paw.

He knew exactly who he was-- and that was enough for me and Madelief to handle.

I nodded- before Absent saluted me, turned straight to Dr. Borrarden, and said matter-of-factly:

“Corbin West, The Absent Coder.”

_Heck yes he was._

**_EINDE_**


	14. TWELF: Plan #1123

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so funny story. This chapter and the next chapter were originally planned to be released on Christmas Day, but life got in the way and I had to shift the date to New Year's Day, so I could kick off the New Year with two new chapters. However, I ended up releasing this one ahead of schedule, and all I will say is that I'm very happy I did, because this is likely the most personal chapter I've ever written due to the subject it deals with. 
> 
> My birth. 
> 
> Ladies and gentlemen, this is Plan #1123, Chapter Eleven of Pokemon: SOSchip, and I'm warning you in advance that you should have some tissues prepared before reading. Every single thing I mention in this chapter that relates to my birth is 100% REAL. My parents have talked about it many times before at March of Dimes ceremonies. For the record, this chapter also marks the return of Absent's family- save for his father, and even though this chapter displays some of their more positive traits, I would like to once again warn you NOT to stalk, harass or bully Absent or any member of his family online or IRL. Please show them love and support. Thank you. 
> 
> Also, there is another SOSchip OST song in this, specifically My Chemical Romance's "Helena". Lyrics to their song are used at the end of the episode, and I would like to warn you in advance that I do NOT own MCR's Helena, or Pokemon. This is shorter than other chapters, but I still think you'll like it. 
> 
> With that said... ENJOY! And look out for Chapter Thirteen, "The Mark Will Be Made", coming very soon...
> 
> And of course, here's the link to "Helena" by MCR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_1tA0bpDQs

** _THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY PARENTS_ **

** _  
  
CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

I would like to start off this recap with a disclaimer. Namely, everything that I mention in this- at least the parts about my birth- is a true fact. Everything I mention that happened during my birth happened during my birth, even if I have no recollection of any of the events.

With that said... birthdays.

They're often regarded as the best day of the year that is not named Christmas, and it's not really that hard to see why. Birthday cake, presents (assuming you even get any as you get older), birthday wishes from friends and family, and the best part- it's a day that's wholly dedicated to you. Of course, there are many less than enjoyable things that can happen on a person's birthday-- see the Birthday Bash or anybody that was born on September 11th of before 2001 as an example. However, for the most part, a birthday is a very happy occasion that celebrates a very happy day for everyone involved with the person you're celebrating.

Note that I said "for the most part", because my birthday is... a little bit different.

Is November 23rd a happy occasion for my parents? Absolutely yes. Is November 23rd a happy occasion for me? Absolutely yes. Is November 23rd a happy occasion for everybody in my family? Absolutely yes.

Except, oh yeah, two big things I forgot to mention:

**1) **it was Thanksgiving Day when it happened, and more importantly:  
**2) **_that wasn't even supposed to be my birthday._

Yep, I was born 25 weeks gestation and came in at a whopping 14.7 ounces when I was born, and for anyone reading this who's saying that I'm making any of this up or exaggerating because I can't possibly remember any of it, I hereby redirect you to the disclaimer I made at the beginning of this recap.

Also, my parents were there, so they know it's true.

But regardless, November 23rd, 2000 was- when it happened- probably one of the most shocking days my parents had ever gone through since they hadn't expected me to come into this world until... March, I think. I don't remember. And when I came out at 14.7 ounces and 25 weeks gestation screaming and crying like every other baby in the world would- instead of being, you know, near death because I was a tiny, tiny baby- my parents and the doctors knew they were in for the fight of their lives.

A 6-month fight, to be precise.

I'll explain a lot more about exactly what that fight entailed later, but know that it involved a transfer between two different hospitals, a lot of surgeries, and a meeting that ended in newfound determination and my father cursing God towards the ceiling of CHOP. And yet, after all of that, I came home 6 months later and after 20 years am now a happy, healthy girl-turned-Bulbasaur living in New Jersey. Ergo, my birthday is not just a day to celebrate the fact that I've turned a year older, but a day to celebrate the fact that I beat all the odds and did what the doctors said I couldn't do: lived.

Which, to me, sounds like a pretty special day.

Of course, what I did not expect to happen when I woke up on my 20th birthday was that the main facet of the day wouldn't even end up being about me.

It would end up being about _Absent _instead.

Naturally, the day started on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_\-- the really weird thing was when it started and how it started.

Which was to say, exactly 12:00 AM midnight on November 23rd, 2020.

I had decided to go to bed at 8:00 PM the night before, so I could wake up fairly early the next morning. See, I had a bit of a plan regarding my birthday-- given that I was turning the big 2-0, I figured that the only way I could celebrate my 20 years of life on this Earth was by starting a huge script that I'd been planning for a few months, but never got around to actually completing until just then. To be exact, it was a play that told the entire story of my birth- and my family's reactions to it- called _14.7-- _so named because that was my weight when I was born. I would probably get a few details wrong, but the audience probably wouldn't care in the least- except, of course, if the people watching the play were my parents.

Then they would care.

That night, I had been having dreams about all the stuff the play would contain- my parents' undying faith in my survival, the role my maternal grandmother played in the whole thing, and so on- when all of a sudden I heard people whispering to each other behind me. I tried desperately to ignore them, but they kept coming-- and then I heard the light flicker on in my room.

Somewhat drowsily, I opened my eyes, curious to know what was going on, and almost instantly a blinding light flooded my vision. I looked around my room, only to see no one was there. The clock read 11:59 PM.

One more minute and it would be my birthday, and I would be 20 years old.

Now believing it to be a figment of my imagination, I shrugged, then laid down and started trying to go back to sleep-- only to be interrupted by five voices ringing in my ears mere seconds later.

"SURPRISE~!"

"GAH--!"

Startled, I instantly woke up-- only to find Madelief, HP, LF, Yuunarii, Bailey and Fudge standing there, all dressed in party gear and carrying presents. Madelief in particular was carrying a present which had the words **_VOOR OGHOND-- GELUKKIGE VERJAARDAG! _**on it in big bold letters, as well as a balloon which was shaped like the number 20. Upon seeing me, Madelief waved at me happily, and Yuunarii smiled and blew a party noisemaker.

I, meanwhile, just stared at them all in shock.

"W-what the heck did you do that for?!" I cried in indignation. "I was sleeping!"

"Sorry..." said Madelief, a bit sheepishly. "But we just had to surprise you and give you your gifts as early as possible!"

"Well, I mean, it is nice," I admitted, "and thank you for the gifts and balloon, but it's not even tomorrow yet, and I need to go back to sleep-"

But I was suddenly interrupted by Madelief giggling.

"Not even tomorrow?" she repeated. "Oh, oghond...! It _is _tomorrow! It's 12:00 midnight!"

"Happy birthday!" cried HP.

_What?!_

Startled, I turned straight towards my clock-- only to find that, sure enough, it now said 12:00 AM.

It was November 23rd, 2020.

I was now 20 years old.

This, naturally, only meant that Madelief-- who was basically the Koffiehuis equivalent of Pinkie Pie-- had called up the entire rest of the Koffiehuis to surprise me at exactly 12:00 midnight- the first second of my birthday.

I turned to the rest of them in slight shock.

"Oh..." I muttered. "W-well... thank you. Really, I mean that. I- I'd just like to open that gift at a _slightly _later time, because I _really _need to get back to sleep..."

I laughed nervously, then took the gift from Madelief and set it down beside my bed.

"Besides," I said, "isn't Absent sleeping?"

I had noticed that he wasn't there, so my natural assumption was that he was trying to sleep, and that he was going to wish me _tanjoubi gozaimasu _in the morning— which is what he had done when I turned 19, albeit it had been over voicevid. The instant I said Absent's name, though, the rest of the Koffiehuis turned to look at each other— and I noticed that every single one of them was giving each other a nervous look.

I blinked.

"W-what?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

Now it was Madelief's turn to laugh nervously.

"Y-yeah... about Absent..." she said.

Oh god.

Chills instantly went down my spine- had something happened to him?

"What?" I asked, more concerned and forceful. "What about him?"

The Koffiehuis continued to look at each other, unsure of what to say- before LF sighed and stepped forward.

"We... did not tell you that he imposed self-exile on himself, did we?" she asked.

Well, that was a bombshell.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked.

———————————————————————

Well, there went all my plans to write _14.7._

For a few moments all I did was gape in shock at the rest of the Koffiehuis, a thousand questions running through my head. What exactly did LF mean by "self-exile"? Why did he put himself into self-exile?

And most importantly of all... _where the heck was he?!_

I didn't even know why he would do it- just a few days ago he seemed to not have been afraid to be himself anymore, after all- so hearing this was a _major _shock to me. The rest of the Koffiehuis still looked at me in nervousness, and I was in turn still not speaking; still looking at the Koffiehuis as though all of them had two heads or more; still questioning why Absent would even exile himself in the first place.

Eventually, after a while- and a few more glances from the rest of the Koffiehuis- I finally found the courage to respond.

"W-why?!" I asked, stunned. "What do you mean, he decided to exile himself?"

Madelief nervously chuckled.

"It's... a bit of a long story," she began.

"I don't care how long it is, I just want to know what happened," I said urgently.

Good god, I sounded like Absent when I said that.

Madelief looked at the rest of the Koffiehuis for a second, before Yuunarii promptly shot her a look and gestured to me as if to say _just tell her._

And, albeit a bit reluctantly, tell me is exactly what Madelief did.

"Sooooo... you remember the whole thingy with the Blue Needles, right?" she asked.

I promptly shot her _that _look.

"How could I forget?" I said. "That was literally just a few days ago."

"Well... I told the rest of the Koffiehuis about it," said Madelief.

And why wouldn't she? HP, LF and Yuunarii probably would have wanted to know what had happened as soon as we had returned from Taalstad, and considering that the first thing I did upon returning back to Koffie was go up to my room and listen to Wereldian radio, I didn't hear Madelief tell them.

"Aaaaaaaaand...?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as best I could.

"Aaaaaaaaaaand... the rest of the Koffiehuis weren't really happy with him. Let's just put it that way."

"Indeed," said LF, stepping forward. "I may have told him that what he had done was... very much unnecessary, in a much harsher way than I had initially intended. Absent had protested that what he had done was on instinct, but I pointed out to him that... what was the name of the Flapple again?"

"Groeien," Madelief and I said together.

"Groeien, yes, thank you," said LF. "I told Absent that Groeien had done nothing wrong, and that he should not have acted in anger, even if it was on instinct and even if he did save his life afterwards."

"U-und then vhile you vere sleeping last night he took Koffie to California," said HP.

And the instant she said California, everything clicked.

"And he just... left?" I asked.

Madelief nodded.

I looked down, trying to process this.

"No wonder I didn't see him all day yesterday," I said to myself. "I just thought he had locked himself up on the ship, though. I didn't realize that he had actually gone to California."

"Did you see the note he left on the door of his room?" asked Madelief.

I blinked- I hadn't seen any note on the door of his room.

"No...?" I said.

"You _might_ want to read that," she responded. "It'll tell you everything."

If I was half-asleep before, I definitely wasn't now.

"Can you show me it?" I asked urgently, sitting up out of my bed.

"Sure," said Madelief.

The rest of the Koffiehuis nodded.

And with that having been decided, the six of us went upstairs to Absent's room. By the time we had approached it, the door was locked- as it had been for the past day- but for the first time I noticed a note taped to the front of the door. I looked closer and immediately recognized the chicken-scratch handwriting I was seeing as Absent's.

Madelief nudged me forward.

"Go on, read it," she said.

I looked up at the note and read aloud:

_TO: oghond, Maddy, HP, LF, Yuunarii, Bailey, and Fudge_

_Given recent events it's kind of hard to trust myself in this kind of setting._

_I'll be in California for a few days, trying to find a good amount of Lexapro - which apparently stabilizes my mood - to prescribe myself for this new form._

_Once I get back things should be much more sanguine._

_\-- _晃敏_ (Koubin) [Corbin]_

I paused for a few moments after I finished reading the letter, before turning to the rest of the Koffiehuis in concern.

"Wow," I muttered. "All I'm wondering now is how many days is it going to be before he gets back?"

"I have no idea, but I'm hoping today," said Madelief. "Wouldn't want him to miss out on your birthday."

"He's not going to," I said. "In California it's still the 22nd."

"Oh, right," said Madelief. "Timezones."

"Um... v-vhat's Lexapro?" asked HP.

"It's an anxiety medicine," I explained. "And also a mood stabilizer, apparently."

"Enough about word definitions," said LF, sternly breaking in. "It is your birthday, and we have planned an entire celebration for you that will take place over the coming hours. Absent should not be your primary concern- at least not for now. For now, it is pertinent that you get some sleep- despite the fact that, admittedly, we woke you up in the first place."

She was right- and I _was _starting to get a bit tired, considering that I had been woken up at 12:00 midnight and had only gotten sleep for 4 hours.

I yawned.

"Yeah," I said. "I should probably get some sleep. Thank you for the birthday present; I'll open it in the morning."

"Awwwwwwwwwww!" Madelief cooed. "You're welcome!"

"You are very much welcome," said LF. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must retire to bed."

She walked off to her room- presumably to do exactly that- but not before turning to me.

"_Welterusten,_" she said.

"_Welterusten!_" cried Madelief, HP, the bunnies, and myself.

And with that said, the rest of the Koffiehuis departed to their rooms to return to bed. I was just about ready to do the same- before I heard the door to Absent's room creaking behind me.

It was open.

Startled- and at at the same time curious- I walked up to the door and opened it. Of course, I did so as quietly as possible- I didn't want to wake up any member of the Koffiehuis, or else alert them to my presence if they weren't yet asleep. Upon looking in the room, I noticed that- sure enough- Absent wasn't there. His bed was empty; the only thing in his room that was undeniably his was his phone; and absolutely none of his things from the Keyblade Room were inside.

In essence, without Absent in his room, it was...

Well, to put it bluntly, it was boring.

And all of a sudden, I began to worry for Absent even more- specifically, I didn't really think he liked it here.

Largely because- unlike the rest of us- he didn't feel at home. He didn't have anything in his room that was undeniably his. I had my Rush posters, my album collection, my Pokemon plushies, and my books; Madelief had her Panic! at the Disco and 5SOS posters, along with her video camera and guitar; HP had drawings of the Koffiehuis, Nimja posters, Portal posters, and a computer; LF had multiple fox posters, books, and _her_ computer; and Yuunarii had the bunnies, a desk, a computer, posters of bunnies, a Eurobeat collection, and- oh yeah- A HUGE GIANT RECORDING STUDIO IN HER CLOSET.

Absent had... nothing. Nothing at all.

And I suddenly realized as I looked around Absent's room that he was probably bored out of his mind here. I mean, sure, he had his phone and headphones, but where was his album collection?

His giant desk?

His constellation poster?

His computer?

His plushies?

_His freaking Keyblade from the Keyblade Room?!_

The rest of us had distinctive rooms that reminded us of home, and poor Absent didn't have anything!

No wonder he missed California so dang much- he was _homesick!_

His room needed a freaking renovation as soon as possible...

But the rest of the Koffiehuis were still asleep, and there was no way in heck that LF would approve of me being up that early.

Unless...

I smirked to myself- all of a sudden, I had a brand-new Plan #1123. Now, it wasn't about my birthday, and it wasn't about me. It was about Absent- specifically, renovating his room to make it feel more like the one in California.

And I knew exactly who to call in order to carry it out- even if it was going to give me a bit of a headache.

Without any hesitation, I picked up Absent's cell phone, went straight to contacts, and hit the dial button.

Seconds later, a female voice picked up on the other end of the line:

"_Hello?_"

Jenean Westilson. Natch.

I smirked.

"Hello, Jenean," I said. "I'm going to need you, Brittany, and Nathan on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip._"

Yep.

Absent's sister's name is Brittany. Congratulations, you now know the names of the entire West family. Now- keep away from their houses and keep that info _private_.

"_What?_ _That giant ship that Corbin's on?_"

"He's not on it now, is he?" I asked.

A pause- it was likely that Absent's mother- who I will refer to here on out by her initials JW- was checking to make sure of it. Eventually, after a few minutes, she picked back up.

"_No,_" she said. "_He's in his room._"

"Good," I said, smirking. "I'll need you on the ship, then."

"..._It's _**_9:00_**," retorted JW.

"I know, and I don't care," I said. "I just came up with a plan to surprise Absent when he gets back."

"_Aren't you supposed to be asleep?_" asked JW.

I just kept smirking like a lunatic. Stubborn as JW was, I knew exactly what to say to get her to come on board- because when it's your birthday, the world naturally bends to your will more often.

"It's my birthday," I said. "Now... can you call your son and daughter and get them to the ship?"

Beat.

"_You know Brittany has teleportation powers now, right?_"

DANG IT!

Brittany had been turned into a Gardevoir! I had momentarily forgotten about that!

"Good point," I said. "Very well, then. Call your daughter and tell her to teleport herself, you, and Nathan to the ship as soon as possible."

I smirked.

"Plan #1123 _is now in session_."

\------------------------------------------------------

"Okay... so whydid you call us here again?"

That was Brittany West- or BW, as I will be referring to her for the rest of the chapter just so I don't end up spelling it "as in Spears", which I have done repeatedly- who had just teleported herself, JW, and Nathan West to the interior of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_\- more specifically, into Absent's room. I had informed the three of them that the rest of the Koffiehuis were sleeping, but given that Nathan West was... well, _Nathan West_\- AKA by far _the _most profane, reckless, and- how do I put this?- least restrained member of the entire dang West family...

Yeah, I figured that at least one of the members of the Koffiehuis would be woken up soon enough.

Likely LF, and she would probably dropkick Nathan to the dang floor once she realized who it was.

BW, meanwhile, was _much _less of any of that- heck, she was likely the second-sanest member of the entire family that was not named Absent himself- so I was able to tolerate her more. With JW I was a lot more snarky, and with Nathan... well, to be honest the only reason I asked for Nathan was so that Absent wouldn't have to deal with his insanity. Unfortunately, this would mean_ I _would have to deal with his insanity-- but I had a way to deal with Nathan, too.

So I was pretty much prepared to answer the question that BW had.

"Simple," I said. "I'm looking to surprise Ab-"

I stopped myself, realizing I was talking to Absent's family- and when I was talking to Absent's family, I never referred to him as Absent unless Absent was with us.

"I mean Corbin," I said, somewhat sheepishly. "I mean Corbin, sorry about that. Anyways, I was thinking of surprising him when he gets back from his little... self-exile. Specifically... with this."

I gestured to his room.

"With his _room_?" asked JW.

I chuckled, smirking to himself.

"Ah-ah, not his _room_, Jenean," I said, in playful annoyance. "A _renovation_ of his room. I mean, this is the most boring room in this whole dang place. Why, if you were to check the rooms of everybody else on board this ship, you'd find posters, computers, a giant recording studio- no joke, that's actually one of the things on here- but this? White walls and nothing but Corbin's phone for sanity preservation?" I shook my head. "That won't be good enough, _Mevrouw _Westilson_\- _we need more."

"More?" JW repeated.

"Oh, we need MUCH more!" I said, giggling. "We need blue walls! We need the constellation poster! We need the plushies, the wooden desk, the album collection... we need _THE KEYBLADE~!_"

"The Keyblade?!" asked JW.

"THE KEYBLADE!" I repeated, in an overly dramatic voice.

"So... you're saying you want us to copy everything in Corbin's room exactly?" asked BW.

Okay... I wasn't exactly saying that, but now that BW had mentioned it, it sure sounded like I was saying that. After all, there was a reason why Absent's room over in the Camp was called "the Keyblade Room"-- its main feature was a giant as heck Kingdom Hearts Keyblade that was next to a constellation poster.

"W-what?" I asked. "No, no, no, no, no--"

"Because if Corbin wants his room, he can just go to his room," added JW.

"I know that," I said.

"_AT HOME_," said JW.

"I know, I know~!" I said, laughing nervously. "I wasn't saying we copy every aspect of Corbin's room exactly! That would be absolutely ridiculous!"

"Then _what are you saying?!_" she snapped.

Okay, I wasn't normally one to get intimidated by JW- in fact normally if JW snapped at me I wouldn't hesitate to try and calm her- but dang, was she intimidating here. Besides, Absent _himself _usually criticized me for beating around the bush, and now JW was doing the exact same thing here.

Suffice it to say... yeah, I got a tinge of fear.

But unlike Absent, I didn't show it.

"Simple," I responded. "I'm saying we bring in the four biggest pieces of stuff from his house- that would be the Keyblade, the desk- complete with plushies and computer- the constellation poster, and the album collection- and then paint the walls blue. It'll feel like he just stepped into the original Keyblade Room, but it won't be an exact match. Call it the Keyblade Room Beta, if you will."

Beat.

All three members of the West family were staring at me.

"Okay..." said JW. "I just have one question- how are we supposed to get all that stuff in here, exactly? Do you just want Brittany to make copies of everything, or teleport the stuff from the house to here, or--"

_BRRRZT._

JW- and basically the entire rest of the West family- were suddenly interrupted by a pink psychic blast coming from BW's entire body, which soon seperated into four pink blasts, each of different sizes. In a flash- and entirely on cue- four items appeared out of nowhere in front of myself and the family. The first was a giant wooden desk identical to the one in the Keyblade Room, barring the fact that it was much less crowded than the original. On said desk were a PC computer- complete with webcam- and two Pokemon plushies: a Mimikyu and a Primarina.

To Absent, these were Shinji and Dolly; to me, they were Rutsey and Geddy.

Yes. I know. I'm a huge Rush fan.

The second object was a giant cupboard which had to have had about 40+ albums inside of it. Looking closer, I wasn't able to see the artwork- but I _did _see the sleeves, and many of the albums I recognized as Absent's right off the bat- _Octavarium_, _Moving Pictures, Dark Side of the Moon_, practically every single Nine Inch Nails album...

Yep, I figured, this had to be Absent's music collection- the same one from the Keyblade Room.

But it was the last two things that were the biggest setpieces in terms of their recognizability- a poster with all of the constellations on it, which promptly appeared in a flash right over the bed in Absent's room, and a giant regular Kingdom Hearts Keyblade that had to have been about 3 feet tall and was identical to the one that gave the Keyblade Room its name.

I suddenly realized what had happened- BW must have heard JW talking about her teleporting everything and decided to use her psychic powers to do _exactly that_.

Seeing what had happened, JW and I simply stared at each other.

"...okay, then," I said. "That takes care of that, I guess. Now all we need to do is just get some blue paint and then we can paint this entire thing the color of the one and only Keyblade Room and then I can _finally _get some sleep."

Beat. For the longest time possible no one said anything, until finally Nathan West spoke up.

"Are you really losing sleep over this?" he asked.

Now, as I said before, I take different tones of voice depending on which member of Absent's family I'm talking to: if it's Absent himself, BW, or Absent's father, I'm much more conversational and much more comfortable talking to them as I normally would. If it's JW, since she can be stubborn to the point of borderline abuse sometimes- see the IEF and Birthday Bash- then I'm much snarkier. Not to the extent of Absent fighting Aleph-Null, of course; much of it is playful snark and even if I do get scared of her, I'm pretty good at hiding it.

And if the member I'm talking to is _Nathan _West himself?

Well, then I go full-on, full-out "HA, you're hilarious, but I'm going to try to beat you and win."

Yeah, whatever playful snark I show towards JW _explodes_ if I'm talking to Nathan, almost to the point where you'd be convinced I was playing a _completely different person_.

So, naturally, the first thing I did when faced with the biggest jerk in the entire family was to _laugh in his face._

"Oh, you _bet _I am!" I said triumphantly. "Even though technically, I got four hours of sleep already, since I went to bed at 8:00 PM... but yes. I am losing sleep, on _my_ birthday, for the sake of my best friend and that, Nathan, is what you call loyalty."

At that last word, I winked over at Nathan, grinning at him like a complete and utter luna- okay, maybe not a _lunatic_, but I did have an insane as heck grin on my face. Nathan, meanwhile, simply responded:

"It's what you call being a doormat."

A _doormat?!_

...Okay, I was freely willing to admit that sometimes I could be pretty shy around other people, and I sometimes didn't tell my parents about things, and sometimes I didn't self-advocate for myself, but I had my own opinions and I wasn't afraid to call out somebody else for doing something wrong. Heck, I was even willing to fight back if necessary. So... I didn't really think I was that much of a doormat.

And BW seemed to agree, because the next thing she did was shoot Nathan _that _look.

"What, she can't do something nice for Corbin?" she asked.

"If it comes to the expense of herself, yeah," Nathan retorted.

Once again, I responded with a spittake.

"Doormat?!" I replied, giggling. "Please! I fought against and _won_ against Aleph-Null _and_ helped stand up against a German tiger mother. Also, technically, the rest of the Koffiehuis woke me up at 12:00 to give me presents and show me the note, so... yeah. I just happened to notice how boring Corbin's room was and decided to do something about it. That's not being a doormat, Nathan. That's being a good friend. And Corbin has no clue I'm doing this, so he's going to be surprised as heck when he finds out what we did for him."

At least I _thought _I wasn't being a doormat. I certainly didn't allow _Aleph-Null _to walk all over myself or the Koffiehuis.

Nathan, however, disagreed.

"You're not even putting up any resistance," he scoffed. "Ally, enemy, being a doormat is being a doormat."

Resistance to what? Aleph-Null?

"Resistance?" Once again, I giggled. "Oh, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan... did you even _see_ me? I was resistant against AN and the German tiger mother from the very beginning."

And then all of a sudden, it hit me. When it came to AN _and _Frau Potter, I had only _thought _to myself that these people had to be stopped. Against AN, I was certainly more dominant, but the main one who actually _did _the fighting wasn't me-- it was _Absent_, in Mech Drie. I usually stayed on the sidelines and only battled when someone directly challenged me. As for Frau Potter... I hadn't even said anything to her face until the intervention happened.

Now getting slightly nervous, I looked down.

"Even if some of it was in my head," I admitted.

"Exactly," said JW. "You can fantasize about speaking up all you want, but until you do so, you're bending over backwards."

...Holy crap, they were _right_.

"Well..." I said, trying to think, "there _was_ this one time where I defended a falsely-accused criminal in a court of law..."

"And did you volunteer yourself?" BW asked.

...Dang it, I forgot that Pols called me up on the phone!

"No," I muttered. "The defendant asked me to go into the court of law and defend him."

"Exhibit B," she responded.

...okay, now that they actually mentioned it I may have gotten my definition of "doormat" wrong.

"Okay, maybe I _am _more of a doormat than I first thought," I admitted. "Regardless, this was entirely my own decision. The rest of the Koffiehuis have no idea I'm doing this. They didn't tell me to do this. I decided to call you three up here out of my own volition."

I paused- then stared over at the walls.

"But enough about my doormat-ness," I said. "We need to get these walls painted. Only problem: we have no blue paint and I have no clue where I'm supposed to get it. Unless, of course, Koffie has some on board..."

And the second I said that, Koffie broke in.

_You said you wanted blue paint?_

"Koffie?" I asked. "You heard?"

Koffie giggled.

_I can hear everything, remember_? it asked. _I'm a telepathic ship!_

"Oh, yeah," I said. "I forgot. Anyways, do you have any blue paint on this ship?"

_Of course I do! _Koffie cried.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god," I said. "Can you go and get it?"

_Sure! _responded Koffie. _Blue paint coming up~!_

And with that, the voice faded. JW, BW, and Nathan were all staring at me in total disbelief- and why wouldn't they? They had just heard _a talking sentient ship_, after all- imagine how they would react to seeing a _Mechination _for the first time!

Eventually, though, Nathan spoke up- while JW and BW were still looking at me like I had two heads.

"Yeah, paint's nice and all, but we can't just throw it on the walls. Get some painter's tape and some paint rollers while you go get the paint, salad."

I giggled.

"Oh, that can _surely _be arranged," I said. "Koffie!"

_Yeah? _Koffie asked, coming in.

I smirked.

"I'll need some painter's tape and three paint rollers," I said. "You have those on there?"

_Yep! _Koffie responded. _Painter's tape and three paint rollers coming up, along with the blue paint!_

Its voice faded away once again, and I booped Nathan on the nose with my vine.

"There you go," I said.

He grabbed my vine.

In his teeth.

"Don't touch me," he seethed, crossing his arms.

_Right_... this was still _Nathan West_ I was talking to. If anyone so much as booped him on the nose he'd fly into a barely-controlled rage.

"Oh! Sorry about that," I chuckled, promptly putting my vines back inside my bulb. "I forgot for a second that you don't like to be touched."

_Aaaaaaaand here you go!_

Koffie.

Mere seconds after my vines fully retracted into my bulb, the ceiling opened up above us, and three robot arms lowered themselves down onto the floor of Absent's room. In one of the robot arms was a bucket of blue paint, which was set down very gently so that it wouldn't spill all over the floor. In the second was painter's tape. I had no idea what painter's tape was used for, considering what painting actually involved doing, but I was all for finding out. When my father had repainted my room I was almost certain that he had used it, but I didn't remember. Finally, in the third robot arm were three paint rollers.

I nodded.

"Thanks, Koffie!" I said. "We'll be using these!"

_You're welcome! _replied Koffie. _Oh, and by the way... happy birthday!_

"Thanks!" I called.

And with that, Koffie was gone.

I, meanwhile, just looked down at the paint products that I had been given and smirked. There was only one thing left to deal with now.

"Alright," I said. "We have everything I need. Now... to deal with the snake in the room."

Yep-- I was planning to take Nathan out of the equation.

You're probably wondering why I only asked for three paint rollers, and not four.

Well, the answer to that was three words:

Nathan West existed.

See, I had a theory- based on what I had heard about Nathan West- that if all four of us were given paint rollers, he would spend the entire painting session being as obnoxious and annoying as ever. I didn't really want to deal with that- even though JW and BW were in the same room as he was- and besides, if I started telling birth stories... yeah.

And yet, at the same time, I didn't want to kick him off the ship either. For one thing, that would leave Absent with his brother, and more likely than not his brother would tell him what we were doing- which would ruin the whole surprise. And second... well, strange as it may sound, in some way I pitied Nathan West. His parents split when he was _two years old _and- if what Absent said was anything to go by- he got blamed for their divorce. No child should have to go through any of that, especially when they're _two years old_. On top of that, he had an aversion to being touched for... some reason that I wasn't aware of, acted like a jerk to Absent and to practically everyone around him seemingly for the sake of being a jerk, _and _made it a point to have the last word-- or at least pretend he did.

My very first initial thought upon hearing all of this was:

_Get him to a professional, because I'm pretty sure that based on all of these symptoms he has psychological trauma and an inferiority complex. He just doesn't want to admit it since... you know. He's Nathan West._

Unfortunately, however, I was not a qualified professional in the art of psychology.

Fortunately, however, I knew someone who _was_\- and the best part was, she was able to work in the middle of the night.

"Devenu!" I called.

The West family blinked.

"...who?" asked JW.

She got her answer mere moments later, as Devenu Vandertramp flew into the room.

"oghond?" she asked. "It's 12:30 in the morning, what are you doing up?"

She looked around the room, suddenly noticing the rest of the West family.

"And... who are these Pokemon?" she asked.

"Oh, these are the rest of the members in Absent's family," I said.

"Oh!" said Devenu. "Okay, then! Hi, Absent's family! I'm Devenu Vandertramp; nice to meet you!"

"Nathan," Nathan said simply.

"Yep, that's Nathan West," I said, giggling and gesturing to him. "He's your client. Or patient. Or whatever the heck the word is. And as for the other two... well, these are Brittany West and Jenean Westilson, and the reason I say 'Westilson' is a long story that Absent can explain to you later. Anyways, you can just take Nathan out to your room on board the ship, and I'll be in here painting the walls of this room along with the other two."

"Okay, then!" said Devenu. "I'm so happy to finally have a patient on board this ship!"

She turned to Nathan and promptly grabbed his collar in her mouth before flying out of the room that would soon become the secondary Keyblade Room. All the while, Nathan was screaming:

"Don't touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU--"

SLAM.

The door suddenly closed behind him, leaving just me, JW, and BW inside the room. I waved my vine from inside the room.

"Good luck, Nathan!" I cried, with complete sincerity.

"SHUT UP, SALAD!" Nathan shouted back.

I giggled.

Eventually, it got to a point where I felt pretty comfortable in my belief that Devenu had Nathan in good hands- or wings, rather- and turned to look back at JW and BW.

"Alright, then," I said. "Now that that's settled... we can start painting this room."

Beat.

"I just have one question, though--" I asked, holding up the painting tape: "--what the heck is this for?"

Luckily, I found out the answer to the question of "what was painting tape for" mere seconds later, courtesy of JW. Apparently, it was used to mask off areas that did not need to be painted, and one quick Google search later confirmed it. With that in mind, I proceeded to cover the entire Keyblade, the entire music collection, the entire constellation poster, and the entire wooden desk in such a way that they were wrapped up like mummies, then proceeded to do the same thing to the doors and windows. Once that was done, I turned to JW.

"...do I have it right?" I asked.

JW shook her head, then picked up the now half-empty roll of tape and twirling it around her claw.

"We don't have that much tape to work with," she said.

Beat.

"But I thought you said that this was used to mask the stuff I _don't _want to paint," I said. "That should include the keyblade and the desk and... the other stuff."

BW sighed.

"You can just... wait for the paint to dry before we hang it all up," she said.

She promptly held out her hand, and in an instant the keyblade, constellation poster, and the album collection all glowed in the same pink light as before-- only this time they weren't teleported. Or at least the keyblade and constellation poster weren't-- they instead floated to the center of the room and settled down into a nice little pile. The collection of 40+ albums, meanwhile, was put into a bin.

And- oh yeah- all the tape that had been covering those things was rolled up into a ball and thrown into the garbage.

The desk, meanwhile, was embedded into the wall and still covered by tape. I assumed that BW had decided not to even bother with the desk.

I, meanwhile, paused for a few moments, held my vine up three times, and--

_SLAP._

"Why did I not think of that?!" I groaned. "Well, at least that problem is solved and we can finally start painting this thing."

I promptly grabbed a paint roller from the center of the room and dipped it into the open can of blue paint.

"Alright, guys!" I cried. "Grab a paint roller; we're doing this!"

Beat.

"Wait... are you supposed to just grab a paint roller and dip it into the paint bucket straight away?" I asked. "Because I have a very vague idea of how to use a paint roller and I just want to know if I'm doing it right..."

JW promptly Picarded.

"...I'm doing it wrong, aren't I?" I muttered.

\-------------------------------------------------

Yep. I had it _very_ wrong.

My vague idea of how to use a paint roller- which was "put it in the bucket and then roll it out on the wall"- was, as it turns out, missing a _lot _of steps- the first of which, by the way, was not "immediately go and dip it in a paint bucket." Fortunately, however, JW was there to explain the whole thing to me in mere minutes, and I was able to pick it up very quickly.

And since I'm sure some of you out there want to know "how do I use a paint roller, then, if not 'dip it in paint and then roll it out on the wall'?"... well, then, allow me to explain the basics of paint roller usage to you in just a few easy steps, paraphrased from a little thing you may have heard of called "the Internet":

**1) **pour the paint into a giant tray that looks like a baking tray except it isn't  
**2) **put the roller in the giant paint tray   
**3) **proceed to roll the roller in the giant paint tray until you get as much paint on it as you possibly can- I had to ask JW if the amount of paint was enough multiple times  
**4) **let it drip over the giant paint tray   
**5) **THEN you can finally start rolling the paint roller on the wall and actually begin painting whatever room it is you want to paint

Like I said before, it was fairly easy for me to pick up on- though of course BW just used her psychic powers to do the whole thing- and before long the three of us were painting the formerly white walls of Absent's room the same shade of blue as the Keyblade Room. I had decided to give the new room- the beta Keyblade Room, if you will- the name "Clavus Locus," which was Latin for "key room".

At least it was according to Google Translate, so I had no idea if it was actually accurate, but it still sounded cool.

I just didn't know whether or not Absent would actually like it.

Which was to say, the name of the room, of course, not the room itself. I had a pretty good feeling that he would like the room.

Anyways, the actual painting part itself was fairly easy-- it was the part I had seen more often than any other part of the painting process-- but after about an hour of painting the walls blue the three of us hadn't said anything.

Or, at least we hadn't until JW finally turned to me- while still painting the walls- and said something.

"So... today's your 20th birthday?" she asked.

I chuckled to myself.

"Yep," I said, somewhat nervously. "November 23rd, 2020."

JW smiled, and I was pretty sure that BW was, too-- even though I couldn't see it, since she was painting the wall that was behind me.

"Happy birthday," JW said.

"Thanks, Jenean," I replied, smiling.

I looked away from her and paused for a few moments, still standing there with the roller in my vine and continuing to roll it up and down on the wall in silence until I eventually spoke.

"You know, it's a good thing that I actually have a family to celebrate my birthday with," I said solemnly. "My real family still thinks I'm dead, and if I showed up at their house looking like this..."

"Yeah," muttered BW.

"They just thought it was a miracle that I got to live to be 20," I said. "Especially considering all the stuff I went through during my birth."

Upon hearing this, JW's expression quickly changed to that of slight concern.

"...what happened during your birth?" she asked.

For a few moments I found myself pulling the roller away from the wall, staring at JW in shock as I processed this question. I hadn't expected anybody- _much _less JW- to ask me any questions at all about the crazy and complicated story that was the story of my birth and all the trials and tribulations I went through. The only time people got to hear my birth story was when my father would go and deliver speeches about it at March of Dimes luncheons, or the multiple times I had written about it for a school assignment in the past.

But nobody had ever decided to voluntarily ask me about my birth story before, not even when I just casually mentioned it.

Eventually, I snapped out of my slight shock and put the roller back on the wall, then continued to spread paint on it as I turned to JW and blinked in shock.

"You... really want to know?" I muttered.

"Well, you mentioned it," JW said.

Well, it _was_ my 20th birthday...

After a few moments of contemplation, I nodded.

"Okay," I said. "But I'm just going to warn you in advance that I might not get everything about my birth correct. Also, it's going to be a bit long."

"Length doesn't matter," said JW, "so long as I have something to listen to while we're painting these walls."

I smiled.

"Alright then," I responded. "If you have any questions, you can ask them at any time."

I turned to BW.

"BW, are you listening?" I asked.

"I can hear everything you're saying; I'm in the same room as you," said BW, still focused on the walls.

I giggled.

"Well, then," I said. "I suppose, if I am going to tell the story of my birth, that I should start at the very beginning, before I was even born..."

\--------------------------------------

** _THE STORY OF MY BIRTH_ **

_It all started with three people: my mother, my father... and my maternal grandmother._

_You're probably wondering what the heck my maternal grandmother has to do with all of this, and the answer is actually quite simple. See, my father had been living in my maternal grandmother's house after he fell in love with my mother, and in that time, he had grown to treat her as a member of his family, as much as he would his own mother or father. So it came as a devastating shock to both of my parents when my maternal grandmother was suddenly diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My parents wondered if she would be able to fight through it, and were praying for some kind of miracle to happen for nights on end._

_And then, one day, my mother found out she was pregnant with me._

_My parents were shocked and scared and excited all at the same time by this news. Neither of them had expected this to happen. They promptly went to the doctor, who confirmed that yep, my mother was going to have a baby, and that the expected due date was March of 2001._

_A few months later they found out that the baby was going to be a girl._

_They were extremely excited and happy, because for years my family had produced nothing but boys, and they couldn't wait to finally meet their baby girl._

_Flash-forward to November 23, 2000._

_Thanksgiving Day._

_Prior to that day, my mother had been having problems maintaining her blood pressure- and when I say "problems" I mean "her blood pressure was so high she had to go to the hospital, and they told her that if her blood pressure didn't stabilize they might have to deliver me prematurely." For the record, when they said this it was the 24th week of my mother's pregnancy and neither of my parents believed I was ready to enter the world._

_They had had meetings with multiple doctors, all of whom told them very harsh facts about premature babies that just made them more and more afraid. For further perspective on the events that happened on Thanksgiving, here are some of those facts:_

** _1) _ ** _Most babies that are born less than one pound do not survive._   
** _2) _ ** _90% of babies born under a pound suffer some sort of brain hemmohrage; of those 50% will have a brain bleed, leading to severe mental and/or physical disability. _   
** _3) _ ** _Almost all babies born less than 1 pound suffer from some form of physical disability-- many severe._

_Yeah... as you could probably guess, my parents- especially my mother- were SCARED OUT OF THEIR MINDS at the possibility of delivering me early. It didn't help that the doctors told my father that my mother was staying in the hospital until she was able to give birth to me._

_Which brings me back to Thanksgiving Day._

_My father called my mother early that morning- like he had done every day since she was admitted to the hospital- only to receive this news:_

_"Don't wait to come in; the doctors are concerned about Emily's heart rate."_

_Just like that, my father went straight to the hospital. The doctors told her that my mother had no ammenotic fluid in her womb, and that they were going to have to perform an emergency C-section._

_So they did._

_It went exactly the way you would expect, except for one thing- my mother and father were still scared out of their minds. And why wouldn't they be? They had been told for days that premature babies often did not survive, and that they would grow up with severe mental and physical disabilities, and that they could have brain bleeds and hemmorhages, and all this other stuff that no parent wants to even think about regarding their child. So naturally, they were scared out of their minds._

_And then all of a sudden-- they heard a noise:_

_*staggered, halting crying*_

\-------------------------------------

By the time I got to the part where my parents heard me crying- or trying to cry- for the first time, the three of us had finished painting the first wall of the Clavus Locus blue. We were now on the second wall, and JW was staring at me in complete and total shock. I imagined that she was trying to think about all the emotions my parents must have been feeling at the moment of my birth: excitement, fear, terror, relief, amazement. Not even I was fully able to convey the emotions of my parents on that day, but I imagined that they had to have been feeling all of those things. BW, meanwhile, wasn't saying anything. We were now on the same wall as she was on, so I was able to see her face, and she was just as stunned as JW was, if not more. In fact, for a few moments, she just stood there, not even moving the roller by an inch.

Finally, however, JW managed to speak, and when she did, it came out in a single word that conveyed every emotion she must have been feeling at that time.

"...wow."

"Yeah," I said. "I know."

"I can't even _begin_ to imagine how terrified your parents must have been," JW muttered.

BW still didn't respond, anxiety in her eyes.

"Yeah, me neither," I said, looking down. "They must have been scared out of their minds that day. They certainly must have been scared out of their minds regarding what happened to me over the next six months. Because if you thought that was the end of my long journey home... well, you'd be very wrong, because my parents faced a lot. I won't go into too much detail- unless, of course, you _want _to hear all the details of my birth, which I presume you don't want to- but basically over the course of six months I transferred to a second hospital, was on a nasal cannula, was on CPAP, suffered respiratory distress syndrome, suffered from chronic lung disease, had a lung perferation, had multiple surgeries, and broke many, many bones."

The more things I mentioned, the more shocked and anxious for both myself and my parents JW and BW became. I didn't blame either of them; if you were a parent and your baby was born that small and then suffered all of these problems, chances are you'd be scared out of your mind, too.

"Oh, and throughout this the doctors' opinions of whether or not I was going to live changed _a lot_," I said, finishing it all off.

JW blinked.

"Your parents went through a _lot_," she said.

"And the doctors must have as well," I responded. "They kept telling my parents that I was close to death, and every time my parents believed in me and did whatever they could to keep fighting for me."

Beat.

I thought to myself for a few moments while continuing to roll paint onto the wall. Now that I had mentioned that, there was another story I wanted to tell them, and it was probably one of the most important parts of my parents' six-month struggle for me to live and come back home.

If not _the _most important part.

Before I could tell them, however, BW spoke up-- and it wasn't to react to my birth.

"That's two walls," she said.

Upon hearing that, I looked forward at the wall that we had been painting-- and sure enough, the second wall of the Clavus Locus was finished. We were halfway done-- we just had two more walls to go and then I could finally get some sleep before the real celebration- my birthday- could occur.

JW promptly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good," she said. "We're halfway done."

I blinked.

"That was quick," I remarked.

"I was working on it when you two were doing the first wall," said BW.

That explained it.

"Ah," I said, clicking my tongue and pointing my vines at her. "No wonder it took so quickly."

"Should we move on to the third wall, or...?" muttered BW.

I shrugged.

"I'm not that tired yet," I said. "Let's do it. We'll get the room done quicker that way."

"Alright, then," said JW.

With that, the three of us went over to the third wall of the room and put our rollers on the wall, before beginning the painting process. It was then, as the three of us started rolling paint onto the third wall, that I decided to ask if I could tell them about the most important part of the whole shebang.

I turned to JW.

"Anyways, Jenean," I said, "now that we're on the third wall, do you want to hear the story of what essentially was the turning point of my six-month birth story?"

JW shrugged. "Sure. I mean, you already told me the first part..."

I smirked.

"Oh, believe me," I said, "when you hear this... you're _really _going to feel for my parents."

\---------------------------------------

** _THE STORY OF THE MEETING_ **

_By now, my parents were a few months into my existence, and things weren't going well for either them or my maternal grandmother. I was having breathing problems- heck, there was one time where I flat-out _looked _like I was about to die- and I had just been admitted to the second hospital that I would stay at, the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia- or CHOP for short. My maternal grandmother's condition, meanwhile, was worsening; my parents were still trying to do whatever they could to keep her alive, but the chances of her actually beating ovarian cancer were getting slimmer by the minute._

_Then, a few months after I had been admitted to CHOP, things took a turn for the worse._

Much _worse, in fact._

_I had just gotten a fungal infection, and the doctors and nurses were doing their best to clear it. Unfortunately, however, nothing they did was able to keep it from spreading. They had given me a dose of Ampho in order to help with the infection, but even then they were in despair. Now, obviously, I ended up surviving, but at the time the doctors were starting to lose all hope. They didn't think I would be able to live anymore. They thought I was done for._

_And so, one fateful day, they called my parents in for a family conference._

_My parents were instantly struck with fear, and both of them knew there was no way this could be good news. They had read in a book that if the doctors called in a family conference, it meant there was a pretty good chance that their child was going to die. Still, regardless, they went inside, and waiting for them were multiple doctors and nurses. They eventually sat down at a table, and one of the doctors proceeded to tell my parents probably the worst possible thing they could hear._

_"We've come to the point where we believe it's time to start thinking about letting Emily go."_

_Based on the reactions of my parents, it was as if a lightning bolt had passed straight through that room. My mother was struggling to speak; my father instantly activated his own little mini-Talbain inside his head. Eventually, my mother told the doctors that she didn't want me to suffer, and that I deserved better. She told them that she wouldn't allow God to take her daughter and her mother both away from her- which was the first time she acknowledged that her mother might not be able to survive. The doctor, however, responded by dropping more and more bombs in front of my parents and telling them horrible things that no parent would want to hear._

_Things about me dying._

_Things about how they were going to put me in an isolated room._

_Things about how they were going to put me in my parents' arms and ALLOW ME TO DIE._

_For my parents, who had believed in me from the very start, this must have been absolutely devastating. There was no way either of them would even think about letting me die._

_Eventually, the doctor said she would let my parents think about it and left the room. At this point, the social worker there began to defend the doctor's words, saying how it was cruel to let me continue to suffer. Once again, it was as though a lightning bolt had just passed through the room. To my parents, it made no sense. My mother tried to stop the social worker by pointing out something she had read in a NICU book: my immune system was as weak as someone suffering from full-out AIDS. If someone was suffering from AIDS, and you gave them a dose of medicine, you wouldn't just say "oh well, it didn't work; let's just let them die, it's better than letting them suffer"._

_Right?_

_No. You'd keep trying. You'd keep fighting until you found a way to help them._

_The social worker clearly didn't know what my parents did, though, and continued to defend the doctors- which only made my father more angry and my mother more passionate in her defense of me. She stated that while the doctors knew the statistics on thousands of other babies, they didn't know me. They didn't know how much fighting spirit I had._

_They didn't know how much I was willing to survive._

_My father, meanwhile, was so angry he was afraid to speak._

_Eventually, the social worker left the room for a bit, before coming back in and telling my father that _his_ father- my grandfather- had finally made it from Virginia. My parents told her that they wanted to have him come in and sit with them, and then the social worker and the last doctor there left the room._

_My parents were alone._

_And in that moment, my father couldn't contain his anger and sadness any longer._

_Sobbing, he raised his fist to the sky and cursed God in a profanely passionate validation of his feelings that I'm pretty sure echoed throughout the walls of CHOP._

\------------------------------------------

By now, the third wall had been completed- once again in large part thanks to the size of the paint rollers and also thanks to BW's psychic powers being able to complete half the job faster than I ever could. The three of us were now on the fourth and final wall, which was the wall with the door and a giant TV on the ceiling.

JW had already put painter's tape on the TV.

Regardless, though, if JW and BW had had anxiety in their eyes before, it increased _tenfold _after I told them the story of the meeting between the doctors and my parents. By the time I was done telling it, JW had a look that said "wow, your parents _really _went through a lot," "good on your parents for believing in you", and "I want to punch the doctors in the face" all at the same time. BW had pretty much the same look, except increase the "your parents really went through a lot" part by about 10%.

This time, however, JW spoke as soon as I was done:

"...Damn."

Well, that was about as accurate of a reaction as you could possibly get to hearing a story like _THAT._

"Couldn't have said it better myself, Jenean," I responded.

"...W-what did your grandfather say?!" she cried.

"Oh, he agreed with my parents wholeheartedly," I said. "He told them exactly what they wanted to hear-- namely, 'you shouldn't let her die if you don't feel that that's right.' And... they didn't. Obviously. They kept believing in me, and I eventually was cured of the fungus infection."

JW's face instantly turned to that of relief.

"That's good," she said. "But still, that must have been _horrible _for your parents..."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I would not want to have been in their shoes on that day. No parent should have to go through that. At all. I mean, I'm pretty sure that when Aleph-Null came and attacked Folsom and then took Corbin away, you were scared for life. Imagine how scared _my _parents must have been."

Beat.

"No, wait, scratch just my parents- imagine how terrified my _entire family _must have been when they got the news!"

"Terrified out of their wits, I'd imagine," said JW.

"Absolutely," I said.

And then BW eventually spoke up.

"Well... obviously you're alive, which is a relief," she said. "So... how did that happen?"

"Yeah, and what happened to your maternal grandmother?" asked JW.

I looked down.

Hoo-boy.

This was certainly going to be a rollercoaster of emotions. Probably an even bigger rollercoaster than the last story. Considering the fact that we were almost done anyways, though, I figured that I might as well tell the rest of the West family the story of one of the saddest- and then one of the happiest- days of my parents' lives.

It would be enough to carry us over until the walls were all done, anyways.

"Alright, then," I said. "You wanna know what happened leading up to May 17th? I'll tell you. Spoiler alert, though: you may be needing tissues after this."

And once again, I saw the anxiety flare up in JW's eyes.

"Oh, god," she said.

\----------------------------------------------------

** _THE STORY OF MY HOMECOMING_ **

_It had been many, many months since the meeting between the doctors and my parents, and in that time, I had amazed everyone by continuing to fight the odds. In fact, I was doing so well that the doctors and nurses had decided on one thing._

_I was ready._

_So, with that said, a few days after Easter- around the time of Tax Day, my parents arrived at my bedside and were greeted by something they had seen a thousand times over with dozens of other babies in the NICU (for anyone who doesn't know, that stands for _ ** _N_ ** _eonatal _ ** _I_ ** _ntensive _ ** _C_ ** _are _ ** _U_ ** _nit). Specifically, it was an 8 ½ x 11 inch sheet of paper with a brown border. Nothing really huge... except that at the top it read:_

** _HOMEWARD BOUND_ **

_To say my parents were ecstatic by this would be an understatement. Heck, they felt like celebrating-- and it wasn't that hard to see why. After months of hardship; months of being told that I was too small and too early; months of surgeries, breathing problems, highs and lows; after months of being on a rollercoaster of emotions throughout the whole dang thing... their daughter was finally on her way home. Of course, they still had a ways to go before I could actually go home, but just the sight of that sign brought my parents immense joy. Now the only thing they had to wait for was to see if my maternal grandmother was able to make it to the day I would return home._

_And as May came in, things looked optimistic: the doctors told my parents that they were going to do a surgery on her and remove her abdomen, hopefully removing her cancer in the process. For a moment, it seemed that everything was going to be exactly the way my parents had expected it._

_Until it wasn't._

_Unfortunately, when the day of the surgery arrived, the doctors were soon met with a devastating truth. As it turned out, things were much worse than expected. Not only had my maternal grandmother been hooked up to a ventilator, but the cancer had caused much more damage to the tissue and organs than anyone could have expected. There was nothing that they could do._

_She was going to die._

_Both of my parents were devastated by this news- obviously, my mother was much more so- and for a few days they tried to cope with the fact that they were going to lose her. May was a very bittersweet time for my parents. On the one hand, their daughter was finally coming home- and now they had a scheduled date of May 15th. On the other hand, my maternal grandmother was pretty much going to die, and there was basically nothing that could be done. They paid her one more visit in the ICU, and for the first few days of May my parents were probably hoping against hope that somehow, some way, a miracle would happen again._

_But alas, when May 9th came around and my parents were woken up by the harsh ringing of the phone..._

_They knew._

_On May 9th, 2001, my maternal grandmother Margaret Bory passed away due to complications related to ovarian cancer in her sleep._

_It was a devastating time for everyone in my family, and my family grieved for a few days._

_My parents have said that I arrived in this world to fill the void that Grandma Bory's passing left in their hearts, and in some ways I think that's true. In other ways, however, I'm pretty sure it's nothing more than a coincidence. Regardless, however, my parents still miss her to this day, and even though I never really got to know her, I sincerely hope that she rest in peace._

_Now back to happier things before this story gets too depressing._

_With May 15th approaching faster, my parents got more and more excited. After having suffered such a devastating loss, they were fast approaching a day that would be a joyous occasion for all of them. However, when May 15th actually came..._

_Yeah, my parents soon discovered that they wouldn't be going home just yet._

_I had contracted a yeast infection, and the treatment for that was an IV and a week of antibiotics. For my parents, it was devastating. It meant another week of waiting, and considering what the family was currently going through- and had gone through- they couldn't wait fast enough._

_Well, if there is a God, it seemed to answer their prayers, because merely one day later they got informed that they didn't have to wait a week._

_Or five days._

_Or even three days._

_Nope._

_I was scheduled to leave just one day later._

_May 17th._

_My parents couldn't believe it. They wouldn't believe it, even- not until they actually managed to walk out those doors on the 17th._

_Yet one day later, they were at the desk signing paperwork._

_They still couldn't believe that it was actually happening, and that they were going home. In fact, when they left for the parking lot and the van, my father was wondering if anyone was going to stop them._

_Yet noone did._

_And with that in mind... my parents looked at each other, put me in the backseat of the car, got into the driver's seat, and finally, after six long months, I came home._

_And twenty years later... here I am._

\----------------------------------------------------

By the time I was finished, JW and BW were- as I had suspected they would be-- both in tears, which were likely both tears of joy and tears of sadness. Naturally, there were no tissues in the room we were painting, so I had to call in Koffie to get both of them some tissues. Both of them took a tissue from the box and used it to wipe the tears off of their faces, and after they were done I looked up at both of them.

"Well?" I asked. "You... you have any final thoughts on that?"

JW blew her nose one more time, then turned to me.

"You've been through so much, so young..." she said, sniffling a bit.

I looked down a bit, chuckling nervously.

"Yeah," I said. "I sure have."

"Sorry about your maternal grandmother," said BW.

I smiled.

"Thanks," I said. "Honestly, I'm a bit sad that I never got to really know her, and I kind of wish I did have two grandmothers. Still, though, my mother keeps saying that she is always watching over us, and claims that any instance of the number 11 anywhere is a sign from God or something. I don't believe in God, but she can think whatever she wants to, and if she says that my maternal grandmother is watching over our family... then that's enough."

"That's good," said JW.

Beat.

She turned away and continued to paint the walls, which by this point were almost complete.

"So... I assume the stories are done?" she asked.

"Yep," I said. "Now the only thing we need to finish are the walls."

\------------------------------------

And thus, for the next 5 minutes, that was exactly what we did.

By the time we had completed finishing the walls, it was 3:30 in the morning. None of the Koffiehuis had been woken up, which I found slightly surprising given what we had just done and also given the fact that Nathan was still likely being psychologically examined by Devenu at that very moment. I promptly thanked the West family for their work and for listening to my stories, but told them that I needed to go to bed before my birthday celebrations began the next day.

What I wasn't expecting was for both JW and BW to decide to stay on the ship for the night.

It was a pleasant surprise, and I was very happy to allow Koffie to show them both to guest rooms where they could sleep. Slightly crazy as JW was, she at least was sane enough to not interrupt me while I was sleeping. That and she showed a lot of sympathy for my parents, so she wasn't all bad.

However, I knew what was going to happen the next morning. The paint would be dried, I would send in BW to hang everything up, and then from there, she would get Absent into his house to present to him the newly-completed Clavus Locus.

I just wondered what Absent would think about his items being lost from the original Keyblade Room.

Regardless, I couldn't think about it now. I had to get to bed, after all, and after 2 hours of telling birth stories and working on the room, I was tired as all get out. So, after saying good night to JW and BW and thanking them for their help, I went into my room and finally went to sleep.

Hours later, I woke up feeling very refreshed, then looked over at the time on the clock just to make sure I hadn't somehow slept all throughout my birthday.

I hadn't. It was 11:00 AM.

Thank god-- I still had plenty of time to present the room, open my presents, and share birthday cake with the rest of the Koffiehuis.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I got up out of my bed and walked over to the guest room where JW and BW were to say hello to them- only to find, when I looked inside, that only JW was there. BW was nowhere to be seen.

I blinked.

"Jenean?" I asked.

JW heard my voice and turned to me.

"Good morning, Emily," she said.

I looked down, chuckling nervously a bit. Even after having heard my screen name being used for the longest time, JW still called me by my real name. Not that I didn't like it- I did the same thing with her- but...

"You know, you could just call me by my screen name," I muttered. "The rest of the Koffiehuis do."

"I've called you by your real name for months, and I'm not going to stop now," said JW in slight mock annoyance.

I grinned slightly.

"Alright, then," I said. "Call me what you like. Where's Brittany?"

"Oh, she transported over to the Camp," said JW.

My eyes widened a bit in shock- BW was at the Camp already?

"Oh, god," I muttered. "D-did she put up the constellation poster and the keyblade and remove the tape from the desk and TV and..."

"She did everything beforehand, don't worry," JW responded.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god. That's good. Anyways, if Brittany's in the Camp, then that means that Corbin's gonna come here any minute, which means you gotta get up and we gotta load the surprise up for him as soon as we can."

Beat. JW glared at me.

"I _am _up," she seethed.

I giggled teasingly.

"You know what I mean!" I said. "Come on!"

And with that, the two of us left for the door to the newly-built Clavus Locus.

\---------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

The light from the open curtains shone into my room, illuminating my blue walls and giving me a less-than refreshing wake-up. I dragged myself out of bed, muscle memory directing me to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, even with my frame being 1/6th as big at most.

I dragged a chair over to the counter to reach the coffee maker, the familiar sound of it pouring into a mug waking me up. I took a sip and stuck my tongue out in disgust, the jet-black coffee punching out my sweet tooth.

I dumped out the coffee and went back to my room.

Only then did I notice- my room was almost completely barren. Sure, my bed was there, but my Keyblade, my constellation poster, my desk, and my collection of about 40 or so albums were nowhere to be found.

I blinked.

"Where's my crap?"

On cue, a pink flash appeared behind me, which soon faded to reveal Brittany standing in front of me.

"Hey sis," I said casually, raising my paw in the air.

She didn't wave back.

"Mom, Emily and I want to show you something," she said simply.

I looked down in contemplation for a few moments-- the events of the Blue Needle incident were still fresh in my mind, as was LF calling me out for said events. There was a reason I had left a note on my door and left for California, after all.

"I dunno, I don't think I can come back to the ship yet after what happened," I said nervously.

"Everyone _else_ has forgiven you," Brittany responded, "so why are _you_ the only one holding a grudge against yourself?"

Okay, now that she mentioned it... she had a point.

I sighed.

"... I hate it when you're right," I muttered. "Lead the way."

And with another pink flash, we left.

———————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Yep.

As JW had said, the blue paint had dried, all the tape had come off, and the four big setpieces had been set up in the room-- and all I can say is that the finished Clavus Locus looked absolutely _beautiful. _It had the essence of the original Keyblade Room- obviously- but it still wasn't an exact copy of it. The Keyblade Room was the Keyblade Room and the Clavus Locus was the Clavus Locus, and that was how it would remain until the end of time.

Now, of course, the only thing that was left was for Absent himself to see the finished product.

At that moment, JW and I were standing in front of the room. The door was shut, so that Absent couldn't see what was inside when he teleported in front of it. Absent's note, meanwhile, was still on the door to the room. I turned to JW and smirked.

"You think he'll like it, Jenean?" I asked.

"Oh, he's going to like it, I can assure you," said JW. "He just won't show it."

"Yeah," I responded. "True."

And practically on cue, a pink flash appeared in front of us mere moments later. When it faded, BW was standing in front of us-- and more importantly, so was Absent. He looked on for a few moments, then blinked.

"...Brittany said you wanted to show me something?" he asked.

JW and I turned to each other and flashed each other a wink.

The time had finally arrived.

"I saw your note on the front of the door," I said, "and realized that your room was the only one of the rooms of the six of us that didn't have something straight from home."

"So," said JW, "she called us in and we stayed up all night working on this."

"On... what?" asked Absent.

That, I figured, was my cue, and I proceeded to grab the doorknob with my vine.

"Absent," I said, "may I present to you... the Clavus Locus!"

Okay, now that I think about it, I probably didn't need to be that dramatic in regards to showing the room off, but with that, I opened the door, presenting to Absent the newly-finished room within. The instant the door was opened, Absent looked inside the room, walking around and taking note of everything that had been put inside- the Keyblade, the album collection, and so on. He didn't seem awed by it-- which I had expected would happen-- but I had a feeling that he still liked it all the same, as was evidenced by his response literally a few moments later.

"Oh, hey, my crap," he said simply. "Neat."

I looked over at JW, and the two of us exchanged knowing smirks.

"Yeah," I said, "we kinda figured that would be how you'd respond."

"So... you like it?" BW asked.

"Honestly," said Absent, "what means the most to me is the simple fact that you went through all this for me. The walls, the crap, the early hours - I don't deserve this."

I felt tears of joy coming to my eyes.

"Awwww... buddy...!" I said, smiling through my tears and running up to Absent to hug him. "Of course you do! You deserve your own room as much as the rest of the members of the Koffiehuis do!"

"Not to mention that Emily sacrificed sleep on her own birthday to help make this," said JW, smiling.

The instant Absent heard that, his expression quickly changed to that of slight shock, and he turned to me.

I laughed nervously.

"Yep..." I said. "I was up for hours in the morning on my birthday... because I wanted to do something nice for you..."

He blinked in slight surprise.

"You really don't have to martyr yourself," he said.

I giggled.

"Oh, believe me," I said. "My life's been filled by plenty of sacrifices already. My parents fought for me during my birth in any way they could, so when it came to my friends... well, it was only natural of me to return the favor."

I turned to JW and BW as I said this, and both of them nodded- having heard my birth stories, they knew what I had gone through-- and more importantly, what my parents had gone through. In response, I smiled and nodded at both of them, then turned straight to Absent.

"Besides," I said, "if you honestly think I was martyring myself... do you even know what time it is?! It's 11:10 in the morning! We got a whole dang party planned for me on the ship! We still have presents to open; cake to eat... heck, I even have a whole dang karaoke session planned! You want a party?!"

"Duh," said Absent.

"Oh, yeah, we do!" cried JW.

"Well, then, let's go and have ourselves a flipping PAR-TAY~!" I squealed. "Come on, guys! Get Nathan and Devenu and let's go and wake up the rest of the Koffiehuis! I got a big day planned, ladies and gentlemen!"

And with that, JW, BW, and Absent all ran out of the newly-built Clavus Locus to the downstairs room-- followed by myself mere moments later.

\------------------------------------------------------------

And with that, the party began-- and it was an absolute doozy.

The Koffiehuis were woken up and were introduced to the Clavus Locus for the first time, and upon seeing it, were absolutely awed by its interior. Madelief was- naturally- gushing over it, while LF somewhat agreed with Absent that I really didn't need to sacrifice hours of sleep in order to do what I did. Yet at the same time, she also agreed that it was very nice of me to do it. When the rest of the Koffiehuis heard my birth stories, on the other hand, they were in shock and in tears. Of course, Madelief was the most emotional towards my stories and LF was the least, but all of them were amazed by how much I had gone through and- more importantly- how much my parents had gone through in their fight for my survival.

Nathan West returned from his psychological analysis with Devenu, and the conversation that followed was so dang hilarious that I can't help but put it here. After Devenu flew up to Absent to tell him what had happened, her final analysis was as follows:

**Devenu: **"Well, Absent, I've asked your brother dozens of questions about his childhood and his parents' divorce, and after examining the answers and his behavior my final analysis is this:"   
**Me: **(_holding my breath to check and see if she agrees with my personal examination_)   
**Devenu: **"...he has hidden psychological trauma and an inferiority complex."   
**Me: **(_pumps vine in the air_) "I KNEW IT!"   
**Absent:**"... Why does that both make perfect sense and make no sense at the same time?"  
**Me, Devenu: **"Because he's Nathan West."  
**Absent: **"I'm a little surprised you got him to open up to you. He's like a jack-in-the-box in that once he opens up he tries to be scary, but once you get past the initial shock..."  
**Devenu: **"Oh, it wasn't easy; he still denies it. But I know the truth... or rather what I believe is the truth."   
**Me: **"Awwww... Nathan, you giant emotional cactus, you..."   
**Nathan: **"SHUT UP, SALAD! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"

At which point I promptly lost it and rolled over with laughter.

I got to open up a few of my presents, too-- and they were just as epic. Madelief had gotten me a karaoke machine-- one that contained a ton of Rush songs, along with some Panic! At the Disco and MCR (natch). I was ecstatic as heck about it, of course, and decided to give it a shot at some point during the day. HP had given me a coloring book; Yuunarii a headset, and LF had gotten me _Grace Under Pressure _by Rush. Of course, these were all great presents, and I was extremely grateful for every single one of them, but the biggest present of them all occurred towards the middle of the party.

It was now about 2:00 PM, and Madelief and LF were on the karaoke machine, singing MCR's hit song "Helena." I was slightly surprised about LF singing that song, but I figured that Madelief had introduced her to it, given how big of a fan of MCR she was. The rest of the Koffiehuis- and the West family- were watching from behind, and I was mouthing all the lyrics and rocking out in my seat like some kind of crazy person. Eventually, however, JW stopped listening to the music as her eyes suddenly went wide.

"Oh!" she said. "I almost forgot." She promptly took out a small box that looked as though it could carry a gift card and gave it to me. "Corbin and I were talking a few hours ago and we decided to give you this."

She paused.

"Well, it's not actually physical, but..."

For a few moments I was slightly confused as to what she meant by "not actually physical"-- until I actually opened it up.

Inside of the box was a small white piece of paper written in what I assumed was JW's handwriting. On it it simply said the following:

** _THE WEST FAMILY has decided to donate:   
_ ** ** _$300   
_ ** ** _to the CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL OF PHILADELPHIA  
_ ** ** _and  
_ ** ** _$1,000   
_ ** ** _to the MARCH OF DIMES CHARITY  
_ ** ** _誕生日でおめでとうございます！  
_ ** ** _(TANJOUBI DE OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU!)_ **

I was so shocked and touched that for a few moments I couldn't speak.

"T-this is..." I muttered, touching my vine to the paper for a few seconds.

"Yeah, apparently Corbin had heard you tell your story before and after talking about it I suggested a donation," JW said. "He was the one who found the MOD..."

I instantly lit up.

"No way!" I cried. "I walked in the MOD!" 

JW blinked in slight surprise. "Did you?"

"Yes!" I said excitedly. "Every year for the past 18 years, in fact! Of course, I can't walk in it now, but... still. Given all the stuff that my parents did to fight for me when I was born, though, I'm pretty sure they'll have the March of Dimes covered."

JW smirked.

"Still, though," I said, smiling. "Thank you. So much. Really, you have no idea how much this means to me. I'll probably still put it in my MOD account even if I won't be walking this year."

JW smiled, and I promptly turned to Absent, who was still listening to the performance of "Helena."

"Hey, Absent!" I called, waving my vine in the air.

Absent promptly turned around.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for the donation~!" I cried happily.

Absent, naturally, responded with the obvious: "_Dou itashimashite._"

I smirked.

"Hah, I should have said _domo_, then," I responded.

Beat.

"Speaking of Japanese, I take it you were the one who inserted the kanji and the _tanjoubi de omedetou gozaimasu_?" I asked.

Absent, naturally, responded by shooting me the classic.

"Do you know anyone else who knows Japanese?" he asked.

I paused.

No. No, I didn't.

"Yeah," I said, conceding the point. "True." 

By now, "Helena" was approaching the bridge section, and I turned away from Absent, staring down at my donation gift with appreciation and delight-- and with a bittersweet feeling, too. I had always known that despite her part in the IEF and Birthday Bash, JW couldn't be all that bad of a person, and this proved it. This was probably the most meaningful gift I had ever received in my entire life, and I would forever be grateful for it.

As for my parents?

I missed them. I couldn't go back to my hometown in Jersey looking like a Bulbasaur, but I still missed them. And as much as I appreciated them before, I appreciated them even more now. They had taken care of me and loved me for 19 years, and even though this was the first birthday I would ever be spending without my parents, they still played a part in it all. For six months they had fought for me to stay alive, and even as a Bulbasaur... they had done their job. I had been on this earth, in two forms, for 20 years. I had defied all odds and expectations.

That wouldn't have been possible without them.

Not just them, though- it wouldn't have been possible without the doctors, the nurses, the few who did believe in me, the technology and innovations provided by the March of Dimes...

I had a lot to be thankful for.

And all of a sudden, thinking about it all, and looking down at the gift and then over at my friends, I realized that I had a lot to be thankful for now, too.

I felt tears come to my eyes, realizing how so many people had jumped through thousands of hoops for me, just as I and the rest of the West family had done for Absent.

Smiling, I looked down at the donation card, thinking about my parents the whole time.

"Thanks, guys," I said, tears of joy streaming down my face.

And with that final notion, I heard the final chorus of "Helena" begin to start up in the background:

_What's the worst that I can say?_ _   
_ _Things are better if I stay _ _   
_ _So long and goodnight_ _   
_ _So long and goodnight..._

** _EINDE_ **


	15. DERTIEN: The Mark Will Be Made (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen... WE! ARE! BACK! After a bit of a hiatus, I am delighted to announce that Pokemon: SOSchip has returned with Chapter 13, entitled "The Mark Will Be Made"-- PART ONE! The original plan was to get this released on New Year's Day of 2020, however, life got in the way, and on top of that, I decided to split the original chapter into two different parts. The first part, which is this, involves the Koffiehuis trying to find a motto courtesy of the giant collection of albums in the Clavus Locus-- only to suddenly be interrupted when Aleph-Null once again tries to burn Folsom Lake to the ground. 
> 
> Now, as for the actual motto of the Koffiehuis itself... I had originally intended for it to be a call-and-response based on the line "Until the very end of me, until the very end of you" from NIN's "We're In This Together," but in the process of writing it Absent put forth a few more lines that were just as good- if not better- than the one I had selected. The final motto will be presented at the end of Part 2. Also... Part 1 will FINALLY feature a legitimate M4 fight! To anyone who has wanted to see HP in action ever since Chapter 7, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE! 
> 
> With that said, I hope you enjoy! Once again, I do not own Pokemon, and once again, PLEASE DO NOT STALK ANY OF US ONLINE OR IN REAL LIFE. I also own none of the albums referenced in this chapter. Look out for Part 2 of this chapter, in which the motto (which I still intend to be a call-and-response) gets decided on...

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Ah, yes. The obligatory group creed.

I don't know when, exactly, I first noticed it, but there's something about having a motto that makes an organization or group that much more malarsenic. Even if you don't know what exactly I mean when I say "malarsenic", you'll probably be inclined to agree with me that normally, organizations should have a motto that describes pretty much every single one of their ideals. Sometimes it can be a long, giant spiel about X, Y and Z and how "we pledge to follow these ideals until the day we die"; sometimes it can just be one sentence; sometimes it can even be a call-and-response, though that last one is rarer.

Regardless of which one a certain organization has, there's no denying that having a motto or creed is pretty much essential. Which makes it slightly more surprising that for about three months, the Koffiehuis didn't even have one.

...Okay, there technically was "_ima, mu wa bokutachi o yamenai_," but that was only said by Absent during the first battle against Aleph-Null at Folsom Lake College, so that one doesn't really count. When I say "motto", I mean "a group creed shared by every single member of the Koffiehuis", and until late November-early December hit, we didn't really have that. Now, of course, we do, and it's a two-part "one for all and all for one"-esque call-and-response that I am not going to reveal to you until the end of this recap because I don't want to hit you with any other major ending spoilers.

As for the story of how we got that motto... well, it's interesting, to say the least. In fact, the main reason we even decided to get a motto in the first place wasn't because we got inspired by a book or some other organization.

Oh, no.

It was all thanks to Aleph-Null themselves.

Take one guess as to where it started- and as the Coder himself would put it, the first thirteen don't count.

Give up?

The answer's Folsom Lake College, natch.

More specifically, it started on the route to Folsom Lake College, rather than actually starting at the college itself. In the time between my birthday and the day that I am currently recapping, something pretty huge had occurred: namely, you know that animated video that Absent and I had made that was about Dutch stams, conjugation, and 't kofschip? Yeah, that got put onto YouTube, and at first, no one really watched it- until they realized who the animator behind it was.

See, neither Absent and I know how to animate a video, so we called in none other than Yuunarii to help provide the art for it, which not only showed the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, but a detailed explanation into how stams worked. It even included cute little pictures of Pols and Tillen, which both of us found adorable.

And needless to say, when the audiences watching the video recognized that Yuunarii was the one behind all the drawings of a Bulbasaur and Oshawott snark-teaching Dutch conjugation to each other and the audience... it went absolutely _VIRAL._

Within one day, the video got 15K views. Hundreds upon thousands of people praised the art done by Yuunarii, the snarkiness of myself and Absent, and especially the content. Many of the people who did comment were part of Yuunarii's 6-digit subscriber count, who had gotten interested in the Dutch language after watching her series on the basics of the language. In fact, the audience of the video got so big that pretty soon, people were clamoring for a second one.

And when the three of us- myself, Absent, and Yuunarii- found out that there was a computer drawing studio inside of Folsom Lake College, we could not resist.

Ergo, we decided to go there, and presently, Yuunarii was upstairs in her room, drawing artwork for the video (and presumably doing a livestream as she did so- I was able to hear her talking from inside her room about something that I couldn't catch, likely answering fan questions). Absent and I, meanwhile, were doing exactly what you'd expect us to be doing:

Making a lesson plan for the next video.

Now, what was the next video even about, you ask?

Simple.

It was about Dutch pronunciation- specifically, that of the Dutch G. Now, there wasn't much to work with here, considering that the Dutch G was just one letter, but considering that this was myself and Absent who were making the video...

Yeah, we figured that even us talking about a cat game for five minutes would be entertaining.

So, Absent had written all his notes from the black book on the board, along with info about the game, the literal and metaphorical pronunciation war, and so on. I, meanwhile, was currently in the process of writing the script for the video, and we had just about completed the script when...

_RED ALERT! RED ALERT!_

Koffie.

Almost instantaneously, I put down my phone, Absent stopped writing, and the entire Koffiehuis ran onto the deck of the ship. Chills instantly went down my spine, because I had a very distinct feeling as to what Koffie had just seen, and considering the fact that we were headed on route to Folsom Lake College... it could not be good.

"Oh, _good god..._" I muttered.

The rest of the Koffiehuis nervously gathered on board the main deck.

"What's happening...?" asked HP.

"I-is Casetje back?!" Bailey squeaked, terrified out of his wits.

_Not just back, _said Koffie. _He's also come with more mechas AND an updated Mechinator._

_An updated Mechinator?!_

Good god, this was worse than I thought...

"WHAT?!" I shrieked.

Almost immediately I ran straight up to the Mechinator drawers and began searching for the drawer that held mine. Considering the fact that it had been months since we last fought Aleph-Null, I had presumed that either their division had split or that they had just decided to give up on attacking us.

I should have known that Johnathon Case does _not _give up that easily.

"Updated, how?" Absent asked, searching for the drawer with his own Mechinator.

Koffie's TV screen suddenly turned on, and the eight of us suddenly found ourselves staring at Johnathon Case himself, who was driving an Aleph-Null airship and clearly holding the familiar black-and-white Mechinator of Aleph-Null. Next to him were Mancia and Williamson- the former was staring over at the latter while Case was barking orders out to him. Williamson, meanwhile, didn't seem to share any of Mancia's romantic affections, as she was simply ignoring him and typing something on a computer. At first glance, nothing appeared to have changed about the Mechinator-- until Koffie spoke up.

_Apparently the Mechinator he has now is able to transform his mecha ship into not one, but _two _different forms, _said Koffie.

"TWO different forms?!" cried Madelief.

"Which ones?" I asked.

_Omega-2 and a very fast and agile wasp mecha, _said Koffie.

I decided to keep following the pattern that Absent had set up and call it Omega-3 in my head.

The good news was, one of the mechas was Omega-2, which Absent had defeated before, and if he could defeat that, then I figured there was a pretty good chance that he would be able to take down Omega-3. Still, though, the thought that Aleph-Null was actually coming-- with a ton more mechas to boot-- was absolutely terrifying, especially since absolutely none of us knew where they were. Heck, they could be in Wereldia or even Taalstad for all we knew...

"Where are they?" I asked, grabbing my Mechinator- I had found the drawer that contained it.

Koffie's TV screen zoomed out of the interior of the ship, and the exterior of the Aleph-Null airship suddenly became visible, along with a map detailing Aleph-Null's path with a green dot. Koffie promptly spoke, and when it did, chills went down my spine:

_Aleph-Null? Oh, they're currently en route to Folsom Lake College._

Oh, god.

There was no way this could be good.

The last time that Aleph-Null was at Folsom Lake College, they were there to burn it to smithereens- and had it not been for their goal changing from that to "kill Absent and his family", it's very likely that they would have. They did succeed in melting the roof of Cypress Hall, after all- even if we did get a pretty cool glass falcon art out of it. Likely, the only reason that they would even go to Folsom Lake again in the first place would be to see if they could succeed in burning it down this time- and naturally, none of us were going to let that happen in a million years.

"HE'S GOING TO BURN IT AGAIN!" Madelief cried in horror.

"He likely is," said LF, narrowing her eyes. "It would be the only reasonable excuse for Aleph-Null to come back to Folsom Lake."

"Well, then, good thing we're going to go to Folsom Lake right now," I said, fueled with newfound determination, "because Case has no idea what's coming for him."

"Counterpoint, he's smarter than at least half of us," Absent remarked. "He probably knows our go-tos, or can at least account for what he's seen from us."

Beat.

"Oh, _god_, you're right," I said. "They're probably tracking us _right now_. Heck, I guarantee you that when we get to the college, they'll already have lit it on fire."

"I doubt that," said Madelief. "I'm pretty sure they'll just be there."

"They don't play nice," Absent said simply. "They brainwash, they take hostages, they commit _arson_."

"I know~!" responded Madelief. "I was just saying; I'm pretty sure by the time we've landed, they'll land and they won't have any time to do any of those things, because then we're going to Mechinate Koffie and then CRUSH THEIR MECHA AIRSHIPS TO THE GROUND--!"

"That's wishful thinking at best and bad heroism practice at worst," said Absent.

_Besides, I don't think you can, _said Koffie. _They've built stronger steel for their airships and gave them a completely new design._

I growled to myself.

"Great," I said. "No wonder we haven't heard anything from Case for months- they've updated literally everything about their system!"

_Yeah, _said Koffie. _They even have a motto._

And the instant Koffie said that last word, my interest was peaked.

"A motto...?" I muttered to myself.

Absent, meanwhile, just tilted his head.

"And that deserves mention why?" he asked.

_I don't know, _Koffie responded cheerfully. _I just thought I should mention it! Oh- here it is._

The tracking system promptly faded, replaced with the now familiar symbol of Aleph-Null-- except there was one big difference. Namely, underneath the logo were the words **_THE ALEPH-NULL TASK FORCE_**, and underneath that were six words:

** _For unity, for understanding, for all._ **

It was deliciously ironic- Aleph-Null's grand plan was to eliminate all other languages and unite the world in one- the English language- yet in doing so they were going against everything that the motto stood for, because their goal didn't involve unity or understanding- it was racist as all heck.

So you can probably understand why I ended up scoffing upon seeing the motto.

"Seriously?" I said. "They just had to go with the most ironic motto in the history of the entire world?"

"Monsters Inc.'s 'We scare because we care' would like to have a word with you," Absent retorted.

...Okay, having actually seen that movie, I was pretty much forced to agree.

"True," I said. "But still, this doesn't change the fact that the motto of Aleph-Null is extremely ironic and hypocritical."

"...why is is ironic?" asked Madelief.

"It's contrary to oghond anticipating something explicitly villainous," Absent explained. "Being antithetical to expectations is the calling card of irony, like seeing a doctor being taken into an ambulance via stretcher, or a fire truck catching fire. There's no hypocrisy or irony, just very careful wording."

I promptly sideeyed him.

"You know, you could have just told her that _nothing _about Aleph-Null's goal is 'for unity, for understanding, for all'," I said.

"Making everyone on planet earth speak English? Yeah, that's understanding, unity and everyone," he countered. "The only problem is the slogan sounds altruistic to disguise xenophobia."

"And that's why it's hypocritically ironic," I said.

Beat.

"Oh, wait..." I muttered, suddenly realizing what Absent had _literally just said._

Absent, of course, promptly responded by shooting me _that _look-- which was admittedly well-deserved.

"... If we keep going we'll be talking in circles," he said in annoyance. "Let's just ambush these idiots and get back to the lesson."

"Yeah, true," I muttered, conceding the point. "Seriously, though. I guarantee you that we could come up with a better motto than they ever could."

I promptly leaned back on the couch a bit-- and then all of a sudden the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Wait," I said suddenly. "We don't even have a motto, do we?"

"Do we need one?"

_Did we need one?!_

"Of course we need one!" I cried, promptly freaking out a bit and grabbing Absent by the shoulders- or relative lack thereof- with my vines. "I mean, if _Aleph-freaking-Null _has a motto, then we should probably have one that can counter it! Besides, what organization _doesn't _have a motto?"

"We're not an organization," retorted Absent, "we're six nerds who found a boat, got shapeshifted and got wrapped up in misadventures you're setting a soundtrack to."

"Hey!" cried Bailey. "Breaking the fourth wall is _our _schtick!"

"And... are we not fighting against Aleph-Null, who _are _an organization?" asked LF.

"Yeah!" said Madelief. "That should make us an organization... I think..."

"We're a team at _best_."

"Exactly!" cried Madelief.

"We _are_ a team," I said, promptly rising up in determination. "And the one thing this team is missing is a creed that all six-"

"Eight!" cried the bunnies in unison, both of them shooting me a glare.

"Eight, sorry," I said, a bit sheepishly. "A creed that all _eight _of us can live by. Oh, sure, Case can think he's better than we are because unlike us, he actually _has_ a motto-- but I guarantee you that if we land at Folsom Lake College, face-to-face with Aleph-Null, and we reveal to them that we also have a new motto at our disposal..."

I smirked to myself-- by now I could just _picture _Case's rage, and it was glorious.

"We'll have beat him before the battle's even begun," I said.

And with that declaration, I turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of whom- with the exception of Absent- had a determined look in their eye, clearly having come to the same conclusion as I did. With that resolve, I promptly raised my vine up in the air, before crying out:

"Now... _who wants a motto?!_"

"I do~!" cried Madelief, floating up into the air.

"I do!" said HP.

"I would like us to have a motto as well," said LF, standing up.

"WE DO~!" cried the bunnies.

Yuunarii stood up and nodded at me with a determined expression.

Almost instantly, the five of us turned to Absent, who still looked slightly unsure at the prospect of us having a motto- and when I say "slightly unsure" I mean "giving us all his trademark default look of deadpan disdain". For a few moments, I was a bit unsure if he enjoyed the idea- until he raised his paw in the air, still looking very much indifferent about the whole prospect.

"Whatever," he said simply.

I decided to take that as a yes, and looked towards the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Then it's decided," I said. "Absent, Yuunarii, we're going to have to hold off on the video until further notice, because we have a much more important goal at hand now. We gotta get ourselves a motto, and then... we gotta take down Aleph-Null yet again."

"YAY~!" cried Madelief happily, floating around the room in delight. "WE'RE GETTING A MOTTO! WE'RE GETTING A MOTTO~!"

I giggled over at Madelief in delight.

"May I inquire something?" asked LF.

Instantly, we turned to her as she stepped forward.

"Forgive my interruption," said LF, "but if we are indeed fully settled on this... 'getting a motto' idea, how are we to actually look for one?"

She had a point. Now that all the members of the Koffiehuis were in agreement that we needed a motto as soon as possible... what was it going to be, and more importantly, how were we going to find it?

The rest of the Koffiehuis turned to look at each other.

"...Good point," I said simply.

"Yeah... what _should _the motto be?" asked Madelief.

"Something about languages...?" muttered HP.

"No, no, no, no," I said, shaking my head and butting in. "It needs to be about something that everyone in this group stands for. Just 'languages' isn't going to cut it."

"B-but our entire goal is to learn and then teach languages to the world!" Madelief protested.

"Yeah, but 'languages' isn't really a virtue that we stand for," I said. "I mean, Aleph-Null's motto isn't about languages, either- it's about unity and understanding and all that good stuff."

Beat.

"Okay, not necessarily 'good', in this case, but you know what I mean," I said.

"True," said Madelief.

"So, forget languages," I said. "What's something else that everyone in this group stands for?"

"FRIENDSHIP~!" cried Madelief almost instantaneously.

I pointed at her with my vine. "That's good; what else?"

"Determination," said HP.

"Unity!" cried the bunnies.

"Equality for all, regardless of language of origin," said LF.

"All of the above," said Absent.

I paused for a few moments, thinking it over.

"Good, good, good..." I said, pointing to each member of the Koffiehuis in turn. "But allow me to summarize all of that: we stand for everything that Aleph-Null _doesn't_, and our motto needs to reflect that."

"W-where can we come up with a good one, though?" asked HP.

For a few moments the Koffiehuis looked at each other, wondering if anybody had any ideas-- and then all of a sudden Absent broke in with something that, now that I think about it, I probably should have thought of beforehand.

"...you do realize that I have 40+ albums upstairs in my room now, right?" he asked.

The album collection!

How could I have forgotten? We didn't need to come up with an original motto- so long as we picked a song lyric that fit all the virtues of the Koffiehuis, we were pretty much good to go!

"Of COURSE!" I cried. "Your album collection! Absent, you're a genius!"

"He wants an album title to be our motto?" asked Bailey.

"No, he wants a _song lyric_ to be our motto!" I said. "We can just look through the 40+ albums he has upstairs in the Clavus Locus and go through the lyric booklets of each of them!"

Beat.

"Yeah, that makes more sense," said Bailey.

"That would be really cool!" Madelief cried. "I'd be introduced to all these new songs I've never heard before!"

"40+ albums seem like a lot, though..." HP muttered.

"Oh, please!" said Madelief teasingly. "40+ albums is nothing!"

"We don't even need to go through all 40+ albums," I said. "Once we find one that all of us like, we can claim it as our motto."

"That's true, too," said Madelief.

"Indeed, it is," I said, rising up from my seat.

And with that having been settled, I pointed my vine upstairs towards Absent's room and promptly cried out with determination:

"Now... TO THE CLAVUS LOCUS!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

With that, the eight of us went upstairs to the Clavus Locus Beta, our minds now fully settled on the concept of getting a motto for the Koffiehuis finalized. Considering the fact that it had been about a week since JW, BW, and I built and painted the room, I was a bit surprised that now was the first time the rest of the Koffiehuis were seeing Absent's enormous collection of albums. At the same time, though, I wasn't really all that surprised, considering that no one else really went into Absent's room anyways. Besides, anyone who had seen the album collection cabinet likely only saw it for a few seconds and didn't even think about going up to it- much less do what we were going to do, which was look at every album extensively while searching for a motto.

By the time we had gotten to the album collection and had taken out every single album that Absent owned, the foreigners of the Koffiehuis were staring at it in total awe.

"Whoa~!" cried Madelief. "You own a _lot _of albums, Absent! Not even I own this many!"

"I'm pretty sure that _none _of you own this many albums," said Absent matter-of-factly.

"Fudge..." gasped Bailey, "ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I'M SEEING~~?!"

He jumped up onto the bed, scanning through every album that was there.

"This is practically a musician's paradise!" cried Bailey. "Look at this! He must have every album in the history of the entire world-- and I don't even know who the heck any of these bands are!"

"Bailey, this isn't every album in the history of the entire world," said Fudge.

"It sure seems like it~!" said Bailey cheerfully.

"I will admit that that is a lot of albums," said LF, "but I believe our current focus right now should actually be looking through them to find a song lyric that will serve as an appropriate motto, should it not?"

"Yeah, LF's right," I said. "We gotta find something-- who knows how long it'll be before Koffie lands in Folsom Lake College?"

"I... don't really know if we can sit around and look through 40+ albums one by one," said HP. "That'll take forever..."

"True," said Absent.

She had a point. If the eight of us were to sit around and look through every single album one by one, analyzing it lyric by lyric to find something that could fit the motto... that would take a long as heck time. There would be no way that we could get that done before Koffie got to Folsom Lake and we had to defeat Aleph-Null.

"Well, then," I said, getting up from Absent's bed, "I say we take the easiest solution and we divide and conquer."

"Ooooooor we could just pick very specific albums and see what the lyrics in those ones say~!" Madelief suggested.

Beat.

"...or we could do that," I said, returning to the giant stack of albums. "Alright then-- which ones do you guys like the most?"

The Koffiehuis looked the albums over-- and then all of a sudden Madelief pointed to one of them.

"Ooh~!" she cried happily. "What's the one with the white square and the black background and--"

She picked up the album in question- Tool's hit _AEnima_\- and held it up to her face to get a closer look-- then instantly gasped in shock, before turning the album cover towards us.

"ARE THOSE _FACES?!_" she cried in horror.

"No," said Absent, "they're eyes. And the album you're holding is-"

"Wait, don't tell me!" cried Madelief. "Let me guess..."

"She's not gonna get it," I muttered under my breath.

"Ooh! I know! It's called _Eyes!_"

"I knew it," I said.

Absent, naturally, Picarded.

"Look at the spine," he said.

"Ohhhh~!" said Madelief, doing so. "It's called Aynemuh! Okay, then!"

Beat.

"Wait, is that right? Ey - neh- muh? Ey - NEE - muh? Anime?"

"AW-ni-muh," said Absent.

Madelief paused, then looked at us in confusion.

"Then why isn't it spelled A-W-N-I-M-U-H?" asked Madelief. "I mean, it's _pronounced_ AW-ni-muh, so it should be _spelled_ AW-ni-muh! That would make it sooooooo much easier for people who want to buy the album!"

"Maddy, it's Tool," Absent sighed. "Their fans will eat up anything they make. The more absurd, the likelier. Me included."

"Plus," I said, "that album contains a lot of curse words, and I don't think any of the songs on the album would fit the Koffiehuis at all. Look at the tracklist if you don't believe me."

She turned it around, expecting to see the listing.

"They're on the booklet," Absent explained. "That doubles as the cover. Open that."

She did- and was immediately horrified by what was inside, Upon opening the liner notes - and very likely upon seeing the title of the seventh track- Madelief instantly started making barfing noises and threw down the booklet. It was very clear that she did not even want to think about what she had just seen.

"Okay, okay," she said, grossed out beyond all belief. "No Aynima album."

"AW-ni-muh," I said. "And yeah. If you were looking at the seventh track... well, we call it by a much different title."

"W-what's that?" asked Madelief, still grossed out.

I smirked, then turned to Absent.

"Two nouns, an article, and a preposition," he said. "Makes you feel any better, neither of those nouns are in the lyrics. Though, the line 'I sold my soul to make a record, then you bought one' carries similar connotations..."

"Phew," said Madelief. "Thank god."

"Still, though," Bailey suddenly burst in, "why couldn't they have just put something on the front of their album cover saying 'pronounced AW-ni-ma'? NOBODY is going to know how to pronounce that dang _Æ_ symbol on first glance! Lieftje certainly couldn't!"

"Like I said, this is Tool we're talking about. You've got to be well-versed in a lot of fields to appreciate everything they put into their lyrics," Absent defended. "Foreign languages are _not_ something they're foreign to, pardon the pun."

"DO THEY PUT DUTCH IN THEIR LYRICS?!" cried Madelief.

"No, but there is one song that's in German... and its title is as bad as Two Nouns."

"W-what is it...?" muttered HP.

Absent promptly passed them both the album, and HP opened it up to the booklet while LF leaned in to get a closer look. Upon seeing the title in question- which is track 10, for anyone brave enough - HP staggered back in shock, and LF narrowed her eyes.

"T-they _didn't_—!" HP squeaked.

"Tool had the audacity to name one of their song titles _that_?!" LF said indignantly.

"If it makes you feel any better their next three albums _really_ cleaned up," said Absent. "You could put them on the radio!... if you ignore the fact that it's mostly metal music with a few songs over 10 minutes, which is distinctly _not_ radio-friendly."

"Hm," said LF. "Well, I, for one, do not believe that _this_ should be the album the motto is named for."

"I agree," said Madelief, still disgusted.

"Alright, then, that's out," I said. "Any other ideas?"

"I have one," said LF, "and rest assured that it is a _much_ better suggestion than an album that contains one of the most disgusting titles I have ever had the displeasure of reading."

"What is it?!" Madelief asked.

I could clearly tell that she was just as eager to rid Ænima of her mind.

LF, meanwhile, walked over to the albums sprawled out on Absent's bed and picked one of them up.

It was another mostly-black cover, but the details I couldn't see.

"It is nothing short of a classic," she said simply.

At that point, she promptly showed us the album cover— which I happened to recognize in an instant. The white line from the left, the triangle and the rainbow.

I blinked.

"_The Dark Side of the Moon_?" I asked.

"Indeed," said LF.

"That doesn't give us as many options - there are only seven songs with listed lyrics," Absent observed.

"Oh," said LF. "Well, then, in that case, you can forget about my idea. Unless, of course, one of the seven songs with lyrics listed just so happens to have themes related to the ideals of the Koffiehuis that we discussed..."

"... Us and Them?" Absent tentatively offered. "I mean, it _is_ a song about how futile and self-destructive wars are, fighting for causes you barely understand."

"Hm. True..." muttered LF. "Except for one problem: _we are not in a war_."

"Who said it had to be a traditional war? It's idealistic strife with no clear right and wrong on opposite sides - you know I say this now and realize that Us and Them _definitely_ won't work anymore."

"As I thought," said LF.

"Well, considering the fact that nothing else on here would work... any other suggestions?" I asked.

For a few moments, nobody said anything. The rest of the Koffiehuis simply searched through the albums, trying to find at least _one_ that would contain lyrics related to the group's ideals.

"How about this one with a pair of glasses on it?"

"_10,000 Days_? There's _no_ listed lyrics."

"What about this one with the hand?"

"_Year Zero_? That's about America succumbing to greed and the world subsequently being destroyed."

"Why's this one black?"

"Just call it _The Black Album_, and do you really want a creed from _Metallica_?"

I was simply standing there as the only one _not_ looking through albums, and by now I was starting to ask myself if this effort was all for naught. I had _no_ idea when Koffie would arrive at Folsom Lake College, but I was fairly sure it would be soon, and I knew that the minute- no, the _second_ that we arrived, our attention had to turn towards defeating Aleph-Null.

And then, out of the blue, I heard it:

"Hey, guys~! I found this weird-looking red-orange-brown album— I don't know _what_ the heck this is supposed to be a picture of, but there's a bit of black on the top that I can't really read because it's been cut off—"

Bailey.

Instantly, I turned to him— and found that he was holding up a copy of probably the greatest Nine Inch Nails album of all time that was not named _The Downward Spiral_.

Of course, I'm talking about the one, the only...

"_The Fragile_," I muttered to myself.

Without warning, I grabbed the album from him.

Bailey blinked.

"...is that the name of the album or the band?" he asked.

"The album," I said. "The band is Nine Inch Nails."

"Nine Inch Nails..."

Bailey looked down for a bit, as if the name of the band sounded familiar to him— and then all of a sudden:

"Wait, YOU MEAN REZTJE?!"

"If by 'Reztje' you mean Trent Reznor, then yes," I said.

"I FOUND A REZTJE ALBUM?!" cried Bailey.

"To be fair, you had a one-in-five chance of pulling one out," Absent told him. "Out of my 40+ albums, 8 have the Nine Inch Nails name on them."

"Oh," said Bailey. "But still— I FOUND A REZTJE ALBUM!"

He instantly jumped up and grabbed _The Fragile_ out of my vines.

"Sorry, ogtje," he said, "but Fudge and I gotta take a look at this..."

He looked at the spine and squinted.

"_The Fra-JEE-lay, Nine Inch Nails, Nothing Interscope, Halo Fourteen_?"

He did _not_.

He did _not_ just pull the dang _Christmas Story_ gag on us.

Instantly, I found myself falling to the floor and rolling over with laughter, while Absent reacted...

_VERY_ differently. Let's just put it that way.

"OKAY, NO. HOW DO YOU MESS UP SOMETHING SO _DAMNED_ ELEMENTARY?!"

... yeah.

To say Talbain got out would be a _grotesque_ understatement.

This time, though, Talbain didn't scare me- he just made me laugh even _harder_. The same could not be said, however, for the target. In about 22 seconds, poor skittish Bailey acted like he had just seen a ghost and ran under the table while Yuunarii ran over to comfort him. Fudge, meanwhile, facepalmed and turned to Absent.

"...you _know_ he's extremely skittish," said Fudge simply.

"And unlike him, I know it's pronounced frah-jai-ull," Absent retorted. "Well, it could also be frah-jull, but in the song of the same name, Reznor says frah-jai-ull."

With that said, he promptly turned away and started singing the song- or at least I assumed it was the song- to himself:

"_She doesn't see her beauty~_"

Fudge, meanwhile, just stared at him in confusion before turning to Bailey.

"It's fra-jai-ull!!" Fudge called.

"I heard...!" Bailey responded, still shivering from underneath the table. "N-now am I allowed to come out or...?"

"I... think you can," said Fudge. "I'm pretty sure Taltje's gone now; Abtje's singing to himself."

"Oh, okay," said Bailey.

He tentatively walked out from under the table, looking around just to make sure that the album was still there. I, meanwhile, had stopped laughing, and was now lightly giggling to myself as I walked over to Bailey.

"Did you... did you not hear me say it was called _The Fragile_?!" I giggled.

"You said it so quietly I couldn't hear a thing," said Bailey.

"And here I thought bunnies were supposed to have exceptional hearing," muttered Fudge.

"Note you said _bunnies_," said Bailey. "Not _Scor_bunnies."

"Pokemon names aren't pluralized... are they?" asked Fudge.

"...Scorbunnies sounds better," said Bailey.

"Yeah, true," said Fudge. "Now, where's the album..."

"FOUND IT~~!"

Bailey had jumped over to the album and was now holding it up as best he could. Upon seeing it, Fudge ran over to him and opened up the album to find the tracklist on the inside.

"WHOA...!" cried Bailey. "Look at all those tracks! This thing must be like... I dunno, an hour long or something like that?"

"Yeah, 23 tracks is a lot," remarked Fudge.

"110 minutes across two discs," Absent remarked. "And out of the 23 songs, 6 songs - and about 25 minutes - are instrumental."

"There's gotta be _something _that we can use in here!" said Bailey excitedly. "Hang on, let's see what we've got here... Somewhat Damaged, no; The Day the World Went Away, no; The Frail, no; The Wretched, no; We-"

And all of a sudden he stopped himself, staring at the title of the fifth song for a few moments before the realization suddenly hit him. Fudge, meanwhile, was going through the other tracks-- then caught sight of one of them and looked at it in disgust.

Bailey didn't even seem to care, though-- just the sight of the title got him going absolutely _haywire _with excitement, and his eyes lit up.

"Fudge..." he said excitedly, "I THINK WE JUST FOUND A GOLD MINE~~!"

Happily, he began shaking Fudge in excitement, and the latter groaned.

"Yeah, well I think I just found my version of the track from that Anime album."

"It's AW-ni-muh!" Bailey retorted. "And also, forget that! HAVE YOU SEEN THE TITLE OF THE-"

"Yuunarii, I think you'll need to look at this," said Fudge, handing her the booklet. "I do not want to have to look at a title like _that _one again. Seriously, that eighteenth track would _NEVER _fly in a Pokemon-based fanfic. Good god, look it up."

Yuunarii promptly took the booklet from Fudge and looked through it, before giving both of them a look that said _which one of these songs do you want me to look at?_

Thankfully, Bailey answered that question by jumping up to the album and pointing at something I couldn't see.

"That one, that one!" he cried happily. "I think we just hit pay dirt~!"

Yuunarii promptly looked over the lyrics to the song in question-- then smiled and nodded with determination.

Almost instantaneously, I lit up-- whatever song she was looking at, _this was it_.

This was the song with the lyric that was going to be used for the motto of the Koffiehuis-- I just had no idea as to what it was yet.

That is, until Yuunarii walked over to us and slammed down the booklet, which was open to the lyrics of the track that Bailey had gotten so excited over.

The second I saw the title of the song, I instantly knew in my heart one thing:

_This was IT._

We had absolutely hit pay dirt with this song.

It was the fifth track off of _The Fragile_, and the title literally summed up everything we stood for in one single line:

"We're In This Together."

I was internally freaking out. I didn't know if the title would be the motto or if one of the other lyrics from the song would, but I instantly knew that we had found our song-- and Absent seemed to know it, too.

Madelief, however, didn't. Instead she just tilted her body.

"Um... what lyric is she talking about?" she asked.

"Let's find out," Absent observed, sliding the booklet out of the sleeve.

No sooner had he done so, however, than I stopped him.

"It's not a lyric, Absent," I said. "She's saying that 'We're In This Together' is the song in question, and wants us to use a lyric from_ that!_"

And the second they heard the title, the rest of the foreigners went _nuts._

"THAT'S PERFECT~!" Madelief exclaimed.

"I would have to agree with her," said LF. "The title alone conveys everything the Koffiehuis stands for."

"Well, then it's pretty much settled," I said. "This is it. This is the song we're going to use."

I grabbed the booklet from her and held it open to the lyrics to "We're In This Together," grinning broadly the entire time.

"All we need to do now is look for a lyric that fits the ideals of the Koffiehuis, and we will be good to go," I said. "And believe me... we've got a gold mine here."

And then, just as I was about to look through the lyrics with the rest of them:

_You don't really have time to do that._

It was Koffie-- and it sounded terrified.

Startled, the eight of us turned.

"W-what do you mean we don't have time to do that?" I asked, my heart starting to beat faster in my chest.

Koffie paused-- and then:

_We're here. And so are they._

I threw down the booklet in an instant.

"Folsom Lake College," I muttered.

They were here.

\-------------------------------------------------

All of a sudden, there was no time to waste anymore. We left Clavus Locus the instant the news got out that we were at Folsom Lake, and all six of us grabbed our Mechinators, just in case someone else other than myself or Absent had to use one to Mechinate Koffie. By the time we exited the ship and were out in front of Cypress Hall, we looked forward to see if Aleph-Null was there.

As I predicted, they weren't just there- Case was carrying a torch, and all three main members of Aleph-Null were standing in front of Cypress Hall. Mancia, naturally, was the most nervous and reluctant-looking out of all of them, and turned to Case to say something- likely about how he didn't want to burn down a perfectly good college. Case, however, wasn't having any of it, and proceeded to smack poor Mancia upside the head, before Williamson stepped in to say something.

And we were watching all this happen from the front of Cypress Hall.

Chills instantly went down my spine- my prediction had been right.

"Oh, _god_, I was right," I said in a whisper.

"They really are going to burn down Cypress Hall again...!" cried Madelief, in a panic.

"Or at least try to," said Absent.

"Naturally," growled LF under her breath. "If there is one thing I can say about Johnathon Case, it is that he does not know when to quit. A real shame- he should very well just go and quit already."

"Well, it's not like updated Mechinators and stronger steel Mechas can stop us," I said, raising my Mechinator in determination. "Let's get them."

The rest of the group nodded in agreement, and all eight of us approached Aleph-Null from behind. Eventually, by the time we got close enough to them to say anything, Case had prepared his torch, and if not for me butting in at that exact moment, there would have been a very real possibility that he would have set the Hall on fire for the second time.

"So..." I said, "we heard you got an upgrade?"

Hearing us, Case stopped what he was doing and spun his head around to face all of us- and upon seeing all eight members of the Koffiehuis standing there in determination, he smirked in satisfaction.

"Would you look at this, Williamson," he said, approaching us. "We have visitors, it seems."

He crouched down to my level and looked at me directly in the eye.

"Why, hello, pesker," he said. "I haven't seen you for quite a while. How have you been? Did you happen to notice the little... creed we have emblazoned on our ship now?"

I looked up directly at him and smirked.

Oh, boy. Did we have news for him.

"Yes," I said simply. "Yes, we did. And we have something we have to say to that. We're coming up with a motto as we speak."

And the second I said that, Case reacted exactly as I predicted he would: namely, his face changed instantly from smug satisfaction to that of pure, blind rage. It wasn't as rage-filled as, say, the times we beat him by using M3- or, heck, even our own attacks- but it was still absolutely glorious to watch, and I felt the smirk on my face grow even bigger.

"_YOU... YOU'RE COMING UP WITH A MOTTO?!_" he shrieked. "HA! Nothing you can come up with could ever be better than 'For unity, for understanding, for all'!"

"Oh, it'll be a THOUSAND times better~!" said Madelief, giggling under her breath.

"SHUT UP, YOU FOREIGN PESKER!" screamed Case.

"Sorry," Madelief giggled. "It's just that I talk a LOT, because I love making friends with other people- I mean, it's the whole reason as to why I'm friends with all these people in the first place! Of course, though, I'd never make friends with _you_\- you're too crazy!"

"I AM NOT CRAZY!" Case snarled.

"HAH," I shot back. "You're so crazy you think you can get away with trying to burn down Cypress Hall again when you _KNOW _this time that there's a giant spirit bird watching every single move you do."

"I know it, but I can't see it," retorted Case. "Besides, _we _got an upgrade to our Mechinators, and you didn't. _We_ prepared. _We_ got stronger so it would be harder for you to defeat us. Ergo, we are better people than you ever will be."

I turned to the Koffiehuis, and all of them were giving the same look-- namely:

_Yeah, _right _you are._

Absent, of course, held up his Mechinator, then stepped forward and taunted Case-- in JP, natch.

Because what else would you expect from him?

"_Hyakunen mae, sekai no rekishi no gakusei wa kimitachi ga daikirai._"

I understood none of that- except for _sekai, _which I knew meant "world" thanks to the thousands of JP songs I had listened to that contained it. Case, of course, wouldn't have any of it, and promptly held his own Mechinator up in front of Absent's face.

"SHUT UP, WEST--!" he snarled.

"Brilliant comeback, basket case," Absent retorted. "Did you call people poopyheads until you got to the highest level of command?"

Case growled under his breath, and the Koffiehuis reacted exactly how you would expect them to react-- namely, they went absolutely _nuts._

"I don't have time for your antics!" Case screamed. "Williamson- get the Mechinator!"

Williamson nodded, then promptly handed the updated Mechinator over to her superior. I, on the other hand, glared over at Case, ready to fight the Mecha if necessary.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was what I heard next.

"Mancia?"

Mancia turned.

"Yes, sir?" he asked.

Case promptly let loose with one of his creepy-as-heck Slasher Smiles-- and then let out one of the creepiest orders I had ever heard in my life.

"_Send out the goons_."

Oh, god- Aleph-Null had _really _come prepared. They hadn't just brought in an updated Mechinator and updated mechas-- they'd brought in a full squadron of goons, all of whom were likely armed with guns and all of whom were likely prepared to kill us before burning Cypress Hall to smithereens again.

Fortunately, though, I knew how to divide and conquer, and because the entire Koffiehuis were here, the fight against the goons would be MUCH easier with a giant mecha by our side.

So when this order came, I was fully willing and ready to fight them.

"Bring it on, Case," I muttered.

And just like that, about nine faceless goons burst out onto the scene, all armed with guns- and they weren't Shotguns. The rest of the Koffiehuis looked on in determination as they approached-- and then all of a sudden, I turned straight towards them and cried out a single word:

"_IKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!_"

And just like that, most of the Koffiehuis screamed and charged straight at the goons, ready to attack. I, meanwhile, turned to Absent, who was the only one of us not screaming and charging.

"We'll handle the goons," I said. "You go and Mechinate Koffie."

Absent nodded.

"Not if I Mechinate my airship first!" Case suddenly cried out.

Startled a bit, I looked up at Case, waiting to see exactly what he was going to do-- and what he did was take his black-and-white Mechinator, go through the usual motions, and hold it up in front of the airship, which began to glow in a dark black light.

And then he said _it._

"Aleph-Null: Activate Mech Change!"

Within seconds, the airship was replaced with the giant wasp mecha that Koffie had mentioned earlier-- Omega-3. It resembled a Mega Beedrill-- which was really the only legitimate wasp Pokemon in existence-- with glowing red eyes that made it look _much _more intimidating than normal. Absent, of course, wasn't intimidated in the least, and simply responded:

"Get ready to ride the lightning."

And with that, he promptly took out _his _Mechinator, went through the motions, and then aimed and shot it at Koffie, who instantly began to scream and glow in a bright blue light. On the ground, HP heard Koffie screaming and instantly froze in place, before flying away to hide. For a few moments, I felt slightly bad for her- poor HP was _still _scared of Mechination and Koffie's safety- but I was interrupted from running in to comfort her by two things.

First, the sight of a goon shoving a gun barrel down my face with every intent to kill me.

And second...

"**_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD!_**"

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH--!_ **

Instantly, "Ahead of Ourselves" began to play from Absent's Mechinator and I heard a giant explosion behind me- presumably, Koffie's parts bursting into a million pieces. But I didn't have any time to focus on the Mechination now-- after all, there was a _freaking gun _in front of my face, and if I dared look back at the Mechination, there was a very high probability that I would be killed.

I didn't waste a beat with my response, however.

The second I saw the gun barrel, I grabbed it retroactively with one of my vines, struggling to pull it away from the goon. Eventually, however, said goon noticed, and quickly tried to pull it away from _me_. All the while, the opening notes of "Ahead of Ourselves" were still playing, and Koffie's armored parts were clicking into place behind me.

I didn't have any time to look back. Somehow, I had to get this goon away from me- without actually killing him, of course.

And then I realized-- I didn't need to fight with my vines.

I smirked.

"So... you're that adamant on shooting me down, are you?" I asked.

The faceless goon didn't say a word. He simply nodded.

"Well, then," I said. "I think you forgot what kind of Pokemon I am."

And without missing a beat, I aimed my bulb directly towards the sun.

In an instant, green energy began to coalesce- _*cue the Come Together riff*_\- in the center of my bulb, directly in front of the goon's... well, I can't necessarily say "face", considering that he didn't have one, so I'll just say it was aimed directly at the goon's body instead. The goon tried desperately to get away, but soon realized that his efforts would be all for naught. After all, there was a _freaking Solar Beam _gathering directly in front of him, and he was going to be thrown back sooner or later. He looked down- and suddenly, based on his face, he seemed to have a realization.

Namely-- his finger was on the trigger. He could just shoot me then and there.

And it's likely that he would have.

But alas, he picked _the worst timing possible _in order to do it, because the second he started to pull back the trigger...

"_ZONNESTRAAL--!"_

BOOM.

In an instant, the goon- and his gun- found themselves thrown back by a greenish-yellow beam of light that came directly from my bulb. Smirking, I promptly let go of my vines-- before turning to the rest of the Koffiehuis, all of whom were looking at me in total shock.

Mere seconds later, I heard something flying up above me-- and then looked up to see Mech Drie, fully-formed and flying up to try and fight Omega-3. Apparently, my cry of Solar Beam's Dutch name had been so loud, I hadn't heard the **_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD! MECH DRIE! _**that had come from behind me.

I grinned, then waved my vine at M3.

"Hey, Koffie!" I called. "You going to see if you can't defeat Omega-3?"

_Oh, you know I am! _Koffie exclaimed. _Right now, though, it's going a bit too fast for me. I'm going to try and see if I can slow it down. You keep fighting the goons._

"Alright, then," I said, saluting Koffie. "We will."

With that said, Koffie flew off, and I turned my attention to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Alright, guys," I said. "Absent's inside of Koffie right now, so the rest of us are going to have to see if we can't fight these goons ourselves."

"Ourselves?!" cried Madelief. "But there's six of us and eight of them!"

"We're OUTNUMBERED~!" cried Bailey.

"Doesn't matter," I said. "Just because Absent's inside of Koffie and HP is out in hiding doesn't mean that we can't still defeat these guys."

"How are we supposed to do that...?" asked Madelief.

"Simple," I said. "You can use Double Team and distract them."

Beat.

"Double Team?" asked Madelief. "How in the world do I use that?"

"Easy," I responded. "You just concentrate hard enough to the point where you can make clones of yourself."

"Ooh!" cried Madelief. "I get to make clones of myself?"

"It'll distract the Aleph-Null goons," I said. "They won't know which one is the real you."

I turned to LF and Yuunarii.

"While they're distracted, you two can just use the strongest moves in your arsenal to attack groups of them," I said. "LF, what's the strongest move you have?"

"That would be Flamethrower," said LF.

"Yuunarii, what's the strongest move you have?"

On cue, Yuunarii instantly jumped up into the air and let loose multiple- albiet small- bolts of electricity from her cheeks. I nodded, recognizing the move from the many times I had seen it used in the Pokemon anime.

"Discharge," I said. "Good."

"And what about us?" asked Bailey.

"If there are any goons left, you two can just Double Kick them into unconsciousness," I said.

"You got it, ogtje~!" cried Bailey happily.

Fudge simply saluted me. I meanwhile, turned back to Madelief.

"Alright, Madelief," I said. "You know what you have to do?"

"Um... I think so?" she asked.

"Good," I said. "Just focus on a goon- well, all of them, really."

"Okay," Madelief said.

She floated up in front of all the goons and tried to concentrate as best she could- which I knew was hard for her, considering her ADHD. If she got distracted, though, I vowed to myself that I would remain as patient with her as possible. Fortunately, though, she didn't seem to be distracted by anything, which was good.

"Am I doing it?" she asked.

"If Absent were here, he'd tell you you're golden," I said. "Now-- whatever the heck Double Team's name is in Dutch, I want you to scream that out to the heavens."

"What's Double Team's Dutch name?" Madelief asked.

"What's Double Team's Dutch name?" I asked, turning to Bailey.

Bailey scoffed.

"Oh, that's easy," he said. "It's _Dubbelteam_."

...Well, that was the most disappointing Dutch name in the entire world.

Then again, though, the Dutch language was pretty close to English, so... who was I to complain.

"_Dubbelteam,_" I said, turning to Madelief.

"Alright, then!" cried Madelief. "_DUBBELTEAM!_"

And just like that, Madelief's body instantly began glowing in a white light, and thousands of Hoppip copies began appearing around the goons. Madelief, meanwhile, didn't seem to know what she had just done, but she still didn't speak.

"You're good!" I cried, throwing my vine up in the air. "That was awesome, Madelief!"

Madelief simply nodded, and the goons reacted exactly how I expected them to: they got confused out of their minds and started haphazardly shooting at all the clones, causing them to vanish into thin air one by one. I, meanwhile, turned to LF and Yuunarii and nodded at them, signaling that they could sneak up to the distracted goons and attack them from behind.

Fortunately, LF was a Vulpix, so she had stealth abilities that were off the flipping charts.

Both of them proceeded to sneak up behind the goons, who- as I had thought- were still shooting at the clones of Madelief. More and more clones continued to vanish, until eventually there was only one clone left. The goons shot it- and it vanished. Instantly, they all aimed their guns towards the real Madelief, with full intent to shoot her.

Unfortunately for them, though, they never got to.

"_Flammenwurf!_"

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZRT--!

Instantaneously, six of the eight goons found themselves surrounded- three on the left by flame, and three on the right by electricity. They cried out in pain and dropped their guns, which promptly disintegrated into ash right in front of them, effectively rendering them useless. Once the attacks had faded, the six goons dropped to the floor, unconscious and paralyzed, leaving LF and Yuunarii standing there, with determined looks on their faces.

Now, _we _outnumbered them- and it wasn't even a contest.

"Alright!" I cried happily. "Now, Bailey, Fudge- Double Kick them into unconciousness!"

I pointed directly ahead at the two remaining goons, both of whom were standing there with guns held up in front of them. Bailey and Fudge, however, were completely unfazed.

"You think you can kill us?!" cried Bailey.

The goons put their fingers on the trigger, as if to say, _we certainly can_.

"Well, you're going to have a pretty hard time killing Bailey!" cried Fudge. "You know why?"

The goons shrugged.

"Simple," said Bailey. "I'M ALREADY DEAD!"

And with that, both of the bunny Pokemon rammed their feet forward into the goons' heads, screaming out at the same time:

"TAKE THIS! _DUPPELSCHOP!_"

They promptly kicked the heads of the goons twice- enough to get them to drop their guns and cause them to fall to the floor, unconscious. Once they had, in fact, hit the floor, Bailey grabbed both of the guns, turning to smirk over at the goons as he did so.

"We'll be taking these, thank you very much," said Bailey.

And with that, they promptly kicked the guns into oblivion as well.

"Alright!" I cried, high-vining all the rest of the members of the Koffiehuis. "Great work, guys!"

Apparently, Case must have heard the celebration, because he instantly turned away from his mecha work towards the goons-- only to find, of course, that all of them were on the floor, unconscious, and that their guns had been destroyed. The second he saw this, Case flew into a rage-- and just like all the other times he had done so, it was nothing short of _glorious._

"**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!**" he shrieked. "WE WERE PREPARED! HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU FOOLISH PESKERS DEFEAT MY BARRAGE OF GOONS?!"

"That's easy!" cried Madelief. "We trusted in each other!"

"You got that right!" I said.

Case growled.

"Well, you may have defeated my goons," he said, "but there's no way your trust can defeat MY NEWEST MECHA! It's too fast for any of you!"

And then, gaining another Slasher Smile, he added:

"Even _West._"

Okay, _THAT _was a bombshell.

"WHAT?!" I cried.

I didn't want to believe it was true-- M3 had done such a great job defeating Omega-2, after all-- but I was eventually forced to confront my greatest fear as I- along with the entire rest of the Koffiehuis- suddenly heard a huge crash coming from behind me. Quickly, we turned to the source of it-- only to find none other than Mech Drie, lying on the ground and presumably, having been thrown to the ground by Omega-3. The crash was big enough that it even caused HP to fly out of her hiding place and go up to Koffie in concern.

"KOFFIE...!" HP cried.

"A-are you okay?!" I asked, gravely concerned.

Groaning, Koffie eventually managed to push itself back up.

_Y-yeah... _it muttered. _I'm fine._

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's good," I said. "How are you, Absent?"

"I'm breathing," responded Absent from inside of Koffie's shell, "so I guess I'm still alive."

"Good," I said.

_Well, what's happening with the mecha isn't so good, _said Koffie. _Omega-3 is so fast that not even I can keep up with it. I've tried to attack it- well, Absent's tried to attack it, since- you know- he's inside my shell controlling me- but every time it just flies away from me._

"Yeah, we figured," I said gravely. "Case told us."

At that moment, we heard a buzzing noise from above us. Figuring it had to be Omega-3-- since it was a giant Mega Beedrill mecha, after all-- we looked up to see what it was. Sure enough, as Koffie had stated, there was Omega-3, flying around the sky so fast that it was hard for us to see it.

Madelief gaped in shock.

"How fast _is _that thing?!" she cried.

_I checked its stats, and its top speed is at Mach 5, _said Koffie. _My top speed is only Mach 4. The only reason I was able to defeat Omega-2 was because its top speed was also Mach 4._

Beat.

_Well, that and Caress of Steel,_ it added.

Mach 5?!

Well, no wonder Omega-3 was so fast!

"Could the Mecha Scorbunny's rockets work?" asked Bailey.

"They explode instantly," added Fudge.

_Unfortunately, no, _said Koffie. _My rocket launchers in Mech Zes do go at Mach 5 speed, but Omega-3 is so agile it could probably dodge each one instantly and not get hurt at all._

Bailey instantly sunk.

"Awwww..." muttered Bailey.

"Well, it was a good idea..." said Fudge.

"Could Mech 1 use Doomsday Spark?" I asked.

_Again, it would probably be able to dodge it, _said Koffie.

"That and Steel resists Electric," Absent pointed out. "And vice-versa."

Dang it, I had forgotten about that.

"Oh, yeah," I muttered to myself. "Right."

"Steel is weak to fire, however, correct?" asked LF. "So perhaps Mech Vijf would work."

"_It'd dodge,_" said Absent and Koffie together at the same time.

"That is... very frustrating, to say the least," said LF.

I groaned.

"Dang it," I muttered to myself. "Will _any _one of these mechas work?!"

Koffie paused for a few moments in contemplation-- then spoke.

_Well, there _is _one mecha that would work... _it said.

I lit up almost instantly.

"YES!" I cried, pumping my vine in the air.

_But..._

At that word, I put down my vine and turned back towards Koffie. By now, Absent had gotten out of Koffie's shell, and was also looking at it.

"But... what?" I asked.

Koffie blinked nervously for a few moments, then whispered:

_I don't think the holder is going to like it._

"I don't think the holder is going to like it...?" I muttered.

What the heck did Koffie mean by that? None of the Mechination holders hated using their--

HP.

The realization suddenly hit me, and I turned to Koffie.

"Wait," I asked. "Y-you mean...?!"

Koffie nodded. _Mech Vier._

And the minute it said that, all eyes turned to HP, whose eyes instantly widened in fear. Reluctantly, she took hold of her Mechinator as best she could-- and yet she didn't dare slam the pin down. Much less open it. Omega-3 was right above us, and I knew that if she didn't do something soon, we were pretty much done for. Yet I felt bad for her, because I _knew _how scared she was of Mechination, both because of what had happened the last time she did it and what happened to _Koffie _every single time anyone Mechinated it.

Now, she would be forced to fight.

I wanted to help her. I really did. And yet at the same time, I knew this was something that she would have to do herself.

Still, though, as traumatized as HP had been the last time she had Mechinated Koffie, she was even _more _terrified now. She looked like she was about to burst into tears of fear. Heck, from the look on her face alone you would have thought she was having flashbacks to a war or something. That's how scared she was. Every one of us looked concerned-- in particular, Madelief and Yuunarii looked like they wanted to give her a hug-- but it was Absent who actually ended up doing something.

Namely, he sighed, turned to Koffie Mech Drie, and held out his Mechinator before saying:

"_Het-kofschip-- ga terug naar vorm._"

Koffie's parts promptly rearranged back into its regular ship form, and Absent himself jumped down before going up to HP and saying four words:

"Give 'em hell, HP."

HP's response to this was, of course, exactly what you'd expect-- she panicked, but very reluctantly opened up her Mechinator, then put her wing on the dial and turned it counter-clockwise three times. When it came to the pin, however...

Yeah, poor HP was still as terrified as always.

She was paralyzed by fear, in fact. Looking at her face she was likely having flashbacks to the first time she Mechinated Koffie and it broke into a thousand pieces right in front of her while screaming in agony. She didn't even move her wing towards the pin. For about 20 seconds I thought that Absent was going to do exactly what he had done the last time this happened-- and then all of a sudden we heard the fierce buzzing sound from above us again.

Omega-3.

Its stinger was pointed directly towards us, and it was giving us the most menacing look in the world. It practically looked like it was going to kill all of us in a single second. And yet, HP was still so dang terrified of slamming the pin down- not to mention going in to fight Omega-3- that she didn't even move. She barely did anything, in fact-- until Absent turned his gaze away from Omega-3 and back towards her.

"**_Slam the damned pin,_**" he said sharply.

Good god, Absent really wasn't going to take it this time around. That or, with Omega-3 being directly above us and looking to kill us all in a matter of minutes, Absent felt like he had to do something, and he had to do it quickly.

I was guessing it was the latter.

Which made sense, but unfortunately, him snapping at her only further terrified HP, who jumped back a bit in shock.

"**GAH--!**" she squeaked.

And yet, at the same time, she seemed to know that she didn't have any other choice, as mere seconds later, she loaded back her wing and slammed the pin into the center of the Mechinator, still panicking and still very much reluctant to do so. Instantly, the burst of blue light shot out of the Mechinator, causing her to drop it and fly back in fear. In a way I was proud of her, but given the fact that she now had another- albiet smaller- bruise on her wing due to the sensitivity and fragility of Butterfree wings... yeah.

Absent didn't seem to take notice of it on first glance, however. He just stared up at the blue burst of light for a few moments, before turning to look at her.

"Not so hard, was it?" he said simply. "Now you can fight off A.N."

And with that, he walked off, leaving HP floating there.

She saw the blue burst of light ahead of her- then gulped, flew up to it, put it in her right wing, and aimed it directly at Koffie.

The familiar scream of agony came again:

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--!_ **

HP could barely look ahead.

"I c-can't... I-- I don't--"

"**_JUST SAY IT!_**" Absent and I both shouted at the same time, both of us now having fully recognized the very real threat that _Omega-3 would kill us._

And HP seemed to recognize it, too, as she finally managed to look ahead at Koffie- who was still glowing in the blue light of Mechination- before shooting her Mechinator out and crying out in fear, agony, and yet a slight trace of determination:

"_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD...!_"

In an instant, she dropped her Mechinator and turned away from Koffie as the light grew even brighter and Koffie let out an even louder and longer scream of agony. HP quickly grabbed on to Absent and held on to him for dear life- just like she had done with the first Mechination- while the rest of us got our first full-on glimpse of Koffie's transformation into Mech Vier.

And just like all the other Mechinations up to that point, it was a sight to behold.

For starters, the music. Strangely enough, it wasn't "YYZ"- it wasn't even "Ahead of Ourselves"- but instead was "These Walls," also known as one of my favorite Dream Theater songs of all time right behind "I Walk Beside You" and "Never Enough".

I presumed that, given HP's fear of Mechination, the music coming from the Mechinator had changed accordingly.

Koffie itself, meanwhile, split into a million pieces, but unlike what had happened with every other mecha up until that point, none of the parts sunk into the ground- at least, not yet. Instead, the transformation began when Koffie's blue lower deck suddenly stood upright. The middle of the deck was quickly blocked off by white pieces that floated down from the sky and filled in the space above the deck. Once this was finished, the deck part tilted 90 degrees, and then the entire deck glowed a bright white, tripling in number in an instant. After this, Koffie's long grey rudder tail snapped onto the middle of the deck pieces, suddenly giving it the appearance of a butterfly abdomen with Volcarona-esque wings.

Koffie's head, meanwhile, floated up to the top of the abdomen, and its green collar-esque engine piece floated up with it, attaching to the head so that it resembled a Volcarona collar even more than it already did. The instant it attached, Koffie' mouthpiece rotated so that the "hook" was pointed downward, giving it the appearance of a butterfly tongue. Koffie's neck split into two equal parts, and the parts that had attached the head to the neck also broke away from the neckpiece and attached themselves to the top of the head. The neck pieces themselves then clicked onto the top of the head and tilted at about a 45-degree angle to form two butterfly antennae. As for Koffie's eyes, they completely flipped around to the back of the head, before both eyes glowed a bright white and became lined with a grid pattern, effectively becoming compound eyes similar to those of a Venonat. Finally, the few remaining parts that there were sunk down into the floor, and orange-colored armor resembling the wings of a Volcarona clipped onto both of the wings.

With the transformation complete, Koffie let out one final scream- which caused poor HP to burst out into tears of fear and grab on to Absent even tighter than she had before- and the blueish-green light exploded off of its body.

And I'm pretty sure all of you know what was said next.

** _HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD!_ **

** _MECH VIER!_ **

The entire time the Mechination had been occurring, HP was in tears, turned away from Koffie, and crying into Absent's chest in a state of fear and empathy for it. Absent, meanwhile- despite having snapped at her earlier and knowing that we were all in major danger- was gently petting her and massaging her wing. I was doing the same thing, of course. Eventually, however, Absent looked up at the newly-formed Mech Vier and- seeing that it was done- tapped HP on the wing lightly.

"You can look now," he said softly. "She's done."

Slowly, reluctantly, and with tears still in her eyes, HP did so and looked forward at Mech Vier. The giant moth mecha turned back towards her, and nodded in determination.

_Get in, _it said.

HP looked around, her eyes darting nervously to each part of the mecha.

"W-where...?!" she muttered, still terrified out of her mind.

Koffie promptly landed and opened up its moth head, revealing a hidden control panel on the inside right near its antennae.

_I have a control panel on the top of my head, _it said. _You can get in through there._

HP promptly panicked-- and I knew exactly why. If she had to go up to the control panel on top of the head in order to move it-- and considering how fast Omega-3 was-- that would mean that she was going to have to _fly_.

In a _mecha_, no less. _At Mach 5 speed._

And HP was an agoraphobic-- _big time_.

"U-up there...?!" she cried. "B-but... zen I'd be flying you...!"

_We don't have much time, _said Koffie. _Omega-3 is going to attack us at any second if you don't get in this thing._

"B-but..." HP looked up again at the control panel. "I..."

She didn't have any more time to speak, however, before Absent suddenly walked up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders- or lack thereof.

"Look, do you _want _us to die?" he hissed.

HP jumped back, startled.

"N-no!" she cried out.

"Then you're going to have to get in," I said, breaking in.

HP whimpered-- then stared up at the giant Omega-3 Mega Beedrill mecha, who promptly aimed its stingers at us menacingly, as if it was trying to prove our point. Upon seeing the giant mecha, HP's eyes filled up with tears of fear. She looked repeatedly between us and Mech Vier, almost as if she was wondering what to do, before Absent suddenly broke in.

"I get it," he said. "You're scared of heights. You don't want to have to fight Omega-3. _But none of that matters right now_. If you don't get into that mecha, _we're going to die, _and Aleph-Null is going to attack us. That's just how it is."

HP looked down, tears still in her eyes.

"But it'll be going at Mach 5 speed...!" she muttered. "W-what if I don't know how to use it...?"

"You will!" cried Madelief. "I mean, Absent could use his mecha, right?"

"And the fact that it will be going at Mach 5 speed is rather unnecessary when you consider the fact that Aleph-Null is after us," said LF matter-of-factly.

"I..." said HP.

"It's either you get over your fear or the Koffiehuis _dies_," said Absent. "And unlike last time, this _will_ be in practice."

HP whimpered-- tears were still rolling down her face, and she was still traumatized beyond all stretch of the imagination-- but in the end I figured she must have ultimately decided that her friends dying was a bigger fear for her than that of her fear of heights. She looked around at every other member of the Koffiehuis, then back towards Absent, who nodded, then over at Koffie. Finally, she gulped and flew up to the control panel.

"O-okay..." she muttered. "I-I'll do it... e-even though I'll be traumatized after this..."

"YAY!" cried Madelief.

I beamed up at her with pride.

"W-what am I supposed to do...?" she asked. 

Case growled under his breath.

"YOU FOOL!" he snarled. "I've waited for far too long! Williamson-- ATTACK HER!"

Williamson nodded, and suddenly pressed a button. Almost instantaneously, Omega-3's eyes began glowing a bright red, and it began to fly up from under Koffie, approaching Mech Vier's Volcarona wings with clear intent to destroy it at any moment.

HP, seeing this happening from inside the mecha, squeaked in fear.

"EEP--!" she muttered. "No, no, no... not ze wings, not the wings...!"

Without even thinking about it, she grabbed the controls, and Koffie instantly flew up higher in the air-- high enough to get away from Omega-3. Case growled under his breath, then turned to Williamson, signaling her to press another button-- which she did.

Instantly, Omega-3 pointed its stinger up at Koffie-- and then all of a sudden the stinger detracted from the body, shooting up towards Koffie like a rocket. In response, Koffie- who once again was being controlled by HP- moved out of the way of the rocket stinger, which exploded in the sky in mere seconds.

"WHAT?!?!" Case shrieked.

_Alright! _Koffie cried. _Nice one, HP! Now... let's see if we can't cause some damage to that Omega-3 mecha!_

"W-what?!" HP gasped.

_Don't worry, _said Koffie. _Attacks are completely under my control._

And with that, it flew backwards a bit, before its wings suddenly glowed in a bright red color that burned similarly to fire. It proceeded to flap its wings, shooting fire from them which soon came together into a giant ball of fire. HP's eyes instantly went wide from inside the mecha, and she shook her head in fear.

"W-what are you...?!" she muttered.

_Hold on! _Koffie warned her.

"Nonononono...!" HP cried.

I was initially confused as to what Koffie meant by that-- until I saw it pull its wings back and shoot straight into the ball of fire at supersonic speed. All at once, the mecha became surrounded by fire, and HP let out a scream as she held on to Koffie for dear life. Once Koffie was fully encapsulated by fire, it began to ram towards Omega-3, and while the Beedrill mecha tried to get away, Koffie- and HP- approached ever closer.

_Okay, now grab the controls and pull them forward!_

"U-um... o-okay..."

She did so, albeit still shaking all over and surrounded by fire.

"B-but... what's that going to do?" she asked.

She found out mere moments later. Instantly, Koffie got a burst of speed, and went straight towards Omega-3, all the while crying out:

** _SOLAR BLITZ--!!_ **

The minute Koffie touched Omega-3, the giant Beedrill mecha was thrown back, burn marks everywhere on its body. One of its wings fell off of its body, causing it to fly down a bit. Koffie, meanwhile, was also thrown back, having taken some recoil damage from using the move-- one of its duplicated wings had fallen off because it had been moving so fast. And as for HP, smoke was coming from both of her wings, she was coughing up a lot of smoke, and she looked extremely dizzy.

Scratch dizzy-- she looked nauseous.

All at once, I didn't even care about the fact that Omega-3 had been damaged anymore.

"HP!" I called out. "Are you okay?"

HP coughed some more before responding.

"Yeah..." she muttered. "I'm... fine..."

"That's good!" I cried.

"B-but that move was really scary..." she said. "D-do you have any other moves? Ones where I don't have to get burned in ze process?"

_Oh, sure! _Koffie responded. _I can use my hypnosis move if you like!_

The instant she heard the word "hypnosis," HP lit up and breathed a sigh of relief. She was about to say something, until all of a sudden:

"You won't have time for that, pesker!"

Case.

Startled, Koffie looked down, only to find that Omega-3-- despite one of its wings having fallen off-- had flown back up to face Mech Vier once again. Worse yet, it had its stinger pointed directly at Koffie, and looked ready to attack.

HP gulped.

_Oh no, _said Koffie.

"ATTACK IT!" cried Case, pointing towards the Mecha.

And just like that, Omega-3's stinger detached from its body-- and this time it rammed Mech Vier dead-on. Koffie was instantly thrown back, and the rocket stinger promptly exploded in front of Koffie's face.

I couldn't bear to look.

"Koffie!" I cried. "HP!"

Koffie suddenly hit the ground, and the rest of us ran up to it in grave concern.

"Are you alright?!" cried Madelief.

Koffie groaned and flew up-- the second one of its duplicated wings had fallen off.

_Yeah... just a bit damaged, _said Koffie. _I can still fight, though!_

"You okay, HP?" Absent called.

HP nodded-- though looking closer I was able to see nothing but fear in her eyes.

"W-what are you going to do now...?!" asked HP.

Koffie smirked.

_Oh, that's easy, _it said. _I'm going to pull its stinger off of its body!_

And with that said, it floated back a bit- before suddenly releasing two long strings from its mouthpiece which quickly attached themselves to Omega-3's stinger, stopping it dead in its tracks. It tried to pull away, but its efforts were in vain, as the more it tried to pull, the tighter the strings grabbed on to its stinger. Eventually, Koffie flew back far enough that the stinger started to pull itself off.

_You won't be able to sting us again, you crazed Beedrill! _cried Koffie. _Take this!_

And with that, it pulled as hard as it could, all the while screaming out:

** _STRING GRIP!_ **

In an instant, Omega-3's stinger came off of its body, and it buzzed angrily. From below, I pumped my vine in the air in excitement.

"Alright!" I cried happily. "You get 'em, Koffie!"

_Now... _said Koffie, _for my final move. I have a pretty good feeling that this one's going to bring the mecha down for good._

HP's eyes widened.

"F-final move?" she muttered.

_Oh, yes, _said Koffie, smirking. _I'm going to explode that mecha to bits._

"W-WHAT?!" gasped HP.

_Not yet, though, _said Koffie. _It's so speedy that it'll easily try to get away. I'm going to need to keep it in one place... and I know just how to do that._

With that, it flew forward, and looked at Omega-3 directly in the face.

_Hey! _Koffie cried. _Omega-3!_

Omega-3 buzzed angrily, as if to say, "Yeah?! What did you have to pull off my stinger for?!"

Koffie giggled menacingly. _I think you should know that I'm going to drop you._

Omega-3 looked at it in confusion- clearly not knowing what the word "drop" meant in this context- and angrily pointed its two twin needle stingers at Koffie.

And then all of a sudden, it found itself unable to move.

Koffie's eyes instantly flashed a bright blue- the same blue color as the Nimja Hypnosis logo- and within an instant, Omega-3 shut its eyes and fell asleep while still floating in the air. HP, from inside the mecha, looked on in amazement-- and Case was, naturally, beside himself with rage.

"IT'S ASLEEP?!" he shrieked. "THAT MOTH MADE MY BEEDRILL MECHA FALL ASLEEP?! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!"

Koffie smirked.

_Oh, it's perfectly possible_, it said. _In fact, it just happened. And now... it's time to destroy you._

"NO!" Case barked.

_HP, pull the controls forward_, said Koffie.

"O-okay..." muttered HP, who proceeded to do exactly that with her wings.

Instantly, Koffie once again began to move towards the mecha at Mach 5- possibly even Mach _6_ speed, ramming it down to the floor-- and as it was doing so, something strange began to happen.

Its body began to burst into flames involuntarily.

HP screamed in terror from inside the mecha.

Eventually, it stopped just near the ground-- then suddenly attached its mouthpiece to the mecha's head and wrapped its burning hot wings and body around Omega-3.

"W-what are you...?" HP muttered.

_I hope this doesn't burn you_, said Koffie.

HP's eyes grew wide.

"W-what?" she asked.

Koffie promptly proceeded to mutter something under its breath-- before almost instantaneously screaming out:

_Here's my finisher! _ ** _SUICIDE INFERNO!_ **

And within mere moments, Omega-3 burst into flames and exploded into a million pieces, all of which fell to the floor, practically made useless, and burned to a crisp. I grinned with triumph- HP had not only faced her fear, but Aleph-Null had been beaten yet _again _at Folsom Lake College— and best of all, "These Walls" had literally just ended.

And then Koffie burst into flames- and into a thousand pieces.

My happiness suddenly made way for shock and concern as HP suddenly cried out in terror and was thrown back from the mecha- with her wings covered in smoke and bruises.

"HP!" I cried, running forward and reaching out both of my vines to catch her in mid-air.

Which, thankfully, I did.

Gently, I set her down on the ground, and the entire Koffiehuis crowded around her before I turned my attention back to Koffie. Instantly, I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw Koffie's parts rearranging back into those of their ship form.

Apparently, the thing that Koffie had said under its breath were the six (five?) immortal words:

_Het-kofschip— ga terug naar vorm._

Now I really _was _grinning in triumph.

Case, on the other hand...

"**WHAT... HAVE... YOU... ****_DONE?!_**" he shrieked, once again going into an absolutely _glorious_ rage. "I CAME PREPARED! WE _ALL _DID! I even updated my Mechinator and you STILL managed to beat me?! **HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!**"

Absent smirked.

"I could make a long-winded speech about how our motives are altruistic, how we're the protagonists of our story, but the truth is you and your lackeys are just stupid."

"STUPID?!" Case screamed, getting up in Absent's face. "How am _I_ stupid, West?! You didn't see me for _months_ after the last battle, because I _knew_ you had defeated me and I did everything I could to prepare for the next time we met! That's not stupidity!"

"You worked hard," said Absent, "and I can see that. But you didn't work smart."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, PESKER! WE PREPARED FOR YOU!"

"Did you neglect to think about we know your M.O. in battle as 'rush in guns blazing and figure it out from there'?" Absent retorted.

Case growled under his breath.

"Not to mention that you only prepared for Mech _Drie_," I said. "You weren't even expecting for Mech _Vier_ to come in and destroy your whole strategy."

Case looked straight towards HP— then pointed his finger directly at her.

"You and your moth mecha can go and _DIE IN A DITCH FOR ALL I CARE_!" he shrieked. "That puny German Butterfree is _far_ too sensitive to be with all of _you_!"

"_Au contraire_," Absent started. "Her sensitivity is a perfect balance to the excitability from some of us, and the exasperation of the others."

"She's a _COWARD!_"

"She's braver than all of _you_," I retorted.

Yep.

I just called Johnathon Case a coward.

He reacted exactly the way you would expect him to.

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" he shrieked.

"Then come over here and face me," Absent demanded, drawing his scalchop and using Razor Shell. "Unless you're afraid of a rat you can kick over a fence~"

"GET THAT SHELL AWAY FROM ME, WEST!" Case screamed.

"Her point exactly," said Absent. "Now run off and come up with a way to draw out one of our four remaining mechs. Hopefully it takes another four months, and the stress from trying to come up with a plan kills you."

Case's eyes bugged out of his skull with rage.

"YOU FOOL!" he shrieked. "Coming up with a plan never kills me!"

He turned to Williamson.

"Williamson, Mancia, load the Mechinators," he said. "We're leaving before that _SPINELESS WATER RAT WEST _hits me with one of those shells of his!"

Mancia's expression sank.

"B-but..." he muttered. "I never got to say hi to the-"

"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!" Case shrieked, hitting Mancia on the back of the head and causing him to run inside the Aleph-Null airship.

Williamson left quickly, while Case sighed and followed them in.

"What else is he going to do?" he muttered. "Taunt me in _Japanese _again?" 

"_Mochiron itametsugitai, demo yasashisugiru to omoimasu._"

The only word I caught was "mochiron"-- the "_mochiron sono no ga kirai ne, baka_" that Absent had taunted Case with the last time AN was at Folsom Lake College had taught me its meaning-- but I didn't need to know any other word to know that that line was directed at Case. Instantly, Case whipped his head around to face Absent, his face having turned a bright purple with rage.

"I WASN'T ASKING YOU, WEST!" he shrieked.

"You just di - forget it, pigeons and chess."

"W-what is he even...?!" Case muttered to himself, walking back towards the ship. "Well, never mind that. We are still a more tightly knit group than you peskers will ever be!"

And with that, the door closed behind him, and the Aleph-Null airship soared into the skies of Folsom, far above Cypress Hall. Of course, however, Case couldn't leave fully without giving us his classic sign-off-- only this time with a bit of a twist.

"FOR UNITY, FOR UNDERSTANDING, FOR ALL!" Case screamed. "ALEPH-NULL IS INEVITABLE...!"

"Goodbye, peskers~!" Mancia cried cheerfully.

"SHUT UP!" Case snapped back.

And with that, Aleph-Null was gone.

The instant they left, I turned straight to Absent.

"So," I asked, "'of course you...' what?" 

"Of course I want to taunt you, but I think that would be too easy," Absent responded, translating the Japanese.

"Yeah," I said, "it probably would be."

I looked around for a few moments just to make sure that Aleph-Null was gone for good.

They were-- thank god. Now we could finally continue our search for a motto.

"Anyways," I said, "we gotta get back to the ship and continue what we were doing before. AN's gone, after all."

I turned back towards the ship.

"Come on, HP," I said.

No response. I turned back and blinked for a bit.

"HP?" I asked.

And then all of a sudden I heard a terrified whimper. Startled, I turned to face her- as did Absent- and there she was.

HP was huddled in a corner and terrified out of her wits.

\----------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Yeah, I figured this would happen.

To be entirely fair, I didn't have a whole lot of options left- like I said, our lives were at stake. Still, though, based solely on HP's reaction from inside Mech Vier, she was traumatized. And not just because I had snapped at her, either-- she had gone into a mecha that could not only fly, but caught on fire.

_Twice._

Tentatively, I approached her, with oghond following me from behind. She didn't say a word at first- figured she was still trying to cope with what she had just gone through- until:

"Z-zat vas... the scariest thing... I have efer gone through in my entire life..." she muttered.

As if her repeated screaming and the fear in her eyes throughout the whole thing didn't tell me that already.

"Yes, it was scary," I said, "but you still _did it_, right?"

HP shivered.

"Y-yes... I did... b-but..."

"But... what?"

"But... it was still scary.." she admitted, shivering. "I don't know if I can go through zat again..."

"Let's hope you don't have to," I said, remembering her reactions to both of the fire attacks. "Trust me, I'd be more than happy to commandeer Koffie for combat use every single time, but sometimes you're going to have to bite the bullet."

HP turned to me and blinked.

"V-vat bullet?" she asked, in a mix of confusion and fear.

I sighed.

"It basically means you're going to have to do it," I said, "like it or not."

"O-oh..." muttered HP.

The instant I mentioned that she was going to have to sometimes Mechinate Koffie, HP went right back to shivering. Slowly, she took her Mechinator back out, then stared directly into the mirror in the center of the pin.

Then started _panicking._

Not so much as to have a full-on panic attack, but...

"Not right now, though," I said.

Instantly, she began to put it away.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered.

"...okay. We don't have to worry about using this anymore - at least for now," I said, extending a paw for the Mechinator. "Just... give me it and I'll put it away in the drawer. Outta sight, outta mind."

"N-no!" she stammered. "I still vant to practice... for when zey _do _come..."

"Okay. I suppose that makes sense; we can't delay the problem forever. C'mon, let's go. I'll be there for ya."

"Thank you... thank you!" HP said fervently, opening her Mechinator before trauma flashed behind her eyes. Recognizing it instantly I stepped behind her and placed a paw gently on her wing, pushing it forward gently towards the pin.

"What are you...?" she asked.

And then she realized it.

"Oh, no..." she muttered.

"Don't worry, I won't force you to slam the pin," I promised.

I paused.

"Oh, wait, better idea."

I promptly removed her wing from the pin and placed a paw on it in its place.

"Put your wing on my paw."

"Okay..." she allowed, gently placing it down.

"Press down whenever ready," I said, looking back at the rest of the Koffiehuis and flashing a wink. The rest of them stared at me in slight confusion- minus oghond, of course, who caught on to what I was trying to do- soften the blow on HP's wing when she slammed the pin down- and flashed me a wink right back.

HP started trembling, earning my attention.

"V-vill you do it with me? Slowly...?"

"It's up to _you_ to press down," I explained. "I'm just here for moral support."

HP gulped, then nodded and slowly reached forward, pushing the pin down as best she could with her shaking wing. But there wasn't a telltale click, for she had done it too slowly-- again.

I shook my head.

"You gotta slam the pin, not slide it," I said.

HP blinked.

"Slide it...?" she asked in slight confusion, staring down at the Mechinator. "Was I sliding it...?"

I looked down at the pin-- only to find that HP, due to her hesitation, had only succeeded in moving it slightly. It was nowhere near the center of the clock face. I couldn't blame her- she had had a shaking wing, after all, but...

"No. It barely budged," I explained. "It's gotta go in and go in _fast_."

"_F-fast...?!_ V-vill it hurt?" HP asked, panic in her voice.

"No. I've done it before and it didn't hurt."

HP shoved down my paw again, this time hitting the center of the clock face. Once again, though, there was no click.

"Fast enough for it to click, HP," I said as patiently as I could.

Her wing made contact with my paw but tensed up.

"...C'mon," I goaded. "slam it into the center as fast as you can..."

"... I can't...!" she confessed, voice wavering.

"What's stopping you?"

She looked down. Tears of fear started to come to her eyes.

"I'm... still scared..." she admitted.

Figured she would be. The last time this had happened, she had flat-out said as much, so I had a feeling that it wouldn't have gone away fully by now. And yet, now that she had actually gotten to experience the inside of the mecha, that fear had probably expanded exponentially. Now, not only was she afraid that Koffie would get hurt by slamming the pin down, but she knew what would happen afterwards and she was terrified that _she _would get hurt.

Even though now that Aleph-Null was gone there was no real danger anymore.

Still, though, if there's something that nobody wants to experience while they're having a panic attack- or about to- it's Talbain.

So naturally, what I let out at that moment was the exact opposite.

"...Look at me, HP," I said softly.

She turned to look at me, and I lifted her chin with a paw.

"There's nothing to be afraid of."

HP nervously turned to look at Koffie, as though she were silently asking if she would be fine.

"You didn't even turn the dial," I observed. "Koffie will be fine. Just relax."

She couldn't help but _keep choking_.

"Look," I started, drawing attention to her slack wing, "my paw's right here. See?"

"I don't want to hurt you..." HP whispered feebly.

"I'm more durable than that."

HP's breath caught in her throat. It was probably the most panicked I had ever seen her.

"HP?" I asked, getting slightly panicked myself. "HP, breathe with me; it's fine. It's okay. Look." I raised my paw. "You have a cushion."

She didn't seem to notice, if her frenzied breathing was anything to go off of.

"You have a cushion," I reiterated. "Breathe."

She couldn't. And didn't. She looked as though she was scared for her life and was going to die at any second. The look of absolute terror in her eyes only grew the more she stared at the Mechinator pin, and the tears continued to stream down her face. Gently, I removed my paw from her chin and placed them both on her shoulders-- or lack thereof.

"You have nothing to be afraid of. Okay...? I'm right here," I started. "Breathe with me. In... 2... 3... 4... Out... 2... 3... 4..."

HP- naturally- breathed with me, and her trembling managed to slow down enough.

"...okay..." she stammered.

"There you go, that's it," I said as soothingly as I could as I placed my paw back on the pin. "Now put your wing on my paw..."

She did, albiet still slightly hesitant.

"...good... now quickly slam it in," I said.

"...hard?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes," I said before reconsidering. "Well, fast, but yeah, you have to slam it hard to slam it fast."

"...How hard...? Is it like spanking?" HP asked, forcing me to stifle a slight chuckle.

"... If that's the metaphor that works, yes," I allowed, a little surprised. "But I'm pretty sure with a good enough arm you can initially rest your palm on the pin and slam it down fast enough."

HP looked over at her wings as if to say "I... don't really have arms anymore... heh..."

"Or... wing," I allowed. "Whatever appendage works, really."

HP blinked.

"So... like zis?"

She promptly flew up to me and slapped me on the back with her wing as hard as she could muster- which was hard enough and fast enough for a pin slap. It was also hard enough and fast enough to cause me to flinch a bit. HP saw this and flew back a bit.

"O-oh..." she stammered. "Sorry..."

"No," I said hastily, "that was perfect."

And the second she heard that, HP went into hysterical panic.

"OH GOD NO I HAVE TO HURT YOU...!" she wailed.

"No, you have to slam the pin down with that amount of force," I said patiently.

"But your paw's on it!" HP protested.

"It's just my paw," I responded, shrugging. "It hurts more when I facepalm."

HP stared down at my paw with trepidation and shook slightly, before glancing back up at me. There was still a slight fear in her eyes as she did so, which I quickly caught notice of.

"...are you sure it won't hurt?" she asked.

"It's a necessary evil," I said. "Don't worry about the fact that it'll sting for a minute or so. It'll hurt, but it won't hurt that much."

For a few seconds after I said that, HP stood there, hyperventilating a bit— before glancing over at me.

Then at the pin.

She rubbed my paw for a few moments, and then:

"...okay... okay... here goes nothing..."

With that, she slapped the back of my paw- and by extension, the pin- as hard as she could, and this time I felt the telltale click that told me she had done it right.

HP herself, on the other hand...

"_Ow_...!"

HP flew off, moaning a bit and clutching her aching wing.

"I-it hurts... it hurts..."

_Even with my paw?!_

How sensitive _were_ Butterfree wings?!

"...Sometimes I forget how delicate wings can be." I shook my head, slightly frustrated in myself.

I approached her from behind and saw a bruise begin to develop on her wing, the purple splotch a sickening shade compared to the rest of her wing's coloration. Although, it wasn't as big as the one from the first time she Mechinated Koffie, so...

Mission accomplished?

"Look," she muttered, showing me her wing.

I raised a paw to my forehead.

"And that's why Mechination is typically a last resort unless A.N. escalates it first."

"Oh..."

HP paused.

"Well... it probably vould have hurt more visout your paw..." she conceded.

"I'll take what I can get," I said dismissively.

"Should I do it again...?" she asked, reaching for the Mechinator with the other wing.

"Probably not if it hurts," I started, "but as a proof-of-concept I think we're clear."

"So if I need to...?" HP asked.

I nodded. "We have a system in place."

I paused.

"...Provided I can help," I conceded.

"Sank you..." she sighed with relief, head down before it tilted as she turned to look at me.

"Wait... _we_...?"

"If my paw needs to be in place for you to activate your Mechinator," I said, shrugging, "so be it."

She lit up in an instant.

"...you really mean that?!"

"I _promise_."

Seconds later I found myself engulfed in a hug from a Butterfree, and HP was so happy and so relieved that she would _not_ let go.

"Oh, thank you...!" she exclaimed. "Thank you so much, Absent! I knew zat you vould be there for me-!"

I didn't say anything; I was too busy trying to get out of her grip. HP must have noticed my discomfort, because she let go of me the second she saw my face.

"O-oh..." she muttered, pulling away. "Sorry... about zat..."

"It's fine," I said. 

And then all of a sudden it hit me.

"...we never decided on a slogan, did we?" 

** _EINDE_ **

** _WORDT VERVOLGT_ **


	16. DERTIEN: The Mark Will Be Made (PART TWO)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, readers, I think it's safe to say that Pokemon: SOSchip is officially getting back into the swing of things, because Part 2 of Chapter 13, "The Mark Will Be Made," has arrived! In this chapter, the Koffiehuis finally get back to doing what they had tried to do in the first part- come up with a motto for the Koffiehuis- but with all the albums in the CLB, it turns out to be a bit harder than they expected... 
> 
> Rest assured, though, by the end of this chapter, you WILL find out what the motto of the Koffiehuis is, and the answer might surprise you in more ways than one... 
> 
> Obviously, I do not own ANY of the albums or songs referenced in this chapter, nor do I own Pokemon as a whole. With that said, please enjoy Chapter 13, Part 2 of Pokemon: SOSchip, and look out for the next chapter, "Spotted: The Mysterious DIROB," where we celebrate Christmas... in March! (Probably.)

** _CO-WRITTEN BY THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Well, the answer to that was simple.

No, we never did decide on a motto for the Koffiehuis, and the instant Absent said that, I knew we had to get back to it and finish what we started as soon as possible. HP's fear of Mechination wasn't going to stop us from going back to the Clavus Locus Beta and getting the lyrics to "We're in This Together" out in front of us.

So, of course, that was exactly what we did.

I was the only one who was actually looking at the album's liner notes for the lyrics- everyone else, including Absent, were using their phones- and several lyrics certainly seemed to fit the Koffiehuis' ideals. The title line was obvious, and the entire verse beginning "the farther I fall I'm beside you" appealed very heavily to the ideals of friendship and loyalty specifically. However, out of all the lyrics, the ones that spoke to me the most were contained in the chorus.

Specifically, these ones:

_You and me_   
_If the world should break in two_   
** _Until the very end of me_ **   
** _Until the very end of you_ **

The instant I saw them, I looked them over once. Then twice. Then three times.

The lines seemed... slightly ominous-- after all, they were talking about the world breaking apart and- more noticeably- death-- specifically, the deaths of whoever the heck the song happened to be about. Yet... something about those lines was sticking with me.

And all of a sudden I realized why.

Those lines, essentially, were saying the following:

"We will be together, and we will fight together, and we will pledge our loyalty to each other, until the day we die."

In other words: everything that the Koffiehuis stood for, and then some.

That and those two lines alone were giving me some serious _Three Musketeers _"all for one and one for all" vibes-- and that line was one of, if not _the _most famous group mottos in the history of popular culture.

So I certainly liked it.

Heck, what had happened between Absent and HP today basically _proved _that we would be there for each other until the end of time itself.

Of course, though, my opinion wouldn't be enough.

In order for it to become the motto of the Koffiehuis, _everybody _had to agree to it.

That... and the _other _idea I had planned for the motto.

I smirked.

"Guys?" I asked.

The rest of the Koffiehuis promptly ran up to me, all of them eager to find out what I had selected- Absent slightly less so, but that wasn't necessarily important right now. None of the members of the Koffiehuis said a word-- I just continued to stare up at them, smirking like a lunatic-- until finally, I spoke up.

"I think I found it," I said.

And with that, I opened up the booklet and pointed directly to the line in question with my vine.

All of the members of the Koffiehuis looked at each other, some of them confused, some of them pensive, before finally Absent spoke up.

"Are you sure we should be so quick to decide on this?" he asked. "We still have a fair number of songs to look through on that booklet; we should write down what we find."

"Absent, we went through _five _different albums," I said, side-eyeing him. "That and I already looked through every other song in that booklet and I found _no _other lyric that I figured fit the Koffiehuis better than this. Of course I'm sure. The question is, do _you _think this line- or, these lines, rather- fits?"

"You say five like it's a large number. When I was human, I could hold _eight_ in one hand."

"_EIGHT?!_" gasped Madelief in excitement.

I'll fully admit, even _I _was stunned for a second.

"What can I say? I was six feet tall, I was a big boy."

Beat.

"True," I said after a few moments. "It'd probably be more surprising if _I _was able to hold eight albums in one hand as a human... since I was 4'09". Or 4'10", I don't know which. Still, though, I'm pretty confident."

"But we barely put ten minutes into the hunt," Absent protested. "We should put in at least sixty."

I blanched.

"At least _sixty?!_"

"That's about how long it takes to listen to one of these, anyway - plus, given how many albums and songs I got, that's about how long it would take to read all the lyrics."

I paused for a second to think about what he was saying. Absent was definitely right about one thing-- namely, we had only looked at the albums for about 10 minutes before Aleph-Null came in and ruined everything. And yet even so, I wasn't really sure about spending a whole hour on this.

Then again, though, Bailey barely even got a look at the lyrics contained within _The Fragile_\-- he just saw the title "We're In This Together" and immediately jumped to the conclusion that _THIS WAS IT. _And while the lyrics that I had been paying attention to _were _pretty dang indicative of our ideals...

Absent had _40+ ALBUMS._

There was likely a line in one of them that was even better than "Until the very end of me; until the very end of you."

"Alright, then," I eventually said, conceding the point. "We can keep searching."

"Yay~!" Madelief cried.

"Under one condition," I added, raising my vine to stop her- or any other member of the Koffiehuis- from getting too excited.

"That being?" Absent asked, already digging through the bin.

I smirked.

"Simple," I said. "Whatever lyric we end up choosing, it's gotta have at least some potential to be a call-and-response. Those kinds of mottos are the best- okay, well, they're certainly my favorite."

"A call-und-response motto...?" asked HP, who by this point was searching through the albums herself.

"As in, I say one part of a line and you say the second part in affirmation," I said.

"I know vat it is," HP said.

"Oh," I replied, sinking a bit.

"We _all _are aware as to what it is," said LF. "We are simply unaware as to any lyrics that could work while still fitting the ideals of the Koffiehuis."

"She said they didn't have to _be_ call-response, just have call-response _potential_," Absent said.

He immediately started digging through the albums, trying to find one that could potentially work.

"Let me see..."

As for me, however, the line from "We're In This Together" was still the main example of a line with call-and-response potential I could think of. My mind was still searching for any other possible examples-- okay, there was "We Will Rock You", and "Don't Look Back in Anger," and _every single My Chemical Romance song in existence_, but none of them, with the possible exception of DLBIA, fit the ideals of the Koffiehuis.

That and Absent only owned DLBIA among those three songs.

So whatever we did end up selecting had to A) fit the ideals of the Koffiehuis and 2) either be a call-and-response or have call-and-response potential, but fitting the ideals of the Koffiehuis itself was far more important than-

"Ah-ha!"

Absent. Natch.

Upon hearing his voice, I snapped out of my reverie, and I- along with the entire rest of the Koffiehuis- turned to face him. He had pulled out a solid white album that was thicker than normal, save for some black text on the front he showed us all.

_The Wall_.

I blinked.

"_The Wall_?" LF asked.

"As in, ze most famous Pink Floyd album of all time?" asked HP.

"It's either _Dark Side_ or _Wall_, HP," said Absent, sighing a bit, "and only one of them was turned into a movie."

So... naturally, it was _The Wall, _then.

"Anyway," he went on, "if there's one song people know from this album it's-"

"Comfortably Numb?" HP asked.

Beat.

"... Another Brick In The Wall, Part 2."

And the instant he said that, I knew exactly where he was going. Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2" was chock-full of audience participation call-and-response _glory_, to the point where it was practically part of the song itself.

As if to prove his point, he started nodding to some hypothetical beat.

_"We don't need no education_," he sang before pointing to me.

Beat.

"That's... not the part with the audience participation..." I said, raising an eyebrow as best I could. "Or, at the very least, that's not the part that everyone _remembers _with the audience participation. That honor goes to..."

And right on cue, I screamed- probably a little too loudly:

"_HEY! TEACHER!_"

Instead of the response I wanted- which, naturally, was "_LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE_"- Absent raised his paws to his ears and groaned in pain.

"Gah... point still stands that those lines have some amount of call-response potential, since the lyrics are straightforward enough anyone can commit them to memory with one listen," he reasoned.

I sank a bit.

"No, no, no, you're supposed to say '_leave those kids alone_'," I said, slightly teasingly.

Absent didn't dignify that with a response, instead electing to continue the search. The rest of us all looked at each other, wondering what, if anything, he was going to do next— scratch that, what _we _were going to do next- until eventually LF stepped forward.

"Might I inquire as to what exactly 'Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2' is even _about_?" she asked.

"How school is less about teaching children and more about getting them to think a certain way," he said. "Honestly, you need to listen to the whole thing to appreciate it."

Beat.

For a few moments everyone just stared at each other awkwardly— and it was very clear that we were all thinking the same thing. Namely— if this was what the song was about, then there was no way this would work as a motto for the Koffiehuis. Our entire _schtick _was teaching people Dutch, after all.

"...yyyyyyyeah, I... don't really know if that fits our ideals..." Madelief said, giggling nervously.

"I never said it was an example of a possible slogan," Absent explained, "just an example of call-response potential."

Another beat.

"Ohhhhhh~!" Madelief said. "Okay, that makes more sense."

"Regardless of that, though, Madelief does have a point," I said. "Whatever lyric we choose shouldn't just have call-and-response potential, it should fit with the ideals of the Koffiehuis. That much is obvious."

"In other news, sky blue, water wet, America going down the crapper," Absent spat as he continued the search, a second pile of albums building up beside him before the sound of plastic on plastic paused, punctuated with a satisfied, "ah-hah!" as he stood up and held it in front of him.

All we could see were the black sides and a short song listing too small to make out the titles.

I blinked.

As did the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Um... what is that?" Madelief asked.

He answered with one word, spoken with enthusiasm and force.

"**_Broken_**."

"Broken?" asked Madelief.

Fortunately-- largely due to my friendship with Absent-- I was able to figure out what it was pretty quickly.

"Let me guess," I said. "It's a Nine Inch Nails album."

"Yes, and its third song has halfway decent potential, I think," he explained as he folded out the album, showing the trademark "n-i-n" on the paper covers and disc. "Er, second. Instrumentals."

Without even a moment's hesitation, I extended my vine and promptly grabbed the album from Absent's paw. The rest of the Koffiehuis crowded around me, all of them eager/excited/interested/whatever adjective you can think of-- the point is, they wanted to know just as much as I did.

I promptly turned it around to the tracklist, which ran as follows:

_1: Pinion_

...okay, what the heck was a pinion? Was that short for "_o_pinion" or...?

_2: Wish_

Okay... just the title alone had potential. If this was the song that Absent was referring to, it certainly made sense-- we did have a wish, and that wish was to learn, teach, and revive the Dutch language before it died out completely.

_3: Last_   
_4: Help Me I Am in Hell_   
_5: Happiness in Slavery_

...HAPPINESS IN SLAVERY?!

"Wait... THIS is the album with Happiness in Slavery on it?!" I cried out.

"Yeah," said Absent. "This is the most unapologetic thing Reznor's made in his entire career - he even cusses someone out where the special thanks would otherwise be."

"You're _kidding,_" I muttered to myself. "I thought for SURE that honor would go to _The Fragile_..."

"That's the most unapologetic thing you've listened to by him?" Absent asked. "Those are some low standards, given La Mer, The Frail and I'm Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally."

Wait, what was that last one?

_Dang, and here I thought that Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy had long-as-heck titles..._

"Yes, that's actually a song title," said Absent. "ANYWAY!"

Oh, right.

The song.

"ON TO THE ALBUM!" I cried with just as much enthusiasm, raising my vine up into the air.

With that said, I opened the album up-- then turned to Absent.

"Track 2, right?" I asked.

"3, if you count Pinion."

"What do you mean, if you count Pinion?"

"There's no lyrics to Pinion, so they start at track 2, Wish."

Oh.

So he was talking about _Last_, then.

"Wait... so that means I actually have the WRONG SONG?!" I asked.

"I mean, if you think Wish has something, you're free to keep looking."

I shrugged-- then promptly took one look at the lyrics to "Wish."

Let me just say this right now-- the title had deceived the heck out of me, because the second I saw what was in the lyrics, I immediately knew that _NOPE, THIS WOULDN'T WORK AT ALL._

"O-kay, never mind..." I said sheepishly, throwing up my vines. "There is no way the second track is going to work. I count Pinion."

"Why not...?" asked HP.

Without missing a beat, I showed her the lyrics. "See for yourself."

She did. Madelief, LF, Yuunarii, and the bunnies crowded around her-- and as soon as they saw the lyrics, 5 out of the 6 of them had the same reaction.

That reaction being, of course, complete and utter horror.

"...I see what you mean now," said HP.

"Oh god... this is Anime all over again..." Madelief groaned.

"_AW_-ni-muh," Bailey corrected.

Yuunarii was the only one not to react-- which made sense, she'd cursed in her videos before-- but just from the look on her face I could tell that even she was slightly uncomfortable.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised - but, I mean, profanities are just words," Absent pointed out. "The surrounding, profanity-free lines still exist."

"You know how I feel about profanity in music," I said, having decided to skip straight to the next song.

One look at the lyrics told me everything I needed to know.

This was the song with the "I want you to throw me away" line, and... well, throwing people away was not what the Koffiehuis did at all. On the contrary-- one of our main ideals was loyalty to the other members- loyalty to _everyone _who wasn't Aleph-Null, in fact. Now, did it have call-and-response potential?

Absolutely yes, but in terms of a motto with lyrics that fit the ideals of the Koffiehuis...

"Last" just didn't have that.

I shook my head.

"This... isn't going to work," I said, a bit bluntly.

"Fair enough," Absent responded, conceding the point. "We're tutors, not roadies."

"Roadies?" I asked, tilting my head. "Was that the reason you thought this song would work?"

"No, I thought it would work because it's the kind of music I like, and I somehow managed to convince myself that I could convince _you_ it would be a good decision to use a song off of it."

"Well, it did not work, did it?" LF asked, narrowing her eyes. "Your convincing of oghond, that is." 

"Hey, if you think you can find something, you're free to start diggin'." Absent said, stepping away from the bin.

"Alright, then," I said. "I'll let you know if I find anything."

I promptly stepped up to the bin and started looking through the _dozens _of albums that Absent had at his disposal— with absolutely no idea as to what to go with first. I knew one thing, though- _Ænima, The Dark Side of the Moon, _and all the other albums we had gone through prior were out of the question.

Save for WITT, of course, whose lyrics were still echoing in the back of my mind.

I didn't have time to think about WITT, though— there were so many albums to choose from, and of those albums I only knew about 10% of the songs.

And then, as I was looking through them, 3 albums caught my eye.

The first featured a city street— a very _empty _city street, save for two people walking towards each other. In the bottom-right hand corner was a black box, with one word inside of it:

** _oasis_ **

I didn't even need to look at the top of the album- this was Oasis' magnum opus, (_What's the Story) Morning Glory?_

And no. To this day, I have no idea why the album title has parentheses in it.

The second album was of a giant Newton's cradle standing in the middle of a field— which I _also _recognized right away as _Dream Theater's _magnum opus album _Octavarium._

AKA the album with my favorite DT song of all time, "Never Enough."

The third album showed a city skyline, and above that city skyline was...

What was that, exactly?

Alien spaceships?

They _looked _like alien spaceships...

Regardless, the final album was Dream Theatre's _The Astonishing_, which I can only describe as the plots of _2112 _and _Freewill in 2112_ coming together and having a baby.

Smirking to myself, I picked all three albums up and held them in my vine.

"Guys?" I asked.

The rest of the Koffiehuis turned to me, and I proceeded to hold up the albums.

"I found three," I said.

And the second they heard that, the rest of the Koffiehuis gathered around.

"Ooh!" cried Madelief. "Which ones did you find?"

I proceeded to set down the albums in front of them.

"Just for the record, only DLBIA has call-and-response potential," I said. "At least, it's the only one I can think of with call-and-response potential."

"DLBIA?" asked HP.

"Don't Look Back In Anger," me and Absent said at the exact same time.

"Oh," said HP.

"And besides that one, the only song here I can think of that fits the ideals of the Koffiehuis is'I Walk Beside You' off of _Octavarium_... which has _zero _call-and-response potential," I said.

I put those two aside and showed Absent _The Astonishing._

"It's mainly _this one _that I want to examine further."

The rest of the Koffiehuis- particularly Madelief- proceeded to lean in get a closer look at the title.

"_The... Astonishing?_" Madelief read.

"Oh," Absent said, intrigued. "Didn't think of that."

"Wait... so you're saying there _could_ be something on here that could work?" I asked.

"I mean, it's about a small town rising up to appeal to an authority figure with the power of music," Absent reasoned. "We can find some parallels."

"*_cough cough_* the attack on the Camp and Folsom Lake College *_cough cough_*," I said. "Alright, then, Absent. You know the album _way_ better than I do, so... you can just go and have a look at the album and see if anything in particular sticks out to you. If you _do_ happen to find anything... let me know."

"Well, off the top of my head, the song "When Your Time Has Come" comes to mind - gimme that," he said, grabbing it from me.

"Hey..." I began, slightly offended-- then paused. "Wait. 'When Your Time Has Come'?"

"It's hard to appreciate the songs without the entire album's context - no one song is self-contained in any capacity."

I shook my head- obviously I knew that, _The Astonishing_ was Dream Theater's only true concept album, very much like Rush's _Clockwork Angels_ (both even had books written based on the albums).

"No, no, no," I said. "I mean, what makes you think that would work?"

"It's the only song I can really recall enjoying on its own - excluding Dystopian Overture, but, instrumental," he said before turning the page and smiling.

For about 5 seconds- this was still Absent, after all- but, as I've stated before, _any _moment wherein Absent cracks one means "_RED ALERT- SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY GOOD HAS JUST HAPPENED_".   
  
Ergo, I was just about ready to _lose it._

"What?" I asked eagerly. "Do you have a line that could work?"

"'Could', yes."

I practically squealed with happiness.

The rest of the Koffiehuis were just as intrigued, and huddled around Absent, all of them eager to find out what the heck the lyric was. Absent, meanwhile, pointed at the lyric in question, which read as follows:

_"They ask me, Ahrys,_   
_"Could things be any tougher?"_   
_The answer's no surprise,_   
_"Yes, you bet your life!""_

"Mind, I'm not talking about the entire stanza, just what's in quotes," Absent amended.

"_Could things be any tougher? Yes, you bet your life!"_

Immediately, I found myself smirking and giggling to myself the second I saw that line.

"Yes, it's a little cheesy," Absent responded, "but that's Dream Theater."

_Hoo-boy._

He didn't get it at all, did he?

"No, no, no..." I said, still giggling. "_You Bet Your Life_ is the title of a Rush song."

Beat.

Absent looked at me with exasperation in his eyes.

"Regardless, though, it still works," I said. "Kind of."

"What do you mean, 'kind of'?" asked Madelief.

Then, after a pause, to Absent—

"And... who's... um... how do you pronounce that?"

"Like the ram Aries or the god of war Ares, Air-ees," said Absent. "Long n' short, militia leader from the small town in question, brother of the protagonist."

"Ah! Okay!" said Madelief.

"Anyways..." I broke in, "as to what I mean by 'kind of'... the call-and-response aspect is definitely there, but how does the line relate to the ideals of the Koffiehuis?"

"The camaraderie," Absent said simply.

"'_You bet your life_' embodies our camaraderie?" I asked, still slightly uncertain.

"Through thick and thin, we press forward," Absent summarized.

"True," I said, starting to consider it.

"Is zat what _you bet your life_ means?" asked HP.

"Well, in full," Absent explained, "it means that we know things are going to get more difficult, and the second part means that we accept that and know we'll pull through."

And that was very true of all of us- even HP, shy though she was. The battle against Aleph-Null certainly proved that she knew that.

I thought about it for a few moments. Now that I actually _knew_ what it meant, "_Could things be any tougher? Yes, you bet your life_" absolutely could work as a motto for the Koffiehuis. If anything, it definitely had the call-and-response potential. Even still, though, it didn't feel as catchy to me as "_Until the very end of me/you_," not to mention the fact that there were still countless other albums and songs that we could look at.

But it was definitely up there.

"Alright, I'll consider it," I said.

I turned to the rest of them.

"Thoughts?" I asked.

"I LOVE it!" Madelief exclaimed.

"It works," said HP.

"Indeed it does," said LF. "Do keep in mind, however, that we have at least 30 more albums to look at, so let this at least be considered a possibility."

Yuunarii nodded in agreement.

"Alright, then," I said. "Absent, keep that line in your head. Save it as a possibility along with '_until the very end of me, until the very end of you_'."

Nodding, he pulled out a notebook- presumably, the same one where he kept all of his Dutch notes- and wrote it down. I, meanwhile, turned back to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Alright," I said. "We now have two motto options. Does anyone else have any other ideas?"

And almost immediately, Madelief broke in with one of her own:

"Ooh! I know! What about another one of those Tool albums?"

I clicked my tongue and pointed my vine at her.

"Perfect," I said. "Absent, how many Tool albums do you have?"

"All of them," he said before looking in, pulling out a few albums and what I assumed was a vinyl record. "I've already shown you _Ænima_ but there's _Opiate_, _Undertow_, _Lateralus_, _10,000 Days _and..." He paused. "Where is it? Where is it?!"

I instantly knew the album he was talking about-- after all, Tool only had 6 albums.

"_Fear Inoculum_?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can't find it!" he cried, looking around for it frantically. "Where the hell is it, everything I have should be here!"

Oh, god.

Oh, _good GOD._

Absent had just lost _Fear Inoculum_\-- AKA the album he'd been more excited about buying than possibly any other Tool album. There was absolutely no way this could be good. My eyes widened in shock-- either BW had forgotten it during the building of the Clavus Locus Beta or it was somewhere buried in the Clavus Locus Beta, and I was almost certain it was the former.

Still, just in case, I knew I had to help him find it.

No-- we did.

"Okay," I said, stepping forward. "We'll see if we can't help you find it."

"What does it look like?" asked Madelief.

"It looks like a book with a blue-gray spiral made of scales on the front and back."

Almost on cue, the rest of the Koffiehuis immediately dove in to see if they could find the album-- but the instant he said that I knew exactly what I needed to do. Without a moment's hesitation, I ran out of the Clavus Locus Beta, opened up my phone, and dialed BW's number. My theory had pretty much been confirmed by this point-- since _Fear Inoculum _didn't resemble your typical album, BW must have assumed it was a book and left it back in California in the _original _Keyblade Room.

Still, though-- there was only one way to know for certain.

I hit the CALL button.

_RING-RING-RING._

_BEEEEEEEEEP._

Within seconds, BW's voice came from the end of the line:

"_Hello?_"

Thank god.

I breathed a sigh of relief- she was there.

"Hey, BW," I said. "It's Emily- AKA oghond. I just wanted to ask you one thing-- is there a book-like object with a blue-gray spiral made of scales on the front and back anywhere in Corbin's room?"

"_Let me check._"

The call dropped.

A few seconds later, my phone started ringing again.

"_Does it say "Fear Inoculum" on the side?_" BW asked.

"Yes," I said, now smiling to myself. "Yes, it does. That's not a book-- that's an album. A Tool album. You... forgot to put it in the Clavus Loc-."

I was interrupted by a pink flash and a Gardevoir suddenly appearing.

BW, natch.

"What do you even need this for?" she asked as she handed me the book.

"Simple," I said. "We're trying to come up with a call-and-response motto for the Koffiehuis-- we were interrupted the first time by Aleph-Null."

"Forget I asked," she said simply before she vanished, leaving me with _Fear Inoculum _clutched in my vines. I proceeded to salute her- after she had gone- then ran into the room, waving the album in the air frantically.

"Found it!" I cried.

"No you didn't," said Absent. "I heard Brittany."

I sunk in an instant, remembering that of course Absent would have heard BW-- she had been in the next room over.

"Oh," I said. "Well, anyways, here ya go."

I gave the album to him-- before all at once Madelief interrupted.

"Spears?" she asked.

"West," I responded. "She's Absent's sister."

"Oh, so _that's _what her name is~!" Madelief said cheerfully. "I never got it before!"

"Of course you didn't," said Absent, rolling his eyes. "Emily thinks she's too good for birth names. And I'm aware of the hypocrisy, given I call you Maddy."

Yep, as you might be able to tell, ever since the visit to Taalstad, Absent had switched to First-Name Basis with me. Of course, I still hadn't done the same with him.

And wouldn't, until he said otherwise.

"I take offense to that," I cried, raising my vine. "I call Madelief Madelief."

"Hey, as long as I'm not calling two different people by the same moniker, what's there to complain about?"

True.

"Why is this even so pertinent," he said, opening up the album, "let's look at this stinkin' thing and plagiarize some quotes!"

I smirked. "_Now _you're talking."

The rest of us promptly approached him and gathered around, all of us eager to see if Absent had any ideas for a motto. Absent himself, meanwhile, was searching through the album booklet for any lyrics that could work.

And it's likely he would have found them, had a question not popped into my head.

"By the way, Absent?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"What exactly was your reaction to the album's announcement, anyways?"

Let me just say this-- I wasn't expecting what I heard next, but at the same time, I kind of was.

\----------------------------------------------

** _FLASHBACK_ **

**_ABSENT'S POV_** \- **_3P_**

_Boredom and curiosity kicking in with extreme force, he opened up his phone to a website he frequented. Muscle memory kicked in, his fingers dancing on his smartphone's keyboard as he typed in the search bar._

_"TV Tropes, Tool," he said aloud, tapping the first result that came up. The familiar blurbs darted past his eyes as he scrolled down to the tropes listed, but something was different. Scrolling back up, excitement kicked in as he threw his legs over the bed, confirming what he was looking at._

_"2019 - ??????"_

Sweet,_ he mentally considered before going back to scrolling._

** _ONE MONTH LATER_ **

_Opening up his smartphone once again, sliding through the pages of apps in a gambit to find something to hold his interest, he paused upon seeing an announcement on the news feed._

_"Tool to put their entire catalogue on streaming software this August 2nd."_

_"Well, happy birthday to me," he said aloud, realizing it was only a week until that day._

** _ONE WEEK LATER- AUGUST 2nd, 2019_ **

_"Did you hear Tool's entire catalogue's on Spotify?"_

_"It wasn't? Huh, neat," his dad observed before turning his gaze back to his laptop._

** _FIVE DAYS LATER_ **

_He opened the door to the music store, eyes darting on the numerous albums dotting the shelves._

_"Hey, do you have Fear Inoculum?" he asked an employee._

_"Hasn't come in yet."_

_"Aw."_

** _A MONTH LATER_ **

_"Hasn't come in yet."_

_"Aw."_

** _CHRISTMAS 2019_ **

_"Aw _yiss!_"_

** _END FLASHBACK_ **

\-------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

_Aw yiss._

Basically, that pretty much summed up my exact reaction to getting, in order, my DS, my 3DS, _Moving Pictures, Clockwork Angels, _the _Clockwork Angels_ book, and most recently, my Nintendo Switch and Pokemon Shield.

And it would almost certainly be my reaction to getting the _Astonishing_ book- because now I REALLY wanted the _Astonishing_ book.

Christmas 2019 must have been _FUN _for Absent, and not just because he got that album.

"Well, that certainly seemed like a fun Christmas!" said Madelief happily.

"My thoughts exactly," I said-- then, getting back to the matter at hand, I added, "So, Absent... did you find any lyrics that could work?"

"Well I'd have to run them by you, but... Pneuma's got something," he said.

I tilted my head.

"Pneuma?" I asked. "What are they?"

Without even missing a beat, he opened the album up to the page that had the lyrics to Pneuma on it and pointed at the lyrics in question.

They read as follows:

"_We are born of one breath, one word_  
"_We are one spark, sun becoming_"

Ah, yes. Unity. One of the prime defining virtues of the Koffiehuis that had been discussed earlier that day— and these lyrics from Pneuma certainly showed that. When it came to the Koffiehuis, there was certainly no denying that despite the fact that we all came from different countries- and despite the fact that we had all been turned into Pokemon— we were all unified by our one common goal.

Namely- to teach Dutch and defeat Aleph-Null once and for all.

So it checked the "fits the virtues of the Koffiehuis" box... but what about the "call-and-response" box?

I breathed.

"Dang, those lyrics are good," I said.

LF nodded. "They are certainly in line with the 'unity' aspect of the Koffiehuis that we discussed earlier."

"Only one problem," said Madelief. "Where's the call-and-response?"

Thankfully, Absent had an answer for that in about 22.5 seconds.

"'We are born of' is spoken by backing vocals, and 'one breath' is more pronounced. So it's like a 'we are born of'...?" he prompted.

Beat. I looked over at the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"One breath, one word," I said, starting to realize where he was getting at.

Absent nodded.

I looked up, getting more intrigued by the second.

"Hm," I said.

"Well, now that you put it that way I can TOTALLY see how it would work!" Madelief exclaimed.

"As can I," said LF.

"So... should 'we are born of one breath, one vord' be our motto, zen...?" asked HP.

"Still not sure yet," I said. "I mean, it's good, certainly, and it's definitely a possibility. Put that one in there, Absent."

Absent nodded, then took out his notebook and proceeded to do exactly that.

"But... I'm still uncertain if we should decide just yet," I said. "There's still two more artists left in the TMNDC quintet, after all, and not to mention of course--"   
  
"The 30+ more albums," said Absent, HP, LF, and Madelief all at the exact same time, and all of them as deadpan as possible.

Obviously, it was much easier for Absent and LF to be deadpan, since- you know- that's their whole schtick.

And then-- a pause as they realized what I had just said.   
  
"Wait," said Madelief. "The... TMNDC quintet?"

"You know Emily and spontaneous abbreviations," said Absent. "Tool, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Dream Theater and... wait, C?"

"Coldplay," I said.

"... why them?" asked Absent. "It would make as much sense for you to spontaneously mention System of a Down or Weezer!"

"Simple," I said. "Those _are _your five favorite bands of all time, aren't they, Absent?"

"... Number one is a four-way tie, and number two is a tie between System, Pink Floyd and Coldplay."

"My point exactly," I said. "And we've already got three of the five written down for motto options. If Metallica and Coldplay have anything-"   
  
Beat.   
  
"CRAP!" I cried. "I completely forgot about Pink Floyd!"

"You're not going to find anything in what I have-"

And then there was another pink flash, and within seconds BW appeared, holding an album which I couldn't see at first glance. The cover, meanwhile, looked like multiple boxes inside of one another-- at least it did from far away. She set it down on the floor in front of Absent.

"Hey, we found this under the living room table," she said. "Peace."

And then she was gone.

Seconds later, Absent picked it up.

"... Y'know I always forget these exist," he said matter-of-factly. "Before you ask, it's a compilation album, well-known hits from Floyd's entire career."

"_...Echoes,_" I said simply, recognizing the album the second he mentioned the words "well-known hits" and "compilation album."

"Yep - even has the song of the same name, but it's been edited from 23 minutes to 17. A shame."

"...and why is that?" asked LF.

"Because I love stupid-long songs," said Absent. "And I don't mean 7 or 8 minutes, I mean 13-plus."   
  
"17 minutes _is _13+, though..." said Madelief.

"Yeah, but the longer, the better. It's like making a burger with half the meat you could. Still good, just not as satisfying as you know it could be."

"Oh," said Madelief.

"Anyways," I said. "Scratch Coldplay; Pink Floyd is next. If there's anything on the album that would work, Absent... let me know."

With a quick flip of the album, and a glance at its track listing, Absent smirked.

"It doesn't have to be like this. All we need to do, is make sure, we keep, talking," he said, pulling out the liner notes and flipping to the lyrics.

I instantly felt a smirk growing on _my _face as well. From what I knew about Pink Floyd, "Keep Talking" was probably tied with "Another Brick" for the Pink Floyd Song With the Most Audience Participation Call-and-Response glory award.   
  
Of course, the second question was still in need of being answered.   
  
Namely... did it fit the ideals?   
  
"Well, well, well," I said, approaching him. "Pretty interesting choice there, buddy. Now... about the whole 'ideals of the Koffiehuis' thing... any lyrics at all that fit in that regard?"

The look on Absent's face dropped- clearly, he'd forgotten about that part.

"... 'I sometimes wonder, where do we go from here?'?" he offered.

I smirked

"Yeah, you forgot about that part, didn't you?" I said, slightly teasingly. "But seriously, that line sounds much more like uncertainty than anything else." 

"Indeed it does," said LF matter-of-factly.

"Yeah... I'm not really sure that that line would work..." Madelief said, somewhat nervously. "We're not really unsure of ourselves."

"I am... sometimes..." said HP.

"She means us as a group, HP," I said.   
  
"Oh." HP looked down. "Yeah... as a group we're way more confident. I know I am when I'm with all of you." 

I beamed.

"Awwww!" Madelief cooed. "That's sweet...!" 

"Yeah," I said. "It is. But, getting back to the point, we're definitely not unsure of ourselves as a group. I mean, do we sometimes ask ourselves 'where do we go from here'? Absolutely yes. But once we figure out the answer to that question, we figure it out and _we are ready to fight._" I turned to Absent. "I don't know if you happened to see our battle against the Aleph-Null goons- since, you know, you were flying Koffie M3 the entire time..." 

"I did," said Absent.

Beat.

"Well... kind of," he admitted. "I mean, I got to see some of the battle, but..."   
  
"Your attention was mainly focused on trying to see if you couldn't beat Omega-3 to the ground," I finished.

"Yep," said Absent.

As I had figured.

"Knew it," I said, smirking to myself. "Which means you had no idea of the insane thought process that went through my head just for us to defeat the goons. I'm not going to tell you the entire plan- that's not the point. The point is, I had no idea of how we were going to defeat the goons because we were so outnumbered, but once I had that plan, we were able to execute it to great success."

"Which means," said LF, "if I am following- that the line that Absent suggested is actually _antithetical _to one of our virtues?"

"Somewhat," I said. "Specifically, our determination. Which means that that line is never going to work."

I turned to Absent.

"Absent," I said, "you can put _Echoes_ away- assuming that there's not another song with call-and-response potential that fits our virtues that is not named 'Another Brick in the Wall', Part 2."

Beat.

"Is there?" 

"Not that I can recall," Absent conceded.

"Alright, then," I said. "Then you can put away the album. Since, you know... you have it now." 

He did-- and all of a sudden I realized that I had no idea of how much time had gone by. Absent had said that we should put in at least 60 minutes for the search for a motto-- and we had three different options.

"Wait a second," I said. "Has it been 60 minutes yet?"

LF took one look up at the clock that was hanging on the wall just outside the Clavus Locus and shook her head.

"It has not," she said.

That was somewhat surprising; it certainly _felt _like an hour had gone by...

"How long has it been since we started?" I asked.

"...45 minutes," said LF, pausing for a moment before she said it.

I presumed that this was for her to verify the time on the clock was what she thought it was.

"Alright, then," I said. "Which means we have 15 minutes left to look at albums." 

"But... that won't be enough time to look at all of them!" Madelief cried.   
  
"Let's be fair, we won't," said Absent.

"...Yeah, probably not," said Madelief.

"We _definitely _won't," I said. "But we've already got three motto options. I'm pretty sure that in the next 15 minutes, we'll be able to find something else that could potentially work... "  
  
\--------------------------------------------

Yeah, spoiler alert: we didn't. And we couldn't.

For the next 15 minutes the rest of the Koffiehuis looked at album after album, trying to find a motto like the three we'd just found that fit the two already-established qualifications. We checked Metallica's "Black Album," and while "Sad But True" definitely had the call-and-response potential, its use as a motto for the Koffiehuis was immediately cut short by one single line:   
  
"_Do my dirty work, scapegoat._"   
  
Bye-bye, "Sad But True"- and by extent, all of Metallica, since Absent couldn't think of any other Metallica songs that could work as a motto.

From there we checked other NIN albums; other Dream Theatre albums; heck, we even checked _Moving Pictures_ (which, naturally, I was ecstatic as heck about). We also went back to _The Astonishing _and looked at the song that Absent had mentioned before, "When Your Time Has Come", and while that song definitely had a _lot _of lines that fit the ideals of the Koffiehuis- "night is always darkest just before the new day" being a prime example- none of those lines had any call-and-response potential.

Or, at the very least, they didn't _seem _like any of them did.

And eventually, as quickly as it had begun, the 15 minutes of album-hunting were over.

We were down to three options, each one with call-and-response potential and each one a testament to one of the ideals shared by every member of the Koffiehuis:

**1) **the NIN option, which served as a reflection of the Koffiehuis' loyalty   
**2) **the Tool option, which served as a reflection of the Koffiehuis' unity   
**3) **the Dream Theatre option, which served as a reflection of the Koffiehuis' determination and their willingness to face whatever Aleph-Null threw at them

And each one of them was really, _really _dang good.

So good, in fact, that when it came down to the moment when we had to decide what the motto was going to be... we couldn't. Every single member of the Koffiehuis had their own personal opinion on which one best represented who we were as a team. Eventually, I decided to take matters into my own hands- or vines, as the case may be- and turned towards the rest of the Koffiehuis, starting to get a bit tired.

"Okay," I said. "How the heck are we going to decide on this thing? Because we need to make a decision, and we have three equally good options." 

The rest of the Koffiehuis looked at each other, unsure of what exactly they could do, before eventually Madelief spoke up.

"Should we take a vote?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"No," I said. "I don't know if that would be fair, especially if one of us wants, say, the Tool option as the Koffiehuis' motto but the majority says NIN."   
  
"Oh..." said Madelief, sinking. 

Beat.

"Wait, why'd you choose that line again? B-besides the loyalty thing."   
  
"Simple," I said. "'Until the very end of me/until the very end of you' has about as much call-and-response potential as 'one for all and all for one.' Which is to say that it is the line with the most call-and-response potential in NIN's entire discography." 

"... Well the songs with profanity still exist," Absent protested. "March of the Pigs, Wish, Heresy, Star-" 

"AAAAAAAAAAANYWAY!" Fudge suddenly broke in, almost certainly having been scarred for life as a result of seeing what had to be the most profane NIN title of all time. "Back to what you were saying before, ogtje."   
  
"Gladly," I said. "Here's my personal opinion on that line: it's not just a call-and-response; it's a direct question-and-answer call-and-response."

Beat. The rest of the Koffiehuis stared at me blankly.

"..._how?_" asked LF.

"'Until the very end of me/you' isn't a question and answer..." said Madelief.

"Not on its own, it isn't," I said. "But it _could _be. I'm essentially asking you 'do you swear your loyalty to each other until the day we die', and you're all responding- to each other, mind you- 'yes, we do.'"

"Oh... " said Madelief.

"Although now that I really think about it, that's technically true of all of them," I admitted after a pause, "so..." 

Beat.

"Anyways," I eventually said, shaking my head. "We still need to come up with a decision on how we're going to decide this thing. Does anyone else have any ideas?" 

For a few moments, nobody said a word-- they just looked at each other- likely wondering, as I did, if any of them had any other ideas for how the motto would be decided. Eventually, HP spoke up-- albeit somewhat nervously.

"Um... well... I mean, I'd be happy with any of the mottos winning..." she said.

"Me too!" cried Madelief. "They all have to do with our ideals, after all."   
  
I smirked.

"Ah, so you're saying we try consensus voting?" I said. "Well, that _could _work... but if all five of us are good with all three of them, that'll be hard..." 

The Koffiehuis looked at each other, all of them nodding and muttering with agreement-- except for Absent, who began looking around for something.

"Alright," he said. "I'm getting tired of this-- anyone here have any D10's?"

Beat.

The rest of the Koffiehuis- especially the bunnies- stared at him blankly. It was very obvious that none of them had ever played a game of DnD before.

"D10's...?" asked Bailey.

"What are those?" asked HP.

Fortunately, however, I had played DnD before, so I was able to explain what it was fairly quickly. 

"It's a 10-sided die from Dungeons and Dragons," I explained. "He's saying we can use some of those to-"

And then all of a sudden the idea hit me from clear out of the blue.

"Wait just a minute, that's _it!_" I cried.

The Koffiehuis blinked. 

"...what's it?" asked HP.

But I wasn't listening. The instant Absent had mentioned dice as a possible decision-maker, I knew exactly what I had to do- and more importantly, how we were going to decide on the motto. 

Without a moment's hesitation, I ran out of the Clavus Locus, headed for my room.   
  
"Wait here," I said. "I need to get something really quick from my room. I'll be right back."

And with that having been said, I was out of there in 22.5 seconds.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

A few moments later, I had retrieved a black bag from my room. Said black bag contained multiple DND dice-- but it wasn't the D10's I planned to use in this decision.

It was the regular dice. The D6s.   
  
See, I had three of them in my bag- and very conveniently, there happened to be three choices. The plan I had in my head was simple: I would roll the dice on the floor, and the sum of the three numbers I got would determine the motto we would use.

The only question was-- would the rest of the Koffiehuis agree to it?   
  
I looked up-- and suddenly realized that the door to the Clavus Locus was in front of me. Within seconds, I opened the door, then held the bag above my head with my vines.

"_FOUND IT--!_" I shouted with triumph.

Probably a little too loudly, because Absent put his paws to his ears the moment I said it.

I giggled nervously upon seeing this.

"Oh," I said. "Sorry, Absent." 

"It's fine," he said.

I proceeded to sit on the floor in front of the rest of the Koffiehuis, before opening the bag and taking out the three red-and-white D6s that were inside.

No prizes for guessing why those D6s were red and white.

The rest of the Koffiehuis proceeded to gather around me, all of them eager to know what the plan was-- and of course, I was happy to oblige.

"So," I said, "here's the plan-- if all of you are willing to accept it. I am going to roll these three dice out in front of me, and the motto we end up picking depends on the sum of the three numbers that I roll. Here's how it's going to go: if the sum of the numbers is less than 13, the winner will be the DT option. If the sum of the numbers is more than 13, the winner will be the Tool option. And if the sum of the numbers is 13 exactly..."

"Then the NIN option wins!" cried Madelief.

"Exactly," I said, pointing my vine at her. "Then the winner is the NIN option." 

"Ooh!" cried Madelief, excitedly. "This is going to be fun~!" 

"It certainly will be," I said. "But I'm only willing to do it if everyone in the Koffiehuis agrees to it." 

I proceeded to look out at all of them.

"So," I said, "thoughts?" 

"... Who said we had to stick with one?" Absent broke in.

Beat.   
  
"Wait, so we can use all three of them?" I asked. 

"We don't have to just use _one_ \- some chants, creeds, etcetera have multiple parts to them," said Absent.

I paused for a few moments.

"True..." I said. "But if we _were _to use all three, which one would be first? In my opinion it'd be far easier to use just one."

Beat.   
  
"You _do _make a good point, though..." 

I shook my head.   
  
"Nah," I said. "I'll stick to just one, if that's alright with you."

"Whatever - I'm not going to respond to it anyway," said Absent. "You're doing this for your own sake, not the group's."

"Alright, then," I said. "I'll take that as a yes." I turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis. "Are all of you on board?"

The rest of the Koffiehuis responded in an instant:   
  
"Jep!"

"Uh-huh."   
  
"Indeed."   
  
Yuunarii nodded.   
  
"Oh, you bet we are!" cried Bailey.

I nodded.

"Alright, then," I said. "The time has come."

And with that, I turned away from the rest of the Koffiehuis, took out the three D6s, and stared down at them for a few moments.   
  
This was it.

The minute- no, the _second_ I rolled those three D6s out in front of me, we would have a motto, and there would be no turning back.

I smirked to myself-- before closing my eyes and letting go of the three D6s that were in my vines.

They rolled onto the floor in front of me-- and then stopped.

Without saying a single word, I opened up my eyes-- and then looked down at the dice. 

And lo and behold, there stood in front of me the three winning numbers. 

I smirked to myself-- then started giggling like a lunatic. The rest of the Koffiehuis all gathered around me, all of them dying to know what the numbers were-- before I finally spoke.

"2-2-5."

Nope, not even kidding.   
  
By total random chance, the three numbers I had rolled were the same as those in my personal Arc Number, in that order. More importantly, however, 2+2+5=9.

And 9 is less than 13. 

Meaning that Dream Theater's _The Astonishing_\- or, rather, a line from it- had just pulled off one _heck _of a Dark Horse Victory that everyone would be happy with.

Or so I thought, because when I stated the three numbers out loud, the rest of the Koffiehuis reacted... very differently than I first expected. Madelief, obviously, was the most enthusiastic- she was beaming with happiness at the fact that _The Astonishing _had won, and let out a squeal of joy. The bunnies were also pretty satisfied with the winner-- but HP, LF, and Yuunarii all looked slightly disappointed, which I found pretty surprising. After all, I had thought that all of them would be fine with whichever one ended up winning.   
  
I blinked.   
  
"HP? LF?" I asked. "Yuunarii? You... you guys okay?"

HP paused for a few moments, looking down for a bit, before ultimately responding.

"...Dream Theatre won?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, the numbers added up to 9."  
  
"Oh," she said. "I... I'm fine with that, but... I kind of wanted NIN to win."

I blinked in surprise. I hadn't even figured to account for this.   
  
"You... you did?"

HP nodded. "Und so did Yuunarii... the bunnies told me."   
  
I paused for a few moments, staring down at the 3 dice that were in front of me.   
  
"But... what about LF?" I asked.   
  
"Pneuma," she quickly responded. "Do not get me wrong, the creed that was picked from _The Astonishing _is a very fitting one. It is just... I still believe that Pneuma fits us more."

I looked down for a few moments, still reeling from the slight shock, before turning to Absent, who was the only member of the Koffiehuis who hadn't reacted yet to the win.

He shook his head.

"... this is kind of what I was talking about," Absent sighed. "Some number of us were going to be dissatisfied with the end result, no matter how it ended. Em, I can kind of appreciate what you were trying to do, but I still have to ask.

"_Why?_"

I blinked in confusion.  
  
"Why... what?" I asked.

"Why go through all this trouble for something that's ultimately meaningless?"

Meaningless...?   
  
The creed was meaningless?

It was literally everything we stood for as a group; how could it possibly be meaningless?  
  
"W-what do you mean...?" I asked, now getting more confused by the second.  
  
"We could have lengthy discussions that drive character development, making us better suited as working as a team and dealing with A.N. in the future. But you just want a shorthand for a pep talk you can use whenever? It's a little insulting to see my library boiled down to cherry-picked lyrics repurposed for something like this."

...okay, now that he put it that way, having lengthy discussions would probably be a better option. Still, though... I absolutely had not meant to insult either Absent or _any _of the bands that were looked at as possible options for a motto, so hearing that comment hurt just a bit.   
  
"I mean, if you had proper context to _all_ of these, it's hard to look at these the same way again.

"We're In This Together is less about someone ready to take on the world and more about someone at the end of their rope - one of the lyrics is 'all that we were is gone, but we can hold on'.

"A Better Life is basically a general rallying his troops, like Disposable Heroes as written by Pink Floyd.

"Pneuma, yes, is about how we're all human at the end of the day, but... we aren't. Much as I wish I was, we aren't.

"To borrow some lyrics from a song I forgot about, we're eight lost souls swimmin' in a fishbowl day after day. Running through the same old ground, and what have we found but ways to do our favorite bands dirty? Do you think you can tell a green field from a cold steel rail? I wish you could hear what I hear in these."

Pink Floyd's _Wish You Were Here._

Natch. 

And while I did understand the metaphor... I was still confused. And hurt. I hadn't even considered the fact that I might have been doing the bands dirty, but now that he mentioned it...  
  
I blinked.

"B-but... you... agreed to this, didn't you?" I asked in confusion.

"We live - lived - in a democracy," Absent said. "I was going along with it to be polite. Majority rules, after all, I don't want to be hated more than I already am after... Tesseract."

Beat.

Okay... what?

"T-Tesseract?" I asked.

"Tollbooth. Tailgate. _Talisman_."

"...Okay, now you're just naming a bunch of words that begin with-"

And then it hit me.

"Wait," I said. "...you're talking about Talbain, aren't you?"

Absent nodded. "Blue Needles and all. I kind of just want to get to work on doing what we set out to do, and here we are engaging in shenanigans that show your belief that interests and opinions constitute personalities."

I sunk a bit more.

"Oh," I muttered, in a hurt voice.

I barely managed to restrain myself from bursting into tears before looking over at the rest of the Koffiehuis- all of whom looked just as hurt for me.

Absent sighed.

"Look," he said. "I'm not mad. I'm not disappointed. I'm just... annoyed. Annoyed that given what we've set out to do, we've not really been able to. I'm not annoyed at you, just... with myself that I wasn't able to be diligent enough that we could do something like this. It's painful, the responsibilities you have looming over your shoulder as more and more increasingly banal ones are added to the stack, forcibly being resolved first before you can complete the primary objective. It's the big one, let's do it _first_."

I blinked.

"B-but... what about Aleph-Null...?"

"Next time they show up, the creed won't even matter - given the two months between attacks it's just going to be a fact of life that we both have one now that we might forget to bring it up. Even then, we'll be chasing _their_ gimmicks - that's their job."

I looked down for a few moments. By this point dozens of emotions were going through my head: sadness, confusion, heck, even a slight tinge of betrayal- and I didn't know which one to feel first. Absent looked down at me, before taking a quick glance over at the three albums that I had selected, which were still lying on the desk of the Clavus Locus.

"Look, Em," he eventually said, "you can enact the creed to be whatever you want it to be. You can make it as long-winded, concise, esoteric or erudite as you want."   
  
Well, at least that made me feel a bit better; we'd still have a creed.   
  
"But don't be surprised when you wake up one morning and remember it hasn't been brought up in weeks. Don't be surprised when I don't show much enthusiasm in response to it. I didn't join in to be friendly and expand this club's reach. I joined in to learn and teach Dutch, and _Arceus' unholy flank_, I'm gonna."

I didn't know what to say at first-- and yet he was right. I knew he was right. The reason that the Koffiehuis had been founded in the first place wasn't so we could come up with a motto for it-- it was so that we could learn and teach the Dutch language to the world. The longer we spent trying to come up with a motto that fit our ideals... the more chance there was that Aleph-Null was going to come back, stronger than ever before.

And the more chance there was that the Dutch language as a whole would go extinct.

"Oh," I said simply. "Okay."

And at that moment, my voice broke as tears began to spring to my eyes.

Maybe in the end this whole thing was meaningless. Maybe I had just done it for the sake of a "shortened pep-talk," as Absent put it. But _god dang _it if I hadn't decided to come up with a motto for the Koffiehuis with good intentions. The intent was to try and bring the Koffiehuis together and to show that we were a team, but in the end the only thing it really succeeded in doing...

Was nothing, really. It just made us look like we were an organization to the level that Aleph-Null was.   
  
I hadn't fully realized that until now.

Absent sighed, clearly remorseful. 

"C'mon, you teacher, you friend to most creatures," he said, as reassuring as he could. "C'mon, you deviant delightful disciple, and _shine_."

And the instant I heard _that_...

Yeah.

It's safe to say, there were tears of tens of thousands of emotions streaming down my face. I had been trying to hold it in the entire time, and now that Absent was reassuring me courtesy of the lyrics of Pink Floyd... everything just came pouring out.

He was right. We had a mission- to learn and teach Dutch- and if we were going to save this language from extinction, we had to do it as soon as possible.

And as for Absent himself?

He pulled me into his shoulder as best he could- almost hugging me- and just silently let me cry there.

And I did.

I cried into his shoulder/chest for about 20 seconds.

Before I felt something else hugging my side from behind.

Tears still in my eyes, I looked over at who it was-- and there were Madelief and HP, neither of whom were refusing to let go.   
  
And then LF, Yuunarii, and the bunnies came in from the other side, and none of them refused to let go.

Needless to say, I was so touched by this that the tears kept on streaming down my face even further. I went back to crying into Absent's shoulder, and the Coder himself proceeded to scratch me behind the ears and stroke my head gently as though I was a dog. 

Which I didn't mind in the least- _please assume nothing. _  
  
I looked over at the rest of the Koffiehuis, touched.   
  
"Thank you..." I muttered. "Thank you all..."   
  
I looked up at Absent.

"...This feels nice," I said. 

"You're welcome," said Absent, continuing to stroke my head.   
  
Okay.   
  
I need to say it right here, right now, even though plenty of you are likely going to ship us as a result.  
  
Rennen was right. Being hugged by an Oshawott is like _heaven_.

Seriously, Absent stroking my head literally felt like a soft, fuzzy blanket was being rubbed on my bulb repeatedly. A _really _soft, fuzzy blanket. And as anyone who owns a soft, fuzzy blanket knows, you will feel a thousand times better once you get underneath it. 

Absent- and by extension, the whole dang Koffiehuis- hugging me was a lot like that.   
  
I felt better the second they hugged me.

That said, though, I still didn't feel _entirely _better until I actually cried it all out-- which I managed to do. And eventually, after about 3 minutes or so of crying my eyes out, my sobs finally began to subside. 

Absent, meanwhile, finally stopped stroking my head.

I pulled my vines away and stared up at the entire Koffiehuis, smiling.

"You don't know how much I needed that," I said, wiping away the last of my tears. 

The rest of the Koffiehuis smiled back at me-- save for Absent, of course, who simply nodded.

"You better now?" he asked gently.  
  
"Much," I said. "Thank you."   
  
And then all of a sudden I paused as a realization hit me.   
  
"Wait a second," I said. "Those lines you quoted... those were from 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond,' right?" 

“They were bastardizations that mirrored what I think about you, but yes,” he said.

I couldn’t help but smile when I heard that- again, please assume nothing.

“Okay, first of all: aww, and second of all…”

I smirked.  
  
“I think you might have just given me another creed idea,” I said.

Yep, turns out there actually _was _a Pink Floyd song with lyrics that could work as a creed, because what Absent had said to me in order to comfort me wasn’t just inspiring- it was absolutely perfect for us as a group. Even though it didn’t necessarily show any one of our ideals- at least not directly- it still told people everything they needed to know about who we were as a group.

Absent nodded.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing,” he said.   
  
Beat.   
  
“Only one problem with that,” I said, a bit sheepishly.

“Which is…?” asked Absent.

“Simple,” I said. “It’s _way _too long. O-or at least, I think it’s way too long. That and I don’t want to give up the call-and-response motto.”

“Well, my idea was that the first one says the ‘come on, you x, you y of z,”” he started. “Then the other person finishes.”  
  
“...you mean the rest of the Koffiehuis?” I asked.

“Not if it’s one-on-one but otherwise…”

“Ah,” I said. “Still, though… I feel like _that _line won’t really work as a call-and-response. At least, not as well as ‘could things be any tougher’...?”

“Yes, but you never denied you wanted it to substitute as a pep talk - and you can attest it _works_, can’t you?”   
  
“As a motto for the Koffiehuis, yes. As a _call-and-response_ motto for the Koffiehuis… I’m still not sure. That said, though… I do like it, _and _the _Astonishing _line. Now as for the whole pep talk thing… well, that’s not the only reason why I wanted this to be a call-and-response.”

“Rule of Cool?”

“...is that shorthand for ‘I wanted it to be a motto battlecry’? If so, yes.”

“Battle cry? Who said we need one? Just kick the crap out of your enemy and go about the rest of the day as normal. All you get from screaming like that is exhausted faster.”

Beat.

“Never mind,” I said. “You’re right. Let’s just… abandon the whole battlecry thing.”

“It’s awkward on my tongue, anyway. People only speak like that in plays from 500-odd years ago - Shine On’s much more natural language for me.”

“Still don’t really think it works as a call-and-response, but… if you think ‘A Better Life’ is awkward…”

Beat.

I smirked.

“Actually... you know what?” I said.

That alerted the rest of the Koffiehuis, who in the meantime had been talking amongst each other, presumably about whether or not I was okay/how much they liked the new motto. They ran over to me.

“Yeah?” asked Madelief.

I turned around to face them, and then declared:   
  
“I think we can add on a _second _motto.”

The rest of the Koffiehuis all looked at each other, and all of them were thinking the exact same thing:   
  
“A _second _motto?”

“What, like a mission statement?” Absent asked, slightly confused.

I pointed my vines at Absent and clicked my tongue.

“Precisely.”   
  
“Ooh!” cried Madelief. “What is it, what is it?! Tell me~!”

I looked up at them.

“Oh… you’ll see what it is,” I said, smirking. “And trust me… it’s going to be a _good one_.”   
  
\----------------------------------------------------------

**COULD THINGS BE ANY TOUGHER? ** **   
** **YES, YOU BET YOUR LIFE.**

And then, just underneath that, was the new mission statement of the Koffiehuis:  
  
**SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMONDS**

These two statements- no, three statements- had been put on the wall of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip, _and presently, five of us were all staring up at the new mission statement, each with different thoughts on it. The only exception, of course, was Absent, who was currently studying the Dutch language. By this point, the search was over, the mission statement had just been revealed, and we were back in the main living room of the ship. I looked up at it, somewhat proud of myself even though technically I knew the lyrics had come straight from Pink Floyd, before turning to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

“Well?” I asked. “Do you think it fits?”

Absent shrugged.

“Better than anything I could come up with,” he allowed before continuing to study Dutch, pencil making occasional marks on the paper beside him.

“I LOVE IT~!” Madelief exclaimed.

“Yeah, I think it’s good,” said HP. "We certainly are a bunch of 'crazy diamonds'."  
  
“It is certainly fitting,” said LF.   
  
Yuunarii- naturally- just nodded, but was clearly satisfied with the new mission statement, and I could tell she liked it without her saying a single word.

“Alright, then,” I said, returning to my seat on the couch. “It’s official.”   
  
I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Still… what a day it has been, am I right?” I said, turning to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

“You can say that again,” said Madelief, chuckling a bit. “Between the Aleph-Null battle and the fact that we have two mottos now… this has been probably the most exciting day of my life!”

“So far,” said LF. “Excitement is subjective.”   
  
“Not with me, it isn’t!” responded Madelief.

I giggled for a bit.

At that moment, though, she suddenly noticed what Absent was doing and paused.

“What’s he doing?” she asked.

“Studying the Dutch language, what do you think?” I asked.   
  
“Ooh! That’s good! What’s he studying?”   
  
“No idea,” I said. “Absent?”

Absent glanced up from his paper furtively. “Hm?”   
  
“What are you studying?” Madelief asked. 

“Sentence structure,” he said. “Knowing words is nice and all, but how do you _use_ them in a conversation?”

“Yeah,” said Madelief. “Sentence structure is pretty important-- probably the most important thing in the entire language.”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Pronunciation is probably more important than sentence structure.”   
  
Beat.   
  
“Yeah, good point,” she said. “You can’t know what to say if you don’t know how to say it.”

“Counterpoint,” said Absent, “you can’t learn how to say something if you don’t know what to say and how.”

“Um… counter-counterpoint,” said Madelief, giggling a bit, “I’m pretty sure she was talking about the pronunciation of the letters.”   
  
“Yeah, that’s what I was talking about,” I said.

“Well, to be fair it’s something I pretty easily pick up on,” said Absent. “I like to think.”

“Japanese pronunciation is easy,” I said. “Dutch is not.”

“You needed _seven months_ to say a Dutch G,” retorted Absent. “It took me less than three days.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Took you the span of the game and then-”   
  
I paused-- and all of a sudden my eyes went wide.

The game!

Of course!

Between the motto selection and Aleph-Null’s attack, I’d completely forgotten the whole reason we came to Folsom Lake again in the first place!

“CRAP!” I cried.

The entire Koffiehuis turned to look at me.   
  
“...what is it?” asked Madelief.

“I completely forgot!” I cried. “We still have to record and then animate the video on the Dutch G and the game! That was the whole reason we came to Folsom Lake College in the first place!”

I sighed in frustration before Picarding myself with my vines.

“Hey, we don’t have to record it right now!” Madelief said.

Beat.   
  
“...we don’t?” I asked.

“Of course not, silly!” Madelief cried. “We can go back to Folsom Lake and record any time!”

“People have been _clamoring _for the new video, though,” I said. “I mean, did you _see _the viewcount?!”

“Yeah, you uploaded it to Yuu’s channel,” said Absent. “Seriously, _how_ many subs?!”

“No, I uploaded it to _my_ channel,” I said. “Yuu just animated it.”

“Also, 83,000,” said Bailey. 

“But more to the point, we got 16,000 views on that video and 20 subscribers,” I said. “For me… that’s a lot. Even I was shocked by how popular it was.”

“She is right, though,” said Fudge. “You don’t have to work on the video right now.” 

“Besides,” said Bailey, “you already worked on the script; don’t you think that’s enough?”

Beat.

“Yeah, true,” I said. “Okay, then. Besides, after how tumultuous this day has been… I think we all deserve a bit of a break.”

“I’ve taken enough of a break- it’s time I brush up.”

I chuckled.

“Alright, Absent,” I said. “You keep studying; I’ll just sit here and rest for a bit.”

And with that having been said, I sat back down on the couch and went to sleep. Apparently, Koffie decided that was a good time to leave, because seconds later I felt the ship rise up from the ground and finally leave the FLC.

As for me?   
  
Well, Madelief was right- it had been one heck of a day, but in the end we had done what we had set out to do, and that was all that mattered. Now, of course, we had to get back to the real task at hand and continue to learn- and then teach- the Dutch language to the rest of the world before it was in danger of extinction.

Sure, it was going to be tough, but we were the Koffiehuis. We could handle just about anything the world threw at us.

And besides… could things be any tougher?   
  
...The answer’s no surprise.

**_EINDE_**


	17. VIERTIEN: Spotted: The Mysterious DIROB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, I'm offering this simple phrase: Merry Christmas-- in March! That's right, readers, it's finally time for Chapter 14 of Pokemon: SOSchip-- "Spotted: The Mysterious DIROB"! In this chapter, the Koffiehuis go to Wereldia with Absent's family in order to celebrate the Rachimas holiday as a result of all the financial problems you'd expect from humans becoming Pokemon. Meanwhile, LF goes on an investigation to see if the central figure of the holiday-- the DIROB-- does, in fact, exist...
> 
> Prepare yourselves, readers, for a ton of POV switches, a lot of Christmas spirit, a bit of Dutch, and a HUGE event at the end of the chapter that will change the course of the rest of the fic! You literally don't want to miss it! I'd also like to let you know that this will be the last chapter I will post for three days-- we're going to a cabin in Pennsylvania with no Internet service, starting today. That said, I will see all of you next time with the chapter "To the EHD!", a time-traveling adventure involving word tenses-- and a huge Aleph-Null fight you don't want to miss! 
> 
> Enjoy! As usual, I do not own Pokemon. I also do not own the song "46&2," which appears at the end of the chapter.

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Ah, yes. December 25th. The birth of Jesus Christ- or at least, the _supposed _birth of Jesus Christ. Scholars don't actually know when Jesus was born, it's just that the 25th of December is, for some odd reason, the most widely-accepted date.

Even odder is how they decided to celebrate the holiday.

Seriously, when you actually think about it, Christmas is _weird _as heck in regards to its traditions. Apparently, when the supposed gods of the universe- assuming, of course, there are any- decided to come up with the idea of Christmas, they wanted the traditions to include decorating a tree's corpse, exchanging presents, and telling your kids that an old fat guy travels around the world in one night on a giant sleigh with nine domesticated reindeer before essentially breaking and entering into people's homes to give them presents.

And somehow, everybody went along with it, even though none of those things have anything to do with Christianity or the birth of Jesus Christ.

But I don't mind.

And neither does any other member of the Koffiehuis. I mean, these traditions are weird, but they've pretty much become embedded into our culture. Lots of other places, including the Netherlands and Germany, have their own weird Christmas traditions that have lasted for centuries.

But as weird as our traditions are, they don't even compare to Wereldia.

Yeah, you knew I was going to bring them up at some point, didn't you?

As it turns out, though, Wereldian Christmas traditions aren't just weird- their equivalent of Santa Claus is- as with most things in Wereldia- one giant analogy to the Dutch language.

In fact, so is their entire ceremony.

And I should know, because the Koffiehuis got to spend their Christmas in Wereldia for a day- along with all of Absent's family.

And it all started...

In California, in Camp Arrowkin, where else do you think it would start?!

Now, I bet you'd be expecting that we would all return to our homes for Christmas- but of course, we couldn't do that. If ever I decided to return to Nighttree, New Jersey for Christmas, everyone who knew me would freak out and lose their minds. Fortunately, however, there was one family who I _knew _wouldn't freak out and lose their minds, and that was the West family.

Namely- because they'd all been turned into Pokemon.

So I was absolutely overjoyed when I called up JW and she said that yes, the Koffiehuis could come stay at their house for Christmas.

I promptly lost my mind with excitement, because if anything, that meant three things:

**1) **we would get to watch Christmas movies   
**2) **we would get to spend quality time with the West family (and I would get to have what were essentially therapy sessions with Nathan _ON END)_  
and **3) **PRESENTS.

Also known as the BEST PART OF CHRISTMAS BAR NONE.

But of course, we hadn't actually _entered _the house yet. We were just outside of it. It was specifically Christmas Eve, and Koffie had just parked in front of the house. All of the stuff from the Clavus Locus Beta had been transported back to the house-- and of course, after the Christmas ceremonies, they'd all be transported back to the ship. Christmas music was playing from other people's houses, and none of us could wait to celebrate.

Especially not me.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE, CAMP ARROWKIN!" I cried happily, before letting out a sigh of relief and leaning back in my seat. "It is _so_ good to see you again."

"What do you think we're going to get?!" Madelief practically gushed.

"I have no idea," I said, "but that's the fun of Christmas. I went to Wereldia a few days ago, and I already got a Christmas gift for JW."

"Ooh~!" cried Madelief. "What is it?"

"_Guess_," I said.

And right on cue, almost everyone else responded:

"It's a Pink Floyd album, isn't it?"

I giggled.

"Oh, you know it," I said, before holding up the album in question: _Wish You Were Here._

Beat.

"Does she already have that?" asked HP.

"Nope," Absent said simply. "I'd know if she did, since I'd have commandeered it for my collection."

"Good," I said. "Then that means I do not have to worry about having bought an album that JW already owns."

"Odd," said LF suddenly, narrowing her eyes. "The house looks... rather barren, if I am being blunt."

I turned to the house- and all of a sudden I noticed it, too. Out of every house on the block, it was the only one with absolutely no Christmas lights or decorations whatsoever.

"You're right," I said.

"Yeah, we were never particularly passionate about the holiday," Absent started. "We just set up the tree and just spent the rest of the month as normal, save for telling people what we wanted."

"That's it?!" cried Madelief. "N-no Christmas lights or anything?"

"Not for a number of years. Sure, mom would drive around and _look_ at lights but never set up some of her own, save for what's on the tree."

"Oh..." said Madelief, slightly disappointed.

"Enough about Christmas lights," I said. "Are we going to enter the house, or...?"

"oghond~! Absent~!"

Dr. Vandertramp.

The second we heard his voice, we all turned to face him. The eccentric Slurpuff doctor was running in with tons of Jirachi-based artwork, along with multiple presents that I presumed were for his children. He stopped for a few moments to catch his breath and put down the massive load of presents that he was carrying.

I smiled the second I saw him.

"Oh, hey, Dr. Vandertramp," I said, waving at him with my vine. "Merry Christmas."

"Likewise," he said, still breathing.

"Who are those presents for?" asked Madelief. "Your children?"

Dr. Vandertramp blinked in surprise.

"I mean, we could just check the tags," Absent said, approaching one and looking for a name.

"What--?" he asked. "My children-- oh, no, no, no... the- these are for the DIROB."

Beat.

"The whuh," Absent breathed.

Okay, what the heck...?

"...gesundheit," I said simply.

"Oh, the DIROB?" said Dr. Vandertramp. "He's a Delibird who we give presents to every Rachimas Eve underneath a giant statue displaying the creation of Wereldia. By the next day, he's taken all the presents and exchanged them for presents for us, which we wish for."

"So, like how at a shrine in Japan you pay tribute to gods with offerings, but rather than sake or rice, it's... modern luxuries," Absent compared. "Okay. I get it, I guess."

"You certainly do, _Corbin_," said the doctor, once again pronouncing Absent's name with a thick French accent.

"That sounds so cool~!" Madelief said.

LF narrowed her eyes with intrigue. Apparently, something about this had caught her attention.

"Interesting..." she said. "About this DIROB... is he even real?"

"Well _some_one's playing Musical Chairs with those offerings," Absent reasoned.

"I don't know about _that_," said the doctor, laughing to himself a bit. "I mean, we've never seen him, but he leaves us notes every Rachimas on a giant billboard, so I _assume _he's real. A few Pokemon have even reported sightings of him, but there's been no proof so far."

So basically, the DIROB was Santa Claus mixed with Bigfoot.

LF looked down.

"Hm. That is... rather interesting..." she said.

I looked back over at the house. JW and the rest of Absent's family would probably be expecting us any minute now, and we had to all get inside as soon as possible. I turned back to Dr. Vandertramp, smiling.

"Well, thank you for that interesting bit of information," I said, "but we really should be going now. We're celebrating Christmas in California, so..."

"Oh, yes, of course!" said the doctor cheerfully. "Go on, Koffiehuis! Have a very merry Christmas! In the meantime, I'll be going back to Wereldia to put all these gifts under the shrine."

"See you, Dr. Vandertramp!" I cried, waving back at him.

"Merry Rachimas~!" Madelief said cheerfully.

With that said, the doors to the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _opened, and we stepped outside. Well, at least Madelief and I did. I turned to the rest of the group, still carrying the present.

"Alright, guys," I said, "let's go. The rest of the West family is waiting for us."

Absent, Yuunarii, the bunnies, and HP all promptly left the ship.

"You too, LF," I said.

No response.

I paused, then turned back towards the Vulpix. She was still very much in thought about the whole DIROB thing, I could tell.

I blinked.

"LF?" I asked.

\---------------------------------------------------------

** _LF's POV_ **

I did not hear her.

Nor did I see her.

Dr. Vandertramp's mention of this so-called "DIROB" was... rather intriguing, to say the least, and all of a sudden I found myself wanting to investigate further.

You may not be aware of this, but I have had a bit of an interest in science- specifically, in proving if certain phenomena are, indeed, "real". I am not saying that I have an interest in cryptids or anything of that regard, but there was a reason as to why I was insistent that our transformation into Pokemon was unrealistic when it initially happened.

Ergo, this... DIROB attracted all of my attention.

I _had to know more._

What was the DIROB, was he, in fact, real, and how did he manage to grant the wishes of thousands of citizens in the span of a single night?

It was all so interesting to me...

Alas, my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of oghond's voice calling to me once again.

"LF?"

I turned to her, having heard her this time.

"You coming?" she asked. "The rest of Absent's family are probably waiting for us inside."

I shook my head.

"You can tell them that I will not be coming," I said solemnly.

The rest of the Koffiehuis promptly regarded me with an expression of confusion and dismay.

"W-why not?" asked Madelief.

"I have decided to spend Christmas in Wereldia," I said.

The Koffiehuis- especially oghond- proceeded to look on in disbelief.

"...why?" asked oghond.

"Simple," I said. "I would like to investigate this so-called 'DIROB' further and find out if it is, in fact, real. The rest of you can stay at the West household in the meantime. If I find any information about the DIROB, then I can assure you that I will let you know."

The rest of the Koffiehuis looked at each other.

"Oh," said oghond simply. "Okay, then."

"Have fun in Wereldia~!" cried Madelief.

I smiled down at them.

"Oh, I certainly will," I said.

"Merry Christmas," said Absent simply.

"Merry Christmas," I responded.

And with that, the doors to the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _closed behind me, before I looked over at the doctor, smirking to myself slightly.

"Koffie," I said, "set me on course for Wereldia. I have a DIROB to locate."

\--------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

And with that, the ship took off, and LF was gone.

As for the rest of us, we walked up towards Absent's house. I had put my copy of _Wish You Were Here _in a bag, so as not to spoil the surprise for JW upon us entering. Mere seconds later, I knocked on the door of the house, before looking at all of the other members of the group.

"You think she heard?" I asked.

I got my answer mere seconds later.

CR-R-REAK.

The door promptly opened-- and Nathan West was standing there in all his glory.

"Well... _someone _heard...!" said Madelief, slightly nervous.

I, meanwhile, just smirked at him.

"Hello, Nathan," I said. "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, yeah, come in, mom's been waiting."

I smiled.

"Gladly."

I opened the door.

"Merry Christmas, Nathan~!" cried Madelief cheerfully.

"Ah, shut up."

We entered the house, and I looked around the room for any sign of the human-turned-Zoroark that was Jenean Westilson-- and lo and behold, I found her in the kitchen, making Christmas cookies resembling... I had no idea, because they were so far away from me. Still, though, the second I saw her, I grinned.

"There you are," I said. "Sorry we're a bit late, Jenean; LF decided to spend her Christmas in Wereldia."

She reached in and pulled out _Wish You Were Here_. A bit of disappointment crossed her face before a forced smile hid it.

"Ah, thanks," she said before putting the album in a drawer, getting back to work on mixing some frosting.

"You're welcome," I said, not noticing her initial disappointment. "Figured you'd like a Pink Floyd album, considering your reaction to _Echoes._"

I looked around for a bit.

"Where's Brittany?" I asked.

"Good question," Absent, JW and Nathan chorused.

Okay, so they had no clue where BW was...

"...scratch Brittany," I said, "where's- never mind, he's probably in Sacramento..."

"As almost always," Nathan agreed from the couch.

Madelief paused.   
  


"Where's who?" she asked.

"Absent's father," I said simply.

"Ohhhhh~!" said Madelief.

And mere seconds later, a pink flash suddenly appeared in the middle of the room. Within seconds, both BW and RW appeared in another room. Suddenly noticing them, I turned.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand speak of the devil," I said. "There they are."

I turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis, Nathan, and JW.

"Okay, I'm going to go talk to them for a bit," I said. "See you guys later."f

"See ya," said Absent.

"Can I come, too?" asked Madelief.

I grinned, then nodded.

"Yeah, sure," I said.

Madelief instantly lit up, before floating towards me in excitement.

"YAY~!" she cried happily. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome," I said.

And with that said, both of us ran into the other room, and all the while, I was waving my vines in the air, happily screaming with delight:

"RICK~! BRITTANY~! MERRY CHRISTMAS~~!"

\------------------------------------------

** _LF's POV_ **

Presently, I had arrived in the Wereldian dimension on what the doctor- and presumably the citizens- had referred to as "Rachimas." I was unaware as to what exactly the "rachi" was short for; however, given what Christmas was named after, I assumed that it was somehow related to the Pokemon equivalent of Jesus Christ.

Looking around the Wereldian dimension, I noticed certain things that seemed to relate to the festivities and traditions surrounding the holiday. For one thing, a giant mural was in the middle of the town square, displaying an unusual white horse-like creature with golden rings on its body; two large dinosaur-esque creatures-- one pink and white, with a pearl on its body; the other blue and gray, resembling a sauropod, with a diamond on its body. Above all three of these large and imposing creatures was a small, cute, fairy-esque creature with star-like aesthetics, yellow wings, and a third eye in the center of its body.

I presumed, based on its star-like aesthetics, that this was the "Rachi" in "Rachimas."

All four of these Pokemon were shooting energy from their mouths- or, in the case of the "rachi", the eye in the middle of its body- which appeared to be coming together to create a new world- potentially, a new universe, separate from our own. Multiple Pokemon were kneeling at the mural, and I had every reason to assume that the mural displayed the creation of Universum, and by extension, Wereldia. It suddenly hit me that this was the shrine the doctor had mentioned to me earlier.

The second thing I noticed was the giant clock that was hung up on one of the buildings in the town square. It was a digital clock- naturally- which displayed some words on it, as well as some numbers. As I got closer I noticed what was on the clock, and it intrigued me to no end: 

** _Wereldian-to-Altworld hour correlation:_ **   
** _1:1_ **   
** _This will continue for all of Rachimas Eve and all of Rachimas, in the hopes that everyone across the multiverse can celebrate together. _ **   
** _Merry Christmas!_ **

I blinked.

Apparently, today and tomorrow were the only two days in all of Wereldia where the hour correspondence was directly 1:1 between Earth and Wereldia, rather than 1:24. In other words, an hour in Wereldia was an hour on Earth for those two days.

This was... certainly interesting.

I had to tell oghond and the others about this new discovery as soon as possible.

Within a matter of moments, I took out my cell phone, which I had made a few arrangements to in order to compensate for my new Pokemon form. Specifically, I added in a so-called "selfie stick," which was not used for taking selfies here but rather for taking pictures of any kind. I promptly put the stick in my mouth, before aiming it at the clock that was hanging up at the town square. I then placed my paw on the button that was on my phone, and...

_CLICK._

I smiled with satisfaction at the photo before putting the stick- and my phone- away in my bag, which I had been carrying on my back.

Seconds later, I looked around once again at the town square to see if there was anything else about the Rachimas celebrations that might be interesting, or that might prove the existence of the DIROB. I eventually noticed that next to the shrine stood a giant billboard, which was splattered with notes, presumably from last year. On the top of the board were the following words:

** _LAST YEAR'S DIROB NOTES_ **

As I figured.

This was certainly going to be interesting.

I eventually approached the billboard, narrowing my eyes with intrigue as I glanced at the notes in front of me. Instantly, a few of them made their presence known. I took a look at one of them, and read the following:

** _Here is the CD you so desired. Thank you very much for the Pearl- I will keep it in my refuge._ **

** _PS: A direct object in the Dutch language is the receiver of an action- which is to say, the answer to the question, "What does x y?" where X is the subject and Y is the verb. For example, in the sentence:_ **

** _Ik zet melk in de koelkast_ **

** _the word "melk"- meaning "milk" is the direct object. It usually occurs in the middle of the main clause in the Dutch language._ **

** _Signed,_ **

** _DIROB_ **

There were multiple things that were interesting about this note. For starters, it appeared that the DIROB did in fact exist, and not only did it exist, but it had a refuge as well. This also seemed to prove the doctor's earlier statement about traditions in Wereldia, as someone had left a pearl for the DIROB, which was exchanged for a CD for the one who had left the pearl. However, the most interesting thing of all- at least to me- was the PS note.

It... explained direct objects in the Dutch language.

This was interesting... why would the Wereldian citizens ask questions about direct objects on Rachimas?

I eventually saw another note and skipped straight to the PS section. This note read the following:

** _PS: Did you know that the direct object in Dutch can occur in the first part of a main clause, too? It's true! If the direct object in Dutch consists of a single personal pronoun, it goes in the first part of the main clause. Personal pronouns in the Dutch language include: me/mij, je/jou, haar, hem, het, ons, jullie and hen. This is called a reduced direct object._ **

Which, I assumed, were the Dutch equivalents of _me, you, her, him, it, us, you (plural), and them_. 

I laid my eyes on a third note, again skipping straight to the PS section.

** _PS: Direct objects in Dutch, if they are not reduced, can only be found at the very beginning or at the very end of the middle part of a main clause. This depends on whether or not the direct object is specific or non-specific-_ **

I stopped there.

By this point many, many questions were starting to run through my head. However, the most pertinent question still had not been answered yet.

Namely: why in the world were people asking questions about Dutch grammar to the DIROB?

And, for that matter, if they were _not _asking the DIROB questions about Dutch grammar, why in the blazing inferno in the eighth ring of hell was the DIROB giving them information regarding direct objects in the Dutch language?

It was rather intriguing...

Without wasting a single second, I took out my cell phone once again and snapped a photo of the billboard that was in front of me. I then opened up Discord, and went straight to the private messages between myself and oghond, before adding the photo to the post. It was a bit difficult for me to do at first, considering that I was no longer human, but somehow I managed to do it.

I then pressed the text-to-speech button with my nose and spoke aloud into the microphone:

"Greetings. I am currently in Wereldia and have discovered some rather intriguing evidence that points to the existence of the DIROB. Namely, I have discovered this billboard with notes on it from last year's Rachimas festivities. All of these notes contain information on Dutch grammar for some dot-dot-dot unusual reason. I am currently investigating the reasons behind this information.

"I do hope your Christmas is going well."

The text-to-speech was able to accurately pick up every word, which I found rather surprising considering how notoriously frustrating text-to-speech devices usually are. I sent it off, in the hopes that oghond- wherever she was- would see the message and react accordingly, before looking over at the giant billboard one more time.

"Hm," I said to myself. "This is... rather intriguing... Dutch word order and direct object notes? On the Wereldian equivalent of Christmas? I must find out more about this... Why is it happening? What connection could it possibly have to the holiday...?"

I looked around.

"I need to interview someone..." I muttered to myself.

Alas, however, looking around at the streets of Wereldia, I was somewhat surprised to find that there was barely anyone out. This was rather strange, given what date it was. However, mark my words, I was not going to give up easily. No matter how much time it took, I _would _find someone who I could interview.

And I absolutely _would _determine if the DIROB was, in fact, fact.

Or if it was fiction.

With that said, I put my phone back in my bag before walking off into the streets of Wereldia.

_Someone_ had to be here... but who?

\----------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

By now, Madelief and I had spent a few minutes talking to BW and RW. Both of them were very happy to see us and wished us both a Merry Christmas- obviously. Madelief had been going on and on about all the fun the Koffiehuis was going to have on Christmas and sharing her own Christmas traditions, before happily mentioning that she had also gone to Wereldia and brought papernoten and stroopwafels-- neither of which I had been expecting to hear _at all_.

So, naturally, I was very excited to try some, and Madelief happily obliged.

Both RW and BW thought the food was very good.

I thought the food was _exceptional_.

The four of us were sitting there eating Dutch food for a bit before RW looked over at the rest of the Koffiehuis-- and all of a sudden I saw a look of slight confusion come across his face.

He blinked.

"Hey, wait a second," he said, "where's..."

"LF?" I asked, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Yeah, she's not here," said RW. "I was hoping she'd bring some German Christmas food or something."

"Oh, she went to the Wereldian dimension," said Madelief casually.

Beat.

BW and RW stared at me with looks of confusion, and I could instantly tell that neither of them knew what the Wereldian dimension was.

Which made sense- Absent was the only person in his family who had ever been there.

"The what?" asked BW.

"Oh, yeah," I said sheepishly. "I forgot. Neither of you know what Wereldia is. It's an alternate dimension inhabited entirely by Pokemon and LF's there to find out if this thing called the DIROB exists or not."

"Hm," said RW, biting into another pepernoten. "What's the 'DIROB'?"

"Basically, the Wereldian equivalent of Santa Claus meets Bigfoot," I said. "She said she was going to send me a text if she found anything about it, but-" 

And seconds later I heard a buzzing sound coming from my phone.

"-aaaaaaaaaaaand speak of the devil, I think that's her," I said, taking my phone out from my purse that was hanging on a coatrack. Since the trial had happened, I bought a purse from the Wereldian shops, and now carried it with me everywhere I went.

Madelief, naturally, lit up the second she heard my phone buzzing.

I looked at my phone, and sure enough, a Discord notification had come up from LF.

"Yep," I said, turning to Madelief. "It's her."

Madelief promptly lost it, and started bouncing around the room in delight.

"EEEEE~!" she squealed. "What does it say; what does it say?"

"Hang on, Madelief," I said, with a slight chuckle. "I'm getting to it."

I promptly clicked on the notification. Within seconds, I was set to LF's private Discord messages with me. She had sent me a picture of something, along with the following message that I read aloud:

"Greetings. I am currently in Wereldia and have discovered some rather intriguing evidence that points to the existence of the DIROB. Namely, I have discovered this billboard with notes on it from last year's Rachimas festivities. All of these notes contain information on Dutch grammar-"

I paused.

"Wait," I said. "Dutch grammar?!"

RW and BW stared at each other in confusion.

"Why would this DIROB send notes on Dutch grammar?" asked RW.

"Yeah, I don't get it either," said BW.

I, of course, didn't care in the slightest- if it was info about the Dutch language, I _had to _look at it. Pronto. Madelief leaned into the phone with excitement, and I promptly clicked on the picture that LF had sent me. The photo in question was of a billboard, which contained notes that were apparently from the DIROB- lining up with what Dr. Vandertramp had said earlier. While I couldn't see all of the words that were on the notes- at least, not without zooming in- I was able to make out a few words that instantly grabbed my attention: _subject, verb, personal pronoun, main clause, middle part._

My eyes widened, and my heart started beating faster and faster in my chest, as I realized exactly what information was on the notes.

"Madelief," I said, turning to her, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Madelief nodded eagerly. "I sure am!"

"They're notes on Dutch word order!" we both said at the same time.

"You bet they are," I said.

"Dutch word order?" asked RW.

"Can you read them?" said BW.

I smirked.

"_Can _I?!" I asked, giggling. "I'll read them here and now! Let's see..."

With that, I zoomed in on the picture and was just about to read it.

And it's likely I would have, if not for Jenean Westilson and Corbin West, whose voices suddenly penetrated the walls of the living room. Solely based on their tone of voice, I could tell they were arguing about... _something_, and as they got closer I was able to make out exactly what it was.

"Consider yourself lucky I was even able to make dinner!"

"You know I don't like damn near anything you make!"

"And how is that my problem?! You're _insatiable_ around this time of year, year after year after year! Why should it be any different this year?!"

"You were the one who gave me what I wanted!"

"Because I could _afford_ it! Now, like I said, everything has to come from the _garden_ \- and you're going to eat it, like it or not! Now put your game face on and let's have a happy Christmas Eve dinner!"

"No. Like I said, you can't make anything, whether or not you _have_ the food. I'm going to have a nap for dinner, and nothing short of _death_ will stop me. I've gone hungry from the lack of food in the pantry before, what's another night?"

"Oh, don't think I haven't been _trying_ to put food on the table, _regardless_ of whether I'm human or not!"

The second I heard everything that was going on, I turned straight to Madelief, and we both looked at each other in concern.

"Um... what's going on...?" asked Madelief.

"Something about dinner-- and... a _garden_?" I tilted my head in confusion. "JW has a _garden_?"

"Apparently," said Madelief.

I stood up out of my seat and approached the still-arguing Absent and JW.

"Hey, guys?" I asked. "W-what's going on...?"

Madelief approached from behind.

"Yeah," said Madelief. "We heard you fighting... is everything okay?"

Neither of them said anything as Absent walked right past the kitchen and JW set herself down on the couch with an irritated grunt. HP, Yuunarii, and the bunnies were also there, and they'd all clearly heard what was going on, as all four of them had looks of extreme concern on their faces. I ran up to Absent, concerned as all get out.

"Absent?" I asked. "W-what the heck was that all about?"

"Tell me, what have you _not_ seen," he said, irritated.

Beat.

"JW has a _garden?_" asked Madelief.

"Well, yes, there's that, but there's something _in_ the house that I haven't heard you compliment yet," he clued in.

Beat. I looked around the room for a few moments.

"What?" I asked. "I don't see anything..."

"Exactly."

And then it hit me.

They didn't even have a _TREE _up.

"Wait, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TREE?!" I cried in disbelief. "W-where's the tree...?"

"_We never got one!_" JW hollered from the next room. "_We never _could!_ Not like this!_"

I turned instantly to JW. My heart sunk a bit.

"W-what...?" I muttered.

"B-but... i-if you couldn't get the tree..." said Madelief, "t-then what about the presents, a-and the movies, and the-"

"Nope." Absent said simply. "None of that nonsense. We didn't even watch movies. Not Charlie Brown, not Christmas Carol, not even Die Hard."

I stood there in stunned silence.

The West family hadn't even _watched _a Christmas film.

The entire year.

"But... you have illusionary powers!" I protested, turning to JW. "Can't you just use them to turn into a human...?"

"Just because I can doesn't mean I know _how _to," she seethed.

"Y-you didn't even _vatch _a Christmas movie...?!" gasped HP. "W-why not...?"

"They're _schlock_. Pure, simple, feel-good, preachy, yuletide _schlock_," Absent explained.

"Schlock?"

"Just generally _bad_."

"T-they're _classics_!" I burst out. "E-everyone watches those films!"

"_Exactly_. They're _popular,_ but they aren't _good_, like Nickelback, kale in shakes and political candidates."

Beat.

"_You _like Nickelback," I said simply.

"... bad example. Point is, they're nostalgic but they hold up like rusting kickstands - hold them to the standards of modern cinema and they fall."

"A-anyways," I said, turning to JW, and shaking my head a bit, "we were looking forward to the presents and the movies and all the Christmas stuff! T-that's the whole reason we came here in the first place!"

"_Look elsewhere,_" she growled, starting to lose it.

"Look elsewhere?!" I shrieked. "We can't look _elsewhere!_"

"Yeah!" cried Madelief. "W-we came here for all that stuff!"

Yuunarii fervently nodded.

"Why? Because you can't be seen as Pokemon for fear that you'll be put on national news?" JW asked.

Beat.

"We're not going to be put on national news," I said.

"Yes, you are," Absent said simply.

"And if we do get put on national news, I won't be afraid of it," I said matter-of-factly. "People _love _Pokemon; they'll probably think it's cool."

"They love Pokemon as characters on a screen. Would they like to see Pokemon in reality? Probably not, it would raise way too many questions," Absent considered.

"Hm," I said. "A-anyways, more to the point... you have a _garden?!_"

"Well how else am I supposed to eat? Go out in _public_ to the store?" JW spat.

"What were you going to make for Christmas dinner?!" I asked.

"The hell you talking about?" she asked, pointing to the cookies she made as they faded away. "I was just trying to keep my sanity as best I could, regain _some_ of my humanity, even if it was just by recreating the motions!"

"...oh..." I said. "Never mind then."

"Well... you could just do what I did and go to Wereldia," said Madelief cheerfully, holding out her cookies. "Stroopwafel?"

Now, I knew what she was _trying _to say here— namely, we could go get the ship and then send the West family off to Wereldia to get food— but the way she worded it made it seem as though going to Wereldia was kind of an instantaneous thing. It wasn't. Especially not for JW or any other member of the family.

So I could kind of understand JW's reaction in that moment, but at the same time... I was _not _prepared for what happened next. 

"_WE DON'T HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE!_" she exclaimed, slapping it away, causing it to crumble against the wall.

Madelief _sank_.

"O-oh..." she muttered sadly, her voice breaking slightly.

The rest of the Koffiehuis stared in complete and total shock at the crumbled stroopwafel cookie on the side of the wall. Madelief, meanwhile, promptly glanced up at JW-- and as I got a closer look, I noticed she was close to tears. JW, though, didn't seem to notice, as she continued to glare at Madelief- and indeed, at all of us.

Madelief herself, meanwhile, promptly trembled, still near tears.

"...I..." she muttered in a small voice.

"_DO_ you see a cruise ship with interdimensional capabilities in my garage?!" she snapped. "I don't have a DeLorean or a phone booth, either, so no dice, Maddy!"

Madelief practically _shook._

"B-but... I... I just... _we_ just-"

But she was once again interrupted by JW snapping at her in her face.

"Rub it in my face more how you six are brave enough to travel the world despite being now _fictional_ \- no, really, I need more salt in my wounds, it makes the pain distract from the _frustration!_"

And at that point, Madelief Cornelisse _completely broke down._

Now bawling her eyes out, she exited the room, completely heartbroken and remorseful, while the rest of us stared after her with concern evident on our faces. None of us- except for possibly Nathan West- wanted to see her cry like that-- especially not _me._

"Madelief!" I cried, running after her. "Wait!"

But within seconds, I found myself being pulled back by JW, who glared at me with the fire of a thousand suns and looked just about ready to kill me in the span of a few seconds.

Of course, she wouldn't _actually _kill me, but still.

"J-Jenean..." I stammered nervously, looking back towards where she had exited, "y-you know she didn't mean it. She just wanted to help..."

But JW was having _none _of it.

"If she wanted to _help_, she'd be looking for a way for us to get our _humanity_ back!"

"That still doesn't change the fact that she didn't mean to rub salt in your wounds!" I protested pleadingly, jumping out of JW's grip. "She just wanted you guys to have a good Christmas!"

"_WE CAN'T CELEBRATE IT BECAUSE WE'RE NOW EFFECTIVELY FLAT BROKE!"_

BOOM.

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. All this time I hadn't even _considered _the _West _family's situation in all of this. I stared up at her in disbelief and stunned regret, and looking over at all the rest of the Koffiehuis, they all were clearly just as regretful. Absent, meanwhile, was giving me a look that was a mix between terrified and "she's got a point, ya know."

I looked down in stunned silence. For a few moments, I couldn't even dare to speak, until finally, a few single, stunned, saddened words came out:

"...flat... _broke_?"

JW sighed, finally calming down from her fit of rage.

"Nathan got axed, Brittany got axed, _I_ got axed. None of us have any income because we can't go to our jobs looking like _this_."

I looked at her with deep sadness and regret as it fully started to settle in.

"W-what about Rick...?" I asked nervously. "D-did he get axed, too...?"

"Well, he works from home - sometimes. His finances took a hit, but he still has a job," Nathan offered.

"THANK. GOD." I said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Still, though... that's _awful_. I am _so _sorry. I didn't even _consider _any of you in all of this."

Beat.

"Well, except maybe Corbin, but..."

"Of course you'd only consider _me_, _I'm_ the only one in this family that matters in your daily life," said Absent.

"True," I said.

Beat.

I could still hear Madelief from the backyard.

"...should we go check on Madelief?" I asked, turning to Absent.

"You should."

Beat.

"Yeah, we should."

—————————————-

With that said, myself, HP, Yuunarii, and the bunnies all went outside to the backyard. Absent was inside the house, presumably waiting on any input regarding Madelief.

And when we actually _saw _her...

Hoo-_BOY._

She wasn't just sobbing quietly— she was huddled in the corner of the backyard, shaking, and breathing _very _heavily.

Or in other words: congratu-freaking-lations, Jenean Westilson, you caused Madelief Cornelisse, a happy bouncy ball cinnamon roll Hoppip, to have a _borderline panic attack._

On _Christmas Eve_.

I mean, I get that you're stressed due to the fact that you're a Pokémon and all but... overreaction much?

I looked at her in shock. Absolutely _none _of us wanted to see Madelief like this.

"Oh, _crap_," I muttered.

"Madelief—!" HP cried, flying up to her in shock.

"A-are you okay?" Bailey asked.

Madelief didn't say anything for a few moments, before looking up at us all. There were huge tears streaming down her face.

"N-no..." she muttered. "I... I mean... I-I'll be fine later... I know I'll be fine later... b-but right now... no... I'm not okay..."

I immediately began pacing around the backyard.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap... Absent!"

"She's having a panic attack... I sink!" cried HP.

"What do you want me to do, exacerbate it? That's mom's standard reaction nine times outta ten," he hollered from his room.

"If anything, I'm pretty sure _she'd _be the one to exacerbate it," I said.

"Well what do you want me to do, lie to her?" he said. "There's no way we'll be able to observe anything _resembling_ Christmas! Let her come to terms!"

"...Madelief or JW?" I asked.

"Madelief, I'm pretty sure," said HP.

"Oh," I said, before looking back at the still-sobbing Madelief.

And then all of a sudden a thought occurred to me.

Just before all... this had happened, LF had sent the text of all the Dutch notes from Wereldia, and currently they were celebrating _Rachimas _there. I figured that, since LF was _in _Wereldia, Koffie had to be there as well.

And all of a sudden, the lightbulb went off in my head.

"Actually..." I said, smirking to myself, "I think there still might be a way you can celebrate."

"Well, Koffie's not here, and LF might not make it in time due to the stinkin' time dilation," Absent retorted, finally exiting from the Keyblade Room and fixating me with the classic.

I smirked.

"Oh... I know how to fix that," I said.

"...y-you do?" sniffed Madelief. "H-how?"

Oh, right.

Madelief was still having a panic attack.

"Absent, HP," I said, "you two go calm her down. I'll go and call LF and see if I can't make this idea work."

"Hm... okay," HP eventually said. "I'll go set up a Nimja file... that'll probably work."

"Good idea," I said.

With that, HP took out her phone from her bag, before she and Absent moved over to the still shaking, now panicking Madelief. I, meanwhile, took out my phone and went to the Discord app, before hitting the "call" button in the direct messages with LF.

_RING RING RING._

_RING RING RING._

_RING RI-_

"_Hello?_"

LF's icon lit up in the familiar green light as her voice came through. I breathed a sigh of relief before nodding with determination.

"Hey, LF," I said.

"_Ah, oghond,_" she responded. "_Greetings. I presume you received my text?"_

"Yes, I did," I said. "But we have a much bigger problem. The West family can't do anything related to Christmas celebrations."

"_What do you mean?_" asked LF, with slight concern.

"They're broke. They've all been fired from their jobs- except RW- because they're all Pokemon, and as a result of that they couldn't buy a tree, presents, or anything else regarding an actual Christmas ceremony."

LF paused for a few moments, likely to comprehend what she had just heard. I could clearly tell that she was just as shocked as we had been, but- because this was LF- she didn't show it as overtly as the rest of us had. Eventually, she spoke, and as I expected, her voice conveyed a slight bit of shock.

"_That is... rather distressing,_" she said simply.

"Yeah," I said. "I know. But I have an idea. Koffie's in Wereldia right now, right?"

"_Indeed she is,_" said LF. "_Why do you ask?_"

Beat.

"You're calling Koffie 'she' too?" I asked.

"_Absent does it quite frequently,_" she said. "_I figured I might as well 'fall in line', as the saying goes._"

I shrugged. "Alright, then."

"_Anyways,_" said LF. "_What is your plan?_"

"The plan is simple," I said. "You bring Koffie over to Camp Arrowkin, and-"

I was promptly interrupted by another sniffle courtesy of Madelief. Now curious, I looked over at her and saw that she had headphones in her ears and was listening to the Nimja file that HP had cued up for her. Absent, of course, was doing his usual countup, and I could see that Madelief had visibly stopped shaking.

I smiled.

LF, of course, was confused as all heck.

"_If I may ask..._" she asked, "_who is that crying? Is that HP?_"

"No," I said. "It's Madelief."

And the second she heard _that_, LF suddenly burst into shock.

"_Madelief?!_" she gasped. "_How?! Why?!_"

"It's a long story; I'll tell you about it later," I said. "Absent and HP are calming her down from a panic attack. Anyways, the plan. You bring Koffie over to Camp Arrowkin, I get the entire West family inside... and then the West family will get to spend their Christmas in Wereldia."

"_Interesting,_" said LF, her shock having faded. "_If I am correct, the West family has never visited Wereldia before, right?_"

"They have not. Except Absent, of course, but he's a member of the Koffiehuis, so..."

"_That is obvious,_" said LF.

"Yeah," I said. "Of course, there is the elephant in the room. Time dilation."

"_Ah,_" said LF.

And then she proceeded to hit me with the bombshell.

"_Actually, they won't need to worry about that._"

Beat.

"Wait, what?!" I said.

"_Indeed,_" said LF. "_Today and tomorrow are the only two days where the time correspondence between Earth and Wereldia is 1:1 exactly. In other words, for those two days an hour in Wereldia is an hour on Earth, rather than 24._"

I instantly lit up with shock.

"You're _kidding!_" I said, with a stunned giggle.

"_I assure you that I am not,_" said LF. "_As a matter of fact... I believe I need to show you this. Hold on for one moment._"

I did so, and seconds later a picture appeared on my phone, having been sent to me by LF. The picture showed a large clock hanging in what looked like the Wereldian time square. Now intrigued, I clicked on the clock picture, and was now able to see clearly what appeared to be words.

And those words told me everything I needed to know.

** _Wereldian-to-Altworld hour correlation:_ **   
** _1:1_ **   
** _This will continue for all of Rachimas Eve and all of Rachimas, in the hopes that everyone across the multiverse can celebrate together. _ **   
** _Merry Christmas!_ **

I grinned.

"Dang," I said. "LF, this is _awesome!_ You need to come over straight away!"

"_Oh, believe me,_" said LF, smirking. "_I will. Do tell the rest of the Koffiehuis about this._"

"Don't worry," I said. "I will. Thank you so much, I'm sure the rest of the family is going to _love _this. Let me know if you've found out any more information about the DIROB when you get there."

"_I will_," said LF. "_Farewell, oghond. I shall see you in a few moments._"

"See ya," I said.

And with that having been said, I hung up the phone-- and promptly felt like squealing like a delighted lunatic. Not only was LF able to bring Koffie to Camp Arrowkin, but the time dilation wasn't even an _issue_, which meant we could spend countless of hours getting food, experiencing Rachimas, and- best of all- finding out more about the DIROB.

The best part, though?

The West family could _finally _observe Christmas again-- a slightly odd Christmas, sure, but Christmas nonetheless.

Now beaming, I turned to the rest of the Koffiehuis.

"Absent! HP! Yuunarii!" I cried.

Instantly, HP and Absent stopped comforting Madelief and ran over to me. Madelief herself was now asleep, likely having been calmed from the panic attack thanks to the countup _and _dropped into trance due to the Nimja file.

"'Sup?" asked Absent simply.

"What is it?" said HP.

I was grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Huge news!" I said happily. "I just called LF, and she said she'll be coming here with Koffie any minute now!"

HP lit up.

"Really?" she said.

"Yes, really!" I said happily. "And you wanna know the best part? Take a look at this."

I promptly showed all three of them the image that LF had sent me- the one of the clock in the town square. The second they saw the words that were written on the clock, Yuunarii burst into a grin and promptly gave me a look that said _OH CRAP YES WE ARE GOING TO WERELDIA!_, while HP brightened even more.

"How convenient," Absent sighed with relief.

"Yes," I said, grinning. "How convenient."

And with that said, I ran into the house.

By this point JW, RW, BW, and Nathan were all standing in the same room, likely talking about their current financial situation and how unfortunate it was that they couldn't celebrate Christmas because of their new forms.

Hoo-boy, did I have news for them.

"Excuse me?" I asked, in my best impression of a radio announcer that I could muster. "Excuse me, West family?"

They all turned to me, each one fixing me with either a look of confusion (RW, BW) or irritation (Nathan, JW).

"...what," said JW, completely deadpan.

I beamed.

"Congratulations," I said. "You're all going to Wereldia for Christmas."

Beat.

"How?" JW asked.

"What?" RW added.

"Where?" Brittany asked.

"Why?" Nathan demanded.

The answers to one of these questions came mere seconds later, when the S.S. Tex-Kofschip- and LF- suddenly landed in the backyard of the West family household in Camp Arrowkin. Instantly, the entire West family ran outside-- and when they saw the ship in front of them, all four of them gazed at it with a look of shock.

Meanwhile, I smirked.

"_That's_ how," I said.

\----------------------------------------------------

"So... let me get this straight."

That was BW, of course. By this point, all of the members of the West family had gotten on board the ship, along with the entire rest of the Koffiehuis. Madelief was still asleep- and likely still entranced by the file. LF, meanwhile, had told them the "where," "why", and "what" of the whole Wereldia situation. We weren't actually _in _Wereldia yet-- we hadn't even taken off from Camp Arrowkin-- but the family, naturally, wanted to make sure they had all the details before the ship took off.

BW especially.

"So there's a bird that no one has photographic evidence of who shuffles around offerings corresponding to who wants what while at the same time leaving pointers on Dutch grammar?"

"Precisely," said LF.

Beat.

BW just blinked in disbelief.

"Corbin was right, that _is_ 'Wonderland mad.'"

"Indeed it is," said LF. "But I am determined to find out if the DIROB is real-- and since all of you are coming with me I figure you can help me on my search."

"Nope," all five members of the West family chorused.

"Oh?" asked LF. "Why not?"

"We don't care," BW explained. "We just want to finally get out of our houses after a few months."

"Ah," said LF. "Understandable. That and I was the only one to go and see if I could not find the DIROB initially, so naturally I should finish the search alone."

"Wait," I said, lighting up. "Does this mean that Absent and I can look at the billboard...?"

"And find out more information on Dutch word order?" asked LF. "Only if he wants to."

"Hey, I've got studying to catch up on," said Absent. "That doesn't mean I'm interested in finding Robbie."

"Robbie?" I asked, giggling a bit. "Is that what you call the DIROB?"

"What, you want me to call them Rob? Roberta? Diane? Dionysus?"

"Eh, Robbie is fine," I said. "You got your notebook?"

He pulled it out, a pencil poking out between its pages.

"Good," I said, nodding.

And all of a sudden, Koffie's voice came through:

_Alright, West family! Welcome aboard the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_! You are all about to go to Wereldia for the first time- except for you, Absent, you've already been there many times- but I highly advise everyone else in your family to hang on._

Beat.

The rest of the family looked at each other in confusion.

"Is that a _talking ship_?" asked JW.

"Oh yeah, welcome to the wading pool," said Absent. "Get ready to drown in the insanity."

"What does it mean by 'hang on'...?" asked RW.

I smirked. "_You'll see._"

JW and RW promptly looked at each other in confusion.

"Well... that sounds ominous," said RW.

"Give the man a cigar," said Absent.

"I don't have any," I said. "And I don't know if smoking is allowed in he- WAIT RW DOES WHAT?!"

"No he doesn't, it's just a saying."

"Oh," I said. "Meaning?"

"He's right.

"Anyway," he resumed, turning to his parents. "Y'ever seen _Star Wars_, where all the stars go from points to lines because they're moving so fast? Yeah. Get ready for that."

RW promptly scoffed. "'Course I've seen _Star W_-"

And then it hit him- and everyone else- like a ton of bricks.

"WAIT, WHAT?!" he cried out in disbelief.

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEP," I said.

And in a matter of moments, the family ran around the ship, searching for some way to stay grounded - save for Absent, who was used to it. However, they didn't get any time to, because seconds later, Koffie took off.

_Here goes nothing!_

The collective look in the West family's eyes bore a mixture of terror and acceptance, like they knew they were going to die.

Save for Absent's-- he was used to this.

And within a few moments, the ship took off for the Wereldian dimension.

The clouds instantly became a blur, and every single passenger on board- myself included- was thrown to the back of the ship. Madelief was so startled she finally broke out of her trance and woke up, looking around frantically.

"W-what's going on?!" she asked-- and then she saw the streaks in front of her.

"Ooh!" she screamed above all the noise. "Are we going to Wereldia?!"

"Yeah, and so are they!" I hollered back, pointing over at the West family, who were being crushed against the wall from the G-forces.

The _minute _she saw JW, Madelief- likely still terrified of her from what had happened earlier- ran away and hid.

The rest of them didn't notice.

Since, you know-- they were being crushed against the wall.

Eventually, though, the G-forces subsided, and the blurry clouds faded. The Wereldian dimension- now covered in snow and filled to the brim with a grand total of almost nobody- save for a few Pokemon who were standing in front of some kind of spiral in the town square- was sprawled out in front of us for all to see. The second the family realized they could move again, they all ran up to the window-- and, by extension, so did we.

Madelief, of course, stayed as far away from JW as possible. Her cookie tray had been carried in, and miraculously, all the papernoten and stroopwafels had survived. I, meanwhile, gazed out at the town in front of me, amazed by what I was seeing.

"Whoa..." I muttered.

"Now... we wait," I said, grinning.

And wait they did-- before Koffie finally landed and the doors burst open.

_And here's your stop! The Wereldian Town Square, where tonight, all the Rachimas festivities you could ever imagine will take place!_

Beat.

The entire West family- save for Absent- all glanced at each other.

"_Rachimas?_" they asked at the exact same time.

"Y'know how Christmas is named after Jesus _Christ_? Money says that this is named after the Pokemon Ji_rachi_," Absent explained.

"Oh," said RW.

Beat.

"Wait, what the heck is a Jirachi?" he asked.

"A Steel-and-Psychic type Mythical Pokemon," I said, breaking in. "It sleeps for a thousand years and then awakens for seven days to grant wishes. Oh, and it has a third eye on its stomach, so there's that. You'll know it when you see it."

"... Could have just said something about granting wishes and the point would get across," Nathan muttered.

I didn't hear him.

"Anyways," I said, turning to the West family, "you are now free to explore Wereldia. Absent and I are gonna go and check out this billboard that LF mentioned."

"... what can we even do?" BW asked. "None of us have any money and we don't know where _anything_ is. We can't even use our phones to look," she said, pulling hers out and tapping it futilely.

Beat.

"Wait," I said. "Your phone is dead, or..."

"There's no cell service."

"Ah," I said, before pulling out my phone and-- she was right.

There _was _no cell service.

"Strange," I muttered. "Must be the snow."

"No, it's because those cell phone companies don't exist here, so we can't access their network," Nathan explained. "Snow's not an issue, and it never has been."

"Oh," I said.

"Hey! Absent! That you?"

We promptly turned upon hearing the familiar voice-- and the second I saw the speaker, I lit up.

"Tillen!" I cried, running into his four arms, with which he proceeded to hug me. "Thank goodness you're here!"

I turned to Absent.

"Absent! Look who's here!"

"Oh, hey again. Merry Rachimas?" he offered. "Is that right?"

"Heh, it sure is, bud!" said Tillen, cheerfully, running in to give Absent a hug. "Merry Rachimas, Absent!"

And then he suddenly noticed the rest of the family, all giving him confused as heck looks.

"Uh... who's the Zoroark, the Incineroar, the Snivy, and the Gardevoir?" he asked.

"My family," said Absent. "The Zoroark's my mom, the Incineroar my dad, the Snivy my brother and the Gardie my sister."

"Ah!" said Tillen. "They're your folks!"

He walked up to them and extended each of his four hands out to each of them.

"Good to meet ya!" he said. "I assume this is your first time in Wereldia?"

"Y-yeah," JW allowed, nervous.

Tillen smiled.

"Good to hear! My name's Tillen, and-- wait, what's the matter? You sound nervous."

"Yeah, just... intimidated. You look like you could throw me over the mountain like a football from Idaho. I know you don't have reason to, but..." she trailed off.

"Ah, Dark's weak to Fightin'," he said. "It's somewhat expected. Don't worry, though, I'm not gonna throw ya over a mountain anytime soon. Anyways... who are y'all, anyways? 'Cause I just know... Corbin, was it?"

"Yep," I said. "And for the record..."

I promptly pointed to each member in turn:

"Jenean Westilson, Rick West, Nathan West, and Brittany West. Boom. There ya go."

"Oh!" said Tillen. "Good to meet yo- wait, what the heck is this 'Westilson' thing?"

"Her actual surname is Wilson, it's just a semi-derisive nickname Em came up with."

Beat.

"Oh, is Em oghond?" Tillen asked.

"Yeah, my real name is Emily Roach," I said.

"Hm," said Tillen. "Don't think I ever got your real name. It's nice."

"Awww, thank you!" I said, beaming a bit.

By now, we were finally stepping off of the ship and onto Wereldian soil.

"Anyways," Tillen said to Absent as we stepped off, "why's it 'semi-derisive'?"

"Because the impression she had of my mom when she came up with the name was less than kind."

"Yeah," I said, giggling a bit. "It's changed slightly ever since I heard about the IEF."

"The what?" asked Tillen.

"The IEF," I said. "The-- it's a long story. I'll explain later."

"Oh," said Tillen. "Anyways..." He turned towards the rest of the West family. "You looking for a tour guide?"

"I mean, I guess," RW offered.

"Well, then, you've come to the right Pokemon!" said Tillen. "I'll show ya around." He turned to us. "You wanna come?"

"No thanks," I said, shaking my head. "Absent and I are going to check out the billboard, and LF's going to investigate whether or not the DIROB is real."

"Well, alright, then," said Tillen, grabbing the rest of the West family. "See ya!"

"Bye!" I called, waving at him.

I turned to Absent.

"Alright, Absent," I said. "You ready to go and look at that billboard?"

"Guess so."

"To the billboard, then!" I cried happily. "Good luck with the investigation, LF!"

"Thank you," said LF, bowing her head.

Madelief, of course, was back to being ecstatic as all get out-- though I can tell she still wanted to get as far away from JW as she possibly could. With delight, she floated over to the two of us.

"Can I come with you two?" she asked.

"Sure," I said.

Madelief promptly squealed with happiness and glomped me-- before pausing.

"Wait a second," she said. "B-but then... what about HP and Yuunarii?"

"Oh, we're going to go look at the shrine," said HP. "I'll see if I can't draw it."

"Alright, then," I said. "See ya."

And with that, the group finally went their separate ways.

The three of us, for starters, approached the town square, and I soon saw the clock that LF had sent me a picture of- confirming its identity and confirming that yes, indeed, the words that were on the clock were true. Eventually, though, I noticed the billboard that LF had mentioned, and ran up to it. Absent and Madelief followed.

And the second we saw it... _hoo-boy_.

It was _huge._

The board looked exactly like the picture LF had sent me-- notes were scattered throughout, all of them apparently having been sent from this so-called "DIROB". At the top of the billboard were the words **_LAST YEAR'S DIROB NOTES_**, which were written in big bold letters.

Madelief and I gazed at it in awe.

"Whoa...!" gasped Madelief.

"Yeah, look at this thing!" I agreed. "It's huge!"

Absent, of course, said nothing.

Eventually, I took down one of the notes that was on the wall and read aloud:

** _Here is the CD you so desired. Thank you very much for the Pearl- I will keep it in my refuge._ **

So the rumors apparently were true, then.

"Hm," I said. "Wonder what CD they asked for."

"How would we know?" said Absent.

Beat.

"Yeah, true," I said.

I proceeded to read on a bit more-- and then smirked to myself when I saw the information that was ahead of me.

"Absent?" I asked. "You'll need to get your notebook out for this, because I'm about to read some information about Dutch word order." 

He nodded, doing so.

I promptly read aloud:

** _PS: A direct object in the Dutch language is the receiver of an action- which is to say, the answer to the question, "What does x y?" where X is the subject and Y is the verb. For example, in the sentence:_ **

** _Ik zet melk in de koelkast_ **

** _the word "melk"- meaning "milk" is the direct object. It usually occurs in the middle of the main clause in the Dutch language._ **

Beat.

"Wait..." I said, turning to Madelief. "What's a _koelkast_?"

"Oh, that's a refrigerator," said Madelief.

Well, add that word to the list of my ever-growing Dutch vocabulary. 

"I'm guessing the literal definition is, like, 'cold storage'?" Absent asked. "And on a related note, I'm guessing the sentence structure here is effectively identical to English - meaning that means 'is the milk in the fridge?'"

"Well, you got the last four words right!" said Madelief, giggling. "But no. 'Ik' means 'I'. It's '_I put milk in the fridge'._"

"Ah, so close and yet so far," Absent sighed. "Should have remembered since Em used to say "_Ik kan woorden_" on voice chat. Yes, I know that's not grammatically correct, but so did she, and that was the point."

"'I can words'...?" asked Madelief.

"You ever stumbled over your own tongue and some saidthing funny? Like I just did?" Absent explained. "Yeah, that's just how we laughed at those mistakes."

"Oh, okay," said Madelief.

"Also, does anyone know why the words are different colors?" I asked.

"Probably to denote what the phrases are in relation to the object," said Absent. "_'Ik zet'_ \- what's being done. '_In de koelkast'_... how do I explain it..."

"Where you put the milk," I said, realizing. "In other words, the place of the direct object."

"'Put' is an intransitive verb, meaning it's gotta have an object, _and_ a subject," Absent agreed.

"And let me guess. You learned what an intransitive verb is from Japanese," I said, as deadpan as ever.

"They're common to English, too, Em," he spat, even _more_ deadpan than I could ever hope to be.

"...I know," I said. "Anyways... let me get another one..."

I promptly grabbed a second note from the billboard and read it aloud:

** _Here is the bicycle you so desired. Thank you for the Rusted Shield; I shall keep it in my refuge as one of my most prominent treasures._ **

Beat.

"A _Rusted Shield_?!" I muttered to myself. "Dang..."

"Huh, wouldn't have expected some Legendaries to call this place home, let alone one so willing to give away what is practically a Purple Heart," Absent considered. "Or does that mean he had nothing else to give?..."

"Not sure," I said. "Anyways..."

I went on:

** _PS: Did you know that the direct object in Dutch can occur in the first part of a main clause, too? It's true! If the direct object in Dutch consists of a single personal pronoun, it goes in the first part of the main clause. Personal pronouns in the Dutch language include: me/mij, je/jou, haar, hem, het, ons, jullie and hen. This is called a reduced direct object._ **

"Ooh, personal pronouns!" cried Madelief happily. "Those are fun!"

"I'm guessing that Robbie Rotten left us an example of that, too?"

"Let me see... yep, they did," I said. "Hold on..."

I promptly showed them the following sentence, which was also of multiple different colors:

** _Ik heb haar niet gezien._ **

"Okay, hang on..." I said. "I... have- OH. It says 'I have not seen her.'" I turned to Madelief. "Right, Madelief?"

"Jep!" said Madelief cheerfully.

"... Hm," Absent considered. "_Boku wa... kanojo o... mimasen deshita..._. But what denotes past tense?"

Beat. Madelief stared directly at him.

"Wha...?"

"Japanese," I said simply. "And to answer your question... remember Gesloopt?"

"Why bring him up? I was just trying to rationalize the grammar I was seeing. I think I get it, but I imagine that a few sentences from now some new curveball is going to send me sprawling," Absent explained.

"Simple," I said. "_Gesloopt _is 'I destroyed'-- past tense. It's the _ge_\- that's the past tense denoter."

"Ah. Never noticed. Probably should have," he conceded, scratching down notes.

"Also... what does that _mimasen _thingy mean?" asked Madelief.

"TL;DR: it means "don't see", and the suffix "deshita" changes it to "haven't seen"."

"Oh~!" said Madelief.

"Alright," I said, "next one."

I pulled another note down from the billboard. This time, I skipped straight to the PS section and read it aloud:

** _PS: Direct objects in Dutch, if they are not reduced, can only be found at the very beginning or at the very end of the middle part of a main clause. This depends on whether or not the direct object is specific or non-specific. If it is specific, it comes at the beginning of the middle part; and if it is non-specific, it comes at the end of the main part._ **

No example was provided.

"... Nothing? Alright, Maddy, you're on deck," said Absent. "Gimme an example."

"Wait, hold on," I said, looking at the note some more. "There's more."

** _PPS: Sorry! Forgot to clarify what counts as specific and non-specific:_ **

** _Examples of specific direct objects: a direct object that starts with a definite article (de/het); a direct object that starts with a possessive or demonstrative pronoun (mij, jouw, die, dat, etc.); proper nouns_ **   
** _Examples of non-specific direct objects: a direct object that starts with an indefinite article (een); a direct object that starts with a cardinal number (twee, drie, vier, vijf, etc.); a direct object that starts with an indefinite pronoun (geen, enkele, veel)_ **

** _EXAMPLE SEN--_ **

It trailed off.

The DIROB's pen had apparently run out of ink.

"Come on...!" I muttered in frustration. "It ran out of ink?!"

"Oh, don't worry!" said Madelief. "You wanted an example, Absent? Here's one!"

Beat.

"Uh... do you have a piece of paper?" she asked.

"Wouldn't be caught dead without one," he said, handing the paper and pen to Madelief.

"_Dankjewel~!_" she cried happily, before writing down the following two sentences on the piece of paper:

** _ZE HEBBEN HET EI GISTEREN GEKOCHT_ **

** _ZE HEBBEN GISTEREN EEN EI GEKOCHT(THEY BOUGHT THE/AN EGG YESTERDAY)_ **

She showed the two sentences to us, and we stared at them in contemplation.

"This must be the first difference," I said. "The direct vs. indirect article thing."

"Jep~!" said Madelief happily. "It is!"

Beat.

"Wait, what would they be in Japanese? Just so I know."

"The same sentence," I said simply.

Because if there's one thing I know about JP... there are no articles. AT ALL.

"Anyways..." I said, getting back on track, "I think I get it. The article thing, I mean."

"... So which one is "the" and which is "an"?"

"_Het _is 'the' and _een _is 'an'," said Madelief.

"Okay, I... _think_ I get it," Absent allowed.

"You do?" Madelief asked.

"But without any words in my vocabulary to form a coherent, sensical sentence, how can I be certain?"

"Oh, I already know which word is which," I said. "_Ze _is they, _gisteren _is yesterday, _ei _is egg, and _heb gekocht_ is bought, past tense."

"I figured, but I kinda want to make my own sentence, and check if it's right."

"You do...?" I asked. "That's interesting."

I looked over at all the rest of the notes again.

"Of course, there _is _something even more interesting— namely, why would a Delibird be giving Wereldian citizens Dutch grammar tips?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Absent. "Like I said, this place is Wonderland mad."

"Yeah, and why are all of them on direct—"

And then all of a sudden, I reread the notes again-- and it hit me from out of the blue.

"ABSENT!" I suddenly cried out. "I just realized!"

"Hm?"

"How have you been pronouncing DIROB?" I asked.

"Robert, Robin, Diana, etcetera," Absent said.

I giggled a bit.

"Should have known," I said. "Well, I've been pronouncing it 'dye-rob'... which is _wrong_."

"Well, yeah. Unless you're Satoru Iwata, it's not 'die'-rectly," Absent figured.

"Rest in peace," I said simply.

"But where are you going with this?"

"Don't you get it?" I said. "All those notes that were on the wall had to do with direct objects in the Dutch language! It's supposed to be pronounced 'dih-rob'... _because DIROB is short for direct object!_"

Yep.

The DIROB wasn't just the Wereldian equivalent of Santa Claus- it, like everything else in Wereldia, was an allegory for a feature of the Dutch language.

In this case, it was word order and _dir_ect _ob_jects.

Hence, DIROB.

Absent blinked.

"Yeah, figured. Where are you going with this?"

Beat.

"Oh," I said. "You knew already?"

"Well, when you brought it up it hit me, but it's not exactly much of a revelation."

"Well, I'm pretty sure _LF _has no idea," I responded. "And if she gets this information, it could help her with her investigation into the DIROB's possible existence."

"So call her!" cried Madelief.

"That is exactly what I was about to do," I responded, smirking.

With that said, I took my cell phone out from my bag, went into Discord...

And you know the rest.

_RING-RING-RING._

_RING-RING-RING._

_RING-RING..._

\-------------------------------------------------------

** _LF's POV_ **

Alas.

By this point in my investigation I had found absolutely nobody- with the potential exception of Tillen- who was willing to interview me in regards to any information that could lead me on the path of locating this so-called "DIROB" once and for all. A pitiful shame, if I am being blunt; however, even then I was not willing to give up that easily. I figured that I could use Tillen as a "last resort", as it were-- which is to say, if nobody else was willing to provide me with information, then I would interview Tillen. Considering his amiable demeanor- as well as how he acted during the trial involving Pols- I figured he would be extremely upfront with me regarding any potential info into the DIROB.

As I said, however, he would only serve as a "last resort."

Presently I was looking around the town square of Wereldia, desperate to find anybody who could provide me with information- until all of a sudden, my cell phone started to ring. Now intrigued, I reached into my bag and pulled it out.

oghond was calling me via Discord.

Instantly my brain began flooding with questions-- had she found anything out about the DIROB looking at the billboard? Or- better yet- had she found somebody in the town square who was willing to answer any questions I was having in regards to its potential existence and "refuge"?

Wasting absolutely no time, I pressed the "call" button with my nose and spoke into the microphone.

"Hello?" I asked.

Her voice came through in mere seconds.

"_LF!_" she cried. "_I don't know if this will help you or not, but I just had a realization!_"

A realization?

Well.

This was... interesting...

"Hm," I said simply. "And what, I ask, is this... realization?"

I paused, suddenly realizing myself what Brittany West had said on board the ship when we had first landed in Wereldia.

"Wait," I asked. "Why is the cell phone service suddenly working again...?"

Seconds later, I heard Absent from the other side of the line.

"_Good question, LF - is Koffie a floating hotspot?_"

"...Koffie is not hot," I said, simply. "Also, greetings, Absent."

"_Heya - anyway, tell her, Em._"

"_What a hotspot is, or about the realization?_" she asked.

"_A hotspot is somewhere wi-fi is publicly accessible - tell her the realization, it was yours._"

"_Ah, okay,_" said oghond. "_Yeah, DIROB is short for _direct object._ The DIROB isn't just the Pokemon equivalent of Santa Claus- it's a full-on representation of direct objects and word order in the Dutch language._"

I paused.

Well.

This was... definitely an interesting discovery. If anything, this was crucial information into the identity of the DIROB.

"Ah," I said. "I see. Just as Pols was a representation of crude stams and conjugation in the Dutch language."

"_Yep,_" said oghond. "_I just figured you'd want to know that, just in case, you know... you needed it for the investigation._"

I paused.

"Well... while that information is not necessarily something that I needed, I do appreciate it anyways," I said eventually. "It is certainly interesting. As for me, I am currently looking for someone to interview, but... I do not see anybody here and I am unsure as to where Tillen is."

"_Hm,_" said oghond. "_Absent? You have any idea as to where Tillen might be? I know he's with your family in Wereldia somewhere..._"

"_Your guess is as good as mine,_" said Absent. "_LF, keep an eye out for him and the folks, okay?_"

I nodded. Mark my words, I was going to do exactly that if it meant finding any possible information in regards to the location of the DIROB.

"Do not worry, Absent," I said. "I will do just that."

"_Alright, then,_" said oghond. "_See ya. If you get any more information about the DIROB, let me know. We're still at the billboard._"

"Farewell," I said.

And with that, the call ended.

I promptly put my phone back in my bag and looked around for a few moments to see if Tillen was around- or, indeed, if _anybody _who was not a member of the Koffiehuis was around and walking through the streets of Wereldia. It was highly likely- at least to me- that the reason that nobody was around was because they were all at home, celebrating Rachimas Eve. However, I had a feeling that at some point- presumably during the Rachimas Eve celebrations- the streets would be filled with Pokemon going to the shrine. For now, though, the most important thing I had to do was further my research-- and I could not do so without an inter--

Oh...?

What was that?

Somebody was approaching me...

_Finally_, I thought, smirking to myself. _Someone I can talk to. If they have any information on the existence of the DIROB... I will be delighted to ask them about it._

I promptly approached... whoever it was, and as I got closer I could make out the features of the Pokemon in question. It resembled an orange-colored tortoise with a black shell on its back. Said shell had red hexagonal holes adorning it that were glowing with what I assumed was fire. Its eyes appeared to be perpetually closed. I had no idea as to what this Pokemon was, but I assumed Absent would tell me sooner or later.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

The tortoise Pokemon promptly looked up at me. "Hm? Yes~?"

Excellent. He was willing to listen.

"What is your name?" I asked.

"Verwarmen," he said matter-of-factly. "Why?"

"I was merely wondering," I said. "Anyways. My name is LonelyFox- or LF for short- and I am currently running an investigation in regards to the whereabouts and plausibility of this so-called 'DIROB'. Tell me... is it real, and do you have any information in regards to its location?"

Verwarmen looked up for a few moments before he eventually spoke.

"Well, I've never seen the DIROB," he said, "but Delibird definitely do exist, so I assume the DIROB is real? As for where it is..." He turned his head towards a huge mountain that was in the distance. "They say that it lives on the Berglijdend- that's that large snow-capped mountain over there. Perhaps you should go there and see if the DIROB is real or not."

I nodded, then smiled at Verwarmen with satisfaction. That was all the information I needed to hear.

"Thank you," I said. "Verwarmen, was it? I'll keep that in mind."

He nodded, then went off on his way. I, meanwhile, turned my attention to this "Berglijdend" mountain. It looked... rather tall, if I am being blunt. Still, though, Fire beat Ice, and I was doing this to further my research.

And believe me when I say that I would do _anything _to further my research.

I walked forward towards Berglijdend.

\------------------------------------------------------------

** _TILLEN'S POV _ **

Well, hey there, whoever you are! Name's Tillen. Pretty sure you already know that, of course-- I mean, the transcript of the trial is already out, and you _did _read it, didn't you? I mean, it's perfectly fine if you didn't-- not everybody has the time to sit through a trial transcript-- but the trial with me and Pols in it is so dang famous now in Wereldia that practically _everybody _here has read it! It's like our version of the OJ Simpson trial or somethin', except Pols was actually innocent _and _we had the evidence to back it up!

Speaking of Pols, his internship with me is goin' great. He's a lot happier now and he has a lot more money as a result. Still not enough that he'd be considered "rich" or anything like that, but just the fact that he has enough money to afford basic necessities now is a victory for both him and me in my books!

But this isn't about Pols, so why the heck am I talking about him?! Heh! I'm betting all of y'all wanna know what I did with the West family on Rachimas and how I found out about their little situation.

Well, hold your Mudsdale, I'm gettin' to it!

Just as soon as I find out where to begin...

Anyways, I'm bettin' a lot of you just want the long n' short of the whole "tour of Wereldia" thing. I mean, let's be honest, who exactly has time to sit through me showing a family of Pokemon around some crazy place they've never been to before?

HAH! Nobody! That's who!

It would be long and boring and tedious and nobody would want that!

So instead, I'll simply tell y'all where the heck I took the West family to-- and let me tell ya, they saw a lot of places.

I'm serious!

Wereldia has so many food shops it's insane! I mean, we have a bakery, a ton of grocery stores, a butcher's shop, a seafood restaurant where we serve freshly-cooked Barraskewda and Magikarp, plenty of fast-food restaurants...

By the time I'd finished showin' them all to Absent's folks, they were already startin' to get hungry!

Of course, the food shops weren't all I showed them; there was also the Wereldian bank, Donkeybridge, Inc. (at least the exterior of it), and so on. Right now, though, I was showing them the place where it all began for me and Pols:

THE WERELDIAN STADIUM, BABY~!

Of course, it had a giant hole in it courtesy of Vernietigd, but still.

Naturally, the first thing that any member of the fam-- specifically Janine-- said upon seeing the stadium for the first time was:

"...why is there a giant hole in this thing?"

I laughed nervously.

"It's... a long story," I said simply. "Basically, though, the Wereldian Stadium was attacked by a Shiny Salamence named Vernietigd during a game between the North Cats and the Vraktian Bison. Everybody thought my Shiny Dragonite friend Pols did it, because crude stams have a bit of a stigma here, but oghond represented him pretty dang well in the Wereldian Court, and in the end we won."

Well, after I told them that story, the entire West family was staring at me as though they'd just seen a Legendary Pokemon pass clear through here, and eventually, after a bit, the Gardevoir- Britney, was it?- responded:

"Oh... kay then."

Well... that wasn't really the response I'd been expectin'.

"...Huh. I thought you'd be more surprised by that," I said simply.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" she said. "'I didn't know Emily had a law degree'?"

"She doesn't need one," I said, laughing a bit. "Ya don't need a law degree to be a defense attorney in Wereldia."

And all of a sudden- speakin' of oghond- I remembered something else that I'd been meaning to ask the family, but hadn't actually done yet. It was still eatin' away at me, though.

Actually, two things were eatin' at me.

"So, anyways," I said, "I've been meaning to ask you somethin'. Namely... what in the world are you doing here in Wereldia? Did you come here to celebrate Rachimas, because that's what I assume."

"It has nothing to do with Nondescript Winter Holiday," Nathan remarked. "We've self-quarantined in our houses for three months now, and we'll do _any_thing to get out."

"Nondescript Winter- oh, you mean Rachimas," I said, laughing a bit.

And then all of a sudden that last line hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Wait," I said, horrified. "You... you self-quarantined yourself in your own houses for three months?! Why?"

"We've had this discussion before. Well, not with you, granted, but..." Britney started. "Look, basically it boils down to the fact that in our world, Pokemon _don't exist_. Could you imagine the public hysteria from someone seeing a Snivy take a bus? And we'd be at the center of it all. We don't like the thought of millions of eyes, millions of questions, millions of wild theories, all focused on us. None of us have any aspirations of being famous, let alone under scrutiny of such a caliber."

I was practically shivering, I was so dang scared for them.

"Hoo-_boy_..." I said to myself. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that in your world, the people would go _crazy_."

And then another thought hit me.

"Wait a second," I said. "No wonder you were so hungry! You've self-quarantined yourselves in your house for three months! None of you have been able to eat anythin', I bet! Do you have any money, or...?"

"We got axed for truancy - well, Dad didn't," Nathan said. "Dad and Sis have been living off takeout while Mom and I have been living off the garden."

Hoo-_boy_, this was worse than I thought...

Apparently, these weren't any ordinary Pokemon- these were real people who'd- somehow- been turned into Pokemon. I didn't know how it had happened, exactly, but I decided not to bring that up.

And on top o' that... they'd all been fired from their jobs!

_None of them had any money!_

It was Pols all over again... but worse!

"...that's _rough_..." I muttered in horror. "I- I feel so sorry for y'all... is there... is there anythin' I can do? I mean, I could take ya to the Deviseet if ya want, we can all enjoy some fresh Magikarp..."

"Food sounds nice," Janine considered. "But money is still my biggest concern."

Oh, right... money...

Wait a second, what was I thinkin'? I had an internship job! I could just pay for their food myself!

Besides, it _was _Rachimas Eve...

"Ah, don't you worry!" I said. "I'll just pay for all of your food myself! Now as for money... don't know how I'll be able to solve that... yet... still though, are you okay with that?"

"Hey, I'll take what I can get," Rick offered.

Well, that was pretty much all I needed to hear.

"Alright, then!" I cried. "We're goin' to Deviseet~!"

And with that having been said, Deviseet was exactly where we went off to... but still, somethin' was bugging me about the West family's situation.

I had no idea how the heck I was going to give them the money they needed.

Well, I mean, there was the obvious solution of me givin' them all my internship money, but then I'd be completely broke!

How was I going to get food, water, and basic necessities then?

There had to be another way for me to get the fam money...

_Wait just a second!_

Of course!

It was _Rachimas Eve!_

The Rachimas ceremonial would be happening at 9:00 tonight, and thousands of Pokemon would be attending...

All of a sudden, I found myself struck with an idea-- and I didn't want any member of the family to see it.

It would be a total surprise.

Without saying anything, I took my phone out, went straight to that one app that uses 280 characters- can't think of the name right now, for some reason- and tapped the "write" button.

Wait a second, it's not called the "write" button. It's called the "post" button. My mistake- but really, who could blame me? Aren't those two words synonyms?

Now, the good news is, I have four arms, which means four thumbs, which means I could type pretty dang fast if you wanted me to. But of course, this was a surprise. I didn't want any member of the West family to see what I was typin' before 9 o'clock!

That would just ruin the surprise for everybody, and I wouldn't like that!

So, naturally, I was typing out the message as fast as possible:

_ATTENTION WERELDIAN CITIZENS: It's Rachimas Eve, and my wish for the DIROB is that all of you will come together and help the West family. They have been turned into Pokemon- somehow- and are in need of food and money and have self-quarantined themselves in their home for three months._

_PS: Pols, this is the co-counsel's family. You're on, bud._

I promptly posted it on the app, then put my phone away.

And then all of a sudden, I remembered something.

"Hey, Jenean?" I asked. "You remember ever seein' a Hoppip with a tray of cookies on your son's ship?"

"I remember slapping a cookie out of Maddy's grip, if that's what you're asking."

"You did _WHAT _now?!" I cried in disbelief. "Why would you do that?"

"Because she insinuated that traveling here was as easy as driving to the store," said Jenean. "It was a real slap in the face, being shown how easy they all have it, to such a self-centered extent that they think _everyone_ has that capability."

Ouch... that had to have hurt...

Still, though... slapping a cookie out of her grip probably was a bit much.

"Well... I mean, I'm sure she didn't mean it, but... your reaction is understandable," I said eventually. "If... a bit much. I mean, honestly, if it was me and I had a giant ship-"

"_WE_ DON'T," the entire family barked.

...by Jirachi, they didn't-- what was I _sayin_'?!

What was I DOIN', even?!

"Sorry, sorry!" I said, putting my hands up. "Forgot that for a sec." I chuckled nervously. "Anyways... yeah, as I was sayin', Jenean-- your reaction is understandable. If extreme."

"Yeah, hindsight is 20/20, innit."

...Well, that there was a $25 term.

"20/20?" I asked.

"Basically, perfect vision. Don't need glasses or nothin'," Nathan summarized.

Oh.

Then in that case, I had 20/20 vision.

"...Do you honestly think Madelief meant to hurt your feelings, though?" I asked simply.

"No, but indignation is stronger than reason," Rick said.

_Indignation is stronger than reason? _I thought to myself. _Is he sure about tha-- ah, I'll take his word for it. Don't wanna say somethin' else I'll regret later._

"...okay, then," I said simply. "Pretty sure she's probably feelin' terrible about it, though. I mean Madelief, not Jenean."

"We _both_ are," Jenean said.

"Ya _both _are?" I asked.

"Me about yelling at her, her for getting yelled at," she explained.

"I assumed it would be more like 'you for yelling at her and smashing her cookie, and her for her innocently insensitive remarks,' but... yeah, that works, too," I said after a bit.

Now that was even more heartbreakin'- at least to me. Madelief was feeling bad, Jenean was feeling bad, and they weren't even in the same place as each other...

Unless somehow I could--

I looked up. We were at Deviseet-- and let me tell you this, I've eaten here about a thousand or so times because the food is _SO DANG GOOD_! Seriously, Deviseet has the best-cooked Magikarp in the whole of Wereldia- and indeed, the whole of Universum!

I laughed to myself.

"Here we are--!" I cried. "Deviseet-- the BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT IN ALL WERELDIA!"

I looked around.

"Was I too loud?" I asked.

"WHAAAAT?!" Jenean asked, reaching a claw for her ear.

"...what?" I asked. "Do you not like seafood?"

"SPEAK UP!" Brittany said. "I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!"

"I SAID DO YOU NOT LIKE SEAFOOD?!" I shouted.

And then all of a sudden it hit me.

"Oh wait a second..." I said. "I was too loud, wasn't I?"

"I don't know, let's ask Corbin," Brittany offered before teleporting away for a brief moment.

...

"Yep, he could hear you, clear as a bell."

Whoops.

"Oh," I said. "Sorry about that."

And with that said, I opened the door, and we entered Deviseet. As soon as we entered, some strict-looking Indeedee- and all of the patrons- stared at all of us. Of course, I wasn't that intimidated-- Fighting beats Normal, after all, but at the same time, I wasn't going to beat that Indeedee down to the ground anytime soon.

Nathan jerked his head to me while looking at the Indeedee before making a cutting motion with his hand near his neck.

"What...?" I asked. "You want me to chop his head off?"

"No, I'm saying that Afroman over here looks like he wants your head on a pike and I can't blame him."

The Indeedee just stared at Nathan.

"My name is-"

"No one asked, how long until we can get seated?"

The family looked at him with cutting glares of their own but he didn't seem to notice. The Indeedee looked down at his paper.

"You don't have to wait," he said simply. "We will have you all seated right now."

"Alright, then!" I cried happily. "Tillen, party of 5."

The Indeedee nodded. "If you would please follow me."

We did-- and as we did so, I turned to Nathan.

"So... why wouldn't ya mind if my head was on a pike?" I asked.

"You kiddin'? I'd bring the chainsaw!"

I chuckled to myself.

"HAH! You clearly don't know your type matchups, kid! Fighting beats Steel, didn't ya know that?"

"Offensively, yes," Brittany refuted. "Defensively, you take neutral damage. And type matchups shouldn't matter if he's aiming to _kill_.

"Still, Nathan, show some respect!"

Nathan didn't seem to hear her.

I, meanwhile, did, and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Uh... is there somethin' wrong with him?" I asked, in a whisper.

"A potent mixture of just the right amount of sociopathy, irritability and narcissism. Throw it all together and you've got someone who does whatever, knows the consequences and, most terrifyingly, _doesn't care_."

I shivered.

"Hoo-boy..." I muttered. "_Somethin' _must have happened- or is happenin'- in his mind."

"Your guess is as good as mine as to what that is," she sighed. "Watch your side dish, he won't even _ask_."

"...he'll take my side dish?" I asked. "That what you're sayin'?"

"Yep."

"Well, I'll gladly be willin' to give it up!" I said, laughing. "The side dishes here are borin' as heck, anyways! I never eat 'em, and never will!"

We eventually sat down in our seats, and--

Wait a second, was that the _Berglijdend?!_

The highest peak in all Universum-- and the place of the DIROB's supposed refuge?!

Well, this was goin' to be quite a view.

Wondered what was goin' on there... if anything.

I decided to take the time to check my post about the West family-- and instantly smiled when I saw how many likes it got.

It already had _72 likes?!_

Dang, I had a feelin' lots of Pokemon would be doin' something on behalf of these guys tonight... 

I took a look at the clock.

7:00 PM.

Two hours left until the big ceremony.

This was going to be _fun._

\------------------------------------------------------

** _POLS' POV- 3P_ **

Pols was the first to see the Growl.

Considering the fact that it was Rachimas Eve, Tillen's internship was closed for the day-- and would be closed for all of tomorrow. This was a good thing, because it meant Pols could finally go home and relax.

Well, by "home" we mean "his little makeshift home in the woods," since given that he was a crude stam, he still didn't have much money even with Tillen's internship job. As such, he couldn't even afford a house. He was still grateful, though. At the very least, he had enough money for basic necessities-- food, water, clothing, furniture, and so on-- and enough money to go back to the Wereldian Stadium to watch another North Cat game at some point.

That evening, he'd decided to simply sit inside his home and watch the trial that had swept Wereldia- the one where oghond had defended him from the stigmatization of the masses by proving his innocence in the Wereldian Stadium terrorist attack. He was still emotional every time he watched it-- after all, if it hadn't been for that game, he never would have met Tillen, and if it hadn't been for that trial, he never would have gotten the internship job and, therefore, as much money as he did now.

But this particular watching would end up being pretty special-- he just didn't know it yet.

He was currently at oghond's cross of the Meowstic, every single moment replaying in his head like a record, when all of a sudden, he heard his cell phone beep. Now curious, he looked down and paused-- only to find that Tillen had sent out a post on his Grommen account.

He clicked on the post, intrigued-- and his heart instantly stopped- figuratively, of course- when he read the Growl Tillen had sent out:

_ATTENTION WERELDIAN CITIZENS: It's Rachimas Eve, and my wish for the DIROB is that all of you will come together and help the West family._

The West family?

West as in Corbin?

The Absent Coder?

Well, this was certainly intriguing...

He kept reading, now wanting to know more.

_They have been turned into Pokemon- somehow- and are in need of food and money and have self-quarantined themselves in their home for three months._

_PS: Pols, this is the co-counsel's family. You're on, bud._

His heart skipped a beat.

The entire West family- not just Absent- had been turned into Pokemon, and based on what it sounded like in Tillen's Growl, they were struggling _hard. _No money, probably barely any food... it was likely that sooner or later they'd be forced out of their homes, and if they'd self-quarantined themselves in their home for three months, it was probably because none of them wanted to be seen on the streets.

The point was, though-- Absent's family was struggling.

And Pols knew more than a thing or two about struggle.

He paused the trial and stared for a few moments at the Growl, feeling for Absent's family and wondering if there was anything he could possibly do to help.

And then it hit him.

The 9:00 Rachimas ceremonies.

Surely, he figured, surely if he brought in an object and wished to the DIROB, _something _would happen?

It had happened every year, who was to say it wouldn't happen again this year? He could just bring an object to the shrine, wish for the DIROB to give the West family food and money, and everything would be fine...

Right?

He paused-- then suddenly shook his head.

No.

They'd need way more than just food and money if they wanted to survive. Sure, they had money, but what were they to do with it? If they wanted to return to Wereldia, how were they to go about doing it? Sure, Absent had a big giant ship that could send them to Wereldia at any moment...

But _they _didn't.

And then it suddenly hit him.

That was it.

He suddenly knew what he was going to wish for.

In an instant, he went to a cupboard and took out a NC wristband.

This wasn't just any NC wristband, though-- it was the one he had been wearing the day that the trial happened, so it meant a lot to him. Still, though, what good did material possessions do? Absent had helped him the day of the trial-- and now it was time for him to return the favor.

And indeed, all of Wereldia.

He promptly glanced down at his phone and responded to Tillen's Growl:

_Sure thing, bud. I'll be exchanging my wristband for... something. You'll see what it is._

\-------------------------------------------------------

** _LF'S POV_ **

Hello again. I assume that by this point all of you should know how far I have come in my investigation. Presently I had just finished climbing the mountain known as Berglijdend-- and if I am being honest, I still have no clue as to what "Berglijdend" means. I know what _berg _means- it means mountain, which means that the name is completely redundant considering the fact that the Berglijdend is a mountain.

Alas, however, I had no time to ponder over the name of the mountain itself. I had an investigation to complete and a DIROB to find-- and take a photo of-- and once I had done these things, I would go tell oghond and the rest of the group as soon as possible.

Now that I was at the top of the mountain, one thing stood out to me above all else. Namely, Verwarmen's information-- and the DIROB notes from the previous Rachimas-- had implied that there would be some sort of door leading to a secret refuge at the top of the mountain. However, on first glance there appeared to be no such door-- merely inches upon inches of snow as far as the eye could see.

I narrowed my eyes, realizing that this was going to be a lot harder than I first thought.

"Hm," I said to myself simply. "This is... rather disconcerting. The refuge is nowhere to be seen..." 

I paced around the top of the mountain for a few moments in frustration.

"How am I possibly supposed to continue my research if there is no supposed 'refuge' at the top of this thing?!" I muttered. "It is simply incomprehensible. The DIROB must have written those notes. There is simply no other way around it. How can the DIROB not exist if those notes were clearly written by it...?"

I eventually sighed for a few moments before sitting on a rock that was on top of the mountain, thinking to myself about how inherently nonsensical the whole thing was. Surely, I figured, surely the DIROB existed in some capacity. Those notes simply could not have been written by multiple people. It was simply impossible.

What I did not notice, however, was that as I was sitting on the rock-- which was made entirely of ice, mind you-- was that it was melting under my feet. Apparently, since I was a Vulpix, I was able to generate heat at will. Initially, however, I did not take notice of this. I merely just sat on the rock, wallowing in my own growing frustration.

Before I looked down and noticed it was getting smaller-- and that a hole was opening up from underneath it.

"Hm," I muttered to myself. "Interesting."

And then I realized, to my horror, that _a hole was opening up from underneath it._

Well.

I... certainly hope no one who was able to view the mountain would notice.

Within seconds, the rock had completely melted and I was falling inside of the mountain, screaming as I did so and wondering/fearing if I was going to die in that moment. If I am being blunt, I was also wondering if anybody could hear me screaming from inside of the mountain.

Alas, however, I did not have much time to continue pondering my fate, as I eventually found myself in the arms of...

Something.

Looking down I realized that the arms were not, in fact, arms.

On the contrary-- they were wings.

I could not see what had just grabbed me from my freefall, but all I knew was that whatever it was, it was some kind of bird-like creature. Seconds later, I found myself on the floor of what appeared to be a giant hut or attic.

I blinked, looking around for a few seconds-- and was simply amazed by what I saw.

The attic contained dozens upon dozens of artifacts, from feathers to clocks, to CDs, to bicycles. Every single one of them was marked with a name, along with a line of text that I unfortunately was unable to see.

Seconds later, I heard a voice.

"Are you alright? You took quite a tumble there from the top of the mountain."

It was a... slightly odd voice-- somewhat high-pitched and goofy, yet at the same time it sounded very caring and empathetic. It was clear that this... whoever this was did not want to see me die, and as I turned to the source of the voice, I quickly was able to discern the identity of the speaker.

It was a red penguin-like Pokemon, with a white mask-like face and a white tail resembling a sack. I had never seen this Pokemon in my life, and yet just from the looks of it I could tell that this creature had some connection to the DIROB.

I stood up, shaking myself off a bit before addressing the speaker.

"Yes," I said. "I am quite alright. Thank you for saving me."

"Oh, don't mention it," said the penguin Pokemon. "Helping other Pokemon is pretty much all I ever do."

I smiled.

"That is certainly a noble goal," I said. "But I am in the midst of an investigation right now, so if you could please bring me back up to the top of the mountain."

The penguin Pokemon smiled.

"Oh, certainly-- wait, what is the investigation?"

"I am currently searching for the refuge of the so-called 'DIROB'," I said. "It is apparently on top of this mountain, or at least according to legend it is."

And then- much to my confusion, the penguin Pokemon did something that I had not expected.

He laughed.

"Oh, you silly Vulpix!" he said. "The refuge of the DIROB isn't on top of the mountain!"

I blinked.

"Oh," I said. "Well, then, may I inquire as to its whereabouts?"

"You're in it!"

I blinked in surprise.

Well.

This was... definitely surprising.

And also rather convenient, considering the fact that I had been searching for the refuge of the DIROB the entire time.

I looked around the room at all of the artifacts and objects again-- and then all of a sudden, it hit me as to what the objects were.

"Wait a second," I said. "If this is, indeed, the refuge of the DIROB..."

"And it is," said the penguin Pokemon.

"Then... are these the objects that people have given the DIROB at the shrine every Rachimas Eve?"

The penguin Pokemon laughed again. "You bet they are! I've got thousands of these things already!"

It certainly seemed like there were thousands of objects in here...

"Very well, then," I said simply. "This is the refuge of the DIROB. Where, then, is the DIROB?"

The penguin Pokemon smirked to himself.

"Well, I can tell you one thing," he eventually said. "It didn't take you long to find him."

"What do you mean...?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Simple," said the penguin Pokemon.

He took out a small object resembling a clock face and held it up in front of him.

"He's me."

Well.

This was even _more _convenient.

Not only had I just fallen into the DIROB's refuge, but I now had completely irrefutable proof that the DIROB was, in fact, real-- exactly the point my investigation had been trying to prove.

I smirked to myself, as the DIROB tapped the clock face and spoke into it.

"Conjuration: a bicycle."

Within seconds, there was a flash from his sack, and he promptly reached inside and pulled out a bicycle, which looked as though it had been just made in a factory. If I do say so myself, it was rather impressive.

"Perfect," I said, smirking to myself.

The DIROB turned to me.

"Ah, yes, it is perfect, isn't it?" he said. "With this conjuration device and my sack, I can tell when someone has made a wish and use it to conjure the object or hope they so desire! It is simply brilliant!"

"It is indeed," I said simply. "Now, if I may, I would like to make a request myself."

"Oh?" asked the DIROB, tilting his head. "And what may that be?"

I smirked.

"Simple," I said. "I would like you to conjure a camera."

"A camera?" asked the DIROB. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

He turned once more to his conjuration device and spoke into it:

"Conjuration: camera."

Seconds later, there was another flash from his sack, and he reached inside before pulling out a seemingly ordinary pocket camera, which he handed to me.

"Here you are," he said simply. "One working pocket camera for your pleasure. Why do you need it; by the way, 9 o'clock hasn't even happened yet-"

But he did not get to say anything more, for he was suddenly stopped by me snapping a picture of him and the multitude of objects he had collected from thousands of Pokémon over the years. Seconds later, I turned back to the DIROB, smiling with satisfaction.

"_That _is why I needed it," I said simply. "Thank you very much, DIROB; my investigation is now complete. Now if you would please get me out of this mountain so that I may return to my friends and alert them of your existence."

The DIROB blinked for a few moments, before nodding.

"O-oh, certainly...?"

"LonelyFox," I said simply. "Or simply LF for short."

"Ah, right," said the DIROB. "Certainly, LF. Merry Rachimas."

I nodded. "Likewise."

And with that having been said, the DIROB picked me up and flew to the outside of the mountain, before setting myself and the camera I had received from him onto the ground. He gave me a salute mere moments before returning to the inside of the mountain.

As for me?

You are probably able to assume what I did.

I returned to the billboard, my investigation finally having been completed.

9 o'clock could not come fast enough.

———————————————

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

For the past two hours, Madelief, Absent and I had been doing nothing but standing in front of a giant billboard reading Dutch sentences and notes from this DIROB.

Okay, scratch that, actually. Absent had been taking his own notes on Dutch direct- and indirect- objects, as well as word order in the Dutch language, and he had happened to notice a lot of weird things.

And, for the record, so did I.

The first thing that I happened to notice was how word order worked in Dutch grammar. As all of us had been able to discern from the notes, there were three sections to a main clause in the Dutch language— the left section, the middle section, and the right section. The left section contained what the notes called the "finite formation," of FF.

In layman's terms, that's basically just a fancier way of saying "the subject and the verb."

Therefore, in the sentence _Ik zet melk in de koelkast_, the _ik zet _(I put) was the FF.

It also, apparently, contained reflexive pronouns, but the DIROB didn't give us much information on those— and of course, it also contained the reduced direct object (i.e. a personal pronoun.)

The middle section, meanwhile, contained the direct object— AKA the DIROB— along with something called the EHD as well as time, manner, and place words (AKA adverbs). Note, however, that "place" does not mean "the place of the direct object," as in _Ik zet melk in de koelkast_, but rather the place of the _subject_.

As for the right side... it contained a lot of "miscellaneous" items that for the most part the DIROB didn't really get into— except for one.

The _in_direct object.

AKA what the rest of the citizens of Wereldia were to the DIROB.

Of course, if you want it in Layman's Terms, the indirect object is the recipient of the direct object. In English it's preceded by either "to" or "for"-- which, in Dutch, are "aan" and "voor" respectively (the latter is a cognate). Of course, though, the right side only included the _un_reduced indirect object. If the preposition "aan" or "voor" was omitted, then the indirect object became reduced and moved to- where else?- the left part of the main clause.

However, omitting "aan" is more common than omitting "voor".

That was pretty much all the info we got from the DIROB notes. Afterwards, Absent spent his time writing the info in his notebook, while I spent my time listening to Japanese anime openings and Christmas songs-- it was Rachimas Eve, after all. The whole time I was looking out at the town square, wondering where LF and how she was doing with her investigation into the DIROB's existence.

Thankfully, though, I didn't have to wait long.

About an hour or so after we first read the billboard, I turned to find LF coming towards me, looking very pleased with herself. She was carrying her phone- naturally- as well as what appeared to be a standard pocket camera. As soon as I saw her, I promptly nudged Madelief and Absent, both of whom turned to face her as well.

"LF!" I cried, waving my vine happily. "Hey there!"

"Greetings," said LF, putting down the camera and her phone.

Madelief, naturally, was as exciteable as she ever was, and proceeded to get up in LF's face.

"Well?" she asked. "How did it go? Did the investigation go well?"

LF smiled.

"Very well," she said. "I now have photographic evidence of the existence of the DIROB."

And the second I heard that news, I lit up instantly, as did Madelief.

"Really?!" Madelief cried. "That's awesome!"

"You're kidding!" I exclaimed with delight.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised - something was responsible, and rumors tend to be rooted in reality," Absent sighed.

LF smirked.

"How did I know you would react that way?" she asked.

"Because we're each other's' closest friend in the Koffiehuis."

"Ah."

Beat.

"...What about oghond?" LF asked simply.

"I can't put up with her as easily as I can put up with you," he reasoned. "We're two reserved individuals, but she, uh... isn't without faults."

"That... is very true," said LF. "...She is not without positives either, of course. That is something we have already established."

"Anyway, this photo. Show me," Absent demanded.

LF smirked. "Will do."

With that said, she took out the camera she was carrying and fiddled around with it for a few moments, before showing us a picture of a Delibird, who looked somewhat shocked that LF was taking his picture, but at the same time, didn't really seem to mind. He was in a sort of wooden hut with dozens and dozens of objects surrounding him, which I presumed were the objects that he had received from Pokemon on Rachimas Eve every year.

I lit up the instant I saw it.

"Whoa..." I muttered.

"There you are," said LF. "Photographic evidence of the existence of the DIROB, taken from inside the Berglijdend."

Beat.

We all stared at her.

"Um... the what?" I asked.

"The Berglijdend," LF repeated. "It is apparently the tallest mountain in all of Wereldia- and indeed, all of Universum."

"So, basically, their version of Everest," I said.

"Indeed," said LF.

"And you're telling me the DIROB lives _INSIDE _of this thing?!" Madelief cried out.

"Apparently," I said.

"You climbed a mountain taller than Everest with no help, no gear, not even a Sunny Day move on standby?" Absent asked.

"It was entirely made of ice," LF said simply.

"That just raises _more_ questions! No footholds, no rest stops, not even the risk of tearing off your dried-off paw pads-_how do you even?!_"

"Simple," said LF. "For one thing, the mountain is not taller than Everest, and for another thing... Verwarmen had mentioned to me that the refuge of the DIROB was on top of the mountain."

"Well, I guess that answers the oxygen problem, but it doesn't exactly explain how you climbed a mountain in _two stinkin' hours_!"

"I did not need to climb it," said LF. "I just needed to perform a jumping dropkick in order to get to the top of the mountain. That was, after all, where the refuge was supposedly located."

At that moment, Absent's ability to comprehend the logic crashed spectacularly, and he- as well as the rest of us- simply stared at her in disbelief.

"...okay, even _I _know mountain-climbing can't be that easy," said Madelief simply.

"I had a much tougher time getting _out _of the mountain, however," said LF. "For that, the DIROB had to fly me out."

"YOU STILL REACHED THE PEAK IN _TWO_ HOURS!" Absent exclaimed. "I don't care if that mountain is only two miles high, that's _bull_, plain and simple!"

"Yeah... that sure is Tauros."

We promptly turned and saw Tillen entering the town square, along with the entire rest of the West family. He looked slightly embarrassed for a few moments, but unlike Absent hadn't seemed to lose his ability to comprehend all logic.

"Tillen?" I asked. "What are you doing here? Where were you?"

Tillen laughed.

"It's a bit of a long story, kid," he said simply. "Your family and I just spent an evenin' out at Deviseet... got food for them and everythin'. They're pretty full, and so am I... even if Nathan did eat my side dish like Brittany said he would. But honestly, I didn't mind! The side dishes at Deviseet _suck!_"

"...what's Deviseet?" I asked.

"Only the best seafood restaurant in the whole of Wereldia!" he exclaimed.

"If it's the 'best' why are the side dishes so bad? If it's the 'best' how come we didn't need a reservation? If it's the 'best' why didn't they call law enforcement on you for disturbing the peace?" Nathan refuted.

"Okay, the main courses are the best in Wereldia," Tillen clarified. "And as for your other three questions: they only suck to me- because I think they're boring as heck- the reason you didn't need a reservation was because it's Rachimas Eve-- almost no one comes here on Rachimas Eve, and yet they still have this place open 24/7 for some reason-- and the reason they didn't call law enforcement on me? Come on!" He laughed to himself. "It's _Rachimas Eve_! And besides, everyone's seen the trial by this point; if I got arrested..."

He shivered.

"Wouldn't even know what to think, honestly," he said in terror.

Then, in a concerned whisper:

"Honestly, the thing I'm mainly askin' myself is: if you think you're the best, why do you want my head on a pike? Still makes no sense to me."

What came out of Nathan's mouth surprised everyone.

It sounded like Snivy's in-game cry.

"-you, that's why. Wait, what?"

Naturally, this being Nathan West, I knew what he was trying to say there-- and likely so do all of you reading this right now. Still, though, the fact that his swearing was censored by an in-game cry was... odd.

Especially considering the Blue Needles.

Tillen tilted his head.

"...is he okay?" he asked. "No, seriously. I- I really do mean that."

I just stared at him.

"Okay... did _anyone _else just hear that?" I asked.

"Yeah, what the-" Whimsicott "-was that - it happened again!"

Once again, fill in the blanks.

"This... is weird..." I muttered. "Absent, this didn't happen when... you know..."

"I'd have noticed by now given what music I like - anyway... now what? We got proof Robin Deniro exists, we got notes on Dutch, the fam had their first decent meal in months... where do we go from here?"

"Oh, that's _easy!_" said Tillen, laughing. "We wait until 9:00, of course!"

"9:00?" I asked. "W-why?"

"Because that's when the Rachimas celebrations start!" said Tillen. "Everyone's gonna head off to the shrine and exchange their items so the DIROB can grant a wish!"

...crap!

I'd forgotten about the celebrations!

"Oh, crap, you're right!" I cried. "Madelief! Madelief, the Rachimas celebrations are--"

Nothing.

Not a word.

I paused.

"Madelief?" I asked.

And then I realized that the West family had just come in.

Which meant JW was standing right in front of Madelief's face and likely either terrifying the crap out of her or making her feel even more remorseful for what she said earlier-- the "you can just do what I did and go to Wereldia" thing.

Or- most likely- both.

I turned back to Madelief, and sure enough, she was shaking and hiding behind the billboard, but still was holding out her tray of cookies.

JW noticed.

"...I'm not hungry anymore," she sighed before walking away.

"... Guess that's water under the bridge," RW observed.

And the second she saw that-- and heard that-- Madelief stopped shaking and ran up to JW in an apologetic panic.

"W-what?!" she gasped. "No, no-no-no-no-no! I..."

She paused.

"I wanted to apologize..."

JW turned to her, and Madelief put down the tray of cookies.

"I..." The Dutch Hoppip's eyes darted around the crowd for a bit before looking back at JW-- who sighed.

"Whatever you're going to say, it's happened. No use dwelling on it. Let's just see what happens at 9:00, okay?" she waved off.

Madelief sunk a bit-- clearly, she'd wanted at least _some _form of closure.

"That's going to be the closest thing to an apology you'll get out of her," Brittany said simply. "She _is_ remorseful for snapping at you, it's just hard to say it because she's seldom wrong when she's that passionate," she explained.

"Oh," said Madelief simply. "O-okay."

She looked down.

"B-but _I _was the one trying to apologize to _her_," she protested. "Because... because-"

"Yes, we were there, we saw what happened," Absent started. "She was the one who escalated it like she did. You were both just being inconsiderate, and that's happened to the best of us."

I raised my vine in the air. "Guilty as charged."

Madelief looked down a bit.

"...I wasn't _trying _to be, though..." she muttered. "That's why I wanted to apologize in the first place, because now I know where I went wrong..."

"As long as we both know what we did wrong, we can better avoid it in the future. Okay?" JW asked.

Madelief paused, then nodded, still saddened, but slightly relieved.

"Okay," she said. "I guess... I guess that's enough."

She floated up to JW and tried to hug her as best she could.

She got ghosted.

I giggled a bit, as did Tillen.

"Sooooo," he eventually said, "I take it Jenean doesn't like hugs?"

"Yes. Well, she doesn't like being touched that much."

"Ah," said Tillen.

"Anyways," I said, "now that that's over with... we just need to wait until 9:00 and then the fun will _truly _begin."

"What do you think's going to happen?" asked Madelief.

"Your guess is as good as mine - my money says Whoville with a dash of Dora the Explorer, marinated in a mixture of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and Greek mythology," Absent considered.

Beat.

"Why Greek mythology?" I asked.

"It's the only branch I have passing knowledge of," Absent said.

"Ah," I said, before raising my vine. "Same."

Seconds later, we heard Tillen come in-- and for some reason he was smirking to himself like a lunatic, laughing as he did so. We all turned to him, confused as to what was going on-- and then he spoke.

"Hoo-boy," he said. "Somethin' tells me this year's Rachimas celebrations are going to be _fun._"

\-------------------------------------------------------

** _3P POV- THE STREETS OF WERELDIA_ **

It was now 8:30.

In only half an hour, the Rachimas celebrations would officially be underway. Every single citizen of Wereldia was talking about it, and the streets were abuzz with excitement-- but not about the celebration itself.

Rather, it was about what everyone would be _wishing _during the ceremony that was the interesting part.

The streets were starting to get filled as more and more Pokemon began making their way to the shrine standing in the middle of the town square, each one carrying an object that they would be giving to the DIROB in exchange for a wish of theirs being granted. Normally, in regards to celebrations like this one, Pokemon would ask for the latest new technology or something they had wanted for their entire lives-- a new cell phone, a bicycle, a video game, what-have-you.

But today... was different.

Everyone, it seemed had the exact same wish: to help the family that Tillen had talked about in his Growl.

West, he'd said their name was.

They'd been turned into Pokemon and self-quarantined in their homes for three months, with no food, no money, and almost no jobs whatsoever. Except for the Incineroar, but even then his finances had taken a hit. Everyone on the street was talking about it:

"Did you see the Growl?!"

"Isn't it the most tragic thing you've ever seen?!"

"...The Altrealm Hijacking Attack of September 11th was worse."

"Dang, Tillen is such a selfless Pokemon. Kind of wish I was more like him."

"What are you going to give to the DIROB?"

"What are you going to ask for from the DIROB?"

And so on, and so on, and so forth.

They were still talking about it when Pols entered the large crowd of Pokemon making their way to the shrine. The second they saw him, some of the Pokemon greeted him warmly; others, who were still a bit wary of him given the crude stam stigma, decided to back off.

Pols shuddered a bit and held on tighter to his wristband. Even with his innocence proven due to the trial, there were still some Pokemon who couldn't shake free of their prejudice. He'd expected that, though-- stigmas were engrained in the minds of the many, after all. At the very least, he was happy that at least now there were others besides Tillen who accepted him.

"Hey! You there!"

The voice was loud, if somewhat creaky. Startled, Pols quickly turned to find himself face-to-face with a Torkoal, who was carrying what looked like an old teapot.

"Whatcha gonna give the DIROB for Rachimas?" he asked.

Pols blinked a bit, somewhat surprised that the Torkoal hadn't said anything about the trial, before looking down at his wristband.

"O-oh, yes-- the DIROB--" he said nervously, taking the wristband off. "I-I'm giving away my prized wristband. You?"

"Hm," said the Torkoal. "I got an old teapot-- it's broken and hasn't been used for years. Wonder how much money I'll get for the West family in exchange. My guess is about (P)20, nothin' much." He stared off into space for a bit. "So... you want anythin' from the DIROB?"

"Yes," said Pols. "Specifically... an IWTV."

And the second he heard that, the Torkoal spittaked.

"A-an Instant Wereldian Transportation Vehicle?!" he muttered in stunned shock.

"Yes," said Pols with confidence.

"You know how hard those things are to get," said the Torkoal matter-of-factly.

"I don't care," said Pols simply. "The West family have no way of getting to Wereldia. Absent was the co-counsel in my trial; he helped me; now I have to pay back the favor."

The Torkoal looked down, still slightly intimidated by Pols' request. Instant Wereldian Transportation Vehicles, or IWTVs, were black cars that could transport someone to any place in Wereldia. If they were used outside of Wereldia, they'd allow for transportation directly into the town square of the Wereldian dimension. They were extremely expensive and, as such, were very hard to get. As far as he knew, no one had ever asked the DIROB for an IWTV before.

Until Pols, that is.

"Well... alright, then," said the Torkoal, unsure of himself. "Just... note that those things are pretty difficult to come by. Don't know if the DIROB will be able to help you that easily."

"I know," said Pols firmly, "and I don't care. So long as the West family is happy."

The Torkoal nodded.

"By the way..." he asked, "you're Pols, right?"

Pols blinked-- apparently, the Torkoal had seen the trial after all.

"Yes," Pols said.

The Torkoal smiled. "Verwarmen. Delighted to meet you."

Pols simply smiled and nodded back, which conveyed all the information that the Torkoal- Verwarmen- needed to see. He then looked over at the giant clock hanging up in the town square.

8:35 PM.

The ceremony would be starting any minute now.

\-----------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Thirty or so minutes later, the streets of Wereldia had filled to the brim with thousands of Pokemon, all of them carrying many, many different objects that none of us could see. HP and Yuunarii had both returned from the shrine, and the former happily showed us her drawing of said shrine-- which showed Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, and Jirachi creating what appeared to be Wereldia. Everybody praised the drawing, but Madelief in particular was pretty fond of it. JW, of course, spent half her time praising the drawing and the other half of the time wondering how HP could draw at _all _when her claw-like hands barely worked and couldn't even hold a pen.

HP's answer?

"I learned how to draw with my feet... i-is zat good enough for you...?"

"I guess that makes sense, but after only four months?..."

HP shrugged.

Eventually, the citizens of Wereldia, the entire Koffiehuis, and the rest of the West family were all standing in front of the shrine. Obviously, only the citizens of Wereldia had the objects with them-- we were only watching the ceremony, after all. All of the Vandertramps were there- of course- along with Tillen, Atepen, Nojiel, and Pols. I- naturally- said hi to all of them, but made it a point to not ask them what they were wishing for.

This decision, as it turns out, was certainly for the better-- you'll find out why in a bit.

Even a few of the citizens of Taalstad were in attendance, and while Absent didn't say hi to them for obvious reasons, they seemed happy to see us.

Eventually, after a bit, a Galarian Weezing-- who I presumed was the mayor of Wereldia-- stepped out in front of the crowd of thousands and got in front of the shrine. I turned to look at the clock as he did this, and noticed that it now read 9:00.

It was time.

I turned to Absent.

"This is it!" I cried in an excited whisper.

And then, the Galarian Weezing spoke up.

"Citizens of Wereldia...!"

The crowd ultimately died down, and all eyes turned to the Galarian Weezing in the middle of the shrine.

"Welcome to the 10,000th annual Wereldian Rachimas Eve ceremonies!" he exclaimed. "For those of you unfamiliar, I am Burgemeester Leiden, the mayor of this dimension and the master of ceremonies for this year's event. It is a pleasure to see all of you here today. As you know, this year is a very special year for us."

He floated away from the shrine, showing the image of Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, and Jirachi creating Wereldia.

"It was on this day, 10,000 years ago," Leiden continued, "that the forces of Arceus, Dialga, and Palkia joined together in Universum to create an ideal land, one that values peace and love above all else, but also values the differences and eccentricities that can be found in everyone. Unfortunately, their initial attempts were a disaster, and resulted in the nigh-destruction of all Universum. It seemed that all hope was lost-- until our lord and Savior, the Wish Pokemon Jirachi, realized that he was the missing ingredient. He convinced Arceus that he could grant a wish and set things right. Arceus wished that the four of them could create the world they had been trying to create before. Together, the four of them used their immense power and not only ended the destruction, they created the land we now know as the Wereldian dimension! And we will be forever grateful for it!"

The entire audience of Wereldian citizens promptly burst into cheers and applause.

Except for us, of course, since we were just hearing this story for the first time.

"And now..." continued the mayor. "Now, to celebrate this momentous occasion, we have exchanged items to the mysterious DIROB of legend in return for a granted wish for a hundred thousand years, and I plan for this year to be the best one yet. Of course, we can't just start putting objects at the shrine and making wishes yet-- there's still a procedure, and you all know what it is!"

Again, the audience cheered. Tillen promptly nudged me in the shoulder.

"This is it!" he whispered to me. "The best part of the opening ceremonies!"

I was wondering for a few moments as to what that was-- until the mayor declared:

"Please place your limbs of choice if you have any on your hearts and join me in singing the Weredian National Anthem!"

Everyone, including myself, did so. The only exceptions to this were the rest of the West family, Absent included, who instead just stared at each other in complete confusion.

The rest of us, however, had been at the game, so we knew what to sing.

And seconds later, we heard the familiar trumpets of "_Het Wilhelmus_" start up, and every single Pokemon there-- again, except for JW, BW, RW, Nathan, and Absent, who had no clue what was going on-- all began to sing as loudly as they could:

_Wilhelmus van Nassouwe ben ik van Duitsen bloed_   
_Den vaterland getrouwe blijf ik tot in ded dood_   
_Een prinse van Oranje ben ik, vrij, onverveerd_   
_Den Koning van Hispanje heb ik altijd geeerd!_

_Mijn schild ende betrouwen zjit Gij, O God mijn heer _   
_Op u zo wil ik bouwen verlaat mij nimmermeer_   
_Dat ik toch vroom mag blijven uw dienaar t'aller stond_   
_Die tyrannie verdrijven die mij mijn haart doorwondt_

_Wilhelmus van Nassouwe ben ik van Duitsen bloed_   
_Den vaterland getrouwe blijf ik tot in ded dood_   
_Een prinse van Oranje ben ik, vrij, onverveerd_   
_Den Koning van Hispanje heb ik altijd geeerd!_

And then, after a brief moment of silence:

_Den Koning van Hispanje heb ik altijd geeerd!_

The trumpets ultimately ended, and everyone burst into cheers and/or- in the case of the West family- polite applause. Mere seconds after the song ended, I turned to Absent

"So," I said, "let me guess: you didn't join in because you don't know the lyrics?"

"Or plan to learn them," the entire family chorused.

"Yeah, should have guessed that, too," I said, with a giggle. "Now, if it was the _American _national anthem... would you have joined in?"

"No."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Just... why? There's no real reason to," Absent figured.

I shrugged.

"If you say so," I said. "I would join in."

The cheers and applause finally died down, and the mayor spoke once again.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," he said, "it's the moment you've all been waiting for! Citizens of Wereldia, please step forward with your object and make a wish!"

The audience once again cheered loudly, before everyone turned to look at each other, all of them discussing what they would set out. I, meanwhile, turned to look at Absent.

"So," I said, "who do you think will go first?"

"Your guess is as good as mine - but I know for certain what my family, me included, wants."

And so did I.

Even then, though, none of us were expecting what we saw next.

Before our eyes, Tillen and Pols stepped forward in front of the crowd of Pokemon and set two objects down in front of the shrine-- Tillen set down a belt, while Pols set down a wristband. At first I presumed this was just any other normal wristband-- until I got a closer look.

It wasn't any ordinary wristband.

It was the same wristband that he had worn during the Wereldian Stadium terrorist attack.

Somehow, I had a feeling that if Pols was willing to give up one of his most treasured items to the DIROB, his wish was going to be a good one indeed.

And what ended up happening certainly proved my point.

Tillen looked over at Pols.

"You wanna go first, buddy?" asked Pols.

Tillen shook his head. "Nah, you go first. Your wish is more important."

Pols nodded.

He then stood over top of the shrine, looking down at his wristband, before kneeling down and speaking directly into the shrine.

"My Lord and Savior Jirachi, I present to the DIROB this wristband..."

Okay, that seemed relatively reasonable.

"...in exchange for an Instant Wereldian Teleportation Vehicle..."

Okay, never heard of that before. Probably a car or something. Made sense, honestly; Pols still didn't really have any money, he probably wanted something that would instantly send him to where he needed to go-

"...for Jenean Wilson and the entire West family!"

..._wait, WHAT?!_

I glanced over at Absent, and the entire rest of the West family, in utter disbelief.

"W-wha...?"

The rest of the Wereldian citizens loudly cheered, while I just sat there wondering what, if anything, Absent and the rest of his family had to be thinking by now.

\---------------------------------------

** _ABSENT'S POV_ **

A car?

A _car?!_

"We can't even go to the DMV to get registered since our license photos don't match how we look anymore and you decide to give us a car?!" Nathan demanded, clearly thinking what I had been thinking.

"What the _hell_, dude?!"

Naturally, I didn't say any of that since I was too busy sharing confusion as to

what the _heck_ an Instant Wereldian Teleportation Vehicle was. I assumed it was a car.

And Pols was offering up something you could buy with the change you find on a walk around the neighborhood.

"That is _not_ the law of equivalent exchange!" he continued. "I could trade that for a _Klondike Bar_ and come out on top!"

While I expected mom to slap him on the back of the head or something, she took a different route.

"If you're going to make wishes on our behalf, wish for something that we actually need! After three months of this, I am _sick_ and _tired_ of putting up with these stupid claws, this stupid ponytail and this _stupid_ paranoia!"

"I'm not going to deny that you all mean well, but you couldn't have run this by us first? I'm not asking for you to give up everything for us, I'm just asking for normalcy," Brittany added.

"We _want, _**_need _**our humanity!" Dad exclaimed. "All _five_ of us! You might not have these problems since this is how you lived your whole life, but _we sure as hell didn't live like you did_."

"Wereldians, let me explain," I said, getting a lift onto dad's shoulder. "We don't live in a world of goodwill and equivalent exchange. We don't live in a world where the best one can be is who someone naturally is. We lived in a world of consumerism, high standards and human fallibility. We live in a world where your best isn't always enough. We live in a world where the drive to be the best comes at a non-monetary price. We live in a world that bleeds us dry and takes more. It sounds terrible, but it's the life I know and I - _WE - want it back._"

I sighed, stepping down from the metaphoric soapbox my family's frustration provided for me. Pols and Tillen and all of the citizens of Wereldia were muttering amongst one another, talking about something that none of us could catch. Eventually, however, Tillen stepped forward and sighed.

"...who am I kiddin'?" he muttered sadly. "They're right."

And at that statement, all of the citizens of Wereldia burst into a loud furor:

"What?!"

"B-but I was going to give them money a-and food..."

"I was going to wish for the clocks to be set to direct 1:1 correspondence every day!"

"I was going to wish for a _freaking home _for them to live in in the meantime!"

"We planned to give them all a better life!"

"But don't ya _get it_?!" cried Tillen. "Sure, all that stuff is fine and good, but... they already had a life. And it might not have been the best life they got, but it was their life."

He lowered his head.

"And they want it back."

He walked up to me and shook his head sadly.

"I-I'm so sorry," he said. "This is all my fault. I... I heard y'alls situation and it was just awful and I- I knew I had to do somethin'— I wanted to do somethin'— so I..." He looked down. "I sent out a Growl askin' all of Wereldia to help ya. Pols wanted to pay you back for what happened in the trial, but..."

He sat down on the shrine.

"I guess... I wasn't thinking clearly," he said. "None of us were."

"Like I said," Brittany started. "I can't deny the heart behind it. I'm grateful you put out a call like this, but there's a snag."

I stepped forward.

"This holiday has become less about the birth of Christ, the formation of Wereldia or even the end of the harvest season," I started. "Now it's all just _consumerism_. Material goods are the means to happiness, not because they are but because it's what we've been told.

"You even follow it, too. You exchange material goods for different material goods. I can't imagine how many people would give up habits for things or the other way around. I used to be more than willing to give up my above-average smarts for the grades that reflected them.

"But you can't fit that on a sleigh pulled by eight does, can ya?"

Tillen was silent for a few moments before answering.

"No," he said sadly. "No, ya can't."

"But then what's going to happen to the DIROB?!" protested one citizen.

"What's going to happen to our holiday traditions?!" cried another.

"...what's gonna happen to _you_?" muttered Pols sadly.

"Unless you can find some way to give all five of us our humanity back," Nathan started, "F-" - Bulbasaur - "all."

The Wereldian citizens stared at each other.

"S-so... this entire holiday is... _pointless_?" muttered Pols.

"Well... yeah. Once you get those Black Friday deals, you're _done_."

"...so... giving things up to help other people is pointless, too?"

"You shouldn't have to martyr yourself to help others. Where we're from, everyone is their own highest priority. Besides, under all other circumstances, you still get a chance to Wonder Trade away something you don't need for something of equal or lesser value.

"And you get to _every two weeks_. For crying out loud, people need longer to record a _cover_."

The citizens of Wereldia looked at each other.

"So... -"

"LF, show them the photo."

She smiled. "Gladly."

In an instant, she took out her camera that she received from Derprob and showed the photo to the entire population of Wereldia. Every single one of them reacted with gasps of disbelief.

"_This_ is what has been happening with everything you offered over ten millenia. It's been gathering dust under the tallest mountain in your dimension, simply throwing more crap onto the hoard your revered Diazepine sits on for weeks at a time. Your generous offerings haven't been put to any visible use, and yet you still contemplate what to give away. John Deere-Rob is little more than a hoarder, and you're _enabling _him."

The citizens of Wereldia all glanced at each other in shock.

"Hoo-_boy_..." muttered Tillen.

"The DIROB is _real_?!" cried another Wereldian. "A-and he's been hoarding all our stuff?!"

"_This _is what we've been doing for 100,000 years?!"

"A-are we..." Pols suddenly broke in. "Are we bad Pokémon?!"

"Is the _DIROB _a bad Pokemon?!"

"W-what are we going to do about these traditions?"

"Should we just stop being charitable towards _anybody_?"

"No, we can't do that! W-what about the Pokémon who need it?"

"B-but Absent— a-and the West family— we wanted to give them something they ended up not needing or wanting..."

Apparently, everything that had just happened— the guilt over the Growl, basically being told that the holiday was pointless, and apparently having realized the truth about his "generosity" — must have gotten to Tillen in some way, because he just continued to sit on the shrine.

And cry.

He was utterly _broken_.

It wasn't full-on _sobbing_, but still.

He looked up at me.

"Absent," he muttered, between tears, "d-does this mean... does this mean _I'm _a bad Pokémon?" 

"No, no one's a bad person," I said. "Not even Nathan. But, to quote a game I can no longer play, 'tradition is the corpse of wisdom'. And your adherence to them was hindering your judgments. Seriously, if LF could scale that mountain in two hours, what was stopping _any _Fire-type from doing the same?"

He sniffled.

"W-what are we s'possed to do?" he asked. "Just... give up on the holiday entirely? On _kindness _entirely? We've been doin' the same thing for _100,000 _years..."

"Kindness, no. The holiday, maybe? Maybe stage an intervention next time around."

"...w-what do ya mean, stage an intervention?"

"Don't give him crap to add to the pile. Just have someone waiting in town square, ready to let him down easy... maybe that should be me, right now," I realized.

"Well, how are we going to get the DIROB here?!" cried a Wereldian.

"Eventually he'll investigate why there's no offerings and..." I trailed off.

"Actually... I have a better idea."

The Wereldians, myself, and my family all turned to see LF stepping forward, holding the camera she had received. I turned to look at my family and the rest of the Koffiehuis, and apparently all of them knew what they had to do next. Tillen- who was still crying a bit on the shrine- turned to Pols, who nodded in understanding.

"If you'd like I can give you all a lift," he said.

\--------------------------------------------------------

"W-whoa-whoa-WHOOOOOOAAAA...!"

By this point, Pols was carrying myself, LF, and now Robert DeNiro to the town square of Wereldia from that giant mountain which I forget the name of. The latter was freaking out and looking down at the town square.

"W-what are you doing...?!" he asked. "Why did you take me out of Berglijdend?! What is going on here?!"

"You'll see," I said.

LF smirked.

"Indeed," she said. "You shall _definitely _see."

Eventually, Pols landed in the middle of the town square and proceeded to drop all three of us in front of the huge crowd of Pokemon.

"We're here for you, Dee. All of us, we want to help."

He blinked and looked around.

"Help me?" he asked. "Why do you want to help me? I had received an offer from someone named Pols for a IWTV on behalf of some West family I've never heard of... is that what you wanted to help me with?"

"No, we know that you've been keeping the stuff people offer you, letting it gather dust for millenia at a time. You're a _hoarder_, dude. You have a problem."

"W-what?!" gasped the Delibird. "A... a hoarder?"

"Yeah," said Tillen, stepping forward. "You... ya got a bit of an issue, buddy. We've been following you for millenna now, and..." He paused. "I think it's time we give it all up."

The Delibird looked on in shock.

"No..." he muttered. "Y-you can't just give it up! W-what's going to happen to the holiday? A-and the tradition?!" He blinked, then looked at me. "W-who even are you?!"

"Call me Absent, and I'm just someone concerned with the practicality of what you're doing. Wereldia as a whole, particularly. Once I saw the image LF took of you, it all clicked with me. You play musical chairs with items given to you, and in their stead leave items of equal or lesser monetary value.

"What you're doing motivates consumerism, which is the death of rainy day funds, as Wereldia could use that money on things that benefit everyone in lieu of individual material goods. You're accumulating dust and wealth alike with the items you exchange, but you're not getting any value from them. Conversely, the people you play hot potato with are losing goods, but they're gaining value, too. It's two different zero-sum games, and they both spell the slow death of an economy - one has all the money, and the rest have the goods no one can buy."

He looked up at all of the Wereldian citizens, regret and shock slowly starting to set in.

"No..." he muttered. "I... I didn't think I was making the lives of Wereldian citizens _worse _by doing this!"

"I never said you were," I conceded.

"B-but I didn't think of that stuff as just... stuff!" protested Dee. "D-do you really think I was hoarding for no good reason?"

"Well, the typical reason is an illogical feeling of sentiment, but none of that stuff was originally yours... was it?" I asked.

"N-no," he admitted, "but... they _do _mean something to me. You know... I haven't been the DIROB for millennia. I'm the most recent DIROB."

"Figures - you'd have to be immortal for that to not be the case, eh, _Verzamelen_?" I asked.

Watermelon -- no, Verzamelen -- blinked in surprise.

"T-that... that's my real name..." he muttered.

The citizens of Wereldia all turned to each other, stunned by this revelation.

"Wait... he has a _NAME?!_"

"How did he...?"

"D-do they know each other personally?!"

The Koffiehuis were just as shocked, Em in particular.

"W-wait a second," I muttered. "He-- he has a _NAME?! _How did you know what it was?!"

I pointed to my notebook, and she seemed to notice a dog-eared page. She opened up to it and read the underlined sentences.

_Ik af viertig album geverzameld._

_I've collected forty albums_. _(Ask about pluralization in the future.)_

Em grinned. "Looks like you've been studying way more than just sentence structure, huh, bud?" 

"Do I win a cookie," I spat.

"Uh... no," she muttered, a little intimidated.

"A-anyways," said Verzamelen, "like I was saying before... I'm not the first DIROB, and when I first got the job from my father... well, needless to say, I was... disillusioned by the idea of goodwill. Probably just as much as you are." He blinked. "How disillusioned are you, by the way, just wondering?"

"Where I come from, you can't do _anything_ for anyone without expecting something in return. They buy dinner? You're buying lunch a week from now. They get you a shirt for your birthday? You get them one. You invite them for a party? Make a mark on your calendar because they're inviting _you_ next time."

"So... very disillusioned, I'm assuming," he said.

"You can only trust yourself to not guilt-trip you, and even then, brains are evil."

"True," said Verzamelen. "In that case, then, I was probably worse. I believed- or, rather, was told to believe- that goodwill was pretty much pointless and that everyone around me was out to get me. So... I grew pretty bored by the whole thing-- until my first Rachimas celebration 20 years ago. That year, I received my first present-- or rather, present_s_\-- from the general public. The first one was a note asking for help in regards to Dutch direct objects."

"Wait," asked Em. "I-is that why you...?"

Verzamelen nodded. "Yeah, that's the reason why I send back tips on Dutch direct objects in the PS portions. But the second gift..."

\----------------------------------------------------------

** _FLASHBACK-- 3P-- VERZAMELEN'S POV_ **

** _20 WERELDIAN YEARS (481 EARTH YEARS) AGO_ **

Rolling his eyes in frustration mixed with acceptance at what he had to do, he reached the peak of the mountain, catching his breath before realizing he had to pick up the pace.

He descended down the mountain as fast as he could, certain that the entire town was asleep and wouldn't be awoken by his inexperience. He looked at the map his father had given him, a portion circled in black to show him his destination.

If only he could see the street names under the cover of night, it would have given him a chance to go where he needed to. But he had to kind of feel his way there, make certain he wasn't treading the same ground twice.

Soon enough he stumbled over something. Picking himself up off the ground, his eyes caught the silhouette of numerous unrecognizable items. He had found the treasure trove. Time to get to work.

Uncertain about the capabilities he had as the newest DIROB, he reached for a letter not attached to a box, as it would be easiest to manage. He opened it, reading its contents under the street lamp.

Pointers on Dutch grammar. What did he mean?

Sticking the letter into his tail, he let his magical abilities do the work for him. Out from his second, non-tail satchel came a notebook, a few pages filled with some basic explanations of elementary Dutch sentences.

He sighed, a test run complete before he grabbed another letter, unattached, worried what he did was a mere fluke.

It was in blocky text, evident of someone young. He sighed, he would have to read this carefully. Thankfully, the letter was pretty concise, but no less empactful.

** _DIROB,_ **

** _Merry Rachimas. Can you make everyone happy, just for me?_ **

** _-Patricia_ **

Strangely, the name was in cursive, as though someone else signed it, but the point stood.

At that moment he began to appreciate his work. He wasn't just some errand boy giving everyone new things in exchange for the old. He made people happy. And that thought made him happy, too.

** _THE NEXT DAY_ **

Having swiped a shovel from a store in the town, he began to dig out a base of operations in the mountain, the lumber he needed chopped up, again with the shovel.

** _TEN YEARS LATER_ **

The shelves began to fall apart, but he didn't notice.

** _FIVE YEARS LATER_ **

The air was too dry for him to be able to cough away the clouds of dust accompanying every step.

** _THREE YEARS LATER_ **

He could barely navigate, but he didn't care.

** _TWO YEARS LATER_ **

The ice above the entrance began to melt. He almost didn't catch the Vulpix in time.

\------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT'S POV_ **

"Wait... Patty?!" I cried. "That was you?!"

Patricia Vandertramp promptly stepped forward.

"Yes," she said. "Yes, it was. The day Mort died was December 21st, and... I knew that three days later it would be Rachimas Eve. So... so I asked the DIROB if he could make everyone happy. But in truth, that wish wasn't just for me. It was for Mort."

She paused.

"Just in case... just in case his spirit was still out there."

"Well, it was, and now your son's a Mimikyu. Anyway, this is about Verza's problem. And, to an extent, my family's."

"W-what's your family's problem?" asked Verzamelen.

"They've become Pokemon, and they're very much not by birth," I started. "Giving them back their humanity will be a great first step to giving them their life back. Jobs, social life, hobbies, _food_."

And then all of a sudden it clicked.

"Wait a second," said Verzamelen. "They're... _you're _a West! This is the family that wanted the IWTV, isn't it?"

"No, we're the family that_ Pols_ wanted to _give_ the IWTV to- we want our humanity back. No ifs, ands, or buts, save for the one humans cover with a pair of pants because we want the butts we were born with back, as well as the rest of our bodies," I said.

"Oh," said Verzamelen. "Well... you _are _one of them, aren't you?"

"Yes, and though I made a promise to Em I would help the Koffiehuis' endeavors, I _still_ want my humanity. Or, at the _very_ least, to be a Rockruff instead."

"Hm," said Verzamelen. "Even, then, though... that moment taught me that giving was important. I just never realized it would lead to... me hoarding."

"And it'll be hard for you to stop. Much like the life my family wants back, you've known this your entire life and are perfectly okay with it. But it's a bit like being lulled to sleep by a leaky sink. Sure, it's comforting, but in time the consequences will hit you right in the checkbook."

He tilted his head.

"And... what do leaky sinks have to do with checkbooks and money?" he asked.

"... you don't have water bills?" I realized. "See, this is what I'm talking about! We live our lives, warts and all, and we don't even _register_ the warts because that's just what we assume our lives look like. No one lives in a perfect world, and anyone who says they do is lying to themself."

"But... Wereldia isn't perfect," he said.

"I never said it was. I just said it was _your_ world. And it's how you've been raised and what you know. I don't doubt that when you're in my world, where money metaphorically _makes the world go 'round_, you're gonna find all sorts of flaws.

"But that doesn't mean we have to _accept_ the flaws. We can work towards a better world for all those involved, and honestly? For me? That's what all these late-December holidays are all about. Not about bribing your kids to be well-behaved, not about the birth of a prophet, not about the shortest day of the year. This is the time of year that we look back, reflect, and resolve to do better. Why are New Years' Resolutions so popular, even if we never adhere to them? Because they're _ideals_, and ideals are... well, ideal. They're what we want because we _know_ we can improve. As individuals, as family, and as a community."

And at those words, Tillen looked over at Verzamelen and grinned broadly.

"Ya know what?" he said. "He's got a point."

The Wereldians all turned to look at him.

"We've spent years upon years and millennia upon millennia doin' the same thing over and over again... but we can change! And if we can change, then by Arceus, our traditions can change! Who's to say that next year can't be different from all the years prior? We're all forgettin' what the Wereldian holiday is _really _about! Today is the day that the Wereldian dimension was created, dang it! What are we doin', giving our presents to this 'DIROB'?! We can dedicate this day and the next day to plenty of other things!" 

And seconds later, another Wereldian citizen stood up.

"Tillen's right!" he said. "This is about the day Wereldia was founded! Let's celebrate that instead-- and all that Wereldia stands for!"

The citizens all cheered loudly, all of them on board with this decision, before all of them began chattering amongst each other as to what they wanted to do:

"Let's set up a historical festival!"

"We can have large feasts dedicated to Jirachi!"

"We can still talk about Dutch, right?"

"Course we can!" cried Tillen. "This is Wereldia! We can do whatever the heck we want!"

The citizens all let out another cheer-- but then:

"But... what about me?" asked Verzamelen.

Everyone turned to him.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"You're as 'disillusioned' as I am, right? That means you're experienced. Keep these idiots in check for me, okay?"

"...are we really idiots?" asked Tillen.

"If Absent calls you an idiot," LF started, "it means he likes you but will never admit it. He calls his family 'idiots', for example."

"Oh," said Tillen. "Okay."

"What do you mean, 'keep them in check'?" asked Verzamelen.

"I heard Tillen say 'we can do whatever the heck we want'. No. No you can't. There should always be room for rationale."

"_How _can I keep them in check?"

"Don't be afraid to say 'no'."

"No, no, no, I mean how can I _physically _keep them in check?" Verzamelen clarified. "Where do I go? What can I do?"

"You're practically the lynchpin of this holiday, they have no reason to _not_ listen to you. You're like some sorta... I dunno, Champion Christmas."

He giggled a bit. "Champion Christmas. I like that-- wait, who's Christ?"

"Yeah, Absent," said Em, "I think you mean Champion _Rachimas_."

"Look, alliteration's hard."

"True," she said. 

"Anyways," I resumed. "You have a personal experience with this holiday, so you know more about it than most others. You can work to improve it while still keeping the spirit somewhat intact."

"Oh," said Verzamelen.

He grinned, then took out a notebook of his own.

"Well, then in that case," he said, "I think I should go right ahead and start with the planning, because tomorrow is just a day away and we've got some celebrating to do!"

He turned to the Wereldian citizens.

"Everyone, come with me!" he said. "We're going to give them the biggest and best Rachimas festival Wereldia has ever seen!"

The citizens all cheered, before happily following him off somewhere- likely to the mountain which I _still _forget the name of. Em, meanwhile, walked up to me and put a vine on my shoulder.

"I think you might have saved Rachimas, buddy," she said.

"Yeah, but there's still one problem."

As the crowd petered out, a single voice pierced the sky.

"**_WHAT ARE WE, CHOPPED LIVER?!_**"

And then-- a giggle.

A very familiar one.

_Oh, Corbin... did you honestly think I _wouldn't _be watching?_

Sierra?!

What the _hell _was she doing in _Wereldia?!_

Though, to be fair...

"Winter break?"

_Indeed, Corbin, _she said. _And given that I'm a spirit, I can travel to other dimensions just as you can. Anyways..._

She promptly landed in front of the rest of the fam.

_You're Corbin's family, correct?_

"Yeah, you remember us from when you _left us like this_, right?!" Mom demanded. "What. On God's green Earth. Stopped you. From **_FIXING THIS?!!?_**"

_Aleph-Null_, she said simply, without a hint of intimidation.

"They bounced before you turned up," Sis recalled. "_Well_ before."

_They did,_ she conceded. _However, I am the guardian of Cypress Hall. Do you honestly think I haven't watched everything your son does? Since the attack on Folsom Lake he's beaten Aleph-Null twice. And something tells me they'll be out for you again. Case already has a grudge against Corbin-- it is very likely that all of you are on his blacklist as well. And if they try to kill you... how are all of you to defend yourselves?_

"_Lay low_?" The entire fam, me included, demanded.

"Creatures that shouldn't exist outside of RPGs are not discrete in _any_ capacity," Sis explained.

_True_, she said. _However... if they try to kill you, I do not believe "laying low", as you put it, will help in any capacity. And yet at the same time, I understand your plight and wish to alleviate your stress as soon as possible._

"You could have at least taught me how to use my illusions," Mom pressed. "Sure, it wouldn't have been a means to attack but at least I could go out in public with a little practice. I can barely imitate a tray of cookies."

_Alas, I am not a Zoroark, _responded Sierra. _But that is a good point, so I will be very happy to do so..._

She suddenly flew back and threw her wings forward.

_Just as soon as I do _this.

And within seconds, blue beams of light came from her wings, engulfing my mother, my father, Nathan, and Brittany - but not me. A shame, since I knew what came next.

Or at the very least, I _thought _I knew what came next.

They floated in the air for a few seconds, and the blue light promptly blinded all of our visions, but by the time it had finally faded...

They didn't... _quite_ resemble my family. Oh, sure, they could pass in public, but...

Mom was now wearing a deep black hoodie with crimson red on the back, said hood being so thick you could almost mistake it for shoulder guards, let alone with the fingerless gloves showing her crimson fingernails, too. Her black hair also went past her shoulder blades with red highlights at the end.

Sis' old attire was now accompanied by a white skirt that went to her kneecaps, as well as a pair of white leggings underneath. Her hair looked like she had recently reconsidered dying it green, and her ears poked out from it, giving her an elvish look.

Dad had been put into some standard work attire, although, like mom's hood, the shoulders were way too pronounced to not be at least noticeable. He had somehow developed some musculature, and the belt holding up his pants was a fluorescent red.

Nathan got away with a blazer over a verdant green dress shirt coupled with a green scarf.

"... What is this, some sorta compromise?" I demanded.

_Precisely, _said Sierra. _I gijinka'd your entire family so that they could go out in public and live their lives, but at the same time..._

"Still have the ability to kick some-" Shaymin "-?" Nathan asked, subconsciously adjusting the new scarf as casually as if he had been wearing it all day.

_Indeed, _she said. _Brittany-- can you still teleport?_

Two pink flashes answered the question.

"Let go of me!" Reste demanded before another pink flash.

_Excellent_, said Sierra. _It worked. Now... what do you think?_

"I'm thinking you missed a spot."

_Missed a spot...? Where?_

"**_ME_**."

_Oh, yes. Corbin... right... I forgot about you... my apologies_, she conceded.

"Look, like I said earlier, if I still need to be a Pokemon fully - no gijinka, anthro, none of that - so be it. But honestly, if that's a necessity, at _least_ turn me into a Rockruff instead. It's a Pokemon I identify with so much more."

_...You do identify with it, but you'd be a quadruped and you wouldn't have a scalchop._

"And that's okay. I don't mind giving up bipedal locomotion. LF, Maddy and even Em did. And I can still use a pencil and the Mechinator since I'd have a tail. Let's be fair, people, myself included, love dogs a lot more. And Rockruff are rowdy little doggos prone to outbursts. Where does that sound familiar - OH RIGHT, BLUE NEEDLES. Truth be told, being turned into an Oshawott was a slap in the face given, y'know, I _nearly drowned_?"

Sierra seemed to wince particularly hard at that one.

_You are right_... she said, _Very well, then. You can become a Rockruff. But... what will the Koffiehuis think? Particularly HP?_

"Hand me my phone and let's find out."

_Your phone? Don't you already have your phone?_

"Yeah, but I was just... nevermind."

_Rrrrring... rrrring..._

"_Absent_?" HP's voice asked.

"Hey, HP. Maddy and Yuu with ya?"

"_Um... yes. Why_?"

"Just saying, when I get back, you might not recognize me. Or my family. But particularly me. Just know that I'm not going to be an Oshawott anymore soon enough."

"_What_?!" gasped Madelief.

"_You're... not_?" asked HP. "_B-but what about--"_

"Oh, I'm still involved. But I'm not going to be an Oshawott."

"_No, no, I mean Koffie-- and the fire-- and the Mechinator_\--"

"What, you think I don't have plans for those? I'll still be able to work everything given a little effort. I mean, Em and LF can, right?"

"_Y-yes... I suppose so... but... it'll still be a bit... weird_..."

"What, and being small enough to be kicked over a fence isn't? This'll still be weird, but it's a weird that I can tolerate, like butter on a Pop-Tart as opposed to mayonnaise."

"_Ooh_!" cried Madelief. "_I'm kind of excited."_

"_Well... okay, then_," said HP.

I didn't hear Yuunarii, obviously, but I was pretty sure she was okay with it.

"See you in a bit," I said before hanging up and setting my phone down.

I sighed, the weight of this hitting me before I tossed aside the scalchop. "Hit it, Sierra."

Em promptly reached for her phone and put on Tool's "46&2." Sierra, meanwhile, smiled.

_Gladly._

She threw her wings forward.

Seconds later, I found myself engulfed in the same blue light that had engulfed my family moments before. All sensation died, save for feeling the ground give away from under me and the tingling of numb sensations. I tried to look at myself and couldn't— all I saw was blue light.

Until...

_You can look now_, said Sierra.

I picked myself up off the ground, remembering that I was now quadrupedal. Once I noticed what I had become - brown fur, tan muzzle, dusty fuzz - I felt my tail wag in excitement.

No, this wasn't perfect normalcy, but given Aleph-Null, could I go back yet? No. I couldn't.

And as long as we worked to improve the situation in any way we could, I was okay with that. I pledged loyalty to the Koffiehuis, and now?

It _showed_.

** _EINDE_ **


	18. VIJFTIEN: The Mutt in the Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen... this is it! The final chapter of the March months, and like Chapter 10 before it, this one's a replacement chapter, replacing "To the EHD!" which both Absent and I found boring as all heck, and thus deleted. But unlike Chapter 10 before it, this one is entirely original and entirely new! I welcome you all to the new Chapter 15: "The Mutt in the Mirror," AKA our first glimpse of the Absent Coder in his new form as a Rockruff-- and I gotta say this right now, I'm starting to get used to it. In this chapter, the group heads to the other college that the Coder went to: Sac City, as Aleph-Null strikes again, this time placing racist anti-Japanese pamphlets around the school. But as a result of his new form, Talbain is back in Absent's mind-- and stronger than ever before... 
> 
> Note here: this chapter contains within it a new spirit, another M4 battle, and-- possible spoiler alert-- the end of the chapter contains a MAJOR development in regards to Johnathon Case that none of you are going to want to miss! With that said, I'll see you all next time with a chapter that I can assure you won't be replaced: "Ghost Rider," which is probably also one of the saddest and most personal chapters I have ever written. Why? Well, if you're a Rush fan, you might be able to guess what the upcoming chapter is about based on the title alone... 
> 
> As usual, I do not own Pokemon, and as usual, please don't bully or harass any of the real people represented in this fanfic in any capacity online.

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER _ **

** _   
_ ** ** _OGHOND's POV_ **

You know... change can sometimes be pretty hard to deal with. Especially physical change.

Of course, we know this more than anyone else on the planet-- we were all turned into Pokemon, after all, and it's affected all of our lives in some way or another. I can now walk on all fours (and don't mind the rain at all anymore, since Grass is strong against Water) and have vines to help with grasping things-- which is good, since I no longer have hands. Madelief now floats from place to place, and has to use her leaves to play the guitar- since her "hands" are now nothing more than tiny pink stubs. HP's sensitivities have grown exponentially, she now has to draw with her feet, and she can now fly- which is especially ironic. LF now walks on all fours, can breathe fire, and can probably hypnotize people-- though I haven't seen her actually do so. Yuunarii now has a giant tail which she probably uses to draw and animate-- along with a lot of other things that would have required her hands, such as eating and drinking.

And Absent?

Well... not to sound mean or anything like that, but he probably got the worst luck of the lot-- at least, when he was an Oshawott. Grass was uncomfortable as heck for him-- and still is-- electricity paralyzed him, he didn't have fingers anymore, he literally had to set up a_ staircase made of books _just to get to the Clavus Locus Beta's door handle...

Yeah. He had it rough.

Of course, now that he's a _Rockruff_, some of that has changed-- he probably won't mind electricity as much anymore, unless Yuunarii Nuzzles him again, and he now likely _hates _water.

Given the fact that this all started because he drowned, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he had already had gained a newfound fear of water.

Still, though, his change from an Oshawott to a Rockruff was a pretty big change for all of us, since we'd all gotten used to seeing him as a "musky water rat," as Case called him. Of course, I was there when it happened, but it was still a pretty big change for me.

I quickly got used to it, though, and even though Grass was weak to Rock-- like it had been weak to Water-- my friendship with Absent was strong enough that I could surpass that weakness. I was still able to give him friendly nudges with my vines, which was good. Madelief was ecstatic, and was also able to interact with him-- although her Flying type made her slightly apprehensive to do so.

Since, you know.

Rock beats Flying.

HP, on the other hand...

Yeah, she's _Bug/Flying. _She's _4x _weak to Rock.

She didn't even see Absent on Rachimas Eve, though-- she had been far too busy trying to teach herself String Shot so as to see if she couldn't tie up Yuunarii and LF, and then hypnotize both of them. The next day-- Rachimas-- we had gone back to the ship, and Absent had locked himself up in his room for most of the day while the rest of the Koffiehuis watched Christmas movies and talked about what would happen in the coming year.

Eventually, though, he decided to come out of his room, and when he _did _do so...

Yeah, needless to say, he fell face-first onto the floor.  
  
It was pretty apparent-- at least to me-- that Absent still hadn't mastered the art of walking on all fours yet. Heck, I don't even know how _I _was able to do it as soon as I had turned into a Bulbasaur.

And the minute- no, the _second _they saw Absent's new form, HP and LF glanced at him in surprise.

I, meanwhile, walked up to Absent and helped him up off of the floor, before Picarding myself with my vines.

"You _really _should learn to walk on all fours, buddy," I said simply. 

"I had plenty of practice last night," he growled.

Beat.

"Oh," I said. "Never mind, that, then. Sorry, Absent."

LF and HP, meanwhile, walked up to him in shock.

"Absent...?" LF asked.

"Look," he sighed, "yesterday was a long day, and everything after the celebration felt that much longer. Especially after I got back on board. You were there for some of it, but... well..."

"Your slight irritability is not my concern," she said. "What I _am _confused about is... what are you?"

I suddenly realized that LF had likely never seen a Rockruff before in her life.

"He's a Rockruff," I said simply.

"Ah," said LF.

HP, meanwhile, approached Absent-- and immediately flinched back in fear before shaking a bit. 

I noticed, and tilted my head in concern.

"HP?" I asked. "A-are you okay?"   
  
"She's quad-weak to Rock," Absent explained.

"Right," I said.

"But that shouldn't matter unless I go out of my way to attack her. I mean, I know for certain I can drink water without discomfort, so the same principle applies."

And the second she heard the word "attack", HP shook even more.

"Y-you're... you're going to _attack me?!_" she cried in panic.

"No," he explained. "The possibility is nonexistent, which is why you shouldn't worry about it."

Apparently, HP didn't believe that-- considering A) Talbain existed and B) x4 Rock weakness, because she promptly hid away behind a wall. For a few moments I sat there and wondered if she was going to have another panic attack-- but based on the looks of it that didn't seem to be happening.

Still, though, just the fact that HP was too scared to even _touch _a fellow member of the Koffiehuis was just... _heartbreakingly sad._

"HP...?" I asked, my concern growing.

She didn't say anything-- she simply just flew upstairs in panic. Now gravely concerned, I looked over at Absent.

"Dang," I muttered sadly.

"She knows I don't mean her any harm," Absent said. "We all do, hell, I'm even sure _she_ knows."

"Indeed," said LF. "However... I have a theory that her likely heightened sensitivities are causing her to think that at some point or another you will cause her harm, accidentally or otherwise."

"Not to mention... _he _exists," I said. 

"He's not evil," Absent refuted. "I would know, he's _me_. No use trying to distance myself from him."

"I know he isn't," I said, "but after what happened with the Blue Needles-- I mean, I know what you said about the fact that it's harder to encase someone in rock than in water, but still. Your rage is _terrifying_\- scratch that. The _thought _of it is terrifying, and the only time it's not is when your rage is directed towards Aleph-Null."

"Of course it isn't," he said simply, "because it's not directed at _you_."

"At me or at any other member of the Koffiehuis. If it ever gets directed at HP... " I shivered. "_Hoo-boy._"

"I'm more patient with her than I am with a few others who shall go unnamed," Absent refuted.

...Yeah, that was true. I mean, he had comforted HP successfully through _three _panic attacks.

"True," I said. "And you don't need to name them... I already know who you mean."   
  
Namely-- Groeien, Rennen, all the inhabitants of Taalstad, and _yours truly-- _and even then he became _significantly _more patient with me if I started crying for any reason.

I proceeded to look over at the clock on my phone and immediately took note of the time.

10:00 PM.

I yawned.   
  
"Anyways," I said, getting up from the couch, "it's 10:00. I'm going to sleep."

"As am I," said LF, also proceeding to get up from the couch. 

Absent stood up and walked away, presumably to turn in as well, leaving me on my own.

\-----------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

I played the last hour or so back in my mind, hindsight hopefully yielding foresight.

I shouldn't have been surprised by the collective reactions of the Koffiehuis- or so I figured as I stumbled my way back to my room, attempting to follow Em's example as best I could without drawing attention to myself by stumbling over my own paws. When I finally got upstairs, falling forward, I felt Yuu scratching behind my ears, and then my leg bouncing and my tail wagging.

Yes, it felt amazing, but I still had enough clarity to consider - were these the instincts I told René about?

I couldn't mull over the answer long enough as I heard the Butler Brothers come running over to greet me, as they apparently didn't get the memo.

"I-ith that a _Rockruff?!_"

"Reentre-- _please_\-- now's not the time--"

"IT'TH A ROCKRUFF~! OGHOND~! ABTHENT~! WE HAVE GUETHTTH~!"

Reentre proceeded to glomp me.

As the euphoria died away, the two started going through the motions:

"Where'th the retht of the family at?! Well, no matter; whoever you are, you _need _to meet the retht of my family! I'm pretty thertain my other fourteen-- or ith that fifteen?- thiblingth would _love _to meet you--"

"_Enough, _brother. It's 10:00; this is not the time to greet guests-- or the method by which you should be greeting them. You're likely waking everybody up."   
  
I attempted to tune them out but their combined forces were too strong for my sleep-deprivation-induced headache. I sat up, a paw to my head before I turned to look at them.

"Ugh, cram it, you two. It's been a long day."

The two of them stopped bickering to look at me, startled. I couldn't blame them, but I didn't care.

"Tell the rest of the fam the Rockruff is the Oshawott who revived Mort," I said, walking away from them. "I'm going to my room and you can't stop me."

The two looked at each other before nodding and running off.

I picked myself up and started to stagger over to my room, letting out a big yawn as I reached for the handle. After making a platform out of a Stone Edge to lift myself I opened the door and entered my room.

With a little bit more effort I made it to my bed. Instinctively, I walked in a circle a couple of times, something I didn't notice until I did and then lay down, throwing a blanket over myself and soon blacking out.

But my troubles only began at that point. As the night rolled on a few dreams came to me, none of them great.

One of them was of me in a hospital, with my gijinka'd family staring down at me, still a Rockruff, as I whimpered in pain before blood flowed down my cheek. I could feel my slowly-slowing pulse against the hospital bracelet as the dream faded away from my perception.

Another had something to do with running through the forest while a number of Razor Leaves darted around me. I could make out the details on the trees, but I couldn't discern what was firing leaves at me, not even from where. Just, green streaks I instinctively knew to dodge.

Another I could see myself in pitch, fully cognizant of the fact that I was dreaming. I looked around and a pair of glowing red eyes stared me down. But there was somehow amusement I could discern.

**_Getting in touch?_** Talbain asked. **_Ha ha, you're doing great._**

I didn't dignify him with a response, instead electing to lie down, sleep inside a dream. Until I felt him nuzzle my scruff.

** _My domain, puppy. You're going to remember this dream. You're going to know that I've been given more reign._ **

"But this is what I wanted," I reasoned, standing up and meeting his gaze. "Why would I let you have more control?"

**_You're human by nature,_** he growled. **_You want more. And you now know you can GET more. So you're going to be less afraid to let me off the chain._**

"But I know this," I refuted. "I don't have to give you a chance."

**_You can't not be angry forever,_** he taunted. **_The day will come when you bare your fangs, maybe even sooner than you think._**

"Oh, you want to see them?!" I barked, throwing myself at where I figured Talbain's neck would be.

At that moment I woke up, feeling like I had fallen onto my bed. The sun poked through the window, and I soon got out from my blanket tangle. I was more awake than I had been in a while, but that wasn't good for me. I didn't know if Talbain was rewarding my drive or mocking my inability to be rid of him.

Knowing him - knowing me - it was probably both.

I climbed down from my bed, tiredness catching up to me as I ascended the book staircase to the handle, pulling it as I fell to the floor. I landed with a grunt, and opened the door to find the sun shining right into my face.

Knowing the path to the kitchen, I started to walk, vaguely aware that I had picked up walking on all fours a little easier than I expected. Was it that dream? I figured no, but I'm not really a psychologist.

Within time I made it to the kitchen, seeing that a pot was already made. I turned to look at the only other one in the kitchen.

"Jack," I said simply.

He turned to face me.

"Ah, morning, Absent," he said, far too chipper for this point in the morning.

I growled in response and gripped a cup in my tail. After setting it down on the counter and pouring the bitter black beverage, I finally turned to look at him.

"So... what happened after my spiel?"

"It was amazing," he started. "Rather than giving the DIROB what we didn't want anymore we told him - and a few others who volunteered - about some of what we had been taking issue with, personally and as a community! It felt nice to just be heard, and the most common issues are actually having something done about them!"

"... so a town hall meeting," I summarized as I poured in a few packets of creamer.

"Indeed!" said the doctor, laughing. "As a matter of fact, it was so successful that Leiden passed a new decree saying that something like this would happen every other week, and I could not be more grateful!"

"In hindsight, every other week might be a little too often, don't you think?" I asked.

"Well, yes, but that means we can work on more things to improve," he offered.

"I think the meetings should be pushed back to only happening every other month, relative to your world," I considered.

"Oh?" 

"I mean, you're a capable community, but you seem to need outsiders for radical reform," I added before I pounded half the drink. "After millenia, you seem to have collectively become complacent. You don't really have any non-material desires?"

"...Well, besides the revival of Mort, but you already did that for us," he said. "Did I tell you that it's completely changed how death is presented over here? I'm serious, there's such a thing as Mimikyu transmutation now, and it is incredible. Anyways, enough about me-- you're a _Rockruff _now?! How in the world did _that _happen?!"

"Sierra had a... wing? Yeah, wing in it. I more or less appealed to her and she gave me what I wanted," I explained, the word "want" awkward to me for some reason.

Beat.

"Who?" Jack asked.

"Remember HP's mom? Remember how she got escorted off the ship as a Volcarona? You have Sierra to thank for both her transformation and exile."

"Oh," he said. "Yeah, I remember-- wait, she got escorted off the ship as a Volcarona? I didn't see that."

"Oh yeah, you _weren't_ there," I realized. "Still."

"Anyways," he went on, "how did everyone else react? Everyone else in the Koffiehuis, I mean."

"Shock, questions, declarations I was adorable," I summarized. "Honestly, the only ones who saw me were Em, Maddy, HP, LF and the Butler Brothers."

"HP saw you?" he asked. "She- she's 4x weak to Rock; where is she?" 

"Good question," I spat. "It was last night, so she's probably in her room. I already told her I don't have any reason to attack her - and never will - but... I mean I'm not afraid of Yuunarii."

"...Electric doesn't beat Rock, does it?"

"Er, wasn't afraid of her," I corrected. "Point is, type weaknesses shouldn't matter when it comes to how people interact with each other - you don't hate someone because they're predisposed to picking paper while you tend to go for rock."

"Why_ would_ she be scared that you'd attack her, anyways?" Jack asked.

I didn't really have any sort of answer.

"She's kind of afraid of everything, isn't she?" I asked.

"Everything?!" cried the doctor. "Oh, come on, Absent. I'm sure she's not afraid of _everything_; she's not a panphobic, is she? If she was afraid of everything, she'd be afraid of the ship."

"You know what I mean, Doc," I started. "Everything she'd have reason to be afraid of, like fire, falling, her mother and the day I snap at her, ignoring how patient I tend to be with characters like her."

"Ah," he said. "Yep, you're pretty patient with her. I should know; I saw the whole Mechination thingy from the deck of the ship."

"Tell me something I don't know," I muttered before noticing I was out of coffee. I sighed and threw it away, but continued to sit across from Jack.

"About the Dutch language, or...?"

"...Not literally - you don't need to tell me about things I was there for the first time, Jack."

"Oh! Okay then," he said. "Anyways, I'm pretty sure that if HP's still up there, she's probably still afraid of you... you think you should go talk to her? Maybe?" 

"Maybe I should send someone to talk to her on my behalf, instead."

"...Why?"

"If she's too afraid of me to listen to my defense, someone else should tell her it for me," I reasoned.

Jack sighed, laughing to himself.

"You know, Absent," he said, "the only way for her to get more comfortable with your new form is if you're right in front of her."

"Yeah, have the predator corner the prey in her room. Let's see how that turns out," I spat.

"Yes, let's," said Jack enthusiastically.

I turned to look at Jack, gaze digging into his soul.

"I get that your doctorate is in linguistics but do you at least have a passing knowledge of predator-prey relationships?"

"Of course I do!" he said, not seeming to care about my gaze or the implications.

And then it hit him.

"Oh wait a minute..." he said. "Alright, then! Delegation it is! Only one question-- who are you going to send up?" 

"Good question," I allowed. "My first proposition would be Em, but convenience is telling me to send you."

"Me?!" Jack responded, faltering. 

"I mean, you're right there, and I don't feel like explaining things twice."

"Ah, true," he said. "Alright, what should I say?" 

"Tell her that I don't really have any reason to attack her. I'm nicer than she gives me credit for, especially to her when compared to Em."

He promptly saluted me. "Will do, _Corbin~!_"

Seconds later, he ran upstairs, presumably to HP's room. 

At that point, I was once again on my own. I stepped down from the seat and stumbled my way back to my room, too tired to think properly. When I finally made it back I felt the need to do something I hadn't done in a while.

I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face as best I could. It wasn't pleasant but I needed to do it. As I looked up reflexively to part my hair - that I didn't really have anymore - a familiar pair of red eyes looked back at me.

"Really?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure I'd know if you were about to come out, but... Why?"

**_You managed to get Jack to do something for you. Minor though it may be, this is going to snowball into something _****great,** he taunted me.

I rolled my eyes and locked gazes with him.

"I'm reasonably self-sufficient, and you know this. I just recognized the futility in doing something myself."

**_And doesn't that rile you up?_** he asked. **_The fact that you want to clear the air, but just can't? Your complete _****helplessness****_? It sucks, doesn't it? Makes you annoyed, maybe?_**

"... I know what you're trying to do, and you know how I'm going to refute it," I returned. "It can't be helped, so no use bitchin' about it, even to myself."

** _You're breeding complacency. And you don't want to be a hypocrite, don't you?_ **

"That was different - Wereldia had things I knew it could improve on. Phobias are innate and HP won't confront them without a gun to her head. And I'm not holding it, I'm nicer than that."

** _Are you? You were _ ** **pre-tty** ** _ crass telling off Wereldia two nights ago - showing Verdigris' problem to the entire world as casually as you would a cool shirt._ **

"Hey, no one's going to voluntarily face their faults. I have to put them in a spotlight and let people fix them. I'm not going to hold anyone's hand unless _absolutely_ necessary. Wereldia's smart. HP isn't stable. _That's_ the difference."

"Absent~!"

"_KNOCK FIRST!_" I reflexively hollered, turning to the door before looking at the mirror again. Sure enough, my reflection was what it should have been.

"Oh, my apologies, Absent, I'm completely forgetting my manners," Jack apologized. "How silly of me..."   
  
He knocked on the door, much to my chagrin.

"Let me guess," I started. "You told her?"

"I did!" he said, opening the door. "And good news! She's here!"

On cue, HP flew forward, staring at me in slight trepidation. 

"Absent...?" she muttered.

"Not gonna hurt you," I said. "Why would I? Because I can? That's a stupid reason."

She looked down.

"Are you sure...?" she asked. "What if you accidentally hit me vis a rock or somesing like that?"

"I already told you, he's not going to," Doc said patiently. "He's nicer than that."

"O-oh... yeah... you did..." said HP. "W-well, regardless... t-there's still a problem... und it's a big von..."

"Just tell me," I said as comfortingly as I could.

On cue, she promptly took out a white piece of paper that was folded up.

"oghond found zis," she said.

I unfolded the paper - and what met me was less than welcome:

** _MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS, YOU FILTHY PESKERS!_ **

** _We here at the Aleph-Null Task Force have discovered a blasphemous place that contradicts our beliefs! It is in Sacramento, California and it is the worst place we have ever had the displeasure to know! We are warning you right now that if you do not come here as quickly as possible, we will implement the start of our master plan to get everyone at that place to turn against the Japanese language-- AND YES THIS INCLUDES YOU WEST YOU MUSKY WATER RAT! YOU AND YOUR PSYCHOLOGICALLY UNSTABLE MOTH COMPANION!_ **

** _WE WILL FIND YOU AND WE WILL TAKE YOU DOWN! ALEPH-NULL IS INEVITABLE!_ **

** _\-- Johnathon Case, The Aleph-Null Task Force _ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _For unity, for understanding, for all_ **

At the bottom was, of course, the character Aleph with the subscript "0".

"You'd think they'd be a little more classy with declarations of war," I considered. "I don't even know where they're talking about."

"I do," said a voice.

Seconds later, Em entered the room, with a grave look on her face.

"V-vhere is it?" HP asked, nervously.

"...They're talking about _Sac City,_" she said.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Yyyyyyyyyep.

Sacramento City-- AKA the _other _college attended by the Absent Coder, and likely an even bigger target to Aleph-Null than Folsom Lake was. Based on the sound of that letter, one of three things was sure to happen:

**1) **they were planning to burn the place down to the ground   
**2) **they were planning to sabotage all the JP students

or **3) **they were planning to brainwash the JP teacher and the JP students.

Or, worse yet, all three.

Absent had taken JP for three semesters at that school, so this place probably meant as much to him as the FLC did, if not moreso.   
  
Of course, HP had no idea what the heck I was talking about, and tilted her head in confusion.

"Sac City...?" she asked. "V-vhat is Sac City?"

"Sac City College, the place I learned Japanese in a proper school setting," Absent explained.

"WHAT?!" cried Dr. Vandertramp. "Those Alpha-Null people are planning to..." He paused. "Well, actually, I don't know what they're planning to do, but it sure sounds terrible."

"It is," I said gravely. "Based on what they tried to do to Folsom Lake I expect that they're going to do the exact same thing here."

"What did they do to Folsom Lake?" asked the doctor.

"They tried to burn it down," I said.

The doctor promptly stared at me and the rest of us in utter disbelief.

"_MON. DIEU,_" he said.

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I know."

I took a look down at the note again- and smirked.

"Although..." I added, "there_ is_ something interesting..." 

"Hm?" HP asked.

"They refer to Absent as a 'musky water rat,'" I said, pointing to the words in the note. "Which means only one thing."

"Yeah, they don't know I got shifted - either meaning this was sent a few days ago or they just don't do as proper a job of diligence as they like to think."

"I'm betting it's the latter," I said. "They also refer to HP-- which probably means another thing."

HP's eyes instantly grew wide with fear.   
  
"Y-you mean..." she muttered.

I nodded gravely. "They'll be bringing over Omega-3."

And the second I said that, HP immediately began to shake with terror. I knew exactly why-- if they were bringing over Omega-3, that meant that HP would have to fight with M4-- which would mean she would have to get inside of a burning mecha.

_Again._

And Bug was weak to Fire.

"N-no..." she muttered to herself, in a panic. "No, no, no... n-not Omega-3... th-that would mean... "

She couldn't- and didn't- say anything more. Apparently, just the _thought _of her getting in a burning mecha again was too much for her to bear, because she started to hyperventilate and instantly went into a panic attack. Everybody was staring at her in concern-- Absent much moreso-- but I was definitely concerned for her well-being as well. Still, though, I didn't have time to comfort HP through a panic attack-- at least, not right now. For now, I had to focus on getting the Koffiehuis to Sac City.

As soon as possible.

"I'll go calm her down after I set the course for Sacramento," I said. "Dr. Vandertramp, you go and set up the rest of the children. We've got a fight in Sac City and we are not missing it for the world. Absent... you can just do whatever. You're a Rockruff now, after all, so you can... I don't know, experiment with your new powers or the Mechinator or something like that."

They nodded, and went off.

As for me?

I promptly went downstairs to the main deck of the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _and stared up at the giant TV screen, which was displaying the current coordinates.

"Koffie," I said, "set a course for Sac City College."

The map set coordinates for Sac City in about 22.5 seconds.

I promptly went back upstairs-- only to find that Absent was already at HP's side.

And she'd stopped panicking, which meant one of two things:   
  
**1) **either Absent had comforted her via the countup or   
**2) **she'd done the countup on herself.   
  
I was willing to assume it was the former, but given HP's propensity for hypnosis, the latter wasn't much of a stretch either.

"Well," I said simply. "So much for me taking a page out of _Sanders Sides._"   
  
I turned and went right back downstairs to check the map. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT'S POV _ **

"Well, butters," I considered. "We're gonna have to go through the song and dance again. Makes you feel any better, we don't know for _certain_ they're bringing Omega-3. Maybe they're trying to play us for fools - think on your toes, HP."

"...I don't know if you can do zat," she said, looking down at her feet. "My toes don't have brains." 

"What I mean is you need to be ready to adapt," I explained, a little annoyed. "They might call in Omega-3. They might be trying to get you to fold. Who knows? We don't - but we've been pretty adept at adapting, so it shouldn't be too big a problem."

"Oh..." said HP, "okay..."

I sighed. "Look, let's just get this done and then we can go back to whatever we were doing," I said. "I kinda need a nap myself," I conceded.

She nodded, slightly nervous.

"There's no time or date declared. So what are we to do? Just camp out at Sac City until those Aleph-Numbskulls show up?"

"Maybe..." she said. "W-we could explore the college und see what's going on... if anything."

"We'd have to run it by Em," I considered. "I'd wager she'd agree readily, though. But still, common courtesy."

"Okay," said HP.

She paused.

"W-what if Aleph-Null are already zere, though...?" she asked nervously.

"Easy. We skip the wait and go straight to _bashing their teeth in_," I said excitedly, a growl building in my throat before I caught it. "Woah. Weird - typically I'm excited but not _that_ excited."

"Hm," said HP. "U-und typically I'm shy but not _zis _shy. I- I mean, I am scared of fire, but..."

"Semantics - let's just tell Em we want to head out and see what follows, okay?"

"O-okay..." she muttered nervously.

With that, we began tracking her down.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

By this point, I was still downstairs, standing on the main deck of the ship and looking at our coordinates on our way to Sac City College. It was rather boring- if I'm being honest- so after I bit, I turned the coordinates off and sat down on the couch before turning on the television. I figured that I would go to YouTube-- the television had a YouTube app on it, which I found to be pretty cool-- and look at videos from the Mental Floss List Show in the meantime. I hadn't watched the Mental Floss List Show in quite a while, and I had been starting to miss it, because let me just say this first-hand-- I absolutely _love _Mental Floss. It's probably my fifth-favorite YouTube channel of all time. The List Show is probably my favorite segment on the channel-- considering that I love learning new facts.

If somewhat useless facts.

Anyways, I grabbed the remote control, went to YouTube, and typed the following into the search bar: 

** _mental floss list show _ **

Within seconds, hundreds of videos appeared on-screen. Excitedly, I scrolled through the videos, and quickly came across one that caught my attention: _35 Facts About Rock Bands-- _which, by coincidence, was #413. Hoping to see if I couldn't find any RUSH facts- though, let's be fair, Mental Floss doesn't really do RUSH videos even though they totally should- I clicked on it, and proceeded to watch the television very intensely for the next few minutes.

Sometime later, I was on fact #20- that fact being that Green Day had over 20 recordings for an album called _Cigarettes and Valentines _stolen from them, which is what led them to create _American Idiot,_ which is an ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE- and still had not found any RUSH facts, to my somewhat immense disappointment. I was about to continue the video when all of a sudden, I heard someone coming downstairs from behind me. Confused, I paused the video and turned, only to see HP and Absent standing in front of me.

I blinked.

"Oh, hey, Absent," I said. "Hey, HP."   
  
"Hello," said HP.

"Why are you here?" I asked. 

"The declaration of war lists the place at Sac City - no harm in chilling there until they decide to strike, right?" Absent explained.

Beat.

"Wait, so you're saying you basically want to _camp out _at the SCC until Aleph-Null arrives?" I asked. 

"O-or we could explore the rest of the building und find out if anything is going on..." HP asked.

"Yeah, that seems like a better idea," I said. "Besides, if we were to camp out at the college, I'm pretty sure it would be much easier for Case to find us." 

"Or we could ambush him. There's, like, a park across the street."

A _park?!_

There was a _park _near Sac City?!

Well, this was definitely news to me-- I'd looked at pictures of Sac City before, and I had never seen a park near it. I certainly hadn't seen _pictures _of a park near Sac City!

"Wait, WHAT?!" I asked. "There's a PARK near Sac City?! I had no idea!"

"Well, less a park and more like a big grassy lot with a lot of roads to walk on," Absent clarified.

"Could we camp out on that grassy lot?" I asked. "Ambushing Case certainly sounds like fun-- especially considering the fact that you're a Rockruff now." A smirk crawled across my face. "He's not even going to _recognize_ you."

"Maybe?" Absent asked. "I mean, _you_ can, but I just want to nap."

"You want to _nap?_" I asked. "When Aleph-freaking-Null is likely attacking Sac City?"

"Hey, I didn't say I'd nap _through_ the attack."

Beat.

"True," I conceded. "You did not."

I smirked again.

"Still, though," I said, "the look on Case's face when he realizes Corbin West has been turned into a _rock dog _will be nothing short of _glorious._"

"If you think so - I don't much care about getting him mad, I just want him _gone_."

"Heh." I smirked. "I want _both _to happen. Regardless, once we get to Sac City we still need to find out what is--"

_And here's your stop! Sacramento City College in Sacramento City, California!_

Within a split second, I ran to the window-- and sure enough, standing in front of me was the unmistakable brick sign on it saying **SACRAMENTO CITY COLLEGE **in big bold white letters. I looked around, somewhat panicked-- but strangely, there didn't appear to be any Aleph-Null airships anywhere. And yet, at the same time, there was something on the front of the library that appeared to have come from Aleph-Null themselves:

** _PICK UP OUR PAMPHLETS TODAY! WE WILL CHANGE YOUR OPINION ABOUT THE JAPANESE LANGUAGE IN 15 MINUTES- GUARANTEED!_ **

I turned to Absent and HP, looking somewhat concerned.

"Guys?" I asked. "You need to see this."

In seconds, Absent and HP ran up to the window-- and when they saw the giant banner in front of them, they reacted with the same amount of concern.

"Z-zey're already here...!" cried HP, the panic growing in her voice. 

"... You think anyone's buying this?" Absent asked, looking through the window. "Yep, whoever's sitting at the table looks like they've barely been shot a glance."

"I'm betting that that's either Case or someone else from Aleph-Null," I said simply.

"Probably not Case - dude would send a nameless lackey."

"True," I said. "Regardless, we gotta get out there, and we gotta stop them."

"B-but what if they've already sent pamphlets out to people?!" asked HP. "W-what are we going to do then?!"

"You say that like they buy their nonsense," Absent muttered. "We're smarter than that."

We were-- but I still had a plan regardless. 

"Simple," I said, smirking. "We have our own little seminar."

I looked back towards the upstairs deck. Madelief, LF, and Yuunarii were likely waiting up there, and I hadn't seen them all day, but given the fact that we were at Sac City College and about to potentially face off against Aleph-Null... they had to get down here as soon as possible. Now fueled with determination, I turned towards Absent and HP.

"Now," I said, "let's go get the rest of the Koffiehuis and _get ourselves out there._"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Some time later, we had, in fact, gotten the rest of the Koffiehuis together, and were now standing in front of the college where Absent had learned one of the hardest languages in the entire world. Now, not to say that Sac City is bad or anything-- because it isn't, it _did _teach the Japanese language, after all-- but... well, to put it lightly, there are no cool glass domes or glass sculptures to be found at Sac City College. Everything is old-fashioned, brown, and boring-- the glass aspects are limited to just the windows.

However, this does not mean that there is no equivalent to the glass dome roof of Cypress Hall in Sac City College. On the contrary-- as a matter of fact, there are _two _equivalents to Cypress Hall's glass dome roof, in that they are the most famous and impressive parts of Sac City in terms of architecture.

The first is the Sac City College library, which has four white pillars, multiple glass semicircular windows, and most famously, its sort of domed circular top. If you were to look at a picture of the Sac City library with no context whatsoever, your first assumption would probably be that it was some kind of office building-- because that's kind of what it looks like. It's so famous among Sac City students and staff that the pillars and domed entrance are _literally the college logo_.

It's also known as the building where the giant pamphlet banner was hanging up.

However, the second equivalent to the Cypress Hall glass dome is probably-- at least to me-- the architectural section most deserving of the title, and that is the "hall" in Sac City-- Rodda Hall.

Or, at least, the _bridge _of Rodda Hall.

See, Rodda Hall is actually two separate buildings, and on their own, they're... pretty unimpressive. They're pretty much just two giant brown buildings with a lot of windows on them. It's the _bridge _connecting them that's by far and away the most distinctive section of Rodda Hall. Said bridge is white, containing eight arches on the section that contains the bridge and three arches below the bridge. Or, at the very least, that's how many it has in the pictures; it probably has way more arches in real life. Regardless, though, the point still stands: if Folsom Lake's thing was giant glass and steel domes, Sac City's thing is white Parthenon pillars and arches.

And while the SCC was more boring than the FLC-- at least to me-- it still had its merits.

It was definitely amazing-looking enough to cause the rest of the Koffiehuis-- particularly Madelief-- to gaze at it in awe and wonder upon seeing it. I, of course, was pretty much unfazed-- I'd seen the college in pictures before-- but did that mean I wasn't excited?

Heck no-- seeing the white Parthenon pillars of the Sac City library instantly filled me up with joy.

Though, given what was happening in the library, it also filled me up with a sense of nervousness.

But I digress. 

"You're _kidding!_" cried Madelief in awe, staring around at the college- particularly the library- before turning to Absent. "_THIS _is where you learned Japanese?!" 

"Well, yeah," Absent allowed. "Kinda - it was in that little building to the left of the library- but the campus in general..."   
  
He trailed off.

"'The campus in general'... what?" asked Madelief, tilting her body. 

"I mean, if you want to call this entire campus where I learned Japanese, that's up to you," Absent clarified.

"Ohhhhh~!" said Madelief. "Still, though, this place looks really cool!"

"Still not as cool as Folsom Lake, though," I said simply.

"Hey, FLC was established some number of decades later," Absent defended. "Of course it would be more grandiose than one of the earlier colleges."

He was right-- the FLC was established very recently, in 2004, whereas Sac City was established in...

I took a look over at the brick wall sign again, and underneath the words **SACRAMENTO CITY COLLEGE **were the following words:

**ESTABLISHED 1916**

I immediately blanched-- the SCC was _that old_?!

No wonder there were so many Parthenon pillars!

"_1916?!_" I gasped, turning to Absent. "That's how old this is?!" 

"What, you didn't notice the plaques on the sidewalk leading up to the entrance?" he asked.

_Plaques?!_

There were plaques on the sidewalk?!

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I haven't even seen them in pictures."

Absent sighed. "Look, we got someone spreading hate on the campus grounds. Let's report him to security and then wait for AN's reaction. Though maybe we should grab a pamphlet as evidence," he considered.

I nodded. "Right."

Fueled with determination, I turned towards the library and was about to go inside of it, if not for a voice coming from behind:   
  
"Hey~! Wait for us~!"

Startled, I turned-- only to see Dr. Vandertramp, Mrs. P. Vandertramp, and their children running up towards me. Upon seeing them, I smiled.   
  
"Ah, Dr. Vandertramp," I said simply. "I see you got the children?"   
  
"Yes, I did!" said the doctor cheerfully.

He suddenly looked around, as though he was checking to see if they were all there, before laughing sheepishly.

"Well..." he muttered, "all except for one..."

I blinked.

"Except for one...?" I asked, looking around to see which one of the VDT children was missing. I didn't get much time to look, though, as I quickly got the answer when a flustered voice called out from behind us:

"Wait---!"

Startled, I turned towards the source of the voice and found a Braixen running towards her siblings with a look of embarrassment on her face.

Arrive-- of course.

I suddenly remembered that she was the one who always arrived late to everything.

By the time she got there, she breathed heavily for a few moments, before looking up at the rest of her siblings sheepishly.

"Sorry I'm late... again," she apologized. "Did I miss anything?"

The doctor laughed cheerfully and hugged his daughter.

"No, no, not at all!" he said, apparently not seeming to mind that his daughter was late. "You're just in time, as a matter of fact! We were just about to enter the library when you came in!"

And the second she heard the word "library," Arrive lit up.

"The library?!" she gasped. "Are we going to buy books there?"

"No," I said. "We're going to go in there to pick up a pamphlet from Aleph-Null."

"Um... who?" asked Arrive.

I sighed.

"I'll explain later," I said. "For now, though, we should all go inside."

"Indeed we should," said LF. "The sooner we enter... the sooner we will be able to defeat Aleph-Null and stop them from doing what I believe they are doing. Which is to say, brainwashing the college."

I nodded. "Let's get ourselves a move-on."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

A few seconds later, we had entered the Sac City College library, and let me just say this first-hand-- it was nothing short of _awesome. _Besides, of course, the obvious threat of Aleph-Null lurking within, the library looked exactly like how you'd expect a library to look like, with the glaring exception of the fact that aside from us and the Aleph-Null person sitting at the desk in front of us, no one else was there. I blinked and looked around the library in awe.

"Whoa..." I gasped.

"This place is so cool!" gushed Arrive. "Look at all these books!"

_Yeah, but we're not here to check out books, _said Mort, suddenly breaking in before pointing to the AN executive. _We're here to deal with them._

"Oh. Right," said Arrive sheepishly.

"No one's here..." muttered Madelief. "W-why is no one here?!"

"Winter Break," Absent summarized. "It's the gap between semesters but people still come here sometimes. I guess they're hoping that there's no one to enforce the no hate speech policy."

Dang it!

I completely forgot for a second that Sac City was still in its winter break!

"Oh, right," I muttered under my breath. "With all the Sac City stuff going on I forgot for a second what day it was. Regardless, we're going to need to get one of those pamphlets."

"But how?" asked HP. "I- I don't want Aleph-Null to recognize us and report to Case zat we're here..."

"Exactly what I was thinking," I said, clicking my tongue and pointing my vines at her. "Don't worry, though-- I have a plan."   
  
"Youhaveaplan?!" asked Alle excitedly, running forward and getting in front of my face. "SeemslikeAbsenthastaughtyouathingortwohasnthe?"

"Uh... no," I said simply. "I'm the leader of the Koffiehuis; it's kind of my job to come up with plans. As for what it actually entails..."   
  
I pointed to Retourne, who promptly blanched back in shock.

"M-me?!" he asked.

I nodded. "You go up there and talk to the Aleph-Null executive about getting a pamphlet."

"We don't need Retourne," Absent suddenly broke in. "I can do it. If I'm fast enough I'll just look like a random stray dog - they're startlingly common in a place like Sacramento."

Beat.

Okay, now that I thought about it, that actually made a lot more sense. Absent was a Rockruff now, after all-- and considering the fact that likely all of Aleph-Null probably still thought Absent was an Oshawott...

I nodded.   
  
"Okay, then," I said simply. "Absent, you can go."

"Ooh!" cried Monte happily. "This is going to be fun!"

Well, the chase was fun-- but what happened afterwards certainly wasn't-- especially considering what was inside that pamphlet.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

_Game face, game face, game face._

_Stretch your legs, eyes on the prize, get ready to run._

_You're a stray dog looking for food and that guy's got some sandwiches on his table. You know he's going to try to chase you down and your best option is to lose him the first chance you get._

_The doors are likely locked, the elevators inoperable and the parking lots unoccupied. Sprint, take a few turns and don't look back._

** _But wouldn't it be easier to just bean him unconscious with Iron Tail or Stone Edge?_ **

_Not now, Talbain._

** _What? You wouldn't have to run, and you'd be able to navigate the campus more easily._ **

_In front of Em? I have better standards than that._

** _You'd be getting the job done all the same. It would be quick and he wouldn't even know what hit him. He'll just wake up some time later, and everything will continue as normal._ **

_You and I both know hitting someone on the head doesn't work like that. Now shut up._

_Rebel 1._

_ACTION!_

With that declaration I sprang into motion, rushing as fast as my feet would carry me to the table before leaping up to the table and diving headfirst into a pile of pamphlets, grabbing a few in my muzzle while still keeping the momentum going.

Sure enough, as a mere brown blur I wasn't discerned as a Pokemon, since while the goon tried to run after me he seemed unfamiliar with my species.

"Stupid dog! I need those!" he demanded, quickly losing breath as he tried to match my pace. Soon enough he gave up after I turned a few too many corners.

I paused to catch my own breath as well. It felt like I managed to grab three or four. I nodded, satisfied.

Sneaking around back to reunite with the Koffiehuis I noticed that he had gone back to repiling the pamphlets.

I smirked, and soon enough stood behind the entire gang.

"'Shup?" I said through a mouth full of paper before spitting them out. "Easy enough."

\----------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

Thank. GOD.

Apparently, sending Absent out had been exactly the right call.

I responded by simply smiling at him.

"Excellent," I said. "These are exactly what we need." I picked one of the pamphlets up with my vines. "Now... to see what is on the inside and confirm what we have known all along-- that Aleph-Null are a bunch of racist idiots."

With that said, I opened up the pamphlet, and everyone in the Koffiehuis- as well as all of the Vandertramps-- crowded around me to read it.

I was absolutely stunned and horrified to read the following:

** _ATTENTION ALL JAPANESE STUDENTS AT SACRAMENTO CITY COLLEGE!_ **

** _The Japanese language is the bane of human existence and NO ONE should be taking it at this school! May Aleph-Null look down on the founders of this school for even daring to put the Japanese language in their curriculum! Clearly, Belle Cooledge was a--_ **

No.

NO.

I gazed down in horror at the words I was reading in front of me-- the next words after "Belle Cooledge (founder of Sac City) was a" were a WWII JAPANESE RACIAL SLUR, followed by the word "-lover", followed by these words:

\--**_who should have been EXECUTED AT ALL COSTS!_**

"And that's the end of that," Absent said, gripping his own between his teeth before tearing it in half. "A pamphlet this insulting would lose its audience faster than you could say 'xenophobia'."

  
I, of course, kept on reading to myself, now even more angry towards Aleph-Null than I had ever been and desperate to know more about what else they were planning to do to the school's students and staff:

** _If you are taking a Japanese class at this school, we would be happy to help you via a special assembly that will change your mind for the better! And as for that ORIENTAL PRUNE, SEND HER BACK TO THE INTERNMENT CAMPS WHERE SHE BELONGS!!_ **

NO.   
  
NO.   
  
OH GOOD GOD NO.

Now in a furious rage, I proceeded to rip up _my _pamphlet, immediately recognizing who they were going after. The rest of the Vandertramps looked on in a mix of horror and confusion, while I turned straight to Absent, my teeth bared and my breathing heavy.

"Absent," I said, my rage towards Aleph-Null growing, "do you have _ANY IDEA _what this means?!" 

"It means they just want to insult anyone who doesn't share their mentality in some vain attempt to give them superiority with blatant disregard for the fact that stooping to such a low level as using "Oriental" as an insult when Japan has absolutely nothing to do with the Orient simply serves to give them a head start for a well-researched argument to strike them on the back of the head?" Absent asked. "God, that hurt to read, even knowing we're supposed to hate them. It's like watching someone try to imitate the cool kid by throwing insults from five years ago at the principal. You feel dirty, the kid feels dirty, the only one coming out on top are the people who aren't around to see it."

"Yeah," I said, my rage building. "They're going after _her_, Absent. They're out to find her and then take her and all the JP students and teachers to their headquarters to brainwash them. This is _sickening._"

Seconds later, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and suddenly turned to see Venu looking down at me.

"Excuse me," he asked. "Who's... 'her'?"

"My old Japanese teacher," Absent said simply.

"WHAT?!" cried Venu.

"T-they're going after her?!" cried Parti.

"Woah..." muttered Passe, completely stunned. "So these are those Alpha-Null people that Mort was tellin' us about."

"Surprised Em didn't give you the skinny," Absent considered. "Anyway, what's next? Do we beat that guy into submission? Do we wait for Case and Co. to turn up to beat _them _into submission?" he asked, a little enthusiasm in his voice.

I blinked-- sure, Absent was against Aleph-Null, but he wasn't _nearly_ this enthusiastic. He certainly hadn't expressed a desire to beat Aleph-Null into submission before. I turned to look at the rest of the Koffiehuis, and all of them were clearly just as concerned as I was for Absent's well-being.

"'Beat them into submission'?!" I asked, somewhat concerned. "A-are you okay, bud?"

Absent paused and looked at me. "That's... hm."

"What?" asked Madelief. "What's wrong?" 

"I dunno, I hate them as much as the next guy and I want to see them _in pain_," Absent said again before pausing. "Oh dear. I really hope they turn up soon."

I blinked in shock, before turning towards Absent. HP shivered a bit.

"W-what the heck is going on?!" I cried, now starting to get really concerned.

"The full moon rises," Absent started. "And things are going to get very hairy, very fast. It's clawing at the door and craving _meat_."

The VDTs all looked at each other in confusion, not knowing what the heck was going on-- but I suddenly recognized it, and my mind instantly started having flashbacks.

Terrible flashbacks.

"And the cafeteria's closed, too, so that's going to make things harder," he went on. "Gonna have to spend a few more hours on fumes."

In the midst of my sudden realization, my eyes widened in shock, and I muttered a single word under my breath:

"_Talbain._"

"What?" Absent asked. "No, I just haven't had breakfast. And..." He yawned. "There it is. My body's going into battery saver," he finished, looking like he was battling the weight of his eyes more than his instincts.

I, however, still wasn't convinced. My mind was racing now at about 100 beats per minute, and I could barely breathe. Somehow, someway, I was sure that Talbain was going to come out.

For now, though, I had to get myself, the rest of the Koffiehuis, and the VDTs over to the Business Center _ASAP._

"O-okay," I muttered nervously. "You can sleep. We'll be going to the Business Center to see what the JP students are thinking, if that's alright with you." I turned to the rest of the group. "Come on, guys."   
  
They all nodded, and with that, we headed off to the business center, leaving Absent by himself in the library.

Alone.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV _ **

My eyes wanted sleep. My stomach wanted a meal. I wanted the two to reconcile.

But they couldn't. I just lay where they left me, trying to get comfortable enough to get even a halfway decent amount of sleep. But I had been alone, with my thoughts, and by extension, my dark half.

** _Please, you call me a dark half, but you'd still have one. You can't throw me away any more than a magnet can get rid of its second pole._ **

As much as I didn't want to engage with him, my unending mental conversation gave him that inch.

_I have to accept you, but that doesn't mean I have to embrace you._

** _Box with your shadow, see which one tires out first. Spoiler, it's the one that can keep moving after you collapse._ **

_You keep throwing the first punch - I get the feeling you _want _me to drive everyone away._

** _Lone wolf, dude._ **

_But I'm _not_ a wolf. I'm a human in the _body_ of a wolf _pup. 

Talbain didn't respond.

_You're not _my_ instincts, you're a set of instincts I _adopted. _You shouldn't even exist._

** _You _ ** **made ** ** _me. You adapted the instincts from this form into your anger issues as an excuse to keep as much humanity intact as you could. _ ** ** _What was once a form-versatile embodiment of anger has been _ ** **locked** ** _ into a Lycanroc. I am you and what I see is me._ **

_  
I've been meaning to ask, why do you keep saying that?_

** _Because it's true. We're two halves of the same mind at work, one more ready to face the truth and another more ready to improve the situation. I'm the Zekrom to your Reshiram, the Zuko to your Aang. The Dark Side of the Moon to your Echoes._ **

_But isn't the point of anger to ultimately improve given circumstances?_

**EXACTLY. ** ** _You need me around to give you the motivation to improve your circumstances. I need you around to give me the knowledge I need to find out how to get what we want._ **

I couldn't argue with that. I picked myself up, the nap a welcome reprieve from the insanity. I mulled over my memories for a moment to remember where Em ran off to, and began to follow suit, taking my time for the sake of conserving as much energy as I could.

They would come any minute, and all of us had to be ready.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV _ **

The Business Center at Sacramento City College.

This was the place where, for three semesters, the Absent Coder studied one of the hardest languages in the entire world-- and it was... well, to be honest, it was pretty boring. It basically looked like your standard college classroom hallway, except that there were only about a dozen or so students in the halls.

And based on their expressions of pure anger, I knew one thing was clear the second we entered the room:

They had all read the pamphlet, and they were all Japanese students.

Stunned and horrified, I looked around at the angry and horrified students. Conversations were going on everywhere throughout the hallways:

"Did you read this pamphlet?!"

"Who the heck do these Aleph-Null people think they are?!"

"THEY JUST INSULTED BELLE COOLEDGE?!"

"We're all going to DIE!"

And so on, and so on, and so on.   
  
Yeah... needless to say, they were all just as enraged as I was, and likely, as we all were.   
  
"Holy crap," I muttered to myself. "This is crazy..."   
  
"What are we supposed to do?!" cried Madelief. "We can't go out there as Pokemon! They'll freak out!"

"We got out there at Folsom Lake and no one batted an eye," I refuted.

"Calling you adorable is definitely something that constitutes 'batting an eye'," Absent said simply.

"You know what I mean," I said. "Nobody thought we were freaks of nature. I'm pretty sure Sac City is going to react the same way."

"Well, only one way to find out," Absent yawned before walking forward. His posture resembled that of a stray dog, as though he were fishing for attention. It was honestly kind of cute. If I didn't know better I'd say he practiced.

At once, all of the Sac City students turned-- and the second they saw what- at least to them- resembled a stray dog...   
  
"AWWWWWWWW~!"

At once, every single Sac City student ran forward and began petting and cooing over how cute Absent was, not realizing for a little bit that said Rockruff was _one of their own._

"It's adorable...!"

"Where's your home, little guy?"   
  
"Does he have a tag?"

"CAN I KEEP HIM?!"

And so on, and so on, and so forth.

I figured now, with everyone distracted, that was my cue to come in.   
  
So I did, and tapped one of the students on the shoulder.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

The SCC student turned to me-- and within an instant his face changed to that of slight confusion. Which made sense, as he hadn't seen a Pokemon before. Still, though, he didn't freak out, which was a good thing.

"...Yeah? What?" he asked.

"Do you take Japanese classes here?" I asked.

The student blinked.

"Yes," he said eventually.

"Good," I responded, smirking. "And tell me, have you received a pamphlet from the Aleph-Null Task Force?"

"I read one sentence and threw it away," said the student, turning away from me. "If I wanted to listen to a xenophobe no one takes seriously, I'd go to a Trump rally."

"Excellent," I said. "Throwing it away was probably your best option, because if you'd read further-- like I did-- then you would have read that Aleph-Null is out to get you and the staff who teaches Japanese at this school."

And the second I said that, the student's eyes grew wide with terror.

"WHAT?!"

I nodded gravely. "You see, Aleph-Null aren't just a bunch of regular xenophobes. They're a group of xenophobes out to eliminate all languages except for our own. Japanese included."

The students immediately stopped petting Absent and looked at each other in shock.

"Eliminate all languages...?" asked a female student.

"Except for English?!" asked a male student. "Did I get that right?"

I nodded.

"That's _impossible_!" cried another student. "English is nothing more than a hodgepodge of loanwords from a bunch of other countries! Without all the other languages of the world, English would not exist!"

"Yeah," I said. "We know. That's why we're trying to bring them down. They could brainwash you if they see you-- or worse."

The students immediately flew into a fervor.

"They could _kill _us?!" cried one of them, getting even more terrified.

"How in the world are we going to be able to stop them?!" 

"Simple," I said. "We all band together against the enemy. There's no way that Aleph-Null will be able to take down dozens of Sac City students--"

"U-um... guys?"

HP.

And she sounded terrified.

Now suddenly alert, I motioned for the students, the Koffiehuis, and the Vandertramps to all follow me to the window where HP was looking out of, silently hoping against hope that Aleph-Null wasn't there.

And when we approached the windows...

Yep.

Johnathon Case, Roger Mancia, and Terry Williamson were standing directly in front of the Business Center-- and from the looks of it, they didn't just have one mecha at the ready.

They had two-- the Millennium Falcon design of Omega-1 was back, apparently having been rebuilt from scratch. But arguably more importantly, it wasn't just Omega-1 that was there.

Omega-3 was there, too-- and I could instantly see the fear in HP's eyes growing as she realized that she would have to fight in a burning moth mecha. As it turned out, the note that AN had left us had been right-- they _were _coming for HP after all.

"Oh, good _god..._" I muttered to myself.

The students of Sac City, meanwhile, were going _crazy._

"I-is that... is that them?!" cried one of the students.

"Yes," I said gravely. "That's them. But don't worry. We're going to fight them as soon as we can."

I turned towards the rest of the Koffiehuis- and the Vandertramps- and took out my Mechinator. "Let's go, guys."

The rest of the group nodded and ran outside-- save for HP, who hesitated just a bit before following us to where Aleph-Null was. I could tell she was trying to steal her confidence as best she could, but at the same time, on the inside...

_FIRE--!_

Still, though-- we all knew that if she didn't get inside the mecha, we would all die. 

"Wait!" cried one of the students.

I turned to face them.

"What about us?" they asked.

I shook my head. "You guys need to stay in here," I told them. "I don't want Aleph-Null to find and brainwash you anytime soon."

And with that said, I shut the door to the Business Center and locked it behind me.

While the students looked on in fear and panic the rest of us approached Aleph-Null, wanting to see what would be going on, if anything. Needless to say, what I saw was... slightly surprising. Roger Mancia was, as per the usual, fawning over Williamson, who promptly gave him a smack on the head before apparently scolding him. Seconds later, Mancia looked over at Case-- in slight concern-- and ran up to him.

It was Case, however, who really surprised me-- at least for a second.

He wasn't doing anything for a few moments-- just standing there and holding his head, almost as though he was having a headache-- but something was different. I don't know if it was just my imagination or anything, but for a split second I could have sworn that I saw a tinge of anguish on Johnathon Case's face.

I blinked.

This was certainly something I hadn't seen before.

A few seconds later, though, he turned around, and swiftly hit Mancia upside the head like he normally did. I turned to look at the Vandertramps, and most of them were looking on with a combination of shock and rage-- the one exception being Devenu, who must have noticed the same thing that I had, because her face conveyed a tinge of sympathy.

It was Revenu, however, who spoke first-- and his voice conveyed nothing but whispered rage.

"These guys are trying to _obliterate the Dutch language?!_" he hissed. "_And my family?!_"

I nodded.

Revenu said nothing more-- he just growled and glared over at Case with a look that said _I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MY FAMILY_.

We continued to approach, and eventually, Case must have noticed us, because he turned straight towards us and hit us with a creepy as heck Slasher Smile. Almost instantaneously, HP flinched back, as did Parti, and yet neither Tombee nor Ne seemed to bat an eye. I, meanwhile, glared over at Case and held out my Mechinator, ready and willing to fight him.

"Well, well, well," Case snarled, stepping forward. "It seems as though the peskers that call themselves the _Koffiehuis _must have seen my little note."

I growled.

"You fools," he muttered. "You actually thought you could stop us? You'd be wrong. We've already sold our pamphlets to everyone here."

"And no one bought it for a minute!" I retorted. "You seriously think that the students of Sac City will become racist enough to believe that JP classes aren't worth it?!"

Case clicked his tongue and walked away from us.

"Don't you understand?" he asked. "Everyone is willing to believe anything these days, no matter how unconventional it may appear. The so-called 'fake news' media has brainwashed the young minds. If they're willing to believe that the Japanese language is nothing but a waste of time and money, then what better way to put it out there through a special assembly?" He sighed. "A shame, really. I was just about to come down here and have our little special assembly."

I growled, now fueled with determination-- before he suddenly got right in my face and glared at me with a look of pure rage.

"But _you _had to go and _RUIN EVERYTHING,_" he snarled.

I looked down.

"The students of Sac City are smarter than that," I retorted. 

Case scoffed, and was just about to say something- when all of a sudden, he looked around the area.

"Someone's missing..." he muttered.

The realization hit me, and all of a sudden, the look on my face changed from that of terror to smug triumph as I realized that Case _still _had no idea that Absent had shifted forms. Eventually, after a bit, though, it was Case who was suddenly wearing a look of smug triumph.

"Well, well, well," he said. "It seems as though that musky water rat _West _has finally gone where his name implies."

I assumed, in that case, that he meant one of two things:

**1) **he thought Absent had gone back to the Camp and given up   
or **2)** and probably more likely-- he thought Absent was _dead._

Little did he know...

Sure enough, the latter theory was confirmed as Case walked away and snarled:

"Good riddance. I never liked him anyways."

Hoo-boy.

Was he in for a bombshell. 

In a matter of seconds, Absent bounded up from behind him.

"I never liked me either," he said.

If there had been a drink in Case's mouth, I'm pretty sure he would have spit it out.

"WEST?!" he growled, frantically looking around. "WHERE IS THAT MUSKY WATER RAT AT?!" 

I smirked to myself, before pointing over at the Rockruff standing in front of him with my vines. In a matter of seconds, Case's eyes grew wide with shock and rage, and he pointed directly at Absent.

"YOU'RE NOT WEST!" he shrieked. "YOU _CAN'T_ BE WEST! YOU'RE AN IMPOSTER!" 

"Slave screams," Absent deadpanned.

And the second he said that, the realization struck Case, and he gaped at him in shock.

"**W-WHAT?!?! WEST?!**" he screamed. "W-wha-- but-- why-- **HOW?! YOU'RE A ROCK DOG NOW?!** THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" 

"Why do you care?" he asked. "Let's just get to the part where we try to kill each other over our beliefs."

Case smirked.

"Oh... _that'll _be an easy match," he snarled.

I was slightly confused by what he meant by that-- and yet at the same time, I was somewhat terrified. I had no idea as to what Case would do next. Who knew? Maybe he'd send out a barrage of goons like he had done the last time.

In that case, we were ready.

But I was absolutely _not _ready for what happened next.

Without missing a beat, Case took out his Mechinator, before turning to Williamson-- who promptly took out hers. They both went through the motions and aimed them at, respectively, the Millennium Falcon-based ship and the one resembling a helicopter-- before both of them cried out in unison:

"Aleph-Null-- Activate Mech Change!"

In a matter of seconds, the former transformed into Omega-1, while the latter transformed into Omega-3. As it turned out, _none _of us had been prepared to face two different mechas at the same time, and every single one of us reacted in horror. Sure, the Mechinator could switch from one mecha to another, but we didn't know if any mecha could take on two at once. Still, though, in regards to the mechas, M4 _could _feasibly take on both of them at once, considering that both of them were made of steel.

And steel was weak to fire.

Still, though, HP was terrified of getting inside of her mecha because of the fire that would await her inside.

"THERE'S TWO OF THEM?!" I shrieked.

"U-und Omega-3 is one of them...!" muttered HP, starting to panic again.

"Yeah..." I muttered. "Which means that you'll probably have to take on two Mechas at once."

The second I said that, the terror in her eyes only grew. 

"Two... mechas... at once?" she muttered. "I-in a burning... moth mecha...?!"

Without even blinking, Absent kicked up a pebble before he batted it over with his tail, knocking the Mechinator out of Case's hands before it fell to the ground and the ricocheting rock crushed it. In a matter of seconds, the Mechinator began sparking repeatedly, and Omega-1 instantly returned to its original ship form.

Case promptly broke down in a furious fit of insanity.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR, WEST?!" he shrieked.

"Simple," Absent started. "I don't want to deal with you today. Or ever. And HP doesn't want to use her mech. So I simply killed two birds with one stone."

"W-well... I don't _want _to use it... b-but zat doesn't mean I can't," said HP.

"Doesn't matter," Absent refuted. "You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to. We're all at least young adults, able to make informed decisions. We can do what we want, within reason. And if I don't want to deal with the Aleph-Numbskulls and you don't want to take to the skies, well, who am I to deny those wishes?"

"W-why do you not want to deal with me today, West?!" shrieked Case incoherently. "YOU'VE FOUGHT ME FOR FOUR BATTLES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"Pragmatism has taken over," Absent summarized. "No one plays fair in a war like this, so why should I? I'll destroy your lynchpins, deface your propaganda and run your organization's name through the mud all I like, and nothing short of death can stop me.

"And we know you can't kill me, given the score is 4-to-zero, our favor."

Case growled under his breath.

"Alright, then," he said simply. "Fine. You don't want to play fair?"

He turned to Williamson, who promptly pressed a button on her Mechinator. In the span of several seconds, the Mechinator glowed a bright green, and Case smirked.

"THEN WE WON'T, EITHER!" he screamed out. "MECHA..."

He pointed straight towards HP.

"ATTACK HER!"

"NO!" I cried out.

But it seemed like it was too late-- Omega-3 buzzed menacingly, and flew forward directly towards HP. In a matter of seconds, her panic grew. She took out her Mechinator, gazed down at it, and looked just about ready to use it when--

"_Damn it all!_" Absent swore. "_Mamoru!_"

In a matter of seconds, the Protect barrier came up-- only for Omega-3 to point its stinger directly at it and _break it to shreds_, before aiming its stinger away from HP-- and towards Absent. 

Absent didn't even hesitate to slam his paws down and summon a Stone Edge that broke the stinger off. Within seconds, the mecha cried out in pain, but HP still looked somewhat panicked-- and she had every right to be, considering the fact that this was a _Mega Beedrill _mecha.

It still had stingers on its arms, and it could use them.

Of course, though, it's very likely that Absent would have summoned a Stone Edge again-- if not for something suddenly grabbing a hold of his tail at that very moment.

That something was HP, who promptly grabbed his tail, placed it on the pin, slammed it down-- albiet slightly hesitantly, then pointed it directly at Koffie-- who was thousands of miles away-- and cried out:

"_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD--!_"

Seconds later, the cry echoed throughout the Sac City campus:

** _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--!!!!_ **

The entire Koffiehuis stood there, completely stunned- save for Absent, who was covering his ears with his paws.

"**_STOP SCREAMING!!!_**" Absent shrieked.

"U-um... I..." HP gulped, her nervousness starting to come back to her. "I... sink she already has..."

"She didn't the first two times."

Sure enough, Koffie had, in fact, stopped screaming in agony, and the only things any of us heard were the sounds of Koffie M4 forming far away from us-- and because it was so far away, HP wasn't looking back. She _did_, however, look slightly terrified-- almost as if she knew what was coming next.

Sure enough, seconds later we heard the words **_HET-KOFSCHIP-- MECH VERANDERD! MECH VIER! _**echoing throughout, and M4 flying forward to face Omega-3 dead-on. It looked down at HP.

_Get in, _it said.

HP nodded-- then looked over at Absent, almost as if she was silently asking him for any help with fighting the blazing inferno that would almost certainly be coming her way.

Absent gripped HP in his tail before leaping up the side of the mech with surprising agility-- as a matter of fact, it was so surprising that every single Sac City student looked up at Absent in shock as he ran up the side of M4 to the cockpit. HP, meanwhile, was now feeling Absent's tail, and as soon as she realized that she was basically being covered with the equivalent of what I assumed had to be the world's fuzziest blanket, she proceeded to pet it.

A lot.

To anyone who thinks this sounds weird... it looked weird, too.

Kind of.

"So... fuzzy...!" she cooed.

"Fondle it later; our lives are in peril!" cried Absent, continuing to run up the side of the mecha.

Omega-3, meanwhile, was still buzzing menacingly over M4.

Eventually, though, Absent and HP made it to the cockpit, which closed on the inside, and I was fortunately able to see everything that was going on. HP-- who was still panicked, but slightly less so due to the fact that Absent was also inside-- flew over to the controls and grabbed them.

_Alright, HP, _said Koffie. _You ready?_

"I... I sink so," said HP, nodding.

_Alright, then! _Koffie exclaimed, flying up into the air to face Omega-3. _Let's do thi--_

And seconds later it suddenly noticed.

_Absent?! _it cried in shock. _W-what are you doing here?!_

"No time for questions, make them _bleed!_" he barked.

"WHAT IS_ WRONG _WITH YOU?!" I shouted from the ground, my concern for Absent's state of mind only growing.

He didn't respond in any capacity.

Which is what I had expected.

_Oh... o-okay, then, _muttered Koffie, slightly put off by Absent's sudden bloodthirst. _HP... ram the controls forward. It's time._

Hoo-boy.

At once, I knew exactly what was coming-- a raging ball of fire, surrounding the mecha on the inside and outside. HP seemed to know it, too, because she flinched for a second, but did as she had been told, ramming the controls forward. All at once, M4 flew up in front of Omega-3, who readied both of its stinger arms.

Koffie, however, wasn't going down without a fight.

_HAH! _it laughed. _I'll have you know that there are two occupants in this mecha today, and you're not going to hurt either of them!_

Omega-3 buzzed angrily, as if to say, "we'll see about that!" before its stingers suddenly glowed a bright purple, and poisonous stingers began to shoot out straight towards Koffie. Koffie, however, was faster, and as HP frantically began to dodge the stingers, Koffie flew backwards, and its wings suddenly glowed red, before it flapped its wings multiple times. A ball of fire quickly coalesced-- _*cue the Come Together riff_*-- within seconds.

_Here goes nothing! _Koffie cried.

HP's eyes instantly filled up with terror.

"Oh, no...!" she squeaked.

But for a second, it appeared to be too late, as Koffie instantly began flying straight towards the fire ball at Mach 5 speed, all the while crying out:

** _SOLAR BLITZ!_ **

"Flare Blitz," I heard Absent say as casually as anything.

Koffie didn't seem to have heard him, because it continued to keep getting closer and closer to the fireball. HP winced and looked back from inside the mecha, clearly fearing the worst...

... which came to her, ultimately.

In a matter of seconds, Koffie flew straight into the fireball, and the entire mecha instantly lit ablaze-- both on the inside and the outside. HP immediately began whimpering in pain and holding on to Absent for dear life. From the ground, I looked around at all the Vandertramps, most of whom who were watching the mech fight in awe- except for Reentre, who strangely looked just as uncomfortable as HP-- which is to say, he was shaking in fear. I didn't know why, exactly, but given what was going on I assumed he was scared for HP and Absent's safety.

Absent, meanwhile, looked over at HP in slight annoyance.

Note, though, that I said "slight." 

"Seriously?" Absent sighed. "Worry about yourself later."

"I-I'm worried about both of us..." she muttered.

"We can lick any potential wounds _later_. For now, scrap 'em!"

"_S-scrap zem...?!_" gasped HP, starting to panic. 

HP looked around for a few moments at the rapidly-spreading fire in slight panic, before flying forward and grabbing both of the controls. In a matter of seconds, Koffie ran headfirst into Omega-3's stinger arm, lighting it ablaze. Omega-3 was promptly thrown back, and its stinger arm fell off, as did one of its wings. Omega-3 promptly buzzed menacingly in HP's face.

In a matter of seconds, the fire faded, and HP proceeded to breathe multiple sighs of relief.

"Thank... god..." she muttered, extremely relieved.

"Fight's not over," Absent said simply. 

HP instantly froze up-- then looked down, starting to panic.

"O-oh..." she said, her terror growing.

_Don't worry, though, _said Koffie. _It's going to be over pretty quickly. All I have to do is perform my finisher and this mecha will be done for._

And the instant Koffie said the words "my finisher"...

"You already did a Flare Blitz. Your _finisher_ Flare Blitz is just a Flare Blitz with a new coat of paint, innit?"

Beat.

Koffie promptly responded in exactly the way you would expect:

_...you can't paint on moves, silly!_

"OH JUST SUICIDE INFERNO ALREADY!"

Koffie giggled.

_Good for you,_ it said, _you remembered the name of the move. Here goes-- HP, you ready?_

She nodded, albeit with extreme nervousness.

_Alright, then, _said Koffie. _You know what to do._

HP promptly flew over to the mecha controls and- after hesitating for a moment- nodded and pulled them forward. Almost instantly, Koffie began flying towards the mecha at Mach 5 speed. All the while, Omega-3 was trying desperately to fly out of the way, but it still wasn't enough to outspeed M4. Case, meanwhile, growled under his breath.

"Get behind them," he growled. "They're never going to see it coming."

Omega-3 buzzed in agreement, then instantly teleported behind Koffie and pointed its sole surviving stinger arm directly behind Koffie-- and directly at HP and Absent. Koffie instantly stopped flying and looked around in confusion-- while the stinger arm began to glow purple with poisonous energy.

From the ground, the rest of the Koffiehuis looked on in total disbelief.

"Absent!" cried Madelief.

"HP!" I screamed. "Look out!"

The stinger glowed in an even brighter purple, and Koffie suddenly turned around-- and found itself face-to-face with a giant buzzing Omega-3 mecha. There was no room for it to get away-- or so it seemed. For a few moments, HP's eyes filled up with terror-- and then all of a sudden she looked over at Absent and seemed to realize something. In a matter of seconds, she pulled the controls forward, causing Koffie to speed directly towards the poisonous stinger at Mach 5 speed. The stinger was glowing even brighter by now, with every intent to attack.

Had the stinger not been dented beyond functionality by a sudden barrage of boulders.

Stone Edge.

Mere seconds after that attack, the entire mecha-- on both the inside and the outside-- once again lit ablaze. Case looked on, his rage growing.

"That's IMPOSSIBLE--!" he shrieked. "Even after a hit like that it should still be able to work!"

He snatched Williamson's Mechinator from her and pressed a button on it.

"ATTACK THEM!" he cried out.

Nothing happened.

"ATTACK THEM!!" he repeated again, his voice cracking.

"Just give up," Absent demanded before he left M4, sinking into the ground from the fall before leaving it in front of AN, stones floating behind him like some twisted wings. "Unless you _want_ to see my bread n' butter combos."

"HAH!" shrieked Case. "You should know better, West-"

"Rotation!" he barked, the stones sweeping Case's feet from under him before they struck him in the chest and knocked him upwards. Absent jumped after him, more stones ready to swing, striking Case in the side before he pirouetted and hit him multiple times before he reoriented himself, still spinning while diving towards the floor. After landing, the ground ruptured under Case, lifting him up enough for another, vertical spin of boulders before they fanned out and Case got encased in two stone hemispheres.

As the rock was stabbed on multiple sides, Absent laughed. As it exploded, he summarized his thoughts with one phrase.

"_TANOSHII NE?!_"

Seconds later...

** _SUICIDE INFERNO!_ **

I looked up, and saw that in the time it had taken for Absent to perform his combo, Koffie had wrapped its burning wings directly around Omega-3's stinger. In mere moments, it exploded into a thousand pieces, which scattered all over the ground.

Needless to say, all of the SCC students were stunned beyond belief from inside the Business Center.

I, meanwhile, could not have been more hyped.

"YES--!" I screamed out, pumping my vine in the air. "HA-HA! TALBAIN HAS STRUCK, CASE!"

But my joy was suddenly replaced with concern when Koffie exploded into a million pieces-- and HP was promptly thrown out of the mecha with burn marks all over her wings. The former immediately returned to its ship form, whereas the latter flew down to the ground, whimpering in pain from both of the fires.

"HP!" I cried, running up to her. "Are you okay?"

She groaned.

"I... I'm fine..." she muttered. "The burn marks hurt, zough..."

"Awwwww..." I said, my heart sinking a bit.

Seconds later, we heard another groan as Johnathon Case got up from the aftermath of Absent's attack, growling in pain-- and mostly pure rage. He looked Absent directly in the eyes.

"Go ahead, stand up," Absent taunted. "I want to see how many combos I can recreate now."

But it wasn't the combos Case was worried about at that moment.

"WHAT... THE HECK... **DOES ****_THAT _****EVEN MEAN?!?!?!**" he shrieked, clearly referring to Absent's cry of "TANOSHII, NE?!".

"'Isn't this fun?'," Absent explained.

"FUN?!" shrieked Case. "**_FUN?! THAT WAS THE MOST UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD! I WAS ENCASED IN ROCK! WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE ANY FUN AT ALL BEING ENCASED IN ROCK, WEST?!?!_**"

"Because it's what you deserve," Absent started. "And _your_ fun doesn't matter since all you deserve is _misery_ and _anguish_. If I could, I would enjoy being your warden, coming up with newer and more inventive ways to inflict all sorts of _pain_ on you and your lackeys, listening to you all _beg for mercy_ until your throats are _shredded_ and you start coughing up _blood_ from your disfigured larynxes."

For a few moments as Absent said those lines, I looked over at Mancia-- and his face conveyed nothing but horror and a tinge of sympathy for Case. Considering this was Mancia, I figured this was normal-- and then I looked at Case and saw an expression that truly surprised me.

For just a millisecond, all the rage left his face, and was replaced by what appeared to be...

Sadness.

He looked down, appearing to be remorseful-- and then all of a sudden, his eyes shot open.

And not in rage, either.

No, this expression was one of _agony_.

As if something had just gone off inside of his head-- like an electric shock.

A millisecond later, though, it switched back to rage, and he looked down and clenched his fists as he stared up at Absent in anger.

"I _wish _I could kill you," he snarled.

"Well, keep trying," Absent allowed. "You know what they say about thirteen and bad luck."

Case promptly looked down, held up his hand, and said-- with anger, and yet at the same time sincerity:

"But I don't kill _puppies_."

"I'm 19 years old; I'm a legal adult," Absent refuted. "If I'm not gonna hold back you're _more_ than welcome to do the same - you probably need to."

Case growled under his breath.

"Oh, I won't hold back," he growled-- before turning straight to SCC and screaming out:   
  
"AGAINST THIS ESTABLISHMENT!"

The SCC students gazed in shock and fear at Case standing in front of them from behind the doors of the Business Center.

"BELLE COOLEDGE SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR EVER BRINGING THIS SCHOOL INTO EXISTENCE!" he shrieked out.

And mere seconds later-- something strange happened.

_Really _strange.

All of a sudden, the clouds grew dark, and a bolt of lightning cracked in the sky-- before we suddenly heard a voice:

_What was that you said about Belle Cooledge...?!__  
_  
The voice exuded nothing but Tranquil Fury, and we all looked around in confusion._  
_

"W-who said that?!" I asked, disbelieving myself.

Case, meanwhile, was reduced to incoherent blabbering.

"W-who the heck are you?!" he cried. "WHAT ARE YOU?!"

Seconds later, we got our answer-- as a giant, gold-and-red Luxray stepped out from the clouds and looked down at Case in rage.

_Name's Freeman, _he growled.

And seconds later, more bolts of lightning appeared in the sky at once, before all of them fused into one giant bolt which positioned itself directly in front of the giant as heck Luxray-- Freeman, as he was called. He then looked directly at the sky, and cried out:

** _AND I AM THE SPIRIT OF THIS SCHOOL--!_ **

"WHAT?!" shrieked Case.

I gazed up at Freeman in shock as the realization suddenly hit me-- I, and the rest of the Koffiehuis, were looking at the SCC's equivalent of Sierra.

The Spirit of Sac City College, and the Guardian of- I assumed- Rodda Hall.

Within seconds, the bolt of lightning turned a bright blue and went straight towards Case, before shocking him and causing his body to go numb all over. Seconds later, the lightning faded, and Case fell to the ground, his body completely black and exuding smoke everywhere. Freeman, meanwhile, simply nodded-- before turning to look straight at HP.

_Saw what you did in there, _he said. _Good show, _nnne.

HP looked back up at him, with tears of pain starting to form in her eyes.

"Sank... you..." she muttered.

Freeman nodded, before looking down at Absent.

His eyes instantly went wide with shock when he realized who was in front of him.

_Sweet Cooledge... _he muttered. _Y-you're alive..._

Absent looked straight at him.

"Name's Corbin, call me Absent, know what you are, but whatcha name?" he said.

Freeman blinked.

_...I already know who you are, _said Freeman. _You only went to my school for 3 SEMESTERS, nnne?! __I thought you were DEAD! The whole school thought you were dead! Thank god I was wrong! __And I already told you, my name's Freeman. __Spirit of Sac City College, and Guardian of Rodda Hall._

Beat.

_Or is that "roh-da" Hall? _he asked himself, looking up. _Seriously, I'm the spirit of this school and I STILL can't pronounce the name of my own hall._

"Who cares about pronunciation?" Absent asked. "I'm hazarding you know Sierra?"

_'Course I know Sierra! _cried Freeman. _Why do you ask?_

"One district, two colleges, two secret mascots. Makes sense to me that you'd at least know each others' names."

_"Secret mascots", nnnnne? That what you call us? We're _spirits, Koubin.

"... I'm arguing with a brick wall shaped like a panther."

_No, you're arguing with a brick wall shaped like a Luxray, _said Freeman.

"Why are you here?" Absent asked. "Did you just want to bite Case Against Humanity's head off, too?"

_Bite his head off?! _cried Freeman. _You crazy, _Koubin_?! I wanted to burn his brain to smithereens with an electric shock!_

"Would have had the same effect," Absent considered.

_...True_, said Freeman. _Alright, then._

He bounded off.

_See you, _Koubin_-nnne_, he said.

"That's not even an honorific," Absent protested.

_Wasn't intended to be! _Freeman called back.

With that said, he left, and bounded back into the clouds. The lightning faded in an instant, and every single member of the Koffiehuis looked back towards the sky in awe, unable to believe what they had just witnessed. Apparently, this pretty much confirmed that every single college in the world had a spirit that was related to the school's colors and mascot.

I wondered for a second what FDU's spirit was.

The SCC students, meanwhile, were left in stunned silence by what they had just seen.

As for Case?

He was still covered to the brim with burn marks from the lightning strike, but eventually after a few moments was able to pick himself back up.

And he was _furious._

And it was _glorious._

"...**_WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSTTTTT!!_**" he shrieked in anger.

He looked back towards Mancia, who was still eyeing his superior with immense concern, and Williamson, who only looked slightly less furious than Case.

"_Get out,_" he snarled.

Mancia stammered incoherently.

"S-sir--" he began.

"_GET OUT!_" shrieked Case.

Mancia frantically obeyed, and ran on board the Millennium Falcon ship that was waiting for him. Williamson soon followed- though not without glaring at the students who were staring back at her in the building. As for Case, he started towards the ship-- before turning to glare at Absent.

"As much as I hated you back when you were a musky water rat, I hate you even more now," he growled. 

"Aw, I love you too!" Absent said sarcastically. "You make it so much easier for me to exercise my impotent rage!"

Then he stared down at Case before growling, "_NOW GET OUT BEFORE I DO IT AGAIN_."

HP flinched back instantaneously.

Case didn't.

"_Gladly,_" he snarled.

With that said, he boarded the ship, and we all watched as it took off into the sky-- but not before Case screamed out the obvious:

"_ALEPH-NULL IS--_"

He paused, ducking under a rock Absent threw before his posture faltered again under the jerking ship.

"Mancia!" he suddenly shrieked. "What are you--?!"

We didn't get to hear anything more, as the ship took off into the sky-- and a single white piece of paper floated down in front of us.

I didn't notice at first-- my very first concern as soon as Aleph-Null was gone was to get all of the students out of the business center as soon as possible. With that thought, I ran over to the door and unlocked it, and within seconds thousands of students began running out happily and started petting Absent on the head vigorously.

"YOU SAVED US!" cried one of the students.

"Thank you all so much!" cried another.

"I WANT TO KEEP YOU EVEN MORE NOW~~!" screamed another, who was shaking Absent vigorously.

"Sorry, you can't keep him," I said, laughing nervously and tapping the student on the shoulder. "He already has a home."

The student sunk a bit. "Oh. Still, though, thanks for saving our lives!"

"You're welcome," I responded.

I suddenly looked up at the sky and smirked.

"And I have a pretty good feeling that they won't be coming back to this school again," I said, before turning to Absent and shooting him a wink.

He didn't wink back.

Instead-- he fell to the floor and collapsed from exhaustion. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV _ **

My body slowly went out of autopilot, and I felt Talbain stop taking over, leaving me to clean up the mess left behind from his errant consumption of what fuel I had left in me.

So I collapsed. I hadn’t fainted, but I had collapsed.

**_So, did you enjoy letting me run rampant? _**Talbain suddenly broke in. 

_That was fun_, I allowed. _But let’s try to avoid that in the future - I’m so hungry right now_.

** _You can’t live on coffee alone, Corbin. You know that as well as I do._ **

_I’m gonna hate it when you’re right, aren’t I?_

** _Don’t think the feeling’s mutual - this is a two-party system, and just like the real one, controversy is unavoidable._ **

_… I think I’m gonna hate dealing with Cold Case more than I’m gonna hate dealing with you._

** _But you still hate yourself. You can’t get rid of your shadow, Corbin. You can’t get rid of _ ** **me** ** _._ **

_True, but Case is like a second Em with antithetical foreign policies. Same excitement, same disregard for evident frustration. It’s like two brick walls attempting to weather a storm - weather _us.

** _But what makes Case worse? His racism?_ **

_He’s somehow _denser_ than Em - and more passionate. Five times we’ve fought, five times he’s thrown the first punch, five times he’s been defeated, five times he’s learned _nothing_. He’s a brick wall banging his head on a _steel_ wall. A steel wall that gets louder and louder with every single collision._

** _What’s stopping us from just killing him?_ **

_You crazy?! I don’t care how evil he is, that’s a _war crime_!_

** _Well, he’s not going to listen to anything you say, he’s not going to learn from anything he does, he’s not going to wake up one morning and think “maybe _ ** **I’m ** ** _the asshole here”. People like him don’t deserve to exist. Just do the world a favor._ **

_I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. I’d lose any friends and family I have since I’d be locked up. I’d be a complete pariah. I don’t know what we can do but we _can’t_ kill him. Honestly, we’re pretty lucky that your mimicry of Vatista didn’t break any bones._

** _Hey, I don’t know how to perform those gimmicks - you’re lucky we couldn’t figure out how to replicate Mico Ruseo. Your fault for maining her._ **

_Your fault for deciding to attack him._

** _… Our fault?_ **

_… Our fault._

With peace reached between us, I blacked out.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_OGHOND's POV   
_**  
Two hours or so later, we had left the college, and I had picked up a sleeping Absent and had set him back inside of his bed inside of the Clavus Locus Beta. The Vandertramps had all gone back to their lives in the meantime, although none of them decided to disturb Absent after what they had all just seen-- not even Alle or Reentre, believe it or not. I had also finally noticed the white paper that had fallen on the floor, and upon opening it had seen a single message to Absent from Roger Mancia.

I won’t tell you what it is yet, but just know that it is majorly important. The first time I saw it, I had no idea what it meant. I still don’t, but note here that I have a theory that it might relate to Case’s psyche.

HP, of course, still had burn marks from M4.

Eventually, however, after two hours, Absent finally woke up from his nap in the CLB. The second we saw him, we all breathed a sigh of relief, and Madelief proceeded to hug him.

“Absent!” she cried. “You’re awake!”

Absent didn’t respond. He clawed himself out of bed, not bothering to acknowledge that Madelief was hugging him, and opened the door to walk out.

I stopped him just before he did.

“Wait!” I cried, frantically running up to him and waving the piece of paper in the air. “Roger Mancia left a message for you!”

Beat.

He suddenly stopped in the doorway and turned to face me before snatching the letter out of my vines with his teeth.

“Hold on a second,” I said, pulling it back out. “I haven’t even opened it yet.”

I proceeded to do so-- even though said letter was now dripping with Rockruff drool-- and showed him the message that I had seen and that Mancia had left for him.

The message read simply:

** _DEAR CORBIN WEST:_ **

** _You have no idea what he’s been through._ **

** _Sincerely,  
_ ** ** _Roger Mancia  
_ ** ** _The Aleph-Null Task Force_ **

Underneath that was, of course, the Aleph-Null logo and the motto of Aleph-Null.

“I have no idea what he’s saying,” I said, “but I think he’s talking about Case.”

“His past doesn’t matter,” Absent refuted. “It’s what he does with his future that defines him. And if he’s going to be a bigot, that’s on  _ him _ ,” he said before leaving to the kitchen.

I paused for a few moments to think about what Absent had just said. 

True, his future did define him… but was his past really that unimportant? I mean, Devenu had done an entire psychoanalysis on Nathan West, after all. 

Then again, though… he still had a future ahead of him. 

Case didn’t. 

I took one look again at Roger Mancia’s letter, wondering what exactly he was talking about by “what he’s been through.” I assumed it was a response to Absent saying all that stuff about how Case deserved his rotation attack, and how he would be more than happy to watch Case _bleed. _Apparently, Mancia had been so disturbed by Absent’s sudden bloodthirst that he had written him this letter, just so he could clarify some things. 

But what he had left-- at least for me-- opened up so many more opportunities. 

Somehow, I was going to find out more about Johnathon Case-- no matter how long it took me. 

And as for Absent? 

Well, I realized that I was kind of going to have to get used to Talbain. Sure, he scared me-- a lot-- but if his anger was justified… I suppose it was okay. 

Even if it was scary as heck some times. 

Still, though… I didn’t want him to attack any of us. 

Especially not HP. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

** _ALEPH-NULL’s POV-- 3P _ **

** _TWO HOURS AFTER THE FIGHT AT SAC CITY COLLEGE _ **

Roger Mancia stared over at his superior with extreme concern. The latter was in his section of the headquarters, sitting down on his bed and glaring up at a picture that was hanging on his wall in a fit of rage. Sure, thought Mancia, he’d seen Johnathon Case get angry over having lost fights before, but… this was different.

Much different.

It seemed as though West’s words about how being encased in rock was what he deserved had gotten to him somehow, because Case wasn’t going off in a blind rage towards him like he usually did. No, this time he was quiet, reserved, yet still absolutely livid.

And Mancia instantly had a feeling as to why. 

Tentatively, he walked up to his brooding superior and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sir…?” he asked. “Are you alright?” 

Case glared up at him with cold rage in his eyes. 

“No,” he said simply. “No, Roger. I’m not alright. I’m  _ far  _ from alright.” 

Mancia blinked, his consternation growing. Case only referred to Mancia as “Roger” when they were in private, and only in certain emotional moments such as this one. 

“Sir…?” he asked, instantly realizing something was wrong. 

Case promptly cut him off, raising his hand. 

“ _ Get away from me _ ,” he growled, his anger growing. 

Mancia shivered. 

“O-okay,” he muttered simply, recognizing that his superior wanted to be left alone. 

He started for the door-- but stopped just before his hand touched the doorknob. A question had begun to form in Mancia’s mind, something he’d been meaning to ask since West brought it up to him. He turned back towards his superior, somewhat nervously. 

“Were you…” He looked down, pausing. “Were you happy when Corbin encased you in rock?” 

Much to his surprise, Case didn’t say anything for a few moments. He simply sat there in deep thought, as though the question that Mancia had just asked him was something that he hadn’t thought about before until just then. After a moment, though, he responded with just one word: 

“Yes.” 

Mancia blanched for a bit-- but in truth, he had somewhat been expecting that answer. He had been there the day of Case’s inception, after all; he had known for months what had been happening and what was going on right now inside of his head. 

Yet still, he couldn’t help but ask: 

“...why?” 

Case didn’t respond for a few moments. He simply cast his gaze upwards, his cold, hard glare fixed on something directly in front of him. Eventually, after a bit, he spoke. 

“Because I wanted it all to end,” he said simply. “Every single day I spent in this torture and agony… I wanted it to end. West was right. I deserved to be encased in rock.” 

Then, after a pause: 

“Because  _ he  _ did,” Case suddenly growled. 

He looked back up at what he had been seeing beforehand: a framed photo on the wall of his room. In the photo was the Aleph-Null logo along with the following text underneath it: 

** _The Aleph-Null Task Force of Anti-Linguistic Knowledge   
_ ** ** _Founder: GEORGE CANTOR--_ **

He’d redacted the last word, having covered it up with a piece of paper that was the same color as the photo. To the untrained eye, it was practically invisible. Case continued to gaze up at it for a few moments, his anger towards the person whose name he was looking at growing even further. 

“ _ He  _ deserves to have his throat shredded,” said Case, suddenly exploding with rage. “ _ He  _ deserves to have his lungs bleeding.  _ He  _ deserves pain and misery and anguish beyond all compare!” 

And then all of a sudden, he practically collapsed on his bed as his rage fully overtook him and he cried out: 

“ _ I didn’t deserve ANY of this _ !” 

Mancia looked down sadly, his superior’s pain getting to him. He nodded, fully aware of his superior’s hatred towards the founder of Aleph-Null. Case, meanwhile, remained on his knees as a single tear of hatred, rage, and sadness began to trickle down his cheek. 

“Once he is gone,” he growled, “and once  _ he  _ is out of my life for good, I will finally be free to express myself for who I truly am. But until then…” He motioned to the headquarters. “ _ This  _ is what he made me do.  _ This  _ is who he wants me to be. And I want  _ none of it.  _ He ruined my life forever.” 

He glared up at the image in front of him again. 

“And I will make him  _ pay _ .” 

Mancia nodded solemnly, before turning away and finally touching the doorknob. 

“I’ll leave you to your own devices, Johnny,” he said. 

With that having been said, he left the room, and Case was finally left alone. It was only himself. 

His thoughts. 

His anger. 

His misery. 

They continued to build on top of one another, as shock after shock went off in his brain, trying to remind him desperately of what his true purpose was-- until, finally, at long last, he couldn’t contain it anymore. 

The tears of rage began to flow from his face as he rammed his fist against the wall of his room and cried out, for all to hear: 

“ ** _DAMN YOU, GEORGE---!!!! DAMN YOU---!! DAMN YOU---------!!!!!!_ ** ” 

He stayed there against the wall, his tears conveying all the contempt he felt in that moment. 

Hopefully, he figured, no one had heard him. 

** _EINDE _ **


	19. ZESTIEN: Ghost Rider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, ladies and gentlemen! It's only been a few days since Chapter 15 was released, but I am very pleased to announce that Chapter 16, entitled "Ghost Rider", is finally out-- and it's a bit sadder than most chapters. This chapter was solely made as a tribute to RUSH's drummer Neil Elwood Peart, who died (IRL) a few months ago on January 7th, 2020. The chapter itself, however, takes place a year into the future, on January 7th, and involves my realization that I'm still grieving his death a year later. Meanwhile, the rest of the Koffiehuis attempt to look forward into the future-- but their attempts are haunted by the realization that I'm still dwelling on the past... 
> 
> Now, obviously, when January 7th, 2021 does come in real life, I probably won't be grieving Neil Peart's death anymore. This scenario-- along with all of the scenarios in this fanfic-- are fictional, despite featuring real people and some past real-life events. But this chapter was made for a reason, and that reason is to both celebrate the life of Peart and the music and stories he left behind. It was also made to hopefully raise more awareness for brain cancer and give a bit of hope in these dark and stressful times that have been thrust upon us as a result of the coronavirus. 
> 
> Hopefully, all of you are staying inside, washing your hands, and doing whatever you can to stop the spread of this disease, but in the meantime, enjoy "Ghost Rider"-- especially if you're a fan of RUSH. The chapter also features parts from Madelief, HP, and LF, as well as a long- and real- flashback to January 10th of this year. With that said, here is Chapter 16 of Pokemon: SOSchip! As per the usual, be on the lookout for Chapter 17, "Turning Japanese"-- and let me tell you, IT'S GONNA BE A BIG ONE! We've got Japanese hiragana, Japanese particles, Japanese sentence structure lessons, "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", and the start of a subplot that will change the course of the fic-- and it's a two-part epic you don't want to miss!
> 
> As usual, I do not own Pokemon, and as usual, do not harass any of the people mentioned in this fic online. The people mentioned in this fic are fictional counterparts of their real-life selves. I am obviously not a Bulbasaur, and the real Absent Coder is obviously not a Rockruff. I also do not own RUSH, any of their music, or the official statement that RUSH made on Neil Peart's death.

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER   
  
OGHOND's POV_ **

Hoo-boy. 

Well. 

This is going to be heavy. 

If you've read past retellings, you're likely expecting me to go on a long giant tangential monologue of some kind, and while that'll technically be true of this retelling as well... it'll be a bit different. Yes, there will still be a monologue at the start of this chapter, but in contrast to most, it'll be short; succinct; to the point. Because what I am writing about today is about an issue that has not only affected my life, but the lives of many musicians and thousands of people in both the United States and all around the world.**_  
_**

One year ago, on January 7th, 2020, Neil Peart, the drummer of the highly-acclaimed prog rock band RUSH, left this world after a three-and-a-half year battle with brain cancer. 

Only his family and his closest friends knew about it, including Geddy and Alex. No one else knew-- not other RUSH fans, not other friends of the band's, not other musicians... especially not me. 3 days later, on January 10th, the world got the news of Peart's death, myself included, and to say that it was a shock would be an understatement. Fans were absolutely devastated by the news, in part because it was so sudden and no one had known about it previously and in part because, even though RUSH had announced their retirement in 2018, there were still a few fans that held on to the possibility that someday, somehow, the band would reunite, maybe for one more tour or one more album or some other project associated with the band. 

But now that the Professor was gone... so, too, was that hope. 

The death of Neil Peart marked the definitive end of RUSH and the end of an era for both prog rock and rock music in general. Many bands, among them Dream Theater and KISS, tweeted out their condolences on social media, as did thousands of RUSH fans.

As for myself? 

I was just as devastated as all the other fans, if not more so. Sure, like them, I didn't know Neil Peart personally, but through the power of his music, his words, and his books, I felt like I did. No- _we_\-- the entire "RUSH family"-- felt like we did. Receiving the news of his death was, to us, the equivalent of being told that your father-- better yet, your uncle-- had just died. It was emotionally devastating and profoundly sudden.

And it all happened a year ago.

Since that time, I presumed I had gotten over Neil Peart's death. After all, it had been a full year since it happened, and in that time, you'd expect someone to already be over the initial shock of someone's death-- especially if said death was the death of a celebrity.

Right?

I certainly assumed that was the case for myself and Neil Peart. As a matter of fact, when I first woke up on January 7th, 2021-- 6 days after the start of the New Year-- my first thought wasn't even about Neil Peart. In fact, I didn't even realize what _day_ it was. That day on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _started out like any other-- I woke up, ate my breakfast, made my bed, and took a shower. I didn't even see any other members of the Koffiehuis- though I assumed the rest of them had to be up by now- until I went downstairs from the bathroom after drying myself off. As I predicted, they were all up and they were all sitting on the couch, watching something on TV.

"Mornin'," Absent said succinctly.

"Hey, Absent!" I responded, waving my vine in the air.   
  
"oghond~!" Madelief exclaimed, running up to me and hugging me with her leaves. "You're awake! Thank goodness, I was starting to get worried about you. Where have you been?"   
  
"I just got finished taking a shower," I responded, before laughing nervously and pushing her away.

"Good call. Pokemon though we may be, hygiene is critical," Absent said, nodding.

"Indeed it is," LF agreed.

That much was obvious. I'd gotten in the habit of taking a shower every day back in Nighttree, and thus far it had stuck.

For the most part, anyways.   
  
"Anyways," I said, deciding to join them on the couch, "what are you watching?" 

"Last Week Tonight - it's something I should have anticipated," Absent started, rewinding the episode for me.

"_This isn't even the first time a California college has played host to a bad action movie. Just two months ago, something similar happened in a community college less than an hour from the capital, so I guess it's not just the bay area where robots fight set to terrible writing._"

He paused the episode. "You really should have seen this coming."

I certainly had-- at some point or another I figured the news would have talked about both the attack at Folsom Lake College and the one at Sac City.

"Oh, believe me," said Madelief, "we _all _did."   
  
"Yep," I said. "I figured that at some point the news would have mentioned the Sac City attack."   
  
"I must admit, however, that I _am _slightly surprised that John Oliver did not mention anything about the fire," said LF simply. 

The show continued:

"_Anyway, our main story tonight concerns-_"

Seconds later Absent turned off the TV with his muzzle before slamming it down on the couch.

"Man, things are boring," he yawned. "Like, honestly, I'm so desperate to get back to my fighting games that I'd throw hands at one of _you_. With permission, of course."

Beat.

"You mean you'd throw _paws _at one of--" I started, only to pause as I realized what he was actually saying. "Oh, wait, that's a figure of speech, isn't it?" 

"No, I figured out how to detach my - _of course it is, I wanna fight!_"

I giggled. As per the usual, Absent's hilariously deadpan humor struck again.

"Knew it," I said simply. "Anyways, if any of you want to know my opinions on British humor-- Python wins. Bar none. Best British humorists of all time."

Then, after a moment:

"Rest in peace Graham Chapman and Terry Jones."

"Wait... two of them are dead?" asked HP.

"Yeah, I thought it was just Graham Chapman," said Madelief.

I shook my head.

"Nope--" I said. "Terry Jones recently died due to complications related to dementia. He was 77 years old."

"That's so sad...!" cried Madelief, sinking. "I wonder what Nimja thought of that. He loves Monty Python."

"I'm sure he vas devastated," said HP.

"Yeah, I'm sure he was," said Madelief. 

_Though, speaking of death..._

Koffie.

The second we heard its voice, we all looked up towards the giant neck and head that was craning through the window to look at us. I blinked in confusion.

"What?" I asked.

_...Have you forgotten what day it is today? _asked Koffie simply.

I scoffed.

"Have I forgotten what day it is today?!" I cried. "Are you serious, Koffie? It's six days after the start of the New Year! It's January 7th, 2021!"

I paused for a few moments-- and then all of a sudden the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. All the joy I had been exuding for the past few minutes proceeded to leave my face, replaced in an instant by a look of pure sadness and devastation. The entire Koffiehuis- with the exception of Absent, who was the only member of the group who knew- promptly stared at me in confusion and concern, most of all Yuunarii and Madelief.

Especially the latter.

"oghond?" she asked me. "A-are you okay?"   
  
I looked down at the floor.

"It's... January 7th, 2021," I muttered, a lot sadder than before.

All of a sudden, the flashbacks started to come to me in an instant. I was able to clearly visualize in my mind the day I first saw the news. I saw me running over to my parents and crying. I saw me telling Absent the news. I saw all the condolences, all the tributes, running across my Twitter screen--

_No!_

_Dang it, oghond! _I thought to myself suddenly, regaining my confidence. _You can't look sad now! It's been a year since it happened; you're over it! Don't think about Neil Peart for the rest of the day!_

Seconds later, I forced a smile onto my face in an attempt to hide my sadness from the rest of the group and turned to face them.

"Oh, no, no!" I said, happily. "I'm fine! Everything's fine! Now... if you'll excuse me, I'll be upstairs in my room reading the _Clockwork Angels _novelization!"

The rest of the Koffiehuis turned to look at each other in concern. Apparently, none of them were even the least bit fooled. I, however, tried my best to not sink in the pit of sadness on this day, and left for my room, waving cheerfully with my vine the entire time.

"See ya!" I cried.

And with that, I entered my room and shut the door.

"Um... see ya," said Madelief. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

** _MADELIEF's POV_ **

W-was she okay?!

Was she really okay...?

I mean, she certainly _seemed _happy when she went upstairs to her room, but just a few moments ago, she had looked sad... and I don't want to see any of my friends sad!

That absolutely breaks my heart...! 

So... for a few seconds I didn't really say anything. I just stared up at the staircase with a look of concern, because-- well, honestly, what was sad about January 7th, 2021?

January 7th was a great day--!

...Okay, well sometimes bad things could happen on January 7th-- bad things could happen on any day, really-- but for the most part, January 7th was just a normal day! As far as I knew there wasn't anything really special that happened on that day...

Right...?

Well, anyways, I didn't know if there was anything special about that day or not, but one thing was for sure-- _something _was going on with oghond.

And I'm pretty sure the rest of the Koffiehuis knew it, too, because when I turned to look at them, they all gave each other looks that said "Um... is she okay?"

Except for Absent.

Absent just gave that weird annoyed look again.

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore, and I tapped Absent on the shoulder with one of my leaves.

"Um... Absent?" I asked. "I-is she okay? B-because I think she's feeling pretty sad about today's date right now, but she's trying to hide it and I don't know why. I don't even know what's wrong with January 7th on its own!" 

"All I will say is that this is the anniversary of someone's death," he started. "And it was the death of someone she likely reveres even more than Dutch Boss."

"Dutch Boss?" I said, giggling. "Is that what you call Nimja?"

And then I paused.

"Wait, today's the anniversary of someone's DEATH?!" I gasped in shock.

"Yeah," said Absent. "Hard to believe it's been five years since David Bowie died."

"Who was it?!" I cried.

"Neil Peart," said Absent.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

NEIL PEART?!

The drummer of RUSH died?!

No wonder she was so sad... that sounded terrible! How did he die?! _When _did he die?! I mean, I knew how much oghond loved RUSH, so she must have been absolutely _devastated _when that happened! I could almost _see _the tears streaming down her face when she got the news, and it must have been _awful!_

It certainly was for me!

"WHAT?!" I cried.

I looked over at all the other members of the Koffiehuis, and they all looked as shocked as I did.

"Neil Peart... died?" asked HP, sadly.

"Apparently," said LF.

"T-tha-- that's _terrible!_" I nearly sobbed.

"It got to her _much_ more than it should have," said Absent. "Like, _wow_, Em. I get that you hold Rush in such monumental regard you probably get your _libido_ satisfied by listening to them, but _there's a reasonable limit_ you exceeded _long_ ago."

Beat.

"...she gets her _what _satisfied?" I asked.

He leaned in close.

"_She derives sexual pleasure_," he whispered.

Okay... that sounded gross.

So gross, in fact, that I almost barfed.

"W-WHAT?!" I exclaimed, practically gagging. "I- I'm sure that her RUSH obsession doesn't go _that _far..."

"I was _joking_," Absent defended. "Kinda."

"Oh...!" I said. "Okay, that makes a lot more sense. I am so relieved."   
  
I paused.

"Wait... why 'kinda'?" I asked.

"Because her obsession isn't healthy," he said.

"Oh," I said.

Okay, by this point my mind was jumping between dozens and dozens of questions regarding Neil Peart's death. Mainly-- when did he die? How exactly did oghond react?   
  
And most importantly...

"How did he die?" I asked.

"Brain cancer," he said.

Brain cancer?!

Wow... that sounded horrible...

"That... that sounds awful..." I muttered. "I didn't know he died of brain cancer... I thought he had just retired and was going to live out his life with his family!"

"So did I..." said HP sadly.

"As did I," said LF. "It is a veritible shame that Neil Peart had to die in such a tragic regard, with very little time to enjoy his retirement. I sincerely hope he rest in peace."

I... didn't exactly know all the words that LF had used in that sentence, but I had to agree with her.

"Yeah..." I muttered. "That's really sad..."

I looked over at Yuunarii, and she looked just as saddened as the rest of us.

"...wait a second," HP suddenly asked. "W-why didn't oghond tell _us _about Neil Peart's death?"

Yeah!

Why _didn't_ she tell us? I'd been wondering that, too! I mean, sure, we weren't as big of a RUSH fan as she was-- though, honestly, no one is-- but she probably could have told us anyways!   
  
We're her friends! We'd be willing to listen!

"Don't give her that inch," said Absent, giving me that weird look again. "The more she talks about Rush, the more you fuel her addiction. There's a reason the term 'Rushaholic' exists - she has an addiction."

Rushaholic?  
  
I'd never heard of that word...

I had heard of an _alchoholic_, though... and I knew what that was.

It was someone who was addicted to alchohol, obviously!

So that meant that a _Rush_aholic was someone who was addicted to RUSH!

Such as oghond!

But... it wasn't in any dictionary...

"That term is nonexistent," said LF simply. "You made it up."

"Yes, it's not a real word," said Absent, "but it's commonplace enough among internet communities it doesn't even _matter_. I could point you to groups like Bronies, Trekkies and Whovians, each a name so commonplace spellcheckers treat them as real words."

"Ah," said LF. "That makes sense."

That _did _make sense... but all of a sudden, I couldn't stop thinking about Neil Peart's death. Especially the fact that he died of brain cancer, which is _terrible..._!

Cancer as a whole was terrible!

"Still, though..." I said sadly, "there are probably thousands of other people in the world suffering from brain cancer, and... the fact that Neil Peart was one of those was just..."   
  
"Horrible," HP finished.

Yuunarii and LF nodded.

"It was a year ago," Absent said. "The past is the past."

I paused-- and then all of a sudden--

DING-DING-DING!!

An idea~!

Neil Peart's death had just given me an idea that would make the entire Internet-- especially the fellow Rushaholics-- go crazy!

"Yes," I said. "The past is the past... but the _future _isn't!"

Almost everyone turned to look at me, and LF quickly gave me the same weird condisending look that Absent gives sometimes.

"...Madelief," she said simply. "You _are _aware that we cannot bring Neil Peart- or anybody- back from the dead."

"I object!" cried Bailey.

"You are a bunny and you do not count," said LF.

...Well, that was a bit harsh.

"Of course I know that," I said, giggling. "That's not what I'm saying!"

"Zen... what _are _you saying?" asked HP.

"Simple!" I said. "We can't bring Neil Peart back from the dead... but we _can _do something to prevent more deaths from brain cancer in the future!"

Everyone looked at me-- and one by one, the same idea began to form in their minds. I could tell simply by looking at them.

"What," said HP, "like... a... charity event?"

"YES!" I cried happily, beaming with delight. "Exactly! A charity event!"

The rest of the group looked at each other.

"Hm," said LF simply. "That... is rather intriguing..."

"I know, right?!" I said excitedly. "I have _SOOOO _many ideas! We could perform music for money... or read books for money... or..."

Beat.

"Okay, actually, those are my only two ideas," I said, laughing nervously.

"Performing music for money sounds good," said HP. "I mean... you have a guitar, and you can sing. And Absent can sing, too."

"True," I said. "I don't think he wants to join, though. He... gets a bit annoyed by oghond's huge RUSH obsession."

"That is perfectly fine," said LF. "If he does not want to join in on the brain cancer charity event, he does not have to."

"But... how are we going to do it?" HP asked.

I paused.

That _was _a good point... how _were _we going to do it?

"Hm..." I muttered, looking up.

I thought about it for a few moments-- and then all of a sudden, we heard somebody from behind us clearing their throat. At first I thought it was a bit strange-- until I actually saw the person who had cleared their throat.

It was Yuunarii-- and not only that, she was raising her paw, too.

AND giving us the same weird look that Absent and LF give.

For a few moments, I just stared at her-- slightly confused-- and then OH MY GOD--!  
  


It suddenly hit me!

We could broadcast the whole charity FROM YUUNARII'S CHANNEL~!!

Which meant that we would finally be able to hear her SPEAK~!

This was so exciting! 

We almost never got to hear Yuunarii speak!

"Wait..." I gasped. "Does this mean... does this mean that WE GET TO HEAR YOU SPEAK?!"

Yuunarii shook her head.

Awww...

I thought that we'd be able to hear her speak...

"Oh," I muttered sadly. "Then... what are you saying? I mean, I kind of get it, but at the same time..."

"Seriously?" asked Fudge. "Do you really not understand body language? You spent an entire episode acting like Yuunarii."   
  
"Yeah, but she held up signs the whole time," said Bailey.

"True," said Fudge. "Anyways, she's saying that you can just do the charity straight from her website."   
  
Jep!

As I thought!

...Wait, what?

"Her... website?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Fudge. "You don't have to play music for money or anything like that-- Yuunarii can just set up a GoFundMe page straight from her website, and you guys can sponsor the project."

Wait...

A GOFUNDME PAGE?!

FOR BRAIN CANCER CHARITIES---?!

Okay, forget about the performing music for money thingy-- THIS WAS AN EVEN BETTER IDEA!!

"EEEEEEEEEEE---!!" I squealed. "This is going to be so exciting!"

"A GoFundMe page is certainly an excellent idea," said LF.

"We could go on Twitter and other sites und ask people to donate," said HP.

"Well, Yuunarii's the only one with a Twitter account," said Bailey.

"Doesn't matter," I said. "She could just promote the page on our behalf!"

"True," said Bailey. "She could."

"Alright, then!" I said, floating out of my chair and floating upstairs to Yuunarii's room. "Let's go and get this brain cancer charity set up~!"

The rest of the Koffiehuis, except for Absent, followed me upstairs.

"See you, Absent~!" I called happily, waving my leaf in the air.

"Yeah, see ya," said Absent simply.

With that, we all went upstairs to Yuunarii's bedroom, and let me just say:

I WAS SOOOOOOO EXCITED--!!

This was definitely going to change the future-- and save thousands of lives!

I could tell~!

There was still a question going around in my mind, though-- one that I'd completely forgotten to ask:

How did _Absent _react to Neil Peart's death?

So I eventually stopped before going upstairs all the way.

"Hey... Absent?" I asked. 

"Hm?"

"How did _you _react to Neil Peart's death?" I asked.

"Ultimately? Indifference."

"What was your _first _reaction, though?"

"I think every thought I had could be summarized with the two words, 'oh. Crap,'" he said. "That 'crap' actually stemmed from the realization Em would _blow up my inbox _about it."

"And... did she?" I asked. 

"I don't remember, but the _dread_ was kinda the problem."

Uh-oh...

That didn't sound good...

I mean, I knew that oghond and Absent were friends, but...

"Madelief?"

Oh!

Silly me!

I had gotten so distracted by talking to Absent that I'd forgotten that the rest of the Koffiehuis were already getting ready to go upstairs!

"Sorry, LF!" I said, laughing nervously. "I'll be there!"

I turned back to Absent.

"See you, Absent~!" I called, waving my leaf in the air.

And with that, I followed the rest of them upstairs to Yuunarii's room.

I was still unable to believe it, though!

WE WERE ABOUT TO POST STRAIGHT TO YUUNARII'S WEBSITE~!!!!

THIS WOULD CHANGE THOUSANDS OF BRAIN CANCER PATIENTS' LIVES FOREVER~!

I COULD NOT WAIT!

Only... one question...

What was oghond doing?   
  
And... what was Absent thinking?  
  
Okay, so that was actually two questions...   
  
BUT STILL!  
  
THIS WAS ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS I HAD EVER DONE IN MY LIFE~~!!!

Look out, brain cancer-- you're about to be taken down by the power of POKEMON!

Well... not exactly "taken down" yet, but...

\---------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

What was up with Em, I asked myself as I made my way to her room. Yes, Peart died, but that was a year ago. The past is the past, look to the future.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that since the subject had been brought up she would go on and _on_ and **_on_**... the thought gave me a migraine. Within time I made it to her door. I pressed my ear to it - a little harder than I expected given how its tip flopped.

All I could hear was the occasional turn of a page. I was surprised I could discern it, but even more surprised that she wasn't just blasting a playlist.

Hesitantly, I knocked. "Em? You a'ight?"

"...I'm reading _Clockwork Angels,_" she called back. "What do you want?"

Oh yeah, that album _was_ novelized.

"Just... wondering if you're okay. But you sound fine, so... talk to you later."

"Okay," she said.

She paused.

"Wait... why did you want to know if I was okay?" she asked. "Neil Peart's death?"

"More the anniversary of it," I summarized.

"Oh," she said. "Okay. What are the rest of the group doing?"

"Something something charity something something cancer something something Peart," I summarized. "I dunno, I wasn't listening."

"Oh," she said. "That sounds nice. Okay, then. Talk to you later. I guess."

"Yep," I said simply, walking off. She seemed to be able to take care of herself, come to terms on her own time. I felt safe leaving her be for the rest of the day.

... Or was I just telling myself that.

**_That was me_**.

_... Well, I can't disagree._

\------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

I had told him that I was fine.

I was telling _myself _I was fine.

...I wasn't fine.

Not in the least bit.

I put down my copy of _Clockwork Angels _and stared at it, trying desperately to get any and all thoughts of Neil Peart's death out of my head. It had been a year ago, I told myself. Stop thinking about it, you've moved on.

Except I hadn't.

Not only was "The Garden"- the last track on _Clockwork Angels _and the last track that RUSH had ever made-- playing in my head at that moment, but so was the exact day that it happened. The day I heard about Neil Peart's death for the first time.

It had certainly been a shock when I heard about it then, and it was still a shock now.

\-------------------------------------------------------

** _FLASHBACK_ **

** _ONE YEAR AGO- 1P_ **

_So... January 10th. For the most part, there... hadn't really been anything special about that day. As a matter of fact, I had been pretty happy with how the day had gone-- I had gone to Panera Bread for lunch, and my parents and I had had a pretty big discussion about what life was going to be like for me at FDU. For the most part, though, it had been a pretty good day, but I was starting to get bored._

_So, naturally, I did what I always did when I got bored:_

_I checked the Twitter app on my phone._

_I lay down on my bed and scrolled through all the tweets that were waiting for me. Most of them were pretty standard: new YouTube video, breaking news about the Trump administration, blah, blah, blah, meme, meme, meme, tweet from Yuunarii, tweet from the Coder, meme, meme, boring news story, blah, blah, blah, official statement from the White House, celebrity death, celebrity death, an official statement from RUSH--_

_Wait._

_An official statement from RUSH?!_

_Intrigued, I went back to the latest tweet that the band had sent out that day. I didn't look at it for too long, but I was able to catch a few words that stood out to me:_

_"It is with broken hearts and the deepest sadness... gliobastoma... extremely painful time... rest in peace brother."_

_Well._

_Clearly, someone who was related to the band had died of glioblastoma._

_Nothing to see here, I figured, might as well go up and check out the rest of the boring tweets that awaited me--_

_BOOM._

_Within seconds, I got an avalanche of RUSH-related tweets, containing lyrics from "The Garden", lyrics from "Vapor Trails," and pictures of Neil Peart._

Lots _of pictures of Neil Peart._

_My heart suddenly began to beat nervously in my chest-- "The Garden" had been the last song RUSH had ever put out, and "Vapor Trails" was the album that dealt with death more than any other RUSH album, having been written about both Neil's wife and daughter dying. Still, though, I felt as though it was nothing-- until I saw the following tweet in my Twitter feed: _ _   
_ _   
_ _"Wow. This is not something I expected to hear today. We have lost a legend. Thank you so much for the incredible years of music. #RIPProfessor #RIPNeilPeart #RUSH @RushTheBand"_

_This tweet was promptly followed by a few "broken heart" and "drumkit" emojis._

_And the second I saw that tweet, my heart started beating even faster._

_No._

_This couldn't be real._

_This wasn't real._

_As far as I knew, Neil Peart had been resting quietly in his home and driving on motorcycles cross-country during his retirement._

_Now starting to panic, I scrolled upwards to find more and more tweets from RUSH fans, each one saying the same things:_

_"RIP to a legend." _ _   
_ _   
_ _"Thank you for the music." _ _   
_ _   
_ _"Long live Neil Peart."_

_And so on, and so on, and so on._

_Each tweet made my heart beat more and more, the panic and fear starting to grow inside of me, until finally I decided to go back to RUSH's original tweet, because clearly I had missed something. This time, I read through the whole thing, and every single word was harder to believe than the last:_

_"It is with broken hearts and the deepest sadness that we must share the terrible news that on Tuesday our friend, soul brother, and bandmate of 45 years, Neil, has lost his incredibly brave three-and-a-half year battle with brain cancer (glioblastoma). We ask that friends, fans and media alike..."_

_I stopped there._

_I could barely believe what I was reading._

_All of a sudden, Alex Lifeson's decree in 2018 that the band was done made so much more sense. _

_All of R40, in fact, made so much more sense._

_Neil Peart... was sick._

_With brain cancer._

_He had been sick with brain cancer for three-and-a-half years._

_Geddy and Alex had known about this for three-and-a-half years, and no one had even bothered to tell the press due to how notoriously private Neil Peart was._

_And now... he was gone._

_Just like that._

_Neil Peart, the greatest drummer of all time... was dead._

_It was so sudden, so shocking, that I could feel tears starting to run down my eyes at that moment. _ _   
_ _   
_ _One of my idols of the music scene had died._

_And no one had known until today._

_I was devastated._

_But even then, despite my devastation, I still tried to hide it by doing the same thing I always did whenever I found out that a celebrity had died._

_Trying to hold back tears, I grabbed my cell phone, ran into the room where my father was, and screamed out: _ _   
_ _   
_ _"TOWN CRIER! TOWN CRIER! NEIL PEART IS DEAD AT 67...!"_

_I don't remember what happened next, but all I remember is that sooner or later the devastation came through, and I ended up crying in my father's arms._

_I then grabbed my phone and texted Absent solemnly:_

_"...Neil Peart is dead." __  
__  
__The reply came mere seconds later: __  
__  
__"Oh _f----"

**_END FLASHBACK_**  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the flashback stopped playing in my mind I suddenly realized that I had been doing the exact same thing I had done on the day it had happened: scrolling through Twitter, looking at people's reactions to the anniversary of the death of Neil Peart. Every single Tweet said pretty much the same thing:   
  
"_Still can't believe it's been a year since he left us. #RIPNeilPeart #RIPProfessor #1YearAnniversary"_

And so on and so on and so forth.

The second I realized that I was doing it, I put down my phone and shook my head.

"No," I said to myself. "You're over this. Stop pretending."

I looked around my room, desperate to find something-- anything-- to distract me from Neil Peart, but almost everything in my room was related to RUSH. There were RUSH posters, RUSH shirts, RUSH books, figurines of Geddy, Alex, and Neil...

Neil.

It still felt like a dream to me, that he was gone.   
  
I felt somewhat dirty, grieving a man that I didn't even know personally, and yet at the same time...

I sat up on my bed.

I needed someone who I could talk to about this.

But... it couldn't be Absent.

If Absent found out that I was still grieving Neil Peart's death, his reaction would probably be... less than patient, and would likely involve facepalming, eye-rolling, asking me if I needed help, or, in the worst case scenario...

** _HIM._ **

And mark my words, I did not want to have to deal with _him._

So for now, I just decided to go downstairs and stay quiet, trying not to attract too much attention.

Which, of course, I did.

I probably should have guessed what happened next, though.

Eventually, as I continued to look through tweets, I found myself liking and retweeting all the ones related to Neil Peart's death anniversary-- until eventually, I came across a tweet from Yuunarii herself that immediately caught my eye.

_First of all: thanks for all the birthday wishes._

Oh, crap, I forgot that January 6th was also Yuunarii's birthday...

_Second of all: I just posted a GoFundMe page on my website. If anyone is willing to donate in honor of Neil Peart, please do so. Anyone who does so will receive free merch. No, I am not a Rush fan, but I am still doing this for a friend. You can donate here:_

This was followed by the link to the GoFundMe page.

The tweet currently had 32 likes and 5 retweets.

I expected that number to grow exponentially within the next few hours.

Without even thinking, I hit the link that Yuunarii had posted, and opened it up to see the following:

** _OPERATION: PEART  
_ ** ** _DONATE TODAY TO HELP OTHERS SUFFERING FROM BRAIN CANCER IN HONOR OF THE LATE GREAT NEIL PEART_ **

_Last year on January 7th, the drummer of RUSH, Neil Peart, died of glioblastoma. In his honor, the four of us (Madelief Cornelisse, HermionePotter2810, LonelyFox, and Yuunarii) would like to ask you to raise money to help others with brain cancer in the hopes that one day the human race might find a cure. We will accept credit card and check donations._

_Thank you._

_Rest in peace Neil Peart-- 1952-2020_

I gazed in shock at the GoFundMe page that had been put up, but the shock ultimately increased tenfold when I saw the amount of money that had been raised:

$400.

_$400? _I thought to myself. _That's it? Dang, they should probably have raised a lot more money by now; this is Neil Peart they're doing this for, after all; dozens of RUSH fans are likely going to--_

_NO!_

_STOP IT!_

In frustration, I grabbed my head and let out a groan.

I _still _hadn't gotten over his death, and it had been a year since it had happened.

An entire _year._

I knew about Absent's philosophy towards death- that the past was the past and that I should look to the future instead- but what was I to do? How in the world could I possibly get the death of Neil Peart out of my head? Somehow, someway, I had to find a way to distract myself from all of it-- and more importantly, I had to get an answer to the question of why on God's green earth I was still grieving the death of a guy who I had never met and who I didn't even know personally.

It made no sense to me...

There had to be someone I could talk to about this--

Hang on a second!

Dr. Vandertramp!

I suddenly sat back up in my seat and turned off my phone, realizing that the eccentric doctor was the perfect person- or rather, Pokemon- who I could talk to in regards to death and how to deal with it. After all, he'd suffered a pretty severe death himself, in the form of having lost Mort in a car accident.

All of a sudden, I was fueled with a sense of determination.

I had to get help-- and now I knew where to get it from.

Eager to talk to the doctor, I got up out of my seat and ran straight for the doctor's room.

And yet somehow I still couldn't help but wonder...

Now that the GoFundMe page was up on the Internet... how were the rest of the Koffiehuis reacting to it?

Particularly, HP?

I suddenly couldn't keep it in me anymore.

Without even thinking, I grabbed my phone, opened up the link to the GoFundMe page, and proceeded to donate exactly $1,712 in cash to the Operation: Peart fund. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _HP's POV_ **

Hello again...

So... um...

You are probably wondering what was going on with the charity...

Well...

The good news is... it was going good! Really good! By now the four of us were all crowded in Yuunarii's roo--

Oh...

Six...

Right... I forgot about the bunnies... Bailey just told me that if I want to talk about the rest of the Koffiehuis, I would also need to include him... and Fudge...

So... that makes six alltogether.

Anyways... by now the six of us were crowded in Yuunarii's room...

She had just put up the GoFundMe page about 30 minutes ago... and it already got $400 in money...

$400 isn't too bad...

Right? :3

I certainly thought so... and the rest of the Koffiehuis were definitely excited... particularly Madelief...

She saw the current total and began jumping up and down!

Er...

Or... was it more like floating...?   
  
I don't know...

But still... she was excited... and I was pretty happy, too.

Absent wasn't there, of course... he was probably in his room and taking a nap...

Anyways...

At that moment I was thinking of more ways to see if I could learn how to tie up LF and Yuunarii... and then hypnotize them...

I like tying other people up... and myself up...

And there was apparently this move called String Shot that ties other Pokemon up...

Plus I already knew Confusion... and I couldn't learn Hypnosis...

So...

I had been practicing String Shot on Rachimas Eve... and I hadn't done it in a while...

So I decided to practice again on Yuunarii's bedpost and see if I couldn't tie it up...

It was rather silly... but still...

Anyways...

I opened my mouth and spit out a bit of thread at the bedpost.

It fell to the floor...

That was a shame... it hadn't even wrapped around the bedpost...

I took a deep breath and tried it again... but then suddenly...

"HP!!! LOOK AT THIS!!"

Gah...!

That... that startled me...!  
  


I couldn't get a chance to perform String Shot with Madelief screaming in my ear... even though I didn't really have ears anymore XD

I had antennea :3

"Um... Madelief?" I asked. "Could you please be more quiet? I'm trying to teach myself String Shot..."   
  
"Oh, sorry~!" said Madelief. "But seriously, you really do need to come over and see this~!"

Hm...

What was she talking about?  
  
I decided to come over and see...

I looked over at Madelief and Yuunarii and they were staring at the GoFundMe page with shock and excitement... LF wasn't reacting much... but I could tell she was happy about something.

So I looked at the page...

And... somebody had donated a lot of money...

Our total was now at $2,112! :3

"Wow..." I gasped.

"I know, right?!" squealed Madelief. "I don't know who, but somebody just donated $1,712 to the charity fund! THIS IS SO EXCITING~!"

"W-who do you think donated it?" I asked.

"Like I said, I don't know," said Madelief.

"I might have an idea," said LF.

Oh?  
  
What was it?   
  
I turned to her... and so did the rest of the Koffiehuis...

"I believe that oghond herself was the one who donated the money," said LF.

What?

oghond?

Madelief and I looked at each other... we were both very confused.

"What are you talking about?" asked Madelief.

"Yeah, I don't even know if ogtje even _has _all that money," said Bailey.

"I believe she does," said LF. "She did go to FDU, after all."   
  
"But why would she donate such a specific amount?" I asked.

LF gave me an annoyed look... the same one that Absent sometimes gives...

"Do I need to remind you that oghond is probably the biggest RUSH fan in the entire Koffiehuis?" she asked. "400 +1,712 equals exactly 2,112, which has been used as the arc number for the entirety of RUSH as a whole. However, I do not believe that that is the main reason as to why she donated."

"Then... what is?" I asked.

"I believe the reason may have to do with psychology," said LF.

Psychology...?  
  
"Tell me, HP, you have taken psychology classes, am I correct?" asked LF.

"Um... yes," I said simply.

She should know this... her and I are friends...

"Indeed, you do," said LF. "Then you should be well aware that grief and obsession can have a major impact on the psychological health of a human being. Or Pokemon, as the case may be."

"What are you saying, though...?" I asked.

"I am saying that I believe that oghond may have donated in order to distract herself from the fact that she is still grieving the death of Neil Peart even a year later," said LF.

Wait...

She was still grieving...?   
  
But...

She didn't even know Neil Peart personally...

Although... it did make sense...

"Wait... SHE'S STILL GRIEVING?!" cried Madelief. "That's what you think?!"

"Indeed," said LF. "Do recall that she is absolutely obsessed with RUSH to the annoyance of Absent, as well as her... slightly disconcerting behavior this morning. Surely you remember it?"

I certainly did...

She had acted really sad... and then all of a sudden she had acted really happy...

"Yeah..." I said. "She seemed really sad over the fact that Neil Peart had died a year ago..."   
  
"And then she immediately tried to mask that sadness with happiness when questioned about it," said LF. "The extent of her grief could not be more obvious. Yet somehow, I believe that at the same time, she does not want to admit her grief, as she is well-aware that if she were to tell us that she is still grieving the death of Neil Peart, we would react with annoyance."   
  
Yes...

Especially Absent...

I knew about Talbain... and I knew how scary he was... 

"So," said LF, "she tried to find some way to get any and all thoughts of Neil Peart out of her head, because she is overcome with guilt about the fact."   
  
"But... she can't," I said. "She donated to the fund."   
  
"Precisely," said LF. "She is still grieving, but she does not want to accept the fact that she is grieving. In her mind, she believes firmly that she has accepted the fact that Neil Peart has died."  
  
"Except she hasn't," I said.

LF nodded.

Oh, no...

This was terrible...

W-what were we going to do...?   
  
She couldn't just stay in the past forever...

"What are we going to DO?!" cried Madelief. "She needs to be looking forward to the future! If she just stays stuck in the past, she's not going to change anything!"

Yuunarii nodded, just as nervous as the rest of us.

"And that is precisely why we must stage an intervention," said LF. "To help with her RUSH obsession and get her to see that being stuck in the past is not a good thing."   
  
Yes...

An intervention seemed like a good idea...

"Sooo... we're going to tell her off for... being a RUSH fan?" asked Madelief.

"No..." I said. "We... we're going to tell her that she needs to not focus on Neil Peart's death."  
  
I paused.

Was... was that right?   
  
"I think that's what she's saying," I said nervously.

"That is precisely what I am saying," said LF, standing up. "And if we are going to do this, we are going to do this as a group." 

She paused.

"I believe there was a saying associated with this... Ah, yes," she said. "'_Could things get any tougher?_'"

"W-wasn't it 'could things _be _any tougher...'?" I asked.

"Yes, you bet your life," said the rest of the group.

LF narrowed her eyes. "Now... let us go and find her."   
  
I nodded, as did the rest of the Koffiehuis... and with that, we started to leave Yuunarii's room to go downstairs...

But then I realized something...

"Wait a second," I said. "What about Absent?"   
  
The rest of the Koffiehuis turned to me.

"Absent is probably napping right now," said LF. "It would be highly advised to not wake him."   
  
Oh...

Right...

I had forgotten about that.

"Oh... okay..." I said simply.

So we went downstairs... and all the while I was wondering what Sir would say about this...

And also...

Where exactly had oghond gone to, anyways...?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

"Dr. Vandertramp?" I cried, frantically knocking on the door to his room with my vines. "Dr. Vandertramp...? Are you in there?"

By this point I had gotten up to the doctor's room on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, and apparently the doctor must have heard my frantic pleas. In a matter of seconds, he opened the door to his room, and upon seeing me, he grinned, not even noticing the panic that was on my face.

"Ah, hello, oghond!" he said happily. "What do you want?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank. God," I said simply. "I need to talk to you about something."

The doctor's look suddenly changed to that of concern.

"Oh?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

I paused.

"It's about death," I said simply.

"Oh!" said the doctor. "Well, if you have any questions about death, I'd be happy to answer them! After all, I did have to sit through my son's tragic car accident!"  
  
The fact that he was this nonchalant about Mort's death was... slightly disturbing, to say the least, but regardless, I didn't care that much anymore. So long as I had someone to talk to, that was good enough for me.

I paused for a few seconds, before asking:

"...When Mort first died... how did you deal with it?"   
  
The doctor tilted his head.

"Why do you ask?" he asked me.

"Because today's the one-year anniversary of the day Neil Peart died, and I'm still grieving his death," I explained.

He paused.

"Who's Neil Peart?" he asked.

And the minute- no, the _second _he said that, my jaw dropped open wide with shock.

"Who's Neil Peart?!" I cried in shock. "_Who's Neil Peart?!_ Are you serious?! You seriously have no idea who Neil Peart was?!"  
  
"No," said the doctor. "Why is that so surprising to you?" 

"Because Neil Peart was only the greatest drummer of all time!" I cried.

"Oh," said the doctor. "Who did he drum for?"   
  
"RUSH," I said.

"RUSH?" repeated the doctor.

And then all of a sudden, it clicked with him.

"Oh, is that that Canadian band from the altworld that you can't stop talking about?" he asked cheerfully.

"Yes," I said. "It is."

"Oh," said the doctor. "Well. No wonder you're still mourning his death."   
  
"That's the problem," I said, sighing. "I'm still mourning the death of a man who I didn't even know, who died a year ago. I've tried to distract myself, but nothing seems to be working, so I decided to come talk to you and see how you dealt with Mort's death when it initially happened."   
  
"In the hopes that you could use my advice to help you with Neil Peart's death," said the doctor.

"Yes," I said. 

The doctor looked up for a few moments, deep in thought about something, before he eventually responded.

"You know, when Mort died in that car accident for the first time," he said, "both Patricia and I were absolutely devastated. We were inconsolable for days-- Patricia especially."  
  
"I'm sure you were," I said, nodding.

"But then we adopted Arrive and Alle to help cope... and all of a sudden, once we had children in our house again, we told them about how we had a son who had died in a car accident, because we didn't want to relive that horrifying death again," said the doctor, with a slight amount of wistfulness in his voice. "Once we talked about it, we found that we could accept the fact that our beloved Mort would always be with us in spirit."

I paused.

"Wait," I said. "So... you're just saying that I should... admit my grief?"

"Of _course_!" said the doctor cheerfully. "Telling someone how you feel is an excellent way to work out your problems!"

I had known that first-hand-- I had done that during the aftermath of the imitation game, after all, and I actually got a pretty good lesson out of it-- along with an epicly heartwarming **_ENTRE NOUS _**poster. But... this was different.

Very different.

I _knew _how Absent and the rest of the Koffiehuis felt about my RUSH obsession, and I already knew how they would react when they heard that I was grieving Neil Peart's death one year later. 

And I _did not _want to risk having to see Talbain again.

Especially considering the fact that Absent was now a Rockruff.

You know-- the pre-evolved form of _Lycanroc._

Which included Dusk Lycanroc-- AKA Talbain. 

So when the doctor gave that advice, I immediately shook my head frantically.

"I can't do that!" I cried.

The doctor tilted his head.

"W-why not?" he asked. "I'm sure the rest of the Koffiehuis would be willing to listen."

I sighed.

"It's just that... they're annoyed with the fact that I love RUSH so much," I said simply. "Especially Absent. He says that I have a problem, and I _know _that I do, but... I can't stop thinking or talking about RUSH, and I don't know why. A-and I'm scared that if I admit my grief..."   
  
I looked up at the doctor suddenly as panic broke out all over, and when I spoke next, it was in a hushed, fearful whisper:  
  
"_He'll _come out," I muttered.

The doctor blinked-- clearly not knowing who the heck Talbain was.

"Who's 'he'?" said the doctor.

"_Talbain,_" I said. "A Dusk Lycanroc who's Absent's anger personified. When Madelief and I were in Taalstad, one of the citizens- Groeien- kept getting Absent's name wrong, and eventually, he got so angry that Talbain lashed out and _attacked _Groeien."   
  
The doctor's eyes immediately went wide with shock.

"_MON. DIEU_," he said. "He attacked?!"

"Yeah, it was pretty shocking," I said.

"Well, I'm sure Absent wouldn't attack _you,_" said the doctor. "It's like what I told HP; he's nicer than anyone gives him credit for."   
  
"Yeah, but he's much more patient with HP than he is with me," I said. "Who knows what'll happen if one day he gets so annoyed with my RUSH fanaticism?! He... he might attack me. And the worst part is, _he hasn't ruled it out as a possibility_."

"Ouch," said the doctor simply.

"Yeah," I said. "I know."  
  
"Well... I mean, anger is a valid human emotion, but I doubt that you just admitting your grief is going to cause him to attack you," said the doctor. "I mean, I told my children about my grief and they didn't attack me!"

"Except you knew Mort personally," I protested. "The same can't be said for me and Neil Peart. I know I should be looking forward to the future... but instead, I'm still stuck a year in the past."

I sighed, looking down with regret. The doctor, meanwhile, approached me and gently lifted my chin.

"And this is exactly why you talk about it with the rest of the Koffiehuis," he said simply. "If you do so, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to fully accept the fact that Neil Peart is gone."

But... Talbain still existed.

There was still always the small chance that Absent would end up attacking me.

And yet... the doctor was still right, to an extent. Talking about my grief with the rest of the Koffiehuis probably _would _allow for me to put the past back in the past and look towards the future. Besides, I was still wondering _why _exactly I was even grieving Neil Peart when he was a man who I didn't know personally and who I hadn't even met yet.

And who I would never meet.

But if I was to talk about it with the rest of the Koffiehuis... I very well might discover something completely new about myself.

Thomas Sanders had made an entire video about that exact subject, after all-- and he was one of my favorite YouTubers of all time. If he knew what he was talking about-- and if it had all worked out well for the Sanders Sides in the end-- which it had-- then who was to say that Dr. Vandertramp didn't know what he was talking about, either?

I smiled, starting to realize that the doctor was exactly the right person- or Pokemon, in this case- I needed to talk to in a situation like this.

I had made the right decision. 

"Thanks, Dr. Vandertramp," I said simply.

The doctor scoffed lightly, instantly returning to his much more fun-loving personality.

"Oh, don't mention it," he said. "It's what I do."

"No," I said, smirking at him. "You do linguistics."

The doctor smirked back.

And with that realization, I went back upstairs to my room, slightly nervous about Talbain-- and yet at the same time a bit more confident. Eventually, I reached the door and opened it...

...only to be met face-to-face with a bunch of RUSH posters, RUSH books, RUSH albums, RUSH shirts, and my figurines of Geddy, Alex, and Neil.

You know-- the one who died a year ago and who I was still grieving.

All of a sudden, my mind suddenly went straight back to thinking about Neil Peart and his death-- exactly the thing I had been trying to avoid when I was about to talk to the rest of the Koffiehuis about my grief.

I didn't want to be distracted by dozens of RUSH-based memorabilia.

So... I figured that in this kind of situation, there was only one thing I could do.

Wasting no time, I went into my closet and grabbed a huge box from inside of it, before grabbing all of my RUSH memorabilia-- the posters, the figurines, the clothing, and even the albums and my copy of _Clockwork Angels_\-- both the book and the album-- and putting them inside of the box.

Without another word, I shoved the box inside of the closet and shut the door.

By now, there was not a single bit of RUSH-based memorabilia inside of my room.

I sighed and sat down on my bed, satisfied, and finally ready to share my grief with the rest of the Koffiehuis...

"oghond?"

...only to suddenly freeze in my tracks the second I heard LF's voice.

Startled, I looked up from my bed-- and found LF, Madelief, HP, Yuunarii, and the bunnies all staring at me with looks that were equal parts concern and deadpan disdain.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _LF's POV _ **

Well.

As I am rather apt to say in a situation like this one, this was... rather disconcerting.

I had gathered the entire Koffiehuis-- save for Absent, who I was sure was taking a nap at this point in the day-- for the intervention, only for us to be met with a completely bare room with absolutely no RUSH memorabilia whatsoever. I blinked in shock-- given that oghond was usually the epitome of "Rushaholicism," as Absent referred to it, this was very disconcerting for all of us to see.

It was even more disconcerting to see her face in that moment.

As we entered the room, I noticed that she had a look on her face that was quite... peculiar.

It could only be described as a look of pure terror.

I looked over at the rest of the Koffiehuis, and all of them had the exact same look of consternation that I had in that moment.

"oghond?" asked HP. "Are you... are you alright?"

oghond looked around for a few moments in a state of panic.

"W-what are you doing here?" she asked. "_Why _are you here?"

"We were going to give you an intervention," said HP.

She paused.

"An intervention?" she asked.

"Yes," said HP. "We... we noticed that you donated $1,712 to our fund."   
  
Her eyes suddenly grew wide with shock, almost as if she had only now just realized what she had done.

"Oh crap, did I really?!" she cried, in disbelief.

"Indeed," I said. "And we theorize that your donation might have something to do with Neil Peart's death. Specifically... you are still grieving, even a year later."   
  
Her eyes grew even more wide.

"Are you not?" I asked.

She blinked for a few moments, then looked down in disbelief.

"How... how did you...?" she asked.

As I had predicted.

I smiled lightly.

"Ah," I said. "So my hypothesis was, in fact, correct."   
  
"You can't live in the past forever," said HP.   
  
She looked down, and I noticed at that moment that the look on her face was one of slight regret.

"I... know I can't," she said, with a sigh.

"Then why are you doing it?" I asked, bluntly.

"I..."

She was unable to form a response. She simply looked around in remorse-- first at us, then at her closet, then over where Absent's room was-- likely due to the fact I had mentioned earlier.

Namely-- she was afraid of Talbain.

She eventually looked up again, after a brief pause-- and that was when I noticed.

There were tears in her eyes.

In a matter of seconds, she completely broke down and started to cry-- which only disconcerted me even more.

Partially, this was out of concern for oghond-- as a matter of fact, it was mostly out of concern for oghond, but it was also out of concern for Absent-- who I was almost certain was napping at that exact moment.

I turned my attention over to his room for a few moments.

How in the world would he react to this, I wondered...?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

Door? Locked. Books? Piled. Phone? Off.

Hotel? Trivago.

And so my nap began in earnest.

** _TWO HOURS LATER_ **

I stirred, hungry and thirsty. The thirst was rectified easily enough with some tap water that also splashed on my face enough to wake me up, but I still needed some food proper. I opened the door and turned down the hallway, noticing that Em's door was open and a number of voices were coming from there.

LF's voice was saying something, but I only discerned the latter half as I approached. 

"...is everything alright?" 

With no dialogue, I could make out what sounded like Em sobbing.

_Oh expletive, what did I do?_

** _Nothing, idiot. _ ** **INVESTIGATE.**

At Talbain's prodding, I did so, approaching as quietly as my paws could allow. I looked inside, hoping no one would notice.

The Koffiehuis and Doc were standing in front of Em as she sobbed, errantly torn posters on the floor, leaving scraps of paper on the wall.

"What the whiskey-tango-foxtrot is going on?" I asked.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_OGHOND's POV_****_  
_**  
Oh.**_  
_**

CRAP.

HE WAS HERE.

ABSENT WAS HERE.

My panic and fear only began to grow the second I saw him-- and yet I still heard the doctor's voice playing in my head.

I knew I had to tell him.

Hesitantly, and still sobbing like a lunatic, I approached Absent and _broke down completely._

"I-I'm sorry..." I muttered. "I'm so sorry..."

"For?" he asked.

Oh god.

Here it was.

I paused, slightly hesitant, before I ultimately decided to spit it out.

"I... I'm not fine," I admitted, through my tears. "I haven't been fine all day. I..."   
  
I choked back my tears.

"_I'm still grieving,_" I muttered, barely able to get the words out.

"After a year?... for someone you didn't even know?"

I looked down.

"I know, I know," I said, my tears only flowing more and more. "It's stupid."

He sighed.

"Look, I'm not questioning why you feel so passionately about this or why you have for a year," he said. "I'm just wondering if even you're thinking you're going too far."

I looked down.

"I... I am," I admitted. "A-and I have no idea why I'm doing it. I... I just didn't want to tell you that I was still grieving. Or anybody, really."

"She believed that if she did tell you, you would get so annoyed that _he _would be let out," LF clarified, turning to Absent. She was currently nuzzling up against me in an attempt to comfort me.

He sighed again. "Who would either of us be to rub salt on the wound? Burden of proof tossed upon the believers, sure, but I don't know what either of us could do to help the situation. I know that you want to stop your addiction. Talbain knows that he can't roar at such meek prey without _both _of us developing a guilty conscience."

"I..."   
  
I paused, then looked down, and through my tears, four words came out, each one filled with more regret and self-loathingness than the last:   
  
"I... think I'm _sick,_" I said.

"Staring at the ceiling, making friends with singers on your posters?"

"Y-yes...!" I sobbed. "Something is wrong with me...!"

Mere seconds later, the entire Koffiehuis rallied around me.

"Don't say things like that!" cried Madelief.

"There's nothing wrong with you," said HP simply.

"I'm the world's biggest Rushaholic and I have no way of controlling it," I retorted.

"No, you're not. If you were, you'd have had your parents put a mortgage on their house so you could buy more merchandise," said Absent. "I'm kidding, but there are people who have much more problematic addictions to much more problematic things. I'm not saying _yours_ isn't a problem but I _am_ saying that these don't just have to cost money - they can cost social brownie points."

"Indeed," said LF. "Alcoholics and drug addicts, for example. Both of those aforementioned items are disastrous on a person's mental and physical health. RUSH is merely a prog rock band from Canada- I doubt they could cause any negative impact on a person's mental and physical health whatsoever."

"Then... why in the world am I still grieving somebody who I didn't even know?!" I cried.

"Because he's someone you revere - I don't doubt that I would grieve for James Hetfield, Trent Reznor or even just Chris Martin," said Absent. "But you also have _very_ volatile emotions. Compared to someone who, as far as he could remember, got over his great-grandmother's death by the time his mom finished driving home, you can be sad over me not returning your messages for an _entire day_."

Beat.

I thought about it for a few moments, as the tears continued to roll down my face.   
  
"Is that... is that a bad thing?" I asked. "Having very volatile emotions, I mean."   
  
"It's... well, for someone like me I see it as a bad thing, since I need to do my work, but you... I'd say that, ultimately, having volatile emotions is as much a handicap as being a southpaw. If people like you enough, it's something they won't even comment on."

"And... you commented on it..." I muttered.

"Because there's such a thing as having emotions that are _too_ volatile, lingering mentally on events that happened too long ago to mourn. Continuing the metaphor from earlier, there's a difference between being left-handed and _trying to sever your right arm_, provided you're not the guy from _127 Hours_."

I blinked.

Then looked down, still sobbing.

"I just... I talked to the doctor and he said that admitting my grief could help me," I said.

"I thought you already did, the day the news broke."

"No, he meant me admitting I was _still _grieving, a year later," I clarified.

"... I don't know what to say to that," he conceded. "I've never found myself mourning someone after a year... does that sound sociopathic?"

"No..." I muttered. "I get it. It's just that... well... I know you and the rest of the Koffiehuis get annoyed by my Rushaholicism."

"Well... I'm not really that annoyed by it," said Madelief. "You just need to stop living in the past so much."

I sighed.

"I know..." I said, conceding. "But... it's just that..."   
  
"Yes...?" asked Madelief, leaning in closer.

"Neil Peart wasn't just a drummer," I said, still crying. "He was an inspiration to thousands of musicians. He was probably the greatest lyricist of any band in the history of music. And he inspired so many people... including me. Without him, it's pretty likely that I wouldn't have had my current tastes in music. Or taken drum lessons for about a year. Or become more invested in writing than I am now. I didn't know him. I never knew him."   
  
Then, after a pause:   
  
"But... I felt like I did," I said. "And I felt so stupid for mourning him a year later. I couldn't get him off my mind the entire day, and ultimately decided that all of this RUSH memorabilia was only further distracting me."   
  
I gestured to the room.

"So... I decided to get rid of it all," I said. "Put it all in my closet so that I wouldn't have to think about him again."

The rest of the Koffiehuis looked at each other in disbelief and concern, as I simply turned away to sit on my bed. Eventually, Absent sighed, approached me, and gave me a light nudge.

Which also kind of hurt because rock scruff.

"Em," he said.

I looked up at him.   
  
"What...?" I asked. 

"Neil Peart is definitely the greatest lyricist if you _only_ listen to songs he wrote," said Absent. "He is the most influential _in the echo chamber dedicated to him_. The problem isn't your taste in music, the problem is you're passionate about something that's not going to change. Imagine if someone you know is still talking about a visit to the Cheesecake Factory from five years ago. You've gone since, and have ordered other things, but it's still _that one visit_ they remember and talk about.

"That's you with Rush."

I sighed.

"I mean... I like lots of other music, too, but... there's just something about Rush that just... makes me keep coming back to them, and I don't know what it is," I said.

"Well, maybe you should start listening to other bands, see if they can recapture the lightning in a bottle Rush did," Absent offered.

"I do," I protested. "I listen to Disturbed, and Queen, and Flogging Molly, and Green Day. I've listened to them for years... but they're still never as good."

"I think he means bands you've never listened to before," said HP.

I blinked, and looked up at Absent.

"...you're not saying that being passionate about a band is inherently wrong, are you?" I asked. "Should I have gotten rid of it all?"

"Being passionate?" Absent asked. "No. Being _so_ passionate you drive people around you away? _There's_ the problem."

"Jep," said Madelief. "I mean, I like Panic!, but... I'm not _that _crazy about them. Definitely not as crazy as you are-- okay, you're not _crazy_, you're..."   
  
"_Extremely _passionate," said LF simply. "As Absent said. He also mentioned that you cannot live in the past forever, and indeed you cannot."

"That's why we started the fund idea in the first place," said HP.

"But then... how do I stop?" I asked.

"Good question. I think it shouldn't really fall to us to tell you to stop talking."

"Stop... talking?" I muttered. "Entirely, or....?"

"What I mean is, there's no problem with talking about music, and by extension, Rush," said Absent. "But _both_ parties have to be engaged in the conversation, otherwise it gets grating. You don't go to the Cheesecake Factory and order sushi, like how you don't hijack conversations about the next video lesson to talk about _Hold Your Fire_."

"...Funny, I don't actually talk about _Hold Your Fire _all that much-- oh crap I'm doing it again," I muttered. 

"Exactly. You always bring it around to Rush again. Find something else to be passionate about, like the stinkin' _reason_ you started this operation. If it's always the same topic with you, eventually we're going to stop giving you the time of day."

Beat.

Well, I definitely didn't want _that_ to happen.

"Oh," I said, with slight disappointment. "Okay." 

"Oh, come on~! It's nothing to be sad about!" said Madelief. "There are sooooo many other things you're passionate about-- or that you could be passionate about! Rush is just one of them."   
  
Yuunarii nodded-- and then pointed to herself.

"Yes," I said, laughing a bit. "I do like your channel, Yuunarii. And Queen. And Flogging Molly. And Disturbed. And Pokemon-- I love Pokemon. And languages and game shows and food and theatre and other YouTube channels and Nimja and..."   
  
Beat.

The realization suddenly hit me.

"Well. Dang," I said simply, wiping away my tears. "You're right, Madelief. You're _all _right."

Madelief smiled-- as did the entire rest of the Koffiehuis.

Save for Absent, of course, who simply said "mmm-hm."

I suddenly paused and looked up.

"You know..." I said, "now that you've mentioned the Cheesecake Factory... I'm suddenly craving cheesecake." 

"... what does that have to do with anything?" asked Absent.

Beat.

"It... doesn't," I said simply.

And then all of a sudden another question began to form in my mind-- one that I figured would definitely help me.

"Wait a second," I said. "What if the thought of... _them _starts to creep back in my mind? What am I to do then?"

"Who?"

"RUSH, of course; who else do you think?"

"Don't vocalize them," Absent said simply. "You can still like them. We just don't want to hear about them."

"So... I can still talk about them in private?" I asked. 

“Yes, find an online community who’s as passionate as you are,” Absent allowed. “Be with your people.”

I smiled.

“Thanks, guys,” I said.

Beat.

“So… this means I can still sing to myself?” I asked.

“Not while I’m in earshot," said Absent as he began to walk to the door. 

“Oh,” I said, sinking a bit-- before ultimately realizing that I was more than capable of controlling my urges if I put my mind to it.

I thought about it for a few moments, before smiling.

“Well… okay, then,” I said confidently, with a nod. “I guess that’s a deal.”

He nodded back.

“Best of luck when it comes to holding your tongue,” he said before he left.

“Thanks!” I called.

And with that, he was gone.

The instant he left, so too did the rest of the Koffiehuis, and I was left alone in my room again. I shut the door after them, then sat back down on my bed and breathed a sigh of relief.

Dr. Vandertramp had been right.

Talking to my friends about my grief and about how to fix my problems of Rushaholicism really had helped me, and all of a sudden, I felt much better about myself. Sure, I couldn’t listen to and sing RUSH songs in my room anymore-- at least, that was what I _assumed _Absent was saying-- but if that was what he and the rest of the Koffiehuis wanted…

Well, who would I be to not respect their wishes?   
  
Besides, I realized, I already had a huge number of other interests that I could pursue-- and was already pursuing.

I opened up the closet door and put all my RUSH posters, RUSH shirts, and RUSH figurines back up-- a few of them were ripped a bit due to me having torn them off of the wall-- but I left the books and albums inside the closet, figuring I could go back to listening to them/reading them at any point in time. As I looked over at all of my RUSH and Pokemon-based memorabilia, I suddenly realized that something felt… strangely different.

And pretty soon I realized what it was.

I wasn’t thinking about Neil Peart’s death anymore.

On the contrary-- what I was thinking about in that moment was all of the incredible music he left behind-- and, in _2112 _and _Clockwork Angels_, incredible stories that would be told for generations to come. That music and those stories could be looked back on at any point in time.

I wasn’t grieving any longer, I realized.

I’d reached acceptance.

Finally. 

And with that realization, I lay down on my bed, finally able to look forward to the future-- before eventually closing my eyes and falling asleep.

** _DEDICATED TO NEIL ELWOOD PEART 1952-2020_ **

** _ONE DAY WE WILL FIND THE CURE_ **

  
** _EINDE_ **


	20. ZEFENTIEN: Turning Japanese (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... remember what I said about retooling and rewriting SOSchip? No? Well, it no longer matters because I realized a story with flaws is more enjoyable than one without! WE'RE FINALLY BACK, BABY~! And not only are we back, we've got a two-part doozy of a chapter ahead of us, filled to the brim with Japanese information! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first part of Chapter 17, "Turning Japanese". In this chapter, the Vandertramps ask the Absent Coder to teach them the Japanese language, but the Coder has a much better solution for them: the Internet. The exception? Monte the Pumpkaboo, who wants to teach the Japanese language to the entirety of Wereldia. He just doesn't know why...
> 
> Meanwhile, while the Vandertramps are learning Japanese, I'm writing ideas for a book called The Giggling Horseshoe that teaches hiragana to the entire world. What no one on the ship knows, however, is just how big the book will end up becoming... 
> 
> For the record, this part will contain much less Japanese information than the part that immediately follows it, only containing info on hiragana, a few particles, and the wa/ga divide. There will also be a ton of POV switches, including many POVs courtesy of the Vandertramps themselves. As for soundtrack songs, there's a big one at the end of this part: "The Logical Song," and the entire Logical Song montage that accompanies it. For anyone wondering-- SPOILER ALERT!-- the montage will be the last section of this part of the chapter. 
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy Part 1, and hopefully learn a bit about Japanese from it. Next part, however, we're gonna go full-out, as we look at a lot more particles, an extended look at the wa/ga divide, te-forms, and most importantly of all-- HOW TO CRAFT JAPANESE SENTENCES! Oh, and the completion of The Giggling Horseshoe and a bit of sad stuff, too. 
> 
> As per the usual, I do not own Pokemon, "The Logical Song," or any of the real names used in this fanfic. 
> 
> Enjoy!

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

It's very likely that if you know me personally-- and by that I mean if you _really _know me personally- you're looking at the title of this retelling and smirking to yourself about the sheer and glorious irony surrounding it. Especially if you're my father and you happen to be reading this right now.

See, here's the thing. The title of this chapter was named for a one-hit wonder song by the Vapors which I _absolutely despise with a passion_. I don't know exactly why I dislike it, but I do, and it's become one of my most hated songs of all time... though my father still insists that I only "hate" this song in a sort of tsundere-esque sense.

Even though he has no idea what the heck the term "tsundere" even means.

He's never actually used the term "tsundere," but the idea is still there.

And I will begrudgingly admit that that song is catchy, but I still hate it-- even more so when I actually found out what the song was (supposedly) about.

However, even though I hate the _song _"Turning Japanese," this _retelling- _which I named after the song for no other reason than it just made the most sense to me- is one that I absolutely, 100% _love and adore._

Why, you ask?   
  
Simple.   
  
There are two reasons why I love this retelling, and the first is that this is the story of how the Vandertramp children- particularly Reentre- inspired me to write an original story that would change the course of my life forever.   
  
But the second is that this is the story of how the Absent Coder- AKA one of the most impatient people I know- learned that he is far better at teaching children than he gives himself credit for.   
  
Just that fact is heartwarming in and of itself, and I would certainly love to relate to you all the beginning of the tale of how the Vandertramps taught themselves one of the hardest languages in the entire world-- and still know all the hiragana, katakana, and even some of the kanji to this day.

But I am not a Vandertramp, and they know it far better than I do.   
  
So I'll just let them tell you the beginning of the story themselves.

Don't worry, though. I'll come in at some point.   
  
You'll see.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

**_DR. VANDERTRAMP's POV_****_  
_****_  
_**Well, looks like that's my cue!

Oh, sorry. Did I startle you? I didn't mean to startle you, really; I'm just here to tell you the story of how my wife, my eighteen wonderful children, and myself all learned the Japanese language, courtesy of the Internet-- and the guidance of Corbin West the Absent Coder! It was nothing short of _wonderful_, I tell you! Especially considering the fact that the Japanese language is one of the hardest languages in the entire world, and yet the Internet made it seem so easy!

Well... except for the particles.

The particles got both me and some of my children pretty befuddled...

Even Patricia was confused!

I still haven't even come up with any mnemonic devices yet for telling the difference... 

Still, though, my children and I know all the hiragana and te-form conjugations to this day!

Of course, when we started the whole "Japanese" thing, we had absolutely no clue what hiragana was.

Or katakana, or particles, or te-form conjugation, or-- oh, you get the idea!  
  
So, you're probably wondering, how _did _the whole "Japanese" thing start?

Well, in that case... you are in for one heck of a story!

It all started in Absent's room-- or as the Koffiehuis called it, the... "Clavus Locus Beta," I believe. Now, I hadn't actually meant to enter Absent's room-- as a matter of fact, he wasn't even in his room. He was downstairs at the time, and probably taking a nap. At that moment, I was happily walking around the ship with my second-youngest adopted son, Parti, and my wife, Patricia. See, Parti is... very shy, to say the least. He's always running away from conflict and leaves the room whenever a fight breaks out or whenever something scary shows up in front of him.   
  
Er... if something he thinks is scary shows up in front of him.

Which makes sense, honestly-- his name's the conjugated form of "partir," which means "to leave."

So I had decided to take him on a trip throughout the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _to show him that things on the ship weren't as scary as he had first believed them to be. He ran away a few times-- okay, he ran away many times-- but every time I did so, my wife and I patiently showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of, and every time he realized that it wasn't really as scary as he first thought.

That is, until we got to Absent's room.

We didn't actually even enter the CLB-- we just got a passing glance of it-- when all of a sudden Parti did something that he hadn't done for the entire day.

He must have seen something that really frightened him, because all of a sudden, he jumped up into the air and let out a loud, piercing scream, followed by him running into the CLB and shaking and whimpering in the corner. My wife and I could instantly tell something was very wrong, and we both ran over to comfort him as quickly as possible.

"Parti!" cried Patricia.

"A-are you alright?!" I asked. "What was that scream for? You gave your mother and I a bit of a fright there."

He didn't dare say anything. All he did for a few moments was shake and whimper. Eventually, though, he pointed ahead at something with his ear, momentarily revealing the eye that was underneath of his ear fold.

"W-what... is that...?" he muttered.

Patricia and I looked in the direction he was pointing, but all we saw was Absent's desk.

"What are you talking about, Parti?" I said, laughing. "It's just a desk; it's not going to scare you."   
  
He shook his head frantically.

"N-no..." he said. "Not the desk... what's _on _the desk..."

We looked at each other again, and then approached the desk in slight confusion-- but what we saw on the desk confused us even more.

It was a piece of paper-- and on that piece of paper was a drawing resembling the strangest-looking fish either of us had ever seen. It had a head, but no gills. It had fins, but it had a line running right through its body. It had a tail, but the tail in question only had one fin- and the tail in question was barely even connected to its body.

In short, it looked like this:

**ゆ**

Well, the second and I Patricia saw that we had only one question:

"What kind of weird-looking fish _is _this?!"

"That's definitely something I've never seen before," said Patricia.

"Maybe it's a new species of Pokemon?" I asked.

"M-maybe it's a drawing of a skeleton of a Magikarp...!" cried Parti frantically, still cowering in the corner.

Awww... poor Parti...

"Now, now, Parti, it can't possibly be _that _bad," I said gently, running over to comfort him.

He whimpered.

"B-but it looks just like the skeleton of a Magikarp...!" he muttered in terror.

I was about to comfort him further-- but found myself unable to do so, as the door suddenly opened in a flash. Alle was standing there, along with all of the rest of my children, with the exception of Reste, who was likely still in her room as she always was. Every single one of them looked absolutely terrified beyond belief. Seconds later, Absent entered the room as well, groaning in pain and holding his head in his paw.

"Urgh..." he groaned.

He entered the room and lay down on his bed, likely looking to get a nap after hearing Parti screaming so loudly-- and honestly, I wouldn't blame him. The rest of my children, meanwhile, frantically ran up to Parti.

"Parti!" cried Monte, floating up to him. "W-what's wrong?! We heard you screaming from our rooms and thought you had seen a ghost!"

"Iseverythingokay?!" cried Alle, panicked. "YoudidntjustwatchahorrifyingvideoonYouTurnbyaccidentdidyoubecauseifyoudidIwillpersonallyfindwhoevermadethatvideoandI_will_usemyfrubblesagainstthem!"

Parti shook his head frantically.

"N-no..." he muttered. "I-it's worse than that..."

"You saw Aleph-Null?!" gasped Revenu.

"_There's a drawing of the skeleton of a dead fish on Absent's desk...!_" sobbed Parti.

My children all looked at each other.

"The skeleton of a dead fish...?" asked Descendu. "I didn't know that Absent had such... macabre tastes."

"Descendu!" Patricia scolded.

"Oh, come on, Patricia; Descendu loves the macabre," I said with a laugh. "You know that."

"Can I eat it?!" cried Reentre, excitedly jumping up into the air-- only for his twin brother Entre to pull him back.

"No, Reentre," said Entre. "You cannot eat a drawing."

"Awwww..." Reentre said sadly. "But it'th the thkeleton of a dead fish..."

"Actually," I said, holding up the drawing, "we don't know _what _exactly this is. Look."

My children all suddenly took notice of the drawing and crowded around it. Once they saw the drawing of the strange-looking fish, their eyes all went wide with shock.

"Whoa...!" cried Venu.

"What is that...?" Retourne asked.

"Itkinda_does_lookliketheskeletonofadeadfish!" cried Alle, before frantically looking around the room. "Whereishe-- whereisAbsent-- weneedtofindhimsowecanfindoutwhyhehasadrawingofadeadfishonapieceofpaperonhisdesk--"

"_Oh my god, just shut up!"_

That was Absent- obviously. Apparently, none of us had noticed him coming in in the wake of the whole "dead fish" debacle, because as soon as we heard him, my children and I turned straight to him. Parti jumped, a bit startled, whereas Alle blinked in shock.

Really fast, of course. This is Alle, after all.

"Oh," he said. "Thereheis."

"Hello, Absent~!" cried Monte. "We found a dead fish on your desk... we think we did, anyways."

He sighed, then shook his head.

"It's something Em left behind because she wanted us to spend some time together," he said. "It's just a character from an alphabet you've never seen before, and I know you can see all sorts of shapes in _our_ alphabet. And yes, I do like the macabre to an extent, but not the 'the way my blood spilled on your brand new floor' macabre, but the 'he couldn't believe how easy it was; he put the gun into his face' macabre. Honestly, though, if I wanted to draw a dead fish, I'd draw a dead fish."

"Oh..." said Monte.

Wait...

A character from an alphabet we'd never seen before?!

We suddenly looked at each other as we realized what exactly Absent had said.

"Hold on a minute, Absent," I said, stepping forward. "So this-" I showed him the drawing he had made of the supposed dead fish- "is just a character from an alphabet we've never seen before?" 

"What's the alphabet?" asked Venu. "Egyptian hieroglyphics?"

"It's Japanese," he said simply. "Well, one of its alphabets."

Oh... so _this _was Japanese kanji!

"Ohhhhhhh..." said my children, before muttering amongst themselves.

"Ah," I said. "It's _Japanese_." I looked at the paper a bit more closely. "What is this, the kanji for 'fish'?"

"No. It's a hiragana character read as 'yu'," Absent spat. "Not all Japanese characters are kanji."

"Oh," I said. "Sorry about that, the only thing I knew about Japanese prior to this was kanji. And the only thing I knew about kanji prior to this was 'they're pictures that stand in for words.'"

"General word of wisdom," he said, "if the lines are more flowing, it's hiragana and representative of one syllable. If there's a lot of lines, it's kanji, and if the lines are sharp, it's katakana, representative of words from other languages."

"Ah," I said. "Well, that's going to be easy for me to remember."

Absent was about to go back to sleep when all of a sudden, Venu came in.

  
"Wow, Absent," he said. "You certainly know a lot about the Japanese language. Way more than we know, anyway."   
  
And then a second voice came in:

"Of course he does."   
  
Startled, we turned towards the source-- which happened to be the door- and saw oghond standing on the other side.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

See?

Told you I'd be back at some point.

Anyways-- like almost everyone on board the ship, I had been startled- and curious- by Parti loudly screaming, but I was stopped from going up there by Absent doing so. After a bit, though, I eventually decided to investigate, and eventually walked in on one of the most entertaining conversations I had ever heard in my life.

Namely- the Vandertramps had discovered my very, very fat ゆ kana and immediately assumed it was _a drawing of a dead fish, _because they didn't know what hiragana was.

But you already knew that, because the doctor told you.

By now, however, I had made myself known to all the Vandertramps, and soon made my way forward to them before releasing my vines and taking the drawing of the fat "fish" from the doctor.

"He's studied Japanese at the SCC for three semesters, remember?" I said, with a giggle. "Obviously he would know more about the language than all twenty of you combined."

The Vandertramps all looked at each other.

"Ohhhhhh..." they said simply.

Passe, of course, was just lazing around on Alle's back by now-- until he suddenly noticed something about the kana that I was surprised none of the other Vandertramps had noticed by this point.

"Uh... is it _supposed _to be that fat?" he asked, pointing at it.

I took a look at the kana and laughed nervously.

"I... don't know if it is," I said simply.

I tapped Absent on the shoulder.

"Um... Absent?" I asked.

He stirred and looked up at me. "Hm?"

I looked down, slightly nervous.

"It's... not supposed to look like this, is it?"

I showed him the drawing-- which for the record, looked like this: 

"Hey, as long as you can discern what it's supposed to be, what's to complain about?" he asked.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god," I said. "Anyways, yeah. He's taken JP for three semesters, so... he could probably teach you all."

And the second I said those words, the Vandertramps-- especially Reentre-- flew into a delighted furor.

Well, all of them except for Reste- who wasn't there- and Passe- who was still acting like, well... Passe.

"Teach us Japanethe?!" Reentre squealed, jumping up and down. "Are you theriouth?!"

"That would be incredible!" cried the doctor excitedly. "I'd have so many new mnemonic devices to tell Dr. Borrarden about..."

"Andontopofthatwedbelearningawholenewlanguage," said Alle, "andthatsalwaysfunisntit?"

I giggled.

"Yes," I said. "Yes, it is."

Reentre promptly approached Absent and looked at him with the most pathetic puppy-dog eyes in the entire world.

"Can you teach uth the Japanethe language...?" he asked. "Pleathe...?"

Entre glared over at his brother.

"While that _does _sound like a rather interesting prospect, I highly doubt he'd want to," he said. "I'm quite certain, in fact, that he needs to go to sleep."

Reentre sunk.

"Oh..." he muttered sadly-- before he suddenly brightened and turned to me.

"Well, then, can _you _teach uth the Japanethe language?" he asked excitedly.

Me?   
  
Teach the Japanese language?

...I mean, sure, I knew the te-form conjugations, and a few kanji, but... other than that, that was pretty much it. I definitely couldn't teach the language for the life of me- if anything, I'd be learning it right along with the rest of them!

"I... don't exactly know enough about the language to teach you," I said. "Sorry. If you're looking for a Japanese teacher... he's your best bet."   
  
I motioned towards Absent, and Reentre instantly sunk again.

"But... he doethn't want to do it..." he said sadly.   
  
"Look, if it's just something as minimal as how to read the basic hiragana syllabary, well, fine," Absent allowed. "But you gotta take this seriously. Anyone who doesn't want to learn it, step away now."

And on that note, Passe raised his claws.

"Meh. I'm out," he said. "Anyone else who agrees with me can join in."

Ne and Tombee were the next to leave, followed by Sorti and Parti, and then by Revenu, who I assumed didn't want to learn the language because he thought the Netherlands- and by extension, Dutch- were more interesting to him.

Eventually, Descendu sighed and left the room.

"It's okay," he said sadly. "You can go on without me."   
  
He shut the door behind him, and that just left Dr. Vandertramp, his wife, Arrive, Alle, Venu, Devenu, Entre, Reentre, Retourne, Monte, and Mort.   
  
And myself, of course.

"Alright," Absent allowed. "We should take this somewhere else. Somewhere with a whiteboard or something."

"Yeah," I agreed, "because the Clavus Locus Beta does not have a whiteboard in any capacity."

_You're looking for someplace with a whiteboard?_

Koffie.

The second I heard the ship's voice, I lit up.

"Koffie!" I cried happily. "Thank god you're here-- Absent's about to teach the Japanese language to the Vandertramps and I."

_I know, _said the ship.

Beat.

"Oh, that's right," I said. "You can hear every word we say."

_Yep! _said the ship, giggling. _Anyways, there's an entire classroom on board this ship. You can use the whiteboard there._

"Ooh!" cried Monte.

"A classroom on board the ship?!" cried the doctor. "Patricia! This is what I've dreamed of!"

Mrs. P. Vandertramp laughed nervously.   
  
"Now, now, Jacques," she said, holding up her claws, "let's not get too overzealous here."

I nodded.   
  
"Then that's where we'll be going," I said simply. "Thanks, Koffie."

_You're welcome! _it said cheerfully.

And with that, the ship's voice faded out.

And pretty soon after that, Absent grabbed a ton of Japanese notes and a ton of Japanese worksheets, and we walked out of the Clavus Locus Beta.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Eventually, the group made it to the classroom that was on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, and as soon as we saw it, none of us-- except for Absent, who immediately got to the whiteboard, and Entre, who remained as stoic as always-- could believe our eyes. Which was surprising, considering the fact that it literally looked like a standard classroom-- complete with a bunch of seats, about twenty or so desks, and a giant whiteboard in front of the aforementioned desks. Still, though, I'd never been more in awe of a classroom before-- with the exception of every single _other _time I had stepped into a classroom for the first time.

And considering that this was my first time stepping into the one on board the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip... _yeah.

"Whoa..." I muttered.

Alle was the first Vandertramp to react, immediately jumping up into the air before speeding around the classroom so dang fast that barely anybody could see him. He eventually found his seat and sat in it, before he grabbed the pencil that was on his desk and started to fiddle with it.

"Ooh!" he said happily. "Thisisanicepencil."

Monte and Reentre reacted next, eagerly running up to find their respective seats while the rest of the Vandertramps walked over to sit in theirs. Entre sat right next to Reentre-- which I found rather heartwarming-- while Venu sat next to Arrive-- although, as always, she'd been the latest to join the group. As for Mrs. P Vandertramp, she sat next to-- and momentarily cuddled with-- her biological undead son Mort.

As for me?

I decided to sit next to Alle, since if Absent told him to "play that back, half-speed" again I'd be able to hear what he was saying and translate it.

The doctor, meanwhile, walked up to Absent himself, who was behind the desk and looking down at what I presumed were the notes he had taken from 3 semesters worth of Japanese. He tapped Absent on the shoulder, and the latter turned to him.

"Hm?" he asked.

The doctor sheepishly grinned.

"Sorry to interrupt you before the lesson," he said, "but... I just want to ask if you could do me this one small favor."  
  
"That being...?"

The doctor looked over at his children.

"Please... if nothing else, then at least try to be patient with my children," he said simply. "Especially the more excitable ones. They've... been through a lot, I'll just put it that way."

"I'll try," said Absent. "But know that if they actively try my patience, I won't hold anything back."

"Oh, believe me," said the doctor, "none of them are actively trying to try your patience, so you don't need to worry about anything."

"If you say so. We've got a lot of characters to get through, and I'm going to go fast. So get ready to take some notes."

The doctor nodded, before getting in his seat-- which was next to his wife.   
  
I, meanwhile, smirked to myself, knowing that Alle would definitely be able to keep up with all the kanji considering how fast he normally was.

And with that, it was on.

\------------------------------------------

**_ABSENT's POV_****_  
_**  
I'm not going to recount the entire lesson because I know that if you wanted to learn to read hiragana, you'd have looked it up on YouTube rather than some stupid story.**_  
_**

But, at Em's insistence, I will be telling you the highlights. One of them came about midway through the first gloss-over, when I told them about the character "hi" - that's with a short "i" sound, for all five of you who care. All _you_ need to know is that the character resembles a horseshoe.

I heard some snickering. Not the "hee" of someone practicing saying the character, but the chortles of someone whose brain just thought of a stupid pun.

"Who's laughin'."

  
Entre promptly nudged his brother-- who had been the one snickering-- in the shoulder.

"Oh, thorry," said Reentre. "That wath me. It'th jutht that... well, you thaid that the character wath pronounced 'hee', right?"

"Yes. Cut to the chase, Renè. What's so funny?"  
  
He paused, and then all of a sudden burst out:

"...it'th a giggling horthshoe...!"

"... That's not funny. It's not even amusing," I said bluntly. "At most, it's a crappy mnemonic you'd see from some 1980's VHS teaching elementary Japanese to 1st graders."  
  
He sunk a bit.

"Oh," he said.   
  
"'Crappy?'" asked Entre. "Is that what you call it? With all due respect, Absent, it still is a mnemonic that Reentre came up with, and if that helps him to remember the character, then it's not 'crappy', as you put it, is it?"

"It's just something I feel stupid for having to rely on, there's not even any alliteration or reason behind it, unlike the phrase 'nano's negative nine'," I said. "It's just... something that makes sense to _you_, I suppose, and others can feel free to adopt it, but please. I memorized these the hard way, which is more satisfying to me, and mnemonics feel like a shortcut that mocks the effort I put in. I know there's no shame in using them, but I don't like to use them because I worry I'll become reliant on them."  
  
"Oh," said Entre.   
  
"Well, that'th fine!" said Reentre. "You don't have to uthe mnemonicth if you don't like them!"

Jack nodded. "Everybody _does _learn differently, after all."   
  
"Yep," said Reentre. "The firtht thing I thought of when I thaw the characterth for the firtht time were pictureth."

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**_OGHOND's POV_****_  
_**  
And the minute-- no, the _second _he said those words-- and the words "giggling horseshoe"... **_  
_**

DING-DING-DING.

The lightbulb suddenly went off in my head.

Because, like Reentre, when I first received the chart of hiragana characters from Absent-- he'd brought it out at the very beginning of the lesson-- I had not, in fact, seen individual characters.

I had seen pictures.   
  
し wasn't just "shi"-- it was a fish hook.   
  
い wasn't just "i"- it was a pair of worms.   
  
と wasn't just "to"- it was a frog, and I'll explain why I saw a frog in it later.   
  
And, indeed, ひ wasn't just "hi"- it was a horseshoe.   
  
Or an upside-down Omega symbol, if you're a Greek enthusiast, but I'm not, and neither is Reentre. We both saw a horseshoe.   
  
And all of a sudden, those hiragana weren't just symbols-- they were very much _characters-- _and I don't mean as in "letters of the Japanese alphabet", but rather "characters" as in "in a book, movie, play, etc."   
  
In other words...   
  
I was starting to see a mnemonical story suddenly emerge in front of my eyes. A story that-- to me, at least-- could help other people who weren't Japanese learn Japanese.   
  
In a matter of seconds, my brain began working at about a hundred miles a minute-- and all of a sudden I knew.   
  
I had to get out of here.   
  
Forget learning Japanese-- now I had to teach it to the world.   
  
And by god-- _nothing _was going to stop me from doing so.

"Reentre!" I suddenly cried out. "You're a genius!"

I promptly ran up to him and hugged him with my vines, while Reentre looked on, in slight confusion. Without even missing a beat, I grabbed the hiragana chart that Absent had given to me-- as well as everyone else-- and went straight for the door.   
  
"Sorry, Absent," I said, "but I think I've finally come up with an idea for a-- mostly-- original story... with a Japanese twist. You can keep teaching the JP language-- I'm going to go write."   
  
And with that said, I left the room-- and headed straight for mine.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, I reached my room, and as soon as I got there I went straight to work on my-- hopefully-- soon-to-be magnum opus.   
  
Assuming, of course, that anyone was willing to read it.   
  
I pulled up a document on Google Docs, and typed in the following:

** _IDEAS AND MANUSCRIPT FOR THE FIRST DRAFT OF _ ** ** _THE GIGGLING HORSESHOE: OR, THE LEGEND OF THE MOUNT ST. HELENS KEY_ **

Yep.   
  
That was the title of my new book, and in case you're wondering what Mt. St. Helens has anything to do with this... well, here you go:

**へ**

This is the character "he"-- pronounced as in the first syllable of "Helens"-- and if you're looking at it and thinking "this looks like a mountain!"... well, you and I think alike, because that was my exact same thought process. I specifically linked the character to Mt. St. **He**lens, because... well, it should be obvious to you. In the same regard, there was the character "ki"- pronounced "key"- which looks like this:

**き**

And with a few adjustments... boom.   
  
It's a key.   
  
I also opened up a sketchpad, which was pulled up alongside the manuscript for the book. This was done for two reasons:

**1) **so that I could actually practice _drawing the hiragana_

and** 2) **so that I could come up with character designs for _The Giggling Horseshoe._

The first thing I did was look down at the paper, which showed the stroke orders for the five main vowels-- which were also the first five sounds in the Japanese language.  
  
Those characters were, in order: あ (a), い (i), う (u), え (e), and お (o).   
  
And yes. JP characters have stroke orders. There is a correct way to draw them.   
  
Anyways, I typed the following into the "manuscript + ideas" document on the left:

**_あ (a), い (i), う (u), え (e), and お (o)-- THE FIVE PERENNIAL GODS  
_****_RULERS OF THE WORLD THAT HUMANITY LEFT BEHIND  
_****_あ- A LIVING WHEELCHAIR   
_****_い- A PAIR OF WORMS  
_****_う- A PERPETUALLY DEPRESSED FROG   
_****_え- A SWAN   
_****_お- A LIVING SCOOTER   
_****_THESE FIVE ARE ALL-POWERFUL AND ALL-KNOWING BUT THEY ARE EXTREMELY MYSTERIOUS-- SO MYSTERIOUS, IN FACT, THAT NOBODY KNOWS THEIR REAL NAMES. THEY ARE ONLY REFERRED TO BY THEIR INITIALS- A, I, U, E, AND O, RESPECTIVELY, AND THEY ARE THE ONES WHO TASK THE GIGGLING HORSESHOE WITH GOING TO MOUNT SAINT HELENS AND RETRIEVING THE KEY TO RESTORE HUMANITY  
  
_**I stopped there, before drawing those five characters on the "sketchpad" document on the right: 

After that, I drew arrows underneath the characters-- and then proceeded to spend about thirty minutes or so drawing the "derivative" forms of these five hiragana characters. Eventually, when all was said and done, I had a wheelchair that resembled the character あ, two worms that resembled the character い... yeah, I think you get the idea.   
  
It looked like this: 

Now, as for the reasons that those characters were gods?   
  
Simple-- not only were they the first five characters in the group, but they were also the most important, considering the fact that almost every character in the rest of the Japanese alphabet was "consonant + one of the vowels." Of course, there were some exceptions, but for the basic hiragana chart, a vowel was present in every single one of the syllables.   
  
The only exception was the very last character, which represented the sound "n".

  
From there, I had planned to get to the main protagonist-- the Giggling Horseshoe himself, ひ-- but ultimately decided against it. I had gone through the first five characters, after all, so it seemed only logical to move on to the next one:

か (ka).   
  
With that said, I promptly drew the character on the "sketchpad" side:

I looked at it for a few moments-- as a matter of fact, I looked for it for a long as heck time-- but in the end, it didn't look like anything I recognized in my day-to-day life, unlike the first five.

It seemed... _alien._

And then all of a sudden, the idea suddenly hit me.   
  
There were probably more characters like this one: ones that didn't really look like anything you'd find in your day-to-day life-- so I figured: if they look like aliens, then I'll just make them aliens, and I'll put them in front of Mount St. Helens as protectors of the key.   
  
And boom.   
  
Just like that, I had a group of antagonists.

I turned my attention over to the "manuscript + ideas" page and wrote down the following:   
**_  
か- ONE OF THE ALIEN PROTECTORS OF MT. ST. HELENS   
_****_A TRUNKED ALIEN WITH A MAGIC STAFF THINGY THAT FLOATS IN THE AIR. ALL MESSAGES WRITTEN BY THIS ALIEN (KA) REPLACE ANY INSTANCE OF THE LETTERS "KA" OR "CA" WITH A PICTURE OF ITSELF  
_**  
...Yes, I know it's not at all how hiragana works, but other than the appendix I was going to put at the back of the book, how else was I going to explain the character's sound to children?   
  
I went back to the sketchpad and drew an arrow underneath the "ka" character I had just drawn, and in about five minutes, I had drawn a green alien with a long trunk- that it also used as a leg- and huge eyes. It was carrying a floating stick that was surrounded by mystical green energy.   
  
But- most importantly- it resembled the character "ka": 

Well, then.   
  
Now I had a villain... and the next character was "ki".   
  
I smirked, realizing that I was about to draw the story's MacGuffin- the key to Mt. St. Helens itself.   
  
"Well, lookie here," I said to myself. "This is going to be _fun._"

I moved my mouse back onto the keyboard.   
  
"Reentre... you_ are_ a genius," I said simply.

Though... speaking of Reentre... where was he now...?

\-----------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT'S POV_ **

How long did Em commandeer the keyboard for? Whatever, we've got more pressing matters than some story that won't get off the ground enough to tumble down a ravine without a fence.

For the next thing Em wants me to tell you about there's once again a few more things you need to know. Primarily, how particles work. I'm going to keep it brief so you can look it up yourself, but basically they follow a given word to show what they are in relation to the verb, which unlike in English comes at the end of the sentence. The most common, "wa", is written with the character used for "ha" for reasons I don't know either, look it up if _you_ care.

I was telling the Vandertramps about the caveat, and then got interrupted again.

"Abthent?" asked Reentre.

"Yeah?"

"...what exactly ith 'wa' uthed for?" he asked.

"Aw man, here we go," I sighed. "Basically, it denotes the subject of a sentence."  
  
"The subject denoter, eh?" said Jack. "Could you mind giving us an example?"

"Okay, how about this one," I started, slightly annoyed. "_Boku _wa_ kimitachi ga suki janai. _Did you hear the "wa"? That's how you know the subject is "boku" - "I"." I summarized.  
  
"Alright, then," said Jack. "And... what does 'ga' mean? Sorry if I'm annoying you; I'm just curious, that's all."

"Sometimes it indicates the object of the verb. Other times you use something I'll touch on later," I summarized.  
  
"Okay, then," he said.

"Tho... are there any other particleth...?" asked Reentre.   
  
"...He just said he'll touch on those later," Entre responded, shooting him a death glare.

"If you're lucky. You just wanted to learn to read it, not to form your own sentences. If you want to learn _that_, study the language on your own time."

The Vandertramps all looked at each other, and Monte slightly sunk.   
  
"Well..." he said, "we _initially _just wanted to learn to read it..."   
  
"But then all of a thudden you thart mentioning thuff like particleth and thententhe thtructure and now... well, we got curiouth," Reentre admitted.

"Look, I can't cover _everything_ in one sitting," I sighed. "I'm just letting you dip your toes in the water before you make the decision to dive in."  
  
"We're not saying you_ have_ to cover everything in one sitting," said the doctor. "You can teach us some Japanese and then give us some time to practice."

"I mean, you _do _have Japanese worksheets, don't you?" asked Patty.

"What? No I don't. We were never going to go that far in depth."

"Oh," said Patty.

"Still," said Jack simply, "we'd at least like to know about _some _of the particles. Not all of them, of course— I never said you had to cover all of them."

"Look, if you all wanted to learn this, there's _no shame_ in studying on your own," I sighed. "I'm not patient enough to keep more than five people in check long enough to finish a lab report, much less teach them an entire set of characters."

"But what if we _do _study on our own and we're _still _confused?" asked Patty.

"Share notes," I said simply. "What are the odds that you'll all be confused on the same thing at the same time? Nonzero, but close enough to zero that it shouldn't happen at all."

The Vandertramps looked at each other for a few moments-- before eventually Jack nodded.   
  
"Alright, then," he said. "Studying on our own it is."   
  
"OOH!" cried Reentre. "Thith thoundth fun!"

"But... how are we supposed to do it?" asked Venu. "Is there a computer or something...?"

"You don't have your own?" I asked. "There's not even an internet cafe or anything?"  
  
"No, we just have our phones," said Jack, holding up his own.   
  
"Wait... an internet cafe?" asked Reentre. "Ith that exactly what it thoundth like?"

"Spend money, get some time on a PC," I summarized. "Though, since this is _Koffie_ we're talking about she's likely got admin privileges."  
  
"Why would she have admin privileges?" asked Monte.

"Because it's _her_ on-board internet cafe," I reasoned. "It's a part of her that she's probably got some semblance of control over."

"Assuming, of course, that she actually _does _have an internet cafe on board this ship," said Entre.

"Well, if there isn't one, there's gotta be _somewhere_ you can get some info - a computer, a library, a computer _at_ a library..."

_Wait... a computer at a library? _Koffie suddenly broke in. _You could just go to Sac City for that._

"Well, you _could_," I conceded. "But... wouldn't there be libraries with computers in Wereldia too, without the worry of being put on national news, hounded by paparazzi, etcetera?"

_...True, _said Koffie. _But nobody is at the SCC right now._

"Winter break ends in less than two weeks," I refuted. "I don't care how fast a learner you are or think you are; that is _not_ enough time. Besides, no one's there, so the computers are inoperable."

_Oh, _said Koffie. _Alright, then. Wereldia it is._

And with that, we were off.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

By this point, I had gotten all the way through the "k-" section of the hiragana, and had already come up with a few of the most major points in the story via this section. The Key to Mt. St. Helens nonwithstanding, the next character after "ki" was, of course, "ku"-- which, for the record, looks like this:

**く**

Now, some of you are probably looking at this and are thinking this is either one of three things:

**1) **"this looks like a bird beak"   
**2) **"this looks like Pac-Man"  
or **3) **"this looks like a less than sign".

Which it does.   
  
As for the other two... well, yeah, I can definitely see it, especially when you look at the "ku" kana like this: 

But I didn't see it as either one of those things.

I saw it instead as something completely different.   
  
A shark.

Yep, I added teeth and a body to that ku kana, and I even gave it a name- "**Ku**ki"- as well as a personality: a female shark with an absolutely crazy personality who loves eating fish... a little too much. Considering the fact that "yu" looks like a fish...

Yeah, I think you can see where this might be going.

From that idea, I came up with the idea where the Giggling Horseshoe, on his travels to Mt. St. Helens to retrieve the key, meets a quirky cast of animal and animate object friends who help him on his travels to defeat the aliens and retrieve the key. Speaking of the aliens, I came across another character that I made into an alien in the "k-" section:   
  
_"_Ko."   
  
Which looks like this: こ

I made it into a sort of hourglass-like alien creature with the ability to stop or manipulate time-- and, like "ka" before him, whenever the letters "ko" or "co" appeared in a message written by him, they were replaced with a picture of himself.   
  
Er, his "simplified" form-- i.e. the hiragana.   
  
For the record, this is what Ko looks like:

And in case you're wondering where the hidden hiragana is: check out the top and bottom of the hourglass. If you still can't see it, it's in bold.   
  
Anyways.

By this point, I was now on the "s" section of hiragana, and already had a ton of ideas going through my head as to what they were going to represent. I was just about to draw the character "sa" on the "sketchbook" section of my computer...

...and then all of a sudden I found myself being thrown to the back of my room in my seat.   
  
Desperately, I held on to the window frame for dear life, knowing exactly where Koffie was headed.

"Koffie?!" I cried, amongst the sounds of the ship going faster and faster through space and time to the Wereldian dimension. "Why are we going to Wereldia?!"

Koffie giggled.

_Simple, _said the ship. _Absent's going to drop the Vandertramps off at the library in Wereldia so they can teach themselves the Japanese language._

Beat.   
  
"They're going to teach _THEMSELVES _the Japanese language?!" I cried.

_Yep, _said Koffie. _Apparently, Absent thinks it's a lot better than teaching the VDT's the information himself._

I sighed.   
  
"Yep," I said simply, "that sounds like something Absent would do. Seriously, though. I do agree with the fact that there's no shame in the Vandertramps learning Japanese on their own, but... at the same time there's no shame in him teaching _them_, either."   
  
Beat.

"Then again, though," I said, looking up in contemplation, "Absent... isn't really the most patient person- or Pokemon- and I don't know if he'd want to deal with and teach _11 _Wereldians."

_Me either, _said Koffie.

Eventually, the ship stopped going as fast as the speed of light, and when I looked outside again, the Wereldian dimension was sprawled out before me-- and, likely, the entirety of the Koffiehuis and the Vandertramps. I sighed with relief, somewhat happy that the crazy and terrifying pushback was over, before returning to the computer to work some more on _The Giggling Horseshoe._

And suddenly I paused as a realization struck me.   
  
What was _Absent _going to be doing in the meantime?   
  
If the Vandertramps were going to be teaching themselves the Japanese language and basic grammatical purposes... where did that leave Absent? Would he be watching the rest of the Vandertramps as they studied? Would he just remain on the ship and take a nap in the Clavus Locus Beta? And what in the world was he going to do if one of the Vandertramps was still confused and came to him for help? _Would _he help?   
  
Regardless, I had so many questions, and I couldn't hold them in anymore.

In a flash, I got off of my computer and ran out of my room, all the way downstairs to the lower deck of the ship where the classroom was. Absent was still there, but all of the Vandertramps had left the room, except for one.   
  
That one sole Vandertramp was Monte, who was still sitting at his desk and staring up nervously at Absent.

I didn't bother to talk to him, though- I had too many questions I wanted to ask Absent.

With that said, I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder with my vine.

"So," I asked, "they're gone? Well, most of them are gone, anyways."

"Yeah, thank whatever deity from a video game I revere today. I'm feeling... Black Goat," Absent said.

"Let me guess," I said, "you didn't want to have to deal with 11 Vandertramps in the same room?"

"Much less just _five_."

"Unless those five were Venu, Retourne, Mort, Dr. Vandertramp, and Mrs. P. Vandertramp- Jack and Patty, to you," I refuted. "Still, though, what are you going to do in the meantime?"

"Absolutely nothing," Absent said readily. "My work here is done, and if they have any questions they can collaborate with themselves for better understanding."

"Unless everyone gets confused," I responded.

"In perfect unison? On the same material?" Absent said, stifling a laugh. "As dense as I think they are there's no way they can _all_ stumble simultaneously."

Beat.   
  
"This is the _Japanese language_," I replied. "This is one of the hardest languages in the world. All they know is Dutch and French, and besides, the Internet can only teach them so much."

"Well they can learn from each other."

He had a point. I looked down, sighing a bit.   
  
"True," I said. "Alright, then. If that's the case then I have just one question"-- I pointed ahead to Monte with my vines- "what's he doing here?"

At those words, Absent looked ahead and suddenly noticed Monte sitting there, waving at Absent and I as best he could.

"Hello~" he said happily.

"I don't know," Absent defended. "I'm not him."

"Silly Absent~!" said Monte, as cheerfully as ever. "I want to learn Japanese sentence structure and word order from you~! You think I can use a keyboard?"

"With enough time and effort."

"I've had time and effort," said Monte. "I still can't use one! Can you guess why?"

"Who said I was talking about working on the keyboard? I meant come evolution."  
  
"Oh," said Monte. "That makes more sense."   
  
Beat.   
  
"But... I haven't evolved yet, have I?" he asked.

"I mean, do you want to? It's a big decision, and doing it for the sole purpose of being able to work a keyboard is a little... narrow, don't you think?"

"Maybe... but how can I? Pumpkaboo evolve via trade."

"The fact that you know that implies the existence of Pokemon trafficking or something. How would that even translate, would I have to throw you into your mother's waiting arms?"

"I don't know either..." said Monte, tilting his head. "The point is that how am I supposed to learn Japanese if I can't use a keyboard...?"

"Easy - _a book_."

"A book?" He waved his... whatever the heck those thingies on the side of a Pumpkaboo are in desperation. "I don't know if I can operate a book with these..."   
  
I laughed. "No, Monte... I think Absent means an _online _book."

"No, I mean an actual, physical book - you could get a stand or something to hold the pages down."

  
Beat.   
  
"...how can I turn the pages, though?" asked Monte.

"Ya leaves. They can grip the pages fine," said Absent.

Beat.   
  
"Maybe," he eventually admitted. "I'm just saying, if I can turn pages with my muzzle, paws and tail all individually, and I wasn't even born a Rockruff, much less a _Pokemon_, you can handle something like this no sweat."

"You did say 'maybe', though," I pointed out.

"Yeah, because I'm not a floating head inhabited by a dead - wait, that's Phantump. Point is, I can only speak for myself."

I paused.

"Hang on a second," I said. "I'll be right back."   
  
With that said, I went straight upstairs to my room, before shutting the door behind me and grabbing my favorite classic novel of all time from my giant bookshelf- George Orwell's _1984\. _I proceeded to run all the way downstairs, and once I was back in front of Monte, I set the book down in front of him with my vines.   
  
"Alright, Monte, let's see if you can--"   
  
I paused.   
  
Then stared down at my vines.  
  
Then over at Monte.   
  
"Wait a second..." I muttered to myself. "You're a Grass-type, right?"   
  
"Of course!" said Monte.   
  
"Can you use Vine Whip?" I asked.   
  
"No," he said.   
  
"Dang it, I thought I had it," I said, looking down in frustration.

"Who said you need a move?" Absent said, picking Monte up and setting him down on the book before he swiped his body aside, turning the cover with him.

I blinked.   
  
"Never mind," I said.   
  
Monte just stood there in complete amazement.  
  
"Whoa...!" he cried. "That's so cool~! Thanks, Absent!"

Absent grunted before walking out of the room. "Yeah."  
  
And the second he saw Absent walking out of the room, Monte flew into a slight panic.  
  
"W-wait!" he cried out, immediately chasing after him. "W-where are you going? I need you if I'm going to turn the pages of this book--!"

Absent sighed, before turning to him.

"Just put a lot of weight on the tip of the page then move it aside," he explained.   
  
Monte blinked, then looked around the room for a few moments.

"Where am I going to find weights in here?" he asked.

"Your body!"

Beat.   
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh...!" cried Monte. "Okay~! Bye, Absent~!"

With that said, Absent left the classroom, Monte got off the ship and proceeded to follow the rest of the Vandertramps to the Wereldian Library, and I returned back to my room, before sitting back down at my computer to continue working on _The Giggling Horseshoe. _The hiragana for _sa _was still staring me back in the face, as was my sketchpad. I grinned, then instantly started to get back to work.   
  
Of course, there was still one question-- namely:   
  
How in God's name would the Vandertramps do in the Wereldian library?

\---------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV_ **

Hello...?   
  
*_GASP_*   
  
ENTRE--! Entre, look! We have guests! They're reading this right now--! Isn't this exciting, Entre?! They want to know the story of how the Internet taught us the Japanese language! This is the greatest moment in my entire life--!   
  
Hello, guests! I'm Reentre, I'm a really excitable Furfrou with very messy fur, and I'm here to tell you the story of how my brother, my parents, and the rest of my siblings who wanted to learn Japanese... well, learned Japanese! It was a bit hard, I'll tell you that-- especially for me, especially considering the fact that I'm kind of not that good at focusing.   
  
Even so, though, it was still pretty fun! I had a blast learning it! I--

...oh, right... sorry, Entre... I should probably begin telling the story now, shouldn't I?

...let's see... where should I begi--

OOH! I know!   
  
Okay, so the... eight? Nine? Yeah, nine-- the nine of us had entered the Wereldian Library, which for the record is absolutely HUGE! I'm serious! If you haven't seen it yet, you should go to it, because there are a lot of books in that thing! I'm pretty sure they have every book in the entire world in that library-- although Entre says they've only got about 900,000. Still, though, that's a lot of books!   
  
They also have computers, with keyboards, and those were the things we went onto in order to look up the Japanese info. Of course, we could all use the keyboards-- all nine of us had arms and legs, after all-- so we didn't need to use those special keyboards for blind Pokemon, deaf Pokemon, or Pokemon without any arms or appendages they could use to type with, such as Pyukumuku, Caterpie, or any of the fish Pokemon. Besides, they were already being used, soooooo...   
  
Yeah! On to research!   
  
Anyways, we all had notebooks with us, too, so that we could take notes on anything we found. Alle, of course, had brought everyone over to the Wereldian library as quick as possible, and he was currently already on his computer, frantically looking up information and taking notes.   
  
But this segment isn't about Alle- where was I during all this?   
  
Simple!   
  
I was sitting next to my big brother Entre, because where else would I be sitting?   
  
We already had our notebooks with us, so we were pretty much good to go on that front.   
  
Eventually, Entre turned straight to me.   
  
"So, brother," he said, as sophisticated as ever, "what shall we study first?"

Well, I already had an idea...   
  
"Ooh!" I cried out. "I know! Let's go and look up how Japanese particles work! That seemed really fun~!"   
  
Entre smiled a bit.   
  
"Japanese particles, you say?" he asked. "Very well, then. That shall be our first option."   
  
And so with that said we went straight into the Internet and placed our paws on the keyboard.   
  
Entre typed in the following:   
  
_How do Japanese particles work? __  
__  
_I typed in:   
  
_JAPANESE PARTICLES_

Within seconds, we both got answers-- and lots of them!   
  
Site after site after site popped up on board the screen, and every single one of them linked to a site containing information about Japanese particles and how they worked!   
  
There were so many websites I didn't know which one to click on first...!

"WOW~!" I cried out. "Entre~! Look at all these websites--! Which one should we click on?! I can't wait to get this whole JP research thingy started! I want to make my own sentences--!"   
  
Entre said nothing. He just glared at me.   
  
He does that a lot.   
  
I blinked, then looked down in slight sadness.   
  
"Sorry..." I muttered.   
  
Entre sighed, then clicked on one of the links with my mouse. The link read:   
  
**_IMPORTANT JAPANESE PARTICLES AND THEIR USAGE IN SENTENCES_**

"I believe this one will suffice," he said.   
  
Within seconds, tons of information appeared on the screen in front of me.   
  
"Whoa..." I cried.   
  
I looked around at my parents and the rest of my siblings, and every single one of them had a different website up in regards to Japanese particles. Some of them looked far sillier than other websites did-- the one that I had up was pretty professional-looking-- but that made sense, since Entre was the one that clicked on it, and he was all about professionalism.   
  
I wondered for a moment if any of the sillier-looking sites had information that would stick in my head better. I've never really been one for professionalism unlike my brother, so I at least figured that--   
  
"Reentre!"

  
W-who was that?   
  
Startled, I looked around the room-- only to find my brother staring at me with a serious and grim look on his face.   
  
Ooh... he was the one that had spoken...

"W-what?" I asked, blinking in confusion.   
  
Entre sighed.   
  
"You cannot allow yourself to be distracted by all these childish websites, brother," he said, glaring over at me in much the same way that Absent does sometimes. "You are a professional, and as a professional who is looking to study the Japanese language, you must look at serious, sophisticated websites that will actually teach you the language as a whole."   
  
I tilted my head.   
  
"But... what about mnemonic devices?" I asked. "What about the giggling horseshoe?"  
  
"Those are helpful, sure, but if they are presented in a professional way, they are likely to be even more so," said Entre. "As for your 'giggling horseshoe' mnemonic device, that need not apply here. We're studying particles, not Japanese hiragana. Absent already taught us that."

I looked down sadly.   
  
"Right..." I muttered. "Okay, then..."

With that said, I turned to look forward at the information that was on the site in front of me and put my pencil in my mouth to take some notes.   
  
The information on the site read as follows: 

** _The following article lists common particles used in the Japanese language along with their meanings/functions in the sentence. Obviously, not every particle in the Japanese language will be listed here, as there are so many different ones, but these are the ones that are used most often in everyday life and in Japanese sentences. _ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _は (wa)-- used to mark the topic of the sentence_ **

"Wa"?   
  
Oh! This was easy! This was the one that Absent had told us about-- the one that marked the subject of the sentence!

I didn't need to take notes on that one-- I already knew about it!  
  
I went on, reading some more-- and then:  
  
**_が (ga)-- used to mark the subject of a sentence_**

...huh?  
  
But... Absent just told us that that was what _wa _was used for!

I looked between the two, confused out of my mind-- and then I saw that for wa it said "topic," rather than "subject"...   
  
This was confusing...

I looked over at my brother, and he was taking lots and lots of notes on the two of them. Actually, he seemed to understand that there was some kind of difference.   
  
I didn't see any difference at all!   
  
They both were used to describe what a sentence was about... right?   
  
"Entre...?" I asked.

He looked up from his notes. "Yes, brother?"   
  
"W-what's the difference between a topic and a subject?" I asked.   
  
He fixed me with another glare again. "Did you read any further? You would have found out."   
  
I instantly lit up upon hearing this-- there was more information! Maybe there was a difference after all!   
  
Happily, I turned back towards the screen-- and this is what it said underneath the "ga" part:   
  
**_NOTE: "Ga" is used to emphasize new or important information that the speaker does not know. _****_  
_****_  
_**...o...kay...?   
  
That made sense...?   
  
Kind of...?   
  
I read on, and apparently "ga" was used for lots of other things too, including being used with question words and being used to emphasize the subject (er, to distinguish it from others). I wrote them all down, but... even then I still didn't quite understand the difference between a topic and a subject.   
  
But it wasn't just me, either!   
  
Apparently, there were other members of my family that couldn't tell when to use "wa" and when to use "ga"-- and by others, I mean everyone else who wanted to learn the language except for my brother!   
  
And he and I had taken the exact same notes... how could one of us understand it but the other one couldn't?   
  
This was very confusing...   
  
"Monte?" I asked. "Do... do you want to share notes with--"   
  
Wait a second...   
  
MONTE!   
  
H-he... he was gone! He wasn't sitting at any of the computers!   
  
W-was he... was he late?   
  
No... he couldn't have been late! Alle picked him up and sent him to the library!  
  
WHAT WAS GOING ON...?   
  
"U-um... guys?" I asked, starting to get nervous.   
  
The rest of my family all turned to look at me.   
  
"What is it, Reentre?" asked my mother with concern.   
  
"Areyouconfusedbythiswholewagathingtoo?" asked Alle.   
  
"I- I am..." I muttered, "but it's not that! Monte's gone missing!"   
  
As soon as the rest of my family heard that, they went into shock.   
  
"MON. DIEU." gasped my father.   
  
"A-are you serious?!" cried Retourne. "How could he have gone missing?" He turned to look at Alle, who was just as frightened as I was. "Alle, you made sure to pick everybody up, right?"   
  
Alle nodded frantically. "Imadesuretocounteveryfamilymemberthreetimesinaroweven! Howcouldthishavehappened-- Montecouldbeanywherebynow!"   
  
"Well, there's one thing we have to do, then," said Entre, putting down his notebook and rising up out of his seat. "Finding our brother is far more important right now than studying the Japanese language and learning about how Japanese particles work."   
  
I nodded, and so did my father.   
  
"You're absolutely right, Entre," said my father. "If Monte was to get into any danger..." He shivered. "After what happened to Mort, I can't bear to go through that again! Besides, he's already a Ghost-type!"   
  
"Jacques!" my mother scolded.   
  
"What?" asked my father. "I'm just saying."   
  
"None of that matters right now!" I cried frantically. "We don't want our brother to be gone forever! And besides, I still want to learn from him as to how Japanese particles and sentence structure work! Come on! We need to hurry! We need to go and find him right now!"   
  
"Allez, Alle~!" cried my father with resolve.   
  
With that said, I immediately got on top of Alle's back, as did the rest of my family, and the fast-moving Frogadier immediately set his sights on finding his adoptive brother. As for me?   
  
Well, I could forget about the particles for now. The only thing on my mind was the same thing that was on everybody's mind:   
  
WHERE WAS MONTE...?!   
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _MONTE's POV _ **

Hello~! I'm Monte~! I'm a cheerful little Pumpkaboo-- but you knew that already, didn't you? Of course you did! My family's told me all about you, haven't they?   
  
Speaking of my family, you're probably wondering where I was while they were studying the Japanese language on their computers. Well, simple! This is a library, so naturally I went straight to where the Coder had told me to go to!   
  
THE BOOKS SECTION~!   
  
I love the books section! Do you know they have over 900,000 books here?  
  
...You do?   
  
...Reentre told you?   
  
That's cool~! Tell Reentre that I said hi, OK?   
  
Anyways, because there were so many books in the library I was pretty sure they had at least one on the Japanese language in here that I could learn from. I couldn't use a computer keyboard, after all, so using the Internet to learn a language was pretty much out for me. I'd be able to use one when I evolved, but I didn't even know how that was going to happen!   
  
So the only option left for me was to go straight to the books.   
  
And let me tell you-- they had a ton of language-learning books in the language section!   
  
That was the good news!   
  
But... there was also bad news...   
  
Namely...   
  
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A SINGLE BOOK ON JAPANESE--!   
  
Seriously!   
  
I looked through the entire section of language books, and there were a lot of them!   
  
There were books on English... books on Dutch (of course)... there were books on French and German... there were books on Chinese... there were even books on Kyrellik, but there were no books on Japanese whatsoever!   
  
I even went and asked the very nice Noctowl at the front desk, and she said that they didn't have any Japanese books, either!   
  
HOW COULD THEY NOT HAVE ANY BOOKS ON THE JAPANESE LANGUAGE?!   
  
This wasn't right! This _couldn't _be right!   
  
They had to have a book on Japanese somewhere in this library!   
  
Determined to keep looking, I went through shelf after shelf after shelf trying to look for anything.   
  
But... still!   
  
They really didn't have a single book on the whole language in the entire library!   
  
Eventually, I decided to give up on the search and floated over to the shelf where I had initially started looking in. I tried my best to remain as optimistic as I could... but it made no sense.   
  
Maybe we were in the wrong library?   
  
No... this was the only one in Wereldia.   
  
Ooh! What if we went to another dimension? Maybe they'd have the books!   
  
...or maybe not... but maybe they would... would they?   
  
I continued thinking about what I could do next when all of a sudden I heard a voice coming from far away:   
  
"Monte~!"   
  
Was that... was that my father?!  
  
Confused, I looked out towards the source...   
  
It _was _my father! Better yet-- it was my whole family, riding on the back of Alle! They must have gotten so worried about me since I wasn't on the keyboards!  
  
"Dad~!" I cried out, floating towards the rest of the group.   
  
I excitedly approached my siblings and parents, and eventually Alle stopped in front of me when he saw me. He let my siblings and parents off, and almost immediately they began hugging me and bombarding me with tons of questions.   
  
"Where in the world have you been, young man?" asked my mother sternly. "You had us worried sick!"   
  
I chuckled.   
  
"Sorry, Mom," I apologized. "I was going through the bookshelves trying to see if I couldn't find a Japanese book."   
  
She looked down at me quizzically.   
  
"The bookshelves?" she asked.   
  
"Of courthe~!" Reentre suddenly realized. "He'th a Pumpkaboo! He can't uthe the keyboardth! He hathen't evolved yet!"   
  
"Nope!" I responded.   
  
"Oh, yes, of course," said my mother. "How did I not realize it?"   
  
"Did you find any?" my father asked.   
  
I looked down, a bit saddened, but still keeping a smile on my face.   
  
"Well... no," I admitted.

The rest of my family just stared at me in complete shock.   
  
"NO?!" gasped my father incredulously.

"Youmeantotellmethatthereare900000booksintheWereldianLibraryandnotasingleonecoversanyaspectoftheJapaneselanguage?!" cried Alle. "Thatsinsane! IftherearebooksonDutchFrenchGermanChineseandevenKyrellikthereshouldatleastbeonethatcovershiraganakatakanakanjiparticlesJapanesegrammarandthelike!"   
  
I shook my head.   
  
"There seriously isn't a book on the Japanese language in this whole library?" asked Venu skeptically.   
  
"Believe me, I double-checked!" I protested. "I even _triple_-checked! I even asked the really nice Noctowl who was sitting at the desk! They don't have any!"   
  
My father scoffed. "I'll believe it when I see it."   
  
With that said, he walked up to the library bookshelves straight towards the language section. He looked through the list of books, muttering to himself-- and then all of a sudden his eyes got really big and wide and he ran out of there as though he had just seen a ghost.   
  
"MON DIEU HE'S RIGHT!" he exclaimed. "There isn't a single book on Japanese in this whole library!"   
  
"Meaning the only way that he could learn it is through the Internet... which he can't use!" cried Venu.   
  
I paused-- and all of a sudden...   
  
AN IDEA--!  
  
"Wait a second!" I cried out. "Actually... there _is _still a way I could learn the language!"   
  
The Vandertramps all looked at each other.   
  
"Dad?" I asked. "Could you please call Absent for me on your phone?"   
  
He looked over at me for a few seconds-- then suddenly realized where I was getting at.   
  
"O-oh yes, of course," he said, somewhat nervously. "Hang on for one moment."   
  
With that said, he took out his phone and proceeded to call Absent's number:   
  
(420)-555-0113  
  
BEEP...   
  
BEEP...   
  
BEEP...

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV _ **

** _*beep*_ **

** _Your call has been redirected to an automatic voicemail assistant._ **

** _4\. 2. 0. 5. 5. 5. 0. 1. 1. 3. Is not available._ **

** _Please leave your message after the tone. When you finish recording, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options._ **

** _*beep*_ **

_"Um... hello? Absent? Um... yes, this is Dr. Jacques-Francois Vandertramp— er, Jack, to you— Monté and I are in the Wereldian library right now, and... turns out the library has zero books on the Japanese language. Monté can't use a keyboard, either... so... the only option he has left is to be taught directly by you. We will be boarding the ship soon—_

_"...Absent? Are you there?_

_"...are you okay with this?_

_"Ah, no matter. We'll see you soon! Au revoir~!"_

** _*beeeeeeeeeeeeeep*_ **

—————————————————————

"...Absent?"

"No." I threw the pillow over the back of my head, muffling everything as best I could.

"No?" Jack demanded. "W-why not? There are no books and Monte can't use a keyboard! You're the only option we have left!"

"Forte has seven siblings that can share notes with him," I seethed as I lifted my head from under the pillow, glaring at the doctor with gritted teeth on display.

"A-Absent?!" cried Jack, completely terrified. "Don't bite me! D-don't bite my son, either! Please don't bite my son...! _Please don't--!_"

"'Course not," I yawned. "I'd have to get outta bed. But the point still stands. You're trying my patience."

"GAH~!" cried the doctor. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I--"

"Look, doc," I sighed, reining Talbain in. "I get your kids all come from different walks of life but they gotta learn to work together proactively. Share notes, put things into practice. Take it from me; you _can't_ become conversational from a textbook alone."

Monte glanced up at me, desperation in his eyes.  
  
"I _really _want to learn Japanese from _you_, though..." he muttered.

"I'm no teacher. I've lost the ability to even think about the basics, never mind how I can't exactly match that happy-go-luckiness that I had systematically siphoned from me by my own school system. I fear I may do the same to you; you know how my temper isn't the most stable. Sure, it's okay to be sad or annoyed, but not so much to _always_ be sad or annoyed, especially when someone wants you to learn something. Let's just say that's the reason I still hate Spanish and History classes today."

"You liked Japanese classes, though, right?" asked Monte.

"Taking, not teaching," I said simply.

"Oh," said Monte. "You don't need to worry, though! I don't need a happy-go-lucky Japanese teacher to teach me everything! You're already funny as is~! I mean, you do need to be more patient-- especially with me-- but..."

"The thing is comedy is tragedy plus time," I started. "And my tragedy gets passed on to the consumer in the form of misery, like watching a cartoon character get slapped into a wall before the next scene starts with them in the hospital on life support. It's funny until it starts happening to you. And when alone, there's no one else to suffer."

"Oh..." said Monte.   
  
Beat.   
  
"How did they siphon your happy-go-luckiness out of you?" asked the doctor.

"Step 1) Prioritize grades over mental health.

Step 2) Do nothing about bullies.

Step 3) Have general ed requirements that do nothing to help.

Step 4) Never explain or give unsatisfactory answers to practicality questions.

Step 5) More homework than one can fit in their backpack.

Step 6) No resources for students to feel better, including food to eat away feelings.

Step 7) High standards that are exacerbated by parents who know you can do better, but aren't going to provide resources either.

Step 8) Profit."

"Oh," said the doctor. "Well... he's not being graded, he doesn't have bullies to worry about, he has therapy already, we aren't tiger par-- YOU WERE WHAT?!"

"Bad wording. No, I wasn't starved, but the school lunches have a reputation for being inadequately flavored and portioned. Might as well have been eating paper."

"No, no, no, not that-- YOU WERE BULLIED?!"

"Why else did I flee to college at 16?"  
  
"MON DIEU! That's _terrible_! I hope Sierra found those bullies and ground them to a pulp..."

"She didn't. This whole fiasco is the first I've heard of Sierra, I haven't seen them on campus and apparently one of them fled to Nevada for being such a problem child. But that all made me who I am today, and I would gladly say thanks to them after I slug them in the jaw."

"That's... sweet, I guess," said the doctor. "Anyways, the point still stands. Monte isn't going to have any of that, since he's being taught on a giant cruise ship with his whole family there! He'll be fine!"

"... That's kinda the problem, isn't it? The moment my patience snaps with him, you're going to pull him out of the tutoring and treat me like a pariah."

"What?!" gasped the doctor. "No~! Not at all~! I didn't do that with the Blue Needles-"

"Because you didn't know Groening," I interrupted. "This is your _son_."

"I still wouldn't do that!" protested the doctor. "I've known you for months! You're my friend! I wouldn't dare do that!"

"Look, I don't care how much _you_ trust _me_," I started, turning myself onto my back. "I can't trust _myself_."

"...what if I was in the room with you?" asked the doctor. 

"Easy - you'd get caught in the crossfire."  
  
"No, no, I mean, what if I was in the room with you so that I could help you to _keep _that from happening?"

"... you'd get caught in the crossfire. No brakes on the rage train."

"Oh. Okay, then, maybe Monte should be alone with just you there."

"That's not the point. The point is my patience is being tried with something that ultimately amounts to nothing - while I would do it if I can understand the practicality behind it, 'because I want to' is not a valid reason. Sure, that's hypocritical coming from me, but that was me _learning_, not teaching. The latter is much more strenuous on me, mostly because I have to - heaven forbid - _engage with others_."

"But you do that every single day," Monte protested. "You're doing it right now, even!"

"This is just a conversation," I explained. "A _lecture_ is draining on me to a much bigger caliber, having to explain things in-depth and answer questions I see as stupidly simple. Whatever level you teach, that's how far back you have to regress to be an intellectual equal. And adopting a younger mindset is just something I can't do. And unlike anything else that's my fault, it's something I can definitely blame being an aspy for."

"Oh," said Monte.  
  
"...is 'what's the difference between 'wa' and 'ga'' a stupidly simple question?" asked the doctor.

"Not really, I got confused too," I said. "Basically, think of this: 'ga' is the _ga_teway for a new topic: When you ask a question with "nani _ga_," the answer is also suffixed with _ga_ as it's now relevant to the conversation. These days it's something I can do in the heat of the moment without even thinking."  
  
The doctor immediately lit up.   
  
"And you just said you didn't like relying on mnemonics," he said, beaming. "I'm sending that one to Borrarden as soon as I can."  
  
"Hey, they're a safety net. Sure, I don't like using them but sometimes my hand is forced."

"Funny," said the doctor. "The Internet said that ga was the subject marker and wa was the topic marker... if that's the case, then why was it 'boku _wa_' and not 'boku _ga_'?"

"Because in that hypothetical sentence the topic_ is_ 'boku'," I said. "When things get more complicated, you're gonna hear all sorts of things that would make your current head explode.

"Think about the difference between solving three-squared and finding the number of times three is raised to itself in the first iteration of Graham's Number. And if you don't get what I just said, _exactly._"  
  
"Oh, no, I know what you mean," said the doctor. "I know what Graham's Number is. Solving three squared is easy-- that's nine. Finding the number of times three is raised to itself in the first iteration of Graham's Number is impossible."

"Impossible for you, maybe. But that's just it; don't get Dunning-Kruger'd. Don't throw yourself into the deep end. Dial it back and know what your goal is and why you want to achieve it. For me, it was a Foreign Language credit in college. But what about you, Montpelier?" I asked Monte, who was still there.  
  


"Me?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy! I'm on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_, so the goal I have is the same goal that all of you have, except that instead of Dutch, it's with Japanese instead!"

"...why?"  
  
"Why do I want to teach Japanese, you mean?" asked Monte. "Simple~! Everyone's obsessed with anime and manga nowadays, there aren't many schools in America with Japanese lessons-- the only two I can think of are FDU and the SCC-- there aren't many JP books in libraries..."

"And that doesn't say anything about the lack of demand for it? You don't even have Japanese in Wereldia, that place is so European I could literally feel myself forgetting the word 'TV' in favor of 'telly'!"

"Well... there is a huge lack of demand for JP in Wereldia... just like there's a lack of demand for Dutch where you are," said Monte.   
  
Beat.   
  
"Wait a second, that's it!" he cried. "You could teach me Japanese, and then I could teach the language to the entirety of Wereldia! With the help of my father, of course-- I can't do it alone."

"You just said there's no demand for Japanese."

"I misspoke. There is demand for Japanese-- it's just not a big demand." 

"You don't think you'd hit a wider market with Norwegian or something?"

"Nah," said Monte. 

"Wrong answer," I said simply. "Japanese's difficulty is its biggest barrier to entry. Once they see characters they don't even have an idea on how to write, much less _read_, your potential buyers are gonna flee home with their tails between their legs faster than you can say '_kaette kure!_'. With a language that shares your alphabet, even with more accents than sheet music, people won't be _as_ scared."

"'_Kaette ku- _what now?"

"'Please come back'."  
  
"Oh." He paused. "Well, I don't think that's gonna happen! Japanese is fun~!"

"Okay, but is it? Because from what I've seen, your family is so confused by it they stumbled over it in perfect unison like the Three Stooges. No shame in walking away and leaving it to the advanced practitioners."  
  
"Hold on for one moment..." said the doctor.   
  
He took out his phone and dialed a number. In a few moments, a familiar voice could be heard coming from the other end of the line:   
  
_"Hello~! Um... did Abthent thay yeth?_"   
  
"We're... not really that sure, but Monte wants to teach the entirety of Wereldia the Japanese language," said Jack.   
  
_"He wanth to do WHAT?!" _cried Reentre. _"Well, then you have to teach him the language! It'll benefit everybody~!"_

"Absent begs to differ," said the doctor. "He says it's so hard that any potential audience will run away before he can say '_kaette kude._' Monte, on the other hand, thinks it's fun. Oh, by the way, how are your lessons going?" "_Well, we've looked up a bunch of other particleth..._" said Reentre. "_They're a lot eathier than 'wa' and 'ga', I'll tell you that! We found an article with a bunch of thample thententheth and a bunch of Japanethe wordth, too! Altho-- come on, Abthent! Hiragana and katakana are tho eathy!_" 

"If it's so easy why don't you learn it yourself?"

Beat.   
  
"_That-- that'th what we're doing... right now..._" _  
_  
"No, you're pestering me to help you. Why?"  
  
"_I'm not! I-I'm theriouth!_"

"I mean the family, collectively. You specifically are on the phone, right now, calling me, asking me to give some one-on-one time with Montgomery."  
  
"_Oh._" He paused.   
  


"Well, okay, technically I called him, but... still," said the doctor.   
  
"_Well, if you're athking why he wanth to learn Japanethe, he wanth to teach it to-_"

"Yes, I heard him the first time. But _why_? _What_ will it accomplish? _Who_ is his intended audience? _How _is he going to go about it? Does he know what he's getting into?"_  
__  
_"Oh, I know full well what I'm getting into," said Monte. "And as for your other questions: 1) it'll introduce the entirety of Wereldia to the Japanese language and possibly pique their interests, 2) first the rest of my family, before branching out to the entirety of Wereldia, and 3) simple~! I'm going to go on tour with my father and we're going to give speeches at Donkeybridge!"

"You still never answered my second question. What will it accomplish? What will you gain? What's the point?"

"I did," Monte said. "I said it'll introduce Wereldia to the Japanese language and pique their interests."

"So? Piqued interest doesn't mean sustained interest. It might be the equivalent of hearing a thump in the house, investigating and putting the cereal box back on the shelf before you never think about it again."  
  
"Oooooor," said Monte, "it might be the equivalent of seeing an airplane in the sky and deciding that you're going to be a pilot, before taking every single step imaginable to reach that goal!"

"Montana, take it from me. California has a large number of cultures and heritages throughout its 30-million-odd populace. Its customs have been brought over and became incredibly popular to the point that they propagate throughout the world.

"Their mother tongues have absolutely nothing to do with those customs. You can make sushi at home without knowing a single word of Japanese, you can watch anime with subtitles or with English voice actors, you can read manga that's been translated, you can even write haikus in English. Translating cultural phenomena to English is as old as English itself. We didn't develop our own Bible, we translated it from Hebrew."

He blinked.   
  
"...oh."   
  
Before he suddenly shook his head and looked up at me in determination.   
  
"That doesn't matter!" he cried out. "I still want to do this!"

"If you want people to speak a language in a region, invade and conquer said region with people who already speak the language. American history has so many examples of it it's embarrassing."

"I-invade?!" cried Monte. "C-conquer?! W-what?! We-- we'd never do that in a million years! Tha- that's... that's horrible--!"

"Monterey, you can't singlehandedly make people abandon their own customs with a simple TED Talk. They've known whatever language they've spoken their entire life, they're going to not use Japanese just like patrons at an all-you-can-eat buffet will ignore the salad bar."  
  
"I-I'm not trying to make them abandon their own customs!" protested Monte.

"**THEN WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH**?!" I demanded, slamming my paws on the pillow and staring through his soul. "If you want to educate people on something they don't care about, no one's going to attend! If they do care, no one's going to put it into practice! If they do, it's not going to become a part of everyday life! Wereldia has had stagnant culture for millennia to the point where all anything anyone wants is _physical_, and you're not going to be able to stir the pot just by adding something to a mixture so stale you can throw it at a wall and the wall will break first!"

Beat.   
  
He looked up at me, almost as if to say something-- and then it seemed to hit him.   
  
"I..."   
  
He sat down.   
  
"I don't know..."   
  
I sighed, coming down from the high. "It's nice to have ambition, but there's got to be an endgame. Like I said before, Monte: optimism is a good thing. So is a reality check."  
  
He paused for a few moments, then sadly smiled and turned away.   
  
"I don't think I like reality checks anymore," he said.   
  
And with that said, he left the room.

I shook my head. "Better to realize the danger sooner."

The phone stayed silent for a few moments before Reentre's voice came on again:   
  
"_Um... okay... we'll keep thudying Japanethe... thee ya, Abthent._"   
  
_Beep_.   
  
He hung up. 

I soon blacked out again, Talbain and I in agreement that we did the right thing.

Dr. Vandertramp, meanwhile, left the room and immediately went after his son.   
  
"Monte!" he cried. "Monte...!"

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

**_REENTRE's POV   
_**  
W-what... was that?!   
  
Was Absent okay?   
  
More importantly... was Monte okay? He sounded devastated just then on the phone call... that wasn't like him...   
  
Oh, who were we kidding?! This was Monte we were talking about! He had a way to bounce back from anything, he'd be better in a few hours!   
  
Besides, we had a bunch of Japanese studying to do still.   
  
I still didn't really know the difference between "wa" and "ga," but that didn't really matter, since there were a bunch of other particles, too! 

Still... I wondered how my father was doing and if he would come back at any point...

\--------------------------------------------------------------

**_DR. VANDERTRAMP's POV _****_  
_****_  
_**Well... this was... certainly unexpected.   
  
I definitely hadn't expected to have seen Monte act like this... well, at any point, really. He didn't look sad on the outside, but on the inside?   
  
I could tell he was absolutely devastated.   
  
For one thing, he left to go straight to his room as soon as Absent blacked out, and for another thing, he was floating a lot slower than he usually did. I'd known Monte long enough to know that this was his way of showing sadness.

Panicked, I ran up to my son.   
  
"Monte!" I cried out.   
  
He turned to me.   
  
"Are you alright?!" I asked him.   
  
He nodded.   
  
"Yes," he said. "I'm alright."   
  
Phew!  
  
That was a relief!   
  
"But..."   
  
Oh?   
  
"I need to think for a few moments," said Monte. "So... could you please leave me alone for a bit?"   
  
"Oh!" I said, as cheerfully as ever. "Certainly, Monte. I'll head back over to the library to continue my Japanese studies."   
  
With that said, I left the boat, headed back towards the Wereldian library. All the while, I wondered how the rest of my children were doing. I could barely wait to tell the rest of them about the mnemonic device that Absent had come up with to distinguish between "wa" and "ga."   
  
I certainly couldn't wait to tell Dr. Borrarden.   
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

** _MONTE's POV_ **

_"I-I'm not trying to make them abandon their own customs!"_

_"_ ** _THEN WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH_ ** _?!"_

Those words kept ringing through my head like a gong as I sat down on my bed and thought for a few moments about any possible answer I had to his question. 

I didn't have one.   
  
I didn't know what I was trying to accomplish in trying to teach Japanese to the whole of Wereldia. All I knew was that I wanted it more than anything in the world. But... what was the point? Absent was right. Wereldia had been obsessed with nothing but Dutch, French, and European languages for millennia-- no wonder they didn't have a single book on the language in the entire library!   
  
There was no way that a single Wereldian would even attend one of my--   
  
No! At least one of them would! They had to! The language would spread that way...!

But still... even if the language did spread... would it become a part of everyday life?   
  
Was it all for nothing?   
  
Was my dream... pointless?

And what was this... strange feeling?   
  
Was this... was this what sadness felt like? Was this what it felt like to have all your expectations flipped upside down in the span of a single question?

I looked over for a few moments at all the books I had collected on a variety of subjects: languages, drawing, how television production worked, the history of Wereldia, the history of the Altrealm, the history of the Altworld...   
  
The Altrealm had changed a lot over the span of hundreds of thousands of years.   
  
But... Wereldia?   
  
It hadn't changed at all.   
  
It had remained stagnant ever since the day that Arceus, Palkia, Dialga, and Jirachi first came together on December 25 of 151 B.M. to create the Wereldian dimension. Its culture hadn't changed at all for years. Wereldian, Kalosian, and Galarian/Unovan-Galarian were the only three languages that had been taught in public schools in Wereldia for millennia. Japanese wasn't going to fare well at all here. 

I didn't want to believe it.   
  
And yet... that last bit of optimism I had had in me had been shredded to bits.

All of a sudden, I didn't want to pick up that book on Wereldian history again. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to learn or teach anything again.   
  
Because if the dimension as a whole couldn't change...   
  
...then I didn't think there was any way I could convince them otherwise.   
  
**_EINDE _****_  
_****_  
_****_WORDT VERVOLGT_**


	21. ZEFENTIEN: Turning Japanese (Part Two)-- Featuring Excerpts From 80/20 Japanese Articles!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE EPIC IS COMPLETE! After a week of writing I am officially delighted to bring to you the conclusion of the two-part Chapter 17-- "Turning Japanese", Part 2! Unlike Turning Japanese, Part 1, however, this chapter will mainly be told from the point of view of Reentre Vandertramp, as he and his family continue their quest to learn the Japanese language via the Internet. Meanwhile, I finally finish the pre-work for The Giggling Horseshoe, Monte continues to search within himself for the answer to Absent's question, and the Coder himself finds himself being subject to burden, as even with the power of the web at their disposal, the VDTs are still confused about a few things... 
> 
> As was mentioned in Part 1, this part will contain a lot more information regarding the Japanese language, most notably a lot more info on the differences between "wa" and "ga", as well as info on sentence formation-- and it all comes straight from what I believe to be the best Japanese teaching site on the web, Richard Webb's 80/20. All info on the wa/ga divide and how JP sentence structure works was either paraphrased or excerpted directly from Richard Webb's articles, and let me just say this: in regards to research for this part, they were a huge help. In case you would like to read the articles, they will be posted below. Also-- once again, the Absent Coder writes the best lines in the fic. He is hilarious. 
> 
> And with that out of the way, here is Part 2 of "Turning Japanese"! I'll see you again next time with a whole new chapter-- "I Know That I've Been Replaced," in which Wereldians learn the importance of pronouns in languages when the nouns and pronouns get into a huge war-- and the nouns end up winning, all because they think the pronouns are more popular than them... Said chapter will also inform you as to how Dutch pronouns work, so you will be in for a lot! As per the usual, I do not own Pokemon, any of the excerpts from Richard Webb's 80/20 Japanese articles, the 80/20 Japanese articles themselves, or the 80/20 Japanese book that the articles are based off of. In addition, as per the usual, please do not stalk Absent or any of the other members of the Koffiehuis or their families online. You have been warned. 
> 
> The three 80/20 articles that got excerpted or paraphrased in this chapter:   
https://8020japanese.com/wa-vs-ga/  
https://8020japanese.com/japanese-word-order/  
https://8020japanese.com/ni-vs-de/

** _DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS EXCERPTS FROM THE 80/20 JAPANESE BLOGSITE. THE 80/20 JAPANESE BLOGSITE AND BOOK WERE WRITTEN BY RICHARD WEBB. I OWN NONE OF THE EXCERPTS FROM THE BLOGSITE, WHICH ARE IN THIS CHAPTER SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSES OF EDUCATION. 80/20 JAPANESE IS AN AMAZING SITE AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT, AND I PUT THE EXCERPTS INTO THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT HAS THE MOST CLEAR EXPLANATIONS INTO THE NUANCES SURROUNDING THE JAPANESE LANGUAGE THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD. THANK YOU RICHARD WEBB FOR WRITING SOMETHING SO AMAZING AND FOR MAKING JAPANESE EASIER FOR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE-- MYSELF INCLUDED. _ ** ** _IF YOU HAPPEN TO STUMBLE ACROSS THIS CHAPTER, I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR EXCERPTS WERE PUT IN OUT OF AN IMMENSE LOVE FOR WHAT YOU DO. _ ** ** _\--E.R._ **

** _CO-WRITTEN BY: THE ABSENT CODER_ **

** _OGHOND's POV_ **

It was finally finished.   
  
After hours and hours of work... at long last, I had finally completed all my prewriting ideas for the first draft of _The Giggling Horseshoe_, having assigned all the hiragana in the Japanese language to an animal, object, alien creature, or otherwise, and then using those hiragana to create a full-fledged story.

The concept was simple: the titular Giggling Horseshoe (ひ) would be given an assignment by the 5 Perennial Gods (あ、い、う、え、and お, if you recall) to find the key (き) of Mt. St. Helens (へ). Said key was guarded by a group of aliens (か、こ、せ、て、に、ぬ、は, and ほ) and locked up in jumper cables made by the fictitious Sumo company (す). Along the way, the Giggling Horseshoe runs into a bunch of talking animals (く、さ、そ、た、ち、と、な、ね、ふ、ま、み、む、や、ゆ、よ、れ、わ and を) and talking objects (し、つ、め、and の) that help him on his journey, and eventually by the end the Horseshoe, with the help of Tobias the frog (that's "to"-- と), uses the Keller nunchucks (け) to retrieve the key, defeat the aliens, and save humanity. 

At the end of the book was an appendix explaining how all the characters in the story related to their respective hiragana. 

Now, I could go on and on explaining how I came up with the designs for each character, but 1) that would be too self-congratulatory and 2) that would take forever. So instead I will simply list all of the hiragana (besides ku) that got turned into animals for the story: 

  
さ- a male reindeer, which I named **Sa**mson  
そ- a snake  
た- a chicken, which I named **Ta**bitha (it's technically a _hen_, but...)   
ち- a female reindeer and Samson's wife, **Chi**ta (reindeer are the only deer species where the males and females both have antlers)  
と- a frog named **To**bias  
な- a California quail named **Na**tasha  
ね- a squirrel named **Nel**lie (it was originally a cat, but everytime I tried to draw a cat that looked like the ne gana it ended up looking more like a squirrel, so I figured "why not make it a squirrel?")  
ふ- a penguin named **Fu**ji  
ま- a lizard  
み- the world's most arrogant horse (get it? "Mi"?)   
む- a cow (MOOOOOO)   
や、ゆ、よ: the three "dakuten fighters"-- a giraffe named **Ya**mmers, a fish named **Yu**suke, and a Shakespeare-loving kangaroo named **Yo**rick. They can all shrink at will.  
れ- a very stupid elephant named **Re**my   
わ- a **wa**sp (who hates the fact that は always shapeshifts into and impersonates him) 

And finally:   
  
を: A deer with very unusual antlers who usually winds up taking お's job (since, you know, お is a scooter-- and also a GOD)

For the most part, all of the animals were given names where the first two or three letters were the names of their hiragana (Samson, Tabitha, Tobias, etc.) The exceptions were the snake (who hissed every "sssssssso" syllable-- so "imper**so**nate" would be "imperssssssssonate," but "snake" would not be hissed), the lizard (who simply didn't have a name yet), the horse and the cow (whose syllable links were in-jokes related to personality and species, respectively), the wasp (whose species contained the syllable), and the unusually-antlered deer (partially because it's pronounced "o" as a particle and partially because I couldn't think of any name that started with "wo-").   
  
The aliens all had the same typing quirk that "ka" and "ko" did-- every instance of their name would be replaced with a picture of themselves. As for "ra," "ri", "ru" and "ro"?   
  
Well, "re" was an elephant, but the other four looked like numbers and a pregnant woman, so I made those four syllables alien typography that functioned in the same way as the aliens themselves. The same thing went for the last character, ん.

Which means that the message that the aliens typed at Mount Saint Helens looked like this:   
  
"Aてんtion, ciてぜんs of the state of Washiんgてん! We have かptured your beloved Mouんt Saiんt Heleんs and stoleん its key, in the ほpes that oんe day, it will explode agaiん. んaturally. Oんce it はppeんs, it should all make せんse to you. Good day!"   
  
I am well aware that this is not at all how hiragana works, but again- how else was I supposed to show it?   
  
For the record, if you went up on the Internet and looked up the hiragana chart, you should know what this reads. 

Anyways.   
  
Having finally completed the plotline for my JP hiragana-based book, I looked over at my computer screen, which was filled to the brim with sketches, information, and 5 pages worth of documentation regarding the plot and characters, and smirked.   
  
"It's finished..." I muttered to myself with satisfaction.   
  
Wasting no time, I hit the PRINT button immediately, and all five pages worth of documentation came shooting out of the printer. Delighted, I grabbed them in my vines, stapled them, and then immediately ran straight into the Clavus Locus Beta to tell Absent...   
  
...who was passed out on his bed.   
  
I instantly dropped the papers and ran up to him.   
  
"Absent?!" I asked. "Are you okay?!"

He grunted. "Can I nap? Like, ever?"

Beat.   
  
"Oh," I said. "Oh, you were just napping. Sorry about that; I thought you had passed out." I held up the documentation I was carrying in my vines. "Anyways, I finished the pre-writing work for the first draft of _The Giggling Horseshoe _and... how are the Vandertramps doing?"

"Ask them."

"Okay, then."   
  
So, with that said, I proceeded to take out my phone and call the Vandertramps, desperate to know how they were doing in regards to their Japanese lessons. The phone beeped, and after a few moments, Reentre's voice came through on the other end of the line.   
  
"_Hello~?_"   
  
"Hi, Reentre," I said.   
  
"_Oh, hi, oghond!" _cried Reentre happily. "_How are you doing right now?_"   
  
Hoo-boy.   
  
I could barely wait to see how Reentre would react to this.   
  
"Great," I said, grinning like a lunatic. "You remember that 'giggling horseshoe' mnemonic device you came up with?"   
  
"_Yeth, of courthe I do,_" said Reentre. "_How could I forget? Why do you athk?_"   
  
"Because I took that mnemonic device-- and your comment that hiragana looked like pictures-- and I wrote pre-work for a full-fledged novel," I said.

And the second I said those words, Reentre absolutely lost his mind. "  
  
"_A NOVEL?!" _he exclaimed. "_You wrote a NOVEL out of the hiragana thyllabary?! That'th incredible! What'th it called?_"

"Well... I actually haven't written the novel yet," I admitted, chuckling nervously. "Just the pre-work."   
  
A beat. "_Oh._"

"And as for what it's called... it's called _The Giggling Horseshoe, _of course," I said. "The goal is to teach all of the hiragana in the Japanese language in such a way that they won't even know the first time around until they read the appendix."

"_That thoundth fun~!_" cried Reentre happily. "_What'th it about? How long ith it? Do you think it'th going to make any money? Are you going to thell it in Wereldia? Are you--_"   
  
He-- and by extension, I-- were suddenly cut off by a much more sophisticated voice cutting through the airwaves, one that I also was able to recognize straight away.   
  
"_Brother, your studies,_" Entre scolded sharply.   
  
I couldn't hear what Reentre said next, but I assumed it was either a meek apology or a terrified whimper. I, meanwhile, giggled.   
  
"Oh, hey there, Entre," I said.   
  
"_Ah. Greetings, oghond,_" said Entre. "_Congratulations on the pre-work for your novel. I... will not be asking all those questions just yet. Not until you actually get started on the book. Besides, right now my brother and I-- along with the rest of the Vandertramps who have agreed to this-- are currently studying more Japanese particles. Though I will admit that the nuances regarding 'wa' and 'ga' are starting to evade even me._"   
  
Ah, yes. The wa/ga divide-- arguably, one of the hardest parts of the Japanese language. Somehow, I had a feeling that those two particles would cause confusion for the entire dang family, though I had a feeling that somehow the doctor would come up with some sort of mnemonic device to distinguish between the two. In case you don't know Japanese or have been living under a rock since the previous part, "wa" serves as the topic marker, whereas "ga" serves as the subject marker. 

And yes, these are two different things in Japanese, which is why English speakers are often confused by it.   
  
Myself included.   
  
If you would like to know more info... well, I can't really explain it all that well. Fortunately, however, you'll find out more about the divide and how to distinguish between "wa" and "ga" soon. 

I giggled.   
  
"Yeah, I had a feeling that the wa/ga divide would trip you up at some point," I said. "Besides those two, how are the rest of your particle studies going?"   
  
"_REALLY well~!_" cried Reentre, suddenly breaking in. "_The retht of thothe particleth are THO eathy! Much eathier than 'wa' and 'ga' are, anywayth!_"   
  


I grinned. "That's good... you planning to do anything afterwards? That is... are you planning to study anything else?"   
  
"_Well... after we fully underthtand the whole wa/ga divide thingy, we're going to go and look at thententhe thtructure~!_" cried Reentre. "_We're altho going to look at thethe thingth called 'te-formth'... I don't know what thothe are, but they theem pretty important..._"   
  
Te-forms?!   
  
Holy crap, I could help them with that! Besides hiragana, katakana, and kanji, te-forms were the only other things I really knew about the Japanese language!

"Wait," I said. "You're going to study te-forms?"   
  
"_Yep~!_" cried Reentre.   
  
"Huh," I said. "I actually know a thing or two about those-- do you want me to help you?"   
  
Beat.   
  
"_YOU'RE KIDDING--!" _cried Reentre. "_Y-you actually know what the te-formth are?!_"   
  
"_Hm. Impressive," _said Entre simply.   
  
"_PleasehelpuslearnthempleasecometotheWereldianLibraryassoonasyoucanpleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE--!_" Alle begged.   
  
Then, after a brief pause:   
  
"_OhandalsobythewaygoodluckwiththeGigglingHorseshoebook._"   
  
I laughed. "Thanks, Alle-- and don't worry. I'll definitely come to the Wereldian Library as soon as I can."   
  
"_Thank you!_" cried Reentre. "_Thank you tho much~! But you can only thtay here for tho long-- after that'th done we're gonna go back to the ship and check on Monte--_"   
  
Wait...   
  
Monte?!   
  
The happy-go-lucky Pumpkaboo?! Why did the Vandertramps need to check on him?   
  
Was something... was something wrong with him?!   
  
"Monte?" I asked, my concern for him starting to grow. "Why? I-is something wrong?" 

"_Well..._" Reentre began, thinking about it for a few moments, "_I don't think anything'th really _wrong_, per the, but... thomething happened between him and Abthent and we're going to try and figure out if he'th okay or--_"   
  
"_CHILDREN~! I'm back~!_"   
  
Seconds later the cheerful voice of Dr. Jacques-Francois Vandertramp echoed across the airwaves of my phone, and while I was certainly happy to hear his voice again, my mind was overflowing with tons of questions that I didn't have any answers to yet.   
  
For one thing... what the heck was going on with Monte? What had happened between him and Absent? Was everything okay?   
  
In a mere instant, my concern for the Vandertramps' studies disappeared entirely, replaced with nothing but concern for Monte's safety and well-being. The thought that the happiest Vandertramp besides Reentre could turn to depression that quickly was... unsettling, to put it lightly. I mean, sure, they had _said _that nothing was wrong, but...   
  
One thing was for sure, though-- I _had _to ask Absent about this. Pronto.   
  
Within seconds, I found my thoughts cut off by the sound of Reentre's voice once again coming through my phone:   
  
"_Oh! Thorry! That'th my father! We're going to have to hang up now! I'll thee you later, oghond!_"

I smiled and waved back at him. "Okay, talk to you later, Reentre! Bye!"   
_  
"Bye~!_"   
  
BEEEP.   
  
I hung up the phone and proceeded to turn to Absent as all my excitement left me, replaced by concern and terror. 

He was staring through my soul with malice in his eyes.

"Did taking the call outside _never_ occur to you?!"  
  
OH CRAP!   
  
Absent had heard everything that had come out of my phone!

"...crap," I muttered.

He sighed. "So, you want to ask what happened between Mosey and I? Basically it boils down to him getting too big for his britches, deciding to teach Japanese to all of Wereldia and me asking "why" one too many times to show him that it wouldn't amount to anything."  
  
WHAT?!   
  
Monte wanted to teach Japanese to the entirety of Wereldia?!   
  
"He wanted to do _w-what now?!_" I sputtered. "I mean, I'm sure he knew he couldn't do it in a day, but..."

"This is Money we're talking about. Guy could look at a forest fire raging and think that his spit could put it out."

Beat.   
  
"Are you sure, Absent?" I asked. "I think he has enough common sense to realize that Water puts out Fire." 

"And that's all the justification he'd need to try to put out a forest fire with his own spit. I gave him a reality check and he broke down."

"I-is he okay?!" I cried, starting to get even more concerned for him. "Did he start crying or anything like that?"

"I don't know, I was too tired to remember the specifics. I was just laying here, kept from a nap. Next thing I know I'm seeing red and feeling _more_ fatigued."

Okay.

One thing was for certain-- I had to go and see how Monte was feeling as soon as possible.   
  
"O-okay," I said, backing away from Absent and stepping towards the door. "You can go back to your nap-- I'm going to go and check on Monte and see if he's alright."   
  
And with that said, I ran out of there as fast as I could. Forget going to the Wereldian library-- right now, Monte was the only thing that was on my mind.

...alright, let me rephrase that.   
  
He was the _main _thing that was on my mind.   
  
But not the only thing-- because as I kept running through the ship to Monte's room, another thought kept running through my head:   
  
Namely-- _how were the rest of the Vandertramps doing? __  
__  
_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV_ **

Well... other than what was going on with Monte... we were doing great!   
  
We had studied a lot of particles for the past hour or so, and like I said before, they were so much easier than wa and ga ever were!   
  
You wanna know what they are?   
  
...Silly me! Of course you do!   
  
Alright, then~! Here are all the particles we studied for the past hour or so...!

Okay, so first of all, there's を-- which is pronounced "o", by the way-- and that's just used to mark the direct object of a sentence. And if that term sounds familiar, it's because that's what part of speech the DIROB Verzamelen represents~!   
  
...You already know what the direct object is, right?   
  
Good! Thought you did!

Now, as for the others... well, I should probably put them into a list of some kind... let's see...

の (no)-- the possessive particle. It's basically the equivalent of using an 's in English-- actually, more accurately, it's the equivalent of us using "de" and all its varying forms in Kalosian. And speaking of "de"...

で (de)-- used to indicate the location where an action takes place. Okay... that's actually not all it does; it's also used to show how something is done. What do I mean by that, you ask? Weeeeeeell... there's a difference between "I _used_ a pencil" and "I did my homework _with_ a pencil".

に (ni)-- used to indicate destination... and also the location where an action takes place. This is a bit of a hard one for me, too... my family are also a bit confused by it... I might have to ask Absent about that one, too. Fortunately, though, the next one is a lot easier!

も (mo)-- basically the equivalent of "also" or "too." Easy~!

と/や (to/ya)-- These are both used for listing objects, and in that regard it's another hard one for me. Fortunately, "to" has two other meanings that my family and I _do _understand: it can be used to indicate a quotation, OR it can be used to mean "with". 

か (ka)-- This one is also really simple. You add this to the end of a sentence and-- BOOM! You have a question! It's the "Est-ce-que...?" of the Japanese language~!  
  
And finally...

から (kara)-- indicates a starting point in time or place. I think it can also be used to mean "because", though.

And that's it! Those were all the particles we'd studied thus far!  
  
Of course, that's far from all the particles used in the entire Japanese language, but we figured it was enough particles to start doing the thing that we found really fun... 

  
SENTENCE TRANSLATION--!

Though... if we did want to do sentence translation, we'd have to get some of those tricky particles sorted out... especially wa and ga! That one confused my whole family! Even _Entre _was starting to get confused by them, and he'd probably done the most research out of all of us!

Fortunately, however, my father came in and told us some pretty big news that he thought could help: namely...   
  
ABSENT HAD COME UP WITH A MNEMONIC DEVICE--!   
  
This was huge~!   
  
The second I heard that news, my tail started wagging uncontrollably!

"He did?!" I cried happily. "What is it; what is it; what is it--?!"

"Simple," my father said, laughing a bit. "He said that 'ga is the _ga_teway to a new topic'. As in, if you were to ask a question with 'nani _ga_,' the answer would also contain _ga_, as it's now relevant to the conversation."   
  
That made sense!

...kind of.   
  
"Oh," I said. "Okay, I _think _I get it. I just have one question."   
  
"Which is...?"   
  
"How can you tell if information is relevant to the conversation if someone _doesn't _ask 'nani ga'?"

Beat.   
  
"Good!" cried my father. "Because I was wondering the same thing! Let's call him! Oh, and if you have any other tricky particles you want to ask Absent about, let me know."   
  
"We do," said Retourne. "Ni and de, as well as to and ya."   
  
"Alright, then," said my father, laughing and taking out his phone. "Got it."   
  
With that said, he dialed Absent's number again:

BEEP.

BEEP.   
  
BEEEEEEP... 

** _Your call has been redirected to an automatic voicemail assistant._ **

** _4\. 2. 0. 5. 5. 5. 0. 1. 1. 3. Is not--_ **

"Oh, right, he's still napping," said my father, hanging up the phone. He sighed. "Well, if that's the case... it looks like we'll have to figure these tricky particles out ourselves."   
  
Ourselves?!   
  
"But... how?" I asked. "We've looked up dozens and dozens of websites and we're still confused by these things!" 

"Ah, but have you looked up _all _the websites?" asked my father.   
  
...Huh.   
  
"No," I said. "No, we haven't."   
  
"Exactly!" said my father.   
  
Actually, now that he put it that way, there were still a ton of other sites for us to explore! The Internet was huge-- there had to be at least one site out there that could teach us the difference between the two particles! Matter of fact, there had to be at least one site out there that could teach us the difference between every single one of the particles that we were having trouble with!

I looked over at my brother and the rest of my siblings, and all of them seemed to be just as excited as I was.   
  
"Well, then, in that case..." I said, my tail wagging ferociously, "what are we waiting for? A bunch of websites are waiting for us!"

"YEAH--!" cried my siblings.   
  
And with that, we went straight back to our computers to look for websites.

The first thing that I typed in was as follows:

** _WA/GA PARTICLE DIVIDE_ **

And seconds later, it brought back article after article.   
  
Excited to find any potential new websites that could help me, I looked through the sites that had come up to see if there was anything new.   
  
Already read it... already read it... boring... boring... no help... no help... read it... read it...   
  
Oh...?   
  
"Hey... Entre?" I asked.   
  
Entre looked up from his notebook. "Hm?"   
  
I turned to him. "Have you heard of this... 80/20 Japanese site?" 

"No, I haven't," said Entre, shaking his head. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just discovered an article from them that could help us~!" I cried happily, before clicking on a link and stepping away from the computer. Almost instantly, Entre and the rest of my siblings all crowded around my computer, and on it was an article with the following title:   
  
**_The Difference Between the Particles "wa" and "ga" _****_  
_****_Written by: Richard Webb-- author of the 80/20 Japanese book_**

"Ooh~!" cried my father, who had just noticed the article I had put up. "I think you've found us a good one, Reentre~!"   
  
"Richard Webb?" asked Venu, staring over at the article curiously. "Who's he?"

"YoudontneedtoworryaboutthatVenuIcanlookhimupontheInternetinabout20seconds!" cried Alle as he got back onto his computer and started typing. "Nowletmesee..."   
  
He typed in **_RichardWebb80/20Japanese_**, and seconds later, thousands of results came up. Within seconds, he clicked on the first link-- and as soon as he saw the information that was in front of him, he gasped with excitement.   
  
"Holymoleyyouguysneedtoreadthisassoonaspossible!" he cried. "Comequickcomequickcomequickthisisjustthemanyourelookingfor! ItsaysrightherethatRichardWebbisanauthorfromtheAltrealmandhaslivedinJapansincehewas15!"   
  
"He has?" asked Retourne. 

"And," Alle added, "hehasadegreeinJapaneseandstudiedataJapaneseuniversity!"

"He _did_?" Venu asked in surprise.   
  
"AndhepassedthehighestleveloftheJPLT--thatstheJapaneseLanguageProficiencyTestapparently-- andhesworkedfortwoJapanesecompanies!"   
  
"He _has_?!" exclaimed my father happily.

Alle nodded-- as fast as he could, of course, this was Alle, after all.

"Well, if that's the case, then we definitely need this article!" I cried happily. "Let's go check it out~!"   
  
And with that said, we all gathered around the computer and read through the article.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I could go on and on and just retype the entire article here... but I'm not going to do that, obviously, because that would be plagiarism, and that's a bad thing. Instead, I will post the stuff that's the most important in regards to the whole wa/ga divide, and our reactions to the excerpts. Besides, if you want to read the whole article, you can just look it up online~!   
  
Though, it's funny that I mention "important stuff," because that's exactly what _ga _clarifies!   
  
First and foremost, the article-- thankfully-- didn't just clarify what "wa" and "ga" were used for, but also what "ni" and "de" were used for as well, and let me just say: once we read the article, the difference between "ni" and "de" became much clearer!... in regards to location. I already knew that "de" dealt with methodology: "I did my homework with a pencil" being the main example I used-- but for location?   
  
Well, to quote the article-- allow me:   
  
"'Ni' tells us _the destination of an action_ involving movement (alternatively, "ni" tells us _the location where something is_ when using verbs like "arimasu" and "imasu")

"'De' tells us _the location where the action takes place _(in other cases, "de" tells us _the means by which the action is performed_, such as a mode of transport or a tool)"-- as in the pencil example. 

And when we saw that, my whole family thought the exact same thing:   
  
_Oh~! Well, now all of a sudden, this just became super-duper easy! __  
__  
_And in case you still don't get it: "ni"... actually doesn't tell us where an action takes place. That's what "de" is for. "Ni" tells us where something _IS. _Read: where it exists.

Meaning... hmmm... Entre, what example should I use...?

...Oh! Got it! Never mind, Entre~! You don't have to worry about anything!   
  
Anyways, let's say that my father and I got into a conversation and it looked like this:   
  
**My father: **"Hey, Reentre? Do you know where Absent is right now?"   
**Me: **"Oh, he's on the_ S.S. Tex-Kofschip._"

And he _is _ on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip. _He's not _doing _anything, as far as I'm concerned, so we wouldn't say "de". Absent exists on the ship, so we would use "ni" when translating. Now, on the other hand, if he was _doing _something on the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip_\-- if I were to answer my dad with:

**Me: **"Oh, he's nappingon the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip._"   
  
As the Coder himself would put it... BIG difference.   
  
Absent isn't just _existing_ on the ship anymore-- he's _napping _on it! 

And since this time around he's actually doing something on the ship, we would use "de" when translating it.

As my brother put it:   
  
"'Ni' is just like Passe; it just sits around, content with simply existing rather than actually _doing _anything. Go out and actually _do _something, you silly particle!"

So... that actually turned out to be simpler than I thought. (Oh, and by the way, if you live somewhere, you'd use "ni", since technically you're just existing in that place. You're not doing anything.)

But we're not talking about "ni" and "de"; why did I even bring them up? We're talking about "wa" and "ga"; let's get to them!

So... where do I begin...?   
  
Ah! I know! For starters... the article told us we'd been asking the wrong question the whole time.   
  
My first thought was: _The wrong question? What do you mean, I've been asking the wrong question?_\-- until I actually saw what it was. Apparently I shouldn't have been asking what the difference between "wa" and "ga" was-- I should have been asking the question "What is the true purpose of 'wa'?"

And once again, I thought: _what do you mean, what is the true purpose of "wa"? It's the topic-defining particle! It defines what the topic of a sentence is... right?_

And once again, I was wrong. This was what the article said:   
  
"**The true purpose of "wa" is to clarify the context within which the rest of the actions described in the sentence take place." **

You're probably wondering: _what exactly does he mean by that?_\-- and I'll tell you. Immediately after the article said that, this diagram came up: 

**CONTEXT:  
THE NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF: **

Of course, the original diagram didn't actually say "THE NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF"-- I just put that in there. Anyways, they then demonstrated what this meant with a simple conversation in English-- I'll do the same thing here, but it'll once again be related to our adventures.   
  
Specifically, it'll be about Entre:   
  
**My father: **"What did Entre do today?"   
**Me: **"He went on the Internet and learned Japanese."   
  
Heh, metahumor~! It's fun~!   
  
Anyways... I can't really explain it as well as the article can, so once again, allow me to quote the article-- with the names changed to suit my example, of course:

"When [my father] asks the question, there was no pre-existing context – the context bubble is empty. He had to express his question in full because if he didn't, [I] wouldn't know what [my father] was talking about.

"As he asks the question, though, the information in his question gets added to the context bubble for their conversation, which in this case is the person being spoken about ([Entre]) and the relevant time period (today)."   
  
In other words, that would look like this (before my father asks me what Entre did today): 

**CONTEXT: **NONE   
**THE NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF: **"What did Entre do today?"   
  
There wasn't anything that was already known, so there's no context. The fact that Entre did something at all today is completely new, so it goes in the second column. But then he asks the question, and all of a sudden, you know that we're talking about two things: A) Entre and B) that he did something today. We don't know what that something is yet-- but we know that something happened today, and that said something involved Entre.   
  
Which means-- into the CONTEXT box they go!   
  
**CONTEXT: **"Entre", "today"   
**THE NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF: **"He went on the Internet and learned Japanese."

And now you'll probably notice two things:   
1) I can just refer to Entre with a pronoun now, since I know I'm talking about him, and I don't want to have to repeat myself, and   
2) WE JUST GOT A HUGE BARRAGE OF IMPORTANT INFO~!

Yep, now we know what Entre did today, which is something we hadn't known prior.

Now for the record-- and according to the article-- if we were to be asked "What did Entre do today", and the answer was "went on the Internet and learned Japanese", we would have three options:   
  
1) "Onchure wa [whatever "went on the Internet and learned Japanese" is in Japanese-- I can't think of the correct translation right now]"  
2) "Onchure ga [whatever "went on the Internet and learned Japanese" is in Japanese]"   
3) [whatever "went on the Internet and learned Japanese" is]

The last option has no topic/subject and no particle, and its use is easy: it's used when we already know from context what's happening-- as in the example above.   
  
But as for the other two options?   
  
Well, allow me to demonstrate once again via demo conversations between myself and my father. If I was to use the second option, Entre would go in the NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF box, and that would emphasize that _Entre_\-- not anyone else specifically-- went on the Internet and learned the Japanese language. 

In a conversation, that would look like this:   
  
**My father: **"So, Reentre, who went on the Internet today and learned the Japanese language?"   
**Reentre: **"Entre did."   
  
Or like this:   
  
**My father: **"So, which one of you went on the Internet today and learned the Japanese language?"   
**Entre: **"Oh, yes, that was me."   
  
Yep, exactly as Absent had said-- Entre is now relevant to the conversation, so "ga" would be used-- and if either one of my father's questions got translated, they'd use "ga" as well.

Buuuuuuuuut... if we were to use "wa," Entre wouldn't go in the NEW/IMPORTANT STUFF box.   
  
He'd go into the _CONTEXT _box.   
  
As the article put it, "this difference is everything."   
  
The fact that the Japanese studying was done by _Entre _is now on the same level of informational importance as background contextual information. This isn't emphasizing that Entre was the one who studied Japanese, this is me just generally and casually mentioning to my father that "oh, yeah, by the way, Entre studied Japanese."   
  
_That _would look like this:   
  
**My father: **How's Entre doing?   
**Me: **Good. Speaking of him, by the way, he went on the Internet and studied Japanese. Nothing much, really.   
**My father: **Oh, did he now?

In this case, I'm emphasizing the fact that Entre *went on the Internet and studied Japanese* moreso than I'm emphasizing the fact that *Entre* went on the Internet and studied Japanese.

Get it?   
  
...No?   
  
Okay... well, what would it look like if both of them were in the same conversation?   
  
Well...

**My father: **Reentre? Who went on the Internet and studied Japanese?   
**Me: **Entre.   
**My father: **Entre? Good for him~!   
**Me: **(oh and by the way he also got a book too but that's beside the point) 

  
Which one would use "ga" and which one would use "wa"? 

If you were able to answer that question, congratulations~! You came to the same understanding that we did~!   
  
If not... well, then the comments section of the article has a mnemonic suited for all you _Star Wars _buffs out there:   
  
It's the difference between "you killed my father" and "no, _I _am your father."   
  
Or, as I put it:   
  
**Luke Skywalker: **(oh by the way did I happen to mention that you killed my father?)   
**Darth Vader: **Actually, I _am _him.   
**Luke Skywalker: **...well this is new and important information. 

*-- given the movie the twist comes from, everybody thought they knew at the time of the movie that Vader killed Luke's father, so it was technically contextual background info, and then the twist came in and audiences in the Altrealm in 1980 were like HOLY MOLY WHAT THE HECK THIS IS NEW?! 

So... yeah! That's pretty much all you need to know if you want to know the difference! Research is far more fun than I thought it would be...   
  
Of course, it doesn't cover everything-- the article flat-out said that. It also said that it would just make understanding the difference between the two particles easi_er_\-- not crystal-clear. I assumed the reason that Absent could easily distinguish between the two was because he'd studied Japanese for three semesters, whereas we were just starting out.   
  
Regardless, the whole "context bubble" thing was essential for us-- and so was the article.   
  
"Wow," I muttered, somewhat disbelieving it. "That... was helpful."   
  
"Indeed it was," said Entre, taking down notes. "If anything, it certainly gave me a better understanding of the nuances surrounding the two particles." 

"One thing's for sure," said Retourne. "Whoever this 'Richard Webb' guy is, he certainly knows what he's talking about."   
  
"Icantwaittoreadmoreofhisarticles~!" cried Alle happily, jumping up and down in his seat and running around the room. "AsamatteroffactatsomepointIwanttobuythewholedangbookbecausethatwasbyfarandawaytheclearestexplanationintowaandgaIveseenallday!"

He suddenly paused-- then gasped.

"Waitasecond--" he said, "wegotwaandgafiguredout-- allonourown-- DOYOUREALIZEWHATTHISMEANS?!"   
  
We all turned to him, confused.   
  
"No," I said. "What does it mean?"   
  
"ItmeanswecanfinallymoveontoSENTENCESTRUCTUREANDWORDORDER--!" cried Alle happily, jumping up into the air and continuing to run around the room. "Thatsthepartyouweremostlookingforwardtobutyoudidntwanttodoituntilafteryougotwaandgasortedoutbutnowyoudohavewaandgasortedoutwhichmeanswecanfinallygetthisthingdone!"

Word order...   
  
WORD ORDER! 

Of course! That had been the thing I had wanted to do for the entire time we researched!   
  
"Oh yeah~!" I cried, remembering what I had said on the phone with oghond. "Now I remember! This is going to be so exciting, Entre~! We're finally going to try to craft actual Japanese sentences~!"   
  
"We are," said Entre. "But there's still one caveat."

"Oh?" asked my father.   
  
"What is it?" I asked.   
  
Entre glared over at me.   
  
"We're going to need a service where we can actually find some _vocabulary _to use to write sentences with," said Entre.   
  
Oh, yeah...   
  
Right...   
  
"...touche," said my father simply.  
  
"But... where are we going to find one?" asked Retourne.   
  
"I'm sure there's gotta be a site somewhere that can translate English words into Japanese for us," said Venu.   
  
And then all of a sudden:   
  
"Wellifthatswhatyourelookingforthenyoureinluck! Takealookatthis--RichardWebbsreallycomeprepared--"   
  
We heard Alle's voice and immediately ran over to his computer. Another Richard Webb 80/20 article was posted on the screen, and this one read:   
**_  
A Visual Guide to Japanese Word Order   
_****_by Richard Webb   
_**  
I instantly lit up, as did my family.  
  
"A visual guide to Japanese word order?!" I cried out, happily.   
  
"Yep!" said Alle. "AndlookwhatIfoundatthebottomofthescreen."   
  
Quickly, he scrolled down to the bottom and dozens and dozens of diagrams went by so fast that none of us could see them. Eventually, he reached the bottom of the page.   
  
"TheresaGoodrleSheetwithabunchofexamplesentencesfromthisarticleandapparentlyitsinteractiveandallowsyoutocreateyourownsentences!" he exclaimed.   
  
Well, this was exactly what we needed!   
  
"CLICK THE LINK~!" I practically gushed, jumping up and down and sticking my tongue out. "PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK--!"   
  
Entre glared at me-- but I didn't notice. I was too excited and too happy. Alle, meanwhile, giggled.   
  
"WilldoReentre!" he said.   
  
With that, he clicked on the Goodrle Sheet link, and made 17 copies of it so that we could each edit our own version. He did this so fast, we didn't even notice, but in the span of a few seconds, we all had interactive sentence-building Goodrle Sheets on our phone, and it was nothing short of impressive-- but then again, that's Alle for you~!   
  
Delighted, I immediately ran up to Alle and glomped him.   
  
"Thank you, Alle~!" I cried, repeatedly licking his face in delight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times over! I can barely wait for us to read this article and start crafting Japanese sentences!"   
  
With that said, I stopped licking Alle's face and turned back towards the computer, before opening up the article that Alle had found. The rest of my family, who were excited as heck to learn, crowded around the computer and opened up their notebooks, before we started reading our second Richard Webb article of the day. 

But as I started reading, a thought began to creep into my mind regarding Monte:   
  
_I wish he could have been here to read the first Richard Webb article we found... __  
__  
__Is he doing okay? __  
__  
__I hope oghond's okay, too..._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

**_OGHOND's POV _**  
  
I didn't want to waste any more time thinking about it right then-- I had a Vandertramp to help. 

After a few minutes running up and down the _S.S. Tex-Kofschip _looking for any sign of Monte, I finally found him sitting in a room by himself-- and he was looking... well, I wouldn't say absolutely miserable, but moreso pensive and subdued. The room itself was dark-- all the lights had been shut off, and on Monte's bed was a book entitled **_The History of Wereldia_**. For a few moments I wondered exactly why he was reading a book on Wereldian history, but I eventually decided to shrug it off. Comforting Monte and finding out what happened to him was far more important.   
  
Eventually, I sat down next to him, and noticed that even in his pensive sadness he was still smiling a bit, perhaps holding on to just the tiniest bit of hope that maybe he could still get this done.   
  
But I knew that Absent, for all his harshness, was right-- every goal needed a motivation behind it, and if Monte didn't know what he was trying to accomplish in teaching the Japanese language to the entirety of the Wereldian dimension...   
  
"Monte?" I asked.   
  
The sullen Pumpkaboo turned to look up at me.   
  
"Oh... hey there, oghond," he said sadly. "What are you doing here?"   
  
"Oh... nothing much, really," I responded. "Absent told me what happened between the two of you... are you okay?"   
  
Monte floated down next to me and shook his head.   
  
"I don't know," he sighed. "I mean, I _want _to be okay, but after Absent told me off like that... I don't know if I _am_. I had this whole idea to teach the Japanese language to the whole of the Wereldian dimension, and I wanted to learn the language so that I could teach it, but..."   
  
He picked up the Wereldian history book that was sitting next to him.

"Absent was right," he said. "Wereldian culture has remained stagnant for millennia. There really isn't that much demand for Japanese here."   
  
If any. Matter of fact, I hadn't seen a single Wereldian who was even remotely invested in the Japanese language until the Vandertramps came along. As for Wereldian culture being stagnant... I'd seen that first-vine with the Rachimas celebrations, so I had a pretty good idea of just how set in their ways the Wereldians were.

"Yeah..." I muttered. "It's gonna be pretty hard to teach the Japanese language to thousands of people who don't have an interest in it."   
  
"That's what Absent said," said Monte.   
  
Beat.   
  
We sat there in silence for a few moments, before Monte looked back up at me and muttered:   
  
"You know that Absent scared the heck out of me when he was like that, right?"   
  
I certainly imagined that he would-- whenever Talbain got out it was absolutely terrifying, unless the person he was directing his rage at was named Johnathon Case.   
  
I nodded solemnly.

"I thought he was going to bite me..." Monte admitted. "I know he wouldn't actually do it, but I still thought he was going to. I don't want him to actually do it to anybody..."

"He wouldn't do that," I said gently, placing a vine on Monte's shoulder (or relative lack thereof; he was a Pumpkaboo after all). "He would never do that to anybody on purpose."

Beat.   
  
"Wait, would he?" I asked, suddenly remembering the events of the Blue Needles and the most recent fight with Case.   
  
I paused.   
  
Shook my head.   
  
"Nah," I said. "You're fine, Monte. I don't think anyone would ever bite you-- why do you think Absent would? Other than the fact that, you know... he's a Rockruff."   
  
"Oh, i-it's nothing," said Monte, smiling nervously.   
  
That smile then faded a bit as he looked back down at the Wereldian history book.   
  
"I mean, I still want to do it," he admitted. "I just don't know why. Absent asked me what I was trying to accomplish and... I realized that I didn't have an answer to that. I still don't."

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked.   
  
"Oh yeah, I-I'll be fine," said Monte. "I just need some more time to think about it, that's all. Thanks for your concern, oghond."   
  
I smiled, slightly relieved that Monte was going to be okay.   
  
"That's good," I said simply, getting off of the bed and leaving Monte's room. "I'll leave you to it."   
  
And with that said, I shut the door behind me...

...only for all that relief I was feeling to be instantly replaced by immense fear as I began to realize what I had just heard.   
  
Monte was scared of Absent.   
  
Monte thought that Absent was going to bite him.   
  
...Absent had just scarred poor Monte, presumably for life-- either that or someone else had, and Absent had only exacerbated his fear. Still, there were no two ways about it-- this was definitely not okay, and I had to talk to Absent about it as soon as possible, his nap be--

...dang it, he was still napping.

Fortunately, I had a solution to deal with that.   
  
I headed back into the Clavus Locus Beta and tiptoed up to him before tapping him on the shoulder with my vine.   
  
"Absent...?" I asked.   
  
He turned his back to me.   
  
"Monte's fine, but... he's scared of you," I said, in a whisper. "He thought you were going to bite him." 

His ears splayed.

Beat.   
  
"Um... Absent?" I asked. "A-are you okay?"

No response.

"Do you want to talk to Monte...?" I asked.

He shifted under his blankets.

Another beat.

"Oh... I get it," I said. "You're still tired, aren't you?"

He slammed his paws on the mattress, turning in the air and landing on his other side, looking through my eyes. "Duh."

"Okay then," I said. "Sorry about that... I talked to Monte and didn't know what else to do after that..."

"Dude wants to show off skills he doesn't have like an America's Got Talent contestant."

"I don't know if he's trying to show off, exactly," I said. "He told me he wants to teach JP to all of Wereldia, but when you asked him what he was trying to accomplish..."

"He came up empty, huh?" said Absent simply. "Figures, even someone like Minty has an ego. Dude wants a unique skill to set him apart, probably tired of his only trait being optimism. Could you imagine a life defined by your name? One _Emoji Movie_ is bad enough."

"Yeah..." I muttered under my breath, looking over at the keyblade that was hanging on the wall.

"I'm not saying that Mantle wants to develop a personality, I'm saying he seems to think that a goalpost on the way will help. But his faith he can reach it will only justify his complete investment in optimism," he said. "Dude needs to know what he's aiming for, have a target he's not just fantasizing."

Beat.   
  
"So..." I asked, "do you want to talk to Monte after your nap is done...?"

"Good question," Absent muttered to himself. "He needs to reach his own conclusion, but what if that conclusion is to start his own Koffiehuis with Japanese instead of Dutch to prove me wrong?"  
  
Okay, the thought of that was pretty dang crazy, I had to admit.  
  
"Kid can't keep _himself_ in check, let alone a few nerds along for the ride," Absent continued. "If he catches wind of me he's gonna dive under the couch in fear. Kid's gonna strain himself either with his absurd goals or with dealing with the stress of watching them fall apart."

Oh, god.   
  
There was no way that either of those possibilities were good. Poor Monte was going to be endangering himself and damaging his mental health in the process of doing so, and I certainly didn't want to see either of those things happen to him...   
  
And then all of a sudden a horrifying thought began to creep through my head.   
  
"What if it gets worse?" I asked.

"I don't even want to think about that," said Absent. "We can't let Manatee down gently, behind that smile his mood travels at the speed of light. We need to drag him to earth and _ground_ him."

"...he's a kid," I said simply. "What's wrong with letting him down gently? His mood travels at the speed of light either way."

"If we try to let him down gently he'll respond with so many "buts" the conversation will get derailed. The moment you concede a point he'll warp back to the rails and continue, and nothing can stop him. He's like an Upward Spiral compared to Downward, but less The Becoming and Eraser and more The Anticipating and Recreator."

Beat.   
  
"...you do realize that when I asked the question about it getting worse I was talking about the possibility of him going into such an existential funk that it leads to suicidal thoughts, right?" I asked.

"...Oh," said Absent. "And I thought I had irrational worries. Dude's got a family that loves him, he's not gonna fade to black as long as they're around. The moment some new circumstance comes around he's gonna be gravitated to it like a moth to a lamp."

"New circumstance...?" I asked.

"New development. Mistakes were made."

"Ah." Beat. "What kind of new development? Is the completion of The Giggling Horseshoe's pre-work one of them?"

"Too closely tied," he responded. "Something like a vacation in Wereldia."

"Okay," I said simply.

For a few moments, I looked over at Absent, wondering what the heck I should do next-- and then I remembered what I had said on the phone to Reentre regarding the "te-forms". In an instant, I got up off of my bed and walked up to the door.  
  
"Alright, Absent," I said, "I gotta go and look up te-form information for the Vandertramps. See you later, bud."   
  
"Peace," said Absent, raising his paw-- before immediately going back to sleep.

With that said, I nodded and then left the Clavus Locus Beta, before heading off to my room.

There was a lot of te-form information that I needed to look up.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV _ **

Soooo... you're probably wondering how the reading of our second Richard Webb article went, and let me tell you this:   
  
IT WENT AMAZING--!

Seriously, we learned more about Japanese sentence structure from that article than we probably ever would have if Absent taught it to us-- based on what he had said about his teaching skills, anyways. Regardless, though, Alle was right-- this Richard Webb guy really did know what he was talking about! He'd lived in Japan for 6 years, and it absolutely showed!

All of a sudden I wanted to buy his book just as much as the rest of my family did~! IT WAS NOTHING SHORT OF--

...oh, right... you want to actually hear about what was in the article, don't you?   
  
Sure thing~!   
  
But... this is JP sentence structure, not just explaining the differences between particles, so... I think for this it'll be better for me to tell you the story of how we actually translated English sentences to Japanese and put the article stuff we learned in between all of that, instead of just... you know... explaining it to you with article excerpts.   
  
So! Where should we begin...?   
  
Oh! I know~!

Okay, so we had finished reading the article on how JP sentence structure and word order worked, and we were currently typing in English sentences into the Goodrle Sheet that we had received. Now, here was the cool part about the Goodrle Sheet-- it had a dictionary, so you could type in an English word and it could automatically supply you with the Japanese translation of said word in an instant! So if you wanted to know, for example, what the heck... I don't know, "to return" was in Japanese, you could just type "to return" into the English section and in a split second it'd come back with:   
  
帰る

And... what the heck is that? Is that kanji?! That's kanji, isn't it? I don't know how to read that at all-- how do you read the first thing? Okay, I know for a fact that the loopy 3 thing is "ru", but the first pa--

...what's that?   
  
There's hiragana at the-- ka... e... kae! Kaeru! Ohhhhhhhh~!

Okay, so it'd come back with _kaeru_, and then you could put it into a sentence. We also had the help of this site named Jisho, which Venu found. Apparently my father knows that site, but he knows it as Shirabe Jisho, and it's an app, and Absent and oghond both own it...

Well, that just makes me excited to buy the app~!

Anyways, that means that Retourne's name in Japanese would technically be "Kaeru"!   
  
Now, what about my name, I wonder...

Aaaaaaaand I just looked it up on Jisho and it's apparently _hairinaosu_...

So my name would be "Hairinaosu", which just sounds weird... maybe just "Hairi" for short? I mean, Entre would be just "Hairu," so... 

Anyways, we were currently typing in English sentences into the Goodrle Sheet, and the sentence I had come up with was: 

_I eat breakfast in the morning every day._

...What?   
  
It's true~! So does everybody else on the planet! Besides, it's a simple sentence-- we were just starting out in the Japanese language! We wouldn't go into those really complicated and crazy sentences yet!

Eventually, I finished writing my sentence into the Goodrle Sheet and turned to my father, who was overseeing the whole thing and would help us if we needed it, since Absent wasn't there.   
  
"Done~!" I cried happily.

My father turned to me. 

"With... what, exactly?" he asked. "The translation, or writing the English sentence?"   
  
"Writing the English sentence," I said, as cheerfully as ever.

"Well, that's good, Reentre!" said my father, smiling and walking up to me. "What did you come up with?"   
  
He suddenly paused, noticing the sentence I had just put in.   
  
"Ah... _I eat breakfast in the morning every day_, is it?" he asked.   
  
"Yep~!" I said happily. "Now I need to just figure out how to translate it..."

"Oh, come on, Reentre!" my father said, laughing a bit. "You read the article, didn't you? The translation part should be easy! What's the last word in the sentence, at least? You should know that."   
  
"Oh, that?" I said. "That's easy! That's the verb!"

Yep-- in Japanese the verb comes at the end of the sentence. Though I assume that Absent had already told you that beforehand.

"Which is...?" said my father.   
  
"'To eat'," I responded.

"Which in Japanese would be...?"   
  
1 look at the Jisho app later and I had the answer: "Taberu."   
  
"Right, tabedu," said my father.

Beat.

"No, Father," said Entre, suddenly breaking in. "It's tabe_ru_." 

"...that's what I said," said my father. "Tabedu." 

"Taberu."

"Tabe-- never mind." 

I giggled. 

"Anyways, yes, 'to eat' is the last word," said my father. "You should be able to figure out the rest from there."   
  
I looked over at the sentence. "Taberu" was placed into the Goodrle Sheet-- and all of a sudden... yep, I could definitely figure out the rest from there!

How, you ask?   
  
Simple.

There are three main ideas that every single Japanese sentence follows, and those are:

1) the verb comes last in the sentence   
2) the topic (usually) comes first in the sentence   
and 3) NEW OR IMPORTANT INFORMATION APPEARS LATER IN THE SENTENCE.

And if you're wondering why that last one is in all-caps... well, that's because it's REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT. All Japanese sentences have that last rule... but then again, for neutral sentences such as "I eat breakfast in the morning every day"... well, everything is technically new!   
  
OH NO!   
  
WHAT ARE WE TO DO--?!

Well, fear not, whoever happens to be reading this because they want to know more about the Japanese language! I have the solution, courtesy of Richard Webb himself! Here's the thing with Japanese grammar-- it's the complete and total opposite of English. What do I mean by this? Well, here's the thing-- in that sentence that I had typed out, the core action came first, followed by all the other details (the time, the place, the object, all that other good stuff). For the record, this is also how it works in Dutch.

And French.

And Kyrellik.   
  
And-- you get the idea.

But with JP it's the exact opposite-- all the details come first, and THEN the core action (which, in this case, is eating). And you're probably asking right now "but Reentre, what order do they come in"?

Here's the good news: IT DOESN'T MATTER!   
  
So long as you use the right particles, you can put all the details of a JP sentence in whatever order you like and it wouldn't change the meaning at all! Just the emphasis... but of course this is a neutral sentence with no emphasis whatsoever, sooooo...

In English:

I -> eat breakfast -> in the morning -> every day   
  
Meanwhile, in _Japanese:_

I -> every day -> in the morning -> breakfast -> eat   
  
See?  
  
Completely backwards! I'm surprised there ISN'T more Japanese interest in Wereldia, because its grammatical structure would fit right in to this absolutely CRAZY dimension! The Wereldians would love it! I-- oh, right, we're talking about how Japanese sentence structure and word order works... right...   
  
Aaaaaaanyhoo...

Right away, we can go ahead and do this:   
  
I -> every day -> in the morning -> breakfast -> **taberu**

And this:

**watashi ****_wa_** -> every day -> in the morning -> breakfast -> **taberu**

And now you're probably sitting here wondering "why is it wa and not ga? Isn't this new and important information?" To which I say: you, the reader, probably eat breakfast in the morning every day! You've done it your whole life; I don't think it's new and important information to _you_!

...it certainly isn't for me, anyways...

Anyways... now on to all the other parts-- and those are easy as heck, too~!

"Every day" is just "mainichi"-- no particle there-- unless "mai" counts-- does "mai" count?-- I think "mai" counts-- so we can just go ahead and do this:   
  
**watashi wa **-> **mainichi** -> in the morning -> breakfast -> **taberu **

On to the next part~!

Which, again, is super easy.

"In the morning"-- oh, wait, I completely forgot to tell you how "ni" relates to time. "Ni" relates to time, too, not just location. It's used for days of the week, months of the year, times of day, and so on. Because- you know- they're days of the week, months of the year, and so on! They just exist! They don't do anything! Lazy calendars!

So... "in the morning" is a time of day, which means...

**watashi wa** -> **mainichi **-> **asa ni **-> breakfast -> **taberu**

And then from there... then it gets really simple! "Breakfast" is the thing that's being eaten, so it's the object of the sentence, which means...

**watashi wa **-> **mainichi **-> **asa ni **-> **asagohan o **-> **taberu**

And yes, I had to go to Jisho to look up what "breakfast" was in Japanese.

And then from there all we have to do is take away the arrows and...

**WATASHI WA MAINICHI ASA NI ASAGOHAN O TABERU**

BOOM!

Full Japanese sentence!

Though... you could just drop the topic altogether, since by this point, you probably are already aware as to who the sentence is about, so then it just becomes:   
  
**MAINICHI ASA NI ASAGOHAN O TABERU**

And there you go!

Translating that sentence was absolutely simple for me-- and for my entire family!  
  
Of course, I don't mean to brag, but... the moment my father saw that I had correctly translated an English sentence into Japanese, the first thing he did was let out a squeal of delighted happiness, before engulfing me into a hug. 

"Reentre~!" he cried out happily. "You did it~! Patricia, look at this! Our son has translated an English sentence to Japanese~!"

"That's wonderful, Reentre!" said my mother, running up to me and picking me up. My father, meanwhile, immediately got his phone out and took a picture of the translated sentence, before sending it-- presumably, to Absent-- along with a text which read:

_Hello, Absent! We are currently translating English sentences to Japanese! Is this right?_

Beat. 

_Also apparently I can't pronounce "taberu"..._

"Oh... I can barely wait to see what Absent thinks of this!" cried my father. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV_ **

I came back to my room from the kitchen with five missed messages from Doc alone.

_Yes, it's fine. If you're going to pester me over every single sentence individually, send a list of them instead and I'll point out what needs to be pointed out. Every notification of a new message is one more notification towards headaches and frustration._

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV_ **

_Oh, sorry, Absent. ^^; And yes, a list would be much better. Thank you~!_

He set down his phone. "Yep, you translated it correctly. As I thought."   
  
"YAY~!" I cried happily. "Can we continue with some more? I wonder how Alle, Retourne, and the rest of them are doing..." I turned to the rest of them. "Hey, guys~? Have you got any sentences finished, or...?"   
  
"We certainly do!" said Retourne.

"Doyouwanttoseethem?" asked Alle. "WecansendthemtoAbsentforcorrectionifwewantinahugelist..."   
  
"Sure~!" I cried out.

"Alright, then!" said Retourne. "Here they are...!"

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _ABSENT's POV-- FIVE MINUTES LATER _ **

_Kimi no neko ga kawaii._

_Eigo no kurasu wa tsumaranai._

_Sore ga ichiban suki uta da._

_Kanojo wa shukudai o wasureta._

_Nichiyoubishigotowanai._

_Mori ni sanpo shiyou._

_Watashi ga kaiwa suru yori shinu no hou ga ii da._

_Dareka watashi no yuubinbutsu o nusunda._

_Here's the list of JP sentences my children wrote; if you notice anything, let me know._

I shook my head, annoyed that I was still being strong armed into acting as their teacher but I grit my teeth.

_Who's the idiot who didn't even use spaces? I get they're not used when writing Japanese with its proper characters, but that's not what we're doing!_

..._That was Alle, of course. And he's not an idiot._

_It's bad enough in narration! Anyway._

_"Kimi no neko ga kawaii." - Even if it's not strictly necessary, these are typically ended with "desu" or the more casual "da"._

_"Eigo no kurasu wa tsumaranai." - Good. This is right._

_"Sore ga ichiban suki uta da." - Correct._

_"Kanojo wa shukudai o wasureta." - Yep._

_"Nichiyoubi shigoto wa nai." - "ga nai" is the right grammar here, never mind the lack of spaces._

_"Mori ni sanpo shiyou." - Yep._

_"Watashi ga kaiwa suru yori shinu no hou ga ii da." - Without context, I can't determine if it should be "wa" or "ga", but "wa" seems more right to me._

_"Dareka watashi no yuubinbutsu o nusunda." - Yep._

_There, you can all form sentences. Now come home, I'm done being your spellchecker._

_We can't; oghond's gonna teach us about te-forms. _

_Also, why is it "ga nai" and not "wa nai"?_

_Good freakin' question!_

_...is the fact that he doesn't go to work on Sunday new or important information?_

_Is it true whoever wrote that one sentence would rather die than have a conversation? No, it's not true; it's an example sentence. _

I opened up a conversation with Em.

_Please lift this burden from my shoulders; I'm done being a human spellchecker._

...

_What burden?_

_Who's been checking everyone's grammar? It's been me, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with these lectures. Hell, they strongarmed me into teaching them hiragana because YOU left a hiragana "yu" in MY room!_

_...I wouldn't say "strongarmed"; exactly... but... you're saying you want me to teach them grammar instead of you? Or..._

_I'm saying I want this all to end _ _because most of the burden is on me._

_...oh. Well, don't worry, I've collected enough te-form information to teach the Vandertramps about them. Pretty soon I'll be headed to the library, and then they can be done with their lessons and they can go home._

_And before any of that happens you're going to have them put it into practice. And you're going to have me check it._

_No, _I'm _going to check it, silly! I already know about the te-forms! The only reason I'm doing this research is for them!_

_..._

_And I found something that just might work. I'm warning you right now, Absent: when the Vandertramps get back from the library, you might want to put your headphones in your ears and nap off your impending headache._

_Alternatively, and hear me out: You admit you're not an authority on Japanese, don't have the credentials to teach them, let them down easy, bring them home and we all move on from this. Seriously, if you're so knowledgeable about Japanese what kept *you* from checking their sentences?_

_I didn't say I was an authority on Japanese. I said I knew how to conjugate the te-forms. I can't translate most JP sentences for the life of me without SJ; you already know that._

_See, what I'm reading is "I have no idea what I'm doing but I want to keep doing it anyway". This is the exact same problem Mental has._

_うつる って むぶぬ んで く いて ぐ いで す して._

_When did I ask you to respond to me in Japanese?_

_...you didn't._

_So why did you?_

_I wanted to show you that I could conjugate the te forms._

_You know I know Shirabe Jisho has conjugations included in its dictionary. I don't see conjugation, I see *copy-pasting*._

_And you know I know I learned them from _Genki, _not Shirabe-- wait, SJ has what in its what?! ...Never mind; it's the SJ app, of course it would. Anyways... could you give me a Japanese verb, please?_

_It won't prove anything if you return the correct answer - like I said, you know that Shirabe Jisho provides the conjugation._

_Do the Vandertramps have Shirabe Jisho?_

_They have the internet. They have access to theoretically anything that could give them the answer._

_...never mind, touche. In that case, then, I will not be going to the Wereldian Library. They can look up the te-forms themselves. _

_..._ _Still, though, if they happen to find what has been stuck in my head for freaking months on end, you might want to put headphones in your ears, like I said._

_I'll do some vocal exercises should the worst come to worse. Just know that headphones are not enough for an aspy like me. They're never enough._

_Everything is never enough-- DANG IT! Now that song's stuck in my head!_

_Em, I could say something happened "clockwork" and you'd get a song stuck in your head. You get them stuck in your head because you *want* them to be stuck in your head._

_...do I? I didn't realize that..._

_Anyway, know that whatever the fallout is, you are to blame for it. I'm putting my phone on Do Not Disturb; none of you will be able to reach me._

_...okay... I understand... See you later, Absent._

By that point I had already fully shut down my phone and made my way over to my laptop. I was going to squeeze as much peace out of this as I could.

** _ABOUT THIRTY MINUTES LATER_ **

Some muffled noises from outside my door grabbed my attention.

"Absent...?"

I shook my head in frustration and unlocked the door. "I'm out of names for you, Manual. What's up?"

"...you aren't going to bite me, are you?" he asked.

"No."  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief, then approached me and sat on my bed.   
  
"So... I was thinking about what you said earlier..."

"And?"

He looked down.

"I... I think I finally understand why I wanted to teach Japanese to the Wereldian dimension," he said. 

"Reason being?"

Beat.

"Because... well... I wanted to get out there and do something," he said. "I wanted to feel like I had a purpose in my life, and... well, the only thing I could think of was teaching the Japanese language to the rest of the dimension. To see if they couldn't... well... you know... _change. _I felt like if I did this- this _thing_, a-and it became a success, and Wereldia was changed forever... well, I would have helped the entire dimension."   
  
He smiled sadly.   
  
"And that would have been a good thing, wouldn't it?" he asked.   
  
Then-- a sigh.   
  
"But... you were right," he said. "Wereldia's culture has been stagnant for millennia. There's no way that I can get the dimension to change."   
  
He looked up, a bit of a forlorn expression crossing his face.

"Absent..." he said. "I know how you see me, and I know how my family sees me, and most of the time, I genuinely am that optimistic. But sometimes I'm not. Sometimes... sometimes I just feel like I'm not worth anything." 

"Mood," I said simply.

Beat.  
  
"'Mood'?" he asked. "What do you mean by 'mood'?" 

"I can relate."

"How?" asked Monte simply. 

"Sometimes I feel like I'll die with no accomplishments to my name. I sure accepted it when I fell back in September, and now it's a hard mindset to drag myself out of."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" cried Monte. "How many times have you saved Folsom Lake from Aleph-Null?! You saved Sac City from Aleph-Null just a few days ago! You've saved thousands upon thousands of people multiple times! I'm sure that Folsom Lake and Sac City are going to be extremely grateful when they find out you were the one who saved their lives!"

"Yeah, but how many lives did we _endanger_ with the stinkin' mechs?" I asked. "We brought AN outta the woodwork when they caught wind of us with that stupid song, and then they put themselves into action. We saved them, after we put them in peril."

"You didn't have the mechs during the first fight at Folsom Lake, no one was there during the second fight at Folsom Lake, and everybody who was at Sac City was locked inside the school so that the mechs couldn't get in," said Monte. "Besides, so long as you save the lives of the populace, the fact that you endangered those lives in the process doesn't... really... matter... right...?" 

"This just would have been so much easier on everyone if it never happened," I sighed. "AN would still be fringe with as much reach as a T. Rex, we would all have our humanity, and no one would be put in jeopardy for knowing what they know."

"Fringe?" asked Monte.

"No one would have heard of them."

"Oh," said Monte. "Okay, then."   
  
Beat.   
  
"Absent?" he asked. "Do you think... do you think I'll ever accomplish anything?" 

"If you keep at it you'll accomplish something," I said. "Might not be your initial goal, but shoot for the moon anyway. If you miss, you'll land among the stars. Maybe. You'll definitely do something along the way. But there's no shame in doing it independently."

"Okay," said Monte, smiling a bit more. "That makes me feel a bit better, at least. Now all I need to do is actually think about what I want to do with my life!"   
  
He left the room, waving at me with his leaves.   
  
"See you, Absent!" he said. "Thanks!"

I grunted disinterestedly and went back to trying to operate a controller with paws.

\------------------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV _ **

So... after we got confirmation and correction regarding all the sentences we had made in Japanese, the next step was to wait for oghond to arrive at the Wereldian Library so she could teach us about the final thing we wanted to learn that day...

TE-FORMS~!  
  
This was going to be really exciting, I could tell! Getting actual Japanese lessons from someone who apparently knew the language?! That had to be one of the greatest things in the world~!

But... then we waited for 20 minutes...

AND SHE DIDN'T COME--!  
  
Where was she, we wondered? She said she would be there...   
  
...ah, what were we saying? That didn't really matter, did it? After all, we had another thing at our disposal...   
  
THE INTERNET~!   
  
So we decided to look up te-form conjugations on there instead. We weren't really worried about what they were used for, more how to conjugate them. Dutch conjugation and French conjugation had always been the best parts of learning those languages, after all, so we figured, why would Japanese te-form conjugation be any different?   
  
Well, guess what? Spoiler alert: IT WASN'T!

As a matter of fact, it was even more fun!

Er... okay, technically I should say that it became more fun. When we first looked up the te-form conjugation, it seemed reasonable at first: if a verb ends in -ru, just replace the -ru with -te. So... remember "taberu" (to eat) from earlier? Yeah, its te form would just be "tabeta"!   
  
It's Dutch conjugation all over again!

And "tabe--" is the stam!

But alas... THE SITE FOOLED US!

THERE WERE MORE VERB ENDINGS THAN WE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED!

So many, in fact, that we were confused as heck as to how to memorize them all... initially.

That was, until we did more research and discovered one of the greatest things known to mankind...   
  
A song entirely dedicated to te-form conjugation memorization~!

Now, there have been many songs dedicated to French verb conjugation or tense conjugation memorization (you can look them up if you want to), but this? This was sung to the tune of the freaking _Battle Hymn_! This wasn't just a conjugation song-- this was a conjugation marching song! And we were fully invested in it from the second we heard it!

Oh, and for the record, if you want to know the information that was in said te-form song: well, here you go!

**VERB ENDINGS: **-u, -tsu, -ru -> **TE-FORM ENDING: **-tte   
**VERB ENDINGS: **-mu, -bu, -nu -> **TE-FORM ENDING: **-nde   
**VERB ENDING: **-ku -> **TE-FORM ENDING: **-ite   
**VERB ENDING: **-gu -> **TE-FORM ENDING: **-ide   
**VERB ENDING: **-su -> **TE-FORM ENDING: **-shite

Got all those forms memorized? No? Well, that's fine! I wouldn't expect you to memorize these on your first try! If you do want to memorize them, you could just read them over and over again... OR you could use the catchy as heck te-form song! Then all the forms would get stuck in your head on repeat like how they got stuck in ours!

Of course, though, not everything is perfectly regular-- there are still irregular verb te-form conjugations in Japanese, just like in any other language. The good news, though?   
  
There are only three~!

And those three verbs and their conjugations in the te-form will be listed below for your convenience:

**suru **(to do)-- **shite ****  
****kuru** (to come-- oh, hey, Venu, that's you!)-- **kite ****  
****iku** (to go-- oh, hey, Alle, that's you!)-- **itte**

Of course, these should be much easier for you to memorize, since there are only three of them.

As for the other ones, though-- you can go look up the song if you want the forms to really get stuck in your head. Just look up "battle hymn of the republic te-form song," and you should find it in mere seconds.

Anyways, that song was so catchy and so much fun that eventually, when we finally left the Wereldian library armed with notebooks filled to the brim with information on the Japanese language, we were all holding our notebooks into the air, and singing at the top of our lungs.   
  
At long last-- we had done it!   
  
We had completed our Japanese research!   
  
This was cause for celebration-- AND CELEBRATE WE DID~!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

**_OGHOND's POV _****_  
_****_  
_**Hoo-boy.   
  
I certainly didn't know what I was expecting when the Vandertramps came back on to the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, but the Vandertramps singing the te-form song from Genki at the top of their lungs was... well, actually, I _had _been expecting that, given what I had said to Absent in my messages to him. I had been playing Pokemon SoulSilver in my bedroom when all of a sudden I heard the door of the S.S. Tex-Kofschip opening. Confused, I ran downstairs-- only to see the Vandertramps coming into the room.   
  
All of them were happy as heck, all of them were on Alle's back, all of them were holding their notebooks in the air, and all of them were very loudly singing:   
  
"_U-TSU-RU TTE MU-BU-NU NDE KU ITE GU IDE! __  
_"_U-TSU-RU TTE MU-BU-NU NDE KU ITE GU IDE!..._"   
  
Hoo-boy.   
  
I had a feeling this was coming.   
  
I giggled a bit, wondering how Absent and the rest of the Vandertramp siblings were reacting to all this.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

** _TALBAIN's POV-- THAT EXACT MOMENT IN THE CLAVUS LOCUS BETA_ **

cS. SRK-P. P, K, 4K. cS. jS. jD-

"UTSURUTTE MUBUNUNDE-"

Drop the combo. Start again. Grit your teeth. Loud noises behind you, as you try to keep to yourself. Your headphones, an inefficient barrier. Your humming, a raised fist against brass knuckles. Your patience, wearing thin. Senses bombarded from all sides.

And when you try to stay silent and it all continues, one phrase commands your body before your rationale does.

_MAKE. IT. _ ** _STOP._ **

Welcome to his Asperger's-laden thought process. It's our burden and yet our boon.

I pause the game, approach the door and open it, desperate for an answer as to what caused the interruption. The Vandertramps, singing a bastardization of a song we never cared for in the first place.

Two can play at that game, I considered. Absent cleared his throat, trying to find a certain voice. Once settled, he calmly left his room, approaching the group from behind.

We made our presence known with one sentence, barked in a nigh-demonic growl as loud as he could muster. It summarized our thoughts on what they had learned, but even if it was stolen I still believed it.

"**_PSEUDO-SACROSANCT PERVERSION!_**"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_PASSE's POV _****_  
_****_  
_**"UTSURU TTE MUBUNU NDE--"

Huh? What was that...?   
  
Meh. Probably nothin' important as far as I'm concerned. Might as well head back to sleep...   
  
"**_PSEUDO-SACROSANCT PERVERSION!_**"   
  
Eh...?!   
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_REVENU's POV _****_  
_****_  
_**"UTSURU TTE MUBUNU NDE--"   
  
Huh? That doesn't sound like Dutch!   
  
"**_PSEUDO-SACROSANCT PERVERSION!"_**

W-whoa! W-what was that? Was that Absent?! He sounded like a demon...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_DESCENDU's POV _****_  
_****_  
_**...oh... a pity... they're having so much fun singing... I must have missed something really good... that's a shame...

...

...oh no... a demon... not a demon... anything but a demon... well, I guess I might as well accept the fact that someone here is out to kill us...

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _RESTE's POV_ **

Please leave me alone, guys.

...

Please leave me alone, scary demon. If you are, in fact a scary demon.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _SORTI's POV_ **

Well. There are my siblings, happily singing Japanese music to themselves. I wonder where they've been all day...

...

...Ooh! Absent! I didn't know you could do a demonic voice... you should star in a horror movie one day. You'd _kill _it.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _PARTI's POV_ **

Noise... noise... scary... loud... it's just your siblings, Parti... it's just your siblings...   
  
...   
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! SCARY D-D-D-DEMON...!   
  
RUN AWAY AND HIDE--!!!!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _MONTE's POV_ **

Ooh! Are those my siblings and my father? That's good. It sounds like they had plenty of fun learning Japanese! I still need help in finding out what I want to do in my life, though... maybe I could ask about it later...

...

HOLY CRAP ABSENT! YOU SHOULD TRY OUT FOR A HORROR MOVIE! YOU'D KILL IT!

...pun not intended.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

** _REENTRE's POV_ **

W-what was that?!

Slightly startled-- and yet still impressed-- we all stopped singing the te-form song and turned around in shock-- only to find Absent standing behind us, and glaring into our souls. I didn't know whether or not I should be scared, impressed, or confused-- what the heck did all that stuff mean? 

"Pseudo-- what now?" I asked. 

Then, after a bit:

"Oh, and by the way, hi, Absent~! We just finished learning Japane-- ABSENT?! That was you?!" 

"Yes," he said, no longer demonic.

"That... was... AMAZING~!" I cried, absolutely delighted.

"You should star in some kind of video game!" cried my father. "A horror film, better yet!"

"Though... what the heck does 'pseudo... sacrament perversion' mean?" I asked.

"It basically means you're mangling something that I hold dear, and you know I hold dear, and we know I shouldn't hold dear."

Beat.   
  
"Ohhhhhhh-- wait, which do you hold dear? The JP language, or the Battle Hymn of the Republic?"

"The former, I've never heard the latter in my life, and I will _thank_ you to refer to it as Japanese. _Please!_"

"Hee-hee, that rhymed," I said, giggling like a lunatic. 

“_That_ was your takeaway?”

“What? No~! That was just something I noticed!” I said, laughing a bit. “Of course I’ll refer to it as Japanese!” 

“Even still, _that_ was your main takeaway,” said Absent. “Not my frustration, not your bastardization, not your lack of harmonization. It was that I _rhymed_.”

“...you just did it again,” said Venu matter-of-factly. 

“I did it intentionally to prove a point. You don’t focus on what’s _important_, you focus on what’s _cool_. And that insult to a choir student’s ears - _mine _\- is not cool. At all.”

Beat.   
  
“You were in CHOIR?!” I cried.

“Stop changing the subject.”

“Oh, sorry, Absent,” I said.

He nodded, before walking away from us. I assumed he was headed back to the Clavus Locus Beta, but I didn’t know what exactly he was doing in there… probably listening to music or something like that. What we didn’t know was that oghond was in the main room as well, and we didn’t even know she was there until she started laughing her butt off on the stairs before approaching us.

“Oh my god, Absent is hilarious,” she muttered under her breath. “Anyways… hey there, Reentre! I heard the news that you and the rest of the Vandertramps taught yourself the Japanese language?”   
  
“We did~!” I cried happily.

“How was it?” asked oghond.

And in a matter of seconds, Alle burst in and began talking at about a mile a minute:   
  
“Ohyouhavetobelieveusitwasabsolutelyamazing! IthoughtthatAbsentwasgoingtoteachusabouttheJapaneselanguagebutletmetellyoutheInternetisabsolutelyincredible-- Imeanitwasabithardtouseatfirstnotgonnaliebutoncewegotthehangofitwegotthehangofitanditpaidoffbigtime! Seriously-- therewasthisguywefound-- hisnamesRichardWebbandhetaughtusallaboutthedifferencebetweenwaandgaandnianddeandhowtoformsentencesinJapaneseand--”   
  
“Wait a second,” said oghond, her excitement starting to grow. “Richard Webb?!”

“Indeed,” said Entre.   
  
“You found the 80/20 Japanese site?!” cried oghond.

“Yep,” said Retourne. “And it was definitely the most helpful site any of us had ever come across in regards to the Japanese language!”

The second she heard those words, oghond suddenly squealed with delight before grabbing Retourne in her vines.

“Okay-- forget what I said earlier about Absent teaching you Japanese, because Richard Webb is AMAZING and so is 80/20!” she cried. “Holy crap! What am I still doing here! I need to go upstairs right now and thank the Coder immediately-- he has done you the best favor in the world--”

My father suddenly laughed.

“Oh, you don’t need to thank Absent,” he said. “I think Reentre and I can cover that for you already.” He looked down at me and smiled. “Won’t we, Reentre?”

I nodded. “We certainly will~!”

And with that said, the two of us went upstairs to the Clavus Locus Beta, being carried on Alle’s back.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

“_Corbin_~?” asked my father. “Are you in there~?” 

“Tell your kids to shut the hell up and _never_ sing that song again!” came the reply. 

“We can’t help it~!” I cried. “The song’s stuck in our heads!”   
  
“Besides,” said my father, “that wasn’t why we wanted to talk to you. We wanted to thank you!"  
  
The door promptly opened, and Absent stood there, glaring down at us. 

“For casting you aside, leaving you to find your own methods to learn something inconsequential?” said Absent.

Beat.   
  
“Well, we were going to say ‘for introducing us to the incredible power of the Internet-- and inadvertently, Richard Webb,’” I said.

“It’s called basic technological literacy,” he spat. “Honestly, if y’all had phones ya should have had it already, Rental.”

“Oh, our phones don’t have Internet,” said my father. 

“Then they’re just paperweights made of tech,” Absent observed.

“Well, I mean, they’re not entirely useless,” I said. “We use them for calling people and for social media like Grommen and Zichtboek-”

“Your dad _just_ said they don’t have Internet, Renaissance.”  
  
“He meant they don’t have YouTurn, or Goodrle, or Safari Zone,” I said.

“... da whiskey-tango-foxtrot are… whatever. The point still stands that I don’t remember hearing people five postal codes over asking about Japanese conjugation.”

“You don’t…?” asked my father-- and then he gasped. “REENTRE! Do you have any idea what this means?!”

I blinked.   
  
“No,” I said.

“It means the Japanese language is dying on the Altworld too!” cried my father. “_Mon Dieu_, we need to go and save it, too!”

“Wrong answer. It’s still got a hundred million plus speakers going strong,” said Absent.   
  
“Oh,” said my father.

“Memory serves out of the 160 most common languages on Planet Earth, it’s in the top 15,” said Absent. “Disinterest does not mean death. These are topics, not fairies.”

“Oh, okay.”   
  
Beat.

“Also, you’re saying that to a Fairy-type,” he said, chuckling. “That-- that’s pretty funny.”

“Not the point,” said Absent. “You’re trying to cultivate interest in something that already has a reasonable amount of people who know about it. You don’t need to force it down people’s throats and have people learn it to bump up meaningless numbers. This is knowledge of a language, not the number of an endangered species left.”

“Oh,” said my father. “Alright, then. In that case, my son and I should get going now. We still need to check on Monte and see how he’s doing.”   
  
Beat.   
  
“Speaking of him, by the way, I noticed that you finally got his name right,” said my father.

“I ran out of names, Frankie. Come next chapter I’m going to go down the list again.”

“Frankie…? Hm. That’s a new one. I like it,” said my father. “Anyways, _au revoir, Corbin~!_”

He waved at Absent.   
  
Absent didn’t wave back.

Still, though… what did it matter, really? In the end, it turned out that Absent actually had taught us something after all-- something that was far more useful than the Japanese language!

What was that thing, you ask?

Simple!

INITIATIVE--!   
  
AND THE JOYS OF THE WEB!

I had never felt more delighted in my entire life, and thinking back on everything I had learned that day-- about particles, sentence structure, te-forms, the wa/ga divide, hiragana, katakana-- I think it was safe to say that Absent had definitely made the right decision in hindsight.

Yep, the Web is-- and was-- amazing… 

And I can’t wait to use it again--!

See you, guest readers! _AU REVOIR~!_

** _EINDE _ **


End file.
